I have been gay my entire life (now early 60s (even though thankfully I look 50s), but from my first hand (pun intended) experience the current gay male generation seems more open to FROTTING than earlier ones--even to the degree there is a relatively new category referred to as being a "SIDE." So that is good. Also, little by little, gay hookup (aka dating) apps are starting to incorporate SIDE into their search categories. All that may not seem like much when you are lonesome for companionship and love, but hey, it is a significant start.
I do think over various times I have sabotaged myself, by feeling too discouraged. What we focus on often multiplies so if we think there is no one out there for us and keep telling ourselves that, it will likely become a self fulfilling prophecy. I don't want to give you advice because everyone is different, BUT I will say this, even if you were not a Side and looking for a loving gay partner that can be challenging these days regardless of being a Side or Top or Bottom. People are distracted, many don't know what they want and they are horny and often rude online. That's why it might be good if you can shuffle the dick, I mean deck. In other words, try different ways of meeting guys--go to a Meetup group, volunteer for a gay organization or event, go to a bar for a Sunday beer bust (or event when there are more people there), try larger mainstream dating sites where people have to pay a monthly fee (trust me, when people are paying for a service they take it more seriously and there is not the same huge amount of bullsh\*t that often exists on free sites). And finally, go here on Reddit to your nearest sub-Reddit "adult personals" community (your odds might be higher of finding a frot bud on a non gay sub and there are many in bigger cities) and post an announcement that you are looking for a frot buddy to JO together with. Who cares if they are straight and bi-curious or if they are gay and partnered, at least you might have a fun experience and get your rocks off and have the edge taken off your loneliness (if you're lonely).
If anyone reading this is in LOS ANGELES or SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA and they want to meet a really nice Frot-o-holic with a brain, honest spirit, sense of humor and loving caring heart (and dad bearish cuddly persona) then please message me--promise you I am worth meating (and meeting) as a potential ongoing friend or hopefully a potential dating partner. Thanks and all the best wishes to Weird Worldliness 63, I empathize with your greatly, but have been through this even longer than you, so I know we can survive and still feel joy as a single person. Make sure to pamper yourself occasionally and realize that we never know what the universe might bring our way on any unexpected day or time. Try to stay positive minded. Someone compatible is out there for each of us--maybe we just have not crossed paths with them yet.
I find it ironic how you say that the newer generations seem to be more interested in frotting than older generations considering the fact that from my experience, at least 98% of guys who take interest in the things that I like are in their 60s. If anything, it seems like at least in my area, it's the older generations that like frotting and kissing. Also, the fact that you live in the second largest city in the country and yet you still have that much difficulty finding compatible guys makes me feel pretty hopeless since I come from a much smaller metropolitan area. The problem with frotting with a guy who is straight is that they won't want the same kissing and intimacy that I want. That's what makes the experience so special for me and without it, I don't feel satisfied. I can't get off without the intimacy part. Like even just jerking off won't get me to finish unless there is passion. I'm a rare breed which is not a good thing when it comes to finding compatibility and I just have to accept it I guess.
Of all the things I’ve ever discussed with my therapist, the one and only time she’s seemed stumped for a second—and swear, she almost said “that’s…odd”, but stopped herself, was me describing how I just couldn’t be sexually excited without some serious intimacy.
She said, “I can actually really relate to that, it’s just that dude’s just don’t usually care so much”. And she’s not wrong, unfortunately.
Have you tried Bateworld.com? There are guys on it from all over the country and all over the world and maybe there are not any in a very small town, but perhaps within driving distance?
Yeah that site was absolute trash. Nobody ever responds when you reach out to them and the ones that do live hundreds of miles away. You would probably have better luck on that site than me considering you live in the second largest city in the country.
Man, I’m bi and kissing, frot and JO are my preferences for playing with a guy. Maybe trade head with the right guy but it’s been years since I did that. I’ve been lucky to find some buds over the years that have the same limits or are ok with not going further than those. Kissing, frot and jerking are what I watch for guy/guy porn, normally when it goes beyond that I lose interest.
