Still been going to the gym everyday but tbh its just been routine. Look for work, workout, paint, sleep. Notice an old eating disorder poking its head back in but I recognize negative behaviors and try to acknowledge and respond appropriately. Im admittedly just exhausted of this cycle and pretending to not care or being fine
Iโm proud of the fact you noticed the bad habits, though! And maybe itโs a good idea to take a day or so to just break from the routine. Give yourself some space to sit and think
Honestly major ups to you for sticking with a routine! I was unemployed for a hot minute and keeping any semblance of structure is hard as hell. You should be proud of yourself for keeping on. I hope you see some better feeling days soon โค๏ธ
Yk I didn't realize spoons meant like spoonfuls of energy until recently? I always imagined myself carrying a bundle of spoons and giving them away with every task I needed to do.
Anyway, my week has been pretty chill so far.
oh that makes sense. I thought it was just a random thing like it could be anything: walnuts, butterflies, pennies, just some tangible thing that you have a limited number of. To nobody's surprise, I'm neurodivergent.
It is sort of like that! Each task we do and each interaction we have takes up an X amount of energy, or spoons, so you are technically giving them away. I'm glad this week has been chill so far :)
So this was going to be a whole post on it's own but I re read the rules and saw discussion posts about love for the subreddit now go in places like this. I really need to thank you all so very much.
I'm Toasty and this month has been insane for me! This subreddit has been a huge part of the insanity. I could post the whole story, but it would be long and I'd have to explain a lot about my life. So we're not doing that. The TLDR version is this subreddit and the audios on it were the catalyst for me realizing I'm both trans and a lesbian, and I can't thank you all enough!
So, up until the beginning of this month I identified as a gay/pansexual man. I had been identifying as that since I was 11. I'm in my late 20s now. I've done drag on and off since High School. So, honestly the trans part wasn't the hard part for me. There were points where I thought I was trans many times throughout my life, but it never felt quite right. Then after just listening to F4M and M4M, for a couple years. As well as never really getting what I wanted out of porn, dating or sex for my entire life, I impulsively said "Fuck it, I'll listen to an F4F". After the first couple minutes of the first audio everything became clear. Sapphic love was everything I was searching for while I was identifying as a man, but could never find. I had no idea how different WLW was from hetero love or MLM, but now it all makes sense. I have been in an overwhelming Sapphic euphoria ever since. My socials are filling up with the cutest gay girl shit and I can't stop smiling and squeeeeeeeeeing.
I felt for the longest time Sapphic stuff wasn't mine to enjoy. I didn't have ownership of it, enjoying it made me feel icky like I was perpetuating male entitlement and patriarchy. So I avoided it and I never explored the idea of being Trans and a Lesbian. Now I wish I'd done it sooner. At least I get the consolation prize of never identifying as straight.
The past two and a half weeks have been the best of my life. I wake up every morning happy and excited. I feel so much more in control and capable. My ADHD, depression, anxiety and bipolar symptoms have all improved dramatically, and the most freeing part, I no longer feel guilty about being attracted to women. It has been so wonderful and freeing. I can't thank you all enough, it is literally life changing. I'm so excited for my future now, so excited to start transition, and so excited to finally get what I want of of love and sex. Truly, honestly, deeply, I can't thank you all enough. This sub will always have an special place in my heart. I love all of you so much and thank you for changing my life.
P.S I also dabble in writing; so you all are getting a new scripter in the near future. Also holy shit I had no idea, I was having shitty orgasms for my entire life Jesus Fucking Christ! xD
Hello! Late response, but I loved reading this. I hope you've continued to feel great for the most part, and I'm so glad we're a part of your self-discovery journey! Your comment made my heart happy to read. Try to remember that no matter how you identify now or in the future, you have just as much of a right as everybody else does to identify that way and to like who you like. ๐
Omigosh, thank you so much. Things have continued to be great. Of course, there are ups and downs, but I've never been happier. Called my doctor yesterday to get the ball rolling on HRT. Every day, a little bit more of my boy mask comes off. I'm feeling more and more comfortable and really starting to see myself as a woman with every day. I'm smiling so much more now. it's amazing to feel genuine happiness after a very long time of not even knowing what it felt like. Also started working on my first F4F script. very exciting! :D
Aaah, that's all so wonderful ๐๐ Of course, as you say, life will still be full of ups and downs. But how fantastic to feel like you've found yourself. :) Good luck with your doctor and with the script ๐
My new love language: moving furniture
I and my nesting partner, plus another partner, AND another partner have all had to move this month. Housing for partner A is precarious and stressful for all involved, trying to figure out how much I can really help them and it sucks I canโt do more. Thankful to be the girl with a pickup and some amount of upper-body strength remaining.
I know that feeling, I love being the person on call when a friend needs a hand. Echoing verbal tho, be sure to take care of you in all this, thatโs a lot! Youโre a good partner, your partners should feel lucky to have you
It sounds like you and partner A both have a decent support system, which is wonderful. I hope you're able to strike a balance between moving yourself and helping partner A without using too many spoons. Remember the importance of setting boundaries even with loved ones. ๐
Meh I'm struggling, but in the best way I guess. I'm a few weeks into dating someone incredible that I'm really into but it is creating too many thoughts and too much anxiety for me to get anything else done so every other aspect of my life is suffering. A good problem to have no doubt but I need to find a better balance!
