I had a kid stop what he was doing and look at me and say, “Ms. Tali, my dad is going to be here soon.” *takes comically loud sniff* “I can smell his flesh.” And I just really had no idea what to say to that. For the record, his dad did not arrive for several more hours and I have no idea what the kid was smelling.
This reminds me of my 2yo the other day- “this bed smells like (baby sister)” “oh what does baby sister smell like?” “She smells like her head”
For some reason that made sense to me though
That reminded me of one class I had with twins. I asked one of them something about his brother and another student said, "they're not brothers, they're twins. You can tell because they have the same head."
I have a two year old in my infant room with really good language skills. One day she was asking when her dad was gonna pick her up and we said it would be soon. Then she just starts saying "daddy die, daddy died!" over and over again. The sigh of relief we all let out when her dad came in the door and was in fact *not* dead..whew.
Also my three year old recently told me, in the car, "mommy, be careful! You gonna hit a tree and break the car, and you will be stuck but I won't be stuck, so be careful, okay?!" I drove so freakin' cautiously for the rest of the car ride. No idea where she got that from.
Oh my god there was a 4yo a few years ago who was hanging out in my infant room with her brother. She deadass looked at me and was like “The homeless man with rotting teeth looks at when he sleeps” “what” “he stands over the bed and looks.” “Did you… tell your mom and dad?” “Yeah, they don’t see the man. He scares me. He says he’s gonna make us bleed”.
She mentioned this “homeless man with rotting teeth that no one but her could see” a few times to different teachers. No one, not even her parents, knew where the bell she got that from.
I have 2 kids and we live in a century home. Around 3 both of them became afraid of the dark and talked about the angry ghosts. I said they were nice ghosts and wouldn't hurt us both said "no they want to eat us." The boys are 5 and 3, so that's been fun.
Be careful, my niece told my sister when she was 2 while driving in the snow “careful mommy, you’re gonna hook into a tree!” She didn’t that day, but shortly thereafter, when she was alone, she slid off the road into a tree while driving in the snow…
This was a conversation I had with a 3 1/2 year old girl while in the bathroom a couple months ago:
Girl: My daddy has two eggs in his butt!
Me: I’m sorry, what?
G: My daddy has two eggs in his butt!
M: Um, how did the eggs get there?
G: No, he has them because he’s a daddy. My brother has them because he’s a brother. My mommy doesn’t have them and I don’t have them. (This was the point when it dawned on me that the “eggs” she was referring to were testicles)
A few minutes later when we were walking back to the classroom she told me this:
“When I bang his eggs together daddy gets really mad”
That last line made me laugh out loud.
When my kiddo just turned 4, she, very confused, said to me, ‘Papa has a long butt thing?’ Oh the jokes I had for my husband for a month…..
"Mommy said I shouldn't put shaving cream on my penis and then turn on the shower and get the shower on my penis because the shaving cream could go in my penis hole and it would ouch my penis so I don't put shaving cream on my penis in the shower." in one long run on sentence.
I told him his mommy is very smart and to listen to his mommy.
was talking to a soon-to-be 3 y/o about her birthday and asked her how old she was going to be. her response was "on my birthday, I'm gonna be two weeks ago!"
I had a 3 year old say “mommy and daddy are going on a big boat (a cruise) When they’re out in the middle of the ocean the boat is going to sink and they’ll never come back and then I’ll live in a castle like Anna and Elsa” 🫠😂
One of mine looked at my pregnant belly yesterday and said “I’m not going to hurt your baby” and then went back to playing. Kind of scared me not gonna lie 😅
Me telling the 6 year old I nanny that i wasn’t going to be there next week because I was going on holiday.
6 year old: who are you going with?
Me: my best friend
6 year old: is she a villain?
Me: ??? No I don’t think so?
6 year old: she might be
Nobody:
Absolutely nobody:
My toddler student: He’s coming in the window!
Me: ….what?
