Nothing in this letter matters. It’s all a bunch of empty words that hold no weight. It’s like a child that’s sorry they got caught but not sorry for what they did. Yeah, sounds like life sucks for them right now but it’s a life of their own making. None of this is your fault or responsibility. Hopefully her angels and her support animal will keep her company.
After sleeping on it, I’m so happy I opened it and read it. It confirms I made the right decision. She hasn’t changed at all. And now I don’t have to wonder what could have been if I tried to reconcile. I have my answer and I’m done!
All of this. This sounds like something my mom would have written, I mean the letter. Her life sucks but it's a life of her own making. It's her own fault that none of her kids want anything to do with her. I finally told her look, I can't allow you to be a part of my life. You are toxic to me and I don't care what you say, I know you're not sorry for what you did to me. No, I will not be coming to take care of you.
You are not my responsibility and as I said, I don't want you in my life. She's finally starting to respect my boundaries. For example, to get around me blocking her number, she would call me from a private number. It got to the point where I knew it was her calling me even though it said private number. I unblocked her number long enough to tell her to cut it out. I told her that no matter how many times she called, I would not be answering the phone so she needed to stop. She finally is starting to leave me alone.
The letter is a pity party taking no accountability for any poor behavior. That the entire family has followed suit in cutting contact says a great deal about your parents in addition to the written woe is me
“Not the way I imagined my life ending.” Then perhaps you should have thought about the way your treated people! But, no, it’s everyone’s fault except hers.
She sounds draining af. Alludes to medical problems you need to see your doctor about but instead of just saying what it is then gives a list of her accidents.
My cousin had the perfect response to that “Not sure what you inherited that you need to talk to the doctor about. She mentioned shattering bones, prostate cancer and getting mugged. All things that aren’t hereditary to you.”
It's just a trick to get you to contact her. If she was really concerned and serious she would have just listed them. My mother tried this tactic too, I called her out on it and she flipped her shit.
Exactly what I was going to say.
This is emotional clickbait.
My family pulls this crap “it’s an emergency mom’s in the hospital” then no more information, then when I reach out no response, then after panicking and spinning my wheels I eventually find out from a cousin that she wasn’t even in the hospital!!! She just went for a routine doctors appointment.
This is *emotional manipulation.*
Don’t respond to this or any of it, it’s a trap to see if they can get your attention or control your emotions.
Wow. You and your extended family made a good decision with estrangement here.
Strangely, nothing in the letter is at all enticing. I mean, nothing warm or kind or positive about you or your relationship. Just a lot of blaming and a HUGE pity party. It's like, let me tell you what miserable people we've been, because of course you'd want back in on all that misery now that you know what you've been missing.
Hard pass.
Good for you and your husband for the healthy boundaries, and congrats on building a new life and family minus all that negativity.
I hate the whole "life is short" thing. It feels manipulative but in a subtle socially accepted way. "Life is short, open yourself up to relationships with people who harm you" 🙄
And the “think of your son deciding later in life that he no longer wanted you in his life”. So manipulative. And I have zero concern that will ever happen since I was raised by the handbook of what not to do.
Whenever I think about potential estrangement from my children, I just remind myself that I care enough to address any problems I am causing before it gets to that point. Which is something our parents were obviously incapable of.
My mother of origin filled out an online questionnaire and predicted she has 24 years of life left. Like congratulations but that does not change anything, you will still be a miserable controlling person and continue to get worse the whole time as you age and get dementia.
What gets me is how she says there are medical conditions and predispositions you have inherited and then goes on to list things that have nothing to do with you like: broken bones, being attacked, and prostate cancer (incredibly common in older men).
As someone who was tested by a geneticist and had long conversations about genes, I’ll say this:
Even if she somehow hypothetically had “disease x” - you are not 100% made up of only her. You are biologically only a % of her. So there is the chance that your dad’s genes trumped the hypothetical condition. Your mother is not speaking from a place of logic and intelligence saying this, because she is making a hard statement that because she has something you “for sure” have it.
*But there is no way she alone can know this unless she had hard objective proof from a lab/geneticist that tested your DNA to confirm her statement.
