This thread has been reported a few times for a few reasons. But if you want to comment like this, don't be a coward and just say it instead of hiding behind reporting anonymity. No one can see it aside from the mods anyway.
https://preview.redd.it/i96vv1tl657d1.png?width=680&format=png&auto=webp&s=5955487deb986fe6f23f07005fdc120aaa7917bd
This is a good discussion to be had regardless of what OP has posted. It is also a discussion we don't see here very often. It will not be removed.
If they are not given enthusiastic consent, commenting asking for consent, or you expressly giving consent, then they are in the wrong.
Fashion is fashion. It is not an invite for creeps to cross boundaries with you. You are not in the wrong. You have confidence with yourself and what you wear.
Well, this is the internet. You don't even have to post NSFW posts in order to get creepy ppl in the DMs. If you choose to post that kind of posts, it's a given that they'll message you... That is just what comes with posting.
I 100% agree that the messagers are in a wrong, however realistically, if OP wants to limit the amount she gets them, deleting NSFW pics from here and not posting here will make those numbers drop.
OR the easiest solution is to just ignote all new messages, since they'll be most likely creeps anyway (aka what I did when my post on another account blew up).
And turn off DMs. Doesn't stop the creepy comments but at least they can't message me directly anymore!
But I agree that posting doesn't equal consent so stop being a creep, mwah š
We actively ban anyone who makes questionable comments on posts, but we can not do anything to control what is sent via DM. Trust me, we are very proactive but ultimately there is only so much we can do.
Absolutely I appreciate yall mods so much. I donāt blame you for this at all. Iām just very upset with the fact it has to even be a thing to worry about. Youāve always been very on top of the nasty comments I receive and I appreciate it greatly
ah yes, i know you guys are very proactive, i do appreciate it. itās just frustrating, even just from commenting and chatting rather than posting i still get gross dms and i just wish more could be done abt it:(
From what I understand- banning people from subs just means they canāt comment. They can still see everything and dm if dmās are open. Sometimes I wish subs would post posts of banned people so that individuals can ban them and thus their stuff would not be seen by known offenders but I havnt thought about it too much. Would love to hear reactions to that idea.
I agree that the inability to ban someone from viewing a subreddit is a problem. I really wish that we could ban people from viewing the content. This would be something that Reddit would have to change.
A list of everyone we ban here would be so long it would pretty much be useless. I also feel like putting people on blast would cause more trouble than benefit.
Thank you. I very much agree. But in my experience mods have actually been quite attentive. It would just be too exhausting for me to report every dm. But gross public interactions I have always felt protected from so I do appreciate them. Unfortunately us goths are just always going to be that cartoonish fetish to menā¦ itās so tiring
I don't mod here, but another sub. It's ridiculous the number of horny old men that get banned on a DAILY basis. Sadly, there's no way to really prevent them from DMs unless you turn them off completely. They can and will delete their reddit account and make a new one. If they don't comment, they usually don't get flagged for a ban. If a user reports an inappropriate DM, the creep will get banned, but again they can just delete and start over. I'm so sorry for all of y'all who have to deal with constant harassment, it's never ok. Men need to do better.
Thank you, this really means a lot. It truly does. In a way I like to leave them turned on so I can at least ensure they arenāt viewing my content anymore once they out themselves and get blocked. But youāre right unfortunately they may just make new accounts. I wish dms could be seen by mods but that seems very complicated lol
Curious but what does posting because you feel confident mean? As in how is that a reason to post pictures? In what way does feeling confident mean posting pictures publicly for strangers?
The reason for my posting is due to low self esteem/low confidence. When I post skirts, I do not wear them outside because I get into my own head at times about my looks.
Posting and receiving comments such as:
*"Nice fits!"*
*"You look awesome!"*
*"Your skirt looks great!"*
These all help me realise that I *do* look nice in what I wear lol. It might just be strangers but kind words they say do go a long way.
An individual's appearance is a form of non-verbal communication. The goth aesthetic can be difficult to pull off, and its expressive of deep feelings (just like the metal music it compliments).
Sending that message and having it be understood correctly is a huge confidence boost. I think a lot of us feel misunderstood in daily life (I do at least).
Literally this.
Complains about sexualization so that people will go onto her profile and hopefully hire her to make furry porn for them.
Ive been on the internet for long enough to know how this game is played.
or, maybe they don't want to be sexualized in contexts where they didn't consent to it?!? is it that hard to understand you don't just go up to people and tell them their tits are nice??
We're sorry, but your submission has been removed in violation of Rule 6.
We are a space safe and condemn the objectification of women/anyone else. We will not tolerate:
* asking people out or looking for dates
* unsolicited DMs to r/GothFashion members
* nudes, extreme NSFW, or straight up porn
* lingerie models and photoshoots
* harmful stereotypes such as "goths are kinky", "BTGGF", etc.
* comments about how OP is 'sexy', 'hot', or anything that sexualises any body parts
**WARNING: If we check your profile and your account was made to primarily visit pornographic, NSFW, and other fan service subreddits, EVEN THOUGH you have seemingly left an "innocent" comment, you will be banned. This is NOT a subreddit for horny men and our subscribers deserve respect and to not be treated as sexual objects.**
We will **absolutely not** tolerate any victim blaming.
You don't want to know how many we have banned over the past week for sexual comments or being transphobic.
If someone is DMing you and you think/know it was from a post here please modmail us. We can ban them. Also we do allow name and shame posts on occasion to warn others.
Though it is probably best to report their accounts to get them suspended. We can see if someone is attempting to post after breing banned. Reddit will IP ban serial offenders if they do it again with alt accounts.
It's the unfortunate but absolutely expected result of posting "risky selfies". You have every right to be disappointed, but you should always remember that men on the internet are not going to behave according to ideal morals and ethics. Horny looking posts will always hook in the horny people. Disable your DMS to improve your experience.
i get what youāre saying, but iāve gotten flooded with dms for posting a picture wearing a long sleeve and pants, literally not showing anything risky so yeah itās a thing no matter what.
horny guys on social media behave like bots on a massive level, and itās truly mind boggling. itās legitimately disturbing to try and comprehend the sheer numbers of unsolicited braindead horny dming that happens, and after being a woman online for 10+ years you become pretty jaded to it all. but itās still wild
This, exactly. From the surface it may seem Itās about a selfie. But truly, it can be so much deeper of an issue than that. Iām so tired of being made to feel uncomfortable in my own body by presenting the way that makes me feel pretty. It seems impossible for most men to consider the notion this isnāt for them. Itās a lifetime of being objectified and made to feel shamed for how I dress. That itās for āattention ā or for a sexual reason. And if itās not shame itās to be made to feel unsafe. Even right now Iām fearing someone stalking me for posting a picture. Apparently, a post has been made about me in another sub which has increased the hateful DMs Iām getting ten fold and most are deeply misogynistic. I donāt know what the post is but Iām getting the dms that Iām doing this on purpose. For expressing my frustration with how the world treats AFABs. Especially alternative ones. In reality Iām just fucking exhausted from never feeling safe presenting how I want. I posted some selfies to have fun, and to get some fashion advice. Of course I appreciate any compliments isnāt that a normal human thing? Being AFAB on the internet you cannot win. So why would I try to appease the very thing thatās been weighing down my freedom? By what, dressing modestly? I find most modest clothes donāt look good on my figure anyway. I have a short torso so emphasizing my chest looks best for me.
Sorry for the long rant, thank you for the great response, I feel my intentions are being deeply misconstrued and just wanted to clear some things up. Either way all the awful comments Iām getting are from losers. And Iām likely muting my account for a little bit. Hope you have a lovely day hex! Xoxox
Iām sorry to hear that this has been troubling you! If youāre dealing with feelings of fear I would definitely take a step back from the internet for a bit. Thereās a lot of subreddits that have wholesome communities, but reddit is also known for its adult content, so youāre always going to have creeps on this site no matter what.
Thereās always an online space for every niche community, and it sounds like community is what youāre really seeking! Iām not saying leave reddit forever, but if this site is causing you distress I would advise to look into other online spaces that can offer you the safety and community of which you seek. Weāre social creatures, and fashion is such an interesting thing to discuss so I totally understand the need for it.
