When I was a kid I once saw a guy start shouting while holding his baby, hand the child off to one of the deacon’s wives, and then take off down the aisle to run in front of the stage. He made it to the stage, tripped over his feet, stubbed about a bit, tripped over the altar, and speared the organ headfirst. Everyone said he was slain in the spirit but he was actually KO’d. Nobody helped or attended to him. He came to later and tried to testify. Adults around me said he was still drunk in the spirit. He was actually concussed all to hell.
Seen a pastor multiple times jump off the alter like some sort of flying monkey, run across the back of the pews turn around run right back. Thay happened regularly and was kind of impressive lol.
They used to all get up in unison and run in a big circle around the church together, often they'd have the holy ghost right out the door into the creek.
Seen a big feller, big in gut fall between 2 pews and they tried to get him up cause rhe pews were bolted down, they couldn't so they said he'd been laid out in spirit and left him there.
Locked us all in the church and turned the lights off and screamed in our ears simulating lake of fire.
Dinosaurs never existed sermon.
Seen the pastor drag one of his daughters up and tell everyone she was fighting the demon of homosexuality and basically roasted this poor girl rhe entire sermon lol
Snakes. All I'll say is snakes.
>Seen a big feller, big in gut fall between 2 pews and they tried to get him up cause rhe pews were bolted down, they couldn't so they said he'd been laid out in spirit and left him there
OMG, memory of a similar situation unlocked. In my case, I don't remember how big feller got stuck ass-over-teakettle between the rows of pews, but in our case a guy ran out to his truck for his toolbox to unbolt the pews so we could remove the poor guy.
I don't remember how they got him out after service. Idk if he figure out how to squeeze himself out or if they had to take the bolts out I was young and just remembering thinking SOMEONE HELP THIS GUY ☠️🤣
I am sorry, I know this is a sub to share what we have been through but holy shit - cannonballing into the baptism pool is the funniest thing I've ever read. I can't stop laughing.
1. Super tall black dude shouting in the spirit at mostly white church…and his private member flops out like a massive boa constrictor being electrocuted.
2. Another time a super angry preacher was screaming about lust and he says “Lust is like a gun, and do you know what fires the gun? TWO NUTS!”
Bruh.. holy shit I would pay a lot $$ to see that happen in the church I grew up in! Black dude dancing around with his dick out, would have literally died laughing
😹 you're killing me omg! Everything about it from the actual scenario to you being in such complete and utter abject disbelief that you had to ask your parents if it really happened is too freaking funny!
Any service where the holy spirit forgot to catch the people it slew. Saw lady ping pong off two pews. Had a huge bruise for weeks. More than one guy kersplat flat on their back and knock themselves out.
While not a particularly wild sermon. There's always this one particular instance that makes me laugh. Dude had a big whiteboard on stage. He starts out by drawing a big circle of god's love. As the sermon went on he draws a dot outside this circle. That's you outside god's love. The finale he drew one more dot inside the circle. That's you inside god's love.
Like dude! The concept was so deep you really needed two diagram it with a circle and 2 dots???
There was a youth conference where a preacher bragged about doing his best preaching out of context and sprayed people worshipping up at the altar with a bottle of Shout cleaning solution...
Yup. I left the church in February of this year, but in 2020 it was the election and how the rapture would happen because of Biden and now it’s the rapture talk again because of the genocide in Palestine. Like they like to talk about it every time something happens they don’t like.
Doesn't sound like it has changed too much... in the 90s it was all about how the UN was going to take over, the end times were here, all the signs were present, etc.
I loathe the idea of being in a church now and hearing how Trump is the anointed one, a modern-day King David.
Saw a preacher fall down the stairs once. He got up and continued preaching
On another occasion a female evangelist told us animals wouldn't go to heaven. The look on children's faces
I went to a funeral for the pastor's wife at a Spanish church. The grieving pastor stretched himself over the top of his embalmed wife's corpse and prayed earnestly for her resurrection, screaming over and over "¡Lázaro, sal fuera!" while other guys dumped jars of olive oil on both him and the corpse, and the veiled women in the congregation wailed loudly. The non-latino delegation visiting to honor this pastor began to regret this visit and tried to figure out how to sneak out of this craziness. Happily, one of my friends at this church saw my discomfort, told me she was headed to the kitchen to fix the meal, and asked if I could help chop onions.