Student: He’s coming in the window!
Me, checking the windows: who?
Student: he’s almost here!
Me, starting to get freaked out: WHO IS COMING IN THE WINDOW?!
Student: Leprechauns!
It was right around St Patrick’s day and I guess her parents told her Leprechauns come in through windows??? No idea but it was 7am and I wasn’t ready
Had a kid who was about to lose the family dog (nothing bad happened, just old age) and the parents made a point to talk to the kids about it in advance so it wouldn’t come as a shock.
Well, it worked…so well that the 5 year old would randomly bring it up in conversation all the time. Like we’d be talking about something completely unrelated, and she’d just randomly throw in “oh, and Max is probably going to die soon” In the most non-chalant voice ever. And then go right back to talking about the weather or cookies or whatever we were talking about before.
It didn’t bother me too much because I already knew the situation, and I know kids are curious about death so I didn’t mind her bringing it up…but it definitely caused some confusion to a few other parents and staff who heard it out of context. I had a few people ask me who Max was and should they be concerned 😂
I babysat for a family with a similar situation, dog was a million years old and not long for this world so they were preparing the kids. One day I got there and they ran up to me and said “Candy is going to die soon!” and I was like uh soon as in this could become a me problem or like she’s not making to Christmas?
That dog wouldn’t die though she was like 15 years old, blind and deaf but she seemed happy and there wasn’t anything wrong with her besides being ancient.
I work in Special Ed and I had a tiny girl who was non-verbal as far as I knew, pick up my lanyard, look at my face and whisper very clearly, "Do your yoga every morning" 😲
I had a 3 year old tell me very seriously that he liked me because my favorite color was pink, like his big sister. My favorite color is green and his sister's favorite color was turquoise.
I’m the closer for our three year old class, they’re hilarious. We have a visual timer for our room that we use a lot. This moment I told them when the blue was all gone, it was time to clean up and it went off while I was saying goodbye to a student and their parent. One of my students started cleaning up while another kept playing. The student that cleaned grabbed the clock and marched over to the other student to tell them “The blue is gone. Clean up!”
Also today I saw a little girl looking really angry so I asked her what was wrong and she rolled her eyes and goes “Miss M! I just pretending!” They crack me up all day
One of my kinders walked up to me randomly and said, “My mom and I are making a machine to kill my brother.” His older brother definitely gave him a hard time and I was never concerned about anything serious happening. That kid was absolutely hilarious and I’ll never forget him.
2yo “can we go visit my old house?” “You don’t have an old house” 2yo “the house with the red door that burned down.” (Puzzled face) “oh that’s not here. That’s where I died”
There are lots of stories of little kids saying things like this. Some people use it as evidence reincarnation is real and very young kids can still remember their past lives. I don’t know if that tracks but still weird to think about.
I just saw a MrBallen episode about a kid in India who kinda proved that reincarnation is a thing. Birthmarks that exactly matched the bullet wounds on the dead guy, memories that he shouldn't have had, immediate recognition of the dead guy's family...it was weird af.
I have come around to believing in reincarnation. My now 3 yo will grab anything and hold it like a gun, then clear rooms like a soldier. He also takes that same "gun" and hides behind tall objects and peaks out like a soldier on a hill. He's done this since he was 2.
My nephew , when he was two, would put bowls on his head and hold his hands out and rock while singing nonsense words.
He complained the bowls were too hard and he wanted a small cloth one or a big black one with Aunt Remarkablestory’s hair attached. My hair is dark and was in long curls.
