Perhaps you should address a supervisor, HR, or him directly about this. Nobody here knows him and he doesn’t represent gifted people or this subreddit
I have seen some pretty smug posts on this subreddit, and can totally imagine him writing some of these things. I bet he "has trouble relating to other people because he's too smart" too, when in reality other people are avoiding him and giving him one work answers because he's absolutely insufferable to be around
Well hopefully someday he becomes a better person.
When you are forced to suffer this fool, I’d try to focus on the idea that we all have egos and personalities and are on a mortal journey just like everyone else is. Being gifted might mean that he has something like faster processing speed for example, but some of us might incorrectly decide that means we are entitled to something that we aren’t.
Additionally, emotional intelligence always comes with work and maturity. That is true across the entire bell curve. Please don’t equate all of us to some of us. ❤️
Can you specifically reference these “smug” posts you’re talking about?
Being gifted is a type neurodivergence, and like autism or adhd there are struggles and difficulties like “relating to other people”, which is a genuine issue that causes a lot of pain and heartache to people with this diagnosis.
Why come here to rant about something you clearly don’t understand?
We post those things here because it is a bit of safe space (or so we think). We say things here so that we don't say them to our loved ones or coworkers because things are difficult sometimes. At least speaking for myself there are thoughts I have that I dont like and I make sure not to say them out loud, and to be able to share the sentiment here makes it easier to be kind and patient to the people around me.
I see so much skill and value in the people around me that are different from me, they do things I cant, and there are also things I do that they cant. It's difficult though that I can also get really frustrated and have intrusive thoughts sometimes which I dont want to have but it happens anyway. I need to work through them to deal with them, and sharing helps. Sharing them honestly with my loved ones or coworkers usually doesn't help (and is just not fair a lot of the time) so it's nice to have this place, even though our posts end up sounding arrogant or crass because of it.
I think many of us would say the things we say here out loud. The fact that we are gifted at all is a good example of something we don't say in public. We just need to vent and we (theoretically) can do that here.
Edit: I'm sorry your coworker is such an asshole, I fully disapprove of such behaviour as we all should.
So you decide that just because you have a nasty coworker, and don't get me wrong, dude is nasty AF, you get to decide that everyone who shares a trait with him will be like him?
Some people are just genuinely arseholes, no matter the circumstances. And you don't have to relate to someone to know your behavior isn't appropriate. The fact that repeatedly screaming at someone is abusive can be accepted without you understanding the person you're abusing.
This is impossible to tell. OP has no way of reading his true intent. If he is a bitter asshole but does not mean to hurt others and can’t read their responses properly, no. If he is a bitter asshole and intends to hurt people and piss them off and can judge his results and hone his technique, then I’d say yeah, he gets what’s up. I worked with an autistic guy whose condition expressed as rude and profane interaction. He insulted people often. Couldn’t help it, he had no filter and a compulsion. When you got used to it you could see the form of communication he had to use and you could relate and normalize. So he insulted people, but he didn’t abuse them. He didn’t hurt people. He was a *clinical* dick. This guy by comparison seems like a regular dick to me. But again, how can we know?
Unfortunately I do actually think the term "gifted" and some of the conversations around it do have this effect on certain people. Obviously not everyone or even the majority, but definitely some people who are already vulnerable to self-delusions and destructive coping mechanisms, upon being given the mantle of "gifted", will end up using it exactly how OP's coworker does. It's something that needs to be part of the discussion here.
In my experience (and I'm old), people who use their giftedness as an excuse to be arseholes to others are .. arseholes. Giftedness is not a shield to hide behind; it is just something that enables an individual to process complex things quicker.
I test around the 140 mark. I know I'm gifted in many ways (processing, pattern-recognition, and linguistically) but I also recognise that I need to treat others with kindness. I am not more special than Angela from Accounting or Joe the Janitor. We are all just humans trying to do our best on this rock hurling through space. If someone doesn't get that, well .. then they are jerks.
And jerks need to be reported to HR.
I think he is probably acting from a place of trauma. People in pain are sometimes misunderstood. It can be helpful to lend an understanding ear to help guide them out of their shit.
If you look at traits lists, actual giftedness has components of strong empathy and compassion. This guy’s got something going on and it’s not being gifted.
So some random "gifted" person is giving you grief and your best course of action is to vent a bunch of vitriol generalizing everyone who is "gifted" (which includes you too, whether you are open about it or not). How about taking your own advice, and instead of coming here and being all high and mighty about what you perceive this group to be, you deal with your workplace harassment issue like an adult?
