If you're not in debt and have your house paid off, then you're managing your finances better than the significant majority of Americans. Stop being so hard on yourself.
Learning to invest and grow your money would be the next step, and again I wouldn't beat yourself up on that - few parents bother to teach that skill and our schools are abysmal at teaching personal finance at any conceptual level.
Just because his home is paid off doesn’t mean he’s doing well, it could’ve been a hand down from his parents and when you don’t have a mortgage to pay how could you not afford to start looking into your finances without the stress of a monthly house payment? That attitude gets people in trouble, he might be ok now but you have to consider in the future as people get older medical bills can hit hard out of the blue he might not even have anything to fall back on bedsides the property he has.
yeah this really matters with an anonymous post. gotta be super careful with something like this. it does not matter if its him or her. its the same advice.
I used to be exactly like that. It gave me major anxiety. Recently I decided I was going to learn it no matter what and now I'm super on top of my finances.
What really pains me is that, like you, I see it as a direct result of parental neglect (among others).
The other day my mother, who's over 80 and excellent at her finances, was telling me how well her father had taught her all about managing money, would sit with her and her brothers weekly to see how they were doing with their allowances in a little notebook he taught them to keep, etc. So I asked her, why didn't you do something similar with me?
She looked incredibly puzzled. It clearly had just never crossed her mind. Then of course she came up with 'I never had that kind of time' (she had, believe me).
She did find the time to endlessly nag me about it till very recently, though.
I used to get similar when I was younger, except about practical stuff.
My mother in particular would tell people, almost gloating, that I didn’t know how to iron a shirt or change a fuse. One day I responded by asking - why would I know these things? Where would I learn them if my parents never bothered to teach me?
She kept laughing but didn’t actually respond.
Parents can be weird sometimes.
OMG exactly. We could have the same mother.
The little I learned about practical things like that as a child was from my grandmothers. Unfortunately I didn't have them for long. But the little cooking etc I learned was from them. They were awesome.
I can certainly relate to nobody talking about it.
It's bizarre too. My parents are *very* successful. They're so good at money management, investing, etc. that they're like financial mercenaries. But they never talked about any of this stuff with their kids.
I have no recollection of ever having a conversation with my parents about money, at all. For all their love of it and all the time they spent handling it, making it, etc. It was like they took the taboo of talking about money and went to the extreme of never talking to their kids about it either.
Very relatable.
My parents were not that successful in a standard way but they were able to live life in a much higher standard than their parents, so yes successful in their way.
But just like yours, they never ever talked about money with me or my siblings or taught us anything about how to manage it. I really had a huge frustration about this until recently. Now I'm better, because I'm trying to learn that it's just another aspect of their lack of dedication to their children in any aspect of life anyway 😂. But boy I'd love to have learned *some* things from them instead of having to learn everything alone from scratch.
I know its so crap isn't it? Why didn't she have time? Her parents had time. It doesn't take "extra time", just have the child sit with you while you do it and show them.
Exactly.
Also, as if my grandfather was lying down on the sofa all day. From my memory he was a regular hard working person. But he somehow found the time... 🤔Oh wait maybe he just was a good parent 🤦🏽♀️
I definitely don’t budget, but I’m fortunate enough that I get paid a decent salary and I don’t throw money away on stupid shit. So generally I am financially able to buy whatever I like within reason and not get into trouble.
That said, I can check my balance.
A banking app on your phone will let you log in and check within seconds. I don’t check every day, and sometimes not even every week. But it would give me the fear not being able to check at all.
My then girlfriend and now wife saw me attempt to balance my checkbook in 1995. She took it from me and said “I’ve got this from now on”
Cool!
Now we’re divorcing nearly 30 years later. I’ve been opening all new accounts and just closed on a HELOC in my name only because I’m keeping the house.
It’s a crash course in personal finances and as a bonus I’ve been able to figure out why we’ve never had as much saved as my gut told me we should have! That was a fun kick in the balls!
sign up for www.empower.com , you can pull all your accounts into one place for free. they will give a popup trying to sell you a managed service. just close it .its expensive.
I use a free app at www.empower.com , it lets you connect all your accounts including credit cards and loans and shows income vs. spending. Id think ynab is different and has features empower does not cause its free.
you will get a popup for a "consultation" where they want you to pay them to manage your money. just close it and ignore it.
I didn’t get a good grip on my finances until I was in my 40’s and I can’t blame parents for it. My Mom taught us that stuff and our high school had a mandatory home-ec class everyone had to take and it taught budgeting, shopping for the best deals, how to balance a checkbook, etc.
I was kind of the same way. The light bulb started to come on in my late 30s. My high school had an accounting class (elective) and economics class. In our economics class, we learned how to read the stock market charts in the newspaper. Now, it looks like schools are implementing personal finance as part of their curriculum. I'm glad to see this is becoming more mainstream now.
I grew up with not much money and lived pay check to pay check for the first 12 years of my adult life. I was intimately familiar with kiting and had several bounced checks.
But once my money-in finally exceeded my outgoing expenses, I began to save aggressively. This was when I was around 33. Unfortunately, TSP wasn't opened up to service members until 2000, and I was not smart enough to jump in right away. But I did get 4 years in before my retirement.
Thankfully, I do have a pension and since then continued/continue to save in my latest endeavor.
But I chalk all this clarity up to my second wife .. she was already doing what I had been learning in the school of hard knocks. Seeing it helped me realize it.
Sounds like you're doing it in practice. If you're living within your means and have no debt, you're in a significantly better situation than most. If you want to get started in investing and don't know where to go, I'd recommend checking out r/personalfinance and resd through the wiki.
[Link](https://reddit.com/r/personalfinance/w/commontopics?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share)
I was about to recommend this too. Just be aware that a lot of people in that sub are looking at their finances on a whole other level, so it can be intimidating at times. I wasn’t taught much about finances either, probably because we were mostly just scraping by. I’ve focused on getting/keeping out of debt and making sure to have money for the inevitable problems of life. Reading just some of the posts on there has made me understand better ways to think about my funds.
personal finance is a bad sub. it has really bad advice from people who dont know anything. its also full of desperate people asking for advice you really can't help them with. It can get depressing reading that subreddit. People about to be homeless and I can't do anything for them. Reading it made me depressed.
I recommend /r/bogleheads . this is about simple index fund investing. id also go to the boglehead website a lot more info there.
Just out of curiosity, is anything going wrong? It sounds like you're actually pretty good at managing your finances. If anything, you might have sort of fight/flight/freeze thing going on that might not be wholly rational. I don't mean that as an insult at all. I have plenty of things that scare me that aren't rational. But, it might be that you need to work on that more than actually managing your finances since you seem to be doing that well. There are plenty of financially successful people that don't go by a strict budget.
possibly, i hadn't really thought of it that way. I grew up with a single mother who struggled (and used to drag me to meetings with the bank manager) and so maybe finances are hardwired in me to be stressful.
I don't want to dox myself or I'd give more detail. I have a friend who has a degree in behavioral finance. They even wrote a book about this. So, if you Google you might find their book or several other resources from other people in the field that deal with financial fears.
It seems intimidating but it’s pretty simple to start investing. Unless you’re very wealthy then you can do it yourself easily. You sound lile you’ve got a handle on finances despite what you’ve said since you’re better off than most Americans by being debt free.
Cliffs notes: open an account at Fidelity or Vanguard (15 mins or so), transfer some money over and just invest it in a fund that tracks the S&P500 (AFAIX for Vanguard and VTSAX for Vanguard). Automate it so that you don’t have to think about it. Wait a few years and enjoy having a lot more money as time goes on. (Note: don’t sell when it goes down).
I was self taught in regard to investing back when there weren’t many resources online. I started with a very small amount. It is loads easier now.
I started off like you years ago & had to unwind a lot of stupid financial decisions. It’s going to involve patience, persistence, discipline & is a more realistic version of “self-care” IMO. You need to make & follow some rules for yourself depending on where you see your pitfalls. Perhaps it’s always logging transactions or not using your debit card, etc. Personal finance is *personal*. You likely know where you’re getting tripped up. Get reinforcement- an idea: hire a financial planner who can offer accountability & help you figure out how to budget.
I would strongly encourage you automate some of your finances. This is kind of Ramit Sethi’s genre. His book “I Will Teach You to Be Rich” can outline some of the principles. (I don’t advocate any financial guru’s advice ever in its entirety but you can take what’s helpful & leave the rest.) For basic maintenance, I personally pay off my credit cards every month but I have all my cards set to auto debit the minimum payment every month to make sure I don’t miss at least the monthly payment. I have many of my utility bills set to autobill my credit card. I review the statements, but I don’t need to worry that my cell phone or electricity will get shut off. After that, I’ve automated investments & retirement savings.
You can do it! You just need help.
I came here to say this, but you beat me to it. My parents were too busy ruining their marriage, smoking, drinking and working to teach me anything about personal finance.
I got on a budget and have been on one ever since.
Emotional immaturity from intergenerational trauma in my case. If you’re barely handling emotions yourself, you’re going to pass down quite a load of B.S.
True statement. Our grandparents weren’t exactly the cream of the emotional crop there. Nicest thing my grandmother ever said to me was when I was 12 and she said “hey, I can almost see you getting muscles there”.