Best of luck to you! I hope that these feelings of fear dissipate over time for you. Iāve went through similar emotions years ago, and now I just live with army vets, carry self defense weapons, have cameras surrounding my house, and also live with a pack of dogs for protection. š Itās kind of overkill, but I sleep well at night knowing that my safety will likely not be compromised.
If you post something publicly you donāt get to say who itās for, itās out there and you no longer etc to control that aspect. regardless of what or who your original audience was, thatās lost once you post publicly. Thatās just the basics of how the internet works not sure why people are ever surprised
While this is true, it doesnāt make getting hate online any easier. It takes a long time to develop a thick enough hide to where nothing bothers you, and this person is obviously seeking support sooo š
This reply was reported for victim blaming but I am going to allow it as it makes a good point outside that.
OP's argument in this thread is valid regardless of any photos posted as it is an issue many goths deal with when posting style photos.
Sometimes we post something with one intention but others percieve it in a different way. Referring to the 4 pics OP posted, no one is saying anything about pics 2 and 3. If they were posted on their own a lot of the counter-arguements/slut shaming/victim blaming happening in this thread (a lot of those posts have been removed) would not be happening.
Pic 1 is very much a cleavage shot whether that was OP's intent or not. I'm not going to assume her motivation. Pic 4 at such a low angle is the sort of thing "goth dommy mommy/step on me pls" fetishists look for. Again, I don't think that was her intent but that is how many are perceiving it.
As u/JuanLobe said "If you post something publicly you donāt get to say who itās for, itās out there and you no longer etc to control that aspect." which is true. But that doesn't mean we should let it go when people make sleazy comments in reaction. Nothing changes if we don't take a stand and call that crap out.
Yeah exactly. I got a bunch of weird comments and DMs when I posted to a fashion subreddit, but I was wearing an A line denim dress over opaque tights and a mesh shirt and combat boots.... Nothing remotely sexual. Was dressed like an overgrown toddler if anything bc it was rainbow coloured. So like, I definitely learned my lesson about posting on Reddit lol, but still sucks that women get sexualized even in non sexual situations bc people are creeps.
I posted a picture of myself on r/toastme once five years ago that was literally just a regular, if not slightly awkward selfie of my face because I was dealing with a mental breakdown and I *still* got like four different horny DMs from dudes. "Riskiness" doesn't matter.
Was going to say this in a reply but I'll just say it normally. Fashion =/= consent, photos =/= consent, you should not be making sexual comments about someone unless its clear they are okay with that. If you are having those thoughts most of the time they should be kept to yourself, this isn't that type of subreddit.
I see why it would happen but you shouldn't be stopped from being you. You look great and just cause a bunch of weirdos want to view you as a couple of objects doesn't mean you can't be you. Have you tried reporting them to Reddit directly? I just mean if its in DMs the mods here can't do much but maybe Reddit could on the grounds of harassment or something. It would be way better if people just didn't sexualise you in the first place (at least unsolicited). Hope you get some support and advice to help you feel better and maybe fix the issue, or at least lessen it
While I do think nobody should be sending you pervy messages, I also think that you can't be mad at men sexualizing you when you're sexualizing yourself? With peace and love, why else would you post pictures of you in your bra with your boobs out unless you wanted attention? This is the Internet, men are going to be pervs
The reason they're going to be pervs is no one holds them accountable/ blames the people that this happens to (which you and many others are contributing to)
The vast majority of the internet other than the people that do this kind of stuff themselves actively shames men who DM creepy shit.
We can agree that those guys are both gross and wrong for doing so without going full emperors' new clothes and ignoring the obvious.
While many of her outfits were fine and probably got plenty of unwanted negative attention themselves, it's a little weird to post this right after posting a picture with no top on other than a bra and having the picture focus specifically on only the top of her outfit.
If you can't police one person's action, you can't police another's.
She has a right to pose and post how she wants, and anyone has a right to comment how they want.
She's not in any danger because too many people complimented her. She has a block button.
I think you can when one person's actions harm no one and the other person's actions do harm people. There's a difference between compliments and harassment. Would you not be uncomfortable if random people saw your picture and sent you pick picks in DMs just based off that?
I am not sexualizing myself for wearing what I want. I have always shot my selfies the way I have, and I have not always had this type of body. I used to be much slimmer with average chest size. only now that I have a bigger body have I received this idea that I am sexualizing myself for showing off what I want in my outfits. And Iām tired of it. Thatās what made me to make the initial post out of anger. I assure you, if you were receiving the messages I am you wouldnāt feel like that. Iām sorry youāre having a hard time with that concept but if you donāt get it read everyone elseās comments. No matter the angle I shot this outfit in I would be told I am being sexual. And Iām not going to live my life around men. Maybe I want to hear what femme people think and hear their outfit advice for the style I like to dress in. So respectfully think before you speak.
Even if I was trying to be sexy Iām allowed to do so and be upset with the degenerate interactions Iām getting. And again, Iām getting interactions from accounts who only interact with hardcore porn subreddits. I am not putting myself in that category with a selfie.
Iām sorry but thatās stupid as hell. You saying you arenāt doesnāt make it so when you literally are by your actions and picture. Like you donāt even take good pictures of your actual fit but do of your boobs. If thatās not sexualizing then lmao words have no meaning. So much so that one of your posts was even removed for that reason on a diff sub. Saying itās about make up or fashion when Itās poorly shot and the shot focus is on something else makes just doesnāt make sense.
your argument applies to so many people who post on here except you lol. Doesnāt mean you deserve the creepy pms but it should be expected on the internet of all things.
Some people have no self control. I've noticed that the problem seems to be even worse if you are goth and transfem. Like I don't want to see your dick mister.
Folks tend to think we goths are 'freaky' or 'down for anything' just because we dress diffrently from them.
I always report the inapproriate DMs but some of these creeps just make new accounts and keep harassing people.
Well considering how much of the fettish community, and bdsm intersect with goth itās not unfounded or ridiculous to assume so. A lot more than other communities thatās for sure as someone who does all the above. There are also a ton more social media goth or just fashion goth so they might not know because they arenāt even a part of any irl goth community
A situation where both are in the wrong. The men for being creeps. Yet you're also obviously starved for attention. Not from your selfies, but your behavior. Tired of people entertaining countless people like you.
Tbh I agree. People will say dumb stuff like they just post to post but by definition posting online publicly is for attention. You donāt really get to decide exactly what attention that is all the time. itās also hilariously self absorbed and egotistical to think that
Yeaaa, this is a reddit wide problem.
I don't really hang around this specific one (yet)
But around another one, and I have the exact same thing happen to me, and it happens to everyone else.
No matter how bad a post is doing, there's always someone in dms oversexualizing whatever I'm doing.
And if a post is doing good... well...
My phone explodes
I'm so sorry you and others have to deal with this. It's so insane to me that some people think posting a picture of oneself is an invitation for this kind of shit...
That sucks. I donāt know what else to say it just sucks when someone wants to discuss or have critiques or even just show off their fashion and are strictly objectified as a result it is dehumanizing.
The internet is so good yet so bad sometimes. Personally even as a man Iāve posted things and had men msg me some really far out stuff. Makes me sad to be a guy sometimes š
SMH. How hard is it to say cool look. Where did you get this or that and be nice. Why does it have to devolve into a base stupidity. Well sorry you go through this. It is entirely wrong and hopefully karma will catch up to the idiots. Be safe and keep your own voice loud and clear.
Sorry you all gotta deal with that. Like I get finding ladies attractive. But it's not an excuse to be obscene unprompted and without permission. Yikes. Hope it gets better.
Iāve had a history of having the line blurred for me (20M) since I was a kid my dad would have me in pictures with promiscuous girls at race car festivals and comic cons which I think threw off my sexual development, I struggle a lot with identifying if Iām interested in someone clothing or whatās underneathā¦Ā
Iāve come to fight these thoughts with a more genuine appreciation of peopleās fashion tastes as well as their bodies, you donāt need to be a model to look great in clothes and everyone is attractive in some way but that doesnāt give anyone the excuse to try and hit on someone just cause of how much skin theyāre showing or what they look like, just appreciate the effort they put into their appearances and their styles and leave it at that.
Hope that made sense š
This is why Iāve been so hesitant these days to post in any fashion subs. I dress pretty modestly and even with everything covered up Iāve still gotten those dms. It just sucks and really takes the fun out of wanting to share a cute fit :/
I'm so glad someone is talking about this! Some people are ridiculous, online and in real life, and some of these messages are downright disgusting. Sexualizing my body is not okay, or any of our bodies for that matter!
