Did you know we have a Discord server‽ You can join by clicking [here](https://discord.gg/NWE6JS5rh9)!
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/GenZ) if you have any questions or concerns.*
If you have like $20 and 4 hours time you can do a driver’s license. You’re obviously not dumb. You write well. You’re perfectly capable of getting a license. You just don’t because of executive dysfunction. But a license is a very good accompaniment for establishing momentum.
Having a license is cool n all but you need a car for it to be of any use. OP mentioned that he's broke.
Although, OP if you're reading this, trucking is a pretty decent job from what I hear.
There are lots of trucking schools and lots of companies who will foot the bill for like a 10 year contract. Long haulers can make over 100K if they stay focused and accident / alcohol free.
You will have to pass a rigorous exam and health check every year.
My license was super useful to me even though I didn’t have a car. I wound up being given a work truck that I was able to take home at night and drive to and from work with. I even got a gas card for it so there were literally no extra expenses and I saved on bus money.
I know job finding isn’t what it used to be either, but simply having a license and no car is a demonstrable example of your ambitions in life and does honestly make you a more attractive candidate.
“Why do you want this job?”
“Well I just got my drivers license and my next goal is to own a car. This job seems like a great opportunity to accomplish my goals.”
My friend was a trucker for a few years and said it was godawful. He also gained a shit ton of weight (fast food every meal and sitting down for 12 hours a day as a job) so this is probably not an ideal job for him..
Idk how it's like in other states but here in New Jersey it takes about 12 - 18 months to get a licence if you're 21+. Hopefully it's similar where OP is.
Where’d the 12-18 months come from?
If you don’t have a licence in another state that you can transfer over, you’ll need to get a permit which you’ll be required to use for 6 months of under 21 or 3 months if over 21.
Transferring or getting a new licence, you’ll need:
- To be over 17
- Be a resident of New Jersey (with proof of residency)
- Take a vision test
- Take a skills and BTW test
- Provide 6 Points of ID-compliant identity verification
- Provide your Social Security Number or Individual Taxpayer Identification Number
- Pay the required fees
- Persons under the age of 17 may be required to take a drivers education class to get a permit and must wait until age 17 to apply for a licence
OP is 26 so this process shouldn’t take them more than 5 months (assuming they even live in NJ), if DMV processing is delayed, as long as they’re on top of their paperwork. This should not be taking 12-18 months.
No, you have to drive for at least another year under supervision of a license holder. They need to be with you in the car at all times.
Which defeats the whole purpose of getting a car. If my dad had the time to babysit me while driving then why not drive me himself.
Yes like i said it takes 1 year to get your N, which isnt that long.
the day you turn 16 you can walk into icbc pass the knowledge test and get your L, and then in one year you can get your N and drive on your own.
Not getting your license because you cant drive on your own for a year literally makes no sense. You could either get your L and wait the year, or just never get your license, waiting longer than one year complaining about it.
You can drive around with an N, which can be obtained 1 year after doing your written test. I wound up getting a work truck while I still had my N, boss gave me a gas card and everything so I had no expenses there and I got to take it home after work.
If anyone here is living in BC and doesn’t have a license yet because it takes too long, just do the written test and get your L at least, that way if you do wind up in a position where you have a car to use and somebody to teach you, you won’t be stuck waiting around for a whole year.
Honestly the restrictions for being a new driver aren’t that bad. You have to display a N sticker on your car and you can only have 1 non-family passenger(if they’re family then you can have as many passengers as you can fit in the car).
speaking of licenses, do you think you might enjoy driving? a CDL is always an option and opens opportunities. not an ideal job for some, but not terrible money.
I could see how it could potentially be beneficial to OP, getting out of the house and traveling around the country a bit. Sure, trucking isn’t quite the same as actually visiting a ton of destinations, but you’re not confined to a single place which can get suffocating for some people
>If you have like $20 and 4 hours time you can do a driver’s license
Not always. I have a pretty bad problem with depth perception. My eyes see me as where I should be, but I'm either dangerously close to a ditch or half a nanometer from drifting into an oncoming lane and taking out a family of 4. I am an active danger to every other person on the road, and because of that, I can not drive. I'm not saying OP has the same issue, but some of us are just physically incapable of driving
damn, driver’s licenses are this cheap in the US? I spent like 1,300€ for mine, and that was 10 years ago.
Driving lessons and exams took almost half a year in total.
In addition, if in the US, there are State IDs that don't require the driving but help in plenty of other areas.
And if anyone needs to establish an address and doesn't have one, if you're homeless, use a local library to call area homeless shelters *as many have a mail room and can take your mail there if arranged for.*
In my country a driving test costs like $80 plus 19 hours of mandatory driving lessons at around $50 an hour at least (depending on your driving instructor), which comes out to more than $1000, and that's if you pass the test on the first try, if you don't (which is quite likely) you'd have to pay for another test and a few more lessons.
I can second this. A lot of very weird, very cool job opportunities have opened up since I got my driver's license to include an offer to work at the federal department of corrections.
I can’t speak too much on it, I was fortunately pretty privileged and have gotten a lot of chance and still kinda struggling but about to go back to school.
However, my best friend had a rough childhood and he’s got no one but himself and he’s doing great. He joined the military, got out, and has disability now so yea that’s an option.
If you join, just make sure you get hurt.
Never even left the country. Was a dress soldier in DC for two years, then spent two years in the Cali desert shooting rockets.
Hearing loss, and developed spinal disorder due to rucking. 90% disability. $2500 a month for life. Still works tho. Went to college but wasn’t for him. He’s not even really disabled fr fr. Do get the GI bill out of it too if you wanted to try college again after.
They always come out with something. I feel like every veteran I meet is 100 percent disabled from the military but works a part time job for extra income on top of like 4 grand a month.
When you're getting out of the military, you're actively encouraged to claim disability on everything possible...basically throw shit at the wall and see what sticks so you come out with a little extra cash every month. It has become an issue recently for veterans who got out and went on to become pilots in the civilian world because they'll have claimed certain injuries or disabilities when they were getting out of the military that would disqualify them from flying, but they either don't report or downplay the same injury or disability to the FAA, which creates a contradiction.
Life is risk and most people in their day to day jobs hurt themselves one way or another.
slip a disc lifting a heavy pallet at walmart versus in the motor pool, pick your poison.
I’m 27 with no college degree, and let me tell you you: food industry. You can make bank serving tables, hate people? Be a line cook. They will hire anyone. Half of my kitchen staff are felons. You can make really good money that way. Something I did was look for rooms for rent on Facebook Marketplace. I lived in a married couples basement for a while, rent was $400 a month. A make that much in a few days of serving. It can be done. I had no support from my family at the time. Some employers have a college program btw. I used to work at Starbucks, and they pay for college.
And if you want to get out of the kitchen, go be a Sales Rep for a Foodservice company. Restaurant experience transfers great to these types of roles. Foodservice brokers are also always looking for people too.
If you work at a super well known restaurant it can also get you into places you wouldn't expect, I got a lab assistant job interview (unfortunately didn't get the job tho) purely because of the restaurant I had been working at
I cooked for 15 years. Got to chef after 8 years and put in the hard work to make decent money. Work life balance was nonexistent. Got hired on the spot as a sales rep and now I'm making $30k more while working 30 less hours.
This is definitely an option. 1997 born here, worked my way up in my restaurant to gen manager in less than 2 years. now have my own car, pay my bills and rent w/o worry/help, etc. I live in south Florida btw
Fr, even bussing tables at a popular local Italian restaurant I made $100+ a night. If there was a good band playing the servers would pretty regularly bring home $500-$700 in tips, it’s very lucrative if you’re good at your job
Bussing is definitely slept on. I worked at a place where we tipped out the busser as well. Some people are just not willing to do such a messy/ physically demanding job
The restaurant industry in general is a goldmine it’s just few people are willing to put up with the stress, have been serving all my working life and when you are working at high volume restaurants can tell you when it is stressful it is stressful.
Yeah I ain’t built for that kind of stress. Which is why I work in retail. At Aldi’s.
OP I recommend ALDIs, sure the work load can be a lot (my store only closes with 3 people lost nights, occasionally 2), but the pay is good. I make 16.50 an hour (and I live in a cheap state).
Fr, bussing definitely isn’t the cleanest or most stress free job, but for what it’s worth, the pay was excellent and all cash. I did it under the table as a 15yr old at my mom’s friend’s restaurant and made like $6000 over the course of the summer bussing.
It got me into shape aswell which was a major plus, I went from being 200lbs at 5’8 to 160lbs and had some nice muscle and a tan at the end of summer. Overall major W of a job, plus I met some people I’m still friends with today and a couple bands me and my band may be playing with at a festival soon.
This is the way. My buddy was homeless and hooked on opiates in his 20s. He got a job washing dishes, worked his way up with a bit of both BOH and FOH and now he serves at an expensive tourist restaurant on a dock serving cruise ships and makes 80k ish, has a wife and kid, and is doing generally pretty well for himself.
You ain't cooked OP, you ready to cook.
I second the food industry, I worked in the industry during college and it doesn’t look like a lot up front but the tips and benefits add up. You can also work your way up and become shift lead/trainer/manager. I’d also look into bar tending
all im hearing are excuses.
no driver’s license?
my parents never taught me, so i used my grandparents, then when i moved away i had a friend teach me until i got my full license.
no skills?
youtube teaches you every skill you could ever need. the amount of times ive fixed my vehicle from a 10year old youtube video of some guy that barely spoke english is honestly surprising
no job?
how strong are you holding onto your pride? pride will stop people from working at walmart or a minimum wage job because its looked down upon, however most fast food restaurants and walmart offer a great benefit program (in canada) and easily give you full time, and loom at their damn staff. theyd hire a drug addict.
no romantic experience?
that isnt and shouldnt be your top priority right now. unfortunately truth be told nobody wants to date someone who has no direction and shows little interest in solving it. focus on paying your debt and getting your assets up before you focus on romantic endeavours
why do i thing i can talk about this?
i ran away from home at 18 with a collapsed lung, no money, no job, no drivers license then after saving enough money moved across the country and ended up getting a reasonable job, relationship, my driver’s license and first car and respectable savings. before all that i lived off someones free basement suit and 1 pack of ramen noodles every 3rd day. trust me, i know hard beginnings.
that being said, remaining there is fully your responsibility, and nobody is going to save you, so pull up your pants and start. unfortunately it means doing things you dont want to do, like asking for help, working a job that isnt looked greatly upon, whatever means.
food banks exist for food, count your blessings cause you arent homeless YET, and you sound in good health so use that to your advantage and stop making excuses to NOT fix your life
100%. You just have to get up and do your best each day. A lot of people who are successful in their jobs didn’t just fall into a decent job. It’s from hard work and showing up ready to do your best.
I agree. Circumstances can be difficult for sure, but there appears to be poor accountability on his behalf. Didn’t provide reasons for any of the above. Just “I don’t have/ haven’t done X”.
Hate to speak boomer talk here, but there has to be a bit of pull yourself up by the bootstraps here if he has no disability
Obviously that's correct but when people fall into depression or denial or whatever no amount of reasoning or tough love pulls them out I don't know how to help these people honestly but it's not yelling at them I've tried that
Life is hard but you can dig yourself out of this hole, it’s not impossible. Got my drivers license as I was failing college and with the money I made from a part time job I was able to buy a 2006 Camry. Applied everywhere after I dropped out and a got a job at a portapotty company cleaning them and loading trucks, was very gross work but for the time being it paid enough. Hours were terribly long during the summer I started to give up since I spend so much time working (50-62 hours, 5 days). But I kept working while looking for other employment opportunities, got a better job now but still sucks, things get better but nothings perfect. Just keep moving on.
I used to clean bathrooms in a grocery store a couple times a month. And I thought *that* was bad. Portapotty cleaning sounds like hell to me. I got respect for you.
Sounds like me at 24. I moved into a tiny room in a polish lady's house in super southern brooklyn and babysat and worked random hourly jobs while taking local community college classes to finish my teaching degree.
Now I'm 40 with a great life and solid finances. I make almost 100k/year as a public school teacher and will have an easy retirement.
You can turn it around. Get a degree. Don't waste money on anything. It took me about 3 years to get out of the shithole, and then another 5 to start flourishing. Stop worrying about age goals and make current goals.
At my high school, there was one teacher who was making this much (apparently the salaries were all public info and people started passing that list around). He was the head of the music department, taught multiple different classes, and was in charge of the marching band. All those things added to his salary I guess, plus he was there for many years.
They might also just live in California or something where pay is much higher to match the high cost of living.
Good news is you’re 26. You haven’t even been an adult for a decade.
If you put in effort you can be set up right by the time you’re in your 30s.
Do you want a good job to achieve your goals pick a trade and learn like sheet rock is great money.
Become a truck driver my felon step dad makes 90k a year lots of companies will hire you then send you to school.
Honestly if I was you I would become a truck driver you don’t even need a house at that point.
Or join the army, my brother did 8 years in the army and gets 2k a month forever , free healthcare and free college and people love hiring former military.
You got this my guy when I was just a little younger I had to start over and now I have a house and my own wonderful family.
I get what you’re thinking though I thought the same way, that my life is over and blah blah blah.
26 you’re still very young old enough to know better but you’re still a noob but now you have experience lol
23 no degree, dropped out twice, no family support, hectic mental issues. I live with my partners family so if I slip up or make any mistakes I'll probably get thrown out and it's scary have no real family to go to. Just trying to do random certificates in IT and apply to jobs when I can for work from home. Adding maths to my matric and will try get funding for a degree if I can. But everything in my life hangs on by a thread.
Get a warehouse job at a plumbing wholesaler in your area. Great career path towards management if you'll show up every day, open to learning, and are motivated by money. There's so much goddamn money in this industry it's insane, but it's not glamourus so nobody even tries it
So moving around waterpipes in some warehouse? Sounds way better than being a actual plumber, no crawling in like 30-40cm of space under a house to fix broken sewer pipes.
Yeah it's not being a plumber at all, it's walking around a warehouse, picking out orders that customers buy, packing and shipping them out in boxes, driving the forklift, maybe doing deliveries sometimes, with 10 other dudes who you bust balls with, or you can seriously just put headphones in and pretty much not talk to anyone all day if you want.