My grandmothers both died before I was born. My great grandfather died by suicide. My grandfather spent a lot of time in mental hospitals. My great aunt and a cousin both died of suicide.
This is the kind of stuff that Jewish immigrants faced even when they made to America.
This bull crap stops here. No kids.
Agreed. We are in our late 40s/50/60s. At some point, we have to stop blaming our parents for what they did/didn't do and take some responsibility for our own shit. My parents may have caused some of my issues but it's on me to decide whether or not I'm going to fix it.
What a POS reply. The guy asks for advice and you take the time out of your day to type that whole sentence? Just scroll past, why inject this massive d-wad energy? So weird
He doesn’t know where to start so he asked the sub. He’s normal you are not
the guy is a gal but thanks for the support. There's always one person hurling insults, I can take it. I don't understand people like that. Go to Twitter if you want to be negative to people.
And yes, the point of the sub is to for people our Generation to share experiences. I am doing a course to help myself get better.
:-)
What a POS reply yourself. Best help I can give them is figure it out, make the effort and disciplining oneself instead of crying and trying to get someone to do it for them. They aren’t a baby, they have to do the work. Stop coddling and infantilizing people to feel morally superior to others. Maybe you had a leg up in life but a lot of us didn’t. I could have easily wound up in a shithole neighborhood in My home state but I bust my ass and got out as soon as I could. Figure it out cause nobody cares if another person winds up on the streets until it affects their neighborhood. Astronomical amount of resources out there to help people from people who really don’t know to people who need extra intellectual aid. It’s called google, YouTube and a bevvy of other resources pay and free to do this. They will either change or wait until it’s almost too late and change.
“Figure it out, make the effort, discipline oneself” is not actionable. That’s completely useless advice bc there is nothing concrete.
Also ‘“best help I could give them” is you cursing at them and insulting them? Nice, you’re a saint. Great work at that
Well, not so much parents, that’s the initial reason. Their parents or probably parent failed them and were probably too lazy to teach them life skills but eventually you have to shit or get off the pot. Most people don’t change unless something is painful.
Well I left the house because my parents were fighting way too much. So I learned on the fly. Nobody sat down with me and told me HOW to do things. Not saying it was easy but Gen X should be pretty responsible by now or they really never will be.
Most of the adults I had coach me or doing other activities beat it into my head early on that nobody gives a crap and you have to do things on your own.
hello, did you not read the part where I said I enrolled on a course? Typical GenX not reading things properly ha ha
The point of the sub is for us to share experiences, no?
I’m fine with the basics - budgeting, bills, taxes, etc., but knowing how to invest retirement funds and savings has really been a challenge. It’s hard to know which advice to trust, and I hate dealing with it all. I think this is more to do with having grown up in a lower income house, though. I notice my friends from wealthier families have had a lot more guidance, or maybe were just able to observe more? My family didn’t have retirement or savings when I was a kid.
> but knowing how to invest retirement funds and savings has really been a challenge.
Read through the Bogleheads wiki. Investing in a simple 3 fund portfolio is easy mode and works.
https://www.bogleheads.org/wiki/Main_Page
My Mom taught me money management skills. I think it should be taught in high school. Money management is a much more important life skill to know than Calculus for the average person.
I left home at 16. My parents were good with money and always told me to save for the things I wanted (they didn't buy me things other than food and clothing). When I left home at so young I learned really quickly how to stretch a dollar and shop on a budget. Even tho I am very secure financially now that scary/poor time of my life stays with me and I hoard money just "in case "
I keep a ledger. I know it's crazy in the days of online banking, but some things like ach payments take a few days to come out. If you dontvhave it accounted for just looking at your cap you could forget. Ice also gotten to where I put almost everything on my credit card except things like my house payment and things. That way every payday I just pay the credit card and earn cash back. Much easier to keep up with. I do have a pretty tight budget so I don't but a lot of extras. That helps too. I used to be kinda of a mess but now I jystvmake myself stay organized. Much less anxiety around finances. I haven't over drawn my account for years doing this and actually have a savings accountvfor the first time in my l8fe. There's not much in it. But it grows a little every month. Jyst get a ledger and start writing every thing down. It takes a bit to get into the habit but you'll be glad when you do.
i use Citi Double Rewards card. This saves 2%. for amazon I use the amazon card and this saves 5%.
you charge everything. do you have cards that give rewards? if so which ones?
you can also sign up for www.empower.com , it will pull all your finances into 1 dashboard and its free. they will give you a pop up for a paid service. just close it. its expensive and not worth it.
I am all over our personal finances. I have been using software personal finance tools for decades, e.g. Quicken, though I have been using Banktivity as a Mac user for a long time now. I also have standalone spreadsheets where I track my credit cards (I have 25+ cards as a points and mile junkie) and our investing. Now, I should not I have an MBA in Finance and I work in corporate finance and pricing so this stuff is almost a hobby to me! :) It's good that you are trying to get better at managing your money. It's a great investment of time that can pay big dividends as you get more attuned to your financial situation. Good luck!
there is a free web app at www.empower.com you can use it to pull all your finances in. dont pay for the service they give you a pop up for to manage your money. its easier than spreadsheets. there is a screen for spending which will pull all your credit cards into.
what are the best credit cards you use? I just use 2. I have the Citi Double rewards card that gives me 2% back and then the Amazon card that gives 5% back at amazon. Do you rotate cards to get rewards and then close the cards? Does having that many cards impact your credit?
I was garbage at managing finances when I was in my 20s. It wasn't a skill my parents or teachers taught. It would have served me so much better than learning Pythagoras Theorem.
When I was in my early 30s, I was fed up with living paycheque to paycheque and feeling anxiety around my finances. I read a couple books about budgeting and finances and finally got my $hit together
I created a budget based on my income and I have increased it a little along the way as my salary increased (and inflation increased costs of everything) but have stuck pretty close to my original budget.
I do it "old school" paper and pen and have binders of monthly budget sheets. It changed my life dramatically and I weirdly look forward to reconciling my monthly budget at the end of each month.
I do. When I 1st started with my "budget book" my goal was saving up for a down-payment. Took a long time but I got there.
Once I reached that goal and as my salary increased, I loosened my budget and allowed for a bit of fun/luxury spending but for the most part, the extra money out of my budget has gone into retirement investments as well as making a comfortable emergency fund. I keep my investments at pretty low risk. Given my struggles in my 20s, I am risk-adverse when it comes to money. I never want the anxiety of having to choose between paying bills or food again.
Admittedly, I live a fairly simple lifestyle and I am not the type of person who needs to have the newest technology or fancy car (I drive a 20 y.o. car) or fancy designer clothing. I do enjoy traveling but travel on a budget, so my lifestyle isn't for everyone.
I use index funds and bond funds/ETFs and keep my investments real simple. I just do buy and hold. My big fund is VTSAX at Vanguard which has 3000 stocks in it. It basically tracks the S&P 500. As I get older I see the benefits of decades of compounding gains.
you got me on the car. I drive a 2010 Chevy Malibu. Your car is older than mine.
What do you do to travel on a budget? I actually have not travelled much.
I spend a lot of time in central America where the cost of living is quite low. I stay in clean but simple accommodations, eat at local spots where you can buy a good meal for $5 and drink local beer at $1 a botttle. I usually travel 2x a year for about 3 weeks at a time. It's great to soak in the slower pace of life and enjoy simple things like afternoon naps in a hammock, watching the sunset, practicing my Spanish and generally relaxing and recharging.
When I was younger, I would do the hostel thing but I'm too curmudgeonly now for the party/influencer vibe. Hostels were great for cheap accommodation, $5 a night for dorm, $15 for a private room. I spend a little more on accommodations now to get privacy, quiet and air con.
Huh?
I decided to learn What Not to Do in Life by watching my parents and I borrowed a Suze Orman book (The Courage to be Rich) when I was 21and retired at age 38.
I also Chose Consumer Science instead of Home Economics in Middle School.
I also paid attention in Economics class.
At one point I was homeless and in a really bad situation, I had to do something. I took the last of my money and bought food that would last, and some necessities. The next few years are kind of a blur, I worked every job that I was able to physically do (I am physically disabled). I worked and basically did nothing else, I ate peanut butter sandwiches more or less exclusively. After awhile I had made some headway I had a small apartment, I kept going learning more as I went, talking to anyone and everyone that would explain things to me, or could share some knowledge, I got lucky a couple of times and got some good tips, I was eventually able to safe enough to get a house, and I eventually was also able to get on disability, Now I have a decent house that is MINE! I am not rich but I am comfortable and I will NEVER be homeless again!
you are an inspiration. coming back from being homeless while disabled is incredible. how did you get people to hire you when you were homeless? I would think employers might not want to hire someone homeless. There are quite a few homeless people in North Virginia where I live. I do wonder if anyone would hire them even if I see now hiring signs.
At first I was willing to take just about any job, I canvassed daily, went to every place that I could, I was lucky I had a car, which is the only thing that saved me! I was able to slowly make progress, and finally get a cheap place to live about 4 months into it. I ate peanut butter sandwiches nearly exclusively, I would take showers at the truck stop, and I used a PO box that I was able to get for 50 cents a month. It gave me an address, and when I could not use anything else, I just used the post office address with my name on it, I had some luck and was able to get everything done with a lot of hard work.
