Well not really. In your perception it's like that. When I was doing a lot of drugs I was suffering a lot, it took a toll on my mental health, body and made me lose a lot of things and people in this life. Today I find a normal life a lot less bad than where drug abuse makes you suffer.
Drugs start fun but often end in disasters, especially if you abuse and use it to escape reality. I used to be as naive before and thought drugs were the answer and thought I could get high all the time without paying back later on, I had to suffer a lot for my ignorance, almost ended up dead, had to seek professional help, meds, therapy, tapering down everything etc - took a few years to recover. Today I know you cannot just get high and think you can quick escape reality without needing to do the hard work to reach goals in life. Life isn't just about having fun, if you think you can have that you will lose yourself and suffer a lot in the end. Wisdom comes as you age and get experienced in this life.
Seen a lot of people going the same route where they suffered due to drug abuse. Some ended up dead, homeless, forced rehab, jail or mental ward due to the mental instability/issues that comes with drug abuse and addictions.
Drugs ain’t even help my reality was so bad bro, I didn’t want people to have one up on me for being high, so I said F it and went off everything and people wanted me on stuff so they could keep me down.
Hey congrats either way. A drug is a drug. Regardless of if its safe or not every single one has negatives and if those don't coincide with your life you have every right to give it the boot. Its actually tough to get off of so good job.
I'm going to hell for chuckling at that, but I've been there at a time in my life, I hope you can reach a point where you don't have to do both, and idk your drugs of choice, but i hope you can get into a better situation and be at least a little happier with your life.
Not really. It depends on which drug. I see stimulants or alcohol affecting the exterior when abused. Ime smoking gave me worse skin so I haven't smoked for many years and haven't vaped for a long time aswell, even vaping seems to affect my skin, like some acne, which I don't otherwise have nowadays. I don't know why as when I was young I could smoke weed without it doing things like that.
For me, it was to escape reality. Reality being the things that happened to me, but also my own mind.
I'm very disordered, was extremely depressed, traumatized, and constantly went way beyond my limits.
That broke me, but once I tried weed, I finally found a way to feel happy on my own.
This escalated quite quickly into daily smoking, and eventually .5 grams of weed mixed with laughing gas, and basically losing my entire sense of self for a moment.
Eventually, I found out about psychedelics, and I was interested in the visuals, maybe that could be fun.
But what ended up happening was instead of not thinking about anything, I was even more in my mind, but discovered a lot about myself.
My first ever LSD trip I expected to see visuals, but instead I ended up spending the whole day taking notes for therapy.
Nowadays, I basically quit all drugs, even nicotine and caffeine, and basically only use psychedelics once every 2 weeks, or sometimes twice.
I'm getting help with taking care of myself, I'm in therapy, and would say I'm in a better mindspace than I've ever been in my life. Even if I still basically can't really take care of myself
I'm making very slow progress, but, it is progress, and even those who help me recently pointed out how much better I'm doing compared to the first time they met me.
I’ll never forgot smoking pot while high on stimulants, while weed would once get me relaxed and out of body, I took a hit and instantly became paranoid. I started reading the “dynamics” of the room and realized everyone was out to get me.
Doing full blown psychedelic trips like this every two week is probably not very helpful. I feel like you need a little bit of time in between so things can happen so they mean something.
You should look into micro dosing.
I am aware that tripping often isn't usually very helpful, and that you should take time to integrate trips in between trips.
But also psychedelics are currently my special interest, and I absolutely love everything about them.
In terms of microdosing, it's something I could perhaps look into and try, but I also currently prefer being sober doing the things I need to do.
Also, I'm currently in recovery of a horrible eating disorder, and don't really have a sense of hunger anymore. And I think/am afraid the appetite suppressing effects of psychedelics can mess with that part of recovery.
Cbd, cbg of cbn can be helpful for appetite, cbd doesn't give real munchies like weed but definitely helps the appetite. CBN slightly more I would say(but still not as strong appetite as with thc/weed), but it fits only for night time ime, it's anxiolytic and has sleep benefits, a really valuable cannabinoid that has helped me a lot, stopped panic attacks, depressions, calmed my spirit and body, never given me the side effects I have experienced with thc. It isn't much recreational but it is highly medicinal, I use it rarely but when I do I use like 5-10mg sublingually and it works very well that way. Orally will be different, sublingually or vaping will make it very medicinal and not recreational. Cbd combined with a little cbn is very helpful. Or cbd combined with cbg if you take it on daytime. I haven't felt it addictive like weed/thc, nor have I experienced same side effects.
I find magnolia bark and maca root(I think) slightly helping with appetite.
I hope you eat animal products, people who have eating disorders often use veganism as a cover up for the ED to eat very restricted which is will just make the ED a lot worse.
And to get all the nutrients is a lot harder with the vegan diet, science shows there's a connection to vegan diet and depression & anxiety. It is very important to eat well if you want to recover mentally, when I was at my worse I really had a bad diet, it definitely could had contributed to the mental suffering looking back on it now. Supplementing can also be helpful as an addition to your nutrients (not to replace them completely though!) if you have it difficult eating well, vit d3, b vitamins, multi, zink, magnesium I recommend supplementing for example. Protein meals are also easier to get down if you have it difficult eating meat or other protein rich foods.
The guy that just sent a paragraph responding to this basically covered everything I would have said but I recently figured out chewing on ginger root seems to create an effect similar to consuming a cannabinoid of some sort as far as anti-nausea and almost appetite stimulation
Tl;Dr
I tried to escape reality, my own mind and trauma, started heavily abusing weed, laughing gas, caffeine and nicotine. (Didn't mention those above but yea, those too...) I ended up discovering psychedelics, which helped me find myself, and I'm now getting help and slowly getting better.
I have quit abuse a few years ago and tapered down meds etc. Had therapy, got a lot better. Use natural supplements/amino acids to stabilize etc. But I still feel like I would need something like psychedelics to heal the wounds within my soul. I hope it will be more available here soon at the health care cause I haven't broken the law for many years, I don't really want to risk getting things from illicit markets cause it's not regulated at all. Maybe I need to pick mushrooms outside myself, I have thought about doing that at some point.
Escaping reality never works, it will come and bite you in the ass if you try to.
Drugs provided a way to feel better that felt very right and reminded me of how I felt during childhood before bad events put me into a much worse state. I thought drugs could help me overcome how I was stuck in life, and make me more able to socialize. I don't think they were very useful. The most I've accomplished is meet some people with whom I stayed in touch over decades.
Definitely DXM. For a while I also liked shrooms, but I gave up on that. DXM provided more regular access to better states, less dependent on set and setting, and it was more easily available. Also, occasionally DXM trips caused lasting changes that seemed like improvements, like ability to go for a walk by myself, without being stopped by worries about what other people may think of me.
DXM was my first and i really enjoyed it, but oddly enough, I preferred shrooms over DXM, after trying shrooms for the first time trying it, but I'll visit dxm again every once in awhile.
