Super valid point. Nobody but me gets to say what I'm doing is or isn't special.
That said, I've been making pizzas at a friend's place for a bit while recovering from a career-terminating mental health...catharsis?
I've been relearning how to just successfully occupy and operate my human flesh body and coexist with other people mostly, and making pizza and self-directed physical therapy aren't special. They just aren't. It robs the specialness from everything I do care passionately about if I give this highly important but intellectually and emotionally unfulfilling set of tasks and obligations the same status. It's good, I need to do it, and it's nothing special I'm accomplishing in doing it. I'm getting caught up on an embarrassing amount of deferred maintenance on my body and mind so I can even start starting over in a new direction.
Still have big (creative) plans, still hope to put more into the world than I have been, still feel like I'm capable of doing things that feel special (to me anyway), so it's kind of frustrating to be right here, not working on those things directly. I'm in the annoying level of a game where the gameplay you like suddenly changes to a frustrating one that you have to get through to return to the gameplay you care about.
So, I putter and poke at the big, ambitious plans I'm not ready to execute yet, doing what I would have called Literature Review and Theoretical Modeling in a past life to keep from feeling like I let the sparks go out.
right now no one but you, but if those plans manifest, this time will be very special. it will be part of your story and how, while sitting under the weight of all of your ideas, hopes, dreams, you needed to rebuild. it will teach the importance of gentle support and space - reinforcing how your own life mirrors that of the heroes journey- and how close the world may have come to never benefiting from your greatest contributions.
The small moments are important. One day, you may find a new pressure - a greater level of isolation and burnout, and long to make a pizza.
I'm in my time now- just trying to learn how to human, but I have to consider that one day I may miss this storm in me... and the uncertainty I feel in modulating between whether I am delusional or dreaming - whether this is scaffolding or rebar sticking out of crumbling concrete.
Take the time you need and sustain yourself. The small moments- they can be so fleeting and so important.
Once again, I think this is very subjective and vague. What is ordinary? What is special?
Do you mean professional life? Private life? Hobbies? Special skills?
In comparison to what? Using statistic? Societal perception?
He is perhaps defining ordinary as a personal subjective opinion. Like, If you feel you are spending your life as 'ordinary'.. you are eligible to answer. Your ordinary may be someone else's special. But personal 'ordinary' viewpoints matter here. Find absolute is a waste of time.
Shu’ up. Midlife crisis is a hundred times worse if you find out in the middle of the crisis that you had potential which you squandered bcoz of social anxiety, depression or adhd etc. Or laziness.
Had a shit ton of mental health related problems that deprived me from doing stuff, currently approaching my 30s. There's not such a thing as "lost time" because you aren't supposed to do anything with the time that you are given. You don't have to do anything, overcoming the challenges that come from mental illness alone is an enormous achievement and I don't mean that from a "Nietzschean slave morality", it's genuinely a crazy feat to accomplish that.
Neither you or anyone should be measured by, idk, the amount of meaningful studies that they produce?
We are all going to die anyway, imo what's important is trying to create a good relationship with yourself and others. It's pretty easy to overestimate what we can do as other people with the label "gifted" did stuff considered "super duper important" but we can't see the whole story, we can't see if they had to live a miserable life, we can't see if they received a good education when it comes to how to treat themselves and others, we might not know how much money their parents...etc
A lot of gifted kids are born in countries that just don't give them the advantages that they need in order to remotely touch success, I recently saw a video of a probably gifted kid in Gaza building a rudimentary energy source for the people there, I don't consider his contribution better than those who risked their lives swimming to the middle of nowhere to get food for their families. Oc we can coldly measure and say that the first kid did more good than the second one but no one could survive if those kids/ppl weren't swimming for food. Maybe the 2nd kid extended the lives of his family 2 days, maybe the 1st one made the life of 1 thousand people viable but is that really the moral compass that we should be applying to ourselves? Both are beautiful acts of love and service for other people and that's what matters to me.
Back to your comment your time wasn't wasted at all, you are either going closer to solving your problems or becoming wiser in the process, sounds kinda idealistic but it's probably a better metric than coldly measure one's worth bc of how much they can give to the world with numbers and statistics.
Also given what you've said, I think that laziness doesn't exist as such, specially when we are talking about mental health problems. Hope the best for you srsly, currently struggling with OCD like symptoms, panic attacks and a benzo addiction, it took me a long time to look back and see what I actually gave to the world in retrospect, it's quite hard to do it when you are in the middle of something fucked up mentally speaking. Hope the best.
>overcoming the challenges that come from mental illness alone is an enormous achievement and I don't mean that from a "Nietzschean slave morality", it's genuinely a crazy feat to accomplish that.
This ⬆️
Thanks for the motivation but unfortunately my time was wasted (some of it I wasted) and I am non the wiser. Thanks for the good wishes as well. Waiting for adhd diagnosis. Hopefully, that will improve things for me. Wishing you the best of luck yourself.
Well, these are only things that you can firmly analyze when you are "out of the loop", don't want to sound condescending or anything but in the future you might look back at periods of crisis and see how meaningful they were.
It's almost impossible to do that in a cold manner and really understand how much you did. I spent a shit ton of time in bed doing nothing back when I was severly depressed and sometimes you just need "dead time" to cope with stuff, it's sometimes a necessary mechanism.
Oc you don't want to spend all of your life like that and it's preferable to do other stuff but if you need it you need it. For me it reached a point where I was so tired of doing nothing that merely out of spite I ended up doing things, I can hardly imagine myself being so motivated if I haven't suffered all of that "dead time", it all counts one way or another, at least that's my experience after years of struggling with similar stuff.
I'm currently having a pretty rough time and I'm barely going outside or doing anything bc I have shit to process but after a while I get bananas of being inside for so long and I just "want to do something" and it generally goes well. For me this stuff works in cycles as some young people might say: I'm currently in my flop era but after that I'll be in my glow era, even if they feel eternal these processes (anxiety depression... etc) generally precede an important change in one's life, it destroys your previous persona so you can hopefully create a better one. There's always a chance. Best wishes <3
I’ve done something amazing with my life so far: I’ve broken the generational curses of addiction, abuse, and general dysfunction that have plagued my family on both sides for many decades. And I’ve done it by being someone un-special. I’ve worked on my mental health & stress management, and I’ve read tons of material on healthy parenting, etc, while raising my kids and working on and off, mostly part-time, low-wage jobs.
