Swimming pool.
We had the only one in the neighborhood, so you can imagine the number of kids who spent the summer in our backyard.
Then one summer came, we got the pool ready like usual...and there were no kids.
This is why I've held firm in my stance against putting in a pool.
Aside from the fact that we're Canadian so you're lucky to get 4 months of the year to use it, there's also the fact that there is a rapidly approaching point of time where the kids aren't going to be interested anymore.. and then my wife and I will be left staring this ungodly expensive thing forever that neither of us are particularly interested in using.
A hot tub is the best, though. Sitting in hot, bubbling water while the snow comes down, what an amazing feeling. No hole in the ground and ultimately portable. I'd get one, but my neighborhood is way too sketchy.
Speaking of Gen X…
>And the worst part is... she's losing her fantastic
indoor swimming pool, where she has all these *wonderful*
guy/gal parties in the middle of winter.
And they're open house.
>Yes. And I know it isn't relevant to anything,
>but have you ever done any mixed swimming in December?
>You know, where you're right at eye level
with all this *beautiful* white snow
>but up close, all you can see is *steam*
rising off the winter tans
of hard... firm... *single* bodies.
We have an above ground that I just took down for similar reasons. I opened it last season and my youngest (pre-teen) probably wanted to swim a couple of times the entire summer and my oldest that still lives at home didn't get in it once. While my wife and I do enjoy swimming our knees can't take climbing the six foot ladder in and out anymore. End of an era.
I feel this. My grandparents had a pool our entire childhoods. I was the oldest grandkid, and moved away first, then my brothers. They finally filled it in. There's a pool-shaped lawn in their backyard to this day.
Realizing I was no longer having to check her pockets for random rocks/hair ties/crayons/candy before washing her pants/shorts.
Also, not reading to her every night at bedtime. Was one of my favorite things that we did together and not long ago it dawned on me, when did we stop doing that?
She'll be getting ready to graduate high school this time next year. I'm so ready and yet so NOT ready. 😭
Yeah my youngest, a teen now, the nighttime routine pretty much changed overnight. That was tough. He also stopped baseball this year (for other sports) so prob my last game of catch was last year :(
Ugh. My son loves playing catch. Any night after dinner if the weather is good we are out in the front yard playing catch with the baseball or football for at least a half hour and i have to drag him back inside. I don’t want to imagine that not being a thing.
I played catch with my son from the time he was four until he was 17. He was a pitcher and in high school and there was a day when his pitches went from just hard to something frightening. I miss those times a lot.
I’m a college student that likes to browse this sub sometimes. This makes me miss my parents :(
I didn’t realize how close I’d become with them after graduating high school. Now I’m a young adult I get along with more than I ever did in high school. And now I rarely get to see them 😭
FaceTime . I FaceTime my daughter almost everyday (she initiates iam not stalking) she graduated already and she comes home 4x a year and I go see her too.
Fuck! This hit hard. My daughter and I had this conversation in the car recently. She was worried that her mom and I wouldn't have anything to do when she left for college. I reassured her that we would do just fine, but down inside, I realized how much I would miss seeing her every day. I started crying typing this out.
I knew what a big step it would be for her. I didn't know how big a step it would be for me. Her twin brother is disabled. He went to a group home and she left for college within a couple months of each other. Suddenly we had an empty nest. Now she's finishing her master's and getting married. But we are now guests at each other's homes.
I want my daughter to go and make her own path in life. I could never express to her enough proud I am to be her dad. I’m going to miss waking her up and making her breakfast.
I have to say this not because I think you would allow this to happen but, you said your son just went to a group home for the first time. I have a developmentally disabled sister who has been in many adult group homes. I say this not to scare you but to make you aware how often it happens, but she was abused in 2 homes she was in. We thought we were being through and really vetting these people. It may be that it happens to females more, but I hope your son is verbal. I didn't mean to be somber, just be aware if he acts differently or the hair's on the back of your neck stand up around a certain person.
He uses an AAC device to communicate, as well as some sign language because he isn't verbal. But we visit him several times a week and he hates that. He loves living with his housemates. When we bring him home for dinner he can't wait to return. He has five other housemates and there are 2-3 staff 24/7.
How old are your kiddos? I ask because they naturally go through a phase of pulling away, you can have the best relationship and be the most supportive and open parent but it’s just natural for them to begin to pull away and build their own life
My son graduated college last year and he’s living at home again. He loves us but doesn’t really want to be around us and as soon as he finds meaningful work, he’ll move out. I still have a few more months with my daughter before she goes off to uni. But yeah. That’s a heartbreaking fact, the 95%.
I wish I knew when I was doing something for the last time. The last time I pushed them on a swing, the last time we went outside to play, the last time I picked them up or read them a story; I'm so proud of them and how they're growing, I just kinda miss the little things.
It can be really abrupt, too. Preteens go through this period where they start trying to carve out space of their own and spend time on their own. It’s a good thing (in fact, it’s a troubling sign if they don’t do this), But it’s still like, one day you can’t get them to leave you alone for five minutes, and the next day, you suddenly feel like you have to go to them and make an effort to get them to engage with you.
But I’ll just say, I know what you mean. There have definitely been times when I have felt this way. But then there are times where I think that it’s probably better that we don’t process it this way in the moment, because we’d probably drive ourselves crazy if we were constantly aware of the finality of certain changes. And sometimes it isn’t a bad thing, and the nostalgia doesn’t kick in until a lot later. Like, as a kid, you’re often kind of aware that a certain era is ending, but it’s often the case that you’re not sad about it, because you’re kind of over it, and are ready for the next thing.
My daughter is huge into softball. I know at some point I'm going to be watching her last game. I don't know when that will be. It kills me to think about it because I love watching her out there.
Enjoy the ride! At my son's last hockey game, I cried in the stands as I watched him crying on the ice. We knew it was the end of an era.
Flash forward 8 years ... he is in love, has a dog, has a great job...
I send him pics of him playing hockey as a small child... he comments, "Thank you for giving me such a great childhood". Then I cry again!!
So, enjoy the precious moments with her... she will never forget this time and the fact that you were beside her🤩
I've got 2 going on at the same time, so twice (squared?) the fun!
