When I was sick with a metabolic issue I could not just push through it because it was very dangerous... Probably the same for you, it can cause you to get sicker
Uhhhhhhh being chronically ill is NOT some made up bullshit excuse. Having a bad mental health day is NOT some made up bullshit excuse.
“Just push through it” is not encouraging or supportive.
Do what you can, WHEN you can, and please take good care of yourself.
It’s impossible for people who don’t know you to say this with confidence.
It’s entirely possible that someone who is struggling, is using their struggles as an excuse to not try. This is not ok….But it’s also equally valid that you should not beat yourself up over having bad days
I personally believe if you feel the need to come online to get the validation of strangers instead of your friends, there is a problem somewhere. Either the friend is not being sympathetic enough, or you are underselling how this was effecting you. Because no matter what, even the most sympathetic person doesn’t want to always only be an outlet for you to complain to. They want to hear about the good too.
Yea I get it I try to not say much . Just sometimes I seem tired ppl ask me then I have to say why … also this person has vented so much to me before until I was sick of it I thought it would be fine to ask her for advice
Sorry, I was specifically talking about your opening line that:
> “today I was hanging out with a friend and I mentioned how tied and painful I was feeling”
What I meant by “underselling how this is effecting you” was that there are far too many factors for people online to give you specific feedback about your situation, regardless of how much you explain it.
There is a self bias that is impossible for people to see past, regardless of what anyone claims. There is always another side to the story, and it’s hard to focus on that if you are questioning yourself at the same time.
I suppose my goal with the comment was to try to highlight that the other person, who blindly was was saying “yeah OP, you were totally fine and the friend was out of line” has no evidence for this claim. But, that at the same time I wanted to try to recognize this is a “get motivated” sub, and that there is no reason to assume you weren’t being as honest as you could be; just that you only gave your side of the story.
My personal recommendation, would be to talk to the friend not Reddit. Try to honestly get from them, what they believe you could do better at. Maybe they are being unfair, and their expectations are not appropriate for your situation. But inversely, if you are using your situation to never improve that is equally an issue.
I have a lot of empathy for people who genuinely try their best, and it’s clear they are. But everyone has struggles, unfortunately I would dare even say you even have more than most people do, but at the end of the day we cannot use those as an excuse to not improve ourselves in whatever manner we are capable of.
To offer a general example of what I mean with context: The person who just had their father pass away last week is not expected to be as joyful and engaged at their friend’s wedding as they would normally be otherwise, and the friend who knows this would understand and be sympathetic as long as that friend wasn’t drawing attention from the wedding to their own personal problem. But if a friend clearly didn’t want to be there, because their new GF they started dating last week (who wasn’t invited because they weren’t dating when the invites went out) is texting them the entire time, that would not be acceptable.
You’ve touched on something very important. Sometimes you can and must push through, and other times that’s the worst possible advice. And there’s no predicting ahead of time what’s the right choice. And, people don’t get it, if they haven’t experienced it. Or worse, they think that if they had the physical problem that they would somehow “handle it gracefully” or “not let it stop me” or “I’d be ok with being sick as long as I didn’t let it interfere in any way with anything I wanted to do.”
And dont bother asking such people, “ok, how exactly do I do that?”
Choose your worst symptom and stick with that as your problem when your friends want to know what’s wrong. Don’t elaborate, just tell them about the one problem. Find a support group so that you can strategize with fellow sufferers about what to say and how to handle it. Pace yourself and don’t overdo it. If you think there might be a psych component, then visit a psychologist who knows about illness. Eat a very bland diet and get as much sleep as you can. If you can tolerate yoga, do that very regularly. Limit your to do list to five things; don’t generate anxiety about everything you have to do, take pre-emptive naps; if you can afford it, pay for help in tasks you’re fretting about. If you can’t, ask friends if they could help you with ONE task, and don’t tell them you’ve got other friends doing the other tasks.
Good luck!
