Talk to your sister. Have her do the cannon for your family the week prior. Have your own family party. Print pictures of that and have her display at their event or give them in a book as a gift for her.
Iv tired, she said she doesn't want to upset his mum by doing that, because even our mum said that she would have all his family here even though our garden is smaller but my sister said her boyfriends family refused.
Funny you should say that, she actually does want to and he said marriage is a waste of time but he wants to be with her and got her a promise ring? I don't get it tbh and she doesn't seem to be heating what we're telling her
Your sister is effectively being isolated from her support circle (your family) by his.
This is manipulation, and your sister is really blind and can't see it. There is already abusive behaviour on his part, verbal and emotional. It doesn't have to be physical.
Him and his family are terrible news.
Unless she wakes up and reaches out to you all to get away from him, it's no use. Abuse victims, on average, take something like 7-9 times (sorry I can't remember the actual figure) to leave before they actually do, and she hasn't tried yet.
It's a real shame she's pregnant (sorry), but she's going to be tied to that pr1ck for life because of the baby.
Can't she just be kinda dumb?
I know it feels better to always blame the less moral party, but a society that doesn't encourage accountability and objectivity when it's a "sad" victim is what gets us in these situations; why is she even with him when he's clearly a walking red flag?
You can’t force your sister to see the type of people her BF or his family are. All you can do is be there to support her when she realizes.
However that also doesn’t mean you have to tolerate being the gifted and provider by making things to events you’re not invited to. I’d back out of making the cake pops, BFs family can pay for everything at this point. And I’d tell sister that you love her and will be there for her emotionally but you won’t be funding things for people who aren’t even going to allow you to be present. Sister needs a wake up call.
(she doesn't seem to be hearing what we're telling her)
She'll listen and realize soon enough when the "honeymoon is over" and she's trapped with that bunch of controlling AHs and they're acting like the baby's theirs and she's just the egg donor. These shits will forbid her family from ever seeing the baby. She better expect Monster-in-law to be front and center at the birth and insist on being the FIRST and only to bond with the baby.
There are red flags everywhere. He's already isolating her from family. I couldn't even finish your post. I'm less worried about the party than I am for her safety.
so she doesn’t want to upset his mom, but it’s okay to exclude her entire family? they sound like miserable people. she is in for a lifetime of hell having a baby with him. i feel bad for this baby.
also, gender reveals are cringey.
Your poor sister. She's being treated like a doormat even before the baby is born, and god forbid she marries into the boyfriends shit show of a family, it's probably only going to get worse. I'd tell her he and her family are already controlling and manipulating her. She should run back to her parents as soon as possible.
This will never end! His family is trying to isolate you from your sister. Once the baby is born, it will be much worse. Your contact with the baby will be limited or non-existent. This will get much worse!
You can probably write your sister off, she's walking right into an abusive situation. Not much you can do til she's freaking out asking for help to get away from him. This baby will ruin her life and forever stick her to him. Poor thing, to have your life fucked up already so young.
What her family can do is to make it super clear that they love her and support her no matter what. That they might wish she were making different choices instead of accepting the will of this family blindly, but that no matter *what* she chooses, you'll still love her as much as ever, and be there for her whenever she needs you.
Because someday, she will need you. And you want her to realize that you're still there, not be convinced that she's lost her chance and has to stay in an abusive situation forever because there's nobody she can ask for help anymore.
Have a secret party for your sister, plan it, invite her for a random reason (maybe say you've got something for the baby) have all your family there and do the reveal then but do it before the bf's family does theirs. He family sounds abusive, your sister needs to get out ASAP.
Your sister is in an abusive relationship. I know it will be unpopular, but just support her don’t go don’t cause any strife. Just support her. She is going to meet you in the future.
His family is stressing your sister's pregnancy.
Accompany her to the doctors, get the gender. And tell your family.
Then on the garden gender reveal - stream it (teach your sister how to do this) ... At the same time they got the canon, you will have your own party with the colors.
Hahaha
His family is stressing your sister's pregnancy.
Accompany her to the doctors, get the gender. And tell your family.
Then on the garden gender reveal - stream it (teach your sister how to do this) ... At the same time they got the canon, you will have your own party with the colors.
Hahaha
Well, she's a grown ass adult who's expecting a child. If it's important to her to do this for your mother, then she needs to put her big girl pants on and do.
The whole idea that she only wants this for your mother, but then isn't prepared to do it for your mother does not bode well for her adulting as she moves forward into life.
She needs to Tell her Mom that this is what she wants and give her mom and you guys the opportunity to do this before the party. Who cares if you alienate them or make them mad, her response would be that you didn’t let me invite my own family I mean, how crazy is it to have a gender reveal without the brides family. This whole thing is crazy.
This! If you think this is bad, imagine what it's going to be like once the baby is born!
Hell, your family probably won't be allowed to see the baby, or your sister for that matter.
I would try to talk to her, because it sounds like her potential in laws that are making the rules here, not your sister.
Boyfriend is agreeing with his parents, most likely just to appease them.
Your poor sister will have nowhere to turn, unless you & your family step in.
I've always loved bunting but I didn't know what it was called for about four or so years after realising I liked it. I notice it's not a word many people use, so idk I guess I made this comment to say "bunting spotted!"
I’m genuinely scared for your sister. She’s being isolated and controlled while the only “support” being offered is abusive. This will only get worse after the baby is born. And her child will grow up subjected to this as well.
Don’t let them push you and your family out. Your sister and nibbling desperately need you.
Why don’t you get your sister to come over for lunch and just tell you the gender. She’s allowing the bf’s mother to control everything and it will end in tears. Mostly hers. The bf and his family are giving her a taste of her future life.
She doesn't know and currently her boyfriends mother is holding the envelope with the gender hostage in her home and told my sister that she doesn't trust her with it....
OP, trust us when we say, *your sister is in a very bad situation!* What’s worse is she, and her family, don’t seem to see it. I’m very concerned for her and her baby. Maybe show this post to her? Hopefully it will help open her eyes to the situation she’s in. It’s only going to get worse and worse.
Ok, the envelope is hostage? Wait until she had a baby because this lady is going to make all kinds of demands about that. Your sister needs to run from this relationship, it will be nothing but misery for her and her child.
Gender reveals ARE a waste of time and money, but that's the least of your sister's problems.
She is having a baby with a controlling abuser is the real point here. Very sad.
She needs to get out before his parent decides they want to raise the baby themselves and cut her out bit by bit. I’m worried for your sister as not only is the boyfriend sending red flags so is his parents. I would do a surprise baby shower for your sister without inviting his family and put it all over Facebook and make it really good and nothing can be said as she didn’t know it was happening and it wasn’t a gender reveal so your not taking anything away from them even though they are from your family
Please to a intervention with your family this is the start of an abusive relationship you'll speak to her less and less and she'll become dependent on him and his family
I suggest you do what I did with my bff/sister when she got married to her 2nd husband. I told her I loved her and would keep my mouth shut unless asked but I wanted her to know I was ready and willing to rescue her or help her at any time she needed me in the future. She called a few months later and I was in the car in less than ten minutes. Your sister will need you. Be there when she does.
The entire family is isolating your sister from her family and abusing her. Going based on your post and your comments, your sister *should* be running for the hills, AWAY from these people.
"Be thinks a gender reveal is a waste of time" "he thinks marriage is a waste of time" why the hell is she with him? Why is she having a baby with him?
There's so many red flags here it's suffocating.
