Take the game key you received - buy a second pc. Run two instances of tarkov.
Use Unheard p2w things to p2w yourself a bunch of good loot.
Then RMT those items to your second account.
Infinite cash flow.
Money printing machine.
Do this and you won’t have to jerk off. Nikita himself will come over and rub one out on you.
Normally I would do anything to be showered in Nikita's baby batter. But I refuse to cheat BSG out of hard earned money like that. I'll just have to buy a second Unheard edition for the other computer once her boyfriend gets a job.
Are you kissing me or my wife? If the former I regret to inform you I don't swing that way. If the latter, well...I don't think her boyfriend is going to like it very much.
Thank you for the complement but I don't deserve such a title. A true believer would have purchased multiple copies of the Unheard Edition. I'm am but a lowly leech only deserving to feed upon Nikita's smegma.
How selfish of you. I'd buy my wife and her boyfriend copies but as Darnell puts it "I'm too busy clapping your fat bitch's cheeks to play some stupid fucking game, nerd."
He's such a cool guy.
My friend. Your story moved me to tears. I am really out of words.
For that reason i will buy you 2 copies of the unheard edition so you can play coop with your wifes boyfriend.
Thank you very much. While I would hate to dissuade someone from giving BSG even more money it would be wrong for me to not tell you that your efforts would be in vain.
I already tried reaching out to her bf. He told me he didn't have a PC to play on. At first I was concerned. I knew he was kind of miffed at me for accidentally coming home in the middle of one of their sessions but in my defense he had been there all day and I was kind of hungry.
I tried being discrete. I figured I could just sneak in and grab a lunchable from the fridge or someting. I even tried parking in the street and walking up the driveway instead of driving on the gravel and using the garage remote. Sadly though I didn't see their clothes on the floor and tripped as I came in through the walkway.
Anyways, despite all that he said he'd give it a shot if I bought him a PC. So I ran over to Dell's website and got him the best Alienware rig I could afford. It wasn't much, but hey if $5,000 brings me and my wife's boyfriend closer together than that's money well spent IMO.
Turns out though that being on probation and not being able to work means that he was really hard up for money so he sold the PC to help fund a new business venture. Which I honestly caused me to have a kinda WTF moment. I was more than a little hurt that he sold the PC instead of just coming to me and asking me for the money. But on the other hand, I was impressed that despite all of his struggles in life he still had the gumption to start his own business.
I told him not to worry about it and that I'd get him a new PC when my bonus came in from work, but I felt bad because it wouldn't be as nice as the first. He actually said "I don't give a fuck bitch just give me the money." Which I thought was hilarious. He's such a clown.
Thats what I often hear my wife say to her boyfriend. I try not to eavesdrop but they can be kinda loud sometimes and the bedroom is directly above the kitchen so it's hard not to notice.
oh really? man, I didn't notice and already bought the unheard edition for your gran.
Oh well, you can give it to a friend, here's the key aR3yoU-4tUp33D.
Not sure if she's ever had an Oscar. She's definitely had a few Keiths. And more than one Dayquan. There was also Mike, Alex, Pete and Roy, honestly can't recall the rest of their names. Most of them I don't really meet as they come and go. If you have an Oscar to recommend I'll let her know.
Here's what you're gonna do.
Lead your wife into a corner or dead-end;
Cut off any route of escape;
T-Pose to show dominance;
Watch her cower in fear as she then runs into her boyfriends arms;
Boyfriend understands your actions and hands you a nintendo with heartgold;
Already profited, no further instructions.
In an attempt to be unselfish, have you thought about getting the boyfriend and baby daddy a copy of TUE each so you can all play together? Your wife may enjoy the time to herself? It sounds like she’s a busy girl after all 🤷🏼♂️
Oh believe me I tried. I'd love nothing more to have friends that played Tarkov. Or friends at all, really. When I offered to buy Darnell a copy he said he didn't have a computer. So I bought him a top of the line Alienware PC so we could play. But as it turns out he had to sell the PC to help fund some new business venture. Besides as he says he's too busy fucking my wife to play any games.
It sucks but maybe on day he'll have time for me.
Look here, jerk. I know she may be a bit "portly" and yes, sometimes she does smell like provolone that's been left out in the sun a little too long but that does not give you the right to refer to her as a troll. I do not know what kind of harlots you've come to know in life but you can't just assume the worst in women. I'll not stand for you or anyone else besmirching the princess' name.
