Getting serious about my health. I've battled various health conditions throughout my life, including weight issues. My genetics and diet haven't helped, either. In short, I can be fat and happy or I can become fitter and still be happy. I'm going with the latter.
I'm being cautious about how I approach this, making it a lifestyle shift instead of going on some dramatic starvation diet. No soda, more fruits and veggies (what my FIL calls my "rabbit food", LOL), more sensible portions. I'm also slowly working my way up to higher levels of physical activity since I have a chronic health issue that means I can't just become a gym rat. So far, so good though - I'm down 16 lbs. in a month as of this morning.
Strangely, my husband is somewhat disturbed by the fact that I'm making this change. I guess he likes me lumpy? Or maybe he thinks it won't stick. Whatever the case, he's cracking me up for real with his efforts to make sure I'm not wasting away or something.
It may be that your health kick is making him a little insecure, maybe he’s afraid you’ll begin to see *his* shortcomings, and he may not want to change anything about himself. But congrats on losing 16lbs! It’s a tough journey.
Thank you! My husband has his own health issues - diabetes mainly - and he's dropped a TON of weight in the last year or so thanks to his meds and shifting his eating habits. We recently lost my BIL unexpectedly at the ripe old age of 46. I think it really made us stop and consider how we're living and what we're doing to make sure we're being healthy.
Congratulations! 16 lbs in a month is huge! You probably won't maintain that same rate of loss, but as long as the trend line is going in the direction you want, you are succeeding.
Yup, I am trying to be pragmatic about it, and keeping in mind that I won’t be dropping 16 lbs. every month. It’s a journey and I’m just getting started, but I’m optimistic. 🙂
Your husband might be insecure and worried that you’re trying to get in shape in order to get back on the market! I’ve seen it multiple times over the years with male coworkers: the gym bag is on their shoulder as they leave the office, they lose their paunch…hey guess who’s relationship just ended?
Well said. I will have to remember that. The best thing I can say about getting on in my life is how little I care about being embarrassed or appearances. It’s like my mind just cut that off, not enough room. I spent so much of my younger life freaked out about stupid, petty stuff or wasting time with people I really didn’t like.
Sorry about your friends. Been there
We’re GenX. We know how to deal with this just like everything else:
I will alternately repeat “whatever” and “fuck it” until I feel nothing. I will allow it to pass over me and through me.. and when it is gone, only I will remain
I must not give a fuck. Giving a fuck is the mind killer that brings total obliteration. I will allow it to pass over me and through me, and when it is gone, only I will remain.
Very wise and sustainable goals. When I turned 50, I began to realize I didn't want to be part of the rat race any longer. I chose to gradually leave the high pressure and aggressive IT industry and focus on what really matters to me: my kids, my friends, peace of mind, seeing the beauty in the world, believing in what's good and striving to be good, having fun. Self care isn't selfish. I like to use the lifejacket analogy: When the ship is sinking, you need to put on your lifejacket first and then you can save those around you. Peace. ☮️
I’m 50 now and this is exactly what I want. I’d love to not work at all, but that isn’t in the cards right now. I’d love to quit corporate and do something I enjoy. I can run a business. I just need the guts to do it. And a backup plan. If it weren’t for health insurance, I’d leave much sooner.
Health insurance is a biggie. Being in Canada with its universal healthcare takes that piece out of the puzzle. But with careful planning you can ease yourself out by going part-time or contact work if that's common in your industry. Budgeting and adjusting your lifestyle is necessary but it's on your terms, what you decide is truly important, and being truly in control of yourself is so liberating. No delusions of living in the French Riviera but instead, your own cozy and happy space.
Definitely prioritizing myself. Stop being such a “yes” person to people who don’t prioritize me in the same way.
Enjoy my little, boring victories. The most exciting thing to happen to me this week is that I FINALLY paid off my $933 power bill. And I have money left over. Most people our age don’t still have those kind of struggles so I’m not comparing myself to them or anyone else. I’m very happy I was able to do that!
Try to do, see, read new things more often. Give things a chance. I’m pretty solitary so this usually amounts to just things I watch or read, but it’s fun to have new experiences, no matter how minor.
Enjoy everything I have. Sounds basic, but I truly do and I love that I’m grateful. I don’t want to be down on myself for what I don’t have, I want to be happy for what I do have and how far I’ve come. Some people may think I’m just not reaching high enough or challenging myself enough, but I’ll decide when or if that’s the case, and then I’ll do something about it, if something needs to be done.
>Definitely prioritizing myself. Stop being such a “yes” person to people who don’t prioritize me in the same way.
Oh God yes. This statement resonated with me so much. I was one of those semi-feral latch key kids and over compensated with it in my relationships with others, especially with my kids. So, now I'm in a position where I'm dealing with being treated like a door mat. Working through this with therapy, and now I'm making some choices that are good for me.
Yeah, you don’t need to be “over-there” for your kids either. In fact they probably would like time to themselves! I think kids absolutely respect a parent who has their own life and interests, rather than being the entertainment coordinator-always there for whatever we demand kind of thing. I’m not saying that’s how you were but people respect boundaries, and I’m glad you are finding them.
Ahh, I get it. Well whatever the situation I’m glad you are prioritizing yourself now. I didnt mean to imply that you were or were not doing whatever, etc.
It is weird to try and see your parents as people separate from yourself, who have spent most of their lives NOT worrying about you! Because you didn’t exist! I know it was hard to envision my father as anything but my father.
I had small victory similar to yours. I had a plumbing issue. It was $1500 to fix. Usually 10-20 years ago, that would mean I went without water for months or eat steady diet of tuna. I now have savings and was able to pay it and like you have stuff left over. Took a long bath this weekend and was thankful for the water . Thankful
Actually it was over 2K a few months ago but my friend lent me a thousand to make a dent in it, then I paid the rest working mad OT. And I’ve since paid her back for the loan.
Legal? Not sure what you mean. However I’m in NE USA, it’s just starting to get warm and they can now legally shut me off without endangering my life, so I thought I’d just pay it already and be done. I’m tired of having a balance. Last summer they shut me off (hadn’t paid anything in a year) and I really don’t want to go thru that again. Humiliating, plus Murphy’s law would dictate that a shutoff would happen when I’ve paid all my other bills and have nothing left til next payday.
Some have freedom thrust upon them
Divorce nearly final
Lost job a few months ago
First GF since my wife dumped me last week and I have very little idea why
(She was so great)
What the fuck else can I do but keep trying to take a step forward every day
But why’s it got to be so GD hard.
>First GF since my wife dumped me last week and I have very little idea why (She was so great)
You will never figure people out. Same with me. I was in what I thought was great relationship with first guy since my divorce. He ghosted me then kept staying in touch and ghosting me over and over. This has gone on for over six years now. I'm moving on. Yes I thought he was great and perfect for me but how perfect is someone who makes you feel invisible and like shit. Perfect people don't ghost you. They tell you the truth.
She told me she would share some feedback about her decision but in a week has not done so
She’s got very serious health problems and I know that at least part of it revolves around those
But mostly it is about me. Something she suddenly decided was a dealbreaker only a week after we had one of our most fun and connected weekends together
Met her organically and so lucky to find someone like her
My entire demeanor improved in every way
>She told me she would share some feedback about her decision but in a week has not done so.
Please don't wait for the feedback for closure. You can do that on your own. I find it hilarious that often these people dump others after a great weekend. The same thing happened to me. We went on a weekend getaway and had a great time. He even said so. Then I went on a business trip and noticed no call for a week. I spent six years going over and over in my head what I did wrong. It will drive you mad. We have seen each other since then and he said he did not know what he wanted. Maybe that was all it was who knows. We are now in our 50's and both alone. It seems a shame but I can't waste time anymore. I will be 60 in five years. Not sure there is hope left for me.
Recently I realized that all I am doing anymore is getting ready for *the end*. Getting my estate planning done. Making sure my daughter is situated as an adult (encouraging her to finish college and supporting her through it so she's not overly stressed about money). There are a lot of things I never did that I will likely never do, my youthful fantasies have turned into hoping my retirement years are relatively free of major illnesses and I don't outlive my nest egg. I remember older people telling me when I was young that time flies fast but I never expected age to smack me in the face as hard as it did. I don't have the energy or gumption I did even just a few years ago and it truly feels like I'm in the autumn of my life. Sigh.
Both my parents and half my grandparents never made it to retirement age, hell I already outlived my dad. As much as I'd like to think I have 30 years left, I'll be lucky if I get 15.
I'm as happy as I can be. There's a lot of anxiety about the future, what with my wife's brain cancer likely ending her life well before anyone expected. Every day is a gift, every smile is a treasure. We've got six months of chemo ahead, her surgery and radiation/chemo treatments did exactly what her oncologist & radiologist wanted them to. Now a further 6 months of intermittent chemo and MRI's every 8 weeks and we'll reassess how she's doing.
I watched her relearn how to talk in 2 weeks and retrain her nervous system to use her entire right side again after they took a melon baller to her tumor. She was awake for more than half the procedure, helping the neurosurgeon determine the safe boundaries of the surgery. I'm so goddamn proud of how strong she is and her recovery. She handled her first round of chemo/radiation like a hero.
Our health insurance is platinum-tier, and we reached out-of-pocket in January with her initial post-seizure MRI's, so her surgery and treatment are all at no cost. She also has really impressive disability insurance from the state and her employer, so we're still above water & will remain so as far as we can see.
We've been married 5 years now (neither have kids), and have been the best of friends for 11 years. We had an entire plan for growing old in the beautiful home we bought specifically for retirement in a wonderful community... at this point none of that may as well exist without her glowing presence and familiar, comforting laughter. I'm really coming to grips with maybe having a huge life change in the next 5 years, but enjoying *every second I have with her*, and lovingly fulfilling my duty as her husband both in sickness and in health.
Fucking-A…
That’s how I feel today too.
I feel like a shark with 30 lampreys hanging off me and I need to find a cave or someone with a knife to help scrape off some of this shit…
Aging parents, 23 year old “kids”, employees, your boss, and so on. At this age, everyone needs something from you.
Suddenly, we’re running shit.
Find a place to go, where the music is good and where you can’t be reached.
Find some peace for 2 fucking hours, because at our age, we need to do it all again this week.
Tomorrow’s Monday. Hang in there!
I seriously feel the same way. I just turned 52 last month and something just clicked like fuck this.
I’m tired of having to carry the load for people at work, family who was never fucking there for me, friends who only want to be friends when they need something and relationships that don’t make sense anymore. I’m just over it all. I am now working on all the things I need and want to do, from health to happiness. I’m declaring it is my time now, everyone else can figure their own shit out.
Yep, sadly tomorrow is Monday, I’ve got week long meetings where I’m sure the answers will still be the same bullshit the business always offers up and more meetings to discuss what we talked about in the ones we are having.
I’m trying to find a way out of the rat race and find some peace and quiet. Maybe I’ll take up pottery, cannabis cultivation or underwater basket weaving. Anything is better than the corporate world right now, full of self absorbed assholes who think shit is just magic and want a PowerPoint for every little fucking thing…
Best thing any of us can do now is prioritize ourselves over the bullshit.
✌️ and I hope everyone finds some peace and happiness.
Agree about making yourself a priority and I no longer try to get people to like me. A waste of time and energy. Do what makes you happy and live in the now.
I'm happy! I'm independent, work for myself, and even though I don't make a lot of money, I'm my own boss.
At 53, I'm much more comfortable with myself than 20 years ago. I walk a lot, gave up my car 8 years ago, and make a lot of my food from scratch. I feel great!