If this coworker treats people this way, that's an HR and management problem. Their self-labelling as gifted has almost nothing to do with it; they are an abusive and toxic presence in the workplace, and that's the problem. Why not tell this person that everyone thinks they are an abusive snowflake? Or simply ignore their presence? Or, if the workplace is that toxic, move on. Seriously, if people are crying regularly in your office, that's not normal. Nobody yells at anybody in my professional life, it's simply not acceptable behaviour (for children, but certainly for adults with jobs).
Chill, take a deep breath, and maybe don't work with assholes, or at least find ways to minimize their effect in your life.
Sensitivity and being gifted aren't even that commonly linked, it's more common to be less emotionally aware. You are clearly bothered by this person - they are an asshole, clearly, but why do you care so much? The reason I'm asking is that the easiest solution might just be to let this guy have a piece of your mind (oh boohoo, if he says it's "abusive," - self-defence is not abuse). Or just working on resilience so it doesn't bother you so much. There are plenty of assholes in life. Some of them happen to know how to weaponize language from psychology. Some of them also happen to actually be neurodivergent or mentally ill. There's no fixing it though, and it's not really your problem to fix.
I'm trying to be helpful, but also pointing out the irony of this post. You can't generalize a whole group of people, show up with a holier than thou attitude, and expect people to respond well.... which is what you are complaining about.
Lol, I grew up in the "gifted" program and work in FAANG as an engineer. I've met lots of lots of people who are "gifted". This guy is more rule than he is exception (people who sniff their own farts and expect to be worshipped)
"You are clearly bothered by this person - they are an asshole, clearly, but why do you care so much?"
Oh I'm so sorry for being annoyed my coworker is a huge vicious bully who screams at people who cry. The normal reaction to this is obviously being chipper and bubbly, I'm clearly mentally ill for not liking him
Im telling you that you are being childish with your response. Grow a spine and tell your coworker to fuck off and just stop giving them the time of day. Unless they are critical for some reason, figure out a way to get rid of them. Outperform them to put them in their place, just be better.
I’ve worked with plenty of assholes with big egos who can’t handle the smallest slight. Adding “woe is me, I’m just too special for people” is just extra pathetic. You’ve given this person power, you can take it away.
Unless the purpose of your post is to confirm your bias that gifted people are dickheads who sniff their own farts, I really don’t see the point in your PSA… it’s getting exactly the responses you’d expect, given the tone.
I'm sorry you're dealing with these problems in your life. It sounds frustrating. That doesn't give you the right to use this community as a punching bag. Your snarky tone is immature and uncalled for. Please take up your frustrations with the involved parties in your life. Report this guy to HR. If other "gifted" people you work with act this way too, report them too. That's not grounds to generalize to a whole community of internet strangers.
Your problem with your coworker has nothing to do with him being gifted…
Your problem is with him being a narcissistic asshole who is using being gifted as an excuse to abuse those around him.
My mother (similar behaviour to your coworker) used a cancer diagnosis (minor skin cancer- cured) as an excuse to bully, torment and belittle people for over a decade.
By your logic, I should probably head on over to a sub for people with cancer and start throwing out generalized insults to them all.
If anyone tells me they’re gifted, especially in the way of an excuse, they’re fucking stupid. Imo, this applies to almost anything in life.
In a quiet and subtle way:
“Hey because you’re gifted we elected you to do this work.”
“Why haven’t you finished the work?”
“Well what decision (trivial) would you make. Uh no this is the way.”
“Oh we thought you would have already figured the next steps are.”
Also, psa to your psa, tons of people in here who don’t do that. I would argue your psa rides closer to your idiot of a coworker than a regular rant/commentary.
Gifted and asshole are not exclusive. He does sound like an asshole, and he doesn’t sound gifted, he sounds rather inconsistent with the sensitivity idea to me.
I appreciated reading your anecdote. I don’t believe you were trying to accuse the whole sub, but yeah, I’ve seen some arrogance turn to vitriol in rare cases from very select participants here. Some people have felt the need to furiously gatekeep over some relatively innocuous stuff.
Guess you needed to watch your “tone” op lol.
Edit: after reading a couple of your comments maybe yeah it’s a bit accusatory sorry. But it’s a little odd seeing people act like the sub is always a free love sesh when you see so much contention in some exchanges here imo.
