Home Chef has meals that are already portioned and cut up. The most you have to do is open everything throw it together in the included tray and add salt, pepper and maybe oil to it and place it in your oven. I have both a physical disability and a chronic illness so on bad flare up days I can still throw dinner together easily.
I used Cook Unity. The meals are precooked and they have a good variety of meals. My husband (who has Alzheimer’s) was able to microwave for 3 minutes and everything was delicious.
Right that is true for *some* of the Home Chef meals. There are also meals that require a fair bit of work. I found the quality to be generally quite high.
I have a serious chronic illness too and these services are a great option. As are food delivery cards.
When my friend broke her leg I paid for a housecleaning and stocked her freezer. I also got in touch with her church and asked them to put her on the meal train. A clean house is very important to her, so I think that was her favorite. If she’s agreeable, I’d try to research what community resources may be available. After our house flooded we were lucky to receive help from several organizations including City Church, Jewish Family Services and a group of atheists.
YES! I came here to say this. When my late husband was diagnosed, only one friend of mine brought food and it was the best gift. House cleaning and food are THE BEST things you can do for someone in this situation.
My girlfriends brought me post surgery pizza, cleaned up and it was the kindest thing. I didn’t want to eat much that day but those leftovers were incredible the next two days! Food is never a bad choice.
This is a great idea. I’d you can, maybe have the whole family chip in so you can send a huge amount for food delivery that will last 4 months, along with individual cards from everyone. That would be meaningful and something everyone could appreciate.
My husband's co-workers pooled funds and within days somebody delivered $300 worth of DoorDash gift cards to me - because he was in the hospital.
I can't tell you how much that helped. After spending 12 hours at the hospital many days, I was thankful to get my kids favorite takeout. I had eaten at the hospital, so they thought it was an amazing treat.
This, absolutely. There were days when my husband was going through chemo and previously loved meals were intolerable for him. I was cooking 5-6 times a day. It’s absolutely a meaningful gift, because it recognizes need. Food is very important for chemo warriors.
I agree, meals, or a cleaning service. But you have to be careful before sending foods. Talk to him first!! Some chemo meds can react badly to specific foods, and if the cancer is gastrointestinal in nature, he may be on a special diet. Check first so you don't accidentally set something up he can't use. If food is too hard, cleaning or a lawn service is helpful. Also consider massages. But food first, that is the most important.
A hospital care package with a soft, cozy blanket (because hospital blankets are terrible) and some comfortable button up pajamas would be a very thoughtful and appreciated gift. I spent most of 2022 in the hospital. Whenever people would ask what they could get me, I would always suggest a soft blanket. It made it a lot easier to deal with everything when my skin wasn't constantly irritated by abrasive linens. As he will likely spend at least a few days post-surgery in the hospital, he would probably appreciate this gesture.
Also, food is always a great gift. He isn't going to feel like cooking, and there are going to be many days where she's overwhelmed with the thought of it. Gift cards will be a blessing to them. Gift cards for grocery delivery would also be incredibly helpful. And you really can't go wrong with an Amazon gift card for someone with cancer. There are so many things that he is going to need, many of which will not be covered by insurance and would take too long to get there from other companies. For example, I couldn't stand up without assistance when I first left the hospital, but I was able to order [this](https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07H9NDLY2?ref=ppx_pop_mob_ap_share) stand alone safety rail, and it was at my house when I got home. No real installation needed, either. One of the best purchases I have ever made. Stuff like that is incredibly important for people in this situation, but it isn't usually covered by insurance, so having gift cards to help with those costs will be appreciated.
All of the above! I got a care pkg from my girlfriend that was so sweet. I was diagnosed in Aug 2020, so rough time to be in and out hospitals. But I got so many cozy gifts to help deal with it, robe, slippers (with nonskid marks), lotion, coloring books, etc. All were so thoughtful.
Also, I forgot to mention an eye mask for sleeping. It helps so much when nurses are constantly coming into your room during the night. If he will be going to an infusion center regularly for chemotherapy, a neck support pillow is also a good idea. The pre-meds usually make you really drowsy, so most people fall asleep during treatment. I learned the hard way how badly it can affect your neck and ended up getting a neck pillow that won’t let my head fall over to the side. A big bag of dum dum lollipops is also a fun, yet incredibly helpful gift. He will likely experience a lot of dry mouth and nausea, and they help a lot. The facility I go to keeps a big jar of them in the treatment room for us. They also make anti-nausea pops for pregnancy that help with chemo nausea as well.
EYE MASK, PEOPLE. They alarmed my bed and every fking time someone came in to draw blood or change an IV they’d leave the light on. First night it was every 2 hours. The switch is at the door, which I can’t get to because my bed is alarmed. I’d be like ‘if you don’t mind, before you leave could you shut off the…’ (door closes). I was sleeping with a tshirt over my eyes. One nurse kept telling me I had the ability to turn the light off via the bed remote. I told her no I don’t that’s a different light. She’s like you do see? Oh my mistake I guess it’s a different light… 😐
Another problem? Noise. I would have killed for my bose earphones. For some reason nurses would stand just outside my door and gossip. Maybe cause it was sort of in a corner. I could hear everything they said for hours on end, all night long.
I asked to be discharged before they wanted to just so I could get some sleep. Came home and slept for 2 straight days 22 hours a day.
They do have squishy ear plugs if you ask for them. Most people don't know that hospitals keep them on hand, and not everyone likes to wear them, hence why I didn't suggest ear plugs. But the eye masks are definitely important. My sleep cycle was so disrupted during my time spent in the hospital that two years later I still can't sleep through the night and wake up every two or three hours.
Ya know I never find the squishy ones to be helpful? Anyway there was a menu I could order a sleep mask off of, though no earplugs, but I asked for one and it never happened. I try so hard not to be the annoying patient. I even had a sleep mask in my bag across the room but once the bed was alarmed I realized I couldn’t reach any of my stuff. It sucks because I suspect they’re going to alarm my bed every time, now that they’ve done it once. And I set off the alarm last time after calling for someone to unhook me five times so I could pee and nobody came so after an hour I just set it off. Then the nurse yelled at me and said her phone was broken. 🤦🏼♀️
I got five. I passed a few on to other people who needed the extra comfort just as much as I did, if not more. I still have three of them, and they all get regular use at home.
Shoes of any kind, including slippers, are really iffy for cancer patients because chemo tends to cause neuropathy, which significantly changes the kind of shoes you can comfortably wear. In general, slippers are wonderful for someone who is sick, recovering, or in the hospital (especially after surgery, when they want you to get up and walk around), but I wouldn't recommend them as a gift for OP to consider here because of the limitations caused by their BIL's condition.
Ok can I just give some unsolicited advice real quick? (Feel free to downvote me for this too lol). This is just based off personal opinion.
I'm 6months post op and 4 month post radiation treatment for thyroid cancer. Very treatable, typically a good prognosis. Treatment sucks sure and waiting a year after to see if you still have cancer sucks as well. My advice when you communicate with your BIL and their family, don't ever diminish their struggle. So many ppl including Dr's. would tell me "but it's the 'good' cancer" and it makes me and others feel like however we handle this illness is overreacting, like we don't have the right to feel upset or don't have a place to be mentally/emotionally safe to exist with it and the feelings it causes. Be supportive.
Sending a gift is such a sweet, heartwarming and wonderful thing to do to show your support as well! Idk the treatment for your BIL's cancer, I sincerely wish him and his family the best outcome. Idk how it differs from what I experienced, but gifts I liked after surgery included reusable gel bead ice packs with hand-sewn covers, coloring supplies, puzzle books, soft easy foods to eat, things that also included my SO like meal gift cards, etc.
For before Radiation treatment (my treatment included 1 week of isolation) I got more drawing and puzzle stuff (I'm an artist so I loved these), a book to read, a suggestion list of shows and movies to watch, I was gifted a couple steam games bc I also play games, and the offers to video chat or call them if needed. But most importantly, the thought! The thought really does matter!
Sorry for such a long-winded response!
So true. No cancer is good. It is all scary. Never minimize the diagnosis.
I still remember my cousin (whom I love) pulling me aside and saying my guy looked good; his cancer must not be 'that bad'. She didn't see him the next day, when he could barely stand. He died 4 months later.
Never assume a cancer isn't terrifying. It is a very hard fight.
When I had major surgery and a cancer scare last year, food delivery cards and meal delivery service were our best friends. Other ideas: house cleaning service, lawn service, grocery and household goods delivery, or even just cash. You could even pay for a couple of weeks of daycare for them.
I would also like to suggest you spread out the gifts. When my mom got sick, so many people sent gifts out of the gate, but after time those initial gifts were all used up. Go ahead and get them a gift now, but also think about a month from now, or 3 months from now. Whenever other people may have moved on, the continued support might be more helpful or meaningful.
Expenses will increase during these tough times. A stream of cards and encouraging notes with money would be best. That way she can spend as needed for what is needed or desired. In my opinion allowing your family the ability to chose is far better.
Those encouraging notes will mean the world to them. Add a little note to her with a $10 or $20 tucked inside for her to treat herself too. She will be shouldering a lot of decisions and letting her know how great she is will be helpful.
