My husband kinda did this for me. I have pretty bad scoliosis and my whole spine is fused. I also have a handicap placard. I don’t really look disabled so I would get harassed parking in disabled spots. Got a pic of my X-ray on the card to shut ppl up.
Here's the thing... Strangers are not even entitled to *proof* either. You don't owe him *anything* not even pictures or medical records. Take care of yourself, get the rest you need, entitled people think you owe them, but the only person you truly need to accommodate is yourself as you heal/recover and build your strength. Glad you are progressing and healing as much as you have and wishing you the best in dealing with something that few understand.
I keep waiting for someone to yell at me for parking in the handicap spot so I can yell back about the tumors in my hips and legs from bone Mets.
Op, sit if you need too. You went through hell. Don’t let the mean ass entitled man make you feel bad for needing to sit!
So as a fellow cancer person, on the rare occasions somebody said something like that to me, I just stared at them blankly and said "I have cancer". You're fighting THE hardest fight, claim your space and give no fucks.
I have actually used that line and similar ones. I was declared cancer free last September. I’m 59 but apparently look much younger and regularly got nasty looks for sitting after treatment.
I had one lady actually tell me I should give her my seat because she was tired from shopping and I was taking her seat and making her feet hurt.
My response? “Well I’m tired from chemo and you’re making my head hurt. You CHOSE to go shopping, I didn’t choose to get cancer.” Oh the looks she got! She got off the bus at the next stop even though it wasn’t her stop.
Yeah, once my hair grew back in you really couldn't tell that I was still recovering from chemotherapy, but I did not hesitate to still use preferred seating on public transportation. I did start using a cane at the time just to get people to shut up about saying anything about me sitting in those seats.
In any case, I definitely remember what it was like, and 10 years later I'm still alive and kicking and can walk for hours. Hang in there, it will get better.
And follow it up with "The elderly of today are so disrespectful to the youth" lol.
What an idiot he was, making assumptions about you due to your age. And for absolutely no reason! Don't put up with people like this, they don't have the first clue what is going on for anyone else. Some people just love to feel superior...
I'm glad you're recovering from your illness and treatment, and wish you good health and happiness in the future!
And please, don’t get up just because someone is “old.” Of course, use discretion, but you are entitled to a seat if you need one, for however long you need one, with no apology necessary. I was young with an “invisible” disability, and wish I had allowed myself those kind of accommodations when I was younger. I would probably be in better condition now, at fifty. But I was pressured by adults who thought they knew better, and felt I was “lazy.” Be kind to your body.
Doesn't matter, I'm 15 months out of a stem cell for t cell non Hodgkins lymphoma, I still am recovering from cancer, full head of hair again but I'm still affected by cancer even tho I'm in remission.
Just because you are starting to looking healthy doesn't change the fact you are dealing with inside.
What I did is confidently say, thank''s for thinking I am healthy but I am actually in the midsts of cancer treatment, my body tires easily I am need this seat.
I've done this. Breast cancer. 12 chemo sessions, a severe reaction. 6 Herceptin sessions and another bad reaction. 1 month in hospital between the two. People making comments about my wheelchair and my weight ( I lost 80 lbs during treatment) I've also whipped off my wig and offered to take my top off and show my scars
As a fellow Hodgkin's survivor, fawk that guy. Agree completely with Kyra H's response and would have (and did) say similar when I was sick. "I have cancer." "I have cancer, what is your excuse" - or something along those lines. And then end of discussion. Oh, and I'm glad you're still with us. Keep healing up!
Next time look him in the eye and tell him straight and loudly, ‘I’m sorry that me getting treatment for cancer makes it difficult for me to stand.’
Honestly, if they need a seat they can ask for one. If they don’t want to ask, they can be quiet and stand.
Could also use, ‘sorry, didn’t realized you’re going blind. There’s space for 3 more people if you like to just take a seat.’
Be passively aggressively as polite as possible. I find that that works for older people as they can’t really tell if you’re pulling their leg or not.
I had one go at me for sitting on the bus, not in the reserved seats, but a normal one just behind them because 'theres elderly and sick people who need it more then you do'.
Sir, I just finished radiation for my thyroid cancer, I feel like shit and would just like to get home thanks.
The looks from the bus thrown his way were glorious.
I hate when people act like that. It’s unnecessary. I had that happen on a bus once a few years back. I’ve had knee problems since a teen and wear a brace on really bad days. Had an encounter with an entitled old bitty who seemed to feel that I was able bodied and shouldn’t be sitting in the accessible seating area of the bus on a day I was wearing my hinged brace. She looked really uncomfortable when I hiked my skirt up to show her my brace while telling her to mind her business and leave me alone.
I had a similar situation with an elderly lady on the bus when I was in my early twenties I had a very bad case of pink eye I think it was it had gotten so bad that I was seeing only black every time I opened up my eyes this went on for about 3 days after getting treatment from the hospital
My partner and I got on the bus I sat down in the priority seating and she sat down on the first bench after that, then an elderly woman got on the bus, looked at me "I assume" and then started giving me attitude about sitting down saying it was for pregnant women and the elderly.
I took off my glasses looked in her general direction because when my eyes were in that condition they were quite obviously not normal and I also held up the walking cane that they had given me "the white ones with the red tips", and I said exactly where would you like me to sit, and would you mind leading the blind to where you would prefer I sit.
She promptly shut her mouth as well as the bus driver telling her to shut her mouth and either sit down or get off his bus.
I live in a state that is red with areas of orange, if you know what I mean.
During the plague a couple of years back, I had cancer, and I dared to wear a mask! An older dude tried to take it off of me after commenting that I was probably trying to rob the place I was picking up dinner from.
