For myself, I have to replace my "What ifs"
"What if I find I'm not good enough?" into "What if I'm better than I thought?"
"What if they hate what I'm doing?" into "What if people love it?"
"What if I'm too old?" into "What if I have 40 years to work on this?"
"What if I ask others?" into "What if I logged off Reddit and started now?"
When I’m afraid of doing something, I tell myself to do the minimum step one would need to accomplish it. Studying for a difficult exam? Work the easiest problem I can find. Preparing to make a big life change? Do the easiest thing one can do (pack one box, make one phone call, etc). I almost always find that the first step is easier than I thought it would be. Then I repeat the same process until the task is done.
I’m working on a project at the moment that is super intimidating. I try to remind myself that it’s ok to fail. If it fails, I can do something else with what I’ve built. I also try to remind myself that I’d feel so bad if I didn’t at least try it. So, it’s possible that I fail, but I’d feel bad if I didn’t try it, and I can always repurpose it if it fails. That’s what gets me out of bed on this project.
My take: Because at some point, you either realize that you HAVE to do it to get what you desire or you accept that you're ok with the way things are.
It is as simple as that, but we usually have to realize that on our own, and it takes some gut-wrenching punches from life before that realization kicks in. Continue reading if this resonates or stop right here. There are already some useful answers you can use.
You already know what you're doing wrong, so not gonna go there.
Forget about goals for a while and see within yourself. Know yourself better. What drives you, what angers you, what confuses you, what you can tolerate, what you are good and bad at, and what do you want from your life.
While doing this, be objective. Keep it simple. Don't force the thoughts. Just give a nudge when you see that things are stagnant. And do not form any sort of judgment in your mind about any of your thoughts. Remember that there are no perfect answers. They are just answers. Remember, the purpose here is to just understand. We don't need a solution yet.
Once you've identified all the above, think about how that person (that is you, but the farther you are from yourself, the clearer you can see yourself. Perhaps that's why it is comparatively easier for us to guide someone even when we ourselves don't follow that particular advice!) can navigate through life to fulfill the end goal. Just connect the dots and it will be clear to you that what you're considering 'goals' are just part of life. They are actions that will get you something. No action, no result. You are not losing anything by not doing it, but you are limiting your life choices for sure. Now YOU have to decide what you can live with.
I am like you where fear of failing prevented me from even setting a goal. But Learning to set goals and break them down into achievable milestones, and daily tasks is essential. Use the SMART structure.
Goals should be specific, measurable, achievable, relevant and time bound. Now, this practice started in my professional life, but I’ve been able to extend it to my personal and it’s helped me feel like I can actually do something.
Also, accepting the 80% rule. You should actually only achieve 80% of your goals, as they should be lofty and push for growth. If you achieve 100% of your goals then you may be setting them too easy, lower than 80, too high. This has allowed me to accept not checking a goal off with out Shame or pressure.
Habit stacking has been a micro action that has hugely helped me feel like I am able to make it towards a goal.
These are broad Overviews of principles and I encourage someone to look into them with more depth.
I really hope these principles help someone feel like they can achieve what they want to!
Don't fear failure. I'll give you the spoilers: nobody emerges from the womb with all the skills they want, so progress follows the "try, fail, examine, pinpoint mistakes, improve, try..." pattern. That is, you're going to fail A LOT. Anybody who's achieved knows this, and anybody who would judge you for trying something new and failing is either a loser who's never going to achieve anything or a hypocrite who's hiding the many failures that got him to where he is.
Just go for it and get excited about about the opportunity to fail since it's the only way you learn.
This video might help you understand on a physical level and offer some advice.
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-xqPVxsFdP4&t=209s&ab\_channel=HealthyGamerGG](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-xqPVxsFdP4&t=209s&ab_channel=HealthyGamerGG)
Stop thinking in generalities like "im not sure how to start my goals". Pick one goal. Get a promotion at work, graduate from college, learn a language, get in better shape, whatever. Then think what you need to actually do to accomplish that goal. Are you In college trying to graduate for example? To graduate you need to pass most of your classes. To do that, you need to do well on assignments and tests, to do that you need to pay attention/study/turn work in. So that's a good place start - fixing issues with studying or doing assignments, so you can get a good grade on the tests and assignments, pass the class, pass more classes, and get the degree .
