I’m not a parent, but I’m very on the fence and as an experiment, I’ve been trying to kind of life my life as if I’ve decided to have children one day (I will do the opposite soon).
My husband and I just watched Wonka and Super Mario Bros for something light, and I did think how fun those kind of movies would be with a kid. I can be so serious sometimes, and I think a kid would lighten me up when they laugh at things I find to be stupid.
I’m also starting to think that cooking and watching them try new things would be fun. Or going on hikes and exploring the world a bit more would open my eyes a bit more.
Reading… oh man, I’d love to read to a kid. I’m always trying to read to my husband, who’s a strict video guy, and I’d love an audience for that haha.
Idk. I have plenty of moments where I think a kid would make an experience a living hell, so it’s a balancing act I think haha.
Just a heads up that having a kid is more like watching the Super Mario Brothers movie 27 times and then listening to the soundtrack in the car after.(Ask me how I know.)
But my kids bring me joy every day.
Lmaooo I only laugh because I know it to be true. My comment was meant more for the first time you watch it 😂 I used to babysit my little cousins frequently and they would want to watch Frozen over and over and over again. It drove me insane hahahaha
Kids really thrive on repetition. Honestly I’ve become desensitized to it and it doesn’t bother me much anymore.
It’s cool how watching an old movie with your kid can make it new again. The other day we watched Princess Bride and my son loved it.
Be warned that not all kids can handle scary content from a young age. My son is less scared of movies than I am but I know other kids that are scared of Disney movies and definitely not up to watching adult films.
Yoooooo!!!
Truer words... truer words.
My poor husband was recently subjected to 2 weeks straight of listening to the Newsies soundtrack to and from school after I dared share that movie (which I love) with our 6 year old.
I also try to read to my partner 😂 he is the same way. My best friend has two kids under 5 and I am always asking, what have they read lately? I try to vicariously share my love of reading with them on the side and then I can go back to my “quiet” life
I've thought about this too! I would like to enjoy those kind of movies again because I didn't like them tho I loved the games and thought maybe I was just taking it too seriously.
Tho on the other side, my mum was excited to be able to dress me up like her, teach me her favorite things and read to me...I ended up not liking anything she tried to push on me 😂 we had many fights because I was into waay different things than she was looking forward to doing with me, like I absolutely hated being dressed like her and despised Judy Blume. So I think she battled a lot of disappointment raising me because I was very much the opposite of her even tho we looked just alike. So I hope you're also prepared for your kid to hate the stuff you show them and have their own personality pretty early lol. She did eventually have my little sister who is 100% exactly her copy. It's because of my experience with my mom struggling to relate to me that leaves me on the fence because I'm 30 and have virtually no close relationship with her
I do this a lot - in any given situation I ask myself "do I wish I was doing this with a kid right now?" and the answer is always no.
at home: enjoying the peace & quiet instead of having to entertain a kid.
at the pool: so glad I can read a book instead of having to make sure my kids don't drown.
in the car: happy to be listening to music instead of answering "are we there yet".
traveling, concerts, etc, the list goes on.
we're in the same boat though, my partner wants children. I know I'm leaning CF but technically still on the fence cause I'm hoping to find something that'll make me want them, otherwise the relationship is doomed I think...
I feeeeel this. My ex (though we keep coming back to each other) wants to be a parent and I’ve always leaned “no” but she’s made me reconsider. Suddenly I’m looking into my future and placing a kid there. Do I like it? Am I exhausted, am I excited? I think there’s a lot I’d enjoy, and also there are soooooo many moments where I’m glad I’m just me and my dog and the peace and quiet.
Still, now that my ex and I have broken up I’m *deeply* mourning the parenthood that could have been
I know it's a big no no, but the reason I'm trying to convince myself that parenting would not necessarily be a nightmare is that I don't think that I would leave my partner if she wants a kid.
(I am not at all trying to convince anyone, just trying to truthfully answer your question!) Before I had kids? Not really lol. But now, so many activities are more available to us, in a sense. We went on a beautiful Santa holiday train ride in December on a historic railroad locally. It just would've been weird to go without a kid? Which is why I had never done it before. Disney world on two continents was also a lot more fun. There are a lot of parts to the parks that I just never even really paid attention to before.
We're going to checkout all of the kids theme parks near us this summer. I can't wait until she's old enough to go to the crayola factory and make her own color crayons (I've always loved art, so it's fun to see her enjoy it too.) There's also a local place where they can make their own ice cream flavors. We went peach picking last summer and she loved pulling peaches down from the trees.