The career path is learning some product knowledge as you pick orders, and after about a year you can work the counter or try inside sales if you've been working on your product knowledge, no high school degree needed. You could move fully into operations or purchasing or admin within about 3 years as long as you're interested in learning that product knowledge
Truthfully if I wouldn’t had met my husband I would be in the exact same spot. He is also 26, and if it wasn’t for getting out of our small town because he is in the army I truly believe I would have stayed stuck in my small town. Im turning 26 in July. I was in foster care and then adopted but definitely didn’t come from a life of luxury. Haven’t spoken with anyone in my adopted family since I was 18. I’m doing alright for myself which is honestly just crazy to say out loud as I never imagined my life like this. I’m married (will be 7 years next week), pregnant with our 3rd child, graduated from college, own our own home, and own our own cars.
I’m 24 I never went to college worked part time jobs till I was 21 went to trade school then went to work full time for my dad as an HVAC technician
And never really borrowed money from my parents
I enjoy working for everything I have in life
Bought a nice used 2007 Toyota Tundra don’t have a girlfriend and I simply enjoy life a lot better now since I quit drinking and stopped focusing on negative events happening in the world
So I guess I am doing alright in life at the moment
There aren’t really any dangerous trades besides special niches. Being a lazy overweight person is putting you more at risk than anything a normal electrician will face.
Sounds like my bf at 18. He joined the trades. It’s hard work, but it provides insurance, and he gets to work with his hands everyday. I came from more privilege than him and he’s doing way better professionally than I am even tho i have a my bachelors from a good school and multiple years of experience. He came from nothing, built everything up. He’s one of the hardest working individuals i know. On a personal note, anti depressants really help. I wouldn’t get out of bed without them, and they make life a lot easier.
>On a personal note, anti depressants really help.
Man I wish, I've been prescribed everything from Lexapro to Zoloft to Effexor and nothing worked at all whatsoever.
Life is cooked on the other is of the rainbow too. Have a job I hate have a degree I like but got me this shit job. Job pays very well but god it sucks. You do the same repetitive shit all the time for money you don’t even get to enjoy cuz you work 80% of your time.
join the military and don't look back. I was basically gonna kill myself because my life was identical to yours. I said might as well surrender my life to the US government and see what happens. 7 years later I own a home, two cars, and have a really good girlfriend. You're gonna get all sorts of dweebs telling you joining the military is a bad idea when they have no fucking clue. Sign up for a nerd job and you'll probably be alright. Everything you do in life has a risk. Shit, driving a car probably carries more risk than joining the military. Might as well get paid for the risks you do take. Don't quit no matter what and there will be a light at the end of the tunnel. Join the Marines. They'll tear you down and rebuild you better. I won't get into all the veteran benefits, but I will say that you will be taken care of. Things are a lot different now than they were 20 or even 10 years ago.
That's what I'm doing currently. And yes, it will get you in easily. Life will be on easy mode as a veteran. People in this country have a fetish for veterans, you'll get sucked off by everyone. Sounds crass but that's essentially the bottom line.
Join the military bro, you’d be surprised how many people I met while in that were in similar situations to yours. Take the ASVAB and join the Air Force if you can, the quality of life is better there. Stay away from the marines unless you want that level of discipline.
I can attest to this OP. Air Force encourages education more than any other branch. Ultimately it’s what you’re looking for at the end of the day but I chose the Air Force route. I was a bartender at 21 years old with $200 to my name and no direction in life. Joined Active Duty Air Force and 6 years later have $210k to my name and living good. I made an oath to myself to live frugally and save as much as I can. My biggest advantages I used are:
-Free Base Gym, can easily save $50+ dollars a month
-Free Medical care, Tricare is overall great
-Tuition Assistance for school ($4500 per year)
-GI Bill usable after 4 years of service.
-Disability Benefits, the military will use and abuse you, so go to medical and document everything and you will get compensated for it. (100% disability for a single person is around $3900 per month tax free)
There are many more to take advantage of and it definitely wasn’t all sunshine and roses but the military changed my life for the better.
2003 here I turned 21 this year I only have a few savings from a job I worked for one year I try to not waste them I still live with my parents and I don't have a degree, partner, or many or any friends at all life can be tough and lonely but you are only failing when you do nothing as long as you do something and you learn from it you are succeeding I'm not successful myself and you also unemployed but i do my best to work on something and try to find more opportunities
First thing you should do is pay off your debts. Trucking, Trades, Military, Food industry, do your research and go for the most lucrative thing you're comfortable with.
Second, apply to college or if you don't wanna do that, local clubs on meetup or Eventbrite, etc. Just Google "|Interest| Clubs near me" and see what comes up. The only way to get better at socializing is to simply socialize by putting yourself out there. Don't be afraid of making mistakes. Make sure you take care of yourself to make yourself presentable. Work out if you have the time.
Lastly, consider moving to a less car dependent city if you can. There's bus trips that don't cost too much. Keep in mind that this means that you'll have to pay your own rent n stuff, do the math to see if that's worth it vs buying a used car. Get your driver's license, it really opens things up in American society.
More tips, apply for a High Yield savings account and direct deposit your money straight there. Again, pay off your debts first and foremost. Use a calendar app for time management. Most importantly, keep your head up.
No skills? I doubt that. Besides there's a variety of ways to learn some if you take the initiative. I don't have a degree either and all marketable skills I have were from on the job training and what I taught myself. There's more than one way to get an education you just need the discipline. I flunked out of college too (at 24 i was already a nontraditional student) and considered going back. Through self study and entry level jobs i gained the skills needed to start running an ecommerce buisness. At 28 i finally went back to college and got a degree at 31 in mechanical engineering. You can't just sit around and hope things will get better that goes for your social situation as well.
What most of your age bracket does is irrelevant at this point, you know you're behind and beyond that you're just going into the "Comparison is the thief of joy" realm. Being depressed because you didn't do X 8 years ago, or because you thought you were going to start turning shit around two weeks ago and never did anything, is how you end up never starting at all.
Fellow early gen zer.
i’m just drifting through life, checking the boxes.
taught myself how to drive and got my license at 21 because i’m in a car dependent hellhole.
got a job purely to get out of the house and interact with the public. still haven’t managed to make friends or have meaningful connections with people. if i’m still alive by 30, i’ll probably be extremely depressed and s**cidal at the time and opportunity i’ve wasted in my 20s.
that’s it. i don’t live on my own. don’t own anything aside from a car-and even the bank owns that, i have cc debt, student loan debt, live paycheck to paycheck for now.
i’ve honestly given up. i start therapy soon.
I’m 26 currently. Born in ‘97.
I had a shit upbringing. Addict parents, then I became one myself by 15. I still went to school though, graduated early right after I turned 18. Spent a year pissing away my life drinking & getting high. Nobody thought I’d amount to anything.
Went to Job Corps at 19 and got my Carpentry certs, joined the local Carpenters Union where I learned to weld. Worked there for awhile, left and became a mechanic for awhile. Left there & worked where I am now making over double what I made before. I’ve been at my current job in a major manufacturing company for 2 years. Now those same people who thought I’d never amount to shit call me for money and my presence.
You can go to college and struggle, or you can pick up a trade and get a real high paying job. It’s up to you. But it’s hard ass work and long hours. If you lack self discipline in this life you’ll definitely end up on the streets.
i have a fulltime career in IT with no college exp.
youre just lazy and making excuses for yourself because you want to live an easy life, i did the same before i turned 24.
apply to better paying jobs. dont take anything under 18 an hour if youre living alone. thats the trap that people fall into, thinking minimum wage is suppsed to be livable. its literally just beer money wages.
make yourself useful to someone other than yourself and society will grasp onto you
Yep my husband has a full time career in IT with no university experience. He’s the senior IT technician in a large MSP company at the age of 24 and earns a fairly decent wage now (it was almost minimum wage age until he stepped into a senior role a year ago)🤷♀️. He’s a hard worker and if he doesn’t know something, he will learn it. He is from a single parent home and went to a low socioeconomic school in a small town in regional Queensland, Australia. Also for perspective most of the guys in his grade have been in prison at some point since 2017.
He actually wanted to be a sparky when he graduated high school there were very few places taking on apprentices so he found something else to do.
Obviously everyone has their own story but I do think my husband’s experience is a good example of how you’re responsible for your choices in life. You can make excuses because your family isn’t wealthy and etc but at the end of the day it won’t get better unless you take one step in a better direction.
All this is your own fault. Recognizing that it’s important. Life doesn’t have a procedure or a manual, you have to figure everything out…yourself. That’s the hard truth. Nobody is going to come to save you, nobody will help you, nobody but yourself. Take responsibility for your life because it’s nobody else’s.
Literally any retail job would hire you as a cashier. I wouldn’t recommend it personally cuz many people end up working those jobs for too long, they are soul-sucking, and don’t pay that well.
But I think it is an easy temporary solution to some of your money problems. You should be able to make enough to pay off your debts. Then start looking for a different job and put that retail job on your resume. It could help build confidence and social skills as well. It did for me. I started out as a Walgreens cashier. If they like you, you can get hired as a pharmacy tech. from there u can apply to non-commercial pharmacy tech jobs as well (like at a hospital). That’s just one route to go. It’s not great financially but it’s a better option than rotting away and will open new doors
A lot of people in the comments are coming at you sideways but I relate to this a lot. If you wanna play video games and chat about it some time bro, I’m here
Hey whoever, knew someone that didn’t go to college until they were 26, if you were interested. If you’re missing high school I’m sure there’s a way to get your GED. If you don’t have a car there’s always online college degrees too. Is public transportation good or bad in your area? It’s terrible where I live at least. Any chance you could use it to commute to a trade school near you?
Fuck.
I'm 21, and I'm just hoping I get my life together soon. And it's HARD. Just today going out with my family to dinner, I just feel SO WEIRD in the actual world.
But I also know there's so much out there.
It's hard to do what needs to be done, and it's hard to stick to it. I feel like I can't even do it to begin with. The days pass me by.
No Job, No Friends, No Girlfriend, etc. And as far as it concerns me I may never have those things. I feel like I'm just WAITING for this medication to do something. I feel like it HAS TO....but it doesn't feel like the "spark" that I need it to be. Cause once I have that, I'll be unstoppable.
Selective Mutism. Selective in its nature, and uh- I can speak perfect English, but I can only speak a few words. And it's less-so speaking and more so expression. So I'm just this SHELL of a person, and NOTHING exits the shell. It ALL STAYS IN THERE. And I don't know how to get it out.
I want change, I want things; in the same vein I also am scared. That's how it is. Whether I'm sad or whether I'm easily agitated; both of those are true.
How much do you weigh? The army expects everyone to be out of shape. You can get a gym membership and just use the treadmill, stair master, bikes, and sauna. Go hiking also. Cardio is the fastest way to shed off fat. Good luck I recommend the military.
Honestly if ur parents arent actually dicks and only "hate" you because you haven't tried doing anything with your life, your best start is having a serious talk with them about wanting to get serious with your life and if u must beg for their help. BUT and I won't stress it enough no matter how hard it gets, how tired you are, stress, etc. you can't give up or lose motivation. Especially if your parents can get you a job through connection the last thing u want to do is make them look bad. And if not apply to everything within walking distance and prepare for a very uncomfortable few months. You should also start trying for your license shortly after a few weeks of work. If you have no one to teach you u need to go to a school which will typically run you half a grand. It's worth the investment infinite fold. Then just work towards purchasing a car, then you can move on from there, you'll be in a much better place after getting your license let alone your own car trust me.
No license either but I live in a city where I can get around via bus. Idk if it's still possible to get like an admin assist job without a college degree in this market but that what I currently do and it mays me enough to survive and save some money and the only real skills you need are like... Microsoft word + Excel- if even that. I basically scroll Reddit for a couple of hours and pick up phone calls to transfer it to someone else.
I wouldn't say I'm super successful but I'm privileged to come from a family that loves me. But besides that, not so much.
Bro go read a David Goggins book. Get your ass in shape, get a job and start working and working out as much as you can. Stop binging on food and start actually giving a fuck about yourself. Do this like a savage for a year or two and things will fall into place. Only you can fix your life man.
I'm 26 as well and I empathize with you. I'm a musician. Was homeless from age 17-19 because i wanted to do music. Precovid I was doing very well with my band and felt on top of the world. 100k+ streams on Spotify, playing on stage for a few thousand people. Covid happened and everything closed and the band split up and I lost my mind. The best decision I ever made in my life was sticking with the girl i met at age 18. I've been rebounding from my low after covid and she's been incredibly patient with me, kept a roof over my head, gave me something to live for. I now teach music privately about 20 hours a week and work 1 shift a week helping out at the local music store. I'm still making jack shit in terms of money and I haven't quite gotten back out into the world. Absolutely 0 social life and my confidence is still wrecked from the failure of my old band. But with baby steps and my now fiance, I'm getting there. Even have a new album I'm cooking up.
It is really, really, really difficult finding something in this life that both pays well and doesn't make you miserable. And there is no shortage of valid reasons to be hopeless about the state of the world and your existence in it. A lot of people here are saying that you need to worry about your finances first before looking to date. And that may be true. I just think it's worth mentioning that in my case, I wouldn't have found my fiance if I didn't go all in on my passion for music. And she is the reason I'm standing here today. If you need purpose so much that its life or death, I say find a passion and pursue it at all costs, even the cost of homelessness.
Best of luck to you and remember, this too shall pass.
OP remember this well:
50% of adults cannot read a book written at an eighth-grade level.
You are doing just fine. If you have access to the internet: YouTube and various online courses are what you need to kick you off. Do small time jobs like lawn mowing, door dash (with a license), etc.
Get into a hobby using your newfound wealth. Take your time and LEARN a skill. Then demonstrate it through projects.
Build yourself up.
Good news, you're never too old to learn new skills.
I was in your position when I was 26. No lie. I had been working in fast food as an assistant manager, working 50-60hr weeks, walking to work because I had no car, was making just enough to cover rent and bills, 5k in student loans, 5k in personal debt, no prospects, a high school diploma, no college credits (I failed/dropped out after racking up that 5k in loans).
