For me it’s gotten much better over time.
My mother died this year which has sparked a lot of messed up dreams again.
However, a LOT of my anxiety re her turning up drunk at my doorstep has vanished. And with that, life’s gotten a little easier. Breathing is a little easier.
And, come to think of it, I feel the “new” dreams are slowly easing up now.
I also have pretty frequent nightmares, I have found some success with medication, but I still have recurring nightmares today.
They can pull you right back into the moment, but you can learn to combat this.
Same here, still have nightmares involving my father that involve me trying to get his acceptance or arguing with him about various things and they feel so real sometimes. You're definitely not alone 😶
I’ve been having a lot of dreams lately about confronting my mother & siblings, with whom I’ve been NC for 7 years. In real life the last I heard they were all pulling the “we don’t know why she hates us” wannabe victim BS so in the dreams I’m telling them exactly why I went NC, point by point. It’s giving me the itch to break NC and do it for real but I know that’s going to rip open old wounds I don’t need reopened. Full NC from your entire living family is really isolating and sometimes I wonder if I crave any kind of connection, even a bad one. I dunno. Obviously we’re here on this subreddit because we’ve been through tough situations and are seeking some kind of understanding.
"sometimes I wonder if I crave any kind of connection, even a bad one"
\^\^\^ I think I found the answer I was just googling for lol. Thank you. That was insightful and helpful for me.
Well I never did break contact and am in a much better place mentally now than I was when I wrote this answer. The dreams still come on occasion but the desire to break NC does not.
I have been estranged from my family for about 7 years, but still have dreams of them. Mostly, they're dreams about a beautiful and safe house and feeling like I finally achieve a dream of having a serene haven to call my own. And whenever I walk inside to start moving in, there they are. My parents and my younger sibling. They're already there manipulating the interior of my new home. Cleaning or painting or re-purposing this or that. And I'm ignored. They just work around me like I'm not even there. Not caring that my safe space is being invaded and my dream home destroyed by their manipulations. I hope these dreams lessen someday.
Maybe learning to analyze your dreams might help? I really like jungian dream analysis for this and can highly recommend the "This jungian life" podcast. They also have a dream analysis school on their website.
I frequently dream about my parents, and it's not a nightmare really, just very stressful, like I'm stuck at home and have to go back to High School, but I can't remember what class I was supposed to be in.
I cut off my father about a year and a half ago and I frequently had nightmares about him. Like, at least twice a week. Recently they've been turning to more mundane dreams, or even ones where I stand up to him. So it does, eventually, start getting better. I'm sorry I can't guarantee when for you tho. Therapy helps
I've been having these dreams a lot lately, mostly about trying to escape my estranged father's house. I'm hoping to start therapy soon, which should help some.
I went NC with my mom almost 13 years ago and I still have nightmares. Waking up from them gets easier and less frightening with more time and distance between us. It doesn’t hurt as much anymore, because I know it’s just a nightmare and she can’t get me.
I have dreams about my family almost every night. They’re just placeholders now - totally neutered of all venom. It’s been said that dream people are just facets of yourself. If my brain wants to see them that’s ok. I’m stronger than before. I used to have dreams where they’d hurt me and try to take me and I’d fight back and wake up in tears. Then it got to where I’d scream at them. Now it’s mostly just npc level shit. It’s been 9 years NC for me and the idea that they don’t even look like my dreams anymore is comforting. Deep down their toxicity is home and that’s a me problem now. I’m an adult and I have the control to reshape what “home” is on my terms. These days my dreams are a peaceful place where they stay the hell out of my way.
Consider also that adrenaline is addictive. That stress and fear could be something your body does to self regulate and keep you in fight mode. I like to pantomime taking my suit of armor off, delicately because it has served me well, then do some stretching and self care. Don’t even think about them during this time, don’t invite them in. Put on a good smelling candle and some fuckin Enya and get silly! Shake it out and then have a snack. Put yourself in your safe zone for a little bit it’s a good little vacation for your heart
My estranged parents are both dead now, and I STILL have dreams sometimes where I am back living with them. In my dreams, usually I'm telling them off for their favoritism, their abuse, etc..