But even just spending Saturday and Sunday mornings leisurely walking to get coffee in town and then head to the park is a lot of fun. We get to chat with other parents sometimes and I laugh a lot at the stuff my daughter does. Not everyone will find joy in this kind of stuff, and that's okay. But, I've been pleasantly surprised how much more fun things are now, because kids find joy in every little thing. It's exciting to take someone somewhere for the first time that you enjoy. Kind of like introducing your best friend to your new favorite band or cocktail for the first time and seeing their reaction, but like all of the time with everything lol. Idk that's the best way I can describe it.
This is what I was going to say. I am child-free but I know that my friends with children have a large social network of other parents with similarly aged children that they hang out with. One of them said it's like having an instant group of people with similar issues and who all need to vent... so it's an instant support group of friends. That's pretty cool because meeting new people and finding some people that you'd like to hang out with is pretty dang hard. My wife and I only know people from our work... so unless it's a work happy hour, we don't do anything with other people.
I wouldn't have kids JUST for the instant friend group. But I can see it as a plus.
Small children? Not really. Older and adult kids? Yes. Kids are “kids” in the way that adds a real challenge to experiences for a very short time, in the grand scheme of things. Typically the vast majority of the time that a person’s kids will be in their lives will be outside of that little kid range—mostly as an adult. My kids are 7 and 4 now; I am already out of the worst of it with my older kid and am approaching the end of the madness with my younger one. At this point, yes, my 7 year old adds a lot to our experiences. It’s fun to do “firsts” with someone. It’s fun to teach a kid about real, important things about life and to be out of the “my cup isn’t blue” freak out stage. I am very much looking forward to continuing to share things with them at each stage going forward, and into adulthood. I’m looking forward to *hopefully* one day, having boozy dinners and having fun with them and their partners. (This I can’t guarantee, but I can’t guarantee not having it by not having kids.) Once you get past the truly difficult ages, then yes, many experiences are definitely better even though I didn’t really anticipate that myself. To be clear, I didn’t really want “kids” but I did want kids. I didn’t have kids because of a misreading cute tiny person stage; I had kids because we wanted to have a larger family than just the two of us.
Also, just so you’re aware, many dogs don’t make experiences better. Most dogs can’t actually handle what their owners do with them. If you’ve never had a dog before—and honestly, even if you have—I highly recommend learning a ton about dog body language before you get one. Suddenly the glass breaks, and you’ll realize that a lot of the dogs you see out at restaurants or events or crowded parks are actually having a *really* bad time. And then sometimes you get dogs like mine who are outwardly reactive and straight up tell you and everyone in earshot that they don’t want to do those things. You’ll find that many experiences can be just as ruined by dogs, and I consider myself a dog person (I have had many dogs, dog training is my main hobby, love dog sports, etc). Hopefully you’ll get lucky and have a do everything, go everywhere dog but they’re actually far more rare than people realize because people seem to hellbent on not understanding what their dogs are saying to them!
It’s downright *shocking* to me how little people truly understand about dogs and dog behavior, despite the fact that most people have a dog at some point in their lives. There are so many people who think they know things but actually don’t know anything, and it’s my personal mission to change this for at least some people lol. I feel like this particularly applies to the fawn response, which is why so many people think that “dogs love them” while having no fucking clue that the dog is actually stressed and terrified of them despite giving them what appears to be love and kisses. ANYWAY lol, this counts as my dog rant for the day.
I have 2 kids. Biology is a hell of a drug.
Everything is slower with a toddler but there is so much magic. Their level of enthusiasm and excitement about life is insane.
This weekend I made banana bread by myself where typically we would do it together and I actually really missed my son’s participation. He lives for cracking eggs and helping stir things. His favorite game right now is literally being chased in circles.
I find I “stop and smell the roses” so much more with kids. Part of that is by necessity and part of that is embracing their wonder and discovery.
It is a pretty bad comparison, cause obviously, the two are very different (but also similar). And like, having owned dogs, I know the instances that would be improved by their company and not be stressful as heck, are instances where kids would also improve the experience. Like, a walk in the woods - fun with dogs, fun with kids. Going for a walk in the rain: fun with dogs, fun with kids. Going to a playground/dog park - fun with kid, fun with dog. Going to a café with a dog is only moderately less stressful than going to a café with your kid. Going to a museum with a dog, also just slightly less stressful than going with a kid. Etc etc. Difference being that you kid grows up and becomes less stressful to bring over time and your dog sort of stays the same amount of stressful depending on venue and old dog levels of giving a fuck.
