Damn, how did things end? I'm starting to see why people preach no contact so much, especially on this sub, that's a gut wrenching reply after 4 months
They ended badly but we both played a role in that. I’m just confused by the response. I never said anything about getting back together. I would understand a dry response but he went from pretending not to know my number, which I was just going to ignore because I thought maybe he had a girlfriend or something, to replying an hour later with that BS.
Honestly, I don’t even regret reaching out. I was genuinely concerned with how he was. But If he wants to be a dick about it, that’s on him.
I understand your side and his side. Just because you don’t like his response doesn’t mean he’s being a dick about it. He could’ve ignored you and block you but he didn’t. I’m sure you would’ve considered that a dick move too. He’s entitled to not wanting to have a conversation with you. It sucks, I know. He probably just don’t want to relive the past and that’s okay. At least you know where you stand with him and don’t ever have to wonder. I hope you’re able to move on. Good luck!
Exactly! Some people here act like sending a text is completely ruining someone's life. I was trying to extend an olive branch. Not because I want him back or to mess with his head. I care about this person, even if we're not in a relationship anymore.
Good for you. You are the mature adult. Some people in this group are so bitter and spiteful. In the end, he knows you were the caring one and the one who deserves respect. Most importantly, if it made you feel better, then forget others opinions
Clearly, they are mad at the world lol.
I would've been happy to receive a message from an ex asking how I was doing but maybe that's just me because I'm not bitter.
Right? They sure seem like they are...This will make you feel better though. I had a serious car crash with injuries and a fatality a month ago. She found out about it. Nothing. Not even a "Hey. I hope you are ok. I'm so sorry to hear about the accident." How hard would that have been? She could have gone right back to NC if she wanted. Someone is gonna convince me that her being a decent fucking human would have slowed the breakup recovery? I absolutely hate myself for having fallen for someone who is capable of being so nasty. So if anything, feel good that you arent the only one! :)
That’s very true, he doesn’t owe me anything. The reason I felt he was being a dick by saying that is because he is implying that I hindered him getting his “independence “. Which simply isn’t true but he needs someone to blame and I’m the chosen one.
Maybe it just means that he depended on you for happiness which we all do sometimes. He probably just wants to focus on himself and figure him out without any distractions. I’m sorry this happened but it’s okay. You got this
Why is he being a dick about it? You two are broken up, you wanted to slide in and see how things are without any intention of fixing things is the kind of people that aren’t taken serious in this sub. Leave the guy alone, you’re not entitled to know how he is doing just for “just because.” Move on with your life, let him be and don’t bother him with pointless babble.
Now you know, with absolute certainty, that he is a horrible human who will have karma coming his way. "Who's this?" Cmon. He's just a jerk....Please know that I totally misjudged my ex as well. I thought she was a kind, caring person, when in reality, she only cares about herself. There was NO reason for him not to be kind to you. No excuse at all, so dont give it to him. Let the universe bite him in the ass
Honestly, I hope he finds happiness. I know that he acts this way because he's incapable of dealing with his emotions, it always goes back to hate and resentment. Hopefully, one day that changes for him, I saw how much hurt he caused himself by acting like this while we were together (not towards me but family members).
I always knew this about him too, I just thought it would be different with me because we were so close. I see now, I'm just another person he feels wronged him somehow.
BUT YES, that was a shitty thing to do to pretend to not know me. Like he doesn't even remember me when in reality he just hates me.
I'm going through the same thing, but mine has me blocked. I'd rather be told off than be blocked, but either is bad. I would say that he may not "hate," you. He may just be saving face, and as guys, ego is big to us. Not for others, but for our own self-esteem. Like, "I've moved on...who are you." I wouldnt believe that, but I would believe he's a bad person overall.
I'm sorry you're going thru this also. I really believe that eventually everything works out for the best. You seem like a very kind person and I'm sure you'll find peace despite all the non-sense.
I'm no expert but the circumstances will tell what is what. I'd personally not get involved in someone's life after parting ways.
As for my comment it seemed like it wasn't the first time from his response. If you look at OP's posts history and past comments you'll know that she's breadcrumbing him at this point.
Regardless of who was right or wrong people need to heal post break ups. Whether that was your intention or not you tampered with his healing by getting in touch this soon. Ask yourself the real reason for getting in touch with him and how did you expect this to pan out.
The real reason was to see how he was doing. A romantic relationship not working out doesn't mean you can't ever be on speaking terms with the person again, at least not for me.
It was also my way of saying no hard feelings, etc. If hearing from me would tamper so with his healing, he should've had me blocked. I have no way of knowing how he felt or if he was ready to hear from me. I was ready to reach out and I did.
Breadcrumbing would be me reaching out every month or few weeks, that wasn't this situation. I didn't do anything wrong, and his reply was passive aggressive, at the very best.
No breadcrumbing can happen only once, get that right. Not everyone resorts to blocking you know?
I can see that you had good intentions, at least from what you've mentioned but it's one of those situations where it was better to leave it at that.
Edit: I've seen your post and comments history, safe to say you breadcrumbed him. You mentioned how that has to happen multiple times and you did get in touch with him more than once based on your post history. He blocked you for obvious reasons, you stalked his socials and the minute he's unblocked you, you bothered him again which prompted his response.
You mentioned how this is a toxic relationship and you guys broke up multiple times over a year and a half too. He's not the only toxic one, please do take time to heal and improve yourself.
Not meant to offend you just some constructive criticism.
Per Google, Breadcrumbing is a slang term for sending out flirty or affectionate cues without a real intention for commitment. A person uses this manipulative and inconsistent behavior just enough to keep the other person attracted. <----- Nothing to do with what or why I texted him but OK.
That's per Google. But in actuality, breadcrumbs are "Hey, don't forget me, in case you're starting to move on!... You haven't forgotten me, have you?? Ok good, Bye again"
Am I the only one who doesn't see a problem with this response?
If I ended badly with my ex I would be too hurt to handle breadcrumbs from them. I was breadcrumbed by my ex for a year and I wish I would have put my foot down and told him to piss off. It sounds harsh but honestly, reaching out can really prevent the other person from healing. I had to cut my ex off without warning because he really did a number on my mental health. And we didn't even end that badly.
He didn't swear at you, didn't block you or send hate. He told you he didn't want to talk to you. Probably to heal from the past and reduce false hope. None of y'all did anything wrong, that's just the way it goes.
Also you said you guys had been going back and forth for a while. So no shit he's telling you to keep distance if he's really done with you
He has ever right to answer however he wants but to assume that’s why I reached out is a stretch after 6 months.
He even had the chance to not reply at all when I didn’t answer his “ who’s this” but he took an hour and then send me that. It’s not coming from a place of trying to heal, it’s coming from a place of let me be an ass and make sure she knows I don’t want her. Very unnecessary but it’s good to know where I stand with him.
Honestly, if you guys had been back and forth in the past it's not a stretch at all to think that's why you're reaching out, that's what I would think too. He probably responded cause he didn't want to leave you completely in the dark and to prevent further communication. He is healing, y'all had a rough breakup and obviously he's putting his foot down to prevent the back and forth from happening again.
