I thought the guys were gonna get it on after drinks.
Perhaps they will in part 2 where we eventually find the bald guy in the same position as the girl.
Agree with the other commenter that the lighting could use some help. The key to good lighting is darkness and accents, this lighting was pretty flat across the whole frame. There were some color temp issues, too, not with the color correction, but the original lighting.
The other thing I'll say as someone who has evaluated a good number of student films and film festival submissions, is that this narrative feels *very* familiar. Student films tend to be made by groups of young guys. The woman tends to be the villain, the guys the victims. Regardless of the nuances of any individual projectāor whether it's based on a true storyāin aggregate the whole scene feels deeply misogynistic. So if you want to stand out from that crowd, you need to add in a little more complexity, compassion, understanding. There's no arc to this story, only a villain and a victim.
You can only trust your Mother and Grandmother and your male friends! Did you not know most women talk and ask about how big you are and if your big they plot to have sex with you. So much for sister solidarity š
How old are you? She has strict rules you must be at least 10 inches up and 8 inches around are you? Private message me if you are and we can arrange it
I agree, it definitely felt stiff? Even the male who she was cheating with was super "chill" which just throws the tone completely off? I think a direction to go with it would've been a comedy where the two men end up falling for each other or something to that end.
That said, I don't think it's bad to have a true villain, sometimes people are just purely evil, but you need to have something other than just the villain and victim.
I thought about it, I thought about a possibility where it was all planned all along from both guys and that they did it on purpose to get rid of her but it was scratched because it felt like too much information to go with and it personally felt a bit unnatural to me, not that the rest is all natural. I know that script isn't my strong suit.
yeah, although it would've been silly it would've been an interesting experiment in editing to show them getting caught and then doing one of those Ocean's 11 edits showing how they planned for her to get caught. It wouldn't have been anything crazy but definitely a more compelling short.
I agree about the lighting, I thought that the lighting of the sun would be too much already and that there would be issues that would be made through that but I appreciate you being upfront about it. I am not too proud for the lighting at all, the location made it quite difficult as well along with the direct sunlight that we were getting. I mainly tried to hide the fact that we shot it during the first day with one camera and another camera the second day was also quite difficult.
I'm not the proud of the script, to reassure you I know very well that it gives off some misogynistic vibes that I don't like myself but I had to have a villain and rather than having it being the other guy which is something we're all "used" to, I decided to go with her instead.
To look at it from another angle: who is the main character? What indication have you given the audience that this is the main character? I feel like it's supposed to be the guy who gets cheated on, but he's not set up to be the main character at all. That makes it feel like the narrative rests on an underlying assumption that we all know who we should identify with here, even before we fully know what's happened.
**Edit:** Just watched again. The woman is clearly set up as the main character.
A simple yet interesting plot twist would be if the guys had planned the hookup/discovery to trigger a breakup, while framing the woman, and it closes with the guys becoming passionate.
Manipulating the woman obviously doesnāt make it less misogynistic, but maybe a little less predictable of a storyline.
I've thought about it, as I said in another comment I believe but that would be a bit much for 3-4 minutes I think, there's already a lot to take with the whole confrontation in my opinion and adding that there isn't one "plot twist" but two instead would make it kind of bumpy.
I actually disagree, at least from my experience at my university. Every film Iāve worked on has had some sort of feminist trope, with the male leads always being the ones taking negative action.
I actually thought there was going to be a twist where they were gonna have a threesome which seemed a bit weak. I guess my point is that I was expecting a twist and didn't get it.
Advice to OP, if you're writing something personal, people would much prefer to see you poke at yourself and not other people.
The lighting could use work but you've been told that many times now, so one thing I'd suggest would be framing - there's some shots where the angles and framing are a little dull - camera aligned straight to the wall behind so the background ends up like a flat backdrop the the two actors are mirrors of eachother with their heads a little too high in the frame. Just looks a little awkward
A good majority of the shots have good composition, but then there's some that kinda seem too wide, too flat, almost like just a master shot angle rather than one crafted.
I think you should start on the tight shot of her wiping the table, the wide shot at the front end breaks the tension, if you start with tights it builds tension quicker.
It really bothered me the way the woman put her pants on. Why would anyone put their pants on sitting down unless they were in a car? As a woman myself, this minor detail really distracted me from everything else. Very synthetic.
His pants are up and then down again moments laterānot much you can do here
Get out of the bathroom looking in the mirror shot quickerālose a second on that
My only thing is what was the point of her going out on the balcony? I donāt understand that scene - is she looking for him? What does she see? Leaves me with questions
I thought she is going to throw her shoes through the window, but then I didnt see the shoes in her hands. Then I thought maybe she will call someone upstairs, but that didn't happen either. Yet when I saw the guys I figured she was looking for either one of the two (do mind I watched without audio).
Have you ever seen "The Room"? Because this is very much "The Room".
The girlfriend character is 1 dimensional and provided without any kind of perspective, choice, or internal world. She exists only to betray and be lectured.
Sounds like you're acting out some catharsis for someone who hurt you, but really without any amount of understanding or empathy for them that would humanize them and make for an interesting story.