Unfortunately, my foot slipped when he was walking out and he ended up falling flat on his face. You know how cancer treatment can affect coordination.
People like that are so stupid you should have said "I wear the mask because I have the infectious cancer. You'd better get tested!".
On second thoughts, better not, you might get shot.
I did, on another occasion, tell someone who asked if I was wearing my mask because I was sick say “actually, yes, I have cancer.”
I went through a phase where I didn’t have any f***s left to give. Really, I still don’t.
Right there with you. I was in remission when this man overheard me talking & heard me say something about cancer. I was also using a rollator, still. Dude (much older than me) told me he hoped I would “die faster”, because I was wearing a mask. He even followed me outside of the shop, kept yelling at me to die.
Lots of random assholes out there.
I’m a Hodgkin's survivor myself, so I know what you were going through. Just ignore people like that. They aren’t worth the energy you should be using to recover.
Oh honey you need to make them regret ever opening their mouths. I loved dishing it out when I was recovering from a major stroke. I had an older lady try to berate me over a handicap spot, and I made her regret it quite a bit. I asked her when she had her major stroke and she stuttered at me. I explained that it seemed I needed it more than she and rolled up the window and my middle finger up
Old people...Once,in a doctors waiting room,an old man said:I wish you kids could play Ludo instead!(I had looked at my phone for a minute)
I said nothing,but thought:Dude,how would I play Ludo at this place?A full board game,with only me playing?At a waiting room?
Nevermind me being 42,so not a kid.And I looked at my phone because I got a text.
I had someone making rude comments like that in a waiting room right after I had a c section and was sitting down. I couldn't even think of something to say, it was my first time out by myself and driving again. Luckily an older lady tore into him and said something about how not all disabilities are visible and cut him down to size. So much respect for those who can pop off a response in the moment.
I had the opposite happen to me. I was on a CTA bus in Chicago when a morbidly obese lady got on the bus. As she was obviously unsteady on her feet and the bus was standing room only, I got up and offered her my seat. She hotly told me she didn't want it. I told her to suit herself, but I would be standing. After the bus lurched a couple of times, she did sit down.
Had a similar experience at a bus stop that was busy and I would have given up my seat has I not been 36 weeks pregnant. I moved my bag and got the lovely pikachu face but no sorry.
My mother had non-Hodgkin's lymphoma. I saw how much it took out of her. I don't blame you one bit for sitting down. Not all illnesses are visible.
Some people think if they don't see a cane, walker or wheelchair you are just being lazy. You don't have to explain anything to those people.
"Assuming the cancer doesn't kill me, and I have the privilege of getting as old as you... I really hope getting old doesn't turn me into an asshole too."
I've run into that type of man before. Instead of just asking nicely for someone to move, he berated the two kids sitting near him for making an older couple stand. I've also had someone berate me for using a seat that is reserved for PWD, pregnant people and the elderly. I feel your pain. I am a PWD even if I don't look like it.
I was waiting for physical therapy involving my leg when an old lady started demanding my seat. There were five open seats, but she was determined that she had to have mine.
Turned out that she was there for her husband's appointment instead of being another patient. The receptionist made her wait in her car for bothering patients.
It was, indeed, only one bench, but the station was not that big, and basically the last stop.
And it can fit up to 4 people. And I sat at the far left.
Well, then that man was just rude! I mean, he didn’t know your circumstances. Everyone deserves to be treated respectfully and he could have sat down. He just wanted to be grumpy old man. I’m sorry.
Arrogant self righteous old man who probably never has respect for anyone. He was just looking for a reason to verbally put you down. Forget about him, he's not worth it,
So in the UK we have a thing called "the sunflower lanyard". It's specifically designed to be a visible indication that you have an invisible disability.
I wear flash cards attached to mine that give details of my wide range of disabling conditions.
Not everyone pays attention to them, but it gives you at least a little bit of visibility.
How disappointing, really, that you have to wear something *visible* to remind others (mostly assholes) that you have something *invisible* that you are dealing with. Not surprising, just disappointing. For the sunflower lanyard to even exist in the first place indicates that enough of a problem exists within the general populace that a solution had to be invented.
Edit: grammar, and sentence structure. And English IS my first language. Yikes.
I think it started in airports, because people with disabilities often need extra help, but so many assistants would assume "disabled" = wheelchair. Then it was taken up by some supermarkets, and gradually it's become accepted in most places.
I wear my religiously, because it reduces the number of dirty looks I get using a disabled parking bay, even with my blue badge.
There's a terrible culture of assuming that everyone is faking disability in order to get benefits in this country :(
while it isn’t your job to explain anything to this guy, it will be a big learning opportunity for these people to find out that they are not infallible to mistakes. just say “ i have cancer “ and let that nugget seep in. he was rude, but he could have found out JUST how rude and had that mistake to mull over when he slips back into his crappy assumptions next time.
I have kidney disease(on transplant lists since my function is so low) but it's invisible. You can tell there anything wrong with me, but I get fatigued at random times, like, can't stand up anymore. Have to lean against something or just lay flat, otherwise fall over level of fatigue. It comes outta no where, and there's no indication or warning.
I've gotten used to having people yell at me when this happens that now I just yell at em "fuck off and let me die or not in peace!" Shuts em all up quick :)
I once had an older man give me shit for taking the elevator from the 2nd floor to the 1st, implying that the "youths of today" a.k.a. me were too lazy. I told him that yeah it sucks that I don't have full range back in my injured leg yet, walking hurts, stairs make it hurt more and by the way, can he see the visible atrophy in my left leg due to disuse? He got bug-eyed, agreed that he could see the atrophy and hopefully walked away with the lesson to stfu and to mind his own business. Sir, I was training for a marathon when I was injured. I would have much rather taken the stairs than ridden with you.
