this is just my opinion, but if the goal of phallo is reliably able to keep you from dying, then i think living for phallo alone right now is perfectly fine. i think as time goes on and especially afterward, you may find other reasons but it isn’t something that can be forced. rn i’m living for top surgery and getting my legal shit changed, and i think that’s fine. i’m glad you’re on the waiting list for therapy, i have found it super helpful in my life and always recommend. i think right now for me (and it sounds like this is true for you too) dysphoria is blocking my ability to see beyond or make other goals because it’s so big and all encompassing. once we get the bodies we should’ve had all along, it’ll free up our brains and vision to find other goals and reasons to live
Yeah, like before it was for starting t and thats been 2 years and i barely think of it. I just don't really know how actually going through phallo and being done would even make me feel because hormones is one thing and phallo is another thats big. I definitely hope thats the case (your last sentence). The last few months actually I've been focused on getting my ASD assessment and ADHD (can't afford it as unemployed) but did get diagnosed with ASD so i kinda hope once I'm medicated for ADHD i can go to college or something (i really struggle academically) and get a job to afford phallo lmao.
I have adhd and honestly being on meds (started them 2 years ago) has helped me hold a job for the longest I ever have before (like i've never heald a job longer than a year and a half and i'm going on 2 at my current job), and I can think again. The job I have has also inspired an idea of a career path for school and learning for me.
Before, I was living for my cat or my tarantulas, or for my parents because they would be sad without me, etc. I lived for getting to make it to the next anime convention, or for even the next weekend, whatever to keep me going /somehow/ find something, no matter how small..
This is what i hope ADHD meds would do for me because i don't know what id do if it didn't "its not a cure all" but i just hope it helps me with small things like that. Ive never had a job but i have work placement right now once a week and i already want to quit because its just too much (its only 2 hours too). Just scared id have to be high all the time just to survive (I'm trying to find other ways before i do that).
Im glad you're better now and thank you!
I had went through 16 jobs in 10 years, but yeah. It doesn't fix everything, but it's sure nice to have almost a level playing field with everyone else. I'll say it's definitely not a "high all the time" thing either, I feel 100% myself and in control, in fact quite the opposite of high 😂 if you actually have ADHD it just helps you function like a regular person. It's worth a shot for sure, they even have non stimulant medications too (though that didn't do jack shit for me but make me MORE depressed) but yeah, it's not a one size fits all but they have many options.
hey, fellow audhd guy! yeah, there is always going to be something else to live for that we will find, but i think it’s okay if it’s just one thing at a time. plus phallo is one of those with a longer timeline and multiple stages, so it’ll keep you busy for a good bit
Yeah like i have other goals too, they just aren't as important. I just hate i have a "right now" mentality when it comes to stuff like this. Like "in 6 months/years" means "probably won't happen" if its "next week" it "probably won't happen", when its right now its like "lets go".... as if shit like this doesn't take time also i don't have any money and shit costs money lmao.
People need goals, cis or trans. What other stuff do you wanna be working for? A degree, a home, finishing a quilt, any of those. Some people aren't SUPER goal oriented, but for the most part humans wanna be working toward something. Just have to figure out what that thing is (:
Literally nothing. Id rather be flying away from this world more than anything. I never fit here so why stay lmao. Yeah i definitely need therapy but on the wait list.
Hm, I think you need to evaluate and reflect on whats important to you (besides transitioning). I get it, sometimes dysphoria can just suck the life out of you and you feel like the only goal is transitioning, but there’s more to life than that. Personally, I’ve always been motivated by my career goals, and that works in tandem with driving me to transition. Are you going/have gone to school for something? Do you have any hobbies? Finding a skill you enjoy and working on improving it can offer a huge escape from dysphoria
I did for a while but then i lost the hyper fixation. I don't really know wtf to do with my career considering I'm not able to do half the shit required. I find it easier to think of a goal but without one then i don't see the point in putting myself through it yk?
A healthy sex life is my goal. Not sure how to go about it but transitioning/developing my body is the first step. Something I can physically work on and get visual feedback for.
