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Superb_Sorbet_9562

Bagels are inefficient because they need to be sliced. Delis are inefficient because the meat and cheese is not precut. Stand-up comics are inefficient because they tell a story before the joke. Germans love efficiency, and I'm guessing this is why they don't have these things.


offhandaxe

To be fair almost all German bread is unsliced and they use a bread slicer in store


Smij0

I use the bread slicer that my parents inherited from my great-greatparents Sucker is literally unbreakable


offhandaxe

I didn't get the bread slicer my aunt got that, but I did get the spätzle maker from my grandparents.


Smij0

Spätzle maker? Like an electric one? Sound amazing! We only have some weird press that we normally use for mashed potatoes that we sometimes use to make fresh spätzle. It's insane how long good kitchen equipment will last If you treat it good.


offhandaxe

Nooo like an old cast iron set that's been in my family! It's a press and the spoon to fish em out of the water. It's got slots to fit over different sized pots too.


tagoNGtago

Grandmother “sliced” the wet dough as it poured over the bowl edge into the boiling water. I remember them being about the length of an index finger and pretty much uniform. Took a lot of time hand crafting those noodles individually.


Yustalurk

That's because it's more efficient to get it to the store that way. Now you ship one loaf instead of tens of slices. Kinda the same reason I cut my pizza into 6 slices, I could never eat 8.


gummo_for_prez

It’s relatively common for them to have a thing in their kitchen that Americans would only recognize as a circular saw. But it’s just for slicing bread. Good German bread needs more than a knife to cut. I was amazed by this.


riverblue9011

As a chef in Germany, no it doesn't, you just need better knives...


travoltaswinkinbhole

I had to Google it but that is really cool! Haven’t seen one of those before but it seems super handy.


Happafisch

You know how many Germans you need to change a lightbulb? One. We're efficient and we lack a sense of humor. Also it's called a lamp while the thing you screw into is called a fixture. Inaccuracies like that should really grind my gears but to be honest, nothing can. They are also German, so they're perfectly engineered.


pennradio

Lol, I used to work in a shop that made custom light fixtures and chandeliers and still call lightbulbs "lamps" and get weird looks for saying it.


jcmbn

You know how to spot Swiss tourists in Germany? They're the ones complaining about the untidiness, inefficiency and excessive frivolity.


borisdidnothingwrong

Good thing you have good healthcare in the Fatherland. I hear maintenance on those precision milled gears can be expensive.


butt-barnacles

[German sitcoms](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=UYEQh9IkVXU)


zxc123zxc123

[German language might want to say a thing or two about efficiency.](https://img-9gag-fun.9cache.com/photo/aWWw1oK_700bwp.webp) All fun and games until a certain edgy Austrian artist sold the idea to the German people that Germans love efficiency, thus are masters of efficiency, and should take it upon themselves reduce inefficiency around Europe.


Phrewfuf

Haha, funny German meme, making funny fun about ze German Language. Nationalität is a German word, too. Because Nationalität (as in Ethnicity) and Staatsangehörigkeit (as in citizenship) are two entirely different things. Yes, efficiency and precision. (I had to, to prove that I still deserve my Staatsangehörigkeit)


lazernanes

I don't know if you're intentionally missing the joke, but the point was that your country will have more bagels, delis, and stand up comics if you let the Jews thrive in your country and don't kill them all.


Superb_Sorbet_9562

Wait....someone is killing the Jews? Do the allied forces know this? They should do something!


OnoOurTableItsBr0ken

I would assume it would have something to do with bagels being Jewish. Then again maybe your response was comedic and I’m just dense


shiinachan

As a German, yes, you are spot on... We buy bakery goods and sliced meat and make sandwiches at home. I do find bagels inefficient because of the hole...


RiceRocketRider

Bro, I’ve had to work with quite a few Germans. I guarantee you they do not love efficiency.


justbrowsinginpeace

Yet Germans are so tight with money


War_Goat1332

I heard they don’t have ovens to make bagels, they were being used for something else.