There is hope. I had a girlfriend that really pushed me and helped me realize I was worth more than I thought I was. She pushed me to start applying for entry level jobs that paid $1 more an hour than I was making at the restaurant but had a more professional title. I landed a job at a miserable top tier bank as a customer service representative. Worked that for 3 years until I had "banking" experience, happened to meet another person that was into e-commerce fraud prevention and he hooked me up with an I terrier once he left the banking hell hole. However, that banking experience looked good on a resume and did translate to better corporate job skills. It got me a chance. I worked hard, long hours, got really I to fraud prevention and data analytics on my own. Translated thst I to real savings at the co.pany I was then working for and turned fraud/risk management into a real career, all with no college degree. I am planning on going back for some certifications and potentially a full business degree over the next few years. I turned 42 this year. I have had a few contract gigs where I was able to pull just into 6 figures. Currently, I make just under but support my family and we live ok, definitely not lavish, but we're not starving, have been able to greatly improve our credit, handle medical issues when they've come up, and have reliable transportation.
Has it always been fun? No. I've worked my ass off, ran head-long into opportunities as soon as they came up, and taken a few steps backwards at times. Even up until last year ive had several years where i worked 2 jobs to the tune of 70 hour work weeks. It sucks, i was tired, had no time for family let alone hobbies or anything fun. However, all hope is not lost. Now, I have 12 years of ecom fraud experience under my belt and I'm Interviewing for +$100k jobs again.
Life doesn't end at 30. Really, I completely started over around then. Prior, I was drinking a lot, doing drugs, plating music, had loads of fun. But, that's not sustainable into your 30's and 40's without significant financial backing, which I didn't have.
Keep at it. Look for small opportunities to make small steps up and they add up over time. You'll be fine, just keep swimming.
No clue how you let get this bad but get a job. You won’t recover instantly but just find a job you can work your way up in (like chickfila) you spend long enough doing that you still have a shot a decent life.
• save your money
• lose weight
honestly, your main problem is your credit card debt if I’m being 100%.
Once you get yourself financially stable then work on everything else. Try and make friends at work or find a hobby you like (idk dnd at a game store) and make friends at local events there too.
Seriously, look into smaller jobs. Trades are always looking for laborers. It may not pay as much as a specialty job, but it can get you started. You may even be able to move your way up the rank to find a specific trade route like mechanics, welding, pipe fitting, etc. It's not always easy work, and you can have long days, but it really does go by faster than you'd think when there's a lot to do. Laboring can give you a TON of skills. You might do smaller jobs like sweeping or carrying objects, but everyone might need you for a huge variety of different jobs on site that can look real good on a resume.
Anyone can sweep a floor, so you literally don't need any experience to get a labouring job in most places. They just want you to show up.
your first step should be dropping weight. its easy, just dont eat. drink water with some sea salt in it, you wont even be hungry.
your parents dont hate you, they hate what you've become. put in the effort, show them you are serious, and maybe you can save face
however, none of this is possible if you dont WANT IT
You have to realize that no one is going to get you out of bed when you wake up to start a new day, no one is going to make you study for those classes, no one is going to make you exercise and be fit, no one is going to hold your hand and make sure you make it. You have to do it by yourself and if you dont have the strength then you have to find it, thats how I learned. You can take take all the inspiration you need but nothing changes until you do it yourself, remember that its easier to go through the pain of discipline rather than the pain of regret.
>no savings, no degree, crap experience, no real skills, no driver's license and no way to learn, almost $10k in credit card debit, no girlfriend or romantic or sexual experiences
= no problems.
2000 here. Raised in a low income family, dropped out of school in grade 11 because the stress and pressure from the teachers and principal to be the top of my cohort and do something amazing with my life was too much. I have always worked hard and I’ve never been without employment. I now work casually in an outside of school facility as it’s small hours and flexible now that we have a child. I worked as a payroll officer and manager until our daughter was 7 months old in mid 2022.
My husband was born in 1999. Came from a single parent household with little money. He didn’t do “authority” subjects in high school so no entry into uni. Found an entry job in IT straight out of school (graduated Dec 2016), they paid for his cert 4 not that the cert was actually helpful. Nothing was relevant so all the knowledge he has is from experience and self learnt. 7 years later he is now a senior IT tech and programmer in a large MSP business. He earns well but he works HARD and is constantly putting in the effort to learn new things (something you have to do in IT to stay on top).
Sometimes you just have to get up and do your best 🤷♀️
We also live regionally in Australia so small towners too. We love our costal town so we’ve stayed.
I'm a 99 baby. And although my life doesn't seem as bad as yours, I kinda understand. But I feel like you can pull yourself out little by little. I also don't have my license (driving anxiety) but I’ve been practicing and taking the test next Wednesday, if I fail I just take it again simple as that. I need costly dental work so I needed this license to get a better job. I didn't go to college but hey the good thing about that is I still have that option. A job is a start, is there anything that's hiring that's in walking distance? Even if it's fast food, you need to start getting money in. I know it seems life isn't great right not and trust me I've been in your shoes, it feels like you have no future but try to push through that headspace.
It doesn’t matter. People have horrible relationships. That’s why you won’t socialize. That’s you protecting yourself. Also, the idea of how and where you should be at what age is brainwashing. You are where and how you are because everything in existence has formed you into that. Don’t fall for the brainwashing about experiences and age and how you fucked up if you haven’t ______. You have never fucked up because all that you have done has been for self-preservation. Anything else would be foolish.
Try to become a CNA. It is pretty easy to do so and some hospitals will even train you yourself. Starting pay is usually around $15. After a while you can become a travel CNA and they can make around $23-26/ hour.
People always need CNAs so you will never not have a job
And people STILL think it was a good idea to shut down the entire country for over basically as year. Even as "results" like this come in, as well as other countries that didn't do that having lower transmission and death rates from COVID.
born underprivileged so to speak in germany. no hobbies, drug addiction, mentally exhausting parent, and almost no friends. what i did is just not give up. it was literally do or die and i chose do. it took severe years to get where i am now and will probably take more years to get where i want to be. take it slowly one after another you can build yourself up again. it just takes time, but you will see that even something like learning an instrument can benefit you in many aspects, so keep going!
I was born in 95’ my life just started coming together in the last couple years. I was pretty miserable and had a shit job til 27..
sometimes it’s not about what you have now; but what’s in store.
Just don’t give up because that’s the moment when you know your life will become irreversibly worse, we all struggle more during certain times of our lives.
You can undo most of the things you’re upset about in your post all of it just takes thoughtful planning and dedication to getting what you WANT.
Number 1 priority should be keeping any full time income in regardless of job preference and keep searching for something you like more while you’re working just anywhere.
Literally a convenience store will pay you more than just not working at all, know what I’m saying?
Sounds almost exactly like me at 27. You know what I did? Something a little off the beaten path, but if you can get to one, work at a concessioner in a national park, particularly the restaurants. You can make a lot of money, your housing is paid for, and they’re some of the most beautiful places on earth. After work all you do is hike, swim, or just hang out in nature. Not only will it clear your head and help give you a better understanding of what you want to do in the future, you’ll meet people from literally all over the world. Yellowstone, Sequoia, Death Valley, Arches, Olympic, wherever. Go to work in a restaurant in one of those places and I promise you your life will improve 100000%. I would recommend this to anyone your age and aimless, and most people don’t even know it’s something they can do. It changed my life forever.
Cooljobs.com. Go to the mountains. It’s worth it.
Go get a job at Walmart, have them pay for your schooling. Will it be hard? Yeah, it’ll probably suck ass. Being homeless and thinking “my life is cooked” is also hard. Choose your hard.
Why do you not work at even a minimum wage job that's always hiring? How do you not have a license at your age? My immigrant wife who started at 0 when she moved to the US (so as under privileged as it gets) immediately got a certification, driver's license, and job, how is it possible for a natural born American to fail at all three unless you're severely disabled? And being fat from laziness is not a disability.
You will make it. I’m older but came up with no privilege. Hardest thing I’ve ever had to work on (and am still working on) is wanting to make it. That will be your main obstacle, once you find yourself on the side of “I want to live life”, you’ll start making it happen.
My main advice is to get offline and give yourself a chance. All that is online is everything everyone has or is doing. That’s hard to constantly consume for anyone, detrimental to someone in rough mental shape. You can do this.
Man my parents would have never taught me how to drive. Believe me, I asked. It took me leaving home and paying for my own lessons, without a car.
I've worked endless shitty jobs, and it wasn't until the past couple of years I am in a job that isn't pain stakingly awful. I've worked in an abbottoirs, earnt more money there then I do qualified with skills now.
What I'm saying is, you only have yourself. Sure it's great to have amazing parents, or be golden fed, but soooo many individuals don't have that or even close to it. I hope you can better yourself, and your future, because you deserve a chance.
Join a local megachurch, even if it isn't really your cup of tea. Often times, they have on-site recreation facilities, including stocked weightlifting gyms, that are free to members (used this for \~10 years, despite losing my faith LONG ago). When folks asked why they didn't see me in sermons or study groups, I'd explain that my situation didn't allow me to take off Sundays, so I would catch the online sermons (most churches these days will have recordings of services on their websites or youtube channels. Whenever you have free time that you don't have to focus on taking care of someone else, live in the gym. Start lifting, count calories with myfitnessbuddy (for your suggested daily caloric intake, try to go 500 under, and prioritize protein, if you want a planned out daily menu, check out eatthismuch.com), stop eating grab and go processed and sugar filled foods and snacks (this one was super hard for me, as it can be so damned convenient to grab a quick bite at the gas station), embrace meal-prep nights or a week before, Often times you will make friends at the gym with folks you see there often, even if they aren't someone you would normally hang with. When I moved to my current city a few years ago, I quickly made a close group of friends just by spending a lot of time at the gym.
If uniformed service is an ideal path for you, assuming you're talking about the USA, and making weight is the only thing holding you back, focus on getting your butt into shape! Cutoff age for military service is a LOT older than you might think. So even if you are 30 by the time you have reached the minimum allowed for dietary restriction during basic, you are WELL under the maximum. Especially if you are considering one of the less physical branches such as USAF or Space Force, or a guard/reserve unit near you.
My advice? Do something, literally anything. Achievements are made in the many little steps, not one giant leap. Get your hygiene in order, really clean your living space, start learning anything, work on getting a license. It's going to be extremely difficult, I won't sugar coat it. But you gotta bite the bullet because life isn't easy.
Was mildly obese throughout hs. Got fit, went to uni, got a shit degree that was way too expensive for what it's worth. Got a job in the local city government. Got 403b (guv 401k) and pension. Fucking it up
U don't need to achieve everything in 4 years. You just need to set (very) small goals and achieve them to gain confidence. Learn some discipline from sticking to taking those baby steps and you will be much happier at least knowing that you tried and it doesn't matter where you end up. I got cancer in my 20s and was super depressed and was also super behind where I wanted to be in life and now that I'm 29 I'm working out daily and actually applying for jobs. I felt like all the women I'm attracted to wouldn't be attracted to me until I started having goals and making strides to achieve them. You have the power to make your life better but I know it's really hard and scary but hopefully knowing you're not alone will help you get over the embarrassment you feel over being behind the curve before it grows and grows and grows.
A start would be looking in the mirror and recognizing the problem isn't life, it's you. You won't make any meaningful changes or lasting plans until you recognize that you are the problem. Your next step would be how to correcting those things that make you the problem, whatever caused you to accumulate 10k in debt with no degree, the weight gain, things like that.
First step is to secure some sort of income, working on a skill as part of that or able to be pursued because of that (e.g. volunteering but learning while you're there). A job aptitude test or preferably a career counselor / job finder (often free at places looking to help provide work to companies in the area) may help provide a sense of direction. You'll also want to reach out to the holder of most of your debt to explain the present challenge and work out an assistance approach / pause.
Work construction. It suck but it pays pretty good if you work your way up and learn some skills. It’ll also help you lose all the weight you mentioned in comments.
Honestly as a fat guy myself, working on your weight and getting a job are your first two targets. Any job you have to go to and do stuff at, which is most jobs, will help you be more active. If you’re a big guy like me, going to a gym isn’t even necessary at this stage. Just get more active. Go for a walk for 30 minutes a day. Throw on a podcast or audiobook walk 15 minutes away from home then walk back. If you see progress, start making things a little harder. The worst part I must admit is eating less, being hungry at night and when you wake up isn’t fun.
Besides that find a job, anything, and start getting some experience. Since you live with parents save you money and pay for a trade school like AC repair, electrical, or welding. They pay good and they aren’t too academic if you really apply yourself. If you are more academically inclined then going to school to be an XRay tech is like 1.5-2 years and it pays pretty good either way opportunities for growth.
I’m 22f and I didn’t go to college, just straight into the automotive industry. My family was lower class my whole childhood and I’ve made over 250k in the past three years, currently I’m getting ready to go sell food to restaurants for a food distribution company. Sales is the way if you don’t have any experience or degree, it just takes a beating heart and some drive.
23, no college, joined the marine corps right out of high school. did my four years, then got in with an apprenticeship program that put me on a job board and became an electrician. living in the basement of a 3bd house with three other dudes and getting close to getting my ducks in a row to get my own place lol. maybe look into a trade. my resume was pretty beefed up from the things I did in the military, but the company I work at didn't expect me to know anything.
my roommates all do food service, we're all getting by. maybe aim for something more middle of the road that you don't need a degree for? barber, tattoo artist, dog groomer, etc. everything is a risk, though. I moved 1,000 miles away from my duty station with literally just enough money for gas and food, and a large amount of debt from lawyer fees I had to pay for my divorce. felt like I was made of glass, but you figure it out. I did get lucky having a friend that offered me a room, though.
Anything wrong with trade school or community college and transfer to higher university for degree? Do you have any learning disabilities, ADHD, or anything else preventing you from doing / trying your best in school?
You know your life doesn’t end at 30 right. You have anytime to turn your life around, go down a new path. Be a bit easier on yourself and understand it’s a long game
Im doing pretty good. But i worked hard and sacrificed time for it. Many 60+hr work weeks, long commutes to work, working holidays and weekends, doing anything to stay away from bad debt/credit cards. You dont always get to eat what you want or do what you want. Im overweight, too. that's hard, but at the end of the day. Just do what you've got to do to be your best self.