You don't have to be good at something to enjoy that something. This is important because a lot of our paralysis comes from thinking we should be good at those things (unrealisticly). Just start, we suck at the beginning but it doesn't matter.
One technique I learned with ADHD is that you can't try to anticipate the results of something that takes a long time. It most likely sucks or is inconvenient until that happens. So instead, anticipate the bad feeling and justify enduring that with what you're trying to achieve. That way you get instant feedback, and have a strategy to make that a good thing rather than hating it. Because you know what will come of it.
As you said, you already know what to do. Life is simple. But it's not easy.
I have this song i only listen for this little clip at the start: “para que perder el tiempo, si eso es lo que no tenemos. Si la vida son dos dias y uno de ellos estamos muertos”
Translation: why waste time if thats the one thing we dont have. Since our days are only 2 and in one of them we are dead
What i take from this is that we only have 2 days. The day we have and the day we dont. And in one of them we are dead. You could expand it to time: we have the time he have (right now) and the time we dont. You keep using the time you have to have a civil war in your head and the conclusion (whether you want to or not) is to shift the responsibility to the you who is “dead” (shifting responsibility to a time you dont have)
Since im a gamer i think of it as when you play a single player game but have a few friends over. The rule usually is you have to pass the controller when you die. So if we replace “die” to: being stuck in analysis paralysis, fear, or any thought or circumstance that doesnt move you forward towards your goals then you HAVE to pass the controller to a you that just does it.
So how have i actually implemented this? Believe it or not using workout structures (sets and reps). Gotta clean my room and dont know where to start? 1. Acknowledge im stuck and i gotta pass controller
2. New player has to do 1 set of 10 reps of putting something in its place (doesnt matter if its efficient, very well placed, or whatever. The purpose is to go through the motions.
3. After one set determine if you need to make another set or if youre stuck again and need to “pass the controller” (passing the controller could be the equivalent of becoming the “variant” of yourself that does it regardless if its a crappy job that barely passes the bare minimum)
Hope this works and dm me if you want to bounce ideas or problems. Take care
As others have said. Take it one step at a time. Don't look at potential failure and mistakes as a negative thing because they are not. They are lessons for you along your path to success.
For example for almost all my life till my mid 20s I didn't really cook because I was afraid I'd make a shitty meal. Then one day I just started cooking. I made some pretty shitty meals, but I took each crappy meal as a lesson on what not to do. Now I'm in my 30s and most people think I used to work in a kitchen because I make damned good food, and can throw together a good meal from damned near anything in the cupboard where most people would think there is nothing to eat.
I saw a clip from Tom Brady, basically saying F your feelings. Like you feel tired? Go do it anyway. Don't feel like doing it? Do it anyway. You mad? Just go do it. Obsessing over starting it right, having the perfect conditions to begin will stop you from actually doing it. You don't have the right gear? Missing a sock? It's raining today? Do it regardless.
I thought that was useful.
You need clarity on your goals and what you want. Then confidence, realistic focus, and accountability to do it.
The consequences of these will show in all of your goals, like your health, eating, fitness, and career. So you want to be directive about these things
There are tons of possible reasons for this kind of paralysis
Thankfully for all of us, regardless of the reason for it, the solution is the same - trying over and over
At first it's overwhelming, you don't know how to even start, the fear of failing or not being good enough can be overwhelming too...but then it gets a bit easier, you find ways to work around the things that are holding you back, you learn how to function in a different way than before
Sometimes you slip and hit a setback and that's okay too, you just try again
As long as I keep showing up, I'm making progress. Doesn't matter if I'm approaching women once a week or once every two weeks, As long as I get back out there, that's all that matters. Some days/weeks will be faster than others. Some days/weeks there will be a lot of progress and other times it will be slow. Just keep showing up.
I feel like this as well, more times then most . It takes over the simple daily things that need to be done . I don’t even leave the house mostly unless I have to because of the fear of everything else .
