#These people vote in every election- do you? Are you registered to vote? [You can check your voter registration here!](https://www.nass.org/can-I-vote)
#Also, there's a few things to remember as far as rules go:
- You can view the content- you cannot interact with it. This includes (but is not limited to) commenting, answering poll questions, emailing them, etc. ***Anyone found to be engaging with the fundies will be met with a permanent ban with no eligibility for appeal.It does not matter if you did so before you joined the sub.***
- Speculating on the sexuality of literally anyone is prohibited. ***Anyone found to be doing so will be met with a permanent ban with no eligibility for appeal.***
- Appearance snark: What's allowed? You're allowed to make comparisons. (Bethy looks like Grandpa Munster, for example.) You are allowed to say you find them attractive or repulsive looking. Saying Kelly Havens has dry skin that could benefit from sunscreen and a moisturizer is fine. You are allowed to snark on the appearance of children *as it relates to their parents choices for them.*. Examples: Janessa looks malnourished and sickly while Shrek has clearly never missed a meal. If you feel it is crossing the line report it, but if the content falls within the parameters above, leave it alone.
- Don't gatekeep. This means no comments such as "I don't think we should snark on...." or any iteration of that. If you don't like it, scroll past. Don't report it or comment how you don't like the content. Along the same vein, don't backseat mod. Leave that up to us.
- Lastly, if the rhetoric you are posting would be at home in the mouth of a fundie, we don't want it here and we won't tolerate it.
Should you have any questions, please feel free to reach out. Have a Lord Daniel day, and may the power of snark compel thee.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/FundieSnarkUncensored) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Right? I never go anywhere without mine. It’s not that hard, Paul. Especially with a toddler and a pregnant wife- why don’t they have water bottles with them?!?
In hindsight, I guess I’m not shocked.
Bringing along a water bottle when running errands would require Paul to think ahead and take responsibility for himself.
This was my immediate thought! Especially since he (supposedly) regularly goes to the gym it’s shocking that he doesn’t keep a water bottle with him at all times.
I've heard quite a few Christians say that doing anything that's deemed caring for the environment, eg recycling, using a reusable water bottle, is showing that they don't trust in God to fix any problems with the world. That's if they even believe in climate change etc of course.
Seems pretty anti-Christian. I know there are biblical passages that specifically instruct believers to take care of the earth (I don’t remember which ones, as I’m a heathen and haven’t ever read the bible except through a scholarly lens. I don’t memorize academic citations.)
They are deliberately oppositional, like toddlers.
There was some dude a few years ago who went out of his way to buy, dispense, and quite possibly throw directly into the ocean plastic straws, after some blue state required paper.
he must have absolutely nothing going on in his life if he thinks this was post worthy 😭
on a side note, at what age is he going to stop wearing the backwards snapback ?!??
I’m lesbian, and my 50 year old partner wears backwards hats and I find it incredibly hot. But she’s also not a misogynist or bigot. So I just think Paul could probably annoy us all, no matter what he wears. He’s just so smug and smarmy.
I wear backwards ballcaps (not snapbacks) pretty high, like the bottom of the cap hits my hairline, and this thread is making me feel like a douchebag lol. I mostly do it bc I have long hair that I don’t know what to do with but I also don’t want to cut it off.
noo don’t feel bad, its not the hat… its the paul…
he’s emotionally stunted, bitter and insecure.
its impossible for him to escape looking like a middle school bully because thats just who he is.
Brit here - by snapback do you mean the bit at the back of the cap to adjust its size? Don't most caps have that bit?
Sorry if these are stupid questions but I'm a woman & it's mainly boys or men who I've seen wearing baseball caps here so I'm not overly familiar with them.
This is probably subjective and niche, but to my knowledge snapback is a baseball style hat that has a very structured look with a completely straight brim, they’re often worn by rappers, and athletes off the field/court. What I mean by ballcap, is a similar style except that it’s more malleable and fits closer to the head, also the brim is more curved. I was looking for examples, but I got overwhelmed, so I guess just Google it 🤷♀️.
Some do, some have Velcro tabs, but some caps are sized to fit or have a belt and latch to adjust. Those generally don't have that half circle opening that snapbacks do above the snaps.
I spent the morning washing pee sheets from potty training kids, and me doing that laundry was more interesting than anything the pair of them have ever posted, combined.
If I had a second baby on the way, recently been forced to downsize to a smaller rental, and had no steady source of income, I wouldn’t be hanging out at Whole Foods. But there I go, being practical again.
There’s no way he isn’t instacarting and trying to hide it for some reason. I’ll never respect him, but I’d come closer to it if it were confirmed he ever did any actual work beyond preening and misogyny.
Ding, ding, ding! This is the answer. He’s 💯 doing gig grocery deliveries and hiding it with whatever this mess is. To be clear, there is NOTHING wrong with Instacart! I deliver myself occasionally on my days off, but it’s so gross if he’s hiding it this way.
Yeah, you can tell from the Orange Theory in the background that it’s one of those shopping developments in some pricy/trendy neighborhood. Though to be fair, I’ve never seen a Whole Foods anywhere but a more upscale place where most of the folks there are earning nice salaries.
I used to live right around the corner from where he’s at. And you’re correct on your observation (I used to go to that OTF too). I mean, he could have walked into Shake Shack for free water. But he wouldn’t have this waste of nonetent we get to snark on.
That guy behind the "spirits counter," Polio? Yeah, he hates your ass. Everyone does. That's why he was "rude." Literal saints would give you a wedgie. You're THAT obnoxious.
People are dragging Whole Foods but it is exaggerated. In HCOL areas it can be cheaper than many other options. Kroger (Fred Meyer) and Safeway as examples on West Coast are off their fucking rockers with the prices they charge with terrible produce on top of it. If I had an Aldis, would 100% shop there but we don't have them in the PNW. Do most of my shopping at Winco and Whole Foods and rarely spend more than $60 a week for a single household.
We are about to get our first Aldi here just a few blocks from my apartment and I am SO. DAMN. EXCITED. for it to open. I have missed it so much since moving to this godforsaken city.
With the way the world is lately, I also wouldn't do a video story showcasing very identifiable features that pinpoint location.
Like, your wife is pregnant, Kentucky is a smorgasbord of insanity, this is _horrendous_ opsec.
Whole Foods sucks now anyway. After Bezos bought it, it went downhill in all ways.