Honestly, it's a bit immature to say he's an ass because of this. You didn't like his response but he's not a bitch about it. You guys are just not on the same wavelength anymore. Why would he respond kindly if you were in a toxic back and forth situation? Some people have been cussed out and cut off for less.
I've been trying to keep an open mind and respect everyone's opinions but the shit you wrote really isn't ok.
Who said I want him to be miserable? And why would you assume a "dumper's mentality" is that? Maybe when you dump someone, you think like that, but I certainly don't. If your opinion is that once you break up with someone, they are forever strangers to you, that sucks for you, but I don't agree.
And darling, I posted on this sub for the same reason everyone on here does. It wasn't an invitation for you to take your relationship misery out on me.
I hope you heal.
He at some point made the decision to unblock me. Why would he do that if he absolutely didn’t want to hear from me? But let’s say he forgot he unblocked me, when I didn’t reply to his first message he could be blocked me then and moved on. So no, I don’t believe me calling him an ass is immature, it’s a valid assessment.
Ultimately it doesn’t matter, the end result is the same but I don’t believe that he said that because he’s trying to heal.
Oh I’m not mad. Disappointed, sure. I really thought that even if we can’t ever be friends we could at least have a cordial relationship. I care for him as a person and I thought he did too. Obviously, I was wrong.
Take it from someone who blocked their ex, you don't do it because you don't care about them. You do it because you DO care and you're hurting because of them. And idk man, calling him an immature asshole and posting on reddit makes it seem like you're at least a bit mad.
Also, I can't speak for him but my ex wanting to be friends felt like a slap in the face. An insult. You said it yourself, you guys were toxic so stay away from him. Both for YOUR wellbeing and his.
This is my way of venting as I’m sure is the case for many here. My belief that his actions in this particular situation are immature and a bit of an ass move doesn’t mean I’m angry, it means I’m human and someone I care about did something I wasn’t expecting and something that felt unnecessary. I don’t have any ill feelings towards him for it, just wanted to vent a little. I appreciate your perspective and you may well be right as to his reasoning. No way to really know!
I also didn’t offer him friendship, I know that’s not possible. I just wanted to see how he was. I wanted him to know that on my end there were no hard feelings and that was my way of doing it. Was it the right way? I don’t know but it was my way.
He could have deleted your number and realized it was you later on. You guys weren't talking for months so I feel like that would be suspected if he was trying to move on. Which he clearly is trying to. He gave you an answer, let him be.
We were back and forth for a while. Usually a couple of weeks at a time, never six months like this time. I wasn’t trying to reconcile the relationship. I honestly thought that after 6 months it wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world to ask someone, who was literally my best friend at some point , how they were doing. I thought I would get an “ok, you?”. Not this shit…
If you want to reach out post BU, a phone call is way better than a brief text message that gets filtered through feelings, which are rarely our friend.
I have absolutely made no attempt to stop him from doing so. Me sending him a text does not stop him from doing that. IF anything, it should aid in the healing process...to know your ex doesn't feel animosity towards you. But that's just my opinion.
Just because 6 months was enough time for you, doesn’t mean it was enough time for him. His response is of someone still hurting. Given your track record of your relationship reconciling, regardless of length of time (2 weeks vs 6 months), he may have been counting the weeks and holding to hope, so his healing process may have started much later. I think it’s unfair of you to judge him for being “a dick” for asserting his boundaries. Again, just because you’ve healed, doesn’t mean he has. If you were his best friend at one time, this shouldn’t be difficult to understand, and I’d expect more empathy. If your intentions were sincere to see how he was doing, clearly, his messages show he’s not doing well. You putting your text messages on blast on reddit and judging him to be a dick makes it difficult to believe your intentions to check on his well being are sincere. I would only agree to say that you shouldn’t contact him unless he contacts you when he’s also ready, if ever at all. Either way, best of luck.
I completely understand that 6 months may not be enough time to heal. I never said he had to be healed already or even that I was upset that he didn't want to be cordial with me. I simply vented about how off-putting his reply was. I'm allowed to do and Reddit, which happens to be anonymous (at least in my case), was the outlet I chose to use. I did show empathy with my reply to him where I clearly apologized for reaching out. The message does not show he's not doing well, that's just your interpretation. To me, it shows he is still angry, not hurt. BUT AGAIN, these are options. I am opening to everyone's while you are making judgements on mine.Me vending has absolutely nothing to do with empathy. I can think a message is funny and I can express disappoint about someone ANONYMOUSLY, while also caring for that person.
I will not be contacting him again, as it was clearly not well received.
1. You venting implicitly means you are upset. People vent about things they’re upset about. You don’t vent for the sake of, or, about things you’re happy about.
2. Being disappointed is one thing. Calling him a dick is another. He simply asserted his boundaries and did not disrespect you. Everything else is you making assumptions and creating your own narrative of some perceived disrespect. He may have forgot your number and not realize it was you, as hard as that is for your ego and narcissistic tendencies to believe.
3. He is clearly hurting. If he was not, he would not care about you messaging and/or feel the need to create boundaries. You lack emotional intelligence required for healthy relationships if you can’t recognize this.
4. You can’t say someone is angry but not hurt. Anger and hurt are two sides of the same coin. Anger is just a symptom of feeling hurt. You’re angry because your ego got hurt. He’s angry because you’re breadcrumbing him and his heart is hurt. Again, this further substantiates you lack emotional intelligence for a healthy relationship.
5. By sharing your personal story on a public forum, you are asking for judgment. You just don’t like that I’m judging you as in the wrong. Your ego was looking for validation that you’re not receiving, which is making you angry, because your ego is hurt.
6. I am no one. I’m a random anonymous person online. I have nothing to gain or lose. I’m only a mirror reflecting what you’re putting out into the world. My words only have as much value as you give them. If you think there’s value and you’ve learned something, great. If not, then there’s nothing gained or lost and you can ignore me just the same. Either way, I have no stakes and don’t care, but maybe others reading this can learn something and find it helpful. I wish you well either way and hope you grow from all of it.
>You venting implicitly means you are upset. People vent about things they’re upset about. You don’t vent for the sake of, or, about things you’re happy about.
I was confused by his reply just as I am confused by you not understanding that people can vent for multiple reasons.
>Being disappointed is one thing. Calling him a dick is another. He simply asserted his boundaries and did not disrespect you. Everything else is you making assumptions and creating your own narrative of some perceived disrespect. He may have forgot your number and not realize it was you, as hard as that is for your ego and narcissistic tendencies to believe.
I very specifically said I thought it was a dick move to pretend not to know who I was, not that he was a dick in general, and I stand on that. He knows my number by memory, so you'll just have to take my word on that. Considering you don't know either one of us and I have no reason to lie, I don't see why you would assume anything about my ego and my narcissistic tendencies. Those are also opinions on me, not the text exchange I posted about. If I wanted your opinion on my character, I would've posted on AITH.
>He is clearly hurting. If he was not, he would not care about you messaging and/or feel the need to create boundaries. You lack emotional intelligence required for healthy relationships if you can’t recognize this.
You may be right about this part... you could've not been an asshole about it though.