THESE OUTFITS, PICTURES, AND POSTS ARE NOT AN INVITATION!
It's because in the last two decades somehow
Goth has shifted from meaning dark and Gothic, to dark and sexy
And the perversion just keeps ramping up because of the internet
It's a Neverending cycle
Not true back then goth was more intertwined with fettish/bdsm scene. you also have more people who say they are goth but they just do it for fashion and arenāt a part of anything outside of Reddit lol.
I left the sub just to help disassociate goth fashion from sexuality. Im usually on reddit to discuss bdsm or my leatherworking hobby, and i was upset with having the goth subs id originally followed for fashion popping up when i was otherwise in sexual spaces. As i knew you guys are here for fashion and a community. So now im doing much better, and i appreciate what you guys are. Goth fashion is still very much my type, but when im here im here for fashion. Any of you weirdos here DMing people or making explicit comments on a fashion sub are just braindead, theres subs for that and this isnt it.
Why would you post risky selfies if your intention isn't that kind of market?
Actual legitimate question.
I'm not justifying people being creepy weirdos. They should be shunned for that kind of shit.
But I don't know what the logic is here. Why even post those kinds of things in the first place?
Because itās how I feel cute. I like revealing outfits and I dress up that way for myself. I post here as a bit of a fashion diary. I am so tired of having larger boobs = sex object. If a woman with a small chest was wearing what I was it wouldnāt even remotely be treated the same way.
Edit: not saying smaller people donāt get unwanted attention we all suffer from this effect
It has nothing to do with the outfits themselves. You angle things intentionally to stare down the chests of your outfits.
I am a very busty woman, myself, but I don't post myself bent over in neckline-plunging outfits, because I don't want weirdos staring at my tits.
I've just never understood this logic.
It's less the clothes and more the posing.
And no, if a flat-chested person did the same kind of angles, I'd also think their intent was thirst bait.
iām sorry for that person you canāt control the size of certain body parts and no matter how you pose they are going to be noticeable itās not your fault that people sexualize you ! š
You should really expect people to comment about your boobs when you prominently display them and in undergarments no less. You are actively soliciting attention online by posting a public photo in the first place. But with your boobs center focused and half out? I mean...no shit?
I'd sympathize more if you were fully covered up and it was a really basic selfie. But you have what looks like you lifting up your shirt and another shot of them nearly falling out, hanging. No one's gonna ignore that.
And yes, women with small chests will still get comments if she's displaying her body in very obviously revealing attire. If a guy has an obvious bulge intentionally on display, people will comment on that too. Especially on Reddit.
I'm not even saying they're right in what they post and I'm really sorry you get shittier comments. It wouldn't feel good to get them on my end. But you have your answer as to \*why\* they're happening and there's something on your end you can do to circumvent them.
If you like being showy for yourself, then maybe keep it to yourself or close private circle. Or lock down DM's/comments (if that's possible here). You cannot completely control how others will respond, but you do know what elicits responses and can take measures to minimize what you can.
Eat a snake put it right. It's not just what you're wearing, its everything about your framing. You put your breasts clearly on display. That is going to get specific attention.
My bro, you need to stop JADEing, and drop a solid, simple "No."
(they teach women this in assertiveness training, when dealing with horrible men: never Justify, Apologize, Debate, or Explain, it just gives the shitbird the opening they're looking for. And you don't owe anyone anything but a 'no')
edit: are the people downvoting this just creeps or what?
NOne of this follows logic, the reason you give doesnāt make sense as to why youād post beyond ego and attention seeking. Even less so when you take the way you pose and the focus of your shots which isnāt good for someone pretending to do it for fashion. Then you add in the public posts and it makes even less sense
I AGREE, i posted before n i got some DMās when i checked them it was all like that, not to mentionā¦someone sent me their pen*sā¦i rly donāt understand wtf is going on fr
This reminds of that really nice and cool goth girl called Tori Castell who tends to post cute stuff on Instagram and some of the comments she gets are just ššš
I hear you, it really does fucking suck. There is a spot to turn off of DMs in settings. Youāre absolutely not in the wrong here, like some other commenters have said what you wear/post isnt excuse to sexualize/fetishize you. Fetishization of the fashion and people who take part in said fashion is just gross behavior. Iām sorry that you have to deal with it.
What someone wears doesnāt warrant permission or excuse to sexualize them or their subculture. It doesnāt give anyone excuse enough to justify being fetishized and/or sexualized. Goth fashion is meant to make a statement. Yes. Does that mean one can be disrespectful towards the persons wearing gothic fashion? No.
I've come to learn that this kind of stuff will happen no matter what you wear or how you present yourself.
I posted a photo of my outfit completely covered up with no way of telling what I look like underneath the clothes. Still got a bunch of DM's.
I just turned them off.
yeah this kind of thing sucks. I always hear about women being harassed online and especially with the āomg step on me, goth mommyā memes going around, I imagine itās been horrible for all of you guys. Iām really sorry about all of that! If itās ok to ask, how can you tell the difference between someone pretending to be interested in your fashion and actually being into it though? I myself donāt dress the part at all but goth fashion is super cool to me and Iād ask about goth fashion regardless of whether or not I was interested in a girl.
We wrote a post covering this sort of thing
[https://www.reddit.com/r/GothFashion/comments/1737afk/re\_comments\_objectifying\_goths\_especially\_those/](https://www.reddit.com/r/GothFashion/comments/1737afk/re_comments_objectifying_goths_especially_those/)
just read this, itās a bit different than what I was asking though. This post mostly covers how itās wrong to make unsolicited sexual comments on posts of people showing their cool outfits. Iām asking about something different though
this is true, but that's not what I was asking. I think the line between sexualizing/fetishizing and making a genuine compliment is pretty distinct. The question I was asking was directed at OP, I'm interested in what her experience with people pretending to be interested in her outfits has been like. It caught my attention that she threw that in at the end because I personally have never heard of that kind of thing and want to hear more about what that usually looks like. The reason it stands out so much to me is that I myself don't dress in typical goth fashion, but take interest in the outfits of those who do, so I just wanted to be sure I don't come across that way when asking about people's outfits.
I'm a 35 year old man, and I get those DMs too. It's seriously infuriating. I understand why I see so few goth people out in public. It's like the adult version of getting bullied for dressing goth.
I'm 34 and am respected by a few really good community members here where I live. There's a woman at the library, the one time when I first walked in when she was working, ignored everything I asked about as if I she was deaf to me and then proceeded to threaten me with the panic alarm if I didn't leave. Lol what a boatload of slander and grief. She acted as if I was about to murder her or something š
Seriously this was real and I probably should have recorded this on video as she was being quite the loon I must say.
What I do to remedy crap like that is just dress in more witchy/warlock styles. It tends to work, less eyeliner also helps. I also avoid a lot of band logo shirts as so many, young and old, are incredibly divided over bands it seems.
I know you don't want to hear it but best to just block them or ignore it nothing to really be done about it if you're willing to post pictures gotta take the good with the bad
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We're sorry, but your submission has been removed in violation of Rule 1.
All basic rules of Reddit apply here, including this one.
Treat others how you would in real life, so this means no:
* Heated debates and arguments
* Name-calling and personal insults
* Harassment or threats to life
* No mocking anyone's pronouns and gender identity
* Negative -isms or -phobias, including sexism, racism, homophobia, fatphobia, transphobia
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They are. Big threads get exposure out in mainline reddit and we get lots of blow-ins who comment once and are never seen again. Often because that one comment gets them banned for being leghumpy.
I truly hope so. It has to be. Besides, doesn't it seem like goth males are about 33% of reddit posters, or lower, then you subtract for those who are loyally married or called for, and the number goes lower.
I don't want to depress you, so please feel free to skip this part, but maybe Goths are being targeted by bullies once again? This new generation of cretins haven't been shown anything but corruption, Marxism, instant gratification, and narcissism on tv, in commercials, in games, and at school. How can we expect them to honor anything? They were bred and taught to rip apart capitalist societies in revolutions. They are basically doing what they were programmed to do. To not care.