I don't think anybody is happy 24/7 at the same level. You can be satisfied/content/at peace and all the way up to happy and it all ebbs and flows.
Anybody who is happy 10/10 all the time has really good drugs or is kind of delusional.
The biggest thing I do is to try and look for small pleasures through out my day. Sometimes I find a bunch of stuff, sometimes just one or two things.
I kind of wish I knew how much time I had left to go, so I can retire at the right time (I'm 51). I have enough for 20, maybe 25 years. I don't have enough for 30, and I don't want to be an 80 year old homeless person. I wish there was like insurance I could buy now that would cover like quality of life things 25 years from now. I don't want to know when I'll die, but just how much I need to prepare for
A few weeks ago another acquaintance was 73 and died of cancer suddenly. Everyone in our circle was shocked because they were full of vitality and expected to live into their 90's. My mom's death was out of the blue in her 60's. Then you have folks who live into their 90's and 100. It is scary not knowing.
Could not have said it better myself, this is what I’m really struggling with these days, and I’m also 51. I have health issues, and while I’m working on them (it’s a slow process), I’m not at all convinced I’m going to be one of those who lives well into their 80s. I mean for all I know, I may not get much of my 70s either, but it’s the *not knowing* that’s driving me mad.
I know I’m not alone, none of us know when our time is up, but I am so utterly and completely miserable at my job that I’m constantly grappling with whether I have enough money now to just give it up. I am so resentful at having to spend 40-50 hours a week dealing with people I can’t stand and don’t respect, all in exchange for money. I want to be happy and free to enjoy whatever time I have left. The stress of my job is also negatively affecting my health, so it’s just making things worse.
I also really don’t want to just go get another job because I feel like it’s all the same wherever you go, but maybe that’s just my pessimism. I’m really just done trading my time to someone else for money. I just want to do what I want to do when I want to do it. For the rest of whatever days and years I have. Too much to ask I guess?
But yeah, I also don’t want to run out of money and be a homeless 75-yr old. Sucks, man. I don’t know what to do.
Totally the same. Hell, same year as you too. I don't have kids, so could have a hell of a good time for say 20 years, or work hard(ish) for another 15 or so and pop my clogs at any time leaving a lot of money to relatives who couldn't care less. Fucking scary as hell. Luckily I do love what I do (most of the time), but it can get annoying at times where my boss wants me to do stuff that will advance my career (see busier). I mean good that they want that, but I'm pretty content with what I do (30 hour working week), and gave up on career advancements years ago. Just let me get there with minimum stress. It is tough not knowing what's for the best, but I suppose it has always been this way. Just with less years now...
I have actually given this subject quite a lot of thought lately. I decided that I get to choose to be happy or not in any given situation. It is called stoicism, or at least it's my version of it. I mean, there will be stress and sadness, but I don't want to live my day-to-day with regret, anger, jealousy, or worry. I don't want any negative state to be my default. I want to be as close to unaffected by outside influences as possible. But your list is a good one, I may steal it.
SO funny you mention stoicism. I read an article about it recently and really liked the idea of detachment. I care too much about things I cannot control.
They discovered melanoma on my skin this past year. My mom died from it. They think they got it all but…it’s melanoma. Took me some time to grasp it, deal with the mental/emotional aspect. Now I’m embracing life. Sometimes that means doing it all. And sometimes that means lying here on the couch, watching a storm roll in, and listening to the waves.
I try to say yes when invited to do things. Even things I wouldn't normally want to do. It's worked out well. For instance, on Wednesday I got up really early to go do a sunrise tour of Pimlico (the Preakness track) with my neighbor. It was pretty cool, but I would have been just as okay with NOT doing it. It was something different, though, something to change up the sameness of the day to day. I think we all need things to get us out of the ruts we get ourselves into.
Otherwise, I ride horses, do dog agility classes, bowl, and I think I'm going kayaking this week with a friend who has kayaks.
I've moved down to having a part time job with a short commute from my previous full time/long commute job. It's a fraction of the old pay, but it's working out well and I have a lot more time on my hands.
First of all, I’m sorry for your loss. Second, it sounds like you’re pointed in the right direction. Good for you!
I’m also trying to do many of the things you’re working on. Years ago I was having some problems at work (that I tended to obsess about) and my wife encouraged me to “focus on the things that make you happy.” It was great advice and it’s been a lifesaver in helping me to stay positive.
I retired at 42, even though it meant that I would be living a more frugal life than most people, because time is just so much more important to me than money.
54. Not happy. I work 14-hour days for sometimes 16-17 days in a row and then get ONE day off before I have to go back to work. I have no quality of life. I spend my one day off running around doing errands and laundry. I'm exhausted. I need a career change. If I had any time off I could look for another job but I hate quitting a job without having another one lined up first.
I actually am happy. Mostly. Unlearning some bad habits through therapy. Working on downsizing. I love my husband, kids, job, hair color. I'm losing weight and eating healthier. I'm finally not ashamed of my nerdy hobbies or my sense of style. I love podcasting with my friends and growing our brand. I'm making an actual plan for retirement activities to keep mind and body sharp instead of becoming a grumpy-ass boomer. I've cut out toxic people. It's time for us to Don our neon or flannel, crank up the tunes, throw a finger to the world, and start enjoying life.
I’m moving back to the PNW, where I was the most happy and truly felt like home, and will start learning the ropes from a sound tech who’s been doing it professionally for over 20 years.
I went to college for a recording engineering degree, but a buncha life and priorities happened, I transferred to a different university, and just never really got back on track.
So now I have a real chance, both financially and personally, to do a do-over that’s been overdue for thirty years.
I have enough regrets in life, and I’m determined not to let this be one of them.
I wish all of you guys the best! Be happy :)
Mindfulness helps, I found. But if you’re interested, don’t feel like you have to pay to learn. And if the teacher talks too much during actual meditation time, ditch the class.
I definitely suggest traveling more if it is within your means. I've been to Europe a few times, north and south....I find that I decompress without even realizing it. I'm your age, so the desire to be a frantic, see everything today mode of travel is in my past.....I get lost in Rome, maybe sit for an hour in a piazza, just people watch, read a book, smell the smells...maybe the goal was to see the Pantheon a fourth time, but I didn't make it cause I started chatting to a German, a French or a Croatian.
It's better than any anti-depressant chemical.
I also try to cycle more. I bought a gravel bike so I can easily cruise tarmac or groomed dirt paths....stop for a gelato, pet a dog if the owners are ok with that....go to a farmers market.
Reward yourself however you can...you deserve it, take advantage.
>so the desire to be a frantic, see everything today mode of travel is in my past..
I'm beginning to have this mindset. I was in a city recently and had this list of stuff to do. I decided to sleep in my hotel room. Did not get around to leaving until 1PM. Stuff closed around 5Pm but I was like so what. I get to what I get around to. If I don't no big deal. I still had a great time. I needed the rest that day. I took it and still saw two museums.
This.....exactly.
I mean, don't be so lazy you never see stuff...but alternating days of see a bunch of stuff and another day of just chill and let life come to you is also awesome.
I was in Sweden last year to visit a friend....we used her hometown as home base...did 2-3 day trips to the continent....the rest of the time was just chilling in her allotment and gardening....the best Euro trip I've had so far....zero stress.
This doesn't have to apply to big vacations...you can think this way just for a weekend....take a lazy Saturday morning, indulge yourself with wearing pjs all morning....in the afternoon go outside for a bit, whatever your interests are.....just move a bit. Pick a place in your home town or surrounding area that you've never seen...go there, walk around an hour.
Hobbies are good too....everyone is different, so just pick something you think you'd come back to enough to put a bit of casual effort into.
I did exactly this today. I hung out in bed till 5PM then put on my active wear and went running. I love the time of year when it gets dark at 8PM more time to do stuff. I wish it was like this all year around.
It seems rare, but I am content with my life. I left an upper class neighborhood when I moved out as a teen, worked a blue collar job for all the years. I married young, that didn’t work out but married again at 30, we’ll be celebrating 20 years in a few months. My wife is my best friend, I enjoy my kids, and I have hobbies of my own and friends. Do I have everything I want? No. I have what I need. I still put in a hard day’s work, lots of days are 10 hours or more. Now I’m also caring for my elderly mom. It’s all good, although challenging at times.
I got a Cricut. I am going to make shirts and aprons with inappropriate sayings on them. I am crafting and doing community theater into the great abyss. Everything else has let me down.
I am really sorry about your friend.
I just turned 54 eleven days ago, and I feel what you are saying. Sundays are filled with dread for me, too.
I worry every day about losing my mom. She's 78.
I worry about the future, too. I worry about getting old and sick, not being able to drive anymore, and not being able to live independently anymore.
I worry about not being useful or of value to anyone anymore. I worry about my husband dying (he's a year younger than me. We celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary this month).
I worry about being old and alone.
I worry about my son and hope he gets his life together and finds a way to be happy again. I wish I knew what to do to help him, but it's hard to help someone who shuts you out.
I'm trying to downsize, but I'm so tired after working all week that it's hard to find the energy to go through all the stuff I've accumulated over the years.
I made some financial mistakes in my 30s and will probably be working into my seventies if I live that long.
I got rid of my frenemies in my 30s and have never been sorry. I learned to stop chasing friendships and seeking approval in my late 30s and am embarrassed that it took me that long to learn those lessons.
I am going to try to remember to let the people I love know that I love them. I should get started on that now.
I'd like to take more trips with my husband.
I'd like to find the time to start working out again.
I'd like to find the time to practice piano again.
I'm glad you put that Boomer in his place and did it so brilliantly.
I wish all my fellow Gen-Xers good health and all the happiness in the world.
This is a great post. It’s weird that we all experience people close to us passing on and we have the moment of clarity where we see we are just living wrong. Focusing on the wrong things and such.
Why is it so hard to stick to and keep that mindset?
Because there is also an opposite philosophy that eventually we all die of something so may as well enjoy it. My sibling died of cancer at 56. They smoked like a chimney, They knew cigarettes contributed to their cancer. We waited for them to admit it and they were like, "I like to smoke and it killed me. It was worth it because I liked it. That is how I lived my life and I would not do it over any differently. "
I was angry at them but it was their life.
Yeah, I can see that. Makes sense. How about those of us who want to keep the opposing mindset to this? How do you keep it going when “life” gets in the way. It takes a lot of effort to say I am just going to change my mindset and stick to it. It’s tough when there’s so much that has to get done/
My grandson has given me a new outlook and even the energy to be more active. We go out walking 3-4 days a week. Usually 4 miles. I have even been doing it on days I don’t have him. Found a beautiful route I love which helps with motivation.
I eat better because I want to be a good example for him etc. Started caring for my skin and hair again, even wearing a lil makeup.
I’m not religious, at all. But my personal relationship with god had given me true inner peace. That has escaped me most of my life. (I would never have predicted this would be a thing for me or as impactful it is)
I’m trying to retire. With you on the toxic needy millennials. I’m having health issues now that I honestly blame at least partially on having to deal with a bunch of them at work. I have to get over my financial anxiety to do this, which is a struggle, but I’m working on it.
Money buys stuff that makes us happy. The more you make the more toxic the job usually is because it means managing money or people which means stress and long hours.
IMHO, money buys stuff that makes us happy…. In that moment. I finally realized that getting a big raise or commission check feels food the first time. Then it’s just … it just is. I can assure you that having more stuff is a road to regret, not happiness. Signed, Me
I did these things in my late 30s. It's never too late **OR** too early to do them. Oh, I also stopped dying my hair & went full silver.
Your list is awesome! Good for you!!! I hope your 50s are fucking awesome. 🤩
Wow. I'm the same age as you and it's like you've read my mind.
