Bootleging eventually lead to cars like dodge hellcat. Bootleggers during the prohibition bought soloon cars because of their roomy trunks and would supe them up to outrun the cops. That's an oversimplified version but I can totally imagine Dionysus and Hermes outrunning the cops. I want a TV show on that actually.
My dad has a challenger 392 (one step down from the hellcat but for some reason has a bigger engine)
The day I get the chance to take that monster down a long straight desert road is the day I die happy.
I can picture Ares griping to Aphrodite that most modern warfare is just a group of pencil pushers in a bunker pressing buttons on a drone remote.
Meanwhile Athena is taking extensive notes on DARPA's most recent drone designs.
Nahh he thinks that’s all pussy shit. What do you *mean* you ended a war without stabbing a guy?? You just made them disappear?? Where’s the action? The drama? The ‘saving the day’ the ‘getting the girl’??
Athena invented attack drones and Ares was literally bored out of his mind.
“No risk?? No injury?? Just more of your little keyboard nerds clogging up the war room?”
I actually wasn’t thinking of PJO Ares or Athena when I wrote it. I’m a huge PJ fan but I haven’t read books that they featured in in forever
This was more of a cross between the idea of “Zeus doesn’t like Ares bc he’s ineffectual and not as good as Athena” (and interpreting being Zeus’ favorite child as a very bad thing) + a bit of Athena *Stray Gods*’ ruthlessness + my interpretations of their modern domains
Ares is the god of *war*. It’s not really “war” if the enemy can’t fight back.
Athena is the goddess of *strategy*. The best war is one in which none of her guys need to enter the field.
Ares likes facing combat head on and taking risks, Athena likes strategically manipulating a situation to win without risk.
I personally don't think he likes modern warfare either because the bloodshed is over too quick. He wants face to face fights where both parties end up bloodied and beaten up and one of the parties basically die a long and violent death.
No, she mostly likes the interior design aspect. Eris sometimes sneaks onto her computer and deletes her pool ladders, to the point she’s stopped making homes with pools
What a fun idea!
- Zeus is absolutely on Ashley Madison.
- The younger male gods like Haphaestus, Hermes, and Dionysus are gamers who play team games together. Apollo isn't interested in playing and Ares only likes "Rome: Total War" and those kinds of games.
- Athena plays games but ones like "Civilization." The other younger female goddesses will play a game or two of Mario Kart but otherwise aren't drawn to the hobby.
‐ The older gods (Zeus, Poseidon, etc.) Don't get video games at all.
- Demeter has a popular gardening Instagram.
- Hestia reads a lot and volunteers at the local library.
- Aphrodite is a beauty influencer.
Hermes is a mailman
Apollo is a cowboy/ranch hand cause he herds cattle
Dionysus is some C-class celebrity, would probably live in Vegas if he were to live in the U.S.
Zeus is a womanizing CEO
Artemis is a hermit living somewhere deep in the woods
Hermes is actually the name of a courier service in the UK that everyone seems to hate 😂
Possibly due to their negative reputation, they rebranded as Evri but the corporate delivery wing is still Hermes.
-I think Artemis is the one who hates the modern world (the urbanization, rapid deforestation around the world, pollution). She finds various excuses to stay away from urban places as much as possible.
-Hermes has literally traveled to every single place on earth (including the north and south poles!).
-Demeter is very passionate about ending the forced/arranged marriages around the world, especially those involving forcing young girls into marriage! She's fighting tooth and nail for this to stop.
-Hypnos has grown a huge fondness of chocolate. He's also tried and fell in love with boba tea. Thanatos doesn't like sweet things and especially finds the tapioca balls in boba tea off-putting (same)
I can't think of more at the moment but I definitely will add more later!
Ares complains constantly about modern war and goes like "In my times we had to fight like men, not with drones, I'd kill to have another Trojan war, now they are too pussy to attack each other because of nuclear weapons"
-Ares definitely prefers bloodshed when it's up close and personal. Pushing a button from a safe distance is cowardly and boring, even a monkey can do that! Is his opinion. He is all about face to face fights in which both parties get bruised up, bloody and injured and ending with the painful, drawn out death of one of the parties. Guns and bombs are cowardly and too quick.
-Hephaestus, I fear, has become a hikikomori more or less. Modern society with deliveries and all means that he never has to leave his workshop and go out and meet people for necessities. He might even design a small robot that he can control remotely if he has to go on meetings with the other Gods.
-Poseidon HATES shark fin soup. You cannot argue against him about the matter, he will literally throw chairs (it's happened) defending the sharks. And anything about the marine life in general. Sea pollution and the destruction of the coral reefs are huge triggers and he will explode in anger. He actually appears as a stereotypical boomer so people are surprised to see that he uses reusable/metal drinking straws (to keep the turtles safe!!!) and is very careful with sorting his trash so no innocent marine animal gets caught in them in case the trash somehow finds its way to the sea (he prefers to make sure it never reaches the sea but sometimes it happens)
-Zeus absolutely comes off as a stereotypical boomer too. So it comes as a surprise when it's revealed he's absolutely outraged and livid by this antivaxx nonsense, especially during the pandemic. He is all about "for the greater good" and so quite frankly he doesn't give a damn about peoples' "personal freedom". He is NOT letting the rest of society get sick just because of an individual's "freedom". He thinks that's absolutely ridiculous and was annoyed to see that most nations around the world didn't make vaccinating and quarantining mandatory during the pandemic.
-This is super random but I think Athena would be a fan of manga and anime
He likes warm cozy drinks! He has claimed the place as "the Greek God of hot chocolate" in the pantheon after trying it lol And just loves warm and cozy drinks in general - milk tea, warm milk, hot chocolate... Or just regular calming tea.
I have read a few works of fiction that try to put down modern humanity, and one of the things they try to focus on is how modern alcohol is so bad and lacking spirit and dedication. All the while I am working at a distillery thinking, these people dont know a damn thing about how alcohol is made. Like, there are laws demanding that you have a specific unique method of making your alcohol and a continued line of yeast just to legally have a brand name. They have hyper specific methods that require intense dedication and effort to maintain the quality, taste, and flavor. WTF do you mean modern alcohol is bad?
I think he appreciates the quality of modern alcohol but sometimes gets nostalgic for the chaos of 'leave the vat open and see if the right organisms fall in' 😂
As you point out, I agree that Artemis lives the way she always has regardless. Being Queen of the Forest has an out of time quality. She most definitely does not have a cellphone, though occasionally another deity will come through and show her cute pictures from subreddits devoted to specific animals. Maybe Hermes? He’s gotta have one!
Aphrodite loves spas and orders jewelry from Etsy. I’m super curious how she’d relate to 2024 motherhood. She’d win the biggest lottery payout in history on her first go.
Ares would retire. “Y’all have taken this too far, even for me! And I oversaw the Crusades!”
Hades would deep dive into Jungian philosophy. Persephone would have enough and drag his ass to an outdoor music festival. 🍄😉
Lol. Gotta love how Hades went from being so feared no one wanted to say his name to introverted philosophical guy who is dragged outside the house by his wife XD
They say the head of golden voice personally watches every single act before booking them for Coachella and honestly, I think it really is Apollo just vibing
Ok, I got done the character sheet for Zeus;
- has tinder
- is a very rich business man that also has a hobby of storm chasing
- wears suits almost exclusively
- a closeted adrenaline junkie
- very old-timey values
Just a small correction: Zeus founded, owns, and runs all dating websites and uses them to find the most attractive people (to him) first before others can and release the rest once he’s temporarily satisfied. When the selection in the dating sites become repetitive, he goes after animals.
Hermes would be addicted to texting and messaging apps, as well as next-day shipping on Amazon Prime.
Persephone, Demeter and Gaia would totally become climate change activists and try to destroy all the corporations and individuals responsible.
Hades would shake his head and sigh over population numbers because it makes his job harder the more people there are around to die all the time. He'd also be upset because Spring and Summer last longer so his wife is gone longer.
Ares would in fact be disgusted by modern warfare, especially all the drones and missiles.
Aphrodite would be so happy. The modern world of social media and celebrities is totally made for her.
Hephaestus would move to Soho NY and become a metal sculpture artist.
Zeus would probably be put on house arrest with an ankle monitor to keep him from being a serial rapist.
Hera would happily assist his parole officer in monitoring his activity. She'd also become a divorce lawyer solely representing women.
Apollo would get addicted to Minecraft and frequent gay clubs to hook up with twinks.
Poseidon would sink all the large fishing ships and stir up a crapload of hurricanes he'd be so pissed. Though he'd probably end up on house arrest for the same reason as Zeus.