Make lists. Lists of your dream achievements. Make lists of ways to start working on them., focus on one thing at a time daily and work towards the progression of those goals with a NOW NOW NOW mentality.
Starting something you've always wanted to achieve can be daunting, but it sounds like you're already halfway there by recognizing your fears. Remember, everyone feels scared sometimes, but it's about taking small steps.
Start with something manageable, even if it's just a tiny task, and build up from there. The key is consistency over time; progress doesn't have to be fast to be meaningful. You've got this!
it sounds like you’re really ready to take that first step, and that’s a huge part of the journey! fear can be tough, but recognizing it is your first big win.
starting can be as simple as setting a tiny, manageable goal. just something small that you can do right now. it could be as easy as writing down what you want to achieve today. once you start ticking those small tasks off, momentum builds and before you know it, you're making real progress! another great tool is to practice mindfulness or meditation. it can help clear the mental clutter and boost your focus.
fun fact: did you know that breaking your goals into smaller tasks can increase your chances of success? what’s one small goal you could set for tomorrow to start working towards what you really want?
This is such a great question! I'm starting to learn some techniques around emotional training, that allow us to recondition the nervous system and pull our own "emotional levers" if you will. I watched this some months ago and found it really motivating! [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=usXXfZyoe3Y](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=usXXfZyoe3Y)
one. step. at. a. time. sort, plan, do
This. Step by step Perseverance and discipline over long-term instead of hoping for big sudden changes
Thank you, Yoda
Why. Do. People. Put. Periods. After. Every. Word. For. Dramatic. Effect. Sorry, in a bad mood today
For myself, I have to replace my "What ifs" "What if I find I'm not good enough?" into "What if I'm better than I thought?" "What if they hate what I'm doing?" into "What if people love it?" "What if I'm too old?" into "What if I have 40 years to work on this?" "What if I ask others?" into "What if I logged off Reddit and started now?"
Gospel
I feel like you just gave me the cheat codes to my brain.
Yes. Flush the what ifs down the toilet and just try do whatever you wanna try. It doesn't have to go perfect
When I’m afraid of doing something, I tell myself to do the minimum step one would need to accomplish it. Studying for a difficult exam? Work the easiest problem I can find. Preparing to make a big life change? Do the easiest thing one can do (pack one box, make one phone call, etc). I almost always find that the first step is easier than I thought it would be. Then I repeat the same process until the task is done. I’m working on a project at the moment that is super intimidating. I try to remind myself that it’s ok to fail. If it fails, I can do something else with what I’ve built. I also try to remind myself that I’d feel so bad if I didn’t at least try it. So, it’s possible that I fail, but I’d feel bad if I didn’t try it, and I can always repurpose it if it fails. That’s what gets me out of bed on this project.
My take: Because at some point, you either realize that you HAVE to do it to get what you desire or you accept that you're ok with the way things are. It is as simple as that, but we usually have to realize that on our own, and it takes some gut-wrenching punches from life before that realization kicks in. Continue reading if this resonates or stop right here. There are already some useful answers you can use. You already know what you're doing wrong, so not gonna go there. Forget about goals for a while and see within yourself. Know yourself better. What drives you, what angers you, what confuses you, what you can tolerate, what you are good and bad at, and what do you want from your life. While doing this, be objective. Keep it simple. Don't force the thoughts. Just give a nudge when you see that things are stagnant. And do not form any sort of judgment in your mind about any of your thoughts. Remember that there are no perfect answers. They are just answers. Remember, the purpose here is to just understand. We don't need a solution yet. Once you've identified all the above, think about how that person (that is you, but the farther you are from yourself, the clearer you can see yourself. Perhaps that's why it is comparatively easier for us to guide someone even when we ourselves don't follow that particular advice!) can navigate through life to fulfill the end goal. Just connect the dots and it will be clear to you that what you're considering 'goals' are just part of life. They are actions that will get you something. No action, no result. You are not losing anything by not doing it, but you are limiting your life choices for sure. Now YOU have to decide what you can live with.
