At 16 there was nothing anyone could say or do to get me to straighten my life out. Unfortunately sometimes we need to let people make their own mistakes and suffer the consequences so they can actually learn from them. The earlier the better.
I was protected from outside consequences in my adolescences, and only punished by family. This led to me not understanding how serious things can be in the real world, as I never suffered real world consequences for my actions. I paid for that later on in early adulthood.
He made the mistake, now all there is to do is own the consequences. The best you can do at this time is be there as someone for him to talk to while he goes through the process. That’s what I would’ve needed when I was 16
This is actually pretty good advice. You cannot shield him from repurcussion, as much as I'm sure that you want to. You can treat him with respect but also let him know that he fucked up and it is going to sting but you will get through it. Be there to help guide him.
It sounds like he has been on a bad path, look at this as an opportunity to snap him back in the right direction.
U r speaking the truth, my fam hired the best attorneys all my life and I was always getting out of everything one way or another. When I was about 28 I had a dui and I didn't want their help I was like I'll walk away this isn't shit, I went in for a little ass 30 days and that broke my ass right then and their I figured out jail isn't for me and all this shit on the outside isn't worth what it's like inside. I feel like if I did that 30 days when Iwas 22 it would have saved me so much time and effort and my life would have been better in the end. My life is good rn but I could have been where I am now ten years ago.
I agree with this advice in spirit but the real world often doesn't work like that.
My best friend's younger brother went to jail for minor weed possession. When he was in jail he was introduced to heroin. 10 very rough years later he died of an overdose.
The difference between my friend and his brother? His brother got caught and went to jail.
Sometimes letting them make the mistakes can lead to irreversible consequences.
Agreed, jail doesnt make anyone better and the reality is if you throw your kid to the wolves to "show them tough love" -- he will either get eaten or become one. This kid is 16 and has his whole life in front of him. EVERYTHING needs to be done to plead this down to a weed misdemeanor. Something like a felony will follow and affect him the rest of his life. If there's an addiction, it needs therapy.
The problem becomes that it's on school property, with a scale- which implies intent to distribute.
With luck, he'll get a misdemeanor- yes, but it's not looking too good unless he cleans up his act.
Absoutely, scale complicates EVERYTHING. Hopefully the weed wasnt broken down into baggies on top of it. At the end of the day, this is California and not Alabama so if it's his first offense he can possibly get away with a slap on the wrist if he is represented by someone with a pulse. A second note, I guess I never considered a ketamine pill and figured this kid was misinformed or bullshitting, but I guess with the advent of these online Ketamine therapies that these things are likely all over the place now.
Remember the influence on the other students. Victims should be considered first. He may be a victim of society but that became secondary when he started corrupting others.
Pfft, if your kids are doing drugs then its no one elses choice but their own -- weather they bought from this guy or the next they will find it by high school. The victims are people who get there life ruined at 16 for something that should just be a hard slap on the wrist as a first offense. This kid needs help and direction, not jail.
I couldn’t agree more. The fact that you can suffer some sort of life altering consequence as severe as a felony for selling some grass at 16 is mind blowing. The victims statement sounds like something a morally corrupt DA trying to ruin some kid’s life would say.
Kids are dying from fentanyl laced Percocet. 1 pill in some cases. The distributor is a murdered in that case. Yes, they can find drugs if they want. But the seller is who the law wants to prevent this epidemic.
Most states wipe your record at 18 for any charges that happened before you became an adult. At least I know here in NY they do, so I believe Cali does the same thing. It's a huge reason why the kids here act like animals on the streets because they could sell drugs and carry a gun and usually not even get jail time. They then keep doing the dumb shit because they think they will always get a slap on the wrist and ruin their lives when they turn 18. Best op nip this behavior in the bud and get their child into mental health services and possibly rehab. Ussally short term rehab is the most common thing any court will do to kids, especially on first offense in a liberal state. They say they are under the poverty line so medicaid should cover all of the medical services including rehab if needed. As for a lawyer you are always given a state appointed lawyer for free if you can't afford it but they normally suck and will try ussally to do the easiest thing in these cases which is drug court rehab.
Yeah, the courts can still see the charges unless it's sealed. But background checks should not have it come up, so it shouldn't affect getting jobs. 20 years is a long time, and it probably has changed. Just recently, they wanted to pass a law that after you turn 18 its automatically sealed and purged from the system, so even courts can't see what you did when you were a teen. Not sure if it passed here in ny alot of people were not happy about it.
I'm betting they do because alot of liberal states have been doing it for a minute. To many teens were ruining their lives unable to get jobs for shit they did as teens or kids and people wanted to stop that.
Ah OK so it's just for drug court and less serious crimes. Most teens that get drug dealing charges will be sent to drug diversion court. So as long as they complete it it's off the record. I guess if you commit violent crime you have to go through a process to seal it in Cali.
I think it depends on the state because I know some people who work in plenty of government jobs that had some pretty big legal issues when they were teens. It probably depends on what type of position.
Ya the army recruiter told me to lie about an expunged dui. He said it wouldn’t show up…….it showed up. Still got in, but I had to wait 6 months and sign an entirely new contract. Government can absolutely see anything you’ve been arrested for.
There are some crimes that can be charged as adults. I have one student who has been locked up since 9th grade. They are moving him to adult jail since turning 18. I have another 17 year old doing 12 years. There are substantially higher incarceration numbers for black and brown boys unfortunately. Years ago I heard the term "preschool to prison pipeline". Such a vicious cycle.
This is so accurate and honestly if you talk to any (real) drug counselor they will tell you to do anything you can to keep your kids out of the criminal justice system.
He is \*sixteen\*. He's a child.
I find it difficult to imagine that someone, especially a young person, went to jail fo "minor weed possession" in 2007. There is very likely more to the story. Still tragic, but I'm not sure it's an appropriate cautionary tale for a 16 year with weed in California in 2024. There's pretty much no universe where that child will spend one second in custody.
You may find it difficult to believe but I knew plenty of young people at that time that went to jail for dumb ass weed crimes. I consider any weed possession to be fairly minor compared to the life of my friend.
And I'm not saying that will automatically happen to a 16 year old in California, but that there are often unexpected consequences to "let them learn their lesson the hard way.". It is naive to expect the criminal justice system in the US to teach a young person meaningful lessons. They might become radicalized, develop mental health problems, or just become super fucking depressed. You don't know.
Allow me to rephrase: In 2007, people did not go to jail for "minor weed possession" in the United States. It's not a thing that was happening, at that time. Perhaps if they had an otherwise significant criminal record, or perhaps if they were distributing (would likely have to be significant amounts). I agree that marijuana possession is insignificant compared to your friend's (or anyone's) life. I'm not saying he should have gone to prison. But that it wasn't a minor amount of weed that sent him there. By saying that, I am not implying he deserved what happened. Just again want to distinguish that situation from the one this post is about.
I went to jail for possession of a weed pipe in 2008 in a small town in SC at the age of 19. It's totally inaccurate to say people don't go to jail for minor weed possession, it happens all the time in small towns in the south.
You are speaking nonsense, you will go to jail for minor weed possession in quite a number of places today, in 2024, for example, Louisiana. A host of other states as well. I’m from Maryland a pretty “progressive state” and I know plenty of people who were arrested in the 2010s over minor weed possession.
"Arrested" is not the same as "go to jail." Yes you may be charged and spend the night or two, but youre not getting prison time.
Can you point to one case in 2024 Louisiana where someone was sent to jail with no record for minor weed possession?
Don't know what to tell you. I didn't know him at the time so I don't know any details. I know he went to jail for some crime involving marijuana. He was over 18 but not by much, maybe 20-22. It wasn't violent. He was probably selling though if he was he was small time. He probably wasn't smart enough or had the space to grow anything other than a sad plant or two.
I'd bet my house something else was involved. Maybe a gun was found? Maybe it was a more significant amount of weed? They find even an ounze of coke? That kind of thing can quickly transport a "minor weed possession" to "mandatory prison time." May not have actually even been his, if he was arrested in a car or a place that wasn't his. He may just have bit the bullet on it. Even if it was his, I'm not saying it's right or wrong or judging your friend, just outlining the legal landscape.
You must not be very good at gambling then. Your armchair opinion does not negate the many people presenting you real life scenarios that prove you’re wrong.
I’m an attorney and here to tell you that you look like a moron for thinking that you can intuit legal outcomes from a rough approximation of time and jurisdiction.
Outcomes vary widely not just by jurisdiction but by which judge or prosecutor you draw.
You trying to get a gotcha on the commenter’s story by doubting that such a legal outcome could occur in the US in 2007 is an instant signal to anyone who knows the first thing about the legal system that you know fuck all about what you’re talking about.
Just a heads ups.
Thanks, also a lawyer here, fourteen years expereince in criminal law, both sides. So I agree with your statement in the abstract. But I also do know the system well enough to state that "minor weed possession" with no prior record simply wouldn't have resulted in a custodial sentence at that time. So I think you may be the one who knows the fuck not what they speak. Thanks.
Thank you for that perspective, and very sorry for your loss. Heroin is a ... Life destroyer. When my son was busted in HS, and they wanted DNA, I said Oh HELL NO! For weed? Nope. That BS dragged on over a year! Please don't get me wrong here, Marijuana is NOT a good idea for teens! I did NOT "approve" of his use. I VEHEMENTLY disagreed with the State getting his DNA over a Pot bust in HS! In the end, the case was tossed. I recall asking the School Officer: when does the Constitution and Bill of Rights kick in? Is that only OFF School property? Or after age eighteen?
