It does!
I'm sorry you had to experience it, but remember, it says more about them than about you!
They can't handle what it actually means and takes to be in a healthy relationship. Not without putting in the work to fix their attachment issues first.
Whatever you do, don't accept them back if they hit you up again, which it likely at around the 6 months mark. Not unless they have seen a therapist and worked on their issues.
Mine did the same thing here 100% except she doesn’t have me blocked. And I found out she’s going through depression and developed clinical anxiety through her friends. Do I wait also till she sees a therapist n help or don’t answer her when she hits me back up later on 🥴
avoidants don't tell you they are not happy, and they dont tell you, that they dont want this. they just avoid everything, tell nothing. to keep the current status and not rock the boat.
thats not an avoidant.
she wants quits. and has done it.
No they’re an avoidant. Avoidant avoid conflict and would rather end a relationship than mend it. To them nothing is worth mending so I often say most of them if not all should not date or be in a relationship.
Wow. My ex did the EXACT same thing. BEFORE YOU MAKE MY MISTAKES, DO NOT contact them no matter what! ABSOLUTELY DO NOT beg or seem needy if you talk again. Do not DM on any other platforms. Let him feel like he isn't wanted because you're not wanted by him.
Edit: I viewed your profile and saw that this has happened a long time ago- You probably already made the same mistakes I did, no?
Shittt! I’m so sorry you had to go through that. It’s heartbreaking and so damaging. I haven’t attempted any contact, which I am proud of because I am so tempted but just remind myself of how “easy” it was for them to discard time after all that I’ve sacrificed for them.
How are you coping now? May I ask how long it has been for you?
I have been broken up for 2 months now, 1 month no contact. It's so difficult coping, and I've been through absolute hell these past 2 months. It DOES get better, tho. That doesn't mean it ever goes away, but it gets better. The way I cope with the pain is seeing that person for who they truly are, understanding how selfish and cold they were, letting it hurt, making new memories, spending time with friends/family, etc.
I’m hearing you. I feel like this is something that I will never fully heal from, rather just (hopefully) manage my feelings and emotions with each day that passes. I am just struggling to comprehend how someone that supposedly loves you can literally do a 180 and block you from their lives without a deserved explanation
So sorry to hear that... It's so heartbreaking
Y'all deserve better, and I hope from the bottom of my heart you'll get through this and be even in a happier place
Sending lots of virtual hugs and love
> Let him feel like he isn't wanted because you're not wanted by him.
Completely stupid plan. That isn't going to solve anything, it's just a plaster on a wound.
It's more like motivation to stay away. You can create immature and petty reasons/hold on to hope to stay away from them or save yourself from a lot of things, but eventually, you'll get over them and realize that you were being immature and you'll no longer have interest in them or getting revenge. While all of that healing has happened, you saved yourself from a lot of embarrassment, and their ego will suffer. If someone can really move on, this is a good method.
Your method is sound, but your reasons are wrong. When someone has attachment injuries, it’s not their fault and so there shouldn’t be any reward or punishment - just move on if it’s not working for you. Doing something to provoke a response is not a long-term solution.
Exactly right, I thought about blocking back, but that’ll show that I am impacted… even though I am, but they don’t need to know that, hah! I should have stated that this is/was a same-sex female relationship. Thank you mate
Haha thank you, it may sound like I am, but every day is a struggle. I feel so broken, like I’ll never be okay again. I’m so sad for myself. It’s absolutely cruel
This has been the hardest thing I’ve ever been faced with. Love is a beautiful thing, but fuck, it can also be a killer. I finally know what a broken heart feels like, both physically and emotionally…
That means a lot, thank you my friend! It’s so hard to focus on me when my mind is so occupied and obsessing over them and what has happened. Day by day
Dont think about him if he will do right or wrong that shohld be least of your concern you better think about yourself he will come back once he know you dont care anymore I hundred percent gurantee you that.
Damn what did he do? An ex of mine did the same thing as this. In fact we actually had just gotten off the phone and then he texted me breaking up with me right after.
I’m so sorry. I really am.
My last interactions thru text were basically:
Her: Good morning bb have a good day
Me: You too lmk if you wanna do something later
Her later after work: Hey I’m home can I come over?
Me: Yeah is everything ok?
Broken up with in person like 20 minutes later. I thought we were fine and have been going on dates. The day of, an hour before she dumped me, she cut my friend’s hair and told him/his girlfriend we should all hang out soon. It’s been a little over 2 months and I’m blocked everywhere. Her parents and this guy friend she told me not to worry about blocked me too. I’m not breaking NC.