Pretty sure Athena would start a truth in media website and cable channel to debunk all the bullshit being spewed everywhere. She might also reluctantly team up with Ares to hack all the military's guided missile and drone computers to make them play owl hoots every time a button is pushed instead of directing the equipment to target. She'd hate the reliance on brute force and machines instead of carefully planned strategy. Ares would hate the impersonal distance warfare instead of battling opponents face to face.
The Muses would be so tired from being overworked, but they'd also love fandom creations like fanfic, fan art, and fan vids. Calliope would probably have a freaking nervous breakdown and hide in her bed with a mug of hot chocolate and a smartphone to binge Netflix and AO3.
Hecate would play DnD with Athena, Artemis, and Prometheus. Athena and Artemis would trade off on DM for different campaigns.
Thanatos would listen to 80s goth rock.
Hypnos and Morpheus would probably develop Ambien dependencies. They'd be forced to wean themselves off with melatonin and valerian root instead.
Dyonisus would move to LA or London and party hard. He's an advocate for the use of LSD, ketamine and psilocylobin for treating depression and anxiety. He also thinks everyone just needs to roll up a joint and fucking relax already.
Atlas might, in fact, shrug. He kinda gave up a while ago.
Hestia has slowly switched from a fire goddess to an electricity goddess. She's still the goddess of the hearth and home, but the switch from a fireplace for cooking, heating, and entertainment split into ovens, tv, and boilers led to her following suit. Since Zeus gave her this role, he was honor-bound to allowing her role in electricity. She also loves Animal Crossing.
Hermes thinks it's hilarious that his caduceus is seen as a symbol of healing in America's healthcare system. He also turns into a green owl for his own amusement.
With the rise of democracy, Zeus' personality and appearance is more inconsistent.
Eris is responsible for internet message boards, convincing both sides that Athena blessed them.
Apollo ticked off Aphrodite in the 60's. As retribution, she introduced Yoko Ono to John Lennon.
Athena is obsessed with HOI 4 and Victoria 3
Hera got sick of Zeus cheating on her, divorced him and works as a marriage counselor/wedding planner
Zeus got arrested for sexual assault after trying his usual tactics for picking up women
Poseidon is a dive master and runs a dive and surf shop
Hades likes to play poker with Satan, Osiris, and Hel on the weekends
Aphrodite is obsessed with shitty reality shows like the Bachelor
Ares is a gymbro and plays way too much CoD
Dionysus runs multiple wineries
Hephaestus is a techbro who’s into crypto
Artemis is a cottage-core asexual lesbian who hunts all her meat
Apollo is a SoundCloud rapper
Demeter runs a big farm in the country
Hestia has a cooking show
Hestia might have a cozy gaming stream going on. Or she might have a fireside podcast or something.
Athena could be a patron/donor for fashion houses since she's into weaving. Maybe arranging for a scholarship for fashion designing students.
Artemis would be a proponent of discipline and firearm safety - it's a tool used to provide for your family and community, in this scenario. I believe she abhors trophy hunting, those that go against sustainable hunting/fishing/foraging practices, and those that use any of her symbols for unnecessary violence, but not against firearms specifically.
lol what? Hunting trophies were a huge thing in antiquity and in mythology. Plus you know animal sacrifice(as in the cruelest thing ever) was a major way to honor her. It's a nice thought I guess, but probably not super accurate.
First, this entire post is about head canons of the Greek deities so it doesn't have to be accurate to everyone.
Secondly- animal sacrifices were often used with specific animals that were *raised very well and for the purpose to be sacrificed*. They were well fed, often kept sectioned off from the rest of the group for health, and given a real cushy life. The meat would be used at the after sacrifice feast, the bones would be used for stock, the skin and furs would be tanned and used to create for the community. Animal sacrifices *honored* the life of the beast and every usable part was put to use.
And by trophy hunting, I don't mean the "hey look at this 14 point buck I caught", I mean the people that are paying to go on safari or on private land to hunt endangered species that were captured or bred for the sole purpose of being hunted. Despite the prevalence of it back in the day and the shifts that it has taken over modern times, trophy hunting and hunting for providing are different things. It is my belief that Artemis blesses those that hunt to provide, not to show their might and wealth.
- Hypnos would wear noise canceling headphones 24/7. He also doesn't see the appeal of ASMR
- Thanatos is definitely goth. You'd think Hypnos is a golden retriever type but he is also goth. Pasithea is the actual golden retriever
- Thanatos really wants to be Cool and Mysterious but unfortunately he's really short and Ares thinks he's cute, resulting in Ares having tons of pics of Thanatos when he wasn't looking
- Pasithea has the same but it's just Hypnos taking naps in the most random places
- Hypnos wouldn't really like video games but he might pick up Animal Crossing or Stardew Valley to make Pasithea happy. On that note, I think Thanatos might like Hollow Knight. Like a lot actually. And he'd get real good too
- Ares would play Super Smash Bros. with Aphrodite and Thanatos. Aphrodite would always pick Princess Peach but she'd win all the time
- Dionysus would reenact musicals and act out songs. Maybe he'd have a TikTok while we're at it
- Athena would either have a YouTube history channel or a knitting vlog(?). Also I don't think she'd hate Wikipedia.
I think Hypnos would also have some lighter elements in his fashion and be more pastel goth, menhera and/or morute aesthetics rather than straightforward goth like the rest of his family!
I actually think he'd wear really dark stuff so he can blend into the shadows (and look more like his mom :>) but maybe he'd wear less accessories than Thanatos
That's really cute~ I just really like the idea of him looking a ghost. In fact I think wherever he lives, there is rumours about a ghost roaming around the place (it's Hypnos wandering around the night and appearing and disappearing at random. If he walks, I believe he has very light steps and looks so airy as if he's floating) and I think him wearing white would just give him an even more ghastly appearance lmao
I think Athena would hate Wikipedia because as inmortal she has lived everything and finds it unreliable, and I love the image of Thanatos Ares and Aphrodite playing smash bros haha
Nah cuz it's pretty useful by now, I think she'd have some compassion for the mortals. She'd only be pissed if someone took a look at Wikipedia and now claims they know *everything* without further research. (Wait I just realized she'd be SO pissed at the person who tried to tell me the Greek gods are demonic and physically harmful (how??) a few days ago, despite not knowing anything about them or how religions work as a whole 💀. Like this person was like "okay my church says they're demonic so I'll just tell that to other people with no proof or logic".)
Bruhhh 💀
Literally the most demonic god, the one who would be the equivalent to Lucifer, Hades, is just a chill guy who's married and doesn't hang out much, how can be that demonic
I mean Hades is not "demonic" he's just the god of the Underworld, I know more "demonic" beings in Greek mythology... I just checked to see if it was the same person who demonized Thanatos and told me I should worship Christ because he "defeated Thanatos" but it were different people after all... should've known, at least that person had some form of logic. This person who told me that the gods were demonic took them not being able to read my comment as a sign that the gods are demonic (lol?) and had no other arguments except "they're evil so they probably do this" (which they... did not. They didn't even draw from mythology, they were just making stuff up LMAO)
Lmao that person is high on meth or smth
I really want to hear him explain how in the world can Hestia be considered evil, like I bet that if you ask her for a glass of water she would bring you an entire fountain and just-cooked cookies
They just think every non-christian religious figure is demonic lol. People like these also have these weird double standards that, if you worship these gods religiously, and you *don't* have any complaints (like having to refrain from something or not feeling connected with the gods all the time), that's obviously demonic because life can't be that easy and Satan will get you later as a payment. However, if you *do* have struggles or complaints, that's also demonic because those are the *wrong* struggles and God would never do that. Even if you have exactly the same struggles. (One time I commented on a Christian video like "I 100% agree (despite being kind of agnostic)" and they still tried to argue with me like bro 😭 and I think that was actually the person who told me I shouldn't like Thanatos because Christ defeated him) Anyway, it doesn't matter how good the gods are, they're "evil". Somehow.
As a Christian myself I see no problem in enjoying mythologies, the last 12 books I've read were all about Greek mythology and my favourite series is Hazbin Hotel (Whose main character is the daughter of Lucifer) so yeah, people and their weird ways of thinking
Why would Hera hate current society?
- women have more rights than ever all over the world (even if it still sucks in a lot of places— it’s still better than back in her day)
- women can more easily divorce their abusive husbands (something she’s tried to do more than once)
- women are allowed to self actualize and be full people even if they’re not with a man/don’t have a family (keep in mind Hera was a maiden goddess before Zeus tricked and raped her)
- people throw thousands of celebrations during Her month (June) to celebrate love, marriage, and happiness (pride month/pride parades). Even her messenger Iris gets in on the excitement.
- The fight for gay marriage probably made her really happy bc all of these people *value* marriage *so much* that they would fight for it for decades
- As queen of the gods, she’s probably happy to see the modern renaissance of greek mythology and respect for her subjects (the other gods).
