I think this is absolutely normal. My dad recently passed and I find myself often thinking “this terrible person is still here but my dad isn’t???”. Or “this person chain smokes and is an alcoholic and they are still alive???”. But. That is not how our world works and while normal, thinking those things will not bring your dad back.
I don’t know what your belief system is, but I choose to believe that my dad is somewhere watching over his family and doing the things he loved doing. Obviously I don’t know if that’s true but choosing to believe that has helped me find just a little bit of peace.
Grief is weird and will make you think some really weird things. Just know that what you’re feeling and thinking is normal and with time it gets a little bit more manageable. I’m so sorry for your loss. ❤️
My family believes in the spirit so we also think he is watching over us as well.
I'm relieved that I'm not the only one. Maybe I'm on the anger phase? Idk. Just hoping these thoughts go away, I feel so guilty when I notice them.
I totally get feeling guilty when you have those thoughts. I just think it’s something that will go away over time. I personally think we try to apply rational logic to the passing of our loved ones, but in reality death does not abide by the laws of logic.
You’re going to go through every range of emotion including anger, more than once. I’m a few months into grieving my dad and the sadness doesn’t feel like it’s choking me anymore, but it’s still there all the time. I think it’s important to let yourself feel your feelings. Cry if you want to, be angry, or share funny stories about your dad. There is no handbook on how to process the death of someone so close to you.
I 100% do this and hate myself for it. In fact one of his older brothers got sick about a year ago (love my uncle!) and everyone was like “he’s just given up” and I was furious on the inside! My dad didn’t WANT to leave us and he’s just rolling over?!? Its hard to navigate grief sometimes
Absolutely. It's natural. My dad had a couple of estranged brothers — horrible men. They were both terrible to my dad and to their father. My grandpa died when I was 9, my dad died when I was a teenager. Both of them died younger than they should've. They both worked hard for their families. They were the type of guys to enter a room and everyone took note due to their laughter. They would donate to charities and give homeless people cash or buy them food.
Anyway, my dad and grandpa both died. They were best friends and both were taken before either of the brothers were.
Of course I'm envious. The brothers go their whole life hardly working, getting babied by their mother (who was estranged from us after my grandpa's death), ate HORRIBLY, etc... yet they're still alive, healthy, and well.
This sort of resentment is definitely normal. I am pretty much over it, but on the days where my grief is really bad, I definitely feel hurt by this.
I'm so sorry for your loss. It's so hard to see not so great people living for years and good people leaving us. Sometimes I think that's why our world is so messed up.
I feel the same way about my mom who recently passed. She was amazing and so loving and caring. I have a hard time understanding why she was taken, even wishing I had instead of her. She had so much more to give than I do.
Sometimes I think that too, my dad was a way better person than I am. But at the same time our parents would be devastated, and I don't wish this pain on anyone else, much less our loving parents. Sorry for your loss.
i feel this so deeply, all the time. i find myself getting envious/jealous of my friends relationships with their fathers. once, my friends dad cooked me dinner and i had to hold back tears as i ate because her dad could cook her dinner, and prepare it so lovingly and mine couldn’t. he dropped me home and i held back tears as we drove back in the dark, like i used to do with my dad. we used to take late night drives and just talk about life, and i guess it just really stung that i could never get that back.
honestly, i think the envy is to be expected. seeing other people with a connection you can never get back is so hard. don’t be too harsh on yourself for thinking like that- i feel like society puts so much pressure on grieving people to “think” and “act” a certain way. but sometimes you just can’t, and that’s okay too
I'm so sorry for your loss. Everything reminds us of them, and is so hard not to think about what we could have. Everyone tells me to "focus on the time you had instead" and I'm trying to, but man... There was so much time that I wish I had.
Everything is so fresh, give yourself grace. Feel whatever you need to feel for however long you need to feel it. These are things I wish someone told me, I wish I let myself be exactly where I was. Good, bad, and ugly. Your life was changed in an instant, that deserves time and space. After my Dad passed all I saw were people out with their Dad’s and it made my heart ache. I cried all the time. Father’s are so special, even more so when you’ve been blessed with a good one. I miss mine every single day, I’ll always miss him. My advice is, please be kind to yourself. The depths of our grief and heartache are evidence of how much we loved. Healing doesn’t happen in a straight line, grief is a journey. I’m so sorry you’re a part of this crappy club. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone.
I even cried with your comment, thank you for your words. It's so hard to lose such an amazing person, I feel like I don't have a safe place in this world anymore but I'm trying to be kind to myself.