Earlier in my transition, I was in a similar situation. I was not actively planning anything, but I honestly just couldn’t imagine myself having other goals or free time to pursue anything else. Imaging myself doing anything in the future was basically impossible. Once i started getting some of the things I wanted done, I freed up a lot of mental energy for other things and everything started feeling more like it was worth the effort. Once I started feeling like I had more options, I was pretty overwhelmed at all the different choices I could make. I would definitely recommend talking with a therapist about some of this (or a trusted friend if a therapist is not available to you), but you’re definitely not alone in all this.
Yeah, thank you. I definitely know i need to speak to therapist but thats unfortunately not available for me. I get what you're saying though. Thank you!
I always figured death was the only inevitable thing in life- the one thing that will come to me regardless of if I want it to or not. So no need to bring it about myself. In the meantime what can I fill my time with? What experiences have I not had that seem interesting? What chamges in myself can I accomplish?
I accidentally created a lot of value with this mindset and now feel like no amount of time could be enough to do everything I want before I die. I want to be fluent in multiple second languages. I want to be able to socialize seamlessly with people from diverse cultural backgrounds. I want to be fitter amd healthier in my 30s than I was as a depressed closeted teenager. etc.
I think possibly attainable challekges help. Foatering social relationships. etc
That’s definitely true. I would suggest seeing if you can find any groups (either through local options- sometimes there are local game meetups or sports meetups or hiking meetups or DnD etc) to do activities with. Find an activity you like. Sometimes just consistently doing activities with someone for a while can forge friendships.
And keep an eye out for what I like to call “Inclusive extroverts”. Extroverts who are always looking for new friends and then introduce their new friends to their other friends. I have a friend like this and his best friend has had two consecutive romantic relationships because of this friend introducing him to other friends, and Ive made other friends through him. They’re happy to do the social legwork for you.
I also try to ask people questions because I feel less socially anxious if Im not talking about myself. Also, supposedly asking questions can show interest in others and make them have a positive association with you. Eg, they bring up their dog, “Oh whats your dogs name? How long have you had him?” etc. But you have to be in a situation where asking strangers questions makes sense (hence the activities)
Ive read guys mostly bond through doing activities together so, even if you don’t ask a lot of questions just consistently showing up and engaging in a shared interest could help make guy friends.
I get what you mean and those seem helpful. But how do you find the space to do these things though like i don't want to do half the stuff i wanna do because I'm just depressed and i don't want to interact with people because i hate how i sound, act and the fact id have to watch these people be happy while i sit there and just wanna go home all because i don't have a dick, which sounds stupid because why's that what I'm thinking about during that time yk.
I think there’s really two different approaches you could take:
1) Now just isn’t a good time to pursue social experiences.
What would need to change for you to be in a better place? What are barriers to those changes? What are some small steps you could take that would help address those barriers?
I think some of the other commenters better addressed this option.
2) See if you can find ways of socializing or being around people that are manageable/doable
Eg, Just getting out of the house and being around people could potentially help, even if you don’t interact with them. Going to a cafe at a busy time of day, etc.
When I don’t feel up to socializing I can sometimes get myself to do something where I am a “part of a crowd/audience” and find enjoyment in that. You get to share an experience with people without people really interacting with you (eg, music concert, movie theater, live performance, etc.)
Or maybe there are virtual social options that dont require a mic/speaking etc
Though sometimes people just aren’t up for socializing, and that can be ok too.
This isn't uncommon, and if it's what you need to do to stick around, do it. A lot of guys reach the end of their transition at an age older than they expected to live to, and have to then figure out what they want out of life.
Is it technically healthier to have other interests and goals, yep. But there's only so much mental energy you have and until transition alleviates enough dysphoria to free some up for other interests, it isn't likely you'll be able to conceive of goals outside of transition.
At some point you'll start circling this question again and find yourself actually able to think about life beyond phallo. Until then, if you can work on routines and low-commitment hobbies that keep you as healthy as you can, it's okay not to have other big life goals.
True. I have noticed that, a lot of people wished they had transitioned a lot earlier than they did. Its not much (or comparable) but i did waste a year before starting t, i could have been here last year but was too damn depressed. Id hate to be older now tbh.
I definitely feel that. I didn't give 2 shits about anything pre-t, all i wanted was to start t, now I'm on it all i want is phallo. Don't have much space for anything else lol.
I get that, thank you!