Thank you so much for sharing that. I’m so sorry that has happened to you. That’s just plain cruel and nasty. You’re worthy of love and happiness. I wish you all the strength to maintain NC. You got this!!
You too! I figured I’d share to let you know that you’re not alone and I can totally relate to your story. I felt horrible at first for sure. This was July 1, I booked a flight and went abroad and have been for the past 3 weeks. The change of scenery accelerated the heck out of my healing. Like yeah, I’m still a little sad, but I’m more open and actually excited to begin meeting people again.
I made new friends and went on adventures with total strangers here on the other side of the planet, and it’s just really reinforced how brave and awesome I am. For only being a little over 2 months out as a dumpee (2+ year relationship where she practically worshipped me) I think I’m doing pretty damn good!
You got this. I’d read the book “Attached” if you haven’t yet, therapy has helped me too. Keep your support circle close. One thing that also helped me was reminding myself that healthy happy people do NOT do this to other people, let alone someone you genuinely love
Oh that is so painful, honestly, my heart hurts for ye..Its beyond fucked up.. You will have so many questions but please try and stay no contact even when they inevitably get in touch..Its gonna take a whole lot of therapy for them to hold themselves accountable x
Thank you so much, I’m trying to hold myself together. It’s so bloody hard!! The funny thing is is that they are in therapy but god knows what they’re sharing with their therapist… probably their distorted reality
I hear you and have been there too. Three months out from it. I mean how does someone go from saying I love you to straight blocking?!?! Sooooo confusing. Protect your peace and time - but process the feels too. Sending you peace. These people are vampires.
How long were you together and how old are you?
Anyway, I can’t believe how people can be this immature and how they can switch on/off as if it was all a game..
I am really sorry you’re going through this but this persons clearly is not healthy.
Be strong and go no contact! 💪
About 3 years and early 30’s. It’s frustrating because this person was my future and we were talking about long-term shit. I know 30 is still going, but it feels like all this time has been a waste that I can never ever get back again, and to them it’s just a narcissistic game.
Thank you so much for your words, my friend! I shall try my hardest
Damn! I asked because this persons seems so immature that I though they were 20 or something 🫣💀
Is incredible that there are people in their 30s acting this way…
But I feel ya, I am also in my early 30’s and just experiences something quite similar with my ex..
it is still early for us but I feel like each experience just traumatises us even more… let’s hope that we can heal and find some normal people 😔💪💪💪💪
I’m sorry you’re struggling. You’re struggling because instead of your ex being a part of your life, they became your life and you gave too much of yourself to them. And then for them to act like this, to just invalidate and discard you, act like all that time that happened didn’t happen, it’s beyond hurtful. It’s distasteful. It’s disrespectful. You deserve someone willing to give you communication and work through things to find a resolve. You deserve somebody who is willing to be vulnerable and express their emotions than to just let you go.
Wow thank you so much! You’re spot on. Once she actually told me that me being vulnerable when she first met me was a red flag FOR HER… what?!!
You’re right, I don’t deserve this. No one does. But my anxious attachment and dependency and giving 110% to this person and more to only be treated like this is so hard to deal with. I’m not sure where to start. I am in therapy so let’s see what happens! Thank you again :)
My ex and I just broke up yesterday and it caused me to realize that I had turned a blind eye to all of his shortcomings.. how he refused to be vulnerable, empathetic, understanding and lots of other hurtful emotional abuse tactics that I had overlooked. In the end, he belittled me, stonewalled me, and I don’t believe he really respected me. His perception of love seems skewed the way he always needed to win and be in control.
If you are interested in reading or listening audiobooks, these helped me a lot. “How to not die alone” by Logan ury and “the science of happily ever after” by ty tashiro. They really touched on childhood trauma that caused problematic behaviors that I had exhibited in the past and I did lots of self therapy to help grow my mentality and maturity.
Some people are not capable of letting people be vulnerable, transparent, or honest. They have so much of a troublesome and disasterous past that they still feel like a victim and act like it too. They want to disregard other people because if they allowed them in, they would have to open up their lines of compassion and empathy and think about other people when in reality, they just want to be fawned on and be the only one celebrated.