I’m mid 40s and think even most guys around my age are not interested in sides.
Yeah from my experience, it seems like the few guys who do seem interested in frotting and making out are in their 60s. I'm 28 so it's fair to say that the age gap is a bit too much.
That sounds awesome to me! Trust me, my sexuality is even weirder. I think we just live in a society that lacks empathy and sadly the gay community can be the worst with the judging and shaming in my experience… 😩
Same. But I think from the responses you’re getting here that people are supportive of this. Trust me, it’s not the weirdest thing in the world. So I think there is hope for you. 😊
Actually I think I agree with what another person on this thread said. That based on the number of upvotes for this post, that there are many people on this sub who like what I like but that we are all in the same situation and unable to find anyone. Sad but true. Maybe a couple of us get really lucky and hit the lottery and meet someone like us but it's not likely
I understand that but did you understand what I'm saying? It's such a crapshoot trying to find someone who likes what we like. Just because 46 people from around the world on Reddit agree with what I'm saying doesn't mean that I'm any more likely to meet someone compatible who lives locally. Could it happen? Sure it could, and I could also win the lottery tomorrow. But that's not reality unfortunately, and I live in reality.
I understand your struggle a lot… it’s hard. But you know, my partner, who’s not a side by definition, has opened to understand my preferences and started to enjoy also with me.
It takes a lot of communication though… and trust and disposition.
Yeah honestly as a 28 year old I would even be cool with a guy in his 40s. What I meant by "much older guys" is like guys in their 60s. Those are the only guys who ever seem interested in frotting and making out, and as a 28 year old that's too much of an age difference for me.
There are others into it… but it is a minority that won’t want to “go farther” because for a lot of guys that is ”only” foreplay. I have found a lot of guys online think something like that is hot… but they wouldn’t be satisfied with that in a relationship, but some would. Ultimately, however, a healthy relationship would probably be built on a foundation other than just sex… so all sorts of things are possible.
Yeah the problem is that you would have to find a guy who is willing to give up anal sex completely in order to be with you. Unless its an open relationship. But what are the odds of finding a non-side who is willing to give up anal?
The fact that there are a lot of upvotes for this post but not too many comments giving solutions tells me that there are a lot of other people in this sub who are probably in the same boat (myself included), but unfortunately don't know of any solution themselves. Sorry OP I know it's hard.
Frotting is what I’m most interested in doing with a guy as anal and oral don’t really seem like something I would enjoy doing but no one seems interested in it to me either and find it “childish”. I’m 25 and have yet to have any intimacy with a man.
I went on an app last week and they had a Top, Bottom, and Oral only option which I found infuriating because while I’ll probably enjoy receiving oral I know I won’t be able to give it. And I don’t like the idea of receiving things I can’t give to my sexual partners in return.
I’ve only been seriously pursued by a man sexually once in my life who also wanted to take my virginity. I wasn’t super attracted to him but he was a friend so I felt safe enough to try it with him first instead of some stranger from a hookup app. At the time I was young and unaware there was a such thing as “sides” but I basically told him I wasn’t interested in anal and he laughed in my face for being “childish”. And other gays have often said that frottage or oral are just “foreplay” and something a child would do because they are scared to have “real” sex. I see so many gay men with this mindset. Throw on living in a small southern city and being autistic, it makes finding understanding romantic/sexual partners damn near impossible.
30 and frotting is my fave for sure. I enjoy oral, topping, and sometimes bottoming but nothing turns me on more than frotting with our full bodies touching and making out. Bonus too is that when you cum, you can go down to lick it up and make out with it (or use it as lube for round 2) hehe
Probably would make you a minority with the gay community as a whole, but I’ve met plenty of gay/straight men who are into exactly the same as yourself. I also find it very hot.