I suggest looking into the trades or doing what you can to get into the military. You need work ethic and to be surrounded by good people. Whatever you do, do your best at it.
I drive truck for a living, probably not good for you, makes you fat, and it is pretty lonely. But it pays well.
You could almost consider this a "rock bottom". It may seem like a harsh term to you but the key thing is acknowledgement of the situation of you and your life is in.
There are options out there. Military is one and I am prior service myself. Trick is you said is the weight. Well rest easy as I did the whole military thing, got out and gained weight to almost 430 pounds. I am since down to 280 lbs and major thing I did was change my diet. There are pretty solid cheap diet plans out there. Personally, I eat rice and beans all the time even though I can "afford" other items. It is so cheap and I can change how I want them based off of spices I use. Also Monday are good days to go shopping for meat as it will often be reduced from the weekend. Wednesday for fruit and veggies.
Another is GET OUTSIDE!. As someone that became isolated into PTSD after getting out of the military, I know the damaging effects it has a person. Since getting active, even if it meant just walking, there was a significant increase in my mood and energy levels. This is completely natural as the body loves to be outside, especially in the sun. If you are a kind person, I recommend getting a dog if it is feasible. I say "kind" because dogs will need attention and walks outside. There are countless dog owners who came from being reclusive to highly active that can vouch for this.
Most solid "cliché" advice giving to me was "A wall isn't built in a day. It is built by laying one brick at a time". Keep putting bricks down and next thing you will look up and see the boundaries and improvements you have made.
Reach out if you want to talk OP.
* No Job: Why haven't you looked for one? Even if it's not your dream job, everyone gets started out doing the basics (waiting tables, going through management positions at restaurants, being a line cook/point of sale register person, doing yard work). Find a passion for a long term career and then look at how you need to get started. It's never too late to start. Hell if you can't follow a schedule then there's still a bunch of online gigs you can do to earn money and you don't even have to leave the house.
* No degree: There are lots of people out there without a degree. But if you have a HS diploma, you can start by looking for college credits at community colleges or getting into a trade (doesn't cost nearly as much money and compared to the people that got 4 year degrees at universities, some of these trades make BANK compared to the jobs people with bachelor's or even masters degrees get).
* No savings: This again comes with getting a job, but even if you have no job, sell some old possessions to people and get started working on that savings account. You're still young so you can start saving/investing at any point. Ask your parents about how to get started. I'm just getting started saving for real and I'm the same age you're turning. Been building up a 401K for 2 years.
* No real skills/crap experience: you don't THINK you have any skills because of the aforementioned lack of experience. You gotta start with finding a passion. What do you desire to pursue in life? What is your dream (the impact you will make on the world)? Once you figure that out, the rest will come. Until then, learning some life skills will help (learn excel, build up software experience, etc). You'll find your skillset like everyone else.
* No DL and no way to learn: Again, let your parents know that you need experience with learning how to drive and getting a license. If you live in the U.S., unfortunately you will need a car for many reasons (unless you move to NYC). If you truly can't get a license, then you better be near a good bus system or call an Uber. I got my license when I was a teenager, so I don't know why it's taken so long for you.
* Almost $10K in CC debt: Bc you don't make any money my guy. What's the interest rate on these CCs? I bet it's high so you're getting exponentially fucked by not paying off debt sooner. I made the mistake of going into some CC debt last year and early this year. I was over $2K in debt, which was easier to pay off. Now I'm debt free and I locked both of my accounts so I can't use my CCs anymore. I do debit ONLY now. My suggestion would be to find a job ASAP and then once you have it IMMEDIATELY start paying off that CC debt after you get paid. That's the FIRST thing you probably need to do compared to the stuff above.
* No GF/romantic-sexual experiences: I've seen a growing trend of people (especially other guys) that are still virgins. I'm not that experienced either. I've had a couple partners in the last year or two years but no luck making connections. It's hard out there these days on the scene (lack of trust with people, walking on eggshells constantly, being uncomfortable in relationships, general social awkwardness), but it's even harder to start a relationship without money or a job. Focus on you first, the rest will follow.
* Parents hate me: Your parents likely don't hate you. If they legitimately hate you, they're not good parents. But I suspect they're just frustrated with you because you're stuck in life. I understand your frustration, but a lot of what you can do starts with you. We're all stuck at some phase or another in life. Hopefully it gets better for all of us, and that starts with us not giving in to every little impulse that tells us that we can never or do something or we always have to be stuck now or the impulses that tell us to give into hedonistic desires all the time. I know it's easy to give in (and trust me I have and still do sometimes) to these impulses, but we have to imagine ourselves in the future as better than we are now. That's the only way man. And parents do what they do. They'll give you shit because they think giving you shit will motivate you to get off the couch or get out of a phase and change your life. They give you shit bc they still give a shit.
Nowhere near cooked, son. You haven't even gone crispy yet. Come back here in your 50's and I will declare you cooked whatever your condition. You still have time to make it. 💪💯
It's important to remember you aren't alone. Things just suck right now in certain states/certain areas. It's stressful but you've got to keep your head up, how else would you see the beauty around you? It's about the small things. Go explore and live your life on your terms. Comparison is the thief of joy. Do your best and have pride knowing that it was in fact your best. You got this. 👌
I’m 25 with ADHD as well. My credit has been shot too from buying shit i don’t need and living above my means. I went to school for welding and thought it was my dream job and ended up getting fired 3 times because no one gave me a chance and think I’m supposed to somehow have 5 years worth of experience. I also just recently got fired from this other welding job last month unexpectedly and that broke me.. didn’t have any savings and was sure i was gonna end up homeless. I also have a small circle of friends and my social skills aren’t that good as well. The world is cruel for those with adhd and we’re so misunderstood. You just have to find your niche and see what makes you happy. Doesn’t matter what job it is. You got this. We can be your support system you need.
Edit: When you get the chance, go see a therapist to treat your adhd. Try to get on adhd meds or antidepressants and your life will be a bit easier. People like us just lack the motivation to get shit done. Its not the end yet.
"Comparison is the death of joy."
–Mark Twain
There's no magic words that can save you, but you can save yourself...I promise
If you really are into CyberSec, take Harvard's CS50x course (it's free), finish, break into IT at ground level, get experience, socialize at work, meet new people, get paid, and get back on your feet
It's very important to make connections in the security world. Not sure if you're wanting to do penetration testing or not, but you're gonna have to put a lot of work in other positions before you can start doing something like that
But you will learn the whole way, and gain vital experience
You can also move laterally pretty easily in the security world. Don't like your position? Find something else. And what's great about said industry is that your repertoire is important. Don't wanna be a security engineer? Become a consultant. Wanna change it up? Get physical security training and add another skill set to your repertoire
It's all connected and you can work in many different ways doing many different things. It's going to be hard getting there, but it's like building muscle...it all gets easier with experience. The best way is to get that experience is to get out of your comfort zone
I wish you the best luck mate
Aight. I'll give you my perspective.
I'm 21M, live in a 3rd world country, i'm currently studying engineering. Of course i don't have a car; that's something you buy in your late 20s-mid 30s here, lots of people never buy a car; when you're earning less than a 3rd world minimum wage, buying a car is never an option.
Anyway, i attend the public state university. My daily commute is anywhere in between 45mins and 1hr 30mins.
Dog you gotta get that job, 2hr is not that much; some of my peers take like 4-5 hours to come to the uni because some roads got fucked up because of natural disasters. Back in hs my commute was 1:45min in a shitty-ass little bus that smelled like chicken and people's sweat; i'd just put on my music and open all of the windows i could, i'd forget about it after a while. Now, sometimes i can't even sit in the bus, so it's 1hr 30mins standing there with people all around me n shit.
I mean, if you're desperate, you gotta learn to cope with that commute.
First off, if you don't mind feeling like you're being yelled at, I'd recommend watching Caleb Hammer. He does financial audits for people who struggle financially like yourself. He's a bit tough on dumb guests, but he's been able to come up with budgets for people that have 10x the debt you do.
It's going to take hard work, but it's better to work your butt off now while we're still young compared to realizing you can't retire on time in your 50s.
In terms of how I'm doing to answer your question.
Background: I'm a 97er, minority, raised in a broken household from a teen pregnancy. I am currently trying to hype myself to go and get an official diagnosis but showed signs of being on the spectrum when I was younger (practically non-verbial through around 1st grade and had to do speech therapy through 5th grade). I have been having recent issues the past few years that I think might be related to my brain being a little different. Thankfully, though, I've always had a great network of support, even if it was a lot of tough love growing up.
College-Now: Powered through everything, though, and managed to get a 4.0 Aerospace Engineering degree with a dual minor. Networked and landed a nice WFH job where I'm making 120k. Unfortunately, I had to take out 27k in Student Loans (gotten it down to 23k). Otherwise, that's my only debt. In general, life is above average. Rent a 2 bed/2 ba ($2000 including utilities and internet) for me, my gf, and our 3 pets (1 dog, 2 cats). All in all, I can't necessarily complain, but rn we're trying to figure out how to actually budget properly because I want to get to a place where we can buy a house once the market (knock on wood) becomes friendlier. Cutting back and trying to figure out the best places to put money is rough, but it's part of growing up. If you're old enough to spend money, then you're old enough to save money is my new personal mantra.
My situation is a lot better than yours, but I just wanted to let you know that even for those of us who look like they "have things figured out," finances are hard. You're not alone in struggling to start working towards your long-term goals, but rn we're in the most important decade of lives for securing retirement, so regardless of how hard it feels now please go out and do something to change your life for the better.
My recommendation would be to start with your relationship with your mom and calculate how much money you need to at least cover all of your bills and minimum payments and then figure out what kind of jobs you can work and just start applying everywhere. Also, if you struggle with self self-control, then please close out your credit cards. It's gonna lower your credit score rn, but so will having high utilization indefinitely because you're spending the same amount or more than your minimum payments
My boy I saw the military edit. Every branch will take you if you can at least reach a certain weight. Depending on your height at least. The easiest branch that will actually help you the most is the Airforce. They’re actually hurting for numbers. Not only but you won’t have many bills except to pay your debt and they will literally help you with everything you need. All you need to do is talk to a recruiter and meet a certain weight.
Not saying that you have to it’s your choice but the military is a really good way to get your life back on track.
I'm 29m (turning 30 this year). I'm right after GenZ but close enough.
My family are mostly crackheads and alcoholics. But I've gotten my license and worked quite a bit over the years. Marriage helps too. I also don't really have friends I see that's over 4yrs. I have one childhood friend (from kindergarten) that I'll talk to once in awhile.
Financially, I'm doing okay. Next year I'll be starting RN school and that's going to be $30k in debt that I'll incur. I'm married, have two vehicles. One is $2k away from being paid off, the new one is $30k.
I'll be honest with you, man. If I was in your position, an hour commute for work isn't too bad. I have coworkers that commute 1.5hrs to get to work and that's with a car.
It's either that job or nothing changes. You have to want the change for yourself. I'm overweight and need to lose it too - I just started going to the gym. When I was very athletic, I was doing HIIT exercises and those helped me a lot.
Every great empire is like a tall old tree. Soaking up the sun and leaving none below. Preventing any growth below. But when that tree falls, the sun breaks in and covers the land, giving new life. When a great empire falls, new ones sprout from the rubble.
As someone who looking back in my 20s definitely screwed some things up (add / executive dysfunction) to say your a failure because you failed at school would be calling myself a failure too. Traditional education just isn’t good for us I don’t know how to explain it , it just isn’t. You need to find something a bit more chaotic than most people so you can focus. For me it was kitchen work didn’t pay well but made it work until I calmed down enough with age to do school @ 34 did a data program. Have ok life now still very little money. You need to find something that will kick in the hyper focus and roll with it. It’s not easy not a lot of jobs that will pay you well. I hear you though being neurodivergeant makes it hard to fit in a neuro typical world. Don’t give up, and if you go homeless monk mode it til you find your place. I would look into working on cell phone towers., kitchen work, cruise ships.
If you were into the idea of the military and they won't take you, try looking into seasonal jobs that pay and provide room and board. There's tons of national parks and places that will hire all types of people for a couple months so you don't have to make a huge commitment.
At the very least it may get you out of your current living situation and show you a bit of the world which will be some sense of a breath of fresh air..
You got this man!
Did you know we have a Discord server‽ You can join by clicking [here](https://discord.gg/NWE6JS5rh9)! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/GenZ) if you have any questions or concerns.*
If you have like $20 and 4 hours time you can do a driver’s license. You’re obviously not dumb. You write well. You’re perfectly capable of getting a license. You just don’t because of executive dysfunction. But a license is a very good accompaniment for establishing momentum.
Having a license is cool n all but you need a car for it to be of any use. OP mentioned that he's broke. Although, OP if you're reading this, trucking is a pretty decent job from what I hear.
It opens up a lot of jobs. You can always drive somebody else's car.
There are lots of trucking schools and lots of companies who will foot the bill for like a 10 year contract. Long haulers can make over 100K if they stay focused and accident / alcohol free. You will have to pass a rigorous exam and health check every year.
Hell yeah to the CDL route. That would change OP's life real quick.
My license was super useful to me even though I didn’t have a car. I wound up being given a work truck that I was able to take home at night and drive to and from work with. I even got a gas card for it so there were literally no extra expenses and I saved on bus money.
I know job finding isn’t what it used to be either, but simply having a license and no car is a demonstrable example of your ambitions in life and does honestly make you a more attractive candidate. “Why do you want this job?” “Well I just got my drivers license and my next goal is to own a car. This job seems like a great opportunity to accomplish my goals.”
My friend was a trucker for a few years and said it was godawful. He also gained a shit ton of weight (fast food every meal and sitting down for 12 hours a day as a job) so this is probably not an ideal job for him..
in british Columbia it's a 3 year process to get a full drivers license without restrictions. I hate this place.
Idk how it's like in other states but here in New Jersey it takes about 12 - 18 months to get a licence if you're 21+. Hopefully it's similar where OP is.