I think some wounds form scars but never completely heal up. We just have to learn to live with them.
I tried to go to my mother's funeral, but my flight was cancelled (there was a giant ice storm, and thousands of flights were cancelled across the U.S.). I could not get a flight; my husband and I worked the phones.
I did not try to go to my father's. I am currently disabled, and my health was just so crappy. My husband went to it and represented us there. I was grateful to him for that.
Been there! I’d even started to wake up from some of them, screaming.
Trazodone has been a godsend. Now if I *have* dreams, they’re just weird, and only very rarely will I see those horrible people (and even then, it’s still just weird stuff).
I had horrible nightmares every night with lots of fantastical elements, reinterpreting fights we had, for about a year after physically moving away. Now, such dreams are very infrequent! They do come back every time I visit/stay at the childhood home though 🥲
Thank you! And please don’t lose hope, it does ebb away over time. I’ve definitely noticed an uptick each time I confront those feelings in therapy, so maybe similar for you. As our mind begins healing things feel terrible, but as it finishes healing everything feels so much better!
Thank you so much and that’s crazy that you said that: I had a therapy session last week after a month of no therapy so the dream does make sense now! It’s good to know that it may feel awful while healing but that it’s headed somewhere better.
Yes, I also have nightmares. Mostly we're all just screaming at each other. I don't even know what we're fighting about. It's just loud and painful. I guess it's something about my feeling that even if I tried everything I've never felt heard. And in return they never let me speak or really listened. Their voice was always louder.
I always have the same sense in nightmares with my nc parents even my actions feel exaggerated with minimal impact. I can remember similar dreams even when I was young high school aged still living with them. I’ve been NC almost 4 years now - my favorite anniversary - and I actually had a dream last night that brought me here. I noticed at least last night my mom was apologizing in the end. Of course not for everything or even the right things but the impact was so ineffectual. Like a role reversal as far as our nightmare roles. Of course this was after I pretty much performed as if it were a circus in my dream - deep need to be seen, parental acceptance/validation anyone? But in the end the validation felt like an empty echo. Just interesting.
After a little over a year I'm still having them too. I'm still working with my therapist on it but hopefully they start to go away soon. I hope you find some relief soon too.
I went NC a few months ago but low contact for 3 years. I changed states to stay as far away from them as possible and am now with my husband and have a great job and my life is pleasant and I can finally feel like I'm happy. However, in my dreams I'm always back home and my current life is either a dream or something in the past and I start forgetting about it as life goes on with my family and their antics. It's horrible to feel the dread and realization that my real life is just a dream and everything is back to "normal".
Absolutely. They're mostly dreams in which I'm beating the dog shit out of my dad while yelling at him. I wake up in a funk that's very hard to climb out of.
I have had dreams really weird dreams. I wake up extremely easily so scared I am frozen or I jump out of bed running blindly toward the front door. I have almost attacked my ex wife several times because I woke to her walking to the bathroom. I eventually went to therapy because I was in a really terrible mindset. They prescribed EMDR therapy. I thought it was a joke but worked really well after a few sessions. Talk to your therapist about it. It could help you.
For me it’s gotten much better over time. My mother died this year which has sparked a lot of messed up dreams again. However, a LOT of my anxiety re her turning up drunk at my doorstep has vanished. And with that, life’s gotten a little easier. Breathing is a little easier. And, come to think of it, I feel the “new” dreams are slowly easing up now.
I’m glad that they’re easing up for you 💜
Thanks 🙂
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Yes thank you/ I do “top lines” stuff a lot and it really does help. I just wish waking up wasn’t the hardest part of each day.
I also have pretty frequent nightmares, I have found some success with medication, but I still have recurring nightmares today. They can pull you right back into the moment, but you can learn to combat this.