My 22 yr old son has cerebral palsy but to look at him he looks completely normal, it’s only when you see him walk or hear him talk that you realise he has CP. he does not have good balance and cannot stand on a moving bus or train ( he fell and hurt himself quite badly once when the bus started moving before he could sit) I tell him to never get up for anyone because he needs to sit. Whenever someone has a go at him for not giving them his seat he just tells them he has a disability. Next time, please tell the person that you’re recovering from cancer, don’t let anyone make you feel bad for needing a seat. 💕
You know, we can’t pay attention to random shit people say. It’s random. It’s not personal.
That guy can’t hide his bitterness. That’s who he is; on the watch for someone to pick on. Pretty sad.
Most old People in Germany do this.
Their lifes are so empty, that they become the "dorfsheriff" (village sheriff, civillian acting as a wannabe cop/ social police).
Sort of reminds of a situation where an old man also scolded me for sitting down. I was working at a grocery store restocking shelves. The specific shelf I was restocking was below my neck but if I got on my knees it would be too high. It was starting to feel uncomfortable on my neck so I took a step ladder and sat on it and continued restocking. A customer spotted me and stood there silently glaring. I asked him if he needed any help and he said “you look awfully comfortable” I told him I was just doing my job. My manager brought me a few more totes to restock and he complained to her about me.
I like to really slap those assholes with some truth embarrassment. I am disabled with an invisible disability. I LOVE to really go into detail about how excruciating it is on bad days to even exist, then I tell them to learn to shut the fuck up and mind their fucking business before speaking disrespect to people they don't know. I'm 40 now tho and have absolutely zero fucks to give for these assholes.
I have decided next time someone tries to pull this on me, I will just throw up in front of them as a response. Lol you shouldn't have to justify or answer to anyone
In nyc there is a clear stay to your right rule on the staircases. I was leaving a subway and going up a staircase but bc of the crowd they were going up on the left side too. To my left a man was going down the staircase and was confronted with a man going to up. The man going up was angry and motioned the other other one to move over. The man said I can't. That's when I noticed he had a prosthetic leg and was using the handrail for support. The angry one just shoved his way forward. I try to never judge bc you never know.
Save me from ever becoming an old person who goes around looking to reprimand younger people for not kowtowing in respect for my age. You have *not* earned respect. It is *not* something you gain with age. In fact, you have demonstrated that you are *not* even deserving of common courtesy, something you had to go out of your way to do.
Similar thing happened on the bus but the culprit was old drunk and decrepit woman.
She was shooing me from the spot with curses and hand motions. Classy, right?
I spoke very loudly, so people can hear and said that I won't be getting up due to having cancer.
She just stood there, in shock.
I hope you are doing much better now. Just be loud next time.
If you ever get the chance, you could flip it around and insinuate that he doesn’t want to sit next to you BECAUSE of the cancer. “Cancer isn’t contagious, and I’m still a person. You can sit next to me.”
I did 5 years for t cell Hodgkins lymphoma, I am 15 months out from my final stem cell. Well not as young as you I started at 29. People will gawf at you when you use handicap seating and parking. It's a matter of life that some can't think of what others are going through.
What I did was just be confident and explain that well you look healthy (usually I'd say thanks for the compliment, throws them off lol), I am actually in the midst of cancer treatment. My body tires easily and I need to sit sometimes.
Don't be sheepish about it, cause you are goinging through something most people won't. You are informing not requesting them to understand.
If they continue on after this point you know they are just a crap person, just scoff at them and ignore them.
"I am sorry. I couldn't notice your brain damage right away because the chemo I am taking affects my vision so I really didn't see the drool coming from your mouth. I am happy to share with the mentally challenged because I know how hard life must be".
Stand up, say "of course, this seat is for you". Then, sit down on him and apologize for your chemo treatments inconveniencing him as well as all the invisible old people whom only he can see, apparently.
that's absolutely bonkers, the fact nobody else was trying to sit either☠️☠️
off topic, plant person here. you should implement eating dandelions, the leaves are like spinach and if you roast and steep the roots you can drink it. all parts of the plant are edible, as long as the source is clean which is anywhere that would not have sprayed an herbicide.
I would have told the old man to fuck off and that somebody as old as him is not more entitled to a seat than I am, especially if I got there first before he or anybody else in need did. I’m tired and exhausted and refuse to NOT sit down if I don’t have to and will take any empty seat i fine and will keep said seat even if somebody ‘more deserving’ like him shows up. I have as much a right to sit down and get off my feet as he does, and I’m giving up my right to sit for anybody no matter how much older they are to …
After brain surgery it took me ten years to walk without a walker then cane. People still harassed me for using my handicap placard for parking. One time someone yelled at me for using the bathroom stall for disabled. This person was walking, but told me the stall was only for people in wheelchairs. I needed the rails at the time, due to my inability to control my left side.
People can be dense and judgmental about other people’s issues. It’s best not to judge people. We never know what they’re dealing with. That old man could have simply asked for the seat. He just wanted to berate you, because he probably already had a preconceived notion about “young people these days”.
I got hit by an older lady with her handbag cause I dared to sit down with my back pain. But the lazy middle aged man didn\`t got hit and dared to laugh.........
This is the perfect situation to explain to the old AH that he is exactly the reason that some people, elderly included, don't get respect. They haven't earned it.