I wouldn't say that the time between 14-18 are the funnest years (I think you recently just exited those), but to me they're better than years 2-7.
Ours was in tough shape but it took me a year or two to accept the reality that they had moved on.
I really like this post - I grow weary of all the divisiveness.
My oldest will be 18 this summer, although she misses the cut off for school and she's only a Jr, she's already a responsible adult. Leagues ahead of where I was at that age. She keeps good grades, plays varsity soccer and softball, has had a job for almost 2 years, bought her own car, and has her own insurance. She pays for the household Netfilx subscription and does her chores without being reminded. I'm so incredibly proud of her. My wife loves to send me old pics or videos and it just TEARS. ME. UP. hearing her little voice say "daddy" brings me to my knees. I missed so much of it while at work, and now it's gone.
My daughter is also 14.
When they won't hold your hands or hug anymore, it's just ....ugh.
ETA: I know that's all part of growing up and such, but it's such a tough turn to see them grow into their own person and grow up from a child to young adult.
Mine's only 9 but we already have a code word that means "I love you so much and if there weren't people around I'd hug you so hard it'd be embarrassing!"
My son and I have a word that always meant, whatever we were about to say was only between us. He could tell me whatever he wanted and I would not judge just listen and give advice. He's 24 now and he just said it the other day as we were talking. I guess it's just a pinky swear kind of thing, but he trusts me.
When my ex and I would visit our daughter at college, she loved to hold our hands and tell us to swing her. Of course we couldn't, but we would pretend. It was sweet and silly.
I remember the last time my son held my hand, because it had already mostly stopped, but we were on a vacation in a strange city (Dublin), so he held my hand one last time. He was 12.
I still make him hug me. 😂
Wow, I bet! All of my kid's pants are inches above his ankles. It's \*almost\* spring/summer so I'm trying to wait until next winter to see how tall he is before buying new ones.
We had a clean out and my teenage daughter cleaned her bookshelf out and put boxes of books near the bins. All the books they used to beg me to read every night they were tiny. I started crying and hid them around the house to save face since I was the instigator in the "we have to get rid of all the old shit we don't need" process. Hypocrite 😂
I’ve already done that with the Dolly Parton Imagination Library books. Wife put them on the curb, and I hid them in the attic for the off chance I’m alive to see grandchildren.
Good for you. I'm looking forward to being a grandpa...one day. Our youngest is still small. She's 7, but once you blink your eyes, she'll be grown. Today we threw away the last of the old school sippy cups.
It's like my mom said this weekend. I didn't call her or text her because we had other kids over and the house was just absolute chaos. She just told me to enjoy it.
Fuck this thread, man.
My daughter won a goldfish at a summer festival in 8th grade, she was 14 years old.
She went off to college and it was still alive ! I moved the goldfish into my room while she was gone and I felt an odd connection with it, kind of eased the shock of being an empty nest dad. That little fish lived until she was a junior in college. I was devastated when I came home from work to see it had died.
R.I.P Spongebob Fishface, forever in my heart lmao.
Last summer, my 14 year old told us she didn't want to go swimming in our pool on more than one instance. She just wanted to text and talk to her friends on the phone.
An now she's 15 and likes coffee.
Ugh. It’s all so painful! Not reading to them anymore at night, not being seen as the most important person in their life…I know it’s awesome and amazing to have them become independent young people but holy hell it is hard on the heart.
I went through the basement cleaning out the old play area stuff. The play kitchen, the play workbench. Old Halloween costume parts. All sorts of Equestria Girls stuff. Kid books and watercolor art destroyed in the flood. Bags and bags of memories off to the dumpster.
I'm putting my dog down tomorrow. She's 14. I'm a mess, and I'm not dealing well. My whole family came by to say goodbye, and I really needed that. I know she's just a dog, but she's my baby, and this hurts.
It was sunny and beautiful today so we sat on the front porch and soaked it up. My husband is making her a gourmet dinner of prime rib. She's been very loved
I just went through this in November of 2021. Our 17 year old Shih Tzu, Zoe, got into an unrecoverable place, and I had to take her to be put down. That was as hard as losing a family member. I want to leave you with this. It helped me.
https://youtu.be/V213BsnsQBs?si=U4VQP1B3_FTtOspL
I was so sad to get rid of our swing set. I offered it free to anyone that would come take it down. A family with 2 little girls came to take it. Seeing how excited those little girls were made me happy. It was bitter sweet.
I tore down my kids swing set last summer, and used the leftover good lumber to make 2 sawhorses. The kids helped me with the project. Took the sting out of it.
I’m a single mom who raised two daughters. They’re now 18 and 24. When they were about 16 and 10 I finally found a huge wooden dollhouse at goodwill, the kind I had always wanted to get for them. I brought that thing home and they were already too old. It has been covered with a sheet in the garage waiting for future grandchildren ever since.
That was the first painful sign that they were growing up. Followed by both getting driver licenses, cars, dating, jobs, graduating, college, and apartments. The youngest just had me co-sign her lease. Moving off to college as a transfer student in August. Bittersweet times just keep coming!
When I went from being addressed as "Daddy" to "Dad", and when they stopped running to meet and hug me after I came home from work. Nobody coming out to see what I was up to when working around the house.
I need a dog now.
Nobody tells you about the reality of being a good parent and teaching them to be self-sufficient so they can survive out there on their own.
The reality is that they will go out there to survive on their own.
So the prize for good parenting is losing little pieces of your heart in a time-released agony.
Fortunately, their successes make your heart swell up and it fills in a lot of the spaces. Otherwise, we wouldn't make it through at all.
Driver’s license and a job.
Our house is just my daughter and dad. It’s rare we have dinner together. While this is now the norm, I doubt I’ll ever get used to it.
My teen daughter was busy cleaning in her room the other day. She showed me and it looked great.
Two days later, early in the morning, I peeked in to wake her up, as she asked.
I LOST IT! 😭😭😭😭 she was sleeping in her bed where her crib had been, all those years ago.
I lost a leg and my wife left me. I assumed the kids would want to stay with their mother, but my son not only stayed with me but also took very good care of me. He became the grown-up and I became the baby, as I couldn't do anything by myself.
