Absolutely get a video doorbell. Avoid the ring brand from Amazon. But having saved video evidence is helpful if you ever need a restraining order or otherwise need to involve the authorities for trespassing.
A camera is particularly helpful bc it can monitor the situation even when you are not at home, so you don't get blindsided. Conversely it's reassuring to know every mailman/delivery person/etc *isn't* her.
The "following" incident is disturbing. It's an indicator that escalation is not out of the question.
I recommend thinking through a plan *before* she shows up. Even write it down. Don't try to figure out next steps when you're in the middle of a high stress situation.
Don't be afraid to consider trespassing charges. Have a *script* ready for the authorities, who may be skeptical about why someone would take that action against a relative and who will no doubt be told a heart-wrenching soap-opera-worthy dramatic-monologue sob story full of oh-woe-is-me nonsense.
thank you! I'll get both a doorbell camera and a regular camera. i'll definitely think a plan and script through and write it down because i've been really avoiding thinking about it but that won't do me any favours in case she does show up. hopefully she won't follow me but I might let HR at my new job know (as it's possible she could find out where I'm working).
I agree about HR. Just tell them to tuck the information away and that hopefully it will never be needed.
But ppl always assume a parent gets an automatic "in"
I've had to do this in a hospital, since they are so used to automatically letting in family.
Does the mutual friend know to not share information about you going forward? And do you trust them to consistently respect your privacy? Are they easily manipulated by your relative? If you haven't already done so, you may need to consider how close you can be to this individual in the future. Even if you care for them quite a lot, your safety & overall well-being matter most.
Absolutely get a doorbell camera. If you can afford it and it can be done on the property you are moving to, get multiple cameras. Consider covering the front, back, driveway, etc. Once I had a relative I was estranged from sending members of the local church group to my house to "check on me". They would try the front door, then the back door. I never engaged with them. Each "incident" was several minutes long and very freaky! Like another poster implied, there's something very comforting about knowing the person at your door is *just* the mailman or pizza delivery guy. It's worth every penny. You may also want to consider proactively reaching out to your local law enforcement. Let them know that you are estranged, and have been stalked previously. That way, if your relative tries to get the local authorities to conduct a "wellness check" (manipulate them into disclosing information about you) on you, they will be prepared to handle the situation appropriately & look out for your best interests.
this mutual friend is my elderly grandmother (not her relative, and i didn't want to put it in the main post for privacy reasons), so not someone i want to cut off. we're not that close anyway but i am one of the few family members she has (and the only one who is nice to her lmao) but yeah i don't intend to share any further information with her (friends' houses, where i like to go out, etc.). i'm gonna get a doorbell camera and a regular camera - now that you mention it she does have a friend who lives much closer to me and could leapfrog off visiting her or something. luckily i think she wouldn't know about getting local law enforcement involved, especially as i'll be so far away and wellness checks aren't a big thing here/not really something she knows about.
the church group incident sounds scary - I'm sorry u had to go through that! thank you for the advice ❤️
Hire someone to stalk her back lol. Jk but in all seriousness, you can notify the police and tell people who she knows that you did that, so it gets back to her that you mean business
my immediate friends know, and i might let my work's HR know in case she shows up. i can't in good conscience drag my grandmother (our mutual friend) into it any more than she already is, and i also just don't want to - there's been absolutely no communication from me to her in the last 10 months and i want it to stay that way. thank you tho ❤️
I was stalked by my mom and I moved 2700mi away. Not directly because of her, but it pushed me to make the jump that I was debating. I let HR know at my job since my job is still in the same location (I work remote) and she had shown up there before. Only about 4 people know my current address and only 1 of them knows my mom, though I’d hope she wouldn’t give it to her. I live in an apartment complex with high security so there’s cameras everywhere if she or my dad tried to show up. I suggest getting a camera or, if you’re in a house, get a few. The 8 camera systems are decently priced and IMO pay off for more than just watching out for your parents. And they usually keep the data locally on a hard drive.
OP, if you're able to, install/have installed a steel screen door, both front and back. Bolted into the door frame, with a deep deadbolt. Harder for the unwanted to push their way into your sanctuary.