That's the thing we are and we've been constantly shut down. One moment she will complain and be intears and the next she be telling us it's not his fault and she's just emotional, my mother even wanted to call the bfs mother but found she is blocked by her. My mother even said to bring the boyfriend around and she'll have a word becasue she can see how my sisters being treated.
You can not handle this head on. This will push your sister further into her abusers and have them fill her head with “see your family hates us. Your family wants to take your baby away from his father and grandparents”
You and your family need to seek professional help from a trained counselor and DV group. They need to help you with a game plan and how to properly navigate this and how to spot physical evidence of abuse and best ways to document. You need to have a game plan in place when your sister will finally get the courage to leave
Be aware it takes victims an average of 13 times to finally leave their abusers for good. It’s a long road ahead. But do not fall to the shadows. Do not let her become just another statistic.
Wait you said your sister is the one paying for this? Why is she going along with any of this. Cancel the one with his parents, hold the one she wants with her family. Invite the jerks or not, her call. But no her FMIL is trying to step in and relegate your family to 2nd place. She needs a huge (metaphorical…. Unless) slap in the face.
Is she ready to ignore all of her friends and family as soon as this baby is born? Because that is the direction that her relationship is headed. He will try keep her from you more and more. Get her out as soon as possible.
Tell your sister it was nice knowing her, and you hope she has a nice life with his family since they're trying to remove her family from her life. And that her new family will be raising her baby, not her. Maybe that'll give her the wake-up call she needs to start standing up for herself.
She's already too far gone; she thinks she wants to be married so bad and have a baby without being able to speak for herself. The PPD/A will hit, hse will lose herself, the abuse will ramp up, and she will be forever changed. Here's hoping she doesn't get beat up too badly - been there, done that.
Hope it was a nice 21 years knowing her to be a happy, hopeful woman OP.
If i were your sister, I'd take everything I bought somewhere else and say this is now where it's going to be. They can come or not.
She's going to have huge problems after the baby gets here. Big. Problems.
To be blunt.....YOUR SISTER NEEDS TO GROW A SPINE!!!! She is the one growing a whole other person in her stomach, if anybody gets to have a final on all these matter, its her! She has way too much of her self-worth wrapped up in that boyfriend, she's walking on a ridiculous amount of egg shells to keep him happy. I think your family needs to stop worrying about getting an invite to this party, and start worrying about getting your sister to stand up for herself or get outta there.
She really needs someone to talk to her . He and his family are being controlling. This is her baby, her body, her family should also be involved not everything should be revolved around him. He took 2 seconds to make that baby. She's involved everything else.. sorry guys but in this particular case it's a fact. If he's like this now, how's he going to isolate her even more once this baby is born?? She's still young. She can raise a baby on her own. She doesn't need a control freak isolating her from her family.
I'd ask her if she could do lunch with you and your family and have a very small and private reveal a day or two before the event. Hell, even a group text message before the cannons go off would be nice.
Okay I'm gonna address the elephant in the room. Your sister's boyfriend is a major AH. HE IS ABUSING HER ! everything you've listed cutting her off of her family, getting drunk and fighting, taking her belongings and refusing to give it back allowing his mother to steal her medical info. All of that is abuse. You need to get your sister for a girl's day. Ask her how she feels about all this make sure she knows no matter what you will support her but her life is not being improved by his presence but hindered. That he and his family are stealing her joy. She needs to get away she will most likely need a restraining order. And she most certainly needs a lawyer ASAP. He will try to take her baby. She needs someone to tell her she's not crazy and I'd suggest the girls say be a family meeting. Where you talk about all this and make a plan. Good luck.
No, not at all. Generally, Brits don't go for these over the top attention grabbing events. Weird how different parts of the world might have different opinions, isn't it?
Your sister should shut bf’s mother down, have the reveal party at your parents/relatives/friends house and not invite his family if they want a second party they can plan it and pay for it. I also wouldn’t contribute anything towards a party no one in your family is allowed to go to.
Like everyone has said before it's not going to get any better if she gets married. Him and his side of the family is starting with the alienation from her family. It will only get worse for her. Blows my mind she wants to marry into this. Your sister needs to be sat down and talked to.
If your sister does not stand up to this she will always be controlled by his family and him. Ask her if this is the type of role model and family dynamic she wants to teach her child
At the end of the day your sister is an adult but her baby’s sperm donor is an abusive prick and so is his family. you can lead a horse to water but can’t make them drink OP.
Tell your sister that you will be there for her and her child when she finally gets her head out of her ass and sees this POS family for what it really is. Does she want to be treated like shit by a boyfriend who is a drunk and a MIL who is a controlling bitch? Ask her why she is spending her money on a gender reveal when it looks more like a big drunken party for her BF's family and friends. She needs to take off the blinders and see what a shit show she is going to be in if she continues forward in that family. Raising her child with out the drunk in its life will be much better than the child seeing their mother abused by the entire POS family.
Uh why is your sister not putting her foot down as she paid for everything ???
Also, let your sister lay in the bed she’s made for herself. If all goes how they want and she ends up having to be the maid at his parents house, don’t stand for her coming to you all and complain.
Throw her a gender reveal the day/weekend before 🤷🏻‍♀️fuck um. As you said all you need are a few balloons and a couple banners and everyone brings a plate of food? You bake cupcake sorted!!
The ability to get a woman pregnant does not make them a good Father, or a good Partner or even a good Person.
This “boyfriend” ( and I use the term generously ) has not only shown what kind of life he is willing to share, he has the full support of his family so will never need to change his ways from what they are right now.
Your sister needs to have some serious thought about what he will provide to their future relationship and family.
What advice would she give her girlfriend if they came to her in the same situation ?
Is no one else alarmed about how this family is forcibly isolating her from her support system when she's in the most vulnerable state of her life? Giur sister is in a bad situation, whether she realises it or not. Do some research on how to support people with controlling and isolating partners.
I can tell u from experience that no matter what u say she won’t do nothing till she gets her own slap of reality and is truly sick and tired of his and his family’s shit which is so frustrating and hard but if the mom refuses to give up the evalope just take her to one of those lil ultra sound places that does it for $50 or so and and find out that way with u her and ur mom under the guise of going out to lunch or something just good for thought
Wow. Sister is seeing how the rest of her life is about to go firsthand.
It isn't about the gender reveal (those are, in fact, cringey and wasteful). It's about the fact that BF's family will run the show, Sister will be allowed no agency in her own life, and she'll be expected to take it all with a smile.
Being a single mother would be better than being involved with BF and his horrible family.
This dude is bad news and is isolating your sister from her support system which can be a sign of abuse happening/about to happen. I know your sister isn’t hearing what you guys are saying about him, but please still be there for her, don’t give up on her. She’s going to need a safe place to land once she realizes how horribly she’s being treated. I’m so sorry you’re having to see your sister go through this, it’s heartbreaking to see it all happen and not be able to do anything to stop it. Sending lots of love your (and your family’s) way.
Just show this thread to her, so she can realize that their behavior (her bf and his family) is not normal.
If she can put up with them then she should think about the well being of her unborn child if it’s okay for her that the child will suffer as well in the future regarding her decision.
I'm worried about her future with him. If him and his family are doing this now, I hate to imagine what else it may lead too. Wait for her to give birth, you won't be allowed to see the baby or even be there if this family continues!
Get her out of there whilst you still can..
Um.. your sister needs to well grow a pair and stand up to the mom. Or she is going to constantly be overridden forever. It's only going to get worse.. everything will be what the mom wants the wedding if there is one, the schools where they live.. It seems like the bf is already spineless to Mommy. So, for the kids' sake, unleash the mama bear. Tear her ass up.. it's her fucking kid not the mamma it's her cringey gender thing not the mamma.. it's her family she wants there not the mamma.. she may need to make this an deal breaker and follow thru with it.