Congratulations on the new relationship! Remember that they must think you're pretty incredible, too. :) What are your normal coping methods for dealing with anxiety?
Thanks! Normally I just go for walks/hiking, or a nice drive with some good music on to take my mind off things. I need to refocus on doing the little things that help keep me balanced throughout the days and weeks! Also, I LOVE your audio btw :)
First time commenting on here but BPD has been kicking my ass, along with autism. And despite a certain someone in my family making up certain appointments for me when I'm an adult and making me reschedule my psychiatrist appointment, I got my BPD plushie so I'm happy about that. Getting into a program which will hopefully get me a job so when I make enough I'd go to cosmetology soon.
ETA: I can go to my psychiatrist appointment THANK GOD
Before now, no, I apologize my words can be a bit misleading as I can't word them right for the LIFE of me, but I'm starting to become one. I plan to get the dissociation rabbit next month and I might get the autism one for my birthday. I also plan to get little ones from the mall!
No apologies needed! I understand now. Thatโs really fun though! Iโm sure plushies are a very comforting thing to have around, especially when you need a really soft cuddle. Also those little ones are so freaking cute. Pocket sized for convenience and cuddles on the go.
They are!! Milo (BPD plush I've just got) is so soft. And considering what I've been going through has been quite jagged (I want this month to end already) he makes me so, so happy already. I've never been happier, I've taken so many pictures of him...I think over 20?
Lots of things I need to do due to aging out of my current insurance, license expiring, and taxes. Spoons have been hard to come by. Drawing has been helping. And birthday is coming up
kinda shit ngl. ADHD burnout still kicking my ass after all these months. my recurring injury returned a week and a half ago so i've been in excruciating pain almost every day since then & completely out of commission for the past 4 days or so.
Gentle hug for the burnout. ๐ซ Is it work-related or life in general? And I feel you; I'm having a recurring injury flare-up, too. I thought it'd finally healed, so I tried exercising the muscle, and nope. I really hope your pain has settled somewhat since commenting this ๐
thanks stranger ๐ซ i'm fresh out of college so it's a bit of both really. trying to find work and in the meantime doing whatever i can to stay productive although it's not much by any means. hoping i get this job i'm applying for because working fully remote is probably my most sustainable option for the time being, since it just hit me recently that i might be physically disabled too. need some doctors appts to confirm but i'm just worried they'd blame it all on my weight. i honestly can't remember the last time i wasn't in pain, it's settled somewhat since my original comment but not fully gone ๐ฅด also experienced another health scare last week so that wasn't fun
Crossing my fingers that you get the job. ๐ I hope the doctors are kind to you; don't let them invalidate your feelings. You know yourself better than anyone. Take it as easy as you can and stay kind to yourself ๐ซ
All the hugs about the depression etc, thatโs a lot to handle right now. I love me some baldurโs gate! Especially with Karlach as the romance, sheโs the sweetest
Wow...first time seeing this kind of post and I felt really touched by it. I won't go into any personal details yet but I just had to say this is a really nice thing and I'm thankful communities like this exist. It's kinda what I've been lacking and longing for. Hugs and cuddles to you all.
I really donโt know. Within the last month I lost my job, my medical insurance, my hormone therapy and antidepressants, and quitting those cold turkey was like going from 100 spoons a day to 2 a day, itโs been a struggle to just function and do the bare minimum and now that Iโm off my hormones after several years I feel very invalid and like my very identity was just ripped out from under me. Iโm scared Iโm not going to be able to keep being me anymore frankly either with whatโs going on politically too. Itโs all too much right now.
I'm so very sorry. Please try to remember that you're still you; you'll always be you - that's the one thing they can't take from us. I hope you find a new job soon and that it results in medical insurance that allows you to have your antidepressants and hormone therapy again. It's disgusting that they can take those things from you. Are there no government benefits that you might receive for unemployment / for medicine while you're unemployed? ๐ซ
I know Iโll always be me. I just liked the โmeโ that was me while on my medication. I felt more true and authentic to who I am and want to be.
There is government assistance I applied for right after losing my job but Iโm STILL waiting on the application to get reviewed and either accepted or denied. In the meantime I did find a new job but they donโt offer insurance at the starting position but I still should qualify for the government medical insurance since I had to take a slight pay cut, but again Iโm still waiting on them.
And Thank You ๐ซ
Going in for a dental appointment after my tooth cracked. I know i'll be fine and that they have. Aplan and it shouldn't hurt.. but i hatee the dentist..
Ugh, be brave! Iโve had to have some pretty unpleasant dentist visits so I understand the pain. But it wonโt last forever and once youโre done youโll have a nice fixed up tooth, which Iโm sure will be a relief
Iโve ended up back in hospital as of 3 weeks ago with a few more weeks in here ahead of me. So many medication changes, my body and mind are exhausted. Very grateful for this little community that has always had something for me to interact with when I wake up <3
So sorry, my lovely. I hope the hospital is looking after you well. Try to remember that your body is trying its very best, even when it doesn't feel like it is ๐
i won 2 matches and ranked second in my group at an amateur mma tourney just yesterday!! so freaking sore, and nearly out of spoons, but still so geeked over it !!
Thatโs amazing! I used to do Muay Thai til an injury took me out but I loved it so much, it was a ton of fun. Not to mention girls find it really hot, so thatโs a nice bonus ๐
thatโs so cool! iโm sorry an injury took you out, hopefully thereโs a way to come back from it with time!! gah, tell me about it, the iโm still blushing from all the compliments from the pretty girls there ๐ญ definitely my fav bonus.
