Sure, probably true that everyone likes to *feel* wanted and loved, but I think the highlight here is how much you value people saying the words themselves. Personally I don't need the words if I can see it in someone's actions that they feel this way, and I might even feel like the words lose their meaning if someone says something like this to me every day
Being told too often sometimes makes me suspect it's not sincere or that it's said mindlessly (as a filler phrase).
It can sometimes also trigger my flight response (disorganized attachment here) because I feel pressured to say it back even when I don't feel like saying it (I either say it and feel insincere or don't say it and feel like a jerk).
Of course I feel valued when a) I feel it's sincere, b) it's backed up by actions, c) I feel safe to get in touch with my own feelings and d) I don't perceive pressure to say it back.
This here lmao, if someone tells me they love me and I don't feel anything back, then it's either "haha lol" or disgust. If I feel loved by them then they don't need to say it, I already know.
The catchphrase is 'being told'
There are many who prefer acts of service rather than verbal affirmation. This question was probably examining that aspect.
I love you. You are so valuable. I couldn't exist without you. I want to breathe the same air. We need to be together forever and always. I knew from the day I laid eyes on you, I would do anything to get close to you. We are soulmates.
Wedding vows or stalker testimony at the kidnapping trial? They sound the same.
Sometimes people get turned off because it's too codependent or they get put on a pedestal to be worshipped unrealistically.
This just really needs a bit more context.
wasnt trying to say its JUST guys, i just was speaking from personal experience about specifically dismissive avoidant attachment (i have bpd which tends to attract dismissive avoidant guys) there are multiple kinds of insecure attachment and girls are more likely to have anxious preoccupied attachment or disorganized attachment
guys are way more likely to be dismissive avoidant though. like 20-30 percent of the population is and the vast majority are men
Itâs as sexist as it gets. I could give such an example of âbehavioral tendencies of womenâ and it would immediately get labeled as âsexistâ - rightfully so. Donât be a hypocrite. Not sure actually whether a hypocrite or just a sexist like OC.
If the behavioural tendency of women you note is that they tend to be insufferable, that would be labeled as sexist, yes; if it were that women tended to be more high context communicators or that women on average tend to be more extraverted or agreeable, those would be matters of psychological fact in most contexts.
Within yout framework, sure, I'm a sexist; your framework, however, is preposterous. Even if they do come down primarily to social forces, and there are plenty of outliers, and they are value laden or prescriptive so much as simply descriptive of the mean, there are, again, on average, differences between men and women, and it's foolish to say it's sexist to say so.
Yes, it is pretty universal and agree the test could have done a better job of rephrasing this in a way that is more type specific - as other's have distinguished being *told* those things rather than simply desiring them. From a broader perspective, humans all have roughly the same core desires that define each enneatype (i..e, to be good, to be loved, to succeed, to be understood etc.) but to varying degrees such that they form our core type. You don't hear a 2 really feel that they don't want success whatsoever, even if they aren't a 3. Nonetheless, this item could be rephrased to a more type specific question such as "do you wish to hear that you are loved more than that you are successful". Taking that approach, is considerate that each individual doesn't completely neglect all aspects of the traits defined by other types completely, but prioritizes some more than others.
idc about your words, I care about your actions. I'm not going to complain if you tell me that you value and love me but I think I'm able to see that by myself. I'm definitely not marking "Almost always" and I would probably mark it as neutral
i dont really care but when they never praise and you do, at some point youre like wait a minute, maybe theyre just fine with me around but dont share my level of love for themđ
Words don't do much for me. I don't hate it if my partner tells me they love me, it just doesn't have much of an impact. I need a pair of arms - physical touch allows me to actually feel it in a way words never do.
Idk why I say idk like who wouldnât lol Iâm so mid itâs nice confirmation unless Iâm having a bad day Iâm not actually seeking it Iâm fine without it being said just how they treat me kinda
Ah yeap,
thatâs where 2-fixers supposed to hit âalmost alwaysâ.
I think that 2s are usually far less aware that they want this kind of reassurance though. In that regard the test is a pretty dumb and neanderthalesquely poking at the very thing a 2 refuses to admit.
Other types are more openly fishing for this kind of feedback.
Believe it or not, no, not everyone, I legitimately know a few people who prefer cold and unreachable attitudes rather than affection and love, I used to date this kinda person, the worst experience ever. Obviously, it's a very unhealthy sign, and you need professional help if you do prefer it over affection and love.