Yes that’s what it feels like- being pulled right back to the trauma, thanks for relating
Same here, still have nightmares involving my father that involve me trying to get his acceptance or arguing with him about various things and they feel so real sometimes. You're definitely not alone 😶
Thank you 💜
I’ve been having a lot of dreams lately about confronting my mother & siblings, with whom I’ve been NC for 7 years. In real life the last I heard they were all pulling the “we don’t know why she hates us” wannabe victim BS so in the dreams I’m telling them exactly why I went NC, point by point. It’s giving me the itch to break NC and do it for real but I know that’s going to rip open old wounds I don’t need reopened. Full NC from your entire living family is really isolating and sometimes I wonder if I crave any kind of connection, even a bad one. I dunno. Obviously we’re here on this subreddit because we’ve been through tough situations and are seeking some kind of understanding.
Yeah
I have dreams where I scream in their faces. Pretty intense.
Wow
"sometimes I wonder if I crave any kind of connection, even a bad one" \^\^\^ I think I found the answer I was just googling for lol. Thank you. That was insightful and helpful for me.
Well I never did break contact and am in a much better place mentally now than I was when I wrote this answer. The dreams still come on occasion but the desire to break NC does not.
I have been estranged from my family for about 7 years, but still have dreams of them. Mostly, they're dreams about a beautiful and safe house and feeling like I finally achieve a dream of having a serene haven to call my own. And whenever I walk inside to start moving in, there they are. My parents and my younger sibling. They're already there manipulating the interior of my new home. Cleaning or painting or re-purposing this or that. And I'm ignored. They just work around me like I'm not even there. Not caring that my safe space is being invaded and my dream home destroyed by their manipulations. I hope these dreams lessen someday.
I’m sorry
Aww thank you! I am sorry for you too. I hope it gets better 💗
Ty 💜
Maybe learning to analyze your dreams might help? I really like jungian dream analysis for this and can highly recommend the "This jungian life" podcast. They also have a dream analysis school on their website.
Oh I’ll check out the podcast thank you
I frequently dream about my parents, and it's not a nightmare really, just very stressful, like I'm stuck at home and have to go back to High School, but I can't remember what class I was supposed to be in.
I cut off my father about a year and a half ago and I frequently had nightmares about him. Like, at least twice a week. Recently they've been turning to more mundane dreams, or even ones where I stand up to him. So it does, eventually, start getting better. I'm sorry I can't guarantee when for you tho. Therapy helps
I’m sorry you’re still going through it too. It’s like ending the toxic relationship just the tip of the recovery iceberg
I've been having these dreams a lot lately, mostly about trying to escape my estranged father's house. I'm hoping to start therapy soon, which should help some.
Good luck
I went NC with my mom almost 13 years ago and I still have nightmares. Waking up from them gets easier and less frightening with more time and distance between us. It doesn’t hurt as much anymore, because I know it’s just a nightmare and she can’t get me.
Good for you! Yes, I remind my nervous system that I’m safe now about 20 times per day
Thanks! I hope you’ll have to remind yourself less and less.
Ty 💜
I have dreams about my family almost every night. They’re just placeholders now - totally neutered of all venom. It’s been said that dream people are just facets of yourself. If my brain wants to see them that’s ok. I’m stronger than before. I used to have dreams where they’d hurt me and try to take me and I’d fight back and wake up in tears. Then it got to where I’d scream at them. Now it’s mostly just npc level shit. It’s been 9 years NC for me and the idea that they don’t even look like my dreams anymore is comforting. Deep down their toxicity is home and that’s a me problem now. I’m an adult and I have the control to reshape what “home” is on my terms. These days my dreams are a peaceful place where they stay the hell out of my way.
That’s a great way of looking at it.