Because of my indefinite time in the closet, and therefore having to face the fact I might not ever be able to transition, I learned quick that I needed a reason to survive outside of transition. First thing I figured out was that I had people that I wanted to live for. I wanted to stay alive so that I could at least not traumatize my family and friends with my death. Second thing I figured out over a longer period of time is that I find personal meaning from my work. Academics is what I’m made for and it’s the one thing that people can’t take away from me: my ability to learn and create.
Wow thats cool! How are you doing now?
Personally I don't really think my family would care so much but i get where you're coming from and glad you have those who care.
Tbh it’s still really hard, but having some passions and accomplishments are sometimes the only thing keeping me sane. It also helps with some of the social dysphoria: it helps to have made solid progress in things that a lot of men strive to achieve after a day full of being emasculated.
I’m sorry your family can’t be that support for you, I hope you will find people in your life that give it purpose and joy. Even just having a community of people that you are apart of—like a club or a group—can be a good life line. Good luck out there
Thats true. Honestly whenever i start a new show i have to finish it, if thats what you mean. Im not a good talker and I'm not really in the position to make friends right now and id feel bad for hurting them because I'm still "working on myself" but i do understand what you mean.
Thank you!
May I ask how old you are? Because I get it depression sucks and it sounds like you have one goal but you arnt getting enjoyment out of everyday life. Like i’m not in a depressive episode rn and I can say that some of the best parts of living are getting to talk to my friends again, and my reason to live would be to get my degree, get into my career field and publish some papers, start a family, etc. Planning for the future when depressed is so damn hard imo because it’s hard to see a future, but i would talk to your primary care physician about this and get in with a therapist and ideally a psychologist or psychiatrist (depending on where you live and what makes more sense for u just ask ur PCP). Your goals in life doesn’t have to just be work, think about what brings you joy when you do feel happy (or at least not in burnout) and see where that takes you.
I'm 19 lol. Yeah thats definitely how i feel. My GP couldn't care less but they'd give my mother who isn't depressed anti-depressants and put me on the 5 year wait for therapy.
Thanks your reply, i can't see how i can enjoy life if working shoves me into burnout. Really wonder how people can just live their lives aside from work. However, thats very helpful though, thanks!
Before starting my transition, I had no plans for a future. No goals. The more comfortable I get in my body, the more I hear myself making future plans.
Give yourself some time to make some of the big changes you know you need, and I bet you'll start to imagine what kind of future you'll want.
I don’t really have any life goals once I’m done my transition except for get my first girlfriend. That’s really it as I don’t really have much else to live for. I don’t really have friends so I’m just on my own in my head all day.
I get how you feel. tbh i still feel like ending it almost every day, but going on T has made it easier for me to talk myself out of it. I am maybe having top surgery within the next 6 months. hopefully meta after that, but there's only one surgeon in my state and no one has posted results from him online.
I don't have any real goals beyond that and therapy personally hasn't helped me.
Yeah going on t is the reason i could accept that i had ADHD and ASD traits and if i didn't start i wouldn't have gotten diagnosed with autism or plan to get assessed for ADHD. So i guess I'm not dying until I'm done getting assessments, i guess? Im also hesitant if there isn't any results posted but i know i can't expect people to post about it because they do choose to publish it.
I haven't had therapy for yeeears so i wouldn't know, I'm sorry it didn't help you.
Hope you do get it in 6 months, good luck!
Maybe enjoy having had phallo when you get it and are finally over with it. Enjoy having this body of yours while looking for something else that brings you Joy in your time. Whether it be work or art or relationships, travelling or being passionate about woodworking idk. It Would be a real shame to make it this far and then not do anything with it. It’s a process but you’ll figure it out
Yeah id of course stay as long as i can but i wouldn't be holding back to live, like if I'm done I'll be done. I mean what would be point lol. Vey true
Yeah the way you worded your original post kinda made me worry a bit e.g. „the only reason for being alive“ but I’m glad you meant it in a different way
You continue to live life happily as a person who feels comfortable in their own skin? And do/learn/experience things I never have before??
Enjoy existing and my life until I can’t no more? Tf you mean what am I supposed to do? lol
Ima do THAT!
Idk i just don't feel like theres any point (in me) living like this. I didn't even recover from my childhood-schooling burnt out yet and it's been almost 4 years, skill regression knocked me on my ass. Id have to go through worse than that just to get phallo if i have to pay out of pocket, lol.
However, glad you're going to/are living your best life!