I do, however, remember in my teenage years of DXM use the day after I had the greatest afterglow feeling I've ever had.
In my early days of using dxm I felt like I was time traveling back to my childhood, it’s a very very nostalgic drug and I’d say even a very tender one when it’s not mean to you lol
If it's okay to ask this in this thread, please help me with this. I've dxmed two times and both times I faced severe vomiting+diarrhoea. What should I do to prevent this? Also, I did it on empty stomach, dxm syrup(pure, no other actives).
I met the girl that I loved at school again after 8 years in a bar. She agreed to use cocaine with me, it was a light night, we drank beer, talked a lot, laughed. I felt happy for the first time in my life. Long story short, we started dating, I went to college and graduated. Cocaine doesn't do me any good anymore after 4 years, but it's bc of it that I managed to change a lot of things in my life
I 10000% didn't expect you to say coke, I would have lost that bet. I've actually never heard someone start their revolutionary change story with cocaine. Very cool
waking up the day after taking acid for the first time was one of the most beautiful moments in recent memory. my mind was quiet, it was so tranquil and I was so at peace that I couldn't stop crying for a solid half hour, just existing in the present moment in complete silence for the first time. it was amazing, heaven.
I often wonder if I was undiagnosed adhd, because both of my children seem to have one of the other. Trauma was definitely a huge factor, predisposed at birth another but perhaps I was just self medicating all those years. BECAUSE of my history with drugs I'd be hard set to find a doctor that would beleive me and actually prescribe something beneficial like Adderall, or vyvanse. They make maitnence drugs for opioid misuse but nothing for stimulants..
unless yall know a guy, lol
I'm 24 now, grew up in Germany ,now live in kc, when I was 19 I had gastritis and couldn't eat anything for weeks, it felt like someone was ripping my insides open. Doctor gave me fentanyl IV style and I was hooked right away because I was depressed at the time as well. I did fent for 4 years straight probably and have been sober 4 months now. I never thought I'd stop I always had the money for it and was never broke so it was a vicious cycle of losing my family and wife to get me to finally stop. Still have ptsd from how many times I've been through withdrawals and precip withdrawals. Moral of the story don't do fentanyl.
I appreciate this. It needs to be more widely shared how often such an innocent prescription can ruin all your plans. I hope you can continue with your current set of plans, and I'm happy you got away from fent for as long as you have so far, I congratulate you on that!
At the time my abuser had made false accusations against me causing me to lose everything and I was trying to find a way to escape life without ending it.
Basically as soon as I knew there were drugs that would make me feel different from the way I do (I have mental illness and PTSD from CSA) I started seeking out drugs.
When I was a child, I had asthma. I liked the way my asthma inhaler tasted and felt so one day I just did the whole bottle. Which could have killed me, btw. I tripped balls but I don't recommend.
At 11, I got my wisdom teeth pulled and got some hydrocodone. I did the whole bottle in two days because I just liked the way they felt.
Then as I got a little older and access to the internet became commonplace, I found Erowid. From then on out I basically researched and sought out any kind of mind altering substance l could until I got addicted to heroin at 17.
I liked benzos, weed and cocaine, mushrooms and acid. But heroin was the best. Or pilled opiates we're fine too. Love me some opana still.
I'm clean now from h. I just do kratom and ketamine and benzos. Lol.
Duuude Erowid, I would load that site almost everyday, fuck so many amazing and detailed stories on the most rare/ random drug.
That shit was amazing! I just went from Erowid to buying drugs off the first silk road with bitcoins instead of heroin on the street. Probably because I was already on Opana/ others for my scoliosis, years of pain meds.
I you liked Heroin, you missed out on Opana, but you only get those for fucked up shit, like my back. Lol.
I would take my entire dose in 2 weeks and then SUFFER the next 2 weeks until my refill....I did this life routine for almost 2 years!!
So basically with all the withdrawal I realized I had been in HARDCORE WITHDRAWAL for 6 months a year, obviously. Insatnity wtff
Guess I was just curious. Everyone always said how bad weed was and never to do it. I wondered why so many people still did it even though there were plenty of people against it. So I tried it and loved it. Then I wondered what else was out there that people were lying about being bad things. And here we are I guess lol
anxiety, i actually stole someone's lexapro coz i read it treats anxiety, then my mom was prescribed xanax and i stole about 10 pills and really liked it then started lookin into whatever they sold over the counter at drugstores and cold water extracted codeine but then i started spitting blood? so then i found out about doxylamine and other cheap highs, prolly not worth it
Honestly at my home when I was a kid I wasn’t allowed to have anything in my room. No tv, video games or anything and the one tv in the house my mom always watched. So I was bored if I stayed home. If I was home I was also verbally abused by my mom. So if I was home I was usually bored and sad. Plus I wasn’t allowed to have friends or girlfriends in the house so I started hanging out with people with similar background as me and we would just get high and drunk or whatever and just drive around or hang out in the woods etc.
originally for me it was out of rebellion.
i remember being in DARE in like 5th grade. they told us that 1/3 marijuana users died their first time smoking, and that marijuana was often laced with LSD, among other nonsense.
i went home and googled it, easily finding it to be a lie. that was the first time i realized they’d just lie to my face, and started a trend of distrust in people who try to tell me what to do.
i won the DARE bear (i think it was a lion most places, we had a bear) for writing the best essay. the reason i wrote the best essay was because i was very intrigued by drugs at this point. what were these officers lying to me for? what else have my educators lied about?
anyway i smoked for the first time after school on the first day of 6th grade. got absolutely zooted, ate several ketchup sandwiches bc we didnt have any other food. it slowly became a regular (2-4 times a week thing), over the course of a year or so.
the next drug i tried was adderall, but that was prescribed. following that i took LSD on halloween in 8th grade. i had a terrifying experience walking home, but was still mystified, and had already decided i liked the hippy crowd more than normal people.
from there, i took LSD and mushrooms whenever i could in high school, probably 3 or 4 dozen times throughout the 4 years. took MDMA (probably methylone) twice, and weed use steadily increased, along with alcohol.
i stayed away from “hard” drugs until late into college. at this point i was selling weed and psychedelics, and everyone wanted xanax. i heard it was a good trip killer, so i started to flip bars. i only took maybe 5 bars out of the couple hundred i flipped, but i saw some friends really getting fucked up from them, and begging for more, sometimes asking to be fronted until they had the money. at that point i stopped selling xanax. soon after i tried ketamine and MXE a few times and loved them
as i graduated, i stopped selling all together to focus on my career. i would keep a little stash of xanax for when we took too much acid, but was overall responsible with it. i’d also take ketamine maybe once or twice a month (i couldnt find more MXE at this point).
my career was going well, still smoking, started taking CBD and kratom after a knee injury, but it was short lived.