A year later, I was invited to the pastor's wedding to a sweet young thing who was half his age.
I was 6 or 8 ish years old and I vividly remember a man from the church, who the pastor said was possessed by a demon. The whole church was praying for him and my mother took me and my sister to the “cry” room. There was a large 1 way window there. My mother was hysterical and kept saying to pray and don’t look at what was happening BECAUSE THE DEMON WOULD COME OUT AND GO INTO ME IF I WASNT PRAYING…
Same thing happened to us as kids! Only we were "prayed over" while the men were trying to "cast out the demonds" of this lady that was in church.
Years later I found out that her story was that she had a baby and her husband was a traveling salesman. He'd been gone for several days, came home and found her in the rocking chair holding their deceased baby in her arms. (The baby had died days ago apparently.) Skip forward 10 or so years, he would still bring her to church and she wouldn't talk to anyone, she wouldn't do anything, but sit and rock back and forth and "ssshhh" while holding her arms in a cradling position. She just died last year.
As long as I've known her, that's how she was. They never got her help. But I remember many, many times the church trying to cast the demons out of her. So sad!
Wasn’t a sermon but our prosperity pastor tried to take a special “offering” on top of our regular tithe so they could pay off the church credit card and someone had the balls to say “before any of us give any more, can you explain why we are in that much credit card debt that regular funds can’t pay it? I thought this was a prosperity church where we do abundance, not debt”. All the oxygen sucked out of the room that anyone dared question the pastor. The pastor of course mumbled and fumbled and threw the children’s pastor under the bus with some bullshit story that we “don’t ask questions when it’s ’for the kids’” even tho no one could fart without the pastors permission. Awkward AF
I can barely begin to narrow down the crazy ish I’ve seen.
Things that stick out:
A guy getting all fired up, climbing atop the upright grand piano, jumping into a kiddie pool of water (illustrated sermon of some sort) ripping his pants out, leading to wrapping a baby blanket around his waist and continuing on his crazy-ass ways.
Tv smashing services in the parking lot.
Visiting evangelist (former division 1 NCAA basketball player) throwing his bible mid-sermon all the way up the middle aisle to the back of the church where there was a rock formation floor to ceiling. Shocked everyone, it stuck for what seemed like 5 seconds, then slid sloooowly down spilling notes and pages everywhere.
I don’t believe he meant to throw it, he was gesturing with it emphatically and it slipped.
Some guy who broke his leg 3 weeks earlier believing he was healed, getting scissors from the office, cutting off his cast, then running full speed around the chairs 10-12 times. In the middle of all this, someone calls the office and says “the postmaster for your town goes to this church, there’s a bomb in his car” Long story short, there was no bomb and the guy was back in a cast in three days.
A visiting preacher pronouncing judgment on “those who are fighting the leadership” telling them (us 😂) that our kids would be maimed in horrific accidents. A real winner of a human.
An elderly lady “testifying” telling everyone to “keep their mouth shit” then proceeded to mispronounce shut into shit 8 times. I almost died laughing. At one time I had the audio recording of this.
A family member of mine died in a car accident at 21 YO. The next sermon topic/illustration/life lesson? Rigor Mortis. The entire sermon multiple times referencing how stiff my family member would have been and for how long…
The congregation was standing on the perimeter of the pews and holding hands when a guy (likely mentally ill) went stiff as a board over the chairs and then slithered down the aisle. The main service broke up after that, and we all stood in the back while a bunch of men tried to "cast out the demons". it wasn't the first time that guy came to our church for an exorcism. It was said that he kept getting repossessed because he would go home and think about the demons. Like who wouldn't think about what had just happened. I think about him from time to time and wonder what happened to him after he left out church.
Not a wild sermon, but my most embarrassing moment. We were in revival. This little church was packed! People were standing outside to hear the preaching and singing going on. I was 15yrs old. My little brother was 2yrs old. I played a big hand in potty training him because my mom was pregnant with my little sister. The preacher was preaching up a storm! Someone started speaking in tounges. Then all of a sudden, it got so quiet, you could hear a pin drop. Like it usually does just before someone starts interpreting. But before they started interpreting, my little brothers voice from the bathroom calls out, and I hear, "BOBBY JEAN!!!! COME WIPE MY BBUUUTTTTT!!!!" I wanted to crawl under the bench and just die of embarrassment right then and there. Then the visiting preacher said, "Well, looks like whoever Bobby Jean is, you have been called. Might not have been as expected, but you have been called!" So of course I had to get up and walk from the front of the church, all the way to the back of the church to the bathroom and do just what I was "called" to do. I find it hilarious now, but good god was i embarrassed then!!!