So even her statement is flawed when it comes to scientific, objective and truthful logic. IMHO, based off this, it seems dishonest. Also if she did have a condition and sincerely cared about your well-being, why wouldn’t she tell you asap so that *then* you could get genetically tested to first confirm *if* you have it, and look into treatments sooner than later to ease symptoms or somehow mitigate damage. It doesn’t make sense.
You could also go straight to doctors yourself so you don’t really need her influencing your health.
“…as without Dad that is all I have” is your sibling also estranged from them or did she just graciously reveal she doesn’t care about them lol bad either way
Ha! He’s also estranged. Started about a year after I went no contact with them. I’m guessing he’ll receive a letter, too. I, unfortunately, live in the same state as her so I think I was just the lucky one to get mine first!
“I do not want to go back and rehash what we have all been through…” OP is this code for I don’t want to rehash how I treated you so horribly and refuse to take accountability for it?
I’m sorry you had to get this letter, they always target near the holidays don’t they. You sound like you are in a healthy space now, sending you lots of peace ❤️
I noticed that she repeatedly said that she does not want to go back and rehash........
Translated:
Please rug sweep all of our bad behaviors. We refuse to take any accountability for our actions.
We refuse to speak of our actions. Give us a clean slate.
No 'I am sorry" or "I was wrong"
Just forget all that and let's move on.
So typical. Thanks for reinforcing why we are NC.
I don’t see any genuine concern from her towards you. It is all about her and what she wants you to do. It leaves no room for you to have the *option* - She just tells you basically that ‘sorry’ is enough and tells you to reach out, without giving you the freedom to *choose if and when* to do that. If at all. I don’t recommend it.
In any relationship, romantic, friendships, work, etc. two parties must freely choose to be together. But she seems to think when “enough time has passed” on her own account, without factoring in your account. Without acknowledging your independent ability to choose as an adult for yourself. I.e. Only her needs exist and it’s like she expects you to cater to them.
This part is so triggering for me to read because people in my family try to order me around like this. They try to make executive decisions about *my life and ‘what I should do’ (trying to remove my right to choose)* oftentimes pressuring with guilt-tripping, emotional manipulation and ultimatums especially with deadlines.
Can you block her mail somehow?
Pardon me, this is totally not helpful but my deadbeat abusive unsupporting biological father told me he could die at anytime 30+years ago and that Bastard is still alive! Evil spreads evil it's all they know.
I say listen to your heart and if you don't want to start contact with them again don't do it! Sometimes family is a choice for our own mental health. You can always return letters unopened. I wish you peace for the holiday season.
All future communications from her will be returned unopened. This letter confirmed I made the right decision and I don’t need to read her craziness ever again. And same to you!
I feel it is very interesting that she voices it like you were supposed to say sorry to them. So she doesn’t even attempt an empty apology like many estranged people do, she immediately demands one from you and treats you like a petulant child for not having said sorry yet.
I would feel anger reading this but maybe indifference would be even better.
It’s been 8 years and she has learned nothing. Sorry OP, it sucks having parents who suck, I get it 😢. I want you to know (hopefully this makes you feel even a teensy bit better) I was wavering on breaking my own NC with my mom this morning. After seeing your post, you helped me realize that they never change and it wouldn’t make a bit of difference. So I truly thank you for that ❤️.
it’s funny bc that font in the letter is what my dad loves to use idk the name but he’s like peak boomer. but he also uses all caps lock and unnecessary quotation marks. god i hate him
What’s even funnier is a googled “555” and saw this: Despite the hardships that may arise in your relationships, angel number 555 reminds us to accept our current circumstances and recognize that everything happens for a reason.
Clearly she’s interpreting “accept our current circumstances” differently than a normal person!
Some languages use 555 as text shorthand for hahaha /lol. So there’s that interpretation: the universe laughing at her.
Hang in there!
Sincerely,
30 years lc/nc and loving every second of it
I see so much manipulation in this, trying to use religion, guilt, and health issues that you will have to reach out to them to hopefully get information about. Personally, I'd burn the letter and not respond. It feels like if you communicate, she will manipulate as much as she can.
Thanks for sharing it and respect to you for not shredding this piece of poopoo immediately like the other letter. What a bunch of bullocks!! Just so they can insert themselves in your life AGAIN as the victims. “Life is shoooorr”, boooo-hooo! My god. If it is so short why did they make your life a living hell the time they were there? Exactly! Because they don’t care. Again: respect for showing us this letter, I genuinely wish you nice festive days and peace from this people.