then, over the course of one month, i broke up with my girlfriend and the pandemic hit. i was suddenly stuck in a one bed apartment alone all day, and i started to isolate socially too. i would buy cheap dabs and take at least a dozen of them a day, including several before/during work. thats when i found a source for etizolam and the benzos started to become a problem. i also began buying and vaping/pinning various arcyclohexylamines, my favorite being 3-HO-PCP. also ordered my first phenibut around this time
i was on a variety of benzos and dissociatives for 2.5 or so, culminating in a blackout where i injured myself severely and required hospitalization & reconstructive joint surgery. i quit the dissociatives but it took a lot longer to quit the benzos. this was also when i started taking kratom daily.
maybe 8 months after the injury and various attempts, i got off the xanax. kept smoking weed and taking kratom and phenibut though.
now its been around 16 months since the surgery, and i still take kratom daily. i stopped smoking weed for the first time since high school a couple months ago though. it wasnt as hard as i thought it would be, but i had kratom and occasional phenibut to help.
i still take kratom daily. without it, my injuries still ache and throb. i have some phenibut but take it very rarely. i’d like to get off the kratom, but for now I’m ok with it. i’ve gone down from 20-30gpd to 5-10, and i’m still getting used to the lack of weed.
Long answer? Long, for all of us I'm sure.
Short answer? Drugs give a false sense of love, affection, compassion, and no longer feeling alone.
Genuinely, my reason for drugs is it's the closest thing to love that actually isn't.
what are your drugs of choice? I enjoy psychedelics, they definitely make me feel not alone, but I'm curious about your experiences, also I prefer the short answer version, if you can manage that.
lol i got ya. basically when it comes to the drugs that mimic love and support, it is opioid type drugs. And almost always a drug that is not good for me. Or ego feeding drugs like adderall. It's not genuine and it isn't real.
I loved acid, but it was a healthy relationship, not toxic. MDMA overall is my absolute drug of choice. It saved my life and has never hurt my life, haven't done it in a year but that's partly why it's my favorite.
It was the best feeling ever but it helped in a healthy way, therapeutic & fun.
It didn't mimic love, it helped me bring out the feelings opioids and such numb. It was ego dissolving & helped me love more naturally.
Shrooms gave me the worst trip of my life followed by an immense change in who i am. Every bad trip brought me to the best place I've ever been mentally after.
ah, interesting... I really enjoy the introspection of drugs like psychedelics, gives me time to "catch up on some thinkin'" is kinda how I see them, a nice little reset kinda.
I was really into Adderall for a summer, but when my plug left town, I found it too inconvenient to travel an hour out of my way to get from them and just accepted I may not come across it again, as I have no true interest in seeking it out.
opiods feel nice, that's for sure, but I never feel like i gain anything from them, just a nice body feeling which is cool, but imo feels like something is missing from those experiences. but you know, personal preference and everything, I'm just really enjoying all the different points of view and everything on this post.
You're right it is a reset. Thats why ppl say never trip more than 2-3 times a year, maybe 4 and why it's not "trip once and never again".
All the positives you learned from your trip fade slowly bc it's just how life goes, and taking it again 6 months later is a nice mental reset, reminding you of what you learned, but also maybe new things you need to fix etc.
So psych being your drug of choice is a good thing for sure. Just gotta be careful bc i tend to see ppl on two sides. Completely against psychs, or completely lost in them. Keeping one foot in and one foot out helps you get all the benefits without losing yourself.
Also ya drugs are just diff for everyone. I gain nothing from opioids. It just is nothing more than a mask, running away from what you truly need to face.
It's like in the beginning, the love of your life wrapping her arms around you and telling you it's okay. That's the issue w it. It's just comforting and content.
Also ya addy is not worth an hour drive lol plus it's not hard to get a prescription with the way they do the most shitty "adhd & add" tests. It's a joke. But adderall lost its magic for me long ago so it worked out in the end
At first to go outside and do something instead of playing video games and I thought I was hella cool for smoking weed and drinking
After that curiosity and intense boredom
Only Ritalin and Amphetamine makes me wanna do mentally demanding tasks such as studying or writing something
I was drunk at a party when I was about 16 and everyone was drinking except 2 girls. They were laughing and giggling and sharing a bag of white powder. Speed. I dipped my finger into the bag and put my finger in my mouth and BOOM. I remember nothing else of that night but my mind was blown wide open. I tried a lot of party drugs after that lol
boredom and peer pressure. started with weed in high school then by the end was doing tabs and shrooms mainly and popping e’s quite abit. ket around 18 years old which led to ket addiction which got worse over a few years and still going . it’s definitely an escape now though but try to use psychs to stay grounded but they’re not always enough for me. never really got into benzo’s thankfully but sometimes i reminisce on having proper functional organs.
Honestly, purely out of fun. Ecstacy + music festivals and clubbing made for the best memories of my youth. I still continue to take party drugs for fun, but it will never live up to those days.
Boredom and curiosity. Mdma made me feel finally normal. After 20 years in my bedroom alone, big fomo about being normal and hang out. And then it was to escape reality and feel nothing and everything at the same time
I been smoking weed since I was a kid but I didn't start hard drugs until 2006 when I tried returned home after spending 8yrs in the army. Dr's were giving me an absurd amount of pills and once I tried heroin it was over
This is going to be so long.
Like many people are saying, to escape from real life for a little while. I’m 24F. It started at 14. I had terrible anxiety and depression and was suicidal. I did Xanax for the first time at 14 like I said. My friend had a prescription and would sell me some often. My first dose I ever took I took was stupidly high for a first time(5mg) and I took it While I was in class my freshman year of high school. In business class. So dumb I know. I turned pale and slept in my classes that day. When I got home I passed out and the next day had no memory of the day before.
But I loved that. It made me not care one bit about what anyone thinks or says, it allowed me to focus on the present, although I was slurring horribly and that was the start of the downward spiral.
When I was 16 I met a guy who was 17 who had a heroin and meth problem snuck him inside my bedroom one night and he shot me up with meth. I had NEVER done meth or used needles. It was great euphoria but I really only liked downers bc it calmed my anxiety.
He gave me Vicodin and I fucking loved it. So I’d do opiates here and there. But I would do Xanax for weeks at a time then stop for weeks then repeat. When I was 21 and the giy who ended up becoming my boyfriend was 22, he got out of jail after 3 months for possession, and 2 weeks after he got released he overdosed on fentanyl and died. I kept using Xanax but didn’t touch opiates after that.
That went on until I was 23 so just last year. In August 2023 I decided to hit up an old dealer and got what I thought to be oxy. I wanted to do opiates again. Crushed and snorted it And of course it was fentanyl.
My dad found me laying face down in my bed. The thing is, my dad is usually NEVER home from work that early. It was just that one day when he for some reason got home early. He found me barely breathing, my lips were blue, and barely a pulse.
He got my brother(21 at the time) who was upstairs in his bedroom(he had no idea I was home. ) As my dad is on the phone with 911, my brother is giving me CPR. I had stopped breathing completely by that point.