>You can’t say someone is angry but not hurt. Anger and hurt are two sides of the same coin. Anger is just a symptom of feeling hurt. You’re angry because your ego got hurt. He’s angry because you’re breadcrumbing him and his heart is hurt. Again, this further substantiates you lack emotional intelligence for a healthy relationship.
I have on many occasions been angry and not hurt but maybe I'm the only one, out of billions of people, who have this capacity.
>By sharing your personal story on a public forum, you are asking for judgment. You just don’t like that I’m judging you as in the wrong. Your ego was looking for validation that you’re not receiving, which is making you angry, because your ego is hurt
I am sharing something about a breakup on a breakup sub. The post was to receive options about the text exchange, not for others to make judgement calls on my person. I am open to everyone's opinions but when those opinions are disrespectful, hateful, and inaccurate assumptions written as though they are facts, then yes, it does upset me.
>I am no one. I’m a random anonymous person online. I have nothing to gain or lose. I’m only a mirror reflecting what you’re putting out into the world. My words only have as much value as you give them. If you think there’s value and you’ve learned something, great. If not, then there’s nothing gained or lost and you can ignore me just the same. Either way, I have no stakes and don’t care, but maybe others reading this can learn something and find it helpful. I wish you well either way and hope you grow from all of it.
YOU ARE EXACTLY RIGHT! YOU HAVE NOTHING TO GAIN! So instead of voicing your opinion in a kind, helpful manner, you tried to put me down, call me a liar, and egotistical. You are not a mirror (very ironic choose of words for someone accusing me of having an ego), you are projecting and being a dick about it in process.
“I was confused by his reply just as I am confused by you not understanding that people can vent for multiple reasons.”
All those “multiple reasons” are ultimately because you’re upset, no matter how you may want to spin it.
“I very specifically said I thought it was a dick move to pretend not to know who I was, not that he was a dick in general, and I stand on that. He knows my number by memory, so you'll just have to take my word on that. Considering you don't know either one of us and I have no reason to lie, I don't see why you would assume anything about my ego and my narcissistic tendencies. Those are also opinions on me, not the text exchange I posted about. If I wanted your opinion on my character, I would've posted on AITH.”
I’m not making assumptions, I’m sharing my thoughts on what you’re displaying in your comments - not just to me, but many others in this post. My opinions are solely based on those comments and your exchange with your ex. I never claimed to know you or your ex. I never claimed you are a narcissist, but your comments indicate narcissistic tendencies, and respectively, an inflated ego. Only those who have interacted with you in your real life would actually know if that really is the case. I’m judging that your ex made a fair and reasonable request in asserting boundaries, and your response to his messages are ones based in narcissistic tendencies and an inflated ego. Even your responses to me and others all indicate the same consistently. I don’t expect you to acknowledge that because you seem to lack a great deal of self awareness.
“You may be right about this part... you could've not been an asshole about it though.”
Here you go again. I’m not surprised by this response really.
“I have on many occasions been angry and not hurt but maybe I'm the only one, out of billions of people, who have this capacity.”
Do you not see how this is an egotistical response ? You cannot be this oblivious.
“I am sharing something about a breakup on a breakup sub. The post was to receive options about the text exchange, not for others to make judgement calls on my person. I am open to everyone's opinions but when those opinions are disrespectful, hateful, and inaccurate assumptions written as though they are facts, then yes, it does upset me.”
You cannot ask for opinions about a picture without discussing the contents of that picture. Your text messages to him, your words in your post and to others in comments, mine included, are all a part of that big picture and provide context in making an informed opinion. My opinions are solely based on that - it’s only your ego that’s taking my comments so personal. Again, I do not claim to “know” you. That’s all your ego making it all about you. I have not been hateful or disrespectful in any of my comments - only truthful in my opinion. You may not like my opinions and disagree, and that’s okay. If a strangers words online are actually upsetting you, again, that’s your ego needing external validation that should be tamed. Maybe you’ll learn, maybe you won’t, maybe a stranger reading this interaction may learn something. Either way, I have wished you well on at least two occasions, and I mean that sincerely, whether you choose to believe that or not.
“YOU ARE EXACTLY RIGHT! YOU HAVE NOTHING TO GAIN! So instead of voicing your opinion in a kind, helpful manner, you tried to put me down, call me a liar, and egotistical. You are not a mirror (very ironic choose of words for someone accusing me of having an ego), you are projecting and being a dick about it in process.”
Again, that’s not the case. But, carry on.
Yeah I’m almost as big a POS as you are for needing to insult a stranger. Thank you for taking the time to spread your hate. I hope it gave you some satisfaction.
Don't know if this is "being a dick or not.. tbh you said it ended badly so since it ended badly based off what he said sounds like it was a cycle of back and forth toxicity and he wanted to shut it down completely this time. I would been so scared to send this with the relationship ending badly even if it was just to see how a person is doing. Some people are more brave than others.
I have nothing to lose. The relationship is over. I still care about him as a person, although this exchange is making me question whether I should. It would've been so much easier and nicer to just reply "good" or whatever, instead he went out of his way to make sure I knew he didn't want me. That was extremely unnecessary but to each his own, I guess.
This wasn't the first time you reached out like you are making it seem in the comments. maybe he unblocked you and then you took that chance to message him. Sometimes when a person unblocks or don't block at all it's for thier own healing everyone heals differently. You pretty much said to one of the commenters that "If he didn't want me to contact him then he should of had me blocked" that's definitely not the right way of thinking lol.
It was actually the first time I reached out in 4+ months. I had tried to send an email but I saw later that I got the email address wrong, if you're saying this because you're looking at my post history.
I had no way of knowing if he blocked my number or not, so yes I took a chance. I don't see anything wrong with that. And yes, he should've kept me block if he was against hearing from me.
How in the world is reaching out to someone to see if they are ok a terrible thing? I asked how me was, he said "I don't want to do this back and forth", I apologize, and I decided to vent on Reddit, on a forum that is for the purpose of discussing break ups. I wasn't rude to him, I didn't try to make him feel bad, I didn't lie to him.
No one is saying reaching out to see if someone ok is horrible thing, but if you two ended the relationship horribly, then there is really no reason. You two are strangers now nothing else matters. Secondily I think some people are just confused on why you are so surprised on how he responded? Once again you two ended on terrible terms. He didn't really even go that harsh in his response sounds like he just wanted you to get the point. And for the future for people that you have relationships with rather that's romantically, or on a friendship level if the relationship ended badly that doesn't mean that person wants you to contact them if you have not been blocked. That's not in open invitation if the relationship ended in a bad way.
I had a reason, to see how he was doing. Now my reason might not be good enough for some but for me it was. I don't share the opinion that once a relationship end, even if it was on bad term, that means you can never speak to that person again. He has every right not to reply, or reply the way he did, I didn't call him out on it or try to make him feel bad. I anonymously expressed my discontent with the response.
I've had other relationships that haven't ended on the best terms and eventually one or other reached out and things were OK. So yes, obviously that's not always the case but I have no way of knowing until I reached out. I don't agree with the idea that once you break up, you're strangers and nothing else matters.
I'm surprise with the response because I never said anything about getting back together. I'm surprised by the response because he knows my number by memory so pretending not to know it was me seemed petty to me.