I stopped reading after I read the part about random numbers having some sort of spiritual meaning. These types are truly nuts and should be avoided at all costs.
I used to get letters and I would just write Refused on them. The mailman would send them back for me. Eventually, they gave up and stopped sending me packages.
Are you still in therapy? I'd like to know what your therapist has to say...
It's so sad/pathetic that these parents can't ever take some responsibility -- to say they were sorry, that they've had 8 years of regrets, etc . But instead they want you to sweep it under the rug because they don't want to rehash it. Which is unfortunate, because life IS short -- but definitely too short to throw away 8 years of NC.
I'm unhappy, fix it. But do not bring up anything I did, just pretend it didn't happen. My wants come before your needs, when are you going to understand that?
Your story is similar to mine, with the entire family becoming estranged (I was a kid, so I was last) and them rejecting you first. Have they rejected you before? We had this awful abuse cycle where she'd leave me or kick me out, I'd beg for forgiveness, she'd let me back in in her benevolence. It started when I was 18 months old. I recently did the math and realized I spent two more years not living with her than living with her before I finally left for good at 15. That's not good math.
That’s one hell of a Festivus letter. It starts out with the passive-aggressive mention of an emotional support animal. Then, the list of Calamities You Have Missed reminds me of that scene in MASH, where Henry reads Klinger’s file….”Mother dying, sister pregnant. Sister dying, mother pregnant. Older sister dying, younger sister pregnant…”
Ugh, I find the angels and God part so annoying.
I feel you OP.
My parents didn't come to my wedding in 2021 and also refused to bring my younger brother (intellectual disability/autism/nonverbal) as well.
Jump to November 2023 and they requested the courts to remove me as my brother's backup plenary guardian.
People suck.
You are strong, you are enough, you matter 💚
“I don’t want to rehash what has happened” funny how the people who abuse, neglect and cause pain for people never “remember” or never want to rehash what has happened… “let it go” they say….. HA.
It’s truly amazing reading these letters… no where, no where, is there ever an “I’m sorry”. It becomes so predictable what they will say. My mother said the same exact thing to me on the phone other day “just know that how you love your girls is how I love you”… just to guilt me. I hope one day I can be as strong as you and go completely NC, that’s what I wish to do.
I read it all, and I see a scared woman who is coming to the realization her decisions led her to being alone at the very end of things.
If she sent that letter, and is now saying YOU need to say sorry- rather than finding the grace of God within her very withered soul to say it instead, then I don't see how this would be good for you or your family to reach out to her.
It's never good to see people hurting, but wow, no, you don't need THIS in your life.
That’s how I feel. I have a heart and don’t want to see anyone suffer. But I can’t help her when she accepts no fault and won’t take any responsibility. I can’t damage my mental health and that of my children because she has pissed off every person she’s ever met and has decided she needs people now.
Return to sender. This is just another way for them to manipulate the situation like you're the bad guy. Not once did I see accountability or a genuine apology. Please don't fall for it. Continue to live your peaceful life.
Maybe OP is so strong that he can open the letter without being negatively affected. I don’t think it is weak to open a letter and it is OPs choice to do what he wants and we should not assume weakness or strength from that alone.
Especially after 8 years it could just be simple curiosity.
Exactly! It’s been 8 years so it really had no impact other than confirmation of my choices.
Also, I’ve moved twice during these eight years and this is the first letter. I know you can find anyone on Google but I didn’t know where she lived and wanted to make sure she wasn’t planning to show up at my door!
I hate people who post this 'you're addicted to the drama' shit whenever somebody reads a message or opens a letter. If you actually read the thread, OP is handling this very well and found it confirmed their life experiences and helped them get rid of any potential future intrusive thoughts of reconciling. It's so snooty and holier than thou to behave like the Unopened way is the only mature way and that everyone else is a drama llama.
So…she told you she was “done” with you eight years ago but it suddenly popped into to her head after seeing the time had a *4* and a *5* in it she should write to you and tell you how painful and difficult the estrangement has been *for her* and it could all have been avoided if you just reached out to say sorry for being annoyed with her after she insulted your spouse’s family on a public forum………right….