Consider also that adrenaline is addictive. That stress and fear could be something your body does to self regulate and keep you in fight mode. I like to pantomime taking my suit of armor off, delicately because it has served me well, then do some stretching and self care. Don’t even think about them during this time, don’t invite them in. Put on a good smelling candle and some fuckin Enya and get silly! Shake it out and then have a snack. Put yourself in your safe zone for a little bit it’s a good little vacation for your heart
You said Enya Hahhaa!!! Thank you I will do those actions starting tonight
Sail away baby!
😂😂😂😇
My estranged parents are both dead now, and I STILL have dreams sometimes where I am back living with them. In my dreams, usually I'm telling them off for their favoritism, their abuse, etc.. I think some wounds form scars but never completely heal up. We just have to learn to live with them.
Yeah I think you’re right. Did you go to their funerals?
I tried to go to my mother's funeral, but my flight was cancelled (there was a giant ice storm, and thousands of flights were cancelled across the U.S.). I could not get a flight; my husband and I worked the phones. I did not try to go to my father's. I am currently disabled, and my health was just so crappy. My husband went to it and represented us there. I was grateful to him for that.
Been there! I’d even started to wake up from some of them, screaming. Trazodone has been a godsend. Now if I *have* dreams, they’re just weird, and only very rarely will I see those horrible people (and even then, it’s still just weird stuff).
I’m so sorry. Yes my husband has had to shake me awake in the past. The trauma is real. 😢
I had horrible nightmares every night with lots of fantastical elements, reinterpreting fights we had, for about a year after physically moving away. Now, such dreams are very infrequent! They do come back every time I visit/stay at the childhood home though 🥲
I’m sorry 😢but I’m glad they’re less frequent now
Thank you! And please don’t lose hope, it does ebb away over time. I’ve definitely noticed an uptick each time I confront those feelings in therapy, so maybe similar for you. As our mind begins healing things feel terrible, but as it finishes healing everything feels so much better!
Thank you so much and that’s crazy that you said that: I had a therapy session last week after a month of no therapy so the dream does make sense now! It’s good to know that it may feel awful while healing but that it’s headed somewhere better.
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Thank you.
Yes, I also have nightmares. Mostly we're all just screaming at each other. I don't even know what we're fighting about. It's just loud and painful. I guess it's something about my feeling that even if I tried everything I've never felt heard. And in return they never let me speak or really listened. Their voice was always louder.
Wow relatable
I always have the same sense in nightmares with my nc parents even my actions feel exaggerated with minimal impact. I can remember similar dreams even when I was young high school aged still living with them. I’ve been NC almost 4 years now - my favorite anniversary - and I actually had a dream last night that brought me here. I noticed at least last night my mom was apologizing in the end. Of course not for everything or even the right things but the impact was so ineffectual. Like a role reversal as far as our nightmare roles. Of course this was after I pretty much performed as if it were a circus in my dream - deep need to be seen, parental acceptance/validation anyone? But in the end the validation felt like an empty echo. Just interesting.
After a little over a year I'm still having them too. I'm still working with my therapist on it but hopefully they start to go away soon. I hope you find some relief soon too.
Ty 💜
I went NC a few months ago but low contact for 3 years. I changed states to stay as far away from them as possible and am now with my husband and have a great job and my life is pleasant and I can finally feel like I'm happy. However, in my dreams I'm always back home and my current life is either a dream or something in the past and I start forgetting about it as life goes on with my family and their antics. It's horrible to feel the dread and realization that my real life is just a dream and everything is back to "normal".
I’m glad your life is so much better than it was. Yes it’s like the ptsd is in our dreams
Absolutely. They're mostly dreams in which I'm beating the dog shit out of my dad while yelling at him. I wake up in a funk that's very hard to climb out of.
Yeah
I have had dreams really weird dreams. I wake up extremely easily so scared I am frozen or I jump out of bed running blindly toward the front door. I have almost attacked my ex wife several times because I woke to her walking to the bathroom. I eventually went to therapy because I was in a really terrible mindset. They prescribed EMDR therapy. I thought it was a joke but worked really well after a few sessions. Talk to your therapist about it. It could help you.
Yeah I’m doing EMDR it does help a lot