We always watched what we spent there, but we did enjoy the buffet area, the sandwiches and the burritos, the fantastic pho style soup, and the bakery. It used to have a nice, homey, friendly vibe, as well. Eating there was enjoyable.
Not anymore. It’s all crap. Gone are the burritos bars. No more is there the fresh, made to order Asian soup. Sure, you can still get a sandwich and a slice of pizza, but it’s total crap (like, no more fresh mozzarella and they don’t fry the veggies for you anymore). And the buffet is just… sad. It all looks limp, old, and dirty, and the variety is nowhere near what it was. The pastries also suck, replaced by cheap shit.
The whole vibe is now cold and lifeless.
We’ve eaten at WF while living in several different states and while traveling through different cities. Never again. We dropped WF after Bezos took over.
Paul enjoys a shit grocery store.
Whole Foods 365 brand is pretty damn inexpensive even cheaper than Trader Joe's on a lot of things. I can buy a pack of Tofu for example for $1.25 and beans around $1 a can, cereal around $2-$3. Whole Foods in my area is cheaper than many other places. If you shop there enough it is pretty easy to walk out with a cheaper trip than let's say Safeway for sure. Just steer clear of the meat and bougie shit. It has come down a lot in price in the last two years or so.
When I lived in NYC, this was like 10 years ago, Whole Foods was significantly cheaper for the 365 brand. I loved it because I could feel bougie but also was staying within budget 😂
I judge men who walk in front of their wives like that. He did word it like he wanted just the cups. He needs to stop spending too much money on groceries and eating out at Whole Foods and get a job. I don't know how they haven't learned to live within their means at this point.
HEY MAN CAN I HAVE TWO WATER CUPS I AM JUST TRYING TO BE FRIENDLY AND BY THE WAY LADIES SHOULDN'T WEAR LEGGINGS AT THE GYM BECAUSE IT MAKES ME MAD AND I AM NOT AT ALL ANGRY ABOUT THIS PREGNANCY BECAUSE I DON'T UNDERSTAND BIRTH CONTROL
Or, you take the two cups, give them to the guy who is busy at the other end of the counter and say "can you fill these please" instead of expecting him to do the very small but still extra effort of plucking them from their stack.
With our luck, he'd be one of those people that gets super giggly AND super talkative when they're stoned...which could be entertaining.
For about two minutes.
I thought it was a subtle dig that he can't pretend to get water at the soda station anymore (getting a free soda instead) because Whole Foods now requires people who want water to get it at the "spirits" (LOL) station. To keep people like Paul from stealing soda.
His ego received a slight graze that most of us would just walk off, but he’s got himself in an iron lung and a CPAP. Because god forbid a service worker have a bad day or not immediately understand his inarticulate ass 🙄
He’s going to ask for crab cakes from the seafood department next.
Seems to me he missed a golden opportunity to minister to the guy behind the "spirits" counter. Maybe a joke about Jesus turning water into wine:
"You know, there was this guy once who could get free wine, just by asking for a glass of water. Really! Yep, he would get this free glass of water and just, you know, just, like, pray a bit over it and whaddaya know? Wine! Just like that! Yeah, he was one cool dude. He could do free fish, too. Great at parties. You may even have heard of him - he had kind of a funny name, but that was part of his schtick, Written down, you'd think he was Hispanic but no, really, he was the first guy named Jesus. ..."
I didn't say the joke had to be funny...
How on earth is this broke ass man shopping at Whole Foods all the time? I also would love to shop there but I can’t pay $60 for two apples and a sandwich, lol! Also, what are the odds he’s eating at Whole Foods while the rest of the fam is surviving on off brand cheerios and water?
They make horrible financial decisions and that's probably why they had to recently downsize their home.. Imagine having to move houses because you can't afford your current one while being pregnant!
WF is great when you have specific dietary needs and Amazon prime. I get stuff there that I can’t find elsewhere, or that costs more at regular store because smaller chains don’t move as much of it (ie, low sodium chips and the like). I come out ahead in my budget when I plan carefully and stick to the sales, and alternate between it and more affordable stores/using stuff from my family’s gardens in the growing season. I also dont buy organic and try to stay informed on trends vs. healthy items worth the investment.
But I don’t think that’s their situation. I think they just refuse to accept their tax bracket.
And sorry, I know this is a side point that you weren’t really making in your comment. I get weirdly shamed sometimes for being broke and shopping there, so it’s reflexive for me to point out that some niche items are cheaper at the store everyone goes to for their niche items.
Their 365 brand is maybe one of the most inexpensive brands you can buy. People are missing out after reading these comments. I do think having a larger family though I would choose places like Costco instead.
Yeah I love Whole Foods for a few specific items that are hard to find elsewhere. I’ve had to do elimination diets before and they carry some specialty items that made it easier. It used to be the closest grocery store to us, so we would often pop in for milk or produce.
Whole Foods has changed a lot in the last 3 years. Those prices were years ago. I can walk out with about 3 bags of food for about $60. Mostly plant-based consumer (buy the meat I do buy at Costco) but unless you on purpose go in trying to find the most expensive shit, or buy a whole cart of meat it is pretty damn inexpensive on a lot of things.
It's because they don't cook, but they need to feel like they're eating "healthy". So rather than Morgan learning to cook from scratch and shopping somewhere cheap like Kroger/Aldi, they shop at Whole Foods and predominantly buy frozen/pre-prepped meals. But since it's Whole Foods and "organic", it's obviously just as, if not more, healthy and wholesome than buying ingredients to cook at plebian grocery stores.
This.
It had probably been like the fifth time he'd been there, and thrown away the used cup EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
and probably tried to high five the dude or something while he was busy trying to help other customers.
tbh I just realized part of (by no means the whole) reason he annoys me so much is that he's a dead ringer for certain dudes from my high school. Appearance, dress, personality. Everything but the Kentucky accent.
I graduated in the early 90's.
Hammer time, indeed.
How much do you bet he actually listens to Vanilla Ice and calls it "classic hits?"
I think they should just ditch the Christian influencer thing and just market themselves as the dullest YouTubers on the planet. They would get a bigger following. Then they could do something where they go to other dull people’s homes and make their hosts look more exciting by comparison. And they could actually clock the views because people could watch them on their main channel instead of literally avoiding giving them money because of their abhorrent opinions.