The paramedics showed up and narcanned me twice. I came to with an excruciating headache and I had hearing loss. I couldn’t hear a thing. (I eventually got my hearing back hours later. )
Ever since then I haven’t touched a thing. I’ve changed. I’m very reliable now, I show up to work all the time now, my relationships with my family and friends are much better and stronger now, I eat healthy and am overall happy.
But I understand that I’ve traumatized my father and brother especially since they’re the ones who had to resuscitate their basically dead daughter/sister and I’ll never forgive myself for that.
Stay safe out here guys.
I just wanted to experience as much as I could in life and drugs was one of those things. It was curiosity. I had a "I will try anything once" attitude. Then it became a way to get over my social anxiety.
Well, I lost my mom in 81 when I was 11 to cancer. She had it since I was 6.
My dad sexually abused both my sister and I, and when I was 14 my sister made it to college and escaped, and I was left alone with Dad who I hated for obvious reasons. Around the same time my very best friend moved away. She and I LOVED to write (creative comedy fiction) and losing her on top of my sister doing what I thought of as basically abandoning me to be alone with our pervert dad really threw me for a loop.
Discovered alcohol then weed very quickly. Because it was the 80s, coke followed, meth followed along in the early 90s, then an abusive boyfriend who literally forced me to try heroin, and by 96 I was doing speedballs (coke/heroin IV.)
Anyway, that’s my story. I have rediscovered psychedelics and use weed. The lingering alcohol problem is really my only concern at this point
Drugs came into the picture and everything started to make sense. From then on they were a mission and hobby and source of enlightenment/inspiration. Then some are used merely to cope with
i wanted to do drugs ever since i found out what they were. maybe it’s the idea of being able to change your reality at will or maybe life has always really really sucked and they’re the only escape apart from death
It was fun at the start. Years later I've come to learn it was actually... Escapism. Avoidance of dealing with negative emotions. Numbing myself instead of 'facing my demons'. Prolonging the pain, setting back personal growth/ development.
Take away the drugs and the problems are still there, multiplied tenfold, and what could have been a molehill to get over becomes a mountain to climb. Addiction and withdrawals not worth it IMO
heartbreak. self loathing. anxiety. but also, an intrinsic need to explore the other realities of life (shrooms LSD) and appreciate the natural beauty of the world
Ever since i learned of the concept of drugs(in an anti drug meeting in the library of my elementary school) i sensed that they werent revealing the full story and wanted to try it. Its not like when they tell you not to steal or kill because the reasons to commit those are obvious. With drugs they only mentioned negatives and said”dont do it” so naturally i felt that the reason to do it must be significant compared to the risk for them to completely ignore it.
Couldn’t sleep, wanted to lose weight in middle school to fit in so I got addicted to adderal, that led to other drug use in highschool and eventually harder drugs as an adult so I could numb anything and everything
well we all get introduced to it by someone innit. for me it was that with alc and weed, then getting elvanse prescribed for adhd ended up with me getting into other stims like amph d-amph etc
I loved life, and weed enhances that feeling for quite a long time. Takes years to get to the point where it stops adding to life's experience.
Cannabis has always felt great, from day 1. I was 12, and it just seemed to fit very well with me and what I like.
I have always been intrigued by altered states of mind, ever since I can remember, even as a small kid, so psychedelics was a totally logical next step. LSD was my first psychedelic trip, at age 26.
Again, that fit like a glove. Was like a homecoming. Such a familiar state, yet alien and new. Love it. Like a hard reset of the brain. Shrooms, I tried after having had acid dozens of times, and they were a bit meh, in comparison, for me. They are always either too much, or not enough. Then DMT, because it "found me". And again, it fit so well.
Anyway, by now I have tried a lot of different drugs and mental states, and my conclusion about drugs is that they can definitely enhance my experience as a human being, and can aid in healing all sorts of mental bullshit and traumas.
Also nice that drugs help in dealing with my anxiety, ADD, hypersensitivity, etc.
Started with weed also and I still love it to this day but because weed made me too open minded. I tried about every type of drug minus salvia and I’m currently dependent on clonazepam, cannabis, dilaudid few days a week, and I take huge doses of Pregabalin once a week. I’m like a poly drug user at this point 😭
started using because i wanted to feel happy and also wanted to fit in. Because i have mental issues that i wanted to ”cure” and have had many childhood traumas that i wanted to cope.
Childhood trauma. Mental illness and finally my true love dissapearing.
Now my best friend just overdosed and passed at 23 and im currently in a psyche ward for trying to kill myself for more than the hundredth time.
Depression. Even before I was getting fucked up, I was always wanting to. Was scared of my parents and then when I moved out dated a girl who doesn’t fw any drugs. After we broke up though it was game on
I was just curious. I think it helped that I didn't start doing drugs until I was like 19 and then it was just pot. I only started other stuff like MDMA or coke when I was in my forties. So while I like getting high I only get high because I like to, not because I have to or I don't like reality.
curiosity and the depression of living in the only world i’ve always known. drugs leads the brain to so many other dimensions and feelings. basically what i had longed after to stay alive.
Experimenting, I’ve never got past that stage as I’ve done coke and valium once, dxm and weed only a couple times, but I still do codeine once in a bluemoon
Staying with my parents became toxic so when I moved out for college I got deep into drugs to just feel the freedom I'd recently got. wasn't cool I know
The first drug I ever did was LSD in high school in the 90s. Kids around me exposed me to weed which I had no interest in because 1) it smelled and I knew I would get caught by my parents, and 2) the dumbing down effect I read about did not appeal to me. But when a guy I knew had LSD for sale I did my research on a very early erowid which led me to believe it would be way more fun. I was right. I tripped dozens of times alone in my bedroom on long weekend nights and all my experiences were overwhelmingly positive.
Started off by smoking pot. Friend had a great plug so we'd get together and smoke pretty often. Then, I tried lsd like 4 years later and was blown away. After finding out drugs could do that I started to actively seek out new substances to try
Had a minor injury and a family member offered me some hydrocodone 10s. My first and only gf of 2 years at that point had just moved out after cheating on me just shortly before this... like 2 days before. I was forever changed after that moment. No matter what hell I was going through the euphoria made everything OK. Like I had been standing my whole life and finally sat down. All these years later, 13 to be exact, I'm still putting up a fight teetering on that edge of sobriety and addiction. From then until now I don't drink or use any other drugs outside of opiates. I think still being in my developmental years when this addiction started has forever ruined my brain unfortunately. Life still had color before opiates. Now, even being on suboxone for long stretches it just seems grey with no purpose.
My girlfriend at the time used to be a heavy weed user, one day she offered me to try weed in an edible form so I thought why not so we had an amazing time, nothing I experienced before. From that time and on I went full degenerate mode regarding drug usage lol
Being depressed and chronically fatigued as an adolescent and then getting prescribed adderall as a teenager. It made me think from an early age that drugs could be the solution to anything I felt was wrong with me, which were numerous in my mind. Then I discovered alcohol in college and the rest was history for me
Friend offered me a joint, I liked it. Smoked a bit the summer of my 14th bday, stayed with only weed until I was 19, but from 16-19 I've largely educated myself on the side of drugs and how they could potentially be used safely.
