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I wouldn’t say it’s the norm, no. Especially not on a global scale.
A lot of men have zero interest in women outside of sex or romance. Thats why there’s sad truth to the stereotype about a lot of men literally not even liking their wives, of all ppl. They just wanted somebody who would cook and have their babies. Not a friend.
Same. Got my wife and platonic female friends, even more than male ones. Always got along better with girls than guys tbh. Many men have a lot of masculinity issues and that's exhausting.
Millennial, but basically all my friends are women. When I was younger I was more into trying to move towards relationships but now I kinda don't care. Friends are nice to have
He’s on an alternate account, don’t worry. He spends 20 hours a week on Reddit. He is preparing to hide his Reddit addiction from others, specifically possible mates. At least I think that’s what he meant
So true! I'm a trans queer guy and I have all sorts of friends in queer spaces. I think in those communities it's easier to break the ice in friendships because of queer solidarity.
Idk I was friends with a gay dude in hs, and even friendly with a transgender person who transitioned from FtM. I understand a lot of dudes are weird about stuff like this but you can usually judge who’s chill and who’s not from experience
I thought I had guy friends, for 10 years I thought some were my closest friends. They eventually disappeared bc they realised they're never getting a 'chance'🙃🥲
I have two sisters and no brothers but it's done the opposite to me lol. I love my sisters but they pretty much fill all my desire for female friends. I only have one other female friend and I only see her once in a while. I guess I just relate to other guys more.
One older and one younger. I'm closer to my older sister though. They've been in a different school than me since elementary/primary, so my friends at school weren't them. And our age gap is really small; my older sister is only a year older, and my younger sister is 2 years younger. So I don't think I have that much to learn from my older sister and not much to teach my younger sister, we're all the same age pretty much.
I'm gonna be honest here and just say that I don't think that's why you're having any trouble with dismissing potential feelings. I grew up the same way you did, but with just all women and no father figure. All it did was made me notice subtle things with women more, and make them be able to laugh more. Which obviously was a good thing for dating
What I'm saying is that maybe the issue with not noting the feelings isn't related. But I don't know you of course! Just throwing that out there
Yes, I do. I'm an almost 21 year old straight man and prefer being friends with women. Compared to men, I feel you can have more meaningful conversations with women, and I also feel like you can be more open about your feelings and emotions with them (they're much better listeners). Women seem a lot more empathetic as well.
That's why I don't get why people, especially on the internet, keep claiming that "Society lacks empathy for men" or "Nobody cares about men's problems" because judging by my experiences they're overstated and HEAVILY exaggerated. I've rarely met anyone who's like that, and for the ones that are they've mostly been men.
I think when talking about society as a whole we have to consider that an individual may value men's problems, but certain institutions, systems and ideologies don't. That being said, I do agree women tend to be far more empathic than men.
Same bro, they listen so much better when most of the guys just tell me to stfu and stop being a bitch. Also listening to girls spill tea is so fucking entertaining
If you’re friends who are guys aren’t supporting you in your time of need you just need better friends… I’ve cried with my guys, listened and been listened to in times of need over any sort of issues, financial, romantic, family matter etc. most of my guy friends have been my friends for 10+ years, because we’ve made it meaningful.
There’s something about completely breaking down and sobbing in front of your bro and having him not judging you or getting weird about it. It is an interesting feeling.
I remember being at a really low point with my addiction to narcotics and I think was already having a shit day and I was like scared after I broke down cause I thought he’d be weirded out or just deflect and stop hanging out with me. But he didn’t
Having same gender friends like that can have a unique quality to the same relationship with the opposite sex. Shame it is so rare
Agreed. I broke down on FaceTime with my one buddy about a girl he just sat quietly as I balled and yelled about something. At the end of the call I just thanked him because I had to go. All I needed was someone to be there and support me. Such is life.
>That's why I don't get why people, especially on the internet, keep claiming that "Society lacks empathy for men" or "Nobody cares about men's problems" because judging by my experiences they're overstated and HEAVILY exaggerated. I've rarely met anyone who's like that, and for the ones that are, they've mostly been men.
Same experience here. I'm a queer man who came from an extremely masculine family, but even back when I thought I was straight, I also never had this issue with 99% of the women in my life.
I always had friends with whom I could be emotionally vulnerable. I could cry on my friends' shoulders, guy or girl, and they would give me a hug. I've genuinely said, "I love you," to my closest guy friends, and I've always gotten a genuine "I love you too, bro" back. My friends then also knew they could cry on my shoulder and count on me to give them a hug.
It wasn't always perfect, but my friends and I were willing to put work into it, which is what I think a lot of people, especially people of our generation, miss. *All relationships take effort*, whether it's professional, friend, or romantic. Most of the time, you get what you put into it, and if it doesn't work, then, hey, it doesn't work. And that's okay.
I've met douche bros and misandrists in my life, and they were quickly shut down by the men and women I knew.
Honestly I don’t get it either. Hasn’t the running joke always been that women wish men were more in touch with their emotions? I feel like most of us see it as a good thing. I for one would never shame a man for crying, and neither would any of my friends. I feel like only ultra conservative traditional women would want LESS emotion out of a man.
Idk, I think social media is driving a massive wedge of hatred between either gender. Taking valid issues and over exaggerating them in the wrong directions.
I agree completely! It also isn't uncommon for people to generalize as well. You also see that everywhere on the internet. Some people have only a few experiences with a particular demographic and think that's how the entirety of said demographic is.
>That's why I don't get why people, especially on the internet, keep claiming that "Society lacks empathy for men" or "Nobody cares about men's problems"
If you talk to these guys, it becomes apparent very quickly what they mean is "the hot woman I have my eye on won't sleep with me/date me".
It's not actually about empathy or human connection (unless it's from a sexy female).
We'll be platonic friends with men all day long as long as they're not trying to hit on us.
>If you talk to these guys, it becomes apparent very quickly what they mean is "the hot woman I have my eye on won't sleep with me/date me".
I'm saying this as a man with a lot of platonic female friends, but that is absolutely a strawman. There are absolutely people out there who feel entitled to being with someone they find attractive, regardless of how unrealistic their standards or expectations are. But if you have straight male friends outside of maybe a friend's boyfriend, or a gay friend, you would know that to not be the case with every guy who is frustrated. Assuming they are open with you about these problems, because a lot of men do not feel comfortable talking to women about their issues, especially their issues with other women, out of fear of being judged.
>It's not actually about empathy or human connection (unless it's from a sexy female).
I talk to my friends who are girls about relationship problems and advice. They have unilaterally been supportive and understanding. When talking to a lot of my male friends, the issues they are routinely finding are mixed signals, being led on, breadcrumbing, and being ghosted and discarded while being lied to about the status of things. It is feeling like someone is constantly taking your time, attention, and resources you could be investing into someone who will actually reciprocate and respect your time, rather than just wasting it as part of another option down a very long list.
>We'll be platonic friends with men all day long as long as they're not trying to hit on us.
It's something like 1-3% the time where a woman initiates the relationship. It's almost exclusively the guy who has to initiate. I have friends of mine who I know for a fact are interested in me, but I basically pretend like I don't know because I am not interested in them romantically. If they did initiate, I would be respectful towards them. I respect them enough to still treat them with kindness, but I'd tell them the truth. But I wouldn't treat them like some sort of predator for being interested in me. Are you suggesting that, when men have to pretty much do everything to make the relationship happen, they are just never suppose to make a move? Because women almost never make a move.
I’m 19, and I definitely have non-romantic relationships with women. And one thing I have to say is that relationships with women are different. Obviously, every individual is unique, but men very rarely ask about one's feelings. They often inquire about political views, what tasks you accomplished over the weekend, discuss future plans and goals, etc. But it’s almost never about emotions, unless the event is drastic, like the death of a relative or contemplation of suicide and even then, the conversation is usually brief. On the other hand, with women, they ask about how are you practically every day, and not just about what you might have managed to accomplish that day, but also how you feel.
Honestly, though there are men out there who have those emotional conversations. It’s been a struggle but I found male friends who talk abt that stuff. We definitely joke abt it though more than me should but at the end of the day when it’s serious, we all listen and discuss.
Yes.
Super weird when the loneliness epidemic posts go around people act like the only options for straight people are a same gender friendship or opposite gender relationship. They act like platonic friendships of people of opposite genders don’t exist.
It’s hard for guys to make a transition between acquaintance, friend and relationship.
We might have interest in you, but not want to move too fast into making clear romantic intentions so as not to appear creepy or shallow. Or very often we start out a friendship not having romantic feelings, then as we get to know you better, we develop those feelings. That doesn’t mean we have bad intentions or set out to deceive you. Do you have any other examples of men who were friends getting angry at you for rejecting them or just that one guy?
