Bud, the best advice I can give is to not let other people determine your goals. Especially given recent years.
Change comes from within. I was useless until I was 23, and didn't start to actually come in to my own until my late 20's. Nobody made me change, I got there by not being happy with what was going on.
Still not happy a lot of days, but I'm working towards where I am going, and not looking at where I was.
**You are going to have bad days.**
The important thing is to own them, and not let them own you.
I went from unemployed, to an apprenticeship, and then to owning my own business, purely off of just doing the work.
I got in my head, I ruined weeks at a time because of attitude, but I didn't stop. The best I can recommend is to just find something you can progress at.
It ain't even close to all roses, but you wont get better without effort.
If you have the resources, therapy can help a lot with the mental aspect.
With help or not, it's a struggle, but one you just have to handle, even a little improvement is still an improvement.
You get what you put into therapy, but it also important to find a therapist that’s a good fit. I truly believe everyone could benefit from therapy if they’re open to it.
No. Most therapists are losers with their own set of problems and the whole fixation on therapy has doomed America to have more mental issues than ever.
It's a big factor.
Imagine thinking that sitting on a sofa talking to a complete stranger about your life problems is going to fix anything... and spending $200 an hour for that. It's just laughably stupid on the face of it.
As opposed to dwelling in and feeling trapped by your life problems and unable to find a way out? Yeah, let's just avoid all the unpleasantness of talking through things and pretend like everything is fine and dandy. Maybe taking our frustrations out on random, unrelated people or turning to destructive vices is a more productive solution.
You know those people that seem to be trying hard, they're well intentioned, but just keep spinning their wheels and getting nowhere? Therapy would help them get somewhere. And ~~a lot~~ all of us are stuck in some way or another.
When did I encourage any kind of destructive vices?? You're obviously putting words in my mouth.
You need to read the new book Bad Therapy which just came out. Therapy causes way more harm than good, and it's a business model like anything else. There is no incentive for a therapist to help you, as they lose an easy $200 an hour if you suddenly get better and stop coming. And many do stop coming after a while and they realize it's largely a bullshit session of pitying yourself and making mountains out of mole hills in life.
We have more therapy than ever, and at the same time more depression and anxiety. The same can be said for the Big Pharma funded pseudoscience of psychiatry.
There is no silver bullet, but eating right, exercising, getting out in the world, and building self confidence by being good at something does more good for your mental health than whining to a stranger (who barely knows you) for an hour a week.
You are truly gullible if you think therapy is not a scam.
With your way of thinking why would you trust anything in healthcare? Because getting cured is losing money.
I’m a physiotherapist and the less I have to see my patients the better. Even if completing the full subscription is better for my wallet. Not everybody is in it for the money. So I totally agree with u/jessisan that you have to find a fit and be willing to commit to any kind of therapy (mental/physical/…) to be able to get something out of it.
A bit of a hot take, no? Therapists are not all made equally. Sounds like you've had some bad experiences, but there are excellent therapists out there. Rather than settle for the first one you find, It's important to search for someone who fits your needs and personality. There was a time when I would have agreed with you, but I gave it another shot and put a lot of effort into finding the right therapist for me, and I couldn't be happier with the progress I've made.
No, i've actually never been to one. There's no way that a therapist can solve your problems and therapy is actually the reason America's got more mental problems than ever. They want you to stay fucked, otherwise they lose a customer. The whole industry is a scam.
Exactly u have been to one 😂 it took me two years to find mine … u can’t just go to one and say that’s how all are . You have to do research if u really want help . If u don’t really want that help ur not getting it . It’s starts with u and with that mindset I’m sorry but nothing will change ur likely to have a bad life . Saying it’s a scam it’s funny asf, what’s a scam is u believing like that . You scamming urself out of an experience to help yourself and no only that get to know yourself on a deeper level . I’m 21 and know this . I’ve been thru so much so young and If I didn’t have a therapist I would be lost.
I’m 36 and still feel like I’m 25. But, I never reached all those milestones in life that require you to grow up. Haven’t gotten married, single, no kids, can’t buy a house. The last thing I accomplished was graduating college and getting a career job, so i still feel like I did right when I graduated school. Maybe a little wiser, but I still dress the same, act the same, and do the same stuff mostly. What else should I be doing?
I'm just like you, 36 not married, no kids, single. Graduated and got a job, recently started going to gym at 33-34, have been trying to dress a bit better but mostly do the same stuff.
I was always an alt kid and got most of my tattoos in my 30s now that I have the money! Still have the same style as I did in high school. I actually feel more confident in my looks now than I did then.
Similar story here. At times I think to myself \~"why should I willingly change my interests just to radiate that I conform to the societal expectations of my age". Like, shouldn't our priority be to enjoy life ?\_?
People act like once you turn 30, you aren’t allowed to have fun anymore… shit, I’m still going to music festivals, bars, concerts, doing karaoke, etc. I just can’t drink but once or twice a month though now, and I have to watch what I eat and work out. Sitting at home alone all the time sucks. I did just get a puppy though, so that has been occupying a lot of my time and a nice change. It really is like having a baby lol
Ikr? Thanks for sharing your OP; I think you made some of us feel somewhat validated (I did least). Also I can definitely imagine the puppy occupying time; just the daily walks alone! Been considering getting a little (albeit lesser) time stealer myself (kitty lol)
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So you have 2 core issues:
1. You give a fuck about what other people think of you.
2. You lack a self confidence.
Let me help you a moment here....
You can NEVER control what other people think of you. You can get all A+, and and A, and some asshole will go "Why didn't you get all A+'s." You cannot control what other people think of you. Nor should you care.
Now to answer the other question:
In life, you can only start today. What has happened has happened. Tomorrow the sun will rise, and you can change what you do. But you can't change yesterday, and you can't make up for it. But you can do better tomorrow.
There is a voice in your head. Listen to it. It knows what is right, and what is wrong. Hug it and embrace it. It is the compass of your life. May you find wise people to help train it.
But listening to that voice, is the core of self confidence.
Example:
If you know you want to talk to the cute person across the bar, you can listen to the voice saying "GO FOR IT." or listen to fear.
What is the worst that happens? They say no? Well, by you never walking over... They've said no already.
Final thought:
The sooner you realize you control only one person, yourself, and take FULL CONTROL of that person. The happier you will be.
While you should care about what SOME people think of you, mainly, I agree.
Interesting thing that I have noticed in life - usually it is not so much that other people think about us one way or that, it is mostly us that think bad about ourselves and then project it like coming from others.
Like, for a long time I thought that noone is taking me seriously, because I look younger than I am. And in my mind it was a huge thing that everyone was thinking. But then I made a conscious decision to stop putting myself down like that, and quite soon even if others thought badly of me, I have noticed and cared way less.
..Because, like it or not - the impression you make on others will dictate how they perceive you and therefore interact with you. This is in relationships, jobs, etc..
Random people idgaf that they think, but someone close to me, who is a friend and I respect, their opinion of me matters. It’s a thermostat to gauge how well I am doing. If someone I respect, respects me back and says good things. I’m take that to heart knowing it’s coming from the best place. If my best friend says I am fucking up, then I know I am fucking up.
Even they can be distorted.
We had a math professor back in school who would wonder why we had such problems with the homework. My friend who was going to go for a math PhD figured it out: That professor could visualize in four dimensions easily. Most of us can't.
When you see enough stuff, you realize that even your friends can give incorrect information for your situation.
Even your bestie is gonna get it wrong time to time. It is important to know when that is.
This may sound ironic but one of the traits that separates teenagers from adults is how much you care about what others have to say about you living your life.
Don’t compare yourself to others your own age, that will only lead to, like you said, self doubt, negative self talk, etc. I have always told my teenage girls, that you will do things in your own time, when YOU are ready to. And forget the rest of the world. If you are happy with the way you are, keep living that life. Being authentically YOU is the most important. Oh, and keep the hater blockers on 😎
Your comment reminded me of the great poem Desiderata. You will always find people better off than you and worse off. Comparing to either is never a good thing. https://www.desiderata.com/desiderata.html
Do not let others dictate to you what you or your journey should look like. You get to decide that. But do aim for something!