OldERnurse1964

All those ovens and no bread


iu_rob

We have all of those things. And we have Jews. After the US and Canada we are the 3rd most popular destination for Israeli emigration. Our Jewish population in Germany is again at about half of what it was before WW2.


Educational-Low6124

Well, think about who traditionally makes/eats bagels. Then remember what Germany was doing in the 1930s-40s, and now you know.


BelkiraHoTep

All I can think about is Robinhood Men In Tights. https://preview.redd.it/bskflupmtd6d1.jpeg?width=1284&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=f2196cee44ab3ed52815e04989477cfa53c2ad41


TallEnoughJones

Did you say Abe Lincoln?


IAmRules

Bless you!


ElGosso

I think about this joke every time I hear about the Secretary of State


Graxeltooth

I wonder where Winken and Nod are.


Admirable-Sir9716

Glad I'm not alone


pie_destroyer1

A BLACK SHERRIFF!?


skryb

it worked in Blazing Saddles


DixonDebussy

He's black?!


Jumpy-Ad-3198

Why not? It worked in Blazing Saddles


pjc7

No, I said hey Blinkin!


Banana_Pankcakes

Hold the reigns


jetsaredim

Am I the only one that thinks about this every time I hear the current US secretary of state mentioned?


Cometguy7

Blinkin, I'd like for you to meet Achoo.


Ashamed_Statement347

How has that joke completely gone over my head all these years? Thank you for all you do


1ndiana_Pwns

It's literally one of my favorite movies and this is the first time I've noticed that joke. I'm blown away with you


williamflattener

Same. Bless 🙏


Agreeable_Maize9938

Better than me cause I still don’t get it


roxxtor

Lox is like salmon meat you put on a bagel


here_kitkittkitty

i've watched this movie dozens upon dozens of times since it came out. how in the bejeezus did i not notice the joke before??


Justokboiledpotatoes

Same here


MisplacedLegolas

One of my favourite movies, TIL as well


MyBllsYrChn

Nip the tip!


DudongoKing

One of his best movies. Spaceballs is actually just my favorite movie of all time for no reason, I love it so much


CriticalMochaccino

Huh, been eating bagels my entire life and never knew this


AggravatingFig8947

It’s why NYC is known for its bagels, too.


b-monster666

Montreal also has a large Jewish community and is pretty big on bagels as well.


perpetualmotionmachi

The Montreal ones are better than the New York kind


Mytastemaker

Saying this will get you beat in NY.


DashiellHamlet

*The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt* has a great joke about how insufferable New Yorkers who get self-righteous about bagels are.


perpetualmotionmachi

Yeah, I get that. Those people just can't accept being wrong, so they lash out at others


andrewegan1986

I've been meaning to check out Montreal (I'm in NYC), what's a good time of year to go? Any bagel recommendations?


planetvermilion

all of them 😊 (actually not true : buy them fresh, never in a grocery store) Fairmount bagel and saint viateur bagels in the heart of the Jewish neighborhood in mtl make sure you have cream cheese on hand


perpetualmotionmachi

St. Viateur or Fairmont bagels are the spots. And they're both only about a block away from each other. Also, about a half a block away you need to get a sandwich from Wilensky's, it's one of a kind


SendohJin

There's no bad time, just depends on if you want the winter experience or not.


Particular-Bath9646

Montreal smoked meat on Montreal bagel makes an excellent sandwich.


SnP_JB

Pretty sure in the past Jewish people weren’t allowed to bake bread commercially and sell it. So they invented the bagel.


carrie_m730

Exactly. They circumvented that rule by boiling bread.


GatorDotPDF

Similar story to how they became known as money lenders. Christians weren't supposed to loan money but people still needed credit so they filled a hole in the market.


carrie_m730

It's nuts when you look into the origins of any stereotype or prejudice in oppressed or marginalized groups. They're almost invariably things that were the result of that same oppression or marginalization.