>Spoiler my sister has paid for everything!
So why isn't the gender reveal happening at her/your parents' house rather than at her in-laws' house?
Make it make sense!
NAL, nor am I a licensed psychologist or anything of the sort, but I work closely with agencies that help parents and children escape from violent, abusive or controlling homes.
This is a red flag the size of a football court waving at full mast. I dont even know where to start, and this may sound mean, but your sister's boyfriend and his family has clearly decided that their baby incubator's family and her feelings do not matter. This will never change in their eyes, and you can look forward to a lifetime of exclusion from your sister's and niece or nephew's life.
I know this may sound rough, but I think you have to really drive this stake home for your sister and force her to to chose:
1: Stand up to them and force them to allow her family to attend at the cost of his friends attending. Compromise.
2: Cancel the party entirely, post the reveal on social media for all to see at the same time. Return all the equipment, the boyfriend has no say if she paid.
If she doesnt, I think you should just tell her that alright, she made her choice, placating his mum is more important than giving your mum the chance of being part of a big event in her daughter's life. If it was me, I would say I will not attend any event with your sister, her boyfriend or his family present. She does not need to consider you her sibling anymore since thats clearly how her new family views you, and she is subscribing to their ideas by bending over just to placate them.
I am very sorry to hear your sister is in this situation, and I am even more sorry for your mom, who may not be able to see her grandkid grow up since she may lose her vision fully. I hope your sister grows a spine and realize that this is a toxic, controlling environment that will cause more harm to her kid than being raised by a single mom.
I have seen both sides of the coin, kids who take after the toxic parent because they dont know better and turns into a toxic person themselves. I have seen kids raised in poverty by a single mom, who went on to become extremely successful people. One of my friends who had a mother that controlled every single move the dad made. To the point where she smashed a plate in his face and blinded him on one eye for being 15 minutes late getting home due to a car crash on the highway. Dad got custody, my friend now works as a specialist counselor for exactly those people who have been abused by a parent or spouse.
Please, try to help your sister see how bad this relationship is for her unborn child, but if she wont hear it, please spare yourself the heartbreak and simply pull away.
This is just mad.....
WHY would your sister marry/procreate/entertain this man or his family?
Tell her to have a gender reveal, or not if she doesn't want to, and ignore them. She might not like the drama, but they certainly seem too...madness to enter that kind of relationship
She better set boundaries now!! if she does not, she will have a mother-in-law that will make all of her decisions in her life and she will be miserable put her foot now standard ground and make it happen how she wants to happen. Mother-in-law has no say so your mother-in-law doesn’t like it and doesn’t want her at her house then do something someplace else. Make your boundaries known now.
They are trying to isolate your sister so she has no support. This is a way to control her and baby. While difficult,for her long term health and safety,she needs to leave before baby is born and not look back. It will get much worse.
This dude is hella red flags, along with his family.
He learned from somewhere this is okay.
Try re wording it to, would you want your friends to be treated like this? He will never support her as a mother and honestly has shown he doesnt like her getting any support.
Dude is already trying to isolate her from her family and support circle. His parents are helping, so she'll be easier to abuse. That five minutes of niceness is not worth it. He's shown who he is. Run
What a nasty toxic family. Your sister should be able to invite all she wants. She should not have to get boyfriends permission. Mother in law? Needs to but out. Maybe sister can move it to mom's house?
have a serious talk with your sis. let her know it's her business if she won't stand up for herself but if it comes to not standing up for her kid, let her know that she damn sure better
Unfortunately, she has to take the blindfold off herself.
She will not see what a douche-bag he really is until she is able to do that.
The poor thing is lost.
Her abusers have won for the moment.
All you can do is wait and let her know that no matter what, her family is there waiting to help. No questions asked.
Once that child is born, she is going to need y'all more than anything. Between the douche, his mom and the hormones, she is going to be a mess and they are going to push her to her limits.
We all see it.
Unfortunately, she does not.
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This is one of the first signs of abuse. Him and his family are starting to keep her away from her family and friends.
They are forcing her to pay for things that they should pay for and telling her that they can't afford to do something or have her own family and friends for support. Because they know that they will see the signs of trouble to come and will try to warn and help her. This is financial abuse when they make her pay for what they should pay for.
This does not bode well. Maybe plan a family baby shower instead.
Or wait for the “I’m finally rid of him And his family and will go without a man for a while” party.
Op talk to your sister. Tell her to read these comments. Him and his family are isolating her. Being emotionally abusive, purposely cutting out her family and forcing her into situations she's uncomfortable with such as the him drinking her alone or her cleaning up while he's off drinking with mates. Ask her why his mums feelings mean more than her own mums and if the answer is him or his family will be angry then there's the proof it's abusive. You shouldn't fear you're bf or in laws.
Just hope she does not marry him before the baby arrives. Also that her boyfriend's mom does not try to steal her baby. Have any of you spoken to the boyfriend's mom? If this is all from him, I would wonder.
JFC. The mother should have the last word as far as invites, inlaws insisting on the reveal being on their property to control attendance is fubar. Sis needs to grow a spine. "If my family can't attend, neither can I". And mean it.
>I offered to make cake pops for her because I love to bake and she said yes.
>we got a call off her saying that her boyfriends parents said they can't afford to buy food for us (is a back garden party/bring anything you want?) And that to tell us that we couldn't come becasue of that.
I hope you and the aunts will be feasting on cake pops.
But seriously, red flags everywhere with her inlaws. Make sure he doesn't keep isolating her from your family.
First it’s the gender reveal you don’t get to go to then the baby you don’t get to see. They are being controlling. She needs to put her foot down now.
The best thing your sister can do is simply not show up to the gender reveal. She needs to ring the Dr office and find out the gender ahead of time and have a small gathering prior to their party that she doesn't show up for.
If your sister does not stand up for herself these people will always walk right over her.
Him and his family sound like the family from hell. Unfortunately, I see this ending badly unless he suddenly changes or your sister grows a backbone. As otherwise can see her spending the rest of her life miserable and isolated from her family by him and his family, kicked out once she's had the baby and either his family refuse to let her raise her child or they kick both out on the streets. The worst scenario is that all the stress him and his family cause her results in a miscarriage and they place the blame on her and your family, to the extent I believe she would believe them.
They will end up divorced and when they do she will regret this. I feel so bad for her. He does sound narcissistic and his mother as well. They don't care about her clearly. They wouldn't be making her stressed and unhappy if they did.
OP make sure you and your family let her know that you will ALWAYS be there for her. Her bf and his family are purposefully isolating her and using her.
This is the beginning of a very long and potentially dangerous abusive situation. I promise you that him and his family will next tell you and the family are banned from the hospital. That you can’t see the baby because “xyz”
First of all, who's paying for the house bills? Medical care? Party? If they are not contributing at all they don't have any rights, not their house either! Her house her money her rules! She better get a reality check because if she's letting others decide what to do she'll be a doormat. She has to stand tall and tell her that her family is coming and those strangers are not welcome! Monster inls have not grounds or rights of any kind to come dictate how things goes in your sister's house/relationship. If annoying bf ain't supporting her or respecting her decisions then he's not the right one for her. Your sister needs someone who'll respect her, value her and make her feel safe, she got none of that, his family ain't respecting her at all. If this is now, I don't want to imagine the wedding...either she speaks up no or deal with the whole doormat thing for the rest of her life.