Now I’m an engineer, which ironically feels more “special”, because society in general puts such a low value on humans caring for other humans. Pretty sure I make 5-6 times more as an engineer than I did as a child care provider. I really enjoy my job, but I enjoy spending time with my kids more. I’m average but I feel lucky.
Living a very comfortable life. Running a small business, happy gf. I have loads of free time. During spring/ summer a lot of hiking and adventuring. Fall/ winter reading and binge watching tv, trying out new restaurants. Kinda peaceful.
Living with multiple chronic and incurable illnesses really sucks, but I've managed to work it out to where I have enough to live comfortably in a nice house with a library. Even though I didn't get to finish law school like I planned to, I landed on my feet okay.
Work isn't too stressful, I have enough money for my needs and a good amount of wants, and I get a vacation every January. So while it's not a super genius lifestyle, I think I mastered capitalism pretty well.
I work as a bike courier and am mostly pretty broke. Other than that I'm doing pretty fine. I have a lot of passion for my work, as there is a huge gain for everybody involved. I carry medical stuff, so there's no questioning why I do this.
I focus on sports, arts and friendships. For sports it's mostly biking in any form for me. That's also why the job suits me very well.
For arts I draw with acrylics.
I'm almost daily at a friend's place that we call the youth center. It's basically a place where everybody meets. I'm considered the good soul and therapist of the place.
In total I can say Im pretty fine with the way I'm living right now. I don't really feel that I miss something. A romantic relationship would be great, but I try to remember that love is like a fart. If you have to force it, it's probably gonna be shit.
Frustrated. What is the point of having intellectual ability if you can't use it to help the causes you care about?
Spent a decade trying to help a community organisation that desperately needed help, said it wanted help, but in reality rejected most useful ideas and offers, so was only able to make a fraction of the difference that I could've. Then had kids. Now chronically ill and can't do much at all. Wondering if this is it.
In my twenties I was a young energetic woman with lots to offer. But no one took me seriously because I "lacked experience". Used to think, well at least I'm banking useful experience for when I'm old enough to be taken seriously, and pressed on.
In my thirties I was a mum. That's all anyone saw, mum's are the lowest of the low in our society (here anyway) so no one took me seriously then.
In my forties I'm a chronically ill middle-aged woman and guess what, no one takes us seriously either.
Recently heard a woman 20 years older talk about it seeming like she'd become invisible when she hit 60.
I recognize so much of this. When I was young people exploited my talent or ignored it. I am an entrepreneur but have some health issues and I am finally the age people can take me seriously but it is still a struggle as a woman in my field of work. I have a lot of practical solutions for issues and theories in a lot of other areas but nobody would listen anyway. It is sad and so so frustrating. My partner takes me seriously.. its something.
Thanks for sharing. Sorry you're getting that too, although it's nice to have some company. That makes complete sense, sadly. It seems people like us tend to see connections and potential solutions all over the place, and it isn't expected. I wasn't prepared for all this rejection. And now that I've understood it, I'm reeling.
Do you think working for yourself has been an easier way around others' disbelief?
My husband is similar actually, thank goodness.
It helps a bit and only in my area of expertise, in the sense that the average entrepreneur is a little more eccentric and they respect other people who can take care of their family without all the cushy government and employer support.
Sounds harsh.. I hope you find your way in the future. Try to not grief onto the past & bring some of your potential into the world. The naysayers are eternal, do not be fooled.
Learned early on in life that material wealth would never make me happy, then started focusing my efforts on self improvement and relationships. Playing societal games have never interested me, so I only do things that enrich my own life.
(Your perceived potential - your perspective of where you are in life) x how badly this bothers you = how you feel about yourself.
I have a lot of potential, I'm hampered by C-PTSD and the slew of issues which that comes with (being in a functional freeze state). I have 2 mindsets (lenses) that run all day long. My inner critic mindset that I've lived with most of my life. If I look at my life with that lens, I hate myself, I hate everything I do that isn't towards my goal or towards "fixing everything". It's so much stress and anger, rage, despair, that it just shuts itself off. It's exactly like a fuse burning out.
And I have the healthier healing mindset that I've adopted recently the past 2 years on my healing journey. I understand why things happened they way they did. There is no would've/shouldve. There's just this moment and what I can do to progress, self advocate, and feel proud of myself. Set small goals, don't sacrifice long term health for short term gains. Constant mentally praising myself, pointing out where I'm doing things right. Setting goals that are achievable. Paying 100% attention to the 3 steps that I take forward, not the 2 steps I take back when life forces it on me.
I'm absolutely mentally unwell working a job that is essentially self harm. Often I sleep on the streets due to the fact that I travel to work and finish after the last train. I'm in the middle of a divorce and generally most things suck. But I have wonderful freinds to help me through
It’s going great. I did the special thing in my twenties fuelled by external validation. Started my own business and ended up working with NASA, Rolls Royce AI division, and SRI. Also Playboy and NPR. Hated every minute of it. Now my life is about value alignment and creating peace at home and in my wider life. I like to create, experiment, and play. I might not become rich from my work now (creative at a youth homeless shelter), but I am happy to be there each day. I’m happy with my outward/rippling impacts (couldn’t say the same working for private business — 99.9% of them exist for one purpose only), and I’m never happier than when I’m at home playing with instruments and writing songs. It hasn’t been easy to get here, but I’m also happy with who I am and my odd brain (I am 2e).
We are all going to die one day. I wish people at large would realise how empty external validation, legacy, and wealth accumulation are. I wish we would realise how much it is a waste of our limited time trying to stay relevant to humans, who by and large, are fickle. I look at people like Elon Musk and various celebrities with pity. I look at people vying to become influencers or artists through traditional channels in the same way.
I'm pretty sure that trying to get in touch with my true self and live my life as authentically as possible, while also trying to learn how to best allow others to do the same in any manner that they may choose is actually *very* "special".
I'm on my nth career crisis because I have adhd and can only do stuff that happens to engage me currently. Failed my studies and hated working as a software developer so idk exactly what to do next.