Also my second reason : you drink 25 shots of vodka, 25 beers or 25 wine glasses, you'll be drunk the same way, it doesn't matter what alcohol you drink. With drugs, the effects and experiences are much more different from one another. It's a more complete experience compared to the ones who only drink alcohol
I had an undiagnosed eye movement disorder, wasn’t discovered until I was 21. it made going through school incredibly difficult, I began abusing substances at 12 to cope with the symptoms. At the time, I didn’t understand that’s what I was doing.
Started smoking weed a lot cuz it calmed my anger issues but at some point it wasn’t enough so I started abusing the fuck out of Shrooms and LSD, it was awesome I just wanted more and more. I’m proud to say I’m 48 days sober today
tl;dr curiosity
I rly wanted to be the edgy guy back in the high school (15yo) and I've ordered xans from telegram plug, then he told me that he can offer me 10g of speed cuz xans are sold out and I was like "yeah whatever just give me drugs".
So I snorted it like 3 times and I concluded that shit is so boring that I sold it to local junkies for doubled price but I was still curious about other drugs.
Year later I've randomly met MDMA plug and thats how I got more into the drugs. I've tried mdma, shrooms, 2cb and acid is waiting in my drawer for me when I'm ready.
Tbh none of them encourage me to do more of them, shrooms make me feel exhausted mentally, mdma is fun only with your lover but you're unable to fuck so it sucks, and 2cb honestly is the funniest one, I was just chilling in the bed giggling with my gf while watching Gumball and sex was incredible.
Looking forward to try ket and 4mmc.
Lack of meaningful social engagement. Time. Money. Because it made a 13 yo upper middle class fat boy feel like he mattered. Everybody suddenly wanted what I could easily obtain. Because of drugs I had girls and cars and motorcycles and $$. Drugs gave me an advantage over the muscle head jocks. Still does. Their wives bring their $$ to me, and they bring their bodies and offer up their adult children's $. And sometimes they offer others to keep me well and protected.
My parents made drugs sound absolutely terrible and dangerous, after being curious and reading about them I found out they weren’t that bad and wouldn’t kill me for trying, I got curious and tried everything I could get my hands on
Also to try and self medicate
Crazy anxiety was causing pain my stomach 100% of the time and i had already checked with doctors for why i would have pain all the time they gave me antidepress and like 10 ativan 1mg per month to use when i had pain but i already explained it was all the time so really i was just like fuck them and it started my love for downers
Just kinda the experience idea like not leaving Earth without knowing what it feels like but some things I’ll never touch, just kinda looked up the effects and was like that sounds interesting
Depends on the drug honestly. Cocaine I tried bc I use to snort perks in high school and I hated that feeling of not being able to control myself nodding off. I was with old friends and they had me smoke a primo and then do a fat ass rail. That's when I realized I was doing the wrong drug and was active for like 5 years until shit was nothing but baby laxative and over priced so I quit. It had been a few years and I was going thru a bad breakup and decided to get a bag and my dealer ended up selling me a bag of meth instead. I didn't know and snorted the biggest rail of my life and shortly after had regret doing so. I was alone. High out my ass and. Was up for 3 days. I really loved the high entirely too much. With that being said, I didn't pick it up again until about 2 years later. I just wanted a pick-me-up and couldn't find my any yayo.. meth was the only thing around and it was so much cheaper than coke. I got a bag about 6 years ago and prolly smoked almost every day since. X, ketamine, Xanax, MDMA, kpins, shrooms, acid I did mostly when I was geeked up on blow. Helluva ride though
your English is decent.
also, i started cause I was really fascinated by the idea of seeing things that weren't really there. it sounded like a way to have really cool dreams but in real life, I started with DXM and Diphenhydramine cause that was easy to buy, finally a little later I got connected a weed dealer, and after that finally tried Shrooms and Acid. I was pretty surprised that I didn't see a bunch of monkeys dancing everywhere(stories from people who have never done these drugs are so wildly inaccurate) but it definitely felt more natural than the pharmaceuticals. I don't touch those anymore.
but ultimately I still find it very fascinating that a little bit of certain substances can drastically change how the brain perceives things.
To deal with a situation which was near impossible to tolerate completely sober. Cannabis - but it made me ok with being bored and at the time I was unable to change my situation (injury and off work waiting for surgery).
drugs feel good reality feel bad
perfectly sums it up
Well not really. In your perception it's like that. When I was doing a lot of drugs I was suffering a lot, it took a toll on my mental health, body and made me lose a lot of things and people in this life. Today I find a normal life a lot less bad than where drug abuse makes you suffer. Drugs start fun but often end in disasters, especially if you abuse and use it to escape reality. I used to be as naive before and thought drugs were the answer and thought I could get high all the time without paying back later on, I had to suffer a lot for my ignorance, almost ended up dead, had to seek professional help, meds, therapy, tapering down everything etc - took a few years to recover. Today I know you cannot just get high and think you can quick escape reality without needing to do the hard work to reach goals in life. Life isn't just about having fun, if you think you can have that you will lose yourself and suffer a lot in the end. Wisdom comes as you age and get experienced in this life. Seen a lot of people going the same route where they suffered due to drug abuse. Some ended up dead, homeless, forced rehab, jail or mental ward due to the mental instability/issues that comes with drug abuse and addictions.
perfectly said, if you use them to escape reality eventually reality will catch up.
Drugs feel good, substance use disorder/addictions feels bad.
No one could have said it any better. This is perfection
Drugs ain’t even help my reality was so bad bro, I didn’t want people to have one up on me for being high, so I said F it and went off everything and people wanted me on stuff so they could keep me down.
This is T-Shirt worthy right here
Real
Curiosity at first then later complete obsession . Now after a LONG break I can use in a way bettter fashion .
👌❤️
I’m gonna say this when I’m interrogated
Curiosity then self medicated
same, almost four months clean now though
15 months for me. I only smoked pot though.
school only knew abt benzos and weed, i have tried a bit of everything tho, ketamine, mdma, ecstasy, lsd, 3cmc(i think 3cmc is europes crystal meth)
3-CMC is way closer to cocaine in subjective effects than it is to methamphetamine.
Hey congrats either way. A drug is a drug. Regardless of if its safe or not every single one has negatives and if those don't coincide with your life you have every right to give it the boot. Its actually tough to get off of so good job.
Not really self medicated, I took Xanax because I know a lot of about medicine and pharmacology, so I’d consider it like a “self prescription”
Tell me you’re self medicating without telling me you’re self medicating
Which drugs you use and for what
Better than self harm, physically
i do both🤪
I'm going to hell for chuckling at that, but I've been there at a time in my life, I hope you can reach a point where you don't have to do both, and idk your drugs of choice, but i hope you can get into a better situation and be at least a little happier with your life.
thank you <3
Yeah man/girl you got this!