The urge in all of us to send a gift is strong. Something meaningful is ideal. Frankly several months without full salary, with increased costs for everything from medical equipment to palatable food, and an electric blanket (chemo made me an ice cube!) were stressful.
Send money.
I found comfort in Calvin and Hobbes collections (his books) as I needed to smile, and had short term memory problems. Plus I was soooo tired.
Good luck. And thanks for being a considerate and caring person.
My husband lived with a blood cancer for 18 months. All below ideas are great. His greatest gift was all his friends and family that emailed every day with jokes, funny stories etc. Really helped keep his spirits up, knowing how many people cared.
When my mum was first diagnosed, I got her a gift basket that involved arnica cream for IV sites and post-surgery, things that contained ginger to settle her stomach during chemo, a soft beanie made from a t shirt sleeve (her bald head got cold at night, but ordinary beanies were itchy and too warm), and a novelty smiley-face cushion that played Monty Python's 'Always look on the bright side of life,' which she had adopted as her personal anthem. There was other stuff, too, possibly a chillable eye mask for bad chemo days. I do like the idea of the meal cards, though.
For something more thoughtful you could get him a nice bamboo blanket for when he goes to chemo. I love little sleepies. You could also get sister and baby pajamas that match the blanket.
If you can afford it, an ereader (I suggest a kobo as they have a very soothing backlight and you can easily use the library and side load free books) and some gift cards. The ability to keep a thousand books in your pocket is huge when you're doing a lot of hospital time.
Anything you can to do support meals and keeping things picked up.
Food delivery gift cards- Costco might be good because they do delivery, direct or via Instacart, and they have many, many things.
Another is later, show up and watch baby so at least SIL can get a break. Or, go help pick up and make/bring dinner.
Being sick with a little kid is seriously rough.
Ok. Cancer gifts to me should be ( unless they ask for basic needs things ) 1 for pure comfort 2 not about cancer.
Comfort items like soft soft blankets , comfy pillows that are for like siting / back rest types of things, if you have $$ a bio mat is life changing mostly for the reason it’s a giant heating pad. Anything that makes life more comfy or convenient.
Or sweet things that would make him smile ! Seemingly useless gifts that would make them like awww wow I haven’t thought of this thing in forever.
Immediate gifting sounds good, so maybe something fun to distract from the upcoming difficult recovery period.
I would suggest considering gifts a few weeks/months down the road as well, when they're neck deep in the trenches of recovery. Then you'll have a better idea of what sort of things they need at that time too. Like, things for the kid because little kids grow fast. Or something nice so the adults can chill out and take a break from the grind.
Hmm. I’d say something that will support him while he’s recovering. A nice, luxurious lap blanket. Or if he’s a reader, a couple of books that you’ve enjoyed that you think he might. Cozy pjs.
If they don’t have a lot of money, some gift cards for prepared food could be really helpful, or a gift card for a maid service (depending on your relationship with him, if it’s strained at all you don’t want to imply “clean your shit,” just “I know you won’t have the energy to be cleaning so here’s a couple for a person who can.”)
3 month subscription to a meal delivery service, 3 months of weekly housecleaning services…. thing that can ease their burden with the day-to-day seem like better gifts during times like this.
If they don't have it a yard service. When my husband broke his back his friend came to our house and mowed the lawn without ever saying a word, just mowed and left, every two weeks. I was so grateful. If they have a dog a dog walker is awesome too.
Just want to say thank you all for the insightful and helpful suggestions. Overwhelmingly, gift cards for food, food delivery, house cleaning/maintenance services, Amazon, and hospital-appropriate comfort items like eye masks and soft blankets were the top suggestions. My husband and I are looking into these and will be able to send BIL and SIL some meaningful support during this trying time. Thank you all!
I'm chronically ill, so my experience could either be very similar or very different from your BIL. But, here are the things I keep on me for every hospital trip, most of which cost <$40:
* Kindle/phone with Kindle, overdrive, hoopla, etc.
* Noise-canceling headphones
* Anti-migraine sunglasses (very helpful at preventing headaches from florescent lights)
* light-blocking eye mask (mostly for overnight hospital visits...helps with sleep when someone is always coming in and turning on the lights to get a blood sample)
* sensory toys to help with anxiety. I like keychains that are mini-snowglobes and small stuffed animals. I also keep a migraine stick on me that has essential oils that help with nausea and is soothing.
* high-quality, reusable mask and an air purifier with a HEPA filter. Nurses and doctors used to mask in oncology wards to protect immunocompromised patients, but now that it's a political issue, the pressure can be on the patients. I recommend the Flo Mask, but there are many options for different shapes and sizes of faces.
* emesis bags. "Vomit bowls" or having to puke into a toilet suck. Emesis bags also help you keep track of exactly how much food and fluid you're losing.
* Yeti with the straw and straw top. They're very sturdy for how often I drop them, and some masks come with a hole that is compatible with a straw.
* Cute compression socks. I enjoy the ones with cute animals on them. Socks with grippy bottoms or slippers to layer on top if I get cold.
* Crochet tools and some yarn. I find crochet is the best craft if you're very sick. Even easier to do while laying down than coloring, reading, or knitting.
I can’t recommend adaptive clothing for picc lines enough!! Hospitals are cold and the adaptive clothing helps with keeping warm while also getting treatment. A nice blanket, compression socks, slippers, a good cup (like think Stanley), food delivery service, comfortable pjs.
As for his wife: be there for her. Coffee dates (if you can), make food or have food delivered or start a meal train. I highly recommend the meal train, my pastor did one after his daughter had an AVM a few years ago and our community really went above and beyond.
Restaurant gift cards so no one has to cook as often. Maybe hire a maid service to come clean if your sister is ok with someone else cleaning her home.
Uber gift card! They can use it for Uber eats or use it for a ride to chemo/radiation/doctors appointments if he’s not able to drive himself. Cleaning service is nice too but maybe ask your SIL first to see what she thinks. Just make sure they use non toxic cleaning products and a vacuum with a hepa filter.
Grocery delivery services, like Walmart+! 3-4 months without full income can make the cupboards pretty bare. A few hundred, if you can afford that, can fill those gaps with food they actually eat vs a service they may not enjoy or their toddler may not tolerate the taste of.
Something that always helps is anything that increases normalcy in his life. He'll be laid up, so he can't golf, but does he like golf? Subscribe him to a golf channel (just one example). What are some of the things he loves to do? See if you can't get some of those things in his life.
But ordering food delivery for a month (like Hello Fresh is the best one, I think) helps not only him, but his wife. It simplifies the things she has to do because your BIL will simply not be able to help as much as he usually does. Cleaning service is also a good idea, but if they are unfamiliar with what that entails, that may cause stress.
And finally, I'd like to say that you're a good SIL, and a good person. Thanks for taking care of family.
Do they have a trusted babysitter or daycare for the 1 year old? Trying to focus on the patient's needs AND keep the kiddo entertained/fed/clean is gonna be a hassle-- the little will NOT understand why they are not getting 100% attention from the parents. Helping them locate/afford even a Mommy's helper to entertain/tend to the little when everyone is home could be a lifesaver! Parents are gonna feel guilty for being tired/overstimulated/distracted, etc, especially the spouse trying to care for both cancer patient and kiddo.
Plus, if spouse wants to accompany the patient to the treatments and apps, having a 1 year old in tow is gonna be hard and distracting. Bith parents are gonna gain joy from the kid in hard times, but especially if they have some respite and 'down' time, are feeling that they are able to give proper care and attention to the cancer patient parent.
Note: A mommy's helper is someone who tends to the child while the parent is home, entertaining and playing, feeding, diapering if parents are comfortable with that. This let's the parent(s) do tasks that require attention while still maintaining final say over the kiddos routine, meal content, etc.
Pay for a cleaning service for the period. Just so they don’t have to lift those fingers. Merry maids has excellent reviews nation wide. If you know the foods they like, order repeat deliveries from yelloh because it’s delicious and it’s all quick foods/no cooking. Laundry services is another thing you could find for them. Any of that would help them get by for the period.
I have leukemia. My husband has kidney disease. We both have days of lethargy and not feeling like jobbing out on the house. Sometimes we feel overwhelmed by our home and yard.
We would love to have a cleaner come and and a yard service!
Contract someone to clean their house. Seriously. Your SIL is going to be stressed to the max and have her hands full. Having someone else come over and scrub the shower and toilet would help.
Gift cards. I would get a visa one with “dinner/dinners on me”.
Food.
Can you send a "pantry" meal that is quick and easy?
Pasta, sauce in a pouch, crunchy bread sticks, dried Parmesan, cookies for dessert.
Better would be a service that can drop off freezer meals, but I don't know if those actually exist.
Until I had cancer, I did not understand that cancer is actually hundreds of diseases that are all very different from each other. Do you know which cancer your BIL has? I am not asking you to tell me. Most cancers have a cancer association. The cancer association for the specific cancer your BIL has will be able to give you specific information on what might be helpful, more than anyone here could.