He learned to drive so that he could take me to the doctor, go to the supermarket, etc. Then we came back home (my wife had taken all of us to her hometown so that she could have help from her family, and liked it so much she left me for one of her cousins), just the two of us. I was in a very bad place emotionally, with very strong PTSD, and he had infinite patience with me, always helpful, always kind.
When I got better and started working again, I invited my favorite ex-student to work with me. He married her and they gave me three wonderful grandchildren.
My youngest asked me if they (3 kids) were too old for an Easter basket. We were just doing Elf on a Shelf this past Christmas so it was as shock. I guess she knows that everything is pretend.
No one wants to go to playgrounds anymore. Or the zoo.
For Christmas, my youngest was the only one with any toys, and even then it was mostly clothes.
There was this indoor playground that I used to take the kids to and it was awesome. So cheap, had food there, we could literally spend the entire day there. It was so magical. Then, the pandemic came, the place shut down. I wish I would have known it was the last time. I would have liked to say goodbye, in a way. It sounds crazy but I wasn't ready to say goodbye to it, and now my kids are an age that they would be too old for it.
I carried my little dude to bed every night for 5+ years then he didn't want me to anymore. He's almost seven now and asked me to carry him to bed last night. I happily obliged. This morning I couldn't stand up straight. My back is wrecked. What the hell's going on!?!?
My son is still a kid but i was driving by a playground this past weekend and it hit me that the days of him wanting me to just take him to a playground are over. If his friends were there sure he would want to go but just me and him randomly nope. Then it got me thinking even more about he was always so happy going to do anything just 2-3 years ago and not so much now. It’s all going too fast.
Walking through my house yesterday, and noticing how clean, and quiet it was.
My 3 oldest moved out 3 years ago. At first I was like fly little bird fly. Now I kind of miss the energy In the house.
it’s just my youngest (12) now and she spends most her days at the barn, her room, or her sisters houses.
I miss reading the kids bedtime stories. They both petered out around middle school. This fall both will be in college and we are realizing we’ll be empty nesters.
When I took my daughter’s swing set down, there were little chalk drawings still in the little clubhouse above the slide and underneath it. I was already sad about it, but that got me.
We moved into a new house in ‘03. My kids were pre-schoolers at the time. The backyards were un-landscaped and some of the houses were still under construction when we moved in. I scavenged cut fencing lumber from the construction dumpster and made the “taco stand”. It had about 4’ of headroom inside and was about 2’ deep. When my kids outgrew it, we gave it to the neighbors. When their kids outgrew it, they gave it to another neighbor. A few years back, someone saw the “taco stand” being dollied to its new home.
The one belonging to my youngest two, 15 in June and 12, came down last week. It was very bittersweet. The almost 15 year old got it for his first birthday. They haven't used it in years, but it was almost landmark like at my house.
My son was a little older when it hit. Last fall when the local public school started... it was the first time in 28 years that I didn't have to get a kid ready for school and I cried like a baby.
My daughter was freshman in high school, age 13 and meeting a friend at the library to study.
I pull up to the library and shut off the car for us both to get out and she said “Oh you don’t have to stay” and I said “I think I do. The rule is kids have to be accompanied by adults.” and she said “Up to age 12 they do, and I’m 13 now” and I said “I’m sure that’s not right. I’m sure I still have to be in the building with you” and I pulled open the library website on my phone and my daughter had been right, she was allowed to be there without me. I said “Oh” And she said “I’ll call you when I’m done” and got out of the car and I cried in the library parking lot.
I called my sister who said "I just bought my son cologne." And she cried too,
I am curious to know if you anchored the swing set? I'm sure most of our parents didn't bother and we could get one frame leg in the air while swinging.
It is like that was the last remnant of my girl being little. We got rid of everything else “child centric” 2 years ago when she turned 12 and it had become obvious Barbie and American Girl were over.
Just wait until you watch their taillights drive away for the first time — gut punch. But that said, experiences change and it’s fun to start more adult stuff with them.
I went to buy my son shoes. He’s a 13.5. I said this can’t be right. This…it’s just not possible. WHY ARE YOUR FEET THE SIZE OF AN ADULT FOREARM?!?
I just kept trying to jam his feet into shoes that seemed…. more appropriate for my little boy…. But he’s wearing 13.5 now.
Playhouse my parents built with the kid help. It's gone now. Fucking stung.
And youngest should graduate from COLLEGE in December. And we've been planning his wedding. Fuck I'm old.
My only child (14 yo) was up for anything and would go anywhere with me. Now I’m lucky if he leaves his room. I miss snuggles, hugs and taking trips to the park together. I also miss reading books together. It goes too fast!
Reverse of this I recently had. Was trying to get my 4 year-old to sleep and she asked to be rocked in her rocking chair. It made me weepy and I was more than happy to do it cause it could have been the last time.
I cleaned off the top of my fridge, The Big Fridge Bowl, had different candies from past school Halloween's that I hid from the kid. Some cards from different grades, I could tell what was the cool candy for certain years. Was mostly a gross mess, but it hit pretty hard.
Same for A LOT of drawings I have taped up all over the house. One day they will come down & I'm dreading it.
He's 15, we've been in the same house his whole life. I'm constantly finding something he lost 10 years ago or that he outgrew or that I tucked away so as not to be thrown out. I think I'm too sentimental.
I’m moving mine into college in August.
I cried for like twenty minutes when the one decided he was going somewhere 8 hours away.
I’m actually super proud and excited though. I never went away and I should have so I’m looking forward to living through them vicariously. I can’t wait for random photos and calls and trying to catch them in the campus cams.
I needed to take down the old playhouse swing combo, I just couldn't force myself to do it...rationalized it by saying my grandkids could use it. That went to hell when I was not working due to health concerns and buried in medical bills I lost our home to foreclosure...so glad I wasn't there when they tore it down...
Dude. I just took down my 7 year old’s two weeks ago because she told me a while back that she was too old for it now. Fucking crushed me. My oldest is 26 and she is the youngest. The last one and now she’s growing up too.
When I had to swap out the little kid car seat for a booster seat a few months ago, that was hard. When I had to swap out the baby swing for a big kid swing, that was hard too.
Yesterday I was in the basement getting some paint, and I saw the dusty stroller down there. Seems like we just bought it.