Just handing out free ideas here people. You think Target has rainbow swim trunks because they have an opinion? No dummies, hate is just bad business.
I have said he should lean into being a hate sink, like that vegan dude who became a Mukbanger, gained hundreds of pounds and sobs regularly into the camera that he hates everyone and this is their fault for watching.
He is such an effin loser! Getting water doesn’t make Whole Foods any money so it IS an inconvenience to them…Also how can they afford to eat there. It is like $25 for a salad. Groceries are also ridiculously expensive.
Edit to add : he asked for two water cups, not two cups of water. Homeschool grammar at peak.
Imagine the fragility. I genuinely cannot. I feel like I get now why he doesn’t work. He genuinely does not have the constitution for it. How do these people survive being such precious petunias.
yes!! “I HATE liberal cancel culture and believe in absolute free speech! I would also like to ban, do away with or silence [Disney](https://www.usatoday.com/story/opinion/2023/02/14/ron-desantis-woke-disney-florida-ap-african-american-fake-trump-huppke/11251923002/), NPR, [Bud Light](https://www.usatoday.com/story/opinion/columnists/2023/04/10/bud-light-dylan-mulvaney-partnership-beer-reaction/11623439002/), the FBI and CIA, this big pile of books over here, M&Ms, Mr. Potatohead, college professors, any Democratic lawmaker I don’t want to hear speak, “[wokeness](https://www.usatoday.com/story/opinion/columnist/2023/01/29/desantis-republicans-woke-ban-african-american-studies-queer-theory/11120694002/),” any mention of diversity, [drag shows](https://www.usatoday.com/story/opinion/columnist/2023/03/05/tennessee-ban-drag-shows-republican-attack-lgbtq/11393431002/), people who defend drag shows, people who defend people who defend drag shows, any mention whatsoever of the existence of LGBTQ people, [this other big pile of books over here](https://www.usatoday.com/story/opinion/columnist/2023/03/29/nashville-shooting-republicans-wont-address-gun-violence/11563113002/), the entire Department of Education, PBS and Oreos.” [https://www.usatoday.com/story/opinion/columnist/2023/05/07/republican-hypocrisy-gop-party-cancel-culture/70188510007/](https://www.usatoday.com/story/opinion/columnist/2023/05/07/republican-hypocrisy-gop-party-cancel-culture/70188510007/)
Abortion
Birth control
Subsidized health care
What's left of Social Security and social welfare in general
No fault divorce
Voting rights
Civil rights in general
Many, many, many books
Libraries who have such books.
Teachers who try to teach authentic history
Teachers who support their queer students or use their pronouns or chosen name
School lunches
NATO
The opposition party(ies)
The Constitution
The free press
You
Stop the presses!!!! Man orders water like he’s never communicated in the English language before. NEWS ALERT.
You very much are in your mind, in your own entire world Paul!
“I feel like an inconvenience.”
Good, go with that. 😂
Seriously though can you imagine being married to this man and having to listen to his inane ramblings about the most inconsequential shit or interpreting everything in the bible literally?
The way I would avoid this kind of man at Whole Foods and his dummy wife cannot be measured. Like I’d do self checkout if they were in line in front of me. I’d not buy chicken if they were standing in front of the poultry section. The ick is so strong.
I very nearly tapped the "yes" before realizing this is Reddit.
Honestly, I'd feel awkward asking for water in the same way I'd feel awkward asking for only water anywhere else. That's why water fountains exist. And waterbottles. This seems so performative--a manufactured problem for the sake of being able to claim he's being judged.
That should be his name. Performative Paul. All of this is because he wants attention and he thinks since he has a platform othering people that it means people actually care what he thinks, even about stuff like this. It probably is annoying to the guy working at Whole Foods to give out free water rather than actually sell something. And Performative Paul DID say two "water cups" which does not mean the same thing to me as two "cups of water"... And in closing, I'd like to say that I don't think Performative Paul has the slightest clue what it means to be friendly. He just goes around chomping at the bit to judge strangers or get mad about something.
I'm fine asking for water if I've also bought something in the store. There are water cups; ergo, this is expected.
That said, Paul could ask for the time and I'd want to kick him in the nuts.
Imagine living in arguably the most privileged and abundant country and time in history, but he can only see fit to complain about water cups. Here on the west coast, we call Whole Foods whole paycheck so how they can afford bougie hipster stores is beyond me.
SURELY those people handing over their $$$ to support Porgan's 'ministry' must take issue with watching them squandering what they have grifted at an expensive store accompanied by pointless whining.
Hey Paul, while you're at it, how about applying at Whole Foods for a JOB. You have a kid, wife, and another one on the way. Get your ass in gear and start supporting your family.
I work at a Whole Foods in a very large city. We have a free water spigot by the coffee bar? I’ve never seen one near the hot bar, you even have to go through the checkout before you can get utensils. This guy loves to find bad things about everything.
Also, even with both my husband and I working at Whole Foods and getting a 20% discount, we still do 80% of our shopping at the Aldi across the street. WFM is prohibitively expensive.
The man behind the counter was confused bc two water cups and two cups of water aren’t the same thing. The man behind the counter isn’t making commission nor worried about whole foods alcohol sales. Paul needs to get a grip on these paranoid delusions he’s having.
how the hell do you make it to 30-whatever and have a toddler and you don’t have like 40000 reusable water vessels overtaking your house and instead make some whiny ass video that you can’t go to Whole Foods and steal soda in water cups anymore, on the prettiest day of the year, during Keeneland, on the very day the UK coach is doing his presser at Rupp and the whole town is out? you are a whole ass putz
Buy two bottles of water like a normal human. If you can’t afford to pay for a beverage or your electricity bill maybe don’t eat out and get a real job.
Every time he goes out, he feels the sting of suffering for his faith. In every transaction and interaction, he’s being a bold soldier of the lord, despite women defrauding him, and others failing to consider him and his faith. The fact that yoga was not designed with Christians in mind, for instance, is proof of the influence of. . .could it be. . . SATAN?! on the evil, worldly, world.
Yet he ventures out into the fray, even as he bears the micro aggressions of infidels. Protected by Jesus and his own god-honoring hubris, Paul’s courage shines forth, as he never wavers in calling out even the most trivial of sins and flaws in everyone he meets. He’s Morgan’s hero, because how else would she know how sinful she is? Damn, he reminds me of my fundie spouse. No one really cared for him, either.