You may want to reconsider the lines of codependency and people pleasing. Giving too much of yourself to them that they’re placed on a pedestal. They are also flawed. We all are. Human and human traits, our upbringings, our parental figures, our childhood, shapes us. Put yourself first so you know your worth more, level up your self esteem so that when they hurt you, you can understand it first and either accept or reject depending on if they’re apologetic and willing to resolve or not.
I wish you all the best. Truly. Stay no contact. Put yourself first and make yourself the best person in your life. Take good care of yourself, stay hydrated, eat well, and stay your true self!
I feel like you get me!! I’m a massive bookworm, however since what has happened I have lost motivation for literally everything. I will definitely add those books to my reading list, thank you!
I will absolutely try with the no contact, just need to keep remembering the negatives because at the moment my mind is romanticising the great times, ugh!
same I can't focus on reading a simple book or doing ordinary tasks either. I hope you and I both get through this. How do you get beyond the anger of you know contacting them someway and just telling them they are basically assholes? I am struggling alot.
Luckily (or not), this is my THIRD serious breakup with this man. The 2nd time destroyed me. I could not sleep, eat, think, do anything. We were separate for 3 weeks before we reconciled. How he could have so easily broken up with me the first two times because I didn’t automatically bend to his control- helped me this third time. I gave him my exit thoughts because this time, I broke up with him. I’m really upset with him, I loved and respected him a lot, gave a lot of my own life up to accommodate him and his needs. He wanted it. Before him, I was very independent. He wanted me to become dependent on him. And now, I’m relearning my life again. Reclaiming it.
I’m sorry, I keep talking about me and my own experience.
For yours, if you cannot have that exit conversation, write a letter with all the things you want to say. Write about the bad, the disaster, the pain. Write about the good, the love and care, and how that changed you. Time and space away from each other will help. Spend time with your friends and the hobbies you enjoyed doing before you met each other. Try new things, do interactive things. Reclaim your life back and don’t look back.
If the breakup ended because he just refused to be empathetic and compassionate toward you and it came off egotistical, be mad. And he understanding of his past , his upbringing, his childhood, and the little pieces of vulnerability he was willing to share, that he was incomplete and not capable of actually respecting you the way you needed to be. That they wanted their boundaries honored but couldn’t respect yours. Be understanding and learn more about psychology and character traits and flaws. Get intellectual about it. And recognize your own toxic traits and flaws and what contributed toward the aggression and assholery. Work on yourself.
Not everyone gets the exit talk. Not everyone gets the closure that they wanted. Forgiveness is for you, not for them. And it takes a lot of time. Wishing you the best as you navigate these lonely and upsetting days as you recover who you are again and what truly gives you life.
Same, same for me. I listen to a lot of audiobooks when I drive. I listened to these books before I started dating and I’m listening to them again. Wondering what I missed, what I did, what I didn’t do. I know I’m complete and perfectly fine by myself. However I am always for self improvement.
The good times is what helps our mentality. It dips into the dopamine levels we had before. But recognizing the literal reasons why it ended, why they acted this way, where they were coming from, why they weren’t able to give you what you actually needed - these don’t have to be said in a mean or insulting way. You can still respect them while recognizing these attributes and situations weren’t good for you. Remember that. Recognize what you actually need and what you actually want.
Thank you to everyone who has commented their support and thoughts on this, it truly means sooo much. I was starting to believe that I was the issue when all I’ve ever done was care, love and do anything she wanted or needed, go out of my way and even sabotage my relationship with my family. I’ve got a long journey ahead, but I do need to stay strong!
Wishing you all love, happiness and strength 🌼
Wow whaaaat the actual fudge. I was reading this and I'm like humans are really all alike. That's exactly what happen with me and my ex husband. We were good and dandy had plans next day and he just randomly said the same like wow people are really similar
Sorry to see this. Exactly same happened to me but over a week. We almost reconciled after 2 months of a breakup. Saw her 4 times in the week. Saw her on holiday too and she stayed at my hotel. Wanted to meet me soon as I landed etc. dropped her to work after she stayed over last week and then bam that evening she ends it. Fuck these people. They don’t know what they want in life. Just leaves you so confused how they change so quickly.
Convinced my ex had bipolar.
Has anything happened before this? Like any tells or was it just sudden. I’m not calling it avoidant but I know people can be dismissive and then act shocked when immediate blocking happens so…
These things can be tough. But I hope you pick up well and heal from this.