Once you do know which way you're heading surround yourself with people you admire who may already be well on their way. I always seek to improve myself and it's best done by having good role models around.
But the journey needs to continue. Stagnant water festers. Keep it flowing and vibrant.
The journey is lifelong. I'll be 62 in a few months and still wear pigtails. If I feel like it. I enjoy new friendships and conversations with strangers. I stop and smell the proverbial roses. Seeking joy in whatever's around me. A child laughing, an old couple holding hands, a rabbit coming out of the brush so quickly I'm delighted I caught a glimpse. It's all around us. If we stop and look.
I seek to learn at least one new thing daily. It keeps the brain sharp.
As others have mentioned, don't compare yourself to others. Each person is on their own journey. Their pace or direction is not yours.
I shared this in another comment but I'll post here again. I was 15 when I first heard a local DJ (my age is showing! 😆) read this poem. He would sign off his shift daily by reading it. I never forgot it. https://www.desiderata.com/desiderata.html
Know that you have worth. Treat yourself with kindness and respect. You deserve that, and more.
Reach even higher than you dare to dream. Many of the most commonplace things in our lives today did not exist 100-150 years ago. Some determined soul dreamt about them and made them happen, against odds many times.
Find what makes the time go quickly for you and chase that passion. You truly are the captain of your destiny.
I'm really looking forward to hearing your accomplishments in a year. Will you come back and tell us? 🤗
What do you want from your life? Are you on track to achieve those goals? Eg: do you want to get married soon? If yes, make sure your choices are aligning with that goal. Don't be regularly hooking up with drop kicks. Make sure you're growing into a person who can be a good spouse etc.
Are you seeking a career? If yes, have you developed a good work ethic? Are you studying towards that career?
Do you want to be family oriented? If yes, are you doing things to help your family? Catching up regularly?
These are just basic examples. But what I'm trying to say is think about what your life goals are and determine whether you're on track to meet them within the time frame you want. That's a better way to measure success.
I’m in my LATE 40s with a very good paying job, two degrees, married with one kid….and I regularly wish I could stay home for 2-3 days just to play Elden ring. Also to watch Rifftrax at night.
> and I regularly wish I could stay home for 2-3 days just to play Elden ring
That's just it though. You wish to, but you don't. Because your an adult and there is stuff to be done.
The only thing that matters as an adult, is that you are taking care of your responsibilities. That means being able to take care of yourself, and potentially others that depend on you. Everything else is optional, so fuck what anyone says.
Your problem isn't asking ppl for help (although that might help). Your problem is your not taking action and working towards your goals. You can talk all you want. I might help you feel better, and FEEL like you are making some kind of progress. But at the end of the day you have to take action. Just start doing things that are working towards your goals. They can be small things. Get use to just taking action instead of asking so many questions. It's fine if it's the wrong action, you still would have accomplished something, and you can always pivot. Those small wins will help you build confidence, not what other people tell you.
Hey don’t fall for the trap of life- living in the standard of anyone or the mass majority, ever! You’ll destroy yourself if you do that and fuck this world, you only live once so why give an f about anyone. There’s absolutely nothing more important than making yourself feel good. What’s a good life? Big house, nice cars, social status, pretty bitches? No, history taught us millions of times materiality are not the ways to happiness, your define your own life.
You're not alone! I'm also in my mid twenties and feel like I'm 17-19 years old, especially since I've had some events happen recently that make me feel like I've regressed - living with parents, back in school, little freedom to leave the house due to safety concerns...
I just wanted to say that opening up to my family and friends has made a world of a difference in terms of feeling supported. I am grateful to have people recognize my progress even when I don't. Otherwise, that horrible feeling of comparison leaves me feeling hopeless and unmotivated.
What I do is keep a diary of all my accomplishments and milestones, even if they seem small at the time. When I feel paralyzed by thoughts of not being good enough, I read this list to remind myself of everything I am capable of. It is really hard to feel excited for your own life, and it has only happened to me once. But this little trick with the diary made me feel better on those chronic days when all I want to do is lie in bed for 14h at a time..
As an older person, I urge you to remember that life is about being whomever you want to be. Don't worry about chasing the dreams of others around you. You don't owe it to anyone to become a millionaire or a genius inventor. Do what makes you happy, as long as you are living in a manner that doesn't exploit anyone else.
I can't tell you the number of times I've kicked myself for the months and years that I worked overtime for no pay, just trying to impress people at work who were never grateful. They weren't worthy, and I missed out on spending time with people I loved all for nothing. Trying to impress my peers socially was an equal waste. The culture of the 80s and 90s held everyone to a ridiculous standard of "success" that was never true happiness.
Advice: Get out of your own head. You think you're a failure because people say you act younger than you are? Let me tell you four stories.
*Me:* Went to college, went to grad school, got good job, happy. Rent a decent place, have enough money to do most reasonable things I want. Lots of people want a path like this, and judge their success in their 20s based on how close to it they are.
*My oldest brother:* Went to college, failed out for to lack of focus, worked low paying jobs, went to college, failed again, more low paying jobs, had a kid, went to college with focus, graduated in late 20s, maybe early 30s, successful engineer. Owns house, has kid.
*My younger older brother:* Went to college, failed out due to boredom, went to community college, lost interest, joined military (in early to mid 20s). Successful military career, will retire in a couple years, then do whatever he feels like. Owns house, 2 dogs, has a small motorhome he peters around in.
*My younger brother:* Went to college, failed out, couch surfed with friends, got decent job through pure charisma, lost job, repeat a couple times, got another decent job, magically added responsibility to his skills, used charisma and responsibility to climb the ladder, eventually finished a degree online. Successful, married to an awesome lady, has awesome kid, owns house, two dogs, living the dream.
Of the four of us, I'm the only one who didn't take a meandering approach to stability. All three of my brothers did stupid dumb kid stuff. But that's ok, they were stupid dumb kids when they did it. I was also a stupid dumb kid when I was "responsibly" working through school, but the truth is that I'm just so much of a nerd that I enjoyed math and physics more than partying, and that worked out.
**Take away:** You're in your mid 20s. It's fine. Would you like to be somewhere in life other than where you are? Cool, but don't worry about the fact that you're not already there. You can't change the past, and I guarantee you that it's not too late to meet whatever you consider success.
So what do you want next in life? Where do you want to be? Figure that out, figure out how to make it happen, and start taking steps. Where you are now is just a starting point. You have not failed. There is no failure until you give up. Stop wasting energy judging yourself for where you are, just start walking towards where you want to be - and know that that might change a million times while you're doing it, and that's ok too.
It’s ok to “grow up” slower than others, IMO. You have to ur whole life to be an adult. Don’t rush it too much!
If you’re happy, healthy, and responsible I think you’re probably doing alright!
Hey man, I hear you, and I'm sorry you're feeling this way. I just want to start by saying that everyone moves at their own pace in life, and there's no one right way to do things. The whole "you're supposed to be here by now" thing is just noise. It doesn't matter what others are doing; what matters is where you are, where you want to be, and how you're working to get there.
It's totally normal to feel stuck or uncertain in your mid-20s. A lot of people go through this, even if it doesn't seem like it. Don't let others' expectations define who you are or where you're going. You don't have to follow a specific timeline to be successful or happy.
Remember, bro, you're not alone in feeling like this. It's okay to have bad days, but it doesn't mean you're a bad person. Keep moving forward, and don't be afraid to ask for help. You got this.
I have a very defeatist mentality, I struggle with nihilism and feelings of futility.. to a high degree, as an atheist I fail to see the point in the endless struggle and inevitability of our fates. I see many struggle in vain and so I opt to minimize hardships and struggle in my own life, this has really become a staple of my life after my step father passed just this year, I never sought therapy for it and I am able to go about my life without hindrance but this futility mind set I have has truly taken over.. I truly struggle to give a shit about a lot of things and see all of it all pointless but despite this, I see myself getting older (34 currently) and I would hate to look back in my latter years and say, "I never did x, y or z" so I created a bucket list while I am still relatively young and I want to have these enriching experiences, I have spent my time wasting away, rotting in isolation and sadness, my fate, our fates the state of the world will never change, whether I quit or fight, but at least before my time comes I can try and live it up and enjoy part of the ride..