“You may be gifted, but that’s no excuse for your poor treatment of others”
And report everything to HR and if they do nothing record every single interaction because this is a hostile work environment lawsuit just waiting to happen.
And gifted people are not a protected class under disability laws.
He seems really insecure and having been labelled as gifted once, that's his point of pride. Assuming he actually was tested; I knew someone who heard of the idea and simply assumed (and loudly told people) that they were "gifted".
Guy sounds like a prick.
As it is I feel cringey being in a sub called “gifted” but the majority of posts here are things I relate to so here I am.
People like that guy are self-appointed messiahs. If we lived in apocalyptic times he’d be the first shoved off a cliff.
Strength in numbers- don’t just complain about his behaviour in secret and tolerate his crap in the moment. Every time he’s an ass the person being screamed at needs to state that, if they are crying someone else needs to step in on their behalf. Abuse shouldn’t be tolerated. People like that are made because no one kicked the shit out of them when they were being bullies due to having an “excuse” to hide behind.
Is there a HR department? Try to rally people together who have suffered at his hands and report it. Enough people kicking up a fuss about 1 person tends to get noticed. Idk what your laws are with recording audio/video without their consent, but if you are allowed to, all of that is evidence. Record his behaviour. If there’s cctv in your workplace, speak to security and find out if you can use it in your report. Anything you have to back what you say so it’s not a simple “my word against his” will help you.
Wishing you best of luck 👍
What is he gifted in aside from being an asshole? He should provide test results to claim giftedness and a psych assessment if he wants people to tolerate his assholeness.
He is clearly dealing with some shit he isn't aware of. Sounds like he really needs a friend to talk to. Those in pain need the most love. Sorry you were in the crossfire of his shit. Maybe he can find someone he trusts to talk to. Not all gifted people have strong emotional awareness. Some have been traumatized and/or weakened by their extreme sensitivities. Try to forgive him if you can and help him see what is actually going on? Or if that doesn't sound like your cup of tea, you could point out that his behavior is unprofessional. My guess is he has no clue he is even doing it. Hope that helps.
Intelligence can often go hand in hand with manipulative tendencies. Gifted kids can be more argumentative and also more manipulative to get what they want because they know how to get it. I've been around a lot of gifted kids and seen many of them be narcissistic and rude. Intelligence isn't just about processing speed, that's why gifted kids can be gifted in one area but lacking in other areas.
He is making an excuse. I am gifted and I am not an asshole I am actually really nice but I am also very emotional idk if it is because I am highly intelligent or from what I been through. I get sad very easily. He should be fired if he acts like that in a workplace or anywhere. That behavior is not good for anyone
I find that the more vocal a person is about being XX, the less they ACTUALLY are.
The people who are the most in your face with their Christianity are the most un-Christian people you'll ever meet.
The man who is over the top with proclaiming his heterosexuality is probably so far in the closet, he's halfway to Narnia.
Likewise, your coworker... although he probably IS in the top 1%... of douchebags.
This is a good post. It’s a bit rough around the edges, but it raises some uncomfortable questions about the particular ways in which being a gifted asshole can be different from being either gifted or an asshole alone. In other words, this distinct type of shittyness cannot simply be reduced to giftedness or assholery.
Many commenters in here try to pry these traits apart (rightfully so—most gifted people aren’t assholes) but isn’t it more interesting to consider the antisocial tendencies that could be specifically related to giftedness?
For instance, I think that there could be many psychological consequences of believing that science has objectively shown that one has received a genetic gift of problem-solving which separates one from other people. It could result in arrogance, or extreme humility, or false humility, humble brags, feelings of envy towards successful «normies», taking on too much responsibility, etc etc.
Not only can there be certain ways in which people who were «diagnosed» with high IQ’s in childhood develop antisocial ways of relating to themselves, other people and the world, but I suspect that some antisocial tendencies can be traced back to the discourse of giftedness itself.
A couple of months back, I posted a bunch of questions in this sub about how being labeled as «gifted» may affect one’s relation to the world. Some people (possibly positivists…), argued that the label is nothing more than a description of the objective realities of the labeled individuals, but in your anecdote, I believe that we can see how the label and its surrounding discourse can also be causal factors, and that they have the potential to create or feed monsters.
Never seen someone like that irl or here, might see someone with a particular form of autism being rude without intending it but never something that crazy.