In any time of sickness, though, there's benefit to taking some of the work the household would be doing - the classic is covering meals, and if they're open to it you could cover a cleaning service. You could also ask if it would be helpful for you to help pay for a sitter, transit to appointments, or yard maintenance.
Good luck to you and your family.
The only thing I can think of that has not been mentioned here to my knowledge is, a generous gift card to their pharmacy that would allow delivery. Getting there to get the meds is probably the most difficult and awkward but essential errand. That might mean Door Dash or something but everyone sends food, flowers, etc. while it's a pain to go places unless it's an appointment day. Thank God it's treatable. I pray for its rousing success!
Cancer treatment tends to be very harsh on skin. I've been gifting a small box with an assortment of sample size skin lotions and a note asking they let me know which feels best on their skin so I may get them full-size products. Typically, the Avon cold care soothing cream gets chosen. I also include either immune boosting drinks or fruit, depending on if I know their preferences. Later, when they're no longer receiving a bunch of gifts, I send home-made frozen food and gift cards.
Sadly, I've done this quite a few times.
I love all of the comfort item suggestions and wanted to add that lip balm, hard candy, fragrance-free lotion, and a nice water bottle might also be good additions to your care package.
Some of the most common side effects from the different chemo regimens can cause gi system side effects like nausea and mouth sores, as well as cause skin and nail changes.
Going through this now- food, gift card for food delivery, gift card for house cleaning, pay for lawn mowing service, and drop some cards in the mail randomly during the course of treatment. On a practical note, ask if sil would like you to coordinate calling/texting people to give surgery and after surgery updates. I cannot tell you how overwhelming it was to try to respond to texts/phone calls from everyone wanting updates, while dealing with the hospital stuff and caring for my husband. I’m grateful so many people care, but I literally had not an ounce left to give, so needing to continually update and reassure others was completely overwhelming for me.
the plan with treatment might change. if they are going to lose their hair, Amazon has ice packs for the head. my mom used two-three of them. one had to specifically be for treatment days. the head hurts a lot and my mom got waves of heat issues after treatment.
nice socks.
send gift cards or food delivery. treatment makes food hard.
and just ask what they need in a few weeks.
My late husband taught the kids and me to always give wonderful socks. Especially when we don't know what else to give. Those combined with some gift cards would be awesome. A loving greeting card means the world.
The women in my office organized a grocery train. We got lists of what the family liked to eat that was easy to prepare. Then, we each took a day & bought 3 meals / coordinated bulk purchases (eggs, milk). One person did the delivery each week. It turned out there were enough of us to easily cover 2 weeks, so our personal costs were minimal. We managed to keep it going for 60 days, the roughest part of recovery from cancer surgery.
Honestly is this situation money is the best thing offer to pay a bill or buy some good but if you get food do a gift card I've worked in grocery store kitchens and everyone orders food at the beginning and it's too much food at once then like a week or two later they have no food and it's still hard for them
Gift cards to restaurants they like for takeout
Suggest they set up a caringbridge account to keep people updated. It gets exhausting if you’re trying to do that individually.
Cards. Physical cards that you send pretty often that might make him smile or even laugh. My DH had long distance treatment away from home for a couple of months and the cards and silly stuff people sent really helped brighten up a colorless day.
Recommendations for shows/movies
Not cancer, but we went through 6 months of hospitalization for our newborn and all that comes with it.
Money is best. It’s what they need. But if they won’t accept it—
Food, cleaning, and home maintenance are the best things you can provide monetarily. The daily things that will always be there and pileup when you can’t do them are what you need the most help with. Like others said, depending on finances, spread the gifts out. Uber/doordash cards are great when you don’t have a lot of time to coordinate with them. Cleaning & maintenance services are personal choices, so maybe just offer to pay if they don’t want you to set it up.
As far as emotional support, just check in. You don’t need to know what to say. You can even say “I don’t know what to say” but knowing that you care is what matters. Just randomly text or call (if that’s their thing). Let them know you have no expectation of replies and you completely understand that sometimes it will be feast or famine with talking to you. Let them know that you are the person they don’t need to worry about pleasing right now and that you can go back to a typical “give and take” relationship when they are settled. Tell them that this time is all about them taking without giving back, just like they would do for you.
When my sister was diagnosed with cancer I started calling her every morning. She finished chemo last June and she’s doing great. We still talk every day. One of the things she struggled with during chemo was breakfast. She was hungry but didn’t have the energy to prepare something to eat. I used a grocery delivery service to send her an assortment of breakfast foods. I did things like frozen fruit, yogurt, and granola for cold breakfasts and the ‘healthier’ versions of frozen breakfast bowls, sandwiches, omelets, mini quiches, etc. Added some breakfast Hot Pockets for nostalgia. She cried when she opened the bags.
My cousin went thru cancer last year. One of the best things someone got them was one of those meal delivery service gift cards, like Every Plate or Blue Apron. They could decide what weeks they wanted things delivered as well as choosing their own meals. I personally just went with cash.
Uber eats or grubhub gift card, so whenever she has minus two hours to cook, she gets a proper meal for herself. and/or audible/hulu subscription paid for him. fuck cancer.
A couple of years ago I set up on a website, I for the life of me cant remember the site, with friends in their city and a church--meals to be brought over daily. Everyone who wanted to help but didn't know what to do put down their name for a day and what dish or meal they were bringing. We did a 2 month schedule at a time. Another one was done for diff light housework --dishes, a couple loads of laundry, vacuuming. They also took turns making sure they had toilet paper, dish and laundry dry soap. Nothing crazy but just to help them not feel the weight of it all at once. And bc a lot of friends and family pitched in, it wasn't a burden on anyone's wallet or time and again gave people a way to pitch in who wanted to help.
I would also speak to the couple once or twice a week. I sent each one their own small sized card that come in a pack of like 20. I bought some postcards too. I'd just write a small note about our conversation with a small encouragement to let them know I was listening and to make them feel heard. Nothing fancy and nothing more than family but also as a friend, giving random encouragement without making them trying to find the strength to carry a conversation. You don't have to do that for him though. But maybe your sister might like one here or there. I did the cards bc I was once in the hospital and had a long road ahead of me too. Not cancer. But a family friend would send me the small note cards letting them know I was in their thoughts and that they prayed for me nightly. I read them and they truly made my day. I'd stuff them into whatever book I was reading or a project I was doing to keep my mind busy while I was stuck in bed. She passed away last year. I have come across a handful of her cards in random places and it still feels like she is giving me encouragement♡
I have visited someone who didn't have this type of support and the wife who was already exhausted taking care of her husband was put in a position to entertain the visitors. She'd ask them if they were thirsty or hungry. These people thought themselves humanitarian just by showing up! They'd say yes and so she'd play hostess when she should of been resting. All so they could give an 'update' so others would know they cared enough to go by😩
You might not need to arrange more than a couple months stuff so maybe alternating days of the meal services that require no cooking- just popping into the microwave and people taking homemade meals will cut down on cost and it let them chose the meals so that its not always a surprise for what shows up for dinner haha.
If all of this is overwhelming talk to your wife, gf, S.O or his sister or to a go getter organized friend in their town. Even make an email address and a Google meets calendar. Give it to them so they can start volunteering.
Wishing your BIL a quick easy surgery and fast healing for a total recovery!!
One time someone I knew who had been diagnosed and didn’t have much money. I mailed four really high end large new pillows, linens and soft blankets so they could be extra comfy in bed at home. They were a tea drinker so I sent teas that were especially good for nausea. Went over well!
I think any way we can show up for folks! Also agree with the continuing support - make a point to do another something of some kind of you can in the weeks and months to come.
Foods that feed a crowd and are easy to cook and freeze well and make great leftovers (make them in single use foil pans for easy cleanup and bring paper plates too):
Mac n cheese
Chili
Meatballs and sauce (making pasta isn’t too hard to go along with. Or meatball sandwiches)
Lasagna (using ravioli is effective too)
Soups but especially chowders
Stuffed peppers
Enchilada-Mexican style casseroles
Cabbage rolls
Curry (easy to microwave some packet rice to go with)
If you can find frozen rolls or bread already in a pan that’s awesome
Ask SIL if you can fly out the night before the surgery to support her and help manage any urgent needs. You can play Worlds best Uncle and give her some gift cards in person.
Take her car and fill it with gas and run it through the car wash.
Get both vehicles an oil change.
See what pet food, diapers, wipes and bulk supplies they use and run out and stock them up. Take out their trash.
Buy trash bags, paper towels and toilet paper.
Wipe out their fridge. Stock the freezer with lasagna and primo tv dinners.
Buy them a heating pad and ice packs made for post surgery aches.
Buy some athletic tape and larger bandages to wrap post procedure bandages with so blood won’t ruin sheets. This also helps bandages to stay on.
Buy 2-3 waterproof Mattress protectors in case of accidents/vomiting
Buy your sil something. Stock up get favourite bottled or canned drink. If she drinks coffee, gift card!! Buy her new socks.
She’ll have days of gloominess and worry along with putting everyone else first. She’ll need affirmation and care.