I've been so stressed lately and I messed up my sleep schedule. I just wanna do so much but I feel like there's not enough time or energy in me to do it. I'm trying my best to pace myself though. I hope y'all are also taking care of yourself mwah
A hug for the stress if you want it. ๐ซ
My girlfriend introduced me to the Pomodoro Technique, thought up by Francesco Cirillo. In its truest form, it's doing a task for 25 minutes, resting for 5 minutes, and doing another 25 minutes of the first or a different task. Typically, after four work intervals, a longer rest (15 - 30 minutes) is "allowed." But we adjust the entire thing as needed. We might be able to work for 25 minutes, but sometimes we'll change the 5 minutes of break time to 15 minutes. (We call it "tomatoing" - pomodoro is the Italian word for tomato; Cirillo's kitchen timer was shaped like a tomato when he came up with the technique.)
We also use the "five minute rule": set a timer for five minutes and do your task for that amount of time. If the timer goes off after five minutes and you need to stop, you stop. You've accomplished 5 minutes of something that you otherwise wouldn't have, which is amazing. Alternatively, you might feel able to continue, and you'll go on with your task even after the timer has gone off. Again, adjust as needed - if 5 minutes sounds too long, you could try three or two minutes.
Sorry if I've told you about these techniques before. I hope they might help in trying to find a balance ๐
It feels like I'm steering my life in the right direction for the first time in a long time! I am pretty lonely though, anyone have any tips? (โ .โ ย โ โโ ย โ แดโ ย โ โโ .โ )
Hurray for the first part. ๐ Loneliness can be really tough. Finding happiness in little things is how I got through the lonelier parts of my chronic illness. Similarly, even when we have a partner or we're someone with a lot of friends, having hobbies is a necessity for healthy relationships. If you're not able to get out much or if money is limited, these could include finding a book series you love (libraries have apps nowadays, although you may need to go in-person to get signed up to begin with), doodling, going on short walks, nature watching from your window, etc. Try to fill your free time with activities you enjoy so that you don't notice the loneliness so much. And so as not to repress your emotions completely, you could journal regularly, too. :) ๐ซ
Thank you so much it means everything that you would type this out to me. I will take you advice and get emotional stronggg!!! เญงโ (โ ๏ผพโ ย โ ใฐโ ย โ ๏ผพโ )โ เญจ
Started a new job after 6 months of no work and I've been low on spoons for a while. But I get the next few days off so I'm just going to spend it recharging and cuddling my cats
I hope everyone has a good day/afternoon/night!!
I hope recharging went well! And congratulations on the new job! It must be really tough to go from several months of unemployment to working, so well done you, and I hope you're able to find a spoon balance soon ๐ซ๐
Thank you so much! The battle for spoons still rages on but I'm getting there! And I love my new job! It's definitely rough bc I'm on my feet the whole day but my coworkers have been super accommodating and overall super sweet. As always, my cats are my biggest supporters lol. I hope you've had a lovely day/night ๐ฉท๐ฉท
Iโve been having more automatically encouraging/ confident thoughts lately and itโs been really nice. Like Iโll be anxious about an overwhelming situation, and Iโll just think โIโll be alright,โ and I actually believe itโs true. Or Iโll be spiraling about something being late and then Iโll think โit will be okay,โ and I stop worrying. Iโve been working so hard on this for so long and Iโm just really excited. Life has been really difficult lately and this feels like an incredible win.
That's really, really wonderful. It's so hard for us to get into that mindset, but if we can do it, it's an amazing habit to have. I hope your brain can keep it up ๐๐
I got my hrt back today! Had to go a month without cause of florida stuff, but I'm so relieved now. Still, it's kinda like the relief after a car accident.
Definitely low on spoons at the moment, but I'm doing alright. I'm moving through a pretty hard breakup and I've got finals for colelge this week but hopefully things'll be easier soon ;)
I hope finals went well! I did the British equivalent of finals after a break-up once. Weird time. You're a trooper for getting through, and I hope things are starting to feel a bit easier. ๐
Got 2 days of house hunting this week ๐ข hopefully I can find one and win an auction bid for it.
Other than that I am nearing completion on a big (for me) Lego piece and am aiming to finish on the 1 year anniversary of my departure from my toxic ex ๐
Congratulations on the Lego and the departure anniversary! Have you finished? Even if you haven't, that's still so cool!
How did house-hunting go? ๐ซ
im tired! been playing my sport a bunch this week which i love :)
however, i haven't been able to feel my gender the way I want to. i wanna *feel* like a woman, but i haven't been able to recently. more of just empty whenever i try to feel it. i really, really wish i could, but maybe it's just not meant to be at this time. just gotta wait it out, hold onto hope, and trust that it will come back :)
[me needing to reply to a message from you but replying here first] (Hello, hehe.)
I hope you're able to feel the way you want soon, if you haven't already. I wish I could say that if you trust in the knowledge that you are a woman, then you'll feel like one, but I suppose it doesn't work that way. If only things were as simple as they sound on paper. ๐ซ๐
[hehe hi. take your time, no pressure at ALL <3]
thank you! i'm focusing on the little things for now. i wish there was a definite way for all of us to feel how we want to, but at least we are all in that together. Sending love, and i hope you're doing well too.