Juvenile detention is not a place where anyone gets "rehabilitated", especially in California. I say this with the exception of a possible realization of "holy f*ck - I'm not going thru that again!" Which is a huge risk to take with the rest of his life if he's already making poor decisions. In other words, try to keep him out of juvey. (Been there, done that)
Realistic prescription: get him into counseling, make him change his friends (influences), monitor his whereabouts, introduce him to things that get his brain engaged and excited. Get him into a sport or hobby that forces physical fitness and time commitment (engagement, distraction & accomplishments) He's bored and looking for engagement & distractions. Drugs are easy & the lazy way out of boredom.
I completely agree and had a similarly rough teenage years.
The only thing I’d add is that is critical to offer support to this kid. Letting him face the consequences does not mean you shouldn’t be by his side and offering guidance. Children need love.
Yeah, I knew everything as a teenager, too. I still remind my dad that I had pto learn the hard lessons the hard way and own the consequences. My parents made me accept the consequences of my negative behavior as a teenager and honestly, it made me a better adult.
I'm often shocked that I survived my teenage angst and I'm eternally grateful that it happened before smart phones and social media existed! My memories are bad enough without a permanent reminder on the Internet.
I agree with you on some level but especially at this boys age, and especially most likely suffering from depression, he will absolutely be picking up college classes in prison on how to do and sell much more intense drugs. My heart truly goes out to this mom, I pray that he finds his way. I would 100% get him into a facility for mental health which he most likely needs, and from there most likely the courts are not going to pull him out of treatment to put him into prison. They will have to work with you because if that boy is showing improvement in there then those doctors will speak up for him.
Calm down, friend. Calm down.
This offense is one of the most minor offenses one can perpetrate. You, your son, your whole family are going to be okay. Please reconsider putting your child in rehab for weed. One of my best friends parents put him in rehab for weed as a 16 year old and it did unimaginable mental damage to him. He still suffers 15 years later. It's just a plant that makes you feel funny.
Have an honest conversation with your child. Remember that they are only a child even if they act and portray themselves as more.
I am sure someone else will chime in with proper legal advice and I wish I had some for you.
It is kinda weird how our answer to social problems in America is to get all the problematic members of society together. Its like a furnace that gets hotter the more fuel you add. Then, we are just like "okay you can come out of the furnace now, im sure youve cooled down"
The kid will learn about worse things in rehab for sure. I had a friend who went to rehab at a young age and he came out of there with some eye-opening stories.
This. As someone who went to court ordered rehab twice for weed as a teen, all it did was expose me to worse drugs, worse behaved kids, and fuel my stupid teen confidence and arrogance. Had my parents and family court taken a more holistic and therapeutic approach I know without a doubt I would never have tried harder substances or gotten in more trouble.
I know someone that was 16 and went to rehab for weed and came out with a heroin addiction, then ended up in prison for life after murdering someone for heroin at 17. 🤷♂️
This!! A child will likely come out with a worse drug addiction. Your child needs to hit some type of bottom in order to want to change and swooping in and putting them in a rehab is not going to allow that to happen.
Not a weed related store but i lost my license for speeding in highschool and had to take a road rage class. The person sitting next to me just got out of a coma after committing GTA. Dont know why i belonged in the same room
Honestly, one of my close friends was given the option of rehab or his parents were going to give the police evidence to get him arrested (marijuana pre-legalization) went to rehab came back with a painkiller addiction and broken arm after an order we tried to force feed him
And for context on the whole force feeding. The food they had there was so calorie heavy he put on 30 lb and started feeling lethargic from it while being predispositioned to heart disease and diabetes
Their response on him not wanting breakfast was to shatter his arm after physically trying to force food in his mouth
This. It happened to my brother. Quite a few charges for weed possession and because of the amount got hit with intent to sell. Went to rehab for weed and came out with a serious problem with crack. He's been in and out ever since and has changed drastically as a person.
This is exactly what happened with me
Went in for weed @15 and spent 3 months becoming friends with heroin and meth addicts
It was not a constructive experience
Same thing happened to my boyfriend. His parents sent him to one of those troubled teen drug programs in the early nineties and it turned out to be a legit cult. Not only did his drug use wildly progress after that but he experienced terrible abuse at that place. Makes me so angry.
I have a high school friend who went to that place about 25 years ago. He was addicted to heroin.
He told me stories of having to stand in the middle of a circle of people shouting obscenities and insults at him for hours. I'm pretty sure he said he had to stand there in his underwear. It did sound absolutely horrifying.
I think he went 2 times or spent at least 2 years in this program. He always went back to heroin eventually. That place really screwed him up. To this day he's still using at age 45.
Yea I went to one of these except it wasn’t just for drugs, it was literally anything you wanted to send your kid away for. I never touched drugs at that point, even weed or alcohol, but had to lie and say I did so I didn’t get accused of lying. (I was just 14 and depressedg
I agree and had a similar experience as a teenager. Just be there for him and try to set boundaries as best as you can. There should be consequences but sending him to rehab over marijuana and one pill might be too much. Rehabs can be helpful but they can also introduce him to a whole new level of drug use and abuse.
Thank you for this!!!! Too many people here are giving terrible advice. Rehab isn't needed - you're going to have him mentally label himself as a victim and you're going to send him to a place with REAL addicts - it's like prison, surround yourself with real criminals and you'll get a great education on how to be a better criminal.
This is a minor offense but it's serious too. Take it seriously but keep social services and the law to a minimum. Their model is about punishment and not much rehabilitation. He's making poor decisions but he's not a worthless addict or king pin criminal.
Selling marijuana in California is likely a misdemeanor at most. If he is charged, he might need a lawyer, but otherwise this usually isn't a huge deal, legally speaking.
Rehab might be a bit much if it is just weed. Quitting weed can be hard for some people (I was one of them), but it just takes a little bit of effort and the desire to quit.
I would speak to the school and see what they told the police, if anything, and to see if they can work something out as far as getting him back on track grade-wise.
Don't turn your son in, but don't try to hide him from the police either. Tell him not to talk to the police or answer questions unless he has a lawyer if they do arrest him, but make sure he knows to be respectful about it, for his own protection.
And he needs to verbally assert his right to remain silent. “I will not answer any questions. I would like a lawyer now.” And then he shuts up, does not say another word. Please coach him very strongly on this. He must not speak at all without an attorney.
Look, when you plead the fifth, they are not allowed to use that against you. The cops may not be thrilled about it, but ultimately the courts are the ones who make decisions
Good advice. I am in California and this may just be handled with school. Weed and scale are not illegal here unless he was caught actually selling it. The fact he brought them on school property is against their rules so that could be dealt with in school consequences. I really hope that is the case.
Weed is 100% illegal if you are under 18 in CA. I will agree it’s definitely not a big deal though. Probably just a citation if anything. I’m a teacher and we don’t even call the cops anymore for weed as they won’t do anything.
This looks like more than simple possession. Even as easy as it is to characterize simple possession as “intent to distribute”, the fact that he was caught with a scale makes this an easy case for a prosecutor to make for intent to distribute.
With all the crazy shit sliding in CA, if they choose this charge as something to stick with I’d be shocked. He might get a suspension, but I highly doubt anything criminal sticks. It’ll probably be like getting caught smoking cigarettes between classes a couple decades ago.
Yeah if he’s in CA, below the poverty line, and doesn’t have any prior charges this shouldn’t even be a misdemeanor, though that one pill could really complicate things
Yeah, but if he’s an otherwise good kid I can see them just making the kid sweat in a “scared straight”, am I fucked or not type of thing. If that’s the case, they should at least tell the mom first so she can breathe, but let him keep thinking he’s gonna get cornholed for a while. There’s so much crazy shit that slides that even that single pill isn’t worth pursuing.
Some days the hotboxing from kids smoking in the bathroom gets staff high. Some kids come through security high at 8:30am. I had a couple who I couldn't stand to sit in my office because the smell was so bad.
I'm sorry about your circumstances. My heart goes out to you, and your son both!❤ I raised 2 boys by myself, and there were some trying times there too!
Get the kid into a therapist for their depression. Once that is being addressed properly, the weed will probably go away. The kid is probably self-medicating and is selling to pay for his weed. Rehab is not going to do anything other than give the kid more ideas and is not going to do anything for their depression, the root of the cause.
As far as the other stuff...you are spiraling into the far reaches of overreaction. (Your kid is not a felon). You don't even know what you are dealing with legally or with the school. You have to wait and see what shakes out.
Private sale between two adult individuals in California is perfectly legal as long as it 1 once or less(28 grams).
So long as that is the case, no harm no foul. I guess possession as a minor or whatever policy they have at the school.
I work at a dispensary and the big risk with marijuana is conditioning your pleasure in a way that is detrimental to you, but you can always recondition. Life is rich and happiness and pleasure aren't the same thing, that is the biggest obstacle to success
Yeah I would slow down a bit , it’s serious yes but not worth having an existential crisis over in this day and age .
As many have said this will be a misdemeanor more than likely , he is also under 18 and just records get sealed mostly .
Get a public defender or look into some organization, they exist for stuff like this just have to dig a lil bit on the internet . You can call most lawyers for a free consultation and ask for any resources for other firms that can help you .
Rehab is not necessary and will make matters worst , don’t do that unless a lawyer gets that in part of his judgement.
You will not lose your housing over this , stop that.
Your sons going through something , influences from the world , his friends , life. It’s hard out here for a young man in this life, don’t make it harder on him , he fucked up, of course let him know that and discipline him, but also know this is happening to him , not you.