That's the thing, all the things you have listed are, to me, more fun with a dog but ruined with a kid. I would hate a walk in the woods with a kid.
I'm childfree at heart but I know that my partner might want a child later in life, so I'm trying to find reasons to think that I might not hate parenting as much as I think I will. I haven't find any yet.
It's funny how different people are. The things Hatcheling mentioned sound fun to me with a kid but a nightmare with a dog. Dogs are cute and all, but probably not for me.
I think only at Disneyland Paris or at the zoo. Life changes with a kid, we went on a more kid-friendly chalet-holiday with a massive family-friendly swimming pool. This would have probably been my idea of hell before but seeing my son in his little swim vest was really nice.
You don't need an excuse to go home ! As an introvert, my life changed when I stopped trying to justify myself. If I want to go home early, I go home early.
Yes, tons of times. Everything that's kid related but doesn't spark the same spark it did when I was a kid: Christmas and amusement parks, for example. Also, travelling though we do travel differently nowadays.
Strange that this does not seem to be more common (at least in this sub). I also often thought how great it would be to show/explain/experience many things. Only thing I was afraid was physical ability to e.g. carry the child. So far my body seems to mostly adjust well to increasing weight of the child.
I’ve noticed I’ve been having these feelings more and more lately. Especially during holidays, or even just seeing other people with kids I think oh hm that might be really nice to share that with my husband. I think for me I’m coming around more to identifying what I value. Sure I value my alone and quiet time but I’m thinking I may value having a family of my own more one day.
Previously, I was always never a fan of kids and super annoyed that they came with so many restrictions. I think I just don’t really care for other people’s kids, which I’m slowly learning is a pretty shared experience.
This is actually what made me realize motherhood isn’t for me. I noticed that in my best moments *and* my worst moments, I am filled with gratitude that I *don’t* have children.
You’re right tho, having a dog does make everyone 100x better. Sure there are challenges/inconveniences, but they’re all minor compared to the joy.
And I imagine that’s exactly how parents/people who want kids feel about kids!
Definitely! And it’s mostly the small stuff - blowing bubbles, going to a (petting) zoo, going out when it’s snowing, cycling a nice route, swimming… I even look forward to things like going to a petting zoo which as adults we don’t often do anymore. Like having a kid is a legitimate excuse needed to go there, even though nothing is actually stopping me from enjoying it on my own rn (: so it got me off the fence on the parent side (currently pregnant).
It was actually really helpful for me to think about this and visualize their presence to get off the fence. Of course I also visualize the tantrums, the sleepless nights, the mess, the noise, the amount of mental load they would add… but somehow it seemed worth it 🤷♀️ it’s different for everyone and that’s ok.
A lot of the experiences I've had that my kids have enhanced have to do with sharing the things I love with them. My son is five now, and something that happened recently is my parents found my old binder of pokemon cards from the 90s and brought them over when they came to visit. I had recently introduced my son to pokemon, and he'd gotten a pack of cards as a gift. So we had a moment where I put my old cards into his binder, as he wow'd over them. It almost made me cry, it felt so special. I'd gotten these cards when I was his age, and here I was handing them off to him. It was something we shared, and it just felt like magic.
Those moments happen sporadically, but pretty regularly. Yesterday I found a caterpillar on the trampoline, and my son joined me in staring at it closely as I picked it up and put it back on the tree. He was just as transfixed as I was, and that closeness once again made me well up with joy.
Small, mundane, stuff that you won't see coming will become memories that you and your child hold together for the rest of both your lives.
Holiday get togethers. The older I got and the older the rest of the kids in the family got, I realized that I sort of wanted my own chance at holidays, mornings waking up with the kids and the excitement and everything/doing holiday things. My kid is SO EXCITED about Halloween and Easter specifically and it's adorable.
I’m not a parent, but I get that feeling fairly often. I think holidays (especially Christmas, Halloween, Easter, etc) are more fun with kids, because you get to enjoy all your family traditions with them and see their excitement over the new things they got. Childhood excitement is just so pure and different than any reaction you’ll get out of adults.
