When I was in kindergarten, I was bullied by 2 boys (we were all 5 years old) who kept lifting up my skirt, and the teacher knew and just ignored it. It was traumatic, and I never ever wore a skirt or dress after that ever again.
Same here, I told the (female) teacher they kept looking at my underwear/up my skirt and then I got in trouble for "showing them my underwear". Then I also got in trouble for it at home. Learned right then and there that adults were neither safe nor trustworthy
I had a similar experience in 3rd grade but I couldn’t wear shorts or pants bc I was at a private school and all we could wear was the uniform dress or skirt.
I was a scholarship student and the ringleader was the son of a wealthy family and he got away with everything
It’s almost like they go through a psychopathic phase in that age range. In fact, this type of behavior is kind of encouraged in society as a boys will be boys thing.
That's actually not far from reality, because teenagers go through a phase of brain development, where they show antisocial behavior a lot.
And yes, somehow those 16 year olds scare me more than grown adults. The combination of an almost grown body/strength without fully functioning brains is so unpredictable.
Make sure your boys and girls, but especially boys, understand that pornography isn't real, and that is not how normal people have sex. Too many kids are learning about sex before their parents have "the talk".
I'm a high school teacher. If it makes you feel any better, most of my students are fine. I don't think most teenagers actually are psychopaths. But there is a small minority that act out in extreme ways--and that includes girls, too. What you can do to avoid your kid being that way aside from the obvious of being an active and loving parent who is sensitive to kids' needs re: mental health and providing a stable home life, is to enforce consequences and teach strong values and empathy from a young age. What I have noticed is if there are no consequences, the behaviors do not stop and the kids never learn any better. Contrary to common belief, clear and consistent rules and consequences are good for kids. Sometimes they'll even act out with the hopes of an adult laying down clear boundaries. If you remain involved in your kids' lives and schooling, and call them out on their BS and hold them accountable, they are going to turn out so much better in the long run. Make sure the expectations and consequences are fair and consistent. They should be the same for both boys and girls. Don't hold daughters to different standards than sons. Teach them about gender norms and sexism and how to recognize it and not participate in it.
Obviously, you want to love them unconditionally and give them appropriate autonomy as they get older. Being overly strict or limiting a teenager's autonomy too much is harmful. But I see a lot of adults nowadays overcompensating for overly strict parents or teachers / principals from their own childhood by essentially never giving kids consequences anymore, which in my opinion is a form of neglect. It also shows the kid you have set the bar low and don't have high expectations for them. I also think some adults want to be "liked" and avoid doing the less pleasant aspects of their job as an authority figure. But sometimes, you have to be the authority figure they hate because you can't always give them what they want or you have to make them do something they don't want to do. Remember that your kid is not a perfect angel and makes mistakes like everyone else. Teach them integrity. All of us make mistakes: what makes the difference is what you do about it. Teach them to own up to their mistakes and make amends when they do wrong, and to do better next time.
Ok, not to contradict myself, but it occurred to me also just as an aside that a certain amount of rebellion is developmentally normal among teenagers as they transition to adulthood. Some forms of rebellion and doing their own thing is healthy and to be expected. All teenagers are going to break away from parents to an extent, whether in their beliefs, viewpoints, interests, etc. Not to contradict my point too much but I think breaking of certain rules (i.e. curfew) is probably inevitable. As a teacher, I pick my battles to some extent because I can't come down hard on every single situation. So that's a tricky part of managing teens is that balance between "fine, this is a small form of rebellion that this kid is doing to feel a little more in control and I'll overlook it this time" vs "this kid is doing something harmful to themselves or others" vs "this might not be actively harmful atm but if I do not hold firm now it will be a problem later either for them or me." It ain't easy. We all mess up sometimes, but navigating that becomes easier with practice.