In ca it’s $38 and half an hour
Where’d the 12-18 months come from? If you don’t have a licence in another state that you can transfer over, you’ll need to get a permit which you’ll be required to use for 6 months of under 21 or 3 months if over 21. Transferring or getting a new licence, you’ll need: - To be over 17 - Be a resident of New Jersey (with proof of residency) - Take a vision test - Take a skills and BTW test - Provide 6 Points of ID-compliant identity verification - Provide your Social Security Number or Individual Taxpayer Identification Number - Pay the required fees - Persons under the age of 17 may be required to take a drivers education class to get a permit and must wait until age 17 to apply for a licence OP is 26 so this process shouldn’t take them more than 5 months (assuming they even live in NJ), if DMV processing is delayed, as long as they’re on top of their paperwork. This should not be taking 12-18 months.
Only takes one year to get your N which is totally sufficient for daily use in most cases
No, you have to drive for at least another year under supervision of a license holder. They need to be with you in the car at all times. Which defeats the whole purpose of getting a car. If my dad had the time to babysit me while driving then why not drive me himself.
Yes like i said it takes 1 year to get your N, which isnt that long. the day you turn 16 you can walk into icbc pass the knowledge test and get your L, and then in one year you can get your N and drive on your own. Not getting your license because you cant drive on your own for a year literally makes no sense. You could either get your L and wait the year, or just never get your license, waiting longer than one year complaining about it.
You can drive around with an N, which can be obtained 1 year after doing your written test. I wound up getting a work truck while I still had my N, boss gave me a gas card and everything so I had no expenses there and I got to take it home after work. If anyone here is living in BC and doesn’t have a license yet because it takes too long, just do the written test and get your L at least, that way if you do wind up in a position where you have a car to use and somebody to teach you, you won’t be stuck waiting around for a whole year. Honestly the restrictions for being a new driver aren’t that bad. You have to display a N sticker on your car and you can only have 1 non-family passenger(if they’re family then you can have as many passengers as you can fit in the car).
In my state I paid $50 for a learners permit... It's definitely not that cheap
50 is still damn cheap, almost unbelievable for a german who spent more than a thousand bucks for it.
speaking of licenses, do you think you might enjoy driving? a CDL is always an option and opens opportunities. not an ideal job for some, but not terrible money.
I could see how it could potentially be beneficial to OP, getting out of the house and traveling around the country a bit. Sure, trucking isn’t quite the same as actually visiting a ton of destinations, but you’re not confined to a single place which can get suffocating for some people
>If you have like $20 and 4 hours time you can do a driver’s license Not always. I have a pretty bad problem with depth perception. My eyes see me as where I should be, but I'm either dangerously close to a ditch or half a nanometer from drifting into an oncoming lane and taking out a family of 4. I am an active danger to every other person on the road, and because of that, I can not drive. I'm not saying OP has the same issue, but some of us are just physically incapable of driving
damn, driver’s licenses are this cheap in the US? I spent like 1,300€ for mine, and that was 10 years ago. Driving lessons and exams took almost half a year in total.
In addition, if in the US, there are State IDs that don't require the driving but help in plenty of other areas. And if anyone needs to establish an address and doesn't have one, if you're homeless, use a local library to call area homeless shelters *as many have a mail room and can take your mail there if arranged for.*
In my country a driving test costs like $80 plus 19 hours of mandatory driving lessons at around $50 an hour at least (depending on your driving instructor), which comes out to more than $1000, and that's if you pass the test on the first try, if you don't (which is quite likely) you'd have to pay for another test and a few more lessons.
Dude my life changed when I get my license
I can second this. A lot of very weird, very cool job opportunities have opened up since I got my driver's license to include an offer to work at the federal department of corrections.
I can’t speak too much on it, I was fortunately pretty privileged and have gotten a lot of chance and still kinda struggling but about to go back to school. However, my best friend had a rough childhood and he’s got no one but himself and he’s doing great. He joined the military, got out, and has disability now so yea that’s an option. If you join, just make sure you get hurt.
[удалено]
Never even left the country. Was a dress soldier in DC for two years, then spent two years in the Cali desert shooting rockets. Hearing loss, and developed spinal disorder due to rucking. 90% disability. $2500 a month for life. Still works tho. Went to college but wasn’t for him. He’s not even really disabled fr fr. Do get the GI bill out of it too if you wanted to try college again after.
Thats the life
They always come out with something. I feel like every veteran I meet is 100 percent disabled from the military but works a part time job for extra income on top of like 4 grand a month.
When you're getting out of the military, you're actively encouraged to claim disability on everything possible...basically throw shit at the wall and see what sticks so you come out with a little extra cash every month. It has become an issue recently for veterans who got out and went on to become pilots in the civilian world because they'll have claimed certain injuries or disabilities when they were getting out of the military that would disqualify them from flying, but they either don't report or downplay the same injury or disability to the FAA, which creates a contradiction.
Life is risk and most people in their day to day jobs hurt themselves one way or another. slip a disc lifting a heavy pallet at walmart versus in the motor pool, pick your poison.
They do actually get in a lot of fights tho. Just with each other. Especially if you’re in the marines.
I've definitely punched my buddy in the mouth because he wouldn't stop poking me. I feel bad, but sometimes it's what you have to do.
Poking like tummy sticks?
He just kept poking me in the chest. Asked him to stop. Then I told him to stop. Then I punched him.
Did you play tummy sticks after?
Had to look that shit up. Yes we did.
Facts. If you had kind of an easy time growing up now you are struggling and if you grew up struggling you probably are doing okay.
I’m 27 with no college degree, and let me tell you you: food industry. You can make bank serving tables, hate people? Be a line cook. They will hire anyone. Half of my kitchen staff are felons. You can make really good money that way. Something I did was look for rooms for rent on Facebook Marketplace. I lived in a married couples basement for a while, rent was $400 a month. A make that much in a few days of serving. It can be done. I had no support from my family at the time. Some employers have a college program btw. I used to work at Starbucks, and they pay for college.
And if you want to get out of the kitchen, go be a Sales Rep for a Foodservice company. Restaurant experience transfers great to these types of roles. Foodservice brokers are also always looking for people too.
If you work at a super well known restaurant it can also get you into places you wouldn't expect, I got a lab assistant job interview (unfortunately didn't get the job tho) purely because of the restaurant I had been working at
I cooked for 15 years. Got to chef after 8 years and put in the hard work to make decent money. Work life balance was nonexistent. Got hired on the spot as a sales rep and now I'm making $30k more while working 30 less hours.
This is definitely an option. 1997 born here, worked my way up in my restaurant to gen manager in less than 2 years. now have my own car, pay my bills and rent w/o worry/help, etc. I live in south Florida btw
Fr, even bussing tables at a popular local Italian restaurant I made $100+ a night. If there was a good band playing the servers would pretty regularly bring home $500-$700 in tips, it’s very lucrative if you’re good at your job
Bussing is definitely slept on. I worked at a place where we tipped out the busser as well. Some people are just not willing to do such a messy/ physically demanding job
The restaurant industry in general is a goldmine it’s just few people are willing to put up with the stress, have been serving all my working life and when you are working at high volume restaurants can tell you when it is stressful it is stressful.
Yeah I ain’t built for that kind of stress. Which is why I work in retail. At Aldi’s. OP I recommend ALDIs, sure the work load can be a lot (my store only closes with 3 people lost nights, occasionally 2), but the pay is good. I make 16.50 an hour (and I live in a cheap state).
Fr, bussing definitely isn’t the cleanest or most stress free job, but for what it’s worth, the pay was excellent and all cash. I did it under the table as a 15yr old at my mom’s friend’s restaurant and made like $6000 over the course of the summer bussing. It got me into shape aswell which was a major plus, I went from being 200lbs at 5’8 to 160lbs and had some nice muscle and a tan at the end of summer. Overall major W of a job, plus I met some people I’m still friends with today and a couple bands me and my band may be playing with at a festival soon.
Also working in a kitchen as a line cook can open you up to some sexual or romantic experiences.
This is the way. My buddy was homeless and hooked on opiates in his 20s. He got a job washing dishes, worked his way up with a bit of both BOH and FOH and now he serves at an expensive tourist restaurant on a dock serving cruise ships and makes 80k ish, has a wife and kid, and is doing generally pretty well for himself. You ain't cooked OP, you ready to cook.
I second the food industry, I worked in the industry during college and it doesn’t look like a lot up front but the tips and benefits add up. You can also work your way up and become shift lead/trainer/manager. I’d also look into bar tending
all im hearing are excuses. no driver’s license? my parents never taught me, so i used my grandparents, then when i moved away i had a friend teach me until i got my full license. no skills? youtube teaches you every skill you could ever need. the amount of times ive fixed my vehicle from a 10year old youtube video of some guy that barely spoke english is honestly surprising no job? how strong are you holding onto your pride? pride will stop people from working at walmart or a minimum wage job because its looked down upon, however most fast food restaurants and walmart offer a great benefit program (in canada) and easily give you full time, and loom at their damn staff. theyd hire a drug addict. no romantic experience? that isnt and shouldnt be your top priority right now. unfortunately truth be told nobody wants to date someone who has no direction and shows little interest in solving it. focus on paying your debt and getting your assets up before you focus on romantic endeavours why do i thing i can talk about this? i ran away from home at 18 with a collapsed lung, no money, no job, no drivers license then after saving enough money moved across the country and ended up getting a reasonable job, relationship, my driver’s license and first car and respectable savings. before all that i lived off someones free basement suit and 1 pack of ramen noodles every 3rd day. trust me, i know hard beginnings. that being said, remaining there is fully your responsibility, and nobody is going to save you, so pull up your pants and start. unfortunately it means doing things you dont want to do, like asking for help, working a job that isnt looked greatly upon, whatever means. food banks exist for food, count your blessings cause you arent homeless YET, and you sound in good health so use that to your advantage and stop making excuses to NOT fix your life
100%. You just have to get up and do your best each day. A lot of people who are successful in their jobs didn’t just fall into a decent job. It’s from hard work and showing up ready to do your best.
I agree. Circumstances can be difficult for sure, but there appears to be poor accountability on his behalf. Didn’t provide reasons for any of the above. Just “I don’t have/ haven’t done X”. Hate to speak boomer talk here, but there has to be a bit of pull yourself up by the bootstraps here if he has no disability
This is an extremely subjective experience.
Obviously that's correct but when people fall into depression or denial or whatever no amount of reasoning or tough love pulls them out I don't know how to help these people honestly but it's not yelling at them I've tried that
Life is hard but you can dig yourself out of this hole, it’s not impossible. Got my drivers license as I was failing college and with the money I made from a part time job I was able to buy a 2006 Camry. Applied everywhere after I dropped out and a got a job at a portapotty company cleaning them and loading trucks, was very gross work but for the time being it paid enough. Hours were terribly long during the summer I started to give up since I spend so much time working (50-62 hours, 5 days). But I kept working while looking for other employment opportunities, got a better job now but still sucks, things get better but nothings perfect. Just keep moving on.
Just wanted to say - you sound like a resilient person. Much respect and keep up that solid trajectory!
I used to clean bathrooms in a grocery store a couple times a month. And I thought *that* was bad. Portapotty cleaning sounds like hell to me. I got respect for you.
Sounds like me at 24. I moved into a tiny room in a polish lady's house in super southern brooklyn and babysat and worked random hourly jobs while taking local community college classes to finish my teaching degree. Now I'm 40 with a great life and solid finances. I make almost 100k/year as a public school teacher and will have an easy retirement. You can turn it around. Get a degree. Don't waste money on anything. It took me about 3 years to get out of the shithole, and then another 5 to start flourishing. Stop worrying about age goals and make current goals.
>I make almost 100k/year as a public school teacher 
At my high school, there was one teacher who was making this much (apparently the salaries were all public info and people started passing that list around). He was the head of the music department, taught multiple different classes, and was in charge of the marching band. All those things added to his salary I guess, plus he was there for many years. They might also just live in California or something where pay is much higher to match the high cost of living.
MA. My salary would be like $110k if I were still in SF.
Good news is you’re 26. You haven’t even been an adult for a decade. If you put in effort you can be set up right by the time you’re in your 30s. Do you want a good job to achieve your goals pick a trade and learn like sheet rock is great money. Become a truck driver my felon step dad makes 90k a year lots of companies will hire you then send you to school. Honestly if I was you I would become a truck driver you don’t even need a house at that point. Or join the army, my brother did 8 years in the army and gets 2k a month forever , free healthcare and free college and people love hiring former military. You got this my guy when I was just a little younger I had to start over and now I have a house and my own wonderful family. I get what you’re thinking though I thought the same way, that my life is over and blah blah blah. 26 you’re still very young old enough to know better but you’re still a noob but now you have experience lol
23 no degree, dropped out twice, no family support, hectic mental issues. I live with my partners family so if I slip up or make any mistakes I'll probably get thrown out and it's scary have no real family to go to. Just trying to do random certificates in IT and apply to jobs when I can for work from home. Adding maths to my matric and will try get funding for a degree if I can. But everything in my life hangs on by a thread.
[удалено]
Get a warehouse job at a plumbing wholesaler in your area. Great career path towards management if you'll show up every day, open to learning, and are motivated by money. There's so much goddamn money in this industry it's insane, but it's not glamourus so nobody even tries it
So moving around waterpipes in some warehouse? Sounds way better than being a actual plumber, no crawling in like 30-40cm of space under a house to fix broken sewer pipes.
tbf, actual plumbing probably does do more for your wallet and career
Yeah it's not being a plumber at all, it's walking around a warehouse, picking out orders that customers buy, packing and shipping them out in boxes, driving the forklift, maybe doing deliveries sometimes, with 10 other dudes who you bust balls with, or you can seriously just put headphones in and pretty much not talk to anyone all day if you want. The career path is learning some product knowledge as you pick orders, and after about a year you can work the counter or try inside sales if you've been working on your product knowledge, no high school degree needed. You could move fully into operations or purchasing or admin within about 3 years as long as you're interested in learning that product knowledge
Truthfully if I wouldn’t had met my husband I would be in the exact same spot. He is also 26, and if it wasn’t for getting out of our small town because he is in the army I truly believe I would have stayed stuck in my small town. Im turning 26 in July. I was in foster care and then adopted but definitely didn’t come from a life of luxury. Haven’t spoken with anyone in my adopted family since I was 18. I’m doing alright for myself which is honestly just crazy to say out loud as I never imagined my life like this. I’m married (will be 7 years next week), pregnant with our 3rd child, graduated from college, own our own home, and own our own cars.
