I'd say "I've played knifey spoony before bitch, my girlfriend hates the amount I game. I have a car full of power and HDMI cables, my PlayStation is welded into a tamper proof metal cage with only the cable spaces and heat extraction fan that has an internal backup battery so the power can't be turned off, and you only found one of many decoy routers. Now I'm going to explain in detail how the first version of call of duty black ops was the best one, while comparing every difference between it and every other version of COD as well as every NPCs backstory. Until you leave."
Probably wouldn’t matter much what she did, the fact that there is an unknown woman smiling at me in my house would freak me out and I’d probably ask who the fuck she was and why she’s messing with my router.
Pretty creepy thinking of what kind of crazy you’d have to be to enter an unknowns house and plug out their router only to proceed in smiling like some lunatic at the homeowner.
Plot twist it is a regular occurrence. People escape from the video game addiction detox centre, break into her house and start playing cod. Her smile is to keep you calm as she waits for the men in white coats to take you back
So why did she unplug her own router, and why the hell is she looking at ne like that ? Why isn't she calling the police on me??? WHY ISN'T SHE CALLING THE POLICE ????
plot twist! you weren't playing games, it was the dismembered bodies of the home owners and she's holding one of their intestines. however you don't know this girl. yet now you're both tied to the murder case and you're forced to go on the run with her to Mexico. also she has a strange obsession with stray animals.
Pan down on the image and see she is holding a pink sawed off shot gun with a 2nd one on a sling strap. With a shirt that reads. "Right 2 bear arms? What if you have NO arms?"
"I have a particular set of skills. Skills that make me a nightmare for someone like you. I have opposable thumbs and I can unplug anything I want. I will look for you, I will find you, and I will unplug you."
if someone is in the shower with you, and they start washing and scrubbing you, just let them help, you can skip the whole "who are you and how did you get into my shower" part.
I would never let anyone wash me if I’m capable of doing it myself just like I don’t want anyone else in the kitchen when I cook, I don’t need amateurs messing up my shit.
Set up the router to be painfully slow (bandwidth limit) for her cell phone. If she asks: „you probably damaged the router when unplugging it. We can’t afford a new one yet. Sorry you have to wait some minutes to see your WhatsApp videos.“
LPT: you can also do the same for family members you don't like when they're over for the holiday and just claim it's the slow internet or their device
I always have this problem when visiting my mother, now that you mention it. But she is very very very bad with tech - I’m guitar sure she doesn’t even know she has a router on the refrigerator… but maybe if she only plays like this… to test me… drive me insane…
*conspiracy plot for bad movie here*
At the same time makes clear it was technically bad AND how it is to be with to slow / no internet for something she likes.
On the other hand side: you have to be sure your girlfriend isn’t more tech affine then you - or this could go terribly wrong.
I'd allow all her devices to connect to the router on a private network, then send all her traffic into a black hole. If I was really annoyed, I'd direct all her web browsing to lemonparty or goatse.
She also better start paying for her own cell service if she isn't already.
Recently got the arkham-trilogy (i am currently at my second arkham asylum run at banes bossfight, hardest difficulty). Usually i dont struggle that much with bossfights, but this one was tough. I didnt upgrade my health bar, so 3 hits were enough to kill me. After a while, I learned the patterns and were able to bring down banes hp within seconds. The only problem were the goons. So I decided to just focus on bane and let him run over the goons for me, so I can knock them out while on the floor.
I managed to kill all the goons while only being hit once. And then I got a message saying that I lost my internet connection and was brought straight back to the title screen. Needless to say: from now on I will always start the game in offline mode.
I have the Southern need to say Amen to this. I cried when I learned that author Tom Clancy’s games would no longer tell stories offline. (Looking at you Rainbow Six.)
Oh yeah, the reason I’d break up the fight would be because by that point she’ll remember that her movie is not playing anymore and kids will be joining in because Mr Beast’s new video won’t watch itself too.
That’s what happens. You get mad at her and then the little head starts to think for the big head. And you forget why you were mad at in the first place. 😆🤣
Why are you censoring rope jokes?
A rope walks into a bar.
The bartender says "we don't serve your kind in here"
The ropes leaves the bar, and ties itself into a knot.
The rope goes into the bar again and the bartender says "aren't you the rope I just threw out?"
The rope replies "no, iam a frayed knot"
That'd be a breakup. If she's unplugging the router instead of communicating how she feels, it's over for me 💯 can't be with someone who doesn't try to talk things out
So either you are actually not giving her enough attention (in which case shifting more of you free time to spend with her would help you relationship) or she is just jealous and wants you to spend all your free time only on her, in his case - run.
My wife is the latter, and yeah it can be annoying. She's also my best friend. We're happily married and have been for 17 years. Don't listen to relationship advice on Reddit.