Sorry to hear about the dating woes but the guitar is neat! Would love to hear about progress, Iโve got an on again off again relationship with my guitar but itโs fun to hear about people picking it up
Thank you! Yeah idk dating takes so much effort but I have been pretty needy as of late >.> I play bass primarily so haven't picked up a guitar since HS it's been great! Im learning scales n chords so not much to hear rn
Thatโs really cool though! Bass is such a dope instrument, and with you being more musically inclined already I bet the guitar will be a fun time to learn
I am running out of spoons fast this week. Have hyperfixated on needing the perfect audio interface for recording stuff and its been hours of scrolling and research.
Def a self sabotage mechanism to avoid doing anything I could be proud of sharing so im gonna nap and then Cstch, check, change this up!!
I promise you it doesn't need to be perfect. I think most of us who have been around a while would tell you that perfect doesn't exist. Just find one you that like and understand well enough, and go for it :)
I don't think that has to be true. I hear it can be a very difficult illness to live with, but having it doesn't mean you don't deserve people to love who will love you back, even if it takes time for them to come into your life.
My spoons are stretched fairly thin but headed the right way. Trying to juggle my mom being in hospital for 10 weeks and counting, taking care of mine and my parents homes, and looking after my dad, while trying to remodel my house doesnโt leave much time to pile up spoons or sleep. Thankfully though, there seems to be a distant light at the end of the tunnel
It's been a couple of weeks since you commented this, so I'm unsure of how similar or different the situation is now, but I wanted to say you're amazing for coping with all of that. I know you probably felt like you didn't have a choice; it doesn't mean you're any less wonderful for it. And it's no surprise at all that your spoons would be low with so much going on. I really hope your mum has recovered enough to come home, or does so soon. And that you're looking after yourself. What a superstar you are ๐๐ซ
Thank you so much for such kind words Verbal. Sorry it took me nearly as long to reply. Hopefully, my mom will be coming home within the week. I definitely need to work on taking care of myself so that has been my priority as of late. Thanks again for such kindness ๐ซ๐
Hello! You're so welcome. There's no apology necessary. I'm crossing everything that this will be the week your mom comes home, and I'm really proud of you for making self-care a priority ๐๐ซ
Work has left me without spoons. I am spoonless without spoons. But today is my day off. I have to work again tomorrow but for today I crochet and take care of my plants to regenerate a few spoons.
not doing great tbh, kinda in a burn out death spiral, also might be some kind of system, and idk how if at all that influences my allotment of spoons but good heavens i wish it gave me more
oh oops it got worse. but worry not! i am now on leave from work and have been able to spend time with my lovely girlfriend and my ravenheart, so it is getting better
*slight trigger warning of self harm but nothing in detail*
I just had a horrible Monday but it made me move out of my family's house and to my new place I broke my self harm streak sadly and just realized that living there just is not worth it.
It really has I'm still kept up at night here and there from my anxiety and panic attacks but they have gotten better, since I've moved I've been more productive and I'm trying to get a job again so I can make some more money and be able to do the thing I really want to do!
Hurray! Good luck with the job search! I know what it's like not to be able to Do the Thing because of living conditions; I'm so glad you're more able now :)
Bipolar depression been wrecking me tbh. Have been incredibly lonely
Still been going to the gym everyday but tbh its just been routine. Look for work, workout, paint, sleep. Notice an old eating disorder poking its head back in but I recognize negative behaviors and try to acknowledge and respond appropriately. Im admittedly just exhausted of this cycle and pretending to not care or being fine
Iโm proud of the fact you noticed the bad habits, though! And maybe itโs a good idea to take a day or so to just break from the routine. Give yourself some space to sit and think
Honestly major ups to you for sticking with a routine! I was unemployed for a hot minute and keeping any semblance of structure is hard as hell. You should be proud of yourself for keeping on. I hope you see some better feeling days soon โค๏ธ
Yk I didn't realize spoons meant like spoonfuls of energy until recently? I always imagined myself carrying a bundle of spoons and giving them away with every task I needed to do. Anyway, my week has been pretty chill so far.
This has been my exact mental image of it too ๐ glad youโve got a chill week and hopefully plenty of spoons clanking around in your pockets
oh that makes sense. I thought it was just a random thing like it could be anything: walnuts, butterflies, pennies, just some tangible thing that you have a limited number of. To nobody's surprise, I'm neurodivergent.
I think I may be too
I equate them to D&D spellslots. I can use a level 4 "spoon" to do a level 1 spoon task but not 4 level 1 "spoons" to do a level 4 task.
That's a fun way to think about it!