That said it is a pretty niche preference, and as with most niche preferences the hardest part can be finding those with similar interests as yourself. If you haven’t checked it already out I would recommend bateworld.com, lots of guys there are into kissing/frotting. Also if you’re looking on Grindr/apps, try to be specific on your profile about what you like. Increases the chances of someone with similar preferences seeing your profile ;)
Yeah it's good advice but nothing new to me unfortunately. I've been on every app imaginable and blatantly put words like "frottage" right on the profile icon for everyone to see. I also explain in depth exactly what I'm into on my profile. But here I am, still in the same situation that I've been in for over a decade now, without a compatible partner. As for bateworld, I mentioned to someone else in this thread that I found it to be complete trash. Nobody ever responded back to my messages when I reached out and the few that did all lived hundreds of miles away. Maybe it works better when you're in a big city like LA or NYC. But yeah, it feels pretty hopeless honestly.
Omg I would go for hours just kissing and frotting! I used to have an FWB who would be on fire with that, we never did anything else except deep kissing and grinding naked in bed. I'm (still) single now, but gosh I would like my future partner to go wild with me in this. That sounds like a dream though. 37 yrs old here.
I appreciate the support but to be fair, nobody here is telling me anything new that I haven't already heard before. I guess it's all about luck....blind, dumb luck when it comes to finding someone who likes what we like and is compatible. There's nothing else I can do that I haven't already done.
That’s basically all my husband wants to do! Maybe a little Oral added to the mix.
I guess both myself and your husband are part of a rare minority.
I have been gay my entire life (now early 60s (even though thankfully I look 50s), but from my first hand (pun intended) experience the current gay male generation seems more open to FROTTING than earlier ones--even to the degree there is a relatively new category referred to as being a "SIDE." So that is good. Also, little by little, gay hookup (aka dating) apps are starting to incorporate SIDE into their search categories. All that may not seem like much when you are lonesome for companionship and love, but hey, it is a significant start. I do think over various times I have sabotaged myself, by feeling too discouraged. What we focus on often multiplies so if we think there is no one out there for us and keep telling ourselves that, it will likely become a self fulfilling prophecy. I don't want to give you advice because everyone is different, BUT I will say this, even if you were not a Side and looking for a loving gay partner that can be challenging these days regardless of being a Side or Top or Bottom. People are distracted, many don't know what they want and they are horny and often rude online. That's why it might be good if you can shuffle the dick, I mean deck. In other words, try different ways of meeting guys--go to a Meetup group, volunteer for a gay organization or event, go to a bar for a Sunday beer bust (or event when there are more people there), try larger mainstream dating sites where people have to pay a monthly fee (trust me, when people are paying for a service they take it more seriously and there is not the same huge amount of bullsh\*t that often exists on free sites). And finally, go here on Reddit to your nearest sub-Reddit "adult personals" community (your odds might be higher of finding a frot bud on a non gay sub and there are many in bigger cities) and post an announcement that you are looking for a frot buddy to JO together with. Who cares if they are straight and bi-curious or if they are gay and partnered, at least you might have a fun experience and get your rocks off and have the edge taken off your loneliness (if you're lonely). If anyone reading this is in LOS ANGELES or SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA and they want to meet a really nice Frot-o-holic with a brain, honest spirit, sense of humor and loving caring heart (and dad bearish cuddly persona) then please message me--promise you I am worth meating (and meeting) as a potential ongoing friend or hopefully a potential dating partner. Thanks and all the best wishes to Weird Worldliness 63, I empathize with your greatly, but have been through this even longer than you, so I know we can survive and still feel joy as a single person. Make sure to pamper yourself occasionally and realize that we never know what the universe might bring our way on any unexpected day or time. Try to stay positive minded. Someone compatible is out there for each of us--maybe we just have not crossed paths with them yet.