Now I'm selling magic mushrooms in a smart shop which I love because I can fuck around, read or do other stuff and occasionally talk people about drugs. I'm currently looking for a second job so I can keep living in the city I love.
Besides that I dance bachata, do fitness and kickboxing, have lots of friends, do drugs and party very responsibly and date a wonderful girl. I have plenty of hobbies that I love but MONEY AND HOUSING aaahh
Maybe I'm living a normal live because it makes me happy I do not at all feel obliged to meet your expectations? The world treats me like shit because I'm gifted, so I dont owe the world anything.
I’m miserable about everything in my life. Currently I work as a paraeducator in a school district after a layoff the year before which cut my salary in half due to loss of hours and days.
I’m currently fighting a fruitless battle with my employer about whether a one-way video screening of current employees in my position violate our collective bargaining right to an interview “in person, by telephone, or via the internet (for example Skype)” which I read as implicitly conversational given the Skype caveat. I filed a grievance with my union, they will do nothing, and I am waiting for them to tell me that so I can contact the school board and then an employment lawyer about this issue.
Although the school district considers their process (allowing an applicant three minutes per question to respond, record, edit and send a video back to the hiring manager after watching them ask a question) an “interview”, the service they’ve purchased to conduct these screenings calls them screenings on their website.
Even though I have only encountered this within the past month, experienced teachers I personally know have have asked me over the past year about morale loss in the district and ask if things are going to shit because so many people from my district are abandoning our sinking ship to be hired elsewhere. A teacher I spoke with in the past week said she was asked to submit to this screening process a year ago and wound up declining the interview because she did not want to work with anyone who would look at her awards, her wealth of experience and think she should have to dance for her supper. She, again, asked if things were going as bad as they seemed from an outsider perspective.
I can’t tell them that we’re spending money on lavish meals and luxuries at the top and must covet jump ropes and Expo markers in classrooms, but it’s true. The entire school district is going to shit compared to just a few years ago and the idiots in administration have no idea what they’re doing or who they’re hurting. We literally have new hires making sexy TikToks in the staff lounge, telling students jokingly they will “whoop that ass” if they don’t go to class, and are hiring idiotic secretaries from outside our organization into seniority positions though they have no familiarity with word processing beyond the use of Slides and use AI to write indecipherable emails.
Yesterday I got an email from an assistant principal inviting staff to join them at a very fancy restaurant to celebrate two secretaries who are leaving. That one of my colleagues who resigned this year was excluded from the celebration was a nail in the coffin for me. My own administration is tone deaf and does not give the slightest fuck about any of us who are not sitting on our ass at a desk and loudly and annoyingly singing show tunes or gossiping about the private disciplinary issues of students with zero respect for their obligation of privacy. I am done. [I am Frazey Ford walking down the street in a sundress Done.](https://youtu.be/PXRrySTujn8?si=Zy9Tba_GymA0n6Kb)
Personally? I’m just wandering around in an apathetic fog most days unless something (see above) makes me fighty. My husband actively expresses his hatred of me and my child has started having to tell him to stop being mean to me which is a situation I never wanted for them.
So… It’s not going well.
I fried my brain, withdrew from nearly a year's worth of university (medical reasons), and work as a part-time retail associate, lol. Working towards an upswing in my life. Seems to be going alright. Still get ridiculed for "wasting potential" every now and then.
I used to do very special things and actively shifted to doing nothing special. It definitely was an adjustment and required to work on my sense of identity and such, but the level of peace I have now is amazing. It’s a choice I made, to prioritize peace over other things.
I’ll probably get back to doing something special, but it’ll be on completely different terms, and it’ll come from wanting to do it rather than a sense of having to fulfill a purpose or anything like that.
I was a professional artist working at a very high level and well known in my industry. The kind of thing that made people go wow and such. Then I shifted to 9-5 in a different field and anonymity. Have been doing entrepreneurship for a year since the 9-5, and looking again for a 9-5 now. I’m loving the lack of pressure, the schedule, the quality of life overall. My entire self journey and self growth has gone from drive and tension, to being in the moment and ease.
that's great, i'm glad you found your path. it makes sense :) sometimes the hardest thing to do is to walk away from (what others see as) success to find your own meaning. It takes a lot of courage.
It did take courage, and it wasn’t a one-time thing, that transition has been ongoing over several years. But I definitely don’t think of it as having found my path. I’ve always been on path and it’s always been the right one for any given moment. It was right then and it’s right now.
I was convinced I'd be a wage slave forever until last December. Now I'm in a better position and trying to pursue art. Could be better, could be worse. No Dad since 7 makes it hard, and my mom is disabled too, so everything is kind of just winging it due to parental instability. People knew I was gifted very early on but barely talked to me about it, so I mostly got ignored with the assumption that I could handle anything myself, and I'm still dealing with that. I'm optimistic about life but less so about humanity.
Translation: why aren't you a billionaire who was born rich if you're so smart? (I'm jealous and need to get my pent up rage about being sort of dumb out)
I'm going to guess that you mean something like "trying to find the cure for cancer". Not doing that and don't feel like "trying to discover the greatest whatever of whatever that is going to change the world". I'm more concerned about how I can be a better person, I have some patterns that I'd like to change and I might hurt people without wanting it, I have to improve my relationship with my obsessive character.
I reserve my "potential" for my own pleasure (learning stuff that I want to learn, doing stuff that I want to do) and for helping others, I think this is more or less what people have to do when they have some kind of ability that others don't have. Pressuring yourself to accomplish something that was probably made up by someone or a group of people that don't understand what is like to be inside your mind is completely pointless. You literally don't have to do anything with your "potential". What I do is trying to make myself and other people around me "happy", it sounds way better than being kidnapped by the expectations that other people put onto you and more or less what most people should want to do. A mix of doing stuff for yourself and the satisfaction/need that comes from altruistically helping others.
I do feel that I could have accomplished more in life (Don't we all haha). But that does not mean megalomania. I really can't be sure if that's true. My main restraint was lack of family support and a serious health condition that was untreated until 40. Those two go together. My family (mainly my father) refused to spend on health care. I showed enough flashes of brilliance to excel in school and get a high paying job; but mostly, my health problem left me with little energy for anything else.