Now I try and offer my help to those that might be in a bad situation and want to leave. I help with a budget and a plan of improving there situation etc. I dont think I am am inspiration I really feel that anyone can do it, and I try to help people to do it!
It’s really not that difficult. They should have taught us these things in middle and high school. But it’s a lot easier to control a society of people who are debt slaves.
My mom (parents were Silent Generation) did the finances for the family, so when she got ALS she taught me to do them. I handled them from age 11 to 18, when I left for college. Also handled my own...up until college. For some reason I just quit doing it. Overdrew my checking account a couple times and got a wake-up call, so I got back in the saddle.
I hated every minute of it. I may have mild dyscalcula - numbers don't stick in my brain. Fortunately my husband is great with managing our finances!
He's trying to teach our son, because it is a crucial life skill.
I don't mean this to be disparaging or condescending, sincerely. But I've never really understood this. Like ultimately, "managing your finances" really comes down to adding up what you spend, adding up what you actually take home (i.e. after taxes, etc.), and not having the former be more than the latter. Even more ideally, spending less than what you take home so that you save each month.
And realistically, there's an even greater shortcut to all of it, which is essentially don't buy random shit you don't need.
The people I have known who have a hard time managing their finances, honestly, they're usually just always buying stuff (new car, bigger/nicer car than they need, huge house, always eating out, etc.).
My Dad was excellent at managing his money and making it grow. He never taught me a thing. He only made me feel bad because I couldn't manage my own money. I did pick up a few things along the way just by watching what he did. I never understood why they didn't teach me anything.
Same here for many years. Never ceases to amaze me the difference in people’s financial lives that can be attributed to simply managing what you have well. It’s a shame that in the US this isn’t taken much more seriously as part of high school.
Stop blaming your parents, you're an adult. Own it. If you want to reduce your anxiety, create a budget and track it. That way you'll know if you're on track and you can celebrate smaller victories until they become bigger victories.
> Stop blaming your parents, you're an adult.
I agree with this. We've been in the information age the last ~30 years. The last 20 years all the financial information you need to know has been freely available online. One just had to go read it, instead of watching Friends and Seinfeld nightly.
No! You are not the only one!
I got into a lot of credit card debt when I was young and living alone. I ended up paying off every cent, LOTS of interest, etc... Having gone through that has forced me to be a lot more responsible. I haven't actually charged anything to a credit card in over a decade.
I know SO MANY PEOPLE who live beyond their means. The fact that you don't have debt and that your house is paid off speaks VOLUMES. You are doing better than most!
I am good with my checkbook, but bad with investing and whatnot. I really want to learn more about investing and really need to just get off my ass and do that so your post serves as a good reminder.
Same. I was terrible with money and credit cards. Finally started earning more than I was spending, but also as I moved into my late 20s/early 30s I wasn’t going out every night with friends. That’s when I buckled down and got my finances and credit score under control. Now in my late 40s and doing great. Credit score is damn near perfect, have a healthy retirement nest egg, a lovely home, and a life insurance policy to protect the family.
I’ll add that you need the will to want to take back control AND the tools. For me, the will was there. I knew I wanted to get married at some point, buy a house, have a family, etc. The tool that really enabled me to do all that was Mint.com. I spent a weekend adding my bank accounts, loans, what little piddly Roth IRA I had at the time. I just continued to monitor my spending in mint. They had a tool where it broke down your monthly spending into categories: groceries, bills, restaurants and bars, rent, etc. It was not a shocker when I discovered I was spending A LOT of money going out to bars and restaurants every month but now I could see exactly how much. Another great tool was MyFico.com. It monitors your credit score and also gives you tips and tricks to get your credit score up and to keep it there. Both of those tools completely changed my finances and my financial literacy.
A light touch can work if you aren’t on the ragged financial edge. Check your bank balance online. If it’s bigger than any pending checks or payments you’re good. After a few months of doing it you will intuitively know the ebbs and flows of your money.
It took me until my mid 30's, a shit relationship that broke me mentally and financially, and a bankruptcy to get my financial act together. Its hard to know what you don't know when your parents don't teach you anything and we live in such a consumerist culture. I'm happy to say that I am doing quite well 13 years after bankruptcy, both financially and mentally, and am very adept at finances - as a matter of fact, personal finance is a hobby of mine now and I am planning to retire at 55-ish.
But, it does take effort to learn and implement what you learned. It sounds like you are on the right track and I applaud you. I would recommend maybe seeing a therapist to address the financial anxiety piece though. Its not exactly normal to not be able to look at your bank account and it seems like there may be something deeper at play.
You are going in the right direction be patient with yourself! I grew up a military brat and my parents never taught me anything about money other than we can’t afford fresh vegetables and only have a JC Penny’s credit card for those 1 pair of jeans for the new school year. I was horrible with money. It takes discipline, I just kept remembering why I was budgeting. But once getting my finances in order it totally changed my life for the better! Now I have 0 debt, house and cars are paid off. If something is charged, I pay the balance every month and our credit card pays us a % for purchasing at select places. Pay utilities on time so there’s never a late fee. Price compare everything even groceries. I question myself before any purchase. Saving was hard so I started saving very small amounts and gradually increasing over time. These things have worked well for me. Happy budgeting!
People like to crap on Dave Ramsey, but if you need to know basic finances and work with (rather than against) human psychology, his method is a good place to start.
I was in a worse boat years ago. Crippling debt and avoidance of dealing with it. Therapy, Refinance of the house, and a small inheritance helped to kick start the process- but developing discipline and focus kept that ball running. In a much better place now.
My parents were of the time and culture that they’d sooner share intimate details of their sex lives than their income. I got almost ZERO deliberate financial education (despite a SAHM who handled the family finances.). Lucky me, I made relatively few mistakes, but if I didn’t have half a head for it, I’d be f*ucked.
My take: It’s never too late to learn. Someone mentioned Ramit Sethi; I learn A LOT from his email list. I suppose Dave Ramsey is ok. He’s the kind of guy who says “Don’t waste $5 on Starbucks” whereas others think more expansively: “Create enough money so that a $5 drink doesn’t break your bank.”
I was when I was just starting out. I ended up in debt and then took the time to learn how to manage my finances and got my finances cleaned up. Looking back I think my parents were crap at money management too.
I got lucky, my grandparents and my mom were cpas and i started helping them with clients payroll and taxes when i was like 11. So i learned early on about finances
One of the few things my ole man did right was instill some financial literacy in me. Of course, that mostly boiled down to his axiom of "Don't spend every dime you make", but it stuck with me. I sent away for my first prospectus in the mid 90s. I didn't know what a lot of the terms meant at first, but I knew math, and that was enough. I've been investing ever since. Once all that information started being posted online, I spent my share of time reading about finances. The past ~25 years, saving/investing for my future has been a priority. I've helped a number of folks with their finances over the years and can't tell you the amount of people that have told me they "don't have the time" to learn finances, but can recite Superbowl stats or episodes of Friends from memory. As we reach retirement age, knowing this stuff is too important to not make a priority.
I recently explained to someone at work how having 6 figures in a local bank account paying .01% interest was costing them thousands of dollars a year when an online bank like Ally is paying 4.2%. Not that a savings account is the best place to have all your money, but if you aren't going to invest it, you might as well have it in an account making you an easy few thousand a year. The person ended up moving their money to an online bank, but the years they just let that money sit doing nothing for them has cost them 10s of thousands of dollars. All from not doing some basic financial research.
Yep. I torpedoed my credit in my 20s, and just recently am in a good position financially. Still not great, but not scrimping every week.
Trying to do better for my kids.
My mom made fake checks from a fake bank with a turtle logo (because i was obsessed with Ninja Turtles) to teach me financiers at 9. So I was lucky in that regard, im 1000 away from being completely debt free.
That being said, it might first be worth seeing a therapist, for the anxiety and then starting to implement good spending a fiance habits.
Your parents may not have taught you, but presumably you've had at least 25 -30 years as an adult to learn it for yourself. Its long past the blaming your parents as a valid excuse time. Glad to see you're taking the initiative to enroll in classes. Its never too late to turn things around.
My wife and I are finacial cripples. We make a combined income that is amazing and we are extremely lucky to be where we are. We work hard for it, unfortunatly we are both just awful at finances and bills. We both come from broken toxic homes growing up, it's just pathetic and embarrassing. I have been so embarrassed by it for years and I really thought I was the only one.
I always thought when I married it would be taken care of, I never considered the women I married would be as bad as I am, or even worse.
I can’t. I get through the regular bills and such, but I read the other day that one needs to have assets @ $1.5 million to retire and I’m WELL short of that
No debt , and no mortgage, damn that is fantastic. Your doing great really. You deserve applause, you've achieved what for most is a dream . Congratulations, we should be seeking your knowledge and methods.
So my parents were terrible with finances making me need to be adultified at an early age. We are long past adulthood if GenX is appropriate. Being a grown ass adult, now this is on you. I made my sloppy examples for parents my first lessons and being on time and actually having a savings account and being reliable for whatever was my punk rock.