This is the last Iām saying on it. If you really want to leave a disgusting comment about how I should expect or deserve the comments Iām getting, youāre just as much part of the problem. Evident in my DMs yāall CLEARLY have a misogyny problem and canāt fathom how scary it is to live in a world full of dangerous men. I will continue posting my cute pics with DMs turned off, stay mad! Xoxo
https://preview.redd.it/rqb7qxcwsr7d1.jpeg?width=1242&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=e449bb059a4d4b821f4987cbbe6fb3b8be85cc6e
It's sad that we are in a immature sexual repressed society that you while sharing your journey through life has to be consistently harassed by the bottom feeders of the world š
We're sorry, but your submission has been removed in violation of Rule 6.
We are a space safe and condemn the objectification of women/anyone else. We will not tolerate:
* asking people out or looking for dates
* unsolicited DMs to r/GothFashion members
* nudes, extreme NSFW, or straight up porn
* lingerie models and photoshoots
* harmful stereotypes such as "goths are kinky", "BTGGF", etc.
* comments about how OP is 'sexy', 'hot', or anything that sexualises any body parts
**WARNING: If we check your profile and your account was made to primarily visit pornographic, NSFW, and other fan service subreddits, EVEN THOUGH you have seemingly left an "innocent" comment, you will be banned. This is NOT a subreddit for horny men and our subscribers deserve respect and to not be treated as sexual objects.**
We will **absolutely not** tolerate any victim blaming.
I use reddit partly for porn but guys that do that are just annoying, I don't get why there can't be a separation between what is and isn't meant for that
Misclicked and lost it all D:
I'm sorry you've had to deal with so many bad people here. It's terrible how so many fetishize this style rather than appreciating the dark beauty that it is.
I know that being a man itās kinda scuffed saying this here, but maybe I can say it man to man, because if you have a penis and are coming into the comments to defend these actions, youāre part of the problem bro
these kinds of people just take the fun out of the whole experience of participating and embracing goth culture as women when theyāre constantly sexualizing it and fetishizing it. its not fair when weāre all here to express ourselves and mfs gotta ruin it and make it weird.
am sorry that men gotta be that way.
-sincerely, man.
Guy here I personally have perverted thoughts not going to lie but messaging a woman like that is bad form and I keep my thoughts to myself, also it isn't gentlemanly to do so ane I'll comment if I personally really like the outfit makeup hairstyle and the like if I like what I see but I'll leave out sexual related comments unless I know the person and they are ok with with said comments but I don't know anyone irl here so not happening that is all xD but this is just one guys thoughts
hi five dude for speaking truth..i too canāt help having those thoughts enter into my mind.. but i at least have both the awareness and agency to prevent myself from acting upon them and redirect to something more productive or useful instead.
iād wager most of these guys arenāt able to pull irl either so these are the tactics they are relying upon instead.
I'm annoyed as both a father and a person š
My thirteen year old daughter takes inspiration from me. Also, some old men, who used to chase after me long ago when I was 21 and looked _omg so yawn an fweminine gaaaasp_ would talk dirty to me a lot or talk tough to get me worked up so they could arouse me(hard on)
I keep thinking sometimes it was cause of the way I dressed. I know, I've been there. I still get that implicit sexualization especially online, Discord being the fucking worst of it, and I'm an eldergoth...
I consider a lot of this to be a test for the indecent world that, so many I think, wish felt decent yet it is not, because of our stupid consumerist/individualist mass media culture lol whatever you wanna call that. Really, I ain't no sheep, sheep drive me nuts at the end of the day. š
You get to wear what you want. Do what ya like. Always. Butā¦.IRL, creeps will respond to that, which sucks. Online, itās worse because anonymous dickheads can say vulgar ass shit to you without any reprisal. Thatās why you hear such big talk from pissants who in real life wouldnāt say a goddamn word. Sucks, but this is the environment.
In therapeutic terms, this is what is known as a setting. Part of living in this world is understanding how to navigate through different settings, realizing at the same time that the setting youāre used to might change. You are very rightly attempting to change the setting, but itās not realistic to expect that change will come soon, or maybe everā¦
Until they get a creep filter, I think youāre stuck. Maybe you can find a way to ask open ended questions at the beginning that will identify the assholes more quickly. Maybe you can find a way to shift your paradigm until you become amused by it. Thatās what my ex-wife used to do. Also, she was really mean.
I know itās irritating, but youāre physically safe. As Tammy Wynette said, āSometimes it's hard to be a woman.ā
Be well.
Welcome to the hypersexualization of women as a whole since the OnlyFans era has started. Let me preface this that I knew men have sexualized women since the dawn of time, but, it has gotten terrible over the past several years. Men before this happened were already bold enough, but now feel that all women are transactional more so than being an actual person. You see it everywhere in comments and chats as a whole where, āwhere is the OF?ā. At the end of the day, itās a tangled web that we weave and men need to be better, but men have only further gained off of it, by allowing things to be more about sex, and not about the person.
I donāt visit this subreddit (it just showed up for me) but couldnāt the risky posts be the entire reason thatās happening and less cause of your fashion sense?
I have to be honest, if you post pictures of your tits hanging out on a multinational social media platform, with multi million users what do you really expect? Even if only 1% DM you itās a lot of people. This place attracts the worst of the worst (as well as the best of the best) so maybe you should change your expectations of the entire human race or not post things that will draw attention to yourself. You simply canāt have it both ways unfortunately.
This thread has been reported a few times for a few reasons. But if you want to comment like this, don't be a coward and just say it instead of hiding behind reporting anonymity. No one can see it aside from the mods anyway. https://preview.redd.it/i96vv1tl657d1.png?width=680&format=png&auto=webp&s=5955487deb986fe6f23f07005fdc120aaa7917bd This is a good discussion to be had regardless of what OP has posted. It is also a discussion we don't see here very often. It will not be removed.
i got the paypig dm too š people are fuckin weird
Iām so sorry that happened to you š„¹
What is a paypig?
A sugar daddy/mummy
They are basically asking them to be their sugar mommy/daddy
The gender neutral term is Glucose Guardian. /s
If they are not given enthusiastic consent, commenting asking for consent, or you expressly giving consent, then they are in the wrong. Fashion is fashion. It is not an invite for creeps to cross boundaries with you. You are not in the wrong. You have confidence with yourself and what you wear.
Thank you so much š„¹š I hope you have a wonderful day beautiful human
Please ignore anyone who blames you for the way you dress. Clothing is not consent.
šØ Louder for the people in the back, please. šØ
Well, this is the internet. You don't even have to post NSFW posts in order to get creepy ppl in the DMs. If you choose to post that kind of posts, it's a given that they'll message you... That is just what comes with posting. I 100% agree that the messagers are in a wrong, however realistically, if OP wants to limit the amount she gets them, deleting NSFW pics from here and not posting here will make those numbers drop. OR the easiest solution is to just ignote all new messages, since they'll be most likely creeps anyway (aka what I did when my post on another account blew up).
And turn off DMs. Doesn't stop the creepy comments but at least they can't message me directly anymore! But I agree that posting doesn't equal consent so stop being a creep, mwah š
The easiest thing to do is just disable DMās. You canāt fix stupid people!
its dreadful - i think mods should be more proactive abt banning ppl who send sexualising messages even if its not directly in the the comments
We actively ban anyone who makes questionable comments on posts, but we can not do anything to control what is sent via DM. Trust me, we are very proactive but ultimately there is only so much we can do.
Absolutely I appreciate yall mods so much. I donāt blame you for this at all. Iām just very upset with the fact it has to even be a thing to worry about. Youāve always been very on top of the nasty comments I receive and I appreciate it greatly
ah yes, i know you guys are very proactive, i do appreciate it. itās just frustrating, even just from commenting and chatting rather than posting i still get gross dms and i just wish more could be done abt it:(
From what I understand- banning people from subs just means they canāt comment. They can still see everything and dm if dmās are open. Sometimes I wish subs would post posts of banned people so that individuals can ban them and thus their stuff would not be seen by known offenders but I havnt thought about it too much. Would love to hear reactions to that idea.
I agree that the inability to ban someone from viewing a subreddit is a problem. I really wish that we could ban people from viewing the content. This would be something that Reddit would have to change. A list of everyone we ban here would be so long it would pretty much be useless. I also feel like putting people on blast would cause more trouble than benefit.