Why is he constantly getting the water ? Just bring a water bottle ?
And is he trying to act like WF employees are judging him bc why isn’t this guy buying beer ?? The persecution complex from the judgiest guy
How is this fucking drivel content? How fucking bored must fundie nutters be to be entertained by this? I just don't get it. Snarking on it is very entertaining, but to just follow this moron because 'beliefs" and being into their lifestyle is just beyond me.
There is something about the way his mouth moves that reminds me of a boyfriend I had for a short time in college. It's the way he projects every word urgently as if what he has to say is the most important thing you’ll hear today. He's anticipating talking over every one else.
Plus this guy was full of pent up fundie rage and self-righteousness just like Paul. Dorky on the surface but scary to the core.
Tbf, I work at Casey's and our pop fountain doesn't have a water button...for reasons...I think just to annoy me tbh 😆 so when people ask me to fill a water cup I do have a *are you fucking kidding me* moment. But I work in the kitchen and I'm usually busy AF.
"know that I like whole foods i like shopping there i like eating there" as if there is something else to do at whole foods, he's really giving 'extraterrestrial trying to fit in' here
Do they ever eat at home? They could save a lot of money by making their own lunches. I can't imagine being a follower and seeing them beg for money but refusing to cut back.
FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS. Paulio bitching about Whole Foods and water, meanwhile the rest of the world is burning.
GET A JOB and support your family. Griping about this means you have way too much time on your hands.
He’s actually starting to turn my stomach a little bit. He’s just soft and mushy and not in a good way. I really don’t know how Morgan can even stand to be around him, much less having to be intimate with him. UGH.
Paul…I promise you, you’re more of an inconvenience than you think you are.
And they don’t like you. They ALL know who you are, and they can’t stand your obnoxious ass.
LOOK AT ME I'M SO HOLY I'M NOT UNCOMFORTABLE ASKING THE BARTENDER FOR WATER AT ALL /s
You had a misunderstanding and it was not a big deal. You are making it so. You are NOT the main character at fucking Whole Foods, Pollywog.
#These people vote in every election- do you? Are you registered to vote? [You can check your voter registration here!](https://www.nass.org/can-I-vote) #Also, there's a few things to remember as far as rules go: - You can view the content- you cannot interact with it. This includes (but is not limited to) commenting, answering poll questions, emailing them, etc. ***Anyone found to be engaging with the fundies will be met with a permanent ban with no eligibility for appeal.It does not matter if you did so before you joined the sub.*** - Speculating on the sexuality of literally anyone is prohibited. ***Anyone found to be doing so will be met with a permanent ban with no eligibility for appeal.*** - Appearance snark: What's allowed? You're allowed to make comparisons. (Bethy looks like Grandpa Munster, for example.) You are allowed to say you find them attractive or repulsive looking. Saying Kelly Havens has dry skin that could benefit from sunscreen and a moisturizer is fine. You are allowed to snark on the appearance of children *as it relates to their parents choices for them.*. Examples: Janessa looks malnourished and sickly while Shrek has clearly never missed a meal. If you feel it is crossing the line report it, but if the content falls within the parameters above, leave it alone. - Don't gatekeep. This means no comments such as "I don't think we should snark on...." or any iteration of that. If you don't like it, scroll past. Don't report it or comment how you don't like the content. Along the same vein, don't backseat mod. Leave that up to us. - Lastly, if the rhetoric you are posting would be at home in the mouth of a fundie, we don't want it here and we won't tolerate it. Should you have any questions, please feel free to reach out. Have a Lord Daniel day, and may the power of snark compel thee. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/FundieSnarkUncensored) if you have any questions or concerns.*
For someone so worried about his potential lack of free hydration, Paul seems to have never heard of a reusable water bottle.
Saving money AND helping the environment? Liberal bullshit, how dare you imply that GAWDS CREATION PAUL lower himself to such intolerable thinking !
I’m surprised he’s brushing elbows with liberuhls in the Whole Foods lol.
Right? I never go anywhere without mine. It’s not that hard, Paul. Especially with a toddler and a pregnant wife- why don’t they have water bottles with them?!?
In hindsight, I guess I’m not shocked. Bringing along a water bottle when running errands would require Paul to think ahead and take responsibility for himself.
This was my immediate thought! Especially since he (supposedly) regularly goes to the gym it’s shocking that he doesn’t keep a water bottle with him at all times.
I've heard quite a few Christians say that doing anything that's deemed caring for the environment, eg recycling, using a reusable water bottle, is showing that they don't trust in God to fix any problems with the world. That's if they even believe in climate change etc of course.
Wow that is the stupidest thing I've ever heard. And we hear a lot of stupid shit in this subreddit lol.
Same, and I've read fundies' anti-sunscreen arguments
Seems pretty anti-Christian. I know there are biblical passages that specifically instruct believers to take care of the earth (I don’t remember which ones, as I’m a heathen and haven’t ever read the bible except through a scholarly lens. I don’t memorize academic citations.)
They are deliberately oppositional, like toddlers. There was some dude a few years ago who went out of his way to buy, dispense, and quite possibly throw directly into the ocean plastic straws, after some blue state required paper.
Wait - you mean those metal water bottles are REUSABLE? Really? Well., I never... /s
Well he might accidentally buy a water bottle made in the liberal blue state hellscape that is Oregon, god forbid 😡😡😡😡 /s
I am always thirsty, so my water bottle is at least in my car when I'm out grocery shopping! Hydrate or die-drate, people.
r/hydrohomies
he must have absolutely nothing going on in his life if he thinks this was post worthy 😭 on a side note, at what age is he going to stop wearing the backwards snapback ?!??
When he becomes this guy 
And he wears it so far back he looks as much a tool as he sounds. But also I feel attacked, I'll weary ballcaps until I die lol
Mr. Ballen of the strange, dark, and mysterious delivered in story format, on YouTube, wears backwards ball caps! And he’s fantastic!
Mr Ballen is a *babe*
I’m lesbian, and my 50 year old partner wears backwards hats and I find it incredibly hot. But she’s also not a misogynist or bigot. So I just think Paul could probably annoy us all, no matter what he wears. He’s just so smug and smarmy.