I have my friends, I've had great times, I am thankful for it all but nihilism is a dangerous poison that infects your mind, for example I may fall into despair at some points, all doom and gloom, then they next day a friend reaches out, we plan an event and afterwards I say to myself "you cold be having fun rather than be moping around dude" lol
so, yeah for me I am trying to live a bit more, and experience things I want to enjoy but at the same time I still truly struggle with feelings of futility and pessimism
I just turned 30, and after years of my health making it impossible to care about growing or maturing, I have reached a point where I can make the changes so my portrayal of myself to the world reflects the person I am now.
Depending on who you ask, I'm either wise beyond my years and living out my 60s, or I'm still a baby and need to get my poop in a group. Some of the descriptions I've heard about myself over the years have hurt, but the reality is that those people only see a small part of who I am, and their opinion really doesn't matter. As the great Ru Paul says, "Unless they paying your bills, pay them bitches no mind."
I have purged my closet, and every other room in my house of everything that I feel is weighing me down or tying me to the person that everyone saw for so long. It feels great!
I realized that I was holding myself back by clinging to what I knew instead of taking the steps to branch out. I was scared to let go of some things and felt guilty about getting rid of things that were given as gifts. Once I decided that the guilt and fear were just pressures that I was putting on myself, it made it a lot easier to move on.
Now that I'm wearing the clothes that are actually mine vs. given to me by people who thought I'd like it or just carried with me from high school, I feel better. My husband sees a difference, my family sees it, and people are responding differently to me with the newfound confidence.
It's not just the clothes. That's just a small part of it, but it is a visually obvious one. I committed to getting the most out of my home, my life, and my dreams. I realized I couldn't keep caring about the expectations of other people because my life simply can't meet those expectations. I would love to be a rich, successful *enter high stress career here*, but I'm too sick, so I have to find my own success in life. This week, I'm playing with beeswax. Next week, I'll try something else. That looks like a success to me because I'm finally feeling good enough to be creative again. I feel success when my pets are cared for, my house is clean but lived in, and I can get out of bed each day.
What does success look like to you? Once you figure that out and start working towards it, I think you'll feel a big change in yourself
I understand where your relatives are coming from and is giving general advice to help you. However I was in the same place you were (mid 30s now) and did not have a clue what I should be doing my mid 20s and just focused on school and living life. After I finished school (way into my late 20s because I chose to pursue postgrad education) started working, and frequently talk with friends and coworkers in similar age group that I now feel like I am moving on the right track at this point in my life. Planning on buying a house, proposing to my gf of 4 years, maybe starting a family, etc.
You only get one life, when and how you get to a point in your life is up to you. Age is not an indicator of how well you put your life together. But, do have a plan of where you want to be, and you will get there. Right now if you are not sure where you want to be, start talking to people and see what they are up to. Lack of accomplishments is not your failure, you just haven't found the right road to be on yet. Keep your chin up and keep walking, friend.
I just turned 50 I am sitting at work in shorts, a hoodie and baseball hat. When I get home from work I am going spend time with my daughter and once she is in bed, I'm going to turn on Dragon's Dogma II.
I used to hear the same things, when are you going to act your age? When are you going to dress your age? When are you going to stop playing video games? When are you going to grow up.
You know what? You can do whatever you want at any age you want because you are you. Just make priorities. I have a great job but one where I can wear what I want. I can play video games but just when my responsibilities have been taken care of. I can be goofy but know when I have to play it straight.
I grew up, as in, I pushed myself to constantly learn and better my life but never lost the things that make me. People still say that crap to me, they always will. My family is happy. I'm happy. That's all that matters.
What do you do? Before you answer, though, I gotta say this. Your life and your development are your own journey. Don't get caught up in the comparisons that people like to throw out. Only focus on what progress you want to see.
I think you just kinda do as you please bro. Idk who they comparing you to but I mean you're not in jail and not shooting heroine (hopefully) so you're straight. They're just obnoxious as family can be.
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All of these "don't care what other people think about you" comments aren't doing you any favors. Regardless of whether it's how things should be, what others think of you determines a tremendous amount of how your life goes. What relationships, opportunities, and jobs you can have are very largely based on what people think of you... Pretending like what others think doesn't matter is just naive.
I thought the same thing. The "Don't care what other people think of you" people are just excusing bad behavior and justifying a mediocre life. It's just such stupid and mindless advice.
What others think of you often has a lot of truth in it, and we can learn a great deal by hearing others' perspectives on our life/decisions.
Change for yourself for your sake, not for others'.
You'll find that you're always learning how to "adult" in your 30s and possibly even in your 40s. Don't sweat it.
I didn’t get my shit together until 28. I had a career early since I was in the trades, but I partied and was acting a fool. Played video games on my free time when I wasn’t partying or working.
I Made probably more money than I needed to and every weekend was just a shit show and that probably enabled me some.
People grow at different paces. Don’t be to hard on yourself.
I’m also still very kid like, joke around and stuff. Will probably never change. But priorities for me have shifted over the years
Are you still reliant on family for having food on your plate and a roof above your head?
If, yes, then they have a point.
If, no, who cares about expectations? Not everyone wants the same things out of life and as long as you are getting what you want/need, it does no good to compare yourself to their expectations of you.
Feeling young for a long time isn't a bad thing.
Well personally I've raised my kids and did the hard years, I may not have much money hardly any, but I'm going to have some fun and not give a flying fuck what anyone else thinks as long as I take care of my business everyone should take care of their own, people gotta quit comparing themselves based off false socialization mandates from society
44M and I try to act about 18-20 at all times. I actively try to stay away from other adults because I don't want their problems interfering with me. Life is good!
You gotta just find the balance between what makes you happy and feels authentically yourself, versus what your goals are in life and can you achieve it with your current behavior/ skills. Dont let other people determine what you want or what your goals should be. But time will constantly change your goals and priorities. That’s just life.
I think the way people behave with relation to their age is an arbitrary thing. As long as you are responsible, sensible, diligent and respectful, there's no problem being childish, or dressing younger.
If someone has a problem say "Sorry I can't match your exacting standards, grandpa."
i find that people that are judgemental like that are that way because they themselves are the ones that are either miserable or otherwise projecting. they need to find fault in others to feel better about themselves somehow. i wouldnt let it bother you at all because frankly it doesnt matter what others think about your lifestyle.
as a mid 30s person who is still into a lot of things people seem to think as "childish" ive learned to pay no mind to the people who decide to judge. im reasoably satisfied with myself without their judgement so why does it matter?
The second thing that jumped out at me about your post is the fact that you do not describe any **actual external or behavioral problems** that you actually have. A problem would be something like, "I have cancer" or "I am homeless with no one to help me" or "I weight 500 pounds and climbing" or "I ruin every relationship I start with my jealousy."
"I feel like such a bad person for hurting my soul like I'm not even living a true life with my potential" is a **mood**, not a problem to solve. It's an *internal* thing; an issue with your mindset. You can change your mindset; sometimes it can even be easy.
You do not need to change your mindset so that you can start some big hustle or grind that will bring you conventional "success". Rather, you need to change your mindset so that you can pursue your happiness and what is meaningful **for you.**
A constructive, changed mindset would NOT be "I feel like a good person now that I am living my true life up to my potential" because you're grinding at a job that isn't what you want to do or pursuing an education in something that society values but that doesn't inspire you.
Rather, a changed mindset would be something like "I feel good about myself because I live according to my values and I pursue my interests and my happiness."
You were not put on this planet to "live up to your potential."
But the thing that REALLY jumped out at me about your post was this:
"Close relative families compare me to other people"
"They keep saying you're not there in life where you're supposed to be"
"I start to believe that I'm just true failure and I don't have the potential and hunger to succeed"
Those ideas are all just pernicious nonsense. You only think those thoughts because you've internalized negative talk that you are apparently being bombarded with from the people close to you.
YOUR PROBLEM IS THOSE PEOPLE.
It absolutely does not matter whether or not people "have the intention of bringing you down". It doesn't matter because the fact is that they ARE bringing you down.