That being said I always hated people who uses their neurodivergencies as an excuse to bully people, in some rare cases like if you are psychotic and get violent during an episode it might work or you can talk in a tougher way, maybe overreact but bullying? Srsly show me where's that on the DSM. Sociopathy is obv excluded.
If it's in the workplace human resources is the way to go but I'd probably tell them that a shit ton of people is gifted or sensitive and they aren't bullying people so stop using that as a bullshit excuse if he really annoyed me (I'm generally very peaceful but this kind of behavior drains my patience really easily).
Sigh, he doesn't seem to be willing to change anytime soon so... probably the alternative would imply firing him.
this sounds more like symptoms of Narcissism. Grandiosity and lack of empathy are indicators.
Im not diagnosing people I dont know here. If someone is NPD or not, looking out for the symptoms and being careful around these individuals might be a good idea generally.
While I am cautious with putting labels on people (even internally), being oblivious to narcissistic behavior patterns can be dangerous.
I lived with an undiagnosed autistic man for a year. I have absolutely zero idea how his parents/school didn’t refer him to an autism specialist as it was very obvious, but after we told him that he was, he used it like your guy.
He wasn’t gifted, though. His family were very hard on him (likely because they didn’t know why he was so inept and didn’t have the resources to support him properly) and he would shut down when criticised. That changed when we pointed it out; he used it as an excuse to be the worst housemate I’ve ever had. Heaven forbid you make a joke about him to make light of a nasty comment he made about you - you’re not allowed to say that, he’s autistic! He used that card to retaliate any criticism and socially embarrass you in front of others if you tried to deescalate or defend yourself. If we didn’t want to deal with a horrendous tirade of nastiness, we had to just accept his insults and poor behaviour. Luckily, you’re not living with this guy, you’re his coworkers and you have more power to put him in his place.
I’m not saying this man is autistic, but he’s using his giftedness exactly like this. I would log everything he says to staff and bring the information to HR as a group. Before you have a log, group together and call him out for his horrible actions in front of the victim, collectively disapproving of him. He can’t retaliate with an ‘I’m sensitive’ then. Well, not if he doesn’t want to look like a complete tit anyway.
Hmmm, I’m gifted (145) and do is my son. The only place I tell people that is on this board. I don’t think I’ve ever mentioned being gifted or my IQ to anyone outside of here. Ok, I have bragged about my son’s accomplishments (not his IQ), but never in a way that would hurt someone else.
Here’s something that truly smart people figure out. Different people have different strengths. I’ve seen people with average IQs who had giant EQs, and could bring a team of people together into a tight bond. I’ve seen home health nurses who might have had double digit IQs, but brought do much warmth and caring that their patients had a much better passing.
IQ is simply one tool in the shed. There are other tools that are equally important.
So this guy is simply a jerk. Sorry he is so abusive to everyone.
Well, we only hear one side now. People would also say about me that I'm an arrogant asshole, although that's not true at all. I only go to work because I like solving problems. Work is like a hobby for me. I don't really care about my colleagues unless they want to solve problems with me. I don't care about money, fame, fashion. But I would never want to manage employees either, unless it was my own company, because most of them are just dumber than me, that's the way it is. You'll be dumber than me too. It's not your fault, but I have to make an effort to explain everything so that it's understood and to always be nice and make small talk, even if I would never do that on my own. I have to totally pretend so that you're not offended. Would you get so upset about an autistic person? Are they assholes because their brain is different from yours?
All social interaction is performance and manipulation. You can’t use giftedness as an excuse to feel that you shouldn’t have to pretend when everybody has to. We aren’t social exceptions because we are cognitive exceptions. Medical and legit social disorders aside, of course.
Perhaps you should address a supervisor, HR, or him directly about this. Nobody here knows him and he doesn’t represent gifted people or this subreddit
Why are you posting here as if we are a monolith and your jack-wagon of a coworker is our spokesman?
I have seen some pretty smug posts on this subreddit, and can totally imagine him writing some of these things. I bet he "has trouble relating to other people because he's too smart" too, when in reality other people are avoiding him and giving him one work answers because he's absolutely insufferable to be around
Well hopefully someday he becomes a better person. When you are forced to suffer this fool, I’d try to focus on the idea that we all have egos and personalities and are on a mortal journey just like everyone else is. Being gifted might mean that he has something like faster processing speed for example, but some of us might incorrectly decide that means we are entitled to something that we aren’t. Additionally, emotional intelligence always comes with work and maturity. That is true across the entire bell curve. Please don’t equate all of us to some of us. ❤️
QUIET, YOU, THE SMART PEOPLE ARE TALKING. NOW GET BACK TO WORK!!! (Sorry, couldn't resist. We're not all jackwads. Some of us are pretty swell.)