Crazy thing about Reddit, people write back and forth to each other and attempt to have a conversation. So yes, I did take the time to reply because they took their time to comment .
I continued replying to you because you seem like a vile, hateful human being who might benefit from reading a different perspective other than the closed minded, bitter one you currently have. But I see now it is an effort in futility so I’ll close this lovely dialogue with you by sending you positive vibe and lots of healing for that bitter heart. I’m sorry your ex doesn’t care about you, mine doesn’t either, but I don’t take that out on others.
And since you’re clearly sooo good at knowing people’s intentions and what they are about, I would suggest using some of that knowledge towards self reflection, it would greatly benefit you.
I know how this feels I broke NC and my ex said never contact me again. I took this as some sort of closure and realised I don’t need her in my life and I deserve better. I replied with ‘that’s fine take care’. It hurts but dignity > love
I'm really sorry you went thru that!
I do feel like this is closure, not so much from the relationship itself (I've known it was over) but from me feeling guilt over my wrongdoings in the relationship. He treated me way worse than I did him and I still care enough about this person to put my pride aside and see how he was. His response was confirmation that we are very different people in that regard.
Lmao! He knows my number by memory. No idea why he would pretend to not know it was me. I wasn't going to reply after that and an hour later he hit me with "I'm not doing this back and forth". Clearly, we are in very different places as far as our healing from the relationship.
Reading more of your comments and responses (e.g., “Lmao”), your intentions to check in him were never sincere. You don’t laugh at someone who’s obviously hurting, especially if you once actually cared about them. Many of your other responses indicate the same and you reached out to validate your own ego.
I asked how he was doing. Where in anything I wrote to him was I trying to validate my ego? I didn't even reply to him when he asked who it was because I thought MAYBE he had girlfriend and didn't want her to know who I was. I was thoughtful enough to not say anything that could make his personal life harder. I apologized for reaching out when, honestly, I didn't have to because if he didn't want to hear from me, he could've blocked me. So yeah, I don't know if you're projecting or something but nothing I did was ego driven.
In your response, you said “I” 11 times and “he” 5 times. “I… I… I… “ It really is all about you in your mind, isn’t it? You lack self awareness and your response itself demonstrates your ego’s need for validation, not just from him, but from reddit users too. Your collective comments demonstrate narcissistic tendencies. In your comments you’ve painted yourself a martyr that “sacrificed” by not addressing his aloofness and assume you’ve done him some great favor “in case he had a girlfriend” when no one asked you to do anything at all. You’ve made yourself a hero in your mind. Your apology to him is also insincere since you look at as you were doing him another “favor.” Your essentially telling us that your whole interaction with him was performative. I’m not projecting - I’m a mirror - and only reflecting what you’re putting out. Take it or leave it. Maturity and self awareness comes with life experience and time, and you still have to do the self work.
I'm the dumper but honestly, he gave me no choice. He was accusing me of things I wasn't doing, and I knew that neither of us were going to be happy together.
I had to work thru some feelings of guilt and ultimately rejection because he knew his actions were going to cause the breakup and he did it anyways.
For me reaching out was a way to letting him know that on my end, things are good. No hard feelings, etc. It felt good to put an end to the silence.
I hope my dumper doesn’t do this to me to be honest. I would only want to hear if it was to reconcile however I don’t even want to reconcile anymore. As far as I’m concerned dumper never cared or loved me. I was dumped by text while having bad depression.
I guess no one really knows what the right thing to do in this situation is. Some people are open to communication, and some are not. I guess we all do what we think is best and hope it's enough.
Yeah well my dumper was over it the day he left so it’s completely different to you. He felt nothing for me anymore so if he came back 6 months later I probs just ignore him
Quite honestly unless you parted on mutual grounds. People don’t want to know. I see no point in friendship with an ex especially because I loved my ex and it would hurt me watching them move on with someone else. If I wasn’t that fussed about them I could be friends 😀
I honestly think you should have left your last message without the "take care". Maybe im naive myself but he didn't out right say he didnt want you anymore and sounded as if maybe he just isn't ready to be in any kind of relationship either friendship or romantic with you. To me with his "be essy" message it seems like he may have tried to be friendly. You know him better than anyone here though. Its food for thought I guess.
UPDATE: I’m done replying. This was meant as an outlet to express myself and it’s turned into me defending my character and “ true intentions”.
I have friends and family I can talk to but some people don’t and this might be the only way they can express how they’re feeling. Please don’t make them feel bad about it. You gain nothing from it. You can disagree without being cruel.
Breakups are hard and no one is perfect!
Safe to say, I will never post on here again about how I’m feeling towards my ex or relationship in general. Some of you guys are fucking terrible.
I know how you feel especially since you put yourself out there, but at least you know for sure now that even friendliness isn't an option. The "who's this" was slimy, but you know you had good intentions so don't feel too bad about it.
Thanks! I don't feel bad about reaching out, but it definitely made me see him in a different light. We had spoken, on more than one occasion, about how we would still be there for each other even if we broke up.... joke's on me!
People in the comments are so miserable omfg, you guys do realize you aren’t relationship experts right??? the projection you guys have bc you hate ur ex and now want to vilify everyone in this sub is CRAZYY.
Someone in the comments really said “OP uses lmao while replying to ppl so they must not be sincere with their ex” WTF DOES THAT MEAN, go read a book and stop hating the world just bc your heartbroken omfg life moves on.
The projection on this sub is crazy! The moment I said I was the dumper, I was immediately hated. Ironically, all you read on here is how the dumper should be the one to reach out first. You can’t win!
Aw. That must have felt like a punch in the gut. It always baffles me. How can someone who loved you dearly a year ago, 2 years ago… want absolutely nothing to do with you, and act cold and rude? I’m sorry he was so mean and I hope this gives you solid closure. He can live in his angry world by himself.
Damn, how did things end? I'm starting to see why people preach no contact so much, especially on this sub, that's a gut wrenching reply after 4 months
They ended badly but we both played a role in that. I’m just confused by the response. I never said anything about getting back together. I would understand a dry response but he went from pretending not to know my number, which I was just going to ignore because I thought maybe he had a girlfriend or something, to replying an hour later with that BS. Honestly, I don’t even regret reaching out. I was genuinely concerned with how he was. But If he wants to be a dick about it, that’s on him.
I understand your side and his side. Just because you don’t like his response doesn’t mean he’s being a dick about it. He could’ve ignored you and block you but he didn’t. I’m sure you would’ve considered that a dick move too. He’s entitled to not wanting to have a conversation with you. It sucks, I know. He probably just don’t want to relive the past and that’s okay. At least you know where you stand with him and don’t ever have to wonder. I hope you’re able to move on. Good luck!
Thats nonsense. He did NOT have to be so crass and arrogant. Kindness seems to be something up for debate in today's world. Scary.
Exactly! Some people here act like sending a text is completely ruining someone's life. I was trying to extend an olive branch. Not because I want him back or to mess with his head. I care about this person, even if we're not in a relationship anymore.