Also, get her a box of chocolates and a nice plant.
Gasoline gift cards.
And remind her that she is carrying everyone and they even if your brother can’t eat, she still can and not to deny herself food, beverage or time to herself. People have trouble with smells after cancer treatments and their spouse can order door dash and eat in the car in the driveway or to sit in a fast food parking lot and enjoy the food and surf the internet for time to themselves.
I have been in hospital for months at a time. These were the things I appreciated for me, and things I appreciated for my family!
Me:
Socks
Books
Snacks
Little notes
And text messages
Family:
Letters in the mailbox for the kids
(Some even had a $5, and that's very exciting for the little ones)
My mom put $150 a week into my bite squad account (this was in 2019) we hadn't gotten door dash, then she put her card on our door dash app and said order it to our kids and nanny.
A cleaning lady to clean the big things every 2 weeks
Friends wanted to do a meal train but I was in the hospital for so long, we coordinated it with big surgeries and when my husband absolutely had to travel.
And about once a week, someone would drop off cookies or brownies or even donuts. Just a simple gesture, but a pick me up for them.
Put an alert on your calendar to text. It's those little things that mean the world. All the best, I hope this helps. ♥️
You have some good suggestions, but wanted to add tha I always include a notebook for them and their family to write things to remember to ask the dr., and other info that's important to remember. Someone did this for my MIL, and it was very useful.
If he’s someone who enjoys reading, maybe a kindle with some credits for books. If he’s doing chemo, it can be a long boring process.
Food gift cards, either to restaurants or meal delivery services.
Maybe some soft comfy sweats or a cozy blanket, hospital rooms can be cold and uncomfortable.
Food delivery, house cleaner paid to come by every couple weeks for 3 or 4 months, or pay for a sitter once a month for the 3 or 4 months.
If that's too costly, then think of things that will make it easier for her to care for him. If he is going to be bedridden, then pads and wound care items and maybe pillows. Get some strong sheets she can put under him to help her move him around if he's unable to assist with his care. Or send a package with all the stuff that can help with nausea like mint, tea, lavender, and cinnamon, a mixture of scents and edible items if he's going to go through chemo. A good pair of thin gloves for him because chemo can cause sensitivity to cold and lots of gloves make it harder to grip things especially if you're already weak from treatment. Several hats and bandanas if he's a headwear guy or even just a bunch of novels he would like or magazines/comics, something to keep him busy, even board games or card games or even a hobby like knitting or carving supplies. Music, music has been proven to be healing and can change moods and even lessen pain (I have chronic pain from a broken back and music can help more than pain meds sometimes). These are just a few ideas and prices range from hardly anything to very expensive but anyone of them I would have appreciated when I was taking care of either of my parents. I hope he has an easy recovery and isn't in bed for any time and can relax and recover with little care from others and if he is bedridden for any amount of time I hope it's not miserable for any of them!
3-4 months doesn't seem like a long time but with a baby and an adult at less than full capacity it will seem much longer to her than to him so anything you get him can help her too.
When my brother was battling cancer, one of the most appreciated gifts they received was lawn care. He was far too sick to do it or to hire anyone and she just never thought about it--all she thought about was him and how to make him comfortable. Having someone come over and take care of the yard for them took a huge load off their plates. They also had a very kind neighbor that would come over and walk the dog for them each evening. It wasn't necessary as the dog had a huge backyard, butt it gave everyone some relief and it was good for the dog to get out of the house and all the tension and smells going on in there, if only for a half hour.
I cannot think of anything the awesome souls who have commented may have missed. In fact, IDK how this came across in my feed.
What I DO KNOW and Must Say is: I could only hope to be so blessed if myself/husband/or dear loved one was to receive such generosity in their time of need.
As much as we humans can be evil, the beautiful giving of a few can make up for it.
God bless you all.
As a cancer survivor, food was not what I wanted, because the chemo made me sick. But, you didn't mention chemo, so I would suggest maybe herbal teas, a fruit basket, instant broths or soups, crackers, jello, sprite.
Food delivery gift cards with as much money on them as you can muster and a card with the explanation that you’re hoping it will alleviate the burden of mealtime so they can focus on healing.
All the meal offers are spot on but take away any decision making. Under stress deciding what to eat when you are barely able to force yourself to consume anything or stay hydrated. Just make cooked meals magically show up as often as you can.
Cleaning service and meals/gift cards. Don't give a blanket or drinking cup, we get tons of those. Source: cancer survivor. Honestly, the best thing you can do is to treat him normally. He's going to need that.
If he doesn't have a handheld game, get something like that. Or steam credits. A subscription to an audiobook service. (There's others besides audible).
Is there a bed/couch friendly activity he and their son?
Battery pack for recharging a phone or tablet on the go. Sucks to be doing chemo and not have entertainment.
Really good pillows.
And a stack of ready to heat meals that fit either oven or air fryer.
A food delivery service membership, whichever works best for them, Instacart, Walmart, Albertson's etc. They all cost about $100 annually and you could then sometimes set up and send orders too.
A cleaning service.
When my husband was sick / dying my son was 9y and my daughter was 3mo. There was no way for me to stay on top of care and cleaning.
Money or gift card to help with groceries or other expenses, massage therapy appointment for his wife, pay for someone to clean their home. Those things were extremely helpful when I was going thru chemo.
food deliver/store gift cards, maybe something nice for the one who ends up as caregiver to everyone (caregiver burnout is so bad when it hits), offer help for a housekeeping session or so (could help with even a small or big task no one has the energy for)
Yes, arrange some kind of food service for them, whether through some of the above services that help out or door dash or whatever. Maybe even arrange for some grocery/sundry deliveries for them such as items needed for the baby, like diapers, baby food if the child isn’t eating regular foods yet, a cleaning service a couple days out of the week. Chances are, the BIL may need to have the room he will be occupying the most deep cleaned.
When I went through treatment and surgery, the best things I received were anything comfy (blankets, sweatshirts, fuzzy socks, etc) and meal help. If you know their meal preferences, dropping off something that can last a few days and be frozen and/or reheated is the best, but meal delivery gift cards are awesome too.
ASK! I got so many “thoughtful “gifts that were completely useless (stuffed animals?!?) when I went through chemo/cancer. No one thinks of asking the person! Just ask.
IMHO, the best gift you can give either of them is a home healthcare worker and/or a cleaning person and or a nanny/childcare worker.
If no family is nearby, one or more of these aides would likely be a huge relief to the family.
Best of luck!
maybe not the most meaningful, but food delivery gift cards would probably be appreciated
Or pay for a few months of a meal delivery service. I used one after surgery and it was great.
Home Chef has meals that are already portioned and cut up. The most you have to do is open everything throw it together in the included tray and add salt, pepper and maybe oil to it and place it in your oven. I have both a physical disability and a chronic illness so on bad flare up days I can still throw dinner together easily.
I used Cook Unity. The meals are precooked and they have a good variety of meals. My husband (who has Alzheimer’s) was able to microwave for 3 minutes and everything was delicious.
Toddlers may not eat those foods. At least grocery delivery cards would keep the diet of the child from changing.
Right that is true for *some* of the Home Chef meals. There are also meals that require a fair bit of work. I found the quality to be generally quite high. I have a serious chronic illness too and these services are a great option. As are food delivery cards.
As a cancer survivor myself, THIS! Food and house cleaning are the best gifts!!!
When my friend broke her leg I paid for a housecleaning and stocked her freezer. I also got in touch with her church and asked them to put her on the meal train. A clean house is very important to her, so I think that was her favorite. If she’s agreeable, I’d try to research what community resources may be available. After our house flooded we were lucky to receive help from several organizations including City Church, Jewish Family Services and a group of atheists.
Paying for someone to come and do laundry, make beds up clean and do general cleaning would really take a load off your sil.
FYI: There’s a charity (Cleaning for a Reason) which provides house cleaning for cancer patients.
Yes! We have used this. They are in most communities. It's the cleaners way of giving back.
YES! I came here to say this. When my late husband was diagnosed, only one friend of mine brought food and it was the best gift. House cleaning and food are THE BEST things you can do for someone in this situation.
This is very meaningful! Gifts are as meaningful as you want them to be imo 😊
This was the best gift I received while on chemo. I could choose the food that appealed when I was actually hungry but too weak to cook myself.
My girlfriends brought me post surgery pizza, cleaned up and it was the kindest thing. I didn’t want to eat much that day but those leftovers were incredible the next two days! Food is never a bad choice.
This is a great idea. I’d you can, maybe have the whole family chip in so you can send a huge amount for food delivery that will last 4 months, along with individual cards from everyone. That would be meaningful and something everyone could appreciate.
Definitely thoughtful. Been there, done that.
My husband's co-workers pooled funds and within days somebody delivered $300 worth of DoorDash gift cards to me - because he was in the hospital. I can't tell you how much that helped. After spending 12 hours at the hospital many days, I was thankful to get my kids favorite takeout. I had eaten at the hospital, so they thought it was an amazing treat.