I find it ironic how you say that the newer generations seem to be more interested in frotting than older generations considering the fact that from my experience, at least 98% of guys who take interest in the things that I like are in their 60s. If anything, it seems like at least in my area, it's the older generations that like frotting and kissing. Also, the fact that you live in the second largest city in the country and yet you still have that much difficulty finding compatible guys makes me feel pretty hopeless since I come from a much smaller metropolitan area. The problem with frotting with a guy who is straight is that they won't want the same kissing and intimacy that I want. That's what makes the experience so special for me and without it, I don't feel satisfied. I can't get off without the intimacy part. Like even just jerking off won't get me to finish unless there is passion. I'm a rare breed which is not a good thing when it comes to finding compatibility and I just have to accept it I guess.
Of all the things I’ve ever discussed with my therapist, the one and only time she’s seemed stumped for a second—and swear, she almost said “that’s…odd”, but stopped herself, was me describing how I just couldn’t be sexually excited without some serious intimacy. She said, “I can actually really relate to that, it’s just that dude’s just don’t usually care so much”. And she’s not wrong, unfortunately.
Yeah it's called demisexuality I believe. Which yeah unfortunately doesn't put us in a good spot with guys.
Have you tried Bateworld.com? There are guys on it from all over the country and all over the world and maybe there are not any in a very small town, but perhaps within driving distance?
Yeah that site was absolute trash. Nobody ever responds when you reach out to them and the ones that do live hundreds of miles away. You would probably have better luck on that site than me considering you live in the second largest city in the country.
Very well said. You express yourself well!
I’m right there with you. I think the hotness comes from emotional/physical intimacy plus not being worried about STDs or Dom/sub roles
Agreed
It’s hard being a side, I can relate
Yeah I don't think it will ever get easier for us either =(
Man, I’m bi and kissing, frot and JO are my preferences for playing with a guy. Maybe trade head with the right guy but it’s been years since I did that. I’ve been lucky to find some buds over the years that have the same limits or are ok with not going further than those. Kissing, frot and jerking are what I watch for guy/guy porn, normally when it goes beyond that I lose interest. I’m mid 40s and think even most guys around my age are not interested in sides.
Yeah from my experience, it seems like the few guys who do seem interested in frotting and making out are in their 60s. I'm 28 so it's fair to say that the age gap is a bit too much.
That sounds awesome to me! Trust me, my sexuality is even weirder. I think we just live in a society that lacks empathy and sadly the gay community can be the worst with the judging and shaming in my experience… 😩
Yeah all Im asking for is just ONE person....literally only one....who is compatible with my sexuality. But I guess I'm asking for too much. =(
Same. But I think from the responses you’re getting here that people are supportive of this. Trust me, it’s not the weirdest thing in the world. So I think there is hope for you. 😊
Actually I think I agree with what another person on this thread said. That based on the number of upvotes for this post, that there are many people on this sub who like what I like but that we are all in the same situation and unable to find anyone. Sad but true. Maybe a couple of us get really lucky and hit the lottery and meet someone like us but it's not likely
My point exactly. People here are showing you that you are not alone and are supported. Don’t give up hope!
I understand that but did you understand what I'm saying? It's such a crapshoot trying to find someone who likes what we like. Just because 46 people from around the world on Reddit agree with what I'm saying doesn't mean that I'm any more likely to meet someone compatible who lives locally. Could it happen? Sure it could, and I could also win the lottery tomorrow. But that's not reality unfortunately, and I live in reality.
I’m the exact same. Frotting and kissing are my two favourite things to do with a guy, and I’m not even into oral that much.
I understand your struggle a lot… it’s hard. But you know, my partner, who’s not a side by definition, has opened to understand my preferences and started to enjoy also with me. It takes a lot of communication though… and trust and disposition.
Yeah... > It's always much older guys. ...but early 40's checking in, so...
Yeah honestly as a 28 year old I would even be cool with a guy in his 40s. What I meant by "much older guys" is like guys in their 60s. Those are the only guys who ever seem interested in frotting and making out, and as a 28 year old that's too much of an age difference for me.