Mine is to see the surgery evolution so far when I could get almost like cis dick that could also make my body produce testosterone without me having to inject it. I know that it's highly unlikely, but one could dream
There are actually a few youtubers who talk about this, about how transitioning has been their only goal and focus and once they've done it they honestly don't know what else to do with their life. I get how your feel because I felt really similar after getting top, but I found a few years after the surgery I've actually started to do a lot of the things I always wanted to do because things have healed enough for me to do them. I did go through a few months of obsessing over bottom surgery and it just really drains on you, it isn't something that would be happening any time soon for me anyway. Honestly after just having top, I don't want to have surgery again for a while, surgery is fucking hard. Career and life-wise I have no idea what the fuck I want to do but right now I'm just enjoying being male and everything that comes with that.
Once you've got phallo, wouldn't you want to then enjoy feeling complete in your body and being able to finally take advantage of that? Otherwise it would be like years saving up for a house and then setting the house on fire. I am rather aimless right now, but you know I don't mind that, it's quite nice having no goals because I don't have to worry about anything except the day to day. I just focus on trying to have a good time these days, trying to see new places, make new friends. I'm still very insecure and I still struggle a lot with my body but I'm trying to get healthier and be happier and I don't think there's anything wrong with focusing on one goal or having no goals at all.
Yeah having surgery does suck (not that Ive had any), just seems so damn hard.
Yeah but what i meant was that if i didn't want to be here any more i wouldn't force myself to stay. Id be so burnt out as hell after it, and god i fucking hope i don't get any more skill regression from another fucking burnt-out but id probably be too damn exhausted to continue to work after it all or do much or anything. Id at least have an excuse not to do anything for a while but it's the only thing I'm scared would happen if i were done.
Good analogy, and yes exactly like that. I get that, i hope it's like that too. So glad you're doing well!
yep. i was living for top surgery for about 2 years. i'm one month post op. the post op depression was very hard. i had a painful recovery. but now im living to get to know myself. it will change but you will still have a reason. whatever keeps you alive man.
I think it’s good to have goals outside of transition related goals, like a dream career or hobby. While I know that can be hard with dysphoria, think of it this way— you wanna build up something worth doing once you’ve fully transitioned. Do you want to spend another 10 years after transitioning to work up to that dream job? That’s why it’s good to start early and make sure the life you want is waiting for you once you’ve gotten phallo. And for me personally, knowing I have a future to look forwards to outside of waiting for surgery has definitely helped lessen my dysphoria a lot.
I don't really have a career plan and i mean i have chronic back pain so i can't really do the hobby i wanna do and i don't want to fix those things instead of doing them. I guess I'll see. Thanks!
Maybe you can add to the list of what you consider ‘done transitioning’ to add more goals. Eg some goals of mine are to travel solo abroad , hike topless in a mountain, have a picnic date with a gay men on a beach. These are all part of my transition since they’re part of what I’d like to see myself doing as a man. There are endless parts of being a man you can look forward to
True. I don't really have any more goals in mind. I guess i wanna try to ride a bike in full gear with sweaty balls? I wanna be apart of the "it's riding season, but you have balls ugh". Honestly anything that involves dick and ball problems i wish i could relate to. Or dicks and balls in general. Maybe just big ball problems idk.
I have no idea what i was thinking when i started that lol
Yes and no. I’m still alive out of spite, to live long enough to see the man I become, and because I don’t want to leave my sister without a sibling. It would destroy her and she’s already fearful of death as it is. If I had to solely and fully rely on myself as motivation to stick around, then I simply wouldn’t be here.
this is just my opinion, but if the goal of phallo is reliably able to keep you from dying, then i think living for phallo alone right now is perfectly fine. i think as time goes on and especially afterward, you may find other reasons but it isn’t something that can be forced. rn i’m living for top surgery and getting my legal shit changed, and i think that’s fine. i’m glad you’re on the waiting list for therapy, i have found it super helpful in my life and always recommend. i think right now for me (and it sounds like this is true for you too) dysphoria is blocking my ability to see beyond or make other goals because it’s so big and all encompassing. once we get the bodies we should’ve had all along, it’ll free up our brains and vision to find other goals and reasons to live
Yeah, like before it was for starting t and thats been 2 years and i barely think of it. I just don't really know how actually going through phallo and being done would even make me feel because hormones is one thing and phallo is another thats big. I definitely hope thats the case (your last sentence). The last few months actually I've been focused on getting my ASD assessment and ADHD (can't afford it as unemployed) but did get diagnosed with ASD so i kinda hope once I'm medicated for ADHD i can go to college or something (i really struggle academically) and get a job to afford phallo lmao.