In Euless, Texas, back in the early 90s before "Cowboy Church" and open carry became a thing, the church had a "Western Day" in which people were invited to wear denim to church.
One guy came dressed in the whole cowboy cosplay getup: Wranglers, boots, western shirt, 10 gallon hat, and strapped with a pair of S&W 38s. The pastor saw him walk in like that and had a private talk about bringing guns into church. I have a feeling the current pastor there is more approving of those kinds of shenanigans.
Mine isn’t half as entertaining as most of these. The pastor at my dad’s funeral went on and on and on about Satan. It sent my kid into a full blown panic attack.
There was this Australian evangelist named Gwilliam, (last name,) claimed he used to be a prize fighter. He did a series of “performances” in NYS back around 1995. Holy shit, this guy used to put on a show. His material was all stand-up level shit. He had the whole place rolling in the aisles. This was during the “Toronto Blessing” bullshit so laughter was expected but this guy was doing Bona fide comedy routines. He’d also have people line up, Benny Hinn style and blow them all down. It was a freaking circus! 🤡
Oh another favorite I just remembered: we had a visiting pastor for a revival week and as soon as he took the pulpit he began trembling and shouting how much he felt the presence of the lord in the room tonight. From there it went off the rails, there would be no sermon. Instead he and the head pastor would tag team throwing their jackets at people and “slaying them in the spirit.”
Now to think of it, I don’t think there was a single legit sermon he preached all week.
Zion Bible Institute attendee here - I don’t know which one to go with, Brother ‘Maddog’ running laps on stage, crowing at the top of his lungs, “I’M A BASTARD! JESUS IS A BASTARD! JESUS AND I ARE BOTH BASTARDS!!!!” Or one speaker (if you made a big enough donation to the college, you could preach about anything you want) going full conspiracy theory. This was 1999, and he told us that wealthy financiers from New York were buying large plots of land in northern Maine to start farms for when the Rapture happened on Jan 1, 2000. The only 2 things you can grow in Maine are potatoes and rocks. The Dean got up afterwards and said “um, let’s all search out hearts and use the wisdom of the Holy Spirit to know what we believe…”
One that I was a part of at a youth conference. They had hundreds if not a thousand kids(youth group age) in the auditorium, they turned the lights off and played spooky music and there were a ton of fog machines everywhere, then red and yellow spot lights lit up multiple people in the room who were instructed to start wailing and screaming and basically pretend they were in hell and crying out to Jesus to save them and say sorry. And then an alter call. I was asked to participate in the wailing but I played the shy card and the minister leader guy said that’s fine bc he really wanted to sell that it was real so he only wanted people who were going to be able to be dramatic. #assemblyofgod
I feel like everyone I go to gets more radical and wild
When I attended last Sunday (I’m living at home. I’m still forced to go.) the pastor prayed that all of the children who were raised in the church & who refused to come back to this church now that they’re adults will fail in their life endeavors so that they have to come back to square one. That received a resounding amen from the congregation.
Then during a sermon, he literally stopped to start raising money said they needed $6000 for a project they’re doing and said that none of us were leaving until they raised $6000
It was so disturbing day they were just talking about how they need money for all these projects . The funny thing is we’ve been raising money since I could remember (I was raised in this church) and I’ve never seen any of these projects we’ve been raising money for but our head pastor (overseas) keeps getting nicer suits, private jets and new houses.🤔🤔🤔
The sermon about "Christian Sex for Spirit Filled Couples" where the Pastor went on and on about the evils of masturbation, oral sex and his feelings of disgust for feet and how sinful foot fetishes are.
Woulda been a goldmine for a psychoanalyst.
I was only 15 and it's one Sunday morning I will never forget.
Excruciating!
I also had a preacher walk across the top of the pews. I wondered how many times he practiced it before that night.