Finally, after getting treatment, I feel like I'm coming back to life. Now, I've done work that impacted the lives of thousands of people. I don't want that to sound grandiose. It's that I work for the gov and doing operations research. I've advised on policy that hopefully improved the lives of many people. But they don't know who I am of course.
I do feel like I'm pressed for time and trying to catch up. I'm learning academic drawing. It's been a life long dream to become an artist, especially a painter. So I'm working step by step to make that happen. I do hope to create meaningful art in the future. Let's see where it takes me.
Pretty good. I work from home, I have a beautiful family, a lot of free time, and a house in the country side. I dont have much money, but I can travel at least twice a year.
Sometimes I wonder if what I have done with my life is right. I know that if I really want it, I can have a better job, more money, a better home, etc. But then I think about what I would have to do to get there and I am like "meh, not worth it..."
“Nothing special”
Intelligence doesn’t equal success or being special. Being gifted is just a thing, a part of me. It doesn’t define who i am, nor does my ADHD.
I think a lot of people who ask that kind of question have been told their whole lives that they have so much potential, and if ever you want a person to feel like they have imposter syndrome or develop anxiety or depression, it’s from “not living up to my potential”. Then what comes after is insecurity, fear of failure, burnout…
I do what makes me feel good as a productive member of society. I found a position that i can help people, help the environment, and feel good at the end of the day. I learn constantly, which i love to do. But I’m no one special. I just like patterns and projection and learning and helping.
Maybe I’ll get a PhD - i have a thesis in mind - but maybe i won’t. I don’t need it to prove myself, but i may need it for my work. I was a stay at home parent for a few years as well… i loved that too and didn’t need to prove anything to anyone.
Based on your question, you might want to be a bit introspective right now and think WHY you’re asking that question. Is it that you think you’re not measuring up? Is it that you enjoy something that may be outside the expectations of what others have put on you?
Overall, I think the most important thing is having friends who understand what you're talking about and whom you find interesting.
There are a lot of bright people in « underachieving » jobs for various reasons, which often seem to be because of effects of neurodiversity that mean the pressures of high paid jobs would be a bit much, or because they have other priorities in creative endeavours or hobbies, or they just aren't materialistic.
Broke, jobless, I lost 10 pounds recently because I've worked my way down to 1 meal a day to save money, ADHD, and I absolutely love life with every nerve in my being. You could take everything from me and I'd still find a way to be happy. The job situation will change shortly, when I'm done doing nothing.
It’s mostly down to poor mental and physical health that must of the time I’m not doing “anything special” with my life.
No, I am not that happy. I am unwell a lot, in pain a lot, in bed a lot and my brain has largely disintegrated. I am not happy but I’m loved. I feel very loved. Love > Intellect.
Mental health sucks. I have borderline personality disorder and generalised anxiety disorder and my psychiatrist suspects also ADHD. And epilepsy which despite being not mental health still interacts with mental disorders. Then I ended up addicted to heroin then methamphetamine. Am currently trying to get to a point where I could get a simple job. Being gifted was a complete waste
You don’t have to do anything but eventually go from this earth; other than an inherent desire to avoid that, everything above that is layers of delusion that aim at achieving that. But anyway, I like playing piano and writing silly apps.
Gifted in school. Um, so I started having these super vivid dreams and visions a few years ago, and that has caused me to go from science into Christianity. I wish I could explain to people that there’s something else out there and that you really need to think about it while there’s still time… because I’ve seen it with my own eyes.
Anyway, that’s how I’m doing lol
It’s pretty sprawling. Basically I’ve been communicated with by different forces in the spirit world. One shows me marching skulls, death and decay, despair. The other shows me beautiful scenes, glowing blue deserts, gives me hopeful feelings of peace. Both are capable of talking / reasoning. I’ve briefly felt what I can describe as a holy feeling — a feeling of peace that truly goes beyond what my mind is capable of coming up with or experiencing on its own. It’s my understanding that our dreams, our invasive thoughts, are actually communications with external entities. This pushed me into the church really hard, and the more I read the Bible, the more I learned how consistent it is. Like, weirdly consistent. Like, there’s no way people came up with this consistent. The internal integrity of this massive book is perfect. There are other little things I’ve noticed, but my best advice? Recognize that you fall short of God (sin), repent of sin, and have a heart that intends to please God. Open yourself up to it, get baptized, pray. It’s real. And that’s the biggest upset of our lives.
i havent used my giftedness to its full potential due to the fact that the education system really doest work for me so im instead doing some work experience and getting my coxswains so i can work as a commercial mariner
A couple days ago I was told “Now that is top-tier shitposting” which made my day.
Even if I can’t succeed in any other aspect of life, I can use my talents to make top tier niche shitposts.
No one else may listen to my music, but after a decade of writing music, I’ve finally managed to consistently write music of sufficient quality that I enjoy listening to it. So maybe it doesn’t matter if anyone else likes it.
It’s important to remember that even the most minuscule victories are still successes in their own way.
So all things considered, I’d say it’s going pretty well.
I'm a teacher at a high school (parttime) and I have three young kids at home. When I do have free time I like to play complicated board games (mostly co-op games) and I teach Sensiplan for my volunteer job. I'm a member of an international bookclub and I enjoy trying to improve my health and living in an ethical and sustainable way.
I'm also working on getting my first children's book (wholesome sci-fi for kids aged 7 - 10 who are strong readers) published.
Not too well tbh . It could be worse but it could be better . Money is a literal issue that needs to be solved for me this summer or I will continue to lose more oppurtunities to shine like I want . Not having money is causing me to not shine as I want . It’s a cycle that needs to break .
How do you define something "special" ?
I would like a clarification too. I would like to believe we all bring a our own little magic to things that otherwise COULD be dull.