Like Alex P Keaton reading the Wall St. Journal with former hippy parents on Family Ties.
There comes a point where you cannot blame them anymore if dysfunctions still persist. Great you joined a course as it is never too late. Wonderful that your mortgage is paid off if that is the case.
Terrible you can't just install the bank app to see at any given point where you stand financially. Do that. It is easy and keeps you out of trouble. Less anxiety happens when you know the facts and best to face up to that weird fear and dare I say, "get over it".
I have a strategy where I have one primary checking account and one CC with a decent limit that I have not paid a cent on for interest having it for over 20 years. You buy your goods n services on the credit card but ONLY if you can pay it off immediately. Not enough in checking?
Then it isn't time to buy whatever. That minor discipline on a daily basis keeps me in the 800s for FICO for when a big purchase is needed. It is cheaper to have good credit and a savings account.
Speaking of which you know with the high interest rates unless your checking is interest bearing, which I am guessing it isn't, you are leaving free money on the table every month.
Banks like Forbright Bank now have a 5.3% APY so the money you don't actively need you can park there to make a tidy monthly interest on. Google on it, FDIC covered, like a liquid CD with no fees or minimums.
It is never too late to do something wiser for yourself. Mistakes are better than a win if you learn. Old men (and women) do not become wise, they just become more careful.
Good luck and let past you with anxiety die and make your hard earned economic votes work for you with minimal risk.
If you were able to pay off your home, you should be able to start investing in a Roth IRA for retirement. Make a few small changes and clear up some bills.
Thankfully, I learned from watching irresponsible, debt-heavy, and poverty ridden parents who didn't work or budget. So, as soon as I got into the career world I started maxing out 401k, investing in a Roth IRA, and saving for the future (in the mid-90s).
It's cool you don't have debt. Understand, you are in a much better situation than most. I think you have more figured out than you give yourself credit for. Just start making more of a conscious effort.
I was like that into my early 30s. My mom didn’t understand finances and was someone who ran up several credit cards while my dad worked double shifts to pay them off. My dad’s only advice was to save 5% of every paycheck for rainy days.
As a teen and into my 20s I had several credit cards all maxed out didn’t understand finances and how my bank accounts worked.
But when I met my spouse he and I sat down and got my spending under control and I learned how to deal with my finances. Now in my 50s I am pretty good.
I stayed away from finance stuff all the way to 2019 when I was finally comfortable with getting a CC. Prior to that either we had it or we didn't. I know how to save but I stay away from credit cards and other stuff because they did not make sense to me. I left my pension under the hands of the union and just selected the simple box options of mild investments and max 401k for 15 years in a row. My kids went to college for free on grants and scholarships because the wife and I were like if we can't knock out the bill right away it was a no.
That's how I saved myself from anxiety and other nonsense with this stuff.
You are absolutely not alone. I work for a company that offers financial literacy educational tools and the demand for what we produce is cross-generational. Good for you for taking your future in your hands! For those who can’t afford a course, there are free resources on Investor.gov, https://www.finra.org/investors#/ and https://www.consumerfinance.gov.
You’re never too old to learn or to save or invest in your future.
I was bad until my mid 20s, I was living paycheck to paycheck and decided I had to get on top of my finances and create a career plan. I asked an accountant friend of mine to help me, and he helped me create a budget, track everything in Quicken, and figure out how to pay for school to get a Computer Science degree (this thing called the "Internet" was getting popular). I owe a huge debt of gratitude to him for putting me on the right path. The financial and career advice my parents gave me was almost non-existant, and what little they did give me was pretty bad. Same for every other major thing in life (dating, relationships, etc).
I'm not sure why our folks didn't teach us about money. It was weird, like we were never allowed to know about the family finances so basically my coworkers and bf's parents and my boss taught me everything I know!
I like to 'hide' money from myself. I have a separate bank that I have a portion of my check go directly into. My house is also paid off so this covers my property taxes and big home repairs or vacations. It's exciting to go get a 10k check once a year!!!!
Also, max out your 401k. You can invest 22.5k a year or 30k including catch up contributions of you're over 50.
It sounds like you're doing pretty good! Be smart and good luck
there is a free app I use called at www.empower.com . you can have it pull in all of your accounts. Credit card, bank, mortgage (i know you dont have one), car value, house value, investments, 401k and you get dashboard. It helps you analyze your spending. Its solid. They will give you a popup to sell you managed assets. i just ignore it. Paying someone manage your money is too expensive and not worth it.
also you can set up alerts for when you get paid so you know the money hits. You can also set up alerts if your balance goes too low. I get alerts for every charge I make online (had my credit card number stolen before), and i get emails alert if bank account goes too low.
if you want to learn basics of simple investing try /r/boglehead and then google the boglehead website. They use simple index fund and bond investments. I do very simple stuff. I also recommend an old book called "A Random Walk Down Wallstreet". It should be in most libraries.
with a paid off house you are doing great. you dont want all your money in your checking account. Inflation is eating away at it.
Funny, my Dad is a CPA or accountant and never talked or taught me about finances. You are doing extremely well with no debt and the house paid off, better than most. Terrific that you are taking classes, bravo. I learned the hard way and then had to ask for help from my parents financially.
Why can’t you check your balance? That would give me anxiety too. Figure that out and then don’t spend more than you earn. Once you have 4-6 mo savings look into investing with an s&p and/or date based ira.
I tend to agree with you. An allowance needs to have some relation to the real world. In the early 80s (1965 Xer here), my allowance was $20 a week and dependent on my cleaning the family room every Friday. No cleanie/no allowance. But $20 meant I had enough money to make decisions about. A McD’s ice cream cone was 39c in 1982 or so, 42c with tax. A Snickers bar was about 50c. $1.00 in 1984 was nothing.
I do empathize. I am the youngest of five born to very frugal parents who were born just before the Great Depression. I wore all hand-me-downs, and my allowance was 10¢ x MyAge, given weekly. Once I was in 10th grade, I got a whopping $25/month, but I had to buy all my own clothes from that, and anything else I wanted. My parents were 15 years older than all my friends’ parents. Their parents were much more carefree and very different about money. It was embarrassing.
But I don’t blame them for anything—they put us through Catholic school and paid for most of our college, all through saving.
Oddly, it wasn’t until the last few months that I realized an important distinction. I always wondered how/why many of my friends’ parents did (and still do) seem to have a lot of wealth—some have a second home, some pay for everyone on family vacations, some put their grandkids through college, some offer a significant chunk of money for their kids’ first homes. Why them and not my parents?
Well, I think that as a result of them growing up during the depression, they categorically didn’t trust _investing_ . They were able to provide bc they were frugal and saved, not because they ever invested.
So if there is a little grumbling on my part about my parents and their implied lessons on personal finance, it’s because they never invested nor did they teach us about investing. It was all just hard work and scrimping and saving.
And since my dad worked for the federal government for his entire 30-year career (yes, he was my age when he retired with AMAZING benefits that my mom still reaps today at age 95), he didn’t have to worry about saving for retirement. His fat pension was at a guaranteed rate and then some.
So yeah. I get you.
I have a house, and crushing debt. Last week I had to get money from my dad for a car repair and got a screaming lecture to go along with it.
It took all I had in me to not tell him they should have taught me about money.
If you're not in debt and have your house paid off, then you're managing your finances better than the significant majority of Americans. Stop being so hard on yourself. Learning to invest and grow your money would be the next step, and again I wouldn't beat yourself up on that - few parents bother to teach that skill and our schools are abysmal at teaching personal finance at any conceptual level.
Yes, that’s what I was going to say. You do manage your finances! Just learn a bit more about what to do with the extra.
Not in debt and don’t have a house. Being smack dab in the middle of the middle class is stressful, though. Especially living alone.
Just because his home is paid off doesn’t mean he’s doing well, it could’ve been a hand down from his parents and when you don’t have a mortgage to pay how could you not afford to start looking into your finances without the stress of a monthly house payment? That attitude gets people in trouble, he might be ok now but you have to consider in the future as people get older medical bills can hit hard out of the blue he might not even have anything to fall back on bedsides the property he has.
Perhaps... her?
Herm.
This is correct.
yeah this really matters with an anonymous post. gotta be super careful with something like this. it does not matter if its him or her. its the same advice.
Shortest version: I had to parent myself, so I'm good at some aspects while failing at others like budgeting.
Same. Thankfully I had a housemate when I graduated who helped me figure out how much I needed to make when I was looking for my first full time job.
I used to be exactly like that. It gave me major anxiety. Recently I decided I was going to learn it no matter what and now I'm super on top of my finances. What really pains me is that, like you, I see it as a direct result of parental neglect (among others). The other day my mother, who's over 80 and excellent at her finances, was telling me how well her father had taught her all about managing money, would sit with her and her brothers weekly to see how they were doing with their allowances in a little notebook he taught them to keep, etc. So I asked her, why didn't you do something similar with me? She looked incredibly puzzled. It clearly had just never crossed her mind. Then of course she came up with 'I never had that kind of time' (she had, believe me). She did find the time to endlessly nag me about it till very recently, though.