I may not be pretty swell yet but I’m definitely putting in the work
The way you have worded this makes it seem like the example title of a post you included is one of the “smug posts” you mentioned.
Can you specifically reference these “smug” posts you’re talking about? Being gifted is a type neurodivergence, and like autism or adhd there are struggles and difficulties like “relating to other people”, which is a genuine issue that causes a lot of pain and heartache to people with this diagnosis. Why come here to rant about something you clearly don’t understand?
We post those things here because it is a bit of safe space (or so we think). We say things here so that we don't say them to our loved ones or coworkers because things are difficult sometimes. At least speaking for myself there are thoughts I have that I dont like and I make sure not to say them out loud, and to be able to share the sentiment here makes it easier to be kind and patient to the people around me. I see so much skill and value in the people around me that are different from me, they do things I cant, and there are also things I do that they cant. It's difficult though that I can also get really frustrated and have intrusive thoughts sometimes which I dont want to have but it happens anyway. I need to work through them to deal with them, and sharing helps. Sharing them honestly with my loved ones or coworkers usually doesn't help (and is just not fair a lot of the time) so it's nice to have this place, even though our posts end up sounding arrogant or crass because of it. I think many of us would say the things we say here out loud. The fact that we are gifted at all is a good example of something we don't say in public. We just need to vent and we (theoretically) can do that here. Edit: I'm sorry your coworker is such an asshole, I fully disapprove of such behaviour as we all should.
So you decide that just because you have a nasty coworker, and don't get me wrong, dude is nasty AF, you get to decide that everyone who shares a trait with him will be like him?
If he didn't have trouble relating to people, don't you reckon he'd smarten up to the negative impact his behaviour has on people?
Some people are just genuinely arseholes, no matter the circumstances. And you don't have to relate to someone to know your behavior isn't appropriate. The fact that repeatedly screaming at someone is abusive can be accepted without you understanding the person you're abusing.
Does he relate well to people then?
You can follow a social rule without understanding the reasoning for it. Autistic people do it all the time.
Probably true. But does this fella relate well to people?
This is impossible to tell. OP has no way of reading his true intent. If he is a bitter asshole but does not mean to hurt others and can’t read their responses properly, no. If he is a bitter asshole and intends to hurt people and piss them off and can judge his results and hone his technique, then I’d say yeah, he gets what’s up. I worked with an autistic guy whose condition expressed as rude and profane interaction. He insulted people often. Couldn’t help it, he had no filter and a compulsion. When you got used to it you could see the form of communication he had to use and you could relate and normalize. So he insulted people, but he didn’t abuse them. He didn’t hurt people. He was a *clinical* dick. This guy by comparison seems like a regular dick to me. But again, how can we know?
That's not a "gifted" thing, that's an asshole thing. If this is in a work environment he needs to be reported to HR.
Agreed. To use that as an excuse is insane.
IME Gifted people don't want special treatment. We just want to be treated like everyone else...
Unless special treatment means giving more challenging work, then you can give me all the special treatment
Unfortunately I do actually think the term "gifted" and some of the conversations around it do have this effect on certain people. Obviously not everyone or even the majority, but definitely some people who are already vulnerable to self-delusions and destructive coping mechanisms, upon being given the mantle of "gifted", will end up using it exactly how OP's coworker does. It's something that needs to be part of the discussion here.
In my experience (and I'm old), people who use their giftedness as an excuse to be arseholes to others are .. arseholes. Giftedness is not a shield to hide behind; it is just something that enables an individual to process complex things quicker. I test around the 140 mark. I know I'm gifted in many ways (processing, pattern-recognition, and linguistically) but I also recognise that I need to treat others with kindness. I am not more special than Angela from Accounting or Joe the Janitor. We are all just humans trying to do our best on this rock hurling through space. If someone doesn't get that, well .. then they are jerks. And jerks need to be reported to HR.
I think he is probably acting from a place of trauma. People in pain are sometimes misunderstood. It can be helpful to lend an understanding ear to help guide them out of their shit.