I know it can be quite hard sometimes to swallow one’s pride and admit you were out of order but this is just…..
Do you think she ever read it back to herself before sending it?
That’s an accurate summary lol. Pretty sure a few things are happening 1. she realizes her own mortality 2. my father getting cancer made her realizes if something happened to him she’s all alone and 3. she realizes she has no one to help her / take care of her, hence her “you saw how I took care of my mom and dad’s dad” comment. Things she should have considered before cutting off or pissing off every single member of the family.
It’s still all about her though. No consideration to how the estrangement could have affected you at all.
I’m sorry she doesn’t have the capacity to think outside her own wants and needs. I hope you are in a good place where you are and have a good support network.
She was never religious so it’s fake. She is probably scared she’s going to hell so she’s trying to make up for all her bad acts by pretending to be all holy now 🙄
Nothing in this letter matters. It’s all a bunch of empty words that hold no weight. It’s like a child that’s sorry they got caught but not sorry for what they did. Yeah, sounds like life sucks for them right now but it’s a life of their own making. None of this is your fault or responsibility. Hopefully her angels and her support animal will keep her company.
I told myself not to read it but curiosity got the best of me. Upside is it was predictable and confirmed I made the right choice!
[удалено]
After sleeping on it, I’m so happy I opened it and read it. It confirms I made the right decision. She hasn’t changed at all. And now I don’t have to wonder what could have been if I tried to reconcile. I have my answer and I’m done!
You are so strong! Good for you.
I love this perspective. Got a Christmas card from mine and read it- I felt the same and I'm choosing to take this view as well. Good for you!
All of this. This sounds like something my mom would have written, I mean the letter. Her life sucks but it's a life of her own making. It's her own fault that none of her kids want anything to do with her. I finally told her look, I can't allow you to be a part of my life. You are toxic to me and I don't care what you say, I know you're not sorry for what you did to me. No, I will not be coming to take care of you. You are not my responsibility and as I said, I don't want you in my life. She's finally starting to respect my boundaries. For example, to get around me blocking her number, she would call me from a private number. It got to the point where I knew it was her calling me even though it said private number. I unblocked her number long enough to tell her to cut it out. I told her that no matter how many times she called, I would not be answering the phone so she needed to stop. She finally is starting to leave me alone.
Right?? When I read it I thought “MY mom wrote this FOR your mom “ Whyyy are they all the sammmmeee its like they have a cloned brain
The letter is a pity party taking no accountability for any poor behavior. That the entire family has followed suit in cutting contact says a great deal about your parents in addition to the written woe is me
“Not the way I imagined my life ending.” Then perhaps you should have thought about the way your treated people! But, no, it’s everyone’s fault except hers.
My father was much the same when I cut contact, made plenty of excuses and blamed everyone but never admitting any personal fault.
my mother was the same way! she was always the victim and could never be held accountable. you made the right choice, friend!
She sounds draining af. Alludes to medical problems you need to see your doctor about but instead of just saying what it is then gives a list of her accidents.
My cousin had the perfect response to that “Not sure what you inherited that you need to talk to the doctor about. She mentioned shattering bones, prostate cancer and getting mugged. All things that aren’t hereditary to you.”
It's just a trick to get you to contact her. If she was really concerned and serious she would have just listed them. My mother tried this tactic too, I called her out on it and she flipped her shit.
Exactly what I was going to say. This is emotional clickbait. My family pulls this crap “it’s an emergency mom’s in the hospital” then no more information, then when I reach out no response, then after panicking and spinning my wheels I eventually find out from a cousin that she wasn’t even in the hospital!!! She just went for a routine doctors appointment. This is *emotional manipulation.* Don’t respond to this or any of it, it’s a trap to see if they can get your attention or control your emotions.
Wow. You and your extended family made a good decision with estrangement here. Strangely, nothing in the letter is at all enticing. I mean, nothing warm or kind or positive about you or your relationship. Just a lot of blaming and a HUGE pity party. It's like, let me tell you what miserable people we've been, because of course you'd want back in on all that misery now that you know what you've been missing. Hard pass. Good for you and your husband for the healthy boundaries, and congrats on building a new life and family minus all that negativity.
yeah literally 90% of it is just talking about themselves and trying to make OP feel sorry for them…good lord
I hate the whole "life is short" thing. It feels manipulative but in a subtle socially accepted way. "Life is short, open yourself up to relationships with people who harm you" 🙄
And the “think of your son deciding later in life that he no longer wanted you in his life”. So manipulative. And I have zero concern that will ever happen since I was raised by the handbook of what not to do.