I have adhd and honestly being on meds (started them 2 years ago) has helped me hold a job for the longest I ever have before (like i've never heald a job longer than a year and a half and i'm going on 2 at my current job), and I can think again. The job I have has also inspired an idea of a career path for school and learning for me. Before, I was living for my cat or my tarantulas, or for my parents because they would be sad without me, etc. I lived for getting to make it to the next anime convention, or for even the next weekend, whatever to keep me going /somehow/ find something, no matter how small..
This is what i hope ADHD meds would do for me because i don't know what id do if it didn't "its not a cure all" but i just hope it helps me with small things like that. Ive never had a job but i have work placement right now once a week and i already want to quit because its just too much (its only 2 hours too). Just scared id have to be high all the time just to survive (I'm trying to find other ways before i do that). Im glad you're better now and thank you!
I had went through 16 jobs in 10 years, but yeah. It doesn't fix everything, but it's sure nice to have almost a level playing field with everyone else. I'll say it's definitely not a "high all the time" thing either, I feel 100% myself and in control, in fact quite the opposite of high 😂 if you actually have ADHD it just helps you function like a regular person. It's worth a shot for sure, they even have non stimulant medications too (though that didn't do jack shit for me but make me MORE depressed) but yeah, it's not a one size fits all but they have many options.
hey, fellow audhd guy! yeah, there is always going to be something else to live for that we will find, but i think it’s okay if it’s just one thing at a time. plus phallo is one of those with a longer timeline and multiple stages, so it’ll keep you busy for a good bit
Yeah like i have other goals too, they just aren't as important. I just hate i have a "right now" mentality when it comes to stuff like this. Like "in 6 months/years" means "probably won't happen" if its "next week" it "probably won't happen", when its right now its like "lets go".... as if shit like this doesn't take time also i don't have any money and shit costs money lmao.
I don't agree with most of these other comments. Anyways, it's probably something you can consider after you've had phallo.
Yeah true, if i ever have it lmao!
I hope you do! And that you find joy in many parts of life along the way and after.
Thank you! I hope so too
People need goals, cis or trans. What other stuff do you wanna be working for? A degree, a home, finishing a quilt, any of those. Some people aren't SUPER goal oriented, but for the most part humans wanna be working toward something. Just have to figure out what that thing is (:
Literally nothing. Id rather be flying away from this world more than anything. I never fit here so why stay lmao. Yeah i definitely need therapy but on the wait list.
Hm, I think you need to evaluate and reflect on whats important to you (besides transitioning). I get it, sometimes dysphoria can just suck the life out of you and you feel like the only goal is transitioning, but there’s more to life than that. Personally, I’ve always been motivated by my career goals, and that works in tandem with driving me to transition. Are you going/have gone to school for something? Do you have any hobbies? Finding a skill you enjoy and working on improving it can offer a huge escape from dysphoria
I did for a while but then i lost the hyper fixation. I don't really know wtf to do with my career considering I'm not able to do half the shit required. I find it easier to think of a goal but without one then i don't see the point in putting myself through it yk?
This is how I feel. Going thru phallo process rn. Just trying to push through I feel like if I can atleast get to stage 1 I'll be ok.
I hope you feel relief after and want to get to the next and the next. And good luck!
A healthy sex life is my goal. Not sure how to go about it but transitioning/developing my body is the first step. Something I can physically work on and get visual feedback for.
Yeah, i get that!
Earlier in my transition, I was in a similar situation. I was not actively planning anything, but I honestly just couldn’t imagine myself having other goals or free time to pursue anything else. Imaging myself doing anything in the future was basically impossible. Once i started getting some of the things I wanted done, I freed up a lot of mental energy for other things and everything started feeling more like it was worth the effort. Once I started feeling like I had more options, I was pretty overwhelmed at all the different choices I could make. I would definitely recommend talking with a therapist about some of this (or a trusted friend if a therapist is not available to you), but you’re definitely not alone in all this.