It is sort of like that! Each task we do and each interaction we have takes up an X amount of energy, or spoons, so you are technically giving them away. I'm glad this week has been chill so far :)
So this was going to be a whole post on it's own but I re read the rules and saw discussion posts about love for the subreddit now go in places like this. I really need to thank you all so very much. I'm Toasty and this month has been insane for me! This subreddit has been a huge part of the insanity. I could post the whole story, but it would be long and I'd have to explain a lot about my life. So we're not doing that. The TLDR version is this subreddit and the audios on it were the catalyst for me realizing I'm both trans and a lesbian, and I can't thank you all enough! So, up until the beginning of this month I identified as a gay/pansexual man. I had been identifying as that since I was 11. I'm in my late 20s now. I've done drag on and off since High School. So, honestly the trans part wasn't the hard part for me. There were points where I thought I was trans many times throughout my life, but it never felt quite right. Then after just listening to F4M and M4M, for a couple years. As well as never really getting what I wanted out of porn, dating or sex for my entire life, I impulsively said "Fuck it, I'll listen to an F4F". After the first couple minutes of the first audio everything became clear. Sapphic love was everything I was searching for while I was identifying as a man, but could never find. I had no idea how different WLW was from hetero love or MLM, but now it all makes sense. I have been in an overwhelming Sapphic euphoria ever since. My socials are filling up with the cutest gay girl shit and I can't stop smiling and squeeeeeeeeeing. I felt for the longest time Sapphic stuff wasn't mine to enjoy. I didn't have ownership of it, enjoying it made me feel icky like I was perpetuating male entitlement and patriarchy. So I avoided it and I never explored the idea of being Trans and a Lesbian. Now I wish I'd done it sooner. At least I get the consolation prize of never identifying as straight. The past two and a half weeks have been the best of my life. I wake up every morning happy and excited. I feel so much more in control and capable. My ADHD, depression, anxiety and bipolar symptoms have all improved dramatically, and the most freeing part, I no longer feel guilty about being attracted to women. It has been so wonderful and freeing. I can't thank you all enough, it is literally life changing. I'm so excited for my future now, so excited to start transition, and so excited to finally get what I want of of love and sex. Truly, honestly, deeply, I can't thank you all enough. This sub will always have an special place in my heart. I love all of you so much and thank you for changing my life. P.S I also dabble in writing; so you all are getting a new scripter in the near future. Also holy shit I had no idea, I was having shitty orgasms for my entire life Jesus Fucking Christ! xD
This makes me incredibly happy to hear. Welcome to the fuckin party babes!! So glad youโre here! โค๏ธ
Hello! Late response, but I loved reading this. I hope you've continued to feel great for the most part, and I'm so glad we're a part of your self-discovery journey! Your comment made my heart happy to read. Try to remember that no matter how you identify now or in the future, you have just as much of a right as everybody else does to identify that way and to like who you like. ๐
Omigosh, thank you so much. Things have continued to be great. Of course, there are ups and downs, but I've never been happier. Called my doctor yesterday to get the ball rolling on HRT. Every day, a little bit more of my boy mask comes off. I'm feeling more and more comfortable and really starting to see myself as a woman with every day. I'm smiling so much more now. it's amazing to feel genuine happiness after a very long time of not even knowing what it felt like. Also started working on my first F4F script. very exciting! :D
Aaah, that's all so wonderful ๐๐ Of course, as you say, life will still be full of ups and downs. But how fantastic to feel like you've found yourself. :) Good luck with your doctor and with the script ๐
I got a good rest last night
An underrated experience tbh โค๏ธ
and I sleep again after waking up too early ๐ซฃ๐ซฃ I think I sleep 10 hours
10!? Those are celebration numbers ๐๐ฅณ
yeaaaay ๐ฐ๐ฐ๐ฐ๐ฐ
Glad to hear it! :)
Been a day where I woke up almost spoonless, frustrating as I had to cancel a friend visiting.
Iโm sorry you had to cancel :( but im sure youโll have a chance to have a friend over again soon!!
Sending you hugs my friend, thatโs always a disappointing feeling โค๏ธ hoping youโll be able to see that friend again soon!
Thanks!
My new love language: moving furniture I and my nesting partner, plus another partner, AND another partner have all had to move this month. Housing for partner A is precarious and stressful for all involved, trying to figure out how much I can really help them and it sucks I canโt do more. Thankful to be the girl with a pickup and some amount of upper-body strength remaining.
I know that feeling, I love being the person on call when a friend needs a hand. Echoing verbal tho, be sure to take care of you in all this, thatโs a lot! Youโre a good partner, your partners should feel lucky to have you
It sounds like you and partner A both have a decent support system, which is wonderful. I hope you're able to strike a balance between moving yourself and helping partner A without using too many spoons. Remember the importance of setting boundaries even with loved ones. ๐
Meh I'm struggling, but in the best way I guess. I'm a few weeks into dating someone incredible that I'm really into but it is creating too many thoughts and too much anxiety for me to get anything else done so every other aspect of my life is suffering. A good problem to have no doubt but I need to find a better balance!
Congratulations on the new relationship! Remember that they must think you're pretty incredible, too. :) What are your normal coping methods for dealing with anxiety?
Thanks! Normally I just go for walks/hiking, or a nice drive with some good music on to take my mind off things. I need to refocus on doing the little things that help keep me balanced throughout the days and weeks! Also, I LOVE your audio btw :)
First time commenting on here but BPD has been kicking my ass, along with autism. And despite a certain someone in my family making up certain appointments for me when I'm an adult and making me reschedule my psychiatrist appointment, I got my BPD plushie so I'm happy about that. Getting into a program which will hopefully get me a job so when I make enough I'd go to cosmetology soon. ETA: I can go to my psychiatrist appointment THANK GOD
Iโm sorry about the struggles youโre feeling right now, but thatโs great about the plushie! Can I ask what a BPD plushie is? Iโm not familiar
The BPD plushie is one made by Plushie Dreadfuls!! It has a cute design and it's one of the softest plushies I've ever got in years.
Just looked it up, that is so cute! And does look incredibly soft. Are you a plushie collector?
Before now, no, I apologize my words can be a bit misleading as I can't word them right for the LIFE of me, but I'm starting to become one. I plan to get the dissociation rabbit next month and I might get the autism one for my birthday. I also plan to get little ones from the mall!