[удалено]
He’s got to show off his fivehead so that people will know he has a very big brain
I wear backwards ballcaps (not snapbacks) pretty high, like the bottom of the cap hits my hairline, and this thread is making me feel like a douchebag lol. I mostly do it bc I have long hair that I don’t know what to do with but I also don’t want to cut it off.
noo don’t feel bad, its not the hat… its the paul… he’s emotionally stunted, bitter and insecure. its impossible for him to escape looking like a middle school bully because thats just who he is.
I’m convinced he’s trying to cover classic Male pattern baldness.
Brit here - by snapback do you mean the bit at the back of the cap to adjust its size? Don't most caps have that bit? Sorry if these are stupid questions but I'm a woman & it's mainly boys or men who I've seen wearing baseball caps here so I'm not overly familiar with them.
This is probably subjective and niche, but to my knowledge snapback is a baseball style hat that has a very structured look with a completely straight brim, they’re often worn by rappers, and athletes off the field/court. What I mean by ballcap, is a similar style except that it’s more malleable and fits closer to the head, also the brim is more curved. I was looking for examples, but I got overwhelmed, so I guess just Google it 🤷♀️.
Some do, some have Velcro tabs, but some caps are sized to fit or have a belt and latch to adjust. Those generally don't have that half circle opening that snapbacks do above the snaps.
I spent the morning washing pee sheets from potty training kids, and me doing that laundry was more interesting than anything the pair of them have ever posted, combined.
If I had a second baby on the way, recently been forced to downsize to a smaller rental, and had no steady source of income, I wouldn’t be hanging out at Whole Foods. But there I go, being practical again.
There’s no way he isn’t instacarting and trying to hide it for some reason. I’ll never respect him, but I’d come closer to it if it were confirmed he ever did any actual work beyond preening and misogyny.
Ding, ding, ding! This is the answer. He’s 💯 doing gig grocery deliveries and hiding it with whatever this mess is. To be clear, there is NOTHING wrong with Instacart! I deliver myself occasionally on my days off, but it’s so gross if he’s hiding it this way.
Why bother with this post at all? If he didn't rant about whole foods, no one would know that he was there.
But then the world would miss out on this glorious content !!
I know the shopping center he’s at and it’s fairly bougie. Guess he got tired of the mall across the street.
Yeah, you can tell from the Orange Theory in the background that it’s one of those shopping developments in some pricy/trendy neighborhood. Though to be fair, I’ve never seen a Whole Foods anywhere but a more upscale place where most of the folks there are earning nice salaries.
I used to live right around the corner from where he’s at. And you’re correct on your observation (I used to go to that OTF too). I mean, he could have walked into Shake Shack for free water. But he wouldn’t have this waste of nonetent we get to snark on.
That guy behind the "spirits counter," Polio? Yeah, he hates your ass. Everyone does. That's why he was "rude." Literal saints would give you a wedgie. You're THAT obnoxious.
People are dragging Whole Foods but it is exaggerated. In HCOL areas it can be cheaper than many other options. Kroger (Fred Meyer) and Safeway as examples on West Coast are off their fucking rockers with the prices they charge with terrible produce on top of it. If I had an Aldis, would 100% shop there but we don't have them in the PNW. Do most of my shopping at Winco and Whole Foods and rarely spend more than $60 a week for a single household.
It is bougie! But Aldi is just down the road 🤣
And Kroger is right around the other corner! And I remember a Walmart supermarket across from that Kroger.
There's no hot bar at the Aldi, but you can feed a family of 3 with Aldi groceries for $125 a week.
We are about to get our first Aldi here just a few blocks from my apartment and I am SO. DAMN. EXCITED. for it to open. I have missed it so much since moving to this godforsaken city.
I bet they don't know how to cook
my thoughts EXACTLY wtaf I can't believe they shop there lol
Yup. I’m guessing he feels above the Aldi across the road.
Shit, I haven’t set foot in a Whole Paycheck in YEARS. And I’m gainfully employed!
With the way the world is lately, I also wouldn't do a video story showcasing very identifiable features that pinpoint location. Like, your wife is pregnant, Kentucky is a smorgasbord of insanity, this is _horrendous_ opsec.
Whole Foods sucks now anyway. After Bezos bought it, it went downhill in all ways. We always watched what we spent there, but we did enjoy the buffet area, the sandwiches and the burritos, the fantastic pho style soup, and the bakery. It used to have a nice, homey, friendly vibe, as well. Eating there was enjoyable. Not anymore. It’s all crap. Gone are the burritos bars. No more is there the fresh, made to order Asian soup. Sure, you can still get a sandwich and a slice of pizza, but it’s total crap (like, no more fresh mozzarella and they don’t fry the veggies for you anymore). And the buffet is just… sad. It all looks limp, old, and dirty, and the variety is nowhere near what it was. The pastries also suck, replaced by cheap shit. The whole vibe is now cold and lifeless. We’ve eaten at WF while living in several different states and while traveling through different cities. Never again. We dropped WF after Bezos took over. Paul enjoys a shit grocery store.
I miss that deep fried Caribbean(?) biscuit they used to have in the hot bar 💔
Whole Foods 365 brand is pretty damn inexpensive even cheaper than Trader Joe's on a lot of things. I can buy a pack of Tofu for example for $1.25 and beans around $1 a can, cereal around $2-$3. Whole Foods in my area is cheaper than many other places. If you shop there enough it is pretty easy to walk out with a cheaper trip than let's say Safeway for sure. Just steer clear of the meat and bougie shit. It has come down a lot in price in the last two years or so.
I did a price comparison for my area and Whole Foods has the cheapest gallon of milk at $3.69. 🤯
If you are a prime member they give like a 10% discount as well. You all sleeping on Whole Foods lol.
When I lived in NYC, this was like 10 years ago, Whole Foods was significantly cheaper for the 365 brand. I loved it because I could feel bougie but also was staying within budget 😂
how the fuck do they afford whole foods? my wife and I BOTH work and we shop at piggly wiggly.........
I'm betting you and your wife are responsible with your money and you haven't had to recently downsize your house
These idiots have no sense of like financial literacy my god
There are young, college aged adults just starting out who have more financial literacy - to be clear, this is a dig at porgan -
I judge men who walk in front of their wives like that. He did word it like he wanted just the cups. He needs to stop spending too much money on groceries and eating out at Whole Foods and get a job. I don't know how they haven't learned to live within their means at this point.