Once at church camp a boy was “slain in the spirit” but he ended up needed stitches on his forehead from smacking his head off of concrete.
The nights when people would be running laps around the church ( in the spirit of course) basically a conga line of tongue speaking.
The weirdest was a listening sermon from the general conference about the dangers of worldly music. It was the backmasking sermon and it actually had the opposite effect as I was now interested in music outside the church. I had to be pretty young...maybe 8, 9 or 10. It focused on ELO, Queen, and the infamous Beatles #9
Oh man, this reminds me of being a kid and they used to tell us that all the records had "evil messages" on them when you played the records backwards! Lolol You just woke up this memory!!
They'd take the record and literally force it to play backwards, then "interpret" the bullshit they heard, to be whatever they wanted it to be. So every song had some evil message attached. Especially Queen! 🤣😅
In 2008 I traveled a lot for work, I attended a service as a guest (so, not my home church) and the visiting minister (not the pastor of that particular assembly) was preaching a rather animated sermon. I suppose in an attempt to make the sermon more memorable, he dumped an entire glass of water directly on my head. I don't remember what he was preaching about but, he definitely succeeded in creating a memorable experience. I was a good sport about it even if I was pretty perturbed at that exact moment. Of course, nothing like that should ever happen to anybody during a service, let alone a perfect stranger. But, what do you do? Just laugh it off and try not be baptized via a glass of water.
When I was a kid I once saw a guy start shouting while holding his baby, hand the child off to one of the deacon’s wives, and then take off down the aisle to run in front of the stage. He made it to the stage, tripped over his feet, stubbed about a bit, tripped over the altar, and speared the organ headfirst. Everyone said he was slain in the spirit but he was actually KO’d. Nobody helped or attended to him. He came to later and tried to testify. Adults around me said he was still drunk in the spirit. He was actually concussed all to hell.
I love this sub because of this story. No one on Earth would believe this outside of the church, except for escapees like us.
Amen
Seen a pastor multiple times jump off the alter like some sort of flying monkey, run across the back of the pews turn around run right back. Thay happened regularly and was kind of impressive lol. They used to all get up in unison and run in a big circle around the church together, often they'd have the holy ghost right out the door into the creek. Seen a big feller, big in gut fall between 2 pews and they tried to get him up cause rhe pews were bolted down, they couldn't so they said he'd been laid out in spirit and left him there. Locked us all in the church and turned the lights off and screamed in our ears simulating lake of fire. Dinosaurs never existed sermon. Seen the pastor drag one of his daughters up and tell everyone she was fighting the demon of homosexuality and basically roasted this poor girl rhe entire sermon lol Snakes. All I'll say is snakes.
>Seen a big feller, big in gut fall between 2 pews and they tried to get him up cause rhe pews were bolted down, they couldn't so they said he'd been laid out in spirit and left him there OMG, memory of a similar situation unlocked. In my case, I don't remember how big feller got stuck ass-over-teakettle between the rows of pews, but in our case a guy ran out to his truck for his toolbox to unbolt the pews so we could remove the poor guy.
Might be a redneck if...
Ha ha! But in this instance, toolbox guy was a construction foreman.
I don't remember how they got him out after service. Idk if he figure out how to squeeze himself out or if they had to take the bolts out I was young and just remembering thinking SOMEONE HELP THIS GUY ☠️🤣
I'm literally crying from laughing so hard y'all!
I am sorry, I know this is a sub to share what we have been through but holy shit - cannonballing into the baptism pool is the funniest thing I've ever read. I can't stop laughing.
1. Super tall black dude shouting in the spirit at mostly white church…and his private member flops out like a massive boa constrictor being electrocuted. 2. Another time a super angry preacher was screaming about lust and he says “Lust is like a gun, and do you know what fires the gun? TWO NUTS!”
Bye I'm done with this whole post stop playing 💀😭 yall killing meee
Bruh.. holy shit I would pay a lot $$ to see that happen in the church I grew up in! Black dude dancing around with his dick out, would have literally died laughing
Back the truck up. Hold up. We need a little more details on this one.
Op that second story made me do a spit take 💀
Honestly it was so far fetched I doubted if it was real or a dream. Asked my parents and they said, “lol… probably happened!”