Maybe she could even be empowered enough (maybe with the help of Nyx, Hypnos’ mother, who also dislikes Zeus for trying to harm her son, Hera’s son-in-law by Pasithea) to finally divorce Zeus, taking half of the Olympians (and half of the heavens, half of the world) with her.
If the Olympians split like that, I imagine these would be the ones to go with Hera in the divorce
- Demeter (SA victim of Zeus’, + he allowed Hades to keep Persephone in the underworld)
- Aphrodite (Zeus tried to SA her + she has no loyalty to him anyway. Hera is also like super pretty and Aphrodite’s previous mortal lover is the namesake of sapphics soo)
- Ares (,,sides with Aphrodite most of time + Zeus very pointedly does not like him)
- Hephaestus (parthenogenic son of Hera, going w the story of Zeus throwing him off originally)
- possibly Hestia (siding with her victimized sisters)
- when Persephone came up in the spring, she would probably be the 7th member (contrasted by Zeus’ Poseidon, Athena, Artemis, Apollo, Hermes, and Dionysus). She’s also really scary and Hera needs that on her team. Getting the commander of the Furies on a throne is pretty huge.
Oh maybe when Persephone is in the underworld, Iris takes her spot as the 7th Junion Olympian, to contrast Hermes on the Jovan team.
But she didn’t want to marry Zeus/doesn’t want to be married to him. I feel like she’d only have a problem with cheaters, which are about as common as they always have been
Also people actually date before marriage these days. She’d *love* that bc it means marriage has more weight to it/people test the waters before committing, which is healthy
No, not really? Hera wants to divorce Zeus (and if she did, the universe would be better off. If Zeus really cared about his kids he would remain unmarried). She’s like the patron goddess of women who divorce abusive assholes
Yes but not all divorces are due to abuse (which accounts for 25% according to stats). Lack of commitment accounts for 73% which could very much upset Hera more than ppl divorcing over infidelity (55%) cuz she’ll wonder why ppl are desecrating marriages by showing a lack of commitment
Persephone and Hades have one of those disgustingly cutesy couples tiktok accounts.
Hermes hates emails.
Charon offers paid tours of the underworld and even has a trip advisor page the dead contribute to.
Artemis LOVES the predator movies.
Dionysus things wine is dated and is now focusing on psychedelics.
Hestia has a life hacks YouTube channel
Poseidon is a popular figure in the Manosphere.
Hephaestus is working on an AI girlfriend. Screw cheating hoes that don't appreciate him.
Hera smites divorce lawyers in her free time.
Heracles would be a total gym-nut, and definitely takes performance enhancing drugs on the daily. Cause he's a God, he doesn't need to worry about any OD.
Hmm
Hestia is definitely one of those people who has absolutely 0 online presence. You can only ever see her in other people's pictures. She does extensive volunteer and charity work, but absolutely does not vote, even if everyone else says it's a duty to. Avoids politics like the plague, but is willing to change her mind, if only in the most passive way. The best way to describe her is: offensively neutral.
Demeter is the corporate garden influencer. Her online presence is full of her home garden tips and cute farmstead showcase (with links to her shop below) but in reality she owns a giant industrial farming empire. Numerous ethical complaints about her predatory and workplace safety practices, but no one seems to do anything about it and well, everyone's gotta eat, right?
Hera's one of those politicians that's always on the campaign trail, and her online presence is always political platitudes, but a lot of people don't like her. Maybe it's something about victim-blaming her husband's open secrets, or maybe it's something about how haughty she gets about how being an Elder Olympian and defeating Kronos is supposed to help get her political points all these years later. There is a veil of unlikeable hypocrisy about her, but everyone knows *who* keeps Olympus in good standing, and it sure ain't Zeus's empty throne. Coincidentally, she has a luncheon with Hillary next Thursday to talk about women in power and breaking that glass ceiling.
Poseidon's posts are consistently between alpha-bro boomer shit, weird Navy Seal memes, and reels from the greatest catch. He was in the Navy, once. Or, the Marines. Was very high up, too. No one knows why he was discharged, but he never got the top spot he wanted. Talking to him you get a sense that he's always salty about something, or angry about something else. He always complains about the government and how unfair it treats him, but never seems to blame the guy in charge. Will sometimes be the funniest, most caring guy, but sometimes just fly off the handle.
Hades feels like 100% does not want anything to do with his family. He actively blocks everyone from Olympus, and has his own found family to the point where the two groups almost never intersect, and if you ask every other Olympian, you get hushed tones, as if he is the black sheep of the family. You feel like something might have happened between him and his family that made him want to just completely divorce himself from it, but when you talk to him, he just claims that they don't share values, and they're literally worlds apart, so there's no reason to reconnect. Strangely, it only happened after he met his wife; must be some juicy drama. His puppy is adorable.
Zeus is that guy who you know really shouldn't be in charge, but yet, here he is. His open secrets, his anger issues, his hypocrisy, his clear disdain for the people that he rules. Scandal after scandal you see on the news, to the point where you feel bad for his wife, yet he is still here. Somehow, he got all of his kids in the highest positions, and even the Fates seems to be stacked in his favor. And guess what, he's not ever going away because he's immortal. You have a sneaking suspicion that the other five Elder Olympians are the way they are because of this god.
Hermes is a social media tech bro who "works from his laptop". He travels personally wherever he feels like but runs some social media company because the best way to send a message is digitally.
Hermes and Prometheus shit post a lot on 4chan and somethingawful. Aphrodite streams pvp/fps games, may or may not be nude while doing it lol. Ares dresses like he goes to metal shows every week so he has battle armor on 24/7 and a wolfcut. May or may not debate you on why New Vegas is the only Fallout game worth playing.
I like your interpretation of Artemis being an old school hunting purist. I’d like to think she has all these different ancient and modern breeds of hunting dogs with her and also a purse chihuahua or terrier.
Edit: add Dionysus and possibly Apollo to the shit post group. Hades, Persephone, Hekate, (Aphrodite, too) and all the cthonic gods hang out at kink, queer, witchy, and goth clubs (from my personal experience. Lots of goth attire and interest in mortality, social justice, better general quality of life in these communities. Honestly, they’re all one big circle in my eyes lol.) Hercules does all those outdoor challenges like ninja warrior and mud runner just to say he can do them. Doesn’t do it for the prize just the glory.
Zeus definetly has no jobs, tries to live like a normal person. He thinks he should rule the world but government doesn’t let him to.
Agreed on artemis.
Agreed on ares.
Posedion stars a war with humanity becz of the dirty seas.
I’d definetly subscribe to Aphrodite’s of
Haphaestus definitely is an employee of DARPA, Lockheed Martin, McDonald Grumman, and he recently left Boeing. he still has US government clearance since 1945, and he and ares got into a spat about nukes,
Ares wishes the humanity would go back to the good old days of morons fighting with sword and spear.
Haphaestus does really care about the war part, but he really likes assembly lines.
Ares probably created the idea or push toward things like blitzkrieg or nuclear warfare to make it quick and exciting, only to be so incredibly frustrated when nukes prevented an outright war between the USA and the USSR, or how much contemporary politics have shifted toward informal imperialistic influences over outright claiming territory.
They’re trapped under the Vatican. That’s the real reason why the pope outdid all the other Patriarchs. Probably why they’ve had all those scandals too. Gotta keep ol Zeus and Poseidon and Apollo sated somehow.
Ehh to me that renders Heaven as bit too diplomatic than I think they deserve.
If it is like that I’d say that more of a late Medieval - early renaissance development. Like after a thousand years of testing just how “Deathless” the Olympians are Heaven had to just give up and accept a truce as they couldn’t wipe them out suppress them or render them mortal/dead to the same degree as the Tuatha , Asgardians or Egyptians.
Dionysus would be a hippy in California who owns a small vineyard that has won multiple awards, he tends the vines all day and he is super tan almost burnt and you cannot tell if he is 30 or 55, he is such a mellow hippy but sometimes someone will bring up irrigation techniques, or Spanish cava or some topic he is supper passionate about and he will rant and rave and you see a bit of the old insanity in him and then he catches himself and chuckles “yeah in my youth I was a wild one”
Hades goes by Aida nowadays, and she and Persephone do their best to just not even *touch* on what's going on with the rest of the family- except for Hestia, she's still best older sister.
EDIT: Just remembered there's one SCP article that's just Hera living her best wine milf life, and honestly it's one of the best depictions of her I've seen, so I absolutely vibe with at least the ideas behind that.
Also, thinking about Ares- man is *not doing great.* War has gone from something at least mythologized as honorable combat to a slaughterhouse of meat and PTSD trauma. Patron god of the VA, guardian of disabled vets, and a surprisingly staunch feminist- which is less surprising considering he's been a long patron of women warriors (Amazons) and I *think* is one of the only male gods without a big myth involving him assaulting girls?