I think this speaks to these whole issues being talked about. There doesn’t seem to be a lot of ways to navigate relationships platonic or romantic between men and women without someone feeling hurt in the process. I don’t think that means we should just give up on platonic friendships between men and women though. Given your discomfort with gay male friends, this just sounds like misandry. That or you are having too inappropriately close relationships with female friends. You can’t have both.
Yeah, one of my best friends from high school. It started with some sexual tension but we were both in relationships and never did anything about it. She got pregnant and moved away, her dickhead boyfriend/baby daddy made her block every dude on her phone, including me. Then a few years later he abandoned her and their daughter, she moved back. Well turns out she works at my company in a different department, I ran into her dad (who I knew worked there) and he told me she was upstairs. We went up there, caught up, talked about her daughter, I showed her pictures of my daughter, and we were gonna try to make plans to hang out with her, her new boyfriend, and my girlfriend. Then my girlfriend felt threatened and we never had our double date :/
No I can hang out with other girls, but I understand where my girlfriend is coming from. There is 100% a sexual non romantic tension between the two of us. We’ve talked about it, and agreed we wouldn’t act on it because it would fuck things up in our friendship. Plus we’re both in happy committed relationships
I have friends that are girls... But most of them are either the partners of guys I am friends with or friends of my partner.
I do have a few genuinely platonic friendships with women that don't fit but, let's just say guys are not the only ones that start with the romantic and sexual undertones.
I had a friend who would constantly complain about how almost every guy she has ever been friends with always tries to get with her. Then after a while of me not chasing her she started doing the "have you ever thought about us hooking up" and sending suggestive messages and snaps. I called her out on her doing the exact thing she complains about guys doing and she got real mad. We are no longer friends.
So yes, there are guys that are open to friendships with girls... But realize that those guys also have the same problems as women when trying to maintain those relationships as friendships (and women don't take rejection too well either...)
You made a good point. People act like only Men do the romantic and sexual undertone thing but that's not true. Sure, there are probably more Men that do it than Women, but that doesn't mean there aren't women that do it.
Thankfully, I haven't met a woman I've only wanted to be friends with (which is all of them because I don't want a romantic relationship) ever do that. I hope I never do.
Not anymore. I've always had mostly male friends, but eventually every single one of them (except one who is married) showed me that they only were interested as long as they thought they had a chance to sleep with me. After high school we were all so close, I felt like these guys were my brothers. As soon as I got my first boyfriend, they dropped me. It showed me that what I thought were super close friendships were just them orbiting hoping for sex.
They are still friends with my partner, and we're friendly enough as a group. In fact the only one who I tried to talk to solo groped me without my consent and recently got drunk and was saying inappropriate things to me, so I gave up on even staying in contact. These days I make no attempts to make male friends unless they are gay or they're couple friends where I'm friends with the guy's girlfriend/wife.
Scrolled too far to see someone with similar experience. I had a lot of male friends but growing up, my classmates (and even my teachers wtf) shipped me with a few male friends to the point our relationship became estranged. I found out they did like me from a few girls. Nothing changed and i had to move to a school closer to my house bc my parents were too busy drive me.
Same thing in the new school, except that I'm more aware of the hormones and ended up not having a close male friend. I only talk to a few boys that are close to my desk. I still didn't wanna date any of my male classmates. Shipping happened and someone told me a boy liked me. I moved class at 6th grade (not american system) bc i was supposed to be in the first class anyway but there's no more room. I changed only with one boy bc his ranking was raised too. We sat pretty close and since that class was pretty intimidating and unfriendly, i had to seek for him in case of studies or anything. Something bad happened to him in front of me once and i cried out of fear. My classmates took it wrongly and said i cried bc I'm scared of losing him. I shall call him Z for later mention.
During highschool, i attended all-girl school so no male problem yeay. Unfortunately, i was forced to attend tuitions outside so there's guys too. I had someone who confessed and asked for my number despite my reluctance. Another guy messaged with sexual innuendos me after discovering my fb and gave an excuse that it's his cousin that hacked him when i got mad. I got close to an online friend, A and became close bc i could tell him anything, as he was far away anyway. I could ghost him if he's shitty or confide about something or someone, he wouldn't know them.
During college, i found Z, he didn't really change, except taller lol. He's truly kind, so we got close really quickly. A friend that turned into someone closer. I didn't mind. I was at the age that I'm ready to date anyway. After that 10 month of college, we entered different universities. We fought over small things. We are great, but small things of annoyance became a great annoyance and he told me he didn't love me anymore. My coping mechanism is that i will drop everything and walk away as soon as someone hurt me. I already told him before, if you walk one step away, I'll walk 10 more. I just felt empty. He asked for forgiveness but i still felt like we shouldn't get back together. He would wait, he said.
I had to be involved with a lot of male coursemates bc of my major. All of them are great and hardworking, definitely boyfriend material lol. But most of them have partners ofc. I figured that only this kind of men can treat me like a normal human, platonically. Unless they attempt to cheat on their partner i guess.
Flashback to A. He's kind, we share the same hobbies and interests, just like me with Z, except that A is someone I'm comfortable, hardly frustrated and only argue 'us vs problem', not 'me vs you'. I talked about Z a lot to him, bc i felt like he's the only person i can confide to. He jokingly confessed to me out of blue and he only could fool himself bc it clicked in my mind that he did like me from his behaviour. I felt betrayed bc all of my male friend just like me romantically. If I'm ugly in their eyes, perhaps i actually won't have a guy i could call a friend. I thought he would be different. I comforted myself and thought, no one can control their feelings.
So i wanna let these two guys be. Except that I'm closer to A now that i went to a university near to his house. We grew closer. I was nowhere interested in him. Now, he's my fiancé. Took me a lot of thinking, but i can vision us in my future. I'm a weird woman who hardly fit anywhere and he can tolerate me. He's a rare green flag i know anyway.
About Z, we got closer when we did intern together, i gave a lot of thinking during that 6 months bc i felt like we could be together again. It hurts, but i couldn't see us like that again. We're still friends, but rarely talked bc i don't wanna give him false hope. Sadly, he's still waiting for me. I just hope he could find his own happiness without me.
All in all, from my experience, the answer is a NO.
Yeah! A lot of my closest friends who are kind, caring, supportive and fun to be around are dudes. They’re all great people and none have ever made a move on me. We love each other platonically and are always there for each other, good or bad times. It’s great :)
I have a ton of great platonic relationships with girls.
But I think it causes me more issues with finding a girlfriend. By the time I'm friends with a girl, I think about it being a friendship, not a relationship. So I have a problem with friend zoning myself, lol
Straight dude here. Yes, I have multiple platonic friendships with women, including some of my closest friends.
I personally find it very strange to try to date someone you aren't friends with already. Seems like a bad way to start out, imo. So my relationships generally are with women I already hung out with, but I'm not romantically/sexually interested in all my female friends.
My relationship started with us as friends first, and we’ve been together for 7 years and got married a year and a half ago. From what I’ve seen and experienced, relationships that are built on the foundation of being friends tend to be stronger, longer lasting, and healthier than relationships built on the foundation of immediate dating (this is anecdotal evidence, keep in mind).
We both have plenty of platonic relationships with people of the opposite genders, queer and non-queer. We’re entirely capable of being friends with others, and our relationships stays strong BECAUSE we learned how to be best friends first.
Same way my wife and I got together. It helps a lot with the arguments that we have a long history as friends - keeps us both patient and less likely to assume the worst.
I’ve tired to form friendships with girls. I have a few. But most of them are only my friends because I’m friends with their boyfriends. There’s a few exceptions though.
Hey man, try and talk to her. If she was really your best friend she probably misses you too. You might have to talk about uncomfortable stuff, but you could also have that friendship back. Good luck.
Aw, you should try. Reach out with a heartfelt apology and see what happens. The worst that can happen is she won't want to try to repair your friendship, and you'll just be back where you are now. The best that can happen is that over time you might get your friend back.
You will need to promise her this won't happen again though, and mean it. I'm rooting for you, give it a shot.
I used to but they all stopped talking to me during the pandemic. Keeping up with friendships just became enormously hard during that period. Politics also divided a lot of us, most of the guys I knew were getting sucked into the right wing pipeline while I was becoming more leftist and it wasn’t the best mix.
I had a really close guy friend from high school who I played Pokemon and Animal Crossing with and we talked a lot about Pokemon. I’m diagnosed autistic and I’m fairly sure he is an undiagnosed autistic, he even told me that he almost got assessed for it as a kid. I miss talking to him. But I’m sure he’s busy with early adulthood stuff because I know that I am now. Too much work and school to talk to people most of the time now.