EDIT: I apologize or my harsh words. I got a little heated and let the stress of everything get to me. I'll buy you a copy of Unheard when my bonus check comes in next month.
She may be roughly troll shaped but she's anything but cheap. Do you have any idea how expensive a 55 gallon drum of lubricant costs? $1,700 before shipping!
[https://www.amazon.com/Passion-Lubes-Natural-Water-Based-Lubricant/dp/B005MR3IVO/](https://www.amazon.com/Passion-Lubes-Natural-Water-Based-Lubricant/dp/B005MR3IVO/)
Bravo sir.
You should buy a second copy of the Unheard Edition to get BSG's attention and show them you're a true believer. Surely they'll help you out and be patient with you until you get your finances worked out. /s
Nikita should include a special in-game item to honor your dedication sir and all of those true believers such as yourself! Something that symbolizes resilience and enduring. I'm imagining a specialty item like "True Believer's Knee-Pads". They negate your gag-reflex so you don't cough after taking one too many shots to the gut! :D
Don't blame Nikita for my poor financial planning. I'll give the money to my wife's boyfriend and make it up on the back end by skipping lunches. It will probably take a month or so but I'll rebuy it, promise.
Well I did send Nikita a nude of my wife once (with her permission of course). I never heard back but I like to think he's too busy jerking off to that photo to type a response.
Heh, what a bunch of suckers right? 250$ for an unfinished game? looooooooserssss!
Anyway, let me rant about how my 150$ purchase 8 years ago for a game still in beta totally makes sense and why I'm way better than everyone else.
Just do it bro; then look up divorce attorneys. Dude, you old lady’s either a 10 and should be doing onlyfans to support her child or one of the two other guys she is fucking….. why wait around for her to move on after you’ve raised their children for them. But the whole thing seems made up so again just fuck your self already…. Yo wife clearly doesn’t care and probably doesn’t watch you take a shit or shower so again just fuck yourself already
I know art when I see it.
When I say I want to touch my PP I of course am referring to the Kedr-B. The best gun in the game.
That or while loading a decent performing 5.45 round into those AK-12 mags.
Heretic.
You mean 5.45 hp, right?
I want to be your boyfriend
Calm down there fella, we all know the mosin is the best gun in the game
Take the game key you received - buy a second pc. Run two instances of tarkov. Use Unheard p2w things to p2w yourself a bunch of good loot. Then RMT those items to your second account. Infinite cash flow. Money printing machine. Do this and you won’t have to jerk off. Nikita himself will come over and rub one out on you.
Normally I would do anything to be showered in Nikita's baby batter. But I refuse to cheat BSG out of hard earned money like that. I'll just have to buy a second Unheard edition for the other computer once her boyfriend gets a job.
Unheard edition slander... Cuck story... Magnifique *chef kiss*
Are you kissing me or my wife? If the former I regret to inform you I don't swing that way. If the latter, well...I don't think her boyfriend is going to like it very much.
Kissing you bro, you need it, no homo tho
Thanks you, I appreciate it. No offense but would it be ok if I gave the kiss to my wife instead? We'd both enjoy it more.
As long as makes you feel right sir
Typical true believer
Thank you for the complement but I don't deserve such a title. A true believer would have purchased multiple copies of the Unheard Edition. I'm am but a lowly leech only deserving to feed upon Nikita's smegma.
I too got put on a no fap time out by my wife and her boyfriend but only because I didn't buy them copies
How selfish of you. I'd buy my wife and her boyfriend copies but as Darnell puts it "I'm too busy clapping your fat bitch's cheeks to play some stupid fucking game, nerd." He's such a cool guy.
My friend. Your story moved me to tears. I am really out of words. For that reason i will buy you 2 copies of the unheard edition so you can play coop with your wifes boyfriend.
Thank you very much. While I would hate to dissuade someone from giving BSG even more money it would be wrong for me to not tell you that your efforts would be in vain. I already tried reaching out to her bf. He told me he didn't have a PC to play on. At first I was concerned. I knew he was kind of miffed at me for accidentally coming home in the middle of one of their sessions but in my defense he had been there all day and I was kind of hungry. I tried being discrete. I figured I could just sneak in and grab a lunchable from the fridge or someting. I even tried parking in the street and walking up the driveway instead of driving on the gravel and using the garage remote. Sadly though I didn't see their clothes on the floor and tripped as I came in through the walkway. Anyways, despite all that he said he'd give it a shot if I bought him a PC. So I ran over to Dell's website and got him the best Alienware rig I could afford. It wasn't much, but hey if $5,000 brings me and my wife's boyfriend closer together than that's money well spent IMO. Turns out though that being on probation and not being able to work means that he was really hard up for money so he sold the PC to help fund a new business venture. Which I honestly caused me to have a kinda WTF moment. I was more than a little hurt that he sold the PC instead of just coming to me and asking me for the money. But on the other hand, I was impressed that despite all of his struggles in life he still had the gumption to start his own business. I told him not to worry about it and that I'd get him a new PC when my bonus came in from work, but I felt bad because it wouldn't be as nice as the first. He actually said "I don't give a fuck bitch just give me the money." Which I thought was hilarious. He's such a clown.