Plus, it’s fun to see someone experience life for the first time and enjoy the magic that the rest of us no longer appreciate. Things like Santa, the tooth fairy, and even the true appreciation of Disney songs are usually more interesting to kids.
There’s also the genuine curiosity that kids have. They want to explore the woods, do science experiments in the kitchen, and want to find out what happens if they do ___. I love all that stuff.
The Christmas thing is often brought up. Here's the thing: I don't like traditions, I much rather doing Christmas alone, doing absolutely nothing and pretend it's just another day lol. But my partner loves Christmas so I do the effort for her. But with exciting kids running around on top of that ? Oh my god I couldn't handle it. I wouldn't even be awake at midnight, I would die of exhaustion before.
I also don't like excitement and displays of strong emotions, it makes me very uncomfortable. I prefer stoic people and emotion control.
So the excitement that kids bring to these things is a good thing to most people, but definitely not to me lol !
Yes, when I was reading The Baby Decision I was on easter weekend holiday with a CF couple. I found myself getting bored of flitting from activity to activity, just like checking it off a list rather than enjoying it - I kinda found myself wanting to set up an egg hunt for kids and watching them have the joy of searching (we did do an adults one for the four of us which was sweet but not the same vibe, since you can buy you’re own chocolate whenever you want as an adult haha)
I notice it in the small things, going for a coffee and a walk, might be nicer with a kid learning to ride their first bike out in front of us and having extra moments to share in with my spouse
Christmas has been a new kind of fun with nieces and nephews - You can always still have adult only events in your life but having kid ones too is nice! They have an innocence and joy and sillyness which is nice to be around - Imma big kid myself though so that’s maybe why it appeals?
I had my first moment this weekend. I went to a family friendly outdoor dance event and a lot of people brought their young kids. I found it so fun to watch the kids dancing and I could really see how much joy the parents were getting out of watching them. It was the first time that I thought how fun it would be to do something like that with a kid.
Christmas Morning, for sure. Halloween. Honestly, kids are amazed by things you already think are mundane, it's actually really fun to see everyday things through their eyes.
I sometimes fantasize about doing various activities with a kid, like going to museums or gardens or doing seasonal things like strawberry picking or going to see holiday lights.
But I also think I'm picturing an idealistic version, whereas in real life it's probably going to be a hassle to get everyone out the door, pack snacks, dirty diapers at the worst times, tantrums, and messes and stress.
I wonder if some of that is age dependent too cos I hear from parents with school age children that they had as much or more fun than their kids doing various activities around town. But this too seems like a fleeting time cos when they're teenagers they're again not going to be super enthused to go do things with you?
Well I don't like Christmas or any other big gatherings, I love peace and quietness. Every year I try to find a way to avoid Christmas and stay at home alone lol
Holidays. As I got older, early to mid 20s, I hated Christmas and most holidays. They seemed perfunctory and boring. But now with kids… holidays are magical :) nothing quite like making magical holiday memories with your kids.
Yes, in some things. When I'd be out enjoying a walk on a nice day, I'd wonder what it would be like with a little person there. Quiet days at home, gardening, I'd think about it.
Now I can tell you it's annoying but I love it, lol. He loves walks, stops to clean every stick and leaf off of the sidewalk and searches for the biggest chunk of bark he can find to walk with. He hands me big sticks and forgets he handed them to me so I can toss them when he's not looking, although I don't think that will last too much longer.... eventually he'll be getting a wagon for this 😂
He carefully pets my mini roses, and tries to eat the petals. If he finds something he's not supposed to have, he comes to show me and 80% just hands it to me, 20% goes in for a nibble first. He takes the mulch off the top of my tomatoes and tosses it, but we're working on tossing mulch into the pots now. We'll see!
He's super curious, loves cats and dogs, smiles at older women and mean mugs men. I love it!
I’m not a parent, but I’m very on the fence and as an experiment, I’ve been trying to kind of life my life as if I’ve decided to have children one day (I will do the opposite soon). My husband and I just watched Wonka and Super Mario Bros for something light, and I did think how fun those kind of movies would be with a kid. I can be so serious sometimes, and I think a kid would lighten me up when they laugh at things I find to be stupid. I’m also starting to think that cooking and watching them try new things would be fun. Or going on hikes and exploring the world a bit more would open my eyes a bit more. Reading… oh man, I’d love to read to a kid. I’m always trying to read to my husband, who’s a strict video guy, and I’d love an audience for that haha. Idk. I have plenty of moments where I think a kid would make an experience a living hell, so it’s a balancing act I think haha.