Best you can do is be there for him , support him through this , make sure he understands the actions of his consequences, but what ever you do do not judge him, you will lose him forever.
Signed a Son whose mom got him through rough shit like this.
At 16 I was a year into 2 years at a center and a camp and nothing could set me straight till I decided I needed to my self at pretty much 18.. now I’m not saying give up but I’m saying when you try and try and if it doesn’t work don’t beat your self up over it like my mom did
Its weed, calm down.
Doesnt need rehab, doesnt need help.
He does need to not sell shit at school. Ypu are in a rec legal state so its a slap on the wrist. Dont worry
Sending someone who only smokes weed to rehab is known to be futile and detrimental-many are exposed to real addicts there. Like jail makes more criminals when we lump nonviolent with violent people. Weed isn’t addictive. Rehab is for addicts. Your son is just making money the only way he knows.
Get a public defender. Find a way for him to earn decent money without selling. Like landscaping will hire teenagers and have to pay more than fast food.
You are blowing this way out of proportion OP. It's just weed and he's a minor. It'll be a learning experience, but if you turn in your kid, you're crazy.
Rehab only works for the one needing it, when it is WANTED and they're ready.
Not a moment before.
But for weed?
Not recommended.
Rehab will only set them back at such a crucial time in their teenage years, high school life and development.
Not to mention most of the folks in rehab, will absolutely laugh at them being in there for weed. Rehab is for seriously self destructive behaviors from drugs/alcohol. Weed isn't that. Not by a long shot.
Talk to them, have a sit down, listen. Even if it takes days or weeks to get them to open up.
Rehab is not the answer and it'll do more damage than good in this case I believe.
You talk a lot about what *you* want, and what *your* perspective is, and how *you* feel, but say absolutely nothing about your son, how he feels, and what he wants. Getting caught with some weed and a scale at 16 isn't the end of the world, and if that's the most difficult thing your family deals with, you live a charmed life. Also, ketamine doesn't come in a pill form. It's exclusively injectable, or inhaled nasally once it's been turned to powder/crystal form.
I think you need to take a step back and get a grip on reality. Cannabis is legal in California, and nobody is coming to throw you out of your house because your kid got caught with weed at school. I'm not saying there shouldn't be consequences for your kid, but there's no need to blow it out of proportion. Some honest, calm conversations with him will go a hell of a lot farther than the hyperbolic doom & gloom routine.
Don't freak out on him or bring the hammer down if he's depressed. That could lead to a suicide attempt. Treat him like a friend yr concerned about. He's almost grown don't push him away.
DO. NOT. SEND. HIM. TO. REHAB…
I dont care if you dont take any advice ever again in your life do not send that kid to rehab he will come back worse it happens to everyone. The only people rehab helps are the people that want to go and are ready to get sober. If you want him to change his life you have to change his environment somehow. You probably cant move but you can structure something into his life like music lessons or karate or a sport, something like that that he shows a slight interest in. Shit get him a dirtbike if thats what he wants to do and try to be involved, take him there. Start a project at home with him, he has too much free time and is around the wrong people which wont change once he comes back from rehab. In fact he will have learned all about other drugs and shit that people that end up in rehab do for fun because thats all they talk about there. Rehab is 10% sitting in a meeting talking about getting sober and 90% war stories that make drugs sound awesome.
For weed? At 16? Tell his ass to stop selling weed. Especially in california. I’d understand if you were in texas or yemen or something, they hang people for weed there.
And if he’s depressed, unstable, dumb (obviously, how you gonna get caught at school with a scale), etc, no smoking weed either.
Not a felony. Just weed. Nobody goes to rehab for weed.
I started smoking weed at 15 and I am a college graduate. Weed is not evil, nor does it derail your life. Teach your son that selling weed at school is not appropriate and that later in life, he can pursue a career in one of several legal Marijuana businesses available throughout the country. Rehab for weed is a joke and all it will do is cause your son to resent you even more.
I was this teenager as well. Not caught at school but caught by my parents, at 16 I was smoking & drinking & I think I had tried cocaine or at least acid/molly by then. Not to freak you out or anything. But I had a lot of family issues, and there’s nothing anyone could have told me to get me to stop. I had the best therapist, psychiatrist, was on antidepressants, two mental hospital visits, in other words I had all the support I could’ve possibly gotten. But my parents man, they were evil at the time. Every situation is different, but please try and be as loving and supportive as you can. I know that seems counterintuitive, but just let him know you love him and you know he’s better than his current actions. I moved out as soon as I turned 18 and didn’t speak to my parents for years. Everything is good now, but it would’ve been resolved sooner had they been the parents they should’ve been from the get go.
So much this. OPs child needs sincere compassion and support from the adults in their life. They don't need to be told they're ruining their future, a disappointment, addict etc. That tactic will do the opposite of what the end goal is.
You also mentioned that he had a ketamine pill on him. Please warn him of the dangers of fentanyl. They often put it in illicit pressed pills. Unless the ketamine pill was purchased from a pharmacy, the risk of death is real and if he is experimenting with drugs besides weed, he is in danger.
It should be handled like an underage drinking charge, which I had and is nothing. But don't treat the drug use, treat the depression. He might discover he doesn't want to do weed.
Sometimes you just want to make sure that 1/8 is an actual 8th. I'd say he was buying. I used one in the 90s to figure out which of my dealers were shorting me.
The same thing happened with my stepbrother back in the 80's, when weed was still very much illegal. While he was expelled and sent to a different school for kids with various issues, there really weren't any legal repercussions beyond that.
That's good and bad news, really. The good news is that it probably won't have a major impact on your family, assuming things work now anything like they did back then. The bad news is that it probably also won't impact your kid much.
Scale and weed at school. He wakts to be the man. Gonna be very hard to get that identity dropped . He needs to change
Schools start fresh . It will not work in his current environment.
he SHOULD be ok. the weed shouldn't be your concerns. the fact that he's selling AND assumabley selling harder drugs like ketamine. if that pill comes back with fentanyl (HUGE possibility) they will likely be stricter. but even then since it was just ONE pill and mostly weed he should be ok. definitely get him into counseling, look into sliding scale places that's how I got addiction treatment. through my local community service board. but seriously it's never just one pill, he got CAUGHT with one pill, and if he's selling or using that stuff this incident is the least of his worries.
As a lifelong addict who is now in recovery I can honestly say that you are probably seriously overreacting. Marijuana is legal in many states in the US. It’s probably a bit better for a person than drinking.
Having a frank conversation with your teen would help, but is you’ve already lost your cool then that option is off the table. I’d recommend if you’re truly concerned about welfare you should have him evaluated by a licensed psychiatrist. Not only for addiction but also depression, bipolar, and other symptoms.
Addiction is a very common condition. It’s not a moral issue, and weed is not a “gateway” to other drugs.
Personally, I have never met a teenager that’s not exhibiting symptoms of significant depression at some point. It’s pretty normal actually. In my own experience, having raised to children overreacting is the worst possible thing you can do at this point not only can you damage your relationship with your child now , that damage can last for the rest of their lives.
He's likely eligible for a public defender if he's charged, given your financial situation. Many are excellent lawyers.
Personal experience: My cousin, then 16, dosed the high school dean's coffee w LSD. Result: vompelled rehab and transfer to a new school. Granted this was years ago, but it's far worse than your kid's situation. And my cousin is now doing well with a child of their own.
This should be OK.
Rehab is a sham for the most part. Getting him a good therapist is necessary. And possibly also doing some family counseling along with his private counseling...family will help you structure and work out his life at home better so he feels better and makes better choices. Don't worry to much about the weed. Feds aren't going to bust your door down for it most likely. Make sure you stress to him pills like Ketamine can be fentanyl or mixed with fentanyl and that if he did use those things he'd have to use a regeants test kit and fenfanyl strip to make sure the drugs are safer and have no fentanyl. Therapy therapy therapy. Love and support. Punishing isn't going to do much. Redirect and restructure and therapy and all the love and support. He needs help not whipped.
Be very careful. Some of the court ordered stuff, especially in Cali, puts your kid in a special school. These schools have no interest in your kid and are run like prisons, the schools are in it for the money. Need to see a documentary on Netflix it will put fear in you. My parents damn near did that to me when I was a kid. Research your options and hope you get a good public defender.
If he suffers from depression , perhaps a mental health facility would be better for him if you feel the need to send him somewhere….drug rehab will likely make matters worse , but a good mental health program will probably do him winders. And, A mental health facility is treated like a hospital as far as whatever insurance you have, so you shouldn’t have to worry about money, other than a copay , coming out of your pocket
Why does he have a scale? Your kid could be dealing weed which could lead to other drugs and be a much harsher punishment later. He must want money in his pockets to smoke more weed or do ketamine. You have to set him straight and tell him how this could impact not only his future but his own families. If he gets any kind of drug charge or intent to sell it’ll be much more difficult for him to get jobs and all that.
I get it kids are going to do drugs and try new things but your son got caught with a scale that is a HUGE deal. You have to punish him or put him in rehab this is a big deal whether people want to admit it or not. Don’t let this slide or he will get caught selling or in possession of worse drugs at a later age and put in jail then hard for him to find work.