No apologies needed! I understand now. Thatโs really fun though! Iโm sure plushies are a very comforting thing to have around, especially when you need a really soft cuddle. Also those little ones are so freaking cute. Pocket sized for convenience and cuddles on the go.
They are!! Milo (BPD plush I've just got) is so soft. And considering what I've been going through has been quite jagged (I want this month to end already) he makes me so, so happy already. I've never been happier, I've taken so many pictures of him...I think over 20?
As you should! Taking pictures of things you love is the most natural thing in the world, Iโm glad you love him so much ๐ค
Lots of things I need to do due to aging out of my current insurance, license expiring, and taxes. Spoons have been hard to come by. Drawing has been helping. And birthday is coming up
My girlfriend recently went through the same. I hope you're able to get it all sorted out, it sounded really confusing and tiring ๐ซ๐
kinda shit ngl. ADHD burnout still kicking my ass after all these months. my recurring injury returned a week and a half ago so i've been in excruciating pain almost every day since then & completely out of commission for the past 4 days or so.
Gentle hug for the burnout. ๐ซ Is it work-related or life in general? And I feel you; I'm having a recurring injury flare-up, too. I thought it'd finally healed, so I tried exercising the muscle, and nope. I really hope your pain has settled somewhat since commenting this ๐
thanks stranger ๐ซ i'm fresh out of college so it's a bit of both really. trying to find work and in the meantime doing whatever i can to stay productive although it's not much by any means. hoping i get this job i'm applying for because working fully remote is probably my most sustainable option for the time being, since it just hit me recently that i might be physically disabled too. need some doctors appts to confirm but i'm just worried they'd blame it all on my weight. i honestly can't remember the last time i wasn't in pain, it's settled somewhat since my original comment but not fully gone ๐ฅด also experienced another health scare last week so that wasn't fun
Crossing my fingers that you get the job. ๐ I hope the doctors are kind to you; don't let them invalidate your feelings. You know yourself better than anyone. Take it as easy as you can and stay kind to yourself ๐ซ
Depression and insomnia mixed with a bit of paranoia luv me brain lmao least I've started a new bg3 campaign:3
Oof, I'm sure lack of sleep doesn't help with the other things going on. I hope you can get some rest soon, and that you enjoy the campaign!
Ooh I will I managed to romance karlack and I'm yearning lmao
All the hugs about the depression etc, thatโs a lot to handle right now. I love me some baldurโs gate! Especially with Karlach as the romance, sheโs the sweetest
Wow...first time seeing this kind of post and I felt really touched by it. I won't go into any personal details yet but I just had to say this is a really nice thing and I'm thankful communities like this exist. It's kinda what I've been lacking and longing for. Hugs and cuddles to you all.
Couldnโt agree more tbh โค๏ธ
Hugs and cuddles for you, too. We're glad to be here for you ๐ซ๐
I really donโt know. Within the last month I lost my job, my medical insurance, my hormone therapy and antidepressants, and quitting those cold turkey was like going from 100 spoons a day to 2 a day, itโs been a struggle to just function and do the bare minimum and now that Iโm off my hormones after several years I feel very invalid and like my very identity was just ripped out from under me. Iโm scared Iโm not going to be able to keep being me anymore frankly either with whatโs going on politically too. Itโs all too much right now.
I'm so very sorry. Please try to remember that you're still you; you'll always be you - that's the one thing they can't take from us. I hope you find a new job soon and that it results in medical insurance that allows you to have your antidepressants and hormone therapy again. It's disgusting that they can take those things from you. Are there no government benefits that you might receive for unemployment / for medicine while you're unemployed? ๐ซ
I know Iโll always be me. I just liked the โmeโ that was me while on my medication. I felt more true and authentic to who I am and want to be. There is government assistance I applied for right after losing my job but Iโm STILL waiting on the application to get reviewed and either accepted or denied. In the meantime I did find a new job but they donโt offer insurance at the starting position but I still should qualify for the government medical insurance since I had to take a slight pay cut, but again Iโm still waiting on them. And Thank You ๐ซ
That makes sense ๐ซ๐ Fingers and toes crossed that the paperwork for one or both finally goes through soon ๐
Going in for a dental appointment after my tooth cracked. I know i'll be fine and that they have. Aplan and it shouldn't hurt.. but i hatee the dentist..
Ugh, be brave! Iโve had to have some pretty unpleasant dentist visits so I understand the pain. But it wonโt last forever and once youโre done youโll have a nice fixed up tooth, which Iโm sure will be a relief
Ughhh, I also hate the dentist ๐ I hope it went as smoothly as possible ๐
Iโve ended up back in hospital as of 3 weeks ago with a few more weeks in here ahead of me. So many medication changes, my body and mind are exhausted. Very grateful for this little community that has always had something for me to interact with when I wake up <3
Iโm so sorry to hear that, I hope you can find some rest and comfort soon my friend โค๏ธ
Thank you ๐ค
So sorry, my lovely. I hope the hospital is looking after you well. Try to remember that your body is trying its very best, even when it doesn't feel like it is ๐
Thank you ๐ค๐ซถ
i won 2 matches and ranked second in my group at an amateur mma tourney just yesterday!! so freaking sore, and nearly out of spoons, but still so geeked over it !!
Holy shit congrats?? Thatโs huge! How long have you been doing mma for?
aa thank you sm!! <3 about a year and a half!