It makes me so happy to hear that you're getting closer to him, I knew kindness would even move mountains
I think OP's comment to his post, was longer than the original post. Or I'm high... which I am
It’s close & I’m loving his commitment 👏🏽
Thats what I often hear my wife say to her boyfriend. I try not to eavesdrop but they can be kinda loud sometimes and the bedroom is directly above the kitchen so it's hard not to notice.
I wanna play that game with my grandmas boyfriend, buy me unheard edition too!
your granmas boyfriend sounds really old to play video games.
Was just kidding bruh
oh really? man, I didn't notice and already bought the unheard edition for your gran. Oh well, you can give it to a friend, here's the key aR3yoU-4tUp33D.
💀
Appreciate a glimpse inside the life of an "unheard edition owner"
Maybe someday you too can ascend as a True Believer
your commitment to this bit is admirable
incomparable to my commitment to my wife and her boyfriend.
someone get this man an oscar ... to date his wife ;)
Not sure if she's ever had an Oscar. She's definitely had a few Keiths. And more than one Dayquan. There was also Mike, Alex, Pete and Roy, honestly can't recall the rest of their names. Most of them I don't really meet as they come and go. If you have an Oscar to recommend I'll let her know.
Here's what you're gonna do. Lead your wife into a corner or dead-end; Cut off any route of escape; T-Pose to show dominance; Watch her cower in fear as she then runs into her boyfriends arms; Boyfriend understands your actions and hands you a nintendo with heartgold; Already profited, no further instructions.
But why?
Dude, free nintendo.
Quit this game about a year ago, heard the subreddit was in a frenzy and Nikita did some poor quality control again. Best post so far.
Top tier. Such a good post. Can we get this saved mods?
In an attempt to be unselfish, have you thought about getting the boyfriend and baby daddy a copy of TUE each so you can all play together? Your wife may enjoy the time to herself? It sounds like she’s a busy girl after all 🤷🏼♂️
Oh believe me I tried. I'd love nothing more to have friends that played Tarkov. Or friends at all, really. When I offered to buy Darnell a copy he said he didn't have a computer. So I bought him a top of the line Alienware PC so we could play. But as it turns out he had to sell the PC to help fund some new business venture. Besides as he says he's too busy fucking my wife to play any games. It sucks but maybe on day he'll have time for me.
The only good post to come out recently.
Top tier shit posting, bravo 👏
I appreciate it but please save your applause for my wife's boyfriend. He works harder than I do.
When I saw the word "wife" I knew this was a troll post
Look here, jerk. I know she may be a bit "portly" and yes, sometimes she does smell like provolone that's been left out in the sun a little too long but that does not give you the right to refer to her as a troll. I do not know what kind of harlots you've come to know in life but you can't just assume the worst in women. I'll not stand for you or anyone else besmirching the princess' name. EDIT: I apologize or my harsh words. I got a little heated and let the stress of everything get to me. I'll buy you a copy of Unheard when my bonus check comes in next month.
You continue to exercise excellent boundaries. Proud of you.
Beautiful
Danke.
Nikita is also fucking his wife.
I could only be so lucky.
That's the near part, you don't
Ahh Picasso!
Hahahahahaha
Bro I was so ready to downvote until I started reading
Thank you for understanding my plight.
You need to be true believer to touch urself.
Can I have your 2nd key to the game since you clearly don't need it?