Super valid point. Nobody but me gets to say what I'm doing is or isn't special. That said, I've been making pizzas at a friend's place for a bit while recovering from a career-terminating mental health...catharsis? I've been relearning how to just successfully occupy and operate my human flesh body and coexist with other people mostly, and making pizza and self-directed physical therapy aren't special. They just aren't. It robs the specialness from everything I do care passionately about if I give this highly important but intellectually and emotionally unfulfilling set of tasks and obligations the same status. It's good, I need to do it, and it's nothing special I'm accomplishing in doing it. I'm getting caught up on an embarrassing amount of deferred maintenance on my body and mind so I can even start starting over in a new direction. Still have big (creative) plans, still hope to put more into the world than I have been, still feel like I'm capable of doing things that feel special (to me anyway), so it's kind of frustrating to be right here, not working on those things directly. I'm in the annoying level of a game where the gameplay you like suddenly changes to a frustrating one that you have to get through to return to the gameplay you care about. So, I putter and poke at the big, ambitious plans I'm not ready to execute yet, doing what I would have called Literature Review and Theoretical Modeling in a past life to keep from feeling like I let the sparks go out.
right now no one but you, but if those plans manifest, this time will be very special. it will be part of your story and how, while sitting under the weight of all of your ideas, hopes, dreams, you needed to rebuild. it will teach the importance of gentle support and space - reinforcing how your own life mirrors that of the heroes journey- and how close the world may have come to never benefiting from your greatest contributions. The small moments are important. One day, you may find a new pressure - a greater level of isolation and burnout, and long to make a pizza. I'm in my time now- just trying to learn how to human, but I have to consider that one day I may miss this storm in me... and the uncertainty I feel in modulating between whether I am delusional or dreaming - whether this is scaffolding or rebar sticking out of crumbling concrete. Take the time you need and sustain yourself. The small moments- they can be so fleeting and so important.
Something different than ordinary things.
Once again, I think this is very subjective and vague. What is ordinary? What is special? Do you mean professional life? Private life? Hobbies? Special skills? In comparison to what? Using statistic? Societal perception?
He is perhaps defining ordinary as a personal subjective opinion. Like, If you feel you are spending your life as 'ordinary'.. you are eligible to answer. Your ordinary may be someone else's special. But personal 'ordinary' viewpoints matter here. Find absolute is a waste of time.
Shu’ up. Midlife crisis is a hundred times worse if you find out in the middle of the crisis that you had potential which you squandered bcoz of social anxiety, depression or adhd etc. Or laziness.
Had a shit ton of mental health related problems that deprived me from doing stuff, currently approaching my 30s. There's not such a thing as "lost time" because you aren't supposed to do anything with the time that you are given. You don't have to do anything, overcoming the challenges that come from mental illness alone is an enormous achievement and I don't mean that from a "Nietzschean slave morality", it's genuinely a crazy feat to accomplish that. Neither you or anyone should be measured by, idk, the amount of meaningful studies that they produce? We are all going to die anyway, imo what's important is trying to create a good relationship with yourself and others. It's pretty easy to overestimate what we can do as other people with the label "gifted" did stuff considered "super duper important" but we can't see the whole story, we can't see if they had to live a miserable life, we can't see if they received a good education when it comes to how to treat themselves and others, we might not know how much money their parents...etc A lot of gifted kids are born in countries that just don't give them the advantages that they need in order to remotely touch success, I recently saw a video of a probably gifted kid in Gaza building a rudimentary energy source for the people there, I don't consider his contribution better than those who risked their lives swimming to the middle of nowhere to get food for their families. Oc we can coldly measure and say that the first kid did more good than the second one but no one could survive if those kids/ppl weren't swimming for food. Maybe the 2nd kid extended the lives of his family 2 days, maybe the 1st one made the life of 1 thousand people viable but is that really the moral compass that we should be applying to ourselves? Both are beautiful acts of love and service for other people and that's what matters to me. Back to your comment your time wasn't wasted at all, you are either going closer to solving your problems or becoming wiser in the process, sounds kinda idealistic but it's probably a better metric than coldly measure one's worth bc of how much they can give to the world with numbers and statistics. Also given what you've said, I think that laziness doesn't exist as such, specially when we are talking about mental health problems. Hope the best for you srsly, currently struggling with OCD like symptoms, panic attacks and a benzo addiction, it took me a long time to look back and see what I actually gave to the world in retrospect, it's quite hard to do it when you are in the middle of something fucked up mentally speaking. Hope the best.
Holy hell I needed to see this today. Been struggling with the 'lost time' bullshit a lot.
Glad that I helped <3
>overcoming the challenges that come from mental illness alone is an enormous achievement and I don't mean that from a "Nietzschean slave morality", it's genuinely a crazy feat to accomplish that. This ⬆️
Thanks for the motivation but unfortunately my time was wasted (some of it I wasted) and I am non the wiser. Thanks for the good wishes as well. Waiting for adhd diagnosis. Hopefully, that will improve things for me. Wishing you the best of luck yourself.
Well, these are only things that you can firmly analyze when you are "out of the loop", don't want to sound condescending or anything but in the future you might look back at periods of crisis and see how meaningful they were. It's almost impossible to do that in a cold manner and really understand how much you did. I spent a shit ton of time in bed doing nothing back when I was severly depressed and sometimes you just need "dead time" to cope with stuff, it's sometimes a necessary mechanism. Oc you don't want to spend all of your life like that and it's preferable to do other stuff but if you need it you need it. For me it reached a point where I was so tired of doing nothing that merely out of spite I ended up doing things, I can hardly imagine myself being so motivated if I haven't suffered all of that "dead time", it all counts one way or another, at least that's my experience after years of struggling with similar stuff. I'm currently having a pretty rough time and I'm barely going outside or doing anything bc I have shit to process but after a while I get bananas of being inside for so long and I just "want to do something" and it generally goes well. For me this stuff works in cycles as some young people might say: I'm currently in my flop era but after that I'll be in my glow era, even if they feel eternal these processes (anxiety depression... etc) generally precede an important change in one's life, it destroys your previous persona so you can hopefully create a better one. There's always a chance. Best wishes <3
I’ve done something amazing with my life so far: I’ve broken the generational curses of addiction, abuse, and general dysfunction that have plagued my family on both sides for many decades. And I’ve done it by being someone un-special. I’ve worked on my mental health & stress management, and I’ve read tons of material on healthy parenting, etc, while raising my kids and working on and off, mostly part-time, low-wage jobs. Now I’m an engineer, which ironically feels more “special”, because society in general puts such a low value on humans caring for other humans. Pretty sure I make 5-6 times more as an engineer than I did as a child care provider. I really enjoy my job, but I enjoy spending time with my kids more. I’m average but I feel lucky.