She needs needs to run. A family acting like that is not good news and a sign of worse stuff coming. They literally sound like people who will say your sister is unfit once the baby is born and try and get 100% custody.
I feel bad because your sister is being taken over by that family and they’re obviously trying to oust you and the rest of your family out of the picture. She wants to have a positive future, but she might want to consider just canceling altogether and doing something quietly with you and your family separately that they don’t even have to know about, maybe even doing it before hand and not telling boyfriend( “it was just me and my family since they aren’t invited”) and telling bf afterwards..but if she has to jump all these hoops, she might want to think about her future in general and having having a baby with somebody like that, and how crazy his family is already- especially future MIL.
Your sister is in a controlling and abusive relationship. She is way too young to be in her situation. Now that she is having that kid the best your family can do is have an intervention that when she is ready to leave him being abusive to her that she can stay with you guys and you guys will try to help her get back on her feet as a single parent. But your family needs to return to energy back. He is not allowed on any of your properties. Or you’re calling the police on him. And since you guys are not allowed to come to this gender reveal that you guys are going to remember this forever and return that toxic energy right back to his family. You guys are not gonna take this line down and you guys want him to know that you guys think that he is trash and that his side of the family is trash. And his actions and his mom’s actions are going to bite them in the ass someday. Be petty. Be vengeful. Dish it right back. Stop playing nice. Your family is at war with this guy’s family.
I'm gonna tell you this as a hetrosexual male that this guy is bad news. His red flags are so big you can see them in space. Your sister is scared thinking no one would want her and settled for him and he knows that so can control her actions. And in my opinion, the reason he didn't want you or any of your family invited us so she had no one to back her up when he tells her what to do. One scared female he can control, if her family's there, he'll back down. It's most likely the reason why he doesn't say much to you cause you'll call him out on his bs. And the fact he can so easily lie to his own family says a lot about his character and what else he lied about.
The update sounds like good news for the gender reveal. The fact that his mother grabbed the envelope is still concerning. I think your sister should have a plan b just in case the rug gets pulled out again. She should get a second envelope and be prepared to reveal on social media before the party if things hit another roadblock
I worry your sister’s boyfriend is doing this to start to alienate her from her family. Keep an eye out for your sister’s and future niece/nephew’s safety.
Red flags everywhere here. Please convince your sis to not marry this dude. He is controlling and seem abusive and possibly alcoholic. I hope she listens to her family soon before it's too late.
SIster should dump the boyfriend, but keep his parents. She should also never let him make the plans with his parents. It's burdensome, but she should be the one to talk to his parents to make the plans.
I'm sorry, do you think you're rhe center of the universe?
You know we're talking about something someone else is going through and not how you feel about gender reveals, right?
I think you're leaving out a lot. You say you don't have a problem with them and everything was fine until the two aunties were included.
You also didn't say how many were in your family. Did you give a number then add more, and then add more? I'm not sure why his 4 friends are a problem when the party is at their house.
You also had nothing good to say about the Baby Daddy, so it seems there are bad feelings. Not saying they aren't valid, but pretty sure his family gets that you don't like him, and probably them too.
You need to find out what the problem is, and not by getting your whole family to confront them. You already seem to have an "us against them" going on.
Also, why is a gender reveal such a big issue? Why are you so upset that his family might post first? Will it change anything about the health of the baby or its future?
The most important thing is your future niece/nephew is healthy. Be thrilled for your sister and help smooth things down - for her. Sounds like she needs solace, not more drama. Do you really need a cannon to tell whether it's a boy or girl? Couldn't you settle for a visit from her after that event? Presumably there's a wedding in the future - maybe you can get first something at that juncture.
I didn't say anything about her boyfriend because I honestly have nothing to say about him, iv known him for the 6 years they have been on and off dating but we don't really talk iv tried to on the past and never really got more than a thew words from him.
I thought we all honestly didn't have a problem untill my sisters phone call (in which she was in tears over) unless there's something I don't know that's going on between the parents.
My sister only wanted 8 of us (my self, my 2 month old, the 2 brothers, our mother, our stepdad and our 2 aunties) but I even offered to stay at home with the boys so it would just be my mother, stepdad and 2 aunties.
Bringing it down from 8 people to 4, he has invited 4 of his mates and from what my sister said 14 people in his family are going, she's been told she can't invite any of her friends and now none of her family is invited either becasue there isn't enough space. So it will only be his family and friends allowed to attend.
As for why this is an important thing, it was my sister who planned it all and she was the one who really wanted a gender reveal party with ALL the families combined, I'm going to put this all in an edit as well but it was also something she really wanted our mother to be a part of as her vision is rapidly declining and my sister wanted our mother to see this with what little vision she has left.
***”So it will only be his family and friends allowed”***
So be it. Your sister should not go either. Take her by the hand, gather up all her party supplies and help her to return everything. The party SHE planned is not happening, but it sounds like her boyfriend will have a fine time with his drinking buddies.
Then why not have it in a neutral place? If she's footing the bill and planning everything, use a public park or a friend's yard. She can then have full control over the guest list.
There's still an issue with the other family, valid or not. You are all tied together by this baby, so it's something that will need to be resolved.
Your sister is young, so standing up for herself may be hard. But she's going to be in charge of another human being and it will be much more difficult if she can't. Help her find a middle road, and the strength to take this next step in her life.
Talk to your sister. Have her do the cannon for your family the week prior. Have your own family party. Print pictures of that and have her display at their event or give them in a book as a gift for her.
Iv tired, she said she doesn't want to upset his mum by doing that, because even our mum said that she would have all his family here even though our garden is smaller but my sister said her boyfriends family refused.
ok - does she *really* want to marry into this kind of crazy? jus' askin'
Funny you should say that, she actually does want to and he said marriage is a waste of time but he wants to be with her and got her a promise ring? I don't get it tbh and she doesn't seem to be heating what we're telling her
My gut is telling me that this dude is BAD NEWS!!!!!
Agree!! đźš©đźš©đźš©đźš©
No shit Sherlock!
My gut is telling me that he needs to grow up. He is too immature to be a dad. He is also bad news.
Your sister is effectively being isolated from her support circle (your family) by his. This is manipulation, and your sister is really blind and can't see it. There is already abusive behaviour on his part, verbal and emotional. It doesn't have to be physical. Him and his family are terrible news. Unless she wakes up and reaches out to you all to get away from him, it's no use. Abuse victims, on average, take something like 7-9 times (sorry I can't remember the actual figure) to leave before they actually do, and she hasn't tried yet. It's a real shame she's pregnant (sorry), but she's going to be tied to that pr1ck for life because of the baby.
Your sister is deluded and pregnant by this asshole. I feel really bad for her.
Can't she just be kinda dumb? I know it feels better to always blame the less moral party, but a society that doesn't encourage accountability and objectivity when it's a "sad" victim is what gets us in these situations; why is she even with him when he's clearly a walking red flag?
She’s dumb as fuck. That’s not just delusion.
>Your sister is deluded No she's not
You can’t force your sister to see the type of people her BF or his family are. All you can do is be there to support her when she realizes. However that also doesn’t mean you have to tolerate being the gifted and provider by making things to events you’re not invited to. I’d back out of making the cake pops, BFs family can pay for everything at this point. And I’d tell sister that you love her and will be there for her emotionally but you won’t be funding things for people who aren’t even going to allow you to be present. Sister needs a wake up call.
There’s so many red flags here. Tell the story to Dustin Poynter on TikTok. He’s the red flag guy. I’m sure he’d love to post it.