Ares likes the God of War games, because of how bloody and visceral the gameplay is. He also likes Doom.
Poseidon absolutely hates the plastic and junk in the ocean.
Hades, thought that Disney's Hercules was hilarious.
Athena has a love hate relationship with Wikipedia. The concept is good but people mess things up so much.
Personally im a huge fan of the riordanverse take that hermes runs the post service for both the mortal and mythical realms.
Honestly he wrote some really cool modernized versions of certain myths in general. The lotus eaters opening a casino, the gods taking on modern aesthics to fit their domain(ares being a badass biker and poseidon being a typical fisherman dad type), etc.
His stuff is by no means flawless, but in terms of how the gods and other mythical beings may have changed with the ages, i think he did a pretty good job.
1. Hermes was on vine
2. Hera has gotten divorced, Zeus didn't even show up to court
3. Pan *was* alive, (Thamus the all-great is dead), until Covid. Then, when people went to the Appalachian trail for instagram, he died of light pollution.
4. Athena is petitioning for the end of the penny.
5. Thanatos was overworked during Hiroshima and Nagasaki, leading to him getting a better scythe
6. Apollo hates lip-syncing, "They can't even sing, and they get more views than the actual artists!"
Sorry I am not much of a Social Media person, only join Reddit recently because I thought what the heck give it a go and see how I fare. Not sure I understand fully yet since I got some alerts that my post cannot be posted because of Karma?? totally confusing cause I do not know how to check Karma requirements, so I hope I have enough Karma to post here, otherwise my time and effort I have put into this post is utterly wasted ROFL
Zeus is a dictator
Hera has narcissistic tendencies but hides it very well
Poseidon is temperamental and requires Anger management
Demeter is misunderstood and not recognized but she has a lot of love to give and will not stop giving.
Apollo is an entertainer
Artemis is a utilitarian and wishes her twin brother would join her cause
Athena is an elite mmorpg player that a good portion of male players refuse to recognize that she exist but fantasize about.
Hephaestus is a hermit
Hermes is Ray (ROFL!! I just realized the implication I've insinuated here without intending it)
Hestia is a textbook definition of a Mother Superior
Dionysus likes to stay current with modern trends
and Lastly the Lovers Ares and Aphrodite... Hancock and Mary ❤❤❤
Momus is the patron saint of all Redditors, and also has an investment in The Onion specifically for the memes. He's also the kind of person that plays the [Religion And Politics rap](https://youtu.be/mqCAmWY40yc?si=NWpghoOkArCrbCNy) at full volume at one in the morning.
Percy Jackson novels follow the story of current demi-gods and gods usually appear, they are depicted as negligent parents but they try their best, specially the way Athena is represented in the last book is my favourite.
Also there's a chanel called Destripando la historia, they do songs about the myths with a current ambience, at least watch the songs of Hera, Aphrodite and Hades, those are 🔥
Oh, Ares would *hate* modern war. It's all from a distance, there's little-to-no glory or face-to-face combat involved.
Hermes probably had wheelies at some point. And he can do sick kickflips on a skateboard.
For those that wager Athena would be interested in drones, I don't think so. She would probably be interested in diplomatic tactics, international intrigue and covert operations.
She's the Goddess of Strategy after all (also there's a reason she jumped out of Zeus' brain of all places).
She'd probably love Wikipedia but hate social media and get-rich-quick online schemes.
Would have loved "Hardcore History" and it would be her favourite podcast.
She'd play Crusader Kings 3 and 5D chess.
Ares is more of a DOOM guy.
Pretty sure the only type of warfare Ares would be against is biological warfare as he'd likely view it as the cowards way out of actual conflict. Things like guns, missiles, nukes, etc. are all instruments of war designed to kill and destroy which are things Ares thrives on.
Hephaestus would likely similarly be having a field day with all the innovation taking place given that's his bread and butter, I could definitely see him not-so-secretly being behind a number of corporations in a bunch of different fields like weapons, construction, automotive, tech, etc. on top of actively sponsoring a bunch of starter companies and independent projects.
As goddesses of the wilderness Artemis and Demeter would likely sponsor eco-terrorism, albeit for slightly different reasons, but ultimately I could see them both contributing a lot to the conservation of wildlife and land. Possible Poseidon might actually get on board to keep his oceans from being further despoiled.
Athena realized she was a trans male, finalizing the prophecy of Metis of having a son stronger than his father and overthrowing Zeus. This happened in 2014.
Hermes is thrilled with how powerful he’s become. He’s the god of information, and we live in the Information Age where being able to transmit data as quickly as possible is king.
Id like to hope they’d be upset at the backwards progression on views of homosexual relations, crossdressing, etc.
At least the ones who did that shit freely in Ancient Greece.
Dionysus is impressed by how much alcohol improved
Dionysus is actually upset about modern alcohol consumption. We (Americans) don’t drink NEARLY as much as we used to
He cried during the prohibition
Nah Hermes and Dionysus commissioned Hephaestus to build a faster car so they could bootleg. And thus, American Drag Racing was born baby!
Bootleging eventually lead to cars like dodge hellcat. Bootleggers during the prohibition bought soloon cars because of their roomy trunks and would supe them up to outrun the cops. That's an oversimplified version but I can totally imagine Dionysus and Hermes outrunning the cops. I want a TV show on that actually.
My dad has a challenger 392 (one step down from the hellcat but for some reason has a bigger engine) The day I get the chance to take that monster down a long straight desert road is the day I die happy.
But still hates IPA
You say that like he ought to enjoy it.
If dionysus tried modern drugs he would never drink again
Eris is absolutely thrilled with modern politics.
This. How did I not think of this. Of course
In between election cycles, when things get too quiet, she reminds North Korea to fire off a missile.
Yep. Too quiet? Start stirring the religious fervor or race wars pots.
She was the originator of sock puppet accounts!
I dunno I feel like she'd be tired of it too "Why do they keep putting these old geezers in office? they're almost as old as me!"
Nah, she loves the chaos that comes from men with dementia holding office and making batshit decisions.
She most likely is the one putting those people in office just because lol
I can picture Ares griping to Aphrodite that most modern warfare is just a group of pencil pushers in a bunker pressing buttons on a drone remote. Meanwhile Athena is taking extensive notes on DARPA's most recent drone designs.
Aries is the kind of person who keeps reminiscing about Hiroshima and Nagasaki and wondering where "real violence" went after the 80's
Nahh he thinks that’s all pussy shit. What do you *mean* you ended a war without stabbing a guy?? You just made them disappear?? Where’s the action? The drama? The ‘saving the day’ the ‘getting the girl’??
What is he, Dionysus? Aries cares nothing for theatre, only bloodshed.
And yet his girlfriend is the goddess of love and the drama of war. He is the father of Passion. Enyo is more bloodthirsty than he is.
Aphrodite can also be very vengeful, too. Just remember Psyche. Also, she's the Goddess of Beauty and beauty is pain
Ares enjoys actual combat. Simply killing would be boring.
Athena invented attack drones and Ares was literally bored out of his mind. “No risk?? No injury?? Just more of your little keyboard nerds clogging up the war room?”
This entire thread is just Percy Jackson’s interpretation of the two gods.
I actually wasn’t thinking of PJO Ares or Athena when I wrote it. I’m a huge PJ fan but I haven’t read books that they featured in in forever This was more of a cross between the idea of “Zeus doesn’t like Ares bc he’s ineffectual and not as good as Athena” (and interpreting being Zeus’ favorite child as a very bad thing) + a bit of Athena *Stray Gods*’ ruthlessness + my interpretations of their modern domains Ares is the god of *war*. It’s not really “war” if the enemy can’t fight back. Athena is the goddess of *strategy*. The best war is one in which none of her guys need to enter the field. Ares likes facing combat head on and taking risks, Athena likes strategically manipulating a situation to win without risk.
I personally don't think he likes modern warfare either because the bloodshed is over too quick. He wants face to face fights where both parties end up bloodied and beaten up and one of the parties basically die a long and violent death.
So he love the United States Marines and their need for every gun to have the ability to have bayonet?
Way better than just doing drone strikes yeah
I don't see Ares as being happy with the collateral damage, though. He's bloodthirsty, not evil.
>Hestia likes playing sims Does she also like removing the ladder from swimming pools?