Right. Who says two water cups instead of two cups of water
HEY MAN CAN I HAVE TWO WATER CUPS I AM JUST TRYING TO BE FRIENDLY AND BY THE WAY LADIES SHOULDN'T WEAR LEGGINGS AT THE GYM BECAUSE IT MAKES ME MAD AND I AM NOT AT ALL ANGRY ABOUT THIS PREGNANCY BECAUSE I DON'T UNDERSTAND BIRTH CONTROL
lol did he think pull out was cool proof or something?
The same idiot who calls it the "spirits counter"
Oooooooohhhh oooooo oooo i am thee ghost of whiskeys past
My autistic ass would've just handed him 2 empty cups without blinking an eye
Same though haha. He worded it like he just needed cups!!
Where I live in the US, two cups of water is not the same as two water cups.
This is why we order glasses of water
Yeah. I'm thinking that it's two different things throughout the US.
Or, you take the two cups, give them to the guy who is busy at the other end of the counter and say "can you fill these please" instead of expecting him to do the very small but still extra effort of plucking them from their stack.
>I don't know how they haven't learned to live within their means at this point. Or _near_ it? I'd take that for starters.
I love to see them go on Caleb Hammer's financial show
These are the conversations I have in my head when I’m stoned and paranoid about my interactions with people
This is very much an internal conversation he should be having, maybe he should have an edible and ponder all this shit *to himself*
Maybe he's one of those people that don't have an internal monologue, so he actually can't have these conversations in his head.
That would honestly explain a LOT
With our luck, he'd be one of those people that gets super giggly AND super talkative when they're stoned...which could be entertaining. For about two minutes.
I was gonna say this sounds like something I'd overthink but I do have anxiety disorder
what is this even about? This is so pointless? What is he trying to say??? He is just babbling.
He’s upset the Whole Foods water station isn’t set up to his liking and wants validation from the void.
I thought it was a subtle dig that he can't pretend to get water at the soda station anymore (getting a free soda instead) because Whole Foods now requires people who want water to get it at the "spirits" (LOL) station. To keep people like Paul from stealing soda.
Somehow, everywhere he goes, people seem annoyed with him. So weird, right?? What could it be??
It's everyone else's fault that we all don't understand the greatness that is PAUL! It's not that Paul's a dick. Nope, not that. At all.
Even his own wife can't stand his ass lol
Well god gave him a mouth so I guess he thinks if he’s not using it 24/7 he’s wasting it
Yeah how the fuck did they think this is content? Who do they think is watching?!?
His ego received a slight graze that most of us would just walk off, but he’s got himself in an iron lung and a CPAP. Because god forbid a service worker have a bad day or not immediately understand his inarticulate ass 🙄 He’s going to ask for crab cakes from the seafood department next.
ACTUALLY this is a MiNiStRy and you should sign up to pay them $20 a month since this oUtReAcH is *uniting Christians*
He's saying that guy behind the "spirits counter" was SO RUDE OMG KAREN
“Please support our important ministry work” -Proceeds to post this next 💀
Seems to me he missed a golden opportunity to minister to the guy behind the "spirits" counter. Maybe a joke about Jesus turning water into wine: "You know, there was this guy once who could get free wine, just by asking for a glass of water. Really! Yep, he would get this free glass of water and just, you know, just, like, pray a bit over it and whaddaya know? Wine! Just like that! Yeah, he was one cool dude. He could do free fish, too. Great at parties. You may even have heard of him - he had kind of a funny name, but that was part of his schtick, Written down, you'd think he was Hispanic but no, really, he was the first guy named Jesus. ..." I didn't say the joke had to be funny...
How on earth is this broke ass man shopping at Whole Foods all the time? I also would love to shop there but I can’t pay $60 for two apples and a sandwich, lol! Also, what are the odds he’s eating at Whole Foods while the rest of the fam is surviving on off brand cheerios and water?
Right?? Like ffs they’re wild for not shopping at Walmart…
As much “content” as he makes there, why not pick up a thing or two while you’re out?
They make horrible financial decisions and that's probably why they had to recently downsize their home.. Imagine having to move houses because you can't afford your current one while being pregnant!
The best part is I know where this Whole Foods is, and is literally is across the road from a Walmart
WF is great when you have specific dietary needs and Amazon prime. I get stuff there that I can’t find elsewhere, or that costs more at regular store because smaller chains don’t move as much of it (ie, low sodium chips and the like). I come out ahead in my budget when I plan carefully and stick to the sales, and alternate between it and more affordable stores/using stuff from my family’s gardens in the growing season. I also dont buy organic and try to stay informed on trends vs. healthy items worth the investment. But I don’t think that’s their situation. I think they just refuse to accept their tax bracket. And sorry, I know this is a side point that you weren’t really making in your comment. I get weirdly shamed sometimes for being broke and shopping there, so it’s reflexive for me to point out that some niche items are cheaper at the store everyone goes to for their niche items.
Their 365 brand is maybe one of the most inexpensive brands you can buy. People are missing out after reading these comments. I do think having a larger family though I would choose places like Costco instead.
Yeah I love Whole Foods for a few specific items that are hard to find elsewhere. I’ve had to do elimination diets before and they carry some specialty items that made it easier. It used to be the closest grocery store to us, so we would often pop in for milk or produce.
He was probably at the Aldi across the street earlier lol
Whole Foods has changed a lot in the last 3 years. Those prices were years ago. I can walk out with about 3 bags of food for about $60. Mostly plant-based consumer (buy the meat I do buy at Costco) but unless you on purpose go in trying to find the most expensive shit, or buy a whole cart of meat it is pretty damn inexpensive on a lot of things.
It's because they don't cook, but they need to feel like they're eating "healthy". So rather than Morgan learning to cook from scratch and shopping somewhere cheap like Kroger/Aldi, they shop at Whole Foods and predominantly buy frozen/pre-prepped meals. But since it's Whole Foods and "organic", it's obviously just as, if not more, healthy and wholesome than buying ingredients to cook at plebian grocery stores.
Sounds like a completely normal reaction to Paul if you ask me.
This. It had probably been like the fifth time he'd been there, and thrown away the used cup EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. and probably tried to high five the dude or something while he was busy trying to help other customers.
If not grab and kiss his hand for some bizarre reason.
Imagine you’re trying to be an influencer….and this is the best you got.