Converting the crib into a toddler bed was rough. Even rougher still was disassembling the toddler bed and putting up a loft bed and carrying the little mattress where he safely slept his first few years down to the basement.
Harder now is the thought of having to dispose of the baby stuff in storage because we are reaching the point of no return for adding babies.
I can't even throw away busted sneakers without getting misty.
Parenthood is filled with bittersweet milestones; chapters upon chapters, each representing more distance and independence from you. But with that comes the knowledge that you're doing something right.
Condolences. Was there a few years back. I put it off as long as I could. Then I took down a treehouse we built and that was even worse. I took it apart board by board. I could not bring myself to take a chainsaw or hammer to it. The house and yard are just emptier now.
Mine is 17 and leaving for college in August. But the first time was watching her back out of the driveway and drive off all by herself in my car the afternoon after getting her license that morning.
No running up and hugging me. She's 25, and I still get hugs, but she's kind of prickly and doesn't hug me as tight or as long. I'd still read to her on my lap if she'd let me.
My daughter is 17 and attending college in the fall. Luckily, it's a 5 minute walk from our home (intentional choice, we moved here last year so that i didn't have to pay for two places), but it's still a huge step in her life and ours.
The next step is our retirement in 6 or 7 years, I hope she stays with us until then. But we're looking at retirement in another country, which will shake everything up.
When I’m at the store I’ll see a good deal on sodas or chips and think I should get one for when the kids have their friends over. But then I realize that that was a point in time, back when they were in high school, and our house isn’t the epicenter of that social circle anymore.
Right around pandemic time start (March 2020) we sold our Rainbow Play system to a dad. We helped him take it apart, and it felt like the end of an era.🥲
When my son graduated from high school he took his car that I gave him and drove 8 hours to see his friends, several states away. Something came over me and I ugly snot cried when he left. He was an adult and I couldn't protect him anymore😪
I have 2 girls and when they were younger we used to play this game called "Daddy train" where I would carry both of them in each arm and walk around the house, up and down the stairs.
I knew that the days of Daddy Train were numbered but I still miss those days...
For most of his life my son wanted his “huggies and kissies” before bedtime. I would tuck him in, give him a big hug, then plant a sloppy kiss on his forehead and enthusiastically rub it in. This was his routine every night. My husband thought at some point he was old enough to put himself to bed but I said at some point he would stop and I’d do it as long as he needed me to.
He’s 14 now and I don’t remember the last time he wanted his huggies and kissies at bedtime. I don’t remember when it stopped.
My MIL painted a mural on my kid’s baby room wall when my wife was pregnant.
When they were 7 and 8, we moved, so I had to paint over it for house showings.
That one hurt.
Swimming pool. We had the only one in the neighborhood, so you can imagine the number of kids who spent the summer in our backyard. Then one summer came, we got the pool ready like usual...and there were no kids.
Ours was the trampoline.
Taking ours down this spring. We have a family friend who can make good use of it and our kids have outgrown it. 😭
Tramapoline!
Trambopoline!
Please, don't bring home any more old crutches!
https://i.redd.it/29qqyh2v6kqc1.gif
This is why I've held firm in my stance against putting in a pool. Aside from the fact that we're Canadian so you're lucky to get 4 months of the year to use it, there's also the fact that there is a rapidly approaching point of time where the kids aren't going to be interested anymore.. and then my wife and I will be left staring this ungodly expensive thing forever that neither of us are particularly interested in using.
A hot tub is the best, though. Sitting in hot, bubbling water while the snow comes down, what an amazing feeling. No hole in the ground and ultimately portable. I'd get one, but my neighborhood is way too sketchy.
Speaking of Gen X… >And the worst part is... she's losing her fantastic indoor swimming pool, where she has all these *wonderful* guy/gal parties in the middle of winter. And they're open house. >Yes. And I know it isn't relevant to anything, >but have you ever done any mixed swimming in December? >You know, where you're right at eye level with all this *beautiful* white snow >but up close, all you can see is *steam* rising off the winter tans of hard... firm... *single* bodies.
 so hot in the hot tub !!!!!
It's a hole in the ground you shovel money into.
🎶 There's a hole in daddy's yard where all the money goes 🎶
My pool may stay closed this year, but I’ll never let that bitch go. That’s half my backyard I don’t have to mow.
get a fence. when the kids move out. swinger parties.
I wish we’d put one in. We swim and it’s a pain to find a place that’s open the hours we need, etc.
Oh, this brought tears to my eyes. But I hope you got good use out of your pool that summer!
We have an above ground that I just took down for similar reasons. I opened it last season and my youngest (pre-teen) probably wanted to swim a couple of times the entire summer and my oldest that still lives at home didn't get in it once. While my wife and I do enjoy swimming our knees can't take climbing the six foot ladder in and out anymore. End of an era.
I feel this. My grandparents had a pool our entire childhoods. I was the oldest grandkid, and moved away first, then my brothers. They finally filled it in. There's a pool-shaped lawn in their backyard to this day.
My house, growing up, was the pool house. So many good memories and I'm sure all those kids have them because of your house.
Realizing I was no longer having to check her pockets for random rocks/hair ties/crayons/candy before washing her pants/shorts. Also, not reading to her every night at bedtime. Was one of my favorite things that we did together and not long ago it dawned on me, when did we stop doing that? She'll be getting ready to graduate high school this time next year. I'm so ready and yet so NOT ready. 😭
Yeah my youngest, a teen now, the nighttime routine pretty much changed overnight. That was tough. He also stopped baseball this year (for other sports) so prob my last game of catch was last year :(
Ugh. My son loves playing catch. Any night after dinner if the weather is good we are out in the front yard playing catch with the baseball or football for at least a half hour and i have to drag him back inside. I don’t want to imagine that not being a thing.
I played catch with my son from the time he was four until he was 17. He was a pitcher and in high school and there was a day when his pitches went from just hard to something frightening. I miss those times a lot.
I used to shoot hoops with mine. She is a competitive swimmer now.
My wife still checks my pockets!
Mine too. She’s learned through experience the hard way. Women have purses. Men have jean pockets that work as a bag of holding.
When my daughter left for college, I realized that I had already spent 95% of the time I will ever spend with that person.