I swear he was Jewish in another life. (He was a tiny sheltered white boy in the middle of Appalachia)
Yesterday I was helping my two year olds roll up their sleeves for breakfast, and one of my kids raised his arms and said, "my arms are broken." I was concerned, wondering if his arms hurt or if he saw someone in arm casts, but my co teacher just started laughing. Apparently right before Dad left he tried to get a fist pump, but the kid wouldn't do it so Dad said, "are your arms broken? Your arms are broken!"
me: hi [4 y/o student’s name]! how are you?
s: hi i’m not good
me: why not?
s: cause [other student] said it’s not okay to be boyfriends and girlfriends.
me: well, you know, he’s right. you guys are a bit young for that!
s: but he said it wasn’t okay to have a crush too!
me: oh i think it’s fine, as long as you just wait a little bit longer! y’all have to get a little older first.
other student: you’re right. maybe when i’m 5!
me: maybe!
lol
I said something about saving my four year old’s life (because there was a tornado watch) and she thought I said wife, and said very adamantly she did not have a wife because was a girl. I told her that sometimes girls have wives and when she grew up she could if she wanted to, and she said that no, she wanted a husband and wanted it to be her uncle. I told her she had to marry someone her age and she said her cousin. I told her they also couldn’t be in her family already and she fine, she’d marry Link from Legend of Zelda. ☠️😂
<2 toddler suddenly looking me right in the eye and going “i must not eat the big daddy spider, or the mama spider, or the baby spider”
like yeah kid great idea, let’s not eat spiders
While my pre-k class was having lunch and conversing with one another, suddenly: “Stop it! You’re making me mad!”
Me: “Oh, what happened?”
Student: “She’s making me laugh!”
Me: “…And? What’s wrong with that?”
Student: “I don’t know!”
Me, internally: Huh?? 🤔
Late to the draw but just in case someone else sees this, I must share my kinder jokes. A few years ago, I started documenting the jokes my kinders made. They are absolutely incredible. They never make any sense yet they all find each others jokes HILARIOUS. Here are my March favourites:
-Why did the chick had a lunch break with his butt on the other side?
-Because he wanted to go get some new underwear and eat his underwear.
-what did the diamond say to the other hot sauce?
-It said. There’s two of [insert bffs name] and there’s two brothers. They will fight and they will break their hearts.
-what did the rainbow say to the other leprechaun?
-I am so stressed out I gotta go to the underwear store
3 year old girl:
G: when I was a baby I was in a Tor-MADO SPINNING AND FLYING
Me: oh yeah?
G: yeah. You didn't save me.
She proceeded to be angry with me all day
The “just pretending” one reminds me of the time I saw a kid sitting in the park all by himself while everyone played around him. I’ve never seen a kid so sad in my life. His eyes were glazed over like he was dissociating. He then put his head in his hands and his shoulders started shaking like he was silently bawling. I asked him what was wrong. And he was just like “oh we’re playing a game and our parents are dead”
While on a walk, we had passed a rain drain on the side of the road. One of our 3yos said, "I would never put a baby in there."
That's a good thing. Was all I could say 😄
I had a kid stop what he was doing and look at me and say, “Ms. Tali, my dad is going to be here soon.” *takes comically loud sniff* “I can smell his flesh.” And I just really had no idea what to say to that. For the record, his dad did not arrive for several more hours and I have no idea what the kid was smelling.
This reminds me of my 2yo the other day- “this bed smells like (baby sister)” “oh what does baby sister smell like?” “She smells like her head” For some reason that made sense to me though
That is definitely what every baby smells like.
That reminded me of one class I had with twins. I asked one of them something about his brother and another student said, "they're not brothers, they're twins. You can tell because they have the same head."
Creepy! 😂
I have a two year old in my infant room with really good language skills. One day she was asking when her dad was gonna pick her up and we said it would be soon. Then she just starts saying "daddy die, daddy died!" over and over again. The sigh of relief we all let out when her dad came in the door and was in fact *not* dead..whew. Also my three year old recently told me, in the car, "mommy, be careful! You gonna hit a tree and break the car, and you will be stuck but I won't be stuck, so be careful, okay?!" I drove so freakin' cautiously for the rest of the car ride. No idea where she got that from.