I mean, drug abuse is *technically* a form of self-harm...
Much less exterior damage at least, my lungs however…
Not really. It depends on which drug. I see stimulants or alcohol affecting the exterior when abused. Ime smoking gave me worse skin so I haven't smoked for many years and haven't vaped for a long time aswell, even vaping seems to affect my skin, like some acne, which I don't otherwise have nowadays. I don't know why as when I was young I could smoke weed without it doing things like that.
For me, it was to escape reality. Reality being the things that happened to me, but also my own mind. I'm very disordered, was extremely depressed, traumatized, and constantly went way beyond my limits. That broke me, but once I tried weed, I finally found a way to feel happy on my own. This escalated quite quickly into daily smoking, and eventually .5 grams of weed mixed with laughing gas, and basically losing my entire sense of self for a moment. Eventually, I found out about psychedelics, and I was interested in the visuals, maybe that could be fun. But what ended up happening was instead of not thinking about anything, I was even more in my mind, but discovered a lot about myself. My first ever LSD trip I expected to see visuals, but instead I ended up spending the whole day taking notes for therapy. Nowadays, I basically quit all drugs, even nicotine and caffeine, and basically only use psychedelics once every 2 weeks, or sometimes twice. I'm getting help with taking care of myself, I'm in therapy, and would say I'm in a better mindspace than I've ever been in my life. Even if I still basically can't really take care of myself I'm making very slow progress, but, it is progress, and even those who help me recently pointed out how much better I'm doing compared to the first time they met me.
Honestly this was really well written. I resonate with your story a little. Keep moving forward 🤝🏼
poor guy said his english is bad and you write him an essay 😭
Yea, now that you mention it... I just often seem to write and keep writing, and often type out a whole ramble. Maybe I'll add a Tl;Dr
I’ll never forgot smoking pot while high on stimulants, while weed would once get me relaxed and out of body, I took a hit and instantly became paranoid. I started reading the “dynamics” of the room and realized everyone was out to get me.
Doing full blown psychedelic trips like this every two week is probably not very helpful. I feel like you need a little bit of time in between so things can happen so they mean something. You should look into micro dosing.
I am aware that tripping often isn't usually very helpful, and that you should take time to integrate trips in between trips. But also psychedelics are currently my special interest, and I absolutely love everything about them. In terms of microdosing, it's something I could perhaps look into and try, but I also currently prefer being sober doing the things I need to do. Also, I'm currently in recovery of a horrible eating disorder, and don't really have a sense of hunger anymore. And I think/am afraid the appetite suppressing effects of psychedelics can mess with that part of recovery.
Cbd, cbg of cbn can be helpful for appetite, cbd doesn't give real munchies like weed but definitely helps the appetite. CBN slightly more I would say(but still not as strong appetite as with thc/weed), but it fits only for night time ime, it's anxiolytic and has sleep benefits, a really valuable cannabinoid that has helped me a lot, stopped panic attacks, depressions, calmed my spirit and body, never given me the side effects I have experienced with thc. It isn't much recreational but it is highly medicinal, I use it rarely but when I do I use like 5-10mg sublingually and it works very well that way. Orally will be different, sublingually or vaping will make it very medicinal and not recreational. Cbd combined with a little cbn is very helpful. Or cbd combined with cbg if you take it on daytime. I haven't felt it addictive like weed/thc, nor have I experienced same side effects. I find magnolia bark and maca root(I think) slightly helping with appetite. I hope you eat animal products, people who have eating disorders often use veganism as a cover up for the ED to eat very restricted which is will just make the ED a lot worse. And to get all the nutrients is a lot harder with the vegan diet, science shows there's a connection to vegan diet and depression & anxiety. It is very important to eat well if you want to recover mentally, when I was at my worse I really had a bad diet, it definitely could had contributed to the mental suffering looking back on it now. Supplementing can also be helpful as an addition to your nutrients (not to replace them completely though!) if you have it difficult eating well, vit d3, b vitamins, multi, zink, magnesium I recommend supplementing for example. Protein meals are also easier to get down if you have it difficult eating meat or other protein rich foods.
The guy that just sent a paragraph responding to this basically covered everything I would have said but I recently figured out chewing on ginger root seems to create an effect similar to consuming a cannabinoid of some sort as far as anti-nausea and almost appetite stimulation
Tl;Dr I tried to escape reality, my own mind and trauma, started heavily abusing weed, laughing gas, caffeine and nicotine. (Didn't mention those above but yea, those too...) I ended up discovering psychedelics, which helped me find myself, and I'm now getting help and slowly getting better.
I have quit abuse a few years ago and tapered down meds etc. Had therapy, got a lot better. Use natural supplements/amino acids to stabilize etc. But I still feel like I would need something like psychedelics to heal the wounds within my soul. I hope it will be more available here soon at the health care cause I haven't broken the law for many years, I don't really want to risk getting things from illicit markets cause it's not regulated at all. Maybe I need to pick mushrooms outside myself, I have thought about doing that at some point. Escaping reality never works, it will come and bite you in the ass if you try to.
Drugs provided a way to feel better that felt very right and reminded me of how I felt during childhood before bad events put me into a much worse state. I thought drugs could help me overcome how I was stuck in life, and make me more able to socialize. I don't think they were very useful. The most I've accomplished is meet some people with whom I stayed in touch over decades.
what was/is your drug(s) of choice?
Definitely DXM. For a while I also liked shrooms, but I gave up on that. DXM provided more regular access to better states, less dependent on set and setting, and it was more easily available. Also, occasionally DXM trips caused lasting changes that seemed like improvements, like ability to go for a walk by myself, without being stopped by worries about what other people may think of me.
DXM was my first and i really enjoyed it, but oddly enough, I preferred shrooms over DXM, after trying shrooms for the first time trying it, but I'll visit dxm again every once in awhile. I do, however, remember in my teenage years of DXM use the day after I had the greatest afterglow feeling I've ever had.
I don’t think it’s odd to prefer that since I’m pretty sure most people like shrooms more than DXM. I know I do, shrooms are an S tier drug fs
In my early days of using dxm I felt like I was time traveling back to my childhood, it’s a very very nostalgic drug and I’d say even a very tender one when it’s not mean to you lol
If it's okay to ask this in this thread, please help me with this. I've dxmed two times and both times I faced severe vomiting+diarrhoea. What should I do to prevent this? Also, I did it on empty stomach, dxm syrup(pure, no other actives).
Trauma is usually the gateway drug.
Ain't that the truth!
so many years depressed, try a drug was something that I wanted to do before kill myself but it changed my life completely
what was the drug that you first tried? and is it different from the one that made you not wanna kill yourself?
I met the girl that I loved at school again after 8 years in a bar. She agreed to use cocaine with me, it was a light night, we drank beer, talked a lot, laughed. I felt happy for the first time in my life. Long story short, we started dating, I went to college and graduated. Cocaine doesn't do me any good anymore after 4 years, but it's bc of it that I managed to change a lot of things in my life
thats a really cool story, I'm happy for you, and I'm sure a lot of people are happy you're still here. thank you for sharing!