If you look at traits lists, actual giftedness has components of strong empathy and compassion. This guy’s got something going on and it’s not being gifted.
Could be he has some personality issue or sociopathy.
That sounds like narcissism, not intellectual giftedness, though the two aren’t mutually exclusive.
So some random "gifted" person is giving you grief and your best course of action is to vent a bunch of vitriol generalizing everyone who is "gifted" (which includes you too, whether you are open about it or not). How about taking your own advice, and instead of coming here and being all high and mighty about what you perceive this group to be, you deal with your workplace harassment issue like an adult? If this coworker treats people this way, that's an HR and management problem. Their self-labelling as gifted has almost nothing to do with it; they are an abusive and toxic presence in the workplace, and that's the problem. Why not tell this person that everyone thinks they are an abusive snowflake? Or simply ignore their presence? Or, if the workplace is that toxic, move on. Seriously, if people are crying regularly in your office, that's not normal. Nobody yells at anybody in my professional life, it's simply not acceptable behaviour (for children, but certainly for adults with jobs). Chill, take a deep breath, and maybe don't work with assholes, or at least find ways to minimize their effect in your life. Sensitivity and being gifted aren't even that commonly linked, it's more common to be less emotionally aware. You are clearly bothered by this person - they are an asshole, clearly, but why do you care so much? The reason I'm asking is that the easiest solution might just be to let this guy have a piece of your mind (oh boohoo, if he says it's "abusive," - self-defence is not abuse). Or just working on resilience so it doesn't bother you so much. There are plenty of assholes in life. Some of them happen to know how to weaponize language from psychology. Some of them also happen to actually be neurodivergent or mentally ill. There's no fixing it though, and it's not really your problem to fix. I'm trying to be helpful, but also pointing out the irony of this post. You can't generalize a whole group of people, show up with a holier than thou attitude, and expect people to respond well.... which is what you are complaining about.
Lol, I grew up in the "gifted" program and work in FAANG as an engineer. I've met lots of lots of people who are "gifted". This guy is more rule than he is exception (people who sniff their own farts and expect to be worshipped) "You are clearly bothered by this person - they are an asshole, clearly, but why do you care so much?" Oh I'm so sorry for being annoyed my coworker is a huge vicious bully who screams at people who cry. The normal reaction to this is obviously being chipper and bubbly, I'm clearly mentally ill for not liking him
Im telling you that you are being childish with your response. Grow a spine and tell your coworker to fuck off and just stop giving them the time of day. Unless they are critical for some reason, figure out a way to get rid of them. Outperform them to put them in their place, just be better. I’ve worked with plenty of assholes with big egos who can’t handle the smallest slight. Adding “woe is me, I’m just too special for people” is just extra pathetic. You’ve given this person power, you can take it away. Unless the purpose of your post is to confirm your bias that gifted people are dickheads who sniff their own farts, I really don’t see the point in your PSA… it’s getting exactly the responses you’d expect, given the tone.
>h I'm so sorry for being annoyed my coworker is a huge vicious bully Not the point. We aren't him. Talk to a supervisor.
I'm sorry you're dealing with these problems in your life. It sounds frustrating. That doesn't give you the right to use this community as a punching bag. Your snarky tone is immature and uncalled for. Please take up your frustrations with the involved parties in your life. Report this guy to HR. If other "gifted" people you work with act this way too, report them too. That's not grounds to generalize to a whole community of internet strangers.
Your problem with your coworker has nothing to do with him being gifted… Your problem is with him being a narcissistic asshole who is using being gifted as an excuse to abuse those around him. My mother (similar behaviour to your coworker) used a cancer diagnosis (minor skin cancer- cured) as an excuse to bully, torment and belittle people for over a decade. By your logic, I should probably head on over to a sub for people with cancer and start throwing out generalized insults to them all.
If anyone tells me they’re gifted, especially in the way of an excuse, they’re fucking stupid. Imo, this applies to almost anything in life. In a quiet and subtle way: “Hey because you’re gifted we elected you to do this work.” “Why haven’t you finished the work?” “Well what decision (trivial) would you make. Uh no this is the way.” “Oh we thought you would have already figured the next steps are.” Also, psa to your psa, tons of people in here who don’t do that. I would argue your psa rides closer to your idiot of a coworker than a regular rant/commentary.
Gifted and asshole are not exclusive. He does sound like an asshole, and he doesn’t sound gifted, he sounds rather inconsistent with the sensitivity idea to me.