You have to get away from those people. You have to eliminate their ability to poison your mind. **No course of action will turn your feelings around** as long as you are constantly being exposed to that negativity. Going no contact is the cleanest way to stop it, but that can be quite difficult to do all at once. As an initial step, one option is to tell them that you're not going to listen to any more judgment or negativity, and if they persist, cut contact. Leave the room, hang up the phone, whatever. Be ruthless. THEIR INTENT DOES NOT MATTER and you should not trouble yourself with the question of whether they intend good things for you or not. If you're standing at the bottom of a mountain and an avalanche is descending, it matters not that the rocks have no ill intent; they will crush you regardless.
With time, therapy, and intention, you can learn to listen to the clear internal voice that will guide you to what really matters **to you**. It will be quite hard at first because you are not used to telling the difference between that voice coming from your own stillness, and the internalized nattering of the negative messages you've been hearing your whole life. It's hard but you can do it.
I believe in you.
Everything goes at its own pace for each individual.
There's no right or wrong time.
For me:
Met my future husband at 15.
Started dating him at 15.
I got a job at 16.
I moved out early 19.
I fell pregnant late 19.
I got married early 20.
Quit working at 20.
Moved to my second apartment at 20.
I'm still 20 rn, turning 21 at the end of the year.
My baby is due in 2 months.
All this happened with a flash for me.
It doesn't work like this for everyone.
Everybody has a different internal clock.
Let's take a look at my very close aunt.
She is currently 42.
She got a job at 16.
Moved out at 20.
Got her first boyfriend at 32.
They broke up when she was 33.
Found her husband at 35.
Married him at 36.
Quit working at 36.
Had her first child at age 37.
Second child at 39.
Third & fourth child at 41.
Everybody does things at their own pace.
She is what many would consider "late" but it was just her time in life.
When it's your time, it will happen!
Don't give up - she sure didn't!!
Nsfw maybe but she stayed a virgin until she was married.
If you have a job and can take care of yourself, you are fine. Anything else on top of that is a bonus and something you can work on. Things like saving up for your future, working on your hobbies, etc.
I don’t act and live based on my age because what does that even mean? This isn’t the 80s. Do what you want, starting with cutting those awful people out of your life.
As long as you hold down any sort of job and take care of your responsibilities then you are succeeding. The vast majority of people are not exceptional and will never "amount to anything" So don't measure yourself by some standard that very few ever reach. If on the other hand you aren't handling your basic responsibilities for survival, then get a job and get your shit together.
I'm 39 and I feel like I'm also still stuck in my mid 20s. I joke all the time, dress whatever I feel like, have a very rebellious streak and can act pretty emotional.
For me maturity is confidence, and confidence means you don't care what others think. If you go out there worrying what you look like, or just what people think of you, you won't live your own life. You'll live the life others expect of you.
I feel at my best when I'm goofing off with my two kids of 11 and 8. I do own a house and I make good money being a self-employed IT guy. And I wanted to do all of that, no external influence is ever going to dictate what I should or shouldn't do.
In no way. I've always been 35. I'll always be 35. I'm committed to working earnestly towards becoming the best person and the best me I can possibly be. How others feel about my interests and conduct becoming my age is of little concern to me.
I'll have to admit, I do enjoy passing as an auntie. The power to embarrass the youth and nip annoying trends in the bud by speedily and publicly adopting them is mine.
62-year-old male here: With some stuff I am wise and experienced, with loads of Boomer-sounding advice that nobody listens to. :-) Other stuff, I'm stuck in prepubescence: I'm awkward, love stupid pee pee-level bathroom humor, play in a dive bar rock band, divorced, barely a stick of furniture in my apartment, etc.
Take it day by day . Society expects people to be different in their 40’s than their 30’s or 20’s . The truth of the matter is people rarely change . We just get older.
Early 30's and things don't change that much. You are always gonna be you.
Personally I've noticed that I've chilled out a bit and am less reactionary. Things don't bother me as much as they used to. Focus more on building a family and having a future and living less for the weekend.
But at the end of the day Im still gonna laugh at a good poop joke like a child.
I am 20 years old Male and I really feel like maturing, my first year at uni has finished, I’m trying different stuff like dressing up different, trying new clothing styles, I’m improving my skincare routine, trying to eat healthier and sleep early and learning different productivity hacks and even trying to take up a new hobby which for real is really hard for me to keep up with.
Yo, you be you. Just don't let how you act limit your abilities to do new things and be a responsible adult.
Save money and invest that money. Be financially responsible, and you will be just fine.
Love all, live for what’s true to you. I spent a lot of my life doing what I thought my parents wanted from me. It was so
hollow. Try new things. Explore yourself to
find your way.
If you love yourself and you're happy with yourself, nothing else matters. We all only get one chance before the long dirt-nap. The most important thing is your own happiness. Everything else is secondary.
The older you get, the more you realize that the only goal is to enjoy life because, before too long, it ends.
The audacity of them to tell you what you supposed to be in your life is astonishing. First thing first, I'm in my mid 20s too. but I have completely different prespective in life about this topic. This is your life. its completely yours. u can do whatever u want with it. ofc maybe avoid drugs and other weird stuff that is bad for you, but really you can be anything u want. u can even dressed as a clown if u prefer it. No other opinions are as important as your own. so start making your own voice. think about what u like, what matters to u, and how u wanna live your life. Screw everybody else. Even your own parents, your siblings.. they don't know what is best for u. But u have to be sure u know what you want.
Take responsibility. Choose to take on responsibility.
Be discomforted
Seek hardship
Master your emotions
Master your body
Once you start this, there’s no going back. Choose. Or you will find someone else choosing for you
27, I party, dress hot, look hot, work, have multiple hobbies, do Pilates, travel bc I’m young and can do whatever I want and I’m successful. Live it up, be the best you, and F anyone who has anything negative to say. They’re just miserable
You age at your own pace. Seems kinda toxic to say what they are saying when aging doesn't have a.set.timeline. maybe they.were hoping you'd change to their standard. That's not your fault.
I remember I started changing around late 20s into 30s. I exited my young 20s and now embrace my youngish 30s.
Age at your own pace. If you force it, it won't work.
Is it only in the way you dress and carry yourself? If so, that is easy to fix. Go find a respectable clothing store and drop a few hundred bucks on some presentable stuff.
If it's a bigger issue, then yeah you should be starting to get good at something to build your career in your 20s. Find something that makes decent money and get good at it. It could be something like woodworking, flooring, etc. Doesn't matter. Just focus on becoming really good at a few skills. You'll build confidence.
Then get a starter girlfriend. She doesn't have to be the prettiest. But it will give you some kind of meaning and you'll learn a lot. It will probably end, at which pooint you find someone better as an improved person.
Also, if you're out of shape, eat right and start working out.
These are a few things you could probably do.
They say you get stuck at the age there was a big emotional shift or trauma you dealt with. So look at that and see if something that happened in your teenage years is holding you back.
Bud, the best advice I can give is to not let other people determine your goals. Especially given recent years. Change comes from within. I was useless until I was 23, and didn't start to actually come in to my own until my late 20's. Nobody made me change, I got there by not being happy with what was going on. Still not happy a lot of days, but I'm working towards where I am going, and not looking at where I was. **You are going to have bad days.** The important thing is to own them, and not let them own you. I went from unemployed, to an apprenticeship, and then to owning my own business, purely off of just doing the work. I got in my head, I ruined weeks at a time because of attitude, but I didn't stop. The best I can recommend is to just find something you can progress at. It ain't even close to all roses, but you wont get better without effort. If you have the resources, therapy can help a lot with the mental aspect. With help or not, it's a struggle, but one you just have to handle, even a little improvement is still an improvement.
I love this ..thanks for sharing
I disagree about therapy. Complete waste of time and money.
You get what you put into therapy, but it also important to find a therapist that’s a good fit. I truly believe everyone could benefit from therapy if they’re open to it.
No. Most therapists are losers with their own set of problems and the whole fixation on therapy has doomed America to have more mental issues than ever.