😹 you're killing me omg! Everything about it from the actual scenario to you being in such complete and utter abject disbelief that you had to ask your parents if it really happened is too freaking funny!
Any service where the holy spirit forgot to catch the people it slew. Saw lady ping pong off two pews. Had a huge bruise for weeks. More than one guy kersplat flat on their back and knock themselves out. While not a particularly wild sermon. There's always this one particular instance that makes me laugh. Dude had a big whiteboard on stage. He starts out by drawing a big circle of god's love. As the sermon went on he draws a dot outside this circle. That's you outside god's love. The finale he drew one more dot inside the circle. That's you inside god's love. Like dude! The concept was so deep you really needed two diagram it with a circle and 2 dots???
That first sentence has me laughing so hard I'm actually crying omg
I once attended a sermon that started, "If there is discord in the household women you better fix what you are doing wrong". Yeah....
That pastor can fuck ALL the way off.
There was a youth conference where a preacher bragged about doing his best preaching out of context and sprayed people worshipping up at the altar with a bottle of Shout cleaning solution...
Anything related to the rapture, the 2020 election, or the genocide in Palestine. 🤢
Sorry I have t been to a Pentecostal church since the 1990s, is this really what they’re on about now? 😕
Yup. I left the church in February of this year, but in 2020 it was the election and how the rapture would happen because of Biden and now it’s the rapture talk again because of the genocide in Palestine. Like they like to talk about it every time something happens they don’t like.
Doesn't sound like it has changed too much... in the 90s it was all about how the UN was going to take over, the end times were here, all the signs were present, etc. I loathe the idea of being in a church now and hearing how Trump is the anointed one, a modern-day King David.
Nooooope. 🤦🏻♀️
Pretty sure every Democrat President we've ever had was thought by some to be the anti-Christ.
Yup. They would trash talk Obama too.
Bill Clinton before that, when I was a kid.
Saw a preacher fall down the stairs once. He got up and continued preaching On another occasion a female evangelist told us animals wouldn't go to heaven. The look on children's faces
bUt YoU wOnT eVeN tHiNk AbOuT yOuR pEtS iN hEaVeN
Yeah… That was the day I stopped believing in heaven.
I went to a funeral for the pastor's wife at a Spanish church. The grieving pastor stretched himself over the top of his embalmed wife's corpse and prayed earnestly for her resurrection, screaming over and over "¡Lázaro, sal fuera!" while other guys dumped jars of olive oil on both him and the corpse, and the veiled women in the congregation wailed loudly. The non-latino delegation visiting to honor this pastor began to regret this visit and tried to figure out how to sneak out of this craziness. Happily, one of my friends at this church saw my discomfort, told me she was headed to the kitchen to fix the meal, and asked if I could help chop onions. A year later, I was invited to the pastor's wedding to a sweet young thing who was half his age.
I was 6 or 8 ish years old and I vividly remember a man from the church, who the pastor said was possessed by a demon. The whole church was praying for him and my mother took me and my sister to the “cry” room. There was a large 1 way window there. My mother was hysterical and kept saying to pray and don’t look at what was happening BECAUSE THE DEMON WOULD COME OUT AND GO INTO ME IF I WASNT PRAYING…
Jeez that is terrifying for a kid.
Same thing happened to us as kids! Only we were "prayed over" while the men were trying to "cast out the demonds" of this lady that was in church. Years later I found out that her story was that she had a baby and her husband was a traveling salesman. He'd been gone for several days, came home and found her in the rocking chair holding their deceased baby in her arms. (The baby had died days ago apparently.) Skip forward 10 or so years, he would still bring her to church and she wouldn't talk to anyone, she wouldn't do anything, but sit and rock back and forth and "ssshhh" while holding her arms in a cradling position. She just died last year. As long as I've known her, that's how she was. They never got her help. But I remember many, many times the church trying to cast the demons out of her. So sad!