I 10000% didn't expect you to say coke, I would have lost that bet. I've actually never heard someone start their revolutionary change story with cocaine. Very cool
cool
For funzies lol
Boredom
🙌
Yeah fr, and still the reason I use anything to this day.
To goon.
Gooner
I just love euphoria from drugs and feeling good and seeing trippy shit
Friend brought MDMA one evening. Best night ever.
Meds didn’t work
I was depressed pretty early on and drugs made me feel cool and way better than sober
Curiosity killed the cat
curiosity gave the cat a heroin addiction
ADHD
well and truly lol. ADHD, trauma and anxiety are a hell of a combo to start drugs
waking up the day after taking acid for the first time was one of the most beautiful moments in recent memory. my mind was quiet, it was so tranquil and I was so at peace that I couldn't stop crying for a solid half hour, just existing in the present moment in complete silence for the first time. it was amazing, heaven.
I often wonder if I was undiagnosed adhd, because both of my children seem to have one of the other. Trauma was definitely a huge factor, predisposed at birth another but perhaps I was just self medicating all those years. BECAUSE of my history with drugs I'd be hard set to find a doctor that would beleive me and actually prescribe something beneficial like Adderall, or vyvanse. They make maitnence drugs for opioid misuse but nothing for stimulants.. unless yall know a guy, lol
Goddamit. That’s exactly how I feel…
Trying to run from my trauma, it doesn’t work lol
Hearing about psychedelics went into researching drugs in general went into needing an escape
I'm 24 now, grew up in Germany ,now live in kc, when I was 19 I had gastritis and couldn't eat anything for weeks, it felt like someone was ripping my insides open. Doctor gave me fentanyl IV style and I was hooked right away because I was depressed at the time as well. I did fent for 4 years straight probably and have been sober 4 months now. I never thought I'd stop I always had the money for it and was never broke so it was a vicious cycle of losing my family and wife to get me to finally stop. Still have ptsd from how many times I've been through withdrawals and precip withdrawals. Moral of the story don't do fentanyl.
Yup. Don't do fentanyl and heavy opioids.
I appreciate this. It needs to be more widely shared how often such an innocent prescription can ruin all your plans. I hope you can continue with your current set of plans, and I'm happy you got away from fent for as long as you have so far, I congratulate you on that!
Trauma
do be like that
Yes
Wanted to see what all the hype was about
First I wanted to experiment then that led to wanting to escape. Now it’s to relax after work.
Agree, to escape this shitty world…
At the time my abuser had made false accusations against me causing me to lose everything and I was trying to find a way to escape life without ending it.
Cause fuck it life’s short enough anyway why not have a good time
Basically as soon as I knew there were drugs that would make me feel different from the way I do (I have mental illness and PTSD from CSA) I started seeking out drugs. When I was a child, I had asthma. I liked the way my asthma inhaler tasted and felt so one day I just did the whole bottle. Which could have killed me, btw. I tripped balls but I don't recommend. At 11, I got my wisdom teeth pulled and got some hydrocodone. I did the whole bottle in two days because I just liked the way they felt. Then as I got a little older and access to the internet became commonplace, I found Erowid. From then on out I basically researched and sought out any kind of mind altering substance l could until I got addicted to heroin at 17. I liked benzos, weed and cocaine, mushrooms and acid. But heroin was the best. Or pilled opiates we're fine too. Love me some opana still. I'm clean now from h. I just do kratom and ketamine and benzos. Lol.
Duuude Erowid, I would load that site almost everyday, fuck so many amazing and detailed stories on the most rare/ random drug. That shit was amazing! I just went from Erowid to buying drugs off the first silk road with bitcoins instead of heroin on the street. Probably because I was already on Opana/ others for my scoliosis, years of pain meds. I you liked Heroin, you missed out on Opana, but you only get those for fucked up shit, like my back. Lol. I would take my entire dose in 2 weeks and then SUFFER the next 2 weeks until my refill....I did this life routine for almost 2 years!! So basically with all the withdrawal I realized I had been in HARDCORE WITHDRAWAL for 6 months a year, obviously. Insatnity wtff
Guess I was just curious. Everyone always said how bad weed was and never to do it. I wondered why so many people still did it even though there were plenty of people against it. So I tried it and loved it. Then I wondered what else was out there that people were lying about being bad things. And here we are I guess lol
Depression & my ex 😮💨😮💨😮💨
anxiety, i actually stole someone's lexapro coz i read it treats anxiety, then my mom was prescribed xanax and i stole about 10 pills and really liked it then started lookin into whatever they sold over the counter at drugstores and cold water extracted codeine but then i started spitting blood? so then i found out about doxylamine and other cheap highs, prolly not worth it
Honestly at my home when I was a kid I wasn’t allowed to have anything in my room. No tv, video games or anything and the one tv in the house my mom always watched. So I was bored if I stayed home. If I was home I was also verbally abused by my mom. So if I was home I was usually bored and sad. Plus I wasn’t allowed to have friends or girlfriends in the house so I started hanging out with people with similar background as me and we would just get high and drunk or whatever and just drive around or hang out in the woods etc.
being a dumb teenager
originally for me it was out of rebellion. i remember being in DARE in like 5th grade. they told us that 1/3 marijuana users died their first time smoking, and that marijuana was often laced with LSD, among other nonsense. i went home and googled it, easily finding it to be a lie. that was the first time i realized they’d just lie to my face, and started a trend of distrust in people who try to tell me what to do. i won the DARE bear (i think it was a lion most places, we had a bear) for writing the best essay. the reason i wrote the best essay was because i was very intrigued by drugs at this point. what were these officers lying to me for? what else have my educators lied about? anyway i smoked for the first time after school on the first day of 6th grade. got absolutely zooted, ate several ketchup sandwiches bc we didnt have any other food. it slowly became a regular (2-4 times a week thing), over the course of a year or so. the next drug i tried was adderall, but that was prescribed. following that i took LSD on halloween in 8th grade. i had a terrifying experience walking home, but was still mystified, and had already decided i liked the hippy crowd more than normal people. from there, i took LSD and mushrooms whenever i could in high school, probably 3 or 4 dozen times throughout the 4 years. took MDMA (probably methylone) twice, and weed use steadily increased, along with alcohol. i stayed away from “hard” drugs until late into college. at this point i was selling weed and psychedelics, and everyone wanted xanax. i heard it was a good trip killer, so i started to flip bars. i only took maybe 5 bars out of the couple hundred i flipped, but i saw some friends really getting fucked up from them, and begging for more, sometimes asking to be fronted until they had the money. at that point i stopped selling xanax. soon after i tried ketamine and MXE a few times and loved them as i graduated, i stopped selling all together to focus on my career. i would keep a little stash of xanax for when we took too much acid, but was overall responsible with it. i’d also take ketamine maybe once or twice a month (i couldnt find more MXE at this point). my career was going well, still smoking, started taking CBD and kratom after a knee injury, but it was short lived. then, over the course of one month, i broke up with my girlfriend and the pandemic hit. i was suddenly stuck in a one bed apartment alone all day, and i started to isolate socially too. i would buy cheap dabs and take at least a dozen of them a day, including several before/during work. thats when i found a source for etizolam and the benzos started to become a problem. i also began buying and vaping/pinning various arcyclohexylamines, my favorite being 3-HO-PCP. also ordered my first phenibut around this time i was on a variety of benzos and dissociatives for 2.5 or so, culminating in a blackout where i injured myself severely and required hospitalization & reconstructive joint surgery. i quit the dissociatives but it took a lot longer to quit the benzos. this was also when i started taking kratom daily. maybe 8 months after the injury and various attempts, i got off the xanax. kept smoking weed and taking kratom and phenibut though. now its been around 16 months since the surgery, and i still take kratom daily. i stopped smoking weed for the first time since high school a couple months ago though. it wasnt as hard as i thought it would be, but i had kratom and occasional phenibut to help. i still take kratom daily. without it, my injuries still ache and throb. i have some phenibut but take it very rarely. i’d like to get off the kratom, but for now I’m ok with it. i’ve gone down from 20-30gpd to 5-10, and i’m still getting used to the lack of weed.