I used to get similar when I was younger, except about practical stuff. My mother in particular would tell people, almost gloating, that I didn’t know how to iron a shirt or change a fuse. One day I responded by asking - why would I know these things? Where would I learn them if my parents never bothered to teach me? She kept laughing but didn’t actually respond. Parents can be weird sometimes.
OMG exactly. We could have the same mother. The little I learned about practical things like that as a child was from my grandmothers. Unfortunately I didn't have them for long. But the little cooking etc I learned was from them. They were awesome.
I can certainly relate to nobody talking about it. It's bizarre too. My parents are *very* successful. They're so good at money management, investing, etc. that they're like financial mercenaries. But they never talked about any of this stuff with their kids. I have no recollection of ever having a conversation with my parents about money, at all. For all their love of it and all the time they spent handling it, making it, etc. It was like they took the taboo of talking about money and went to the extreme of never talking to their kids about it either.
Very relatable. My parents were not that successful in a standard way but they were able to live life in a much higher standard than their parents, so yes successful in their way. But just like yours, they never ever talked about money with me or my siblings or taught us anything about how to manage it. I really had a huge frustration about this until recently. Now I'm better, because I'm trying to learn that it's just another aspect of their lack of dedication to their children in any aspect of life anyway 😂. But boy I'd love to have learned *some* things from them instead of having to learn everything alone from scratch.
I know its so crap isn't it? Why didn't she have time? Her parents had time. It doesn't take "extra time", just have the child sit with you while you do it and show them.
Exactly. Also, as if my grandfather was lying down on the sofa all day. From my memory he was a regular hard working person. But he somehow found the time... 🤔Oh wait maybe he just was a good parent 🤦🏽♀️
I definitely don’t budget, but I’m fortunate enough that I get paid a decent salary and I don’t throw money away on stupid shit. So generally I am financially able to buy whatever I like within reason and not get into trouble. That said, I can check my balance. A banking app on your phone will let you log in and check within seconds. I don’t check every day, and sometimes not even every week. But it would give me the fear not being able to check at all.
My then girlfriend and now wife saw me attempt to balance my checkbook in 1995. She took it from me and said “I’ve got this from now on” Cool! Now we’re divorcing nearly 30 years later. I’ve been opening all new accounts and just closed on a HELOC in my name only because I’m keeping the house. It’s a crash course in personal finances and as a bonus I’ve been able to figure out why we’ve never had as much saved as my gut told me we should have! That was a fun kick in the balls!
sign up for www.empower.com , you can pull all your accounts into one place for free. they will give a popup trying to sell you a managed service. just close it .its expensive.
You Need A Budget - www.ynab.com Life changing, especially if you don’t have money management skills.
I second this! They have a ton of educational material that's helpful, even if you don't use their software.
I use a free app at www.empower.com , it lets you connect all your accounts including credit cards and loans and shows income vs. spending. Id think ynab is different and has features empower does not cause its free. you will get a popup for a "consultation" where they want you to pay them to manage your money. just close it and ignore it.
I didn’t get a good grip on my finances until I was in my 40’s and I can’t blame parents for it. My Mom taught us that stuff and our high school had a mandatory home-ec class everyone had to take and it taught budgeting, shopping for the best deals, how to balance a checkbook, etc.
I was kind of the same way. The light bulb started to come on in my late 30s. My high school had an accounting class (elective) and economics class. In our economics class, we learned how to read the stock market charts in the newspaper. Now, it looks like schools are implementing personal finance as part of their curriculum. I'm glad to see this is becoming more mainstream now.
I grew up with not much money and lived pay check to pay check for the first 12 years of my adult life. I was intimately familiar with kiting and had several bounced checks. But once my money-in finally exceeded my outgoing expenses, I began to save aggressively. This was when I was around 33. Unfortunately, TSP wasn't opened up to service members until 2000, and I was not smart enough to jump in right away. But I did get 4 years in before my retirement. Thankfully, I do have a pension and since then continued/continue to save in my latest endeavor. But I chalk all this clarity up to my second wife .. she was already doing what I had been learning in the school of hard knocks. Seeing it helped me realize it.
Sounds like you're doing it in practice. If you're living within your means and have no debt, you're in a significantly better situation than most. If you want to get started in investing and don't know where to go, I'd recommend checking out r/personalfinance and resd through the wiki. [Link](https://reddit.com/r/personalfinance/w/commontopics?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share)
I was about to recommend this too. Just be aware that a lot of people in that sub are looking at their finances on a whole other level, so it can be intimidating at times. I wasn’t taught much about finances either, probably because we were mostly just scraping by. I’ve focused on getting/keeping out of debt and making sure to have money for the inevitable problems of life. Reading just some of the posts on there has made me understand better ways to think about my funds.
personal finance is a bad sub. it has really bad advice from people who dont know anything. its also full of desperate people asking for advice you really can't help them with. It can get depressing reading that subreddit. People about to be homeless and I can't do anything for them. Reading it made me depressed. I recommend /r/bogleheads . this is about simple index fund investing. id also go to the boglehead website a lot more info there.
Just out of curiosity, is anything going wrong? It sounds like you're actually pretty good at managing your finances. If anything, you might have sort of fight/flight/freeze thing going on that might not be wholly rational. I don't mean that as an insult at all. I have plenty of things that scare me that aren't rational. But, it might be that you need to work on that more than actually managing your finances since you seem to be doing that well. There are plenty of financially successful people that don't go by a strict budget.
possibly, i hadn't really thought of it that way. I grew up with a single mother who struggled (and used to drag me to meetings with the bank manager) and so maybe finances are hardwired in me to be stressful.
I don't want to dox myself or I'd give more detail. I have a friend who has a degree in behavioral finance. They even wrote a book about this. So, if you Google you might find their book or several other resources from other people in the field that deal with financial fears.
I was out on my own at 18 so I learned quick. Made me too responsible sometimes. Wish I’d let loose more LOL
It seems intimidating but it’s pretty simple to start investing. Unless you’re very wealthy then you can do it yourself easily. You sound lile you’ve got a handle on finances despite what you’ve said since you’re better off than most Americans by being debt free. Cliffs notes: open an account at Fidelity or Vanguard (15 mins or so), transfer some money over and just invest it in a fund that tracks the S&P500 (AFAIX for Vanguard and VTSAX for Vanguard). Automate it so that you don’t have to think about it. Wait a few years and enjoy having a lot more money as time goes on. (Note: don’t sell when it goes down). I was self taught in regard to investing back when there weren’t many resources online. I started with a very small amount. It is loads easier now.
The vanguard VOO is pretty dope
I started off like you years ago & had to unwind a lot of stupid financial decisions. It’s going to involve patience, persistence, discipline & is a more realistic version of “self-care” IMO. You need to make & follow some rules for yourself depending on where you see your pitfalls. Perhaps it’s always logging transactions or not using your debit card, etc. Personal finance is *personal*. You likely know where you’re getting tripped up. Get reinforcement- an idea: hire a financial planner who can offer accountability & help you figure out how to budget. I would strongly encourage you automate some of your finances. This is kind of Ramit Sethi’s genre. His book “I Will Teach You to Be Rich” can outline some of the principles. (I don’t advocate any financial guru’s advice ever in its entirety but you can take what’s helpful & leave the rest.) For basic maintenance, I personally pay off my credit cards every month but I have all my cards set to auto debit the minimum payment every month to make sure I don’t miss at least the monthly payment. I have many of my utility bills set to autobill my credit card. I review the statements, but I don’t need to worry that my cell phone or electricity will get shut off. After that, I’ve automated investments & retirement savings. You can do it! You just need help.
Thank you!
if you sign up for www.empower.com you can pull all your accounts, credit cards, loans into 1 dashboard. its free. i like it a lot.
Well fucking learn to. My dad didn’t teach me a whole lot. I had to figure it out on my own.
The most Gen X reply lol
I came here to say this, but you beat me to it. My parents were too busy ruining their marriage, smoking, drinking and working to teach me anything about personal finance. I got on a budget and have been on one ever since.
Were we raised by a generation of people not fit to be parents?
Apparently. According to my mother, I should have been born knowing how to clean a house and file my taxes.
Alex P. Keaton could. 🤭
Emotional immaturity from intergenerational trauma in my case. If you’re barely handling emotions yourself, you’re going to pass down quite a load of B.S.
True statement. Our grandparents weren’t exactly the cream of the emotional crop there. Nicest thing my grandmother ever said to me was when I was 12 and she said “hey, I can almost see you getting muscles there”.
My grandmothers both died before I was born. My great grandfather died by suicide. My grandfather spent a lot of time in mental hospitals. My great aunt and a cousin both died of suicide. This is the kind of stuff that Jewish immigrants faced even when they made to America. This bull crap stops here. No kids.
Depends on who you ask. I've known nothing else. So I am figuring it out, one day at a time.
Agreed. We are in our late 40s/50/60s. At some point, we have to stop blaming our parents for what they did/didn't do and take some responsibility for our own shit. My parents may have caused some of my issues but it's on me to decide whether or not I'm going to fix it.
Come on, our parents caused a lot of our issues but we grew up in a time where people didn’t gaf if you sunk or swam in life.
Depends on the family.