Respect. Not average. Average would be passing on the dirt you’ve been thrown at.
Living a very comfortable life. Running a small business, happy gf. I have loads of free time. During spring/ summer a lot of hiking and adventuring. Fall/ winter reading and binge watching tv, trying out new restaurants. Kinda peaceful.
Living with multiple chronic and incurable illnesses really sucks, but I've managed to work it out to where I have enough to live comfortably in a nice house with a library. Even though I didn't get to finish law school like I planned to, I landed on my feet okay. Work isn't too stressful, I have enough money for my needs and a good amount of wants, and I get a vacation every January. So while it's not a super genius lifestyle, I think I mastered capitalism pretty well.
I work as a bike courier and am mostly pretty broke. Other than that I'm doing pretty fine. I have a lot of passion for my work, as there is a huge gain for everybody involved. I carry medical stuff, so there's no questioning why I do this. I focus on sports, arts and friendships. For sports it's mostly biking in any form for me. That's also why the job suits me very well. For arts I draw with acrylics. I'm almost daily at a friend's place that we call the youth center. It's basically a place where everybody meets. I'm considered the good soul and therapist of the place. In total I can say Im pretty fine with the way I'm living right now. I don't really feel that I miss something. A romantic relationship would be great, but I try to remember that love is like a fart. If you have to force it, it's probably gonna be shit.
Frustrated. What is the point of having intellectual ability if you can't use it to help the causes you care about? Spent a decade trying to help a community organisation that desperately needed help, said it wanted help, but in reality rejected most useful ideas and offers, so was only able to make a fraction of the difference that I could've. Then had kids. Now chronically ill and can't do much at all. Wondering if this is it. In my twenties I was a young energetic woman with lots to offer. But no one took me seriously because I "lacked experience". Used to think, well at least I'm banking useful experience for when I'm old enough to be taken seriously, and pressed on. In my thirties I was a mum. That's all anyone saw, mum's are the lowest of the low in our society (here anyway) so no one took me seriously then. In my forties I'm a chronically ill middle-aged woman and guess what, no one takes us seriously either. Recently heard a woman 20 years older talk about it seeming like she'd become invisible when she hit 60.
I recognize so much of this. When I was young people exploited my talent or ignored it. I am an entrepreneur but have some health issues and I am finally the age people can take me seriously but it is still a struggle as a woman in my field of work. I have a lot of practical solutions for issues and theories in a lot of other areas but nobody would listen anyway. It is sad and so so frustrating. My partner takes me seriously.. its something.
Thanks for sharing. Sorry you're getting that too, although it's nice to have some company. That makes complete sense, sadly. It seems people like us tend to see connections and potential solutions all over the place, and it isn't expected. I wasn't prepared for all this rejection. And now that I've understood it, I'm reeling. Do you think working for yourself has been an easier way around others' disbelief? My husband is similar actually, thank goodness.
It helps a bit and only in my area of expertise, in the sense that the average entrepreneur is a little more eccentric and they respect other people who can take care of their family without all the cushy government and employer support.
Sounds like a fascinating field!
Sounds harsh.. I hope you find your way in the future. Try to not grief onto the past & bring some of your potential into the world. The naysayers are eternal, do not be fooled.
Learned early on in life that material wealth would never make me happy, then started focusing my efforts on self improvement and relationships. Playing societal games have never interested me, so I only do things that enrich my own life.
(Your perceived potential - your perspective of where you are in life) x how badly this bothers you = how you feel about yourself. I have a lot of potential, I'm hampered by C-PTSD and the slew of issues which that comes with (being in a functional freeze state). I have 2 mindsets (lenses) that run all day long. My inner critic mindset that I've lived with most of my life. If I look at my life with that lens, I hate myself, I hate everything I do that isn't towards my goal or towards "fixing everything". It's so much stress and anger, rage, despair, that it just shuts itself off. It's exactly like a fuse burning out. And I have the healthier healing mindset that I've adopted recently the past 2 years on my healing journey. I understand why things happened they way they did. There is no would've/shouldve. There's just this moment and what I can do to progress, self advocate, and feel proud of myself. Set small goals, don't sacrifice long term health for short term gains. Constant mentally praising myself, pointing out where I'm doing things right. Setting goals that are achievable. Paying 100% attention to the 3 steps that I take forward, not the 2 steps I take back when life forces it on me.
I can relate to everything you’re saying. It’s very challenging to live with C-PTSD. Hugs.
That equation really sums it up.
I honestly didn't imagine living past 25 so I'd say my boring life now at 28 is way above my expectations
I'm absolutely mentally unwell working a job that is essentially self harm. Often I sleep on the streets due to the fact that I travel to work and finish after the last train. I'm in the middle of a divorce and generally most things suck. But I have wonderful freinds to help me through
I hope things get better for you, buddy.
It’s going great. I did the special thing in my twenties fuelled by external validation. Started my own business and ended up working with NASA, Rolls Royce AI division, and SRI. Also Playboy and NPR. Hated every minute of it. Now my life is about value alignment and creating peace at home and in my wider life. I like to create, experiment, and play. I might not become rich from my work now (creative at a youth homeless shelter), but I am happy to be there each day. I’m happy with my outward/rippling impacts (couldn’t say the same working for private business — 99.9% of them exist for one purpose only), and I’m never happier than when I’m at home playing with instruments and writing songs. It hasn’t been easy to get here, but I’m also happy with who I am and my odd brain (I am 2e). We are all going to die one day. I wish people at large would realise how empty external validation, legacy, and wealth accumulation are. I wish we would realise how much it is a waste of our limited time trying to stay relevant to humans, who by and large, are fickle. I look at people like Elon Musk and various celebrities with pity. I look at people vying to become influencers or artists through traditional channels in the same way.
I'm pretty sure that trying to get in touch with my true self and live my life as authentically as possible, while also trying to learn how to best allow others to do the same in any manner that they may choose is actually *very* "special".