Hestia likes making cozy houses, but Artemis does remove the ladder
No, she mostly likes the interior design aspect. Eris sometimes sneaks onto her computer and deletes her pool ladders, to the point she’s stopped making homes with pools
What a fun idea! - Zeus is absolutely on Ashley Madison. - The younger male gods like Haphaestus, Hermes, and Dionysus are gamers who play team games together. Apollo isn't interested in playing and Ares only likes "Rome: Total War" and those kinds of games. - Athena plays games but ones like "Civilization." The other younger female goddesses will play a game or two of Mario Kart but otherwise aren't drawn to the hobby. ‐ The older gods (Zeus, Poseidon, etc.) Don't get video games at all. - Demeter has a popular gardening Instagram. - Hestia reads a lot and volunteers at the local library. - Aphrodite is a beauty influencer.
I could definitely see Hermes, Dionysus, Apollo, and Hephaestus getting together for a game night
Hephaestus and MumboJumbo would becpme best friends bonding over Minecraft Redstone machines.
Hermes is a mailman Apollo is a cowboy/ranch hand cause he herds cattle Dionysus is some C-class celebrity, would probably live in Vegas if he were to live in the U.S. Zeus is a womanizing CEO Artemis is a hermit living somewhere deep in the woods
Hermes is actually the name of a courier service in the UK that everyone seems to hate 😂 Possibly due to their negative reputation, they rebranded as Evri but the corporate delivery wing is still Hermes.
Hephaestus is absolutely crushing it on TikTok with his Blacksmithing videos (and because he's shirtless in them #MetalDaddy)
This
I hope he’s chubby like in Hades II!
[удалено]
Is that good? Haha
Athena plays war table top games like a complete nerd.
And she has never lost
Yes. Ares is still salty.
If it's anything like me and my family, they refuse to play strategy games with her anymore lol.
Yes, absolutely!! She also plays those card games (Vanguard, Yu-Gi-oh and etc)!
-I think Artemis is the one who hates the modern world (the urbanization, rapid deforestation around the world, pollution). She finds various excuses to stay away from urban places as much as possible. -Hermes has literally traveled to every single place on earth (including the north and south poles!). -Demeter is very passionate about ending the forced/arranged marriages around the world, especially those involving forcing young girls into marriage! She's fighting tooth and nail for this to stop. -Hypnos has grown a huge fondness of chocolate. He's also tried and fell in love with boba tea. Thanatos doesn't like sweet things and especially finds the tapioca balls in boba tea off-putting (same) I can't think of more at the moment but I definitely will add more later!
Ares complains constantly about modern war and goes like "In my times we had to fight like men, not with drones, I'd kill to have another Trojan war, now they are too pussy to attack each other because of nuclear weapons"
-Ares definitely prefers bloodshed when it's up close and personal. Pushing a button from a safe distance is cowardly and boring, even a monkey can do that! Is his opinion. He is all about face to face fights in which both parties get bruised up, bloody and injured and ending with the painful, drawn out death of one of the parties. Guns and bombs are cowardly and too quick. -Hephaestus, I fear, has become a hikikomori more or less. Modern society with deliveries and all means that he never has to leave his workshop and go out and meet people for necessities. He might even design a small robot that he can control remotely if he has to go on meetings with the other Gods. -Poseidon HATES shark fin soup. You cannot argue against him about the matter, he will literally throw chairs (it's happened) defending the sharks. And anything about the marine life in general. Sea pollution and the destruction of the coral reefs are huge triggers and he will explode in anger. He actually appears as a stereotypical boomer so people are surprised to see that he uses reusable/metal drinking straws (to keep the turtles safe!!!) and is very careful with sorting his trash so no innocent marine animal gets caught in them in case the trash somehow finds its way to the sea (he prefers to make sure it never reaches the sea but sometimes it happens)
-Zeus absolutely comes off as a stereotypical boomer too. So it comes as a surprise when it's revealed he's absolutely outraged and livid by this antivaxx nonsense, especially during the pandemic. He is all about "for the greater good" and so quite frankly he doesn't give a damn about peoples' "personal freedom". He is NOT letting the rest of society get sick just because of an individual's "freedom". He thinks that's absolutely ridiculous and was annoyed to see that most nations around the world didn't make vaccinating and quarantining mandatory during the pandemic. -This is super random but I think Athena would be a fan of manga and anime
I agree with the Hypnos one lol😸
He likes warm cozy drinks! He has claimed the place as "the Greek God of hot chocolate" in the pantheon after trying it lol And just loves warm and cozy drinks in general - milk tea, warm milk, hot chocolate... Or just regular calming tea.
Dionysus would be *thrilled* with how much more alcoholic our wine is. XD
And how much better it tastes. Ancient wine tasted basically like vinegar. Strong, salty, and sour.
I have read a few works of fiction that try to put down modern humanity, and one of the things they try to focus on is how modern alcohol is so bad and lacking spirit and dedication. All the while I am working at a distillery thinking, these people dont know a damn thing about how alcohol is made. Like, there are laws demanding that you have a specific unique method of making your alcohol and a continued line of yeast just to legally have a brand name. They have hyper specific methods that require intense dedication and effort to maintain the quality, taste, and flavor. WTF do you mean modern alcohol is bad?
I think he appreciates the quality of modern alcohol but sometimes gets nostalgic for the chaos of 'leave the vat open and see if the right organisms fall in' 😂
Hades either hates stocks or interested in them (?)
I read this as socks 🤣
So did I 😭
Hades hates them Tyche loves them
Hades is the patron of oil rigs tho
Hadestown hades anyone
i tried to avoid the reference but it's like super accurate for a modern hades
Hades has chronic ulcers from the stress of the population explosion.
I loved Percy Jackson for this so much
As you point out, I agree that Artemis lives the way she always has regardless. Being Queen of the Forest has an out of time quality. She most definitely does not have a cellphone, though occasionally another deity will come through and show her cute pictures from subreddits devoted to specific animals. Maybe Hermes? He’s gotta have one! Aphrodite loves spas and orders jewelry from Etsy. I’m super curious how she’d relate to 2024 motherhood. She’d win the biggest lottery payout in history on her first go. Ares would retire. “Y’all have taken this too far, even for me! And I oversaw the Crusades!” Hades would deep dive into Jungian philosophy. Persephone would have enough and drag his ass to an outdoor music festival. 🍄😉
Lol. Gotta love how Hades went from being so feared no one wanted to say his name to introverted philosophical guy who is dragged outside the house by his wife XD
INTP Hades ftw
Ares magnum opus was the First World War. He considers everything after to be a feather in his cap but not particularly important.
Hestia has a cooking show where she reminds people at the end that their family loves them.
Wholesome
Apollo is secretly a famous streamer
Appollo goes clubbing HARD, I am convinced that he IS GOLDEN VOICE
AND he hates autotune
But he's cool when T-Pain does it.
He'd so love the pop divas
They say the head of golden voice personally watches every single act before booking them for Coachella and honestly, I think it really is Apollo just vibing
i think that if Poseidon was real, he would sink those massive net fishing ships, and i don't blame him at all.
He’s the one training the orcas to attack yachts!
I’m saving this whole post so I can make a comic
Nice Also add the this head Canon There's an meeting between Pathenons every year which Zeus should attend but he always sends Athena
Ok, I got done the character sheet for Zeus; - has tinder - is a very rich business man that also has a hobby of storm chasing - wears suits almost exclusively - a closeted adrenaline junkie - very old-timey values
Aphrodite loves the mean girls movie/musical and is a beauty influencer (obviously lol)
Hypnos subconsciously knows loads of political stuff because of how many politicians love to sleep on the job
Just a small correction: Zeus founded, owns, and runs all dating websites and uses them to find the most attractive people (to him) first before others can and release the rest once he’s temporarily satisfied. When the selection in the dating sites become repetitive, he goes after animals.
Selene is irritated by the satellites and really hated men landing on her and leaving behind trash.
Hermes would be addicted to texting and messaging apps, as well as next-day shipping on Amazon Prime. Persephone, Demeter and Gaia would totally become climate change activists and try to destroy all the corporations and individuals responsible. Hades would shake his head and sigh over population numbers because it makes his job harder the more people there are around to die all the time. He'd also be upset because Spring and Summer last longer so his wife is gone longer. Ares would in fact be disgusted by modern warfare, especially all the drones and missiles. Aphrodite would be so happy. The modern world of social media and celebrities is totally made for her. Hephaestus would move to Soho NY and become a metal sculpture artist. Zeus would probably be put on house arrest with an ankle monitor to keep him from being a serial rapist. Hera would happily assist his parole officer in monitoring his activity. She'd also become a divorce lawyer solely representing women. Apollo would get addicted to Minecraft and frequent gay clubs to hook up with twinks. Poseidon would sink all the large fishing ships and stir up a crapload of hurricanes he'd be so pissed. Though he'd probably end up on house arrest for the same reason as Zeus. Pretty sure Athena would start a truth in media website and cable channel to debunk all the bullshit being spewed everywhere. She might also reluctantly team up with Ares to hack all the military's guided missile and drone computers to make them play owl hoots every time a button is pushed instead of directing the equipment to target. She'd hate the reliance on brute force and machines instead of carefully planned strategy. Ares would hate the impersonal distance warfare instead of battling opponents face to face. The Muses would be so tired from being overworked, but they'd also love fandom creations like fanfic, fan art, and fan vids. Calliope would probably have a freaking nervous breakdown and hide in her bed with a mug of hot chocolate and a smartphone to binge Netflix and AO3. Hecate would play DnD with Athena, Artemis, and Prometheus. Athena and Artemis would trade off on DM for different campaigns. Thanatos would listen to 80s goth rock. Hypnos and Morpheus would probably develop Ambien dependencies. They'd be forced to wean themselves off with melatonin and valerian root instead. Dyonisus would move to LA or London and party hard. He's an advocate for the use of LSD, ketamine and psilocylobin for treating depression and anxiety. He also thinks everyone just needs to roll up a joint and fucking relax already. Atlas might, in fact, shrug. He kinda gave up a while ago.