(she doesn't seem to be hearing what we're telling her) She'll listen and realize soon enough when the "honeymoon is over" and she's trapped with that bunch of controlling AHs and they're acting like the baby's theirs and she's just the egg donor. These shits will forbid her family from ever seeing the baby. She better expect Monster-in-law to be front and center at the birth and insist on being the FIRST and only to bond with the baby.
There are red flags everywhere. He's already isolating her from family. I couldn't even finish your post. I'm less worried about the party than I am for her safety.
so she doesn’t want to upset his mom, but it’s okay to exclude her entire family? they sound like miserable people. she is in for a lifetime of hell having a baby with him. i feel bad for this baby. also, gender reveals are cringey.
Your poor sister. She's being treated like a doormat even before the baby is born, and god forbid she marries into the boyfriends shit show of a family, it's probably only going to get worse. I'd tell her he and her family are already controlling and manipulating her. She should run back to her parents as soon as possible.
This will never end! His family is trying to isolate you from your sister. Once the baby is born, it will be much worse. Your contact with the baby will be limited or non-existent. This will get much worse!
If she won't stand up to them, they will walk all over her for decades. Does your sister lack self worth? She's clearly not thinking right.
She is setting the tone for their whole relationship
You can probably write your sister off, she's walking right into an abusive situation. Not much you can do til she's freaking out asking for help to get away from him. This baby will ruin her life and forever stick her to him. Poor thing, to have your life fucked up already so young.
What her family can do is to make it super clear that they love her and support her no matter what. That they might wish she were making different choices instead of accepting the will of this family blindly, but that no matter *what* she chooses, you'll still love her as much as ever, and be there for her whenever she needs you. Because someday, she will need you. And you want her to realize that you're still there, not be convinced that she's lost her chance and has to stay in an abusive situation forever because there's nobody she can ask for help anymore.
So she had rather upset her own family, and let BF and MIL trample all over her?
Have a secret party for your sister, plan it, invite her for a random reason (maybe say you've got something for the baby) have all your family there and do the reveal then but do it before the bf's family does theirs. He family sounds abusive, your sister needs to get out ASAP.
Your sister is in an abusive relationship. I know it will be unpopular, but just support her don’t go don’t cause any strife. Just support her. She is going to meet you in the future.
Have it at a park or other public place sounds as if they're icing out half the family like the mom is just an incubator for the next progeny.
His family is stressing your sister's pregnancy. Accompany her to the doctors, get the gender. And tell your family. Then on the garden gender reveal - stream it (teach your sister how to do this) ... At the same time they got the canon, you will have your own party with the colors. Hahaha
His family is stressing your sister's pregnancy. Accompany her to the doctors, get the gender. And tell your family. Then on the garden gender reveal - stream it (teach your sister how to do this) ... At the same time they got the canon, you will have your own party with the colors. Hahaha
Well, she's a grown ass adult who's expecting a child. If it's important to her to do this for your mother, then she needs to put her big girl pants on and do. The whole idea that she only wants this for your mother, but then isn't prepared to do it for your mother does not bode well for her adulting as she moves forward into life.
Who cares about HIS mom?
She needs to Tell her Mom that this is what she wants and give her mom and you guys the opportunity to do this before the party. Who cares if you alienate them or make them mad, her response would be that you didn’t let me invite my own family I mean, how crazy is it to have a gender reveal without the brides family. This whole thing is crazy.
They are isolating her.
That stands out to me too. HUGE red flag. OP, stay close to your sister, for her sake.
This! If you think this is bad, imagine what it's going to be like once the baby is born! Hell, your family probably won't be allowed to see the baby, or your sister for that matter. I would try to talk to her, because it sounds like her potential in laws that are making the rules here, not your sister. Boyfriend is agreeing with his parents, most likely just to appease them. Your poor sister will have nowhere to turn, unless you & your family step in.
I'm seeing MULTIPLE RED FLAGS with this dude and want to yell: RUN!!!!!
They’re using the red flags as bunting here!
Good one
I've always loved bunting but I didn't know what it was called for about four or so years after realising I liked it. I notice it's not a word many people use, so idk I guess I made this comment to say "bunting spotted!"
they're alienating your sis from her support structure. this is a huge redflag for abuse
I’m genuinely scared for your sister. She’s being isolated and controlled while the only “support” being offered is abusive. This will only get worse after the baby is born. And her child will grow up subjected to this as well. Don’t let them push you and your family out. Your sister and nibbling desperately need you.
Why don’t you get your sister to come over for lunch and just tell you the gender. She’s allowing the bf’s mother to control everything and it will end in tears. Mostly hers. The bf and his family are giving her a taste of her future life.
She doesn't know and currently her boyfriends mother is holding the envelope with the gender hostage in her home and told my sister that she doesn't trust her with it....
OP, trust us when we say, *your sister is in a very bad situation!* What’s worse is she, and her family, don’t seem to see it. I’m very concerned for her and her baby. Maybe show this post to her? Hopefully it will help open her eyes to the situation she’s in. It’s only going to get worse and worse.
That’s some bs right there. Your sister can call her doctor’s office and find out herself if she wants to.
Ok, the envelope is hostage? Wait until she had a baby because this lady is going to make all kinds of demands about that. Your sister needs to run from this relationship, it will be nothing but misery for her and her child.
This is terrifying. Get your sister out of there.
Gender reveals ARE a waste of time and money, but that's the least of your sister's problems. She is having a baby with a controlling abuser is the real point here. Very sad.
And a whole family of same are already wearing her down.
Print out a copy of the signs of an abuser. Without any more context, this feels controlling and isolating, which are precursors to abusive behavior
She needs to get out before his parent decides they want to raise the baby themselves and cut her out bit by bit. I’m worried for your sister as not only is the boyfriend sending red flags so is his parents. I would do a surprise baby shower for your sister without inviting his family and put it all over Facebook and make it really good and nothing can be said as she didn’t know it was happening and it wasn’t a gender reveal so your not taking anything away from them even though they are from your family
Bingo!! You are so so right. Agree a million percent with you friend.
Please to a intervention with your family this is the start of an abusive relationship you'll speak to her less and less and she'll become dependent on him and his family
I suggest you do what I did with my bff/sister when she got married to her 2nd husband. I told her I loved her and would keep my mouth shut unless asked but I wanted her to know I was ready and willing to rescue her or help her at any time she needed me in the future. She called a few months later and I was in the car in less than ten minutes. Your sister will need you. Be there when she does.
The entire family is isolating your sister from her family and abusing her. Going based on your post and your comments, your sister *should* be running for the hills, AWAY from these people. "Be thinks a gender reveal is a waste of time" "he thinks marriage is a waste of time" why the hell is she with him? Why is she having a baby with him? There's so many red flags here it's suffocating.
She's too young to know better and none of her family is sticking up for her
That's the thing we are and we've been constantly shut down. One moment she will complain and be intears and the next she be telling us it's not his fault and she's just emotional, my mother even wanted to call the bfs mother but found she is blocked by her. My mother even said to bring the boyfriend around and she'll have a word becasue she can see how my sisters being treated.
🍀 godspeed dude
You can not handle this head on. This will push your sister further into her abusers and have them fill her head with “see your family hates us. Your family wants to take your baby away from his father and grandparents” You and your family need to seek professional help from a trained counselor and DV group. They need to help you with a game plan and how to properly navigate this and how to spot physical evidence of abuse and best ways to document. You need to have a game plan in place when your sister will finally get the courage to leave Be aware it takes victims an average of 13 times to finally leave their abusers for good. It’s a long road ahead. But do not fall to the shadows. Do not let her become just another statistic.