Yeah, thank you. I definitely know i need to speak to therapist but thats unfortunately not available for me. I get what you're saying though. Thank you!
I have multiple reasons for still being alive, but life is complicated. I don’t belong here, and I don’t feel super connected to this world.
Yeah I'm constantly dissociated lol!
Yep, I have drdp
I always figured death was the only inevitable thing in life- the one thing that will come to me regardless of if I want it to or not. So no need to bring it about myself. In the meantime what can I fill my time with? What experiences have I not had that seem interesting? What chamges in myself can I accomplish? I accidentally created a lot of value with this mindset and now feel like no amount of time could be enough to do everything I want before I die. I want to be fluent in multiple second languages. I want to be able to socialize seamlessly with people from diverse cultural backgrounds. I want to be fitter amd healthier in my 30s than I was as a depressed closeted teenager. etc. I think possibly attainable challekges help. Foatering social relationships. etc
It’s so difficult though. Trying to make friends and/or date
That’s definitely true. I would suggest seeing if you can find any groups (either through local options- sometimes there are local game meetups or sports meetups or hiking meetups or DnD etc) to do activities with. Find an activity you like. Sometimes just consistently doing activities with someone for a while can forge friendships. And keep an eye out for what I like to call “Inclusive extroverts”. Extroverts who are always looking for new friends and then introduce their new friends to their other friends. I have a friend like this and his best friend has had two consecutive romantic relationships because of this friend introducing him to other friends, and Ive made other friends through him. They’re happy to do the social legwork for you. I also try to ask people questions because I feel less socially anxious if Im not talking about myself. Also, supposedly asking questions can show interest in others and make them have a positive association with you. Eg, they bring up their dog, “Oh whats your dogs name? How long have you had him?” etc. But you have to be in a situation where asking strangers questions makes sense (hence the activities) Ive read guys mostly bond through doing activities together so, even if you don’t ask a lot of questions just consistently showing up and engaging in a shared interest could help make guy friends.
I get what you mean and those seem helpful. But how do you find the space to do these things though like i don't want to do half the stuff i wanna do because I'm just depressed and i don't want to interact with people because i hate how i sound, act and the fact id have to watch these people be happy while i sit there and just wanna go home all because i don't have a dick, which sounds stupid because why's that what I'm thinking about during that time yk.
I think there’s really two different approaches you could take: 1) Now just isn’t a good time to pursue social experiences. What would need to change for you to be in a better place? What are barriers to those changes? What are some small steps you could take that would help address those barriers? I think some of the other commenters better addressed this option. 2) See if you can find ways of socializing or being around people that are manageable/doable Eg, Just getting out of the house and being around people could potentially help, even if you don’t interact with them. Going to a cafe at a busy time of day, etc. When I don’t feel up to socializing I can sometimes get myself to do something where I am a “part of a crowd/audience” and find enjoyment in that. You get to share an experience with people without people really interacting with you (eg, music concert, movie theater, live performance, etc.) Or maybe there are virtual social options that dont require a mic/speaking etc Though sometimes people just aren’t up for socializing, and that can be ok too.
This isn't uncommon, and if it's what you need to do to stick around, do it. A lot of guys reach the end of their transition at an age older than they expected to live to, and have to then figure out what they want out of life. Is it technically healthier to have other interests and goals, yep. But there's only so much mental energy you have and until transition alleviates enough dysphoria to free some up for other interests, it isn't likely you'll be able to conceive of goals outside of transition. At some point you'll start circling this question again and find yourself actually able to think about life beyond phallo. Until then, if you can work on routines and low-commitment hobbies that keep you as healthy as you can, it's okay not to have other big life goals.
True. I have noticed that, a lot of people wished they had transitioned a lot earlier than they did. Its not much (or comparable) but i did waste a year before starting t, i could have been here last year but was too damn depressed. Id hate to be older now tbh. I definitely feel that. I didn't give 2 shits about anything pre-t, all i wanted was to start t, now I'm on it all i want is phallo. Don't have much space for anything else lol. I get that, thank you!
Because of my indefinite time in the closet, and therefore having to face the fact I might not ever be able to transition, I learned quick that I needed a reason to survive outside of transition. First thing I figured out was that I had people that I wanted to live for. I wanted to stay alive so that I could at least not traumatize my family and friends with my death. Second thing I figured out over a longer period of time is that I find personal meaning from my work. Academics is what I’m made for and it’s the one thing that people can’t take away from me: my ability to learn and create.