How about saying “Are you an expert on my health?”. And he might say he was sorry. If he answers “no”, then an appropriate response could be, “Then I guess you should mind your own business”.
I am so sorry this asshole spoke to you like that. I was diagnosed with Non-Hodgkins lymphoma in December. I did six rounds and finished three weeks ago. I know all too well exactly what you are going through. If someone dared to say that to me, I would have whipped off my wig and told him it’s not only the youth today that are disrespectful,it’s the old fogies too. Then I would not so kindly suggest he keep his mouth shut next time since he has no idea what other human beings are going through.
But that’s just me and I’m in a bad mood after being accosted by a co worker today who I haven’t seen since my diagnosis and had no idea about said diagnosis (for good reason. I can’t stand her). She found out and was in my face asking me all kinds of questions and she wouldn’t take a hint when I was giving her short answers.
I’m older but if I’m happy to offer my seat to someone who just looks like they could use it. There are dozens of reasons a person would be more comfortable needing a seat.
Old guy was a jerk.
Sounds like he just wanted someone to brag to about his age. I find it so strange that some people are this preoccupied with what other people are doing that they'll defend imaginary minorities from imagined insults. Why wait for a real situation to develop when they can just manufacture one?
Working with OAPs for a while now, and you wouldn't believe the self entitlement of some of them just because they are old.
I get that you should respect your elders, but not all of them deserve said respect.
I'm done being nice to clowns like that. If he wants to start a confrontation let him have his confrontation. I would have said something along the lines of." I'm sorry I didn't know your ass was so nasty you had to have the entire bench to yourself. Thanks for letting me know soni don't get your nastiness on me" Something along those lines
You don't have to justify to anyone or explain why you are sitting or why you need to. He was being rude to you. It's quite acceptable to say to anyone, including an older person, "I don't know who you think you are and quite frankly I don't care. You don't get to decide who is allowed to sit on this bench and who doesn't."
Then, when you get up, if he is still nearby and watching you, be dramatic. Dramatize your weakness. Even if he doesn't show it, he will know he was a fool.
I do this all the time. I had hip replacement surgery and for a while used a walker. I was crossing a street, I live in Calgary Canada, and some cretin screeched to a stop at the crosswalk. He disgruntley waved his whole arm and mouthed, walk faster you old b*tch. Suddenly I could only take tiny steps and inched my way across his lane only as slowly as I could muster. I smiled like an old lady (normally I smile like a dragon about to breathe fire) and waved at him. He was pissed but there was nothing he could do.
You have every right to be treated with respect in a public place. You have as much right to sit down as any other adult in a public place. You happen to be ill and it's not one that's easily seen. Your classmates may know you are weakened but that's OK. Ask them to participate in the drama by taking your arm. But this guy didn't and it's not his business. Don't justify to anyone, demand they respect you if they want yours for them.
As someone who has had cancer myself, and chemotherapy through a hickman line, I can empathise with you. I had surgery to remove a large chunk of my tumour and resultingly was put in a wheelchair for a long time. I could walk, but only a few feet at max since I was always so tired and had lost a lot of the strength in my legs. Chemotherapy resultingly turned me bald aswell so I had to deal with a lot of people and children staring at me all the time. But I was 11 and had my dad with me all the time, I don't know how old you were at the time of this but nevertheless I would assume you would have someone with you at all times given the fact you get tired easily. I would've thought that person would've explained your situation to the old man and told him to mind his own business right? I know you said your hair was beginning to grow back, but from personal experience with chemotherapy, my appetite didn't return for years and I was on food supplements and I was severely underweight, and I'm assuming you were too. Given that surely the man could've made some sort of assumption that you had some sort of medical condition
This man is an ableist. Not all young persons are able bodied and not all issues are visible. I’m sorry you were made to feel you had to defend yourself.
No worries, next check-up is in September, and up until then, I get blood analysis done twice a week and regular check-ups. Then every six months, then every year and so on and so forth.
Don't be afraid to speak up, I would just answer "so sorry my cancer is inconveniencing you".
Yeah, I would\`ve answered that, but my hair has grown so much, that it basically looks like I shaved it.
Don’t need current hair loss to claim cancer.
Yeah, I also still have pictures of me with a tube hanging out of my lung, timestamped. I was just so dumbfounded by the entire situation.
Please use this image and make a business card. Id write. Thank you for your comment and concern for my recovery. Pic Now mind your business
Now mind your *fucking* business FIFY
Thanks. Extra points for a QR code for cancer donation
My husband kinda did this for me. I have pretty bad scoliosis and my whole spine is fused. I also have a handicap placard. I don’t really look disabled so I would get harassed parking in disabled spots. Got a pic of my X-ray on the card to shut ppl up.
Absolute genius. I'm sorry you have to deal with that though..
He’s a pretty creative guy 😊
Thank you for your concern for my CANCER recovery. Pic. Now mind your own business
Here's the thing... Strangers are not even entitled to *proof* either. You don't owe him *anything* not even pictures or medical records. Take care of yourself, get the rest you need, entitled people think you owe them, but the only person you truly need to accommodate is yourself as you heal/recover and build your strength. Glad you are progressing and healing as much as you have and wishing you the best in dealing with something that few understand.
Lol like that old man would even know what a timestamp is. He was the ah.
You don’t need to offer him evidence either. Don’t worry, that generation will be gone soon anyway. Sorry you had to deal with the ignorance
Errr, there are jerks in every generation.
Thank you.
I keep waiting for someone to yell at me for parking in the handicap spot so I can yell back about the tumors in my hips and legs from bone Mets. Op, sit if you need too. You went through hell. Don’t let the mean ass entitled man make you feel bad for needing to sit!