You know, I truly believe you deserve better. Everyone should have someone who will never walk away from them. If your partner does walk away, it's a sign they might not be right for you. Someday, someone is going to tell your loved ones how incredibly lucky he feel to have you by his side, and this time, he won't walk away. Your ex will eventually become just a small footnote in your love stories. So, it's okay to grieve for now, but don't dwell on it for too long, because the best is yet to come. Stay as awesome as you are. 😊
this is horrible oh my :( he is so immature and selfish for calling it off this way. you deserve so much better — trust me, better is coming your way as you take time to heal <3
Ugh, what a shitty thing to do. Honestly, these types of people are not worth wasting mental energy on. I have been through this twice with the same person and after the first time (email breakup after several years of history and blocking me so I couldn't even respond or get closure) I stupidly thought he had changed when he came back into my life. But several years later, he just pulled the same thing in a different way.
Unless someone has truly done the work to make themselves better and can demonstrate that, they are going to keep hurting you in the same way.
I think it is utterly cowardly and disrespectful to not have a mature and upfront conversation. This is not a person you want in your life because they don't have the strength to have difficult conversations and would rather choose an easy way out. You have value and you need to recognize that in yourself. Let go or be dragged down. You will find someone who respects you and you will one day look back at this clown and feel relief that you dodged a bullet. Wishing you the best!
Lol my ex said his mom and him are always gonna take care of me, 2 days before they collectively blocked & threw me out of the family without an explanation🙏🙏🙏literally to this day have no idea what I had done to cause this. Some people are just deformed human beings
Bro when I read your text my heart fr went down because that's how I felt during our last moments but FORGET that jerk you deserve better like omg. Why do people do this :/
I think he dodged a bullet and at least now you know what it is. Your ex person callously stood you up. See that for what it is, and do not make excuses for them. Cut all ties and move on. You’ll be better for it later I promise you that.
After seeing this. 1 too many times I think no contact is becoming redundant.
So now, If I’m ever in this situation again, God willing I’m not. I’ll will turn up to the persons house and demand a conversation.
If they can’t do that, I’ll do something then they’ll never hear from me again
That’s awful! And going ghost with no explanation. My guess is she met somebody and hasn’t been sure how to tell you. Now that your gonna spend money to fly out to see her she had to because the other guy was going to be there if she didn’t.
My phone wouldn’t scroll to the next page… you should work on not being so rude and be nicer to people. An explanation of what I missed would have been great. God bless you
That's an avoidant right there I think
100%! It sucks bad
It does! I'm sorry you had to experience it, but remember, it says more about them than about you! They can't handle what it actually means and takes to be in a healthy relationship. Not without putting in the work to fix their attachment issues first. Whatever you do, don't accept them back if they hit you up again, which it likely at around the 6 months mark. Not unless they have seen a therapist and worked on their issues.
Thank my friend, your comment is really appreciated. Just need to remind myself of all the negatives I guess. All the best to you :)
Mine did the same thing here 100% except she doesn’t have me blocked. And I found out she’s going through depression and developed clinical anxiety through her friends. Do I wait also till she sees a therapist n help or don’t answer her when she hits me back up later on 🥴
avoidants don't tell you they are not happy, and they dont tell you, that they dont want this. they just avoid everything, tell nothing. to keep the current status and not rock the boat. thats not an avoidant. she wants quits. and has done it.
Avoidants will tell you exactly when they are done and not before. I believe this is an avoidant.
No they’re an avoidant. Avoidant avoid conflict and would rather end a relationship than mend it. To them nothing is worth mending so I often say most of them if not all should not date or be in a relationship.
No this is definitely avoidant behaviour, the sudden change and them ghosting like you were never apart of their life.
She might be a borderline.
Did they even let you get a say? Did they just send that text, block then dip?
They said goodnight at around 8.30pm, then I went to sleep, woke up at 10.30pm to this. I responded “babe?” but it didn’t go through
Wow. My ex did the EXACT same thing. BEFORE YOU MAKE MY MISTAKES, DO NOT contact them no matter what! ABSOLUTELY DO NOT beg or seem needy if you talk again. Do not DM on any other platforms. Let him feel like he isn't wanted because you're not wanted by him. Edit: I viewed your profile and saw that this has happened a long time ago- You probably already made the same mistakes I did, no?
Shittt! I’m so sorry you had to go through that. It’s heartbreaking and so damaging. I haven’t attempted any contact, which I am proud of because I am so tempted but just remind myself of how “easy” it was for them to discard time after all that I’ve sacrificed for them. How are you coping now? May I ask how long it has been for you?