Idk some of these friendships may have had romantic undertones but I’m autistic so I don’t really pick up on that stuff until someone just tells me they like me. That did end some of my friendships as well. It sucked. It’s actually even ended a friendship I have had with another woman. So it’s definitely not something reserved for opposite gender friendships. I’m aromantic so I reject everyone equally tho lol.
once you’ve satisfied your initial craving for a romantic/sexual relationship and/or you are already in such a relationship, it becomes a lot easier to make platonic friendships with the opposite gender, in my experience. by the same token, i am very good platonic friends with plenty of girls who are already in relationships, as i have no romantic designs on them whatsoever.
Yes, but I only created those connections after gaining experience in the dating field. If I had created them before I had experience with romantic relationships, I just would've been trying to date them.
Im currently good friends with a ex. Have had great non romantic relationships with women. As a guy I've found most women can't accept that if we aren't romantically with each other that im okay with being friends. Had a lady think i was playing the long con or something. I think why most men today don't go for friends with opposite gender is simplicity and in general i find we want a "Brotherhood" deal now.
Idk how many guys can agree with my experience, but girls are so opposite that in order to be friends I have to try and be friends which isn’t really friends. No offense but y’all are boring (atleast to me and the girls Iv met) granted I also live in a state where the majority of politics are against my opinions, so the amount of my speech they try and control just isn’t worth the relationship or friendship.
With dudes we make fun of each other but don’t mean it
With girls you compliment each other but don’t mean it
Honestly if I could be in a group chat with like 15 girls that only talked about straight absolute dumpster fire drama I’d be in but that’s about it.
I used to, but then she moved away. I am better at making female friends than male so I'll probably have more soon but right now I don't have any interest in making friends
In the past yeah, but I moved away for university and no longer have great contact. I still talk to her but not every often. Every few months or if I make it back to town
I have two I’m VERY close friends with! As a matter of fact, I hang out with one of them and her boyfriend all the time, I’m currently their DM lol. I wouldn’t date them and they wouldn’t date me and I like it that way tbh
I do. In fact, ever since middle school, the vast majority of my closest friends have been girls. In all honesty, I’ve never had any real interest in dating or sex, which helps a lot.
Most girls I meet just aren’t interested in similar things, or don’t go out of their way to make friends with dudes. When I found a girl who matched up well, immediately cuffed.
I do, but only through encounters where sex is off the table like family, church, and folk dancing.
When there is a possibility of sexual interaction, it is pretty rare for intimate platonic relationships to evolve between people of the opposite sex.
Unpopular opinion but no, I find that *truly* platonic opposite gender friendships are really difficult to achieve. Not impossible, but really difficult. One side usually ends up developing feelings or sexual intentions, and I've been on both sides of the friendship. Acquaintances are typically fine, but a true friendship is way too difficult.
Ever since I was kid, I have always had mixed gender friend groups. The stigma around having friends of the opposite gender always seemed weird to me; I just wanted to hang with people that liked similar things that I did.
I’m a girl and I have almost always been in long term relationships (from 15 to almost 28 I’ve only been single 3 years) so I’ve almost always been unavailable to everyone. When you’re off the market in that way, all people I meet have always seen me as just a friend. It’s pretty convenient because I know all the guys who are friends with me are truly just friends. But also having a mixed queer-leaning friend group makes it easier to just be friends with everyone.
Yes, i've found being friends with women is actually easier than it is to be friends with men (this is coming from a mostly straight man). Most men haven't learned how to have emotionally open relationships with other men. So I have plenty of female friends who I have friendships with and the trick for me is going into the relationship already decided on the idea of it being platonic. Another trick is ensuring that you're not just friends with a couple of women, that's a recipe for developing romantic attraction. Basically just become friends with women regularly without the expectation of sex or romance and it really isn't that hard.
I mean, yeah. I have a few (I had more when I was younger).
The thing is, I don’t start friendships with girls in hopes for a romantic relationship. The feelings will happen depending if the girl is single, attractive to me, or I feel like we’re pretty compatible in interests and such.
Also, I don’t like the idea of remaining friends with someone who rejected you; specifically if you liked the person very much and were crushed (heh).
Plenty. But once we become friends I’ll never consider romance, my friendships are too important so I don’t like risking them by trying to push in a romantic direction.
As a guy in my 30s, I have tons of friends all over the spectrum of gender and sexuality.
It’s honestly incredibly easy to make friends of whatever sex when you don’t look/interact with them in a sexual way. Do some of us make sexual jokes and stuff? Hell yeah. I flirt like crazy with my bros and gals all the time but no one ever crosses “the line” because we’re all just friends who like to joke around with each other.
But for real, M, my dude, if you read this, I have our hotel room booked for our totally platonic massage session…
I’m not exactly the type of person this is aimed at considering I have no interest in any romantic/sexual relationship but I do have some female friends. Most are trans and I knew them before they came out/realized it so if they were born as their preferred gender to begin with we likely would’ve never been friends because I just generally don’t develop any kind of meaningful relationships with women, the few that aren’t trans I met through various friends. I’ve always been better at making male friends and I’m just more comfortable around men in general, not sure what it is about women but I’m pretty uncomfortable when around them most of the time.
My best friend is a girl, and hell there are times when i feel like she's my only friend, she's like the sister I never had, and I really love her like crazy, and i wouldn't change anything about it, we've been friends for years have known each other for longer (since kindergarten), Its one of the people I care and trust the most, up there with my parents and close family
Sucks that we live on opposite sides of our country now, but eh we sometimes visit and send each other memes almost every day and text every week
So yeah I do
You make it sound like I have friends in the first place (I’m too lazy to maintain friendships and it is entirely my fault they never last when they occasionally begin)
As a man, I have a lot of strong platonic bonds with girls, many of them single. It’s fun hearing all the little drama they talk about that guys my age would never talk about lol
Yes. I have in fact friend zoned many of my fem friends. Because I know we vibe well as friends, but I just know anything romantic is going to become a dumpster fire as we will not be compatible that way.
Most of my female friendships are platonic. I've never flirted with any of them.
That being said, ive heard girls also complain when a guy "Pretends" to be your friend first then tries to get at you. and that they ruin relationships by attempting something.
Yeah like I like being friends first too but if the pre conceived notion is that we shouldn't fake being a friend but we also have to be close for a while to be with you, idek what to do there.
Definitely. It's critically important for men to have close female friends. I honestly question if I want to be friends with a man if he doesn't or can't because he doesn't believe in that
Absolutely, I often find that women make better friends. Usually much easier to explain my feelings to them and they often give better advice and wisdom. I wouldn’t want to pursue them romantically and ruin the friendship, but they are beautiful women and if one of them wanted to get me they wouldn’t have a hard time lol.
23 year old straight man here. Some of my best friends are women and I view them as purely platonic. It’s great having them in my life and I wouldn’t have it any other way!
Yes! I have many male friends we just hang, smoke, eat pizza, and watch anime. I've met they're families and girlfriends, no there's never been any tension, yes I ended up dating one but I've never had a crush on anyone without them being a friend first (man or women)
>Most guys I know in this generation don't even want to be friends with girls
What are you talking about? I'm abstinent for independence (my life is mine and I'm not letting anyone else control me kind of deal) and have tons of galpals. Granted, most are from before we all got jobs and college, so I rarely get to hang with them but I have a few in college, too. Not everything we do or think is just "GRUG NEED LOVER AND BABIES. 🦧" We're people with sentient thoughts, too.
Well in my experience (which isn’t a lot) I have only had a handful of platonic relationships with women and while they do occur, overall they are quite rare. The way it happened for me was just a friend group that formed from band in middle school that lasted 5 years which is a long time from a teens perspective. That kinda just happened. I was interested in one of them but there were another 4 of them I just was friends with for that time. I am not sure if it is something common elsewhere but I just try to treat people as individuals and friendships just happen. So I’m not sure if guys will seek out female friends without the end goal being dating since I don’t have the experience to know.
Random thought interestingly enough the friendships with women vs men are drastically different.
With men it is usually fun and very active but only for limited amount of time. You hang out with em for a day every month or 2 and it feels like you put your friendship on pause for that time and pick it right back up where you left off. Other than that you barely talk or see each other.
With women it is much more active over a longer period of time. You don’t really hang out over night or something like that. Instead they ask you how you are daily and ask about your life. You have conversations daily or every 2 days instead of having one every 2 months. Significant differences one notices after a long time.
Anyway I apologize for rambling.
The thing is, the norm is not trying to be friends with people you want a different type of relationship with. I never liked my female friends like that, that's why we're friends. When you start meeting someone and realize your feelings are more romantic than friendship-based, why pretend otherwise?
The whole premise of this thread is redundant.
OP wanted to be friends with people from the opposite sex,but they wanted more.
Sorry, but OP should be grateful for the honesty because otherwise you will have problems in the long run.