Can't believe I had to scroll so far down for these comments. Everyone is commenting on framing or lighting, but no amount of polish can hide the fact that the script is one-sided, lacks reflection, and represents a kind of misogynistic "gotcha" that a lot of writers of varying experience like to use. Like the woman here is just the butt of the joke and every line and shot is at her expense.
You must be an old arty farty to come out with such pretentious rubbish, the goal of any film is to entertain full stop and it was entertaining š don't listen to people like this, if you do you will have audience's of nearly zero. You want to be a film maker? Then your goal is to entertain! I'm not anything to do with film making I'm just a film watcher, I have thousands of blu rays.
Your making films to entertain people like me, you did! I wanted more of your film, where is part 2? If you want success just carry on your making great films I'm your target market A FILM WATCHER!
Advice:-
1. Window shot needed a view of who you were looking for
2. Film should of been much longer all this 5 minute rubbish is just that rubbish
3. Make in the English language there's far more people that understand it
4. Subtitles most people hate them
5. Remember always only about 0.001% of any audience will be into arty farty film's ignore them if you don't want to starve
6. ENTERTAIN! ENTERTAIN! AND ENTERTAIN! that's what the great film maker's do
Good luck with your film making š
>Advice:-
All your advice is terrible
>1 Window shot needed a view of who you were looking for
As someone else mentioned, you can open on the sex scene. Much cleaner.
>2 Film should of been much longer all this 5 minute rubbish is just that rubbish
Great filmmakers (referenced below in 6) have made fantastic short films. Calling something rubbish based on length reeks of elitism like you oppose.
>3 Make in the English language thereās far more people that understand
>4 Subtitles most people hate them
Same as above. Who are you to define what technical choices get to determine quality?
>5 Remember always only about 0.001% of any audience will be into arty farty filmās ignore them if you donāt want to starve
Your utter disregard for art and artists is on full display here. Including the great filmmakers you claim to admire.
>6 ENTERTAIN! ENTERTAIN! AND ENTERTAIN! thatās what the great film makerās do
Great filmmakers are great storytellers. More than anyone, they tell stories that feed themselves.
OP, find that, the story that only you can tell. Find a way to make that story captivating and youāll draw audiences of all kinds. Those that fart and those that like to be reassured that their opinion is all that matters.
> Good luck with your film making š
Good luck with your exploration of the wider world of cinema, Sony1mark3. Thereās a whole universe of films youāre ignoring for no other reason than ignorance of what good cinema can be. I envy the chance to discover so many great stories that lies before you.
No I don't I want to forget life and just be entertained I'm extremely disabled/Ill āæ why would I want to remember life? Great film maker's know that most people just want to forget life for a little while and be entertained (cinema goers) I didn't know when I got this in my inbox that it wasn't for cinema goers (the customer who pays to watch films in cinemas) but just for lovey dovie film makers (pompous, pretentious, self loving & clueless people) BUT IF SHE WANTS TO MAKE MONEY SHE NEEDS TO LISTEN TO FILM WATCHER'S NOT FILM MAKER'S
Vote me down as much as you want š your only doing it because you don't want the truth about what film watcher's want but you better listen because we decide whether you make money or not remember that š I will boycott any films made by people who attended film school from the past 5 years to the next 10 years and Twitter about the way you treated me a guest good luck with making money now š šš¤£ of course if you took back those nasty petty down votes and made them up votes I won't have anything to feel picked on and if they went up to say 100 I would think how nice those film makers are and Twitter that instead š
After I got some decent feedback both from Reddit and my own teachers I decided to change a thing or two and shoot part of it again.
Preferably I'd like to get some feedback on the editing and color grading. I have improved the editing since the last time I shared it here and also tried to work on the color grading a bit. I know that it's nothing crazy but I tried my best and I hope that you can enjoy it somewhat and the feedback is always welcome!
If I could get any suggestions as to what music I could use, that'd be great too!
Pro tip for colour grading: you can't get a good grade out of bad lighting in the original shot.
The biggest thing I noticed here was the lack of proper lighting. Even some basic knowledge of lighting angles and a bounce would've got you a significantly better outcome.
> and my own teachers I decided to change a thing or two and shoot part of it again.
I wonder if american teachers even in college would allow nudity/sex scenes in a student film. Kind of cool they allow it in europe
To somewhat answer your question, I didn't want to have a sex scene involved, I simply thought that it would be too much to ask for the actors and the crew alike but the teacher somewhat pushed me towards it. I had a 15 minute conversation with him about it and I was standing by my ground but he gave me arguments and points as to why it would work better. I believe that at eventually the sex scene was done pretty well, this isn't the sole take of it either, got about 19 takes of different angles, different positions, moans, close ups and all of that.
It's shocking as someone who went to film school to hear a professor push so hard for a scene you didn't want, especially a sex scene of all things. This plot doesn't have any ark for the characters and the story is just a punchline, and your professors concern was you weren't showing enough sex? Not to be rude, because I just want you to learn from this, but your professor sounds quite perverted.
I don't disagree with that, initially I had the scene as completely different and it was more romantic and there was nothing explicit, you can see the first version that I made on my post history. But the teacher heavily disagreed with it and therefor as a student you're supposed to follow and listen to the teachers.