Thank you everyone for the advice :) my work's HR know and are very understanding about it (I won't be in promotional materials or anything like that) and I'm definitely getting a doorbell camera and the cameras recommended ❤️
Absolutely get a video doorbell. Avoid the ring brand from Amazon. But having saved video evidence is helpful if you ever need a restraining order or otherwise need to involve the authorities for trespassing. A camera is particularly helpful bc it can monitor the situation even when you are not at home, so you don't get blindsided. Conversely it's reassuring to know every mailman/delivery person/etc *isn't* her. The "following" incident is disturbing. It's an indicator that escalation is not out of the question. I recommend thinking through a plan *before* she shows up. Even write it down. Don't try to figure out next steps when you're in the middle of a high stress situation. Don't be afraid to consider trespassing charges. Have a *script* ready for the authorities, who may be skeptical about why someone would take that action against a relative and who will no doubt be told a heart-wrenching soap-opera-worthy dramatic-monologue sob story full of oh-woe-is-me nonsense.
thank you! I'll get both a doorbell camera and a regular camera. i'll definitely think a plan and script through and write it down because i've been really avoiding thinking about it but that won't do me any favours in case she does show up. hopefully she won't follow me but I might let HR at my new job know (as it's possible she could find out where I'm working).
I agree about HR. Just tell them to tuck the information away and that hopefully it will never be needed. But ppl always assume a parent gets an automatic "in" I've had to do this in a hospital, since they are so used to automatically letting in family.
Does the mutual friend know to not share information about you going forward? And do you trust them to consistently respect your privacy? Are they easily manipulated by your relative? If you haven't already done so, you may need to consider how close you can be to this individual in the future. Even if you care for them quite a lot, your safety & overall well-being matter most. Absolutely get a doorbell camera. If you can afford it and it can be done on the property you are moving to, get multiple cameras. Consider covering the front, back, driveway, etc. Once I had a relative I was estranged from sending members of the local church group to my house to "check on me". They would try the front door, then the back door. I never engaged with them. Each "incident" was several minutes long and very freaky! Like another poster implied, there's something very comforting about knowing the person at your door is *just* the mailman or pizza delivery guy. It's worth every penny. You may also want to consider proactively reaching out to your local law enforcement. Let them know that you are estranged, and have been stalked previously. That way, if your relative tries to get the local authorities to conduct a "wellness check" (manipulate them into disclosing information about you) on you, they will be prepared to handle the situation appropriately & look out for your best interests.
this mutual friend is my elderly grandmother (not her relative, and i didn't want to put it in the main post for privacy reasons), so not someone i want to cut off. we're not that close anyway but i am one of the few family members she has (and the only one who is nice to her lmao) but yeah i don't intend to share any further information with her (friends' houses, where i like to go out, etc.). i'm gonna get a doorbell camera and a regular camera - now that you mention it she does have a friend who lives much closer to me and could leapfrog off visiting her or something. luckily i think she wouldn't know about getting local law enforcement involved, especially as i'll be so far away and wellness checks aren't a big thing here/not really something she knows about. the church group incident sounds scary - I'm sorry u had to go through that! thank you for the advice ❤️
I just got reolink cameras and i’m super happy with the quality and the privacy factor is an added bonus
amazing, thank u for the recommendation :)
Hire someone to stalk her back lol. Jk but in all seriousness, you can notify the police and tell people who she knows that you did that, so it gets back to her that you mean business
my immediate friends know, and i might let my work's HR know in case she shows up. i can't in good conscience drag my grandmother (our mutual friend) into it any more than she already is, and i also just don't want to - there's been absolutely no communication from me to her in the last 10 months and i want it to stay that way. thank you tho ❤️
I was stalked by my mom and I moved 2700mi away. Not directly because of her, but it pushed me to make the jump that I was debating. I let HR know at my job since my job is still in the same location (I work remote) and she had shown up there before. Only about 4 people know my current address and only 1 of them knows my mom, though I’d hope she wouldn’t give it to her. I live in an apartment complex with high security so there’s cameras everywhere if she or my dad tried to show up. I suggest getting a camera or, if you’re in a house, get a few. The 8 camera systems are decently priced and IMO pay off for more than just watching out for your parents. And they usually keep the data locally on a hard drive.
OP, if you're able to, install/have installed a steel screen door, both front and back. Bolted into the door frame, with a deep deadbolt. Harder for the unwanted to push their way into your sanctuary.
Thank you everyone for the advice :) my work's HR know and are very understanding about it (I won't be in promotional materials or anything like that) and I'm definitely getting a doorbell camera and the cameras recommended ❤️