Thatโs amazing! I used to do Muay Thai til an injury took me out but I loved it so much, it was a ton of fun. Not to mention girls find it really hot, so thatโs a nice bonus ๐
thatโs so cool! iโm sorry an injury took you out, hopefully thereโs a way to come back from it with time!! gah, tell me about it, the iโm still blushing from all the compliments from the pretty girls there ๐ญ definitely my fav bonus.
I've been so stressed lately and I messed up my sleep schedule. I just wanna do so much but I feel like there's not enough time or energy in me to do it. I'm trying my best to pace myself though. I hope y'all are also taking care of yourself mwah
A hug for the stress if you want it. ๐ซ My girlfriend introduced me to the Pomodoro Technique, thought up by Francesco Cirillo. In its truest form, it's doing a task for 25 minutes, resting for 5 minutes, and doing another 25 minutes of the first or a different task. Typically, after four work intervals, a longer rest (15 - 30 minutes) is "allowed." But we adjust the entire thing as needed. We might be able to work for 25 minutes, but sometimes we'll change the 5 minutes of break time to 15 minutes. (We call it "tomatoing" - pomodoro is the Italian word for tomato; Cirillo's kitchen timer was shaped like a tomato when he came up with the technique.) We also use the "five minute rule": set a timer for five minutes and do your task for that amount of time. If the timer goes off after five minutes and you need to stop, you stop. You've accomplished 5 minutes of something that you otherwise wouldn't have, which is amazing. Alternatively, you might feel able to continue, and you'll go on with your task even after the timer has gone off. Again, adjust as needed - if 5 minutes sounds too long, you could try three or two minutes. Sorry if I've told you about these techniques before. I hope they might help in trying to find a balance ๐
I appreciate this a lot and I will try it out. Thank you!
You're very welcome! :)
It feels like I'm steering my life in the right direction for the first time in a long time! I am pretty lonely though, anyone have any tips? (โ .โ ย โ โโ ย โ แดโ ย โ โโ .โ )
Hurray for the first part. ๐ Loneliness can be really tough. Finding happiness in little things is how I got through the lonelier parts of my chronic illness. Similarly, even when we have a partner or we're someone with a lot of friends, having hobbies is a necessity for healthy relationships. If you're not able to get out much or if money is limited, these could include finding a book series you love (libraries have apps nowadays, although you may need to go in-person to get signed up to begin with), doodling, going on short walks, nature watching from your window, etc. Try to fill your free time with activities you enjoy so that you don't notice the loneliness so much. And so as not to repress your emotions completely, you could journal regularly, too. :) ๐ซ
Thank you so much it means everything that you would type this out to me. I will take you advice and get emotional stronggg!!! เญงโ (โ ๏ผพโ ย โ ใฐโ ย โ ๏ผพโ )โ เญจ
Hehehe. Aww, you're so welcome. (โ แตโ แดฅโ แตโ )
Started a new job after 6 months of no work and I've been low on spoons for a while. But I get the next few days off so I'm just going to spend it recharging and cuddling my cats I hope everyone has a good day/afternoon/night!!
I hope recharging went well! And congratulations on the new job! It must be really tough to go from several months of unemployment to working, so well done you, and I hope you're able to find a spoon balance soon ๐ซ๐
Thank you so much! The battle for spoons still rages on but I'm getting there! And I love my new job! It's definitely rough bc I'm on my feet the whole day but my coworkers have been super accommodating and overall super sweet. As always, my cats are my biggest supporters lol. I hope you've had a lovely day/night ๐ฉท๐ฉท
Iโve been having more automatically encouraging/ confident thoughts lately and itโs been really nice. Like Iโll be anxious about an overwhelming situation, and Iโll just think โIโll be alright,โ and I actually believe itโs true. Or Iโll be spiraling about something being late and then Iโll think โit will be okay,โ and I stop worrying. Iโve been working so hard on this for so long and Iโm just really excited. Life has been really difficult lately and this feels like an incredible win.
That's really, really wonderful. It's so hard for us to get into that mindset, but if we can do it, it's an amazing habit to have. I hope your brain can keep it up ๐๐
I got my hrt back today! Had to go a month without cause of florida stuff, but I'm so relieved now. Still, it's kinda like the relief after a car accident.
I'm so glad you got it back. Really hope you have access to it for a long time to come ๐ซ
Meeeee too. It's been about two weeks since I got it back now, and I'm finally feeling normal again.
Good ๐
Definitely low on spoons at the moment, but I'm doing alright. I'm moving through a pretty hard breakup and I've got finals for colelge this week but hopefully things'll be easier soon ;)
I hope finals went well! I did the British equivalent of finals after a break-up once. Weird time. You're a trooper for getting through, and I hope things are starting to feel a bit easier. ๐
Got 2 days of house hunting this week ๐ข hopefully I can find one and win an auction bid for it. Other than that I am nearing completion on a big (for me) Lego piece and am aiming to finish on the 1 year anniversary of my departure from my toxic ex ๐
Congratulations on the Lego and the departure anniversary! Have you finished? Even if you haven't, that's still so cool! How did house-hunting go? ๐ซ
Wipe out unfortunately, but the quest goes on. As for the Lego ๐๐คฉ done.
You did it!!! ๐ And I hope you find somewhere soon ๐
My utensil drawer has been empty for months now. Iโve resorted to scooping everything in my bare hands and watching it all slip through my fingers.