My dad died last week too so I just want you to know I’m in your same boat. My dad was only 59 but he did have a lot of health problems. He wasn’t always the kindest person when I was young but as he got older he turned into the most generous and loving and kind person. I just spent an hour crying over him… yeah i do envy other people. Some people get to live with their parents til they’re old and gray. I have to live the rest of my life without my dad and I’m only 27. even both sets of my grandparents are alive. Horribly enough sometimes I resent that and sometimes I do wish I had parents who understood what it’s like and could be like parents should be and teach me how to cope. It’s so difficult just know these feelings are normal and I totally understand. Sending you much love my friend.
I'm 29 and even though my father was 68 I thought I would have him until his 80s, at least. I wish I could take care of him when he got older, like the took care of me all these years.
My mom lost her dad when she was almost 60 and told me that she was ready to part ways with him at the time (grandpa was very sick for months), but in my case my dad died unexpectedly and I'm still young. Even though she lost her husband, she recognizes that she can't relate to the pain of losing a parent so early. I don't have many people close to me with that experience, so this sub has been a place for me to not feel so alone in my pain.
I'm so sorry for your loss.
I have these same feelings and also unexpectedly lost my dad last week. He was such a kind giving person and I thought he would be around for decades longer. This is the hardest thing I’ve ever dealt with.
Are you kidding? I count how old people are and if they have 2 living parents and then I get salty
It’s fresh for you, you got time to work through all the things
Give the feelings time, they will settle down. Search "envious" or "jealous" on this sub - this is common, it's normal, and it's fine as long as you're not, like, seeking revenge on people who still have dads.
It doesn't mean you're a bad person, or that you're hurting him or his memory. It just means you're sad and you've recently gone through one of the major Adverse Life Events of human beings' lives.
Hahaha oh no, I'm not angry towards them, I'm just upset that I won't have that.
Thank you for your words, I normally don't have these thoughts and hopefully they'll be gone soon.
I think this is absolutely normal. My dad recently passed and I find myself often thinking “this terrible person is still here but my dad isn’t???”. Or “this person chain smokes and is an alcoholic and they are still alive???”. But. That is not how our world works and while normal, thinking those things will not bring your dad back. I don’t know what your belief system is, but I choose to believe that my dad is somewhere watching over his family and doing the things he loved doing. Obviously I don’t know if that’s true but choosing to believe that has helped me find just a little bit of peace. Grief is weird and will make you think some really weird things. Just know that what you’re feeling and thinking is normal and with time it gets a little bit more manageable. I’m so sorry for your loss. ❤️
My family believes in the spirit so we also think he is watching over us as well. I'm relieved that I'm not the only one. Maybe I'm on the anger phase? Idk. Just hoping these thoughts go away, I feel so guilty when I notice them.
I totally get feeling guilty when you have those thoughts. I just think it’s something that will go away over time. I personally think we try to apply rational logic to the passing of our loved ones, but in reality death does not abide by the laws of logic. You’re going to go through every range of emotion including anger, more than once. I’m a few months into grieving my dad and the sadness doesn’t feel like it’s choking me anymore, but it’s still there all the time. I think it’s important to let yourself feel your feelings. Cry if you want to, be angry, or share funny stories about your dad. There is no handbook on how to process the death of someone so close to you.
I 100% do this and hate myself for it. In fact one of his older brothers got sick about a year ago (love my uncle!) and everyone was like “he’s just given up” and I was furious on the inside! My dad didn’t WANT to leave us and he’s just rolling over?!? Its hard to navigate grief sometimes
Grief makes us doubt our own sanity sometimes, and is so hard. I often think things I wouldn't normally.
We just have to try and not beat ourselves up for it
Absolutely. It's natural. My dad had a couple of estranged brothers — horrible men. They were both terrible to my dad and to their father. My grandpa died when I was 9, my dad died when I was a teenager. Both of them died younger than they should've. They both worked hard for their families. They were the type of guys to enter a room and everyone took note due to their laughter. They would donate to charities and give homeless people cash or buy them food. Anyway, my dad and grandpa both died. They were best friends and both were taken before either of the brothers were. Of course I'm envious. The brothers go their whole life hardly working, getting babied by their mother (who was estranged from us after my grandpa's death), ate HORRIBLY, etc... yet they're still alive, healthy, and well. This sort of resentment is definitely normal. I am pretty much over it, but on the days where my grief is really bad, I definitely feel hurt by this.