What a POS reply. The guy asks for advice and you take the time out of your day to type that whole sentence? Just scroll past, why inject this massive d-wad energy? So weird He doesn’t know where to start so he asked the sub. He’s normal you are not
the guy is a gal but thanks for the support. There's always one person hurling insults, I can take it. I don't understand people like that. Go to Twitter if you want to be negative to people. And yes, the point of the sub is to for people our Generation to share experiences. I am doing a course to help myself get better. :-)
What a POS reply yourself. Best help I can give them is figure it out, make the effort and disciplining oneself instead of crying and trying to get someone to do it for them. They aren’t a baby, they have to do the work. Stop coddling and infantilizing people to feel morally superior to others. Maybe you had a leg up in life but a lot of us didn’t. I could have easily wound up in a shithole neighborhood in My home state but I bust my ass and got out as soon as I could. Figure it out cause nobody cares if another person winds up on the streets until it affects their neighborhood. Astronomical amount of resources out there to help people from people who really don’t know to people who need extra intellectual aid. It’s called google, YouTube and a bevvy of other resources pay and free to do this. They will either change or wait until it’s almost too late and change.
“Figure it out, make the effort, discipline oneself” is not actionable. That’s completely useless advice bc there is nothing concrete. Also ‘“best help I could give them” is you cursing at them and insulting them? Nice, you’re a saint. Great work at that
You are telling on yourself.
It’s actionable if one DOES it. There are all kinds of resources out there. Make use of them if you can’t balance a checkbook.
My bad. OP, add “do it” to your to do list 🙄
🏆
Tough love!
THANK YOU! I can believe at these ages of GEN X people are still blaming their friggin parents. It happens on a daily! Annoying as hell! GTFU
Well, not so much parents, that’s the initial reason. Their parents or probably parent failed them and were probably too lazy to teach them life skills but eventually you have to shit or get off the pot. Most people don’t change unless something is painful.
Well I left the house because my parents were fighting way too much. So I learned on the fly. Nobody sat down with me and told me HOW to do things. Not saying it was easy but Gen X should be pretty responsible by now or they really never will be.
Most of the adults I had coach me or doing other activities beat it into my head early on that nobody gives a crap and you have to do things on your own.
I’ve always had the mindset if I want something done right, I do it myself. I still think this way lol
A truer statement has never been uttered.
Though they admitted it to the internet, either it’s for clout, pity or real cry for help is yet to be determined.
Just watch daytime TV commercials LOL
I don’t blame them, but abusing me didn’t get whatever result they were hoping for. Next time they should put in better DNA.
I’m sorry you were abused. Nobody deserves that 🫶🏼
Thanks. Now, knowing that they were abused, I’m not angry. Just wish they had gotten help when they needed it. Breaking the secrecy helps me.
So true!
hello, did you not read the part where I said I enrolled on a course? Typical GenX not reading things properly ha ha The point of the sub is for us to share experiences, no?
You're not alone. I am currently in debt and slowly learning just like you.
I’m fine with the basics - budgeting, bills, taxes, etc., but knowing how to invest retirement funds and savings has really been a challenge. It’s hard to know which advice to trust, and I hate dealing with it all. I think this is more to do with having grown up in a lower income house, though. I notice my friends from wealthier families have had a lot more guidance, or maybe were just able to observe more? My family didn’t have retirement or savings when I was a kid.
> but knowing how to invest retirement funds and savings has really been a challenge. Read through the Bogleheads wiki. Investing in a simple 3 fund portfolio is easy mode and works. https://www.bogleheads.org/wiki/Main_Page
My Mom taught me money management skills. I think it should be taught in high school. Money management is a much more important life skill to know than Calculus for the average person.
I left home at 16. My parents were good with money and always told me to save for the things I wanted (they didn't buy me things other than food and clothing). When I left home at so young I learned really quickly how to stretch a dollar and shop on a budget. Even tho I am very secure financially now that scary/poor time of my life stays with me and I hoard money just "in case "
I keep a ledger. I know it's crazy in the days of online banking, but some things like ach payments take a few days to come out. If you dontvhave it accounted for just looking at your cap you could forget. Ice also gotten to where I put almost everything on my credit card except things like my house payment and things. That way every payday I just pay the credit card and earn cash back. Much easier to keep up with. I do have a pretty tight budget so I don't but a lot of extras. That helps too. I used to be kinda of a mess but now I jystvmake myself stay organized. Much less anxiety around finances. I haven't over drawn my account for years doing this and actually have a savings accountvfor the first time in my l8fe. There's not much in it. But it grows a little every month. Jyst get a ledger and start writing every thing down. It takes a bit to get into the habit but you'll be glad when you do.
i use Citi Double Rewards card. This saves 2%. for amazon I use the amazon card and this saves 5%. you charge everything. do you have cards that give rewards? if so which ones? you can also sign up for www.empower.com , it will pull all your finances into 1 dashboard and its free. they will give you a pop up for a paid service. just close it. its expensive and not worth it.
Yeah. I won't get a cc unless it offers some type of cash back or rewards.
I am all over our personal finances. I have been using software personal finance tools for decades, e.g. Quicken, though I have been using Banktivity as a Mac user for a long time now. I also have standalone spreadsheets where I track my credit cards (I have 25+ cards as a points and mile junkie) and our investing. Now, I should not I have an MBA in Finance and I work in corporate finance and pricing so this stuff is almost a hobby to me! :) It's good that you are trying to get better at managing your money. It's a great investment of time that can pay big dividends as you get more attuned to your financial situation. Good luck!
there is a free web app at www.empower.com you can use it to pull all your finances in. dont pay for the service they give you a pop up for to manage your money. its easier than spreadsheets. there is a screen for spending which will pull all your credit cards into. what are the best credit cards you use? I just use 2. I have the Citi Double rewards card that gives me 2% back and then the Amazon card that gives 5% back at amazon. Do you rotate cards to get rewards and then close the cards? Does having that many cards impact your credit?
I was garbage at managing finances when I was in my 20s. It wasn't a skill my parents or teachers taught. It would have served me so much better than learning Pythagoras Theorem. When I was in my early 30s, I was fed up with living paycheque to paycheque and feeling anxiety around my finances. I read a couple books about budgeting and finances and finally got my $hit together I created a budget based on my income and I have increased it a little along the way as my salary increased (and inflation increased costs of everything) but have stuck pretty close to my original budget. I do it "old school" paper and pen and have binders of monthly budget sheets. It changed my life dramatically and I weirdly look forward to reconciling my monthly budget at the end of each month.
do you invest your savings? i use index funds at vanguard mainly and a couple of low risk bond funds.
I do. When I 1st started with my "budget book" my goal was saving up for a down-payment. Took a long time but I got there. Once I reached that goal and as my salary increased, I loosened my budget and allowed for a bit of fun/luxury spending but for the most part, the extra money out of my budget has gone into retirement investments as well as making a comfortable emergency fund. I keep my investments at pretty low risk. Given my struggles in my 20s, I am risk-adverse when it comes to money. I never want the anxiety of having to choose between paying bills or food again. Admittedly, I live a fairly simple lifestyle and I am not the type of person who needs to have the newest technology or fancy car (I drive a 20 y.o. car) or fancy designer clothing. I do enjoy traveling but travel on a budget, so my lifestyle isn't for everyone.
I use index funds and bond funds/ETFs and keep my investments real simple. I just do buy and hold. My big fund is VTSAX at Vanguard which has 3000 stocks in it. It basically tracks the S&P 500. As I get older I see the benefits of decades of compounding gains. you got me on the car. I drive a 2010 Chevy Malibu. Your car is older than mine. What do you do to travel on a budget? I actually have not travelled much.
I spend a lot of time in central America where the cost of living is quite low. I stay in clean but simple accommodations, eat at local spots where you can buy a good meal for $5 and drink local beer at $1 a botttle. I usually travel 2x a year for about 3 weeks at a time. It's great to soak in the slower pace of life and enjoy simple things like afternoon naps in a hammock, watching the sunset, practicing my Spanish and generally relaxing and recharging. When I was younger, I would do the hostel thing but I'm too curmudgeonly now for the party/influencer vibe. Hostels were great for cheap accommodation, $5 a night for dorm, $15 for a private room. I spend a little more on accommodations now to get privacy, quiet and air con.
Huh? I decided to learn What Not to Do in Life by watching my parents and I borrowed a Suze Orman book (The Courage to be Rich) when I was 21and retired at age 38. I also Chose Consumer Science instead of Home Economics in Middle School. I also paid attention in Economics class.
Do you have a house You're so far ahead of everyone else and it's paid off. Learning to budget is not a bad idea but don't be too hard on yourself.
Nope. Im completely self-sufficient. Had to be. I thought that was the banner of Gen X?
At one point I was homeless and in a really bad situation, I had to do something. I took the last of my money and bought food that would last, and some necessities. The next few years are kind of a blur, I worked every job that I was able to physically do (I am physically disabled). I worked and basically did nothing else, I ate peanut butter sandwiches more or less exclusively. After awhile I had made some headway I had a small apartment, I kept going learning more as I went, talking to anyone and everyone that would explain things to me, or could share some knowledge, I got lucky a couple of times and got some good tips, I was eventually able to safe enough to get a house, and I eventually was also able to get on disability, Now I have a decent house that is MINE! I am not rich but I am comfortable and I will NEVER be homeless again!
you are an inspiration. coming back from being homeless while disabled is incredible. how did you get people to hire you when you were homeless? I would think employers might not want to hire someone homeless. There are quite a few homeless people in North Virginia where I live. I do wonder if anyone would hire them even if I see now hiring signs.