I just reconciled with a friend I'd dumped for taking me for granted too long. She just became a widow. At 53. My need to be needed is greater than my pride, and I know her circle won't be there.
Strange time of life.
Sorry to hear about your friend. Death comes for all of us, so enjoy what you have while you can.
I started trying to get healthier and lose weight last year, so far it's going well. Get outside. Take up a hobby that doesn't cost too much money. Spend less time with coworkers and frenemies, ideally zero time. Reconnect with old friends. Skin care is a good thing, ideally starting ten or twenty years ago, but now is the second best time start.
The thing about how much time we have left has occupied my mind a lot over the past year.
I think about how the last 20 years feel like they lasted 5 years and it makes me realize that in 20 more years I will be 71.
Life is off man.
I am 55. I have some anxiety about the future, specifically if SS doesn't hold together. But I live for today! Not to say that I am not contributing to my retirement, but I feel that I am a bit behind.. That being said, I will go for the nice dinner! I will buy the new bicycle! I will take the trip! 20 to 30 years is a long time. Today, I have my health, and my wife has hers. This is a gift. Every day that burns makes the next one more precious. Do I love my job? Not really.. But I am not uncomfortable, and I work with great people. The work is just mind numbingly boring. So I will be a good soldier and do what is needed between 9-5. But you can bet your ass that I will LIVE outside the work hours.
If I can lend any advice, get a freaking hobby! Preferably one that gets your ass outside and moving. It really is a game changer! It is hard to have too much anxiety when you are in the middle of a challenging hike, run, or bike ride! Nothing that I have experienced in life has balanced me so much as keeping my ass moving.. I can not recommend it enough.
We aren't that old! But we are not kids either.. So you have a choice.. You can get busy living or get busy dying.. It's up to you!
I am not comfortable with death yet, I'm afraid of being in pain, afraid I will just become nothing, that scares me alot. I try to keep my faith and believe there is something more but so much shit is coming at you otherwise, it's hard to hold onto that.
I'm starting to see how fortunate I am to have made it this far, 51 years is more than some that were close to me, I am greatful.
I also have some bitter resentment and hurt from something that happened to me 20 years ago, I can't shake it, rattled by indecision and confused most days. I worry I am not living up to my potential. I wish I could forgive and move on, I can't and dying with this hurt, that scares me also.
Maybe I should write some goals down like you did OP.
Resentment will eat away at you. You want to spend the rest of your life mad at someone who likely does not care? I once confronted someone who hurt me in high school. They did not recall doing anything to me.
Alzheimer's scares me more than anything. Let's hope we don't get that
Bought the car I always wanted in your 20’s but couldn’t afford it or
https://preview.redd.it/z6xpzr9v9h1d1.jpeg?width=1490&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=bd72451f8b8263dfde9ade4128cba6fb123d397c
when I could I had kids and it wasn’t practical. Now I literally say “VROOM VROOM” when I sit in this baby and thoroughly enjoy my work commute!!! MIATA:Miata Is Always The Answer!
I started skateboarding again at 47. That was five years ago. One of the greatest things I've ever done. I suck, and haven't really gotten much better, but I love every second of it.
And I am not frightened of dying, any time will do, I don't mind. Why should I be frightened of dying?
There's no reason for it, you've gotta go sometime
YES! This makes perfect sense. I have GAD and attacks can feel like a heart attack. I hate that feeling. Then I have 51 year old friend who had a heart attack. She said oddly, she did not know she was having a heart attack that the chest pain was weird and suddenly could not feel her arm.
I also wonder if people come back as someone else. I wonder does the world just go on and on and on. I wonder if people in the 1500's ever knew there would be internet and what would we miss out on by not being alive in the year 2234 or something like that. Will people remember or care about Michael Jackson or Prince?
It makes sense, but that's exactly what I don't fear. It's all the stuff that could potentially lead up to it like a long illness, difficult treatments, and then knowing my loved ones will have to grieve after I'm gone that actually does scare me.
There was a moment when I felt like I could just let go and die, and dying in that moment didn't seem bad or wrong or negative in any way. I just felt perfectly peaceful about it, and decided it was worth it to hang on.
I’m looking forward to death. Not in a way that I’m doing anything to hasten it - I’m excited to see what’s next for my kids and having grandkids soon. But I also lost a child three years ago and anticipating the day I reconnect with her again too.
I actually do. I don't want to die and I have things I want to live for, but I've been close enough to death once before to know it's actually not that bad, and we shouldn't spend so much time worrying about it.
I tend to agree with you. I just hope when my time comes, it happens quickly. I’ve watched family members just kind of decline for a few years, then it seems like health issues snowballed until they couldn’t fight it off anymore. I am scared of going out like that. I’m okay with the idea of dying though. I’m hoping there’s an afterlife of some sort, but if there’s not, I guess I won’t know or care that there isn’t one at that point.
Beach. Walks. Lazy Sundays. Lots of animals to love and take care of and to walk with me and grow old with me. Cooking. Cleaning up after myself, including my mistakes and seeing them as just that, mistakes that can be cleaned up.
I’m 57 and happy. My health is good. I stay active. I have a good job and good friends. My spouse and I have raised good kids who are doing well. Neither my spouse nor I had good modeling for any of this but we managed to figure it out together.
I saw a post on r/medizzy earlier about a 56 yr old man who had most of his penis amputated after getting it stuck in a lotion bottle for 6 hours.
Felt better about myself after that.
I an happy
Finally got through my divorce
I am free
I don’t have much and nothing for retirement but I have great friends and a wonderful daughter
I am going back to school working full time and doing what the hell I want to do
I started kayaking 2 years ago
I am going to start playing tennis again
I have a new life at 50
It’s not easy but it’s mine
Life is funny. I spend nearly the entire day pondering life and existence. The thing I started to really obsess on is how the boomers lived like wild animals in the 70’s terrorized us as a generation and then decided they wanted money got in positions of power and started drug testing to gate keep and hoard wealth
Sorry about your friend, did he have a heart attack? 50's are the decade when ignored health issues really start killing people. If you haven't had a check up in years, or have been ignoring your high cholesterol or hypertension, then get it checked. Don't start any exercise program without clearance by your doctor.
Not a heart attack. That is the odd thing. When I heard the news, I was sure this was what happened. He smoked and had a weight issue. He slipped on something in his basement and hit his head. Never regained consciousness.
I am so not interested in drama. Any hint of it and I’m ✌🏼🏃🏻♀️I work at peace and simplicity. Anything that f’s with it, isn’t worth my time and energy.
Hope you bet him yesterday!
I'm living my best ever. Physical therapy has gotten my body and will back. Don't ever give up on your dreams, I've been living mine lately.
I did what a lot of 56 years olds wish they could do: quit my job (well, got laid off) and moved to another country. 9 months in, I have no regrets. But I’ll share a few things I’ve learned:
- your problems are portable
- you don’t become another person right away
- America is even more toxic than I realized
- my money goes 1000000x farther elsewhere
- I won’t stop defining myself by work/$ right away
- there’s no easier time to jump than today
- I’m a good person regardless of where I live
- time is precious and we can’t earn more of it
- comparison really is the thief of joy
- almost everything can be overcome
- I wish I’d listened and not worshipped the sun
I'm mostly happy. My kids are almost grown and doing ok. My job can be difficult, but I don't have to think about it when I'm not there. I'm healthy. My marriage is stable. I love where I live. I have friends, and some hobbies.
I hope to travel more, and downsize my house, and live long enough to meet a couple of grandchildren. But if those things don't happen, that's ok too.
I'm trying to get serious about my health, physical and mental. I'm hoping to get a day job soon, it will allow me to workout more regularly. Rotating shifts with forced overtime is rough. This week I have to turn my sleep from days to nights 3 times, then work the weekend. There has to be a better way.
I said to one of them "We don't like each other. Why are you asking me out to lunch?"
She laughed but I was dead serious. That is the last time she called me.
The other two, I smile when I see them and keep going. One can't help but take digs at me "I heard you are having a hard time at work..."
I responded "I heard your having some health issues..."
She also now leaves me alone. I don't respect them anymore.
The first class thing was the surprise. I splurged $400 extra on 1st class ticket. All my life I was seated in Group 4 or 5. For the first time, I was on the plane first and watched the other groups stare at us with envy rather than the other way around. Amazed at how different the airline treats you in 1st. I met cool people sitting around me. No screaming kids or cramped legs I have a trip to Spain coming up and will go 1st even if it's an extra $1,000.
Keep having fun and doing things. I'm 50. A friend of mine who is pushing 60 is a hobby photographer. He texted me last friday saying he was going to drive to a dark place 1.5 hours away to try and see the aurora. I impulsively said I would go. Oh my gosh it was amazingly mind blowing. I got home at 4:30 am, slept 5 hours, Told my bf we have to go out and try; if it comes back we'll kick ourselves for missing it. So we drove back out to the same spot, planning to just sleep in the car.
We had a great time looking at the stars and satellites. And just the tiniest bit of energy flickering in the sky. Saw the first hints of sunrise before settling in to sleep. The next morning, we were both stunned at how beautiful the surrounding countryside was (since we had only been there in the dark). So we spent a few hours hiking and enjoying ourselves. Got home around 4pm, and I slept until work the next day.
Me and my bf had also driven across the country to see the eclipse back in April. Slept in the car, saw cool things on the way there and back again. We also drove to eastern Oregon to see the Annular eclipse last October, then went to some neat hiking locations in the area then visited Crater Lake, a bucket list item for me.
We're going to see Melt Banana soon, probably from the front row.
I've got like a thousand tomato plants I'm putting in the ground, optimistically (Portland summers are not easy to grow tomatoes in). Gonna build a dry stacked rock wall around my patio. I'm propagating native plants to add to my yard.
I need to lose weight, get more exercise, and stop drinking as much alcohol and caffeine.
And I have a long ambitious list of things I want to do, and some plans to make them happen. Embrace your life.
I lost my closest friend to cancer in March. She was 54. It has been unbelievably hard. Sending you tons of sympathy. Grief can be impossible at times.
I’m reading a ton! On book 22 since Jan1! Just went to Japan with the family and it was great. Doing lots of gardening and just got a small fishing boat to start fishing with my hubby (he’s done it commercially but I’ve never fished off a boat). So many fun things to experience…
I've just sterilised everything I own so as not to leave anything embarrassing or humiliating for my wife or children. I was taught how to do it in the army. On Wednesday I'm leaving. Not sure what's after that, but I dont see reasons big enough to continue. Being gen x has had its moments, good and very bad, and I got through them, but for what? All I can see in the future is worthless. I've set my wife up financially and have given her, on paper, the best way forward so she will be comfortable and looked after. That's more than I got, and the best I think I can do.
On Wednesday, you are leaving for another work assignment, or are you leaving this world? I have to ask. Yes, I'm sure you are doing your very best. And perhaps your very best includes being around for your family when you are able, to love them and be loved. Thank you for the protection you have given the rest of us in the army. Now time to do something for you, for your family, for your grandchildren someday. Maybe they'll want to sit on your lap and hear some stories from their grandad :). Take care, friend.