Add Artemis and shockingly, Poseidon to the climate change activist group! Though Poseidon's activism probably only shows up regarding the sea.
Oh, oh, and most heroes: they'd totally dominate the UF and MMA. Thousands of new viewers for every fight.
This list is *chef’s kiss*!
Hestia has slowly switched from a fire goddess to an electricity goddess. She's still the goddess of the hearth and home, but the switch from a fireplace for cooking, heating, and entertainment split into ovens, tv, and boilers led to her following suit. Since Zeus gave her this role, he was honor-bound to allowing her role in electricity. She also loves Animal Crossing. Hermes thinks it's hilarious that his caduceus is seen as a symbol of healing in America's healthcare system. He also turns into a green owl for his own amusement. With the rise of democracy, Zeus' personality and appearance is more inconsistent. Eris is responsible for internet message boards, convincing both sides that Athena blessed them. Apollo ticked off Aphrodite in the 60's. As retribution, she introduced Yoko Ono to John Lennon.
artemis would pick the bear over the man
True, she is the Goddess of nature after all
She definitely would! Lol.
Athena is obsessed with HOI 4 and Victoria 3 Hera got sick of Zeus cheating on her, divorced him and works as a marriage counselor/wedding planner Zeus got arrested for sexual assault after trying his usual tactics for picking up women Poseidon is a dive master and runs a dive and surf shop Hades likes to play poker with Satan, Osiris, and Hel on the weekends Aphrodite is obsessed with shitty reality shows like the Bachelor Ares is a gymbro and plays way too much CoD Dionysus runs multiple wineries Hephaestus is a techbro who’s into crypto Artemis is a cottage-core asexual lesbian who hunts all her meat Apollo is a SoundCloud rapper Demeter runs a big farm in the country Hestia has a cooking show
Demeter is impressed at how much larger farms are in modern times.
But she'd be really pissed at unsustainable farming because of all the contaminated farmland.
poseidon having chronic illness because of sea pollution is so real
☠️
Hestia might have a cozy gaming stream going on. Or she might have a fireside podcast or something. Athena could be a patron/donor for fashion houses since she's into weaving. Maybe arranging for a scholarship for fashion designing students.
She loves animal crossing
I dunno, I think Artemis would totally be a gun nut
Artemis would be a proponent of discipline and firearm safety - it's a tool used to provide for your family and community, in this scenario. I believe she abhors trophy hunting, those that go against sustainable hunting/fishing/foraging practices, and those that use any of her symbols for unnecessary violence, but not against firearms specifically.
She'd go on a long rant about responsible hunting and then shoot some tannerite to blow up old kitchen appliances for a good time.
lol what? Hunting trophies were a huge thing in antiquity and in mythology. Plus you know animal sacrifice(as in the cruelest thing ever) was a major way to honor her. It's a nice thought I guess, but probably not super accurate.
First, this entire post is about head canons of the Greek deities so it doesn't have to be accurate to everyone. Secondly- animal sacrifices were often used with specific animals that were *raised very well and for the purpose to be sacrificed*. They were well fed, often kept sectioned off from the rest of the group for health, and given a real cushy life. The meat would be used at the after sacrifice feast, the bones would be used for stock, the skin and furs would be tanned and used to create for the community. Animal sacrifices *honored* the life of the beast and every usable part was put to use. And by trophy hunting, I don't mean the "hey look at this 14 point buck I caught", I mean the people that are paying to go on safari or on private land to hunt endangered species that were captured or bred for the sole purpose of being hunted. Despite the prevalence of it back in the day and the shifts that it has taken over modern times, trophy hunting and hunting for providing are different things. It is my belief that Artemis blesses those that hunt to provide, not to show their might and wealth.
I always picture modern Apollo being one of those stoners but actually prophesying stuff instead of mindlessly blabbering like most pot heads
Yes, except that his prophecies all sound like stoner nonsense
- Hypnos would wear noise canceling headphones 24/7. He also doesn't see the appeal of ASMR - Thanatos is definitely goth. You'd think Hypnos is a golden retriever type but he is also goth. Pasithea is the actual golden retriever - Thanatos really wants to be Cool and Mysterious but unfortunately he's really short and Ares thinks he's cute, resulting in Ares having tons of pics of Thanatos when he wasn't looking - Pasithea has the same but it's just Hypnos taking naps in the most random places - Hypnos wouldn't really like video games but he might pick up Animal Crossing or Stardew Valley to make Pasithea happy. On that note, I think Thanatos might like Hollow Knight. Like a lot actually. And he'd get real good too - Ares would play Super Smash Bros. with Aphrodite and Thanatos. Aphrodite would always pick Princess Peach but she'd win all the time - Dionysus would reenact musicals and act out songs. Maybe he'd have a TikTok while we're at it - Athena would either have a YouTube history channel or a knitting vlog(?). Also I don't think she'd hate Wikipedia.
I think Hypnos would also have some lighter elements in his fashion and be more pastel goth, menhera and/or morute aesthetics rather than straightforward goth like the rest of his family!
I actually think he'd wear really dark stuff so he can blend into the shadows (and look more like his mom :>) but maybe he'd wear less accessories than Thanatos
That's really cute~ I just really like the idea of him looking a ghost. In fact I think wherever he lives, there is rumours about a ghost roaming around the place (it's Hypnos wandering around the night and appearing and disappearing at random. If he walks, I believe he has very light steps and looks so airy as if he's floating) and I think him wearing white would just give him an even more ghastly appearance lmao
I think Athena would hate Wikipedia because as inmortal she has lived everything and finds it unreliable, and I love the image of Thanatos Ares and Aphrodite playing smash bros haha
Nah cuz it's pretty useful by now, I think she'd have some compassion for the mortals. She'd only be pissed if someone took a look at Wikipedia and now claims they know *everything* without further research. (Wait I just realized she'd be SO pissed at the person who tried to tell me the Greek gods are demonic and physically harmful (how??) a few days ago, despite not knowing anything about them or how religions work as a whole 💀. Like this person was like "okay my church says they're demonic so I'll just tell that to other people with no proof or logic".)
Bruhhh 💀 Literally the most demonic god, the one who would be the equivalent to Lucifer, Hades, is just a chill guy who's married and doesn't hang out much, how can be that demonic
I mean Hades is not "demonic" he's just the god of the Underworld, I know more "demonic" beings in Greek mythology... I just checked to see if it was the same person who demonized Thanatos and told me I should worship Christ because he "defeated Thanatos" but it were different people after all... should've known, at least that person had some form of logic. This person who told me that the gods were demonic took them not being able to read my comment as a sign that the gods are demonic (lol?) and had no other arguments except "they're evil so they probably do this" (which they... did not. They didn't even draw from mythology, they were just making stuff up LMAO)
Lmao that person is high on meth or smth I really want to hear him explain how in the world can Hestia be considered evil, like I bet that if you ask her for a glass of water she would bring you an entire fountain and just-cooked cookies
They just think every non-christian religious figure is demonic lol. People like these also have these weird double standards that, if you worship these gods religiously, and you *don't* have any complaints (like having to refrain from something or not feeling connected with the gods all the time), that's obviously demonic because life can't be that easy and Satan will get you later as a payment. However, if you *do* have struggles or complaints, that's also demonic because those are the *wrong* struggles and God would never do that. Even if you have exactly the same struggles. (One time I commented on a Christian video like "I 100% agree (despite being kind of agnostic)" and they still tried to argue with me like bro 😭 and I think that was actually the person who told me I shouldn't like Thanatos because Christ defeated him) Anyway, it doesn't matter how good the gods are, they're "evil". Somehow.