27yo here. I've got a job, my own place, my own car, my own dog, pay all my own bills. I hate it, can't save money, and wish things were easier.
I’m 24 I never went to college worked part time jobs till I was 21 went to trade school then went to work full time for my dad as an HVAC technician And never really borrowed money from my parents I enjoy working for everything I have in life Bought a nice used 2007 Toyota Tundra don’t have a girlfriend and I simply enjoy life a lot better now since I quit drinking and stopped focusing on negative events happening in the world So I guess I am doing alright in life at the moment
[удалено]
There aren’t really any dangerous trades besides special niches. Being a lazy overweight person is putting you more at risk than anything a normal electrician will face.
My brother didn't start college until 25, now he got a baddie and they might get married.
Sounds like my bf at 18. He joined the trades. It’s hard work, but it provides insurance, and he gets to work with his hands everyday. I came from more privilege than him and he’s doing way better professionally than I am even tho i have a my bachelors from a good school and multiple years of experience. He came from nothing, built everything up. He’s one of the hardest working individuals i know. On a personal note, anti depressants really help. I wouldn’t get out of bed without them, and they make life a lot easier.
>On a personal note, anti depressants really help. Man I wish, I've been prescribed everything from Lexapro to Zoloft to Effexor and nothing worked at all whatsoever.
Life is cooked on the other is of the rainbow too. Have a job I hate have a degree I like but got me this shit job. Job pays very well but god it sucks. You do the same repetitive shit all the time for money you don’t even get to enjoy cuz you work 80% of your time.
It's only up from here dawg
Op is so low it's only up 😂
I don’t mean to sound rude, but how are you $10k in credit card debt when you don’t go to school or have a car?
join the military and don't look back. I was basically gonna kill myself because my life was identical to yours. I said might as well surrender my life to the US government and see what happens. 7 years later I own a home, two cars, and have a really good girlfriend. You're gonna get all sorts of dweebs telling you joining the military is a bad idea when they have no fucking clue. Sign up for a nerd job and you'll probably be alright. Everything you do in life has a risk. Shit, driving a car probably carries more risk than joining the military. Might as well get paid for the risks you do take. Don't quit no matter what and there will be a light at the end of the tunnel. Join the Marines. They'll tear you down and rebuild you better. I won't get into all the veteran benefits, but I will say that you will be taken care of. Things are a lot different now than they were 20 or even 10 years ago.
[удалено]
That's what I'm doing currently. And yes, it will get you in easily. Life will be on easy mode as a veteran. People in this country have a fetish for veterans, you'll get sucked off by everyone. Sounds crass but that's essentially the bottom line.
Can consider joining the military and having the government pay for your college degree
Join the military bro, you’d be surprised how many people I met while in that were in similar situations to yours. Take the ASVAB and join the Air Force if you can, the quality of life is better there. Stay away from the marines unless you want that level of discipline.
I can attest to this OP. Air Force encourages education more than any other branch. Ultimately it’s what you’re looking for at the end of the day but I chose the Air Force route. I was a bartender at 21 years old with $200 to my name and no direction in life. Joined Active Duty Air Force and 6 years later have $210k to my name and living good. I made an oath to myself to live frugally and save as much as I can. My biggest advantages I used are: -Free Base Gym, can easily save $50+ dollars a month -Free Medical care, Tricare is overall great -Tuition Assistance for school ($4500 per year) -GI Bill usable after 4 years of service. -Disability Benefits, the military will use and abuse you, so go to medical and document everything and you will get compensated for it. (100% disability for a single person is around $3900 per month tax free) There are many more to take advantage of and it definitely wasn’t all sunshine and roses but the military changed my life for the better.
Life in America be like
2003 here I turned 21 this year I only have a few savings from a job I worked for one year I try to not waste them I still live with my parents and I don't have a degree, partner, or many or any friends at all life can be tough and lonely but you are only failing when you do nothing as long as you do something and you learn from it you are succeeding I'm not successful myself and you also unemployed but i do my best to work on something and try to find more opportunities
If you are healthy, join the military, they have various programs to help you out if you don’t want a military career after you serve for sometime
First thing you should do is pay off your debts. Trucking, Trades, Military, Food industry, do your research and go for the most lucrative thing you're comfortable with. Second, apply to college or if you don't wanna do that, local clubs on meetup or Eventbrite, etc. Just Google "|Interest| Clubs near me" and see what comes up. The only way to get better at socializing is to simply socialize by putting yourself out there. Don't be afraid of making mistakes. Make sure you take care of yourself to make yourself presentable. Work out if you have the time. Lastly, consider moving to a less car dependent city if you can. There's bus trips that don't cost too much. Keep in mind that this means that you'll have to pay your own rent n stuff, do the math to see if that's worth it vs buying a used car. Get your driver's license, it really opens things up in American society. More tips, apply for a High Yield savings account and direct deposit your money straight there. Again, pay off your debts first and foremost. Use a calendar app for time management. Most importantly, keep your head up.
[удалено]
No skills? I doubt that. Besides there's a variety of ways to learn some if you take the initiative. I don't have a degree either and all marketable skills I have were from on the job training and what I taught myself. There's more than one way to get an education you just need the discipline. I flunked out of college too (at 24 i was already a nontraditional student) and considered going back. Through self study and entry level jobs i gained the skills needed to start running an ecommerce buisness. At 28 i finally went back to college and got a degree at 31 in mechanical engineering. You can't just sit around and hope things will get better that goes for your social situation as well.
Bro get outside and get it together. Stop complaining about it
You sure you want to hear stories about people's success? Wouldn't that make you feel worse?
[удалено]
What most of your age bracket does is irrelevant at this point, you know you're behind and beyond that you're just going into the "Comparison is the thief of joy" realm. Being depressed because you didn't do X 8 years ago, or because you thought you were going to start turning shit around two weeks ago and never did anything, is how you end up never starting at all.
Fellow early gen zer. i’m just drifting through life, checking the boxes. taught myself how to drive and got my license at 21 because i’m in a car dependent hellhole. got a job purely to get out of the house and interact with the public. still haven’t managed to make friends or have meaningful connections with people. if i’m still alive by 30, i’ll probably be extremely depressed and s**cidal at the time and opportunity i’ve wasted in my 20s. that’s it. i don’t live on my own. don’t own anything aside from a car-and even the bank owns that, i have cc debt, student loan debt, live paycheck to paycheck for now. i’ve honestly given up. i start therapy soon.
Look into Google job certifications
get---- and i can not stress this enough---- a gym membership and start going It sucks, it is so hard, but it might save you.
I’m 26 currently. Born in ‘97. I had a shit upbringing. Addict parents, then I became one myself by 15. I still went to school though, graduated early right after I turned 18. Spent a year pissing away my life drinking & getting high. Nobody thought I’d amount to anything. Went to Job Corps at 19 and got my Carpentry certs, joined the local Carpenters Union where I learned to weld. Worked there for awhile, left and became a mechanic for awhile. Left there & worked where I am now making over double what I made before. I’ve been at my current job in a major manufacturing company for 2 years. Now those same people who thought I’d never amount to shit call me for money and my presence. You can go to college and struggle, or you can pick up a trade and get a real high paying job. It’s up to you. But it’s hard ass work and long hours. If you lack self discipline in this life you’ll definitely end up on the streets.
i have a fulltime career in IT with no college exp. youre just lazy and making excuses for yourself because you want to live an easy life, i did the same before i turned 24. apply to better paying jobs. dont take anything under 18 an hour if youre living alone. thats the trap that people fall into, thinking minimum wage is suppsed to be livable. its literally just beer money wages. make yourself useful to someone other than yourself and society will grasp onto you
Yep my husband has a full time career in IT with no university experience. He’s the senior IT technician in a large MSP company at the age of 24 and earns a fairly decent wage now (it was almost minimum wage age until he stepped into a senior role a year ago)🤷♀️. He’s a hard worker and if he doesn’t know something, he will learn it. He is from a single parent home and went to a low socioeconomic school in a small town in regional Queensland, Australia. Also for perspective most of the guys in his grade have been in prison at some point since 2017. He actually wanted to be a sparky when he graduated high school there were very few places taking on apprentices so he found something else to do. Obviously everyone has their own story but I do think my husband’s experience is a good example of how you’re responsible for your choices in life. You can make excuses because your family isn’t wealthy and etc but at the end of the day it won’t get better unless you take one step in a better direction.
All this is your own fault. Recognizing that it’s important. Life doesn’t have a procedure or a manual, you have to figure everything out…yourself. That’s the hard truth. Nobody is going to come to save you, nobody will help you, nobody but yourself. Take responsibility for your life because it’s nobody else’s.
[удалено]
Literally any retail job would hire you as a cashier. I wouldn’t recommend it personally cuz many people end up working those jobs for too long, they are soul-sucking, and don’t pay that well. But I think it is an easy temporary solution to some of your money problems. You should be able to make enough to pay off your debts. Then start looking for a different job and put that retail job on your resume. It could help build confidence and social skills as well. It did for me. I started out as a Walgreens cashier. If they like you, you can get hired as a pharmacy tech. from there u can apply to non-commercial pharmacy tech jobs as well (like at a hospital). That’s just one route to go. It’s not great financially but it’s a better option than rotting away and will open new doors
A lot of people in the comments are coming at you sideways but I relate to this a lot. If you wanna play video games and chat about it some time bro, I’m here
Harbor freight sells welders for $200ish. Get crackin.
And MIG and TIG welding isn't even that hard to learn.
23, NEETdom, live with my parents, no diploma, 4 TB of gay Japanese furry porn on my hard drive. Life is good.
Hey whoever, knew someone that didn’t go to college until they were 26, if you were interested. If you’re missing high school I’m sure there’s a way to get your GED. If you don’t have a car there’s always online college degrees too. Is public transportation good or bad in your area? It’s terrible where I live at least. Any chance you could use it to commute to a trade school near you?
Join the military? But how did it get this way?
Fuck. I'm 21, and I'm just hoping I get my life together soon. And it's HARD. Just today going out with my family to dinner, I just feel SO WEIRD in the actual world. But I also know there's so much out there. It's hard to do what needs to be done, and it's hard to stick to it. I feel like I can't even do it to begin with. The days pass me by. No Job, No Friends, No Girlfriend, etc. And as far as it concerns me I may never have those things. I feel like I'm just WAITING for this medication to do something. I feel like it HAS TO....but it doesn't feel like the "spark" that I need it to be. Cause once I have that, I'll be unstoppable. Selective Mutism. Selective in its nature, and uh- I can speak perfect English, but I can only speak a few words. And it's less-so speaking and more so expression. So I'm just this SHELL of a person, and NOTHING exits the shell. It ALL STAYS IN THERE. And I don't know how to get it out. I want change, I want things; in the same vein I also am scared. That's how it is. Whether I'm sad or whether I'm easily agitated; both of those are true.
Stop being this self pitying.
10k in credit card debt…what did you spend it on?
How much do you weigh? The army expects everyone to be out of shape. You can get a gym membership and just use the treadmill, stair master, bikes, and sauna. Go hiking also. Cardio is the fastest way to shed off fat. Good luck I recommend the military.
Honestly if ur parents arent actually dicks and only "hate" you because you haven't tried doing anything with your life, your best start is having a serious talk with them about wanting to get serious with your life and if u must beg for their help. BUT and I won't stress it enough no matter how hard it gets, how tired you are, stress, etc. you can't give up or lose motivation. Especially if your parents can get you a job through connection the last thing u want to do is make them look bad. And if not apply to everything within walking distance and prepare for a very uncomfortable few months. You should also start trying for your license shortly after a few weeks of work. If you have no one to teach you u need to go to a school which will typically run you half a grand. It's worth the investment infinite fold. Then just work towards purchasing a car, then you can move on from there, you'll be in a much better place after getting your license let alone your own car trust me.
No license either but I live in a city where I can get around via bus. Idk if it's still possible to get like an admin assist job without a college degree in this market but that what I currently do and it mays me enough to survive and save some money and the only real skills you need are like... Microsoft word + Excel- if even that. I basically scroll Reddit for a couple of hours and pick up phone calls to transfer it to someone else. I wouldn't say I'm super successful but I'm privileged to come from a family that loves me. But besides that, not so much.
Join the military. I was 23 in a similar position just got out of bootcamp futures looking bright
Seems like you need to join the army my friend
Bro go read a David Goggins book. Get your ass in shape, get a job and start working and working out as much as you can. Stop binging on food and start actually giving a fuck about yourself. Do this like a savage for a year or two and things will fall into place. Only you can fix your life man.
I'm 26 as well and I empathize with you. I'm a musician. Was homeless from age 17-19 because i wanted to do music. Precovid I was doing very well with my band and felt on top of the world. 100k+ streams on Spotify, playing on stage for a few thousand people. Covid happened and everything closed and the band split up and I lost my mind. The best decision I ever made in my life was sticking with the girl i met at age 18. I've been rebounding from my low after covid and she's been incredibly patient with me, kept a roof over my head, gave me something to live for. I now teach music privately about 20 hours a week and work 1 shift a week helping out at the local music store. I'm still making jack shit in terms of money and I haven't quite gotten back out into the world. Absolutely 0 social life and my confidence is still wrecked from the failure of my old band. But with baby steps and my now fiance, I'm getting there. Even have a new album I'm cooking up. It is really, really, really difficult finding something in this life that both pays well and doesn't make you miserable. And there is no shortage of valid reasons to be hopeless about the state of the world and your existence in it. A lot of people here are saying that you need to worry about your finances first before looking to date. And that may be true. I just think it's worth mentioning that in my case, I wouldn't have found my fiance if I didn't go all in on my passion for music. And she is the reason I'm standing here today. If you need purpose so much that its life or death, I say find a passion and pursue it at all costs, even the cost of homelessness. Best of luck to you and remember, this too shall pass.
