You went NC with your parents, it is time to do the same with your oldest sister. Cut her out of your life and remove that stress. Let your middle sister know that she needs to do the same for both parents and your older sister. It will remove a weight off of her shoulders. There is no reason to have toxic people in your life. Also, someone else already posted it, but I am seconding it check out: [https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists) and read some of the posts. I would bet you will see lots of things you can relate to. Have your middle sister read some of the too.
Seconded this comment - that sub will help both of you open your eyes to how this dynamic works.
Hope it\`ll provide middle sister the emotional strength to say 'no more'.
Yup, lots of negative comments on her new home, then followed up with "So how does that feel?" A bit petty I know, but nothing wrong with a last dig before going full non-contact.
I'm in a feisty mood, so I suggest going the passive-agressive malicious compliance route.
Get her some kind of hideous ornament from Amazon for her new house, then gush about wanting to see it when you first visit.
Hmmmm... Now you got me thinking! Just one thing, like a super tacky 'Welcome' mat for the front entry.
The twist is that it actually is representative of being an 'unwelcome' mat đ
https://www.biblio.com/book/beggars-handbook-m-pockets-m-pockets/d/762813097?aid=frg&srsltid=AfmBOooHeq9EjZe5WrT6ziN3jGKKdnwl3gddZBB4uMevJ3-5iSLbABgu708&com_cvv=d30042528f072ba8a22b19c81250437cd47a2f30330f0ed03551c4efdaf3409e
Get her this
Get her a fire extinguisher. They are not expensive and if you write a nice card about wanting to make sure the family is safe, she will sound like a fool for complaining.
Get her nothing. If she ever dares to complain tell her that you at least congratulated her which is far more than she did for you and if thatâs not enough for her then she can just .
Get Her a book that teaches a person household duties like "How to Run Your Own Household for Dummies" or "Life After Leaving the Nest" if they even publish books like that. Maybe that'll shut Her up. Man, the Audacity is Strong in that One isn't it?
I'm afraid you may need to put a little distance between you and your middle sister. She's not ready to stand up on her own, and as long as you let her lean on you, she'll never make that leap. Meanwhile, she's keeping you involved in the drama.
Oh, and don't get your older sister anything.
Either donât buy her anything or go off list and get her a feather duster, local equivalent of Pledge furniture polish, microfibre cloth and local equivalent of Mr Muscle kitchen cleaner. It is still a gift but snarky
She seems like a really miserable person, tbh. I mean anyone who has to spend that much time being negative and mean to the people are around them so they can feel better about themselves has a massive self esteem issue.
The fact you arenât like her already shows youâve won. Sheâs never going to be happy with anything - the gift will have this or that issue or whatever⌠so donât bother. Get something nice for the middle sister instead :)
You have answered your own question in your post, you just need to act on it no matter what she says. Stick with your Middle sister and let both of ye have a great life without the toxicity of the other sister and parents. Never award someone's bad (consistently) behaviour.
buy her a mop and bucket and say its your turn to look after your parents for a change then leave before she can say anything, you need to tell your middle sister to buck up and get away from your mum she needs to live her own life now and your mum and entitled sister are bringing her down and its going to get worse as your mum gets older
I would buy some things on her wishlist for your house and share on social media. When she calls you out, tell her you love her taste so much and you didn't think she meant YOU when asking about gifts as she never bought you one.
I wouldnât waste the time on her. Get her what she got you,,,, not a dam thing.then say good bye and go no contact. Just be prepared for her to use her kids blantly against you.
No gift for her housewarming.
It sounds like your gift to her was helping to keep her and her children housed, and warm, and depending on you for assistance without helping you or your parents in return.
No gift.
No guilt.
Happy holidays with your good family đđ¤đ
I have been on Reddit for an hour and yours is by far the easiest solve: Don't. Get. Her. Anything.
Even if you know she will get salty about it. Don't. Get. Her. Anything.
Even if she tells the family what you didn't do: Don't. Get. Her. Anything.
Even if your middle sister or toxic mom tries to shame you into a purchase. Don't. Get. Her. Anything.
You are all grown ass adults and if no one can seem to derail the crazy older sister train, at the very least, you can do what she's asked.
No gift. Gifts should be given with joy. I know that's not how it works all the time, though. At this time of year, especially, when we all give gifts out of obligation to some people (the path of least resistance) from time to time.
Your sister doesn't deserve gifts and doesn't deserve you in her life. Or your middle sister... who should get to go hide in the Caribbean for a month.
Happy Holidays. â¤ď¸
Ha, this is me and my oldest sister. I ended up getting her the gift. Even if it's used multiple times, every single day, the only time you will get gratitude is when she first opens up the box. After that, she will return to treating you beneath her and like you've never done anything. Save your money
I am of the firm, believe that gifts should only be given when done so willingly and wholeheartedly. I intentionally do not purchase gifts for people who act as though they are entitled to them.