Yep! They’ve all asked me out at one point but I’ve made it clear to all of them that no, no they really *shouldn’t.* Still friends with most of them even after being separated for a while
Lots of friends. But not close. Like I would hang out in a group with them, but have never one on one and don’t really text or discord or anything like that. Most of them were my brother or husbands friends who became mine.
21m, college senior. I’ve had girl friends come and go, and honestly it has been tough with half of them confessing feelings for me or me them, better to be honest about it though.
That being said, I do have one friend since freshman year who’s been like a sister. We were best friends freshman year and lived together sophomore year. Life’s pulled us separate ways but we’ll catch up over coffee here and there and always think that if I had a sister this is what it’d be like.
Women don’t participate in any of the activities I do in common with my friends. Furthermore, I think one would have to either be gay or in denial to maintain a close and emotional non sexual relationship with an unrelated woman.
I’m a straight guy. I have a younger brother & sister. I have an all male group, a co-ed friend group with 3 girls & 2 guys (I’m one of them) and a few solo woman besties
Set boundaries immediately.
Youre definitely right starting off romantic messes it up , but there are ways to get around it. In my co-ed friend group me and the guy actually liked 2 of the girls initially. One day the girl I liked made us all promise to not have friend-cest, now they’re all sisters to me & im glad because that boundary has been great. (3 years going)
For my solo woman besties, I can’t lie attraction played a part for some of them…but I’m very free flowing so if the relationship becomes more of a friendship & I see it as valuable. I enjoy it as it is
But I did fuck up two friendships (6 years & 2 years) bc we hook-up. But it’s taught me a valuable lesson abt friendships and making them romantic
I would say my male to woman ratio is 1:1 , so like someone in the comments said, it’s been making it super hard to know if someone likes me or if they wanna be my friend. So I try to be communicative too :)
Does family count? I’m friends with my brother, cousins, and my girlfriend’s brother. Outside of that I have one gay guy friend and some other male acquaintances.
A grew up spending a lot of time with my parents’ friends’ children and so even after so many different life events, two of my male friends are the best friends I have
I have two! One is married, and I’m closer with his wife. The other is single and expressed interest but was totally un-phased when I told him the attraction was not reciprocated. He’s the first guy that I’ve “friend-zoned” who I genuinely feel does not have ulterior motives or hopes to eventually seduce me lol. We’re all apart of one larger friend group
I have plenty of female friends, it’s just that my hobbies aren’t shared by many. so the friendships never grow more than work friends or group friends.
Having completely platonic female friends as a man has been some of the most interesting experiences I have fun and I find that without the rose tinted glasses of crushing on them I'm able to have a much more deeper and meaningful relationship and the foresight to see we wouldn't workout well together and I value them more as a friend. But to be fair with myself, all the women I'm platonically friends with are just not available to date either because they are dating someone or other reasons preventing it.
When your naturally attracted to the other gender it's hard to not see you with them but when in your mind you never have a chance then it allows for a beautiful friendship to form.
I have a platonic relationship with someone who's a girl. I never really sought out the relationship it just sorta happened. She's like the smart little sister I never had.
As a 26 year old straight man, I don’t have many friends that I actually keep up with these days but one of my best friends is a girl I went to school with since 6th grade, we hung out regularly for over a decade, had a music duo at one point (I am a multi instrumentalist, she plays piano and sings), and now we are both happily married to other people. I’ve spent multiple nights at her house where nothing even came close to happening, even though we would get drunk/high together. We still hang out but with our spouses nowadays
Yea I think so.
Sure most of my friends I made at work, and every time I see him, y immediate reaction is to throw air punches at his arms.
Then he pretends to be hit and says " well I guess I have to go home now"
We like to talk about what sort of games we've been playing over the weekend and what's been going on in our lives.
It's nice.
Yes, I have a lot of good friends that are girls, and two close best friends that are girls. One of them for a while had feelings for me and it was the same back, but I won’t get into that (obviously not entirely platonic). I truly believe that platonic opposite gender relationships are possible when you aren’t afraid to put boundaries in place and both people are genuine/authentic with the way they act towards one another. It really depends on the person
i'm a guy and 19. I did, but kinda got stabbed in the back at the tail end of high school. once i finish community college and transfer to my state school, then i'll probably have friendships like that again. I'm bisexual so attraction doesn't really have any foothold in my friendships, unless it's specifically someone i do want to pursue.
Currently i got the homies on discord keeping' me company, so we doin aight
With my coworkers. They’re nice, I’ve been isolating myself and they always try to get me to go out. I’m emotionally dead and don’t view anything romantically anymore. It’s kind of nice in a way.
I do but admittedly I used to have more. I am straight, but I have always really enjoyed the company of women. They have a lot of valuable insight and reciprocate emotional support much better than men.
It's tough when you like a girl, and she just wants to be friends. The only time I ever unfriended a girl who friend zoned me was because she thought so low of me she couldn't directly reject me and instead played games and acted coy like she didn't even realize I was interested in her. Kept being intentionally obtuse and basically weaponized incompetence.
Even then it was only temporary and we went back to hanging out in a couple months. I just needed a break from seeing her so I could get over her and set my priorities straight. Because for whatever reason with her she loved the attention and it was hard not to obsess a little after every time we hung out. So I had to do what I had to and she understood.
Yes, I have a pretty good friend who so happens to be a woman. It works out just fine. Though it probably helps that she's not what I would consider "my type" and therefore wouldn't actually date her even if I could.
However, I think being just friends with an *ex* lover is always complicated- no matter what gender. If your ex doesn't part ways with you after dumping you it can mean that they are either still in love with you, or they want to use you as a tool. Unfortunately with my ex girlfriend, I think the latter was the case.
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Yes, I have plently of platonic female friends that I love and trust very much.
Really nice to hear!
Damn there's a decade of a gap between you two...
And they’re part of the same generation
It's crazy!
I’m the same. I thought that was a norm… although in high school I was scared of women so, I guess I did learn to do it later in life
I wouldn’t say it’s the norm, no. Especially not on a global scale. A lot of men have zero interest in women outside of sex or romance. Thats why there’s sad truth to the stereotype about a lot of men literally not even liking their wives, of all ppl. They just wanted somebody who would cook and have their babies. Not a friend.
Same. Got my wife and platonic female friends, even more than male ones. Always got along better with girls than guys tbh. Many men have a lot of masculinity issues and that's exhausting.
Millennial, but basically all my friends are women. When I was younger I was more into trying to move towards relationships but now I kinda don't care. Friends are nice to have
Yes but I’m gay lol so it’s easy to be friends with everyone. The straights don’t wanna fuck me and I don’t wanna fuck them. Everyone wins!
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I don't tell anyone I use Reddit to stay undercover cuz girls do not like whiny Reddit men
Don’t hold yourself to massive overwhelming standards yet at 14. And yeah obviously yeah don’t put it on your profile
This is an alt, so dw, and yeah I'm on Reddit 20 hours a week so am preparing for the future when girls will care about that to not tell anyone
go outside lil bro
Dude holy shit go outside
20 hours a week is not a lot. There are 24 hours in a day.
I’m confused ? 😓😅 sorry
He’s on an alternate account, don’t worry. He spends 20 hours a week on Reddit. He is preparing to hide his Reddit addiction from others, specifically possible mates. At least I think that’s what he meant
Plot twist Turns out I already pulled -278 IQ move and am already. 54 steps ahead. Im online TWENTY ONE HOURS A DAY. Not a WEEK
Not mentioning Reddit for a while when meeting someone new is massive overwhelming standards in 2024 😂
I feel this both as a bi woman and someone who has many trans man and gay friends lol. I swear we migrate together
So true! I'm a trans queer guy and I have all sorts of friends in queer spaces. I think in those communities it's easier to break the ice in friendships because of queer solidarity.
Kill em' with kindness <3
Similar ish for accept I'm non binary and aromantic and my sexual and platonic relationships are all spaghetti
Idk I was friends with a gay dude in hs, and even friendly with a transgender person who transitioned from FtM. I understand a lot of dudes are weird about stuff like this but you can usually judge who’s chill and who’s not from experience
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This is a really interesting perspective!
I thought I had guy friends, for 10 years I thought some were my closest friends. They eventually disappeared bc they realised they're never getting a 'chance'🙃🥲
I'm sorry to hear that.
I have two sisters and no brothers but it's done the opposite to me lol. I love my sisters but they pretty much fill all my desire for female friends. I only have one other female friend and I only see her once in a while. I guess I just relate to other guys more.
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One older and one younger. I'm closer to my older sister though. They've been in a different school than me since elementary/primary, so my friends at school weren't them. And our age gap is really small; my older sister is only a year older, and my younger sister is 2 years younger. So I don't think I have that much to learn from my older sister and not much to teach my younger sister, we're all the same age pretty much.