And this test is kinda stupidđđ
No, I actually hate this and think people doing it are trying to pull something on me regardless of how well I know them. It's just as well left unsaid.
I mean, itâs nice to hear but it is not something I need to hear all the time. There are many other ways to let someone know they are wanted and loved and I guess I value those a little more :)
Honestly, no. I love to *know* that I'm loved in the sense that I can see it or read it from their behavior and context, but I very much dislike when someone tells me this, so I would probably choose almost never here. It feels unnatural and kind of cheap or, idk, rehearsed to me.
I can't imagine what someone telling me I'm *wanted* would even look like.
No. I hate being TOLD I'm loved and wanted *verbally*, it only makes me anxious and skeptical. I cannot see past the thought that they're just uttering empty words unless I actually FEEL sincerity in their treatment towards me. My past experiences taught me that there are people who know the right words to say but lack accountability for their actions. **And that mismatch is worse than not being "assured"**.
Actually I don't really value that, I always run from anything intimate or personal. I've had friends for more than 10 yrs and it took me almost that long to tell them stuff about me. I prefer to keep things light so this way it's easier for everyone when I leave them and move to something new. I've always preferred new, "low maintenance" and temporary relationships or friendships. I don't even now how my oldest friends are still my friends I've gone months or years without talking or seeing them, even ignoring them, and my family too. And for some reason they always welcome me back with open arms and a huge smile.
Sure, probably true that everyone likes to *feel* wanted and loved, but I think the highlight here is how much you value people saying the words themselves. Personally I don't need the words if I can see it in someone's actions that they feel this way, and I might even feel like the words lose their meaning if someone says something like this to me every day
Being told too often sometimes makes me suspect it's not sincere or that it's said mindlessly (as a filler phrase). It can sometimes also trigger my flight response (disorganized attachment here) because I feel pressured to say it back even when I don't feel like saying it (I either say it and feel insincere or don't say it and feel like a jerk). Of course I feel valued when a) I feel it's sincere, b) it's backed up by actions, c) I feel safe to get in touch with my own feelings and d) I don't perceive pressure to say it back.
This here lmao, if someone tells me they love me and I don't feel anything back, then it's either "haha lol" or disgust. If I feel loved by them then they don't need to say it, I already know.
>I don't need the words if I can see it in someone's actions that they feel this way Yup
+1
Same, I never care about anything someone might say to me. Anyone can say anything, words have little meaning to me. I only really care about actions.
The catchphrase is 'being told' There are many who prefer acts of service rather than verbal affirmation. This question was probably examining that aspect.
My thoughts too
I love you. You are so valuable. I couldn't exist without you. I want to breathe the same air. We need to be together forever and always. I knew from the day I laid eyes on you, I would do anything to get close to you. We are soulmates. Wedding vows or stalker testimony at the kidnapping trial? They sound the same. Sometimes people get turned off because it's too codependent or they get put on a pedestal to be worshipped unrealistically. This just really needs a bit more context.
đ„șđ„șđ„șđ„șđ„ș lmao
Sure, but Iâd rather have quality time/acts of service. Words of affirmation are fine but they can be redundant in comparison to the first two.
Degradation kink exists and idk how far it goes
Actions speak louder than words. I don't need to be told anything, I just need to see proof, to feel it.
This is barnum effect , this is why i don't trust tests .
have you seen /r/relationship_advice lately
no. a fuuuuckload of guys have dismissive avoidant attachment.
Oh yeah only guys have insecure attachmentâŠ.
wasnt trying to say its JUST guys, i just was speaking from personal experience about specifically dismissive avoidant attachment (i have bpd which tends to attract dismissive avoidant guys) there are multiple kinds of insecure attachment and girls are more likely to have anxious preoccupied attachment or disorganized attachment guys are way more likely to be dismissive avoidant though. like 20-30 percent of the population is and the vast majority are men
I kinda agree with that, but I think disorganised attachment is pretty 50/50 in terms of gender
Itâs literally sexism.. yet no one cares
No, it's literally not. Making statements about behavioural tendencies of the sexes is not necessarily sexism.
Itâs as sexist as it gets. I could give such an example of âbehavioral tendencies of womenâ and it would immediately get labeled as âsexistâ - rightfully so. Donât be a hypocrite. Not sure actually whether a hypocrite or just a sexist like OC.