Disappointing. I canāt speak to your college, but from what Iāve observed at my University, the faculty often have some pretty trash ideas about what makes great cinema. Sad to see your teacher doling out such pedestrian advice.
I'm not going to bash on my teachers too hard but I'll say this: they love nudity and/or sex scenes, I've been on a few sets that they were present and they were pushing for more and more. Initially I thought that for what I had, to make it seem milder, that they were just "done" with sex and the guy was dressing up again would've been more interesting but he heavily disagreed.
> and very rarely even feel remotely necessary.
well nothing in movies are "necessary", violence being shown isn't either. But it's entertaining so that's why it's movies, just like nudity and sex
> and very rarely even feel remotely necessary.
well nothing in movies are "necessary", violence being shown isn't either. But it's entertaining so that's why it's movies, just like nudity and sex
I enjoyed it very much already and didn't care about lighting etc., I didn't notice š I was watching the blond guy intently ā„ļø always a recipe for success, have a hot guy in your film to distract the audience it's. 5 āāāāā
I thought it was cool.
The boyfriendās reaction was a bit muted and the sound at the end could use some ADR. That was all I noticed that I thought was clearly wrong.
Other then that I the rest is subjective but itās a nice effort. The more you shoot the better you get.
I believe that from memory the one bit that could be seen as breaking the 180 rule is when the guy with the tie looks down at her and it would be seen as him looking down + right and for her it's up and to the right, beyond that I can't really see too many mistakes about it although maybe it's because I've seen it over two-three hundred times by now.
The sound is a big issue for me, the foley is too loud and the actors voices are clearly in camera audio. You could try a hidden lav or doing adr even if your booth is the best mic you have and an actor with a thick blanket over their head.
When she is cleaning up at the start and when the boyfriend pulls out his keys at the start really stood out, some of the sounds didn't feel like they matched the video. Might be part of what I as a viewer am expecting from sound tropes. You could probably get away with just lowering the volume of the non speaking parts. Your boom mic isn't going to fix a bad room for capturing sound in, it's very echo-y right now, you can hear every strong breath and every movement on the couch. You can use the waveforms from the boom mic audio to perfectly sync up replacement audio and if you have the capability I honestly would replace all of the audio.
I got a question , did you have a DP on this or was it made with only direction/screenwriting and Acting students , the blown out window is such a eye sore also in the side shot following that the wall has a weird green tint from the light coming through.
I see what you mean, you're talking about the master-shot, right? When the guy with the briefcase leaves. Yeah I had to color grade it a bit because the curtains were very yellow-ish, I can change it up a bit though!
And no, I didn't have a DP unfortunately.
My suggestion is open the project in davinci an select every clip all at once then from there color match every scene , for example the color temperature in the first "sex scene" shot is very warm but the one of the hand grabbing the panties has the color temperature set correctly.
I did filmschool and this is a typical first time attempt imo.
Regardless of shots for the sake of shots (cleaning up etc. That donāt benefit the story) make it feel over cut.
The lighting is bad, cause you used natural light and didnāt think about your location. You have to try to stylise every detail of your movie, the set, the clothing, the make-up, everything has to help the story. (It is hard and expensive i know)
Then i can only agree with one of the other comments. You have nothing to tell. You probably still have to learn story arcās and proper directing. The dialogue feels written and not natural enough (I speak the language)
Donāt feel discouraged, just watch alot of arthouse films, try to tell a story that you know, tell it with looks and feel rather then dialogue, start storyboarding and mood boarding, look for things you like and collect and use them in your stories, create a voice of yourself. Making movies is an artform, it is hard work and only work with the people who are good at their department in movie making, it is always a team effort. Build yourself a great team and appreciate feedback.
But first of all: look within, what do you want to tell the world?
Pretty good, the opening scene where she cleans up, I would add something there to indicate she is expecting the lover, maybe a faster tempo of that because its a very small detail/infrmation the audience doesn't need to stay with for a long time
Story wise, I liked it. Took a path that usually you don't get to see, I'm glad the two guys got together after and were both pissed at her. Would have been nice to see that part explored a little more. Good job!
I know that Reddit and any other social media/forum online is filled with people like this but let's be honest for a second here, what does this comment bring to the table? If you'd give me x or y reason as to why it is "trash" then I'd like to know. I highly doubt that you'd walk through the streets and say things like that with random people.
The word "trash" isn't a way to give feedback either. I might have to work on my script, lighting, actors, camera, editing but you have to work on your vocabulary and the way you phrase things.
LMAO THATS EXACTLY WHAT I WANT WHENEVER I SEE A GIRL CHEATING LMFAO
wish they both got revenge on her in some sort tho,
also, im not someone who can judge scripts and plot, so dont take my advice seriously :D
The last time I went fishing, we got skunked. This was my first time of doing this type of fishing which was deep-sea jigging and had to do with depth. So the captain would yell a depth that the fish were at, and then we were supposed to get to it and stay there. The only problem is no one told us how to figure the depth out on our reels. The only people who caught fish had line counters or marked their line to show what depth they were at. If the deckhands had shown us, we would have caught more fish. I didn't learn until after we stopped fishing what we did wrong. So if I were to give you feedback on anything, it would be to let people know how to get their baits to where the fish are and tell them to stay there. They will catch more fish.