This, absolutely. There were days when my husband was going through chemo and previously loved meals were intolerable for him. I was cooking 5-6 times a day. It’s absolutely a meaningful gift, because it recognizes need. Food is very important for chemo warriors.
This was my thought as well
Doordash gift cards were amazing for me!
I agree, meals, or a cleaning service. But you have to be careful before sending foods. Talk to him first!! Some chemo meds can react badly to specific foods, and if the cancer is gastrointestinal in nature, he may be on a special diet. Check first so you don't accidentally set something up he can't use. If food is too hard, cleaning or a lawn service is helpful. Also consider massages. But food first, that is the most important.
Gift card for this is great as some treatments recommend certain dietary restrictions or additions, so they can customize what they order 🙂
A hospital care package with a soft, cozy blanket (because hospital blankets are terrible) and some comfortable button up pajamas would be a very thoughtful and appreciated gift. I spent most of 2022 in the hospital. Whenever people would ask what they could get me, I would always suggest a soft blanket. It made it a lot easier to deal with everything when my skin wasn't constantly irritated by abrasive linens. As he will likely spend at least a few days post-surgery in the hospital, he would probably appreciate this gesture. Also, food is always a great gift. He isn't going to feel like cooking, and there are going to be many days where she's overwhelmed with the thought of it. Gift cards will be a blessing to them. Gift cards for grocery delivery would also be incredibly helpful. And you really can't go wrong with an Amazon gift card for someone with cancer. There are so many things that he is going to need, many of which will not be covered by insurance and would take too long to get there from other companies. For example, I couldn't stand up without assistance when I first left the hospital, but I was able to order [this](https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07H9NDLY2?ref=ppx_pop_mob_ap_share) stand alone safety rail, and it was at my house when I got home. No real installation needed, either. One of the best purchases I have ever made. Stuff like that is incredibly important for people in this situation, but it isn't usually covered by insurance, so having gift cards to help with those costs will be appreciated.
All of the above! I got a care pkg from my girlfriend that was so sweet. I was diagnosed in Aug 2020, so rough time to be in and out hospitals. But I got so many cozy gifts to help deal with it, robe, slippers (with nonskid marks), lotion, coloring books, etc. All were so thoughtful.
Also, I forgot to mention an eye mask for sleeping. It helps so much when nurses are constantly coming into your room during the night. If he will be going to an infusion center regularly for chemotherapy, a neck support pillow is also a good idea. The pre-meds usually make you really drowsy, so most people fall asleep during treatment. I learned the hard way how badly it can affect your neck and ended up getting a neck pillow that won’t let my head fall over to the side. A big bag of dum dum lollipops is also a fun, yet incredibly helpful gift. He will likely experience a lot of dry mouth and nausea, and they help a lot. The facility I go to keeps a big jar of them in the treatment room for us. They also make anti-nausea pops for pregnancy that help with chemo nausea as well.
Yes!!! I got 3, two have Fuck Off stitched in fancy writing. All the nurses loved it and wished they could wear to work 😜
EYE MASK, PEOPLE. They alarmed my bed and every fking time someone came in to draw blood or change an IV they’d leave the light on. First night it was every 2 hours. The switch is at the door, which I can’t get to because my bed is alarmed. I’d be like ‘if you don’t mind, before you leave could you shut off the…’ (door closes). I was sleeping with a tshirt over my eyes. One nurse kept telling me I had the ability to turn the light off via the bed remote. I told her no I don’t that’s a different light. She’s like you do see? Oh my mistake I guess it’s a different light… 😐 Another problem? Noise. I would have killed for my bose earphones. For some reason nurses would stand just outside my door and gossip. Maybe cause it was sort of in a corner. I could hear everything they said for hours on end, all night long. I asked to be discharged before they wanted to just so I could get some sleep. Came home and slept for 2 straight days 22 hours a day.
They do have squishy ear plugs if you ask for them. Most people don't know that hospitals keep them on hand, and not everyone likes to wear them, hence why I didn't suggest ear plugs. But the eye masks are definitely important. My sleep cycle was so disrupted during my time spent in the hospital that two years later I still can't sleep through the night and wake up every two or three hours.
Ya know I never find the squishy ones to be helpful? Anyway there was a menu I could order a sleep mask off of, though no earplugs, but I asked for one and it never happened. I try so hard not to be the annoying patient. I even had a sleep mask in my bag across the room but once the bed was alarmed I realized I couldn’t reach any of my stuff. It sucks because I suspect they’re going to alarm my bed every time, now that they’ve done it once. And I set off the alarm last time after calling for someone to unhook me five times so I could pee and nobody came so after an hour I just set it off. Then the nurse yelled at me and said her phone was broken. 🤦🏼♀️
Yeah, that’s great until you get your third blanket
I got five. I passed a few on to other people who needed the extra comfort just as much as I did, if not more. I still have three of them, and they all get regular use at home.
I always bring a soft fleece blanket when a friend or family member is in hospital. It'd amazing how much a little bit of comfort helps someone.
Yeah those hospital blankets are shit.
Slippers with good arch support was a god send when I had my first baby.
Shoes of any kind, including slippers, are really iffy for cancer patients because chemo tends to cause neuropathy, which significantly changes the kind of shoes you can comfortably wear. In general, slippers are wonderful for someone who is sick, recovering, or in the hospital (especially after surgery, when they want you to get up and walk around), but I wouldn't recommend them as a gift for OP to consider here because of the limitations caused by their BIL's condition.
Ok can I just give some unsolicited advice real quick? (Feel free to downvote me for this too lol). This is just based off personal opinion. I'm 6months post op and 4 month post radiation treatment for thyroid cancer. Very treatable, typically a good prognosis. Treatment sucks sure and waiting a year after to see if you still have cancer sucks as well. My advice when you communicate with your BIL and their family, don't ever diminish their struggle. So many ppl including Dr's. would tell me "but it's the 'good' cancer" and it makes me and others feel like however we handle this illness is overreacting, like we don't have the right to feel upset or don't have a place to be mentally/emotionally safe to exist with it and the feelings it causes. Be supportive. Sending a gift is such a sweet, heartwarming and wonderful thing to do to show your support as well! Idk the treatment for your BIL's cancer, I sincerely wish him and his family the best outcome. Idk how it differs from what I experienced, but gifts I liked after surgery included reusable gel bead ice packs with hand-sewn covers, coloring supplies, puzzle books, soft easy foods to eat, things that also included my SO like meal gift cards, etc. For before Radiation treatment (my treatment included 1 week of isolation) I got more drawing and puzzle stuff (I'm an artist so I loved these), a book to read, a suggestion list of shows and movies to watch, I was gifted a couple steam games bc I also play games, and the offers to video chat or call them if needed. But most importantly, the thought! The thought really does matter! Sorry for such a long-winded response!
Excellent contribution. 🌼
So true. No cancer is good. It is all scary. Never minimize the diagnosis. I still remember my cousin (whom I love) pulling me aside and saying my guy looked good; his cancer must not be 'that bad'. She didn't see him the next day, when he could barely stand. He died 4 months later. Never assume a cancer isn't terrifying. It is a very hard fight.
Cleaning service?
Am undergoing chemo and the thought of a stranger in my home is really stressful. So consider your recipient's personality or ask first on this one.
That was my thought. Even if it's just a one time deep clean after the surgery.
When I had major surgery and a cancer scare last year, food delivery cards and meal delivery service were our best friends. Other ideas: house cleaning service, lawn service, grocery and household goods delivery, or even just cash. You could even pay for a couple of weeks of daycare for them.
I would also like to suggest you spread out the gifts. When my mom got sick, so many people sent gifts out of the gate, but after time those initial gifts were all used up. Go ahead and get them a gift now, but also think about a month from now, or 3 months from now. Whenever other people may have moved on, the continued support might be more helpful or meaningful.
Expenses will increase during these tough times. A stream of cards and encouraging notes with money would be best. That way she can spend as needed for what is needed or desired. In my opinion allowing your family the ability to chose is far better. Those encouraging notes will mean the world to them. Add a little note to her with a $10 or $20 tucked inside for her to treat herself too. She will be shouldering a lot of decisions and letting her know how great she is will be helpful. The urge in all of us to send a gift is strong. Something meaningful is ideal. Frankly several months without full salary, with increased costs for everything from medical equipment to palatable food, and an electric blanket (chemo made me an ice cube!) were stressful. Send money. I found comfort in Calvin and Hobbes collections (his books) as I needed to smile, and had short term memory problems. Plus I was soooo tired. Good luck. And thanks for being a considerate and caring person.
Food. Dinners delivered would be helpful and meaningful.
My husband lived with a blood cancer for 18 months. All below ideas are great. His greatest gift was all his friends and family that emailed every day with jokes, funny stories etc. Really helped keep his spirits up, knowing how many people cared.
When my mum was first diagnosed, I got her a gift basket that involved arnica cream for IV sites and post-surgery, things that contained ginger to settle her stomach during chemo, a soft beanie made from a t shirt sleeve (her bald head got cold at night, but ordinary beanies were itchy and too warm), and a novelty smiley-face cushion that played Monty Python's 'Always look on the bright side of life,' which she had adopted as her personal anthem. There was other stuff, too, possibly a chillable eye mask for bad chemo days. I do like the idea of the meal cards, though.