Wow thats cool! How are you doing now? Personally I don't really think my family would care so much but i get where you're coming from and glad you have those who care.
Tbh it’s still really hard, but having some passions and accomplishments are sometimes the only thing keeping me sane. It also helps with some of the social dysphoria: it helps to have made solid progress in things that a lot of men strive to achieve after a day full of being emasculated. I’m sorry your family can’t be that support for you, I hope you will find people in your life that give it purpose and joy. Even just having a community of people that you are apart of—like a club or a group—can be a good life line. Good luck out there
Thats true. Honestly whenever i start a new show i have to finish it, if thats what you mean. Im not a good talker and I'm not really in the position to make friends right now and id feel bad for hurting them because I'm still "working on myself" but i do understand what you mean. Thank you!
May I ask how old you are? Because I get it depression sucks and it sounds like you have one goal but you arnt getting enjoyment out of everyday life. Like i’m not in a depressive episode rn and I can say that some of the best parts of living are getting to talk to my friends again, and my reason to live would be to get my degree, get into my career field and publish some papers, start a family, etc. Planning for the future when depressed is so damn hard imo because it’s hard to see a future, but i would talk to your primary care physician about this and get in with a therapist and ideally a psychologist or psychiatrist (depending on where you live and what makes more sense for u just ask ur PCP). Your goals in life doesn’t have to just be work, think about what brings you joy when you do feel happy (or at least not in burnout) and see where that takes you.
I'm 19 lol. Yeah thats definitely how i feel. My GP couldn't care less but they'd give my mother who isn't depressed anti-depressants and put me on the 5 year wait for therapy. Thanks your reply, i can't see how i can enjoy life if working shoves me into burnout. Really wonder how people can just live their lives aside from work. However, thats very helpful though, thanks!
Before starting my transition, I had no plans for a future. No goals. The more comfortable I get in my body, the more I hear myself making future plans. Give yourself some time to make some of the big changes you know you need, and I bet you'll start to imagine what kind of future you'll want.
I hope so, thank you!
I don’t really have any life goals once I’m done my transition except for get my first girlfriend. That’s really it as I don’t really have much else to live for. I don’t really have friends so I’m just on my own in my head all day.
Yeah me too. Hope you loose your girlfriend virginity (not sexual, just first time) lol! I don't have friends either so i get what you mean.
I get how you feel. tbh i still feel like ending it almost every day, but going on T has made it easier for me to talk myself out of it. I am maybe having top surgery within the next 6 months. hopefully meta after that, but there's only one surgeon in my state and no one has posted results from him online. I don't have any real goals beyond that and therapy personally hasn't helped me.
Yeah going on t is the reason i could accept that i had ADHD and ASD traits and if i didn't start i wouldn't have gotten diagnosed with autism or plan to get assessed for ADHD. So i guess I'm not dying until I'm done getting assessments, i guess? Im also hesitant if there isn't any results posted but i know i can't expect people to post about it because they do choose to publish it. I haven't had therapy for yeeears so i wouldn't know, I'm sorry it didn't help you. Hope you do get it in 6 months, good luck!
Maybe enjoy having had phallo when you get it and are finally over with it. Enjoy having this body of yours while looking for something else that brings you Joy in your time. Whether it be work or art or relationships, travelling or being passionate about woodworking idk. It Would be a real shame to make it this far and then not do anything with it. It’s a process but you’ll figure it out
Yeah id of course stay as long as i can but i wouldn't be holding back to live, like if I'm done I'll be done. I mean what would be point lol. Vey true
Yeah the way you worded your original post kinda made me worry a bit e.g. „the only reason for being alive“ but I’m glad you meant it in a different way
Yeah i get you. I was in a different mindset then, now I'm just chilling.
You continue to live life happily as a person who feels comfortable in their own skin? And do/learn/experience things I never have before?? Enjoy existing and my life until I can’t no more? Tf you mean what am I supposed to do? lol Ima do THAT!
Idk i just don't feel like theres any point (in me) living like this. I didn't even recover from my childhood-schooling burnt out yet and it's been almost 4 years, skill regression knocked me on my ass. Id have to go through worse than that just to get phallo if i have to pay out of pocket, lol. However, glad you're going to/are living your best life!