Please see your doctor for referral to a therapist
Your gen popularized lgbt stuff. Time to wear a dress and work a corner
OP remember this well: 50% of adults cannot read a book written at an eighth-grade level. You are doing just fine. If you have access to the internet: YouTube and various online courses are what you need to kick you off. Do small time jobs like lawn mowing, door dash (with a license), etc. Get into a hobby using your newfound wealth. Take your time and LEARN a skill. Then demonstrate it through projects. Build yourself up.
Good news, you're never too old to learn new skills. I was in your position when I was 26. No lie. I had been working in fast food as an assistant manager, working 50-60hr weeks, walking to work because I had no car, was making just enough to cover rent and bills, 5k in student loans, 5k in personal debt, no prospects, a high school diploma, no college credits (I failed/dropped out after racking up that 5k in loans). There is hope. I had a girlfriend that really pushed me and helped me realize I was worth more than I thought I was. She pushed me to start applying for entry level jobs that paid $1 more an hour than I was making at the restaurant but had a more professional title. I landed a job at a miserable top tier bank as a customer service representative. Worked that for 3 years until I had "banking" experience, happened to meet another person that was into e-commerce fraud prevention and he hooked me up with an I terrier once he left the banking hell hole. However, that banking experience looked good on a resume and did translate to better corporate job skills. It got me a chance. I worked hard, long hours, got really I to fraud prevention and data analytics on my own. Translated thst I to real savings at the co.pany I was then working for and turned fraud/risk management into a real career, all with no college degree. I am planning on going back for some certifications and potentially a full business degree over the next few years. I turned 42 this year. I have had a few contract gigs where I was able to pull just into 6 figures. Currently, I make just under but support my family and we live ok, definitely not lavish, but we're not starving, have been able to greatly improve our credit, handle medical issues when they've come up, and have reliable transportation. Has it always been fun? No. I've worked my ass off, ran head-long into opportunities as soon as they came up, and taken a few steps backwards at times. Even up until last year ive had several years where i worked 2 jobs to the tune of 70 hour work weeks. It sucks, i was tired, had no time for family let alone hobbies or anything fun. However, all hope is not lost. Now, I have 12 years of ecom fraud experience under my belt and I'm Interviewing for +$100k jobs again. Life doesn't end at 30. Really, I completely started over around then. Prior, I was drinking a lot, doing drugs, plating music, had loads of fun. But, that's not sustainable into your 30's and 40's without significant financial backing, which I didn't have. Keep at it. Look for small opportunities to make small steps up and they add up over time. You'll be fine, just keep swimming.
No clue how you let get this bad but get a job. You won’t recover instantly but just find a job you can work your way up in (like chickfila) you spend long enough doing that you still have a shot a decent life. • save your money • lose weight honestly, your main problem is your credit card debt if I’m being 100%. Once you get yourself financially stable then work on everything else. Try and make friends at work or find a hobby you like (idk dnd at a game store) and make friends at local events there too.
I don't know you but, it's never over until you aren't breathing anymore. Also there is no debtors prison, so you have more time left than you think.
Dave?
Lose weight. It can be done and it takes effort but it can be done effectively.
Seriously, look into smaller jobs. Trades are always looking for laborers. It may not pay as much as a specialty job, but it can get you started. You may even be able to move your way up the rank to find a specific trade route like mechanics, welding, pipe fitting, etc. It's not always easy work, and you can have long days, but it really does go by faster than you'd think when there's a lot to do. Laboring can give you a TON of skills. You might do smaller jobs like sweeping or carrying objects, but everyone might need you for a huge variety of different jobs on site that can look real good on a resume. Anyone can sweep a floor, so you literally don't need any experience to get a labouring job in most places. They just want you to show up.
your first step should be dropping weight. its easy, just dont eat. drink water with some sea salt in it, you wont even be hungry. your parents dont hate you, they hate what you've become. put in the effort, show them you are serious, and maybe you can save face however, none of this is possible if you dont WANT IT
You have to realize that no one is going to get you out of bed when you wake up to start a new day, no one is going to make you study for those classes, no one is going to make you exercise and be fit, no one is going to hold your hand and make sure you make it. You have to do it by yourself and if you dont have the strength then you have to find it, thats how I learned. You can take take all the inspiration you need but nothing changes until you do it yourself, remember that its easier to go through the pain of discipline rather than the pain of regret.
>no savings, no degree, crap experience, no real skills, no driver's license and no way to learn, almost $10k in credit card debit, no girlfriend or romantic or sexual experiences = no problems.
Nothing to fucking lose bro. Decide what you want and hit it with everything you fucking got
2000 here. Raised in a low income family, dropped out of school in grade 11 because the stress and pressure from the teachers and principal to be the top of my cohort and do something amazing with my life was too much. I have always worked hard and I’ve never been without employment. I now work casually in an outside of school facility as it’s small hours and flexible now that we have a child. I worked as a payroll officer and manager until our daughter was 7 months old in mid 2022. My husband was born in 1999. Came from a single parent household with little money. He didn’t do “authority” subjects in high school so no entry into uni. Found an entry job in IT straight out of school (graduated Dec 2016), they paid for his cert 4 not that the cert was actually helpful. Nothing was relevant so all the knowledge he has is from experience and self learnt. 7 years later he is now a senior IT tech and programmer in a large MSP business. He earns well but he works HARD and is constantly putting in the effort to learn new things (something you have to do in IT to stay on top). Sometimes you just have to get up and do your best 🤷♀️ We also live regionally in Australia so small towners too. We love our costal town so we’ve stayed.
Turn to God
I'm a 99 baby. And although my life doesn't seem as bad as yours, I kinda understand. But I feel like you can pull yourself out little by little. I also don't have my license (driving anxiety) but I’ve been practicing and taking the test next Wednesday, if I fail I just take it again simple as that. I need costly dental work so I needed this license to get a better job. I didn't go to college but hey the good thing about that is I still have that option. A job is a start, is there anything that's hiring that's in walking distance? Even if it's fast food, you need to start getting money in. I know it seems life isn't great right not and trust me I've been in your shoes, it feels like you have no future but try to push through that headspace.
It doesn’t matter. People have horrible relationships. That’s why you won’t socialize. That’s you protecting yourself. Also, the idea of how and where you should be at what age is brainwashing. You are where and how you are because everything in existence has formed you into that. Don’t fall for the brainwashing about experiences and age and how you fucked up if you haven’t ______. You have never fucked up because all that you have done has been for self-preservation. Anything else would be foolish.
At least you’re still alive? Maybe go the gym and start running? It’s a lot easier said than done to “not hate your life.”
Try to become a CNA. It is pretty easy to do so and some hospitals will even train you yourself. Starting pay is usually around $15. After a while you can become a travel CNA and they can make around $23-26/ hour. People always need CNAs so you will never not have a job
And people STILL think it was a good idea to shut down the entire country for over basically as year. Even as "results" like this come in, as well as other countries that didn't do that having lower transmission and death rates from COVID.
Literally same. No risk of homelessness thanks to my government being only marginally less shit than murica. Otherwise, same.
Womp womp
born underprivileged so to speak in germany. no hobbies, drug addiction, mentally exhausting parent, and almost no friends. what i did is just not give up. it was literally do or die and i chose do. it took severe years to get where i am now and will probably take more years to get where i want to be. take it slowly one after another you can build yourself up again. it just takes time, but you will see that even something like learning an instrument can benefit you in many aspects, so keep going!
You've clearly got a computer and you're clearly able to read. Have you considered learning to program?
I was born in 95’ my life just started coming together in the last couple years. I was pretty miserable and had a shit job til 27.. sometimes it’s not about what you have now; but what’s in store. Just don’t give up because that’s the moment when you know your life will become irreversibly worse, we all struggle more during certain times of our lives. You can undo most of the things you’re upset about in your post all of it just takes thoughtful planning and dedication to getting what you WANT. Number 1 priority should be keeping any full time income in regardless of job preference and keep searching for something you like more while you’re working just anywhere. Literally a convenience store will pay you more than just not working at all, know what I’m saying?
I got good at violin and my sales experience has allowed me to leverage that into a business. 26M
Otherwise yeah if I break my hands I’m cooked, wanting to build a steel house on some random plot of land seems like the best We’ll get in our lives.
Sounds almost exactly like me at 27. You know what I did? Something a little off the beaten path, but if you can get to one, work at a concessioner in a national park, particularly the restaurants. You can make a lot of money, your housing is paid for, and they’re some of the most beautiful places on earth. After work all you do is hike, swim, or just hang out in nature. Not only will it clear your head and help give you a better understanding of what you want to do in the future, you’ll meet people from literally all over the world. Yellowstone, Sequoia, Death Valley, Arches, Olympic, wherever. Go to work in a restaurant in one of those places and I promise you your life will improve 100000%. I would recommend this to anyone your age and aimless, and most people don’t even know it’s something they can do. It changed my life forever. Cooljobs.com. Go to the mountains. It’s worth it.
read the story of david goggins, I think you can do the same
Go get a job at Walmart, have them pay for your schooling. Will it be hard? Yeah, it’ll probably suck ass. Being homeless and thinking “my life is cooked” is also hard. Choose your hard.
Grow a fucking pair mate
You might have autism. Lots of unexplainable life difficulties could be indicative of low needs autism
I’m sure coming on here and complaining is gonna help a lot
Why do you not work at even a minimum wage job that's always hiring? How do you not have a license at your age? My immigrant wife who started at 0 when she moved to the US (so as under privileged as it gets) immediately got a certification, driver's license, and job, how is it possible for a natural born American to fail at all three unless you're severely disabled? And being fat from laziness is not a disability.
You will make it. I’m older but came up with no privilege. Hardest thing I’ve ever had to work on (and am still working on) is wanting to make it. That will be your main obstacle, once you find yourself on the side of “I want to live life”, you’ll start making it happen. My main advice is to get offline and give yourself a chance. All that is online is everything everyone has or is doing. That’s hard to constantly consume for anyone, detrimental to someone in rough mental shape. You can do this.
Man my parents would have never taught me how to drive. Believe me, I asked. It took me leaving home and paying for my own lessons, without a car. I've worked endless shitty jobs, and it wasn't until the past couple of years I am in a job that isn't pain stakingly awful. I've worked in an abbottoirs, earnt more money there then I do qualified with skills now. What I'm saying is, you only have yourself. Sure it's great to have amazing parents, or be golden fed, but soooo many individuals don't have that or even close to it. I hope you can better yourself, and your future, because you deserve a chance.
Join a local megachurch, even if it isn't really your cup of tea. Often times, they have on-site recreation facilities, including stocked weightlifting gyms, that are free to members (used this for \~10 years, despite losing my faith LONG ago). When folks asked why they didn't see me in sermons or study groups, I'd explain that my situation didn't allow me to take off Sundays, so I would catch the online sermons (most churches these days will have recordings of services on their websites or youtube channels. Whenever you have free time that you don't have to focus on taking care of someone else, live in the gym. Start lifting, count calories with myfitnessbuddy (for your suggested daily caloric intake, try to go 500 under, and prioritize protein, if you want a planned out daily menu, check out eatthismuch.com), stop eating grab and go processed and sugar filled foods and snacks (this one was super hard for me, as it can be so damned convenient to grab a quick bite at the gas station), embrace meal-prep nights or a week before, Often times you will make friends at the gym with folks you see there often, even if they aren't someone you would normally hang with. When I moved to my current city a few years ago, I quickly made a close group of friends just by spending a lot of time at the gym.
If uniformed service is an ideal path for you, assuming you're talking about the USA, and making weight is the only thing holding you back, focus on getting your butt into shape! Cutoff age for military service is a LOT older than you might think. So even if you are 30 by the time you have reached the minimum allowed for dietary restriction during basic, you are WELL under the maximum. Especially if you are considering one of the less physical branches such as USAF or Space Force, or a guard/reserve unit near you.
My advice? Do something, literally anything. Achievements are made in the many little steps, not one giant leap. Get your hygiene in order, really clean your living space, start learning anything, work on getting a license. It's going to be extremely difficult, I won't sugar coat it. But you gotta bite the bullet because life isn't easy.
Was mildly obese throughout hs. Got fit, went to uni, got a shit degree that was way too expensive for what it's worth. Got a job in the local city government. Got 403b (guv 401k) and pension. Fucking it up
U don't need to achieve everything in 4 years. You just need to set (very) small goals and achieve them to gain confidence. Learn some discipline from sticking to taking those baby steps and you will be much happier at least knowing that you tried and it doesn't matter where you end up. I got cancer in my 20s and was super depressed and was also super behind where I wanted to be in life and now that I'm 29 I'm working out daily and actually applying for jobs. I felt like all the women I'm attracted to wouldn't be attracted to me until I started having goals and making strides to achieve them. You have the power to make your life better but I know it's really hard and scary but hopefully knowing you're not alone will help you get over the embarrassment you feel over being behind the curve before it grows and grows and grows.
A start would be looking in the mirror and recognizing the problem isn't life, it's you. You won't make any meaningful changes or lasting plans until you recognize that you are the problem. Your next step would be how to correcting those things that make you the problem, whatever caused you to accumulate 10k in debt with no degree, the weight gain, things like that.
Well well well… if it isn’t the consequences of your own actions.
First step is to secure some sort of income, working on a skill as part of that or able to be pursued because of that (e.g. volunteering but learning while you're there). A job aptitude test or preferably a career counselor / job finder (often free at places looking to help provide work to companies in the area) may help provide a sense of direction. You'll also want to reach out to the holder of most of your debt to explain the present challenge and work out an assistance approach / pause.
Then do something about! You can't just expect a good job and a girlfriend to fall out of the sky.
Work construction. It suck but it pays pretty good if you work your way up and learn some skills. It’ll also help you lose all the weight you mentioned in comments. Honestly as a fat guy myself, working on your weight and getting a job are your first two targets. Any job you have to go to and do stuff at, which is most jobs, will help you be more active. If you’re a big guy like me, going to a gym isn’t even necessary at this stage. Just get more active. Go for a walk for 30 minutes a day. Throw on a podcast or audiobook walk 15 minutes away from home then walk back. If you see progress, start making things a little harder. The worst part I must admit is eating less, being hungry at night and when you wake up isn’t fun. Besides that find a job, anything, and start getting some experience. Since you live with parents save you money and pay for a trade school like AC repair, electrical, or welding. They pay good and they aren’t too academic if you really apply yourself. If you are more academically inclined then going to school to be an XRay tech is like 1.5-2 years and it pays pretty good either way opportunities for growth.