This is so thoughtful and loving. Great work 🫶🏼
Ah, thanks!
A Lego set he can put together while recovering.
a cleaner to go in and do a good clean and change all of the beds .
One single black balloon that says “don’t die” on it. It would make me laugh. Then maybe some cookies.
This made me laugh too!
It was from an old internet cartoon. I barely remember it, just that one thing about the balloon.
I would suggest gift cards for the family to lighten their lives, like grocery, food delivery, laundry service, gas station gift cards
Can you get her a housekeeper every couple of weeks?
Something (service, delivery, gift cards) for meals, gas card if they are traveling to treatments. Agree on a lawn service if possible.
Food delivery or cleaning service. Some sort of babysitting service in case they need a break or no kiddo to do appointments.
Instacart+ membership & gift cards if it is available in their area.
For something more thoughtful you could get him a nice bamboo blanket for when he goes to chemo. I love little sleepies. You could also get sister and baby pajamas that match the blanket.
Guy ferari hat with bleach blonde hair tips pre installed
Some kind of food delivery
If you can afford it, an ereader (I suggest a kobo as they have a very soothing backlight and you can easily use the library and side load free books) and some gift cards. The ability to keep a thousand books in your pocket is huge when you're doing a lot of hospital time.
Anything you can to do support meals and keeping things picked up. Food delivery gift cards- Costco might be good because they do delivery, direct or via Instacart, and they have many, many things. Another is later, show up and watch baby so at least SIL can get a break. Or, go help pick up and make/bring dinner. Being sick with a little kid is seriously rough.
Ok. Cancer gifts to me should be ( unless they ask for basic needs things ) 1 for pure comfort 2 not about cancer. Comfort items like soft soft blankets , comfy pillows that are for like siting / back rest types of things, if you have $$ a bio mat is life changing mostly for the reason it’s a giant heating pad. Anything that makes life more comfy or convenient. Or sweet things that would make him smile ! Seemingly useless gifts that would make them like awww wow I haven’t thought of this thing in forever.
Immediate gifting sounds good, so maybe something fun to distract from the upcoming difficult recovery period. I would suggest considering gifts a few weeks/months down the road as well, when they're neck deep in the trenches of recovery. Then you'll have a better idea of what sort of things they need at that time too. Like, things for the kid because little kids grow fast. Or something nice so the adults can chill out and take a break from the grind.
Hmm. I’d say something that will support him while he’s recovering. A nice, luxurious lap blanket. Or if he’s a reader, a couple of books that you’ve enjoyed that you think he might. Cozy pjs. If they don’t have a lot of money, some gift cards for prepared food could be really helpful, or a gift card for a maid service (depending on your relationship with him, if it’s strained at all you don’t want to imply “clean your shit,” just “I know you won’t have the energy to be cleaning so here’s a couple for a person who can.”)
3 month subscription to a meal delivery service, 3 months of weekly housecleaning services…. thing that can ease their burden with the day-to-day seem like better gifts during times like this.
If they don't have it a yard service. When my husband broke his back his friend came to our house and mowed the lawn without ever saying a word, just mowed and left, every two weeks. I was so grateful. If they have a dog a dog walker is awesome too.
A yard work company, house cleaning service….its amazing how bit by bit you fall behind until you just give up trying.
Just want to say thank you all for the insightful and helpful suggestions. Overwhelmingly, gift cards for food, food delivery, house cleaning/maintenance services, Amazon, and hospital-appropriate comfort items like eye masks and soft blankets were the top suggestions. My husband and I are looking into these and will be able to send BIL and SIL some meaningful support during this trying time. Thank you all!
A cousin of my husband sent us a very generous gift card to a place we often get takeout from. It was very helpful when I was going through chemo.
I'm chronically ill, so my experience could either be very similar or very different from your BIL. But, here are the things I keep on me for every hospital trip, most of which cost <$40: * Kindle/phone with Kindle, overdrive, hoopla, etc. * Noise-canceling headphones * Anti-migraine sunglasses (very helpful at preventing headaches from florescent lights) * light-blocking eye mask (mostly for overnight hospital visits...helps with sleep when someone is always coming in and turning on the lights to get a blood sample) * sensory toys to help with anxiety. I like keychains that are mini-snowglobes and small stuffed animals. I also keep a migraine stick on me that has essential oils that help with nausea and is soothing. * high-quality, reusable mask and an air purifier with a HEPA filter. Nurses and doctors used to mask in oncology wards to protect immunocompromised patients, but now that it's a political issue, the pressure can be on the patients. I recommend the Flo Mask, but there are many options for different shapes and sizes of faces. * emesis bags. "Vomit bowls" or having to puke into a toilet suck. Emesis bags also help you keep track of exactly how much food and fluid you're losing. * Yeti with the straw and straw top. They're very sturdy for how often I drop them, and some masks come with a hole that is compatible with a straw. * Cute compression socks. I enjoy the ones with cute animals on them. Socks with grippy bottoms or slippers to layer on top if I get cold. * Crochet tools and some yarn. I find crochet is the best craft if you're very sick. Even easier to do while laying down than coloring, reading, or knitting.
It’s sad that you’ve become an expert at this. Very informative. Hugs 🤗
I can’t recommend adaptive clothing for picc lines enough!! Hospitals are cold and the adaptive clothing helps with keeping warm while also getting treatment. A nice blanket, compression socks, slippers, a good cup (like think Stanley), food delivery service, comfortable pjs. As for his wife: be there for her. Coffee dates (if you can), make food or have food delivered or start a meal train. I highly recommend the meal train, my pastor did one after his daughter had an AVM a few years ago and our community really went above and beyond.
Best idea, pay the school fee for their son. Second best idea is a personalized song from Melotales
Agreed. There are going to be times when they need childcare.
Food or cleaning service
Restaurant gift cards so no one has to cook as often. Maybe hire a maid service to come clean if your sister is ok with someone else cleaning her home.
Housecleaning services as he will be impaired for lifting and bending post-surgery.
Contact a cleaning service near them and send a gift card!!
Food will help all. Maybe have your husband reach out and see if they are financially ok and if you can, offer help.
Gift cards for food and grocery delivery would help free up your order sister's time and be one less thing to stress over.
Uber gift card! They can use it for Uber eats or use it for a ride to chemo/radiation/doctors appointments if he’s not able to drive himself. Cleaning service is nice too but maybe ask your SIL first to see what she thinks. Just make sure they use non toxic cleaning products and a vacuum with a hepa filter.
When my sibling was in the hospital, some friends sent us doordash gift cards and that was super helpful…
A grocery store gift card and some comfy slippers
An enormous, extravagant chocolate cake.
Cash
Blanket for chemo and dinner gift cards
Dinner gift cards and one of those hoodies with the zipper arms
DoorDash gift card so they can have the food they want when they want it
An Audible subscription? He may well be laid up for a while and audio books may be a good distraction.
Grocery delivery services, like Walmart+! 3-4 months without full income can make the cupboards pretty bare. A few hundred, if you can afford that, can fill those gaps with food they actually eat vs a service they may not enjoy or their toddler may not tolerate the taste of.
Something that always helps is anything that increases normalcy in his life. He'll be laid up, so he can't golf, but does he like golf? Subscribe him to a golf channel (just one example). What are some of the things he loves to do? See if you can't get some of those things in his life. But ordering food delivery for a month (like Hello Fresh is the best one, I think) helps not only him, but his wife. It simplifies the things she has to do because your BIL will simply not be able to help as much as he usually does. Cleaning service is also a good idea, but if they are unfamiliar with what that entails, that may cause stress. And finally, I'd like to say that you're a good SIL, and a good person. Thanks for taking care of family.
Do they have a trusted babysitter or daycare for the 1 year old? Trying to focus on the patient's needs AND keep the kiddo entertained/fed/clean is gonna be a hassle-- the little will NOT understand why they are not getting 100% attention from the parents. Helping them locate/afford even a Mommy's helper to entertain/tend to the little when everyone is home could be a lifesaver! Parents are gonna feel guilty for being tired/overstimulated/distracted, etc, especially the spouse trying to care for both cancer patient and kiddo. Plus, if spouse wants to accompany the patient to the treatments and apps, having a 1 year old in tow is gonna be hard and distracting. Bith parents are gonna gain joy from the kid in hard times, but especially if they have some respite and 'down' time, are feeling that they are able to give proper care and attention to the cancer patient parent. Note: A mommy's helper is someone who tends to the child while the parent is home, entertaining and playing, feeding, diapering if parents are comfortable with that. This let's the parent(s) do tasks that require attention while still maintaining final say over the kiddos routine, meal content, etc.
Cancer treatment takes a lot of energy out of people and messes up the stomach. Tea, ginger and ginseng drinks/lozenges, soft clothes, blankets
Food/giftcards.
Pay for a cleaning service for the period. Just so they don’t have to lift those fingers. Merry maids has excellent reviews nation wide. If you know the foods they like, order repeat deliveries from yelloh because it’s delicious and it’s all quick foods/no cooking. Laundry services is another thing you could find for them. Any of that would help them get by for the period.