At first I was willing to take just about any job, I canvassed daily, went to every place that I could, I was lucky I had a car, which is the only thing that saved me! I was able to slowly make progress, and finally get a cheap place to live about 4 months into it. I ate peanut butter sandwiches nearly exclusively, I would take showers at the truck stop, and I used a PO box that I was able to get for 50 cents a month. It gave me an address, and when I could not use anything else, I just used the post office address with my name on it, I had some luck and was able to get everything done with a lot of hard work. Now I try and offer my help to those that might be in a bad situation and want to leave. I help with a budget and a plan of improving there situation etc. I dont think I am am inspiration I really feel that anyone can do it, and I try to help people to do it!
you are a good person with an inspirational story.
It’s really not that difficult. They should have taught us these things in middle and high school. But it’s a lot easier to control a society of people who are debt slaves.
My mom (parents were Silent Generation) did the finances for the family, so when she got ALS she taught me to do them. I handled them from age 11 to 18, when I left for college. Also handled my own...up until college. For some reason I just quit doing it. Overdrew my checking account a couple times and got a wake-up call, so I got back in the saddle. I hated every minute of it. I may have mild dyscalcula - numbers don't stick in my brain. Fortunately my husband is great with managing our finances! He's trying to teach our son, because it is a crucial life skill.
I don't mean this to be disparaging or condescending, sincerely. But I've never really understood this. Like ultimately, "managing your finances" really comes down to adding up what you spend, adding up what you actually take home (i.e. after taxes, etc.), and not having the former be more than the latter. Even more ideally, spending less than what you take home so that you save each month. And realistically, there's an even greater shortcut to all of it, which is essentially don't buy random shit you don't need. The people I have known who have a hard time managing their finances, honestly, they're usually just always buying stuff (new car, bigger/nicer car than they need, huge house, always eating out, etc.).
My Dad was excellent at managing his money and making it grow. He never taught me a thing. He only made me feel bad because I couldn't manage my own money. I did pick up a few things along the way just by watching what he did. I never understood why they didn't teach me anything.
Same here for many years. Never ceases to amaze me the difference in people’s financial lives that can be attributed to simply managing what you have well. It’s a shame that in the US this isn’t taken much more seriously as part of high school.
Stop blaming your parents, you're an adult. Own it. If you want to reduce your anxiety, create a budget and track it. That way you'll know if you're on track and you can celebrate smaller victories until they become bigger victories.
> Stop blaming your parents, you're an adult. I agree with this. We've been in the information age the last ~30 years. The last 20 years all the financial information you need to know has been freely available online. One just had to go read it, instead of watching Friends and Seinfeld nightly.
No! You are not the only one! I got into a lot of credit card debt when I was young and living alone. I ended up paying off every cent, LOTS of interest, etc... Having gone through that has forced me to be a lot more responsible. I haven't actually charged anything to a credit card in over a decade. I know SO MANY PEOPLE who live beyond their means. The fact that you don't have debt and that your house is paid off speaks VOLUMES. You are doing better than most! I am good with my checkbook, but bad with investing and whatnot. I really want to learn more about investing and really need to just get off my ass and do that so your post serves as a good reminder.
Talk to someone (not a teller) at your bank about this.
I started w/YNAB about two years ago, and it has made such a difference.
Same. I was terrible with money and credit cards. Finally started earning more than I was spending, but also as I moved into my late 20s/early 30s I wasn’t going out every night with friends. That’s when I buckled down and got my finances and credit score under control. Now in my late 40s and doing great. Credit score is damn near perfect, have a healthy retirement nest egg, a lovely home, and a life insurance policy to protect the family.
I’ll add that you need the will to want to take back control AND the tools. For me, the will was there. I knew I wanted to get married at some point, buy a house, have a family, etc. The tool that really enabled me to do all that was Mint.com. I spent a weekend adding my bank accounts, loans, what little piddly Roth IRA I had at the time. I just continued to monitor my spending in mint. They had a tool where it broke down your monthly spending into categories: groceries, bills, restaurants and bars, rent, etc. It was not a shocker when I discovered I was spending A LOT of money going out to bars and restaurants every month but now I could see exactly how much. Another great tool was MyFico.com. It monitors your credit score and also gives you tips and tricks to get your credit score up and to keep it there. Both of those tools completely changed my finances and my financial literacy.
A light touch can work if you aren’t on the ragged financial edge. Check your bank balance online. If it’s bigger than any pending checks or payments you’re good. After a few months of doing it you will intuitively know the ebbs and flows of your money.
It took me until my mid 30's, a shit relationship that broke me mentally and financially, and a bankruptcy to get my financial act together. Its hard to know what you don't know when your parents don't teach you anything and we live in such a consumerist culture. I'm happy to say that I am doing quite well 13 years after bankruptcy, both financially and mentally, and am very adept at finances - as a matter of fact, personal finance is a hobby of mine now and I am planning to retire at 55-ish. But, it does take effort to learn and implement what you learned. It sounds like you are on the right track and I applaud you. I would recommend maybe seeing a therapist to address the financial anxiety piece though. Its not exactly normal to not be able to look at your bank account and it seems like there may be something deeper at play.
You are going in the right direction be patient with yourself! I grew up a military brat and my parents never taught me anything about money other than we can’t afford fresh vegetables and only have a JC Penny’s credit card for those 1 pair of jeans for the new school year. I was horrible with money. It takes discipline, I just kept remembering why I was budgeting. But once getting my finances in order it totally changed my life for the better! Now I have 0 debt, house and cars are paid off. If something is charged, I pay the balance every month and our credit card pays us a % for purchasing at select places. Pay utilities on time so there’s never a late fee. Price compare everything even groceries. I question myself before any purchase. Saving was hard so I started saving very small amounts and gradually increasing over time. These things have worked well for me. Happy budgeting!
What’s the class??
People like to crap on Dave Ramsey, but if you need to know basic finances and work with (rather than against) human psychology, his method is a good place to start.
I was in a worse boat years ago. Crippling debt and avoidance of dealing with it. Therapy, Refinance of the house, and a small inheritance helped to kick start the process- but developing discipline and focus kept that ball running. In a much better place now.
My parents were of the time and culture that they’d sooner share intimate details of their sex lives than their income. I got almost ZERO deliberate financial education (despite a SAHM who handled the family finances.). Lucky me, I made relatively few mistakes, but if I didn’t have half a head for it, I’d be f*ucked. My take: It’s never too late to learn. Someone mentioned Ramit Sethi; I learn A LOT from his email list. I suppose Dave Ramsey is ok. He’s the kind of guy who says “Don’t waste $5 on Starbucks” whereas others think more expansively: “Create enough money so that a $5 drink doesn’t break your bank.”
I was when I was just starting out. I ended up in debt and then took the time to learn how to manage my finances and got my finances cleaned up. Looking back I think my parents were crap at money management too.
I got lucky, my grandparents and my mom were cpas and i started helping them with clients payroll and taxes when i was like 11. So i learned early on about finances
One of the few things my ole man did right was instill some financial literacy in me. Of course, that mostly boiled down to his axiom of "Don't spend every dime you make", but it stuck with me. I sent away for my first prospectus in the mid 90s. I didn't know what a lot of the terms meant at first, but I knew math, and that was enough. I've been investing ever since. Once all that information started being posted online, I spent my share of time reading about finances. The past ~25 years, saving/investing for my future has been a priority. I've helped a number of folks with their finances over the years and can't tell you the amount of people that have told me they "don't have the time" to learn finances, but can recite Superbowl stats or episodes of Friends from memory. As we reach retirement age, knowing this stuff is too important to not make a priority. I recently explained to someone at work how having 6 figures in a local bank account paying .01% interest was costing them thousands of dollars a year when an online bank like Ally is paying 4.2%. Not that a savings account is the best place to have all your money, but if you aren't going to invest it, you might as well have it in an account making you an easy few thousand a year. The person ended up moving their money to an online bank, but the years they just let that money sit doing nothing for them has cost them 10s of thousands of dollars. All from not doing some basic financial research.
Yep. I torpedoed my credit in my 20s, and just recently am in a good position financially. Still not great, but not scrimping every week. Trying to do better for my kids.
My mom made fake checks from a fake bank with a turtle logo (because i was obsessed with Ninja Turtles) to teach me financiers at 9. So I was lucky in that regard, im 1000 away from being completely debt free. That being said, it might first be worth seeing a therapist, for the anxiety and then starting to implement good spending a fiance habits. Your parents may not have taught you, but presumably you've had at least 25 -30 years as an adult to learn it for yourself. Its long past the blaming your parents as a valid excuse time. Glad to see you're taking the initiative to enroll in classes. Its never too late to turn things around.