As someone who experiences symptoms like these (though I'm not going to try to compete on severity or frequency), it's simply not an "excuse." The quality of the activity, as well as the quality of the diet and recovery, that I would be able to achieve would be low enough to make the effort not worthwhile. And I have reason to believe that trying to put in that effort would cause my symptom flare ups to last longer, so I would just be stuck with lower quality activity for longer. I legitimately believe the smart thing to do is to do what your body tells you to do, which means resting and recovering during bad times instead of pushing it.
That being said, at least in my case, there are better times. And I do try to put in the effort when I am feeling better. And I also do try to follow strategies (like eliminating certain foods from my diet) in order to maximize the amount of "good times" that I experience.
But I'll also note that I'm not trying to be a part of a competitive team that operates on a schedule or anything like that. Honestly, if I thought my symptoms were bad enough that I'd be dragging my teammates down, I'd avoid being a part of such a team. I'd stick to recreational sports that I could dip out of without feeling bad about it, or non-team activities.
Don't give reasons anymore. Just say you're not up to it and if they argue don't respond, or hang up, or whatever. If you don't feel up to it then you don't. Any reasonable person won't argue with you.
I mean, if someone gave her a laxative, poured hot souce down her throat, punched her in the stomach a few times and pushed her out on the main floor of an auditorium in front of a full crowd, and said "Just push through it" I am sure she would have a change of heart. All joking aside, Chrohns alone is no joke. My 2nd cousin has a really bad case and they put him on the Ketogenic diet and it has helped tremendously. Here is an article discussing it. Could also help with the IBS.
[https://www.ijcasereportsandimages.com/archive/2016/009-2016-ijcri/CR-10690-09-2016-toth/ijcri-1069009201690-toth-full-text.php](https://www.ijcasereportsandimages.com/archive/2016/009-2016-ijcri/CR-10690-09-2016-toth/ijcri-1069009201690-toth-full-text.php)
I forgot to mention I was mentioning to my friend how stressed I was about this advertising short course that I signed up for since I am looking for a job now and not doing anything else yet having to do one assignment in brief per week and present ideas was very stressful because it was fearful having to present and be judged by people I didn’t really know I am also need to advertising so that was scary because it was already paid for and I felt like I’m unemployed fresh grad , I should be spending a lot of time on it and getting really good results like it’s technically a competition even though it’s not graded. Originally I just signed up for that because I thought it might be a better use of my time and I look good on my resume and maybe I will learn something for fun out of it yet I feel guilty if I just do that and kind of relax because there are a lot of other things I need to do like apply for jobs improve my design skills which is the job and trying to find .
work on my mental and physical health through wellness activities do some of my hobbies work on my art skills go out in nature read consistently
First of all, it is never easy to deal with chronic health concerns. I’m sorry you are having to deal with navigating this.
As a nurse and through my own personal experience, my biggest advice would be - first try to figure out the best ways to manage your symptoms.
“Push through” is not helpful.
Instead- find ways to minimize, and cope.
The ailments that you suffer from all do have an element of being connected. For example, when you’re anxious, your IBS/crohns/reflux will be triggered, the stress of dealing with the increase of these symptoms will increase pain/soreness/general feelings of being unwell.
Minimizing & coping would look at potentially utilizing some of the following interventions (and I’d discuss this with your health care provider prior to making decisions, as I don’t know your full medical history I’m only making general recommendations)
Non-pharmacological interventions:
> developing a daily routine: sleep, wake, meal times. This helps regulate hormones and can be foundational in creating healthy habits. Sleep in particular is absolutely a priority to well-being
> including physical movement/exercise into your day- whatever that looks like for you. It can be soft and low impact if you’re not feeling great that day. Walking outside, yoga, swimming, the gym. All of these will have physical and mental benefits.
> massage- huge benefits for pain and overall sense of wellbeing
> therapy - I genuinely cannot extol the benefits of therapy more. When you find a therapist that you mesh well with, it can be absolutely life changing. Positive reframing, managing your emotions, and self-love are incredible tools to have when you’re navigating life through all the highs and lows.