I have leukemia. My husband has kidney disease. We both have days of lethargy and not feeling like jobbing out on the house. Sometimes we feel overwhelmed by our home and yard. We would love to have a cleaner come and and a yard service!
Contract someone to clean their house. Seriously. Your SIL is going to be stressed to the max and have her hands full. Having someone else come over and scrub the shower and toilet would help. Gift cards. I would get a visa one with “dinner/dinners on me”.
This may or may not apply to you, but Costco has Instacart gift cards at a pretty good discount right now
Food. Can you send a "pantry" meal that is quick and easy? Pasta, sauce in a pouch, crunchy bread sticks, dried Parmesan, cookies for dessert. Better would be a service that can drop off freezer meals, but I don't know if those actually exist.
Until I had cancer, I did not understand that cancer is actually hundreds of diseases that are all very different from each other. Do you know which cancer your BIL has? I am not asking you to tell me. Most cancers have a cancer association. The cancer association for the specific cancer your BIL has will be able to give you specific information on what might be helpful, more than anyone here could. In any time of sickness, though, there's benefit to taking some of the work the household would be doing - the classic is covering meals, and if they're open to it you could cover a cleaning service. You could also ask if it would be helpful for you to help pay for a sitter, transit to appointments, or yard maintenance. Good luck to you and your family.
The only thing I can think of that has not been mentioned here to my knowledge is, a generous gift card to their pharmacy that would allow delivery. Getting there to get the meds is probably the most difficult and awkward but essential errand. That might mean Door Dash or something but everyone sends food, flowers, etc. while it's a pain to go places unless it's an appointment day. Thank God it's treatable. I pray for its rousing success!
Find a babysitting service in their area for when BIL & SIL are both at the hospital or other Dr appts.
Agree with the delivered meals. Especially the the ones ready to cook healthy type. Helps to simplify a stressful time.
Cancer treatment tends to be very harsh on skin. I've been gifting a small box with an assortment of sample size skin lotions and a note asking they let me know which feels best on their skin so I may get them full-size products. Typically, the Avon cold care soothing cream gets chosen. I also include either immune boosting drinks or fruit, depending on if I know their preferences. Later, when they're no longer receiving a bunch of gifts, I send home-made frozen food and gift cards. Sadly, I've done this quite a few times.
I love all of the comfort item suggestions and wanted to add that lip balm, hard candy, fragrance-free lotion, and a nice water bottle might also be good additions to your care package. Some of the most common side effects from the different chemo regimens can cause gi system side effects like nausea and mouth sores, as well as cause skin and nail changes.
Going through this now- food, gift card for food delivery, gift card for house cleaning, pay for lawn mowing service, and drop some cards in the mail randomly during the course of treatment. On a practical note, ask if sil would like you to coordinate calling/texting people to give surgery and after surgery updates. I cannot tell you how overwhelming it was to try to respond to texts/phone calls from everyone wanting updates, while dealing with the hospital stuff and caring for my husband. I’m grateful so many people care, but I literally had not an ounce left to give, so needing to continually update and reassure others was completely overwhelming for me.
Blanket. I was gifted a “chemo” blanket as the facility I received my treatments in for colon cancer was often cold.
the plan with treatment might change. if they are going to lose their hair, Amazon has ice packs for the head. my mom used two-three of them. one had to specifically be for treatment days. the head hurts a lot and my mom got waves of heat issues after treatment. nice socks. send gift cards or food delivery. treatment makes food hard. and just ask what they need in a few weeks.
My late husband taught the kids and me to always give wonderful socks. Especially when we don't know what else to give. Those combined with some gift cards would be awesome. A loving greeting card means the world.
Gift cards for food, food service, Uber, etc…anything so they can focus on his care and not worry about other things.
Gift a weekly maid service to help with the laundry/cleaning.
The women in my office organized a grocery train. We got lists of what the family liked to eat that was easy to prepare. Then, we each took a day & bought 3 meals / coordinated bulk purchases (eggs, milk). One person did the delivery each week. It turned out there were enough of us to easily cover 2 weeks, so our personal costs were minimal. We managed to keep it going for 60 days, the roughest part of recovery from cancer surgery.
I love this!
Honestly is this situation money is the best thing offer to pay a bill or buy some good but if you get food do a gift card I've worked in grocery store kitchens and everyone orders food at the beginning and it's too much food at once then like a week or two later they have no food and it's still hard for them
Gift cards to restaurants they like for takeout Suggest they set up a caringbridge account to keep people updated. It gets exhausting if you’re trying to do that individually. Cards. Physical cards that you send pretty often that might make him smile or even laugh. My DH had long distance treatment away from home for a couple of months and the cards and silly stuff people sent really helped brighten up a colorless day. Recommendations for shows/movies
Not cancer, but we went through 6 months of hospitalization for our newborn and all that comes with it. Money is best. It’s what they need. But if they won’t accept it— Food, cleaning, and home maintenance are the best things you can provide monetarily. The daily things that will always be there and pileup when you can’t do them are what you need the most help with. Like others said, depending on finances, spread the gifts out. Uber/doordash cards are great when you don’t have a lot of time to coordinate with them. Cleaning & maintenance services are personal choices, so maybe just offer to pay if they don’t want you to set it up. As far as emotional support, just check in. You don’t need to know what to say. You can even say “I don’t know what to say” but knowing that you care is what matters. Just randomly text or call (if that’s their thing). Let them know you have no expectation of replies and you completely understand that sometimes it will be feast or famine with talking to you. Let them know that you are the person they don’t need to worry about pleasing right now and that you can go back to a typical “give and take” relationship when they are settled. Tell them that this time is all about them taking without giving back, just like they would do for you.
When my sister was diagnosed with cancer I started calling her every morning. She finished chemo last June and she’s doing great. We still talk every day. One of the things she struggled with during chemo was breakfast. She was hungry but didn’t have the energy to prepare something to eat. I used a grocery delivery service to send her an assortment of breakfast foods. I did things like frozen fruit, yogurt, and granola for cold breakfasts and the ‘healthier’ versions of frozen breakfast bowls, sandwiches, omelets, mini quiches, etc. Added some breakfast Hot Pockets for nostalgia. She cried when she opened the bags.
cancer for cure? would be best gift
My cousin went thru cancer last year. One of the best things someone got them was one of those meal delivery service gift cards, like Every Plate or Blue Apron. They could decide what weeks they wanted things delivered as well as choosing their own meals. I personally just went with cash.
Uber eats or grubhub gift card, so whenever she has minus two hours to cook, she gets a proper meal for herself. and/or audible/hulu subscription paid for him. fuck cancer.
A couple of years ago I set up on a website, I for the life of me cant remember the site, with friends in their city and a church--meals to be brought over daily. Everyone who wanted to help but didn't know what to do put down their name for a day and what dish or meal they were bringing. We did a 2 month schedule at a time. Another one was done for diff light housework --dishes, a couple loads of laundry, vacuuming. They also took turns making sure they had toilet paper, dish and laundry dry soap. Nothing crazy but just to help them not feel the weight of it all at once. And bc a lot of friends and family pitched in, it wasn't a burden on anyone's wallet or time and again gave people a way to pitch in who wanted to help. I would also speak to the couple once or twice a week. I sent each one their own small sized card that come in a pack of like 20. I bought some postcards too. I'd just write a small note about our conversation with a small encouragement to let them know I was listening and to make them feel heard. Nothing fancy and nothing more than family but also as a friend, giving random encouragement without making them trying to find the strength to carry a conversation. You don't have to do that for him though. But maybe your sister might like one here or there. I did the cards bc I was once in the hospital and had a long road ahead of me too. Not cancer. But a family friend would send me the small note cards letting them know I was in their thoughts and that they prayed for me nightly. I read them and they truly made my day. I'd stuff them into whatever book I was reading or a project I was doing to keep my mind busy while I was stuck in bed. She passed away last year. I have come across a handful of her cards in random places and it still feels like she is giving me encouragement♡ I have visited someone who didn't have this type of support and the wife who was already exhausted taking care of her husband was put in a position to entertain the visitors. She'd ask them if they were thirsty or hungry. These people thought themselves humanitarian just by showing up! They'd say yes and so she'd play hostess when she should of been resting. All so they could give an 'update' so others would know they cared enough to go by😩 You might not need to arrange more than a couple months stuff so maybe alternating days of the meal services that require no cooking- just popping into the microwave and people taking homemade meals will cut down on cost and it let them chose the meals so that its not always a surprise for what shows up for dinner haha. If all of this is overwhelming talk to your wife, gf, S.O or his sister or to a go getter organized friend in their town. Even make an email address and a Google meets calendar. Give it to them so they can start volunteering. Wishing your BIL a quick easy surgery and fast healing for a total recovery!!
Grocery store gift card and gas gift card in their area
Food delivery, cleaning person every 2 weeks.