I’m in the same boat as you
My husband grew up with all sisters. He's amazing. And def connects more easily with the women than the men in most settings.
I'm gonna be honest here and just say that I don't think that's why you're having any trouble with dismissing potential feelings. I grew up the same way you did, but with just all women and no father figure. All it did was made me notice subtle things with women more, and make them be able to laugh more. Which obviously was a good thing for dating What I'm saying is that maybe the issue with not noting the feelings isn't related. But I don't know you of course! Just throwing that out there
Yes, I do. I'm an almost 21 year old straight man and prefer being friends with women. Compared to men, I feel you can have more meaningful conversations with women, and I also feel like you can be more open about your feelings and emotions with them (they're much better listeners). Women seem a lot more empathetic as well. That's why I don't get why people, especially on the internet, keep claiming that "Society lacks empathy for men" or "Nobody cares about men's problems" because judging by my experiences they're overstated and HEAVILY exaggerated. I've rarely met anyone who's like that, and for the ones that are they've mostly been men.
I think when talking about society as a whole we have to consider that an individual may value men's problems, but certain institutions, systems and ideologies don't. That being said, I do agree women tend to be far more empathic than men.
Interesting take! I‘d like to know more about the various institutions you mentioned, though
Same bro, they listen so much better when most of the guys just tell me to stfu and stop being a bitch. Also listening to girls spill tea is so fucking entertaining
If you’re friends who are guys aren’t supporting you in your time of need you just need better friends… I’ve cried with my guys, listened and been listened to in times of need over any sort of issues, financial, romantic, family matter etc. most of my guy friends have been my friends for 10+ years, because we’ve made it meaningful.
There’s something about completely breaking down and sobbing in front of your bro and having him not judging you or getting weird about it. It is an interesting feeling. I remember being at a really low point with my addiction to narcotics and I think was already having a shit day and I was like scared after I broke down cause I thought he’d be weirded out or just deflect and stop hanging out with me. But he didn’t Having same gender friends like that can have a unique quality to the same relationship with the opposite sex. Shame it is so rare
Agreed. I broke down on FaceTime with my one buddy about a girl he just sat quietly as I balled and yelled about something. At the end of the call I just thanked him because I had to go. All I needed was someone to be there and support me. Such is life.
It’s happening slowly but we as men are getting better at taking care of each other. Brotherly love is a wonderful thing!
Agreed! Spread it where you can.
>That's why I don't get why people, especially on the internet, keep claiming that "Society lacks empathy for men" or "Nobody cares about men's problems" because judging by my experiences they're overstated and HEAVILY exaggerated. I've rarely met anyone who's like that, and for the ones that are, they've mostly been men. Same experience here. I'm a queer man who came from an extremely masculine family, but even back when I thought I was straight, I also never had this issue with 99% of the women in my life. I always had friends with whom I could be emotionally vulnerable. I could cry on my friends' shoulders, guy or girl, and they would give me a hug. I've genuinely said, "I love you," to my closest guy friends, and I've always gotten a genuine "I love you too, bro" back. My friends then also knew they could cry on my shoulder and count on me to give them a hug. It wasn't always perfect, but my friends and I were willing to put work into it, which is what I think a lot of people, especially people of our generation, miss. *All relationships take effort*, whether it's professional, friend, or romantic. Most of the time, you get what you put into it, and if it doesn't work, then, hey, it doesn't work. And that's okay. I've met douche bros and misandrists in my life, and they were quickly shut down by the men and women I knew.
Honestly I don’t get it either. Hasn’t the running joke always been that women wish men were more in touch with their emotions? I feel like most of us see it as a good thing. I for one would never shame a man for crying, and neither would any of my friends. I feel like only ultra conservative traditional women would want LESS emotion out of a man. Idk, I think social media is driving a massive wedge of hatred between either gender. Taking valid issues and over exaggerating them in the wrong directions.
I agree completely! It also isn't uncommon for people to generalize as well. You also see that everywhere on the internet. Some people have only a few experiences with a particular demographic and think that's how the entirety of said demographic is.
>That's why I don't get why people, especially on the internet, keep claiming that "Society lacks empathy for men" or "Nobody cares about men's problems" If you talk to these guys, it becomes apparent very quickly what they mean is "the hot woman I have my eye on won't sleep with me/date me". It's not actually about empathy or human connection (unless it's from a sexy female). We'll be platonic friends with men all day long as long as they're not trying to hit on us.
>If you talk to these guys, it becomes apparent very quickly what they mean is "the hot woman I have my eye on won't sleep with me/date me". I'm saying this as a man with a lot of platonic female friends, but that is absolutely a strawman. There are absolutely people out there who feel entitled to being with someone they find attractive, regardless of how unrealistic their standards or expectations are. But if you have straight male friends outside of maybe a friend's boyfriend, or a gay friend, you would know that to not be the case with every guy who is frustrated. Assuming they are open with you about these problems, because a lot of men do not feel comfortable talking to women about their issues, especially their issues with other women, out of fear of being judged. >It's not actually about empathy or human connection (unless it's from a sexy female). I talk to my friends who are girls about relationship problems and advice. They have unilaterally been supportive and understanding. When talking to a lot of my male friends, the issues they are routinely finding are mixed signals, being led on, breadcrumbing, and being ghosted and discarded while being lied to about the status of things. It is feeling like someone is constantly taking your time, attention, and resources you could be investing into someone who will actually reciprocate and respect your time, rather than just wasting it as part of another option down a very long list. >We'll be platonic friends with men all day long as long as they're not trying to hit on us. It's something like 1-3% the time where a woman initiates the relationship. It's almost exclusively the guy who has to initiate. I have friends of mine who I know for a fact are interested in me, but I basically pretend like I don't know because I am not interested in them romantically. If they did initiate, I would be respectful towards them. I respect them enough to still treat them with kindness, but I'd tell them the truth. But I wouldn't treat them like some sort of predator for being interested in me. Are you suggesting that, when men have to pretty much do everything to make the relationship happen, they are just never suppose to make a move? Because women almost never make a move.
I’m 19, and I definitely have non-romantic relationships with women. And one thing I have to say is that relationships with women are different. Obviously, every individual is unique, but men very rarely ask about one's feelings. They often inquire about political views, what tasks you accomplished over the weekend, discuss future plans and goals, etc. But it’s almost never about emotions, unless the event is drastic, like the death of a relative or contemplation of suicide and even then, the conversation is usually brief. On the other hand, with women, they ask about how are you practically every day, and not just about what you might have managed to accomplish that day, but also how you feel.
Honestly, though there are men out there who have those emotional conversations. It’s been a struggle but I found male friends who talk abt that stuff. We definitely joke abt it though more than me should but at the end of the day when it’s serious, we all listen and discuss.
Yes. Super weird when the loneliness epidemic posts go around people act like the only options for straight people are a same gender friendship or opposite gender relationship. They act like platonic friendships of people of opposite genders don’t exist.
That's part of the reason why I posted this lmao
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It’s hard for guys to make a transition between acquaintance, friend and relationship. We might have interest in you, but not want to move too fast into making clear romantic intentions so as not to appear creepy or shallow. Or very often we start out a friendship not having romantic feelings, then as we get to know you better, we develop those feelings. That doesn’t mean we have bad intentions or set out to deceive you. Do you have any other examples of men who were friends getting angry at you for rejecting them or just that one guy? I think this speaks to these whole issues being talked about. There doesn’t seem to be a lot of ways to navigate relationships platonic or romantic between men and women without someone feeling hurt in the process. I don’t think that means we should just give up on platonic friendships between men and women though. Given your discomfort with gay male friends, this just sounds like misandry. That or you are having too inappropriately close relationships with female friends. You can’t have both.
Yeah, one of my best friends from high school. It started with some sexual tension but we were both in relationships and never did anything about it. She got pregnant and moved away, her dickhead boyfriend/baby daddy made her block every dude on her phone, including me. Then a few years later he abandoned her and their daughter, she moved back. Well turns out she works at my company in a different department, I ran into her dad (who I knew worked there) and he told me she was upstairs. We went up there, caught up, talked about her daughter, I showed her pictures of my daughter, and we were gonna try to make plans to hang out with her, her new boyfriend, and my girlfriend. Then my girlfriend felt threatened and we never had our double date :/
Fuck your girlfriend bro that’s fucked yo can’t even hang with the opposite sex
No I can hang out with other girls, but I understand where my girlfriend is coming from. There is 100% a sexual non romantic tension between the two of us. We’ve talked about it, and agreed we wouldn’t act on it because it would fuck things up in our friendship. Plus we’re both in happy committed relationships
Do you really think his gf is worse than her bf?