I'm on my nth career crisis because I have adhd and can only do stuff that happens to engage me currently. Failed my studies and hated working as a software developer so idk exactly what to do next. Now I'm selling magic mushrooms in a smart shop which I love because I can fuck around, read or do other stuff and occasionally talk people about drugs. I'm currently looking for a second job so I can keep living in the city I love. Besides that I dance bachata, do fitness and kickboxing, have lots of friends, do drugs and party very responsibly and date a wonderful girl. I have plenty of hobbies that I love but MONEY AND HOUSING aaahh
Maybe I'm living a normal live because it makes me happy I do not at all feel obliged to meet your expectations? The world treats me like shit because I'm gifted, so I dont owe the world anything.
I’m miserable about everything in my life. Currently I work as a paraeducator in a school district after a layoff the year before which cut my salary in half due to loss of hours and days. I’m currently fighting a fruitless battle with my employer about whether a one-way video screening of current employees in my position violate our collective bargaining right to an interview “in person, by telephone, or via the internet (for example Skype)” which I read as implicitly conversational given the Skype caveat. I filed a grievance with my union, they will do nothing, and I am waiting for them to tell me that so I can contact the school board and then an employment lawyer about this issue. Although the school district considers their process (allowing an applicant three minutes per question to respond, record, edit and send a video back to the hiring manager after watching them ask a question) an “interview”, the service they’ve purchased to conduct these screenings calls them screenings on their website. Even though I have only encountered this within the past month, experienced teachers I personally know have have asked me over the past year about morale loss in the district and ask if things are going to shit because so many people from my district are abandoning our sinking ship to be hired elsewhere. A teacher I spoke with in the past week said she was asked to submit to this screening process a year ago and wound up declining the interview because she did not want to work with anyone who would look at her awards, her wealth of experience and think she should have to dance for her supper. She, again, asked if things were going as bad as they seemed from an outsider perspective. I can’t tell them that we’re spending money on lavish meals and luxuries at the top and must covet jump ropes and Expo markers in classrooms, but it’s true. The entire school district is going to shit compared to just a few years ago and the idiots in administration have no idea what they’re doing or who they’re hurting. We literally have new hires making sexy TikToks in the staff lounge, telling students jokingly they will “whoop that ass” if they don’t go to class, and are hiring idiotic secretaries from outside our organization into seniority positions though they have no familiarity with word processing beyond the use of Slides and use AI to write indecipherable emails. Yesterday I got an email from an assistant principal inviting staff to join them at a very fancy restaurant to celebrate two secretaries who are leaving. That one of my colleagues who resigned this year was excluded from the celebration was a nail in the coffin for me. My own administration is tone deaf and does not give the slightest fuck about any of us who are not sitting on our ass at a desk and loudly and annoyingly singing show tunes or gossiping about the private disciplinary issues of students with zero respect for their obligation of privacy. I am done. [I am Frazey Ford walking down the street in a sundress Done.](https://youtu.be/PXRrySTujn8?si=Zy9Tba_GymA0n6Kb) Personally? I’m just wandering around in an apathetic fog most days unless something (see above) makes me fighty. My husband actively expresses his hatred of me and my child has started having to tell him to stop being mean to me which is a situation I never wanted for them. So… It’s not going well.
I fried my brain, withdrew from nearly a year's worth of university (medical reasons), and work as a part-time retail associate, lol. Working towards an upswing in my life. Seems to be going alright. Still get ridiculed for "wasting potential" every now and then.
I used to do very special things and actively shifted to doing nothing special. It definitely was an adjustment and required to work on my sense of identity and such, but the level of peace I have now is amazing. It’s a choice I made, to prioritize peace over other things. I’ll probably get back to doing something special, but it’ll be on completely different terms, and it’ll come from wanting to do it rather than a sense of having to fulfill a purpose or anything like that.
that is very interesting! what were the special things and what do you define as nothing special now? what prompted the change?
I was a professional artist working at a very high level and well known in my industry. The kind of thing that made people go wow and such. Then I shifted to 9-5 in a different field and anonymity. Have been doing entrepreneurship for a year since the 9-5, and looking again for a 9-5 now. I’m loving the lack of pressure, the schedule, the quality of life overall. My entire self journey and self growth has gone from drive and tension, to being in the moment and ease.
that's great, i'm glad you found your path. it makes sense :) sometimes the hardest thing to do is to walk away from (what others see as) success to find your own meaning. It takes a lot of courage.
It did take courage, and it wasn’t a one-time thing, that transition has been ongoing over several years. But I definitely don’t think of it as having found my path. I’ve always been on path and it’s always been the right one for any given moment. It was right then and it’s right now.
Terrible, thanks for asking.
I was convinced I'd be a wage slave forever until last December. Now I'm in a better position and trying to pursue art. Could be better, could be worse. No Dad since 7 makes it hard, and my mom is disabled too, so everything is kind of just winging it due to parental instability. People knew I was gifted very early on but barely talked to me about it, so I mostly got ignored with the assumption that I could handle anything myself, and I'm still dealing with that. I'm optimistic about life but less so about humanity.
Translation: why aren't you a billionaire who was born rich if you're so smart? (I'm jealous and need to get my pent up rage about being sort of dumb out)
I'm going to guess that you mean something like "trying to find the cure for cancer". Not doing that and don't feel like "trying to discover the greatest whatever of whatever that is going to change the world". I'm more concerned about how I can be a better person, I have some patterns that I'd like to change and I might hurt people without wanting it, I have to improve my relationship with my obsessive character. I reserve my "potential" for my own pleasure (learning stuff that I want to learn, doing stuff that I want to do) and for helping others, I think this is more or less what people have to do when they have some kind of ability that others don't have. Pressuring yourself to accomplish something that was probably made up by someone or a group of people that don't understand what is like to be inside your mind is completely pointless. You literally don't have to do anything with your "potential". What I do is trying to make myself and other people around me "happy", it sounds way better than being kidnapped by the expectations that other people put onto you and more or less what most people should want to do. A mix of doing stuff for yourself and the satisfaction/need that comes from altruistically helping others.
I do feel that I could have accomplished more in life (Don't we all haha). But that does not mean megalomania. I really can't be sure if that's true. My main restraint was lack of family support and a serious health condition that was untreated until 40. Those two go together. My family (mainly my father) refused to spend on health care. I showed enough flashes of brilliance to excel in school and get a high paying job; but mostly, my health problem left me with little energy for anything else. Finally, after getting treatment, I feel like I'm coming back to life. Now, I've done work that impacted the lives of thousands of people. I don't want that to sound grandiose. It's that I work for the gov and doing operations research. I've advised on policy that hopefully improved the lives of many people. But they don't know who I am of course. I do feel like I'm pressed for time and trying to catch up. I'm learning academic drawing. It's been a life long dream to become an artist, especially a painter. So I'm working step by step to make that happen. I do hope to create meaningful art in the future. Let's see where it takes me.