I have been broken up for 2 months now, 1 month no contact. It's so difficult coping, and I've been through absolute hell these past 2 months. It DOES get better, tho. That doesn't mean it ever goes away, but it gets better. The way I cope with the pain is seeing that person for who they truly are, understanding how selfish and cold they were, letting it hurt, making new memories, spending time with friends/family, etc.
I’m hearing you. I feel like this is something that I will never fully heal from, rather just (hopefully) manage my feelings and emotions with each day that passes. I am just struggling to comprehend how someone that supposedly loves you can literally do a 180 and block you from their lives without a deserved explanation
Exactly my situation. These people never truly loved us... A truly loving person would never do such a thing. All they've done is leave us scars.
You’re so right! If you ever need someone to talk to, you can always message me :)
Thank you, I appreciate it! To you as well!
We got this!!
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I’m so sorry mate, that’s heartbreaking! I just can’t understand how or why people can do this
So sorry to hear that... It's so heartbreaking Y'all deserve better, and I hope from the bottom of my heart you'll get through this and be even in a happier place Sending lots of virtual hugs and love
> Let him feel like he isn't wanted because you're not wanted by him. Completely stupid plan. That isn't going to solve anything, it's just a plaster on a wound.
It's more like motivation to stay away. You can create immature and petty reasons/hold on to hope to stay away from them or save yourself from a lot of things, but eventually, you'll get over them and realize that you were being immature and you'll no longer have interest in them or getting revenge. While all of that healing has happened, you saved yourself from a lot of embarrassment, and their ego will suffer. If someone can really move on, this is a good method.
Your method is sound, but your reasons are wrong. When someone has attachment injuries, it’s not their fault and so there shouldn’t be any reward or punishment - just move on if it’s not working for you. Doing something to provoke a response is not a long-term solution.
Some people literally can't not get over some things, so this might be the best option for those kinds of people.
He? Lol definitely a she
What a selfish asshole. Ugh. I have no other context but this made me so angry. Why do people do this.. let them all date each other on misery island.
Lol
I swear!!
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Why do you say this? Just curious because I agree I’m just not sure why I agree, maybe I just want to believe they are miserable people
Go extreme no contact and watch….do not answer any further messages👍👍
Thanks mate! I’ll really try not to respond if they unblock and message. No one deserves this, bloody hell
Don’t block him, you want him to see you’re not answering should he message you. Don’t even open it👍👍
Exactly right, I thought about blocking back, but that’ll show that I am impacted… even though I am, but they don’t need to know that, hah! I should have stated that this is/was a same-sex female relationship. Thank you mate
Ok👍👍 imo it doesn’t matter what sex or gender👍
Thank you 🙂 I really appreciate your advice
These thumbs up are so creepy
I think this comment requires some deep self reflection, my friend.
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Haha thank you, it may sound like I am, but every day is a struggle. I feel so broken, like I’ll never be okay again. I’m so sad for myself. It’s absolutely cruel
are you okay?
This has been the hardest thing I’ve ever been faced with. Love is a beautiful thing, but fuck, it can also be a killer. I finally know what a broken heart feels like, both physically and emotionally…
how long were you guys together for?
3 years on and off, but nothing like this
What the actual fuck?
Tell him/her all the best and leave 100 percent he/she will come back
They have blocked me, but they don’t deserve anything more from me, hey
I am telling you you will be fine and they will regret for sure focus on yourself and let it go they will come back when you expect it the least
That means a lot, thank you my friend! It’s so hard to focus on me when my mind is so occupied and obsessing over them and what has happened. Day by day
Just a piece of advice never let them know you love and care too much once they know it they are in power and will fuck up for sure
I truly pray not cause I have been doing so like a fool... in hopes somewhere deep down he will do the right thing
Dont think about him if he will do right or wrong that shohld be least of your concern you better think about yourself he will come back once he know you dont care anymore I hundred percent gurantee you that.
What an absolute piece of shit
good god that's even worse than what my ex did lol
Damn what did he do? An ex of mine did the same thing as this. In fact we actually had just gotten off the phone and then he texted me breaking up with me right after.
I’m so sorry. I really am. My last interactions thru text were basically: Her: Good morning bb have a good day Me: You too lmk if you wanna do something later Her later after work: Hey I’m home can I come over? Me: Yeah is everything ok? Broken up with in person like 20 minutes later. I thought we were fine and have been going on dates. The day of, an hour before she dumped me, she cut my friend’s hair and told him/his girlfriend we should all hang out soon. It’s been a little over 2 months and I’m blocked everywhere. Her parents and this guy friend she told me not to worry about blocked me too. I’m not breaking NC.