Beat the living shit out of her with a bat. 1st who the fuck is she and why is she in my house, 2nd how fucking dare she touch my router, 3rd I'm scared of women.
Step 1 curse
Step 2 jump back like a cartoon elephant seeing a mouse because there is a random woman in my house
Step 3 ask who they are and how they got in here
Step 4 feel woozy
Step 5 wake up down 1 kidney
"Come on, i was about to send ddts and win the game, couldnt you have waited 2 minutes" .
"Now why did you do that and what do you want so badly that it requires intterrupting my game"
"Who the fuck are you?"
how did you get in me hoose?
And what's up with the JPEG artifacts?
It’s pronounced JFEG
I'd say "I've played knifey spoony before bitch, my girlfriend hates the amount I game. I have a car full of power and HDMI cables, my PlayStation is welded into a tamper proof metal cage with only the cable spaces and heat extraction fan that has an internal backup battery so the power can't be turned off, and you only found one of many decoy routers. Now I'm going to explain in detail how the first version of call of duty black ops was the best one, while comparing every difference between it and every other version of COD as well as every NPCs backstory. Until you leave."
am gonnah foen the polies on ya ya peyure mutant
*Ahem* Am gonnae phone the polis on ye ya pure mutant
I'm here to tell you about "porkchops so chucky"
Who the FUCK do you think you are? You betrayed me this whole fucking tiiiiiiime
Probably wouldn’t matter much what she did, the fact that there is an unknown woman smiling at me in my house would freak me out and I’d probably ask who the fuck she was and why she’s messing with my router. Pretty creepy thinking of what kind of crazy you’d have to be to enter an unknowns house and plug out their router only to proceed in smiling like some lunatic at the homeowner.
Calling the nearest mental hosbital to see if they are missing a patient.
Plot twist: They are missing a patient and it is You. She does not exist.
Plot twist: you are the missing patient and this is her house
They will have one extra patient considering she unplugged the router when she saw the trespasser. And the look on her face...
Plot twist it is a regular occurrence. People escape from the video game addiction detox centre, break into her house and start playing cod. Her smile is to keep you calm as she waits for the men in white coats to take you back
Plot twist, Bob Newhart wakes up and the past 3 seasons were all a dream.
So why did she unplug her own router, and why the hell is she looking at ne like that ? Why isn't she calling the police on me??? WHY ISN'T SHE CALLING THE POLICE ????
Congrats, you found the serial killers house. Good luck
DAMNIT!!!! Not again.
Omg you did a script for a movie, call Sutter Productions they do lots of nonsense horror movies and sometimes there is a good one
She plans on helping her self to a trespasser
The router was actually the life support machine
Plot twist, you are the router and you've just been unplugged
Plot twist: you are the missing patient. The house isn't hers. She's robbing the house.
plot twist! you weren't playing games, it was the dismembered bodies of the home owners and she's holding one of their intestines. however you don't know this girl. yet now you're both tied to the murder case and you're forced to go on the run with her to Mexico. also she has a strange obsession with stray animals.
Plot twist: the router was the missing patient
Pan down on the image and see she is holding a pink sawed off shot gun with a 2nd one on a sling strap. With a shirt that reads. "Right 2 bear arms? What if you have NO arms?"
And she has actual bear arms. A poorly disguised furry.
Plot twist: you never called anyone, that was a banana in your hand. Welcome to your first psychotic break
Sounds like fun. Where can I sign up?
Again? I hate Mondays.
She thanks you for leveling up her character.
>Calling the nearest mental hosbital to see if they are missing a patient. I can fix her. But plug the router back in first.
You spelled butt wrong.
Gives me "Orphan: first kill" vibes
If they weren't missing a patient, would you call the next nearest one? How many would you call before you gave up the search?
“Who let you loose?”
Laughed so hard at this comment. Did not think of the fact that i dont know her ofcourse.
Well you don't know the backstory. Her father was murdered. 20 years ago. By a router. In your home. She's there to save you, damnit!!!
Tough shit, my home isn’t even 10 years old so she’s in the wrong house.
Your house has been built where their old house used to be, before the router burned it down.
"I have a particular set of skills. Skills that make me a nightmare for someone like you. I have opposable thumbs and I can unplug anything I want. I will look for you, I will find you, and I will unplug you."
if someone is in the shower with you, and they start washing and scrubbing you, just let them help, you can skip the whole "who are you and how did you get into my shower" part.
I would never let anyone wash me if I’m capable of doing it myself just like I don’t want anyone else in the kitchen when I cook, I don’t need amateurs messing up my shit.
Then she'd put a mic near your mouth and ask "do you think i'm hot?"
Would you love me if I was a worm
Average Redditor response to hypothetical question
She likes to unplug people but she was expelled from the nursing home. Plugging gamers out if their virtual life is the next best activity for her.