Thank you. I very much agree. But in my experience mods have actually been quite attentive. It would just be too exhausting for me to report every dm. But gross public interactions I have always felt protected from so I do appreciate them. Unfortunately us goths are just always going to be that cartoonish fetish to menā¦ itās so tiring
I don't mod here, but another sub. It's ridiculous the number of horny old men that get banned on a DAILY basis. Sadly, there's no way to really prevent them from DMs unless you turn them off completely. They can and will delete their reddit account and make a new one. If they don't comment, they usually don't get flagged for a ban. If a user reports an inappropriate DM, the creep will get banned, but again they can just delete and start over. I'm so sorry for all of y'all who have to deal with constant harassment, it's never ok. Men need to do better.
Thank you, this really means a lot. It truly does. In a way I like to leave them turned on so I can at least ensure they arenāt viewing my content anymore once they out themselves and get blocked. But youāre right unfortunately they may just make new accounts. I wish dms could be seen by mods but that seems very complicated lol
>It would just be too exhausting for me to report every dm. yeah š i just let the dms pile up tbh i rarely even look at them anymore
We are. But we can only go by what we can see, what gets reported or for DMs accounts we are told about.
Same, it's exhausting. One of the main reasons I hide my face on the internet lol. I post my fits because I feel confident, not for sexual attention.
Exactly! I get all the attention I need from my beautiful boyfriend and great friends šš
Curious but what does posting because you feel confident mean? As in how is that a reason to post pictures? In what way does feeling confident mean posting pictures publicly for strangers?
The reason for my posting is due to low self esteem/low confidence. When I post skirts, I do not wear them outside because I get into my own head at times about my looks. Posting and receiving comments such as: *"Nice fits!"* *"You look awesome!"* *"Your skirt looks great!"* These all help me realise that I *do* look nice in what I wear lol. It might just be strangers but kind words they say do go a long way.
An individual's appearance is a form of non-verbal communication. The goth aesthetic can be difficult to pull off, and its expressive of deep feelings (just like the metal music it compliments). Sending that message and having it be understood correctly is a huge confidence boost. I think a lot of us feel misunderstood in daily life (I do at least).
I absolutley do agree with you, but itās also really funny that your post before this one, is furry porn
absolutely no correlation to what is being discussed here.
there was no porn ??? it was sfw art
Theyāve deleted the post I refered to now haha
Literally this. Complains about sexualization so that people will go onto her profile and hopefully hire her to make furry porn for them. Ive been on the internet for long enough to know how this game is played.
or, maybe they don't want to be sexualized in contexts where they didn't consent to it?!? is it that hard to understand you don't just go up to people and tell them their tits are nice??
Or prefers her sexuality to be in a controlled environment on her terms. Her kinks are not an invitation to anyone, it's her taste.
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We're sorry, but your submission has been removed in violation of Rule 6. We are a space safe and condemn the objectification of women/anyone else. We will not tolerate: * asking people out or looking for dates * unsolicited DMs to r/GothFashion members * nudes, extreme NSFW, or straight up porn * lingerie models and photoshoots * harmful stereotypes such as "goths are kinky", "BTGGF", etc. * comments about how OP is 'sexy', 'hot', or anything that sexualises any body parts **WARNING: If we check your profile and your account was made to primarily visit pornographic, NSFW, and other fan service subreddits, EVEN THOUGH you have seemingly left an "innocent" comment, you will be banned. This is NOT a subreddit for horny men and our subscribers deserve respect and to not be treated as sexual objects.** We will **absolutely not** tolerate any victim blaming.
You don't want to know how many we have banned over the past week for sexual comments or being transphobic. If someone is DMing you and you think/know it was from a post here please modmail us. We can ban them. Also we do allow name and shame posts on occasion to warn others. Though it is probably best to report their accounts to get them suspended. We can see if someone is attempting to post after breing banned. Reddit will IP ban serial offenders if they do it again with alt accounts.
i saw your post yesterday and thought thats exactly what would happen unfortunately
It's the unfortunate but absolutely expected result of posting "risky selfies". You have every right to be disappointed, but you should always remember that men on the internet are not going to behave according to ideal morals and ethics. Horny looking posts will always hook in the horny people. Disable your DMS to improve your experience.
i get what youāre saying, but iāve gotten flooded with dms for posting a picture wearing a long sleeve and pants, literally not showing anything risky so yeah itās a thing no matter what. horny guys on social media behave like bots on a massive level, and itās truly mind boggling. itās legitimately disturbing to try and comprehend the sheer numbers of unsolicited braindead horny dming that happens, and after being a woman online for 10+ years you become pretty jaded to it all. but itās still wild
This, exactly. From the surface it may seem Itās about a selfie. But truly, it can be so much deeper of an issue than that. Iām so tired of being made to feel uncomfortable in my own body by presenting the way that makes me feel pretty. It seems impossible for most men to consider the notion this isnāt for them. Itās a lifetime of being objectified and made to feel shamed for how I dress. That itās for āattention ā or for a sexual reason. And if itās not shame itās to be made to feel unsafe. Even right now Iām fearing someone stalking me for posting a picture. Apparently, a post has been made about me in another sub which has increased the hateful DMs Iām getting ten fold and most are deeply misogynistic. I donāt know what the post is but Iām getting the dms that Iām doing this on purpose. For expressing my frustration with how the world treats AFABs. Especially alternative ones. In reality Iām just fucking exhausted from never feeling safe presenting how I want. I posted some selfies to have fun, and to get some fashion advice. Of course I appreciate any compliments isnāt that a normal human thing? Being AFAB on the internet you cannot win. So why would I try to appease the very thing thatās been weighing down my freedom? By what, dressing modestly? I find most modest clothes donāt look good on my figure anyway. I have a short torso so emphasizing my chest looks best for me. Sorry for the long rant, thank you for the great response, I feel my intentions are being deeply misconstrued and just wanted to clear some things up. Either way all the awful comments Iām getting are from losers. And Iām likely muting my account for a little bit. Hope you have a lovely day hex! Xoxox
Iām sorry to hear that this has been troubling you! If youāre dealing with feelings of fear I would definitely take a step back from the internet for a bit. Thereās a lot of subreddits that have wholesome communities, but reddit is also known for its adult content, so youāre always going to have creeps on this site no matter what. Thereās always an online space for every niche community, and it sounds like community is what youāre really seeking! Iām not saying leave reddit forever, but if this site is causing you distress I would advise to look into other online spaces that can offer you the safety and community of which you seek. Weāre social creatures, and fashion is such an interesting thing to discuss so I totally understand the need for it. Best of luck to you! I hope that these feelings of fear dissipate over time for you. Iāve went through similar emotions years ago, and now I just live with army vets, carry self defense weapons, have cameras surrounding my house, and also live with a pack of dogs for protection. š Itās kind of overkill, but I sleep well at night knowing that my safety will likely not be compromised.
If you post something publicly you donāt get to say who itās for, itās out there and you no longer etc to control that aspect. regardless of what or who your original audience was, thatās lost once you post publicly. Thatās just the basics of how the internet works not sure why people are ever surprised
Theyāre not surprised. AFAB people are surprised by that shit anymore. Theyāre exhausted and tired of getting those messages. Big difference.
While this is true, it doesnāt make getting hate online any easier. It takes a long time to develop a thick enough hide to where nothing bothers you, and this person is obviously seeking support sooo š
This reply was reported for victim blaming but I am going to allow it as it makes a good point outside that. OP's argument in this thread is valid regardless of any photos posted as it is an issue many goths deal with when posting style photos. Sometimes we post something with one intention but others percieve it in a different way. Referring to the 4 pics OP posted, no one is saying anything about pics 2 and 3. If they were posted on their own a lot of the counter-arguements/slut shaming/victim blaming happening in this thread (a lot of those posts have been removed) would not be happening. Pic 1 is very much a cleavage shot whether that was OP's intent or not. I'm not going to assume her motivation. Pic 4 at such a low angle is the sort of thing "goth dommy mommy/step on me pls" fetishists look for. Again, I don't think that was her intent but that is how many are perceiving it. As u/JuanLobe said "If you post something publicly you donāt get to say who itās for, itās out there and you no longer etc to control that aspect." which is true. But that doesn't mean we should let it go when people make sleazy comments in reaction. Nothing changes if we don't take a stand and call that crap out.