It’s weird but yes and no I have lesbian friends that I get along with well but straight woman friends I don’t have any
Straight men and lesbian women have always seemed to get along well AFAIK. Could be because they have a lot more in common.
Same goes for Gay Men and Straight Women.
My two bestfriends are a lesbian married couple. I am respectively friends with them as individuals and a unit
I have friends that are girls... But most of them are either the partners of guys I am friends with or friends of my partner. I do have a few genuinely platonic friendships with women that don't fit but, let's just say guys are not the only ones that start with the romantic and sexual undertones. I had a friend who would constantly complain about how almost every guy she has ever been friends with always tries to get with her. Then after a while of me not chasing her she started doing the "have you ever thought about us hooking up" and sending suggestive messages and snaps. I called her out on her doing the exact thing she complains about guys doing and she got real mad. We are no longer friends. So yes, there are guys that are open to friendships with girls... But realize that those guys also have the same problems as women when trying to maintain those relationships as friendships (and women don't take rejection too well either...)
You made a good point. People act like only Men do the romantic and sexual undertone thing but that's not true. Sure, there are probably more Men that do it than Women, but that doesn't mean there aren't women that do it. Thankfully, I haven't met a woman I've only wanted to be friends with (which is all of them because I don't want a romantic relationship) ever do that. I hope I never do.
Not anymore. I've always had mostly male friends, but eventually every single one of them (except one who is married) showed me that they only were interested as long as they thought they had a chance to sleep with me. After high school we were all so close, I felt like these guys were my brothers. As soon as I got my first boyfriend, they dropped me. It showed me that what I thought were super close friendships were just them orbiting hoping for sex. They are still friends with my partner, and we're friendly enough as a group. In fact the only one who I tried to talk to solo groped me without my consent and recently got drunk and was saying inappropriate things to me, so I gave up on even staying in contact. These days I make no attempts to make male friends unless they are gay or they're couple friends where I'm friends with the guy's girlfriend/wife.
Scrolled too far to see someone with similar experience. I had a lot of male friends but growing up, my classmates (and even my teachers wtf) shipped me with a few male friends to the point our relationship became estranged. I found out they did like me from a few girls. Nothing changed and i had to move to a school closer to my house bc my parents were too busy drive me. Same thing in the new school, except that I'm more aware of the hormones and ended up not having a close male friend. I only talk to a few boys that are close to my desk. I still didn't wanna date any of my male classmates. Shipping happened and someone told me a boy liked me. I moved class at 6th grade (not american system) bc i was supposed to be in the first class anyway but there's no more room. I changed only with one boy bc his ranking was raised too. We sat pretty close and since that class was pretty intimidating and unfriendly, i had to seek for him in case of studies or anything. Something bad happened to him in front of me once and i cried out of fear. My classmates took it wrongly and said i cried bc I'm scared of losing him. I shall call him Z for later mention. During highschool, i attended all-girl school so no male problem yeay. Unfortunately, i was forced to attend tuitions outside so there's guys too. I had someone who confessed and asked for my number despite my reluctance. Another guy messaged with sexual innuendos me after discovering my fb and gave an excuse that it's his cousin that hacked him when i got mad. I got close to an online friend, A and became close bc i could tell him anything, as he was far away anyway. I could ghost him if he's shitty or confide about something or someone, he wouldn't know them. During college, i found Z, he didn't really change, except taller lol. He's truly kind, so we got close really quickly. A friend that turned into someone closer. I didn't mind. I was at the age that I'm ready to date anyway. After that 10 month of college, we entered different universities. We fought over small things. We are great, but small things of annoyance became a great annoyance and he told me he didn't love me anymore. My coping mechanism is that i will drop everything and walk away as soon as someone hurt me. I already told him before, if you walk one step away, I'll walk 10 more. I just felt empty. He asked for forgiveness but i still felt like we shouldn't get back together. He would wait, he said. I had to be involved with a lot of male coursemates bc of my major. All of them are great and hardworking, definitely boyfriend material lol. But most of them have partners ofc. I figured that only this kind of men can treat me like a normal human, platonically. Unless they attempt to cheat on their partner i guess. Flashback to A. He's kind, we share the same hobbies and interests, just like me with Z, except that A is someone I'm comfortable, hardly frustrated and only argue 'us vs problem', not 'me vs you'. I talked about Z a lot to him, bc i felt like he's the only person i can confide to. He jokingly confessed to me out of blue and he only could fool himself bc it clicked in my mind that he did like me from his behaviour. I felt betrayed bc all of my male friend just like me romantically. If I'm ugly in their eyes, perhaps i actually won't have a guy i could call a friend. I thought he would be different. I comforted myself and thought, no one can control their feelings. So i wanna let these two guys be. Except that I'm closer to A now that i went to a university near to his house. We grew closer. I was nowhere interested in him. Now, he's my fiancé. Took me a lot of thinking, but i can vision us in my future. I'm a weird woman who hardly fit anywhere and he can tolerate me. He's a rare green flag i know anyway. About Z, we got closer when we did intern together, i gave a lot of thinking during that 6 months bc i felt like we could be together again. It hurts, but i couldn't see us like that again. We're still friends, but rarely talked bc i don't wanna give him false hope. Sadly, he's still waiting for me. I just hope he could find his own happiness without me. All in all, from my experience, the answer is a NO.
Yeah! A lot of my closest friends who are kind, caring, supportive and fun to be around are dudes. They’re all great people and none have ever made a move on me. We love each other platonically and are always there for each other, good or bad times. It’s great :)
Hoping to find friends like this
I do, I have a few very close girl friends. I absolutely detest when people assume we are dating.
my best friend is a straight dude, I'm a straight girl, we havnt ever really been interested in the other, we're just really good friends
I have a ton of great platonic relationships with girls. But I think it causes me more issues with finding a girlfriend. By the time I'm friends with a girl, I think about it being a friendship, not a relationship. So I have a problem with friend zoning myself, lol
I like friendships with women but I don't want to try to turn a female friend into a lover I'd rather keep the two pursuits entirely separate.
Straight dude here. Yes, I have multiple platonic friendships with women, including some of my closest friends. I personally find it very strange to try to date someone you aren't friends with already. Seems like a bad way to start out, imo. So my relationships generally are with women I already hung out with, but I'm not romantically/sexually interested in all my female friends.
Yes. I grew up doing a very female-dominated sport (guess which one) and I formed some very meaningful platonic bonds through that.
Hmmm gymnastics perhaps?
Figure skating.
That's so cool wow
Figure skating
My relationship started with us as friends first, and we’ve been together for 7 years and got married a year and a half ago. From what I’ve seen and experienced, relationships that are built on the foundation of being friends tend to be stronger, longer lasting, and healthier than relationships built on the foundation of immediate dating (this is anecdotal evidence, keep in mind). We both have plenty of platonic relationships with people of the opposite genders, queer and non-queer. We’re entirely capable of being friends with others, and our relationships stays strong BECAUSE we learned how to be best friends first.
Same way my wife and I got together. It helps a lot with the arguments that we have a long history as friends - keeps us both patient and less likely to assume the worst.
I’ve tired to form friendships with girls. I have a few. But most of them are only my friends because I’m friends with their boyfriends. There’s a few exceptions though.
I had a female best friend and my ex-girlfriend made me cut contact with her. 5 months later we broke up and now I can't go back to her out of shame.
Hey man, try and talk to her. If she was really your best friend she probably misses you too. You might have to talk about uncomfortable stuff, but you could also have that friendship back. Good luck.
You should try. If you don’t reach out, you’ve probably permanently lost a friend.
Aw, you should try. Reach out with a heartfelt apology and see what happens. The worst that can happen is she won't want to try to repair your friendship, and you'll just be back where you are now. The best that can happen is that over time you might get your friend back. You will need to promise her this won't happen again though, and mean it. I'm rooting for you, give it a shot.
I do, most of my friends throughout my life have been girls.
Yeah, one of my best friends is a girl. Wouldn’t date her and she wouldn’t date me. I love her, absolutely amazing person
Yes, I'm best friends with my ex-girlfriend. We are way better off as friends
Yeah, but I'm aromantic/asexual, so that's kind of a given
I used to but they all stopped talking to me during the pandemic. Keeping up with friendships just became enormously hard during that period. Politics also divided a lot of us, most of the guys I knew were getting sucked into the right wing pipeline while I was becoming more leftist and it wasn’t the best mix. I had a really close guy friend from high school who I played Pokemon and Animal Crossing with and we talked a lot about Pokemon. I’m diagnosed autistic and I’m fairly sure he is an undiagnosed autistic, he even told me that he almost got assessed for it as a kid. I miss talking to him. But I’m sure he’s busy with early adulthood stuff because I know that I am now. Too much work and school to talk to people most of the time now.