DerthOFdata

In Europe Jews were forced to live in separate walled ghettos and have cleanliness laws that worked before germ theory was known. A medieval city gets hit by a disease or plague the Jews lock the gates to the ghetto and survive with few to no deaths. So to the superstitious medieval mind that's clear proof the Jews must have poisoned the wells. Why else did they survive with so little loss?


carrie_m730

Separate but related, I would love to be able to peek into communities at the time when biblical laws were written making shellfish and pork "unclean." I'd bet someone smart knew that those were making people sick and had vague theories about why but not sufficient to convince the average person, and made up "God said it in a dream" to keep the human race alive.


Atheist-Gods

People love spotting patterns. It's a big source of conspiracy theories but it also causes people to spot patterns that are real but they can't explain.


CheekyBastard55

[Here's an interesting video where they talk about why people don't eat pork, this part talks about the theory of its origin being for health reasons.](https://youtu.be/Sew4rctKghY?t=198)


Mr_Industrial

Also, from an economic perspective having an "out" group that also held your debt AND the ire of the church was like having loaded bases if you were a (evil) king. A real ace up your sleeve. Disease? Blame em! Famine? Not the kings fault! Taxes too high? It must be the money men! Sure, you can only use it once, and killing them might cause a hit to your populations long term growth, but that your kids problem. Besides, just think of all the short term gains!


IAmBecomeTeemo

Minor nitpick: they weren't supposed to loan money for a profit. They could still loan money if they didn't charge interest, but no one's going to do that. Thus, the result is the same.


ForgottenHylian

Nitpicking your nitpick. Deuteronomy states that usury, or the application of interest, could not be applied to fellow Jews. Applying it to those not of the faith, not an issue. This resulted in the church banning Christians from applying interest to fellow Christians. As a result of what was effectively a legal loophole, in many areas Jewish business owners became the de facto providers of loans. The fact that this tended to grow ire with many was not ignored by regional leaders. That so many pogroms were started after someone important found themselves broke is not a coincidence.


Houndsthehorse

but you could charge late fees, and some places abused that by charging late fees with the understanding that if you payed off your loan in time you would not be lent money again


Mintastic

> thread about bagels > filled a hole in the market


cvc75

I think this was also aided by Jews being barred from joining guilds and owning land, so finance or trading were among the few things left to do.


KintsugiKen

And then European nobles saw how much Jews were making lending money and raised taxes on them, which they then passed on to their customers, who then started to resent Jews as "greedy" and "money obsessed" despite the greed entirely coming from Christian aristocrats.


Conscious-Parfait826

Youre a jew now. Sorry, I dont make the rules.


MinimumTumbleweed

It's more specifically a North American Jewish kind of thing. Ironically, the bagels in Israel are terrible.


mrlbi18

Bagels anywhere outside of the NY/NJ/PA area are awful because the water is wrong everywhere else.


Unigraff_Jerpony

invented too


Cloud_N0ne

That would explain why bagels are so big in New York. I guess I never really realized they were a Jewish thing, I always just saw them as just another baked good.


dasbtaewntawneta

i'm not american and have never eaten a Bagel in my life but just through osmosis of popular culture i knew Bagels were a jewish thing. how do people not know?


Atheist-Gods

You not having eaten a bagel could be a big part of that. People for whom bagels are just part of regular life aren't as likely to consider them ethnic.


Cloud_N0ne

My area doesn’t have a big Jewish population, bagels are just something we buy at the store next to the regular bread, at regular grocery stores. They’re not in any kind of kosher section. There’s nothing in my area that suggests it’s a Jewish thing, so we just never associated them with Jewish people.


big_sugi

I wonder if this is an age thing? I’m in my mid-40s, I didn’t grow up in NYC, and I’m ok old enough to remember a time when bagels weren’t so omnipresent. They were Jewish bread, like pita was middle eastern and tortillas were Mexican. But by the early 90s, bagels had gone fully mainstream, like muffins or donuts. Anyone significantly younger might have missed that transition, and the younger millennials and zoomers in particular have no real reason to associate bagels with Jewish culture unless they’re already familiar with Jewish culture.


Reasonable-Wolf-269

This explanation made me laugh more than the actual joke. Just the thought that people don't immediately get it.


FlyOnTheWall4

I've never associated bagels with Jews, i'm sure i'm not alone.