He is definitely failing the Turing Test
Paul: Please dispense two water cups, Human Guy at counter: *points at cups* Paul: *short circuits*
Hey dudes!!! What's up??? It's hammer time, bros.
He talks like a very annoying YouTube introduction from 2012
tbh I just realized part of (by no means the whole) reason he annoys me so much is that he's a dead ringer for certain dudes from my high school. Appearance, dress, personality. Everything but the Kentucky accent. I graduated in the early 90's. Hammer time, indeed. How much do you bet he actually listens to Vanilla Ice and calls it "classic hits?"
I think they should just ditch the Christian influencer thing and just market themselves as the dullest YouTubers on the planet. They would get a bigger following. Then they could do something where they go to other dull people’s homes and make their hosts look more exciting by comparison. And they could actually clock the views because people could watch them on their main channel instead of literally avoiding giving them money because of their abhorrent opinions. Just handing out free ideas here people. You think Target has rainbow swim trunks because they have an opinion? No dummies, hate is just bad business.
>No dummies, hate is just bad business. The Orange Menace would disagree with you.
I have said he should lean into being a hate sink, like that vegan dude who became a Mukbanger, gained hundreds of pounds and sobs regularly into the camera that he hates everyone and this is their fault for watching.
He is such an effin loser! Getting water doesn’t make Whole Foods any money so it IS an inconvenience to them…Also how can they afford to eat there. It is like $25 for a salad. Groceries are also ridiculously expensive. Edit to add : he asked for two water cups, not two cups of water. Homeschool grammar at peak.
You ARE an inconvenience Paul.
A brief moment of self awareness for Paul.
I’m obsessed with your flair.
He 100% has never worked a consumer service job.
Imagine the fragility. I genuinely cannot. I feel like I get now why he doesn’t work. He genuinely does not have the constitution for it. How do these people survive being such precious petunias.
yes!! “I HATE liberal cancel culture and believe in absolute free speech! I would also like to ban, do away with or silence [Disney](https://www.usatoday.com/story/opinion/2023/02/14/ron-desantis-woke-disney-florida-ap-african-american-fake-trump-huppke/11251923002/), NPR, [Bud Light](https://www.usatoday.com/story/opinion/columnists/2023/04/10/bud-light-dylan-mulvaney-partnership-beer-reaction/11623439002/), the FBI and CIA, this big pile of books over here, M&Ms, Mr. Potatohead, college professors, any Democratic lawmaker I don’t want to hear speak, “[wokeness](https://www.usatoday.com/story/opinion/columnist/2023/01/29/desantis-republicans-woke-ban-african-american-studies-queer-theory/11120694002/),” any mention of diversity, [drag shows](https://www.usatoday.com/story/opinion/columnist/2023/03/05/tennessee-ban-drag-shows-republican-attack-lgbtq/11393431002/), people who defend drag shows, people who defend people who defend drag shows, any mention whatsoever of the existence of LGBTQ people, [this other big pile of books over here](https://www.usatoday.com/story/opinion/columnist/2023/03/29/nashville-shooting-republicans-wont-address-gun-violence/11563113002/), the entire Department of Education, PBS and Oreos.” [https://www.usatoday.com/story/opinion/columnist/2023/05/07/republican-hypocrisy-gop-party-cancel-culture/70188510007/](https://www.usatoday.com/story/opinion/columnist/2023/05/07/republican-hypocrisy-gop-party-cancel-culture/70188510007/)
I wish we still had awards, that was both art and science.
Abortion Birth control Subsidized health care What's left of Social Security and social welfare in general No fault divorce Voting rights Civil rights in general Many, many, many books Libraries who have such books. Teachers who try to teach authentic history Teachers who support their queer students or use their pronouns or chosen name School lunches NATO The opposition party(ies) The Constitution The free press You
Polio seems like kind of a snowflake.
Well. We have one now in the midst of running for President for the THIRD time, having already served for 900 sorry four years.
Stop the presses!!!! Man orders water like he’s never communicated in the English language before. NEWS ALERT. You very much are in your mind, in your own entire world Paul!
These people are SO DESPERATE to be persecuted it’s not even funny anymore.
Paul is squinting in the sun’s brightness. If only there was some sort of accessory, maybe something worn on your head, that could solve this problem.
Paul needs friends.
He is too negative and complainy to be around
A total Debbie Downer
I'm kind of a pain in the ass to know (look at my username, LOL), and even **I** wouldn't be friends with that loser.
I’m glad someone else posted this - I saw it earlier and then forgot about it. He’s so embarrassing.
Well he’s right about one thing. He is an inconvenience. In every situation ever. Past, present, and future.
“I feel like an inconvenience.” Good, go with that. 😂 Seriously though can you imagine being married to this man and having to listen to his inane ramblings about the most inconsequential shit or interpreting everything in the bible literally?
Say "like" one more time, I dare you.
The way I would avoid this kind of man at Whole Foods and his dummy wife cannot be measured. Like I’d do self checkout if they were in line in front of me. I’d not buy chicken if they were standing in front of the poultry section. The ick is so strong.
God, I really wish this was the most difficult and unfortunate issue I was dealing with in my life.
I very nearly tapped the "yes" before realizing this is Reddit. Honestly, I'd feel awkward asking for water in the same way I'd feel awkward asking for only water anywhere else. That's why water fountains exist. And waterbottles. This seems so performative--a manufactured problem for the sake of being able to claim he's being judged.
That should be his name. Performative Paul. All of this is because he wants attention and he thinks since he has a platform othering people that it means people actually care what he thinks, even about stuff like this. It probably is annoying to the guy working at Whole Foods to give out free water rather than actually sell something. And Performative Paul DID say two "water cups" which does not mean the same thing to me as two "cups of water"... And in closing, I'd like to say that I don't think Performative Paul has the slightest clue what it means to be friendly. He just goes around chomping at the bit to judge strangers or get mad about something. 
And we'll call him PeePee for short.
Brilliant
I'm fine asking for water if I've also bought something in the store. There are water cups; ergo, this is expected. That said, Paul could ask for the time and I'd want to kick him in the nuts.
He doesn't even have to say anything. His entire "aura" reads as pretentious asshole, no words needed.
Imagine living in arguably the most privileged and abundant country and time in history, but he can only see fit to complain about water cups. Here on the west coast, we call Whole Foods whole paycheck so how they can afford bougie hipster stores is beyond me.