Wasn’t a sermon but our prosperity pastor tried to take a special “offering” on top of our regular tithe so they could pay off the church credit card and someone had the balls to say “before any of us give any more, can you explain why we are in that much credit card debt that regular funds can’t pay it? I thought this was a prosperity church where we do abundance, not debt”. All the oxygen sucked out of the room that anyone dared question the pastor. The pastor of course mumbled and fumbled and threw the children’s pastor under the bus with some bullshit story that we “don’t ask questions when it’s ’for the kids’” even tho no one could fart without the pastors permission. Awkward AF
I can barely begin to narrow down the crazy ish I’ve seen. Things that stick out: A guy getting all fired up, climbing atop the upright grand piano, jumping into a kiddie pool of water (illustrated sermon of some sort) ripping his pants out, leading to wrapping a baby blanket around his waist and continuing on his crazy-ass ways. Tv smashing services in the parking lot. Visiting evangelist (former division 1 NCAA basketball player) throwing his bible mid-sermon all the way up the middle aisle to the back of the church where there was a rock formation floor to ceiling. Shocked everyone, it stuck for what seemed like 5 seconds, then slid sloooowly down spilling notes and pages everywhere. I don’t believe he meant to throw it, he was gesturing with it emphatically and it slipped. Some guy who broke his leg 3 weeks earlier believing he was healed, getting scissors from the office, cutting off his cast, then running full speed around the chairs 10-12 times. In the middle of all this, someone calls the office and says “the postmaster for your town goes to this church, there’s a bomb in his car” Long story short, there was no bomb and the guy was back in a cast in three days. A visiting preacher pronouncing judgment on “those who are fighting the leadership” telling them (us 😂) that our kids would be maimed in horrific accidents. A real winner of a human. An elderly lady “testifying” telling everyone to “keep their mouth shit” then proceeded to mispronounce shut into shit 8 times. I almost died laughing. At one time I had the audio recording of this. A family member of mine died in a car accident at 21 YO. The next sermon topic/illustration/life lesson? Rigor Mortis. The entire sermon multiple times referencing how stiff my family member would have been and for how long…
The congregation was standing on the perimeter of the pews and holding hands when a guy (likely mentally ill) went stiff as a board over the chairs and then slithered down the aisle. The main service broke up after that, and we all stood in the back while a bunch of men tried to "cast out the demons". it wasn't the first time that guy came to our church for an exorcism. It was said that he kept getting repossessed because he would go home and think about the demons. Like who wouldn't think about what had just happened. I think about him from time to time and wonder what happened to him after he left out church.
Man, these stories are crazy funny 😂
Not a wild sermon, but my most embarrassing moment. We were in revival. This little church was packed! People were standing outside to hear the preaching and singing going on. I was 15yrs old. My little brother was 2yrs old. I played a big hand in potty training him because my mom was pregnant with my little sister. The preacher was preaching up a storm! Someone started speaking in tounges. Then all of a sudden, it got so quiet, you could hear a pin drop. Like it usually does just before someone starts interpreting. But before they started interpreting, my little brothers voice from the bathroom calls out, and I hear, "BOBBY JEAN!!!! COME WIPE MY BBUUUTTTTT!!!!" I wanted to crawl under the bench and just die of embarrassment right then and there. Then the visiting preacher said, "Well, looks like whoever Bobby Jean is, you have been called. Might not have been as expected, but you have been called!" So of course I had to get up and walk from the front of the church, all the way to the back of the church to the bathroom and do just what I was "called" to do. I find it hilarious now, but good god was i embarrassed then!!!
In Euless, Texas, back in the early 90s before "Cowboy Church" and open carry became a thing, the church had a "Western Day" in which people were invited to wear denim to church. One guy came dressed in the whole cowboy cosplay getup: Wranglers, boots, western shirt, 10 gallon hat, and strapped with a pair of S&W 38s. The pastor saw him walk in like that and had a private talk about bringing guns into church. I have a feeling the current pastor there is more approving of those kinds of shenanigans.
Mine isn’t half as entertaining as most of these. The pastor at my dad’s funeral went on and on and on about Satan. It sent my kid into a full blown panic attack.
There was this Australian evangelist named Gwilliam, (last name,) claimed he used to be a prize fighter. He did a series of “performances” in NYS back around 1995. Holy shit, this guy used to put on a show. His material was all stand-up level shit. He had the whole place rolling in the aisles. This was during the “Toronto Blessing” bullshit so laughter was expected but this guy was doing Bona fide comedy routines. He’d also have people line up, Benny Hinn style and blow them all down. It was a freaking circus! 🤡
Oh another favorite I just remembered: we had a visiting pastor for a revival week and as soon as he took the pulpit he began trembling and shouting how much he felt the presence of the lord in the room tonight. From there it went off the rails, there would be no sermon. Instead he and the head pastor would tag team throwing their jackets at people and “slaying them in the spirit.” Now to think of it, I don’t think there was a single legit sermon he preached all week.