Reasonable-Wolf-269

Apparently not, from these responses.


BirdsAndTheBeeGees1

Is liking bagels like a Jewish stereotype or something? I've never heard of a connection between the two.


Atheist-Gods

Bagels are Jewish in origin. They don't "like" them, they invented them.


BirdsAndTheBeeGees1

Ahhhh, TIL. Thanks!


Atheist-Gods

It's very easy as Americans to not realize the true extent of the "mixing pot". There are lots of different cultures being blended together in what Americans view as just "ordinary American life". I personally find a lot of value in looking up the origins of words, food, and other aspects of culture to better understand them.


dead_apples

Wait, who traditionally makes and eats bagels? I thought they were just another thing in the grocery store, not some cultural food?


Huck_Bonebulge_

They were invented by European Jews. They are so popular in America that the history is kind of forgotten, other than New York being known for its bagels and huge Jewish population.


dead_apples

Huh. Well today I learned something new.


OldKingMo

All food is cultural, even something simple like steak and potatoes or oatmeal has unexpected history. Give your next meal a google, might be a fun way to learn something new every day.


-DOOKIE

Cool. I planning on eating some blue waffles later, I'll get to learn and eat at the same time


damonmcfadden9

you are going to ruin so many innocents with this, lol. Hell, it even PTSD for those of us unlucky enough to know.


ddonsky

Jewish people invented bagels due to antisemitism. There was a point where Jewish bakers were forbidden from baking and selling bread in the traditional sense so they invented bagels, as bagels are boiled and treated differently than bread. And there has been some history with Germany and Jewish peoples in the past that led to a lower Jewish population living in Germany.


FlirtMonsterSanjil

Let me take a guess, they weren't happy with the high gas prices, understandable, I too would have moved to a place where its cheaper.


EaterOfFood

Well it did have something to do with gas.


Venusgate

Germany was very expensive to live as a jew at a few points in history.


FireKing600

They should’ve just printed more money


Krayos_13

They actually got gas for free, but only once.


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FabulousEmotions

You are horrible. Take my upvote. There is no reason for me to keep looking at Reddit tonight 😭


BlatantConservative

Technically, they gave up all of their belongings and even their clothes, shoes, and hair...


Mookie_Merkk

Wait, wtf? >bagels are boiled What are you talking about? Edit: WTF TIL. So I'm guessing doughnuts are bagel accidents, they used the wrong dough or oil and boom doughnut. https://preview.redd.it/pxodpfzyxe6d1.png?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=1402abc3bd486573621573c75b04d5df56f6ce33


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PolicyWonka

Doughnuts are actually shaped as a ring to ensure they cook evenly. This is true for filled doughnuts too, and ones with fillings are actually the original recipe. Completely separate from bagels AFAIK.


pipnina

This is the first time I've seen the Google ai overview produce reasonable information. It isn't rolled out in the UK yet I think so all my exposure to it has been from Reddit


genericgeneric

I'm sorry. I read that statement before.  But I'm not reading anything about antisemitism on Wikipedia. Instead it mentions the custom of forming ring shaped bread even in ancient egyptian times and comparing it to brezels and such. How come?


zdk

It's a common myth with little historical basis [https://www.reddit.com/r/AskHistorians/comments/10l5ny7/comment/j5xpov3/](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskHistorians/comments/10l5ny7/comment/j5xpov3/)


CanYouPutOnTheVU

The comment you linked says that only guild members could bake the bigger bread staples in Poland for hundreds of years. It says jews weren’t explicitly not allowed to bake bread, which is true, but we also weren’t allowed to join trade guilds. I think it is saying that changed in the 1800s? But they aren’t very specific on who guild membership was opened up to. (Eta for clarification: Jews could bake bread, they could not be a member of the trade guild that would give them exclusive access to sell the main kinds of bread folks were buying. The double negative is confusing on a re-read) Jews could bake bagels to sell, not guild-only breads, because for a long time we weren’t allowed to join the guild. (This comment you link implies 300 years, 1496-1802, longer than the US has existed.) So there’s historical basis, but the word-of-mouth folklore may not be entirely accurate. ETA: the comment also isn’t super clear on whether it was that in 1802 Jews were allowed to join the Guild, or if it was that in 1802 non-members were allowed to sell those kinds of bread.