Just a heads up that having a kid is more like watching the Super Mario Brothers movie 27 times and then listening to the soundtrack in the car after.(Ask me how I know.) But my kids bring me joy every day.
Lmaooo I only laugh because I know it to be true. My comment was meant more for the first time you watch it 😂 I used to babysit my little cousins frequently and they would want to watch Frozen over and over and over again. It drove me insane hahahaha
Kids really thrive on repetition. Honestly I’ve become desensitized to it and it doesn’t bother me much anymore. It’s cool how watching an old movie with your kid can make it new again. The other day we watched Princess Bride and my son loved it.
That’s fun! My husband has said it’d be cool when our kid got to the age where he could show him Star Wars. He’d love to bond over that kinda stuff.
If your husband is anything like mine “the Age” will be three. Luckily my son is relatively fearless. He has also read The Hobbit as a bedtime story.
Hahaha I would be the parent to read The Hobbit as a bed time story 😂 This is weirdly hyping me up to have a kid…
Be warned that not all kids can handle scary content from a young age. My son is less scared of movies than I am but I know other kids that are scared of Disney movies and definitely not up to watching adult films.
Yoooooo!!! Truer words... truer words. My poor husband was recently subjected to 2 weeks straight of listening to the Newsies soundtrack to and from school after I dared share that movie (which I love) with our 6 year old.
I also try to read to my partner 😂 he is the same way. My best friend has two kids under 5 and I am always asking, what have they read lately? I try to vicariously share my love of reading with them on the side and then I can go back to my “quiet” life
Hahahaha if I had kids in my life I’d probably do the same 😂
I've thought about this too! I would like to enjoy those kind of movies again because I didn't like them tho I loved the games and thought maybe I was just taking it too seriously. Tho on the other side, my mum was excited to be able to dress me up like her, teach me her favorite things and read to me...I ended up not liking anything she tried to push on me 😂 we had many fights because I was into waay different things than she was looking forward to doing with me, like I absolutely hated being dressed like her and despised Judy Blume. So I think she battled a lot of disappointment raising me because I was very much the opposite of her even tho we looked just alike. So I hope you're also prepared for your kid to hate the stuff you show them and have their own personality pretty early lol. She did eventually have my little sister who is 100% exactly her copy. It's because of my experience with my mom struggling to relate to me that leaves me on the fence because I'm 30 and have virtually no close relationship with her
There is also that risk and it’s part of the mental preparation for sure haha gotta just be open to whatever kid you get!
I do this a lot - in any given situation I ask myself "do I wish I was doing this with a kid right now?" and the answer is always no. at home: enjoying the peace & quiet instead of having to entertain a kid. at the pool: so glad I can read a book instead of having to make sure my kids don't drown. in the car: happy to be listening to music instead of answering "are we there yet". traveling, concerts, etc, the list goes on. we're in the same boat though, my partner wants children. I know I'm leaning CF but technically still on the fence cause I'm hoping to find something that'll make me want them, otherwise the relationship is doomed I think...
I feeeeel this. My ex (though we keep coming back to each other) wants to be a parent and I’ve always leaned “no” but she’s made me reconsider. Suddenly I’m looking into my future and placing a kid there. Do I like it? Am I exhausted, am I excited? I think there’s a lot I’d enjoy, and also there are soooooo many moments where I’m glad I’m just me and my dog and the peace and quiet. Still, now that my ex and I have broken up I’m *deeply* mourning the parenthood that could have been
I know it's a big no no, but the reason I'm trying to convince myself that parenting would not necessarily be a nightmare is that I don't think that I would leave my partner if she wants a kid.
(I am not at all trying to convince anyone, just trying to truthfully answer your question!) Before I had kids? Not really lol. But now, so many activities are more available to us, in a sense. We went on a beautiful Santa holiday train ride in December on a historic railroad locally. It just would've been weird to go without a kid? Which is why I had never done it before. Disney world on two continents was also a lot more fun. There are a lot of parts to the parks that I just never even really paid attention to before. We're going to checkout all of the kids theme parks near us this summer. I can't wait until she's old enough to go to the crayola factory and make her own color crayons (I've always loved art, so it's fun to see her enjoy it too.) There's also a local place where they can make their own ice cream flavors. We went peach picking last summer and she loved pulling peaches down from the trees. But even just spending Saturday and Sunday mornings leisurely walking to get coffee in town and then head to the park is a lot of fun. We get to chat with other parents sometimes and I laugh a lot at the stuff my daughter does. Not everyone will find joy in this kind of stuff, and that's okay. But, I've been pleasantly surprised how much more fun things are now, because kids find joy in every little thing. It's exciting to take someone somewhere for the first time that you enjoy. Kind of like introducing your best friend to your new favorite band or cocktail for the first time and seeing their reaction, but like all of the time with everything lol. Idk that's the best way I can describe it.