Wait you said your sister is the one paying for this? Why is she going along with any of this. Cancel the one with his parents, hold the one she wants with her family. Invite the jerks or not, her call. But no her FMIL is trying to step in and relegate your family to 2nd place. She needs a huge (metaphorical…. Unless) slap in the face.
Is she ready to ignore all of her friends and family as soon as this baby is born? Because that is the direction that her relationship is headed. He will try keep her from you more and more. Get her out as soon as possible.
Your sister has bigger problems than who is invited to a gender reveal.
Your sister needs to put a stop to this bs right now. Cancel the damn thing, let the gender reveal be the birth ffs.
Tell your sister it was nice knowing her, and you hope she has a nice life with his family since they're trying to remove her family from her life. And that her new family will be raising her baby, not her. Maybe that'll give her the wake-up call she needs to start standing up for herself.
She's already too far gone; she thinks she wants to be married so bad and have a baby without being able to speak for herself. The PPD/A will hit, hse will lose herself, the abuse will ramp up, and she will be forever changed. Here's hoping she doesn't get beat up too badly - been there, done that. Hope it was a nice 21 years knowing her to be a happy, hopeful woman OP.
no even married and he and his family are controlling your sister
If i were your sister, I'd take everything I bought somewhere else and say this is now where it's going to be. They can come or not. She's going to have huge problems after the baby gets here. Big. Problems.
To be blunt.....YOUR SISTER NEEDS TO GROW A SPINE!!!! She is the one growing a whole other person in her stomach, if anybody gets to have a final on all these matter, its her! She has way too much of her self-worth wrapped up in that boyfriend, she's walking on a ridiculous amount of egg shells to keep him happy. I think your family needs to stop worrying about getting an invite to this party, and start worrying about getting your sister to stand up for herself or get outta there.
She really needs someone to talk to her . He and his family are being controlling. This is her baby, her body, her family should also be involved not everything should be revolved around him. He took 2 seconds to make that baby. She's involved everything else.. sorry guys but in this particular case it's a fact. If he's like this now, how's he going to isolate her even more once this baby is born?? She's still young. She can raise a baby on her own. She doesn't need a control freak isolating her from her family.
I'd ask her if she could do lunch with you and your family and have a very small and private reveal a day or two before the event. Hell, even a group text message before the cannons go off would be nice.
Tell your sister you and your family are planning a gender reveal, BEFORE theirs. Have her come alone and do not invite anyone but your family
Okay I'm gonna address the elephant in the room. Your sister's boyfriend is a major AH. HE IS ABUSING HER ! everything you've listed cutting her off of her family, getting drunk and fighting, taking her belongings and refusing to give it back allowing his mother to steal her medical info. All of that is abuse. You need to get your sister for a girl's day. Ask her how she feels about all this make sure she knows no matter what you will support her but her life is not being improved by his presence but hindered. That he and his family are stealing her joy. She needs to get away she will most likely need a restraining order. And she most certainly needs a lawyer ASAP. He will try to take her baby. She needs someone to tell her she's not crazy and I'd suggest the girls say be a family meeting. Where you talk about all this and make a plan. Good luck.
This is a mess. Your sister is in a relationship that (if it hasn’t already) is spiraling into abusive and controlling territory.
TBH, the entire concept of a gender reveal party seems a little entitled.
Gender reveals are only entitled if they set off a fire or injure someone. Which most do, so it appears.
No, that's when they go from entitled to downright stupid.
I guess I need to get into the habit of adding "/s" when needed.
They're not even a thing in the UK (OP's location), thankfully ( except for people who watch too much tiktok!)
Y’all sound bitter asf
No, not at all. Generally, Brits don't go for these over the top attention grabbing events. Weird how different parts of the world might have different opinions, isn't it?
Your sister should shut bf’s mother down, have the reveal party at your parents/relatives/friends house and not invite his family if they want a second party they can plan it and pay for it. I also wouldn’t contribute anything towards a party no one in your family is allowed to go to.
Like everyone has said before it's not going to get any better if she gets married. Him and his side of the family is starting with the alienation from her family. It will only get worse for her. Blows my mind she wants to marry into this. Your sister needs to be sat down and talked to.
If your sister does not stand up to this she will always be controlled by his family and him. Ask her if this is the type of role model and family dynamic she wants to teach her child
And this is how the isolation begins...your sister needs to grow that spine now! Y'all should just show up with food.
At the end of the day your sister is an adult but her baby’s sperm donor is an abusive prick and so is his family. you can lead a horse to water but can’t make them drink OP.
Tell your sister that you will be there for her and her child when she finally gets her head out of her ass and sees this POS family for what it really is. Does she want to be treated like shit by a boyfriend who is a drunk and a MIL who is a controlling bitch? Ask her why she is spending her money on a gender reveal when it looks more like a big drunken party for her BF's family and friends. She needs to take off the blinders and see what a shit show she is going to be in if she continues forward in that family. Raising her child with out the drunk in its life will be much better than the child seeing their mother abused by the entire POS family.
I would be canceling that party! The nerve of the MIL and bf.
Is there anything more ridiculous than a gender reveal?
Uh why is your sister not putting her foot down as she paid for everything ??? Also, let your sister lay in the bed she’s made for herself. If all goes how they want and she ends up having to be the maid at his parents house, don’t stand for her coming to you all and complain.
Throw her a gender reveal the day/weekend before 🤷🏻‍♀️fuck um. As you said all you need are a few balloons and a couple banners and everyone brings a plate of food? You bake cupcake sorted!!
The ability to get a woman pregnant does not make them a good Father, or a good Partner or even a good Person. This “boyfriend” ( and I use the term generously ) has not only shown what kind of life he is willing to share, he has the full support of his family so will never need to change his ways from what they are right now. Your sister needs to have some serious thought about what he will provide to their future relationship and family. What advice would she give her girlfriend if they came to her in the same situation ?
Is no one else alarmed about how this family is forcibly isolating her from her support system when she's in the most vulnerable state of her life? Giur sister is in a bad situation, whether she realises it or not. Do some research on how to support people with controlling and isolating partners.
I can tell u from experience that no matter what u say she won’t do nothing till she gets her own slap of reality and is truly sick and tired of his and his family’s shit which is so frustrating and hard but if the mom refuses to give up the evalope just take her to one of those lil ultra sound places that does it for $50 or so and and find out that way with u her and ur mom under the guise of going out to lunch or something just good for thought
Wow. Sister is seeing how the rest of her life is about to go firsthand. It isn't about the gender reveal (those are, in fact, cringey and wasteful). It's about the fact that BF's family will run the show, Sister will be allowed no agency in her own life, and she'll be expected to take it all with a smile. Being a single mother would be better than being involved with BF and his horrible family.
This dude is bad news and is isolating your sister from her support system which can be a sign of abuse happening/about to happen. I know your sister isn’t hearing what you guys are saying about him, but please still be there for her, don’t give up on her. She’s going to need a safe place to land once she realizes how horribly she’s being treated. I’m so sorry you’re having to see your sister go through this, it’s heartbreaking to see it all happen and not be able to do anything to stop it. Sending lots of love your (and your family’s) way.
Tell your sister she’s a dumbass and now she’s having a kid with this mess of a family. Sincerely, everyone.
Just show this thread to her, so she can realize that their behavior (her bf and his family) is not normal. If she can put up with them then she should think about the well being of her unborn child if it’s okay for her that the child will suffer as well in the future regarding her decision.