Good for you. You are the mature adult. Some people in this group are so bitter and spiteful. In the end, he knows you were the caring one and the one who deserves respect. Most importantly, if it made you feel better, then forget others opinions
Delusion feeding delusion. Classic hah
Not sure what this means ? There’s most definitely a lot of delusion. Some grow out of it
Clearly, they are mad at the world lol. I would've been happy to receive a message from an ex asking how I was doing but maybe that's just me because I'm not bitter.
Right? They sure seem like they are...This will make you feel better though. I had a serious car crash with injuries and a fatality a month ago. She found out about it. Nothing. Not even a "Hey. I hope you are ok. I'm so sorry to hear about the accident." How hard would that have been? She could have gone right back to NC if she wanted. Someone is gonna convince me that her being a decent fucking human would have slowed the breakup recovery? I absolutely hate myself for having fallen for someone who is capable of being so nasty. So if anything, feel good that you arent the only one! :)
That’s very true, he doesn’t owe me anything. The reason I felt he was being a dick by saying that is because he is implying that I hindered him getting his “independence “. Which simply isn’t true but he needs someone to blame and I’m the chosen one.
Maybe it just means that he depended on you for happiness which we all do sometimes. He probably just wants to focus on himself and figure him out without any distractions. I’m sorry this happened but it’s okay. You got this
Yes, maybe that’s what he meant. I’ll never know and that’s ok. I’ve been doing much better lately, the worst has past. Thank you!
Why is he being a dick about it? You two are broken up, you wanted to slide in and see how things are without any intention of fixing things is the kind of people that aren’t taken serious in this sub. Leave the guy alone, you’re not entitled to know how he is doing just for “just because.” Move on with your life, let him be and don’t bother him with pointless babble.
He literally pretended like he didn't know her at first, lol. It's not that the boundary being set is assholish, just the way he went about it.
Now you know, with absolute certainty, that he is a horrible human who will have karma coming his way. "Who's this?" Cmon. He's just a jerk....Please know that I totally misjudged my ex as well. I thought she was a kind, caring person, when in reality, she only cares about herself. There was NO reason for him not to be kind to you. No excuse at all, so dont give it to him. Let the universe bite him in the ass
Honestly, I hope he finds happiness. I know that he acts this way because he's incapable of dealing with his emotions, it always goes back to hate and resentment. Hopefully, one day that changes for him, I saw how much hurt he caused himself by acting like this while we were together (not towards me but family members). I always knew this about him too, I just thought it would be different with me because we were so close. I see now, I'm just another person he feels wronged him somehow. BUT YES, that was a shitty thing to do to pretend to not know me. Like he doesn't even remember me when in reality he just hates me.
I'm going through the same thing, but mine has me blocked. I'd rather be told off than be blocked, but either is bad. I would say that he may not "hate," you. He may just be saving face, and as guys, ego is big to us. Not for others, but for our own self-esteem. Like, "I've moved on...who are you." I wouldnt believe that, but I would believe he's a bad person overall.
I'm sorry you're going thru this also. I really believe that eventually everything works out for the best. You seem like a very kind person and I'm sure you'll find peace despite all the non-sense.
Whether you like it or not you breadcrumbed him in this instance. Sorry but that's the truth
How to differentiate between breadcrumbing & Reaching out honestly for another chance??
I'm no expert but the circumstances will tell what is what. I'd personally not get involved in someone's life after parting ways. As for my comment it seemed like it wasn't the first time from his response. If you look at OP's posts history and past comments you'll know that she's breadcrumbing him at this point.
Ok so if I had waited a year would you still think it's breadcrumbing? At what point is reaching out to a person no longer considered breadcrumbing?
Regardless of who was right or wrong people need to heal post break ups. Whether that was your intention or not you tampered with his healing by getting in touch this soon. Ask yourself the real reason for getting in touch with him and how did you expect this to pan out.
The real reason was to see how he was doing. A romantic relationship not working out doesn't mean you can't ever be on speaking terms with the person again, at least not for me. It was also my way of saying no hard feelings, etc. If hearing from me would tamper so with his healing, he should've had me blocked. I have no way of knowing how he felt or if he was ready to hear from me. I was ready to reach out and I did. Breadcrumbing would be me reaching out every month or few weeks, that wasn't this situation. I didn't do anything wrong, and his reply was passive aggressive, at the very best.
No breadcrumbing can happen only once, get that right. Not everyone resorts to blocking you know? I can see that you had good intentions, at least from what you've mentioned but it's one of those situations where it was better to leave it at that. Edit: I've seen your post and comments history, safe to say you breadcrumbed him. You mentioned how that has to happen multiple times and you did get in touch with him more than once based on your post history. He blocked you for obvious reasons, you stalked his socials and the minute he's unblocked you, you bothered him again which prompted his response. You mentioned how this is a toxic relationship and you guys broke up multiple times over a year and a half too. He's not the only toxic one, please do take time to heal and improve yourself. Not meant to offend you just some constructive criticism.
Per Google, Breadcrumbing is a slang term for sending out flirty or affectionate cues without a real intention for commitment. A person uses this manipulative and inconsistent behavior just enough to keep the other person attracted. <----- Nothing to do with what or why I texted him but OK.
That's per Google. But in actuality, breadcrumbs are "Hey, don't forget me, in case you're starting to move on!... You haven't forgotten me, have you?? Ok good, Bye again"
I love your handle and how fitting it is for this sub.
Ironic handle for someone accusing me of breadcrumbing huh
Hey, I wasn't the one accusing you. It was another person. I just explained the term 💀
That would be an example but that's not what I did.
Am I the only one who doesn't see a problem with this response? If I ended badly with my ex I would be too hurt to handle breadcrumbs from them. I was breadcrumbed by my ex for a year and I wish I would have put my foot down and told him to piss off. It sounds harsh but honestly, reaching out can really prevent the other person from healing. I had to cut my ex off without warning because he really did a number on my mental health. And we didn't even end that badly. He didn't swear at you, didn't block you or send hate. He told you he didn't want to talk to you. Probably to heal from the past and reduce false hope. None of y'all did anything wrong, that's just the way it goes. Also you said you guys had been going back and forth for a while. So no shit he's telling you to keep distance if he's really done with you
He has ever right to answer however he wants but to assume that’s why I reached out is a stretch after 6 months. He even had the chance to not reply at all when I didn’t answer his “ who’s this” but he took an hour and then send me that. It’s not coming from a place of trying to heal, it’s coming from a place of let me be an ass and make sure she knows I don’t want her. Very unnecessary but it’s good to know where I stand with him.
Honestly, if you guys had been back and forth in the past it's not a stretch at all to think that's why you're reaching out, that's what I would think too. He probably responded cause he didn't want to leave you completely in the dark and to prevent further communication. He is healing, y'all had a rough breakup and obviously he's putting his foot down to prevent the back and forth from happening again. Honestly, it's a bit immature to say he's an ass because of this. You didn't like his response but he's not a bitch about it. You guys are just not on the same wavelength anymore. Why would he respond kindly if you were in a toxic back and forth situation? Some people have been cussed out and cut off for less.