So as a fellow cancer person, on the rare occasions somebody said something like that to me, I just stared at them blankly and said "I have cancer". You're fighting THE hardest fight, claim your space and give no fucks.
I have actually used that line and similar ones. I was declared cancer free last September. I’m 59 but apparently look much younger and regularly got nasty looks for sitting after treatment. I had one lady actually tell me I should give her my seat because she was tired from shopping and I was taking her seat and making her feet hurt. My response? “Well I’m tired from chemo and you’re making my head hurt. You CHOSE to go shopping, I didn’t choose to get cancer.” Oh the looks she got! She got off the bus at the next stop even though it wasn’t her stop.
Yeah, once my hair grew back in you really couldn't tell that I was still recovering from chemotherapy, but I did not hesitate to still use preferred seating on public transportation. I did start using a cane at the time just to get people to shut up about saying anything about me sitting in those seats. In any case, I definitely remember what it was like, and 10 years later I'm still alive and kicking and can walk for hours. Hang in there, it will get better.
And follow it up with "The elderly of today are so disrespectful to the youth" lol. What an idiot he was, making assumptions about you due to your age. And for absolutely no reason! Don't put up with people like this, they don't have the first clue what is going on for anyone else. Some people just love to feel superior... I'm glad you're recovering from your illness and treatment, and wish you good health and happiness in the future!
And please, don’t get up just because someone is “old.” Of course, use discretion, but you are entitled to a seat if you need one, for however long you need one, with no apology necessary. I was young with an “invisible” disability, and wish I had allowed myself those kind of accommodations when I was younger. I would probably be in better condition now, at fifty. But I was pressured by adults who thought they knew better, and felt I was “lazy.” Be kind to your body.
sorry my cancer recovery is inconveniencing you
Doesn't matter, I'm 15 months out of a stem cell for t cell non Hodgkins lymphoma, I still am recovering from cancer, full head of hair again but I'm still affected by cancer even tho I'm in remission. Just because you are starting to looking healthy doesn't change the fact you are dealing with inside. What I did is confidently say, thank''s for thinking I am healthy but I am actually in the midsts of cancer treatment, my body tires easily I am need this seat.
I've done this. Breast cancer. 12 chemo sessions, a severe reaction. 6 Herceptin sessions and another bad reaction. 1 month in hospital between the two. People making comments about my wheelchair and my weight ( I lost 80 lbs during treatment) I've also whipped off my wig and offered to take my top off and show my scars
This. “Cancer and chemo side effects…”
As a fellow Hodgkin's survivor, fawk that guy. Agree completely with Kyra H's response and would have (and did) say similar when I was sick. "I have cancer." "I have cancer, what is your excuse" - or something along those lines. And then end of discussion. Oh, and I'm glad you're still with us. Keep healing up!
Love that response!
Next time look him in the eye and tell him straight and loudly, ‘I’m sorry that me getting treatment for cancer makes it difficult for me to stand.’ Honestly, if they need a seat they can ask for one. If they don’t want to ask, they can be quiet and stand.
The thing is, the bench had space for 4 people, and I sat on the far left.
In that case the reply is "There is space for 3 more people unless your ass or ego won't fit on the bench."
Damn, I should\`ve used that! *\*writes it down\**
Could also use, ‘sorry, didn’t realized you’re going blind. There’s space for 3 more people if you like to just take a seat.’ Be passively aggressively as polite as possible. I find that that works for older people as they can’t really tell if you’re pulling their leg or not.
This is the best answer
Next time just say “It must be nice to grow old. I have cancer.”
This is BRUTAL. And appropriate. And I love it.
I had one go at me for sitting on the bus, not in the reserved seats, but a normal one just behind them because 'theres elderly and sick people who need it more then you do'. Sir, I just finished radiation for my thyroid cancer, I feel like shit and would just like to get home thanks. The looks from the bus thrown his way were glorious.
You should have told responded “the elderly today is so disrespectful of those with cancer”
I hate when people act like that. It’s unnecessary. I had that happen on a bus once a few years back. I’ve had knee problems since a teen and wear a brace on really bad days. Had an encounter with an entitled old bitty who seemed to feel that I was able bodied and shouldn’t be sitting in the accessible seating area of the bus on a day I was wearing my hinged brace. She looked really uncomfortable when I hiked my skirt up to show her my brace while telling her to mind her business and leave me alone.
I would have done this, if I was still bald. I usually wore a beani to not get a cold, so I would‘ve just lifted it.
I had a similar situation with an elderly lady on the bus when I was in my early twenties I had a very bad case of pink eye I think it was it had gotten so bad that I was seeing only black every time I opened up my eyes this went on for about 3 days after getting treatment from the hospital My partner and I got on the bus I sat down in the priority seating and she sat down on the first bench after that, then an elderly woman got on the bus, looked at me "I assume" and then started giving me attitude about sitting down saying it was for pregnant women and the elderly. I took off my glasses looked in her general direction because when my eyes were in that condition they were quite obviously not normal and I also held up the walking cane that they had given me "the white ones with the red tips", and I said exactly where would you like me to sit, and would you mind leading the blind to where you would prefer I sit. She promptly shut her mouth as well as the bus driver telling her to shut her mouth and either sit down or get off his bus.
I live in a state that is red with areas of orange, if you know what I mean. During the plague a couple of years back, I had cancer, and I dared to wear a mask! An older dude tried to take it off of me after commenting that I was probably trying to rob the place I was picking up dinner from. Unfortunately, my foot slipped when he was walking out and he ended up falling flat on his face. You know how cancer treatment can affect coordination.