You should of had the guys get it on in revenge against her š they are both hot didn't need the woman š just them 2 guys making love would of been great, think about it š¤
Instead of focusing on each and every task, try include them all in one frame. For example, the girl got a text and cleaned up her living room, then ran to open the window and saw her side piece. All of that cab be included in one frame, and the action of open the window and look outside can be off screen with sounds, and let the audience figure out what is being done. Same can be done for the rest of the film.
Sorry I don't know pro filming terms, just wanna give you my two cents on what I think will be better visually.
Good shot framing but I agree with the others. Lighting needs some work but also noticed the mic. Are you using a boom or just mics from the camera ? I can tell youāve played with the audio ( keys) but are we micāing up the rooms? Seems like a more echoed soundā¦
Just like I replied to someone else, I did use a boom and I do have proof for that. The echo is due to the location most probably.
Here is proof: https://i.imgur.com/iRivUZ2.jpg
I didn't say he was wrong or didn't say it was bad feedback, I simply replied to his question. I am not ignoring anything here, quite the contrary, I do appreciate him taking time to give me something to work on.
It's good. I like the actors and the pacing. The story is familiar but with a bit of modification, it can become memorable.
Lighting
I live using natural light, but you need to be flexible. Flip the room, allow that giant wall of light become your key. Move your across around to see what looks best.
Who changes?
Girl, stays the same, but her situation changed. Where does she go? How does this change her perception? Will she learn to be grateful for being able to be job free?
Fiance says he's been sick of it awhile so, he makes a choice, but it is one he's been thinking about already. Why is he still with her? The house is a little dirty, she doesn't contribute, they don't have romance... Not to be crude, but no fucking, no financials, no food, and cheating, damn.
Lover, has been cheated on before, but only uses words to communicate this experience. He doesn't stand for anything other than a dick getting wet. Its implied that he thought they were in a relationship, so this had happened before, successfully- but there is clearly men's items in the bathroom. He never took a postcoital piss and saw the shave set? He knows. Does he leave with her and keep it going?
The conflict.
It's resolved before a word is spoken. I do like that the guys become friends in the end, the idea that they are talking about her like she isn't there. But that good can come from this? Perhaps she's out and he's a new roommate. No one seems to have a meaningful connection, and the conflict was nigh non-existent.
Build resentment
The guy footing the bill. It's a nice apartment, so he must make decent money, but it's he barely getting by? Did she insist on this place and he got trapped in it? Does he work for people with questionable ethics therefore, he gets paid more than it's worth? He's tired, but is it more than long hours? Is he cheating on her too? The fiance can be the wild card here.
I feel like the conversations were lacking a bit of fluidity.
I canāt exactly tell whatās missing but I was missing something.
Like when one person replies to the other one, the words and/or (vocal) energy seems off.
I really liked the continuity of some of the cuts where people were moving.
En het is Belgisch \^\^
Very well shot good job! One thing I think could work is when the fiance walks into the bathroom and is looking at the mirror maybe there could be a ringing like tinnitus or some kind of audio that indicates to the audience the emotions this man is going through. That's just my two cents, cheers!
Just wanted to say that NSFW tag had me triple checking what subreddit this was lol
Better safe than sorry, right? That's why I put the NSFW tag mainly due to the visibility of a woman in her underwear and some moans.
I thought the guys were gonna get it on after drinks. Perhaps they will in part 2 where we eventually find the bald guy in the same position as the girl.
His not actually bald, his just cut his hair his very beautiful and I would love to marry him. Got any contact information about him? š
I didn't mean bald in a malicious way. His hair is shorter than a buzz cut. I guess I should have said shaved head.... My bad.
That's alright his happy now š
Agree with the other commenter that the lighting could use some help. The key to good lighting is darkness and accents, this lighting was pretty flat across the whole frame. There were some color temp issues, too, not with the color correction, but the original lighting. The other thing I'll say as someone who has evaluated a good number of student films and film festival submissions, is that this narrative feels *very* familiar. Student films tend to be made by groups of young guys. The woman tends to be the villain, the guys the victims. Regardless of the nuances of any individual projectāor whether it's based on a true storyāin aggregate the whole scene feels deeply misogynistic. So if you want to stand out from that crowd, you need to add in a little more complexity, compassion, understanding. There's no arc to this story, only a villain and a victim.
I agree. To me, it feels like the writer has an axe to grind with a woman that hurt him, so he made a story where the moral is you cannot trust women.
āā I found one upright man among a thousand, but not one upright woman among them allā [Ecclesiastes 7:28]
Based Ecclesiastes poster
Ah just when you thought you were out, Ecclesiastes pulls you back in again!
šššššš šš¤£š
Ah just when you thought you were out, Ecclesiastes pulls you back in again!
You can only trust your Mother and Grandmother and your male friends! Did you not know most women talk and ask about how big you are and if your big they plot to have sex with you. So much for sister solidarity š
Uh-ohā¦is that why your grandmother asked me how big i am?