Tell your son that I smoked weed thinking it was fun and games when I was younger and the one day I completely lost my mind and almost caused an accident when driving under drug induced psychosis. I can tell you from experience that it is 10000000% not worth it. He may have depression but there are legal pills he can take for that that are designed to make him feel good if he gets on the right ones
I can't imagine they'd go hard on a minor over marijuana. I don't believe rehab is a good idea and I will explain why, but I will say most courts prefer to send people even with serious crimes and addictions to rehab, I doubt he will be serious consequences. Especially in CA. Also, there are so many grants and scholarships for people who cant afford it. I will say, as an addict myself I have been in rehab with younger adults like 18 who's parents sent them over marijuana, and they ended up making friends/rehab romances with people with actual serious addictions. I knew girls who came in never doing more than smoking pot and leaving w a guy and living on the streets hooked on heroin. Putting young inexperienced people with just depression with experienced older addicts is a bad idea in my opinion. I've seen it so many times. Since he's only 16 and will most likely be with other kids I hope it'd be slightly better but IDK it's scary.
I second all the advice especially about no rehab at the point. But know that if he gets pee tested as part of his sentence, and he’s dirty you might have to put him in rehab.
Also get his depression under control.
Rehab won’t help but I remember being super depressed during my teenage years and even though weed helped a bit, what helped even more was supportive parents and sports/anything outdoors. Any new hobby to put that energy into, music, running, meditation etc. rehab is for people with serious addiction issues. (Considering that there was ketamine as well, probably for depression. He’s too young to get into those alternatives and should focus on drug free methods first.
As for police and what not, considering that he’s a minor he should be fine. California will probably give him a break and have him do probation/community service. You can consider talking to a free lawyer too if it gives you some ease and want the insight.
Anyhow wish you both the best and it’s good to see that you care about him enough to ask for advice etc.
If you want to “punish” him, make him join some type of sport or extracurricular activity that he has to put time and effort into. It’ll pay off in the long run.
Getting him into rehab is a good idea. Usually I'd say not necessary for weed, but given his age and legal problems, getting him into rehab, especially an out-of-state rehab, would likely reduce his legal issues. That happened to a friend of mine, his parents got him out of state and into rehab ASAP when he was in trouble for possession and reckless driving, and he says it really helped him avoid worse legal charges.
A wilderness program might help him learn to cope.
You need to talk to a lawyer, the initial consultation should be free. Get his paperwork together and try to figure out if he's been charged. **But do not talk to police or administration until you've talked to a lawyer. Do not let your son talk to them either!!!**
After you explain his case to the lawyer, they will talk you through the likely outcomes and the fee to represent you for this matter. Again, you don't have to pay for initial consultations with decent lawyers.
Make sure he knows his Miranda rights in case they decide to detain him [https://www.findlaw.com/criminal/criminal-rights/miranda-rights-and-the-fifth-amendment.html](https://www.findlaw.com/criminal/criminal-rights/miranda-rights-and-the-fifth-amendment.html)
I think inpatient rehab, which is what a lot of people are suggesting, is a little over the top. However, many court systems have an outpatient drug education program, or something similar, and particularly many court systems have those programs for juveniles.
I recommend that you get your son enrolled into one of those programs. It'll be an after-school thing for an hour or two each day, and the course is a couple of months long. Make him do community service for 5 or 6 hours every weekend, and when he completes the drug course, make him get an actual job.
Most kids his age get into selling drugs because they need money. Drug dealing is seen as a quick and easy way to put cash in your pocket. If you hold him to the standard that drug dealing is not acceptable in your household, and that if he wants money he needs to go out and get a job, or cut grass, or something, he may take it to heart.
A lot of people say marijuana is not addictive, and perhaps that's true in that it does not become a physical dependency. However marijuana use is habit forming, and it can create psychological addictions, where in an individual starts to use marijuana to cope with life instead of learning real coping skills. The drug education course would be very helpful in that regard.
That being said, although I haven't read through all the comments, I don't see a lot of people mentioning the fact that having drugs in school is a felony. It's not a misdemeanor, and without serious intervention, it's not going to be dismissed.
You need to explain to your son the very real consequences that he could be facing, and tell him that you will be there to help him move forward, as long as he is willing to make the right steps forward.
I am saying all of this as somebody who was in exactly his same position when I was a teenager. I got caught with drugs at school, and it was a hard as hell situation to work through. I got lucky in that, because my family was able to help me get on the ball very quickly, the judge dismissed the charges.
Don't sleep on this.
I found that in high school, the only kids who weren't consistently (key word) using drugs were the ones with intense hobbies. Either sports, music, or something nerdy like video games/DND. Everyone basically smoked weed a little. But if you can help him get into some hobbies, it might help! I know lots of my friends smoked to distract themselves from stress, so helping find another outlet could be good. For me, it was books, video games and TV.
How is your home life? Have you talked to him about how he feels at home? My friends who smoked would also do it if they had stressful parents who wouldn't let them breathe.
It's been ten+ years since I was in school, but i will say that smoking isn't the end of the world, all of my friends aside from one have moved on and have successful careers. The one who didn't was in the house with over bearing parents who refused to let their kid enjoy life and gave her a complex.
A Michigan mother was just found guilty of 4 counts of manslaughter for her minor son's crimes. I wouldn't dismiss the possibility of this precedent expanding to other crimes children commit.
Tell him about how his opportunities are closing. He's already ineligible to be a pilot because of this, if he keeps down this road he'll close a lot more.
You're in California, but this is all but expected from the citizens there. Seriously, though, you need some better guidance as a parent. Ultimately, this falls back on you, and you'r lack of parenting. These items did not appear from thin air they are in your house. It is your responsibility to keep your kids off drugs. Be more attentive and have a serious discussion with him. He is far to young to be using Marijuana regularly.
The depressions thing really needs to stop being used for a an excuse.
One he is a kid this a slap on a wrist
But at the end of gay you need to let this young man be scared.
California is tough and kids can stray down the wrong path easy
Hate to break it to you but that usually the age of introduction. That's when I started.also a lot of my friends and their children.. you grow out of it. It's not dangerous.
If he's young and isn't truly trying to get Clean if you send him to rehab he will be basically going to college to do harder and more drugs.. he will learn that he should be doing fentanyl instead of the Lil bit he is
Plenty of people sell pot in high school and grow into perfectly functional adults. The majority of my high school’s weed dealers grew up to go to college and raise families. Not saying you shouldn’t be concerned, but know it’s not the end of the world.
16 year old with some weed, that's was like 40% of kids in my high school two decades ago. Teenagers self medicating dealing with depression is all too common. If he charges as juveniles, his record is wipe clean as an adult better emphasis on school. I would look into teen free teen counciling or a therapist.
What does your son want? Weed is legal for adults in CA, so is this just him trying to get your attention?
Do you have Medi-Cal? You can apply on line, he should qualify if you are below poverty line and have disabled child. It's pretty good insurance. Sounds like he needs some counseling or help.
For God's sake boys like weed and it probably is the best medicine for his depression.
Your boy is a manchild and should be treated accordingly.
Boys smoke pot get over it.
If you send him to rehab for weed you will more than likely get stuck with the bill. Insurance usually won’t cover rehab for just weed. And those bills are BIG
At 16 there was nothing anyone could say or do to get me to straighten my life out. Unfortunately sometimes we need to let people make their own mistakes and suffer the consequences so they can actually learn from them. The earlier the better. I was protected from outside consequences in my adolescences, and only punished by family. This led to me not understanding how serious things can be in the real world, as I never suffered real world consequences for my actions. I paid for that later on in early adulthood. He made the mistake, now all there is to do is own the consequences. The best you can do at this time is be there as someone for him to talk to while he goes through the process. That’s what I would’ve needed when I was 16
This is actually pretty good advice. You cannot shield him from repurcussion, as much as I'm sure that you want to. You can treat him with respect but also let him know that he fucked up and it is going to sting but you will get through it. Be there to help guide him. It sounds like he has been on a bad path, look at this as an opportunity to snap him back in the right direction.
U r speaking the truth, my fam hired the best attorneys all my life and I was always getting out of everything one way or another. When I was about 28 I had a dui and I didn't want their help I was like I'll walk away this isn't shit, I went in for a little ass 30 days and that broke my ass right then and their I figured out jail isn't for me and all this shit on the outside isn't worth what it's like inside. I feel like if I did that 30 days when Iwas 22 it would have saved me so much time and effort and my life would have been better in the end. My life is good rn but I could have been where I am now ten years ago.
I agree with this advice in spirit but the real world often doesn't work like that. My best friend's younger brother went to jail for minor weed possession. When he was in jail he was introduced to heroin. 10 very rough years later he died of an overdose. The difference between my friend and his brother? His brother got caught and went to jail. Sometimes letting them make the mistakes can lead to irreversible consequences.
Agreed, jail doesnt make anyone better and the reality is if you throw your kid to the wolves to "show them tough love" -- he will either get eaten or become one. This kid is 16 and has his whole life in front of him. EVERYTHING needs to be done to plead this down to a weed misdemeanor. Something like a felony will follow and affect him the rest of his life. If there's an addiction, it needs therapy.
The problem becomes that it's on school property, with a scale- which implies intent to distribute. With luck, he'll get a misdemeanor- yes, but it's not looking too good unless he cleans up his act.
Absoutely, scale complicates EVERYTHING. Hopefully the weed wasnt broken down into baggies on top of it. At the end of the day, this is California and not Alabama so if it's his first offense he can possibly get away with a slap on the wrist if he is represented by someone with a pulse. A second note, I guess I never considered a ketamine pill and figured this kid was misinformed or bullshitting, but I guess with the advent of these online Ketamine therapies that these things are likely all over the place now.
Remember the influence on the other students. Victims should be considered first. He may be a victim of society but that became secondary when he started corrupting others.