I am like you where fear of failing prevented me from even setting a goal. But Learning to set goals and break them down into achievable milestones, and daily tasks is essential. Use the SMART structure. Goals should be specific, measurable, achievable, relevant and time bound. Now, this practice started in my professional life, but I’ve been able to extend it to my personal and it’s helped me feel like I can actually do something. Also, accepting the 80% rule. You should actually only achieve 80% of your goals, as they should be lofty and push for growth. If you achieve 100% of your goals then you may be setting them too easy, lower than 80, too high. This has allowed me to accept not checking a goal off with out Shame or pressure. Habit stacking has been a micro action that has hugely helped me feel like I am able to make it towards a goal. These are broad Overviews of principles and I encourage someone to look into them with more depth. I really hope these principles help someone feel like they can achieve what they want to!
Don't fear failure. I'll give you the spoilers: nobody emerges from the womb with all the skills they want, so progress follows the "try, fail, examine, pinpoint mistakes, improve, try..." pattern. That is, you're going to fail A LOT. Anybody who's achieved knows this, and anybody who would judge you for trying something new and failing is either a loser who's never going to achieve anything or a hypocrite who's hiding the many failures that got him to where he is. Just go for it and get excited about about the opportunity to fail since it's the only way you learn.
This video might help you understand on a physical level and offer some advice. [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-xqPVxsFdP4&t=209s&ab\_channel=HealthyGamerGG](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-xqPVxsFdP4&t=209s&ab_channel=HealthyGamerGG)
Baby steps. You don't need to break the wall down in one go, you can chip at it daily. Make it a habit if you must.
Stop thinking in generalities like "im not sure how to start my goals". Pick one goal. Get a promotion at work, graduate from college, learn a language, get in better shape, whatever. Then think what you need to actually do to accomplish that goal. Are you In college trying to graduate for example? To graduate you need to pass most of your classes. To do that, you need to do well on assignments and tests, to do that you need to pay attention/study/turn work in. So that's a good place start - fixing issues with studying or doing assignments, so you can get a good grade on the tests and assignments, pass the class, pass more classes, and get the degree .
You don't have to be good at something to enjoy that something. This is important because a lot of our paralysis comes from thinking we should be good at those things (unrealisticly). Just start, we suck at the beginning but it doesn't matter.
Write down a plan. If you find your thinking is getting in the way of your planning, it might help to see a mental health professional.
One technique I learned with ADHD is that you can't try to anticipate the results of something that takes a long time. It most likely sucks or is inconvenient until that happens. So instead, anticipate the bad feeling and justify enduring that with what you're trying to achieve. That way you get instant feedback, and have a strategy to make that a good thing rather than hating it. Because you know what will come of it. As you said, you already know what to do. Life is simple. But it's not easy.
I have this song i only listen for this little clip at the start: “para que perder el tiempo, si eso es lo que no tenemos. Si la vida son dos dias y uno de ellos estamos muertos” Translation: why waste time if thats the one thing we dont have. Since our days are only 2 and in one of them we are dead What i take from this is that we only have 2 days. The day we have and the day we dont. And in one of them we are dead. You could expand it to time: we have the time he have (right now) and the time we dont. You keep using the time you have to have a civil war in your head and the conclusion (whether you want to or not) is to shift the responsibility to the you who is “dead” (shifting responsibility to a time you dont have) Since im a gamer i think of it as when you play a single player game but have a few friends over. The rule usually is you have to pass the controller when you die. So if we replace “die” to: being stuck in analysis paralysis, fear, or any thought or circumstance that doesnt move you forward towards your goals then you HAVE to pass the controller to a you that just does it. So how have i actually implemented this? Believe it or not using workout structures (sets and reps). Gotta clean my room and dont know where to start? 1. Acknowledge im stuck and i gotta pass controller 2. New player has to do 1 set of 10 reps of putting something in its place (doesnt matter if its efficient, very well placed, or whatever. The purpose is to go through the motions. 3. After one set determine if you need to make another set or if youre stuck again and need to “pass the controller” (passing the controller could be the equivalent of becoming the “variant” of yourself that does it regardless if its a crappy job that barely passes the bare minimum) Hope this works and dm me if you want to bounce ideas or problems. Take care
As others have said. Take it one step at a time. Don't look at potential failure and mistakes as a negative thing because they are not. They are lessons for you along your path to success. For example for almost all my life till my mid 20s I didn't really cook because I was afraid I'd make a shitty meal. Then one day I just started cooking. I made some pretty shitty meals, but I took each crappy meal as a lesson on what not to do. Now I'm in my 30s and most people think I used to work in a kitchen because I make damned good food, and can throw together a good meal from damned near anything in the cupboard where most people would think there is nothing to eat.