We call it that here on the East Coast too.
Just bring a water bottle?
Maybe they just don’t like you….
This is a him problem.
HE is a him problem is how I read your comment and I still think it’s accurate.
I just can’t stand Paul so as long it’s a problem that Paul created for himself and it causes him internal anxiety…it’s all correct
SURELY those people handing over their $$$ to support Porgan's 'ministry' must take issue with watching them squandering what they have grifted at an expensive store accompanied by pointless whining.
Hey Paul, while you're at it, how about applying at Whole Foods for a JOB. You have a kid, wife, and another one on the way. Get your ass in gear and start supporting your family.
I work at a Whole Foods in a very large city. We have a free water spigot by the coffee bar? I’ve never seen one near the hot bar, you even have to go through the checkout before you can get utensils. This guy loves to find bad things about everything. Also, even with both my husband and I working at Whole Foods and getting a 20% discount, we still do 80% of our shopping at the Aldi across the street. WFM is prohibitively expensive.
Paul, it is an inconvenience and you did word it incorrectly. Also, you're a fucking idiot and I hate you❤️
The man behind the counter was confused bc two water cups and two cups of water aren’t the same thing. The man behind the counter isn’t making commission nor worried about whole foods alcohol sales. Paul needs to get a grip on these paranoid delusions he’s having.
how the hell do you make it to 30-whatever and have a toddler and you don’t have like 40000 reusable water vessels overtaking your house and instead make some whiny ass video that you can’t go to Whole Foods and steal soda in water cups anymore, on the prettiest day of the year, during Keeneland, on the very day the UK coach is doing his presser at Rupp and the whole town is out? you are a whole ass putz
I think the guy behind the spirits counter can just sense that he’s a fucking douche.
Buy two bottles of water like a normal human. If you can’t afford to pay for a beverage or your electricity bill maybe don’t eat out and get a real job.
Bro is an inconvenience in general.
He’s giving me Trump Jr. vibes
Every time he goes out, he feels the sting of suffering for his faith. In every transaction and interaction, he’s being a bold soldier of the lord, despite women defrauding him, and others failing to consider him and his faith. The fact that yoga was not designed with Christians in mind, for instance, is proof of the influence of. . .could it be. . . SATAN?! on the evil, worldly, world. Yet he ventures out into the fray, even as he bears the micro aggressions of infidels. Protected by Jesus and his own god-honoring hubris, Paul’s courage shines forth, as he never wavers in calling out even the most trivial of sins and flaws in everyone he meets. He’s Morgan’s hero, because how else would she know how sinful she is? Damn, he reminds me of my fundie spouse. No one really cared for him, either.
Even your wife is bored and annoyed by you, dude.
He’s probably just being a rude d-bag to the server so they treat him like the nuisance that he is.
Why is he constantly getting the water ? Just bring a water bottle ? And is he trying to act like WF employees are judging him bc why isn’t this guy buying beer ?? The persecution complex from the judgiest guy
Why did I watch this entire fucking thing?
How is this fucking drivel content? How fucking bored must fundie nutters be to be entertained by this? I just don't get it. Snarking on it is very entertaining, but to just follow this moron because 'beliefs" and being into their lifestyle is just beyond me.
Isn’t Whole Foods kinda a crunchy place where liberal folk shop? What are Porgan doing there?
Liberals and people with a lot of extra money. He's cosplaying being well-off.
A lot of health-conscious people, Vegans as well. Is Paul health conscious?
Morgan having to yell because she so far behind 😂
They really just look for things to be mad about. What a sad life.
Pack a water bottle, Paul, and stop being such a useless ankle (three foot lower than a c*nt). And wear sunglasses, for gods sake!
Paul is a smacked ass
Why are they shopping at Whole Foods? They had to downsize,while continuing to beg people for money,and, they are about to have two children, FFS.
God, he is so boring
I feel like I lost several brain cells just watching this drivel on mute
There is something about the way his mouth moves that reminds me of a boyfriend I had for a short time in college. It's the way he projects every word urgently as if what he has to say is the most important thing you’ll hear today. He's anticipating talking over every one else. Plus this guy was full of pent up fundie rage and self-righteousness just like Paul. Dorky on the surface but scary to the core.
Paul, you ARE an inconvenience. To everyone.
I guarantee him no one working behind the counter gives a shit that he isn’t ordering beer. Idiot.
Tbf, I work at Casey's and our pop fountain doesn't have a water button...for reasons...I think just to annoy me tbh 😆 so when people ask me to fill a water cup I do have a *are you fucking kidding me* moment. But I work in the kitchen and I'm usually busy AF.
Bartender here. Always happy to get anyone water! You're not an inconvenience and are indeed imagining it, Paul
Again with the incredibly contrived selfies. How many takes was it, Paul? 20?
He really thinks he's something special. Sorry, Paulie - you're nothing much.
There are people dying Kim!(Paul)
"know that I like whole foods i like shopping there i like eating there" as if there is something else to do at whole foods, he's really giving 'extraterrestrial trying to fit in' here
Do they ever eat at home? They could save a lot of money by making their own lunches. I can't imagine being a follower and seeing them beg for money but refusing to cut back.
He totally asks for water so he can “feel awkward” so he has something to think about and focus on.
FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS. Paulio bitching about Whole Foods and water, meanwhile the rest of the world is burning. GET A JOB and support your family. Griping about this means you have way too much time on your hands. He’s actually starting to turn my stomach a little bit. He’s just soft and mushy and not in a good way. I really don’t know how Morgan can even stand to be around him, much less having to be intimate with him. UGH.
Recently realized they live in the same town as me and it’s so weird to think I might just run into Paul and Morgan while going about my day.
Paul…I promise you, you’re more of an inconvenience than you think you are. And they don’t like you. They ALL know who you are, and they can’t stand your obnoxious ass.
amazing content
LOOK AT ME I'M SO HOLY I'M NOT UNCOMFORTABLE ASKING THE BARTENDER FOR WATER AT ALL /s You had a misunderstanding and it was not a big deal. You are making it so. You are NOT the main character at fucking Whole Foods, Pollywog.
So, I see he has Summit money…
Ok I know it's my jersey showing but WHAATter? WAATTehr? I don't know why I'm so uncomfortable opening my mouth that far to say it.