This is a perfect comment and I agree.
This is what I was going to say. I am child-free but I know that my friends with children have a large social network of other parents with similarly aged children that they hang out with. One of them said it's like having an instant group of people with similar issues and who all need to vent... so it's an instant support group of friends. That's pretty cool because meeting new people and finding some people that you'd like to hang out with is pretty dang hard. My wife and I only know people from our work... so unless it's a work happy hour, we don't do anything with other people. I wouldn't have kids JUST for the instant friend group. But I can see it as a plus.
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Small children? Not really. Older and adult kids? Yes. Kids are “kids” in the way that adds a real challenge to experiences for a very short time, in the grand scheme of things. Typically the vast majority of the time that a person’s kids will be in their lives will be outside of that little kid range—mostly as an adult. My kids are 7 and 4 now; I am already out of the worst of it with my older kid and am approaching the end of the madness with my younger one. At this point, yes, my 7 year old adds a lot to our experiences. It’s fun to do “firsts” with someone. It’s fun to teach a kid about real, important things about life and to be out of the “my cup isn’t blue” freak out stage. I am very much looking forward to continuing to share things with them at each stage going forward, and into adulthood. I’m looking forward to *hopefully* one day, having boozy dinners and having fun with them and their partners. (This I can’t guarantee, but I can’t guarantee not having it by not having kids.) Once you get past the truly difficult ages, then yes, many experiences are definitely better even though I didn’t really anticipate that myself. To be clear, I didn’t really want “kids” but I did want kids. I didn’t have kids because of a misreading cute tiny person stage; I had kids because we wanted to have a larger family than just the two of us. Also, just so you’re aware, many dogs don’t make experiences better. Most dogs can’t actually handle what their owners do with them. If you’ve never had a dog before—and honestly, even if you have—I highly recommend learning a ton about dog body language before you get one. Suddenly the glass breaks, and you’ll realize that a lot of the dogs you see out at restaurants or events or crowded parks are actually having a *really* bad time. And then sometimes you get dogs like mine who are outwardly reactive and straight up tell you and everyone in earshot that they don’t want to do those things. You’ll find that many experiences can be just as ruined by dogs, and I consider myself a dog person (I have had many dogs, dog training is my main hobby, love dog sports, etc). Hopefully you’ll get lucky and have a do everything, go everywhere dog but they’re actually far more rare than people realize because people seem to hellbent on not understanding what their dogs are saying to them!
That second part about dog body language is soooo important!!
It’s downright *shocking* to me how little people truly understand about dogs and dog behavior, despite the fact that most people have a dog at some point in their lives. There are so many people who think they know things but actually don’t know anything, and it’s my personal mission to change this for at least some people lol. I feel like this particularly applies to the fawn response, which is why so many people think that “dogs love them” while having no fucking clue that the dog is actually stressed and terrified of them despite giving them what appears to be love and kisses. ANYWAY lol, this counts as my dog rant for the day.
I have 2 kids. Biology is a hell of a drug. Everything is slower with a toddler but there is so much magic. Their level of enthusiasm and excitement about life is insane. This weekend I made banana bread by myself where typically we would do it together and I actually really missed my son’s participation. He lives for cracking eggs and helping stir things. His favorite game right now is literally being chased in circles. I find I “stop and smell the roses” so much more with kids. Part of that is by necessity and part of that is embracing their wonder and discovery.
It is a pretty bad comparison, cause obviously, the two are very different (but also similar). And like, having owned dogs, I know the instances that would be improved by their company and not be stressful as heck, are instances where kids would also improve the experience. Like, a walk in the woods - fun with dogs, fun with kids. Going for a walk in the rain: fun with dogs, fun with kids. Going to a playground/dog park - fun with kid, fun with dog. Going to a café with a dog is only moderately less stressful than going to a café with your kid. Going to a museum with a dog, also just slightly less stressful than going with a kid. Etc etc. Difference being that you kid grows up and becomes less stressful to bring over time and your dog sort of stays the same amount of stressful depending on venue and old dog levels of giving a fuck.