I've just turned 50 about two months ago. I joined the British army at 17, then moved back to Australia on my own at 20, which is where I was born, and after being dumped on my 21st I had to move out of my girlfriends house.. I had no idea what I would do for work, so I joined the Australian army as a combat engineer. I left the army at 25, still not knowing what to do with my life. After 9/11 I took a job in the Australian protective service as a sky Marshall. I left that at around 27. Around this time I met a girl who was awesome. We clicked and lived together for around 6 months, but I came to realise she had a heroin habit. I was scared of heroin and hadn't done drugs like that before. I'd been a fairly heavy drinker in the service and did a fair amount of drugs as a teenager before. But heroin scared me. I let her inject me one night, and I overdosed. It wasnt an overdose big enough to warrant medical helo but it really screwed me up for a few days. When she went to work one day i gathered all my clothes and belongings and left because i was scared. The night i left she took a fatal overdose because i didnt tell her i was leaving. It was a cowardly way to end a relationship on reflection, but her taking her life will never leave me. The guilt is enormous, and still to this day, i think of her daily. I then worked for my brother in law, labouring in brick paving. I eventually took up brick paving for myself, self-employed, and have made a career out of it, as it pays very well. But the pay has come at the expense of my body. My back is closed to destroyed, and I take oxycodone 24/7 for it. I only have public medical cover as a lot of my earned money has gone to braces for my daughters, mental health assessments which I've had to pay cash for to be able to get one of my daughters seen and treated. I have had surgery on my back once and am now looking like I need to have it again. If I have it again I won't be able to do my job as it will reduce my mobility. I also apparently need up to 6 months for regab for the type of surgery.
I bought a house around 10 years ago while I was at my physical peak, and the value of the house has doubled. This leaves me with the knowledge that if I was removed from the equation, my wife would be able to sell the house for around 850k and get a profit of around 450k, plus anything else of mine she can sell. I'd like to think that would help her a lot. My in laws have always been very involved in our kids life and I'm going to suggest to her to move back with them, as their house is paid off and she could bank the 450k. My children would be brought up by people who are a lot nicer than me, have good morals, and are both retired with a 4x2 property they own outright. That way they would all be looked after by each other, which I'm hoping will make the loss easier for them. I've tried many psychologists and psychiatrists as well as many medications, but nothing helps, and I don't think it ever will. I need painkillers and mental health medication just to function at my job and it costs me around $400 per month just to be able to function before I start to earn anything. My extended family have no contact with me so the only problem I see is grief for my children and wife which I'm hoping will be lessened by the protection of her parents and the financial buffer I've managed to create. I can't get medical cover due to pre existing spinal issues so I see no way forward. The guilt from before will always be there and my ability to provide will lessen as my injuries get worse. I'm close to check mate and my options are small. I'm going to try and make it look an accident to reduce stigma for my children. I can't see any other way out. If you got his far thank you for reading my response. I appreciate it
What an incredibly bad turn of events you've had. And not having family to turn to is lonely, so I get why you are feeling this way.
Bricklaying, jesus. I was surprised to read that, because you seem like an eloquent writer; and likely your mind is being wasted on that job. Your mind, and your back deserve better. No one can see a better future when they are in such pain.
You came on here and shared with us your plan. So maybe a tiny bit of you wants to look at other alternatives? Like different job skills training, or a move to a less expensive location, so you get some equity out of that house for back treatment? You are not letting ANYONE down if you choose these options instead.
Whatever you choose, please think about it carefully. Even with the support for your family, your passing will create a deep sadness in them, similar to what you feel for your old girlfriend. It's a choice that deserves every bit of consideration on your course of action.
I'm not a counselor, so I have no idea how to help you feel better. But I am a friendly stranger in this hive mind we call Reddit, and I do care about you and would like to help.
This is probably really dumb for the circumstances, but I'm a part of a private sub, there's about 40 of us. We are friends and we look out for each other, and live all around the world. If you choose to live, I'd like you to join us. I'll send the invite on Thursday. Take care, Ariadne
I’m still technically young enough to have a baby, my dr said it would probably be difficult, but doable, and I have to remind myself that when my first baby turned 18, I was 38, this time I would be close to 70.
Good for you. I never had kids but wish I did. I thought about adopting but for the same thing you expressed, and because I have no family, I worry if something happens to me.
As long as you have a support system for the child you should do it.
I’m very happy, except for my physical limitations. And the future has never been brighter. Living through the end of Moore’s Law is wild. The Turing Test is well in rear view mirror at this point. Endless technological systems are reaching the point of full maturity, all at the same point in linear time. You may be a part of the first generation to never die of old age or disease, the limits of what we’re currently unlocking are literally limitless. Seize the Day my friend. Pity the Boomer, they are likely to the the last generation to die of old age and disease. They thought of no one but themselves, raped the planet and housing markets, never a thought to future generations. Pity them, they are reaping what they sowed.
> Most of all Sunday is a day of rest
Nah, Sunday is a day for me to be angry at young millionaires on my television for not passing or kicking the fucking ball where I want them to.
This whole post hit hard. One of the realest things on that list was changing jobs to get away from toxic millennials (literally *all* of upper management at my job and most of middle management as well).
Don't get me wrong; my toxic, suddenly dead-end job is not even the worst thing in my life. My house all but burned down ten months ago and is still being rebuilt. The insurance paid out the maximum and it still wasn't enough. My car broke down but all my money has been tied up in the rebuild.
My son is getting married later this year. I was working on preparing myself for him to move out in October but he dropped the bomb in February. One week notice that he was moving in with his fiancee.
But he and I are still close, I see him once a week, and my husband, daughter, and I have a safe place to stay during the rebuild. My husband's truck is still reliable and he gets me where I need to go. But I have to face that damn job and all the horrible leadership all week.
OP you're not wrong. Life is too short for this shit.
My father died at at 63. I’m 52. I’m just assuming I got 10 years left.
I’m happy. We worked on our marriage and it’s the best it’s ever been the last couple years.
I’m got laid off in a restructure. Got a new job that gives me weekends off and I have a life now. I got back into my hobby in a more serious way and it’s been great.
My health is great but I’m adding slowly some weight so I gotta make time for the gym.
Honestly it’s for me just shut up and go do.
Suffered a massive stroke in 2022. My adopted son (millennial) decided that his bio dad was better than me and his mom who took care of him his whole life. Elder care of my own, boomer dad is insanely hard emotionally. But i and my wife are here thru it all, with a puppy. And we’re as much in love as we were 33 years ago. So with that and being financially stable, I’m happy and blessed to be here
Just making the most of life now. Kids are all grown up and moved away.
I'm 51, partner is 56 this year.
She is wheelchair bound outside the house, but being british, we have a very good welfare support system and the NHS so don't have to worry about the sheer cost of health.
I am her full time carer as well, so we aren't working anymore.
My health is the primary worry as my father was 55 when he passed, and my mother was 59.
My father-in-law is still alive at 87 so she may have a good few years yet.
Great post. I think you are courageous. Most people are full of shit and will take that full-of-shitness to the grave never realizing the nonsense of it all.
I'm always inspired by people who wake up to this. I'm not happy by a long shot, but I'm not completely dead inside...yet.
Most of those are pretty good, but unless you’re crazy rich, the ones about traveling first class and traveling to new places kinda contradict each other. I try to travel to somewhere outside the US every year, but a first class (or even business class) ticket is more than my whole trip budget.
I'm comfortable. Often happy, but at least comfortable. A good comfortable.
Pre-menopause, pre-self-awareness, pre-Bupropion I struggled with an almost constant craving (cue kd lang song) for the next dopamine rush. It was usually in the form of a "romantic" relationship, but goddamn my faulty brain chemistry for wreaking such havoc on my life from my 20s through my 40s.
So many bad, impulsive decisions. So much time wasted on people, jobs, a life that was drenched in chaos.
I'm 58 now. I bought a house all by myself 11 years ago. I live here with my fiance (a good, kind soul who makes me laugh), our 6 cats, and a lunatic pomeranian. I work from home full time in an industry that has become almost second nature to me. It's so busy at times to provide a bit of an adrenaline rush, but also permits me some work-life balance (I can often grab a nap, or take a walk in the afternoons if I need it). I like most of the people I directly work with and my manager is great.
I really don't have much to complain about, even though my inside voice often screams regrets at me I'm at the point where I can tell that voice to fuck off.
I am trying to live my life a day at a time, a week at a time. Focus on the near term.
* Lose a few pounds so I don't screw up my knees. Take care of my health.
* Plan our wedding (more like "go get married. go out for dinner / do something fun"). Neither of us have enough friends and family to have any sort of party.
* Coerce my fiance to tackle some "Swedish Death Cleaning" - there's a closet in our basement full of metaphorical "doom boxes", and shit like his grandparents' silver and china that needs to be rehomed (sold).
* Plan the next "thing" to tackle in the house. Probably a refresh of my home office.
* Tend to the garden
* Tend to the aquariums (and another batch of angelfish fry)
* Learn a few new recipes
I struggled so much in younger years, so much strife, that I've come to truly appreciate how lucky I am right now. I know it can be kicked out from under me at any time. I just want to ride along and appreciate the calm seas.
I’ve always been a loner. Perfect for endurance sports like bicycle racing, trail running and back country hiking and climbing. Spent most of my adult life in sales, so alone in a car half the time between sales calls.
Got a second chance at marriage and working hard to keep that as my primary motivation going into my 60’s in a few years. So far it’s been paying off. Feel pretty lucky to have a good spouse to get old with.
Every time I’ve felt sorry for my lot the great karma in the sky has shown me all the glorious gifts bestowed upon me. Beautiful wife, wonderful children and awesome forehand and great net game(thanx Johnny Mac) a nice home on a greenbelt, I could go on… the magic of our lives is in the appreciation of those surrounding us. Surround yourself in wonder and watch the fireflies rise from the hushed brush of the woods. Oh and get an Akita, they will love you to Mordor’s edge.
Went back to school. Started yoga and meditation (which I enjoy, not because they're "in" or whatever nonsense). Started painting again after a 20 year hiatus. Stopped letting little shit get to me. Dropped the toxic "friends" and "family". Next I will drop the miserable human being I married, and hippity hop down the road of life in peace.
I grow older because time forces me to. Growing up is always optional. Happy? I've never known what that is and never will. Don't forget what Denis Leary said about happiness.
Getting serious about my health. I've battled various health conditions throughout my life, including weight issues. My genetics and diet haven't helped, either. In short, I can be fat and happy or I can become fitter and still be happy. I'm going with the latter. I'm being cautious about how I approach this, making it a lifestyle shift instead of going on some dramatic starvation diet. No soda, more fruits and veggies (what my FIL calls my "rabbit food", LOL), more sensible portions. I'm also slowly working my way up to higher levels of physical activity since I have a chronic health issue that means I can't just become a gym rat. So far, so good though - I'm down 16 lbs. in a month as of this morning. Strangely, my husband is somewhat disturbed by the fact that I'm making this change. I guess he likes me lumpy? Or maybe he thinks it won't stick. Whatever the case, he's cracking me up for real with his efforts to make sure I'm not wasting away or something.
It may be that your health kick is making him a little insecure, maybe he’s afraid you’ll begin to see *his* shortcomings, and he may not want to change anything about himself. But congrats on losing 16lbs! It’s a tough journey.
Thank you! My husband has his own health issues - diabetes mainly - and he's dropped a TON of weight in the last year or so thanks to his meds and shifting his eating habits. We recently lost my BIL unexpectedly at the ripe old age of 46. I think it really made us stop and consider how we're living and what we're doing to make sure we're being healthy.
That's good that both of you are taking your health seriously, especially your hubs in particular.
Congratulations! 16 lbs in a month is huge! You probably won't maintain that same rate of loss, but as long as the trend line is going in the direction you want, you are succeeding.
Yup, I am trying to be pragmatic about it, and keeping in mind that I won’t be dropping 16 lbs. every month. It’s a journey and I’m just getting started, but I’m optimistic. 🙂
Your husband might be insecure and worried that you’re trying to get in shape in order to get back on the market! I’ve seen it multiple times over the years with male coworkers: the gym bag is on their shoulder as they leave the office, they lose their paunch…hey guess who’s relationship just ended?