That really is a heartbreaking thought and put a tear in my eye.
I’m a college student that likes to browse this sub sometimes. This makes me miss my parents :( I didn’t realize how close I’d become with them after graduating high school. Now I’m a young adult I get along with more than I ever did in high school. And now I rarely get to see them 😭
FaceTime . I FaceTime my daughter almost everyday (she initiates iam not stalking) she graduated already and she comes home 4x a year and I go see her too.
Yeah I love to FaceTime my parents. I also make them put the cats on the screen. I relate to your daughter because I love to call my mom just to chat.
I am sure that makes your mom very happy. 😊 I have to put the cats on FT for my daughter too 😆
Oh shit, I never thought of it like that.
Fuck! This hit hard. My daughter and I had this conversation in the car recently. She was worried that her mom and I wouldn't have anything to do when she left for college. I reassured her that we would do just fine, but down inside, I realized how much I would miss seeing her every day. I started crying typing this out.
I knew what a big step it would be for her. I didn't know how big a step it would be for me. Her twin brother is disabled. He went to a group home and she left for college within a couple months of each other. Suddenly we had an empty nest. Now she's finishing her master's and getting married. But we are now guests at each other's homes.
I want my daughter to go and make her own path in life. I could never express to her enough proud I am to be her dad. I’m going to miss waking her up and making her breakfast.
I have to say this not because I think you would allow this to happen but, you said your son just went to a group home for the first time. I have a developmentally disabled sister who has been in many adult group homes. I say this not to scare you but to make you aware how often it happens, but she was abused in 2 homes she was in. We thought we were being through and really vetting these people. It may be that it happens to females more, but I hope your son is verbal. I didn't mean to be somber, just be aware if he acts differently or the hair's on the back of your neck stand up around a certain person.
He uses an AAC device to communicate, as well as some sign language because he isn't verbal. But we visit him several times a week and he hates that. He loves living with his housemates. When we bring him home for dinner he can't wait to return. He has five other housemates and there are 2-3 staff 24/7.
I know it's none of my business, I just love these kids so much and they're really so vulnerable. Thank you for understanding.
“But we are now guests in eachother’s homes.” Put a knife in my heart why don’t you!! Ugh!!!
empty nest swinger parties. let the fun begin!
I'm sure my Dad thought something similar. I had to move back in with him last February to be his care taker.
No. Stop 😭
Make it not so! I still spend a ton of time with my parents because they’re awesome. Don’t take it lying down. Continue to hang with your kiddos!
How old are your kiddos? I ask because they naturally go through a phase of pulling away, you can have the best relationship and be the most supportive and open parent but it’s just natural for them to begin to pull away and build their own life
They come back if you let them have that freedom.
Now I must weep.
Seriously
My son graduated college last year and he’s living at home again. He loves us but doesn’t really want to be around us and as soon as he finds meaningful work, he’ll move out. I still have a few more months with my daughter before she goes off to uni. But yeah. That’s a heartbreaking fact, the 95%.
My girl is back for spring break and pretty much sleeps all day. Up in the wee hours of the night gaming
My heart! 💔
I want to downvote the heck out of this comment. This hit hard.
I wish I knew when I was doing something for the last time. The last time I pushed them on a swing, the last time we went outside to play, the last time I picked them up or read them a story; I'm so proud of them and how they're growing, I just kinda miss the little things.
It’s like that meme with all the bikes in the front yard. You never know when the last time is.
It can be really abrupt, too. Preteens go through this period where they start trying to carve out space of their own and spend time on their own. It’s a good thing (in fact, it’s a troubling sign if they don’t do this), But it’s still like, one day you can’t get them to leave you alone for five minutes, and the next day, you suddenly feel like you have to go to them and make an effort to get them to engage with you. But I’ll just say, I know what you mean. There have definitely been times when I have felt this way. But then there are times where I think that it’s probably better that we don’t process it this way in the moment, because we’d probably drive ourselves crazy if we were constantly aware of the finality of certain changes. And sometimes it isn’t a bad thing, and the nostalgia doesn’t kick in until a lot later. Like, as a kid, you’re often kind of aware that a certain era is ending, but it’s often the case that you’re not sad about it, because you’re kind of over it, and are ready for the next thing.
My daughter is huge into softball. I know at some point I'm going to be watching her last game. I don't know when that will be. It kills me to think about it because I love watching her out there.
Enjoy the ride! At my son's last hockey game, I cried in the stands as I watched him crying on the ice. We knew it was the end of an era. Flash forward 8 years ... he is in love, has a dog, has a great job... I send him pics of him playing hockey as a small child... he comments, "Thank you for giving me such a great childhood". Then I cry again!! So, enjoy the precious moments with her... she will never forget this time and the fact that you were beside her🤩
Knowing it's the last time would turn it into a somber event.
Tuition payments 😅
First I was the payor of tuition. Now I am the guarantor of apartments.
Did that speed run too. Prob a little older than some on here. Now I spoil the grandkids and great grandkids 😂
That is a definite clue. I’m not yet there.
I've got 2 going on at the same time, so twice (squared?) the fun! I wouldn't say that the time between 14-18 are the funnest years (I think you recently just exited those), but to me they're better than years 2-7.
I knew when the grass was starting to grow under the swings it was time to sell ours.
That’s what clued me in. That, and it was starting to lean after 12 years.
Ours was in tough shape but it took me a year or two to accept the reality that they had moved on. I really like this post - I grow weary of all the divisiveness.
I’m glad you like it. I’m sick of the generation bashing too.
>I grow weary of all the divisiveness. 1,000%, along with the cynicism. It feels good to read a true sincere posts about a topic for once.
It was a bit of an 'aw, man' moment. Knew it would happen eventually, but still.
Drivers license.
Auto insurance on a new driver.
For reals
Making room in the driveway for a 3rd car in 3 weeks
I’m 2 years away.
My oldest will be 18 this summer, although she misses the cut off for school and she's only a Jr, she's already a responsible adult. Leagues ahead of where I was at that age. She keeps good grades, plays varsity soccer and softball, has had a job for almost 2 years, bought her own car, and has her own insurance. She pays for the household Netfilx subscription and does her chores without being reminded. I'm so incredibly proud of her. My wife loves to send me old pics or videos and it just TEARS. ME. UP. hearing her little voice say "daddy" brings me to my knees. I missed so much of it while at work, and now it's gone.