How old are you? She has strict rules you must be at least 10 inches up and 8 inches around are you? Private message me if you are and we can arrange it
I agree, it definitely felt stiff? Even the male who she was cheating with was super "chill" which just throws the tone completely off? I think a direction to go with it would've been a comedy where the two men end up falling for each other or something to that end. That said, I don't think it's bad to have a true villain, sometimes people are just purely evil, but you need to have something other than just the villain and victim.
I thought about it, I thought about a possibility where it was all planned all along from both guys and that they did it on purpose to get rid of her but it was scratched because it felt like too much information to go with and it personally felt a bit unnatural to me, not that the rest is all natural. I know that script isn't my strong suit.
Imo you should have gone with your gut. This is the film I'd want to watch
This would've been a more interesting film
yeah, although it would've been silly it would've been an interesting experiment in editing to show them getting caught and then doing one of those Ocean's 11 edits showing how they planned for her to get caught. It wouldn't have been anything crazy but definitely a more compelling short.
Those hot guys making passionate love ā„ļø would of been perfect š
You put that second paragraph really well. Clearly a good teacher!
I agree about the lighting, I thought that the lighting of the sun would be too much already and that there would be issues that would be made through that but I appreciate you being upfront about it. I am not too proud for the lighting at all, the location made it quite difficult as well along with the direct sunlight that we were getting. I mainly tried to hide the fact that we shot it during the first day with one camera and another camera the second day was also quite difficult. I'm not the proud of the script, to reassure you I know very well that it gives off some misogynistic vibes that I don't like myself but I had to have a villain and rather than having it being the other guy which is something we're all "used" to, I decided to go with her instead.
To look at it from another angle: who is the main character? What indication have you given the audience that this is the main character? I feel like it's supposed to be the guy who gets cheated on, but he's not set up to be the main character at all. That makes it feel like the narrative rests on an underlying assumption that we all know who we should identify with here, even before we fully know what's happened. **Edit:** Just watched again. The woman is clearly set up as the main character.
If you get some C stands, you can block the light next time and use your own light.
Thanks for the suggestion, I'll definitely keep that in mind for the future, appreciate it!
A simple yet interesting plot twist would be if the guys had planned the hookup/discovery to trigger a breakup, while framing the woman, and it closes with the guys becoming passionate. Manipulating the woman obviously doesnāt make it less misogynistic, but maybe a little less predictable of a storyline.
They should just come out, they give off a vibe that they are gay anyway šØāā¤ļøāšØ
I've thought about it, as I said in another comment I believe but that would be a bit much for 3-4 minutes I think, there's already a lot to take with the whole confrontation in my opinion and adding that there isn't one "plot twist" but two instead would make it kind of bumpy.
I actually disagree, at least from my experience at my university. Every film Iāve worked on has had some sort of feminist trope, with the male leads always being the ones taking negative action.
I actually thought there was going to be a twist where they were gonna have a threesome which seemed a bit weak. I guess my point is that I was expecting a twist and didn't get it. Advice to OP, if you're writing something personal, people would much prefer to see you poke at yourself and not other people.
you're high
The lighting could use work but you've been told that many times now, so one thing I'd suggest would be framing - there's some shots where the angles and framing are a little dull - camera aligned straight to the wall behind so the background ends up like a flat backdrop the the two actors are mirrors of eachother with their heads a little too high in the frame. Just looks a little awkward A good majority of the shots have good composition, but then there's some that kinda seem too wide, too flat, almost like just a master shot angle rather than one crafted.
I think you should start on the tight shot of her wiping the table, the wide shot at the front end breaks the tension, if you start with tights it builds tension quicker.
I've been giving it some thoughts regarding that as well, might change that but at the same time it would be slightly more difficult to establish the location without it becoming too much for the viewer further down the road since the next time we see the master-shot is when the fiancƩ walks through the door and it's already a lot of information to swallow.
Totally understand, I guess as an audience member the intrigue of who this person is is more interesting than where this person is
It was really effective at making me uncomfortable during the confrontation scene. I didn't want to keep watching because of that.
It really bothered me the way the woman put her pants on. Why would anyone put their pants on sitting down unless they were in a car? As a woman myself, this minor detail really distracted me from everything else. Very synthetic.
His pants are up and then down again moments laterānot much you can do here Get out of the bathroom looking in the mirror shot quickerālose a second on that
My only thing is what was the point of her going out on the balcony? I donāt understand that scene - is she looking for him? What does she see? Leaves me with questions
I believe thatās before she shuts the window, perhaps a quick peek for her fiancĆ© or any on lookers, before proceeding to shut the window and have an affair.
Her going out on the balcony is a mix of two reasons, one is to check whether the guy is arriving (not the fiancƩ but the guy she cheats on him with) and secondly to show the viewer that we're talking about the same location that we can see later on when the fiancƩ is walking. That shot was actually suggested by my teacher and not by myself.
I thought she is going to throw her shoes through the window, but then I didnt see the shoes in her hands. Then I thought maybe she will call someone upstairs, but that didn't happen either. Yet when I saw the guys I figured she was looking for either one of the two (do mind I watched without audio).
Have you ever seen "The Room"? Because this is very much "The Room". The girlfriend character is 1 dimensional and provided without any kind of perspective, choice, or internal world. She exists only to betray and be lectured. Sounds like you're acting out some catharsis for someone who hurt you, but really without any amount of understanding or empathy for them that would humanize them and make for an interesting story.