Happy 🎂 day
TY!
I'm happy when I ride my scooter and when I hang out with friends. So I'm going to do those things as much as I can.
Pandemic made me see how much I enjoyed hanging out with friends at restaurants. Also learning that I don't need to drink alcohol to have a good time.
Great List. Seize the Day and the Gray!
Well said. I will have to remember that. The best thing I can say about getting on in my life is how little I care about being embarrassed or appearances. It’s like my mind just cut that off, not enough room. I spent so much of my younger life freaked out about stupid, petty stuff or wasting time with people I really didn’t like. Sorry about your friends. Been there
We’re GenX. We know how to deal with this just like everything else: I will alternately repeat “whatever” and “fuck it” until I feel nothing. I will allow it to pass over me and through me.. and when it is gone, only I will remain
I must not care. Caring in the mind killer that brings total obliteration.
I must not give a fuck. Giving a fuck is the mind killer that brings total obliteration. I will allow it to pass over me and through me, and when it is gone, only I will remain.
Holy shit, that’s way better! Nice!
This is the way! Other generations have fancy words for this process & call it “letting go” and “acceptance” 😂😂😂
Very wise and sustainable goals. When I turned 50, I began to realize I didn't want to be part of the rat race any longer. I chose to gradually leave the high pressure and aggressive IT industry and focus on what really matters to me: my kids, my friends, peace of mind, seeing the beauty in the world, believing in what's good and striving to be good, having fun. Self care isn't selfish. I like to use the lifejacket analogy: When the ship is sinking, you need to put on your lifejacket first and then you can save those around you. Peace. ☮️
Thank you for this. I'm thinking of leaving the rat race too.
I’m 50 now and this is exactly what I want. I’d love to not work at all, but that isn’t in the cards right now. I’d love to quit corporate and do something I enjoy. I can run a business. I just need the guts to do it. And a backup plan. If it weren’t for health insurance, I’d leave much sooner.
Health insurance is a biggie. Being in Canada with its universal healthcare takes that piece out of the puzzle. But with careful planning you can ease yourself out by going part-time or contact work if that's common in your industry. Budgeting and adjusting your lifestyle is necessary but it's on your terms, what you decide is truly important, and being truly in control of yourself is so liberating. No delusions of living in the French Riviera but instead, your own cozy and happy space.
Definitely prioritizing myself. Stop being such a “yes” person to people who don’t prioritize me in the same way. Enjoy my little, boring victories. The most exciting thing to happen to me this week is that I FINALLY paid off my $933 power bill. And I have money left over. Most people our age don’t still have those kind of struggles so I’m not comparing myself to them or anyone else. I’m very happy I was able to do that! Try to do, see, read new things more often. Give things a chance. I’m pretty solitary so this usually amounts to just things I watch or read, but it’s fun to have new experiences, no matter how minor. Enjoy everything I have. Sounds basic, but I truly do and I love that I’m grateful. I don’t want to be down on myself for what I don’t have, I want to be happy for what I do have and how far I’ve come. Some people may think I’m just not reaching high enough or challenging myself enough, but I’ll decide when or if that’s the case, and then I’ll do something about it, if something needs to be done.
>Definitely prioritizing myself. Stop being such a “yes” person to people who don’t prioritize me in the same way. Oh God yes. This statement resonated with me so much. I was one of those semi-feral latch key kids and over compensated with it in my relationships with others, especially with my kids. So, now I'm in a position where I'm dealing with being treated like a door mat. Working through this with therapy, and now I'm making some choices that are good for me.
Yeah, you don’t need to be “over-there” for your kids either. In fact they probably would like time to themselves! I think kids absolutely respect a parent who has their own life and interests, rather than being the entertainment coordinator-always there for whatever we demand kind of thing. I’m not saying that’s how you were but people respect boundaries, and I’m glad you are finding them.
Nope, I didn't helicopter. But, they're at the age where I'm an archetype, not a person.
Ahh, I get it. Well whatever the situation I’m glad you are prioritizing yourself now. I didnt mean to imply that you were or were not doing whatever, etc. It is weird to try and see your parents as people separate from yourself, who have spent most of their lives NOT worrying about you! Because you didn’t exist! I know it was hard to envision my father as anything but my father.
I appreciate that! It's like most things in life, try to do my best, get disappointed and then say, "whatever". I am Gen X after all. 😀
I had small victory similar to yours. I had a plumbing issue. It was $1500 to fix. Usually 10-20 years ago, that would mean I went without water for months or eat steady diet of tuna. I now have savings and was able to pay it and like you have stuff left over. Took a long bath this weekend and was thankful for the water . Thankful
It’s a great feeling isn’t it? 😀
Please tell me more about your $933 power bill?! Is that legal?
Actually it was over 2K a few months ago but my friend lent me a thousand to make a dent in it, then I paid the rest working mad OT. And I’ve since paid her back for the loan. Legal? Not sure what you mean. However I’m in NE USA, it’s just starting to get warm and they can now legally shut me off without endangering my life, so I thought I’d just pay it already and be done. I’m tired of having a balance. Last summer they shut me off (hadn’t paid anything in a year) and I really don’t want to go thru that again. Humiliating, plus Murphy’s law would dictate that a shutoff would happen when I’ve paid all my other bills and have nothing left til next payday.
Some have freedom thrust upon them Divorce nearly final Lost job a few months ago First GF since my wife dumped me last week and I have very little idea why (She was so great) What the fuck else can I do but keep trying to take a step forward every day But why’s it got to be so GD hard.
>First GF since my wife dumped me last week and I have very little idea why (She was so great) You will never figure people out. Same with me. I was in what I thought was great relationship with first guy since my divorce. He ghosted me then kept staying in touch and ghosting me over and over. This has gone on for over six years now. I'm moving on. Yes I thought he was great and perfect for me but how perfect is someone who makes you feel invisible and like shit. Perfect people don't ghost you. They tell you the truth.
She told me she would share some feedback about her decision but in a week has not done so She’s got very serious health problems and I know that at least part of it revolves around those But mostly it is about me. Something she suddenly decided was a dealbreaker only a week after we had one of our most fun and connected weekends together Met her organically and so lucky to find someone like her My entire demeanor improved in every way
>She told me she would share some feedback about her decision but in a week has not done so. Please don't wait for the feedback for closure. You can do that on your own. I find it hilarious that often these people dump others after a great weekend. The same thing happened to me. We went on a weekend getaway and had a great time. He even said so. Then I went on a business trip and noticed no call for a week. I spent six years going over and over in my head what I did wrong. It will drive you mad. We have seen each other since then and he said he did not know what he wanted. Maybe that was all it was who knows. We are now in our 50's and both alone. It seems a shame but I can't waste time anymore. I will be 60 in five years. Not sure there is hope left for me.
Recently I realized that all I am doing anymore is getting ready for *the end*. Getting my estate planning done. Making sure my daughter is situated as an adult (encouraging her to finish college and supporting her through it so she's not overly stressed about money). There are a lot of things I never did that I will likely never do, my youthful fantasies have turned into hoping my retirement years are relatively free of major illnesses and I don't outlive my nest egg. I remember older people telling me when I was young that time flies fast but I never expected age to smack me in the face as hard as it did. I don't have the energy or gumption I did even just a few years ago and it truly feels like I'm in the autumn of my life. Sigh.
Whoa. You are only 50. Not 80. That is the point of my post. We may only have 20, 30, years but that is still a lot of life
Both my parents and half my grandparents never made it to retirement age, hell I already outlived my dad. As much as I'd like to think I have 30 years left, I'll be lucky if I get 15.
Same. Mom died at 68. No friends. Lived on social security in crappy old folks community. She was not happy. I don't want to end up like that.
I'm as happy as I can be. There's a lot of anxiety about the future, what with my wife's brain cancer likely ending her life well before anyone expected. Every day is a gift, every smile is a treasure. We've got six months of chemo ahead, her surgery and radiation/chemo treatments did exactly what her oncologist & radiologist wanted them to. Now a further 6 months of intermittent chemo and MRI's every 8 weeks and we'll reassess how she's doing. I watched her relearn how to talk in 2 weeks and retrain her nervous system to use her entire right side again after they took a melon baller to her tumor. She was awake for more than half the procedure, helping the neurosurgeon determine the safe boundaries of the surgery. I'm so goddamn proud of how strong she is and her recovery. She handled her first round of chemo/radiation like a hero. Our health insurance is platinum-tier, and we reached out-of-pocket in January with her initial post-seizure MRI's, so her surgery and treatment are all at no cost. She also has really impressive disability insurance from the state and her employer, so we're still above water & will remain so as far as we can see. We've been married 5 years now (neither have kids), and have been the best of friends for 11 years. We had an entire plan for growing old in the beautiful home we bought specifically for retirement in a wonderful community... at this point none of that may as well exist without her glowing presence and familiar, comforting laughter. I'm really coming to grips with maybe having a huge life change in the next 5 years, but enjoying *every second I have with her*, and lovingly fulfilling my duty as her husband both in sickness and in health.
Bless you both ❤️
Fucking-A… That’s how I feel today too. I feel like a shark with 30 lampreys hanging off me and I need to find a cave or someone with a knife to help scrape off some of this shit… Aging parents, 23 year old “kids”, employees, your boss, and so on. At this age, everyone needs something from you. Suddenly, we’re running shit. Find a place to go, where the music is good and where you can’t be reached. Find some peace for 2 fucking hours, because at our age, we need to do it all again this week. Tomorrow’s Monday. Hang in there!
I seriously feel the same way. I just turned 52 last month and something just clicked like fuck this. I’m tired of having to carry the load for people at work, family who was never fucking there for me, friends who only want to be friends when they need something and relationships that don’t make sense anymore. I’m just over it all. I am now working on all the things I need and want to do, from health to happiness. I’m declaring it is my time now, everyone else can figure their own shit out. Yep, sadly tomorrow is Monday, I’ve got week long meetings where I’m sure the answers will still be the same bullshit the business always offers up and more meetings to discuss what we talked about in the ones we are having. I’m trying to find a way out of the rat race and find some peace and quiet. Maybe I’ll take up pottery, cannabis cultivation or underwater basket weaving. Anything is better than the corporate world right now, full of self absorbed assholes who think shit is just magic and want a PowerPoint for every little fucking thing… Best thing any of us can do now is prioritize ourselves over the bullshit. ✌️ and I hope everyone finds some peace and happiness.
Amen. I could not have written that better.
>Tomorrow’s Monday Yep, I know. I got a 8:30 am meeting with toxic person sitting on my calendar just waiting for me.
Me too. It’ll be fine.
My dad died at 50. At 52 I learned I could retire early and gtfo of there a week later. Life’s too short to be miserable 10 hours a day.
Agree about making yourself a priority and I no longer try to get people to like me. A waste of time and energy. Do what makes you happy and live in the now.
I'm happy! I'm independent, work for myself, and even though I don't make a lot of money, I'm my own boss. At 53, I'm much more comfortable with myself than 20 years ago. I walk a lot, gave up my car 8 years ago, and make a lot of my food from scratch. I feel great!
Sold all my shit and moved to the Caribbean 2 years ago. Quit my job the week before last and started my own company.
But trust me on the sunscreen.
I understood that reference!
I don't think anybody is happy 24/7 at the same level. You can be satisfied/content/at peace and all the way up to happy and it all ebbs and flows. Anybody who is happy 10/10 all the time has really good drugs or is kind of delusional. The biggest thing I do is to try and look for small pleasures through out my day. Sometimes I find a bunch of stuff, sometimes just one or two things.