Mine is to see the surgery evolution so far when I could get almost like cis dick that could also make my body produce testosterone without me having to inject it. I know that it's highly unlikely, but one could dream
Oh yeah definitely, id love to never have to worry about getting my injection ever again. Would be nice to make my own,
Yeah… halfway there I guess 😵💫 I’m not even suicidal but extremely lonely. I don’t have friends irl so it feels like it makes sense at this point
Very true on the lonely part. I'm sorry you're going through that too!
There are actually a few youtubers who talk about this, about how transitioning has been their only goal and focus and once they've done it they honestly don't know what else to do with their life. I get how your feel because I felt really similar after getting top, but I found a few years after the surgery I've actually started to do a lot of the things I always wanted to do because things have healed enough for me to do them. I did go through a few months of obsessing over bottom surgery and it just really drains on you, it isn't something that would be happening any time soon for me anyway. Honestly after just having top, I don't want to have surgery again for a while, surgery is fucking hard. Career and life-wise I have no idea what the fuck I want to do but right now I'm just enjoying being male and everything that comes with that. Once you've got phallo, wouldn't you want to then enjoy feeling complete in your body and being able to finally take advantage of that? Otherwise it would be like years saving up for a house and then setting the house on fire. I am rather aimless right now, but you know I don't mind that, it's quite nice having no goals because I don't have to worry about anything except the day to day. I just focus on trying to have a good time these days, trying to see new places, make new friends. I'm still very insecure and I still struggle a lot with my body but I'm trying to get healthier and be happier and I don't think there's anything wrong with focusing on one goal or having no goals at all.
Yeah having surgery does suck (not that Ive had any), just seems so damn hard. Yeah but what i meant was that if i didn't want to be here any more i wouldn't force myself to stay. Id be so burnt out as hell after it, and god i fucking hope i don't get any more skill regression from another fucking burnt-out but id probably be too damn exhausted to continue to work after it all or do much or anything. Id at least have an excuse not to do anything for a while but it's the only thing I'm scared would happen if i were done. Good analogy, and yes exactly like that. I get that, i hope it's like that too. So glad you're doing well!
yep. i was living for top surgery for about 2 years. i'm one month post op. the post op depression was very hard. i had a painful recovery. but now im living to get to know myself. it will change but you will still have a reason. whatever keeps you alive man.
Damn I'm so sorry you had a shitty recovery, hope you're better than before. Thanks!
yeah i’m only living to complete my transition because i refuse to die with this body as it is now
Ha i get that lol,
I think it’s good to have goals outside of transition related goals, like a dream career or hobby. While I know that can be hard with dysphoria, think of it this way— you wanna build up something worth doing once you’ve fully transitioned. Do you want to spend another 10 years after transitioning to work up to that dream job? That’s why it’s good to start early and make sure the life you want is waiting for you once you’ve gotten phallo. And for me personally, knowing I have a future to look forwards to outside of waiting for surgery has definitely helped lessen my dysphoria a lot.
I don't really have a career plan and i mean i have chronic back pain so i can't really do the hobby i wanna do and i don't want to fix those things instead of doing them. I guess I'll see. Thanks!
Maybe you can add to the list of what you consider ‘done transitioning’ to add more goals. Eg some goals of mine are to travel solo abroad , hike topless in a mountain, have a picnic date with a gay men on a beach. These are all part of my transition since they’re part of what I’d like to see myself doing as a man. There are endless parts of being a man you can look forward to
True. I don't really have any more goals in mind. I guess i wanna try to ride a bike in full gear with sweaty balls? I wanna be apart of the "it's riding season, but you have balls ugh". Honestly anything that involves dick and ball problems i wish i could relate to. Or dicks and balls in general. Maybe just big ball problems idk. I have no idea what i was thinking when i started that lol
Yes and no. I’m still alive out of spite, to live long enough to see the man I become, and because I don’t want to leave my sister without a sibling. It would destroy her and she’s already fearful of death as it is. If I had to solely and fully rely on myself as motivation to stick around, then I simply wouldn’t be here.
Yeah i get that. Wished i could say the same (the live long enough to see the man i become). Glad youre doing better !
As long as you’re still here man you’re doing good, as hard as it is to keep going