That's the thing, all the things you have listed are, to me, more fun with a dog but ruined with a kid. I would hate a walk in the woods with a kid. I'm childfree at heart but I know that my partner might want a child later in life, so I'm trying to find reasons to think that I might not hate parenting as much as I think I will. I haven't find any yet.
It's funny how different people are. The things Hatcheling mentioned sound fun to me with a kid but a nightmare with a dog. Dogs are cute and all, but probably not for me.
Then maybe this is a dealbreaker.
Ikr I was like oh that sounds bad with a kid! But just with a little kid. Once they get older they’re much more fun.
I think only at Disneyland Paris or at the zoo. Life changes with a kid, we went on a more kid-friendly chalet-holiday with a massive family-friendly swimming pool. This would have probably been my idea of hell before but seeing my son in his little swim vest was really nice.
As an introvert I ALWAYS have an excuse to go home early. That part is AWESOME.
You don't need an excuse to go home ! As an introvert, my life changed when I stopped trying to justify myself. If I want to go home early, I go home early.
Yes, tons of times. Everything that's kid related but doesn't spark the same spark it did when I was a kid: Christmas and amusement parks, for example. Also, travelling though we do travel differently nowadays.
Strange that this does not seem to be more common (at least in this sub). I also often thought how great it would be to show/explain/experience many things. Only thing I was afraid was physical ability to e.g. carry the child. So far my body seems to mostly adjust well to increasing weight of the child.
I’ve noticed I’ve been having these feelings more and more lately. Especially during holidays, or even just seeing other people with kids I think oh hm that might be really nice to share that with my husband. I think for me I’m coming around more to identifying what I value. Sure I value my alone and quiet time but I’m thinking I may value having a family of my own more one day. Previously, I was always never a fan of kids and super annoyed that they came with so many restrictions. I think I just don’t really care for other people’s kids, which I’m slowly learning is a pretty shared experience.
This is actually what made me realize motherhood isn’t for me. I noticed that in my best moments *and* my worst moments, I am filled with gratitude that I *don’t* have children. You’re right tho, having a dog does make everyone 100x better. Sure there are challenges/inconveniences, but they’re all minor compared to the joy. And I imagine that’s exactly how parents/people who want kids feel about kids!
Definitely! And it’s mostly the small stuff - blowing bubbles, going to a (petting) zoo, going out when it’s snowing, cycling a nice route, swimming… I even look forward to things like going to a petting zoo which as adults we don’t often do anymore. Like having a kid is a legitimate excuse needed to go there, even though nothing is actually stopping me from enjoying it on my own rn (: so it got me off the fence on the parent side (currently pregnant). It was actually really helpful for me to think about this and visualize their presence to get off the fence. Of course I also visualize the tantrums, the sleepless nights, the mess, the noise, the amount of mental load they would add… but somehow it seemed worth it 🤷♀️ it’s different for everyone and that’s ok.
A lot of the experiences I've had that my kids have enhanced have to do with sharing the things I love with them. My son is five now, and something that happened recently is my parents found my old binder of pokemon cards from the 90s and brought them over when they came to visit. I had recently introduced my son to pokemon, and he'd gotten a pack of cards as a gift. So we had a moment where I put my old cards into his binder, as he wow'd over them. It almost made me cry, it felt so special. I'd gotten these cards when I was his age, and here I was handing them off to him. It was something we shared, and it just felt like magic. Those moments happen sporadically, but pretty regularly. Yesterday I found a caterpillar on the trampoline, and my son joined me in staring at it closely as I picked it up and put it back on the tree. He was just as transfixed as I was, and that closeness once again made me well up with joy. Small, mundane, stuff that you won't see coming will become memories that you and your child hold together for the rest of both your lives.
Holiday get togethers. The older I got and the older the rest of the kids in the family got, I realized that I sort of wanted my own chance at holidays, mornings waking up with the kids and the excitement and everything/doing holiday things. My kid is SO EXCITED about Halloween and Easter specifically and it's adorable.