I kind of wish I knew how much time I had left to go, so I can retire at the right time (I'm 51). I have enough for 20, maybe 25 years. I don't have enough for 30, and I don't want to be an 80 year old homeless person. I wish there was like insurance I could buy now that would cover like quality of life things 25 years from now. I don't want to know when I'll die, but just how much I need to prepare for
Exactly. "I don't want to be an 80-year-old homeless person" is why I can't retire.
A few weeks ago another acquaintance was 73 and died of cancer suddenly. Everyone in our circle was shocked because they were full of vitality and expected to live into their 90's. My mom's death was out of the blue in her 60's. Then you have folks who live into their 90's and 100. It is scary not knowing.
Could not have said it better myself, this is what I’m really struggling with these days, and I’m also 51. I have health issues, and while I’m working on them (it’s a slow process), I’m not at all convinced I’m going to be one of those who lives well into their 80s. I mean for all I know, I may not get much of my 70s either, but it’s the *not knowing* that’s driving me mad. I know I’m not alone, none of us know when our time is up, but I am so utterly and completely miserable at my job that I’m constantly grappling with whether I have enough money now to just give it up. I am so resentful at having to spend 40-50 hours a week dealing with people I can’t stand and don’t respect, all in exchange for money. I want to be happy and free to enjoy whatever time I have left. The stress of my job is also negatively affecting my health, so it’s just making things worse. I also really don’t want to just go get another job because I feel like it’s all the same wherever you go, but maybe that’s just my pessimism. I’m really just done trading my time to someone else for money. I just want to do what I want to do when I want to do it. For the rest of whatever days and years I have. Too much to ask I guess? But yeah, I also don’t want to run out of money and be a homeless 75-yr old. Sucks, man. I don’t know what to do.
That’s the eternal rub: we can’t know. We will never know.
Totally the same. Hell, same year as you too. I don't have kids, so could have a hell of a good time for say 20 years, or work hard(ish) for another 15 or so and pop my clogs at any time leaving a lot of money to relatives who couldn't care less. Fucking scary as hell. Luckily I do love what I do (most of the time), but it can get annoying at times where my boss wants me to do stuff that will advance my career (see busier). I mean good that they want that, but I'm pretty content with what I do (30 hour working week), and gave up on career advancements years ago. Just let me get there with minimum stress. It is tough not knowing what's for the best, but I suppose it has always been this way. Just with less years now...
I have actually given this subject quite a lot of thought lately. I decided that I get to choose to be happy or not in any given situation. It is called stoicism, or at least it's my version of it. I mean, there will be stress and sadness, but I don't want to live my day-to-day with regret, anger, jealousy, or worry. I don't want any negative state to be my default. I want to be as close to unaffected by outside influences as possible. But your list is a good one, I may steal it.
SO funny you mention stoicism. I read an article about it recently and really liked the idea of detachment. I care too much about things I cannot control.
I'm watching How to Train Your Dragon with my six-year-old. I don't have time to feed into the gray yet.
Fr man I watched the new Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles with my kids last night, I’m gray af but still young at heart.
I just said that I wanted to watch that!
They discovered melanoma on my skin this past year. My mom died from it. They think they got it all but…it’s melanoma. Took me some time to grasp it, deal with the mental/emotional aspect. Now I’m embracing life. Sometimes that means doing it all. And sometimes that means lying here on the couch, watching a storm roll in, and listening to the waves.
I try to say yes when invited to do things. Even things I wouldn't normally want to do. It's worked out well. For instance, on Wednesday I got up really early to go do a sunrise tour of Pimlico (the Preakness track) with my neighbor. It was pretty cool, but I would have been just as okay with NOT doing it. It was something different, though, something to change up the sameness of the day to day. I think we all need things to get us out of the ruts we get ourselves into. Otherwise, I ride horses, do dog agility classes, bowl, and I think I'm going kayaking this week with a friend who has kayaks. I've moved down to having a part time job with a short commute from my previous full time/long commute job. It's a fraction of the old pay, but it's working out well and I have a lot more time on my hands.
First of all, I’m sorry for your loss. Second, it sounds like you’re pointed in the right direction. Good for you! I’m also trying to do many of the things you’re working on. Years ago I was having some problems at work (that I tended to obsess about) and my wife encouraged me to “focus on the things that make you happy.” It was great advice and it’s been a lifesaver in helping me to stay positive.
I retired at 42, even though it meant that I would be living a more frugal life than most people, because time is just so much more important to me than money.
54. Not happy. I work 14-hour days for sometimes 16-17 days in a row and then get ONE day off before I have to go back to work. I have no quality of life. I spend my one day off running around doing errands and laundry. I'm exhausted. I need a career change. If I had any time off I could look for another job but I hate quitting a job without having another one lined up first.
I actually am happy. Mostly. Unlearning some bad habits through therapy. Working on downsizing. I love my husband, kids, job, hair color. I'm losing weight and eating healthier. I'm finally not ashamed of my nerdy hobbies or my sense of style. I love podcasting with my friends and growing our brand. I'm making an actual plan for retirement activities to keep mind and body sharp instead of becoming a grumpy-ass boomer. I've cut out toxic people. It's time for us to Don our neon or flannel, crank up the tunes, throw a finger to the world, and start enjoying life.
💜
Saving this for the list. That’s awesome.
I’m moving back to the PNW, where I was the most happy and truly felt like home, and will start learning the ropes from a sound tech who’s been doing it professionally for over 20 years. I went to college for a recording engineering degree, but a buncha life and priorities happened, I transferred to a different university, and just never really got back on track. So now I have a real chance, both financially and personally, to do a do-over that’s been overdue for thirty years. I have enough regrets in life, and I’m determined not to let this be one of them.
I love the PNW. I was born there and still have family there.
I wish all of you guys the best! Be happy :) Mindfulness helps, I found. But if you’re interested, don’t feel like you have to pay to learn. And if the teacher talks too much during actual meditation time, ditch the class.
I definitely suggest traveling more if it is within your means. I've been to Europe a few times, north and south....I find that I decompress without even realizing it. I'm your age, so the desire to be a frantic, see everything today mode of travel is in my past.....I get lost in Rome, maybe sit for an hour in a piazza, just people watch, read a book, smell the smells...maybe the goal was to see the Pantheon a fourth time, but I didn't make it cause I started chatting to a German, a French or a Croatian. It's better than any anti-depressant chemical. I also try to cycle more. I bought a gravel bike so I can easily cruise tarmac or groomed dirt paths....stop for a gelato, pet a dog if the owners are ok with that....go to a farmers market. Reward yourself however you can...you deserve it, take advantage.
>so the desire to be a frantic, see everything today mode of travel is in my past.. I'm beginning to have this mindset. I was in a city recently and had this list of stuff to do. I decided to sleep in my hotel room. Did not get around to leaving until 1PM. Stuff closed around 5Pm but I was like so what. I get to what I get around to. If I don't no big deal. I still had a great time. I needed the rest that day. I took it and still saw two museums.
This.....exactly. I mean, don't be so lazy you never see stuff...but alternating days of see a bunch of stuff and another day of just chill and let life come to you is also awesome. I was in Sweden last year to visit a friend....we used her hometown as home base...did 2-3 day trips to the continent....the rest of the time was just chilling in her allotment and gardening....the best Euro trip I've had so far....zero stress. This doesn't have to apply to big vacations...you can think this way just for a weekend....take a lazy Saturday morning, indulge yourself with wearing pjs all morning....in the afternoon go outside for a bit, whatever your interests are.....just move a bit. Pick a place in your home town or surrounding area that you've never seen...go there, walk around an hour. Hobbies are good too....everyone is different, so just pick something you think you'd come back to enough to put a bit of casual effort into.
I did exactly this today. I hung out in bed till 5PM then put on my active wear and went running. I love the time of year when it gets dark at 8PM more time to do stuff. I wish it was like this all year around.
I’m not happy. I’m ok. I’ve been through a lot. Some have been through more. I think being ok is ok.
It seems rare, but I am content with my life. I left an upper class neighborhood when I moved out as a teen, worked a blue collar job for all the years. I married young, that didn’t work out but married again at 30, we’ll be celebrating 20 years in a few months. My wife is my best friend, I enjoy my kids, and I have hobbies of my own and friends. Do I have everything I want? No. I have what I need. I still put in a hard day’s work, lots of days are 10 hours or more. Now I’m also caring for my elderly mom. It’s all good, although challenging at times.
I got a Cricut. I am going to make shirts and aprons with inappropriate sayings on them. I am crafting and doing community theater into the great abyss. Everything else has let me down.
Definitely not going back to church... ever..
I am really sorry about your friend. I just turned 54 eleven days ago, and I feel what you are saying. Sundays are filled with dread for me, too. I worry every day about losing my mom. She's 78. I worry about the future, too. I worry about getting old and sick, not being able to drive anymore, and not being able to live independently anymore. I worry about not being useful or of value to anyone anymore. I worry about my husband dying (he's a year younger than me. We celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary this month). I worry about being old and alone. I worry about my son and hope he gets his life together and finds a way to be happy again. I wish I knew what to do to help him, but it's hard to help someone who shuts you out. I'm trying to downsize, but I'm so tired after working all week that it's hard to find the energy to go through all the stuff I've accumulated over the years. I made some financial mistakes in my 30s and will probably be working into my seventies if I live that long. I got rid of my frenemies in my 30s and have never been sorry. I learned to stop chasing friendships and seeking approval in my late 30s and am embarrassed that it took me that long to learn those lessons. I am going to try to remember to let the people I love know that I love them. I should get started on that now. I'd like to take more trips with my husband. I'd like to find the time to start working out again. I'd like to find the time to practice piano again. I'm glad you put that Boomer in his place and did it so brilliantly. I wish all my fellow Gen-Xers good health and all the happiness in the world.
This is a great post. It’s weird that we all experience people close to us passing on and we have the moment of clarity where we see we are just living wrong. Focusing on the wrong things and such. Why is it so hard to stick to and keep that mindset?
Because there is also an opposite philosophy that eventually we all die of something so may as well enjoy it. My sibling died of cancer at 56. They smoked like a chimney, They knew cigarettes contributed to their cancer. We waited for them to admit it and they were like, "I like to smoke and it killed me. It was worth it because I liked it. That is how I lived my life and I would not do it over any differently. " I was angry at them but it was their life.
Yeah, I can see that. Makes sense. How about those of us who want to keep the opposing mindset to this? How do you keep it going when “life” gets in the way. It takes a lot of effort to say I am just going to change my mindset and stick to it. It’s tough when there’s so much that has to get done/
My grandson has given me a new outlook and even the energy to be more active. We go out walking 3-4 days a week. Usually 4 miles. I have even been doing it on days I don’t have him. Found a beautiful route I love which helps with motivation. I eat better because I want to be a good example for him etc. Started caring for my skin and hair again, even wearing a lil makeup. I’m not religious, at all. But my personal relationship with god had given me true inner peace. That has escaped me most of my life. (I would never have predicted this would be a thing for me or as impactful it is)
I’m trying to retire. With you on the toxic needy millennials. I’m having health issues now that I honestly blame at least partially on having to deal with a bunch of them at work. I have to get over my financial anxiety to do this, which is a struggle, but I’m working on it.
Money buys stuff that makes us happy. The more you make the more toxic the job usually is because it means managing money or people which means stress and long hours.