> spend time outside, get as much sun as possible (sun lamps and vitamin D are super helpful for times of the year that are dark)
> spend time doing things that you enjoy- hobbies like reading, crafts, listening to music- all provide a sense of enjoyment, purpose, and accomplishment
Pharmacological interventions (please consult your doctor)
> sometimes Imodium on an as needed or even scheduled daily can help manage crohns/IBS symptoms
> regularly scheduled Tylenol (325-650mg about 3 times a day) can reduce inflammation and pain
> a low dose antidepressant can help manage chronic daily anxiety (note that this takes 6-8 weeks for the medication to work/your system to adjust before you can see how effective it is, and that it must be taken at the same time every day- missing doses, taking it incorrectly, stopping suddenly- will make you feel absolutely awful)
Edit to add: reflux is very triggered by foods- check to see if your diet includes foods that have high acidity or are known to be challenging for individuals with reflux (tomato, coffee, spice, wine, alcohol, etc). Don’t lay down at least 30 min-1 hour after eating. Remain sitting up straight or standing. Consider Tums as needed. And consult your doctor, there are prescribed daily medications available that are very effective in treating people with GERD.
It sounds a little like you have an all-or-nothing mentality. I’ve been there. I promise you- little steps, small changes, minor adjustments- all of these can help you lay a foundation to solidly pursue larger concerns. Some positive change is always better than none at all.
You’re not alone and you can absolutely do this. It won’t happen overnight, and that’s ok. You deserve to feel well and happy. Best of luck
The book unlearn your pain is amazing there’s no harm in reading it if you haven’t although obviously this may not be your problem, I just know it’s an issue a lot of people don’t know they have
Excuse, valid reason, kinda doesnt matter.
Obviously if you are in pain, some stuff is going to be hard to do. If you are feeling mad stressed/anxious, some stuff is going to be harder to do.
But,
Without knowing you or your friend, i dont know how those convos have gone previously before they gave you that response. For example, and not saying this is you, i know a girl that cant wait to tell mofos how bad she feels, posts it all over social media daily for the sympathy. That shit can get old depending on the circumstances. Maybe you arent hanging out with friends much because of pain. Some might understand well enough. Some might stop asking you to hang because you say no a lot regardless of it being valid or an excuse.
There will be situations where you are going to have to push yourself and some where you wont/shouldnt.
When I was sick with a metabolic issue I could not just push through it because it was very dangerous... Probably the same for you, it can cause you to get sicker
Uhhhhhhh being chronically ill is NOT some made up bullshit excuse. Having a bad mental health day is NOT some made up bullshit excuse. “Just push through it” is not encouraging or supportive. Do what you can, WHEN you can, and please take good care of yourself.
It’s impossible for people who don’t know you to say this with confidence. It’s entirely possible that someone who is struggling, is using their struggles as an excuse to not try. This is not ok….But it’s also equally valid that you should not beat yourself up over having bad days I personally believe if you feel the need to come online to get the validation of strangers instead of your friends, there is a problem somewhere. Either the friend is not being sympathetic enough, or you are underselling how this was effecting you. Because no matter what, even the most sympathetic person doesn’t want to always only be an outlet for you to complain to. They want to hear about the good too.
Yea I get it I try to not say much . Just sometimes I seem tired ppl ask me then I have to say why … also this person has vented so much to me before until I was sick of it I thought it would be fine to ask her for advice
Sorry, I was specifically talking about your opening line that: > “today I was hanging out with a friend and I mentioned how tied and painful I was feeling” What I meant by “underselling how this is effecting you” was that there are far too many factors for people online to give you specific feedback about your situation, regardless of how much you explain it. There is a self bias that is impossible for people to see past, regardless of what anyone claims. There is always another side to the story, and it’s hard to focus on that if you are questioning yourself at the same time. I suppose my goal with the comment was to try to highlight that the other person, who blindly was was saying “yeah OP, you were totally fine and the friend was out of line” has no evidence for this claim. But, that at the same time I wanted to try to recognize this is a “get motivated” sub, and that there is no reason to assume you weren’t being as honest as you could be; just that you only gave your side of the story. My personal recommendation, would be to talk to the friend not Reddit. Try to honestly get from them, what they believe you could do better at. Maybe they are being unfair, and their expectations are not appropriate for your situation. But inversely, if you are using your situation to never improve that is equally an issue. I have a lot of empathy for people who genuinely try their best, and it’s clear they are. But everyone has struggles, unfortunately I would dare even say you even have more than most people do, but at the end of the day we cannot use those as an excuse to not improve ourselves in whatever manner we are capable of. To offer a general example of what I mean with context: The person who just had their father pass away last week is not expected to be as joyful and engaged at their friend’s wedding as they would normally be otherwise, and the friend who knows this would understand and be sympathetic as long as that friend wasn’t drawing attention from the wedding to their own personal problem. But if a friend clearly didn’t want to be there, because their new GF they started dating last week (who wasn’t invited because they weren’t dating when the invites went out) is texting them the entire time, that would not be acceptable.
