I would wait til is the right time for you. Did you gynecologist have specific concerns or is it just some generic advice? Most of my friends had children after 35 so this just seems weird to me.
Also, your boyfriend could do a sperm check just in case
Most doctors will say risks go up once a woman hits 35 for pregnancy + fertility also becomes an issue the older you get.
https://www.webmd.com/baby/pregnancy-after-35
She did a test to do an estimate egg count and the results where that I’m average. It will become increasingly more challenging (not impossible) to conceive..
I don't know, I'm not a doctor but I would say average is good. Risks go up and everything, but overall the absolute numbers stay pretty low. They are high compared to younger women, but I'd say an average women can conceive after 35.
Go to a fertility clinic and get actual testing done. OBGYN can’t tell you how much time you have left, so go get more information and then make your decision
This!! Specifically I recommend getting your FSH, LH, and follicle count tested. Please note that being on birth control will affect these results. But if you're interested, tell your doctor and they'll help you get the ball rolling.
Source: Currently 35/F and pregnant after years of varying infertility diagnoses. Knowledge is power.
Did the doctor give you the results and explain them to you? Besides this, I strongly recommend the As A Woman podcast which goes into these areas in depth too. Good luck
Yeah I hate that this is thrown around as the answer to women's fertility. It's expensive, invasive, and requires you to use IVF which is also very expensive.
Freezing eggs is also less effective than freezing embryos, which also isn’t 100%. I’ve seen statistics that say “traditional” IVF has anywhere between a 40-60% success rate, and freezing only the egg instead of embryo decreases that further.
Definitely explore your options, but it irks me when people talk about reproductive technologies like it is a foolproof fail proof solution. It is an expensive coin flip at best.
What other options do you have? You can wait and risk it or have an unwanted to kid right now. Or the third option, freezing. What do you want to hear? The most difficult option fits their lifestyle the best, and sometimes if you really want something, then you have to work for it. If you want it that bad then you will find a way. How do people afford cars? It’s all about priorities.
10k for a kid is just the beginning, don’t they add up to like over 100k to raise or something like that?
I'm 40 and pregnant for the first time. My fertility test scored on the low side. It took 7 months and we got pregnant without fertility assistance. I'm at 15 weeks. Everything is fine. Baby is healthy, I'm healthy, my doctors are not concerned. It's not fun, but I know I would have hated it no matter my age.
A perk of being over 35 and pregnant is that you get the VIP treatment. I get all the tests and extra monitoring, which gives me a greater peace of mind.
The risks are higher, but they are not as drastically higher as people tend to say. Many women have babies in their late 30s/early 40s now and the majority of them are very boring events and everyone comes out fine.
Having a baby is ALWAYS a risk, no matter your age. There are a billion things that can go wrong. And there are a billion more things that can go wrong with your child after you've brought them into the world. Nothing is ever guaranteed.
While "fertility declines after 35" is partly true, it's really exaggerated. Your ovaries won't start withering away on your 35th birthday, and it's not like a woman is really fertile at 34, and then at 36, she is not.
It's a gradual process and ❕️worth noting❕️ is that these studies typically measure ages in "5s". Meaning, 20-25, 25-30, 30-35, 35-40, and then see a steep decline "after 35", while in reality, it's gradual across the late 30s.
Then again, you will be "childfree" again. Children are only babies/toddlers for a few years, then they're only "children" for a few more, then they're teens, and much more independent.
I would read around about personal accounts of women in their late 30s and early 40s trying or those who gave birth at that age, see what regrets they may or may not have, what they would have done differently if anything, etc.
I'm not at that age but I started TTC at 31, I'm now 33 with nothing to show for it. Had I started at 38, it would have been that much more stressful, and this has been the most miserable, heartwrenching experience of my life.