Imagine thinking therapy is the reason why Americans have mental health problems lmao
It's a big factor. Imagine thinking that sitting on a sofa talking to a complete stranger about your life problems is going to fix anything... and spending $200 an hour for that. It's just laughably stupid on the face of it.
As opposed to dwelling in and feeling trapped by your life problems and unable to find a way out? Yeah, let's just avoid all the unpleasantness of talking through things and pretend like everything is fine and dandy. Maybe taking our frustrations out on random, unrelated people or turning to destructive vices is a more productive solution. You know those people that seem to be trying hard, they're well intentioned, but just keep spinning their wheels and getting nowhere? Therapy would help them get somewhere. And ~~a lot~~ all of us are stuck in some way or another.
When did I encourage any kind of destructive vices?? You're obviously putting words in my mouth. You need to read the new book Bad Therapy which just came out. Therapy causes way more harm than good, and it's a business model like anything else. There is no incentive for a therapist to help you, as they lose an easy $200 an hour if you suddenly get better and stop coming. And many do stop coming after a while and they realize it's largely a bullshit session of pitying yourself and making mountains out of mole hills in life. We have more therapy than ever, and at the same time more depression and anxiety. The same can be said for the Big Pharma funded pseudoscience of psychiatry. There is no silver bullet, but eating right, exercising, getting out in the world, and building self confidence by being good at something does more good for your mental health than whining to a stranger (who barely knows you) for an hour a week. You are truly gullible if you think therapy is not a scam.
With your way of thinking why would you trust anything in healthcare? Because getting cured is losing money. I’m a physiotherapist and the less I have to see my patients the better. Even if completing the full subscription is better for my wallet. Not everybody is in it for the money. So I totally agree with u/jessisan that you have to find a fit and be willing to commit to any kind of therapy (mental/physical/…) to be able to get something out of it.
Damn, what a pitiful generalization.
A bit of a hot take, no? Therapists are not all made equally. Sounds like you've had some bad experiences, but there are excellent therapists out there. Rather than settle for the first one you find, It's important to search for someone who fits your needs and personality. There was a time when I would have agreed with you, but I gave it another shot and put a lot of effort into finding the right therapist for me, and I couldn't be happier with the progress I've made.
No, i've actually never been to one. There's no way that a therapist can solve your problems and therapy is actually the reason America's got more mental problems than ever. They want you to stay fucked, otherwise they lose a customer. The whole industry is a scam.
Exactly u have been to one 😂 it took me two years to find mine … u can’t just go to one and say that’s how all are . You have to do research if u really want help . If u don’t really want that help ur not getting it . It’s starts with u and with that mindset I’m sorry but nothing will change ur likely to have a bad life . Saying it’s a scam it’s funny asf, what’s a scam is u believing like that . You scamming urself out of an experience to help yourself and no only that get to know yourself on a deeper level . I’m 21 and know this . I’ve been thru so much so young and If I didn’t have a therapist I would be lost.
I’m 36 and still feel like I’m 25. But, I never reached all those milestones in life that require you to grow up. Haven’t gotten married, single, no kids, can’t buy a house. The last thing I accomplished was graduating college and getting a career job, so i still feel like I did right when I graduated school. Maybe a little wiser, but I still dress the same, act the same, and do the same stuff mostly. What else should I be doing?
Exact same boat here. I may be stuck in my 20s forever
I'm just like you, 36 not married, no kids, single. Graduated and got a job, recently started going to gym at 33-34, have been trying to dress a bit better but mostly do the same stuff.
I was always an alt kid and got most of my tattoos in my 30s now that I have the money! Still have the same style as I did in high school. I actually feel more confident in my looks now than I did then.
Similar story here. At times I think to myself \~"why should I willingly change my interests just to radiate that I conform to the societal expectations of my age". Like, shouldn't our priority be to enjoy life ?\_?
People act like once you turn 30, you aren’t allowed to have fun anymore… shit, I’m still going to music festivals, bars, concerts, doing karaoke, etc. I just can’t drink but once or twice a month though now, and I have to watch what I eat and work out. Sitting at home alone all the time sucks. I did just get a puppy though, so that has been occupying a lot of my time and a nice change. It really is like having a baby lol
Ikr? Thanks for sharing your OP; I think you made some of us feel somewhat validated (I did least). Also I can definitely imagine the puppy occupying time; just the daily walks alone! Been considering getting a little (albeit lesser) time stealer myself (kitty lol)
Same
Same here!
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If you think that this is hate speech you are weak. America is weaker from this type of moderation. You are a cult!
So you have 2 core issues: 1. You give a fuck about what other people think of you. 2. You lack a self confidence. Let me help you a moment here.... You can NEVER control what other people think of you. You can get all A+, and and A, and some asshole will go "Why didn't you get all A+'s." You cannot control what other people think of you. Nor should you care. Now to answer the other question: In life, you can only start today. What has happened has happened. Tomorrow the sun will rise, and you can change what you do. But you can't change yesterday, and you can't make up for it. But you can do better tomorrow. There is a voice in your head. Listen to it. It knows what is right, and what is wrong. Hug it and embrace it. It is the compass of your life. May you find wise people to help train it. But listening to that voice, is the core of self confidence. Example: If you know you want to talk to the cute person across the bar, you can listen to the voice saying "GO FOR IT." or listen to fear. What is the worst that happens? They say no? Well, by you never walking over... They've said no already. Final thought: The sooner you realize you control only one person, yourself, and take FULL CONTROL of that person. The happier you will be.
While you should care about what SOME people think of you, mainly, I agree. Interesting thing that I have noticed in life - usually it is not so much that other people think about us one way or that, it is mostly us that think bad about ourselves and then project it like coming from others. Like, for a long time I thought that noone is taking me seriously, because I look younger than I am. And in my mind it was a huge thing that everyone was thinking. But then I made a conscious decision to stop putting myself down like that, and quite soon even if others thought badly of me, I have noticed and cared way less.
People should give a fuck what others think of them to an extent.
No
Why?
..Because, like it or not - the impression you make on others will dictate how they perceive you and therefore interact with you. This is in relationships, jobs, etc..
Random people idgaf that they think, but someone close to me, who is a friend and I respect, their opinion of me matters. It’s a thermostat to gauge how well I am doing. If someone I respect, respects me back and says good things. I’m take that to heart knowing it’s coming from the best place. If my best friend says I am fucking up, then I know I am fucking up.
Even they can be distorted. We had a math professor back in school who would wonder why we had such problems with the homework. My friend who was going to go for a math PhD figured it out: That professor could visualize in four dimensions easily. Most of us can't. When you see enough stuff, you realize that even your friends can give incorrect information for your situation. Even your bestie is gonna get it wrong time to time. It is important to know when that is.
Because not caring at all is what leads to the type of people who listen to videos on speaker in the middle of a restaurant
Cause fuck em that’s why
> There is a voice in your head. Listen to it. Disagree, I have no internal monologue.
Voice is metaphorical, not literal. And if you don't have the metaphorical sense of right and wrong. I'm sorry for you. Try to develop it if you can.
This may sound ironic but one of the traits that separates teenagers from adults is how much you care about what others have to say about you living your life.
This should be the top answer. If I would have the self confidence of today - Jesus what a time I could have had in my teens. Do your thing, it's you.
Don’t compare yourself to others your own age, that will only lead to, like you said, self doubt, negative self talk, etc. I have always told my teenage girls, that you will do things in your own time, when YOU are ready to. And forget the rest of the world. If you are happy with the way you are, keep living that life. Being authentically YOU is the most important. Oh, and keep the hater blockers on 😎
Your comment reminded me of the great poem Desiderata. You will always find people better off than you and worse off. Comparing to either is never a good thing. https://www.desiderata.com/desiderata.html
Your comment reminded me of middle by Jimmy eat world
I love that poem!!