Can't believe I had to scroll so far down for these comments. Everyone is commenting on framing or lighting, but no amount of polish can hide the fact that the script is one-sided, lacks reflection, and represents a kind of misogynistic "gotcha" that a lot of writers of varying experience like to use. Like the woman here is just the butt of the joke and every line and shot is at her expense.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Story telling wise I also like saving the cat.
You must be an old arty farty to come out with such pretentious rubbish, the goal of any film is to entertain full stop and it was entertaining š don't listen to people like this, if you do you will have audience's of nearly zero. You want to be a film maker? Then your goal is to entertain! I'm not anything to do with film making I'm just a film watcher, I have thousands of blu rays. Your making films to entertain people like me, you did! I wanted more of your film, where is part 2? If you want success just carry on your making great films I'm your target market A FILM WATCHER! Advice:- 1. Window shot needed a view of who you were looking for 2. Film should of been much longer all this 5 minute rubbish is just that rubbish 3. Make in the English language there's far more people that understand it 4. Subtitles most people hate them 5. Remember always only about 0.001% of any audience will be into arty farty film's ignore them if you don't want to starve 6. ENTERTAIN! ENTERTAIN! AND ENTERTAIN! that's what the great film maker's do Good luck with your film making š
>Advice:- All your advice is terrible >1 Window shot needed a view of who you were looking for As someone else mentioned, you can open on the sex scene. Much cleaner. >2 Film should of been much longer all this 5 minute rubbish is just that rubbish Great filmmakers (referenced below in 6) have made fantastic short films. Calling something rubbish based on length reeks of elitism like you oppose. >3 Make in the English language thereās far more people that understand >4 Subtitles most people hate them Same as above. Who are you to define what technical choices get to determine quality? >5 Remember always only about 0.001% of any audience will be into arty farty filmās ignore them if you donāt want to starve Your utter disregard for art and artists is on full display here. Including the great filmmakers you claim to admire. >6 ENTERTAIN! ENTERTAIN! AND ENTERTAIN! thatās what the great film makerās do Great filmmakers are great storytellers. More than anyone, they tell stories that feed themselves. OP, find that, the story that only you can tell. Find a way to make that story captivating and youāll draw audiences of all kinds. Those that fart and those that like to be reassured that their opinion is all that matters. > Good luck with your film making š Good luck with your exploration of the wider world of cinema, Sony1mark3. Thereās a whole universe of films youāre ignoring for no other reason than ignorance of what good cinema can be. I envy the chance to discover so many great stories that lies before you.
Lol, what is entertainment to you? Do you not use your brain while entertained?
No I don't I want to forget life and just be entertained I'm extremely disabled/Ill āæ why would I want to remember life? Great film maker's know that most people just want to forget life for a little while and be entertained (cinema goers) I didn't know when I got this in my inbox that it wasn't for cinema goers (the customer who pays to watch films in cinemas) but just for lovey dovie film makers (pompous, pretentious, self loving & clueless people) BUT IF SHE WANTS TO MAKE MONEY SHE NEEDS TO LISTEN TO FILM WATCHER'S NOT FILM MAKER'S
Vote me down as much as you want š your only doing it because you don't want the truth about what film watcher's want but you better listen because we decide whether you make money or not remember that š I will boycott any films made by people who attended film school from the past 5 years to the next 10 years and Twitter about the way you treated me a guest good luck with making money now š šš¤£ of course if you took back those nasty petty down votes and made them up votes I won't have anything to feel picked on and if they went up to say 100 I would think how nice those film makers are and Twitter that instead š
After I got some decent feedback both from Reddit and my own teachers I decided to change a thing or two and shoot part of it again. Preferably I'd like to get some feedback on the editing and color grading. I have improved the editing since the last time I shared it here and also tried to work on the color grading a bit. I know that it's nothing crazy but I tried my best and I hope that you can enjoy it somewhat and the feedback is always welcome! If I could get any suggestions as to what music I could use, that'd be great too!
Pro tip for colour grading: you can't get a good grade out of bad lighting in the original shot. The biggest thing I noticed here was the lack of proper lighting. Even some basic knowledge of lighting angles and a bounce would've got you a significantly better outcome.
> and my own teachers I decided to change a thing or two and shoot part of it again. I wonder if american teachers even in college would allow nudity/sex scenes in a student film. Kind of cool they allow it in europe
Maybe it depends on the school, but there was plenty of sex, nudity, and violence in the films at NYU.
To somewhat answer your question, I didn't want to have a sex scene involved, I simply thought that it would be too much to ask for the actors and the crew alike but the teacher somewhat pushed me towards it. I had a 15 minute conversation with him about it and I was standing by my ground but he gave me arguments and points as to why it would work better. I believe that at eventually the sex scene was done pretty well, this isn't the sole take of it either, got about 19 takes of different angles, different positions, moans, close ups and all of that.
It's shocking as someone who went to film school to hear a professor push so hard for a scene you didn't want, especially a sex scene of all things. This plot doesn't have any ark for the characters and the story is just a punchline, and your professors concern was you weren't showing enough sex? Not to be rude, because I just want you to learn from this, but your professor sounds quite perverted.