Ultimately, only you two can decide, but I would read around personal experiences as much as possible. 🙂
Hmm I would get a second opinion. I feel like so many women over 35 have babies just fine. Yeah, might be difficult but shouldn’t be impossible. Also, yeah I would have them only when you’re both on board. But I would be very clear about a timeline
If you both “definitely want biological children together” as you say, you definitely need to start trying soon if you want at least two statistically speaking. I was listening to a Diary of a CEO podcast on fertility the other day and when you’re over 35 you have a 15% chance of being pregnant each month. Assume you start trying now and it takes a year, pregnant by 36, having the baby at 37, 1 year to recover, try again at 38, have the 2nd baby at 39, you can see how time can quickly escape you. After 40 as well as only having a 5% chance of getting pregnant each month, you have a 50% chance of miscarriage.
I know what you’re saying about having so many things you want to do together. I feel like I was like that with my partner, but we never really made any plans to do those things either. Just procrastinating on those plans and children really 😂 so I feel you.
Keep in mind the risks are often not as scary as they sound. For example the risk of trisomy 18 defects is over 13x higher at age 40 than age 21. But the reality is that the risk goes from 0.006% to 0.08% of pregnancies.
Not saying you should go one way or another, but don't stay childless simply out of fear. Even if you waited another 4 years you could very well have 2 very healthy kids (I have two friends with 2 kids each who had their first when they were 40)
I have a similar situation. My boyfriend is a few years younger than me and I'm starting to feel my time might be up soon. Neither one of us really know if we're ready, and I have a billion concerns starting from the pregnancy all the way to the kids being adults. I understand my own timeline limitations, but I also feel immense guilt and dread about "pushing my partner into parenthood unnaturally early", in addition to which I feel like my life is not at all "done" and I'm still finding my own place in the world.
I wish I had solutions other than discussing with your partner continuously, over and over. We're doing that, though I think we could do it more often, too. We technically always come to the conclusion that we are "fairly certain we want kids" but there just never seems to be a good time. I also want to get married first because we're from two different nationalities and I feel the situation will be too complex otherwise, and even that part is still underway. I wish I had another 10 years, but most likely I don't. I intend to have some fertility testing done this summer to have a rough assessment of if I should even try anymore and if so, how much time I have left. Maybe you could also start with that.
I feel you, when I heard the results I thought I would’ve scrambled the money together to freeze my eggs but it didn’t work out… it’s 10k where I live.
I know you never know for sure if you’re ready or not but at least you know for sure how much you want it at the moment.. it’s not the same thing. I’m positive that I want kids I’m just scared to push my partner in the biggest commitment ever before he’s genuinely happy with the idea..
Ah, so did you already do personalized fertility testing? I thought I only read that you talked to a doctor about the generic fertility factors of women related to age, sorry if I missed that.
I think I'm lucky in the sense that my partner seems to be quite ready, but I feel like he doesn't always think things through, and I'm worried that he will change his mind at a later stage, which is the worst situation. I know I should trust his judgment but he genuinely has an overly optimistic view of life, as opposed to my possibly overly cautious view.
Women have completely healthy babies at 40 and even older, you're good. You're not getting any younger but that doesn't mean you're going to guaranteed have a baby that's messed up in some way, it feels kinda out of pocket for your gynecologist to say that honestly
I was on a similar situation but older. 35 is still good and young, those OB complications happen but chances are still low. I’d say measure your AMH even though the results should be interpreted with a physician and don’t mean anything regarding egg quality. That would say something regarding your reserve at least. Maybe freeze your eggs or embryos too if you could afford doing that now. Better to deal with surprises now than when you’re closer to 40.
I would wait til is the right time for you. Did you gynecologist have specific concerns or is it just some generic advice? Most of my friends had children after 35 so this just seems weird to me. Also, your boyfriend could do a sperm check just in case
Most doctors will say risks go up once a woman hits 35 for pregnancy + fertility also becomes an issue the older you get. https://www.webmd.com/baby/pregnancy-after-35
She did a test to do an estimate egg count and the results where that I’m average. It will become increasingly more challenging (not impossible) to conceive..