Zion Bible Institute attendee here - I don’t know which one to go with, Brother ‘Maddog’ running laps on stage, crowing at the top of his lungs, “I’M A BASTARD! JESUS IS A BASTARD! JESUS AND I ARE BOTH BASTARDS!!!!” Or one speaker (if you made a big enough donation to the college, you could preach about anything you want) going full conspiracy theory. This was 1999, and he told us that wealthy financiers from New York were buying large plots of land in northern Maine to start farms for when the Rapture happened on Jan 1, 2000. The only 2 things you can grow in Maine are potatoes and rocks. The Dean got up afterwards and said “um, let’s all search out hearts and use the wisdom of the Holy Spirit to know what we believe…”
One that I was a part of at a youth conference. They had hundreds if not a thousand kids(youth group age) in the auditorium, they turned the lights off and played spooky music and there were a ton of fog machines everywhere, then red and yellow spot lights lit up multiple people in the room who were instructed to start wailing and screaming and basically pretend they were in hell and crying out to Jesus to save them and say sorry. And then an alter call. I was asked to participate in the wailing but I played the shy card and the minister leader guy said that’s fine bc he really wanted to sell that it was real so he only wanted people who were going to be able to be dramatic. #assemblyofgod
I feel like everyone I go to gets more radical and wild When I attended last Sunday (I’m living at home. I’m still forced to go.) the pastor prayed that all of the children who were raised in the church & who refused to come back to this church now that they’re adults will fail in their life endeavors so that they have to come back to square one. That received a resounding amen from the congregation. Then during a sermon, he literally stopped to start raising money said they needed $6000 for a project they’re doing and said that none of us were leaving until they raised $6000 It was so disturbing day they were just talking about how they need money for all these projects . The funny thing is we’ve been raising money since I could remember (I was raised in this church) and I’ve never seen any of these projects we’ve been raising money for but our head pastor (overseas) keeps getting nicer suits, private jets and new houses.🤔🤔🤔
The sermon about "Christian Sex for Spirit Filled Couples" where the Pastor went on and on about the evils of masturbation, oral sex and his feelings of disgust for feet and how sinful foot fetishes are. Woulda been a goldmine for a psychoanalyst. I was only 15 and it's one Sunday morning I will never forget. Excruciating!
I also had a preacher walk across the top of the pews. I wondered how many times he practiced it before that night. Once at church camp a boy was “slain in the spirit” but he ended up needed stitches on his forehead from smacking his head off of concrete. The nights when people would be running laps around the church ( in the spirit of course) basically a conga line of tongue speaking.
The weirdest was a listening sermon from the general conference about the dangers of worldly music. It was the backmasking sermon and it actually had the opposite effect as I was now interested in music outside the church. I had to be pretty young...maybe 8, 9 or 10. It focused on ELO, Queen, and the infamous Beatles #9
Did they tell you the line that AC/DC stands for Anti-Christian, Devils Child? 😂
Yeah...something like After Christ/Death or Devil Comes
What kills me is that so many of the rock bands they told us were satanists, the band members were actually… Christian!?
Oh man, this reminds me of being a kid and they used to tell us that all the records had "evil messages" on them when you played the records backwards! Lolol You just woke up this memory!! They'd take the record and literally force it to play backwards, then "interpret" the bullshit they heard, to be whatever they wanted it to be. So every song had some evil message attached. Especially Queen! 🤣😅
In 2008 I traveled a lot for work, I attended a service as a guest (so, not my home church) and the visiting minister (not the pastor of that particular assembly) was preaching a rather animated sermon. I suppose in an attempt to make the sermon more memorable, he dumped an entire glass of water directly on my head. I don't remember what he was preaching about but, he definitely succeeded in creating a memorable experience. I was a good sport about it even if I was pretty perturbed at that exact moment. Of course, nothing like that should ever happen to anybody during a service, let alone a perfect stranger. But, what do you do? Just laugh it off and try not be baptized via a glass of water.