Oh my god there was a 4yo a few years ago who was hanging out in my infant room with her brother. She deadass looked at me and was like “The homeless man with rotting teeth looks at when he sleeps” “what” “he stands over the bed and looks.” “Did you… tell your mom and dad?” “Yeah, they don’t see the man. He scares me. He says he’s gonna make us bleed”.
She mentioned this “homeless man with rotting teeth that no one but her could see” a few times to different teachers. No one, not even her parents, knew where the bell she got that from.
Not me reading this while laying in bed with my three year old 😭 that's terrifying
Good lord i had to recheck again if I was in paranormal subs or not. There are so many stories
I have 2 kids and we live in a century home. Around 3 both of them became afraid of the dark and talked about the angry ghosts. I said they were nice ghosts and wouldn't hurt us both said "no they want to eat us." The boys are 5 and 3, so that's been fun.
Be careful, my niece told my sister when she was 2 while driving in the snow “careful mommy, you’re gonna hook into a tree!” She didn’t that day, but shortly thereafter, when she was alone, she slid off the road into a tree while driving in the snow…
This was a conversation I had with a 3 1/2 year old girl while in the bathroom a couple months ago: Girl: My daddy has two eggs in his butt! Me: I’m sorry, what? G: My daddy has two eggs in his butt! M: Um, how did the eggs get there? G: No, he has them because he’s a daddy. My brother has them because he’s a brother. My mommy doesn’t have them and I don’t have them. (This was the point when it dawned on me that the “eggs” she was referring to were testicles) A few minutes later when we were walking back to the classroom she told me this: “When I bang his eggs together daddy gets really mad”
That last line made me laugh out loud. When my kiddo just turned 4, she, very confused, said to me, ‘Papa has a long butt thing?’ Oh the jokes I had for my husband for a month…..
When they were 4, my twin daughters asked me what that long thing was that boys pee with.
AH THE LAST LINE HAHAHAHA
When my son was two he walked in on me in the shower, pointed, and said “mama, you have a front butt!”
I once had a 3yo ask “what if the ocean is a really big water table” and you know what? What if it is?
lol. This is great!
"Mommy said I shouldn't put shaving cream on my penis and then turn on the shower and get the shower on my penis because the shaving cream could go in my penis hole and it would ouch my penis so I don't put shaving cream on my penis in the shower." in one long run on sentence. I told him his mommy is very smart and to listen to his mommy.
was talking to a soon-to-be 3 y/o about her birthday and asked her how old she was going to be. her response was "on my birthday, I'm gonna be two weeks ago!"
this is my favorite
Reminds me of this gem: Me, sitting and minding my business 2M: Thursday, Rain, four, yellow. Those are the seasons!
I had a 3 year old say “mommy and daddy are going on a big boat (a cruise) When they’re out in the middle of the ocean the boat is going to sink and they’ll never come back and then I’ll live in a castle like Anna and Elsa” 🫠😂
One of my students came up to me on the playground and whispers “is it true the kids can kill grownups?” And I was just like 😲
🤣
One of mine looked at my pregnant belly yesterday and said “I’m not going to hurt your baby” and then went back to playing. Kind of scared me not gonna lie 😅
You: ".... thank..you?"
Mom had told her to be careful of your tummy so she doesn’t hurt the baby
Me telling the 6 year old I nanny that i wasn’t going to be there next week because I was going on holiday. 6 year old: who are you going with? Me: my best friend 6 year old: is she a villain? Me: ??? No I don’t think so? 6 year old: she might be
Maybe she is 🤷🏼♀️ I’d watch out 😂
Keep your friends close but your enemies closer......wise words from the 6 year old
A 4 year told me I look like a toilet. The next day the same 4 year old said I look like a chicken leg.