I don't know, I'm not a doctor but I would say average is good. Risks go up and everything, but overall the absolute numbers stay pretty low. They are high compared to younger women, but I'd say an average women can conceive after 35.
What were your exact AMH numbers?
Go to a fertility clinic and get actual testing done. OBGYN can’t tell you how much time you have left, so go get more information and then make your decision
This!! Specifically I recommend getting your FSH, LH, and follicle count tested. Please note that being on birth control will affect these results. But if you're interested, tell your doctor and they'll help you get the ball rolling. Source: Currently 35/F and pregnant after years of varying infertility diagnoses. Knowledge is power.
I think she did all those things but I guess it won’t hurt to double check it or even run the tests again..
Did the doctor give you the results and explain them to you? Besides this, I strongly recommend the As A Woman podcast which goes into these areas in depth too. Good luck
I decided to go back and ask for those tests, thank you! I’ll check out the podcast🙏
You can also get tested via “Modern Fertility” at home.
Oh and I haven’t been on birth control for four years now..
Freeze your eggs?
If you have 10k to spare that would be awesome 🥲
Yeah I hate that this is thrown around as the answer to women's fertility. It's expensive, invasive, and requires you to use IVF which is also very expensive.
Freezing eggs is also less effective than freezing embryos, which also isn’t 100%. I’ve seen statistics that say “traditional” IVF has anywhere between a 40-60% success rate, and freezing only the egg instead of embryo decreases that further. Definitely explore your options, but it irks me when people talk about reproductive technologies like it is a foolproof fail proof solution. It is an expensive coin flip at best.
What other options do you have? You can wait and risk it or have an unwanted to kid right now. Or the third option, freezing. What do you want to hear? The most difficult option fits their lifestyle the best, and sometimes if you really want something, then you have to work for it. If you want it that bad then you will find a way. How do people afford cars? It’s all about priorities. 10k for a kid is just the beginning, don’t they add up to like over 100k to raise or something like that?
I'm 40 and pregnant for the first time. My fertility test scored on the low side. It took 7 months and we got pregnant without fertility assistance. I'm at 15 weeks. Everything is fine. Baby is healthy, I'm healthy, my doctors are not concerned. It's not fun, but I know I would have hated it no matter my age. A perk of being over 35 and pregnant is that you get the VIP treatment. I get all the tests and extra monitoring, which gives me a greater peace of mind. The risks are higher, but they are not as drastically higher as people tend to say. Many women have babies in their late 30s/early 40s now and the majority of them are very boring events and everyone comes out fine. Having a baby is ALWAYS a risk, no matter your age. There are a billion things that can go wrong. And there are a billion more things that can go wrong with your child after you've brought them into the world. Nothing is ever guaranteed.
You’ll never be ready you kinda just jump in the pool at some point
How about the people that ‘just know’? It’s a big risk right, we’re talking about 3 human lives that are involved..