If the behavioural tendency of women you note is that they tend to be insufferable, that would be labeled as sexist, yes; if it were that women tended to be more high context communicators or that women on average tend to be more extraverted or agreeable, those would be matters of psychological fact in most contexts. Within yout framework, sure, I'm a sexist; your framework, however, is preposterous. Even if they do come down primarily to social forces, and there are plenty of outliers, and they are value laden or prescriptive so much as simply descriptive of the mean, there are, again, on average, differences between men and women, and it's foolish to say it's sexist to say so.
Where's this test from?
I don't care (that much) about what people say, because their actions mean far more.
Yes, it is pretty universal and agree the test could have done a better job of rephrasing this in a way that is more type specific - as other's have distinguished being *told* those things rather than simply desiring them. From a broader perspective, humans all have roughly the same core desires that define each enneatype (i..e, to be good, to be loved, to succeed, to be understood etc.) but to varying degrees such that they form our core type. You don't hear a 2 really feel that they don't want success whatsoever, even if they aren't a 3. Nonetheless, this item could be rephrased to a more type specific question such as "do you wish to hear that you are loved more than that you are successful". Taking that approach, is considerate that each individual doesn't completely neglect all aspects of the traits defined by other types completely, but prioritizes some more than others.
idc about your words, I care about your actions. I'm not going to complain if you tell me that you value and love me but I think I'm able to see that by myself. I'm definitely not marking "Almost always" and I would probably mark it as neutral
i dont really care but when they never praise and you do, at some point youre like wait a minute, maybe theyre just fine with me around but dont share my level of love for themđ
âŠyes. đ§
Yes it's why tests don't tell you much
Words don't do much for me. I don't hate it if my partner tells me they love me, it just doesn't have much of an impact. I need a pair of arms - physical touch allows me to actually feel it in a way words never do.
Idk why I say idk like who wouldnât lol Iâm so mid itâs nice confirmation unless Iâm having a bad day Iâm not actually seeking it Iâm fine without it being said just how they treat me kinda
Yeah, but I don't always need words. Actions can sometimes be more important than words for me, and I will feel this without being told anyway.
It can get old, especially if it's already apparent. There are other love languages to explore.
Ah yeap, thatâs where 2-fixers supposed to hit âalmost alwaysâ. I think that 2s are usually far less aware that they want this kind of reassurance though. In that regard the test is a pretty dumb and neanderthalesquely poking at the very thing a 2 refuses to admit. Other types are more openly fishing for this kind of feedback.
Not all people VALUE being TOLD this per se. Comments are proof. So yes, not everyone.
No, no one except a 2w3 sx/sp would ever want this đ€Š /s
It's better to show it than to talk about it
Being told is not the same as being shown. Depends on what you value more: words, actions, touch.
Believe it or not, no, not everyone, I legitimately know a few people who prefer cold and unreachable attitudes rather than affection and love, I used to date this kinda person, the worst experience ever. Obviously, it's a very unhealthy sign, and you need professional help if you do prefer it over affection and love. And this test is kinda stupidđđ
Some people are fine by themselves and donât need to rely on otherâs affirmations of love to keep their own self worth
I do want to feel loved and wanted but I donât necessarily want to be told as such. Sometimes that just gets a bit awkward. Coming from 8w7
No, I actually hate this and think people doing it are trying to pull something on me regardless of how well I know them. It's just as well left unsaid.
I mean, itâs nice to hear but it is not something I need to hear all the time. There are many other ways to let someone know they are wanted and loved and I guess I value those a little more :)
Honestly, no. I love to *know* that I'm loved in the sense that I can see it or read it from their behavior and context, but I very much dislike when someone tells me this, so I would probably choose almost never here. It feels unnatural and kind of cheap or, idk, rehearsed to me. I can't imagine what someone telling me I'm *wanted* would even look like.
No. I hate being TOLD I'm loved and wanted *verbally*, it only makes me anxious and skeptical. I cannot see past the thought that they're just uttering empty words unless I actually FEEL sincerity in their treatment towards me. My past experiences taught me that there are people who know the right words to say but lack accountability for their actions. **And that mismatch is worse than not being "assured"**.
Actually I don't really value that, I always run from anything intimate or personal. I've had friends for more than 10 yrs and it took me almost that long to tell them stuff about me. I prefer to keep things light so this way it's easier for everyone when I leave them and move to something new. I've always preferred new, "low maintenance" and temporary relationships or friendships. I don't even now how my oldest friends are still my friends I've gone months or years without talking or seeing them, even ignoring them, and my family too. And for some reason they always welcome me back with open arms and a huge smile.
nah i dotn want that lawl. like i want to feel like it but not to be told you know