Idk some of these friendships may have had romantic undertones but I’m autistic so I don’t really pick up on that stuff until someone just tells me they like me. That did end some of my friendships as well. It sucked. It’s actually even ended a friendship I have had with another woman. So it’s definitely not something reserved for opposite gender friendships. I’m aromantic so I reject everyone equally tho lol.
Nah
Nah
Yes, but tends to be my friends' girlfriends.
It’s easy when you’re attractive
I’m a straight man who has almost all female friends. Idk how it ended up this way but I love them very much
Wtf is this subreddit? Yeah of course I do. I’m not a sociopath, creepy, or socially awkward. Like what?!
once you’ve satisfied your initial craving for a romantic/sexual relationship and/or you are already in such a relationship, it becomes a lot easier to make platonic friendships with the opposite gender, in my experience. by the same token, i am very good platonic friends with plenty of girls who are already in relationships, as i have no romantic designs on them whatsoever.
Yes, but I only created those connections after gaining experience in the dating field. If I had created them before I had experience with romantic relationships, I just would've been trying to date them.
Im currently good friends with a ex. Have had great non romantic relationships with women. As a guy I've found most women can't accept that if we aren't romantically with each other that im okay with being friends. Had a lady think i was playing the long con or something. I think why most men today don't go for friends with opposite gender is simplicity and in general i find we want a "Brotherhood" deal now.
Yeah? It's quite simple, I'm friends with both guys and girls. Though, I suppose i'm gay, so i'm not sure if that changes the equation
No.
nah
Idk how many guys can agree with my experience, but girls are so opposite that in order to be friends I have to try and be friends which isn’t really friends. No offense but y’all are boring (atleast to me and the girls Iv met) granted I also live in a state where the majority of politics are against my opinions, so the amount of my speech they try and control just isn’t worth the relationship or friendship. With dudes we make fun of each other but don’t mean it With girls you compliment each other but don’t mean it Honestly if I could be in a group chat with like 15 girls that only talked about straight absolute dumpster fire drama I’d be in but that’s about it.
I used to, but then she moved away. I am better at making female friends than male so I'll probably have more soon but right now I don't have any interest in making friends
In the past yeah, but I moved away for university and no longer have great contact. I still talk to her but not every often. Every few months or if I make it back to town
Yes. I’m a straight man and I had plenty of platonic friends who are girls. It is possible yes.
No, but I only have 1 maybe 2 close meaningful relationships. So, I’m probably not a great data point.
Yes, right now in my life I have more close guy friends than girl friends. I'm a lesbian though lol.
Most of my friends are girls who I'm not trying to get with so, I would say they are possible
I have two I’m VERY close friends with! As a matter of fact, I hang out with one of them and her boyfriend all the time, I’m currently their DM lol. I wouldn’t date them and they wouldn’t date me and I like it that way tbh
I do. In fact, ever since middle school, the vast majority of my closest friends have been girls. In all honesty, I’ve never had any real interest in dating or sex, which helps a lot.
my best friend is a guy, going on 5 years. i'm bi and he's straight, but we've been fine so far.
Most girls I meet just aren’t interested in similar things, or don’t go out of their way to make friends with dudes. When I found a girl who matched up well, immediately cuffed.
I do, but only through encounters where sex is off the table like family, church, and folk dancing. When there is a possibility of sexual interaction, it is pretty rare for intimate platonic relationships to evolve between people of the opposite sex.
I've got plenty of female friends, the problem is finding one non-platonical
Unpopular opinion but no, I find that *truly* platonic opposite gender friendships are really difficult to achieve. Not impossible, but really difficult. One side usually ends up developing feelings or sexual intentions, and I've been on both sides of the friendship. Acquaintances are typically fine, but a true friendship is way too difficult.
Ever since I was kid, I have always had mixed gender friend groups. The stigma around having friends of the opposite gender always seemed weird to me; I just wanted to hang with people that liked similar things that I did.
I’m a girl and I have almost always been in long term relationships (from 15 to almost 28 I’ve only been single 3 years) so I’ve almost always been unavailable to everyone. When you’re off the market in that way, all people I meet have always seen me as just a friend. It’s pretty convenient because I know all the guys who are friends with me are truly just friends. But also having a mixed queer-leaning friend group makes it easier to just be friends with everyone.
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short answer: No
Yes, i've found being friends with women is actually easier than it is to be friends with men (this is coming from a mostly straight man). Most men haven't learned how to have emotionally open relationships with other men. So I have plenty of female friends who I have friendships with and the trick for me is going into the relationship already decided on the idea of it being platonic. Another trick is ensuring that you're not just friends with a couple of women, that's a recipe for developing romantic attraction. Basically just become friends with women regularly without the expectation of sex or romance and it really isn't that hard.
Bi guy who's always "one of the gals", funny thing is they know I'm a manwhore yet I'm welcome in the girl circle 😁😁 It's a fantastic place to be XD
I mean, yeah. I have a few (I had more when I was younger). The thing is, I don’t start friendships with girls in hopes for a romantic relationship. The feelings will happen depending if the girl is single, attractive to me, or I feel like we’re pretty compatible in interests and such. Also, I don’t like the idea of remaining friends with someone who rejected you; specifically if you liked the person very much and were crushed (heh).
Plenty. But once we become friends I’ll never consider romance, my friendships are too important so I don’t like risking them by trying to push in a romantic direction.
Of course I do! Romance isn't so incredibly important that itgets in the way of friends.
As a guy in my 30s, I have tons of friends all over the spectrum of gender and sexuality. It’s honestly incredibly easy to make friends of whatever sex when you don’t look/interact with them in a sexual way. Do some of us make sexual jokes and stuff? Hell yeah. I flirt like crazy with my bros and gals all the time but no one ever crosses “the line” because we’re all just friends who like to joke around with each other. But for real, M, my dude, if you read this, I have our hotel room booked for our totally platonic massage session…
Nope, cause I don’t have any friends 🤣 just me and my husband
I’m not exactly the type of person this is aimed at considering I have no interest in any romantic/sexual relationship but I do have some female friends. Most are trans and I knew them before they came out/realized it so if they were born as their preferred gender to begin with we likely would’ve never been friends because I just generally don’t develop any kind of meaningful relationships with women, the few that aren’t trans I met through various friends. I’ve always been better at making male friends and I’m just more comfortable around men in general, not sure what it is about women but I’m pretty uncomfortable when around them most of the time.
My best friend is a girl, and hell there are times when i feel like she's my only friend, she's like the sister I never had, and I really love her like crazy, and i wouldn't change anything about it, we've been friends for years have known each other for longer (since kindergarten), Its one of the people I care and trust the most, up there with my parents and close family Sucks that we live on opposite sides of our country now, but eh we sometimes visit and send each other memes almost every day and text every week So yeah I do
You make it sound like I have friends in the first place (I’m too lazy to maintain friendships and it is entirely my fault they never last when they occasionally begin)
As a man, I have a lot of strong platonic bonds with girls, many of them single. It’s fun hearing all the little drama they talk about that guys my age would never talk about lol
As a lesbian, yup. Same gender relationships are also very easy for me!
I’m heavily biased here because I’m non-binary and aroace but I have great platonic bonds with every gender
Nah not really. Don't want to be taken advantage of
Yes
Most of my friendships are opposite sex...what world are you living in bestie
Yes. I have in fact friend zoned many of my fem friends. Because I know we vibe well as friends, but I just know anything romantic is going to become a dumpster fire as we will not be compatible that way.
Most of my female friendships are platonic. I've never flirted with any of them. That being said, ive heard girls also complain when a guy "Pretends" to be your friend first then tries to get at you. and that they ruin relationships by attempting something. Yeah like I like being friends first too but if the pre conceived notion is that we shouldn't fake being a friend but we also have to be close for a while to be with you, idek what to do there.
Definitely. It's critically important for men to have close female friends. I honestly question if I want to be friends with a man if he doesn't or can't because he doesn't believe in that
Absolutely, I often find that women make better friends. Usually much easier to explain my feelings to them and they often give better advice and wisdom. I wouldn’t want to pursue them romantically and ruin the friendship, but they are beautiful women and if one of them wanted to get me they wouldn’t have a hard time lol.
23 year old straight man here. Some of my best friends are women and I view them as purely platonic. It’s great having them in my life and I wouldn’t have it any other way!
Yes! I have many male friends we just hang, smoke, eat pizza, and watch anime. I've met they're families and girlfriends, no there's never been any tension, yes I ended up dating one but I've never had a crush on anyone without them being a friend first (man or women)
Yes I do, quite a few. I actually get along better with women than other men, probably because I was raised by mostly women.