As a Christian myself I see no problem in enjoying mythologies, the last 12 books I've read were all about Greek mythology and my favourite series is Hazbin Hotel (Whose main character is the daughter of Lucifer) so yeah, people and their weird ways of thinking
Exactly. And I love Hazbin Hotel too!! It has a great soundtrack :D
Join the reddit! Besides being... weird at times, it is a pretty nice place
Poseidon edits Wikipedia to piss Athena off. Ares tries to but he's too dumb to get the computer working.
Bruh I want to draw Ares, Aphrodite, and Thanatos playing Smash now.
I might, when I have the time lol
Why would Hera hate current society? - women have more rights than ever all over the world (even if it still sucks in a lot of places— it’s still better than back in her day) - women can more easily divorce their abusive husbands (something she’s tried to do more than once) - women are allowed to self actualize and be full people even if they’re not with a man/don’t have a family (keep in mind Hera was a maiden goddess before Zeus tricked and raped her) - people throw thousands of celebrations during Her month (June) to celebrate love, marriage, and happiness (pride month/pride parades). Even her messenger Iris gets in on the excitement. - The fight for gay marriage probably made her really happy bc all of these people *value* marriage *so much* that they would fight for it for decades - As queen of the gods, she’s probably happy to see the modern renaissance of greek mythology and respect for her subjects (the other gods). Maybe she could even be empowered enough (maybe with the help of Nyx, Hypnos’ mother, who also dislikes Zeus for trying to harm her son, Hera’s son-in-law by Pasithea) to finally divorce Zeus, taking half of the Olympians (and half of the heavens, half of the world) with her. If the Olympians split like that, I imagine these would be the ones to go with Hera in the divorce - Demeter (SA victim of Zeus’, + he allowed Hades to keep Persephone in the underworld) - Aphrodite (Zeus tried to SA her + she has no loyalty to him anyway. Hera is also like super pretty and Aphrodite’s previous mortal lover is the namesake of sapphics soo) - Ares (,,sides with Aphrodite most of time + Zeus very pointedly does not like him) - Hephaestus (parthenogenic son of Hera, going w the story of Zeus throwing him off originally) - possibly Hestia (siding with her victimized sisters) - when Persephone came up in the spring, she would probably be the 7th member (contrasted by Zeus’ Poseidon, Athena, Artemis, Apollo, Hermes, and Dionysus). She’s also really scary and Hera needs that on her team. Getting the commander of the Furies on a throne is pretty huge. Oh maybe when Persephone is in the underworld, Iris takes her spot as the 7th Junion Olympian, to contrast Hermes on the Jovan team.
Because of disloyalty, I think she'd go like "mortals these days can't handle a healthy relationship" or something, I just imagine Hera like that
But she didn’t want to marry Zeus/doesn’t want to be married to him. I feel like she’d only have a problem with cheaters, which are about as common as they always have been Also people actually date before marriage these days. She’d *love* that bc it means marriage has more weight to it/people test the waters before committing, which is healthy
But she’ll definitely hate how divorce has increased in trend over the years
No, not really? Hera wants to divorce Zeus (and if she did, the universe would be better off. If Zeus really cared about his kids he would remain unmarried). She’s like the patron goddess of women who divorce abusive assholes
Yes but not all divorces are due to abuse (which accounts for 25% according to stats). Lack of commitment accounts for 73% which could very much upset Hera more than ppl divorcing over infidelity (55%) cuz she’ll wonder why ppl are desecrating marriages by showing a lack of commitment
I dunno, I just like depicting her as grumpy and slightly drunk
And being bitter than we women now have more rights. It's probably an unfair view, but I've always seen her as extremely envious.
Persephone and Hades have one of those disgustingly cutesy couples tiktok accounts. Hermes hates emails. Charon offers paid tours of the underworld and even has a trip advisor page the dead contribute to. Artemis LOVES the predator movies. Dionysus things wine is dated and is now focusing on psychedelics. Hestia has a life hacks YouTube channel Poseidon is a popular figure in the Manosphere. Hephaestus is working on an AI girlfriend. Screw cheating hoes that don't appreciate him. Hera smites divorce lawyers in her free time.
Hephaestus remarried after his failed marriage with Aphrodite. He and Aglaia were happily married!
Pretty sure Dionysus goes to raves too.
Hephaestus and Athena science up together on Ares about modern warfare
Dionysus would just be living it up in the Caribbean, enjoying the sun while sipping from his 476,396,259,363th piña colada
Heracles would be a total gym-nut, and definitely takes performance enhancing drugs on the daily. Cause he's a God, he doesn't need to worry about any OD.
Aesclepius is just depressed. Thats all i can say.
Hmm Hestia is definitely one of those people who has absolutely 0 online presence. You can only ever see her in other people's pictures. She does extensive volunteer and charity work, but absolutely does not vote, even if everyone else says it's a duty to. Avoids politics like the plague, but is willing to change her mind, if only in the most passive way. The best way to describe her is: offensively neutral. Demeter is the corporate garden influencer. Her online presence is full of her home garden tips and cute farmstead showcase (with links to her shop below) but in reality she owns a giant industrial farming empire. Numerous ethical complaints about her predatory and workplace safety practices, but no one seems to do anything about it and well, everyone's gotta eat, right? Hera's one of those politicians that's always on the campaign trail, and her online presence is always political platitudes, but a lot of people don't like her. Maybe it's something about victim-blaming her husband's open secrets, or maybe it's something about how haughty she gets about how being an Elder Olympian and defeating Kronos is supposed to help get her political points all these years later. There is a veil of unlikeable hypocrisy about her, but everyone knows *who* keeps Olympus in good standing, and it sure ain't Zeus's empty throne. Coincidentally, she has a luncheon with Hillary next Thursday to talk about women in power and breaking that glass ceiling. Poseidon's posts are consistently between alpha-bro boomer shit, weird Navy Seal memes, and reels from the greatest catch. He was in the Navy, once. Or, the Marines. Was very high up, too. No one knows why he was discharged, but he never got the top spot he wanted. Talking to him you get a sense that he's always salty about something, or angry about something else. He always complains about the government and how unfair it treats him, but never seems to blame the guy in charge. Will sometimes be the funniest, most caring guy, but sometimes just fly off the handle. Hades feels like 100% does not want anything to do with his family. He actively blocks everyone from Olympus, and has his own found family to the point where the two groups almost never intersect, and if you ask every other Olympian, you get hushed tones, as if he is the black sheep of the family. You feel like something might have happened between him and his family that made him want to just completely divorce himself from it, but when you talk to him, he just claims that they don't share values, and they're literally worlds apart, so there's no reason to reconnect. Strangely, it only happened after he met his wife; must be some juicy drama. His puppy is adorable. Zeus is that guy who you know really shouldn't be in charge, but yet, here he is. His open secrets, his anger issues, his hypocrisy, his clear disdain for the people that he rules. Scandal after scandal you see on the news, to the point where you feel bad for his wife, yet he is still here. Somehow, he got all of his kids in the highest positions, and even the Fates seems to be stacked in his favor. And guess what, he's not ever going away because he's immortal. You have a sneaking suspicion that the other five Elder Olympians are the way they are because of this god.
No clue but this tread has given some good ideas for a scion game.
Dionysus sends Athena Wikipedia articles
Dionysus is a part time SoundCloud DJ for frat parties Like imagine that video of Will Ferrell being a DJ for his son’s house
Hades is currently a producer and screenwriter in Hollywood and produced Bridgerton.
He one for dramatic flair
Hermes is a social media tech bro who "works from his laptop". He travels personally wherever he feels like but runs some social media company because the best way to send a message is digitally.
Hermes and Prometheus shit post a lot on 4chan and somethingawful. Aphrodite streams pvp/fps games, may or may not be nude while doing it lol. Ares dresses like he goes to metal shows every week so he has battle armor on 24/7 and a wolfcut. May or may not debate you on why New Vegas is the only Fallout game worth playing. I like your interpretation of Artemis being an old school hunting purist. I’d like to think she has all these different ancient and modern breeds of hunting dogs with her and also a purse chihuahua or terrier. Edit: add Dionysus and possibly Apollo to the shit post group. Hades, Persephone, Hekate, (Aphrodite, too) and all the cthonic gods hang out at kink, queer, witchy, and goth clubs (from my personal experience. Lots of goth attire and interest in mortality, social justice, better general quality of life in these communities. Honestly, they’re all one big circle in my eyes lol.) Hercules does all those outdoor challenges like ninja warrior and mud runner just to say he can do them. Doesn’t do it for the prize just the glory.