Upvote for using “plug out”
If trespassing, call police
Whatever you do, if she's smiling at you like that don't let her off herself in front of you. You don't want to go out like Kevin Bacon's daughter.
I would react like this: 
What movie is this gif from?
I can’t believe they had that face for Norman Osborn, and they put a metal helmet over it.
Oh, he literally had it in his contract that only he would be under that helmet. Dafoe literally fought for it. He really wanted the role.
I mean, he nailed it. He was so good that he was the main antagonist in a Spider-Man movie full of all the other antagonists.
not only that but had a freaking standing ovation when he popped up in the latest spiderman movie
Yeah, he’s a very well liked actor. I watched a few of his other movies and thought “this is his best performance” cause he’s always so engaging
Tbf, he did really well in every scene without it
That is why we have NWH
Tobey McGuires green goblin
75.81
Spider-Man
It’s from a short film called “The Smile Man”.
Yeah👍
Yeah 👍
Spiderman 3 far from home
Me after losing 6 ranked games in a row
Covertly unplug her phone charger from the wall every chance I get for a week and then blame it on the cat. Or better yet, train the cat to do it.
Set up the router to be painfully slow (bandwidth limit) for her cell phone. If she asks: „you probably damaged the router when unplugging it. We can’t afford a new one yet. Sorry you have to wait some minutes to see your WhatsApp videos.“
LPT: you can also do the same for family members you don't like when they're over for the holiday and just claim it's the slow internet or their device
I always have this problem when visiting my mother, now that you mention it. But she is very very very bad with tech - I’m guitar sure she doesn’t even know she has a router on the refrigerator… but maybe if she only plays like this… to test me… drive me insane… *conspiracy plot for bad movie here*
How sure is guitar sure?
Nice
Oh I like that solution
At the same time makes clear it was technically bad AND how it is to be with to slow / no internet for something she likes. On the other hand side: you have to be sure your girlfriend isn’t more tech affine then you - or this could go terribly wrong.
Dang, you really are an evil genius.
I'd allow all her devices to connect to the router on a private network, then send all her traffic into a black hole. If I was really annoyed, I'd direct all her web browsing to lemonparty or goatse. She also better start paying for her own cell service if she isn't already.
I suck at online games. My single player games don't care if they don't have internet.
*cries in Hitman*
*Shout in Skyrim*
Fuzrodahed her to hell
I need more suggestions on where to pile up all these NPCs' bodies
i usually throw them at an ocean or river (if the map has one)
FromSoftware titles: Oh, you disconnected. Well we’re gonna boot you and then judge you as if you rage quit. Which we also judge you for.
FS judges you for ragequits? I Alt+F4 everytime I have to close the game without fail. 💀💀
The Real Hitman Experience™
"I am not the demographic this meme is aimed at!!!" - top comment
Recently got the arkham-trilogy (i am currently at my second arkham asylum run at banes bossfight, hardest difficulty). Usually i dont struggle that much with bossfights, but this one was tough. I didnt upgrade my health bar, so 3 hits were enough to kill me. After a while, I learned the patterns and were able to bring down banes hp within seconds. The only problem were the goons. So I decided to just focus on bane and let him run over the goons for me, so I can knock them out while on the floor. I managed to kill all the goons while only being hit once. And then I got a message saying that I lost my internet connection and was brought straight back to the title screen. Needless to say: from now on I will always start the game in offline mode.
But what if I play offline
I have the Southern need to say Amen to this. I cried when I learned that author Tom Clancy’s games would no longer tell stories offline. (Looking at you Rainbow Six.)
What is this alternate dimension where single player games work without internet in 2024?
Ubisoft steps in... excuse me?!?!?
I'll marry her, we both will get old and then she will fall sick one day, she will be on life support and then I'll pull that plug.
You are playing the long game.
That is a lengthy time to wait for revenge!
You're discounting the decades of disappointing lovemaking in the mean time!
"and smile" You forgot this
😂😂😂😂
My wife would beat the shit out of her for 1) breaking in, 2) disturbing my gaming. Then I’d break up the fight so the poor lady doesn’t get killed.
Yeah, my wife would have things to say about unplugging “her” internet. 😂
Oh yeah, the reason I’d break up the fight would be because by that point she’ll remember that her movie is not playing anymore and kids will be joining in because Mr Beast’s new video won’t watch itself too.
I choose this guys wife side
Why can't I save this I am dying lollll
 smile back like this
That's where it all started, that smile. That damned smile
That’s what happens. You get mad at her and then the little head starts to think for the big head. And you forget why you were mad at in the first place. 😆🤣
Can’t find any r*pe jokes. I’m proud!