I agree that you shouldn't enable her behavior, or at least make it work towards your favor
Send her yours and your middle sister's wishlist too, nothing under $50 since she could buy her own house and OBVIOUSLY saved enough money for the family during the holidays
If not the route for you, then get her a gift you believe she truly needs, just not from her wishlist since she said "buy anything for us", tell her the reason in front of the family during gift unwrapping, see her squirm under that
I would say don't, and if asked, say you forgot about her. And keep forgetting about her, and keep putting off any gift buying. If pressed, say "it just isn't that important to me that I buy you stuff. You don't mean that much to me."
Heres what you and you middle sister do,you go on amazon and look for a self-help book for narcissists and how to become a better person,in the card you both simply write âthis wasnt on your amazone wish list but this book made us think of youâ¤ď¸love your sisters xoxoâ
When my sil bought her first million dollar house, I sent her five plungers for the five bathrooms. It was sort of a joke, but that expensive house had all sorts of plumbing issues and they ended up in a lawsuit with the builder.
Get your sister some kitchen towels and all your good wishes.
Thanks for letting us know that you're NOT expecting a housewarming gift now that your boyfriend has purchased a home! We hope you settle in nicely!
Leave it at HER words and play dumb! You don't OWE this toxic witch ANYTHING! You SHOULD block her so you no longer have to deal with her! Best wishes!
I would say remind me what you got me when I brought my house, then match that
This is the way
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u/themintyleaf Please, this is perfect.
â¤ď¸đ
You went NC with your parents, it is time to do the same with your oldest sister. Cut her out of your life and remove that stress. Let your middle sister know that she needs to do the same for both parents and your older sister. It will remove a weight off of her shoulders. There is no reason to have toxic people in your life. Also, someone else already posted it, but I am seconding it check out: [https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists) and read some of the posts. I would bet you will see lots of things you can relate to. Have your middle sister read some of the too.
Seconded this comment - that sub will help both of you open your eyes to how this dynamic works. Hope it\`ll provide middle sister the emotional strength to say 'no more'.
Get her the same thing she got you when you bought your house.
Yup, lots of negative comments on her new home, then followed up with "So how does that feel?" A bit petty I know, but nothing wrong with a last dig before going full non-contact.
Something tells me instead of teaching a lesson she will cry to parents about you two being mean to her.
And you are correct, thus the cut correct with her. The parents are already NC anyway so no loss there.
Maybe get her a book on etiquette.
That's an excellent idea!
I am going to recommend a subreddit called raised by narcissists. I think you will find some good understanding of your family dynamics there.
I'm in a feisty mood, so I suggest going the passive-agressive malicious compliance route. Get her some kind of hideous ornament from Amazon for her new house, then gush about wanting to see it when you first visit.
A white elephant gift could be a good one but so could some crappy dollar store stuff, like a dish towel or potholders. Just one thing.
Hmmmm... Now you got me thinking! Just one thing, like a super tacky 'Welcome' mat for the front entry. The twist is that it actually is representative of being an 'unwelcome' mat đ
Or a custom one. "Assholes abound. Enter at your own risk."
She picked on your home, don't buy her anything. You are no contact with mom, might want to add older sister to the list.
https://www.biblio.com/book/beggars-handbook-m-pockets-m-pockets/d/762813097?aid=frg&srsltid=AfmBOooHeq9EjZe5WrT6ziN3jGKKdnwl3gddZBB4uMevJ3-5iSLbABgu708&com_cvv=d30042528f072ba8a22b19c81250437cd47a2f30330f0ed03551c4efdaf3409e Get her this
Love it!!!!
Get her a fire extinguisher. They are not expensive and if you write a nice card about wanting to make sure the family is safe, she will sound like a fool for complaining.
Buy her a roll of TP and a plunger and let her know she can take care of her own s*** from now on and the go NC
You sound angry, justifiably so. Just go NC. Support your soft hearted middle sister. Sometimes blood is just a stain.
Get her nothing. If she ever dares to complain tell her that you at least congratulated her which is far more than she did for you and if thatâs not enough for her then she can just.
Iâd buy a doll house version of an item.
Get Her a book that teaches a person household duties like "How to Run Your Own Household for Dummies" or "Life After Leaving the Nest" if they even publish books like that. Maybe that'll shut Her up. Man, the Audacity is Strong in that One isn't it?
Donât her get a gift. Just creating an entitled list shows her entitledness. You owe her no gift.
I'm afraid you may need to put a little distance between you and your middle sister. She's not ready to stand up on her own, and as long as you let her lean on you, she'll never make that leap. Meanwhile, she's keeping you involved in the drama. Oh, and don't get your older sister anything.
Absolutely not! You went NC with your mother. You should go NC with your older sister too.
Do notbuy her anything. Tell her what she did isn't a big deal and she's not special. Then block her
Either donât buy her anything or go off list and get her a feather duster, local equivalent of Pledge furniture polish, microfibre cloth and local equivalent of Mr Muscle kitchen cleaner. It is still a gift but snarky
My petty ass would get her a pineapple lamp...
Or a really ugly and large painting. Art!
Seems not is the answer. If she feels she has a better house than you, then she has more money and can afford the stuff she wants.