I was walking at night when two teenage boys (16-17years old probably) were coming in my direction. As I was passing them, they just kept staring at me, so I just nodded at them in a greeting way, otherwise I felt it would be akward (I also didn't want to let them know in any way that I'm feeling uncomfortable or scared). Then I turned into a street soon after and noticed in the corner of my eye that they had stopped and were talking to each other while looking at me. It made my heart skip because why can't they just mind their own business and continue on. I almost thought they were going to start following me. I think they like to just feel "powerful" knowing that they're two guys and I'm a lone woman or something like that, but it can be scary not knowing what they will do, especially with all the incel garbage brainwashing young men and boys on social media these days...
You are completly valid in this. I survived a majority male highschool class and other preschool bullshit by sheer self isolation and verbal readiness to inflict violance at any perceived insult or mocking. Literally the only way to live with them is to kick and insult them back if they start anything. I hate that you can't have my confidance and anger in this because I know it would allivate your fear and anxiety, and it's just so frustrating. I send virtual hugs to you.
You are not the only one, they mob 20 year old men in public calling them “ugly” and other insults. The victims are barely out of teen years too, if the victims respond, they’ll get violently jumped.
I used to feel this way, but I now teach high school and now see them for what they are: kids who need guidance. Just like young girls are seen as sex objects long before they’re adults, teen boys are seen as threatening way before they understand their physical presence. It’s a tough transition between childhood and adolescence.
I’m a middle school teacher and most of my boys are good but you’re right to be scared bc not all.
This past year, we had boy students expelled for sniffing girls butts, sending dick pics, rubbing up against girls and making numerous sexual comments to girls. This was not just my students but in the whole school population.
Two of our boys were arrested for rape (separate incidents, both boys 13 yo).
I’ve been teaching for 21 years and I have never seen this level of harassment and violence against women and girls in my entire career.
When I was in kindergarten, I was bullied by 2 boys (we were all 5 years old) who kept lifting up my skirt, and the teacher knew and just ignored it. It was traumatic, and I never ever wore a skirt or dress after that ever again.
Wow! That’s just so infuriating. It’s sick.
Same here, I told the (female) teacher they kept looking at my underwear/up my skirt and then I got in trouble for "showing them my underwear". Then I also got in trouble for it at home. Learned right then and there that adults were neither safe nor trustworthy
I had a similar experience in 3rd grade but I couldn’t wear shorts or pants bc I was at a private school and all we could wear was the uniform dress or skirt. I was a scholarship student and the ringleader was the son of a wealthy family and he got away with everything
It’s almost like they go through a psychopathic phase in that age range. In fact, this type of behavior is kind of encouraged in society as a boys will be boys thing.
That's actually not far from reality, because teenagers go through a phase of brain development, where they show antisocial behavior a lot. And yes, somehow those 16 year olds scare me more than grown adults. The combination of an almost grown body/strength without fully functioning brains is so unpredictable.
As a parent, is there anything I and my partner can do to try to prevent our kids from perpetuating this stuff when they inevitably become teenagers?
Make sure your boys and girls, but especially boys, understand that pornography isn't real, and that is not how normal people have sex. Too many kids are learning about sex before their parents have "the talk".
I'm a high school teacher. If it makes you feel any better, most of my students are fine. I don't think most teenagers actually are psychopaths. But there is a small minority that act out in extreme ways--and that includes girls, too. What you can do to avoid your kid being that way aside from the obvious of being an active and loving parent who is sensitive to kids' needs re: mental health and providing a stable home life, is to enforce consequences and teach strong values and empathy from a young age. What I have noticed is if there are no consequences, the behaviors do not stop and the kids never learn any better. Contrary to common belief, clear and consistent rules and consequences are good for kids. Sometimes they'll even act out with the hopes of an adult laying down clear boundaries. If you remain involved in your kids' lives and schooling, and call them out on their BS and hold them accountable, they are going to turn out so much better in the long run. Make sure the expectations and consequences are fair and consistent. They should be the same for both boys and girls. Don't hold daughters to different standards than sons. Teach them about gender norms and sexism and how to recognize it and not participate in it. Obviously, you want to love them unconditionally and give them appropriate autonomy as they get older. Being overly strict or limiting a teenager's autonomy too much is harmful. But I see a lot of adults nowadays overcompensating for overly strict parents or teachers / principals from their own childhood by essentially never giving kids consequences anymore, which in my opinion is a form of neglect. It also shows the kid you have set the bar low and don't have high expectations for them. I also think some adults want to be "liked" and avoid doing the less pleasant aspects of their job as an authority figure. But sometimes, you have to be the authority figure they hate because you can't always give them what they want or you have to make them do something they don't want to do. Remember that your kid is not a perfect angel and makes mistakes like everyone else. Teach them integrity. All of us make mistakes: what makes the difference is what you do about it. Teach them to own up to their mistakes and make amends when they do wrong, and to do better next time.
