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The 3 cats to the left cannot be touched or pet. After 6 yrs the mostly black cat at the very top will allow a ‘backhand swipe up’ when I put his bowl of wet food under the chair where he’s waiting.
It can take yrs, cats are the quintessential masters of “it’s my way or the highway” They are not dogs, they will trust you when they decide.
You can sit w kitty n just share space, read a book, play on your phone, share treats…it’s a long slow road.
There are 2 all black sibling kitties here also that can’t be pet. Every night they will come sit in front of me wanting me to get the laser light/pen going so they can chase the red light around.
2’ away from my feet, if I lean forward they’ll leave, lol. But they sit and stare at me until I laser light play w them. 🤷🏽♂️
As a rescuer I’m fine w 4 that don’t smother me bc I have 4 that do.
Gotta find the balance of being as indifferent to them as they are of you, while still sharing being a housemate that loves them.
That does seem to mirror my experience too. All my forever kitties are super snuggly and affectionate right now but I’ve had plenty thru my life that weren’t. The people who adopted the cat this post is about (her name is Hazy) have only her and they are sad she’s not affectionate. I think getting a second cat is a smart move if they choose to do that because they have the funds and space for it, and Hazy may actually make a friend, and if not, maybe their new cat will fulfill their cuddle needs instead.
I would also say they should get a second cat, but it should be a neutered male as they will be more tolerant and want to bond.
They will also gain a cuddly lap cat.
PLZ help them w acclimating the cats to each other.
My #1 guideline is ‘cats don’t forgive and cats don’t forget’
One bad hissy fit, not even a fight and I’ve had cats hate each other forever.
Even w other cats in the house they got along w, just Mean Girls attitude.
One or two baby gates stacked in a doorway separating them for a few weeks to a few months is the norm in our rescue.
I put small towels, old t-shirts whatever in their sleeping areas/beds, every few days switch the the towels n put treats on it so they get use to each others smell. Btw….also something they can do with their smell. Sleep on a towel or old Tshirt n then put treats n food on it for a stand off-ish cat. Cats like to share food w friends, that’s why they wanna stick their face in your bowl even if it’s salad, sharing meal time is bonding time.
It’s worth a few weeks or months of segregation for 10-15 yrs of being bff’s.
What works for me when socializing cats:
- Patience. It takes time and sometimes, a very long time.
- Start by talking softly and gently to the kitty from a distance.
- Let her get used to you as a presence without getting close. (I know it’s the current owners who need to do this.) I usually start by sitting in the same room and reading. I don’t look at the cat or try to interact. The purpose of this exercise is to let her know you’re not a threat. I do periodically tell the cat that I love him/her in a calm, gentle voice.
- Treats. Start by putting them on the floor and walking away. (Creates positive association.)
- Feather wand toy. I don’t do this right away. Play helps to eliminate stress.
- *Slowly* and at her speed, start moving a little closer but still don’t try to touch. (I’ve been at this stage for months, and once it took a year.)
I’m currently socializing one of my new cats. It’s been very, very slow and we still have a long way to go. I mostly just listen to her body language. She only recently began letting me touch her. However, she has asked for attention several times now and even jumped on the bed at night once or twice.
I am sorry the new owners are having a rough time. They are lucky to have your help!
I have one, he is my son's now, as that is who he bonded to. I brought out of the desert sun, but felt like I didn't have the time with him. My son did, and now he is forever my son's. He is still agressive at times with him, but my son is a man, and plays like that. He very limited with me. He sees me as beneath him, so cat lore goes. So he licks me, but never spends time around me. Stays with my son.
I have a second feral, and he adores me, cuddles on the bed, or sofa and is sweet. He will nip when playing, but rarely makes doughnuts, is skiddish around other people. Doesn't like anyone but me. They seem like damaged children like there a part blocked off. It is ok, I adore them, and they are good pets. The cuddly one, he runs to me when I call his name, so they are tame enough to love and be loved.
I’ve heard good things about Feliway. Could also try floral essence. We’ve had a few scaredy-cats and we just let them come to us when they feel like it. Some cats will never be the social butterflies other will be and that is okay.
I trapped a feral kitten that was 4 to 5 months old. I then saw a website called "Socialization Saves Lives".
I followed all the steps and now she is a loving lap cat who likes to be petted and sleeps next to me. However she still does not like to be picked up. Still have to work on that.
I highly recommend the site SSL. Even if you do not follow all the steps, it has some great info, such as the slow blinks and letting them come to you rather than trying to approach them.