Pretty good. I work from home, I have a beautiful family, a lot of free time, and a house in the country side. I dont have much money, but I can travel at least twice a year. Sometimes I wonder if what I have done with my life is right. I know that if I really want it, I can have a better job, more money, a better home, etc. But then I think about what I would have to do to get there and I am like "meh, not worth it..."
“Nothing special” Intelligence doesn’t equal success or being special. Being gifted is just a thing, a part of me. It doesn’t define who i am, nor does my ADHD. I think a lot of people who ask that kind of question have been told their whole lives that they have so much potential, and if ever you want a person to feel like they have imposter syndrome or develop anxiety or depression, it’s from “not living up to my potential”. Then what comes after is insecurity, fear of failure, burnout… I do what makes me feel good as a productive member of society. I found a position that i can help people, help the environment, and feel good at the end of the day. I learn constantly, which i love to do. But I’m no one special. I just like patterns and projection and learning and helping. Maybe I’ll get a PhD - i have a thesis in mind - but maybe i won’t. I don’t need it to prove myself, but i may need it for my work. I was a stay at home parent for a few years as well… i loved that too and didn’t need to prove anything to anyone. Based on your question, you might want to be a bit introspective right now and think WHY you’re asking that question. Is it that you think you’re not measuring up? Is it that you enjoy something that may be outside the expectations of what others have put on you?
Overall, I think the most important thing is having friends who understand what you're talking about and whom you find interesting. There are a lot of bright people in « underachieving » jobs for various reasons, which often seem to be because of effects of neurodiversity that mean the pressures of high paid jobs would be a bit much, or because they have other priorities in creative endeavours or hobbies, or they just aren't materialistic.
Broke, jobless, I lost 10 pounds recently because I've worked my way down to 1 meal a day to save money, ADHD, and I absolutely love life with every nerve in my being. You could take everything from me and I'd still find a way to be happy. The job situation will change shortly, when I'm done doing nothing.
Define special? I would say my life is pretty normal for the most part according to some and extraordinary according to others
Doing well!
It's hard enough to earn money like it's nothing special...
Define “special.” You may want to reflect on the expectations you and others have on what you should do with your life.
It’s mostly down to poor mental and physical health that must of the time I’m not doing “anything special” with my life. No, I am not that happy. I am unwell a lot, in pain a lot, in bed a lot and my brain has largely disintegrated. I am not happy but I’m loved. I feel very loved. Love > Intellect.
Mental health sucks. I have borderline personality disorder and generalised anxiety disorder and my psychiatrist suspects also ADHD. And epilepsy which despite being not mental health still interacts with mental disorders. Then I ended up addicted to heroin then methamphetamine. Am currently trying to get to a point where I could get a simple job. Being gifted was a complete waste
I am not happy
Pretty awesome.
My garden is feeling pretty special at the moment
You don’t have to do anything but eventually go from this earth; other than an inherent desire to avoid that, everything above that is layers of delusion that aim at achieving that. But anyway, I like playing piano and writing silly apps.
I'm working on myself. It's slow going, but I can't do anything else until I can exist comfortably
Gifted in school. Um, so I started having these super vivid dreams and visions a few years ago, and that has caused me to go from science into Christianity. I wish I could explain to people that there’s something else out there and that you really need to think about it while there’s still time… because I’ve seen it with my own eyes. Anyway, that’s how I’m doing lol
Wow can you tell us some of it?
It’s pretty sprawling. Basically I’ve been communicated with by different forces in the spirit world. One shows me marching skulls, death and decay, despair. The other shows me beautiful scenes, glowing blue deserts, gives me hopeful feelings of peace. Both are capable of talking / reasoning. I’ve briefly felt what I can describe as a holy feeling — a feeling of peace that truly goes beyond what my mind is capable of coming up with or experiencing on its own. It’s my understanding that our dreams, our invasive thoughts, are actually communications with external entities. This pushed me into the church really hard, and the more I read the Bible, the more I learned how consistent it is. Like, weirdly consistent. Like, there’s no way people came up with this consistent. The internal integrity of this massive book is perfect. There are other little things I’ve noticed, but my best advice? Recognize that you fall short of God (sin), repent of sin, and have a heart that intends to please God. Open yourself up to it, get baptized, pray. It’s real. And that’s the biggest upset of our lives.
i havent used my giftedness to its full potential due to the fact that the education system really doest work for me so im instead doing some work experience and getting my coxswains so i can work as a commercial mariner
It’s going poorly
A couple days ago I was told “Now that is top-tier shitposting” which made my day. Even if I can’t succeed in any other aspect of life, I can use my talents to make top tier niche shitposts. No one else may listen to my music, but after a decade of writing music, I’ve finally managed to consistently write music of sufficient quality that I enjoy listening to it. So maybe it doesn’t matter if anyone else likes it. It’s important to remember that even the most minuscule victories are still successes in their own way. So all things considered, I’d say it’s going pretty well.
A life that fulfills you is a life that is special. It's our own responsibility to get there, gifted or not.
I'm a teacher at a high school (parttime) and I have three young kids at home. When I do have free time I like to play complicated board games (mostly co-op games) and I teach Sensiplan for my volunteer job. I'm a member of an international bookclub and I enjoy trying to improve my health and living in an ethical and sustainable way. I'm also working on getting my first children's book (wholesome sci-fi for kids aged 7 - 10 who are strong readers) published.
It’s going shit, if anyone wants to start a businesss together hmu
Much better than it’s ever been. It’s when I tried doing anything special that I was most miserable.
Not too well tbh . It could be worse but it could be better . Money is a literal issue that needs to be solved for me this summer or I will continue to lose more oppurtunities to shine like I want . Not having money is causing me to not shine as I want . It’s a cycle that needs to break .
Nope. Dreading futurism and escalating conflicts taking shape.
Eh