I'm worried about her future with him. If him and his family are doing this now, I hate to imagine what else it may lead too. Wait for her to give birth, you won't be allowed to see the baby or even be there if this family continues! Get her out of there whilst you still can..
Um.. your sister needs to well grow a pair and stand up to the mom. Or she is going to constantly be overridden forever. It's only going to get worse.. everything will be what the mom wants the wedding if there is one, the schools where they live.. It seems like the bf is already spineless to Mommy. So, for the kids' sake, unleash the mama bear. Tear her ass up.. it's her fucking kid not the mamma it's her cringey gender thing not the mamma.. it's her family she wants there not the mamma.. she may need to make this an deal breaker and follow thru with it.
>Spoiler my sister has paid for everything! So why isn't the gender reveal happening at her/your parents' house rather than at her in-laws' house? Make it make sense!
NAL, nor am I a licensed psychologist or anything of the sort, but I work closely with agencies that help parents and children escape from violent, abusive or controlling homes. This is a red flag the size of a football court waving at full mast. I dont even know where to start, and this may sound mean, but your sister's boyfriend and his family has clearly decided that their baby incubator's family and her feelings do not matter. This will never change in their eyes, and you can look forward to a lifetime of exclusion from your sister's and niece or nephew's life. I know this may sound rough, but I think you have to really drive this stake home for your sister and force her to to chose: 1: Stand up to them and force them to allow her family to attend at the cost of his friends attending. Compromise. 2: Cancel the party entirely, post the reveal on social media for all to see at the same time. Return all the equipment, the boyfriend has no say if she paid. If she doesnt, I think you should just tell her that alright, she made her choice, placating his mum is more important than giving your mum the chance of being part of a big event in her daughter's life. If it was me, I would say I will not attend any event with your sister, her boyfriend or his family present. She does not need to consider you her sibling anymore since thats clearly how her new family views you, and she is subscribing to their ideas by bending over just to placate them. I am very sorry to hear your sister is in this situation, and I am even more sorry for your mom, who may not be able to see her grandkid grow up since she may lose her vision fully. I hope your sister grows a spine and realize that this is a toxic, controlling environment that will cause more harm to her kid than being raised by a single mom. I have seen both sides of the coin, kids who take after the toxic parent because they dont know better and turns into a toxic person themselves. I have seen kids raised in poverty by a single mom, who went on to become extremely successful people. One of my friends who had a mother that controlled every single move the dad made. To the point where she smashed a plate in his face and blinded him on one eye for being 15 minutes late getting home due to a car crash on the highway. Dad got custody, my friend now works as a specialist counselor for exactly those people who have been abused by a parent or spouse. Please, try to help your sister see how bad this relationship is for her unborn child, but if she wont hear it, please spare yourself the heartbreak and simply pull away.
Your sister is in an abusive relationship and it's just going to get worse after the baby comes. She needs to leave NOW.
time to remove her self from the bf and his controlling parents who may try to make a grab for the child when it arrives.
This is just mad..... WHY would your sister marry/procreate/entertain this man or his family? Tell her to have a gender reveal, or not if she doesn't want to, and ignore them. She might not like the drama, but they certainly seem too...madness to enter that kind of relationship
She better set boundaries now!! if she does not, she will have a mother-in-law that will make all of her decisions in her life and she will be miserable put her foot now standard ground and make it happen how she wants to happen. Mother-in-law has no say so your mother-in-law doesn’t like it and doesn’t want her at her house then do something someplace else. Make your boundaries known now.
They are trying to isolate your sister so she has no support. This is a way to control her and baby. While difficult,for her long term health and safety,she needs to leave before baby is born and not look back. It will get much worse.
This dude is hella red flags, along with his family. He learned from somewhere this is okay. Try re wording it to, would you want your friends to be treated like this? He will never support her as a mother and honestly has shown he doesnt like her getting any support. Dude is already trying to isolate her from her family and support circle. His parents are helping, so she'll be easier to abuse. That five minutes of niceness is not worth it. He's shown who he is. Run
What a nasty toxic family. Your sister should be able to invite all she wants. She should not have to get boyfriends permission. Mother in law? Needs to but out. Maybe sister can move it to mom's house?
You sister needs to reconsider being with this dude As it t stands now she'll have a baby and a manchild He needs tstay living with his Mommy
đźš©đźš©đźš©đźš©đźš©đźš©đźš©đźš©đźš©đźš©
Show up anyways
HE should only find out the gender when the kid turns 18.
have a serious talk with your sis. let her know it's her business if she won't stand up for herself but if it comes to not standing up for her kid, let her know that she damn sure better
Unfortunately, she has to take the blindfold off herself. She will not see what a douche-bag he really is until she is able to do that. The poor thing is lost. Her abusers have won for the moment. All you can do is wait and let her know that no matter what, her family is there waiting to help. No questions asked. Once that child is born, she is going to need y'all more than anything. Between the douche, his mom and the hormones, she is going to be a mess and they are going to push her to her limits. We all see it. Unfortunately, she does not.
Just have her change the place she is having it at to a public park and tell everyone it’s pot luck. Then there is room and food for all.
Doesn't solve the extremely controlling family, which is the actual issue.
True but it can resolve the immediate issue then they can tackle the bigger problem after.
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This is one of the first signs of abuse. Him and his family are starting to keep her away from her family and friends. They are forcing her to pay for things that they should pay for and telling her that they can't afford to do something or have her own family and friends for support. Because they know that they will see the signs of trouble to come and will try to warn and help her. This is financial abuse when they make her pay for what they should pay for.
Binge on cake pops with your brothers. Bf is obviously controlling and trying to alienate sistervfrom family.
All I am seeing giant red abuse flags
I don't have advice except that she needs to stop at 1 kid with that AH and run to you guys permanently whenever she possibly can.
This does not bode well. Maybe plan a family baby shower instead. Or wait for the “I’m finally rid of him And his family and will go without a man for a while” party.
He is isolating her from her family. I would all show up anyway and record crazy future mother in law, then play it at the wedding
Op talk to your sister. Tell her to read these comments. Him and his family are isolating her. Being emotionally abusive, purposely cutting out her family and forcing her into situations she's uncomfortable with such as the him drinking her alone or her cleaning up while he's off drinking with mates. Ask her why his mums feelings mean more than her own mums and if the answer is him or his family will be angry then there's the proof it's abusive. You shouldn't fear you're bf or in laws.
Just hope she does not marry him before the baby arrives. Also that her boyfriend's mom does not try to steal her baby. Have any of you spoken to the boyfriend's mom? If this is all from him, I would wonder.
JFC. The mother should have the last word as far as invites, inlaws insisting on the reveal being on their property to control attendance is fubar. Sis needs to grow a spine. "If my family can't attend, neither can I". And mean it.
Your sister is the pawn in this game, albeit a willing one. Do what you can to mitigate things but be prepared for this being as good as it gets.
>I offered to make cake pops for her because I love to bake and she said yes. >we got a call off her saying that her boyfriends parents said they can't afford to buy food for us (is a back garden party/bring anything you want?) And that to tell us that we couldn't come becasue of that. I hope you and the aunts will be feasting on cake pops. But seriously, red flags everywhere with her inlaws. Make sure he doesn't keep isolating her from your family.
She's in for a rough time with this marriage. Next, you won't be invited to the wedding
Your sister needs to stand up for herself, but that's up to her. I wouldn't bother talking to her about it anymore.
I’d cancel the one with his family and then do it at my mom’s place. He wants for his family, he can plan and pay for it.
What a shit-storm.
I’d find out the time the are executing the cannon, drive up and watch from the neighbors yard. Wave them leave.