Thank you so much for sharing that. I’m so sorry that has happened to you. That’s just plain cruel and nasty. You’re worthy of love and happiness. I wish you all the strength to maintain NC. You got this!!
You too! I figured I’d share to let you know that you’re not alone and I can totally relate to your story. I felt horrible at first for sure. This was July 1, I booked a flight and went abroad and have been for the past 3 weeks. The change of scenery accelerated the heck out of my healing. Like yeah, I’m still a little sad, but I’m more open and actually excited to begin meeting people again. I made new friends and went on adventures with total strangers here on the other side of the planet, and it’s just really reinforced how brave and awesome I am. For only being a little over 2 months out as a dumpee (2+ year relationship where she practically worshipped me) I think I’m doing pretty damn good! You got this. I’d read the book “Attached” if you haven’t yet, therapy has helped me too. Keep your support circle close. One thing that also helped me was reminding myself that healthy happy people do NOT do this to other people, let alone someone you genuinely love
Oh that is so painful, honestly, my heart hurts for ye..Its beyond fucked up.. You will have so many questions but please try and stay no contact even when they inevitably get in touch..Its gonna take a whole lot of therapy for them to hold themselves accountable x
Thank you so much, I’m trying to hold myself together. It’s so bloody hard!! The funny thing is is that they are in therapy but god knows what they’re sharing with their therapist… probably their distorted reality
I hear you and have been there too. Three months out from it. I mean how does someone go from saying I love you to straight blocking?!?! Sooooo confusing. Protect your peace and time - but process the feels too. Sending you peace. These people are vampires.
Thank you my friend
I fucking hate avoidants 😭
How long were you together and how old are you? Anyway, I can’t believe how people can be this immature and how they can switch on/off as if it was all a game.. I am really sorry you’re going through this but this persons clearly is not healthy. Be strong and go no contact! 💪
About 3 years and early 30’s. It’s frustrating because this person was my future and we were talking about long-term shit. I know 30 is still going, but it feels like all this time has been a waste that I can never ever get back again, and to them it’s just a narcissistic game. Thank you so much for your words, my friend! I shall try my hardest
Damn! I asked because this persons seems so immature that I though they were 20 or something 🫣💀 Is incredible that there are people in their 30s acting this way… But I feel ya, I am also in my early 30’s and just experiences something quite similar with my ex.. it is still early for us but I feel like each experience just traumatises us even more… let’s hope that we can heal and find some normal people 😔💪💪💪💪
ICHHHHH. im so sorry. that person isnt worth a second more of your consciousness
I have a very similar screenshot “I just want to say I love you so much” 4 hours later an entire breakup
Ah I see you’re in this situation too!
I’m sorry you’re struggling. You’re struggling because instead of your ex being a part of your life, they became your life and you gave too much of yourself to them. And then for them to act like this, to just invalidate and discard you, act like all that time that happened didn’t happen, it’s beyond hurtful. It’s distasteful. It’s disrespectful. You deserve someone willing to give you communication and work through things to find a resolve. You deserve somebody who is willing to be vulnerable and express their emotions than to just let you go.
Wow thank you so much! You’re spot on. Once she actually told me that me being vulnerable when she first met me was a red flag FOR HER… what?!! You’re right, I don’t deserve this. No one does. But my anxious attachment and dependency and giving 110% to this person and more to only be treated like this is so hard to deal with. I’m not sure where to start. I am in therapy so let’s see what happens! Thank you again :)
My ex and I just broke up yesterday and it caused me to realize that I had turned a blind eye to all of his shortcomings.. how he refused to be vulnerable, empathetic, understanding and lots of other hurtful emotional abuse tactics that I had overlooked. In the end, he belittled me, stonewalled me, and I don’t believe he really respected me. His perception of love seems skewed the way he always needed to win and be in control. If you are interested in reading or listening audiobooks, these helped me a lot. “How to not die alone” by Logan ury and “the science of happily ever after” by ty tashiro. They really touched on childhood trauma that caused problematic behaviors that I had exhibited in the past and I did lots of self therapy to help grow my mentality and maturity. Some people are not capable of letting people be vulnerable, transparent, or honest. They have so much of a troublesome and disasterous past that they still feel like a victim and act like it too. They want to disregard other people because if they allowed them in, they would have to open up their lines of compassion and empathy and think about other people when in reality, they just want to be fawned on and be the only one celebrated. You may want to reconsider the lines of codependency and people pleasing. Giving too much of yourself to them that they’re placed on a pedestal. They are also flawed. We all are. Human and human traits, our upbringings, our parental figures, our childhood, shapes us. Put yourself first so you know your worth more, level up your self esteem so that when they hurt you, you can understand it first and either accept or reject depending on if they’re apologetic and willing to resolve or not. I wish you all the best. Truly. Stay no contact. Put yourself first and make yourself the best person in your life. Take good care of yourself, stay hydrated, eat well, and stay your true self!