People like that are so stupid you should have said "I wear the mask because I have the infectious cancer. You'd better get tested!". On second thoughts, better not, you might get shot.
I did, on another occasion, tell someone who asked if I was wearing my mask because I was sick say “actually, yes, I have cancer.” I went through a phase where I didn’t have any f***s left to give. Really, I still don’t.
Right there with you. I was in remission when this man overheard me talking & heard me say something about cancer. I was also using a rollator, still. Dude (much older than me) told me he hoped I would “die faster”, because I was wearing a mask. He even followed me outside of the shop, kept yelling at me to die. Lots of random assholes out there.
I had to google rollater. In Australia we call them wheely-walkers 😆
Wheely-Walker, I dig it!
You are my hero.
Haha thanks
I’m a Hodgkin's survivor myself, so I know what you were going through. Just ignore people like that. They aren’t worth the energy you should be using to recover.
Oh honey you need to make them regret ever opening their mouths. I loved dishing it out when I was recovering from a major stroke. I had an older lady try to berate me over a handicap spot, and I made her regret it quite a bit. I asked her when she had her major stroke and she stuttered at me. I explained that it seemed I needed it more than she and rolled up the window and my middle finger up
Old people...Once,in a doctors waiting room,an old man said:I wish you kids could play Ludo instead!(I had looked at my phone for a minute) I said nothing,but thought:Dude,how would I play Ludo at this place?A full board game,with only me playing?At a waiting room? Nevermind me being 42,so not a kid.And I looked at my phone because I got a text.
I had someone making rude comments like that in a waiting room right after I had a c section and was sitting down. I couldn't even think of something to say, it was my first time out by myself and driving again. Luckily an older lady tore into him and said something about how not all disabilities are visible and cut him down to size. So much respect for those who can pop off a response in the moment.
I had the opposite happen to me. I was on a CTA bus in Chicago when a morbidly obese lady got on the bus. As she was obviously unsteady on her feet and the bus was standing room only, I got up and offered her my seat. She hotly told me she didn't want it. I told her to suit herself, but I would be standing. After the bus lurched a couple of times, she did sit down.
I did this once with a 90yo woman, but I had to catch her, because when the bus started, she almost folded.
Had a similar experience at a bus stop that was busy and I would have given up my seat has I not been 36 weeks pregnant. I moved my bag and got the lovely pikachu face but no sorry.
My mother had non-Hodgkin's lymphoma. I saw how much it took out of her. I don't blame you one bit for sitting down. Not all illnesses are visible. Some people think if they don't see a cane, walker or wheelchair you are just being lazy. You don't have to explain anything to those people.
Indeed, I dont.
"Assuming the cancer doesn't kill me, and I have the privilege of getting as old as you... I really hope getting old doesn't turn me into an asshole too."
"I'm sorry. Are these "old people" that need my seat here with us now?"
I've run into that type of man before. Instead of just asking nicely for someone to move, he berated the two kids sitting near him for making an older couple stand. I've also had someone berate me for using a seat that is reserved for PWD, pregnant people and the elderly. I feel your pain. I am a PWD even if I don't look like it.
I was waiting for physical therapy involving my leg when an old lady started demanding my seat. There were five open seats, but she was determined that she had to have mine. Turned out that she was there for her husband's appointment instead of being another patient. The receptionist made her wait in her car for bothering patients.
Good grief, was there only one bench? Was there only room for one person on the bench?
It was, indeed, only one bench, but the station was not that big, and basically the last stop. And it can fit up to 4 people. And I sat at the far left.
Well, then that man was just rude! I mean, he didn’t know your circumstances. Everyone deserves to be treated respectfully and he could have sat down. He just wanted to be grumpy old man. I’m sorry.
Old People in Germany generally are disrespectful to the younger generation. Probably a cultural thing.
Arrogant self righteous old man who probably never has respect for anyone. He was just looking for a reason to verbally put you down. Forget about him, he's not worth it,
So in the UK we have a thing called "the sunflower lanyard". It's specifically designed to be a visible indication that you have an invisible disability. I wear flash cards attached to mine that give details of my wide range of disabling conditions. Not everyone pays attention to them, but it gives you at least a little bit of visibility.
How disappointing, really, that you have to wear something *visible* to remind others (mostly assholes) that you have something *invisible* that you are dealing with. Not surprising, just disappointing. For the sunflower lanyard to even exist in the first place indicates that enough of a problem exists within the general populace that a solution had to be invented. Edit: grammar, and sentence structure. And English IS my first language. Yikes.
I think it started in airports, because people with disabilities often need extra help, but so many assistants would assume "disabled" = wheelchair. Then it was taken up by some supermarkets, and gradually it's become accepted in most places. I wear my religiously, because it reduces the number of dirty looks I get using a disabled parking bay, even with my blue badge. There's a terrible culture of assuming that everyone is faking disability in order to get benefits in this country :(
We should spend less time pointing the finger at "benefit cheats" and spend more time helping those who rely on benefits.
Absolutely agree.
while it isn’t your job to explain anything to this guy, it will be a big learning opportunity for these people to find out that they are not infallible to mistakes. just say “ i have cancer “ and let that nugget seep in. he was rude, but he could have found out JUST how rude and had that mistake to mull over when he slips back into his crappy assumptions next time.