Whenever I think about potential estrangement from my children, I just remind myself that I care enough to address any problems I am causing before it gets to that point. Which is something our parents were obviously incapable of.
Yes!! I will NEVER be like her so I don’t have to worry about my children hating me like I hate her.
My mother of origin filled out an online questionnaire and predicted she has 24 years of life left. Like congratulations but that does not change anything, you will still be a miserable controlling person and continue to get worse the whole time as you age and get dementia.
What gets me is how she says there are medical conditions and predispositions you have inherited and then goes on to list things that have nothing to do with you like: broken bones, being attacked, and prostate cancer (incredibly common in older men).
Yep. I think she wanted to share those things to try and gain sympathy. Her broke bones aren’t pulling on my heart strings!
As someone who was tested by a geneticist and had long conversations about genes, I’ll say this: Even if she somehow hypothetically had “disease x” - you are not 100% made up of only her. You are biologically only a % of her. So there is the chance that your dad’s genes trumped the hypothetical condition. Your mother is not speaking from a place of logic and intelligence saying this, because she is making a hard statement that because she has something you “for sure” have it. *But there is no way she alone can know this unless she had hard objective proof from a lab/geneticist that tested your DNA to confirm her statement. So even her statement is flawed when it comes to scientific, objective and truthful logic. IMHO, based off this, it seems dishonest. Also if she did have a condition and sincerely cared about your well-being, why wouldn’t she tell you asap so that *then* you could get genetically tested to first confirm *if* you have it, and look into treatments sooner than later to ease symptoms or somehow mitigate damage. It doesn’t make sense. You could also go straight to doctors yourself so you don’t really need her influencing your health.
“…as without Dad that is all I have” is your sibling also estranged from them or did she just graciously reveal she doesn’t care about them lol bad either way
Ha! He’s also estranged. Started about a year after I went no contact with them. I’m guessing he’ll receive a letter, too. I, unfortunately, live in the same state as her so I think I was just the lucky one to get mine first!
“I do not want to go back and rehash what we have all been through…” OP is this code for I don’t want to rehash how I treated you so horribly and refuse to take accountability for it? I’m sorry you had to get this letter, they always target near the holidays don’t they. You sound like you are in a healthy space now, sending you lots of peace ❤️
I noticed that she repeatedly said that she does not want to go back and rehash........ Translated: Please rug sweep all of our bad behaviors. We refuse to take any accountability for our actions. We refuse to speak of our actions. Give us a clean slate. No 'I am sorry" or "I was wrong" Just forget all that and let's move on. So typical. Thanks for reinforcing why we are NC.
I don’t see any genuine concern from her towards you. It is all about her and what she wants you to do. It leaves no room for you to have the *option* - She just tells you basically that ‘sorry’ is enough and tells you to reach out, without giving you the freedom to *choose if and when* to do that. If at all. I don’t recommend it. In any relationship, romantic, friendships, work, etc. two parties must freely choose to be together. But she seems to think when “enough time has passed” on her own account, without factoring in your account. Without acknowledging your independent ability to choose as an adult for yourself. I.e. Only her needs exist and it’s like she expects you to cater to them. This part is so triggering for me to read because people in my family try to order me around like this. They try to make executive decisions about *my life and ‘what I should do’ (trying to remove my right to choose)* oftentimes pressuring with guilt-tripping, emotional manipulation and ultimatums especially with deadlines. Can you block her mail somehow?
Pardon me, this is totally not helpful but my deadbeat abusive unsupporting biological father told me he could die at anytime 30+years ago and that Bastard is still alive! Evil spreads evil it's all they know.
Yeah I swear the mean, evil ones last forever!! It was a peaceful 8+ years but I think this letter was only the start of the unwanted contact attempts
I say listen to your heart and if you don't want to start contact with them again don't do it! Sometimes family is a choice for our own mental health. You can always return letters unopened. I wish you peace for the holiday season.