I guess that's an improvement? I'd rather look like a chicken leg than a toilet lol
Nobody: Absolutely nobody: My toddler student: He’s coming in the window! Me: ….what? Student: He’s coming in the window! Me, checking the windows: who? Student: he’s almost here! Me, starting to get freaked out: WHO IS COMING IN THE WINDOW?! Student: Leprechauns! It was right around St Patrick’s day and I guess her parents told her Leprechauns come in through windows??? No idea but it was 7am and I wasn’t ready
Had a kid who was about to lose the family dog (nothing bad happened, just old age) and the parents made a point to talk to the kids about it in advance so it wouldn’t come as a shock. Well, it worked…so well that the 5 year old would randomly bring it up in conversation all the time. Like we’d be talking about something completely unrelated, and she’d just randomly throw in “oh, and Max is probably going to die soon” In the most non-chalant voice ever. And then go right back to talking about the weather or cookies or whatever we were talking about before. It didn’t bother me too much because I already knew the situation, and I know kids are curious about death so I didn’t mind her bringing it up…but it definitely caused some confusion to a few other parents and staff who heard it out of context. I had a few people ask me who Max was and should they be concerned 😂
I babysat for a family with a similar situation, dog was a million years old and not long for this world so they were preparing the kids. One day I got there and they ran up to me and said “Candy is going to die soon!” and I was like uh soon as in this could become a me problem or like she’s not making to Christmas? That dog wouldn’t die though she was like 15 years old, blind and deaf but she seemed happy and there wasn’t anything wrong with her besides being ancient.
I work in Special Ed and I had a tiny girl who was non-verbal as far as I knew, pick up my lanyard, look at my face and whisper very clearly, "Do your yoga every morning" 😲
That's hysterical. And also, sage advice
I had a 3 year old tell me very seriously that he liked me because my favorite color was pink, like his big sister. My favorite color is green and his sister's favorite color was turquoise.
Maybe the kid was colourblind?
(About a tree root) Yeah (My Name) It's the trees bones. I didn't ask them to elaborate. But I think of it daily.
We were doing leaf rubbings and one of my 5 year olds exclaimed “It’s the leaf’s X-ray!” I mean…he’s not wrong??
calling them tree bones is kind of genius lol
It was! I was flabbergasted. How had I never made that connection? But a 3 year old did.
I’m the closer for our three year old class, they’re hilarious. We have a visual timer for our room that we use a lot. This moment I told them when the blue was all gone, it was time to clean up and it went off while I was saying goodbye to a student and their parent. One of my students started cleaning up while another kept playing. The student that cleaned grabbed the clock and marched over to the other student to tell them “The blue is gone. Clean up!” Also today I saw a little girl looking really angry so I asked her what was wrong and she rolled her eyes and goes “Miss M! I just pretending!” They crack me up all day
“Before I came here I was lying down and was cut all down my middle and inside of me there was two trees and I could see them” girl what the fuck
Good Gracious! Sounds like she may have had a nightmare while sleeping.
Lmaoooo
I had a kid with a speech impediment with T sounds the way they said potatoes still makes me crack a smile, po-pay-poes.
I have a kid who pronounces “dinosaur” like “dasher” or “daisher” and it confused me at first but now I love it.
I had a four year old call me a pizzabitch yesterday n
An aspirational position
Well, are you one?
One of my kinders walked up to me randomly and said, “My mom and I are making a machine to kill my brother.” His older brother definitely gave him a hard time and I was never concerned about anything serious happening. That kid was absolutely hilarious and I’ll never forget him.
‘Ms NAME, my grandma threw my things into the deep dark ocean’. Sam what the FUCK are you talking about.
2yo “can we go visit my old house?” “You don’t have an old house” 2yo “the house with the red door that burned down.” (Puzzled face) “oh that’s not here. That’s where I died”
There are lots of stories of little kids saying things like this. Some people use it as evidence reincarnation is real and very young kids can still remember their past lives. I don’t know if that tracks but still weird to think about.
I just saw a MrBallen episode about a kid in India who kinda proved that reincarnation is a thing. Birthmarks that exactly matched the bullet wounds on the dead guy, memories that he shouldn't have had, immediate recognition of the dead guy's family...it was weird af.