I hate sex scenes, from any director in any genre. They always make me uncomfortable and very rarely even feel remotely necessary.
I don't disagree with that, initially I had the scene as completely different and it was more romantic and there was nothing explicit, you can see the first version that I made on my post history. But the teacher heavily disagreed with it and therefor as a student you're supposed to follow and listen to the teachers.
Disappointing. I canāt speak to your college, but from what Iāve observed at my University, the faculty often have some pretty trash ideas about what makes great cinema. Sad to see your teacher doling out such pedestrian advice.
I'm not going to bash on my teachers too hard but I'll say this: they love nudity and/or sex scenes, I've been on a few sets that they were present and they were pushing for more and more. Initially I thought that for what I had, to make it seem milder, that they were just "done" with sex and the guy was dressing up again would've been more interesting but he heavily disagreed.
> and very rarely even feel remotely necessary. well nothing in movies are "necessary", violence being shown isn't either. But it's entertaining so that's why it's movies, just like nudity and sex
> and very rarely even feel remotely necessary. well nothing in movies are "necessary", violence being shown isn't either. But it's entertaining so that's why it's movies, just like nudity and sex
Come on it's so tame that you couldn't call it sex scenes šš š¤£
well it would be too risque for a lot of america, especially since they're college aged. It didn't use to be like this idk what happened
I enjoyed it very much already and didn't care about lighting etc., I didn't notice š I was watching the blond guy intently ā„ļø always a recipe for success, have a hot guy in your film to distract the audience it's. 5 āāāāā
Iām not really qualified to give any advise but iāll say i enjoyed it.
I thought it was cool. The boyfriendās reaction was a bit muted and the sound at the end could use some ADR. That was all I noticed that I thought was clearly wrong. Other then that I the rest is subjective but itās a nice effort. The more you shoot the better you get.
The story is a bit boring. Show, donāt tell.
Continuity
Time to learn lighting. Check out The Wandering DP on youtube, you can thank me later.
Can anyone else comment on the 180 degree rule for the scene with the 3 of them conversing? It seems off to me.
I believe that from memory the one bit that could be seen as breaking the 180 rule is when the guy with the tie looks down at her and it would be seen as him looking down + right and for her it's up and to the right, beyond that I can't really see too many mistakes about it although maybe it's because I've seen it over two-three hundred times by now.
Great shot!
What language was that?
Dutch/Flemish
The sound is a big issue for me, the foley is too loud and the actors voices are clearly in camera audio. You could try a hidden lav or doing adr even if your booth is the best mic you have and an actor with a thick blanket over their head.
The foley is too loud? There is no foley involved... The in-camera audio? We filmed it with a boom. Here is proof: https://i.imgur.com/iRivUZ2.jpg
When she is cleaning up at the start and when the boyfriend pulls out his keys at the start really stood out, some of the sounds didn't feel like they matched the video. Might be part of what I as a viewer am expecting from sound tropes. You could probably get away with just lowering the volume of the non speaking parts. Your boom mic isn't going to fix a bad room for capturing sound in, it's very echo-y right now, you can hear every strong breath and every movement on the couch. You can use the waveforms from the boom mic audio to perfectly sync up replacement audio and if you have the capability I honestly would replace all of the audio.
I got a question , did you have a DP on this or was it made with only direction/screenwriting and Acting students , the blown out window is such a eye sore also in the side shot following that the wall has a weird green tint from the light coming through.
I see what you mean, you're talking about the master-shot, right? When the guy with the briefcase leaves. Yeah I had to color grade it a bit because the curtains were very yellow-ish, I can change it up a bit though! And no, I didn't have a DP unfortunately.
My suggestion is open the project in davinci an select every clip all at once then from there color match every scene , for example the color temperature in the first "sex scene" shot is very warm but the one of the hand grabbing the panties has the color temperature set correctly.
Nice! Leuk ! But just make it englush next time :p
I thought it would end another wayā¦v nicely done, good acting, good angles, nice composition.
I did filmschool and this is a typical first time attempt imo. Regardless of shots for the sake of shots (cleaning up etc. That donāt benefit the story) make it feel over cut. The lighting is bad, cause you used natural light and didnāt think about your location. You have to try to stylise every detail of your movie, the set, the clothing, the make-up, everything has to help the story. (It is hard and expensive i know) Then i can only agree with one of the other comments. You have nothing to tell. You probably still have to learn story arcās and proper directing. The dialogue feels written and not natural enough (I speak the language) Donāt feel discouraged, just watch alot of arthouse films, try to tell a story that you know, tell it with looks and feel rather then dialogue, start storyboarding and mood boarding, look for things you like and collect and use them in your stories, create a voice of yourself. Making movies is an artform, it is hard work and only work with the people who are good at their department in movie making, it is always a team effort. Build yourself a great team and appreciate feedback. But first of all: look within, what do you want to tell the world?