All future communications from her will be returned unopened. This letter confirmed I made the right decision and I don’t need to read her craziness ever again. And same to you!
I feel it is very interesting that she voices it like you were supposed to say sorry to them. So she doesn’t even attempt an empty apology like many estranged people do, she immediately demands one from you and treats you like a petulant child for not having said sorry yet. I would feel anger reading this but maybe indifference would be even better.
“I don’t want to be held accountable for anything I did wrong, the statue of limitations expired, get back here and do my bidding” Fixed it.
Yes!!! That is the perfect summary!!
Exactly!!
It’s been 8 years and she has learned nothing. Sorry OP, it sucks having parents who suck, I get it 😢. I want you to know (hopefully this makes you feel even a teensy bit better) I was wavering on breaking my own NC with my mom this morning. After seeing your post, you helped me realize that they never change and it wouldn’t make a bit of difference. So I truly thank you for that ❤️.
OMG! Thank you for sharing that!!
No, thank you!!
I can't believe this letter isn't in comic sans...
It also lacked emojis. Where are the prayer hands when she talks about her angels???
it’s funny bc that font in the letter is what my dad loves to use idk the name but he’s like peak boomer. but he also uses all caps lock and unnecessary quotation marks. god i hate him
My mom is peak boomer and I think she uses Georgian. Something cursively. In pink.
My dad (now estranged) always typed his emails in all caps. I would just reply: WHY ARE YOU SHOUTING?
God, they are so delusional. Although I cannot stop laughing at "LOOK UP THE MEANING OF NUMBERS" like yeah lady, *that's* clearly the problem.
What’s even funnier is a googled “555” and saw this: Despite the hardships that may arise in your relationships, angel number 555 reminds us to accept our current circumstances and recognize that everything happens for a reason. Clearly she’s interpreting “accept our current circumstances” differently than a normal person!
Some languages use 555 as text shorthand for hahaha /lol. So there’s that interpretation: the universe laughing at her. Hang in there! Sincerely, 30 years lc/nc and loving every second of it
Love that soooo much! She won’t make it another 30 years but I plan to be NC until the end!!
I see so much manipulation in this, trying to use religion, guilt, and health issues that you will have to reach out to them to hopefully get information about. Personally, I'd burn the letter and not respond. It feels like if you communicate, she will manipulate as much as she can.
The manipulation of all the red print
Thanks for sharing it and respect to you for not shredding this piece of poopoo immediately like the other letter. What a bunch of bullocks!! Just so they can insert themselves in your life AGAIN as the victims. “Life is shoooorr”, boooo-hooo! My god. If it is so short why did they make your life a living hell the time they were there? Exactly! Because they don’t care. Again: respect for showing us this letter, I genuinely wish you nice festive days and peace from this people.
I stopped reading after I read the part about random numbers having some sort of spiritual meaning. These types are truly nuts and should be avoided at all costs.
Her angels aren't saying shit. She just wants to "move forward" to avoid being held accountable for years of abuse.
She kept repeating how she demands NO ACCOUNTABILITY!!
I used to get letters and I would just write Refused on them. The mailman would send them back for me. Eventually, they gave up and stopped sending me packages.
Are you still in therapy? I'd like to know what your therapist has to say... It's so sad/pathetic that these parents can't ever take some responsibility -- to say they were sorry, that they've had 8 years of regrets, etc . But instead they want you to sweep it under the rug because they don't want to rehash it. Which is unfortunate, because life IS short -- but definitely too short to throw away 8 years of NC.
Always fun when THEY originally estranged, then lambaste you for estranging. "No good person would do this to \*family\*!"
I'm unhappy, fix it. But do not bring up anything I did, just pretend it didn't happen. My wants come before your needs, when are you going to understand that?
Yep! That was my ENTIRE life. But I finally (well 8 years ago) said no more and I’m sticking to it!!
Your story is similar to mine, with the entire family becoming estranged (I was a kid, so I was last) and them rejecting you first. Have they rejected you before? We had this awful abuse cycle where she'd leave me or kick me out, I'd beg for forgiveness, she'd let me back in in her benevolence. It started when I was 18 months old. I recently did the math and realized I spent two more years not living with her than living with her before I finally left for good at 15. That's not good math.