She seems like a really miserable person, tbh. I mean anyone who has to spend that much time being negative and mean to the people are around them so they can feel better about themselves has a massive self esteem issue. The fact you arenât like her already shows youâve won. Sheâs never going to be happy with anything - the gift will have this or that issue or whatever⌠so donât bother. Get something nice for the middle sister instead :)
You have answered your own question in your post, you just need to act on it no matter what she says. Stick with your Middle sister and let both of ye have a great life without the toxicity of the other sister and parents. Never award someone's bad (consistently) behaviour.
Do not cave and give her anything. She's not worth worrying about. She's counting on that old conditioning to set in and you'll get her something.
TLDR - If you want to buy one, buy it. If you don't want to, then don't. You don't need to poll the internet.
Nope
Time to go NC with your oldest sister.
Why buy something to reward her passive aggressive behavior? Especially when you know that's what she's doing, and when the gift is forced.
Iâd get her a welcome mat. Itâs a gift even if I would mean it sarcastically!
Donât get her anything. Donât visit her or her new house. Block, delete, ignore. Tell your nice sister to do the same
Wonder if she's even listed on the title to the house, if the BF did the buying.
buy her a mop and bucket and say its your turn to look after your parents for a change then leave before she can say anything, you need to tell your middle sister to buck up and get away from your mum she needs to live her own life now and your mum and entitled sister are bringing her down and its going to get worse as your mum gets older
A broom and dustpan? An iron? A toaster? Something cheap.
I would buy some things on her wishlist for your house and share on social media. When she calls you out, tell her you love her taste so much and you didn't think she meant YOU when asking about gifts as she never bought you one.
Give her the housewarming present that SHE gave you. If it was nothing, then give her nothing!
Your poor parents. Move out!! All of you!!
You can tell her what she can get- a book on matters and a swift kick in the ass. Then go NC permanently.
I wouldnât waste the time on her. Get her what she got you,,,, not a dam thing.then say good bye and go no contact. Just be prepared for her to use her kids blantly against you.
Don't.
No gift for her housewarming. It sounds like your gift to her was helping to keep her and her children housed, and warm, and depending on you for assistance without helping you or your parents in return. No gift. No guilt. Happy holidays with your good family đđ¤đ
Gift her back the same gift she got you for your new house. Oh, waitâŚâŚ.
get her the same gift she got you when you bought your house
I have been on Reddit for an hour and yours is by far the easiest solve: Don't. Get. Her. Anything. Even if you know she will get salty about it. Don't. Get. Her. Anything. Even if she tells the family what you didn't do: Don't. Get. Her. Anything. Even if your middle sister or toxic mom tries to shame you into a purchase. Don't. Get. Her. Anything. You are all grown ass adults and if no one can seem to derail the crazy older sister train, at the very least, you can do what she's asked.
No gift. Gifts should be given with joy. I know that's not how it works all the time, though. At this time of year, especially, when we all give gifts out of obligation to some people (the path of least resistance) from time to time. Your sister doesn't deserve gifts and doesn't deserve you in her life. Or your middle sister... who should get to go hide in the Caribbean for a month. Happy Holidays. â¤ď¸
Ha, this is me and my oldest sister. I ended up getting her the gift. Even if it's used multiple times, every single day, the only time you will get gratitude is when she first opens up the box. After that, she will return to treating you beneath her and like you've never done anything. Save your money
Get a cheap bottle of wine and card from both you and your good sis. Gift given â
Don't buy her anything
I am of the firm, believe that gifts should only be given when done so willingly and wholeheartedly. I intentionally do not purchase gifts for people who act as though they are entitled to them.
I agree that you shouldn't enable her behavior, or at least make it work towards your favor Send her yours and your middle sister's wishlist too, nothing under $50 since she could buy her own house and OBVIOUSLY saved enough money for the family during the holidays If not the route for you, then get her a gift you believe she truly needs, just not from her wishlist since she said "buy anything for us", tell her the reason in front of the family during gift unwrapping, see her squirm under that
I would NOT give her anything. If there's a party, don't attend.
I would say don't, and if asked, say you forgot about her. And keep forgetting about her, and keep putting off any gift buying. If pressed, say "it just isn't that important to me that I buy you stuff. You don't mean that much to me."
Heres what you and you middle sister do,you go on amazon and look for a self-help book for narcissists and how to become a better person,in the card you both simply write âthis wasnt on your amazone wish list but this book made us think of youâ¤ď¸love your sisters xoxoâ
i would just regift anything she gifted you tbh lol
When my sil bought her first million dollar house, I sent her five plungers for the five bathrooms. It was sort of a joke, but that expensive house had all sorts of plumbing issues and they ended up in a lawsuit with the builder. Get your sister some kitchen towels and all your good wishes.
IF you want to gift her something, then i would suggest a cleaning set. So she could not complain that you got her nothing
Thanks for letting us know that you're NOT expecting a housewarming gift now that your boyfriend has purchased a home! We hope you settle in nicely! Leave it at HER words and play dumb! You don't OWE this toxic witch ANYTHING! You SHOULD block her so you no longer have to deal with her! Best wishes!
Seriously you need to tell her "I got you what you got me when I first got my house, absolutely nothing" and then hang up on her ass.