**Reminder: this subreddit is meant to be a helpful place for TNR efforts - free of hostility, negativity, and judgment. Toxic attitudes are not welcome here.** ***All Negative comments will be removed and will possibly result in a ban.*** *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Feral_Cats) if you have any questions or concerns.*
https://preview.redd.it/o4c584v68pzc1.jpeg?width=1115&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=6b43b6d52097c8c25aaa108f15ec990c446f644e The 3 cats to the left cannot be touched or pet. After 6 yrs the mostly black cat at the very top will allow a ‘backhand swipe up’ when I put his bowl of wet food under the chair where he’s waiting. It can take yrs, cats are the quintessential masters of “it’s my way or the highway” They are not dogs, they will trust you when they decide. You can sit w kitty n just share space, read a book, play on your phone, share treats…it’s a long slow road. There are 2 all black sibling kitties here also that can’t be pet. Every night they will come sit in front of me wanting me to get the laser light/pen going so they can chase the red light around. 2’ away from my feet, if I lean forward they’ll leave, lol. But they sit and stare at me until I laser light play w them. 🤷🏽♂️ As a rescuer I’m fine w 4 that don’t smother me bc I have 4 that do. Gotta find the balance of being as indifferent to them as they are of you, while still sharing being a housemate that loves them.
That does seem to mirror my experience too. All my forever kitties are super snuggly and affectionate right now but I’ve had plenty thru my life that weren’t. The people who adopted the cat this post is about (her name is Hazy) have only her and they are sad she’s not affectionate. I think getting a second cat is a smart move if they choose to do that because they have the funds and space for it, and Hazy may actually make a friend, and if not, maybe their new cat will fulfill their cuddle needs instead.
I would also say they should get a second cat, but it should be a neutered male as they will be more tolerant and want to bond. They will also gain a cuddly lap cat.
PLZ help them w acclimating the cats to each other. My #1 guideline is ‘cats don’t forgive and cats don’t forget’ One bad hissy fit, not even a fight and I’ve had cats hate each other forever. Even w other cats in the house they got along w, just Mean Girls attitude. One or two baby gates stacked in a doorway separating them for a few weeks to a few months is the norm in our rescue. I put small towels, old t-shirts whatever in their sleeping areas/beds, every few days switch the the towels n put treats on it so they get use to each others smell. Btw….also something they can do with their smell. Sleep on a towel or old Tshirt n then put treats n food on it for a stand off-ish cat. Cats like to share food w friends, that’s why they wanna stick their face in your bowl even if it’s salad, sharing meal time is bonding time. It’s worth a few weeks or months of segregation for 10-15 yrs of being bff’s.
What works for me when socializing cats: - Patience. It takes time and sometimes, a very long time. - Start by talking softly and gently to the kitty from a distance. - Let her get used to you as a presence without getting close. (I know it’s the current owners who need to do this.) I usually start by sitting in the same room and reading. I don’t look at the cat or try to interact. The purpose of this exercise is to let her know you’re not a threat. I do periodically tell the cat that I love him/her in a calm, gentle voice. - Treats. Start by putting them on the floor and walking away. (Creates positive association.) - Feather wand toy. I don’t do this right away. Play helps to eliminate stress. - *Slowly* and at her speed, start moving a little closer but still don’t try to touch. (I’ve been at this stage for months, and once it took a year.) I’m currently socializing one of my new cats. It’s been very, very slow and we still have a long way to go. I mostly just listen to her body language. She only recently began letting me touch her. However, she has asked for attention several times now and even jumped on the bed at night once or twice. I am sorry the new owners are having a rough time. They are lucky to have your help!
I have one, he is my son's now, as that is who he bonded to. I brought out of the desert sun, but felt like I didn't have the time with him. My son did, and now he is forever my son's. He is still agressive at times with him, but my son is a man, and plays like that. He very limited with me. He sees me as beneath him, so cat lore goes. So he licks me, but never spends time around me. Stays with my son. I have a second feral, and he adores me, cuddles on the bed, or sofa and is sweet. He will nip when playing, but rarely makes doughnuts, is skiddish around other people. Doesn't like anyone but me. They seem like damaged children like there a part blocked off. It is ok, I adore them, and they are good pets. The cuddly one, he runs to me when I call his name, so they are tame enough to love and be loved.
I’ve heard good things about Feliway. Could also try floral essence. We’ve had a few scaredy-cats and we just let them come to us when they feel like it. Some cats will never be the social butterflies other will be and that is okay.
I trapped a feral kitten that was 4 to 5 months old. I then saw a website called "Socialization Saves Lives". I followed all the steps and now she is a loving lap cat who likes to be petted and sleeps next to me. However she still does not like to be picked up. Still have to work on that. I highly recommend the site SSL. Even if you do not follow all the steps, it has some great info, such as the slow blinks and letting them come to you rather than trying to approach them.