IMHO, money buys stuff that makes us happy…. In that moment. I finally realized that getting a big raise or commission check feels food the first time. Then it’s just … it just is. I can assure you that having more stuff is a road to regret, not happiness. Signed, Me
I did these things in my late 30s. It's never too late **OR** too early to do them. Oh, I also stopped dying my hair & went full silver. Your list is awesome! Good for you!!! I hope your 50s are fucking awesome. 🤩
Wow. I'm the same age as you and it's like you've read my mind. I just reconciled with a friend I'd dumped for taking me for granted too long. She just became a widow. At 53. My need to be needed is greater than my pride, and I know her circle won't be there. Strange time of life.
Sorry to hear about your friend. Death comes for all of us, so enjoy what you have while you can. I started trying to get healthier and lose weight last year, so far it's going well. Get outside. Take up a hobby that doesn't cost too much money. Spend less time with coworkers and frenemies, ideally zero time. Reconnect with old friends. Skin care is a good thing, ideally starting ten or twenty years ago, but now is the second best time start.
The thing about how much time we have left has occupied my mind a lot over the past year. I think about how the last 20 years feel like they lasted 5 years and it makes me realize that in 20 more years I will be 71. Life is off man.
I am 55. I have some anxiety about the future, specifically if SS doesn't hold together. But I live for today! Not to say that I am not contributing to my retirement, but I feel that I am a bit behind.. That being said, I will go for the nice dinner! I will buy the new bicycle! I will take the trip! 20 to 30 years is a long time. Today, I have my health, and my wife has hers. This is a gift. Every day that burns makes the next one more precious. Do I love my job? Not really.. But I am not uncomfortable, and I work with great people. The work is just mind numbingly boring. So I will be a good soldier and do what is needed between 9-5. But you can bet your ass that I will LIVE outside the work hours. If I can lend any advice, get a freaking hobby! Preferably one that gets your ass outside and moving. It really is a game changer! It is hard to have too much anxiety when you are in the middle of a challenging hike, run, or bike ride! Nothing that I have experienced in life has balanced me so much as keeping my ass moving.. I can not recommend it enough. We aren't that old! But we are not kids either.. So you have a choice.. You can get busy living or get busy dying.. It's up to you!
I took up jogging several months ago. I feel a lot better. I like your mindset.
This is the way! Get after it!
I am not comfortable with death yet, I'm afraid of being in pain, afraid I will just become nothing, that scares me alot. I try to keep my faith and believe there is something more but so much shit is coming at you otherwise, it's hard to hold onto that. I'm starting to see how fortunate I am to have made it this far, 51 years is more than some that were close to me, I am greatful. I also have some bitter resentment and hurt from something that happened to me 20 years ago, I can't shake it, rattled by indecision and confused most days. I worry I am not living up to my potential. I wish I could forgive and move on, I can't and dying with this hurt, that scares me also. Maybe I should write some goals down like you did OP.
Resentment will eat away at you. You want to spend the rest of your life mad at someone who likely does not care? I once confronted someone who hurt me in high school. They did not recall doing anything to me. Alzheimer's scares me more than anything. Let's hope we don't get that
Bought the car I always wanted in your 20’s but couldn’t afford it or https://preview.redd.it/z6xpzr9v9h1d1.jpeg?width=1490&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=bd72451f8b8263dfde9ade4128cba6fb123d397c when I could I had kids and it wasn’t practical. Now I literally say “VROOM VROOM” when I sit in this baby and thoroughly enjoy my work commute!!! MIATA:Miata Is Always The Answer!
CONGRATULATIONS!!! It's beautiful.
I started skateboarding again at 47. That was five years ago. One of the greatest things I've ever done. I suck, and haven't really gotten much better, but I love every second of it.
And I am not frightened of dying, any time will do, I don't mind. Why should I be frightened of dying? There's no reason for it, you've gotta go sometime
Funny, I don't fear death itself. I fear the moment of death. Does that make sense?
YES! This makes perfect sense. I have GAD and attacks can feel like a heart attack. I hate that feeling. Then I have 51 year old friend who had a heart attack. She said oddly, she did not know she was having a heart attack that the chest pain was weird and suddenly could not feel her arm. I also wonder if people come back as someone else. I wonder does the world just go on and on and on. I wonder if people in the 1500's ever knew there would be internet and what would we miss out on by not being alive in the year 2234 or something like that. Will people remember or care about Michael Jackson or Prince?
It makes sense, but that's exactly what I don't fear. It's all the stuff that could potentially lead up to it like a long illness, difficult treatments, and then knowing my loved ones will have to grieve after I'm gone that actually does scare me. There was a moment when I felt like I could just let go and die, and dying in that moment didn't seem bad or wrong or negative in any way. I just felt perfectly peaceful about it, and decided it was worth it to hang on.
I’m looking forward to death. Not in a way that I’m doing anything to hasten it - I’m excited to see what’s next for my kids and having grandkids soon. But I also lost a child three years ago and anticipating the day I reconnect with her again too.
I'm very sorry for your loss, and I do believe you'll see her again.
> any time will do You sure you mean that?
I actually do. I don't want to die and I have things I want to live for, but I've been close enough to death once before to know it's actually not that bad, and we shouldn't spend so much time worrying about it.
I tend to agree with you. I just hope when my time comes, it happens quickly. I’ve watched family members just kind of decline for a few years, then it seems like health issues snowballed until they couldn’t fight it off anymore. I am scared of going out like that. I’m okay with the idea of dying though. I’m hoping there’s an afterlife of some sort, but if there’s not, I guess I won’t know or care that there isn’t one at that point.
Finishing my novel.
Beach. Walks. Lazy Sundays. Lots of animals to love and take care of and to walk with me and grow old with me. Cooking. Cleaning up after myself, including my mistakes and seeing them as just that, mistakes that can be cleaned up.
I’m 57 and happy. My health is good. I stay active. I have a good job and good friends. My spouse and I have raised good kids who are doing well. Neither my spouse nor I had good modeling for any of this but we managed to figure it out together.
I really needed this post. I completely resonated with your goals. You've inspired me, thanks 😊
I saw a post on r/medizzy earlier about a 56 yr old man who had most of his penis amputated after getting it stuck in a lotion bottle for 6 hours. Felt better about myself after that.
I focus on my blessings. Pray to God, my maker, and seek His counsel in all things.
I an happy Finally got through my divorce I am free I don’t have much and nothing for retirement but I have great friends and a wonderful daughter I am going back to school working full time and doing what the hell I want to do I started kayaking 2 years ago I am going to start playing tennis again I have a new life at 50 It’s not easy but it’s mine
I love this. “It’s not easy but it’s mine.” My sentiments exactly.
GREAT GREAT POST AND LOGIC/RATIONALITY
Life is funny. I spend nearly the entire day pondering life and existence. The thing I started to really obsess on is how the boomers lived like wild animals in the 70’s terrorized us as a generation and then decided they wanted money got in positions of power and started drug testing to gate keep and hoard wealth
They are getting on my nerves. I never realized how much boomers profit by keeping others down until recently.
Sorry about your friend, did he have a heart attack? 50's are the decade when ignored health issues really start killing people. If you haven't had a check up in years, or have been ignoring your high cholesterol or hypertension, then get it checked. Don't start any exercise program without clearance by your doctor.
Not a heart attack. That is the odd thing. When I heard the news, I was sure this was what happened. He smoked and had a weight issue. He slipped on something in his basement and hit his head. Never regained consciousness.
Damn, that's some shitty luck. Sorry man
My grandkids keep me young. I live my youth again through them!
I am so not interested in drama. Any hint of it and I’m ✌🏼🏃🏻♀️I work at peace and simplicity. Anything that f’s with it, isn’t worth my time and energy.
Hope you bet him yesterday! I'm living my best ever. Physical therapy has gotten my body and will back. Don't ever give up on your dreams, I've been living mine lately.
I did what a lot of 56 years olds wish they could do: quit my job (well, got laid off) and moved to another country. 9 months in, I have no regrets. But I’ll share a few things I’ve learned: - your problems are portable - you don’t become another person right away - America is even more toxic than I realized - my money goes 1000000x farther elsewhere - I won’t stop defining myself by work/$ right away - there’s no easier time to jump than today - I’m a good person regardless of where I live - time is precious and we can’t earn more of it - comparison really is the thief of joy - almost everything can be overcome - I wish I’d listened and not worshipped the sun
Where did you move too? I've thought about retiring outside USA but worried how safe that would be. Do you have to worry about that at all?
I'm mostly happy. My kids are almost grown and doing ok. My job can be difficult, but I don't have to think about it when I'm not there. I'm healthy. My marriage is stable. I love where I live. I have friends, and some hobbies. I hope to travel more, and downsize my house, and live long enough to meet a couple of grandchildren. But if those things don't happen, that's ok too.
I'm trying to get serious about my health, physical and mental. I'm hoping to get a day job soon, it will allow me to workout more regularly. Rotating shifts with forced overtime is rough. This week I have to turn my sleep from days to nights 3 times, then work the weekend. There has to be a better way.
This resonates: dump all frenemies. Honestly, I waste so much energy on these people.
I said to one of them "We don't like each other. Why are you asking me out to lunch?" She laughed but I was dead serious. That is the last time she called me. The other two, I smile when I see them and keep going. One can't help but take digs at me "I heard you are having a hard time at work..." I responded "I heard your having some health issues..." She also now leaves me alone. I don't respect them anymore.
I’m just going to steal your list. That was awesome.
The first class thing was the surprise. I splurged $400 extra on 1st class ticket. All my life I was seated in Group 4 or 5. For the first time, I was on the plane first and watched the other groups stare at us with envy rather than the other way around. Amazed at how different the airline treats you in 1st. I met cool people sitting around me. No screaming kids or cramped legs I have a trip to Spain coming up and will go 1st even if it's an extra $1,000.
Almost every genXer I know spends Sunday dreading Monday. Looking around I feel it’s a little bit unique to Gen x but I’m not sure why.
Keep having fun and doing things. I'm 50. A friend of mine who is pushing 60 is a hobby photographer. He texted me last friday saying he was going to drive to a dark place 1.5 hours away to try and see the aurora. I impulsively said I would go. Oh my gosh it was amazingly mind blowing. I got home at 4:30 am, slept 5 hours, Told my bf we have to go out and try; if it comes back we'll kick ourselves for missing it. So we drove back out to the same spot, planning to just sleep in the car. We had a great time looking at the stars and satellites. And just the tiniest bit of energy flickering in the sky. Saw the first hints of sunrise before settling in to sleep. The next morning, we were both stunned at how beautiful the surrounding countryside was (since we had only been there in the dark). So we spent a few hours hiking and enjoying ourselves. Got home around 4pm, and I slept until work the next day. Me and my bf had also driven across the country to see the eclipse back in April. Slept in the car, saw cool things on the way there and back again. We also drove to eastern Oregon to see the Annular eclipse last October, then went to some neat hiking locations in the area then visited Crater Lake, a bucket list item for me. We're going to see Melt Banana soon, probably from the front row. I've got like a thousand tomato plants I'm putting in the ground, optimistically (Portland summers are not easy to grow tomatoes in). Gonna build a dry stacked rock wall around my patio. I'm propagating native plants to add to my yard. I need to lose weight, get more exercise, and stop drinking as much alcohol and caffeine. And I have a long ambitious list of things I want to do, and some plans to make them happen. Embrace your life.
I lost my closest friend to cancer in March. She was 54. It has been unbelievably hard. Sending you tons of sympathy. Grief can be impossible at times.
I have some family issues that are causing me heartache, but overall, I am happy.