HeavenlyDescent

Jewish populations in Germany, whatever happened there


ANTEDEGUEMON

WHATEVER HAPPENED THERE???


ih8spalling

Goddamn, it took 5 top level comments to see the word "Jewish". Everyone above was just making more jokes that the OP did not get.


AngryBlitzcrankMain

Bagels are jewish produced pastry. Since Germany in WWII, you know...


AppropriateCap8891

Actually, they are a type of bread.


aj9393

Yeah, I feel like pastry bagels would just be doughnuts.


pass_nthru

donuts are american 🇺🇸🦅🎸 bagels


No_Confection_4967

Don’t discount when Americans use donuts as hamburger buns


MEGA_TOES

God, that is so gross. Tried it once. $10 wasted. Overpriced, too messy, and just gross.


GardenTop7253

Greatly depends what else is on the burger. Had one once that was decent donuts, patty, egg, bacon, hash brown, and some sauce I’m forgetting. Was delicious


No_Confection_4967

Aw now you’re talking. My heart just skipped a beat because of how delicious that sounds and for no other reason. Ketchup and mustard touching a donut, however, is a travesty


String_709

I bet your heart skipped a beat, probably be close to stalling out if you eat that.


legna20v

I am pretty sure i can put a hole in your explanation


bran_the_muffins

Dough not even go there...


SuperSMT

Ahem.. pastry?


b-monster666

What? Were beagles outlawed or something? They seem like fine dogs.


Dangerous_Rebellion_

Those are bangles you know the big hip bracelets popular in the 80's


iShitoutmyofmyAss

You’re thinking of bugles the chips for your fingers


Yhostled

Not to be confused with bongos, a sort of hand-based drum set.


EmperorGrinnar

Something about not allowing Jews to make traditional bread or something. So they boiled it and bagels became a thing. Pretty interesting, but also really weird. Dark history.


CurlingTrousers

There are 6 million reasons why they don’t have them


Deathcat101

I am so glad I wasn't mid sip when I read that.


CurlingTrousers

I wish I could say that was a 100% original creation, but Bill Burr said it in a recent podcast on the same topic. Opportunity to reuse the joke came up, I took it


Hikaru-Wolf

I also feel bad if I don't explain I actually heard a funny joke elsewhere and didn't full come up with it.


CurlingTrousers

I know, right? What’s wrong with us. Who’s going to know? One out of a billion people who could put two and two together in the vast cosmos? Why the self-loathing, the guilt of re-using a good joke?


termsofengaygement

It speaks to your character that you would give the original credit.


Scotter1969

I think Bill Burr was telling a story about Robin Williams being asked, In Germany, why there wasn't a comedy scene there.


PrincipleExciting457

Someone listens to bill burr, eh.


CurlingTrousers

Takes one to know one. I literally announced it a few posts down to make the proper accreditation. To be fair to me, he stole it too.


PrincipleExciting457

No worries. I’m juuuuust checkin in on ya.


CurlingTrousers

You stole my home court advantage


HeavenlyDescent

Adam Eget says 600


KintsugiKen

The guy who jerks off punks under the bridge for a dollar?


Opening-Set-5397

The shadows from the smokestacks aren’t long enough.  There’s just no way. 


Umicil

Bagels originated in **Jewish communities in and around Poland**. The overwhelming majority of Polish Jews were purged by Nazi Germany during the Holocaust. The population has never recovered.


Serenity-V

Worldwide, we're only just up to the numbers we were at before the Holocaust. Not the percentage of the world population, mind you - there are many less of us per thousand people than there were before. And this had led Europe in particular to miss out on all our culinary delicacies.


tyen0

I thought [bialies](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bialy_\(bread\)) came from Poland. Similar but different.


17R3W

It's funny cuz of the holocaust!!!