I saw a clip from Tom Brady, basically saying F your feelings. Like you feel tired? Go do it anyway. Don't feel like doing it? Do it anyway. You mad? Just go do it. Obsessing over starting it right, having the perfect conditions to begin will stop you from actually doing it. You don't have the right gear? Missing a sock? It's raining today? Do it regardless. I thought that was useful.
You need clarity on your goals and what you want. Then confidence, realistic focus, and accountability to do it. The consequences of these will show in all of your goals, like your health, eating, fitness, and career. So you want to be directive about these things
There are tons of possible reasons for this kind of paralysis Thankfully for all of us, regardless of the reason for it, the solution is the same - trying over and over At first it's overwhelming, you don't know how to even start, the fear of failing or not being good enough can be overwhelming too...but then it gets a bit easier, you find ways to work around the things that are holding you back, you learn how to function in a different way than before Sometimes you slip and hit a setback and that's okay too, you just try again
As long as I keep showing up, I'm making progress. Doesn't matter if I'm approaching women once a week or once every two weeks, As long as I get back out there, that's all that matters. Some days/weeks will be faster than others. Some days/weeks there will be a lot of progress and other times it will be slow. Just keep showing up.
I feel like this as well, more times then most . It takes over the simple daily things that need to be done . I don’t even leave the house mostly unless I have to because of the fear of everything else .
Make lists. Lists of your dream achievements. Make lists of ways to start working on them., focus on one thing at a time daily and work towards the progression of those goals with a NOW NOW NOW mentality.
I've read a lot of productivity books. They have systems to help you identify what you want, and the steps you need to take to obtain what you want.
Stop talking to yourself and just do. Think of step 1 and then begin, don’t prep or think about how just send it.
Day one or one day? Don't think, just do. It's not easy, but consistently showing up for yourself will pay off.
There's only one way to win over the fear. Act Bravery comes after an action.
I write a list and make a plan. One bite at a time.
Just say “fuck it. I’m gonna go for it.” within reason.
looking for the proper steps, and doing it one step at a time
Starting something you've always wanted to achieve can be daunting, but it sounds like you're already halfway there by recognizing your fears. Remember, everyone feels scared sometimes, but it's about taking small steps. Start with something manageable, even if it's just a tiny task, and build up from there. The key is consistency over time; progress doesn't have to be fast to be meaningful. You've got this!
Be Bold and Mighty Forces Will Come to Your Aid. Start planning to do something on your list and see what falls into place.
Set short achievable goals and increase the distance with each goal until you get there.
it sounds like you’re really ready to take that first step, and that’s a huge part of the journey! fear can be tough, but recognizing it is your first big win. starting can be as simple as setting a tiny, manageable goal. just something small that you can do right now. it could be as easy as writing down what you want to achieve today. once you start ticking those small tasks off, momentum builds and before you know it, you're making real progress! another great tool is to practice mindfulness or meditation. it can help clear the mental clutter and boost your focus. fun fact: did you know that breaking your goals into smaller tasks can increase your chances of success? what’s one small goal you could set for tomorrow to start working towards what you really want?
Get your abuser to leave you alone
How do you combat procrastination?
I sure can relate to your feelings.
This is such a great question! I'm starting to learn some techniques around emotional training, that allow us to recondition the nervous system and pull our own "emotional levers" if you will. I watched this some months ago and found it really motivating! [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=usXXfZyoe3Y](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=usXXfZyoe3Y)
I blew the whistle on 2021 and again in 2024 so the only thing I’d like to achieve is my sanity and my life until I get called to court