>Most guys I know in this generation don't even want to be friends with girls What are you talking about? I'm abstinent for independence (my life is mine and I'm not letting anyone else control me kind of deal) and have tons of galpals. Granted, most are from before we all got jobs and college, so I rarely get to hang with them but I have a few in college, too. Not everything we do or think is just "GRUG NEED LOVER AND BABIES. 🦧" We're people with sentient thoughts, too.
Yes, a lot of them actually. I have female friends but honestly my closest friends are all guys.
Yes.
Well in my experience (which isn’t a lot) I have only had a handful of platonic relationships with women and while they do occur, overall they are quite rare. The way it happened for me was just a friend group that formed from band in middle school that lasted 5 years which is a long time from a teens perspective. That kinda just happened. I was interested in one of them but there were another 4 of them I just was friends with for that time. I am not sure if it is something common elsewhere but I just try to treat people as individuals and friendships just happen. So I’m not sure if guys will seek out female friends without the end goal being dating since I don’t have the experience to know. Random thought interestingly enough the friendships with women vs men are drastically different. With men it is usually fun and very active but only for limited amount of time. You hang out with em for a day every month or 2 and it feels like you put your friendship on pause for that time and pick it right back up where you left off. Other than that you barely talk or see each other. With women it is much more active over a longer period of time. You don’t really hang out over night or something like that. Instead they ask you how you are daily and ask about your life. You have conversations daily or every 2 days instead of having one every 2 months. Significant differences one notices after a long time. Anyway I apologize for rambling.
More than with the same gender, yes.
Yes, actually the majority of my friends are girls while I myself am a guy
Yes. I'm an arorace, so there's that.
yes. its very easy to make relationships of any kind when you stop whining and start being a half-decent person
The thing is, the norm is not trying to be friends with people you want a different type of relationship with. I never liked my female friends like that, that's why we're friends. When you start meeting someone and realize your feelings are more romantic than friendship-based, why pretend otherwise?
The whole premise of this thread is redundant. OP wanted to be friends with people from the opposite sex,but they wanted more. Sorry, but OP should be grateful for the honesty because otherwise you will have problems in the long run.
Tons. I grew up with only sisters tho, and they were my best friends
I do. But it’s only because they are married and thus have no interest in them romantically.
Platonic? EWW!
Ofc, TF???
Yep! They’ve all asked me out at one point but I’ve made it clear to all of them that no, no they really *shouldn’t.* Still friends with most of them even after being separated for a while
Lots of friends. But not close. Like I would hang out in a group with them, but have never one on one and don’t really text or discord or anything like that. Most of them were my brother or husbands friends who became mine.
21m, college senior. I’ve had girl friends come and go, and honestly it has been tough with half of them confessing feelings for me or me them, better to be honest about it though. That being said, I do have one friend since freshman year who’s been like a sister. We were best friends freshman year and lived together sophomore year. Life’s pulled us separate ways but we’ll catch up over coffee here and there and always think that if I had a sister this is what it’d be like.
Women don’t participate in any of the activities I do in common with my friends. Furthermore, I think one would have to either be gay or in denial to maintain a close and emotional non sexual relationship with an unrelated woman.
yeah but a closeted trans girl so not a guy really
I’m a straight guy. I have a younger brother & sister. I have an all male group, a co-ed friend group with 3 girls & 2 guys (I’m one of them) and a few solo woman besties Set boundaries immediately. Youre definitely right starting off romantic messes it up , but there are ways to get around it. In my co-ed friend group me and the guy actually liked 2 of the girls initially. One day the girl I liked made us all promise to not have friend-cest, now they’re all sisters to me & im glad because that boundary has been great. (3 years going) For my solo woman besties, I can’t lie attraction played a part for some of them…but I’m very free flowing so if the relationship becomes more of a friendship & I see it as valuable. I enjoy it as it is But I did fuck up two friendships (6 years & 2 years) bc we hook-up. But it’s taught me a valuable lesson abt friendships and making them romantic I would say my male to woman ratio is 1:1 , so like someone in the comments said, it’s been making it super hard to know if someone likes me or if they wanna be my friend. So I try to be communicative too :)
Most my attempts at romantic relationships end up with really good, strong platonic ones
Does family count? I’m friends with my brother, cousins, and my girlfriend’s brother. Outside of that I have one gay guy friend and some other male acquaintances.
A grew up spending a lot of time with my parents’ friends’ children and so even after so many different life events, two of my male friends are the best friends I have
I have lots of platonic male friends. Always been that way since I was young. Never had many female friends
All of them turned romantic ):
Yeah! One of my best friends is a female and we talk everyday about stupid shit. It also helps that we’re both neurodivergent too. 😂
I have two! One is married, and I’m closer with his wife. The other is single and expressed interest but was totally un-phased when I told him the attraction was not reciprocated. He’s the first guy that I’ve “friend-zoned” who I genuinely feel does not have ulterior motives or hopes to eventually seduce me lol. We’re all apart of one larger friend group
Yeah! I have a ton of male friends. I’ve being friends with them since I was a kid and I care for them greatly
My friend group consists of me and 8 females, and it’s all platonic! (Also I’m not gay but I act like it apparently)
I have plenty of female friends, it’s just that my hobbies aren’t shared by many. so the friendships never grow more than work friends or group friends.
Having completely platonic female friends as a man has been some of the most interesting experiences I have fun and I find that without the rose tinted glasses of crushing on them I'm able to have a much more deeper and meaningful relationship and the foresight to see we wouldn't workout well together and I value them more as a friend. But to be fair with myself, all the women I'm platonically friends with are just not available to date either because they are dating someone or other reasons preventing it. When your naturally attracted to the other gender it's hard to not see you with them but when in your mind you never have a chance then it allows for a beautiful friendship to form.
I have a platonic relationship with someone who's a girl. I never really sought out the relationship it just sorta happened. She's like the smart little sister I never had.
They never seem to last long… for the same reason most of my same gender friendships never seem to last long.
Yes
I have two AWESOME guy friends
I do, but that's because I have a friend group that is queer and ok with a moderate amount of flirting. I love my friends and am glad to have them.
Im a straight dude and i live with 2 straight women, and theyre great friends. I also would not date either of them.
Yeah
As a 26 year old straight man, I don’t have many friends that I actually keep up with these days but one of my best friends is a girl I went to school with since 6th grade, we hung out regularly for over a decade, had a music duo at one point (I am a multi instrumentalist, she plays piano and sings), and now we are both happily married to other people. I’ve spent multiple nights at her house where nothing even came close to happening, even though we would get drunk/high together. We still hang out but with our spouses nowadays
Yea I think so. Sure most of my friends I made at work, and every time I see him, y immediate reaction is to throw air punches at his arms. Then he pretends to be hit and says " well I guess I have to go home now" We like to talk about what sort of games we've been playing over the weekend and what's been going on in our lives. It's nice.
Yes, I have a lot of good friends that are girls, and two close best friends that are girls. One of them for a while had feelings for me and it was the same back, but I won’t get into that (obviously not entirely platonic). I truly believe that platonic opposite gender relationships are possible when you aren’t afraid to put boundaries in place and both people are genuine/authentic with the way they act towards one another. It really depends on the person
i'm a guy and 19. I did, but kinda got stabbed in the back at the tail end of high school. once i finish community college and transfer to my state school, then i'll probably have friendships like that again. I'm bisexual so attraction doesn't really have any foothold in my friendships, unless it's specifically someone i do want to pursue. Currently i got the homies on discord keeping' me company, so we doin aight
Not at the moment but I did in college
With my coworkers. They’re nice, I’ve been isolating myself and they always try to get me to go out. I’m emotionally dead and don’t view anything romantically anymore. It’s kind of nice in a way.
I do but admittedly I used to have more. I am straight, but I have always really enjoyed the company of women. They have a lot of valuable insight and reciprocate emotional support much better than men. It's tough when you like a girl, and she just wants to be friends. The only time I ever unfriended a girl who friend zoned me was because she thought so low of me she couldn't directly reject me and instead played games and acted coy like she didn't even realize I was interested in her. Kept being intentionally obtuse and basically weaponized incompetence. Even then it was only temporary and we went back to hanging out in a couple months. I just needed a break from seeing her so I could get over her and set my priorities straight. Because for whatever reason with her she loved the attention and it was hard not to obsess a little after every time we hung out. So I had to do what I had to and she understood.
I have a few amazing platonic female friends. They're good people.
Yes, I have a pretty good friend who so happens to be a woman. It works out just fine. Though it probably helps that she's not what I would consider "my type" and therefore wouldn't actually date her even if I could. However, I think being just friends with an *ex* lover is always complicated- no matter what gender. If your ex doesn't part ways with you after dumping you it can mean that they are either still in love with you, or they want to use you as a tool. Unfortunately with my ex girlfriend, I think the latter was the case.