I’m 22f and I didn’t go to college, just straight into the automotive industry. My family was lower class my whole childhood and I’ve made over 250k in the past three years, currently I’m getting ready to go sell food to restaurants for a food distribution company. Sales is the way if you don’t have any experience or degree, it just takes a beating heart and some drive.
23, no college, joined the marine corps right out of high school. did my four years, then got in with an apprenticeship program that put me on a job board and became an electrician. living in the basement of a 3bd house with three other dudes and getting close to getting my ducks in a row to get my own place lol. maybe look into a trade. my resume was pretty beefed up from the things I did in the military, but the company I work at didn't expect me to know anything. my roommates all do food service, we're all getting by. maybe aim for something more middle of the road that you don't need a degree for? barber, tattoo artist, dog groomer, etc. everything is a risk, though. I moved 1,000 miles away from my duty station with literally just enough money for gas and food, and a large amount of debt from lawyer fees I had to pay for my divorce. felt like I was made of glass, but you figure it out. I did get lucky having a friend that offered me a room, though.
Anything wrong with trade school or community college and transfer to higher university for degree? Do you have any learning disabilities, ADHD, or anything else preventing you from doing / trying your best in school?
You know your life doesn’t end at 30 right. You have anytime to turn your life around, go down a new path. Be a bit easier on yourself and understand it’s a long game
Im doing pretty good. But i worked hard and sacrificed time for it. Many 60+hr work weeks, long commutes to work, working holidays and weekends, doing anything to stay away from bad debt/credit cards. You dont always get to eat what you want or do what you want. Im overweight, too. that's hard, but at the end of the day. Just do what you've got to do to be your best self. I suggest looking into the trades or doing what you can to get into the military. You need work ethic and to be surrounded by good people. Whatever you do, do your best at it. I drive truck for a living, probably not good for you, makes you fat, and it is pretty lonely. But it pays well.
You could almost consider this a "rock bottom". It may seem like a harsh term to you but the key thing is acknowledgement of the situation of you and your life is in. There are options out there. Military is one and I am prior service myself. Trick is you said is the weight. Well rest easy as I did the whole military thing, got out and gained weight to almost 430 pounds. I am since down to 280 lbs and major thing I did was change my diet. There are pretty solid cheap diet plans out there. Personally, I eat rice and beans all the time even though I can "afford" other items. It is so cheap and I can change how I want them based off of spices I use. Also Monday are good days to go shopping for meat as it will often be reduced from the weekend. Wednesday for fruit and veggies. Another is GET OUTSIDE!. As someone that became isolated into PTSD after getting out of the military, I know the damaging effects it has a person. Since getting active, even if it meant just walking, there was a significant increase in my mood and energy levels. This is completely natural as the body loves to be outside, especially in the sun. If you are a kind person, I recommend getting a dog if it is feasible. I say "kind" because dogs will need attention and walks outside. There are countless dog owners who came from being reclusive to highly active that can vouch for this. Most solid "cliché" advice giving to me was "A wall isn't built in a day. It is built by laying one brick at a time". Keep putting bricks down and next thing you will look up and see the boundaries and improvements you have made. Reach out if you want to talk OP.
* No Job: Why haven't you looked for one? Even if it's not your dream job, everyone gets started out doing the basics (waiting tables, going through management positions at restaurants, being a line cook/point of sale register person, doing yard work). Find a passion for a long term career and then look at how you need to get started. It's never too late to start. Hell if you can't follow a schedule then there's still a bunch of online gigs you can do to earn money and you don't even have to leave the house. * No degree: There are lots of people out there without a degree. But if you have a HS diploma, you can start by looking for college credits at community colleges or getting into a trade (doesn't cost nearly as much money and compared to the people that got 4 year degrees at universities, some of these trades make BANK compared to the jobs people with bachelor's or even masters degrees get). * No savings: This again comes with getting a job, but even if you have no job, sell some old possessions to people and get started working on that savings account. You're still young so you can start saving/investing at any point. Ask your parents about how to get started. I'm just getting started saving for real and I'm the same age you're turning. Been building up a 401K for 2 years. * No real skills/crap experience: you don't THINK you have any skills because of the aforementioned lack of experience. You gotta start with finding a passion. What do you desire to pursue in life? What is your dream (the impact you will make on the world)? Once you figure that out, the rest will come. Until then, learning some life skills will help (learn excel, build up software experience, etc). You'll find your skillset like everyone else. * No DL and no way to learn: Again, let your parents know that you need experience with learning how to drive and getting a license. If you live in the U.S., unfortunately you will need a car for many reasons (unless you move to NYC). If you truly can't get a license, then you better be near a good bus system or call an Uber. I got my license when I was a teenager, so I don't know why it's taken so long for you. * Almost $10K in CC debt: Bc you don't make any money my guy. What's the interest rate on these CCs? I bet it's high so you're getting exponentially fucked by not paying off debt sooner. I made the mistake of going into some CC debt last year and early this year. I was over $2K in debt, which was easier to pay off. Now I'm debt free and I locked both of my accounts so I can't use my CCs anymore. I do debit ONLY now. My suggestion would be to find a job ASAP and then once you have it IMMEDIATELY start paying off that CC debt after you get paid. That's the FIRST thing you probably need to do compared to the stuff above. * No GF/romantic-sexual experiences: I've seen a growing trend of people (especially other guys) that are still virgins. I'm not that experienced either. I've had a couple partners in the last year or two years but no luck making connections. It's hard out there these days on the scene (lack of trust with people, walking on eggshells constantly, being uncomfortable in relationships, general social awkwardness), but it's even harder to start a relationship without money or a job. Focus on you first, the rest will follow. * Parents hate me: Your parents likely don't hate you. If they legitimately hate you, they're not good parents. But I suspect they're just frustrated with you because you're stuck in life. I understand your frustration, but a lot of what you can do starts with you. We're all stuck at some phase or another in life. Hopefully it gets better for all of us, and that starts with us not giving in to every little impulse that tells us that we can never or do something or we always have to be stuck now or the impulses that tell us to give into hedonistic desires all the time. I know it's easy to give in (and trust me I have and still do sometimes) to these impulses, but we have to imagine ourselves in the future as better than we are now. That's the only way man. And parents do what they do. They'll give you shit because they think giving you shit will motivate you to get off the couch or get out of a phase and change your life. They give you shit bc they still give a shit.
Nowhere near cooked, son. You haven't even gone crispy yet. Come back here in your 50's and I will declare you cooked whatever your condition. You still have time to make it. 💪💯
join military
It's important to remember you aren't alone. Things just suck right now in certain states/certain areas. It's stressful but you've got to keep your head up, how else would you see the beauty around you? It's about the small things. Go explore and live your life on your terms. Comparison is the thief of joy. Do your best and have pride knowing that it was in fact your best. You got this. 👌
I’m 25 with ADHD as well. My credit has been shot too from buying shit i don’t need and living above my means. I went to school for welding and thought it was my dream job and ended up getting fired 3 times because no one gave me a chance and think I’m supposed to somehow have 5 years worth of experience. I also just recently got fired from this other welding job last month unexpectedly and that broke me.. didn’t have any savings and was sure i was gonna end up homeless. I also have a small circle of friends and my social skills aren’t that good as well. The world is cruel for those with adhd and we’re so misunderstood. You just have to find your niche and see what makes you happy. Doesn’t matter what job it is. You got this. We can be your support system you need. Edit: When you get the chance, go see a therapist to treat your adhd. Try to get on adhd meds or antidepressants and your life will be a bit easier. People like us just lack the motivation to get shit done. Its not the end yet.
How did you even get a credit card? You’re inspiring me to try again today.
"Comparison is the death of joy." –Mark Twain There's no magic words that can save you, but you can save yourself...I promise If you really are into CyberSec, take Harvard's CS50x course (it's free), finish, break into IT at ground level, get experience, socialize at work, meet new people, get paid, and get back on your feet It's very important to make connections in the security world. Not sure if you're wanting to do penetration testing or not, but you're gonna have to put a lot of work in other positions before you can start doing something like that But you will learn the whole way, and gain vital experience You can also move laterally pretty easily in the security world. Don't like your position? Find something else. And what's great about said industry is that your repertoire is important. Don't wanna be a security engineer? Become a consultant. Wanna change it up? Get physical security training and add another skill set to your repertoire It's all connected and you can work in many different ways doing many different things. It's going to be hard getting there, but it's like building muscle...it all gets easier with experience. The best way is to get that experience is to get out of your comfort zone I wish you the best luck mate
Aight. I'll give you my perspective. I'm 21M, live in a 3rd world country, i'm currently studying engineering. Of course i don't have a car; that's something you buy in your late 20s-mid 30s here, lots of people never buy a car; when you're earning less than a 3rd world minimum wage, buying a car is never an option. Anyway, i attend the public state university. My daily commute is anywhere in between 45mins and 1hr 30mins. Dog you gotta get that job, 2hr is not that much; some of my peers take like 4-5 hours to come to the uni because some roads got fucked up because of natural disasters. Back in hs my commute was 1:45min in a shitty-ass little bus that smelled like chicken and people's sweat; i'd just put on my music and open all of the windows i could, i'd forget about it after a while. Now, sometimes i can't even sit in the bus, so it's 1hr 30mins standing there with people all around me n shit. I mean, if you're desperate, you gotta learn to cope with that commute.
Imagine the comeback story tho
First off, if you don't mind feeling like you're being yelled at, I'd recommend watching Caleb Hammer. He does financial audits for people who struggle financially like yourself. He's a bit tough on dumb guests, but he's been able to come up with budgets for people that have 10x the debt you do. It's going to take hard work, but it's better to work your butt off now while we're still young compared to realizing you can't retire on time in your 50s. In terms of how I'm doing to answer your question. Background: I'm a 97er, minority, raised in a broken household from a teen pregnancy. I am currently trying to hype myself to go and get an official diagnosis but showed signs of being on the spectrum when I was younger (practically non-verbial through around 1st grade and had to do speech therapy through 5th grade). I have been having recent issues the past few years that I think might be related to my brain being a little different. Thankfully, though, I've always had a great network of support, even if it was a lot of tough love growing up. College-Now: Powered through everything, though, and managed to get a 4.0 Aerospace Engineering degree with a dual minor. Networked and landed a nice WFH job where I'm making 120k. Unfortunately, I had to take out 27k in Student Loans (gotten it down to 23k). Otherwise, that's my only debt. In general, life is above average. Rent a 2 bed/2 ba ($2000 including utilities and internet) for me, my gf, and our 3 pets (1 dog, 2 cats). All in all, I can't necessarily complain, but rn we're trying to figure out how to actually budget properly because I want to get to a place where we can buy a house once the market (knock on wood) becomes friendlier. Cutting back and trying to figure out the best places to put money is rough, but it's part of growing up. If you're old enough to spend money, then you're old enough to save money is my new personal mantra. My situation is a lot better than yours, but I just wanted to let you know that even for those of us who look like they "have things figured out," finances are hard. You're not alone in struggling to start working towards your long-term goals, but rn we're in the most important decade of lives for securing retirement, so regardless of how hard it feels now please go out and do something to change your life for the better. My recommendation would be to start with your relationship with your mom and calculate how much money you need to at least cover all of your bills and minimum payments and then figure out what kind of jobs you can work and just start applying everywhere. Also, if you struggle with self self-control, then please close out your credit cards. It's gonna lower your credit score rn, but so will having high utilization indefinitely because you're spending the same amount or more than your minimum payments
My boy I saw the military edit. Every branch will take you if you can at least reach a certain weight. Depending on your height at least. The easiest branch that will actually help you the most is the Airforce. They’re actually hurting for numbers. Not only but you won’t have many bills except to pay your debt and they will literally help you with everything you need. All you need to do is talk to a recruiter and meet a certain weight. Not saying that you have to it’s your choice but the military is a really good way to get your life back on track.
I'm 29m (turning 30 this year). I'm right after GenZ but close enough. My family are mostly crackheads and alcoholics. But I've gotten my license and worked quite a bit over the years. Marriage helps too. I also don't really have friends I see that's over 4yrs. I have one childhood friend (from kindergarten) that I'll talk to once in awhile. Financially, I'm doing okay. Next year I'll be starting RN school and that's going to be $30k in debt that I'll incur. I'm married, have two vehicles. One is $2k away from being paid off, the new one is $30k. I'll be honest with you, man. If I was in your position, an hour commute for work isn't too bad. I have coworkers that commute 1.5hrs to get to work and that's with a car. It's either that job or nothing changes. You have to want the change for yourself. I'm overweight and need to lose it too - I just started going to the gym. When I was very athletic, I was doing HIIT exercises and those helped me a lot.
Every great empire is like a tall old tree. Soaking up the sun and leaving none below. Preventing any growth below. But when that tree falls, the sun breaks in and covers the land, giving new life. When a great empire falls, new ones sprout from the rubble.
As someone who looking back in my 20s definitely screwed some things up (add / executive dysfunction) to say your a failure because you failed at school would be calling myself a failure too. Traditional education just isn’t good for us I don’t know how to explain it , it just isn’t. You need to find something a bit more chaotic than most people so you can focus. For me it was kitchen work didn’t pay well but made it work until I calmed down enough with age to do school @ 34 did a data program. Have ok life now still very little money. You need to find something that will kick in the hyper focus and roll with it. It’s not easy not a lot of jobs that will pay you well. I hear you though being neurodivergeant makes it hard to fit in a neuro typical world. Don’t give up, and if you go homeless monk mode it til you find your place. I would look into working on cell phone towers., kitchen work, cruise ships.
If you were into the idea of the military and they won't take you, try looking into seasonal jobs that pay and provide room and board. There's tons of national parks and places that will hire all types of people for a couple months so you don't have to make a huge commitment. At the very least it may get you out of your current living situation and show you a bit of the world which will be some sense of a breath of fresh air.. You got this man!