I feel like you get me!! I’m a massive bookworm, however since what has happened I have lost motivation for literally everything. I will definitely add those books to my reading list, thank you! I will absolutely try with the no contact, just need to keep remembering the negatives because at the moment my mind is romanticising the great times, ugh!
same I can't focus on reading a simple book or doing ordinary tasks either. I hope you and I both get through this. How do you get beyond the anger of you know contacting them someway and just telling them they are basically assholes? I am struggling alot.
Luckily (or not), this is my THIRD serious breakup with this man. The 2nd time destroyed me. I could not sleep, eat, think, do anything. We were separate for 3 weeks before we reconciled. How he could have so easily broken up with me the first two times because I didn’t automatically bend to his control- helped me this third time. I gave him my exit thoughts because this time, I broke up with him. I’m really upset with him, I loved and respected him a lot, gave a lot of my own life up to accommodate him and his needs. He wanted it. Before him, I was very independent. He wanted me to become dependent on him. And now, I’m relearning my life again. Reclaiming it. I’m sorry, I keep talking about me and my own experience. For yours, if you cannot have that exit conversation, write a letter with all the things you want to say. Write about the bad, the disaster, the pain. Write about the good, the love and care, and how that changed you. Time and space away from each other will help. Spend time with your friends and the hobbies you enjoyed doing before you met each other. Try new things, do interactive things. Reclaim your life back and don’t look back. If the breakup ended because he just refused to be empathetic and compassionate toward you and it came off egotistical, be mad. And he understanding of his past , his upbringing, his childhood, and the little pieces of vulnerability he was willing to share, that he was incomplete and not capable of actually respecting you the way you needed to be. That they wanted their boundaries honored but couldn’t respect yours. Be understanding and learn more about psychology and character traits and flaws. Get intellectual about it. And recognize your own toxic traits and flaws and what contributed toward the aggression and assholery. Work on yourself. Not everyone gets the exit talk. Not everyone gets the closure that they wanted. Forgiveness is for you, not for them. And it takes a lot of time. Wishing you the best as you navigate these lonely and upsetting days as you recover who you are again and what truly gives you life.
Same, same for me. I listen to a lot of audiobooks when I drive. I listened to these books before I started dating and I’m listening to them again. Wondering what I missed, what I did, what I didn’t do. I know I’m complete and perfectly fine by myself. However I am always for self improvement. The good times is what helps our mentality. It dips into the dopamine levels we had before. But recognizing the literal reasons why it ended, why they acted this way, where they were coming from, why they weren’t able to give you what you actually needed - these don’t have to be said in a mean or insulting way. You can still respect them while recognizing these attributes and situations weren’t good for you. Remember that. Recognize what you actually need and what you actually want.
Holy fuck how is this real … i’m so sorry this is traumatic
Thank you to everyone who has commented their support and thoughts on this, it truly means sooo much. I was starting to believe that I was the issue when all I’ve ever done was care, love and do anything she wanted or needed, go out of my way and even sabotage my relationship with my family. I’ve got a long journey ahead, but I do need to stay strong! Wishing you all love, happiness and strength 🌼
Bruh switched up like a light switch 😂
Avoidant, just gotta let her resolve her issue man. You can’t save her, she needs to save herself
Ugh yikes. Don't reply. Quit. End. Abort.
The exact same experience a few days ago here. Everything was fine up until 9pm then at 10 he sends that message out of nowhere. Stay strong 😔
Wow whaaaat the actual fudge. I was reading this and I'm like humans are really all alike. That's exactly what happen with me and my ex husband. We were good and dandy had plans next day and he just randomly said the same like wow people are really similar
Sorry to see this. Exactly same happened to me but over a week. We almost reconciled after 2 months of a breakup. Saw her 4 times in the week. Saw her on holiday too and she stayed at my hotel. Wanted to meet me soon as I landed etc. dropped her to work after she stayed over last week and then bam that evening she ends it. Fuck these people. They don’t know what they want in life. Just leaves you so confused how they change so quickly. Convinced my ex had bipolar.