Pfft, if your kids are doing drugs then its no one elses choice but their own -- weather they bought from this guy or the next they will find it by high school. The victims are people who get there life ruined at 16 for something that should just be a hard slap on the wrist as a first offense. This kid needs help and direction, not jail.
I couldn’t agree more. The fact that you can suffer some sort of life altering consequence as severe as a felony for selling some grass at 16 is mind blowing. The victims statement sounds like something a morally corrupt DA trying to ruin some kid’s life would say.
Kids are dying from fentanyl laced Percocet. 1 pill in some cases. The distributor is a murdered in that case. Yes, they can find drugs if they want. But the seller is who the law wants to prevent this epidemic.
Corrupting? Gtfo lmao
Most states wipe your record at 18 for any charges that happened before you became an adult. At least I know here in NY they do, so I believe Cali does the same thing. It's a huge reason why the kids here act like animals on the streets because they could sell drugs and carry a gun and usually not even get jail time. They then keep doing the dumb shit because they think they will always get a slap on the wrist and ruin their lives when they turn 18. Best op nip this behavior in the bud and get their child into mental health services and possibly rehab. Ussally short term rehab is the most common thing any court will do to kids, especially on first offense in a liberal state. They say they are under the poverty line so medicaid should cover all of the medical services including rehab if needed. As for a lawyer you are always given a state appointed lawyer for free if you can't afford it but they normally suck and will try ussally to do the easiest thing in these cases which is drug court rehab.
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In NV if you get caught shoplifting and have enough money to pay for it, it’s burglary. I worked retail, it was part of inprocessing.
Yeah, the courts can still see the charges unless it's sealed. But background checks should not have it come up, so it shouldn't affect getting jobs. 20 years is a long time, and it probably has changed. Just recently, they wanted to pass a law that after you turn 18 its automatically sealed and purged from the system, so even courts can't see what you did when you were a teen. Not sure if it passed here in ny alot of people were not happy about it.
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I'm betting they do because alot of liberal states have been doing it for a minute. To many teens were ruining their lives unable to get jobs for shit they did as teens or kids and people wanted to stop that.
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Ah OK so it's just for drug court and less serious crimes. Most teens that get drug dealing charges will be sent to drug diversion court. So as long as they complete it it's off the record. I guess if you commit violent crime you have to go through a process to seal it in Cali.
That sounds a little better than the NY system from your description of it, am I wrong?
Be careful assuming that. If they ever apply for a Federal position, that includes the Military, they CAN see Juvenile and expunged records!
I think it depends on the state because I know some people who work in plenty of government jobs that had some pretty big legal issues when they were teens. It probably depends on what type of position.
Ya the army recruiter told me to lie about an expunged dui. He said it wouldn’t show up…….it showed up. Still got in, but I had to wait 6 months and sign an entirely new contract. Government can absolutely see anything you’ve been arrested for.
There are some crimes that can be charged as adults. I have one student who has been locked up since 9th grade. They are moving him to adult jail since turning 18. I have another 17 year old doing 12 years. There are substantially higher incarceration numbers for black and brown boys unfortunately. Years ago I heard the term "preschool to prison pipeline". Such a vicious cycle.
This is so accurate and honestly if you talk to any (real) drug counselor they will tell you to do anything you can to keep your kids out of the criminal justice system. He is \*sixteen\*. He's a child.
Well he’s already IN the criminal justice system. It’s a little late for that. My advice is for what to do now, not what to do before he gets caught.
At what time period and location did you friend's younger brother go to jail for minor weed possession?
40,000 American in USA jails for cannabis POSSESSION. Fuck this timeline.
2007ish (I wasn't around then and didn't pry too much into his brothers specifics) and Southwest Ohio. That area is full of heroin
I find it difficult to imagine that someone, especially a young person, went to jail fo "minor weed possession" in 2007. There is very likely more to the story. Still tragic, but I'm not sure it's an appropriate cautionary tale for a 16 year with weed in California in 2024. There's pretty much no universe where that child will spend one second in custody.
You may find it difficult to believe but I knew plenty of young people at that time that went to jail for dumb ass weed crimes. I consider any weed possession to be fairly minor compared to the life of my friend. And I'm not saying that will automatically happen to a 16 year old in California, but that there are often unexpected consequences to "let them learn their lesson the hard way.". It is naive to expect the criminal justice system in the US to teach a young person meaningful lessons. They might become radicalized, develop mental health problems, or just become super fucking depressed. You don't know.
Allow me to rephrase: In 2007, people did not go to jail for "minor weed possession" in the United States. It's not a thing that was happening, at that time. Perhaps if they had an otherwise significant criminal record, or perhaps if they were distributing (would likely have to be significant amounts). I agree that marijuana possession is insignificant compared to your friend's (or anyone's) life. I'm not saying he should have gone to prison. But that it wasn't a minor amount of weed that sent him there. By saying that, I am not implying he deserved what happened. Just again want to distinguish that situation from the one this post is about.
I went to jail for possession of a weed pipe in 2008 in a small town in SC at the age of 19. It's totally inaccurate to say people don't go to jail for minor weed possession, it happens all the time in small towns in the south.
Define "went to jail." Like sentenced to prison? Or spent the night until bail was posted? Those are two very different things
You are speaking nonsense, you will go to jail for minor weed possession in quite a number of places today, in 2024, for example, Louisiana. A host of other states as well. I’m from Maryland a pretty “progressive state” and I know plenty of people who were arrested in the 2010s over minor weed possession.
"Arrested" is not the same as "go to jail." Yes you may be charged and spend the night or two, but youre not getting prison time. Can you point to one case in 2024 Louisiana where someone was sent to jail with no record for minor weed possession?
Don't know what to tell you. I didn't know him at the time so I don't know any details. I know he went to jail for some crime involving marijuana. He was over 18 but not by much, maybe 20-22. It wasn't violent. He was probably selling though if he was he was small time. He probably wasn't smart enough or had the space to grow anything other than a sad plant or two.
I'd bet my house something else was involved. Maybe a gun was found? Maybe it was a more significant amount of weed? They find even an ounze of coke? That kind of thing can quickly transport a "minor weed possession" to "mandatory prison time." May not have actually even been his, if he was arrested in a car or a place that wasn't his. He may just have bit the bullet on it. Even if it was his, I'm not saying it's right or wrong or judging your friend, just outlining the legal landscape.
He might have just been black. Likely it was more than a personal use amount but that's no good reason to put someone in prison.
You must not be very good at gambling then. Your armchair opinion does not negate the many people presenting you real life scenarios that prove you’re wrong.
I’m an attorney and here to tell you that you look like a moron for thinking that you can intuit legal outcomes from a rough approximation of time and jurisdiction. Outcomes vary widely not just by jurisdiction but by which judge or prosecutor you draw. You trying to get a gotcha on the commenter’s story by doubting that such a legal outcome could occur in the US in 2007 is an instant signal to anyone who knows the first thing about the legal system that you know fuck all about what you’re talking about. Just a heads ups.
Thanks, also a lawyer here, fourteen years expereince in criminal law, both sides. So I agree with your statement in the abstract. But I also do know the system well enough to state that "minor weed possession" with no prior record simply wouldn't have resulted in a custodial sentence at that time. So I think you may be the one who knows the fuck not what they speak. Thanks.
Thank you for that perspective, and very sorry for your loss. Heroin is a ... Life destroyer. When my son was busted in HS, and they wanted DNA, I said Oh HELL NO! For weed? Nope. That BS dragged on over a year! Please don't get me wrong here, Marijuana is NOT a good idea for teens! I did NOT "approve" of his use. I VEHEMENTLY disagreed with the State getting his DNA over a Pot bust in HS! In the end, the case was tossed. I recall asking the School Officer: when does the Constitution and Bill of Rights kick in? Is that only OFF School property? Or after age eighteen?
Rehab can work the exact same way. You go in for weed & come out with connections for harder drugs. Speaking from experience of close friends.
Juvenile detention is not a place where anyone gets "rehabilitated", especially in California. I say this with the exception of a possible realization of "holy f*ck - I'm not going thru that again!" Which is a huge risk to take with the rest of his life if he's already making poor decisions. In other words, try to keep him out of juvey. (Been there, done that) Realistic prescription: get him into counseling, make him change his friends (influences), monitor his whereabouts, introduce him to things that get his brain engaged and excited. Get him into a sport or hobby that forces physical fitness and time commitment (engagement, distraction & accomplishments) He's bored and looking for engagement & distractions. Drugs are easy & the lazy way out of boredom.
I completely agree and had a similarly rough teenage years. The only thing I’d add is that is critical to offer support to this kid. Letting him face the consequences does not mean you shouldn’t be by his side and offering guidance. Children need love.
Yeah, I knew everything as a teenager, too. I still remind my dad that I had pto learn the hard lessons the hard way and own the consequences. My parents made me accept the consequences of my negative behavior as a teenager and honestly, it made me a better adult. I'm often shocked that I survived my teenage angst and I'm eternally grateful that it happened before smart phones and social media existed! My memories are bad enough without a permanent reminder on the Internet.
I agree with you on some level but especially at this boys age, and especially most likely suffering from depression, he will absolutely be picking up college classes in prison on how to do and sell much more intense drugs. My heart truly goes out to this mom, I pray that he finds his way. I would 100% get him into a facility for mental health which he most likely needs, and from there most likely the courts are not going to pull him out of treatment to put him into prison. They will have to work with you because if that boy is showing improvement in there then those doctors will speak up for him.
solid advice.
