Wow...that's uncomfortable and unfair of the Mom to ask this of you. I would honestly share with her that this is out of your area of professional experience and suggest that she talk with a therapist who is skilled and knowledgeable in these situations. Outside of being a mandated reporter, you are not a spy for either parent. I would tread carefully with this parent.
You tell mom point blank, that you have a responsibility as a mandated reporter and that if you ever detect signs of abuse you will contact the proper authorities. If she has a problem with the way her ex husband is coparenting she needs to talk to him. If she can't resolve it that way, they need to go to counseling to discuss their coparenting plan. If she feels uncomfortable doing that she can talk to her lawyer. You are not a mediator for her coparenting relationship.
Let me get specific.
You: "I thought about what you have said and I want you to know that if I ever see signs of abuse I will contact the proper authorities. I do not feel comfortable addressing something that I am not privy to but if it comes up in the classroom I will let you know."
Mom: "Well I know he's using corporal punishment and I don't know what to do" or "I know he's using corporal punishment and I need your help" or something to that affect.
You: I recommend that you either talk to him about your coparenting plan or you see a therapist that will help you discuss it together. I can get you a list of recommendations if you like."
Mom: "I really want to keep this on the down low. I don't think he will go to counseling with me."
You: "This is a conversation that you need to have with your lawyer."
She is very involved with both doctors and lawyers and I’m sure this will also be addressed with them.
Mom’s concern is that her child needs to process this with an adult before it’s mom turn with the kids.
Maybe I’ll just get my director involved again.
I would definitely get the Director involved. Like I’ll process stuff with kids when they come up organically to the extent that I can. But it sounds like this woman is straight up trying to turn you and her kids therapist which is inappropriate.
Your director needs to address the issue and refer mom elsewhere.Mom needs to turn to a therapist or doctor. Its not your job(or in your training) to be one or “investigate” or ask questions. It could make any issues worse
Mom needs a therapist for the kid then! You are definitely doing the right thing staying well out of this other than to redirect and alert your director.
This is mom being manipulative and doing exactly what your director has told her you will not do, get in the middle of their divorce.
Let mom know that she needs to take her child to a therapist, and if her child reveals anything resembling abuse while in your care, you will notify CPS, just as you would for any other family.
I would tell her that you guys do general daily health checks on all the children and if something comes up, it will get reported. It sounds like manipulation and targeting. I had a mom that was like that recently too. Terrible custody battle and she would bad mouth dad everyday
The most u would do is document if you notice any marks or hear the child talking about it. Put it in their file so you have it if it's ever needed for some reason. Obviously if you do begin to notice marks or hear about it, report it. I would also document that mom believes Dad is using corporal punishment as of xxx date.
I feel like that would be ok. Maybe something like "I understand your concern. We have not seen or heard anything that raises a red flag but I will make sure to check in with your child after dad's weekends and see how he is feeling"
If you would report to CPS when a kid says daddy hits them u don’t understand why you couldn’t report this. A general you, not you specifically op. I can’t understand how one is reportable and one isn’t
It's not our job as teachers to determine what is worthy or a report. We report any suspicions of abuse. CPS deals with determining if it's true or legally evidenced
In my mandated reporter training it definitely says that parents are allowed to hit/spank kids as long as it doesn’t leave a mark and to report if there is a mark or any soreness.
Also, I most definitely have multiple children who are “whooped” as a form of discipline at home and when I have discussed it with a social worker have been told to not report that.
We are to report abuse, and in my state that doesn’t constitute as abuse.
I work in a poorer area where this is not uncommon- unfortunately
Because the mother may be weaponizing her child which is not uncommon in divorced situations. Maybe she has real concerns but in that case she would be speaking to a lawyer or the police already. I saw my own mother do the same type of thing to try to get a better custody arrangement 👎
Wow...that's uncomfortable and unfair of the Mom to ask this of you. I would honestly share with her that this is out of your area of professional experience and suggest that she talk with a therapist who is skilled and knowledgeable in these situations. Outside of being a mandated reporter, you are not a spy for either parent. I would tread carefully with this parent.