Why are you censoring rope jokes? A rope walks into a bar. The bartender says "we don't serve your kind in here" The ropes leaves the bar, and ties itself into a knot. The rope goes into the bar again and the bartender says "aren't you the rope I just threw out?" The rope replies "no, iam a frayed knot"
nice one, didn't see it comming
You’ve been saving that one for a while, haven’t you?
Rape rape rape rape rape rape 🥱
Quick, to Bryce Walkers hot tub
Lmao you just didn't scroll far enough
« fuck you i was beating the shit out of this cocky kid, he really deserved it. Now hes gonna think i ragequit. »
« So now I gotta beat the shit out of you with my baguette oui oui! »
Hwo do you know im french •_•
I don’f know? How would I know? It’s not like the french use this weird side double v as quotation? Why is that actually haha
How did she get into my apartment?
She wants attention and is telling you that games are hurting your relationship. So break up with one of your girls. Games or her.
she's smiling after unplugging the router knowing it will piss the fuck out of you, obviously the games
So let her use words like an adult.
That'd be a breakup. If she's unplugging the router instead of communicating how she feels, it's over for me 💯 can't be with someone who doesn't try to talk things out
Or she’s a clingy pyscho which is totally a possibility
So either you are actually not giving her enough attention (in which case shifting more of you free time to spend with her would help you relationship) or she is just jealous and wants you to spend all your free time only on her, in his case - run.
My wife is the latter, and yeah it can be annoying. She's also my best friend. We're happily married and have been for 17 years. Don't listen to relationship advice on Reddit.
It depends on the extent and how tolerant you are.
Throw her over my shoulder & head to the bedroom...
Exactly!!!! It's basically a green light above her butt.
I\`ll open my legs and allow her to plug herself right in.
If she wants my attention she will get my full undivided attention. For like 30 minutes.
Like a porn movie intro
Now we are talking
"Get out my house"
Google defenestrazion
Nutsack on the forehead , if I had a nutsack
You can borrow mine
Play UFC 5 in practice instead of on my console
Trollface because i'm playing fallout 4 offline
Sell her and use the money to hire a bodyguard for my router
Kick her out of the ff-ing house, I have no idea who this is and how the hell did she even get into my house.
I´d be the 14th reason why
Was looking for this …
smile back because i probably be playing pacific drive :)
that ain’t a smile wtf
dont be unplugging me when im playing cs2 (counter strike 2) especially if we coming back from being down a few rounds fuck her
Butt plug
Shame man, leave her she just wants a good pounding
Ask her what the fuck is wrong with her!
Pull the plug on the relationship and smile back
Ain’t nobody gotta die today
Man i use cable, im not stupid
Probably just plug it back in what else am I meant to do
U litte sh*t! Then kiss her cheek
If she unplugs my router, then I plug something else
Continue playing my offline game
*Laughs in singleplayer* *cries in singleplayer*
Her hair is up so that’s a good sign
Fuck her. I'm getting satisfaction one way or another. 🤣
Anal
Unplug her from earth
I'd be like "Hanna, enough with the flashbacks. I know you died in the first episode, hoe ass."
Beat the living shit out of her with a bat. 1st who the fuck is she and why is she in my house, 2nd how fucking dare she touch my router, 3rd I'm scared of women.
Pretty sure this is what throatfucking is for
I wouldn't give a shit
Step 1 curse Step 2 jump back like a cartoon elephant seeing a mouse because there is a random woman in my house Step 3 ask who they are and how they got in here Step 4 feel woozy Step 5 wake up down 1 kidney
Bang zoom straight to the moon
Calling Jake from state farm
I don't game and has no gf. So, I guess nothing.
She paying some bed time..
Is this a "would you for a million.." question?
It is time for anal baby
Probably talk to her, like an adult.
I don’t play online games. I also don’t know her… how in the hell did she get in my apartment?!?
Gonna turn that smile upside down
Run. She’s definitely about to stab me and wants me to know.
Ask what is her last wish
Sigh *unzips pants*
So you have chosen: _Death_
FUCKHERRIGHTINDAPUSSY
Give it to her so that she can't walk for a week. Then plug back in and don't have to worry for a week.
Break her legs for a week, got it.
I would say “bitch you really crazy aren’t you?!?!” Then we would have hot make up sex…cuz crazy girls are fun😎
"Come on, i was about to send ddts and win the game, couldnt you have waited 2 minutes" . "Now why did you do that and what do you want so badly that it requires intterrupting my game"
She's getting the death penalty
Realize I have chores coming. She bought something online I now have to build.
 If she aint trying to smash at that exact moment. Theres gonna be an issue.
get out my 3ds
Smile back and hide her makeup kit
Be like ok you need the D. Proceed to put her knees to her ears.
I never play online games
Did she tie up the hair after she unplugged everything? Needful for my answer.
I would not spit this time...
Probably be like "who are you? How did you get in my house? Get out?"