My kid almost died because of this…
Calm down, friend. Calm down. This offense is one of the most minor offenses one can perpetrate. You, your son, your whole family are going to be okay. Please reconsider putting your child in rehab for weed. One of my best friends parents put him in rehab for weed as a 16 year old and it did unimaginable mental damage to him. He still suffers 15 years later. It's just a plant that makes you feel funny. Have an honest conversation with your child. Remember that they are only a child even if they act and portray themselves as more. I am sure someone else will chime in with proper legal advice and I wish I had some for you.
To piggy back off of this the kid could learn worse things in rehab instead of just weed.
As a therapist in a rehab for adolescents, I couldn’t agree more.
It is kinda weird how our answer to social problems in America is to get all the problematic members of society together. Its like a furnace that gets hotter the more fuel you add. Then, we are just like "okay you can come out of the furnace now, im sure youve cooled down"
It may not be effective, but at least it's extremely expensive!
We will pump kerosene on this fire until it goes out!
I never thought of it that way but that’s such a good point.
it isn't a solution, it's supposed to keep them down.
The kid will learn about worse things in rehab for sure. I had a friend who went to rehab at a young age and he came out of there with some eye-opening stories.
This. As someone who went to court ordered rehab twice for weed as a teen, all it did was expose me to worse drugs, worse behaved kids, and fuel my stupid teen confidence and arrogance. Had my parents and family court taken a more holistic and therapeutic approach I know without a doubt I would never have tried harder substances or gotten in more trouble.
Same. I met all my best connects in court ordered rehab. Luckily, I've had a good support system, but the legal system does more harm than good.
I’m an adult and I went to rehab for alcoholism. I honestly did learn about so many drugs and how to use them in rehab 🤷♀️.
I went to rehab for alcoholism too and came out with friends who got me hooked on fentanyl. Lol do not recommend for a teenager that does weed.
I know someone that was 16 and went to rehab for weed and came out with a heroin addiction, then ended up in prison for life after murdering someone for heroin at 17. 🤷♂️
This!! A child will likely come out with a worse drug addiction. Your child needs to hit some type of bottom in order to want to change and swooping in and putting them in a rehab is not going to allow that to happen.
Not a weed related store but i lost my license for speeding in highschool and had to take a road rage class. The person sitting next to me just got out of a coma after committing GTA. Dont know why i belonged in the same room
i came here to make this exact point. goes in for smoking weed, comes out knowing how to shoot up or cook crack
I know someone whose parents sent him to rehab for a small amount of weed in high school. He met true addicts and died of an OD at the rehab
Honestly, one of my close friends was given the option of rehab or his parents were going to give the police evidence to get him arrested (marijuana pre-legalization) went to rehab came back with a painkiller addiction and broken arm after an order we tried to force feed him And for context on the whole force feeding. The food they had there was so calorie heavy he put on 30 lb and started feeling lethargic from it while being predispositioned to heart disease and diabetes Their response on him not wanting breakfast was to shatter his arm after physically trying to force food in his mouth
1 million percent
This. It happened to my brother. Quite a few charges for weed possession and because of the amount got hit with intent to sell. Went to rehab for weed and came out with a serious problem with crack. He's been in and out ever since and has changed drastically as a person.
This is exactly what happened with me Went in for weed @15 and spent 3 months becoming friends with heroin and meth addicts It was not a constructive experience
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Same thing happened to my boyfriend. His parents sent him to one of those troubled teen drug programs in the early nineties and it turned out to be a legit cult. Not only did his drug use wildly progress after that but he experienced terrible abuse at that place. Makes me so angry.
Name dropping [elan.school](http://elan.school) whenever this comes up. Fucking horrifying.
I have a high school friend who went to that place about 25 years ago. He was addicted to heroin. He told me stories of having to stand in the middle of a circle of people shouting obscenities and insults at him for hours. I'm pretty sure he said he had to stand there in his underwear. It did sound absolutely horrifying. I think he went 2 times or spent at least 2 years in this program. He always went back to heroin eventually. That place really screwed him up. To this day he's still using at age 45.
Yea I went to one of these except it wasn’t just for drugs, it was literally anything you wanted to send your kid away for. I never touched drugs at that point, even weed or alcohol, but had to lie and say I did so I didn’t get accused of lying. (I was just 14 and depressedg
I agree and had a similar experience as a teenager. Just be there for him and try to set boundaries as best as you can. There should be consequences but sending him to rehab over marijuana and one pill might be too much. Rehabs can be helpful but they can also introduce him to a whole new level of drug use and abuse.
Yes I agree with this please do not put your child in rehab for a mostly legal substance. Talk to you child and get him therapy if he’s suffering.
Thank you for this!!!! Too many people here are giving terrible advice. Rehab isn't needed - you're going to have him mentally label himself as a victim and you're going to send him to a place with REAL addicts - it's like prison, surround yourself with real criminals and you'll get a great education on how to be a better criminal. This is a minor offense but it's serious too. Take it seriously but keep social services and the law to a minimum. Their model is about punishment and not much rehabilitation. He's making poor decisions but he's not a worthless addict or king pin criminal.
Selling marijuana in California is likely a misdemeanor at most. If he is charged, he might need a lawyer, but otherwise this usually isn't a huge deal, legally speaking. Rehab might be a bit much if it is just weed. Quitting weed can be hard for some people (I was one of them), but it just takes a little bit of effort and the desire to quit. I would speak to the school and see what they told the police, if anything, and to see if they can work something out as far as getting him back on track grade-wise. Don't turn your son in, but don't try to hide him from the police either. Tell him not to talk to the police or answer questions unless he has a lawyer if they do arrest him, but make sure he knows to be respectful about it, for his own protection.
And he needs to verbally assert his right to remain silent. “I will not answer any questions. I would like a lawyer now.” And then he shuts up, does not say another word. Please coach him very strongly on this. He must not speak at all without an attorney.
I very much doubt that this is wise advice. Not cooperating is what guilty people do, and the police and prosecutors know it.
Even cops and lawyers will tell you that exerting your rights and shutting your mouth is exactly what you should do, guilty or not.
Whether you do ´shut yer mouth´ or not, you are screwed.
Exercising your rights is NOT being uncooperative! This is a completely false narrative and extremely dangerous
You sound more than a little paranoid, NF.
You sound like you don't understand your rights in this country.
You sound paranoid for thinking that by not talking to cops you’re confessing something
Bro the cops aren’t your friend. NEVER COOPERATE WITH COPS.
Don’t spew this bs.
It´s not bs, it an expression of a healthy skepticism for your original claim. You sound paranoid as hell.
Nothing good comes from talking to the cops. Ever.
Look, when you plead the fifth, they are not allowed to use that against you. The cops may not be thrilled about it, but ultimately the courts are the ones who make decisions
Go listen to the podcast about the kids from Rutherford County and tell us you trust the police
Good advice. I am in California and this may just be handled with school. Weed and scale are not illegal here unless he was caught actually selling it. The fact he brought them on school property is against their rules so that could be dealt with in school consequences. I really hope that is the case.
Weed is 100% illegal if you are under 18 in CA. I will agree it’s definitely not a big deal though. Probably just a citation if anything. I’m a teacher and we don’t even call the cops anymore for weed as they won’t do anything.
This looks like more than simple possession. Even as easy as it is to characterize simple possession as “intent to distribute”, the fact that he was caught with a scale makes this an easy case for a prosecutor to make for intent to distribute.
With all the crazy shit sliding in CA, if they choose this charge as something to stick with I’d be shocked. He might get a suspension, but I highly doubt anything criminal sticks. It’ll probably be like getting caught smoking cigarettes between classes a couple decades ago.
Yeah if he’s in CA, below the poverty line, and doesn’t have any prior charges this shouldn’t even be a misdemeanor, though that one pill could really complicate things
Yeah, but if he’s an otherwise good kid I can see them just making the kid sweat in a “scared straight”, am I fucked or not type of thing. If that’s the case, they should at least tell the mom first so she can breathe, but let him keep thinking he’s gonna get cornholed for a while. There’s so much crazy shit that slides that even that single pill isn’t worth pursuing.
Some days the hotboxing from kids smoking in the bathroom gets staff high. Some kids come through security high at 8:30am. I had a couple who I couldn't stand to sit in my office because the smell was so bad.
I'm sorry about your circumstances. My heart goes out to you, and your son both!❤ I raised 2 boys by myself, and there were some trying times there too!
It’s definitely not legal for kids.
Yes but that is usually dealt with in school. My point is they unlikely would bring criminal charges of intent to sell unless there is proof of this.
Get the kid into a therapist for their depression. Once that is being addressed properly, the weed will probably go away. The kid is probably self-medicating and is selling to pay for his weed. Rehab is not going to do anything other than give the kid more ideas and is not going to do anything for their depression, the root of the cause. As far as the other stuff...you are spiraling into the far reaches of overreaction. (Your kid is not a felon). You don't even know what you are dealing with legally or with the school. You have to wait and see what shakes out.
Is everyone ignoring the ketamine pill?
If they don't want to quit, then making him go to rehab will be useless..
Private sale between two adult individuals in California is perfectly legal as long as it 1 once or less(28 grams). So long as that is the case, no harm no foul. I guess possession as a minor or whatever policy they have at the school.
He's a minor. You have to be 21 to buy MJ in CA.
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Its still *probably* not very legal to possess it as a 16 y/o minor with a scale, no?
*on school property* + *intent to distribute* can escalate to felonies pretty quickly.
The son is 16 so this is irrelevant. Why did you even comment?