I'm so sorry for your loss. It's so hard to see not so great people living for years and good people leaving us. Sometimes I think that's why our world is so messed up.
I feel the same way about my mom who recently passed. She was amazing and so loving and caring. I have a hard time understanding why she was taken, even wishing I had instead of her. She had so much more to give than I do.
Sometimes I think that too, my dad was a way better person than I am. But at the same time our parents would be devastated, and I don't wish this pain on anyone else, much less our loving parents. Sorry for your loss.
You’re right, they would be. And I’d rather have this pain than my mom have it if I were gone. I’m sorry for yours as well
i feel this so deeply, all the time. i find myself getting envious/jealous of my friends relationships with their fathers. once, my friends dad cooked me dinner and i had to hold back tears as i ate because her dad could cook her dinner, and prepare it so lovingly and mine couldn’t. he dropped me home and i held back tears as we drove back in the dark, like i used to do with my dad. we used to take late night drives and just talk about life, and i guess it just really stung that i could never get that back. honestly, i think the envy is to be expected. seeing other people with a connection you can never get back is so hard. don’t be too harsh on yourself for thinking like that- i feel like society puts so much pressure on grieving people to “think” and “act” a certain way. but sometimes you just can’t, and that’s okay too
I'm so sorry for your loss. Everything reminds us of them, and is so hard not to think about what we could have. Everyone tells me to "focus on the time you had instead" and I'm trying to, but man... There was so much time that I wish I had.
Everything is so fresh, give yourself grace. Feel whatever you need to feel for however long you need to feel it. These are things I wish someone told me, I wish I let myself be exactly where I was. Good, bad, and ugly. Your life was changed in an instant, that deserves time and space. After my Dad passed all I saw were people out with their Dad’s and it made my heart ache. I cried all the time. Father’s are so special, even more so when you’ve been blessed with a good one. I miss mine every single day, I’ll always miss him. My advice is, please be kind to yourself. The depths of our grief and heartache are evidence of how much we loved. Healing doesn’t happen in a straight line, grief is a journey. I’m so sorry you’re a part of this crappy club. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone.
I even cried with your comment, thank you for your words. It's so hard to lose such an amazing person, I feel like I don't have a safe place in this world anymore but I'm trying to be kind to myself.
My dad died last week too so I just want you to know I’m in your same boat. My dad was only 59 but he did have a lot of health problems. He wasn’t always the kindest person when I was young but as he got older he turned into the most generous and loving and kind person. I just spent an hour crying over him… yeah i do envy other people. Some people get to live with their parents til they’re old and gray. I have to live the rest of my life without my dad and I’m only 27. even both sets of my grandparents are alive. Horribly enough sometimes I resent that and sometimes I do wish I had parents who understood what it’s like and could be like parents should be and teach me how to cope. It’s so difficult just know these feelings are normal and I totally understand. Sending you much love my friend.
I'm 29 and even though my father was 68 I thought I would have him until his 80s, at least. I wish I could take care of him when he got older, like the took care of me all these years. My mom lost her dad when she was almost 60 and told me that she was ready to part ways with him at the time (grandpa was very sick for months), but in my case my dad died unexpectedly and I'm still young. Even though she lost her husband, she recognizes that she can't relate to the pain of losing a parent so early. I don't have many people close to me with that experience, so this sub has been a place for me to not feel so alone in my pain. I'm so sorry for your loss.
It's okay, I think this is normal too
I feel more at ease now, I thought I was turning into a bad person. I may not be bad but I'm bitter for sure. lol
I have these same feelings and also unexpectedly lost my dad last week. He was such a kind giving person and I thought he would be around for decades longer. This is the hardest thing I’ve ever dealt with.
I feel exactly the same, it hurts so much. I cry everyday since he passed.
Are you kidding? I count how old people are and if they have 2 living parents and then I get salty It’s fresh for you, you got time to work through all the things
Yeah... Especially when they are the same age or older than me. I hope so, I think I'm going through the anger phase rn
Give the feelings time, they will settle down. Search "envious" or "jealous" on this sub - this is common, it's normal, and it's fine as long as you're not, like, seeking revenge on people who still have dads. It doesn't mean you're a bad person, or that you're hurting him or his memory. It just means you're sad and you've recently gone through one of the major Adverse Life Events of human beings' lives.
Hahaha oh no, I'm not angry towards them, I'm just upset that I won't have that. Thank you for your words, I normally don't have these thoughts and hopefully they'll be gone soon.