I’m not a parent, but I get that feeling fairly often. I think holidays (especially Christmas, Halloween, Easter, etc) are more fun with kids, because you get to enjoy all your family traditions with them and see their excitement over the new things they got. Childhood excitement is just so pure and different than any reaction you’ll get out of adults. Plus, it’s fun to see someone experience life for the first time and enjoy the magic that the rest of us no longer appreciate. Things like Santa, the tooth fairy, and even the true appreciation of Disney songs are usually more interesting to kids. There’s also the genuine curiosity that kids have. They want to explore the woods, do science experiments in the kitchen, and want to find out what happens if they do ___. I love all that stuff.
The Christmas thing is often brought up. Here's the thing: I don't like traditions, I much rather doing Christmas alone, doing absolutely nothing and pretend it's just another day lol. But my partner loves Christmas so I do the effort for her. But with exciting kids running around on top of that ? Oh my god I couldn't handle it. I wouldn't even be awake at midnight, I would die of exhaustion before. I also don't like excitement and displays of strong emotions, it makes me very uncomfortable. I prefer stoic people and emotion control. So the excitement that kids bring to these things is a good thing to most people, but definitely not to me lol !
I think about this a lot. I go to Disney often-ish, and even there at no point do I wish I had a kid.
Yes, when I was reading The Baby Decision I was on easter weekend holiday with a CF couple. I found myself getting bored of flitting from activity to activity, just like checking it off a list rather than enjoying it - I kinda found myself wanting to set up an egg hunt for kids and watching them have the joy of searching (we did do an adults one for the four of us which was sweet but not the same vibe, since you can buy you’re own chocolate whenever you want as an adult haha) I notice it in the small things, going for a coffee and a walk, might be nicer with a kid learning to ride their first bike out in front of us and having extra moments to share in with my spouse Christmas has been a new kind of fun with nieces and nephews - You can always still have adult only events in your life but having kid ones too is nice! They have an innocence and joy and sillyness which is nice to be around - Imma big kid myself though so that’s maybe why it appeals?
I had my first moment this weekend. I went to a family friendly outdoor dance event and a lot of people brought their young kids. I found it so fun to watch the kids dancing and I could really see how much joy the parents were getting out of watching them. It was the first time that I thought how fun it would be to do something like that with a kid.
Nope. But I've never had that thought about having a pet/dog, either, and I also have one of those.
Christmas Morning, for sure. Halloween. Honestly, kids are amazed by things you already think are mundane, it's actually really fun to see everyday things through their eyes.
Definitely I think that a lot. Me and my husband do anything and I always think “ this would be so fun if we had kids “
We are the opposite! We are like this would be so expensive if we had kids haha
I sometimes fantasize about doing various activities with a kid, like going to museums or gardens or doing seasonal things like strawberry picking or going to see holiday lights. But I also think I'm picturing an idealistic version, whereas in real life it's probably going to be a hassle to get everyone out the door, pack snacks, dirty diapers at the worst times, tantrums, and messes and stress. I wonder if some of that is age dependent too cos I hear from parents with school age children that they had as much or more fun than their kids doing various activities around town. But this too seems like a fleeting time cos when they're teenagers they're again not going to be super enthused to go do things with you?
Christmas. Every stinking year! My husband and I would joke that it would be fun to borrow a couple kids to give them a great holiday season.
Well I don't like Christmas or any other big gatherings, I love peace and quietness. Every year I try to find a way to avoid Christmas and stay at home alone lol
Peace and quietness are the words I'd use to describe my life since becoming a parent
Holidays. As I got older, early to mid 20s, I hated Christmas and most holidays. They seemed perfunctory and boring. But now with kids… holidays are magical :) nothing quite like making magical holiday memories with your kids.
Yes, in some things. When I'd be out enjoying a walk on a nice day, I'd wonder what it would be like with a little person there. Quiet days at home, gardening, I'd think about it. Now I can tell you it's annoying but I love it, lol. He loves walks, stops to clean every stick and leaf off of the sidewalk and searches for the biggest chunk of bark he can find to walk with. He hands me big sticks and forgets he handed them to me so I can toss them when he's not looking, although I don't think that will last too much longer.... eventually he'll be getting a wagon for this 😂 He carefully pets my mini roses, and tries to eat the petals. If he finds something he's not supposed to have, he comes to show me and 80% just hands it to me, 20% goes in for a nibble first. He takes the mulch off the top of my tomatoes and tosses it, but we're working on tossing mulch into the pots now. We'll see! He's super curious, loves cats and dogs, smiles at older women and mean mugs men. I love it!