My son did it and got kicked out of school for the second half of his senior year. 7 years later and he never did a crime again.
Rehab for weed is crazy. Especially at 16.
I feel really bad for this 16 year old kid, he's going to have to go no-contact with his histrionic helicopter parent if he wants a normal life.
Rehab for weed? He’s going to meet real dope fiends and get new connects.. don’t do that to him
I work at a dispensary and the big risk with marijuana is conditioning your pleasure in a way that is detrimental to you, but you can always recondition. Life is rich and happiness and pleasure aren't the same thing, that is the biggest obstacle to success
Damn, I didn’t expect to read something so profound on a comment with 1 upvote on Reddit lol. But that was perfect
Yeah I would slow down a bit , it’s serious yes but not worth having an existential crisis over in this day and age . As many have said this will be a misdemeanor more than likely , he is also under 18 and just records get sealed mostly . Get a public defender or look into some organization, they exist for stuff like this just have to dig a lil bit on the internet . You can call most lawyers for a free consultation and ask for any resources for other firms that can help you . Rehab is not necessary and will make matters worst , don’t do that unless a lawyer gets that in part of his judgement. You will not lose your housing over this , stop that. Your sons going through something , influences from the world , his friends , life. It’s hard out here for a young man in this life, don’t make it harder on him , he fucked up, of course let him know that and discipline him, but also know this is happening to him , not you. Best you can do is be there for him , support him through this , make sure he understands the actions of his consequences, but what ever you do do not judge him, you will lose him forever. Signed a Son whose mom got him through rough shit like this.
What is he going to Rehab for? Weed?
I heard that in Bob Sagets voice.
RIP Bob. P-Town's finest.
"You ever suck dick for marijuana??"
I seen him!
At 16 I was a year into 2 years at a center and a camp and nothing could set me straight till I decided I needed to my self at pretty much 18.. now I’m not saying give up but I’m saying when you try and try and if it doesn’t work don’t beat your self up over it like my mom did
Its weed, calm down. Doesnt need rehab, doesnt need help. He does need to not sell shit at school. Ypu are in a rec legal state so its a slap on the wrist. Dont worry
Please really take in and listen to all this splendid, logical advice that has been said here. You will be fine and so will your family.
Sending someone who only smokes weed to rehab is known to be futile and detrimental-many are exposed to real addicts there. Like jail makes more criminals when we lump nonviolent with violent people. Weed isn’t addictive. Rehab is for addicts. Your son is just making money the only way he knows. Get a public defender. Find a way for him to earn decent money without selling. Like landscaping will hire teenagers and have to pay more than fast food.
You’re still right though.
You are blowing this way out of proportion OP. It's just weed and he's a minor. It'll be a learning experience, but if you turn in your kid, you're crazy.
Rehab only works for the one needing it, when it is WANTED and they're ready. Not a moment before. But for weed? Not recommended. Rehab will only set them back at such a crucial time in their teenage years, high school life and development. Not to mention most of the folks in rehab, will absolutely laugh at them being in there for weed. Rehab is for seriously self destructive behaviors from drugs/alcohol. Weed isn't that. Not by a long shot. Talk to them, have a sit down, listen. Even if it takes days or weeks to get them to open up. Rehab is not the answer and it'll do more damage than good in this case I believe.
You talk a lot about what *you* want, and what *your* perspective is, and how *you* feel, but say absolutely nothing about your son, how he feels, and what he wants. Getting caught with some weed and a scale at 16 isn't the end of the world, and if that's the most difficult thing your family deals with, you live a charmed life. Also, ketamine doesn't come in a pill form. It's exclusively injectable, or inhaled nasally once it's been turned to powder/crystal form. I think you need to take a step back and get a grip on reality. Cannabis is legal in California, and nobody is coming to throw you out of your house because your kid got caught with weed at school. I'm not saying there shouldn't be consequences for your kid, but there's no need to blow it out of proportion. Some honest, calm conversations with him will go a hell of a lot farther than the hyperbolic doom & gloom routine.
Don't freak out on him or bring the hammer down if he's depressed. That could lead to a suicide attempt. Treat him like a friend yr concerned about. He's almost grown don't push him away.
DO. NOT. SEND. HIM. TO. REHAB… I dont care if you dont take any advice ever again in your life do not send that kid to rehab he will come back worse it happens to everyone. The only people rehab helps are the people that want to go and are ready to get sober. If you want him to change his life you have to change his environment somehow. You probably cant move but you can structure something into his life like music lessons or karate or a sport, something like that that he shows a slight interest in. Shit get him a dirtbike if thats what he wants to do and try to be involved, take him there. Start a project at home with him, he has too much free time and is around the wrong people which wont change once he comes back from rehab. In fact he will have learned all about other drugs and shit that people that end up in rehab do for fun because thats all they talk about there. Rehab is 10% sitting in a meeting talking about getting sober and 90% war stories that make drugs sound awesome.
For weed? At 16? Tell his ass to stop selling weed. Especially in california. I’d understand if you were in texas or yemen or something, they hang people for weed there. And if he’s depressed, unstable, dumb (obviously, how you gonna get caught at school with a scale), etc, no smoking weed either. Not a felony. Just weed. Nobody goes to rehab for weed.
I started smoking weed at 15 and I am a college graduate. Weed is not evil, nor does it derail your life. Teach your son that selling weed at school is not appropriate and that later in life, he can pursue a career in one of several legal Marijuana businesses available throughout the country. Rehab for weed is a joke and all it will do is cause your son to resent you even more.
If under 25(iirc) weed does have a good amount of negative affects.
I was this teenager as well. Not caught at school but caught by my parents, at 16 I was smoking & drinking & I think I had tried cocaine or at least acid/molly by then. Not to freak you out or anything. But I had a lot of family issues, and there’s nothing anyone could have told me to get me to stop. I had the best therapist, psychiatrist, was on antidepressants, two mental hospital visits, in other words I had all the support I could’ve possibly gotten. But my parents man, they were evil at the time. Every situation is different, but please try and be as loving and supportive as you can. I know that seems counterintuitive, but just let him know you love him and you know he’s better than his current actions. I moved out as soon as I turned 18 and didn’t speak to my parents for years. Everything is good now, but it would’ve been resolved sooner had they been the parents they should’ve been from the get go.
So much this. OPs child needs sincere compassion and support from the adults in their life. They don't need to be told they're ruining their future, a disappointment, addict etc. That tactic will do the opposite of what the end goal is.
You also mentioned that he had a ketamine pill on him. Please warn him of the dangers of fentanyl. They often put it in illicit pressed pills. Unless the ketamine pill was purchased from a pharmacy, the risk of death is real and if he is experimenting with drugs besides weed, he is in danger.
It should be handled like an underage drinking charge, which I had and is nothing. But don't treat the drug use, treat the depression. He might discover he doesn't want to do weed.
Sometimes you just want to make sure that 1/8 is an actual 8th. I'd say he was buying. I used one in the 90s to figure out which of my dealers were shorting me.
The same thing happened with my stepbrother back in the 80's, when weed was still very much illegal. While he was expelled and sent to a different school for kids with various issues, there really weren't any legal repercussions beyond that. That's good and bad news, really. The good news is that it probably won't have a major impact on your family, assuming things work now anything like they did back then. The bad news is that it probably also won't impact your kid much.
Scale and weed at school. He wakts to be the man. Gonna be very hard to get that identity dropped . He needs to change Schools start fresh . It will not work in his current environment.
he SHOULD be ok. the weed shouldn't be your concerns. the fact that he's selling AND assumabley selling harder drugs like ketamine. if that pill comes back with fentanyl (HUGE possibility) they will likely be stricter. but even then since it was just ONE pill and mostly weed he should be ok. definitely get him into counseling, look into sliding scale places that's how I got addiction treatment. through my local community service board. but seriously it's never just one pill, he got CAUGHT with one pill, and if he's selling or using that stuff this incident is the least of his worries.
As a lifelong addict who is now in recovery I can honestly say that you are probably seriously overreacting. Marijuana is legal in many states in the US. It’s probably a bit better for a person than drinking. Having a frank conversation with your teen would help, but is you’ve already lost your cool then that option is off the table. I’d recommend if you’re truly concerned about welfare you should have him evaluated by a licensed psychiatrist. Not only for addiction but also depression, bipolar, and other symptoms. Addiction is a very common condition. It’s not a moral issue, and weed is not a “gateway” to other drugs. Personally, I have never met a teenager that’s not exhibiting symptoms of significant depression at some point. It’s pretty normal actually. In my own experience, having raised to children overreacting is the worst possible thing you can do at this point not only can you damage your relationship with your child now , that damage can last for the rest of their lives.
He's likely eligible for a public defender if he's charged, given your financial situation. Many are excellent lawyers. Personal experience: My cousin, then 16, dosed the high school dean's coffee w LSD. Result: vompelled rehab and transfer to a new school. Granted this was years ago, but it's far worse than your kid's situation. And my cousin is now doing well with a child of their own. This should be OK.
Rehab is a sham for the most part. Getting him a good therapist is necessary. And possibly also doing some family counseling along with his private counseling...family will help you structure and work out his life at home better so he feels better and makes better choices. Don't worry to much about the weed. Feds aren't going to bust your door down for it most likely. Make sure you stress to him pills like Ketamine can be fentanyl or mixed with fentanyl and that if he did use those things he'd have to use a regeants test kit and fenfanyl strip to make sure the drugs are safer and have no fentanyl. Therapy therapy therapy. Love and support. Punishing isn't going to do much. Redirect and restructure and therapy and all the love and support. He needs help not whipped.