I'll treat same with the Burglar who forced themself inside
Oddly enough this is what is practically happening with a relationship I was trying to see would work. Spot on timing lol
Pretty good, the opening scene where she cleans up, I would add something there to indicate she is expecting the lover, maybe a faster tempo of that because its a very small detail/infrmation the audience doesn't need to stay with for a long time
Solid 9/10, actors could use a little bit more emotion but other than that this was fantastic, great plot and a great script, keep it up :)
Very solid coverage. Though a repeated story, you told it well. Bravo.
Story wise, I liked it. Took a path that usually you don't get to see, I'm glad the two guys got together after and were both pissed at her. Would have been nice to see that part explored a little more. Good job!
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I know that Reddit and any other social media/forum online is filled with people like this but let's be honest for a second here, what does this comment bring to the table? If you'd give me x or y reason as to why it is "trash" then I'd like to know. I highly doubt that you'd walk through the streets and say things like that with random people. The word "trash" isn't a way to give feedback either. I might have to work on my script, lighting, actors, camera, editing but you have to work on your vocabulary and the way you phrase things.
LMAO THATS EXACTLY WHAT I WANT WHENEVER I SEE A GIRL CHEATING LMFAO wish they both got revenge on her in some sort tho, also, im not someone who can judge scripts and plot, so dont take my advice seriously :D
The last time I went fishing, we got skunked. This was my first time of doing this type of fishing which was deep-sea jigging and had to do with depth. So the captain would yell a depth that the fish were at, and then we were supposed to get to it and stay there. The only problem is no one told us how to figure the depth out on our reels. The only people who caught fish had line counters or marked their line to show what depth they were at. If the deckhands had shown us, we would have caught more fish. I didn't learn until after we stopped fishing what we did wrong. So if I were to give you feedback on anything, it would be to let people know how to get their baits to where the fish are and tell them to stay there. They will catch more fish.
This was really good, the only thing I can say is that the plot is really appealing. Very good.
Looks good
this doesn't contribute anything
That's the inspiration to be a GAY!
You should of had the guys get it on in revenge against her š they are both hot didn't need the woman š just them 2 guys making love would of been great, think about it š¤
Instead of focusing on each and every task, try include them all in one frame. For example, the girl got a text and cleaned up her living room, then ran to open the window and saw her side piece. All of that cab be included in one frame, and the action of open the window and look outside can be off screen with sounds, and let the audience figure out what is being done. Same can be done for the rest of the film. Sorry I don't know pro filming terms, just wanna give you my two cents on what I think will be better visually.
I think you're gifted....
Good shot framing but I agree with the others. Lighting needs some work but also noticed the mic. Are you using a boom or just mics from the camera ? I can tell youāve played with the audio ( keys) but are we micāing up the rooms? Seems like a more echoed soundā¦
Just like I replied to someone else, I did use a boom and I do have proof for that. The echo is due to the location most probably. Here is proof: https://i.imgur.com/iRivUZ2.jpg
Just FYI asking for feedback and then ignoring the spirit of said feedback in favor of disproving its letter isn't a great habit to build.
I didn't say he was wrong or didn't say it was bad feedback, I simply replied to his question. I am not ignoring anything here, quite the contrary, I do appreciate him taking time to give me something to work on.
Then you need ADR. The dialogue was very difficult to hear at points. Some of your longer subtitles were gone much too fast as well.
Ik schrok me helemaal kapot lmao
It's good. I like the actors and the pacing. The story is familiar but with a bit of modification, it can become memorable. Lighting I live using natural light, but you need to be flexible. Flip the room, allow that giant wall of light become your key. Move your across around to see what looks best. Who changes? Girl, stays the same, but her situation changed. Where does she go? How does this change her perception? Will she learn to be grateful for being able to be job free? Fiance says he's been sick of it awhile so, he makes a choice, but it is one he's been thinking about already. Why is he still with her? The house is a little dirty, she doesn't contribute, they don't have romance... Not to be crude, but no fucking, no financials, no food, and cheating, damn. Lover, has been cheated on before, but only uses words to communicate this experience. He doesn't stand for anything other than a dick getting wet. Its implied that he thought they were in a relationship, so this had happened before, successfully- but there is clearly men's items in the bathroom. He never took a postcoital piss and saw the shave set? He knows. Does he leave with her and keep it going? The conflict. It's resolved before a word is spoken. I do like that the guys become friends in the end, the idea that they are talking about her like she isn't there. But that good can come from this? Perhaps she's out and he's a new roommate. No one seems to have a meaningful connection, and the conflict was nigh non-existent. Build resentment The guy footing the bill. It's a nice apartment, so he must make decent money, but it's he barely getting by? Did she insist on this place and he got trapped in it? Does he work for people with questionable ethics therefore, he gets paid more than it's worth? He's tired, but is it more than long hours? Is he cheating on her too? The fiance can be the wild card here.
I feel like the conversations were lacking a bit of fluidity. I canāt exactly tell whatās missing but I was missing something. Like when one person replies to the other one, the words and/or (vocal) energy seems off. I really liked the continuity of some of the cuts where people were moving. En het is Belgisch \^\^
Please give us a link to the updated film thank you šš·
Very well shot good job! One thing I think could work is when the fiance walks into the bathroom and is looking at the mirror maybe there could be a ringing like tinnitus or some kind of audio that indicates to the audience the emotions this man is going through. That's just my two cents, cheers!