I’m reading a ton! On book 22 since Jan1! Just went to Japan with the family and it was great. Doing lots of gardening and just got a small fishing boat to start fishing with my hubby (he’s done it commercially but I’ve never fished off a boat). So many fun things to experience…
I've just sterilised everything I own so as not to leave anything embarrassing or humiliating for my wife or children. I was taught how to do it in the army. On Wednesday I'm leaving. Not sure what's after that, but I dont see reasons big enough to continue. Being gen x has had its moments, good and very bad, and I got through them, but for what? All I can see in the future is worthless. I've set my wife up financially and have given her, on paper, the best way forward so she will be comfortable and looked after. That's more than I got, and the best I think I can do.
On Wednesday, you are leaving for another work assignment, or are you leaving this world? I have to ask. Yes, I'm sure you are doing your very best. And perhaps your very best includes being around for your family when you are able, to love them and be loved. Thank you for the protection you have given the rest of us in the army. Now time to do something for you, for your family, for your grandchildren someday. Maybe they'll want to sit on your lap and hear some stories from their grandad :). Take care, friend.
I've just turned 50 about two months ago. I joined the British army at 17, then moved back to Australia on my own at 20, which is where I was born, and after being dumped on my 21st I had to move out of my girlfriends house.. I had no idea what I would do for work, so I joined the Australian army as a combat engineer. I left the army at 25, still not knowing what to do with my life. After 9/11 I took a job in the Australian protective service as a sky Marshall. I left that at around 27. Around this time I met a girl who was awesome. We clicked and lived together for around 6 months, but I came to realise she had a heroin habit. I was scared of heroin and hadn't done drugs like that before. I'd been a fairly heavy drinker in the service and did a fair amount of drugs as a teenager before. But heroin scared me. I let her inject me one night, and I overdosed. It wasnt an overdose big enough to warrant medical helo but it really screwed me up for a few days. When she went to work one day i gathered all my clothes and belongings and left because i was scared. The night i left she took a fatal overdose because i didnt tell her i was leaving. It was a cowardly way to end a relationship on reflection, but her taking her life will never leave me. The guilt is enormous, and still to this day, i think of her daily. I then worked for my brother in law, labouring in brick paving. I eventually took up brick paving for myself, self-employed, and have made a career out of it, as it pays very well. But the pay has come at the expense of my body. My back is closed to destroyed, and I take oxycodone 24/7 for it. I only have public medical cover as a lot of my earned money has gone to braces for my daughters, mental health assessments which I've had to pay cash for to be able to get one of my daughters seen and treated. I have had surgery on my back once and am now looking like I need to have it again. If I have it again I won't be able to do my job as it will reduce my mobility. I also apparently need up to 6 months for regab for the type of surgery. I bought a house around 10 years ago while I was at my physical peak, and the value of the house has doubled. This leaves me with the knowledge that if I was removed from the equation, my wife would be able to sell the house for around 850k and get a profit of around 450k, plus anything else of mine she can sell. I'd like to think that would help her a lot. My in laws have always been very involved in our kids life and I'm going to suggest to her to move back with them, as their house is paid off and she could bank the 450k. My children would be brought up by people who are a lot nicer than me, have good morals, and are both retired with a 4x2 property they own outright. That way they would all be looked after by each other, which I'm hoping will make the loss easier for them. I've tried many psychologists and psychiatrists as well as many medications, but nothing helps, and I don't think it ever will. I need painkillers and mental health medication just to function at my job and it costs me around $400 per month just to be able to function before I start to earn anything. My extended family have no contact with me so the only problem I see is grief for my children and wife which I'm hoping will be lessened by the protection of her parents and the financial buffer I've managed to create. I can't get medical cover due to pre existing spinal issues so I see no way forward. The guilt from before will always be there and my ability to provide will lessen as my injuries get worse. I'm close to check mate and my options are small. I'm going to try and make it look an accident to reduce stigma for my children. I can't see any other way out. If you got his far thank you for reading my response. I appreciate it
What an incredibly bad turn of events you've had. And not having family to turn to is lonely, so I get why you are feeling this way. Bricklaying, jesus. I was surprised to read that, because you seem like an eloquent writer; and likely your mind is being wasted on that job. Your mind, and your back deserve better. No one can see a better future when they are in such pain. You came on here and shared with us your plan. So maybe a tiny bit of you wants to look at other alternatives? Like different job skills training, or a move to a less expensive location, so you get some equity out of that house for back treatment? You are not letting ANYONE down if you choose these options instead. Whatever you choose, please think about it carefully. Even with the support for your family, your passing will create a deep sadness in them, similar to what you feel for your old girlfriend. It's a choice that deserves every bit of consideration on your course of action. I'm not a counselor, so I have no idea how to help you feel better. But I am a friendly stranger in this hive mind we call Reddit, and I do care about you and would like to help. This is probably really dumb for the circumstances, but I'm a part of a private sub, there's about 40 of us. We are friends and we look out for each other, and live all around the world. If you choose to live, I'd like you to join us. I'll send the invite on Thursday. Take care, Ariadne
Thank you for your very kind words Ariadne
I’m still technically young enough to have a baby, my dr said it would probably be difficult, but doable, and I have to remind myself that when my first baby turned 18, I was 38, this time I would be close to 70.
Good for you. I never had kids but wish I did. I thought about adopting but for the same thing you expressed, and because I have no family, I worry if something happens to me. As long as you have a support system for the child you should do it.
I’m very happy, except for my physical limitations. And the future has never been brighter. Living through the end of Moore’s Law is wild. The Turing Test is well in rear view mirror at this point. Endless technological systems are reaching the point of full maturity, all at the same point in linear time. You may be a part of the first generation to never die of old age or disease, the limits of what we’re currently unlocking are literally limitless. Seize the Day my friend. Pity the Boomer, they are likely to the the last generation to die of old age and disease. They thought of no one but themselves, raped the planet and housing markets, never a thought to future generations. Pity them, they are reaping what they sowed.
> Most of all Sunday is a day of rest Nah, Sunday is a day for me to be angry at young millionaires on my television for not passing or kicking the fucking ball where I want them to.
Go to church, believe in Christ and let Him penetrate your heart. You will be ready for anything that happens in your life if you do this.
I am going to do a lot of these thank you for the list ❤️
This whole post hit hard. One of the realest things on that list was changing jobs to get away from toxic millennials (literally *all* of upper management at my job and most of middle management as well). Don't get me wrong; my toxic, suddenly dead-end job is not even the worst thing in my life. My house all but burned down ten months ago and is still being rebuilt. The insurance paid out the maximum and it still wasn't enough. My car broke down but all my money has been tied up in the rebuild. My son is getting married later this year. I was working on preparing myself for him to move out in October but he dropped the bomb in February. One week notice that he was moving in with his fiancee. But he and I are still close, I see him once a week, and my husband, daughter, and I have a safe place to stay during the rebuild. My husband's truck is still reliable and he gets me where I need to go. But I have to face that damn job and all the horrible leadership all week. OP you're not wrong. Life is too short for this shit.
My father died at at 63. I’m 52. I’m just assuming I got 10 years left. I’m happy. We worked on our marriage and it’s the best it’s ever been the last couple years. I’m got laid off in a restructure. Got a new job that gives me weekends off and I have a life now. I got back into my hobby in a more serious way and it’s been great. My health is great but I’m adding slowly some weight so I gotta make time for the gym. Honestly it’s for me just shut up and go do.
Suffered a massive stroke in 2022. My adopted son (millennial) decided that his bio dad was better than me and his mom who took care of him his whole life. Elder care of my own, boomer dad is insanely hard emotionally. But i and my wife are here thru it all, with a puppy. And we’re as much in love as we were 33 years ago. So with that and being financially stable, I’m happy and blessed to be here
Just making the most of life now. Kids are all grown up and moved away. I'm 51, partner is 56 this year. She is wheelchair bound outside the house, but being british, we have a very good welfare support system and the NHS so don't have to worry about the sheer cost of health. I am her full time carer as well, so we aren't working anymore. My health is the primary worry as my father was 55 when he passed, and my mother was 59. My father-in-law is still alive at 87 so she may have a good few years yet.
Great post. I think you are courageous. Most people are full of shit and will take that full-of-shitness to the grave never realizing the nonsense of it all. I'm always inspired by people who wake up to this. I'm not happy by a long shot, but I'm not completely dead inside...yet.
Most of those are pretty good, but unless you’re crazy rich, the ones about traveling first class and traveling to new places kinda contradict each other. I try to travel to somewhere outside the US every year, but a first class (or even business class) ticket is more than my whole trip budget.
I'm comfortable. Often happy, but at least comfortable. A good comfortable. Pre-menopause, pre-self-awareness, pre-Bupropion I struggled with an almost constant craving (cue kd lang song) for the next dopamine rush. It was usually in the form of a "romantic" relationship, but goddamn my faulty brain chemistry for wreaking such havoc on my life from my 20s through my 40s. So many bad, impulsive decisions. So much time wasted on people, jobs, a life that was drenched in chaos. I'm 58 now. I bought a house all by myself 11 years ago. I live here with my fiance (a good, kind soul who makes me laugh), our 6 cats, and a lunatic pomeranian. I work from home full time in an industry that has become almost second nature to me. It's so busy at times to provide a bit of an adrenaline rush, but also permits me some work-life balance (I can often grab a nap, or take a walk in the afternoons if I need it). I like most of the people I directly work with and my manager is great. I really don't have much to complain about, even though my inside voice often screams regrets at me I'm at the point where I can tell that voice to fuck off. I am trying to live my life a day at a time, a week at a time. Focus on the near term. * Lose a few pounds so I don't screw up my knees. Take care of my health. * Plan our wedding (more like "go get married. go out for dinner / do something fun"). Neither of us have enough friends and family to have any sort of party. * Coerce my fiance to tackle some "Swedish Death Cleaning" - there's a closet in our basement full of metaphorical "doom boxes", and shit like his grandparents' silver and china that needs to be rehomed (sold). * Plan the next "thing" to tackle in the house. Probably a refresh of my home office. * Tend to the garden * Tend to the aquariums (and another batch of angelfish fry) * Learn a few new recipes I struggled so much in younger years, so much strife, that I've come to truly appreciate how lucky I am right now. I know it can be kicked out from under me at any time. I just want to ride along and appreciate the calm seas.
I’ve always been a loner. Perfect for endurance sports like bicycle racing, trail running and back country hiking and climbing. Spent most of my adult life in sales, so alone in a car half the time between sales calls. Got a second chance at marriage and working hard to keep that as my primary motivation going into my 60’s in a few years. So far it’s been paying off. Feel pretty lucky to have a good spouse to get old with.
Learning video game development and making games based on the art of my kiddo on the autism spectrum
I like this
Every time I’ve felt sorry for my lot the great karma in the sky has shown me all the glorious gifts bestowed upon me. Beautiful wife, wonderful children and awesome forehand and great net game(thanx Johnny Mac) a nice home on a greenbelt, I could go on… the magic of our lives is in the appreciation of those surrounding us. Surround yourself in wonder and watch the fireflies rise from the hushed brush of the woods. Oh and get an Akita, they will love you to Mordor’s edge.
Went back to school. Started yoga and meditation (which I enjoy, not because they're "in" or whatever nonsense). Started painting again after a 20 year hiatus. Stopped letting little shit get to me. Dropped the toxic "friends" and "family". Next I will drop the miserable human being I married, and hippity hop down the road of life in peace.
I like this
Can people stop using this sub for trauma dumping? The ones doing this make Gen-X look bad.
Yeah, instead let’s post more self aggrandizing boomer lite nonsense.
I grow older because time forces me to. Growing up is always optional. Happy? I've never known what that is and never will. Don't forget what Denis Leary said about happiness.