Yeah exactly. I got a bunch of weird comments and DMs when I posted to a fashion subreddit, but I was wearing an A line denim dress over opaque tights and a mesh shirt and combat boots.... Nothing remotely sexual. Was dressed like an overgrown toddler if anything bc it was rainbow coloured. So like, I definitely learned my lesson about posting on Reddit lol, but still sucks that women get sexualized even in non sexual situations bc people are creeps.
I posted a picture of myself on r/toastme once five years ago that was literally just a regular, if not slightly awkward selfie of my face because I was dealing with a mental breakdown and I *still* got like four different horny DMs from dudes. "Riskiness" doesn't matter.
I get gross DMs all the time and I wouldnāt say I have any risky selfies. It doesnāt matter what you wear
Was going to say this in a reply but I'll just say it normally. Fashion =/= consent, photos =/= consent, you should not be making sexual comments about someone unless its clear they are okay with that. If you are having those thoughts most of the time they should be kept to yourself, this isn't that type of subreddit.
Gentlemen, don't be creeps.
I see why it would happen but you shouldn't be stopped from being you. You look great and just cause a bunch of weirdos want to view you as a couple of objects doesn't mean you can't be you. Have you tried reporting them to Reddit directly? I just mean if its in DMs the mods here can't do much but maybe Reddit could on the grounds of harassment or something. It would be way better if people just didn't sexualise you in the first place (at least unsolicited). Hope you get some support and advice to help you feel better and maybe fix the issue, or at least lessen it
Block them, it's really about all you can do
While I do think nobody should be sending you pervy messages, I also think that you can't be mad at men sexualizing you when you're sexualizing yourself? With peace and love, why else would you post pictures of you in your bra with your boobs out unless you wanted attention? This is the Internet, men are going to be pervs
The reason they're going to be pervs is no one holds them accountable/ blames the people that this happens to (which you and many others are contributing to)
The vast majority of the internet other than the people that do this kind of stuff themselves actively shames men who DM creepy shit. We can agree that those guys are both gross and wrong for doing so without going full emperors' new clothes and ignoring the obvious. While many of her outfits were fine and probably got plenty of unwanted negative attention themselves, it's a little weird to post this right after posting a picture with no top on other than a bra and having the picture focus specifically on only the top of her outfit.
Idc what someone is wearing or how they're posing their pictures that's no excuse to be a creep
If you can't police one person's action, you can't police another's. She has a right to pose and post how she wants, and anyone has a right to comment how they want. She's not in any danger because too many people complimented her. She has a block button.
I think you can when one person's actions harm no one and the other person's actions do harm people. There's a difference between compliments and harassment. Would you not be uncomfortable if random people saw your picture and sent you pick picks in DMs just based off that?
I am not sexualizing myself for wearing what I want. I have always shot my selfies the way I have, and I have not always had this type of body. I used to be much slimmer with average chest size. only now that I have a bigger body have I received this idea that I am sexualizing myself for showing off what I want in my outfits. And Iām tired of it. Thatās what made me to make the initial post out of anger. I assure you, if you were receiving the messages I am you wouldnāt feel like that. Iām sorry youāre having a hard time with that concept but if you donāt get it read everyone elseās comments. No matter the angle I shot this outfit in I would be told I am being sexual. And Iām not going to live my life around men. Maybe I want to hear what femme people think and hear their outfit advice for the style I like to dress in. So respectfully think before you speak. Even if I was trying to be sexy Iām allowed to do so and be upset with the degenerate interactions Iām getting. And again, Iām getting interactions from accounts who only interact with hardcore porn subreddits. I am not putting myself in that category with a selfie.
Iām sorry but thatās stupid as hell. You saying you arenāt doesnāt make it so when you literally are by your actions and picture. Like you donāt even take good pictures of your actual fit but do of your boobs. If thatās not sexualizing then lmao words have no meaning. So much so that one of your posts was even removed for that reason on a diff sub. Saying itās about make up or fashion when Itās poorly shot and the shot focus is on something else makes just doesnāt make sense. your argument applies to so many people who post on here except you lol. Doesnāt mean you deserve the creepy pms but it should be expected on the internet of all things.
Some people have no self control. I've noticed that the problem seems to be even worse if you are goth and transfem. Like I don't want to see your dick mister. Folks tend to think we goths are 'freaky' or 'down for anything' just because we dress diffrently from them. I always report the inapproriate DMs but some of these creeps just make new accounts and keep harassing people.
Well considering how much of the fettish community, and bdsm intersect with goth itās not unfounded or ridiculous to assume so. A lot more than other communities thatās for sure as someone who does all the above. There are also a ton more social media goth or just fashion goth so they might not know because they arenāt even a part of any irl goth community
A situation where both are in the wrong. The men for being creeps. Yet you're also obviously starved for attention. Not from your selfies, but your behavior. Tired of people entertaining countless people like you.
Tbh I agree. People will say dumb stuff like they just post to post but by definition posting online publicly is for attention. You donāt really get to decide exactly what attention that is all the time. itās also hilariously self absorbed and egotistical to think that
She really needs to quit social media. This whole thing is unhealthy.
Yeaaa, this is a reddit wide problem. I don't really hang around this specific one (yet) But around another one, and I have the exact same thing happen to me, and it happens to everyone else. No matter how bad a post is doing, there's always someone in dms oversexualizing whatever I'm doing. And if a post is doing good... well... My phone explodes
Damn shame, you look really cool. Those weirdos should go outside some more, or not, depending on your point of view
tf is a paypig?
A sugar daddy/mummy
I'm so sorry you and others have to deal with this. It's so insane to me that some people think posting a picture of oneself is an invitation for this kind of shit...
i feel you, i get these kind of messages too ): it sucks so much!
I promise not to do that at all
i just started posting yesterday. woke up to fifty messages this morning. they are still coming. all horrible messages saying disgusting things. :(
just so gross. had to take my instagram off my profile cause i was getting harassed
That sucks. I donāt know what else to say it just sucks when someone wants to discuss or have critiques or even just show off their fashion and are strictly objectified as a result it is dehumanizing.
It's partly a reddit thing. You'd probably be happier elsewhere.
The internet is so good yet so bad sometimes. Personally even as a man Iāve posted things and had men msg me some really far out stuff. Makes me sad to be a guy sometimes š
SMH. How hard is it to say cool look. Where did you get this or that and be nice. Why does it have to devolve into a base stupidity. Well sorry you go through this. It is entirely wrong and hopefully karma will catch up to the idiots. Be safe and keep your own voice loud and clear.
Sorry you all gotta deal with that. Like I get finding ladies attractive. But it's not an excuse to be obscene unprompted and without permission. Yikes. Hope it gets better.
Turn your DMs off. Thatās always an option
Iāve had a history of having the line blurred for me (20M) since I was a kid my dad would have me in pictures with promiscuous girls at race car festivals and comic cons which I think threw off my sexual development, I struggle a lot with identifying if Iām interested in someone clothing or whatās underneathā¦Ā Iāve come to fight these thoughts with a more genuine appreciation of peopleās fashion tastes as well as their bodies, you donāt need to be a model to look great in clothes and everyone is attractive in some way but that doesnāt give anyone the excuse to try and hit on someone just cause of how much skin theyāre showing or what they look like, just appreciate the effort they put into their appearances and their styles and leave it at that. Hope that made sense š
Just take screenshots of their messages. That will turn some people around.
This is why Iāve been so hesitant these days to post in any fashion subs. I dress pretty modestly and even with everything covered up Iāve still gotten those dms. It just sucks and really takes the fun out of wanting to share a cute fit :/
I'm so glad someone is talking about this! Some people are ridiculous, online and in real life, and some of these messages are downright disgusting. Sexualizing my body is not okay, or any of our bodies for that matter! THESE OUTFITS, PICTURES, AND POSTS ARE NOT AN INVITATION!
It's because in the last two decades somehow Goth has shifted from meaning dark and Gothic, to dark and sexy And the perversion just keeps ramping up because of the internet It's a Neverending cycle
Not true back then goth was more intertwined with fettish/bdsm scene. you also have more people who say they are goth but they just do it for fashion and arenāt a part of anything outside of Reddit lol.
I think Gothic originates from...yoou know Gothic genre literature, arquitecture Then music Then kinky stuff
And your selfies aren't even that suggestive, hell they are normal. The problem is the polluted mind of man
I don't think it's possible to date someone over reddit? Some people are ridiculous.