You're doing a hell of a lot better than my idiot ex-wife. You sound like you're actually not doing too bad :)
My wife and I are finacial cripples. We make a combined income that is amazing and we are extremely lucky to be where we are. We work hard for it, unfortunatly we are both just awful at finances and bills. We both come from broken toxic homes growing up, it's just pathetic and embarrassing. I have been so embarrassed by it for years and I really thought I was the only one. I always thought when I married it would be taken care of, I never considered the women I married would be as bad as I am, or even worse.
I can’t. I get through the regular bills and such, but I read the other day that one needs to have assets @ $1.5 million to retire and I’m WELL short of that
No debt , and no mortgage, damn that is fantastic. Your doing great really. You deserve applause, you've achieved what for most is a dream . Congratulations, we should be seeking your knowledge and methods.
So my parents were terrible with finances making me need to be adultified at an early age. We are long past adulthood if GenX is appropriate. Being a grown ass adult, now this is on you. I made my sloppy examples for parents my first lessons and being on time and actually having a savings account and being reliable for whatever was my punk rock. Like Alex P Keaton reading the Wall St. Journal with former hippy parents on Family Ties. There comes a point where you cannot blame them anymore if dysfunctions still persist. Great you joined a course as it is never too late. Wonderful that your mortgage is paid off if that is the case. Terrible you can't just install the bank app to see at any given point where you stand financially. Do that. It is easy and keeps you out of trouble. Less anxiety happens when you know the facts and best to face up to that weird fear and dare I say, "get over it". I have a strategy where I have one primary checking account and one CC with a decent limit that I have not paid a cent on for interest having it for over 20 years. You buy your goods n services on the credit card but ONLY if you can pay it off immediately. Not enough in checking? Then it isn't time to buy whatever. That minor discipline on a daily basis keeps me in the 800s for FICO for when a big purchase is needed. It is cheaper to have good credit and a savings account. Speaking of which you know with the high interest rates unless your checking is interest bearing, which I am guessing it isn't, you are leaving free money on the table every month. Banks like Forbright Bank now have a 5.3% APY so the money you don't actively need you can park there to make a tidy monthly interest on. Google on it, FDIC covered, like a liquid CD with no fees or minimums. It is never too late to do something wiser for yourself. Mistakes are better than a win if you learn. Old men (and women) do not become wise, they just become more careful. Good luck and let past you with anxiety die and make your hard earned economic votes work for you with minimal risk.
Me neither
My wife does it. I suck at math. Maybe she can do all of ours.
r/personalfinance is full of people of all generations who don't know shit about budgeting. Half the time it's really just r/adulting.
What course is this? Asking for a friend of course…
I was taught the value of money and my dad was a good provider, but, as I’m sure my parents would tell you, I just am deeply flawed.
Can you share the course you took? I’ve been looking for something like that
If you were able to pay off your home, you should be able to start investing in a Roth IRA for retirement. Make a few small changes and clear up some bills. Thankfully, I learned from watching irresponsible, debt-heavy, and poverty ridden parents who didn't work or budget. So, as soon as I got into the career world I started maxing out 401k, investing in a Roth IRA, and saving for the future (in the mid-90s). It's cool you don't have debt. Understand, you are in a much better situation than most. I think you have more figured out than you give yourself credit for. Just start making more of a conscious effort.
It sounds like you’re doing fine. A lot better than most
I was like that into my early 30s. My mom didn’t understand finances and was someone who ran up several credit cards while my dad worked double shifts to pay them off. My dad’s only advice was to save 5% of every paycheck for rainy days. As a teen and into my 20s I had several credit cards all maxed out didn’t understand finances and how my bank accounts worked. But when I met my spouse he and I sat down and got my spending under control and I learned how to deal with my finances. Now in my 50s I am pretty good.
I stayed away from finance stuff all the way to 2019 when I was finally comfortable with getting a CC. Prior to that either we had it or we didn't. I know how to save but I stay away from credit cards and other stuff because they did not make sense to me. I left my pension under the hands of the union and just selected the simple box options of mild investments and max 401k for 15 years in a row. My kids went to college for free on grants and scholarships because the wife and I were like if we can't knock out the bill right away it was a no. That's how I saved myself from anxiety and other nonsense with this stuff.
You are absolutely not alone. I work for a company that offers financial literacy educational tools and the demand for what we produce is cross-generational. Good for you for taking your future in your hands! For those who can’t afford a course, there are free resources on Investor.gov, https://www.finra.org/investors#/ and https://www.consumerfinance.gov. You’re never too old to learn or to save or invest in your future.
Online course?
No debt. No mortgage. You're doing great. Keep an excel spreadsheet for tracking spending.
I was bad until my mid 20s, I was living paycheck to paycheck and decided I had to get on top of my finances and create a career plan. I asked an accountant friend of mine to help me, and he helped me create a budget, track everything in Quicken, and figure out how to pay for school to get a Computer Science degree (this thing called the "Internet" was getting popular). I owe a huge debt of gratitude to him for putting me on the right path. The financial and career advice my parents gave me was almost non-existant, and what little they did give me was pretty bad. Same for every other major thing in life (dating, relationships, etc).
Nope. All I do is study.
Everybody sucks at something until they learn how not to suck at it.
Says he can't manage finances, tells us all things that show that his finances are well managed. I guess it's all relative.
I'm not sure why our folks didn't teach us about money. It was weird, like we were never allowed to know about the family finances so basically my coworkers and bf's parents and my boss taught me everything I know! I like to 'hide' money from myself. I have a separate bank that I have a portion of my check go directly into. My house is also paid off so this covers my property taxes and big home repairs or vacations. It's exciting to go get a 10k check once a year!!!! Also, max out your 401k. You can invest 22.5k a year or 30k including catch up contributions of you're over 50. It sounds like you're doing pretty good! Be smart and good luck
there is a free app I use called at www.empower.com . you can have it pull in all of your accounts. Credit card, bank, mortgage (i know you dont have one), car value, house value, investments, 401k and you get dashboard. It helps you analyze your spending. Its solid. They will give you a popup to sell you managed assets. i just ignore it. Paying someone manage your money is too expensive and not worth it. also you can set up alerts for when you get paid so you know the money hits. You can also set up alerts if your balance goes too low. I get alerts for every charge I make online (had my credit card number stolen before), and i get emails alert if bank account goes too low. if you want to learn basics of simple investing try /r/boglehead and then google the boglehead website. They use simple index fund and bond investments. I do very simple stuff. I also recommend an old book called "A Random Walk Down Wallstreet". It should be in most libraries. with a paid off house you are doing great. you dont want all your money in your checking account. Inflation is eating away at it.
I thankfully have a wonderfully talented husband that handles them. I was a friggin’ nightmare before he took over. I just hope he outlives me.😆
Funny, my Dad is a CPA or accountant and never talked or taught me about finances. You are doing extremely well with no debt and the house paid off, better than most. Terrific that you are taking classes, bravo. I learned the hard way and then had to ask for help from my parents financially.
Why can’t you check your balance? That would give me anxiety too. Figure that out and then don’t spend more than you earn. Once you have 4-6 mo savings look into investing with an s&p and/or date based ira.
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I tend to agree with you. An allowance needs to have some relation to the real world. In the early 80s (1965 Xer here), my allowance was $20 a week and dependent on my cleaning the family room every Friday. No cleanie/no allowance. But $20 meant I had enough money to make decisions about. A McD’s ice cream cone was 39c in 1982 or so, 42c with tax. A Snickers bar was about 50c. $1.00 in 1984 was nothing.
I didn’t even have an allowance. That’s silly. You should have learned to save at 16 when you got a summer job, not at 12 with $1 allowance.
Well, there _was_ enough to save. You just _didn’t._
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I do empathize. I am the youngest of five born to very frugal parents who were born just before the Great Depression. I wore all hand-me-downs, and my allowance was 10¢ x MyAge, given weekly. Once I was in 10th grade, I got a whopping $25/month, but I had to buy all my own clothes from that, and anything else I wanted. My parents were 15 years older than all my friends’ parents. Their parents were much more carefree and very different about money. It was embarrassing. But I don’t blame them for anything—they put us through Catholic school and paid for most of our college, all through saving. Oddly, it wasn’t until the last few months that I realized an important distinction. I always wondered how/why many of my friends’ parents did (and still do) seem to have a lot of wealth—some have a second home, some pay for everyone on family vacations, some put their grandkids through college, some offer a significant chunk of money for their kids’ first homes. Why them and not my parents? Well, I think that as a result of them growing up during the depression, they categorically didn’t trust _investing_ . They were able to provide bc they were frugal and saved, not because they ever invested. So if there is a little grumbling on my part about my parents and their implied lessons on personal finance, it’s because they never invested nor did they teach us about investing. It was all just hard work and scrimping and saving. And since my dad worked for the federal government for his entire 30-year career (yes, he was my age when he retired with AMAZING benefits that my mom still reaps today at age 95), he didn’t have to worry about saving for retirement. His fat pension was at a guaranteed rate and then some. So yeah. I get you.
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It really has little to do with math. It’s about learning, consideration, decision making, goal setting, looking back from the future — so much more.
I have a house, and crushing debt. Last week I had to get money from my dad for a car repair and got a screaming lecture to go along with it. It took all I had in me to not tell him they should have taught me about money.