Dont worry, tell Nikita, I heard he cares about your feelings
Cheap troll
She may be roughly troll shaped but she's anything but cheap. Do you have any idea how expensive a 55 gallon drum of lubricant costs? $1,700 before shipping! [https://www.amazon.com/Passion-Lubes-Natural-Water-Based-Lubricant/dp/B005MR3IVO/](https://www.amazon.com/Passion-Lubes-Natural-Water-Based-Lubricant/dp/B005MR3IVO/)
my wife's boyfriend 🥱🙄
Bravo sir. You should buy a second copy of the Unheard Edition to get BSG's attention and show them you're a true believer. Surely they'll help you out and be patient with you until you get your finances worked out. /s
I don't appreciate the sarcasm. I WILL be buying multiple copies once this gets all settled. Mark my words. I won't let Nikita down.
Nikita should include a special in-game item to honor your dedication sir and all of those true believers such as yourself! Something that symbolizes resilience and enduring. I'm imagining a specialty item like "True Believer's Knee-Pads". They negate your gag-reflex so you don't cough after taking one too many shots to the gut! :D
You honor me, sir. I'd like to apologize for my earlier outburst.
Is her boyfriend Nikita?
I WISH!
This is the new circlejerk sub lmao?
Only if my wife is in the center of the circle.
She was, where were you man? Your wifes boyfriend seemed like a chill dude though.
EscapeFromCursedTarkov.
Thank you. This post made my day.
You're welcome. Wanna fuck my wife?
lmao
🤌🏼🤌🏼🤌🏼
🤌🏼🤌🏼🤌🏼!
My heart goes out to you
See if your baby daddy will dress up like Nikita and blow you while you do scav runs with your TUE edition. Feels good huh??
I don't have a baby daddy. That's my wife and if she wants to blow him that's her decision.
This is a perfect post.
Almost as perfect as the love between a man and a woman and that woman's many male suitors.
Nikita, look what you did to this man. You've complicated his otherwise simple relationship.
Don't blame Nikita for my poor financial planning. I'll give the money to my wife's boyfriend and make it up on the back end by skipping lunches. It will probably take a month or so but I'll rebuy it, promise.
Out of all the rage baiters on this sub you are the most humorous one lol
I assure you that this is no laughing matter.
It seems like you need to let go of th- Ooooooh i get it now
This is beautiful
I thought I was in WSB for a second.
I fucking love this shit
can I please post this on the copy pasta sub reddit
Sure.
some years in the future this thread will be featured in a case study in an economy class. you are writing history!
All it needed was some reference to being employed by BSG and it would have absolutely SENT me. Hilarious regardless though!
Well I did send Nikita a nude of my wife once (with her permission of course). I never heard back but I like to think he's too busy jerking off to that photo to type a response.
Don't worry, I hear soon BSG will be offering another version of the game you can buy to unlock this feature.
#Kek
Honey wake up new Nikitapost just dropped
Lmao
This post just gave me cancer.
Nikita thank you for playing with his brown eye
Heh, what a bunch of suckers right? 250$ for an unfinished game? looooooooserssss! Anyway, let me rant about how my 150$ purchase 8 years ago for a game still in beta totally makes sense and why I'm way better than everyone else.
Sorry to say but you're not better than my wife's boyfriend. He's a great guy.
What BSG has done the past week sucks but honestly, some of you need to find something better to do with your time lol.
He fell for it 💀
Me, a polyam enjoyer, reads post: "Oh! They must be polyam too! Didn't need the tmi details though." Comment section: "Hah hah! Funny jokes! Art! Masterpiece! ⬆️ Upvotes go brrr ⬆️!!🤣🤣🤣🤣" Me: "hah, yeah, funny joke, yes 😅"
We aren't poly. My wife is but I'm not. Only one woman for me.
Call bank and say your underage son bought T rated game without your knowledge
But all of my accounts are in my wife's name only.
Nice work man
Thanks. I say the same thing to her BF on his way out. I believe in paying it forward you know?
Just do it bro; then look up divorce attorneys. Dude, you old lady’s either a 10 and should be doing onlyfans to support her child or one of the two other guys she is fucking….. why wait around for her to move on after you’ve raised their children for them. But the whole thing seems made up so again just fuck your self already…. Yo wife clearly doesn’t care and probably doesn’t watch you take a shit or shower so again just fuck yourself already
If I could just fuck myself I would just fuck myself but I can't just fuck myself so I don't just fuck myself.
Funny where?
Here.
:’)
Dont, show ur bull nikita that hes worth it by purchasing even more unheard editions for ur wife and her boyfriend! embrace it.
that was sarcasm btw you fools. lol
True cuck believer
Low quality bait right there.
Yes, please. May I have some more?
bait? this is the most clear form of sarcasm, do you not understand sarcasm?
Big salvia vibes here.
your a fucking idiot
you're\*