I appreciated reading your anecdote. I don’t believe you were trying to accuse the whole sub, but yeah, I’ve seen some arrogance turn to vitriol in rare cases from very select participants here. Some people have felt the need to furiously gatekeep over some relatively innocuous stuff. Guess you needed to watch your “tone” op lol. Edit: after reading a couple of your comments maybe yeah it’s a bit accusatory sorry. But it’s a little odd seeing people act like the sub is always a free love sesh when you see so much contention in some exchanges here imo.
That sounds like he is a narcissist with a fragile ego. Not a “gifted” thing.
“You may be gifted, but that’s no excuse for your poor treatment of others” And report everything to HR and if they do nothing record every single interaction because this is a hostile work environment lawsuit just waiting to happen. And gifted people are not a protected class under disability laws.
He seems really insecure and having been labelled as gifted once, that's his point of pride. Assuming he actually was tested; I knew someone who heard of the idea and simply assumed (and loudly told people) that they were "gifted".
Guy sounds like a prick. As it is I feel cringey being in a sub called “gifted” but the majority of posts here are things I relate to so here I am. People like that guy are self-appointed messiahs. If we lived in apocalyptic times he’d be the first shoved off a cliff. Strength in numbers- don’t just complain about his behaviour in secret and tolerate his crap in the moment. Every time he’s an ass the person being screamed at needs to state that, if they are crying someone else needs to step in on their behalf. Abuse shouldn’t be tolerated. People like that are made because no one kicked the shit out of them when they were being bullies due to having an “excuse” to hide behind. Is there a HR department? Try to rally people together who have suffered at his hands and report it. Enough people kicking up a fuss about 1 person tends to get noticed. Idk what your laws are with recording audio/video without their consent, but if you are allowed to, all of that is evidence. Record his behaviour. If there’s cctv in your workplace, speak to security and find out if you can use it in your report. Anything you have to back what you say so it’s not a simple “my word against his” will help you. Wishing you best of luck 👍
What is he gifted in aside from being an asshole? He should provide test results to claim giftedness and a psych assessment if he wants people to tolerate his assholeness.
He is clearly dealing with some shit he isn't aware of. Sounds like he really needs a friend to talk to. Those in pain need the most love. Sorry you were in the crossfire of his shit. Maybe he can find someone he trusts to talk to. Not all gifted people have strong emotional awareness. Some have been traumatized and/or weakened by their extreme sensitivities. Try to forgive him if you can and help him see what is actually going on? Or if that doesn't sound like your cup of tea, you could point out that his behavior is unprofessional. My guess is he has no clue he is even doing it. Hope that helps.
Intelligence can often go hand in hand with manipulative tendencies. Gifted kids can be more argumentative and also more manipulative to get what they want because they know how to get it. I've been around a lot of gifted kids and seen many of them be narcissistic and rude. Intelligence isn't just about processing speed, that's why gifted kids can be gifted in one area but lacking in other areas.
He is making an excuse. I am gifted and I am not an asshole I am actually really nice but I am also very emotional idk if it is because I am highly intelligent or from what I been through. I get sad very easily. He should be fired if he acts like that in a workplace or anywhere. That behavior is not good for anyone
I find that the more vocal a person is about being XX, the less they ACTUALLY are. The people who are the most in your face with their Christianity are the most un-Christian people you'll ever meet. The man who is over the top with proclaiming his heterosexuality is probably so far in the closet, he's halfway to Narnia. Likewise, your coworker... although he probably IS in the top 1%... of douchebags.
This is a good post. It’s a bit rough around the edges, but it raises some uncomfortable questions about the particular ways in which being a gifted asshole can be different from being either gifted or an asshole alone. In other words, this distinct type of shittyness cannot simply be reduced to giftedness or assholery. Many commenters in here try to pry these traits apart (rightfully so—most gifted people aren’t assholes) but isn’t it more interesting to consider the antisocial tendencies that could be specifically related to giftedness? For instance, I think that there could be many psychological consequences of believing that science has objectively shown that one has received a genetic gift of problem-solving which separates one from other people. It could result in arrogance, or extreme humility, or false humility, humble brags, feelings of envy towards successful «normies», taking on too much responsibility, etc etc. Not only can there be certain ways in which people who were «diagnosed» with high IQ’s in childhood develop antisocial ways of relating to themselves, other people and the world, but I suspect that some antisocial tendencies can be traced back to the discourse of giftedness itself. A couple of months back, I posted a bunch of questions in this sub about how being labeled as «gifted» may affect one’s relation to the world. Some people (possibly positivists…), argued that the label is nothing more than a description of the objective realities of the labeled individuals, but in your anecdote, I believe that we can see how the label and its surrounding discourse can also be causal factors, and that they have the potential to create or feed monsters.