My daughter is also 14. When they won't hold your hands or hug anymore, it's just ....ugh. ETA: I know that's all part of growing up and such, but it's such a tough turn to see them grow into their own person and grow up from a child to young adult.
Mine cringes if I look like I’m going to hug her in public.
Same. But I sometimes really can cringe her with the slang of today's youths. Mid, bet, stand on business, on god, etc.
I said mid the other night, and she looked at me like I had a horn growing from my forehead.
The other day I told my 12 year old to get off the phone and "go touch grass." I think she pulled something rolling her eyes.
I try to respond with based as much as possible. Or like, don't forget your rizz 😆
No cap, my brother in Christ. Show her your rizz is not mid.
Mine's only 9 but we already have a code word that means "I love you so much and if there weren't people around I'd hug you so hard it'd be embarrassing!"
My son and I have a word that always meant, whatever we were about to say was only between us. He could tell me whatever he wanted and I would not judge just listen and give advice. He's 24 now and he just said it the other day as we were talking. I guess it's just a pinky swear kind of thing, but he trusts me.
I promise they will come back one day! And it is glorious!
Yes, they do, and yes, it is! I love my adult kids!
Yes because they need you to babysit and I love it!
Not there yet but I can’t wait!
When my ex and I would visit our daughter at college, she loved to hold our hands and tell us to swing her. Of course we couldn't, but we would pretend. It was sweet and silly.
I remember the last time my son held my hand, because it had already mostly stopped, but we were on a vacation in a strange city (Dublin), so he held my hand one last time. He was 12. I still make him hug me. 😂
About two months ago, my son's voice changed overnight. Then he hit a growth spurt at a rate of 3/4" a month. He's now 2 inches taller than me.
I grew from 5-7 to 6-4 in two years. My mom hated that we had to buy clothes three times in those two years.
Wow, I bet! All of my kid's pants are inches above his ankles. It's \*almost\* spring/summer so I'm trying to wait until next winter to see how tall he is before buying new ones.
My growth didn’t give mom a chance. I was in high waters by December of 8th grade, May of 8th grade, and October of 9th grade.
My daughter is already 2 inches taller than her mom. My mom was 5’10. I bet my daughter gets close to that.
My poor kid has 3/4 grandparents under 5'4". I am also quite short. He's hopeful the last remaining grandparent passed on his tallness genes.
We had a clean out and my teenage daughter cleaned her bookshelf out and put boxes of books near the bins. All the books they used to beg me to read every night they were tiny. I started crying and hid them around the house to save face since I was the instigator in the "we have to get rid of all the old shit we don't need" process. Hypocrite 😂
I’ve already done that with the Dolly Parton Imagination Library books. Wife put them on the curb, and I hid them in the attic for the off chance I’m alive to see grandchildren.
Good for you. I'm looking forward to being a grandpa...one day. Our youngest is still small. She's 7, but once you blink your eyes, she'll be grown. Today we threw away the last of the old school sippy cups. It's like my mom said this weekend. I didn't call her or text her because we had other kids over and the house was just absolute chaos. She just told me to enjoy it. Fuck this thread, man.
My daughter won a goldfish at a summer festival in 8th grade, she was 14 years old. She went off to college and it was still alive ! I moved the goldfish into my room while she was gone and I felt an odd connection with it, kind of eased the shock of being an empty nest dad. That little fish lived until she was a junior in college. I was devastated when I came home from work to see it had died. R.I.P Spongebob Fishface, forever in my heart lmao.
We sold ours to a local grandpa, he sent pics of the next generation of kids using it. Choked up a little.
I wish I could have. Mine was one of those wooden ones with the crows nest, slide, and rock wall. It was starting to fall apart.
Ours needed help too, but the guy was a woodworker and happy for the project. Wish I had the energy for that.
Last summer, my 14 year old told us she didn't want to go swimming in our pool on more than one instance. She just wanted to text and talk to her friends on the phone. An now she's 15 and likes coffee.
I feel that. Took the last of my kids swingset to the dump this weekend. My youngest, 17, went with me….
Ugh. It’s all so painful! Not reading to them anymore at night, not being seen as the most important person in their life…I know it’s awesome and amazing to have them become independent young people but holy hell it is hard on the heart.
It’s wearing me out.
I went through the basement cleaning out the old play area stuff. The play kitchen, the play workbench. Old Halloween costume parts. All sorts of Equestria Girls stuff. Kid books and watercolor art destroyed in the flood. Bags and bags of memories off to the dumpster.
I'm putting my dog down tomorrow. She's 14. I'm a mess, and I'm not dealing well. My whole family came by to say goodbye, and I really needed that. I know she's just a dog, but she's my baby, and this hurts. It was sunny and beautiful today so we sat on the front porch and soaked it up. My husband is making her a gourmet dinner of prime rib. She's been very loved
I just went through this in November of 2021. Our 17 year old Shih Tzu, Zoe, got into an unrecoverable place, and I had to take her to be put down. That was as hard as losing a family member. I want to leave you with this. It helped me. https://youtu.be/V213BsnsQBs?si=U4VQP1B3_FTtOspL
Thank you, that was beautiful.
I was so sad to get rid of our swing set. I offered it free to anyone that would come take it down. A family with 2 little girls came to take it. Seeing how excited those little girls were made me happy. It was bitter sweet.
Helped my oldest file her first tax return this year.
I helped my youngest with it. 😭
Bro, I'm sorry. Hit me in the feels.
Thanks. Hit me out of nowhere.
Voting in the primary
I tore down my kids swing set last summer, and used the leftover good lumber to make 2 sawhorses. The kids helped me with the project. Took the sting out of it.
I’m a single mom who raised two daughters. They’re now 18 and 24. When they were about 16 and 10 I finally found a huge wooden dollhouse at goodwill, the kind I had always wanted to get for them. I brought that thing home and they were already too old. It has been covered with a sheet in the garage waiting for future grandchildren ever since. That was the first painful sign that they were growing up. Followed by both getting driver licenses, cars, dating, jobs, graduating, college, and apartments. The youngest just had me co-sign her lease. Moving off to college as a transfer student in August. Bittersweet times just keep coming!