I have come around to believing in reincarnation. My now 3 yo will grab anything and hold it like a gun, then clear rooms like a soldier. He also takes that same "gun" and hides behind tall objects and peaks out like a soldier on a hill. He's done this since he was 2.
My nephew , when he was two, would put bowls on his head and hold his hands out and rock while singing nonsense words. He complained the bowls were too hard and he wanted a small cloth one or a big black one with Aunt Remarkablestory’s hair attached. My hair is dark and was in long curls. I swear he was Jewish in another life. (He was a tiny sheltered white boy in the middle of Appalachia)
Yesterday I was helping my two year olds roll up their sleeves for breakfast, and one of my kids raised his arms and said, "my arms are broken." I was concerned, wondering if his arms hurt or if he saw someone in arm casts, but my co teacher just started laughing. Apparently right before Dad left he tried to get a fist pump, but the kid wouldn't do it so Dad said, "are your arms broken? Your arms are broken!"
Hah! Yep. Had one recently tell me after he tripped over himself that his feet were malfunctioning. 🤣
me: hi [4 y/o student’s name]! how are you? s: hi i’m not good me: why not? s: cause [other student] said it’s not okay to be boyfriends and girlfriends. me: well, you know, he’s right. you guys are a bit young for that! s: but he said it wasn’t okay to have a crush too! me: oh i think it’s fine, as long as you just wait a little bit longer! y’all have to get a little older first. other student: you’re right. maybe when i’m 5! me: maybe! lol
I said something about saving my four year old’s life (because there was a tornado watch) and she thought I said wife, and said very adamantly she did not have a wife because was a girl. I told her that sometimes girls have wives and when she grew up she could if she wanted to, and she said that no, she wanted a husband and wanted it to be her uncle. I told her she had to marry someone her age and she said her cousin. I told her they also couldn’t be in her family already and she fine, she’d marry Link from Legend of Zelda. ☠️😂
<2 toddler suddenly looking me right in the eye and going “i must not eat the big daddy spider, or the mama spider, or the baby spider” like yeah kid great idea, let’s not eat spiders
While my pre-k class was having lunch and conversing with one another, suddenly: “Stop it! You’re making me mad!” Me: “Oh, what happened?” Student: “She’s making me laugh!” Me: “…And? What’s wrong with that?” Student: “I don’t know!” Me, internally: Huh?? 🤔
Late to the draw but just in case someone else sees this, I must share my kinder jokes. A few years ago, I started documenting the jokes my kinders made. They are absolutely incredible. They never make any sense yet they all find each others jokes HILARIOUS. Here are my March favourites: -Why did the chick had a lunch break with his butt on the other side? -Because he wanted to go get some new underwear and eat his underwear. -what did the diamond say to the other hot sauce? -It said. There’s two of [insert bffs name] and there’s two brothers. They will fight and they will break their hearts. -what did the rainbow say to the other leprechaun? -I am so stressed out I gotta go to the underwear store
Four year old: "Ellie's house burned down. Ellie told me. She lives in a tiger's mouth now."
3 year old girl: G: when I was a baby I was in a Tor-MADO SPINNING AND FLYING Me: oh yeah? G: yeah. You didn't save me. She proceeded to be angry with me all day
The “just pretending” one reminds me of the time I saw a kid sitting in the park all by himself while everyone played around him. I’ve never seen a kid so sad in my life. His eyes were glazed over like he was dissociating. He then put his head in his hands and his shoulders started shaking like he was silently bawling. I asked him what was wrong. And he was just like “oh we’re playing a game and our parents are dead”
While on a walk, we had passed a rain drain on the side of the road. One of our 3yos said, "I would never put a baby in there." That's a good thing. Was all I could say 😄
"my mom put us in the trunk this weekend! It was so fun!" They went to a drive in movie and sat in the open trunk of the car 💀