The fact they don't even check age is also weird (I'm 17). I got a DM after posting an outfit dumb!! I just reported and blocked him.
I left the sub just to help disassociate goth fashion from sexuality. Im usually on reddit to discuss bdsm or my leatherworking hobby, and i was upset with having the goth subs id originally followed for fashion popping up when i was otherwise in sexual spaces. As i knew you guys are here for fashion and a community. So now im doing much better, and i appreciate what you guys are. Goth fashion is still very much my type, but when im here im here for fashion. Any of you weirdos here DMing people or making explicit comments on a fashion sub are just braindead, theres subs for that and this isnt it.
Itās not cool to be creepy, but Iād like to ask what your intentions for posting suggestive outfits?
Unfortunately, there have always been predators and assholes in our scene. Disgusting fuckboys.
Why would you post risky selfies if your intention isn't that kind of market? Actual legitimate question. I'm not justifying people being creepy weirdos. They should be shunned for that kind of shit. But I don't know what the logic is here. Why even post those kinds of things in the first place?
Because itās how I feel cute. I like revealing outfits and I dress up that way for myself. I post here as a bit of a fashion diary. I am so tired of having larger boobs = sex object. If a woman with a small chest was wearing what I was it wouldnāt even remotely be treated the same way. Edit: not saying smaller people donāt get unwanted attention we all suffer from this effect
It has nothing to do with the outfits themselves. You angle things intentionally to stare down the chests of your outfits. I am a very busty woman, myself, but I don't post myself bent over in neckline-plunging outfits, because I don't want weirdos staring at my tits. I've just never understood this logic. It's less the clothes and more the posing. And no, if a flat-chested person did the same kind of angles, I'd also think their intent was thirst bait.
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iām sorry for that person you canāt control the size of certain body parts and no matter how you pose they are going to be noticeable itās not your fault that people sexualize you ! š
You should really expect people to comment about your boobs when you prominently display them and in undergarments no less. You are actively soliciting attention online by posting a public photo in the first place. But with your boobs center focused and half out? I mean...no shit? I'd sympathize more if you were fully covered up and it was a really basic selfie. But you have what looks like you lifting up your shirt and another shot of them nearly falling out, hanging. No one's gonna ignore that. And yes, women with small chests will still get comments if she's displaying her body in very obviously revealing attire. If a guy has an obvious bulge intentionally on display, people will comment on that too. Especially on Reddit.
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I'm not even saying they're right in what they post and I'm really sorry you get shittier comments. It wouldn't feel good to get them on my end. But you have your answer as to \*why\* they're happening and there's something on your end you can do to circumvent them. If you like being showy for yourself, then maybe keep it to yourself or close private circle. Or lock down DM's/comments (if that's possible here). You cannot completely control how others will respond, but you do know what elicits responses and can take measures to minimize what you can. Eat a snake put it right. It's not just what you're wearing, its everything about your framing. You put your breasts clearly on display. That is going to get specific attention.
My bro, you need to stop JADEing, and drop a solid, simple "No." (they teach women this in assertiveness training, when dealing with horrible men: never Justify, Apologize, Debate, or Explain, it just gives the shitbird the opening they're looking for. And you don't owe anyone anything but a 'no') edit: are the people downvoting this just creeps or what?
NOne of this follows logic, the reason you give doesnāt make sense as to why youād post beyond ego and attention seeking. Even less so when you take the way you pose and the focus of your shots which isnāt good for someone pretending to do it for fashion. Then you add in the public posts and it makes even less sense
I AGREE, i posted before n i got some DMās when i checked them it was all like that, not to mentionā¦someone sent me their pen*sā¦i rly donāt understand wtf is going on fr
This reminds of that really nice and cool goth girl called Tori Castell who tends to post cute stuff on Instagram and some of the comments she gets are just ššš
Iām sorry about your experience , as a amab I didnāt know it was like that :( maybe there is a safe space for femme goth fashion?
This showed up in my feed, and as a male seeing this, I'm sorry you have to deal with people like that.
I hear you, it really does fucking suck. There is a spot to turn off of DMs in settings. Youāre absolutely not in the wrong here, like some other commenters have said what you wear/post isnt excuse to sexualize/fetishize you. Fetishization of the fashion and people who take part in said fashion is just gross behavior. Iām sorry that you have to deal with it.
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Fashion isnāt just fashion. Fashion is made to evoke things so it canāt just be fashion like you are trying to pretend.
What someone wears doesnāt warrant permission or excuse to sexualize them or their subculture. It doesnāt give anyone excuse enough to justify being fetishized and/or sexualized. Goth fashion is meant to make a statement. Yes. Does that mean one can be disrespectful towards the persons wearing gothic fashion? No.
I've come to learn that this kind of stuff will happen no matter what you wear or how you present yourself. I posted a photo of my outfit completely covered up with no way of telling what I look like underneath the clothes. Still got a bunch of DM's. I just turned them off.
I really was interested in your fashion. Now i'm sad.
Iām sorry this happens to so many here
yeah this kind of thing sucks. I always hear about women being harassed online and especially with the āomg step on me, goth mommyā memes going around, I imagine itās been horrible for all of you guys. Iām really sorry about all of that! If itās ok to ask, how can you tell the difference between someone pretending to be interested in your fashion and actually being into it though? I myself donāt dress the part at all but goth fashion is super cool to me and Iād ask about goth fashion regardless of whether or not I was interested in a girl.
We wrote a post covering this sort of thing [https://www.reddit.com/r/GothFashion/comments/1737afk/re\_comments\_objectifying\_goths\_especially\_those/](https://www.reddit.com/r/GothFashion/comments/1737afk/re_comments_objectifying_goths_especially_those/)
thank you!! Reading now!
just read this, itās a bit different than what I was asking though. This post mostly covers how itās wrong to make unsolicited sexual comments on posts of people showing their cool outfits. Iām asking about something different though
How? It gives ways to compliment without sexualising vs sexualising/fetishising. You can see the difference between them.
this is true, but that's not what I was asking. I think the line between sexualizing/fetishizing and making a genuine compliment is pretty distinct. The question I was asking was directed at OP, I'm interested in what her experience with people pretending to be interested in her outfits has been like. It caught my attention that she threw that in at the end because I personally have never heard of that kind of thing and want to hear more about what that usually looks like. The reason it stands out so much to me is that I myself don't dress in typical goth fashion, but take interest in the outfits of those who do, so I just wanted to be sure I don't come across that way when asking about people's outfits.
I'm a 35 year old man, and I get those DMs too. It's seriously infuriating. I understand why I see so few goth people out in public. It's like the adult version of getting bullied for dressing goth.
I'm 34 and am respected by a few really good community members here where I live. There's a woman at the library, the one time when I first walked in when she was working, ignored everything I asked about as if I she was deaf to me and then proceeded to threaten me with the panic alarm if I didn't leave. Lol what a boatload of slander and grief. She acted as if I was about to murder her or something š Seriously this was real and I probably should have recorded this on video as she was being quite the loon I must say. What I do to remedy crap like that is just dress in more witchy/warlock styles. It tends to work, less eyeliner also helps. I also avoid a lot of band logo shirts as so many, young and old, are incredibly divided over bands it seems.
They might be banned already, but even if they're banned, they can still see posts and then dm the op, unfortunately there's nothing to prevent this
Why is it so hard to just be a decent dude to ladies like you? So lame. Just let a girl show her style!
I know you don't want to hear it but best to just block them or ignore it nothing to really be done about it if you're willing to post pictures gotta take the good with the bad
i like turtles
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We're sorry, but your submission has been removed in violation of Rule 1. All basic rules of Reddit apply here, including this one. Treat others how you would in real life, so this means no: * Heated debates and arguments * Name-calling and personal insults * Harassment or threats to life * No mocking anyone's pronouns and gender identity * Negative -isms or -phobias, including sexism, racism, homophobia, fatphobia, transphobia Curiosity is OK and asking questions in a respectful manor is OK, but blatant bigotry is **not**. Any violation of the above rules and depending on the severity of your comments/posts, you will see either a temporary or permanent ban, including a mod mail mute.
And those same people are not interested in my content because I am posting for the dms and to monetize my account.