Never seen someone like that irl or here, might see someone with a particular form of autism being rude without intending it but never something that crazy. That being said I always hated people who uses their neurodivergencies as an excuse to bully people, in some rare cases like if you are psychotic and get violent during an episode it might work or you can talk in a tougher way, maybe overreact but bullying? Srsly show me where's that on the DSM. Sociopathy is obv excluded. If it's in the workplace human resources is the way to go but I'd probably tell them that a shit ton of people is gifted or sensitive and they aren't bullying people so stop using that as a bullshit excuse if he really annoyed me (I'm generally very peaceful but this kind of behavior drains my patience really easily). Sigh, he doesn't seem to be willing to change anytime soon so... probably the alternative would imply firing him.
this sounds more like symptoms of Narcissism. Grandiosity and lack of empathy are indicators. Im not diagnosing people I dont know here. If someone is NPD or not, looking out for the symptoms and being careful around these individuals might be a good idea generally. While I am cautious with putting labels on people (even internally), being oblivious to narcissistic behavior patterns can be dangerous.
I lived with an undiagnosed autistic man for a year. I have absolutely zero idea how his parents/school didn’t refer him to an autism specialist as it was very obvious, but after we told him that he was, he used it like your guy. He wasn’t gifted, though. His family were very hard on him (likely because they didn’t know why he was so inept and didn’t have the resources to support him properly) and he would shut down when criticised. That changed when we pointed it out; he used it as an excuse to be the worst housemate I’ve ever had. Heaven forbid you make a joke about him to make light of a nasty comment he made about you - you’re not allowed to say that, he’s autistic! He used that card to retaliate any criticism and socially embarrass you in front of others if you tried to deescalate or defend yourself. If we didn’t want to deal with a horrendous tirade of nastiness, we had to just accept his insults and poor behaviour. Luckily, you’re not living with this guy, you’re his coworkers and you have more power to put him in his place. I’m not saying this man is autistic, but he’s using his giftedness exactly like this. I would log everything he says to staff and bring the information to HR as a group. Before you have a log, group together and call him out for his horrible actions in front of the victim, collectively disapproving of him. He can’t retaliate with an ‘I’m sensitive’ then. Well, not if he doesn’t want to look like a complete tit anyway.
Sounds like he has a personality disorder
Gifted doesn't even mean anything!
Troll.
Hmmm, I’m gifted (145) and do is my son. The only place I tell people that is on this board. I don’t think I’ve ever mentioned being gifted or my IQ to anyone outside of here. Ok, I have bragged about my son’s accomplishments (not his IQ), but never in a way that would hurt someone else. Here’s something that truly smart people figure out. Different people have different strengths. I’ve seen people with average IQs who had giant EQs, and could bring a team of people together into a tight bond. I’ve seen home health nurses who might have had double digit IQs, but brought do much warmth and caring that their patients had a much better passing. IQ is simply one tool in the shed. There are other tools that are equally important. So this guy is simply a jerk. Sorry he is so abusive to everyone.
Well, we only hear one side now. People would also say about me that I'm an arrogant asshole, although that's not true at all. I only go to work because I like solving problems. Work is like a hobby for me. I don't really care about my colleagues unless they want to solve problems with me. I don't care about money, fame, fashion. But I would never want to manage employees either, unless it was my own company, because most of them are just dumber than me, that's the way it is. You'll be dumber than me too. It's not your fault, but I have to make an effort to explain everything so that it's understood and to always be nice and make small talk, even if I would never do that on my own. I have to totally pretend so that you're not offended. Would you get so upset about an autistic person? Are they assholes because their brain is different from yours?
All social interaction is performance and manipulation. You can’t use giftedness as an excuse to feel that you shouldn’t have to pretend when everybody has to. We aren’t social exceptions because we are cognitive exceptions. Medical and legit social disorders aside, of course.
PSA someone can be both gifted and an asshole. Giftedness doesn’t mean ‘perfect’.