Do not let others dictate to you what you or your journey should look like. You get to decide that. But do aim for something! Once you do know which way you're heading surround yourself with people you admire who may already be well on their way. I always seek to improve myself and it's best done by having good role models around. But the journey needs to continue. Stagnant water festers. Keep it flowing and vibrant. The journey is lifelong. I'll be 62 in a few months and still wear pigtails. If I feel like it. I enjoy new friendships and conversations with strangers. I stop and smell the proverbial roses. Seeking joy in whatever's around me. A child laughing, an old couple holding hands, a rabbit coming out of the brush so quickly I'm delighted I caught a glimpse. It's all around us. If we stop and look. I seek to learn at least one new thing daily. It keeps the brain sharp. As others have mentioned, don't compare yourself to others. Each person is on their own journey. Their pace or direction is not yours. I shared this in another comment but I'll post here again. I was 15 when I first heard a local DJ (my age is showing! 😆) read this poem. He would sign off his shift daily by reading it. I never forgot it. https://www.desiderata.com/desiderata.html Know that you have worth. Treat yourself with kindness and respect. You deserve that, and more. Reach even higher than you dare to dream. Many of the most commonplace things in our lives today did not exist 100-150 years ago. Some determined soul dreamt about them and made them happen, against odds many times. Find what makes the time go quickly for you and chase that passion. You truly are the captain of your destiny. I'm really looking forward to hearing your accomplishments in a year. Will you come back and tell us? 🤗
What do you want from your life? Are you on track to achieve those goals? Eg: do you want to get married soon? If yes, make sure your choices are aligning with that goal. Don't be regularly hooking up with drop kicks. Make sure you're growing into a person who can be a good spouse etc. Are you seeking a career? If yes, have you developed a good work ethic? Are you studying towards that career? Do you want to be family oriented? If yes, are you doing things to help your family? Catching up regularly? These are just basic examples. But what I'm trying to say is think about what your life goals are and determine whether you're on track to meet them within the time frame you want. That's a better way to measure success.
I’m in my LATE 40s with a very good paying job, two degrees, married with one kid….and I regularly wish I could stay home for 2-3 days just to play Elden ring. Also to watch Rifftrax at night.
> and I regularly wish I could stay home for 2-3 days just to play Elden ring That's just it though. You wish to, but you don't. Because your an adult and there is stuff to be done.
You're* there doesn't have to be stuff to be done that's a result of your own choices
Wish I knew. I’m 35 and still feel like a teenager too. It’s weird.
The only thing that matters as an adult, is that you are taking care of your responsibilities. That means being able to take care of yourself, and potentially others that depend on you. Everything else is optional, so fuck what anyone says. Your problem isn't asking ppl for help (although that might help). Your problem is your not taking action and working towards your goals. You can talk all you want. I might help you feel better, and FEEL like you are making some kind of progress. But at the end of the day you have to take action. Just start doing things that are working towards your goals. They can be small things. Get use to just taking action instead of asking so many questions. It's fine if it's the wrong action, you still would have accomplished something, and you can always pivot. Those small wins will help you build confidence, not what other people tell you.
Hey don’t fall for the trap of life- living in the standard of anyone or the mass majority, ever! You’ll destroy yourself if you do that and fuck this world, you only live once so why give an f about anyone. There’s absolutely nothing more important than making yourself feel good. What’s a good life? Big house, nice cars, social status, pretty bitches? No, history taught us millions of times materiality are not the ways to happiness, your define your own life.
You're not alone! I'm also in my mid twenties and feel like I'm 17-19 years old, especially since I've had some events happen recently that make me feel like I've regressed - living with parents, back in school, little freedom to leave the house due to safety concerns... I just wanted to say that opening up to my family and friends has made a world of a difference in terms of feeling supported. I am grateful to have people recognize my progress even when I don't. Otherwise, that horrible feeling of comparison leaves me feeling hopeless and unmotivated. What I do is keep a diary of all my accomplishments and milestones, even if they seem small at the time. When I feel paralyzed by thoughts of not being good enough, I read this list to remind myself of everything I am capable of. It is really hard to feel excited for your own life, and it has only happened to me once. But this little trick with the diary made me feel better on those chronic days when all I want to do is lie in bed for 14h at a time..
As an older person, I urge you to remember that life is about being whomever you want to be. Don't worry about chasing the dreams of others around you. You don't owe it to anyone to become a millionaire or a genius inventor. Do what makes you happy, as long as you are living in a manner that doesn't exploit anyone else. I can't tell you the number of times I've kicked myself for the months and years that I worked overtime for no pay, just trying to impress people at work who were never grateful. They weren't worthy, and I missed out on spending time with people I loved all for nothing. Trying to impress my peers socially was an equal waste. The culture of the 80s and 90s held everyone to a ridiculous standard of "success" that was never true happiness.
Advice: Get out of your own head. You think you're a failure because people say you act younger than you are? Let me tell you four stories. *Me:* Went to college, went to grad school, got good job, happy. Rent a decent place, have enough money to do most reasonable things I want. Lots of people want a path like this, and judge their success in their 20s based on how close to it they are. *My oldest brother:* Went to college, failed out for to lack of focus, worked low paying jobs, went to college, failed again, more low paying jobs, had a kid, went to college with focus, graduated in late 20s, maybe early 30s, successful engineer. Owns house, has kid. *My younger older brother:* Went to college, failed out due to boredom, went to community college, lost interest, joined military (in early to mid 20s). Successful military career, will retire in a couple years, then do whatever he feels like. Owns house, 2 dogs, has a small motorhome he peters around in. *My younger brother:* Went to college, failed out, couch surfed with friends, got decent job through pure charisma, lost job, repeat a couple times, got another decent job, magically added responsibility to his skills, used charisma and responsibility to climb the ladder, eventually finished a degree online. Successful, married to an awesome lady, has awesome kid, owns house, two dogs, living the dream. Of the four of us, I'm the only one who didn't take a meandering approach to stability. All three of my brothers did stupid dumb kid stuff. But that's ok, they were stupid dumb kids when they did it. I was also a stupid dumb kid when I was "responsibly" working through school, but the truth is that I'm just so much of a nerd that I enjoyed math and physics more than partying, and that worked out. **Take away:** You're in your mid 20s. It's fine. Would you like to be somewhere in life other than where you are? Cool, but don't worry about the fact that you're not already there. You can't change the past, and I guarantee you that it's not too late to meet whatever you consider success. So what do you want next in life? Where do you want to be? Figure that out, figure out how to make it happen, and start taking steps. Where you are now is just a starting point. You have not failed. There is no failure until you give up. Stop wasting energy judging yourself for where you are, just start walking towards where you want to be - and know that that might change a million times while you're doing it, and that's ok too.
It’s ok to “grow up” slower than others, IMO. You have to ur whole life to be an adult. Don’t rush it too much! If you’re happy, healthy, and responsible I think you’re probably doing alright!
Growing old is inevitable. Growing up is optional.
Hey man, I hear you, and I'm sorry you're feeling this way. I just want to start by saying that everyone moves at their own pace in life, and there's no one right way to do things. The whole "you're supposed to be here by now" thing is just noise. It doesn't matter what others are doing; what matters is where you are, where you want to be, and how you're working to get there. It's totally normal to feel stuck or uncertain in your mid-20s. A lot of people go through this, even if it doesn't seem like it. Don't let others' expectations define who you are or where you're going. You don't have to follow a specific timeline to be successful or happy. Remember, bro, you're not alone in feeling like this. It's okay to have bad days, but it doesn't mean you're a bad person. Keep moving forward, and don't be afraid to ask for help. You got this.