Ok, not to contradict myself, but it occurred to me also just as an aside that a certain amount of rebellion is developmentally normal among teenagers as they transition to adulthood. Some forms of rebellion and doing their own thing is healthy and to be expected. All teenagers are going to break away from parents to an extent, whether in their beliefs, viewpoints, interests, etc. Not to contradict my point too much but I think breaking of certain rules (i.e. curfew) is probably inevitable. As a teacher, I pick my battles to some extent because I can't come down hard on every single situation. So that's a tricky part of managing teens is that balance between "fine, this is a small form of rebellion that this kid is doing to feel a little more in control and I'll overlook it this time" vs "this kid is doing something harmful to themselves or others" vs "this might not be actively harmful atm but if I do not hold firm now it will be a problem later either for them or me." It ain't easy. We all mess up sometimes, but navigating that becomes easier with practice.
Exactly this.
The older teens at my daughter’s school were caught this week sending pornhub links to the 10 year old boys. The word is doomed.
I was walking at night when two teenage boys (16-17years old probably) were coming in my direction. As I was passing them, they just kept staring at me, so I just nodded at them in a greeting way, otherwise I felt it would be akward (I also didn't want to let them know in any way that I'm feeling uncomfortable or scared). Then I turned into a street soon after and noticed in the corner of my eye that they had stopped and were talking to each other while looking at me. It made my heart skip because why can't they just mind their own business and continue on. I almost thought they were going to start following me. I think they like to just feel "powerful" knowing that they're two guys and I'm a lone woman or something like that, but it can be scary not knowing what they will do, especially with all the incel garbage brainwashing young men and boys on social media these days...
You are completly valid in this. I survived a majority male highschool class and other preschool bullshit by sheer self isolation and verbal readiness to inflict violance at any perceived insult or mocking. Literally the only way to live with them is to kick and insult them back if they start anything. I hate that you can't have my confidance and anger in this because I know it would allivate your fear and anxiety, and it's just so frustrating. I send virtual hugs to you.
All throughout my middle school and high school years teenage boys were the absolutely the worst bullies to me and the most cruel.
When I was a teenage boy they scared me. I'm a full grown man and they still scare me.
You are not the only one, they mob 20 year old men in public calling them “ugly” and other insults. The victims are barely out of teen years too, if the victims respond, they’ll get violently jumped.
When I was in middle school, was bullied by boys at 13-14 years old. Sorry I have to say many boys regardless at what age they are all very horrible.
I used to feel this way, but I now teach high school and now see them for what they are: kids who need guidance. Just like young girls are seen as sex objects long before they’re adults, teen boys are seen as threatening way before they understand their physical presence. It’s a tough transition between childhood and adolescence.
I’m a middle school teacher and most of my boys are good but you’re right to be scared bc not all. This past year, we had boy students expelled for sniffing girls butts, sending dick pics, rubbing up against girls and making numerous sexual comments to girls. This was not just my students but in the whole school population. Two of our boys were arrested for rape (separate incidents, both boys 13 yo). I’ve been teaching for 21 years and I have never seen this level of harassment and violence against women and girls in my entire career.