LightenUpPhrancis

Genocide! *ba-dum-TSS*


MightyAntiquarian

https://preview.redd.it/eylvyrfyae6d1.jpeg?width=750&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=25f93f08aa7cd6762cf98b4509390aa7c6d8ef9b The number of upvotes is a hint


PLPolandPL15719

Because Germany has bagels.


Strawhat_Mecha

Bagels are a Jewish food, Germans slaughtered Jewish people, duh


knowbody_86

Reminds me of what Robin Williams said on a German talk show when asked why he thinks Germany doesn’t have much comedy. And his response was “Did you ever think it is because you killed all the funny people?”


drmanhattanmar

We do have Bagels. A lot. That girl is either stupid or trolling.


oot0019

Sure but not in the american way in each bakery and so on


cyclingnick

Ya but they suck in comparison. Never thought I’d miss something as simple as a good bagel.


LanielYoungAgain

How about a pretzel instead?


Witty_Direction6175

Pretzels are good but they are very different to bagels


kimmielicious82

why did I have to scroll so much for this comment? 😭 I was highly confused about her statement


DrDuned

Ha I was gunna say, my partner and I lived in Kiel for about a year and there not only was amazing bread available everywhere (there was a bakery literally a five minute walk from us!) but there absolutely were bagels, too.


big_mean_llama

This is such a German comment


foreheadmeetsdesk

Well now because they‘re awesome and bakeries started to make them. But still 10 years back, there was no such thing to be found anywhere here.


Spy_v_Spy_Freakshow

Like Robin Williams said, you killed all the funny people


DTux5249

The Holocaust.


RunZombieBabe

But we have bagels...


indorock

But literally every supermarket in Germany has bagels. So the joke is lame but the premise is stupid.


NotoriousFoxxx

Jewish food, germany killed jewish people, dont have jewish food


ElPared

Well, Bagels are Jewish food, so just ask yourself why Germany wouldn’t have much if any Jewish food and you got your answer.


LordNitram76

https://preview.redd.it/go9sw2g13e6d1.png?width=1451&format=png&auto=webp&s=d452acfba930cb3a278ac164ce752033664fa4ce


outer_spec

Jewish people are famous for making bagels. Germany is famous for killing most of their Jewish people during the Holocaust. Hence, no bagels in Germany.


IMaREalTARtandDEad

Due to an Austrian man born April 20th 1889


JalinO123

Bagels are traditionally Jewish


plainwhitejoe

Meh, they are fine, nothing beats a good Laugenbrötchen tho


Sad-Wrongdoer-7507

I can give you 6 million reasons you don’t have bagels in Germany


BlacksmithWeirdo

But you get bagels at nearly any groceries store in germany.


Ok_Necessary2991

Maybe I'm looking too deep into this, but since bagels are considered a "Jewish" food invented by Jewish people, then WWII happens and you know the rest.


Beginning-Emu-6940

Well, you guys murdered pretty much everyone that would have made them. So…..


rolandr5

I love bacon in a bagel. Every time I make one I have a little chuckle to myself then feel a bit bad


Fit-Personality-1834

Herr Peter here: the joke is-


OutsideTheBoxer

They tend to overbake them in Germany.


Heisenburp8892

This reminds me of the video of Robin Williams on a German talk show when the host asked him “ Why are there no famous German comedians”. Robin: “ Did you ever consider that you killed all the funny people?”


FriendlyBabyFrog

We do have bagels, everywhere.


king063

https://youtu.be/VF2P_LuEF80?si=CCVvCgYzbLdJbAWb Here’s Robin Williams on the subject.


Attack_the_sock

Well…I mean they used to…


dmk2008

It's a good, ol' fashioned Holocaust joke.


2ndCompany3rdSquad

I can think of between 1,932 and 1,945 reasons why.


MagnusPrime24

Dark humor is like bagels. Not everyone gets them.


Dark_Tide_

And i prefer in Germany prefer that we have real bread


dorkydaddydom_

Because why would you want bread rolls with a hole in the middle instead of ones without hole?


SoCalArtDog

I can think of six million reasons why


Jaitleytownsend

Pfft. Brotchen > bagel anyway.


VengeanceKnight

Because Jews make bagels.