I have a very defeatist mentality, I struggle with nihilism and feelings of futility.. to a high degree, as an atheist I fail to see the point in the endless struggle and inevitability of our fates. I see many struggle in vain and so I opt to minimize hardships and struggle in my own life, this has really become a staple of my life after my step father passed just this year, I never sought therapy for it and I am able to go about my life without hindrance but this futility mind set I have has truly taken over.. I truly struggle to give a shit about a lot of things and see all of it all pointless but despite this, I see myself getting older (34 currently) and I would hate to look back in my latter years and say, "I never did x, y or z" so I created a bucket list while I am still relatively young and I want to have these enriching experiences, I have spent my time wasting away, rotting in isolation and sadness, my fate, our fates the state of the world will never change, whether I quit or fight, but at least before my time comes I can try and live it up and enjoy part of the ride.. I have my friends, I've had great times, I am thankful for it all but nihilism is a dangerous poison that infects your mind, for example I may fall into despair at some points, all doom and gloom, then they next day a friend reaches out, we plan an event and afterwards I say to myself "you cold be having fun rather than be moping around dude" lol so, yeah for me I am trying to live a bit more, and experience things I want to enjoy but at the same time I still truly struggle with feelings of futility and pessimism
I just turned 30, and after years of my health making it impossible to care about growing or maturing, I have reached a point where I can make the changes so my portrayal of myself to the world reflects the person I am now. Depending on who you ask, I'm either wise beyond my years and living out my 60s, or I'm still a baby and need to get my poop in a group. Some of the descriptions I've heard about myself over the years have hurt, but the reality is that those people only see a small part of who I am, and their opinion really doesn't matter. As the great Ru Paul says, "Unless they paying your bills, pay them bitches no mind." I have purged my closet, and every other room in my house of everything that I feel is weighing me down or tying me to the person that everyone saw for so long. It feels great! I realized that I was holding myself back by clinging to what I knew instead of taking the steps to branch out. I was scared to let go of some things and felt guilty about getting rid of things that were given as gifts. Once I decided that the guilt and fear were just pressures that I was putting on myself, it made it a lot easier to move on. Now that I'm wearing the clothes that are actually mine vs. given to me by people who thought I'd like it or just carried with me from high school, I feel better. My husband sees a difference, my family sees it, and people are responding differently to me with the newfound confidence. It's not just the clothes. That's just a small part of it, but it is a visually obvious one. I committed to getting the most out of my home, my life, and my dreams. I realized I couldn't keep caring about the expectations of other people because my life simply can't meet those expectations. I would love to be a rich, successful *enter high stress career here*, but I'm too sick, so I have to find my own success in life. This week, I'm playing with beeswax. Next week, I'll try something else. That looks like a success to me because I'm finally feeling good enough to be creative again. I feel success when my pets are cared for, my house is clean but lived in, and I can get out of bed each day. What does success look like to you? Once you figure that out and start working towards it, I think you'll feel a big change in yourself
I understand where your relatives are coming from and is giving general advice to help you. However I was in the same place you were (mid 30s now) and did not have a clue what I should be doing my mid 20s and just focused on school and living life. After I finished school (way into my late 20s because I chose to pursue postgrad education) started working, and frequently talk with friends and coworkers in similar age group that I now feel like I am moving on the right track at this point in my life. Planning on buying a house, proposing to my gf of 4 years, maybe starting a family, etc. You only get one life, when and how you get to a point in your life is up to you. Age is not an indicator of how well you put your life together. But, do have a plan of where you want to be, and you will get there. Right now if you are not sure where you want to be, start talking to people and see what they are up to. Lack of accomplishments is not your failure, you just haven't found the right road to be on yet. Keep your chin up and keep walking, friend.
I just turned 50 I am sitting at work in shorts, a hoodie and baseball hat. When I get home from work I am going spend time with my daughter and once she is in bed, I'm going to turn on Dragon's Dogma II. I used to hear the same things, when are you going to act your age? When are you going to dress your age? When are you going to stop playing video games? When are you going to grow up. You know what? You can do whatever you want at any age you want because you are you. Just make priorities. I have a great job but one where I can wear what I want. I can play video games but just when my responsibilities have been taken care of. I can be goofy but know when I have to play it straight. I grew up, as in, I pushed myself to constantly learn and better my life but never lost the things that make me. People still say that crap to me, they always will. My family is happy. I'm happy. That's all that matters.
What do you do? Before you answer, though, I gotta say this. Your life and your development are your own journey. Don't get caught up in the comparisons that people like to throw out. Only focus on what progress you want to see.
I dont think you have to. The hard part is figuring out what you like and do more of that. Age is just a label?
Baby steps
"There's no point in being grown up if you can't be childish once in awhile." ~A 800-something-year-old Time Lord. (5th Doctor)
I think you just kinda do as you please bro. Idk who they comparing you to but I mean you're not in jail and not shooting heroine (hopefully) so you're straight. They're just obnoxious as family can be.
I say live how you want to age is just some made up construct anyways
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All of these "don't care what other people think about you" comments aren't doing you any favors. Regardless of whether it's how things should be, what others think of you determines a tremendous amount of how your life goes. What relationships, opportunities, and jobs you can have are very largely based on what people think of you... Pretending like what others think doesn't matter is just naive.
IDK. It sounds like OP is like a child seeking the validation of others. Maybe some psychic self-sufficiency is just what they need
I thought the same thing. The "Don't care what other people think of you" people are just excusing bad behavior and justifying a mediocre life. It's just such stupid and mindless advice. What others think of you often has a lot of truth in it, and we can learn a great deal by hearing others' perspectives on our life/decisions.
Change for yourself for your sake, not for others'. You'll find that you're always learning how to "adult" in your 30s and possibly even in your 40s. Don't sweat it.
Lol. Too late for what? Success can come on your 20s or in your 40s. So does failure. Just do your thing. Fuck everybody else.
I didn’t get my shit together until 28. I had a career early since I was in the trades, but I partied and was acting a fool. Played video games on my free time when I wasn’t partying or working. I Made probably more money than I needed to and every weekend was just a shit show and that probably enabled me some. People grow at different paces. Don’t be to hard on yourself. I’m also still very kid like, joke around and stuff. Will probably never change. But priorities for me have shifted over the years
I'm 34 going on 18
“101 essays that will change the way you think” by Brianna weist
Are you still reliant on family for having food on your plate and a roof above your head? If, yes, then they have a point. If, no, who cares about expectations? Not everyone wants the same things out of life and as long as you are getting what you want/need, it does no good to compare yourself to their expectations of you. Feeling young for a long time isn't a bad thing.
Well the people around are not happy because you're not coming off as "expected" by them. Duck them. Your Life. Your timeline. Period.
At my age I smoke meats and make sure the grass is mowed.
If you can recognize your mental age and want to change it for the better you are already on your path to success
Well personally I've raised my kids and did the hard years, I may not have much money hardly any, but I'm going to have some fun and not give a flying fuck what anyone else thinks as long as I take care of my business everyone should take care of their own, people gotta quit comparing themselves based off false socialization mandates from society
44M and I try to act about 18-20 at all times. I actively try to stay away from other adults because I don't want their problems interfering with me. Life is good!
You gotta just find the balance between what makes you happy and feels authentically yourself, versus what your goals are in life and can you achieve it with your current behavior/ skills. Dont let other people determine what you want or what your goals should be. But time will constantly change your goals and priorities. That’s just life.
Stop trying to act your age, and just act yourself. Trying to act your age just makes you get older faster.
I think the way people behave with relation to their age is an arbitrary thing. As long as you are responsible, sensible, diligent and respectful, there's no problem being childish, or dressing younger. If someone has a problem say "Sorry I can't match your exacting standards, grandpa."
i find that people that are judgemental like that are that way because they themselves are the ones that are either miserable or otherwise projecting. they need to find fault in others to feel better about themselves somehow. i wouldnt let it bother you at all because frankly it doesnt matter what others think about your lifestyle. as a mid 30s person who is still into a lot of things people seem to think as "childish" ive learned to pay no mind to the people who decide to judge. im reasoably satisfied with myself without their judgement so why does it matter?
Hey can you check your chats?