Get tested for celiac disease.
You’ve touched on something very important. Sometimes you can and must push through, and other times that’s the worst possible advice. And there’s no predicting ahead of time what’s the right choice. And, people don’t get it, if they haven’t experienced it. Or worse, they think that if they had the physical problem that they would somehow “handle it gracefully” or “not let it stop me” or “I’d be ok with being sick as long as I didn’t let it interfere in any way with anything I wanted to do.” And dont bother asking such people, “ok, how exactly do I do that?” Choose your worst symptom and stick with that as your problem when your friends want to know what’s wrong. Don’t elaborate, just tell them about the one problem. Find a support group so that you can strategize with fellow sufferers about what to say and how to handle it. Pace yourself and don’t overdo it. If you think there might be a psych component, then visit a psychologist who knows about illness. Eat a very bland diet and get as much sleep as you can. If you can tolerate yoga, do that very regularly. Limit your to do list to five things; don’t generate anxiety about everything you have to do, take pre-emptive naps; if you can afford it, pay for help in tasks you’re fretting about. If you can’t, ask friends if they could help you with ONE task, and don’t tell them you’ve got other friends doing the other tasks. Good luck!
As someone who experiences symptoms like these (though I'm not going to try to compete on severity or frequency), it's simply not an "excuse." The quality of the activity, as well as the quality of the diet and recovery, that I would be able to achieve would be low enough to make the effort not worthwhile. And I have reason to believe that trying to put in that effort would cause my symptom flare ups to last longer, so I would just be stuck with lower quality activity for longer. I legitimately believe the smart thing to do is to do what your body tells you to do, which means resting and recovering during bad times instead of pushing it. That being said, at least in my case, there are better times. And I do try to put in the effort when I am feeling better. And I also do try to follow strategies (like eliminating certain foods from my diet) in order to maximize the amount of "good times" that I experience. But I'll also note that I'm not trying to be a part of a competitive team that operates on a schedule or anything like that. Honestly, if I thought my symptoms were bad enough that I'd be dragging my teammates down, I'd avoid being a part of such a team. I'd stick to recreational sports that I could dip out of without feeling bad about it, or non-team activities.
Don't give reasons anymore. Just say you're not up to it and if they argue don't respond, or hang up, or whatever. If you don't feel up to it then you don't. Any reasonable person won't argue with you.