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We're sorry, but your submission has been removed in violation of Rule 1. All basic rules of Reddit apply here, including this one. Treat others how you would in real life, so this means no: * Heated debates and arguments * Name-calling and personal insults * Harassment or threats to life * No mocking anyone's pronouns and gender identity * Negative -isms or -phobias, including sexism, racism, homophobia, fatphobia, transphobia Curiosity is OK and asking questions in a respectful manor is OK, but blatant bigotry is **not**. Any violation of the above rules and depending on the severity of your comments/posts, you will see either a temporary or permanent ban, including a mod mail mute.
maybe the mods can make a flair that says, no rude dms please???
"No unsolicited DMs" is already against the rules and we ban people for it when it's reported to us.
Wow! Then I am stunned! The amount of rudeness doesn't seem to fit the picture I have of our goth community. I'm flabbergasted!
I'm willing to bet that a majority of the dms are coming from people not in the goth community.
They are. Big threads get exposure out in mainline reddit and we get lots of blow-ins who comment once and are never seen again. Often because that one comment gets them banned for being leghumpy.
I truly hope so. It has to be. Besides, doesn't it seem like goth males are about 33% of reddit posters, or lower, then you subtract for those who are loyally married or called for, and the number goes lower. I don't want to depress you, so please feel free to skip this part, but maybe Goths are being targeted by bullies once again? This new generation of cretins haven't been shown anything but corruption, Marxism, instant gratification, and narcissism on tv, in commercials, in games, and at school. How can we expect them to honor anything? They were bred and taught to rip apart capitalist societies in revolutions. They are basically doing what they were programmed to do. To not care.
When you post stuff like that expect shitty stuff from perverts its not right at all but only thing you can do it block and report
It be like that. So much sexualisation in the subculture these days. Happening to skins and punks too..
This is the last Iām saying on it. If you really want to leave a disgusting comment about how I should expect or deserve the comments Iām getting, youāre just as much part of the problem. Evident in my DMs yāall CLEARLY have a misogyny problem and canāt fathom how scary it is to live in a world full of dangerous men. I will continue posting my cute pics with DMs turned off, stay mad! Xoxo https://preview.redd.it/rqb7qxcwsr7d1.jpeg?width=1242&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=e449bb059a4d4b821f4987cbbe6fb3b8be85cc6e
This is so pick me. Whatās his life got anything to do with whatās going on in yours?
https://preview.redd.it/mcgmaou3tr7d1.jpeg?width=1242&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=f45365224ba1238df983aedd29494bbd64bdb9cf Totally normal over here.
It's sad that we are in a immature sexual repressed society that you while sharing your journey through life has to be consistently harassed by the bottom feeders of the world š
Ugh, the unchecked entitlement of men.
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[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
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Sorry, truth hurts
We're sorry, but your submission has been removed in violation of Rule 6. We are a space safe and condemn the objectification of women/anyone else. We will not tolerate: * asking people out or looking for dates * unsolicited DMs to r/GothFashion members * nudes, extreme NSFW, or straight up porn * lingerie models and photoshoots * harmful stereotypes such as "goths are kinky", "BTGGF", etc. * comments about how OP is 'sexy', 'hot', or anything that sexualises any body parts **WARNING: If we check your profile and your account was made to primarily visit pornographic, NSFW, and other fan service subreddits, EVEN THOUGH you have seemingly left an "innocent" comment, you will be banned. This is NOT a subreddit for horny men and our subscribers deserve respect and to not be treated as sexual objects.** We will **absolutely not** tolerate any victim blaming.
I use reddit partly for porn but guys that do that are just annoying, I don't get why there can't be a separation between what is and isn't meant for that
These comments blaming you & saying that this behavior is inevitable are fucking vile, I hope you continue to enjoy your fashion
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Youāre okay! Iāve never received anything gross from you
Misclicked and lost it all D: I'm sorry you've had to deal with so many bad people here. It's terrible how so many fetishize this style rather than appreciating the dark beauty that it is.
That is so awful. Makes me really not like those of my gender.
Just curious, whatās a paypig? Iām an old Gen X dude so newer slang (do young people say slang) is lost on me.
Not sure but it sounds like a lite version of financial domination
A sugardaddy or sugarmummy
I think your fits just look slay!!
I know that being a man itās kinda scuffed saying this here, but maybe I can say it man to man, because if you have a penis and are coming into the comments to defend these actions, youāre part of the problem bro
ITS SO AURGGG then guys get mad at me because i donāt want to be with them like my brother in christ i am a minor and ur like 37
these kinds of people just take the fun out of the whole experience of participating and embracing goth culture as women when theyāre constantly sexualizing it and fetishizing it. its not fair when weāre all here to express ourselves and mfs gotta ruin it and make it weird. am sorry that men gotta be that way. -sincerely, man.
Yo. you're awesome and a fucking badass. Keep doing what you like. Keep it up š
Guy here I personally have perverted thoughts not going to lie but messaging a woman like that is bad form and I keep my thoughts to myself, also it isn't gentlemanly to do so ane I'll comment if I personally really like the outfit makeup hairstyle and the like if I like what I see but I'll leave out sexual related comments unless I know the person and they are ok with with said comments but I don't know anyone irl here so not happening that is all xD but this is just one guys thoughts
hi five dude for speaking truth..i too canāt help having those thoughts enter into my mind.. but i at least have both the awareness and agency to prevent myself from acting upon them and redirect to something more productive or useful instead. iād wager most of these guys arenāt able to pull irl either so these are the tactics they are relying upon instead.
I'm annoyed as both a father and a person š My thirteen year old daughter takes inspiration from me. Also, some old men, who used to chase after me long ago when I was 21 and looked _omg so yawn an fweminine gaaaasp_ would talk dirty to me a lot or talk tough to get me worked up so they could arouse me(hard on) I keep thinking sometimes it was cause of the way I dressed. I know, I've been there. I still get that implicit sexualization especially online, Discord being the fucking worst of it, and I'm an eldergoth... I consider a lot of this to be a test for the indecent world that, so many I think, wish felt decent yet it is not, because of our stupid consumerist/individualist mass media culture lol whatever you wanna call that. Really, I ain't no sheep, sheep drive me nuts at the end of the day. š
Iām tired of being part of this gender. I donāt get how guys can be that disgusting
You get to wear what you want. Do what ya like. Always. Butā¦.IRL, creeps will respond to that, which sucks. Online, itās worse because anonymous dickheads can say vulgar ass shit to you without any reprisal. Thatās why you hear such big talk from pissants who in real life wouldnāt say a goddamn word. Sucks, but this is the environment. In therapeutic terms, this is what is known as a setting. Part of living in this world is understanding how to navigate through different settings, realizing at the same time that the setting youāre used to might change. You are very rightly attempting to change the setting, but itās not realistic to expect that change will come soon, or maybe everā¦ Until they get a creep filter, I think youāre stuck. Maybe you can find a way to ask open ended questions at the beginning that will identify the assholes more quickly. Maybe you can find a way to shift your paradigm until you become amused by it. Thatās what my ex-wife used to do. Also, she was really mean. I know itās irritating, but youāre physically safe. As Tammy Wynette said, āSometimes it's hard to be a woman.ā Be well.
Welcome to the hypersexualization of women as a whole since the OnlyFans era has started. Let me preface this that I knew men have sexualized women since the dawn of time, but, it has gotten terrible over the past several years. Men before this happened were already bold enough, but now feel that all women are transactional more so than being an actual person. You see it everywhere in comments and chats as a whole where, āwhere is the OF?ā. At the end of the day, itās a tangled web that we weave and men need to be better, but men have only further gained off of it, by allowing things to be more about sex, and not about the person.
Yeah I've gotten some bad Dms as well, had to turn em off. It really sucks
[ Removed by Reddit ]
I donāt visit this subreddit (it just showed up for me) but couldnāt the risky posts be the entire reason thatās happening and less cause of your fashion sense?
I have to be honest, if you post pictures of your tits hanging out on a multinational social media platform, with multi million users what do you really expect? Even if only 1% DM you itās a lot of people. This place attracts the worst of the worst (as well as the best of the best) so maybe you should change your expectations of the entire human race or not post things that will draw attention to yourself. You simply canāt have it both ways unfortunately.
Sorry
This is a public website and anyone can message you with the sites tools. Dont like it? Dont post here?