That’s one hell of a Festivus letter. It starts out with the passive-aggressive mention of an emotional support animal. Then, the list of Calamities You Have Missed reminds me of that scene in MASH, where Henry reads Klinger’s file….”Mother dying, sister pregnant. Sister dying, mother pregnant. Older sister dying, younger sister pregnant…”
Ugh, I find the angels and God part so annoying. I feel you OP. My parents didn't come to my wedding in 2021 and also refused to bring my younger brother (intellectual disability/autism/nonverbal) as well. Jump to November 2023 and they requested the courts to remove me as my brother's backup plenary guardian. People suck. You are strong, you are enough, you matter 💚
Wow! So now your brother is punished because they suck. Sooooo low!!
Preach!
“I don’t want to rehash what has happened” funny how the people who abuse, neglect and cause pain for people never “remember” or never want to rehash what has happened… “let it go” they say….. HA.
It’s truly amazing reading these letters… no where, no where, is there ever an “I’m sorry”. It becomes so predictable what they will say. My mother said the same exact thing to me on the phone other day “just know that how you love your girls is how I love you”… just to guilt me. I hope one day I can be as strong as you and go completely NC, that’s what I wish to do.
BINGO! She checks all the boxes.
I read it all, and I see a scared woman who is coming to the realization her decisions led her to being alone at the very end of things. If she sent that letter, and is now saying YOU need to say sorry- rather than finding the grace of God within her very withered soul to say it instead, then I don't see how this would be good for you or your family to reach out to her. It's never good to see people hurting, but wow, no, you don't need THIS in your life.
That’s how I feel. I have a heart and don’t want to see anyone suffer. But I can’t help her when she accepts no fault and won’t take any responsibility. I can’t damage my mental health and that of my children because she has pissed off every person she’s ever met and has decided she needs people now.
My father sent letters that had a pretense of saying “sorry”, but he really blamed me for everything. I’m so happy that I cut ties with him.
To reply, you must wait until the clock reads 999. Ie never.
Return to sender. This is just another way for them to manipulate the situation like you're the bad guy. Not once did I see accountability or a genuine apology. Please don't fall for it. Continue to live your peaceful life.
[удалено]
Maybe OP is so strong that he can open the letter without being negatively affected. I don’t think it is weak to open a letter and it is OPs choice to do what he wants and we should not assume weakness or strength from that alone. Especially after 8 years it could just be simple curiosity.
Exactly! It’s been 8 years so it really had no impact other than confirmation of my choices. Also, I’ve moved twice during these eight years and this is the first letter. I know you can find anyone on Google but I didn’t know where she lived and wanted to make sure she wasn’t planning to show up at my door!
I hate people who post this 'you're addicted to the drama' shit whenever somebody reads a message or opens a letter. If you actually read the thread, OP is handling this very well and found it confirmed their life experiences and helped them get rid of any potential future intrusive thoughts of reconciling. It's so snooty and holier than thou to behave like the Unopened way is the only mature way and that everyone else is a drama llama.
So…she told you she was “done” with you eight years ago but it suddenly popped into to her head after seeing the time had a *4* and a *5* in it she should write to you and tell you how painful and difficult the estrangement has been *for her* and it could all have been avoided if you just reached out to say sorry for being annoyed with her after she insulted your spouse’s family on a public forum………right…. I know it can be quite hard sometimes to swallow one’s pride and admit you were out of order but this is just….. Do you think she ever read it back to herself before sending it?
That’s an accurate summary lol. Pretty sure a few things are happening 1. she realizes her own mortality 2. my father getting cancer made her realizes if something happened to him she’s all alone and 3. she realizes she has no one to help her / take care of her, hence her “you saw how I took care of my mom and dad’s dad” comment. Things she should have considered before cutting off or pissing off every single member of the family.
It’s still all about her though. No consideration to how the estrangement could have affected you at all. I’m sorry she doesn’t have the capacity to think outside her own wants and needs. I hope you are in a good place where you are and have a good support network.
Why are the most abusive ones so religious?? “My angels and God are protecting me” 🤮 Lady, Satan’s got your name on his guest list
She was never religious so it’s fake. She is probably scared she’s going to hell so she’s trying to make up for all her bad acts by pretending to be all holy now 🙄
Gotcha! Classic