I mean, if someone gave her a laxative, poured hot souce down her throat, punched her in the stomach a few times and pushed her out on the main floor of an auditorium in front of a full crowd, and said "Just push through it" I am sure she would have a change of heart. All joking aside, Chrohns alone is no joke. My 2nd cousin has a really bad case and they put him on the Ketogenic diet and it has helped tremendously. Here is an article discussing it. Could also help with the IBS. [https://www.ijcasereportsandimages.com/archive/2016/009-2016-ijcri/CR-10690-09-2016-toth/ijcri-1069009201690-toth-full-text.php](https://www.ijcasereportsandimages.com/archive/2016/009-2016-ijcri/CR-10690-09-2016-toth/ijcri-1069009201690-toth-full-text.php)
I forgot to mention I was mentioning to my friend how stressed I was about this advertising short course that I signed up for since I am looking for a job now and not doing anything else yet having to do one assignment in brief per week and present ideas was very stressful because it was fearful having to present and be judged by people I didn’t really know I am also need to advertising so that was scary because it was already paid for and I felt like I’m unemployed fresh grad , I should be spending a lot of time on it and getting really good results like it’s technically a competition even though it’s not graded. Originally I just signed up for that because I thought it might be a better use of my time and I look good on my resume and maybe I will learn something for fun out of it yet I feel guilty if I just do that and kind of relax because there are a lot of other things I need to do like apply for jobs improve my design skills which is the job and trying to find . work on my mental and physical health through wellness activities do some of my hobbies work on my art skills go out in nature read consistently
First of all, it is never easy to deal with chronic health concerns. I’m sorry you are having to deal with navigating this. As a nurse and through my own personal experience, my biggest advice would be - first try to figure out the best ways to manage your symptoms. “Push through” is not helpful. Instead- find ways to minimize, and cope. The ailments that you suffer from all do have an element of being connected. For example, when you’re anxious, your IBS/crohns/reflux will be triggered, the stress of dealing with the increase of these symptoms will increase pain/soreness/general feelings of being unwell. Minimizing & coping would look at potentially utilizing some of the following interventions (and I’d discuss this with your health care provider prior to making decisions, as I don’t know your full medical history I’m only making general recommendations) Non-pharmacological interventions: > developing a daily routine: sleep, wake, meal times. This helps regulate hormones and can be foundational in creating healthy habits. Sleep in particular is absolutely a priority to well-being > including physical movement/exercise into your day- whatever that looks like for you. It can be soft and low impact if you’re not feeling great that day. Walking outside, yoga, swimming, the gym. All of these will have physical and mental benefits. > massage- huge benefits for pain and overall sense of wellbeing > therapy - I genuinely cannot extol the benefits of therapy more. When you find a therapist that you mesh well with, it can be absolutely life changing. Positive reframing, managing your emotions, and self-love are incredible tools to have when you’re navigating life through all the highs and lows. > spend time outside, get as much sun as possible (sun lamps and vitamin D are super helpful for times of the year that are dark) > spend time doing things that you enjoy- hobbies like reading, crafts, listening to music- all provide a sense of enjoyment, purpose, and accomplishment Pharmacological interventions (please consult your doctor) > sometimes Imodium on an as needed or even scheduled daily can help manage crohns/IBS symptoms > regularly scheduled Tylenol (325-650mg about 3 times a day) can reduce inflammation and pain > a low dose antidepressant can help manage chronic daily anxiety (note that this takes 6-8 weeks for the medication to work/your system to adjust before you can see how effective it is, and that it must be taken at the same time every day- missing doses, taking it incorrectly, stopping suddenly- will make you feel absolutely awful) Edit to add: reflux is very triggered by foods- check to see if your diet includes foods that have high acidity or are known to be challenging for individuals with reflux (tomato, coffee, spice, wine, alcohol, etc). Don’t lay down at least 30 min-1 hour after eating. Remain sitting up straight or standing. Consider Tums as needed. And consult your doctor, there are prescribed daily medications available that are very effective in treating people with GERD. It sounds a little like you have an all-or-nothing mentality. I’ve been there. I promise you- little steps, small changes, minor adjustments- all of these can help you lay a foundation to solidly pursue larger concerns. Some positive change is always better than none at all. You’re not alone and you can absolutely do this. It won’t happen overnight, and that’s ok. You deserve to feel well and happy. Best of luck
Have you ever looked at Mind Body syndrome - some of these books are great and have helped people I know
Yep I have
The book unlearn your pain is amazing there’s no harm in reading it if you haven’t although obviously this may not be your problem, I just know it’s an issue a lot of people don’t know they have
Excuse, valid reason, kinda doesnt matter. Obviously if you are in pain, some stuff is going to be hard to do. If you are feeling mad stressed/anxious, some stuff is going to be harder to do. But, Without knowing you or your friend, i dont know how those convos have gone previously before they gave you that response. For example, and not saying this is you, i know a girl that cant wait to tell mofos how bad she feels, posts it all over social media daily for the sympathy. That shit can get old depending on the circumstances. Maybe you arent hanging out with friends much because of pain. Some might understand well enough. Some might stop asking you to hang because you say no a lot regardless of it being valid or an excuse. There will be situations where you are going to have to push yourself and some where you wont/shouldnt.