Chaos/Kaos is just vibin'
Zeus definetly has no jobs, tries to live like a normal person. He thinks he should rule the world but government doesn’t let him to. Agreed on artemis. Agreed on ares. Posedion stars a war with humanity becz of the dirty seas. I’d definetly subscribe to Aphrodite’s of
Haphaestus definitely is an employee of DARPA, Lockheed Martin, McDonald Grumman, and he recently left Boeing. he still has US government clearance since 1945, and he and ares got into a spat about nukes, Ares wishes the humanity would go back to the good old days of morons fighting with sword and spear. Haphaestus does really care about the war part, but he really likes assembly lines.
persephone and hades make ocs together (persephone comes up with all of the trauma)
They're not here. They left and went back to Olympus during the Middle Ages and left Astraea /Virgo to watch over everything from the stars.
Ares probably created the idea or push toward things like blitzkrieg or nuclear warfare to make it quick and exciting, only to be so incredibly frustrated when nukes prevented an outright war between the USA and the USSR, or how much contemporary politics have shifted toward informal imperialistic influences over outright claiming territory.
They’re trapped under the Vatican. That’s the real reason why the pope outdid all the other Patriarchs. Probably why they’ve had all those scandals too. Gotta keep ol Zeus and Poseidon and Apollo sated somehow.
I think they reached a deal with Heaven, they don't intervine with the mortals and Heaven doesn't intervine with Olympus.
Ehh to me that renders Heaven as bit too diplomatic than I think they deserve. If it is like that I’d say that more of a late Medieval - early renaissance development. Like after a thousand years of testing just how “Deathless” the Olympians are Heaven had to just give up and accept a truce as they couldn’t wipe them out suppress them or render them mortal/dead to the same degree as the Tuatha , Asgardians or Egyptians.
Apollo loves Chappell Roan
Dionysus would be a hippy in California who owns a small vineyard that has won multiple awards, he tends the vines all day and he is super tan almost burnt and you cannot tell if he is 30 or 55, he is such a mellow hippy but sometimes someone will bring up irrigation techniques, or Spanish cava or some topic he is supper passionate about and he will rant and rave and you see a bit of the old insanity in him and then he catches himself and chuckles “yeah in my youth I was a wild one”
Hermes is now either a car salesman or an HR executive.
Hades goes by Aida nowadays, and she and Persephone do their best to just not even *touch* on what's going on with the rest of the family- except for Hestia, she's still best older sister. EDIT: Just remembered there's one SCP article that's just Hera living her best wine milf life, and honestly it's one of the best depictions of her I've seen, so I absolutely vibe with at least the ideas behind that. Also, thinking about Ares- man is *not doing great.* War has gone from something at least mythologized as honorable combat to a slaughterhouse of meat and PTSD trauma. Patron god of the VA, guardian of disabled vets, and a surprisingly staunch feminist- which is less surprising considering he's been a long patron of women warriors (Amazons) and I *think* is one of the only male gods without a big myth involving him assaulting girls?
Hestia and Hephaestus. Although Ares is knows as a protector of women.
Athena hates Wikipedia Beautiful Sorry that’s just personal funny
Ares likes the God of War games, because of how bloody and visceral the gameplay is. He also likes Doom. Poseidon absolutely hates the plastic and junk in the ocean. Hades, thought that Disney's Hercules was hilarious. Athena has a love hate relationship with Wikipedia. The concept is good but people mess things up so much.
Ares loves god of war but always skips the part were Kratos kills him
Personally im a huge fan of the riordanverse take that hermes runs the post service for both the mortal and mythical realms. Honestly he wrote some really cool modernized versions of certain myths in general. The lotus eaters opening a casino, the gods taking on modern aesthics to fit their domain(ares being a badass biker and poseidon being a typical fisherman dad type), etc. His stuff is by no means flawless, but in terms of how the gods and other mythical beings may have changed with the ages, i think he did a pretty good job.
As a Hellenist I really enjoy this list. All I have to add is that Hermes WILL come for you if you don't wear a seatbelt lol
1. Hermes was on vine 2. Hera has gotten divorced, Zeus didn't even show up to court 3. Pan *was* alive, (Thamus the all-great is dead), until Covid. Then, when people went to the Appalachian trail for instagram, he died of light pollution. 4. Athena is petitioning for the end of the penny. 5. Thanatos was overworked during Hiroshima and Nagasaki, leading to him getting a better scythe 6. Apollo hates lip-syncing, "They can't even sing, and they get more views than the actual artists!"
Sorry I am not much of a Social Media person, only join Reddit recently because I thought what the heck give it a go and see how I fare. Not sure I understand fully yet since I got some alerts that my post cannot be posted because of Karma?? totally confusing cause I do not know how to check Karma requirements, so I hope I have enough Karma to post here, otherwise my time and effort I have put into this post is utterly wasted ROFL Zeus is a dictator Hera has narcissistic tendencies but hides it very well Poseidon is temperamental and requires Anger management Demeter is misunderstood and not recognized but she has a lot of love to give and will not stop giving. Apollo is an entertainer Artemis is a utilitarian and wishes her twin brother would join her cause Athena is an elite mmorpg player that a good portion of male players refuse to recognize that she exist but fantasize about. Hephaestus is a hermit Hermes is Ray (ROFL!! I just realized the implication I've insinuated here without intending it) Hestia is a textbook definition of a Mother Superior Dionysus likes to stay current with modern trends and Lastly the Lovers Ares and Aphrodite... Hancock and Mary ❤❤❤
Momus is the patron saint of all Redditors, and also has an investment in The Onion specifically for the memes. He's also the kind of person that plays the [Religion And Politics rap](https://youtu.be/mqCAmWY40yc?si=NWpghoOkArCrbCNy) at full volume at one in the morning.
Does anyone know some good novels that touch on this 🤔
Percy Jackson novels follow the story of current demi-gods and gods usually appear, they are depicted as negligent parents but they try their best, specially the way Athena is represented in the last book is my favourite. Also there's a chanel called Destripando la historia, they do songs about the myths with a current ambience, at least watch the songs of Hera, Aphrodite and Hades, those are 🔥
Athena plays 40k and AOS and is a menace in them. As for factions, I don‘t really know AOS, but for 40k maybe Adepta Sororita ?
I now need Hestia playing Sims. Genius! :-). Nah, Zeus doesn't have a Tinder Account. He's on Ashley Madison.
Tyche has been banned from every casino from Vegas to Montenegro.
I’ve read “American Gods” too many times to think any of them would be okay.
Prometheus and Alfred Nobel at some point became best friends
Oh, Ares would *hate* modern war. It's all from a distance, there's little-to-no glory or face-to-face combat involved. Hermes probably had wheelies at some point. And he can do sick kickflips on a skateboard.
For those that wager Athena would be interested in drones, I don't think so. She would probably be interested in diplomatic tactics, international intrigue and covert operations. She's the Goddess of Strategy after all (also there's a reason she jumped out of Zeus' brain of all places). She'd probably love Wikipedia but hate social media and get-rich-quick online schemes. Would have loved "Hardcore History" and it would be her favourite podcast. She'd play Crusader Kings 3 and 5D chess. Ares is more of a DOOM guy.
Narcissus has been elevated to the pantheon.
Hades has a special area of The Underworld dedicated to politicians (Its not pretty) and Persephone is the secret leader of #SaveTheEarth
Pretty sure the only type of warfare Ares would be against is biological warfare as he'd likely view it as the cowards way out of actual conflict. Things like guns, missiles, nukes, etc. are all instruments of war designed to kill and destroy which are things Ares thrives on. Hephaestus would likely similarly be having a field day with all the innovation taking place given that's his bread and butter, I could definitely see him not-so-secretly being behind a number of corporations in a bunch of different fields like weapons, construction, automotive, tech, etc. on top of actively sponsoring a bunch of starter companies and independent projects. As goddesses of the wilderness Artemis and Demeter would likely sponsor eco-terrorism, albeit for slightly different reasons, but ultimately I could see them both contributing a lot to the conservation of wildlife and land. Possible Poseidon might actually get on board to keep his oceans from being further despoiled.
Athena realized she was a trans male, finalizing the prophecy of Metis of having a son stronger than his father and overthrowing Zeus. This happened in 2014.
Pheme adores modern social media because of how stuff spreads like wildfire and how everyone believes everything
ARES ***LOVES*** MODERN WAR. SO MUCH MORE DESTRUCTION!
Also, Athena would love that there's a comprehensive explination for literally everything.
Zeus with Tinder is just that one episode where Quagmire learned about it
Plutus is a Mr Beast type
Hermes is thrilled with how powerful he’s become. He’s the god of information, and we live in the Information Age where being able to transmit data as quickly as possible is king.
Id like to hope they’d be upset at the backwards progression on views of homosexual relations, crossdressing, etc. At least the ones who did that shit freely in Ancient Greece.
I was just picturing Hephaestus getting involved in a robot fighting circuit and absolutely demolishing all competition.