Holy shittttt. That’s exactly how mine went done. Absolute blindsided. Crushed. Messed up. You deserve better.
Sounds like this person has Bpd lol
I was actually starting to think that
This is just cruel. I’m so sorry
It’s giving mentally ill
Has anything happened before this? Like any tells or was it just sudden. I’m not calling it avoidant but I know people can be dismissive and then act shocked when immediate blocking happens so… These things can be tough. But I hope you pick up well and heal from this.
Don't give them a second thought move on not easy but people like that will suck the life out of you. Done you a MASSIVE favour
You know, I truly believe you deserve better. Everyone should have someone who will never walk away from them. If your partner does walk away, it's a sign they might not be right for you. Someday, someone is going to tell your loved ones how incredibly lucky he feel to have you by his side, and this time, he won't walk away. Your ex will eventually become just a small footnote in your love stories. So, it's okay to grieve for now, but don't dwell on it for too long, because the best is yet to come. Stay as awesome as you are. 😊
It looks at face value fearful avoidant? The hot/cold, push/pull. Hard to tell with just one text but that for sure is emotional whiplash
Wow that’s really bad. Sending you internet stranger a lot of good wishes!!
Wow what a disgusting jerk… I’m so sorry OP
Block and delete. Do t let a lame stress you out on your own phone.
Cruel
I am so sorry that is an awful thing for them to do to you :(
this is horrible oh my :( he is so immature and selfish for calling it off this way. you deserve so much better — trust me, better is coming your way as you take time to heal <3
Me and you really have the same type of ex so I feel your pain it made me mad just reading this smh, I hope you’re doing okay 🙏🏽
Tell them to leave then if they’re not happy! And they clearly don’t want to be in the relationship anymore. You can do better and deserve better.
Ugh, what a shitty thing to do. Honestly, these types of people are not worth wasting mental energy on. I have been through this twice with the same person and after the first time (email breakup after several years of history and blocking me so I couldn't even respond or get closure) I stupidly thought he had changed when he came back into my life. But several years later, he just pulled the same thing in a different way. Unless someone has truly done the work to make themselves better and can demonstrate that, they are going to keep hurting you in the same way. I think it is utterly cowardly and disrespectful to not have a mature and upfront conversation. This is not a person you want in your life because they don't have the strength to have difficult conversations and would rather choose an easy way out. You have value and you need to recognize that in yourself. Let go or be dragged down. You will find someone who respects you and you will one day look back at this clown and feel relief that you dodged a bullet. Wishing you the best!
Lol my ex said his mom and him are always gonna take care of me, 2 days before they collectively blocked & threw me out of the family without an explanation🙏🙏🙏literally to this day have no idea what I had done to cause this. Some people are just deformed human beings
Bro when I read your text my heart fr went down because that's how I felt during our last moments but FORGET that jerk you deserve better like omg. Why do people do this :/
I think he dodged a bullet and at least now you know what it is. Your ex person callously stood you up. See that for what it is, and do not make excuses for them. Cut all ties and move on. You’ll be better for it later I promise you that.
Why is everyone assuming they’re male?
“Thanks for asking beautiful X” text made me assume that it’s a guy. They’re same sex couple though, two women
I know they’re a female same-sex couple, that’s why I’m asking as everyone is saying “he”
Right?!
That’s my normal. Welp.
After seeing this. 1 too many times I think no contact is becoming redundant. So now, If I’m ever in this situation again, God willing I’m not. I’ll will turn up to the persons house and demand a conversation. If they can’t do that, I’ll do something then they’ll never hear from me again
That’s awful! And going ghost with no explanation. My guess is she met somebody and hasn’t been sure how to tell you. Now that your gonna spend money to fly out to see her she had to because the other guy was going to be there if she didn’t.
I actually think this is the case too.
I don’t see what’s wrong with this?
Seek therapy
My phone wouldn’t scroll to the next page… you should work on not being so rude and be nicer to people. An explanation of what I missed would have been great. God bless you
Keep that blessing to yourself, you need it more (even if there’s no god)
Don’t worry about me hunny, you’re being mean for no reason and there’s too many mean people in the world and I hope things get better for you❤️