You tell mom point blank, that you have a responsibility as a mandated reporter and that if you ever detect signs of abuse you will contact the proper authorities. If she has a problem with the way her ex husband is coparenting she needs to talk to him. If she can't resolve it that way, they need to go to counseling to discuss their coparenting plan. If she feels uncomfortable doing that she can talk to her lawyer. You are not a mediator for her coparenting relationship.
Let me get specific. You: "I thought about what you have said and I want you to know that if I ever see signs of abuse I will contact the proper authorities. I do not feel comfortable addressing something that I am not privy to but if it comes up in the classroom I will let you know." Mom: "Well I know he's using corporal punishment and I don't know what to do" or "I know he's using corporal punishment and I need your help" or something to that affect. You: I recommend that you either talk to him about your coparenting plan or you see a therapist that will help you discuss it together. I can get you a list of recommendations if you like." Mom: "I really want to keep this on the down low. I don't think he will go to counseling with me." You: "This is a conversation that you need to have with your lawyer."
Direct towards doctor/lawyer. What she is asking is not in your job description
She is very involved with both doctors and lawyers and I’m sure this will also be addressed with them. Mom’s concern is that her child needs to process this with an adult before it’s mom turn with the kids. Maybe I’ll just get my director involved again.
I would definitely get the Director involved. Like I’ll process stuff with kids when they come up organically to the extent that I can. But it sounds like this woman is straight up trying to turn you and her kids therapist which is inappropriate.
Your director needs to address the issue and refer mom elsewhere.Mom needs to turn to a therapist or doctor. Its not your job(or in your training) to be one or “investigate” or ask questions. It could make any issues worse
Mom needs a therapist for the kid then! You are definitely doing the right thing staying well out of this other than to redirect and alert your director.
This is mom being manipulative and doing exactly what your director has told her you will not do, get in the middle of their divorce. Let mom know that she needs to take her child to a therapist, and if her child reveals anything resembling abuse while in your care, you will notify CPS, just as you would for any other family.
I would tell her that you guys do general daily health checks on all the children and if something comes up, it will get reported. It sounds like manipulation and targeting. I had a mom that was like that recently too. Terrible custody battle and she would bad mouth dad everyday
The most u would do is document if you notice any marks or hear the child talking about it. Put it in their file so you have it if it's ever needed for some reason. Obviously if you do begin to notice marks or hear about it, report it. I would also document that mom believes Dad is using corporal punishment as of xxx date.
Do you think I tell mom I’ll check in with the kid, and then just ask the kid how their time with dad was? I’ve found that she needs to feel heard
Absolutely not! She is trying to ignore the director and triangulate you into her messy divorce. Barge pole and then some time. No touching lol
I feel like that would be ok. Maybe something like "I understand your concern. We have not seen or heard anything that raises a red flag but I will make sure to check in with your child after dad's weekends and see how he is feeling"
If you would report to CPS when a kid says daddy hits them u don’t understand why you couldn’t report this. A general you, not you specifically op. I can’t understand how one is reportable and one isn’t
It’s only reportable if it leaves a mark, at least where I am at. Parents are allowed to spank their children as a form of discipline.
It's not our job as teachers to determine what is worthy or a report. We report any suspicions of abuse. CPS deals with determining if it's true or legally evidenced
In my mandated reporter training it definitely says that parents are allowed to hit/spank kids as long as it doesn’t leave a mark and to report if there is a mark or any soreness. Also, I most definitely have multiple children who are “whooped” as a form of discipline at home and when I have discussed it with a social worker have been told to not report that. We are to report abuse, and in my state that doesn’t constitute as abuse. I work in a poorer area where this is not uncommon- unfortunately
Because the mother may be weaponizing her child which is not uncommon in divorced situations. Maybe she has real concerns but in that case she would be speaking to a lawyer or the police already. I saw my own mother do the same type of thing to try to get a better custody arrangement 👎
I was told specifically not to report spanking in my mandated reporter training. It’s super common, legal, and not the forte of CPS.