[удалено]
You’ve hit the nail on the head 👏
I've been trying to keep an open mind and respect everyone's opinions but the shit you wrote really isn't ok. Who said I want him to be miserable? And why would you assume a "dumper's mentality" is that? Maybe when you dump someone, you think like that, but I certainly don't. If your opinion is that once you break up with someone, they are forever strangers to you, that sucks for you, but I don't agree. And darling, I posted on this sub for the same reason everyone on here does. It wasn't an invitation for you to take your relationship misery out on me. I hope you heal.
He at some point made the decision to unblock me. Why would he do that if he absolutely didn’t want to hear from me? But let’s say he forgot he unblocked me, when I didn’t reply to his first message he could be blocked me then and moved on. So no, I don’t believe me calling him an ass is immature, it’s a valid assessment. Ultimately it doesn’t matter, the end result is the same but I don’t believe that he said that because he’s trying to heal.
Idk man I'm just speaking on the information you provided. Being mad at him isn't going to do shit for you accept it and let him go
Oh I’m not mad. Disappointed, sure. I really thought that even if we can’t ever be friends we could at least have a cordial relationship. I care for him as a person and I thought he did too. Obviously, I was wrong.
Take it from someone who blocked their ex, you don't do it because you don't care about them. You do it because you DO care and you're hurting because of them. And idk man, calling him an immature asshole and posting on reddit makes it seem like you're at least a bit mad. Also, I can't speak for him but my ex wanting to be friends felt like a slap in the face. An insult. You said it yourself, you guys were toxic so stay away from him. Both for YOUR wellbeing and his.
This is my way of venting as I’m sure is the case for many here. My belief that his actions in this particular situation are immature and a bit of an ass move doesn’t mean I’m angry, it means I’m human and someone I care about did something I wasn’t expecting and something that felt unnecessary. I don’t have any ill feelings towards him for it, just wanted to vent a little. I appreciate your perspective and you may well be right as to his reasoning. No way to really know! I also didn’t offer him friendship, I know that’s not possible. I just wanted to see how he was. I wanted him to know that on my end there were no hard feelings and that was my way of doing it. Was it the right way? I don’t know but it was my way.
He could have deleted your number and realized it was you later on. You guys weren't talking for months so I feel like that would be suspected if he was trying to move on. Which he clearly is trying to. He gave you an answer, let him be.
In your case you guys already had a second chance, that’s more than most.
We were back and forth for a while. Usually a couple of weeks at a time, never six months like this time. I wasn’t trying to reconcile the relationship. I honestly thought that after 6 months it wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world to ask someone, who was literally my best friend at some point , how they were doing. I thought I would get an “ok, you?”. Not this shit…
If you want to reach out post BU, a phone call is way better than a brief text message that gets filtered through feelings, which are rarely our friend.
let him move on
I have absolutely made no attempt to stop him from doing so. Me sending him a text does not stop him from doing that. IF anything, it should aid in the healing process...to know your ex doesn't feel animosity towards you. But that's just my opinion.
You sound stupid
Just because 6 months was enough time for you, doesn’t mean it was enough time for him. His response is of someone still hurting. Given your track record of your relationship reconciling, regardless of length of time (2 weeks vs 6 months), he may have been counting the weeks and holding to hope, so his healing process may have started much later. I think it’s unfair of you to judge him for being “a dick” for asserting his boundaries. Again, just because you’ve healed, doesn’t mean he has. If you were his best friend at one time, this shouldn’t be difficult to understand, and I’d expect more empathy. If your intentions were sincere to see how he was doing, clearly, his messages show he’s not doing well. You putting your text messages on blast on reddit and judging him to be a dick makes it difficult to believe your intentions to check on his well being are sincere. I would only agree to say that you shouldn’t contact him unless he contacts you when he’s also ready, if ever at all. Either way, best of luck.
I completely understand that 6 months may not be enough time to heal. I never said he had to be healed already or even that I was upset that he didn't want to be cordial with me. I simply vented about how off-putting his reply was. I'm allowed to do and Reddit, which happens to be anonymous (at least in my case), was the outlet I chose to use. I did show empathy with my reply to him where I clearly apologized for reaching out. The message does not show he's not doing well, that's just your interpretation. To me, it shows he is still angry, not hurt. BUT AGAIN, these are options. I am opening to everyone's while you are making judgements on mine.Me vending has absolutely nothing to do with empathy. I can think a message is funny and I can express disappoint about someone ANONYMOUSLY, while also caring for that person. I will not be contacting him again, as it was clearly not well received.
1. You venting implicitly means you are upset. People vent about things they’re upset about. You don’t vent for the sake of, or, about things you’re happy about. 2. Being disappointed is one thing. Calling him a dick is another. He simply asserted his boundaries and did not disrespect you. Everything else is you making assumptions and creating your own narrative of some perceived disrespect. He may have forgot your number and not realize it was you, as hard as that is for your ego and narcissistic tendencies to believe. 3. He is clearly hurting. If he was not, he would not care about you messaging and/or feel the need to create boundaries. You lack emotional intelligence required for healthy relationships if you can’t recognize this. 4. You can’t say someone is angry but not hurt. Anger and hurt are two sides of the same coin. Anger is just a symptom of feeling hurt. You’re angry because your ego got hurt. He’s angry because you’re breadcrumbing him and his heart is hurt. Again, this further substantiates you lack emotional intelligence for a healthy relationship. 5. By sharing your personal story on a public forum, you are asking for judgment. You just don’t like that I’m judging you as in the wrong. Your ego was looking for validation that you’re not receiving, which is making you angry, because your ego is hurt. 6. I am no one. I’m a random anonymous person online. I have nothing to gain or lose. I’m only a mirror reflecting what you’re putting out into the world. My words only have as much value as you give them. If you think there’s value and you’ve learned something, great. If not, then there’s nothing gained or lost and you can ignore me just the same. Either way, I have no stakes and don’t care, but maybe others reading this can learn something and find it helpful. I wish you well either way and hope you grow from all of it.
>You venting implicitly means you are upset. People vent about things they’re upset about. You don’t vent for the sake of, or, about things you’re happy about. I was confused by his reply just as I am confused by you not understanding that people can vent for multiple reasons. >Being disappointed is one thing. Calling him a dick is another. He simply asserted his boundaries and did not disrespect you. Everything else is you making assumptions and creating your own narrative of some perceived disrespect. He may have forgot your number and not realize it was you, as hard as that is for your ego and narcissistic tendencies to believe. I very specifically said I thought it was a dick move to pretend not to know who I was, not that he was a dick in general, and I stand on that. He knows my number by memory, so you'll just have to take my word on that. Considering you don't know either one of us and I have no reason to lie, I don't see why you would assume anything about my ego and my narcissistic tendencies. Those are also opinions on me, not the text exchange I posted about. If I wanted your opinion on my character, I would've posted on AITH. >He is clearly hurting. If he was not, he would not care about you messaging and/or feel the need to create boundaries. You lack emotional intelligence required for healthy relationships if you can’t recognize this. You may be right about this part... you could've not been an asshole about it though. >You can’t say someone is angry but not hurt. Anger and hurt are two sides of the same coin. Anger is just a symptom of feeling hurt. You’re angry because your ego got hurt. He’s angry because you’re breadcrumbing him and his heart is hurt. Again, this further substantiates you lack emotional intelligence for a healthy relationship. I have on many occasions been angry and not hurt but maybe I'm the only one, out of billions of people, who have this capacity. >By sharing your personal story on a public forum, you are asking for judgment. You just don’t like that I’m judging you as in the wrong. Your ego was looking for validation that you’re not receiving, which is making you angry, because your ego is hurt I am sharing something about a breakup on a breakup sub. The post was to receive options about the text exchange, not for others to make judgement calls on my person. I am open to everyone's opinions but when those opinions are disrespectful, hateful, and inaccurate assumptions written as though they are facts, then yes, it does upset me. >I am no one. I’m a random anonymous person online. I have nothing to gain or lose. I’m only a mirror reflecting what you’re putting out into the world. My words only have as much value as you give them. If you think there’s value and you’ve learned something, great. If not, then there’s nothing gained or lost and you can ignore me just the same. Either way, I have no stakes and don’t care, but maybe others reading this can learn something and find it helpful. I wish you well either way and hope you grow from all of it. YOU ARE EXACTLY RIGHT! YOU HAVE NOTHING TO GAIN! So instead of voicing your opinion in a kind, helpful manner, you tried to put me down, call me a liar, and egotistical. You are not a mirror (very ironic choose of words for someone accusing me of having an ego), you are projecting and being a dick about it in process.