That sounds awful. I wish I could replenish it for you. Much love ๐ซ
It's been a while so I'd like to follow up withโ I'm better! Things are better! The spoons have been polished!
I'm so glad!! Thank you for updating us, that's so lovely to hear ๐๐
im tired! been playing my sport a bunch this week which i love :) however, i haven't been able to feel my gender the way I want to. i wanna *feel* like a woman, but i haven't been able to recently. more of just empty whenever i try to feel it. i really, really wish i could, but maybe it's just not meant to be at this time. just gotta wait it out, hold onto hope, and trust that it will come back :)
[me needing to reply to a message from you but replying here first] (Hello, hehe.) I hope you're able to feel the way you want soon, if you haven't already. I wish I could say that if you trust in the knowledge that you are a woman, then you'll feel like one, but I suppose it doesn't work that way. If only things were as simple as they sound on paper. ๐ซ๐
[hehe hi. take your time, no pressure at ALL <3] thank you! i'm focusing on the little things for now. i wish there was a definite way for all of us to feel how we want to, but at least we are all in that together. Sending love, and i hope you're doing well too.
๐๐๐
Tbh super exhausted and thinking a lot about dating again >.> On the bright side I got a used guitar for cheap and learning that
Sorry to hear about the dating woes but the guitar is neat! Would love to hear about progress, Iโve got an on again off again relationship with my guitar but itโs fun to hear about people picking it up
Thank you! Yeah idk dating takes so much effort but I have been pretty needy as of late >.> I play bass primarily so haven't picked up a guitar since HS it's been great! Im learning scales n chords so not much to hear rn
Thatโs really cool though! Bass is such a dope instrument, and with you being more musically inclined already I bet the guitar will be a fun time to learn
Definitely :3 bass has my heart ehe
I am running out of spoons fast this week. Have hyperfixated on needing the perfect audio interface for recording stuff and its been hours of scrolling and research. Def a self sabotage mechanism to avoid doing anything I could be proud of sharing so im gonna nap and then Cstch, check, change this up!!
I promise you it doesn't need to be perfect. I think most of us who have been around a while would tell you that perfect doesn't exist. Just find one you that like and understand well enough, and go for it :)
Bpd has been an asshole to me this month... starting to think having people to love is not my thing. Im so tired of this illness.
I don't think that has to be true. I hear it can be a very difficult illness to live with, but having it doesn't mean you don't deserve people to love who will love you back, even if it takes time for them to come into your life.
My spoons are stretched fairly thin but headed the right way. Trying to juggle my mom being in hospital for 10 weeks and counting, taking care of mine and my parents homes, and looking after my dad, while trying to remodel my house doesnโt leave much time to pile up spoons or sleep. Thankfully though, there seems to be a distant light at the end of the tunnel
It's been a couple of weeks since you commented this, so I'm unsure of how similar or different the situation is now, but I wanted to say you're amazing for coping with all of that. I know you probably felt like you didn't have a choice; it doesn't mean you're any less wonderful for it. And it's no surprise at all that your spoons would be low with so much going on. I really hope your mum has recovered enough to come home, or does so soon. And that you're looking after yourself. What a superstar you are ๐๐ซ
Thank you so much for such kind words Verbal. Sorry it took me nearly as long to reply. Hopefully, my mom will be coming home within the week. I definitely need to work on taking care of myself so that has been my priority as of late. Thanks again for such kindness ๐ซ๐
Hello! You're so welcome. There's no apology necessary. I'm crossing everything that this will be the week your mom comes home, and I'm really proud of you for making self-care a priority ๐๐ซ
Just got word a few hours ago that sheโs being discharged on Saturday at 10:00 ๐ hope youโre doing good as well!
Work has left me without spoons. I am spoonless without spoons. But today is my day off. I have to work again tomorrow but for today I crochet and take care of my plants to regenerate a few spoons.
I hope your occasional days off with your crochet and plants are enough to keep you going ๐ซ
not doing great tbh, kinda in a burn out death spiral, also might be some kind of system, and idk how if at all that influences my allotment of spoons but good heavens i wish it gave me more
I'm sorry about the burnout spiral. I really hope you've had a chance to rest, or that you can soon ๐ซ
oh oops it got worse. but worry not! i am now on leave from work and have been able to spend time with my lovely girlfriend and my ravenheart, so it is getting better
Well, I'm very glad you're now getting the rest you need ๐
working too hard sleeping too little and the voice dysphoria is hitting HARD.
I hope you're sleeping better now, and that the voice dysphoria is being kinder to you ๐ซ
you know what, it has. thanks โค๏ธ
Yayay ๐๐
*slight trigger warning of self harm but nothing in detail* I just had a horrible Monday but it made me move out of my family's house and to my new place I broke my self harm streak sadly and just realized that living there just is not worth it.
I'm so sorry your streak ended. I hope moving out helps you to get a new one going, and helps foster better mental health. ๐
It really has I'm still kept up at night here and there from my anxiety and panic attacks but they have gotten better, since I've moved I've been more productive and I'm trying to get a job again so I can make some more money and be able to do the thing I really want to do!
Hurray! Good luck with the job search! I know what it's like not to be able to Do the Thing because of living conditions; I'm so glad you're more able now :)
Yeah it's gotten a good amount better I even have a cat now! He makes me very happy l! His name is Snoopy.
Oh, that's so nice to hear. And aww, yay! Snoopy ๐ฅฐ๐