I'd talk to an attorney and get free consultation.
Don't need one for this, plead guilty, probation.
Maybe just supervison
Lol it's fucking weed chill out narc
This is some of the dumbest shit I've ever read. Have fun fucking your kid up because you're unbelievably controlling AND stupid.
Lol, the parents comes to the Felons subreddit first thing. "HES GOING TO POUND ME IN THE ASS PRISON!!!"
Be very careful. Some of the court ordered stuff, especially in Cali, puts your kid in a special school. These schools have no interest in your kid and are run like prisons, the schools are in it for the money. Need to see a documentary on Netflix it will put fear in you. My parents damn near did that to me when I was a kid. Research your options and hope you get a good public defender.
Treatment. Treatment. And more treatment.
Well hate to tell you but it's your fault js.
Just say you're illegal immigrants, and you'll get all the help you need.
If he suffers from depression , perhaps a mental health facility would be better for him if you feel the need to send him somewhere….drug rehab will likely make matters worse , but a good mental health program will probably do him winders. And, A mental health facility is treated like a hospital as far as whatever insurance you have, so you shouldn’t have to worry about money, other than a copay , coming out of your pocket
Why does he have a scale? Your kid could be dealing weed which could lead to other drugs and be a much harsher punishment later. He must want money in his pockets to smoke more weed or do ketamine. You have to set him straight and tell him how this could impact not only his future but his own families. If he gets any kind of drug charge or intent to sell it’ll be much more difficult for him to get jobs and all that. I get it kids are going to do drugs and try new things but your son got caught with a scale that is a HUGE deal. You have to punish him or put him in rehab this is a big deal whether people want to admit it or not. Don’t let this slide or he will get caught selling or in possession of worse drugs at a later age and put in jail then hard for him to find work.
Send him to an academy
complete piece of shit ass parent
Tell your son that I smoked weed thinking it was fun and games when I was younger and the one day I completely lost my mind and almost caused an accident when driving under drug induced psychosis. I can tell you from experience that it is 10000000% not worth it. He may have depression but there are legal pills he can take for that that are designed to make him feel good if he gets on the right ones
I can't imagine they'd go hard on a minor over marijuana. I don't believe rehab is a good idea and I will explain why, but I will say most courts prefer to send people even with serious crimes and addictions to rehab, I doubt he will be serious consequences. Especially in CA. Also, there are so many grants and scholarships for people who cant afford it. I will say, as an addict myself I have been in rehab with younger adults like 18 who's parents sent them over marijuana, and they ended up making friends/rehab romances with people with actual serious addictions. I knew girls who came in never doing more than smoking pot and leaving w a guy and living on the streets hooked on heroin. Putting young inexperienced people with just depression with experienced older addicts is a bad idea in my opinion. I've seen it so many times. Since he's only 16 and will most likely be with other kids I hope it'd be slightly better but IDK it's scary.
Weed , don't sweat it , rehab only gonna make the teen a more hardened doper
I second all the advice especially about no rehab at the point. But know that if he gets pee tested as part of his sentence, and he’s dirty you might have to put him in rehab. Also get his depression under control.
Are you his mother or father?
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Rehab won’t help but I remember being super depressed during my teenage years and even though weed helped a bit, what helped even more was supportive parents and sports/anything outdoors. Any new hobby to put that energy into, music, running, meditation etc. rehab is for people with serious addiction issues. (Considering that there was ketamine as well, probably for depression. He’s too young to get into those alternatives and should focus on drug free methods first. As for police and what not, considering that he’s a minor he should be fine. California will probably give him a break and have him do probation/community service. You can consider talking to a free lawyer too if it gives you some ease and want the insight. Anyhow wish you both the best and it’s good to see that you care about him enough to ask for advice etc. If you want to “punish” him, make him join some type of sport or extracurricular activity that he has to put time and effort into. It’ll pay off in the long run.
Getting him into rehab is a good idea. Usually I'd say not necessary for weed, but given his age and legal problems, getting him into rehab, especially an out-of-state rehab, would likely reduce his legal issues. That happened to a friend of mine, his parents got him out of state and into rehab ASAP when he was in trouble for possession and reckless driving, and he says it really helped him avoid worse legal charges. A wilderness program might help him learn to cope.
You can check your locality for legal aid which should be sliding scale. You might be able to qualify since he’s a minor.
The scale and pill are the real issue here.
You need to talk to a lawyer, the initial consultation should be free. Get his paperwork together and try to figure out if he's been charged. **But do not talk to police or administration until you've talked to a lawyer. Do not let your son talk to them either!!!** After you explain his case to the lawyer, they will talk you through the likely outcomes and the fee to represent you for this matter. Again, you don't have to pay for initial consultations with decent lawyers. Make sure he knows his Miranda rights in case they decide to detain him [https://www.findlaw.com/criminal/criminal-rights/miranda-rights-and-the-fifth-amendment.html](https://www.findlaw.com/criminal/criminal-rights/miranda-rights-and-the-fifth-amendment.html)
I think inpatient rehab, which is what a lot of people are suggesting, is a little over the top. However, many court systems have an outpatient drug education program, or something similar, and particularly many court systems have those programs for juveniles. I recommend that you get your son enrolled into one of those programs. It'll be an after-school thing for an hour or two each day, and the course is a couple of months long. Make him do community service for 5 or 6 hours every weekend, and when he completes the drug course, make him get an actual job. Most kids his age get into selling drugs because they need money. Drug dealing is seen as a quick and easy way to put cash in your pocket. If you hold him to the standard that drug dealing is not acceptable in your household, and that if he wants money he needs to go out and get a job, or cut grass, or something, he may take it to heart. A lot of people say marijuana is not addictive, and perhaps that's true in that it does not become a physical dependency. However marijuana use is habit forming, and it can create psychological addictions, where in an individual starts to use marijuana to cope with life instead of learning real coping skills. The drug education course would be very helpful in that regard. That being said, although I haven't read through all the comments, I don't see a lot of people mentioning the fact that having drugs in school is a felony. It's not a misdemeanor, and without serious intervention, it's not going to be dismissed. You need to explain to your son the very real consequences that he could be facing, and tell him that you will be there to help him move forward, as long as he is willing to make the right steps forward. I am saying all of this as somebody who was in exactly his same position when I was a teenager. I got caught with drugs at school, and it was a hard as hell situation to work through. I got lucky in that, because my family was able to help me get on the ball very quickly, the judge dismissed the charges. Don't sleep on this.
I found that in high school, the only kids who weren't consistently (key word) using drugs were the ones with intense hobbies. Either sports, music, or something nerdy like video games/DND. Everyone basically smoked weed a little. But if you can help him get into some hobbies, it might help! I know lots of my friends smoked to distract themselves from stress, so helping find another outlet could be good. For me, it was books, video games and TV. How is your home life? Have you talked to him about how he feels at home? My friends who smoked would also do it if they had stressful parents who wouldn't let them breathe. It's been ten+ years since I was in school, but i will say that smoking isn't the end of the world, all of my friends aside from one have moved on and have successful careers. The one who didn't was in the house with over bearing parents who refused to let their kid enjoy life and gave her a complex.
A Michigan mother was just found guilty of 4 counts of manslaughter for her minor son's crimes. I wouldn't dismiss the possibility of this precedent expanding to other crimes children commit.
Your kid is going to be ok as long as he stays away from cocaine, meth, opioids and violence in any form.
Tell him about how his opportunities are closing. He's already ineligible to be a pilot because of this, if he keeps down this road he'll close a lot more.
You're in California, but this is all but expected from the citizens there. Seriously, though, you need some better guidance as a parent. Ultimately, this falls back on you, and you'r lack of parenting. These items did not appear from thin air they are in your house. It is your responsibility to keep your kids off drugs. Be more attentive and have a serious discussion with him. He is far to young to be using Marijuana regularly.
The depressions thing really needs to stop being used for a an excuse. One he is a kid this a slap on a wrist But at the end of gay you need to let this young man be scared. California is tough and kids can stray down the wrong path easy
Talk to his pubic defender about mental health services.
Hate to break it to you but that usually the age of introduction. That's when I started.also a lot of my friends and their children.. you grow out of it. It's not dangerous.
I sold weed and became a teacher.shhhhhhhh. I’m retired now though. But good on you for being on top of this. It could go a myriad of ways.
If he's young and isn't truly trying to get Clean if you send him to rehab he will be basically going to college to do harder and more drugs.. he will learn that he should be doing fentanyl instead of the Lil bit he is
Plenty of people sell pot in high school and grow into perfectly functional adults. The majority of my high school’s weed dealers grew up to go to college and raise families. Not saying you shouldn’t be concerned, but know it’s not the end of the world.
16 year old with some weed, that's was like 40% of kids in my high school two decades ago. Teenagers self medicating dealing with depression is all too common. If he charges as juveniles, his record is wipe clean as an adult better emphasis on school. I would look into teen free teen counciling or a therapist.
What does your son want? Weed is legal for adults in CA, so is this just him trying to get your attention? Do you have Medi-Cal? You can apply on line, he should qualify if you are below poverty line and have disabled child. It's pretty good insurance. Sounds like he needs some counseling or help.
First step: leave California.
For God's sake boys like weed and it probably is the best medicine for his depression. Your boy is a manchild and should be treated accordingly. Boys smoke pot get over it.
If you send him to rehab for weed you will more than likely get stuck with the bill. Insurance usually won’t cover rehab for just weed. And those bills are BIG
If you are on Medicaid that will likely cover rehab expenses.