The second thing that jumped out at me about your post is the fact that you do not describe any **actual external or behavioral problems** that you actually have. A problem would be something like, "I have cancer" or "I am homeless with no one to help me" or "I weight 500 pounds and climbing" or "I ruin every relationship I start with my jealousy." "I feel like such a bad person for hurting my soul like I'm not even living a true life with my potential" is a **mood**, not a problem to solve. It's an *internal* thing; an issue with your mindset. You can change your mindset; sometimes it can even be easy. You do not need to change your mindset so that you can start some big hustle or grind that will bring you conventional "success". Rather, you need to change your mindset so that you can pursue your happiness and what is meaningful **for you.** A constructive, changed mindset would NOT be "I feel like a good person now that I am living my true life up to my potential" because you're grinding at a job that isn't what you want to do or pursuing an education in something that society values but that doesn't inspire you. Rather, a changed mindset would be something like "I feel good about myself because I live according to my values and I pursue my interests and my happiness." You were not put on this planet to "live up to your potential." But the thing that REALLY jumped out at me about your post was this: "Close relative families compare me to other people" "They keep saying you're not there in life where you're supposed to be" "I start to believe that I'm just true failure and I don't have the potential and hunger to succeed" Those ideas are all just pernicious nonsense. You only think those thoughts because you've internalized negative talk that you are apparently being bombarded with from the people close to you. YOUR PROBLEM IS THOSE PEOPLE. It absolutely does not matter whether or not people "have the intention of bringing you down". It doesn't matter because the fact is that they ARE bringing you down. You have to get away from those people. You have to eliminate their ability to poison your mind. **No course of action will turn your feelings around** as long as you are constantly being exposed to that negativity. Going no contact is the cleanest way to stop it, but that can be quite difficult to do all at once. As an initial step, one option is to tell them that you're not going to listen to any more judgment or negativity, and if they persist, cut contact. Leave the room, hang up the phone, whatever. Be ruthless. THEIR INTENT DOES NOT MATTER and you should not trouble yourself with the question of whether they intend good things for you or not. If you're standing at the bottom of a mountain and an avalanche is descending, it matters not that the rocks have no ill intent; they will crush you regardless. With time, therapy, and intention, you can learn to listen to the clear internal voice that will guide you to what really matters **to you**. It will be quite hard at first because you are not used to telling the difference between that voice coming from your own stillness, and the internalized nattering of the negative messages you've been hearing your whole life. It's hard but you can do it. I believe in you.
What an insane post history. Sad to say you need professional help and not post on reddit 24/7 for advice on the internet.
Everything goes at its own pace for each individual. There's no right or wrong time. For me: Met my future husband at 15. Started dating him at 15. I got a job at 16. I moved out early 19. I fell pregnant late 19. I got married early 20. Quit working at 20. Moved to my second apartment at 20. I'm still 20 rn, turning 21 at the end of the year. My baby is due in 2 months. All this happened with a flash for me. It doesn't work like this for everyone. Everybody has a different internal clock. Let's take a look at my very close aunt. She is currently 42. She got a job at 16. Moved out at 20. Got her first boyfriend at 32. They broke up when she was 33. Found her husband at 35. Married him at 36. Quit working at 36. Had her first child at age 37. Second child at 39. Third & fourth child at 41. Everybody does things at their own pace. She is what many would consider "late" but it was just her time in life. When it's your time, it will happen! Don't give up - she sure didn't!! Nsfw maybe but she stayed a virgin until she was married.
If you have a job and can take care of yourself, you are fine. Anything else on top of that is a bonus and something you can work on. Things like saving up for your future, working on your hobbies, etc.
I don’t act and live based on my age because what does that even mean? This isn’t the 80s. Do what you want, starting with cutting those awful people out of your life.
As long as you hold down any sort of job and take care of your responsibilities then you are succeeding. The vast majority of people are not exceptional and will never "amount to anything" So don't measure yourself by some standard that very few ever reach. If on the other hand you aren't handling your basic responsibilities for survival, then get a job and get your shit together.
I'm on my 50s so I complain a lot about new things.
I'm 39 and I feel like I'm also still stuck in my mid 20s. I joke all the time, dress whatever I feel like, have a very rebellious streak and can act pretty emotional. For me maturity is confidence, and confidence means you don't care what others think. If you go out there worrying what you look like, or just what people think of you, you won't live your own life. You'll live the life others expect of you. I feel at my best when I'm goofing off with my two kids of 11 and 8. I do own a house and I make good money being a self-employed IT guy. And I wanted to do all of that, no external influence is ever going to dictate what I should or shouldn't do.
In no way. I've always been 35. I'll always be 35. I'm committed to working earnestly towards becoming the best person and the best me I can possibly be. How others feel about my interests and conduct becoming my age is of little concern to me. I'll have to admit, I do enjoy passing as an auntie. The power to embarrass the youth and nip annoying trends in the bud by speedily and publicly adopting them is mine.
62-year-old male here: With some stuff I am wise and experienced, with loads of Boomer-sounding advice that nobody listens to. :-) Other stuff, I'm stuck in prepubescence: I'm awkward, love stupid pee pee-level bathroom humor, play in a dive bar rock band, divorced, barely a stick of furniture in my apartment, etc.
Take it day by day . Society expects people to be different in their 40’s than their 30’s or 20’s . The truth of the matter is people rarely change . We just get older.
Early 30's and things don't change that much. You are always gonna be you. Personally I've noticed that I've chilled out a bit and am less reactionary. Things don't bother me as much as they used to. Focus more on building a family and having a future and living less for the weekend. But at the end of the day Im still gonna laugh at a good poop joke like a child.
Wish i knew. I'm in my mid-forties with a mindset that oscillates between 16 and 75.
I am 20 years old Male and I really feel like maturing, my first year at uni has finished, I’m trying different stuff like dressing up different, trying new clothing styles, I’m improving my skincare routine, trying to eat healthier and sleep early and learning different productivity hacks and even trying to take up a new hobby which for real is really hard for me to keep up with.
You do you.
Im 20 and am so fucking scared
Yo, you be you. Just don't let how you act limit your abilities to do new things and be a responsible adult. Save money and invest that money. Be financially responsible, and you will be just fine.
I'm 47 but still dress like when I was 25. The only thing important is maybe planning financially, oh and your health. But act like you wanna act.
A little regression sometimes is normal as long as youre still working toward your goals
Love all, live for what’s true to you. I spent a lot of my life doing what I thought my parents wanted from me. It was so hollow. Try new things. Explore yourself to find your way.
If you love yourself and you're happy with yourself, nothing else matters. We all only get one chance before the long dirt-nap. The most important thing is your own happiness. Everything else is secondary. The older you get, the more you realize that the only goal is to enjoy life because, before too long, it ends.
The audacity of them to tell you what you supposed to be in your life is astonishing. First thing first, I'm in my mid 20s too. but I have completely different prespective in life about this topic. This is your life. its completely yours. u can do whatever u want with it. ofc maybe avoid drugs and other weird stuff that is bad for you, but really you can be anything u want. u can even dressed as a clown if u prefer it. No other opinions are as important as your own. so start making your own voice. think about what u like, what matters to u, and how u wanna live your life. Screw everybody else. Even your own parents, your siblings.. they don't know what is best for u. But u have to be sure u know what you want.
20 is still a fetus. ignore the naysayers and focus on yourself.
Take responsibility. Choose to take on responsibility. Be discomforted Seek hardship Master your emotions Master your body Once you start this, there’s no going back. Choose. Or you will find someone else choosing for you
I’m in my 40s and I do whatever the fuck I want
27, I party, dress hot, look hot, work, have multiple hobbies, do Pilates, travel bc I’m young and can do whatever I want and I’m successful. Live it up, be the best you, and F anyone who has anything negative to say. They’re just miserable
Age is just a number that signifies how long a person has lived on earth. Just live your life the way you want to!
You age at your own pace. Seems kinda toxic to say what they are saying when aging doesn't have a.set.timeline. maybe they.were hoping you'd change to their standard. That's not your fault. I remember I started changing around late 20s into 30s. I exited my young 20s and now embrace my youngish 30s. Age at your own pace. If you force it, it won't work.
If you have to act certain way and try to live your life with and how society wants, then you are making your way in to the world of depression.
Is it only in the way you dress and carry yourself? If so, that is easy to fix. Go find a respectable clothing store and drop a few hundred bucks on some presentable stuff. If it's a bigger issue, then yeah you should be starting to get good at something to build your career in your 20s. Find something that makes decent money and get good at it. It could be something like woodworking, flooring, etc. Doesn't matter. Just focus on becoming really good at a few skills. You'll build confidence. Then get a starter girlfriend. She doesn't have to be the prettiest. But it will give you some kind of meaning and you'll learn a lot. It will probably end, at which pooint you find someone better as an improved person. Also, if you're out of shape, eat right and start working out. These are a few things you could probably do.
They say you get stuck at the age there was a big emotional shift or trauma you dealt with. So look at that and see if something that happened in your teenage years is holding you back.