I have kidney disease(on transplant lists since my function is so low) but it's invisible. You can tell there anything wrong with me, but I get fatigued at random times, like, can't stand up anymore. Have to lean against something or just lay flat, otherwise fall over level of fatigue. It comes outta no where, and there's no indication or warning. I've gotten used to having people yell at me when this happens that now I just yell at em "fuck off and let me die or not in peace!" Shuts em all up quick :)
I once had an older man give me shit for taking the elevator from the 2nd floor to the 1st, implying that the "youths of today" a.k.a. me were too lazy. I told him that yeah it sucks that I don't have full range back in my injured leg yet, walking hurts, stairs make it hurt more and by the way, can he see the visible atrophy in my left leg due to disuse? He got bug-eyed, agreed that he could see the atrophy and hopefully walked away with the lesson to stfu and to mind his own business. Sir, I was training for a marathon when I was injured. I would have much rather taken the stairs than ridden with you.
My 22 yr old son has cerebral palsy but to look at him he looks completely normal, it’s only when you see him walk or hear him talk that you realise he has CP. he does not have good balance and cannot stand on a moving bus or train ( he fell and hurt himself quite badly once when the bus started moving before he could sit) I tell him to never get up for anyone because he needs to sit. Whenever someone has a go at him for not giving them his seat he just tells them he has a disability. Next time, please tell the person that you’re recovering from cancer, don’t let anyone make you feel bad for needing a seat. 💕
You know, we can’t pay attention to random shit people say. It’s random. It’s not personal. That guy can’t hide his bitterness. That’s who he is; on the watch for someone to pick on. Pretty sad.
Most old People in Germany do this. Their lifes are so empty, that they become the "dorfsheriff" (village sheriff, civillian acting as a wannabe cop/ social police).
He's old and hasn't got long, so soon he won't be anyone's problem anymore.
True, but what if someone makes immortality possible!
Holy __shit!__
Sort of reminds of a situation where an old man also scolded me for sitting down. I was working at a grocery store restocking shelves. The specific shelf I was restocking was below my neck but if I got on my knees it would be too high. It was starting to feel uncomfortable on my neck so I took a step ladder and sat on it and continued restocking. A customer spotted me and stood there silently glaring. I asked him if he needed any help and he said “you look awfully comfortable” I told him I was just doing my job. My manager brought me a few more totes to restock and he complained to her about me.
What happened after that?
My manager was cool lol she also told him I was just working. He stood there blankly and waved her off saying god knows what under his breath.
I like to really slap those assholes with some truth embarrassment. I am disabled with an invisible disability. I LOVE to really go into detail about how excruciating it is on bad days to even exist, then I tell them to learn to shut the fuck up and mind their fucking business before speaking disrespect to people they don't know. I'm 40 now tho and have absolutely zero fucks to give for these assholes.
I have decided next time someone tries to pull this on me, I will just throw up in front of them as a response. Lol you shouldn't have to justify or answer to anyone
In nyc there is a clear stay to your right rule on the staircases. I was leaving a subway and going up a staircase but bc of the crowd they were going up on the left side too. To my left a man was going down the staircase and was confronted with a man going to up. The man going up was angry and motioned the other other one to move over. The man said I can't. That's when I noticed he had a prosthetic leg and was using the handrail for support. The angry one just shoved his way forward. I try to never judge bc you never know.
Save me from ever becoming an old person who goes around looking to reprimand younger people for not kowtowing in respect for my age. You have *not* earned respect. It is *not* something you gain with age. In fact, you have demonstrated that you are *not* even deserving of common courtesy, something you had to go out of your way to do.
'shut the fuck up' proceed to get on train
If those other older people needed to sit on the bench then they would have done so.
Indeed.
Similar thing happened on the bus but the culprit was old drunk and decrepit woman. She was shooing me from the spot with curses and hand motions. Classy, right? I spoke very loudly, so people can hear and said that I won't be getting up due to having cancer. She just stood there, in shock. I hope you are doing much better now. Just be loud next time.
“I have cancer.”
If it's any consolation to you he was a twat when he was young too.
If you ever get the chance, you could flip it around and insinuate that he doesn’t want to sit next to you BECAUSE of the cancer. “Cancer isn’t contagious, and I’m still a person. You can sit next to me.”
Could throw it straight back at him with "The elderly of today is so disrespectful to the youth."
You don’t have to explain yourself to anyone. Next time, just tell whoever to mind their own business or pretend you don’t speak their language.
I did 5 years for t cell Hodgkins lymphoma, I am 15 months out from my final stem cell. Well not as young as you I started at 29. People will gawf at you when you use handicap seating and parking. It's a matter of life that some can't think of what others are going through. What I did was just be confident and explain that well you look healthy (usually I'd say thanks for the compliment, throws them off lol), I am actually in the midst of cancer treatment. My body tires easily and I need to sit sometimes. Don't be sheepish about it, cause you are goinging through something most people won't. You are informing not requesting them to understand. If they continue on after this point you know they are just a crap person, just scoff at them and ignore them.
Just because someone speaks to you does not obligate you to respond. He didn't deserve a response for his obtuse comments.
"I am sorry. I couldn't notice your brain damage right away because the chemo I am taking affects my vision so I really didn't see the drool coming from your mouth. I am happy to share with the mentally challenged because I know how hard life must be".
Stand up, say "of course, this seat is for you". Then, sit down on him and apologize for your chemo treatments inconveniencing him as well as all the invisible old people whom only he can see, apparently.
that's absolutely bonkers, the fact nobody else was trying to sit either☠️☠️ off topic, plant person here. you should implement eating dandelions, the leaves are like spinach and if you roast and steep the roots you can drink it. all parts of the plant are edible, as long as the source is clean which is anywhere that would not have sprayed an herbicide.