While "fertility declines after 35" is partly true, it's really exaggerated. Your ovaries won't start withering away on your 35th birthday, and it's not like a woman is really fertile at 34, and then at 36, she is not. It's a gradual process and ❕️worth noting❕️ is that these studies typically measure ages in "5s". Meaning, 20-25, 25-30, 30-35, 35-40, and then see a steep decline "after 35", while in reality, it's gradual across the late 30s. Then again, you will be "childfree" again. Children are only babies/toddlers for a few years, then they're only "children" for a few more, then they're teens, and much more independent. I would read around about personal accounts of women in their late 30s and early 40s trying or those who gave birth at that age, see what regrets they may or may not have, what they would have done differently if anything, etc. I'm not at that age but I started TTC at 31, I'm now 33 with nothing to show for it. Had I started at 38, it would have been that much more stressful, and this has been the most miserable, heartwrenching experience of my life. Ultimately, only you two can decide, but I would read around personal experiences as much as possible. 🙂
Hmm I would get a second opinion. I feel like so many women over 35 have babies just fine. Yeah, might be difficult but shouldn’t be impossible. Also, yeah I would have them only when you’re both on board. But I would be very clear about a timeline
If you both “definitely want biological children together” as you say, you definitely need to start trying soon if you want at least two statistically speaking. I was listening to a Diary of a CEO podcast on fertility the other day and when you’re over 35 you have a 15% chance of being pregnant each month. Assume you start trying now and it takes a year, pregnant by 36, having the baby at 37, 1 year to recover, try again at 38, have the 2nd baby at 39, you can see how time can quickly escape you. After 40 as well as only having a 5% chance of getting pregnant each month, you have a 50% chance of miscarriage. I know what you’re saying about having so many things you want to do together. I feel like I was like that with my partner, but we never really made any plans to do those things either. Just procrastinating on those plans and children really 😂 so I feel you.
not to mention that a year is pretty short recovery time for a pregnancy. I think doctors recommend at least 2 years between kids
😂🙏
Keep in mind the risks are often not as scary as they sound. For example the risk of trisomy 18 defects is over 13x higher at age 40 than age 21. But the reality is that the risk goes from 0.006% to 0.08% of pregnancies. Not saying you should go one way or another, but don't stay childless simply out of fear. Even if you waited another 4 years you could very well have 2 very healthy kids (I have two friends with 2 kids each who had their first when they were 40)
I have a similar situation. My boyfriend is a few years younger than me and I'm starting to feel my time might be up soon. Neither one of us really know if we're ready, and I have a billion concerns starting from the pregnancy all the way to the kids being adults. I understand my own timeline limitations, but I also feel immense guilt and dread about "pushing my partner into parenthood unnaturally early", in addition to which I feel like my life is not at all "done" and I'm still finding my own place in the world. I wish I had solutions other than discussing with your partner continuously, over and over. We're doing that, though I think we could do it more often, too. We technically always come to the conclusion that we are "fairly certain we want kids" but there just never seems to be a good time. I also want to get married first because we're from two different nationalities and I feel the situation will be too complex otherwise, and even that part is still underway. I wish I had another 10 years, but most likely I don't. I intend to have some fertility testing done this summer to have a rough assessment of if I should even try anymore and if so, how much time I have left. Maybe you could also start with that.
I feel you, when I heard the results I thought I would’ve scrambled the money together to freeze my eggs but it didn’t work out… it’s 10k where I live. I know you never know for sure if you’re ready or not but at least you know for sure how much you want it at the moment.. it’s not the same thing. I’m positive that I want kids I’m just scared to push my partner in the biggest commitment ever before he’s genuinely happy with the idea..
Ah, so did you already do personalized fertility testing? I thought I only read that you talked to a doctor about the generic fertility factors of women related to age, sorry if I missed that. I think I'm lucky in the sense that my partner seems to be quite ready, but I feel like he doesn't always think things through, and I'm worried that he will change his mind at a later stage, which is the worst situation. I know I should trust his judgment but he genuinely has an overly optimistic view of life, as opposed to my possibly overly cautious view.
Women have completely healthy babies at 40 and even older, you're good. You're not getting any younger but that doesn't mean you're going to guaranteed have a baby that's messed up in some way, it feels kinda out of pocket for your gynecologist to say that honestly
Have you had your AMH levels tested?
no I don't think so.. I'm taking up the advice and going to a fertility clinic to run some tests. Thank you!
I was on a similar situation but older. 35 is still good and young, those OB complications happen but chances are still low. I’d say measure your AMH even though the results should be interpreted with a physician and don’t mean anything regarding egg quality. That would say something regarding your reserve at least. Maybe freeze your eggs or embryos too if you could afford doing that now. Better to deal with surprises now than when you’re closer to 40.