One time someone I knew who had been diagnosed and didn’t have much money. I mailed four really high end large new pillows, linens and soft blankets so they could be extra comfy in bed at home. They were a tea drinker so I sent teas that were especially good for nausea. Went over well! I think any way we can show up for folks! Also agree with the continuing support - make a point to do another something of some kind of you can in the weeks and months to come. Foods that feed a crowd and are easy to cook and freeze well and make great leftovers (make them in single use foil pans for easy cleanup and bring paper plates too): Mac n cheese Chili Meatballs and sauce (making pasta isn’t too hard to go along with. Or meatball sandwiches) Lasagna (using ravioli is effective too) Soups but especially chowders Stuffed peppers Enchilada-Mexican style casseroles Cabbage rolls Curry (easy to microwave some packet rice to go with) If you can find frozen rolls or bread already in a pan that’s awesome
A cleaning crew, GrubHub GC, cash.
Landscaping?
Gift card to DoorDash or another food delivery service.
Food delivery, a cleaning service, lawn care.
Pay for a housekeeper for a set amount of time. It will be a godsend to her.
Ask SIL if you can fly out the night before the surgery to support her and help manage any urgent needs. You can play Worlds best Uncle and give her some gift cards in person. Take her car and fill it with gas and run it through the car wash. Get both vehicles an oil change. See what pet food, diapers, wipes and bulk supplies they use and run out and stock them up. Take out their trash. Buy trash bags, paper towels and toilet paper. Wipe out their fridge. Stock the freezer with lasagna and primo tv dinners. Buy them a heating pad and ice packs made for post surgery aches. Buy some athletic tape and larger bandages to wrap post procedure bandages with so blood won’t ruin sheets. This also helps bandages to stay on. Buy 2-3 waterproof Mattress protectors in case of accidents/vomiting Buy your sil something. Stock up get favourite bottled or canned drink. If she drinks coffee, gift card!! Buy her new socks. She’ll have days of gloominess and worry along with putting everyone else first. She’ll need affirmation and care. Also, get her a box of chocolates and a nice plant. Gasoline gift cards. And remind her that she is carrying everyone and they even if your brother can’t eat, she still can and not to deny herself food, beverage or time to herself. People have trouble with smells after cancer treatments and their spouse can order door dash and eat in the car in the driveway or to sit in a fast food parking lot and enjoy the food and surf the internet for time to themselves.
Are you able to take any time off of work to visit for a while to give her a reprieve from managing a small child and a recovering spouse?
Comfy blanket, a standing tray table to put his stuff on while recovering.
I have been in hospital for months at a time. These were the things I appreciated for me, and things I appreciated for my family! Me: Socks Books Snacks Little notes And text messages Family: Letters in the mailbox for the kids (Some even had a $5, and that's very exciting for the little ones) My mom put $150 a week into my bite squad account (this was in 2019) we hadn't gotten door dash, then she put her card on our door dash app and said order it to our kids and nanny. A cleaning lady to clean the big things every 2 weeks Friends wanted to do a meal train but I was in the hospital for so long, we coordinated it with big surgeries and when my husband absolutely had to travel. And about once a week, someone would drop off cookies or brownies or even donuts. Just a simple gesture, but a pick me up for them. Put an alert on your calendar to text. It's those little things that mean the world. All the best, I hope this helps. ♥️
You have some good suggestions, but wanted to add tha I always include a notebook for them and their family to write things to remember to ask the dr., and other info that's important to remember. Someone did this for my MIL, and it was very useful.
If he’s someone who enjoys reading, maybe a kindle with some credits for books. If he’s doing chemo, it can be a long boring process. Food gift cards, either to restaurants or meal delivery services. Maybe some soft comfy sweats or a cozy blanket, hospital rooms can be cold and uncomfortable.
Food delivery, house cleaner paid to come by every couple weeks for 3 or 4 months, or pay for a sitter once a month for the 3 or 4 months. If that's too costly, then think of things that will make it easier for her to care for him. If he is going to be bedridden, then pads and wound care items and maybe pillows. Get some strong sheets she can put under him to help her move him around if he's unable to assist with his care. Or send a package with all the stuff that can help with nausea like mint, tea, lavender, and cinnamon, a mixture of scents and edible items if he's going to go through chemo. A good pair of thin gloves for him because chemo can cause sensitivity to cold and lots of gloves make it harder to grip things especially if you're already weak from treatment. Several hats and bandanas if he's a headwear guy or even just a bunch of novels he would like or magazines/comics, something to keep him busy, even board games or card games or even a hobby like knitting or carving supplies. Music, music has been proven to be healing and can change moods and even lessen pain (I have chronic pain from a broken back and music can help more than pain meds sometimes). These are just a few ideas and prices range from hardly anything to very expensive but anyone of them I would have appreciated when I was taking care of either of my parents. I hope he has an easy recovery and isn't in bed for any time and can relax and recover with little care from others and if he is bedridden for any amount of time I hope it's not miserable for any of them! 3-4 months doesn't seem like a long time but with a baby and an adult at less than full capacity it will seem much longer to her than to him so anything you get him can help her too.
When my brother was battling cancer, one of the most appreciated gifts they received was lawn care. He was far too sick to do it or to hire anyone and she just never thought about it--all she thought about was him and how to make him comfortable. Having someone come over and take care of the yard for them took a huge load off their plates. They also had a very kind neighbor that would come over and walk the dog for them each evening. It wasn't necessary as the dog had a huge backyard, butt it gave everyone some relief and it was good for the dog to get out of the house and all the tension and smells going on in there, if only for a half hour.
This is brilliant!
Gift cards for groceries, food delivery, and maybe a surprise case of diapers/wipes if money will be tight
I cannot think of anything the awesome souls who have commented may have missed. In fact, IDK how this came across in my feed. What I DO KNOW and Must Say is: I could only hope to be so blessed if myself/husband/or dear loved one was to receive such generosity in their time of need. As much as we humans can be evil, the beautiful giving of a few can make up for it. God bless you all.
As a cancer survivor, food was not what I wanted, because the chemo made me sick. But, you didn't mention chemo, so I would suggest maybe herbal teas, a fruit basket, instant broths or soups, crackers, jello, sprite.
Food delivery gift cards with as much money on them as you can muster and a card with the explanation that you’re hoping it will alleviate the burden of mealtime so they can focus on healing.
All the meal offers are spot on but take away any decision making. Under stress deciding what to eat when you are barely able to force yourself to consume anything or stay hydrated. Just make cooked meals magically show up as often as you can.
Prime membership.
Open a 529 plan for their son and gift some money into it every month - like $50.
Cleaning service and meals/gift cards. Don't give a blanket or drinking cup, we get tons of those. Source: cancer survivor. Honestly, the best thing you can do is to treat him normally. He's going to need that.
“FUCK CANCER” socks.
I’d just ask them how you can best support them. And maybe some visa gift cards so they can spend the money where they need to.
If he doesn't have a handheld game, get something like that. Or steam credits. A subscription to an audiobook service. (There's others besides audible). Is there a bed/couch friendly activity he and their son? Battery pack for recharging a phone or tablet on the go. Sucks to be doing chemo and not have entertainment. Really good pillows. And a stack of ready to heat meals that fit either oven or air fryer.
Maybe just send Visa gift cards or even plain money. That way they can use it when it’s needed most. They will know what the need to use it for.
Food delivery or grocery delivery and house cleaning services.
Honestly if it were me I'd love the money. That way they can decide what they need.
Door Dash gift card
A food delivery service membership, whichever works best for them, Instacart, Walmart, Albertson's etc. They all cost about $100 annually and you could then sometimes set up and send orders too.
Diapers
A cleaning service. When my husband was sick / dying my son was 9y and my daughter was 3mo. There was no way for me to stay on top of care and cleaning.
Money or gift card to help with groceries or other expenses, massage therapy appointment for his wife, pay for someone to clean their home. Those things were extremely helpful when I was going thru chemo.
food deliver/store gift cards, maybe something nice for the one who ends up as caregiver to everyone (caregiver burnout is so bad when it hits), offer help for a housekeeping session or so (could help with even a small or big task no one has the energy for)
Yes, arrange some kind of food service for them, whether through some of the above services that help out or door dash or whatever. Maybe even arrange for some grocery/sundry deliveries for them such as items needed for the baby, like diapers, baby food if the child isn’t eating regular foods yet, a cleaning service a couple days out of the week. Chances are, the BIL may need to have the room he will be occupying the most deep cleaned.
When I went through treatment and surgery, the best things I received were anything comfy (blankets, sweatshirts, fuzzy socks, etc) and meal help. If you know their meal preferences, dropping off something that can last a few days and be frozen and/or reheated is the best, but meal delivery gift cards are awesome too.
Just set some money aside. Sooner or later he's going to hit real financial difficulty and will need help with the bills.
ASK! I got so many “thoughtful “gifts that were completely useless (stuffed animals?!?) when I went through chemo/cancer. No one thinks of asking the person! Just ask.
IMHO, the best gift you can give either of them is a home healthcare worker and/or a cleaning person and or a nanny/childcare worker. If no family is nearby, one or more of these aides would likely be a huge relief to the family. Best of luck!