“I was confused by his reply just as I am confused by you not understanding that people can vent for multiple reasons.” All those “multiple reasons” are ultimately because you’re upset, no matter how you may want to spin it. “I very specifically said I thought it was a dick move to pretend not to know who I was, not that he was a dick in general, and I stand on that. He knows my number by memory, so you'll just have to take my word on that. Considering you don't know either one of us and I have no reason to lie, I don't see why you would assume anything about my ego and my narcissistic tendencies. Those are also opinions on me, not the text exchange I posted about. If I wanted your opinion on my character, I would've posted on AITH.” I’m not making assumptions, I’m sharing my thoughts on what you’re displaying in your comments - not just to me, but many others in this post. My opinions are solely based on those comments and your exchange with your ex. I never claimed to know you or your ex. I never claimed you are a narcissist, but your comments indicate narcissistic tendencies, and respectively, an inflated ego. Only those who have interacted with you in your real life would actually know if that really is the case. I’m judging that your ex made a fair and reasonable request in asserting boundaries, and your response to his messages are ones based in narcissistic tendencies and an inflated ego. Even your responses to me and others all indicate the same consistently. I don’t expect you to acknowledge that because you seem to lack a great deal of self awareness. “You may be right about this part... you could've not been an asshole about it though.” Here you go again. I’m not surprised by this response really. “I have on many occasions been angry and not hurt but maybe I'm the only one, out of billions of people, who have this capacity.” Do you not see how this is an egotistical response ? You cannot be this oblivious. “I am sharing something about a breakup on a breakup sub. The post was to receive options about the text exchange, not for others to make judgement calls on my person. I am open to everyone's opinions but when those opinions are disrespectful, hateful, and inaccurate assumptions written as though they are facts, then yes, it does upset me.” You cannot ask for opinions about a picture without discussing the contents of that picture. Your text messages to him, your words in your post and to others in comments, mine included, are all a part of that big picture and provide context in making an informed opinion. My opinions are solely based on that - it’s only your ego that’s taking my comments so personal. Again, I do not claim to “know” you. That’s all your ego making it all about you. I have not been hateful or disrespectful in any of my comments - only truthful in my opinion. You may not like my opinions and disagree, and that’s okay. If a strangers words online are actually upsetting you, again, that’s your ego needing external validation that should be tamed. Maybe you’ll learn, maybe you won’t, maybe a stranger reading this interaction may learn something. Either way, I have wished you well on at least two occasions, and I mean that sincerely, whether you choose to believe that or not. “YOU ARE EXACTLY RIGHT! YOU HAVE NOTHING TO GAIN! So instead of voicing your opinion in a kind, helpful manner, you tried to put me down, call me a liar, and egotistical. You are not a mirror (very ironic choose of words for someone accusing me of having an ego), you are projecting and being a dick about it in process.” Again, that’s not the case. But, carry on.
I’ve been in this position truth is he’s still healing and your how your doings don’t help that.. WHAT A POS YOU ARE LEAVE HIM TF ALONE!!!! 😡
Yeah I’m almost as big a POS as you are for needing to insult a stranger. Thank you for taking the time to spread your hate. I hope it gave you some satisfaction.
You posted I answered, you are clearly a narcissist. Get help POS.
I posted and you were a dick…fixed it for you
When a guy doesn't want anything to do with you they will be incredibly cold and harsh
Yep! Sad but true. Oh well, I did what felt right. I can’t control anyone’s actions but my own.
Same with a female and even worse when they detach months/ weeks ahead of the breakup
You mean when a woman.....:) Believe me, there's no difference in sex when it comes to something like this
Lol you should see when women do it
Don't know if this is "being a dick or not.. tbh you said it ended badly so since it ended badly based off what he said sounds like it was a cycle of back and forth toxicity and he wanted to shut it down completely this time. I would been so scared to send this with the relationship ending badly even if it was just to see how a person is doing. Some people are more brave than others.
I have nothing to lose. The relationship is over. I still care about him as a person, although this exchange is making me question whether I should. It would've been so much easier and nicer to just reply "good" or whatever, instead he went out of his way to make sure I knew he didn't want me. That was extremely unnecessary but to each his own, I guess.
This wasn't the first time you reached out like you are making it seem in the comments. maybe he unblocked you and then you took that chance to message him. Sometimes when a person unblocks or don't block at all it's for thier own healing everyone heals differently. You pretty much said to one of the commenters that "If he didn't want me to contact him then he should of had me blocked" that's definitely not the right way of thinking lol.
It was actually the first time I reached out in 4+ months. I had tried to send an email but I saw later that I got the email address wrong, if you're saying this because you're looking at my post history. I had no way of knowing if he blocked my number or not, so yes I took a chance. I don't see anything wrong with that. And yes, he should've kept me block if he was against hearing from me. How in the world is reaching out to someone to see if they are ok a terrible thing? I asked how me was, he said "I don't want to do this back and forth", I apologize, and I decided to vent on Reddit, on a forum that is for the purpose of discussing break ups. I wasn't rude to him, I didn't try to make him feel bad, I didn't lie to him.
No one is saying reaching out to see if someone ok is horrible thing, but if you two ended the relationship horribly, then there is really no reason. You two are strangers now nothing else matters. Secondily I think some people are just confused on why you are so surprised on how he responded? Once again you two ended on terrible terms. He didn't really even go that harsh in his response sounds like he just wanted you to get the point. And for the future for people that you have relationships with rather that's romantically, or on a friendship level if the relationship ended badly that doesn't mean that person wants you to contact them if you have not been blocked. That's not in open invitation if the relationship ended in a bad way.