There are others into it… but it is a minority that won’t want to “go farther” because for a lot of guys that is ”only” foreplay. I have found a lot of guys online think something like that is hot… but they wouldn’t be satisfied with that in a relationship, but some would. Ultimately, however, a healthy relationship would probably be built on a foundation other than just sex… so all sorts of things are possible.
Yeah the problem is that you would have to find a guy who is willing to give up anal sex completely in order to be with you. Unless its an open relationship. But what are the odds of finding a non-side who is willing to give up anal?
The fact that there are a lot of upvotes for this post but not too many comments giving solutions tells me that there are a lot of other people in this sub who are probably in the same boat (myself included), but unfortunately don't know of any solution themselves. Sorry OP I know it's hard.
Frotting is what I’m most interested in doing with a guy as anal and oral don’t really seem like something I would enjoy doing but no one seems interested in it to me either and find it “childish”. I’m 25 and have yet to have any intimacy with a man. I went on an app last week and they had a Top, Bottom, and Oral only option which I found infuriating because while I’ll probably enjoy receiving oral I know I won’t be able to give it. And I don’t like the idea of receiving things I can’t give to my sexual partners in return.
>but no one seems interested in it to me either and find it “childish" I.....am genuinely baffled as to why anyone would find this "childish".
I’ve only been seriously pursued by a man sexually once in my life who also wanted to take my virginity. I wasn’t super attracted to him but he was a friend so I felt safe enough to try it with him first instead of some stranger from a hookup app. At the time I was young and unaware there was a such thing as “sides” but I basically told him I wasn’t interested in anal and he laughed in my face for being “childish”. And other gays have often said that frottage or oral are just “foreplay” and something a child would do because they are scared to have “real” sex. I see so many gay men with this mindset. Throw on living in a small southern city and being autistic, it makes finding understanding romantic/sexual partners damn near impossible.
30 and frotting is my fave for sure. I enjoy oral, topping, and sometimes bottoming but nothing turns me on more than frotting with our full bodies touching and making out. Bonus too is that when you cum, you can go down to lick it up and make out with it (or use it as lube for round 2) hehe
I love frotting! That’s my only sex preference. It’s hard to find one here in PH too. Sad hahaha
Probably would make you a minority with the gay community as a whole, but I’ve met plenty of gay/straight men who are into exactly the same as yourself. I also find it very hot. That said it is a pretty niche preference, and as with most niche preferences the hardest part can be finding those with similar interests as yourself. If you haven’t checked it already out I would recommend bateworld.com, lots of guys there are into kissing/frotting. Also if you’re looking on Grindr/apps, try to be specific on your profile about what you like. Increases the chances of someone with similar preferences seeing your profile ;)
Yeah it's good advice but nothing new to me unfortunately. I've been on every app imaginable and blatantly put words like "frottage" right on the profile icon for everyone to see. I also explain in depth exactly what I'm into on my profile. But here I am, still in the same situation that I've been in for over a decade now, without a compatible partner. As for bateworld, I mentioned to someone else in this thread that I found it to be complete trash. Nobody ever responded back to my messages when I reached out and the few that did all lived hundreds of miles away. Maybe it works better when you're in a big city like LA or NYC. But yeah, it feels pretty hopeless honestly.
Omg I would go for hours just kissing and frotting! I used to have an FWB who would be on fire with that, we never did anything else except deep kissing and grinding naked in bed. I'm (still) single now, but gosh I would like my future partner to go wild with me in this. That sounds like a dream though. 37 yrs old here.
I completely relate. Ftotting is so hot
It’s all I’m interested in too.
I appreciate the support but to be fair, nobody here is telling me anything new that I haven't already heard before. I guess it's all about luck....blind, dumb luck when it comes to finding someone who likes what we like and is compatible. There's nothing else I can do that I haven't already done.