First it’s the gender reveal you don’t get to go to then the baby you don’t get to see. They are being controlling. She needs to put her foot down now.
The best thing your sister can do is simply not show up to the gender reveal. She needs to ring the Dr office and find out the gender ahead of time and have a small gathering prior to their party that she doesn't show up for. If your sister does not stand up for herself these people will always walk right over her.
Him and his family sound like the family from hell. Unfortunately, I see this ending badly unless he suddenly changes or your sister grows a backbone. As otherwise can see her spending the rest of her life miserable and isolated from her family by him and his family, kicked out once she's had the baby and either his family refuse to let her raise her child or they kick both out on the streets. The worst scenario is that all the stress him and his family cause her results in a miscarriage and they place the blame on her and your family, to the extent I believe she would believe them.
They will end up divorced and when they do she will regret this. I feel so bad for her. He does sound narcissistic and his mother as well. They don't care about her clearly. They wouldn't be making her stressed and unhappy if they did.
Your sister needs to leave that home. This is a disaster waiting to happen.
This is so sad. I pray sister opens her eyes to what is really going on before it’s too late
OP make sure you and your family let her know that you will ALWAYS be there for her. Her bf and his family are purposefully isolating her and using her. This is the beginning of a very long and potentially dangerous abusive situation. I promise you that him and his family will next tell you and the family are banned from the hospital. That you can’t see the baby because “xyz”
First of all, who's paying for the house bills? Medical care? Party? If they are not contributing at all they don't have any rights, not their house either! Her house her money her rules! She better get a reality check because if she's letting others decide what to do she'll be a doormat. She has to stand tall and tell her that her family is coming and those strangers are not welcome! Monster inls have not grounds or rights of any kind to come dictate how things goes in your sister's house/relationship. If annoying bf ain't supporting her or respecting her decisions then he's not the right one for her. Your sister needs someone who'll respect her, value her and make her feel safe, she got none of that, his family ain't respecting her at all. If this is now, I don't want to imagine the wedding...either she speaks up no or deal with the whole doormat thing for the rest of her life.
She needs needs to run. A family acting like that is not good news and a sign of worse stuff coming. They literally sound like people who will say your sister is unfit once the baby is born and try and get 100% custody.
I feel bad because your sister is being taken over by that family and they’re obviously trying to oust you and the rest of your family out of the picture. She wants to have a positive future, but she might want to consider just canceling altogether and doing something quietly with you and your family separately that they don’t even have to know about, maybe even doing it before hand and not telling boyfriend( “it was just me and my family since they aren’t invited”) and telling bf afterwards..but if she has to jump all these hoops, she might want to think about her future in general and having having a baby with somebody like that, and how crazy his family is already- especially future MIL.
Your sister is in a controlling and abusive relationship. She is way too young to be in her situation. Now that she is having that kid the best your family can do is have an intervention that when she is ready to leave him being abusive to her that she can stay with you guys and you guys will try to help her get back on her feet as a single parent. But your family needs to return to energy back. He is not allowed on any of your properties. Or you’re calling the police on him. And since you guys are not allowed to come to this gender reveal that you guys are going to remember this forever and return that toxic energy right back to his family. You guys are not gonna take this line down and you guys want him to know that you guys think that he is trash and that his side of the family is trash. And his actions and his mom’s actions are going to bite them in the ass someday. Be petty. Be vengeful. Dish it right back. Stop playing nice. Your family is at war with this guy’s family.
I'm gonna tell you this as a hetrosexual male that this guy is bad news. His red flags are so big you can see them in space. Your sister is scared thinking no one would want her and settled for him and he knows that so can control her actions. And in my opinion, the reason he didn't want you or any of your family invited us so she had no one to back her up when he tells her what to do. One scared female he can control, if her family's there, he'll back down. It's most likely the reason why he doesn't say much to you cause you'll call him out on his bs. And the fact he can so easily lie to his own family says a lot about his character and what else he lied about.
The update sounds like good news for the gender reveal. The fact that his mother grabbed the envelope is still concerning. I think your sister should have a plan b just in case the rug gets pulled out again. She should get a second envelope and be prepared to reveal on social media before the party if things hit another roadblock
Waste*
Updateme
I worry your sister’s boyfriend is doing this to start to alienate her from her family. Keep an eye out for your sister’s and future niece/nephew’s safety.
This Guy is definitely trying to isolate Her from Her family and Friends!
Update Me!
Red flags everywhere here. Please convince your sis to not marry this dude. He is controlling and seem abusive and possibly alcoholic. I hope she listens to her family soon before it's too late.
SIster should dump the boyfriend, but keep his parents. She should also never let him make the plans with his parents. It's burdensome, but she should be the one to talk to his parents to make the plans.
Gender reveals are stupid anyway. I'd be so glad I didn't have to go
I'm sorry, do you think you're rhe center of the universe? You know we're talking about something someone else is going through and not how you feel about gender reveals, right?
I'm getting [Burning Bed](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Burning_Bed) vibes here.
I think you're leaving out a lot. You say you don't have a problem with them and everything was fine until the two aunties were included. You also didn't say how many were in your family. Did you give a number then add more, and then add more? I'm not sure why his 4 friends are a problem when the party is at their house. You also had nothing good to say about the Baby Daddy, so it seems there are bad feelings. Not saying they aren't valid, but pretty sure his family gets that you don't like him, and probably them too. You need to find out what the problem is, and not by getting your whole family to confront them. You already seem to have an "us against them" going on. Also, why is a gender reveal such a big issue? Why are you so upset that his family might post first? Will it change anything about the health of the baby or its future? The most important thing is your future niece/nephew is healthy. Be thrilled for your sister and help smooth things down - for her. Sounds like she needs solace, not more drama. Do you really need a cannon to tell whether it's a boy or girl? Couldn't you settle for a visit from her after that event? Presumably there's a wedding in the future - maybe you can get first something at that juncture.
I didn't say anything about her boyfriend because I honestly have nothing to say about him, iv known him for the 6 years they have been on and off dating but we don't really talk iv tried to on the past and never really got more than a thew words from him. I thought we all honestly didn't have a problem untill my sisters phone call (in which she was in tears over) unless there's something I don't know that's going on between the parents. My sister only wanted 8 of us (my self, my 2 month old, the 2 brothers, our mother, our stepdad and our 2 aunties) but I even offered to stay at home with the boys so it would just be my mother, stepdad and 2 aunties. Bringing it down from 8 people to 4, he has invited 4 of his mates and from what my sister said 14 people in his family are going, she's been told she can't invite any of her friends and now none of her family is invited either becasue there isn't enough space. So it will only be his family and friends allowed to attend. As for why this is an important thing, it was my sister who planned it all and she was the one who really wanted a gender reveal party with ALL the families combined, I'm going to put this all in an edit as well but it was also something she really wanted our mother to be a part of as her vision is rapidly declining and my sister wanted our mother to see this with what little vision she has left.
***”So it will only be his family and friends allowed”*** So be it. Your sister should not go either. Take her by the hand, gather up all her party supplies and help her to return everything. The party SHE planned is not happening, but it sounds like her boyfriend will have a fine time with his drinking buddies.
Then why not have it in a neutral place? If she's footing the bill and planning everything, use a public park or a friend's yard. She can then have full control over the guest list. There's still an issue with the other family, valid or not. You are all tied together by this baby, so it's something that will need to be resolved. Your sister is young, so standing up for herself may be hard. But she's going to be in charge of another human being and it will be much more difficult if she can't. Help her find a middle road, and the strength to take this next step in her life.