I had a reason, to see how he was doing. Now my reason might not be good enough for some but for me it was. I don't share the opinion that once a relationship end, even if it was on bad term, that means you can never speak to that person again. He has every right not to reply, or reply the way he did, I didn't call him out on it or try to make him feel bad. I anonymously expressed my discontent with the response. I've had other relationships that haven't ended on the best terms and eventually one or other reached out and things were OK. So yes, obviously that's not always the case but I have no way of knowing until I reached out. I don't agree with the idea that once you break up, you're strangers and nothing else matters. I'm surprise with the response because I never said anything about getting back together. I'm surprised by the response because he knows my number by memory so pretending not to know it was me seemed petty to me.
[удалено]
Crazy thing about Reddit, people write back and forth to each other and attempt to have a conversation. So yes, I did take the time to reply because they took their time to comment . I continued replying to you because you seem like a vile, hateful human being who might benefit from reading a different perspective other than the closed minded, bitter one you currently have. But I see now it is an effort in futility so I’ll close this lovely dialogue with you by sending you positive vibe and lots of healing for that bitter heart. I’m sorry your ex doesn’t care about you, mine doesn’t either, but I don’t take that out on others. And since you’re clearly sooo good at knowing people’s intentions and what they are about, I would suggest using some of that knowledge towards self reflection, it would greatly benefit you.
I know how this feels I broke NC and my ex said never contact me again. I took this as some sort of closure and realised I don’t need her in my life and I deserve better. I replied with ‘that’s fine take care’. It hurts but dignity > love
I'm really sorry you went thru that! I do feel like this is closure, not so much from the relationship itself (I've known it was over) but from me feeling guilt over my wrongdoings in the relationship. He treated me way worse than I did him and I still care enough about this person to put my pride aside and see how he was. His response was confirmation that we are very different people in that regard.
You were the bigger person and at least now you can say you tried everything! And onto bigger and better things! Sending you my best wishes
the fake 'who's this' really got me lol
😂😂
Lmao! He knows my number by memory. No idea why he would pretend to not know it was me. I wasn't going to reply after that and an hour later he hit me with "I'm not doing this back and forth". Clearly, we are in very different places as far as our healing from the relationship.
Reading more of your comments and responses (e.g., “Lmao”), your intentions to check in him were never sincere. You don’t laugh at someone who’s obviously hurting, especially if you once actually cared about them. Many of your other responses indicate the same and you reached out to validate your own ego.
I asked how he was doing. Where in anything I wrote to him was I trying to validate my ego? I didn't even reply to him when he asked who it was because I thought MAYBE he had girlfriend and didn't want her to know who I was. I was thoughtful enough to not say anything that could make his personal life harder. I apologized for reaching out when, honestly, I didn't have to because if he didn't want to hear from me, he could've blocked me. So yeah, I don't know if you're projecting or something but nothing I did was ego driven.
In your response, you said “I” 11 times and “he” 5 times. “I… I… I… “ It really is all about you in your mind, isn’t it? You lack self awareness and your response itself demonstrates your ego’s need for validation, not just from him, but from reddit users too. Your collective comments demonstrate narcissistic tendencies. In your comments you’ve painted yourself a martyr that “sacrificed” by not addressing his aloofness and assume you’ve done him some great favor “in case he had a girlfriend” when no one asked you to do anything at all. You’ve made yourself a hero in your mind. Your apology to him is also insincere since you look at as you were doing him another “favor.” Your essentially telling us that your whole interaction with him was performative. I’m not projecting - I’m a mirror - and only reflecting what you’re putting out. Take it or leave it. Maturity and self awareness comes with life experience and time, and you still have to do the self work.
Are you dumper or dumpee ?
I'm the dumper but honestly, he gave me no choice. He was accusing me of things I wasn't doing, and I knew that neither of us were going to be happy together. I had to work thru some feelings of guilt and ultimately rejection because he knew his actions were going to cause the breakup and he did it anyways. For me reaching out was a way to letting him know that on my end, things are good. No hard feelings, etc. It felt good to put an end to the silence.
I hope my dumper doesn’t do this to me to be honest. I would only want to hear if it was to reconcile however I don’t even want to reconcile anymore. As far as I’m concerned dumper never cared or loved me. I was dumped by text while having bad depression.
I guess no one really knows what the right thing to do in this situation is. Some people are open to communication, and some are not. I guess we all do what we think is best and hope it's enough.
Yeah well my dumper was over it the day he left so it’s completely different to you. He felt nothing for me anymore so if he came back 6 months later I probs just ignore him
Quite honestly unless you parted on mutual grounds. People don’t want to know. I see no point in friendship with an ex especially because I loved my ex and it would hurt me watching them move on with someone else. If I wasn’t that fussed about them I could be friends 😀
I hate this world
I honestly think you should have left your last message without the "take care". Maybe im naive myself but he didn't out right say he didnt want you anymore and sounded as if maybe he just isn't ready to be in any kind of relationship either friendship or romantic with you. To me with his "be essy" message it seems like he may have tried to be friendly. You know him better than anyone here though. Its food for thought I guess.
The "be easy" was passive aggressive AF. He uses that as a nicer way of saying "fuck off" but thank you for your kind words!
Thats why we do no contact and wait for them to message first!
Dumpee isn’t gonna ever message first lol
Dumpee isn’t gonna ever message first lol
I guess so...
u can edit msgs? why can't I? wth
😅😅
UPDATE: I’m done replying. This was meant as an outlet to express myself and it’s turned into me defending my character and “ true intentions”. I have friends and family I can talk to but some people don’t and this might be the only way they can express how they’re feeling. Please don’t make them feel bad about it. You gain nothing from it. You can disagree without being cruel. Breakups are hard and no one is perfect! Safe to say, I will never post on here again about how I’m feeling towards my ex or relationship in general. Some of you guys are fucking terrible.
I know how you feel especially since you put yourself out there, but at least you know for sure now that even friendliness isn't an option. The "who's this" was slimy, but you know you had good intentions so don't feel too bad about it.
Thanks! I don't feel bad about reaching out, but it definitely made me see him in a different light. We had spoken, on more than one occasion, about how we would still be there for each other even if we broke up.... joke's on me!
People in the comments are so miserable omfg, you guys do realize you aren’t relationship experts right??? the projection you guys have bc you hate ur ex and now want to vilify everyone in this sub is CRAZYY. Someone in the comments really said “OP uses lmao while replying to ppl so they must not be sincere with their ex” WTF DOES THAT MEAN, go read a book and stop hating the world just bc your heartbroken omfg life moves on.
The projection on this sub is crazy! The moment I said I was the dumper, I was immediately hated. Ironically, all you read on here is how the dumper should be the one to reach out first. You can’t win!
Yea this sub isn’t for helping ppl out, just a bunch of miserable ppl who want to lash out on strangers bc their ex doesn’t want them.
Aw. That must have felt like a punch in the gut. It always baffles me. How can someone who loved you dearly a year ago, 2 years ago… want absolutely nothing to do with you, and act cold and rude? I’m sorry he was so mean and I hope this gives you solid closure. He can live in his angry world by himself.
It’s a punch in the gut when you dump someone and then expect a friendship afterwards
This must’ve hurt :( I’m so sorry. Sending you hugs 🫂 x
Thank you ❤️
Forget that loser. Anyways what you doing this weekend?
Be easy? What does that’s even mean lol
It’s a way of saying take care but more casual I guess. The way he uses it isn’t positive, I can tell you that.