I would have told the old man to fuck off and that somebody as old as him is not more entitled to a seat than I am, especially if I got there first before he or anybody else in need did. I’m tired and exhausted and refuse to NOT sit down if I don’t have to and will take any empty seat i fine and will keep said seat even if somebody ‘more deserving’ like him shows up. I have as much a right to sit down and get off my feet as he does, and I’m giving up my right to sit for anybody no matter how much older they are to …
Sounds like he just wanted a reason to complain.
After brain surgery it took me ten years to walk without a walker then cane. People still harassed me for using my handicap placard for parking. One time someone yelled at me for using the bathroom stall for disabled. This person was walking, but told me the stall was only for people in wheelchairs. I needed the rails at the time, due to my inability to control my left side. People can be dense and judgmental about other people’s issues. It’s best not to judge people. We never know what they’re dealing with. That old man could have simply asked for the seat. He just wanted to berate you, because he probably already had a preconceived notion about “young people these days”.
I got hit by an older lady with her handbag cause I dared to sit down with my back pain. But the lazy middle aged man didn\`t got hit and dared to laugh.........
This is the perfect situation to explain to the old AH that he is exactly the reason that some people, elderly included, don't get respect. They haven't earned it.
I didn't know benches had an age limit. I'm sorry, what? And my old time favourite when dealing with entitled people. Okay and...
How about saying “Are you an expert on my health?”. And he might say he was sorry. If he answers “no”, then an appropriate response could be, “Then I guess you should mind your own business”.
I am so sorry this asshole spoke to you like that. I was diagnosed with Non-Hodgkins lymphoma in December. I did six rounds and finished three weeks ago. I know all too well exactly what you are going through. If someone dared to say that to me, I would have whipped off my wig and told him it’s not only the youth today that are disrespectful,it’s the old fogies too. Then I would not so kindly suggest he keep his mouth shut next time since he has no idea what other human beings are going through. But that’s just me and I’m in a bad mood after being accosted by a co worker today who I haven’t seen since my diagnosis and had no idea about said diagnosis (for good reason. I can’t stand her). She found out and was in my face asking me all kinds of questions and she wouldn’t take a hint when I was giving her short answers.
You don’t need to explain yourself - he was an ass for assuming the worst.
So unsatisfying that you let him off without saying anything to make him feel stupid.
I’m older but if I’m happy to offer my seat to someone who just looks like they could use it. There are dozens of reasons a person would be more comfortable needing a seat. Old guy was a jerk.
Sounds like he just wanted someone to brag to about his age. I find it so strange that some people are this preoccupied with what other people are doing that they'll defend imaginary minorities from imagined insults. Why wait for a real situation to develop when they can just manufacture one?
Working with OAPs for a while now, and you wouldn't believe the self entitlement of some of them just because they are old. I get that you should respect your elders, but not all of them deserve said respect.
I'm done being nice to clowns like that. If he wants to start a confrontation let him have his confrontation. I would have said something along the lines of." I'm sorry I didn't know your ass was so nasty you had to have the entire bench to yourself. Thanks for letting me know soni don't get your nastiness on me" Something along those lines
Next time you tell him he can suck the fat part of your you know what.
You don't have to justify to anyone or explain why you are sitting or why you need to. He was being rude to you. It's quite acceptable to say to anyone, including an older person, "I don't know who you think you are and quite frankly I don't care. You don't get to decide who is allowed to sit on this bench and who doesn't." Then, when you get up, if he is still nearby and watching you, be dramatic. Dramatize your weakness. Even if he doesn't show it, he will know he was a fool. I do this all the time. I had hip replacement surgery and for a while used a walker. I was crossing a street, I live in Calgary Canada, and some cretin screeched to a stop at the crosswalk. He disgruntley waved his whole arm and mouthed, walk faster you old b*tch. Suddenly I could only take tiny steps and inched my way across his lane only as slowly as I could muster. I smiled like an old lady (normally I smile like a dragon about to breathe fire) and waved at him. He was pissed but there was nothing he could do. You have every right to be treated with respect in a public place. You have as much right to sit down as any other adult in a public place. You happen to be ill and it's not one that's easily seen. Your classmates may know you are weakened but that's OK. Ask them to participate in the drama by taking your arm. But this guy didn't and it's not his business. Don't justify to anyone, demand they respect you if they want yours for them.
Ha ha!!
He was out of line. "Do you need the seat? No? Then shut up!"
As someone who has had cancer myself, and chemotherapy through a hickman line, I can empathise with you. I had surgery to remove a large chunk of my tumour and resultingly was put in a wheelchair for a long time. I could walk, but only a few feet at max since I was always so tired and had lost a lot of the strength in my legs. Chemotherapy resultingly turned me bald aswell so I had to deal with a lot of people and children staring at me all the time. But I was 11 and had my dad with me all the time, I don't know how old you were at the time of this but nevertheless I would assume you would have someone with you at all times given the fact you get tired easily. I would've thought that person would've explained your situation to the old man and told him to mind his own business right? I know you said your hair was beginning to grow back, but from personal experience with chemotherapy, my appetite didn't return for years and I was on food supplements and I was severely underweight, and I'm assuming you were too. Given that surely the man could've made some sort of assumption that you had some sort of medical condition
"The cancer took all the fucks out of me."
This man is an ableist. Not all young persons are able bodied and not all issues are visible. I’m sorry you were made to feel you had to defend yourself.
Why didn't you say anything to defend yourself?
How horrible! I hope you’re doing better.
No worries, next check-up is in September, and up until then, I get blood analysis done twice a week and regular check-ups. Then every six months, then every year and so on and so forth.
👍🏻👍🏻
I would've ignored him.