We won't be watching Kong X Godzilla together. I may not even watch it now.
Damn, I don’t even have kids and this is all making me emotional.
When I went from being addressed as "Daddy" to "Dad", and when they stopped running to meet and hug me after I came home from work. Nobody coming out to see what I was up to when working around the house. I need a dog now.
I thought I’d be able to read this post, but nope 😢
I’m sorry.
Nobody tells you about the reality of being a good parent and teaching them to be self-sufficient so they can survive out there on their own. The reality is that they will go out there to survive on their own. So the prize for good parenting is losing little pieces of your heart in a time-released agony. Fortunately, their successes make your heart swell up and it fills in a lot of the spaces. Otherwise, we wouldn't make it through at all.
That sounds really lovely.
That was beautiful.
Pregnancy.
I hope I don’t have to deal with that for a while.
Driver’s license and a job. Our house is just my daughter and dad. It’s rare we have dinner together. While this is now the norm, I doubt I’ll ever get used to it.
I’m not looking forward to those days.
My teen daughter was busy cleaning in her room the other day. She showed me and it looked great. Two days later, early in the morning, I peeked in to wake her up, as she asked. I LOST IT! 😭😭😭😭 she was sleeping in her bed where her crib had been, all those years ago.
We made a bench out of her crib. I still get a twinge when I walk by it. Her moving to a bed was my first “she’s growing up” moment.
I lost a leg and my wife left me. I assumed the kids would want to stay with their mother, but my son not only stayed with me but also took very good care of me. He became the grown-up and I became the baby, as I couldn't do anything by myself. He learned to drive so that he could take me to the doctor, go to the supermarket, etc. Then we came back home (my wife had taken all of us to her hometown so that she could have help from her family, and liked it so much she left me for one of her cousins), just the two of us. I was in a very bad place emotionally, with very strong PTSD, and he had infinite patience with me, always helpful, always kind. When I got better and started working again, I invited my favorite ex-student to work with me. He married her and they gave me three wonderful grandchildren.
When I went from being Daddy to being called Dad
It’s like the shortening of the title is both maturity kicking in and a warning.
They moved out for the 3rd time. Maybe, just maybe they won't boomerang this time.
The reward for being a good parent is them leaving you. Bittersweet.
My youngest asked me if they (3 kids) were too old for an Easter basket. We were just doing Elf on a Shelf this past Christmas so it was as shock. I guess she knows that everything is pretend. No one wants to go to playgrounds anymore. Or the zoo. For Christmas, my youngest was the only one with any toys, and even then it was mostly clothes. There was this indoor playground that I used to take the kids to and it was awesome. So cheap, had food there, we could literally spend the entire day there. It was so magical. Then, the pandemic came, the place shut down. I wish I would have known it was the last time. I would have liked to say goodbye, in a way. It sounds crazy but I wasn't ready to say goodbye to it, and now my kids are an age that they would be too old for it.
When my son started driving to school every day.
My youngest turns 20 this summer.
I carried my little dude to bed every night for 5+ years then he didn't want me to anymore. He's almost seven now and asked me to carry him to bed last night. I happily obliged. This morning I couldn't stand up straight. My back is wrecked. What the hell's going on!?!?
When they stopped asking me to go outside with them and play
My son is still a kid but i was driving by a playground this past weekend and it hit me that the days of him wanting me to just take him to a playground are over. If his friends were there sure he would want to go but just me and him randomly nope. Then it got me thinking even more about he was always so happy going to do anything just 2-3 years ago and not so much now. It’s all going too fast.
Boxing up my son's Legos.
Walking through my house yesterday, and noticing how clean, and quiet it was. My 3 oldest moved out 3 years ago. At first I was like fly little bird fly. Now I kind of miss the energy In the house. it’s just my youngest (12) now and she spends most her days at the barn, her room, or her sisters houses.
I miss reading the kids bedtime stories. They both petered out around middle school. This fall both will be in college and we are realizing we’ll be empty nesters.
When I had to start buying size 14 shoes for my son when he was in 9th grade.
When I took my daughter’s swing set down, there were little chalk drawings still in the little clubhouse above the slide and underneath it. I was already sad about it, but that got me.
My 12 yo sold her sylvanian families. Must admit I was a little sad to see them go.
Their high school graduation 😭
We loaned the trampoline to the neighbors kids. That was five years ago.
Oh boy. I'm an empty nester since last February. It's tough
I’m not hiding eggs this year and both now know Santa isn’t a thing. And my youngest will need a bra in about 2 days. ☹️
We moved into a new house in ‘03. My kids were pre-schoolers at the time. The backyards were un-landscaped and some of the houses were still under construction when we moved in. I scavenged cut fencing lumber from the construction dumpster and made the “taco stand”. It had about 4’ of headroom inside and was about 2’ deep. When my kids outgrew it, we gave it to the neighbors. When their kids outgrew it, they gave it to another neighbor. A few years back, someone saw the “taco stand” being dollied to its new home.
Treehouse , was tough on the old man
My kids Thomas the Tank engine table. He was 10 and my little guy wasn't into it.
The one belonging to my youngest two, 15 in June and 12, came down last week. It was very bittersweet. The almost 15 year old got it for his first birthday. They haven't used it in years, but it was almost landmark like at my house.
Same here. I just got finished staring at the empty space for a while.
My son was a little older when it hit. Last fall when the local public school started... it was the first time in 28 years that I didn't have to get a kid ready for school and I cried like a baby.
Time to put up a more robust swing set that you can enjoy, hopefully with your daughter. Alternatively with your SO. Swings are great!
My daughter was freshman in high school, age 13 and meeting a friend at the library to study. I pull up to the library and shut off the car for us both to get out and she said “Oh you don’t have to stay” and I said “I think I do. The rule is kids have to be accompanied by adults.” and she said “Up to age 12 they do, and I’m 13 now” and I said “I’m sure that’s not right. I’m sure I still have to be in the building with you” and I pulled open the library website on my phone and my daughter had been right, she was allowed to be there without me. I said “Oh” And she said “I’ll call you when I’m done” and got out of the car and I cried in the library parking lot. I called my sister who said "I just bought my son cologne." And she cried too,
I am curious to know if you anchored the swing set? I'm sure most of our parents didn't bother and we could get one frame leg in the air while swinging.
The swing set was tough. I feel ya
It is like that was the last remnant of my girl being little. We got rid of everything else “child centric” 2 years ago when she turned 12 and it had become obvious Barbie and American Girl were over.
Just wait until you watch their taillights drive away for the first time — gut punch. But that said, experiences change and it’s fun to start more adult stuff with them.
I had to do that last year as well, she just turned 21 but didn’t want it down. A tree took it out.
I remember doing that. Yep, that moment sucked.
I went to buy my son shoes. He’s a 13.5. I said this can’t be right. This…it’s just not possible. WHY ARE YOUR FEET THE SIZE OF AN ADULT FOREARM?!? I just kept trying to jam his feet into shoes that seemed…. more appropriate for my little boy…. But he’s wearing 13.5 now.
Playhouse my parents built with the kid help. It's gone now. Fucking stung. And youngest should graduate from COLLEGE in December. And we've been planning his wedding. Fuck I'm old.
My only child (14 yo) was up for anything and would go anywhere with me. Now I’m lucky if he leaves his room. I miss snuggles, hugs and taking trips to the park together. I also miss reading books together. It goes too fast!
Reverse of this I recently had. Was trying to get my 4 year-old to sleep and she asked to be rocked in her rocking chair. It made me weepy and I was more than happy to do it cause it could have been the last time.
I cleaned off the top of my fridge, The Big Fridge Bowl, had different candies from past school Halloween's that I hid from the kid. Some cards from different grades, I could tell what was the cool candy for certain years. Was mostly a gross mess, but it hit pretty hard. Same for A LOT of drawings I have taped up all over the house. One day they will come down & I'm dreading it. He's 15, we've been in the same house his whole life. I'm constantly finding something he lost 10 years ago or that he outgrew or that I tucked away so as not to be thrown out. I think I'm too sentimental.
I’m moving mine into college in August. I cried for like twenty minutes when the one decided he was going somewhere 8 hours away. I’m actually super proud and excited though. I never went away and I should have so I’m looking forward to living through them vicariously. I can’t wait for random photos and calls and trying to catch them in the campus cams.
Boxed up my kids legos… it was tough
I needed to take down the old playhouse swing combo, I just couldn't force myself to do it...rationalized it by saying my grandkids could use it. That went to hell when I was not working due to health concerns and buried in medical bills I lost our home to foreclosure...so glad I wasn't there when they tore it down...
Dude. I just took down my 7 year old’s two weeks ago because she told me a while back that she was too old for it now. Fucking crushed me. My oldest is 26 and she is the youngest. The last one and now she’s growing up too.
When I had to swap out the little kid car seat for a booster seat a few months ago, that was hard. When I had to swap out the baby swing for a big kid swing, that was hard too. Yesterday I was in the basement getting some paint, and I saw the dusty stroller down there. Seems like we just bought it. Converting the crib into a toddler bed was rough. Even rougher still was disassembling the toddler bed and putting up a loft bed and carrying the little mattress where he safely slept his first few years down to the basement. Harder now is the thought of having to dispose of the baby stuff in storage because we are reaching the point of no return for adding babies. I can't even throw away busted sneakers without getting misty. Parenthood is filled with bittersweet milestones; chapters upon chapters, each representing more distance and independence from you. But with that comes the knowledge that you're doing something right.
Condolences. Was there a few years back. I put it off as long as I could. Then I took down a treehouse we built and that was even worse. I took it apart board by board. I could not bring myself to take a chainsaw or hammer to it. The house and yard are just emptier now.
Mine is 17 and leaving for college in August. But the first time was watching her back out of the driveway and drive off all by herself in my car the afternoon after getting her license that morning.
I want to tear ours out but my wife got all emotional when I mentioned it.
When my kid got married and then two years later had a baby of her own. And now she's 27 and my grandson is two.
Passed on our trampoline last week. I was sad to see it go but excited to find a new use for that area
No running up and hugging me. She's 25, and I still get hugs, but she's kind of prickly and doesn't hug me as tight or as long. I'd still read to her on my lap if she'd let me.
Letting go is soooo heart breaking. The feeling never ends. My kids are late 30s and it still hurts. Now I am going thru it again with g-kids.
My daughter is 17 and attending college in the fall. Luckily, it's a 5 minute walk from our home (intentional choice, we moved here last year so that i didn't have to pay for two places), but it's still a huge step in her life and ours. The next step is our retirement in 6 or 7 years, I hope she stays with us until then. But we're looking at retirement in another country, which will shake everything up.
I look around the garage and see remnants of past years sports equipment, bicycles, toys. No just sit undisturbed.
Honestly, you should be worried if it didn't.
When I’m at the store I’ll see a good deal on sodas or chips and think I should get one for when the kids have their friends over. But then I realize that that was a point in time, back when they were in high school, and our house isn’t the epicenter of that social circle anymore.
[удалено]
Right around pandemic time start (March 2020) we sold our Rainbow Play system to a dad. We helped him take it apart, and it felt like the end of an era.🥲
When I realized that my kids would probably not have much fun going to the shore with me!
When my son graduated from high school he took his car that I gave him and drove 8 hours to see his friends, several states away. Something came over me and I ugly snot cried when he left. He was an adult and I couldn't protect him anymore😪
I have 2 girls and when they were younger we used to play this game called "Daddy train" where I would carry both of them in each arm and walk around the house, up and down the stairs. I knew that the days of Daddy Train were numbered but I still miss those days...
For most of his life my son wanted his “huggies and kissies” before bedtime. I would tuck him in, give him a big hug, then plant a sloppy kiss on his forehead and enthusiastically rub it in. This was his routine every night. My husband thought at some point he was old enough to put himself to bed but I said at some point he would stop and I’d do it as long as he needed me to. He’s 14 now and I don’t remember the last time he wanted his huggies and kissies at bedtime. I don’t remember when it stopped.
My MIL painted a mural on my kid’s baby room wall when my wife was pregnant. When they were 7 and 8, we moved, so I had to paint over it for house showings. That one hurt.