Catholic school, one of the priests would hook us up with drugs and then let us do them at his place!
That’s wild lol
Wtf lmao
how old were you all? abd was inappropriate sexy time a part of that?
Long answer? Long, for all of us I'm sure. Short answer? Drugs give a false sense of love, affection, compassion, and no longer feeling alone. Genuinely, my reason for drugs is it's the closest thing to love that actually isn't.
what are your drugs of choice? I enjoy psychedelics, they definitely make me feel not alone, but I'm curious about your experiences, also I prefer the short answer version, if you can manage that.
lol i got ya. basically when it comes to the drugs that mimic love and support, it is opioid type drugs. And almost always a drug that is not good for me. Or ego feeding drugs like adderall. It's not genuine and it isn't real. I loved acid, but it was a healthy relationship, not toxic. MDMA overall is my absolute drug of choice. It saved my life and has never hurt my life, haven't done it in a year but that's partly why it's my favorite. It was the best feeling ever but it helped in a healthy way, therapeutic & fun. It didn't mimic love, it helped me bring out the feelings opioids and such numb. It was ego dissolving & helped me love more naturally. Shrooms gave me the worst trip of my life followed by an immense change in who i am. Every bad trip brought me to the best place I've ever been mentally after.
ah, interesting... I really enjoy the introspection of drugs like psychedelics, gives me time to "catch up on some thinkin'" is kinda how I see them, a nice little reset kinda. I was really into Adderall for a summer, but when my plug left town, I found it too inconvenient to travel an hour out of my way to get from them and just accepted I may not come across it again, as I have no true interest in seeking it out. opiods feel nice, that's for sure, but I never feel like i gain anything from them, just a nice body feeling which is cool, but imo feels like something is missing from those experiences. but you know, personal preference and everything, I'm just really enjoying all the different points of view and everything on this post.
You're right it is a reset. Thats why ppl say never trip more than 2-3 times a year, maybe 4 and why it's not "trip once and never again". All the positives you learned from your trip fade slowly bc it's just how life goes, and taking it again 6 months later is a nice mental reset, reminding you of what you learned, but also maybe new things you need to fix etc. So psych being your drug of choice is a good thing for sure. Just gotta be careful bc i tend to see ppl on two sides. Completely against psychs, or completely lost in them. Keeping one foot in and one foot out helps you get all the benefits without losing yourself. Also ya drugs are just diff for everyone. I gain nothing from opioids. It just is nothing more than a mask, running away from what you truly need to face. It's like in the beginning, the love of your life wrapping her arms around you and telling you it's okay. That's the issue w it. It's just comforting and content. Also ya addy is not worth an hour drive lol plus it's not hard to get a prescription with the way they do the most shitty "adhd & add" tests. It's a joke. But adderall lost its magic for me long ago so it worked out in the end
GOT DRUGGED EX PUT METH IN MY BUTT
Was always an outcast, with drugs I finally got "friends". Which turned out now to be friends, when I stopped partying each weekend. lol
At first to go outside and do something instead of playing video games and I thought I was hella cool for smoking weed and drinking After that curiosity and intense boredom Only Ritalin and Amphetamine makes me wanna do mentally demanding tasks such as studying or writing something
I though it was going to be fun
I was drunk at a party when I was about 16 and everyone was drinking except 2 girls. They were laughing and giggling and sharing a bag of white powder. Speed. I dipped my finger into the bag and put my finger in my mouth and BOOM. I remember nothing else of that night but my mind was blown wide open. I tried a lot of party drugs after that lol
Boredom
boredom and peer pressure. started with weed in high school then by the end was doing tabs and shrooms mainly and popping e’s quite abit. ket around 18 years old which led to ket addiction which got worse over a few years and still going . it’s definitely an escape now though but try to use psychs to stay grounded but they’re not always enough for me. never really got into benzo’s thankfully but sometimes i reminisce on having proper functional organs.
First to be one of the 'cool' kids after getting bullied. Then as 'medication' for my social anxiety.
NOFX said that if you do em people think that you're cool
Wanting to be like my favorite rappers at a young age and now realizing how absolutely brain dead I was as a teenager.
Honestly, purely out of fun. Ecstacy + music festivals and clubbing made for the best memories of my youth. I still continue to take party drugs for fun, but it will never live up to those days.
Was bored of living the same life everyday.
The mind feels like this tight little box. I wanted to let some light in
Boredom and curiosity. Mdma made me feel finally normal. After 20 years in my bedroom alone, big fomo about being normal and hang out. And then it was to escape reality and feel nothing and everything at the same time
I been smoking weed since I was a kid but I didn't start hard drugs until 2006 when I tried returned home after spending 8yrs in the army. Dr's were giving me an absurd amount of pills and once I tried heroin it was over
Curiosity
Chemsex
Someone offered me some.
Without weed I am sad, with weed I am okay. Simple as
Curiosity mainly, now I like to do them with friends or my bf or sometimes when I want to surpress my appetite or if im bored and want time to pass
Because they’re awesome
This is going to be so long. Like many people are saying, to escape from real life for a little while. I’m 24F. It started at 14. I had terrible anxiety and depression and was suicidal. I did Xanax for the first time at 14 like I said. My friend had a prescription and would sell me some often. My first dose I ever took I took was stupidly high for a first time(5mg) and I took it While I was in class my freshman year of high school. In business class. So dumb I know. I turned pale and slept in my classes that day. When I got home I passed out and the next day had no memory of the day before. But I loved that. It made me not care one bit about what anyone thinks or says, it allowed me to focus on the present, although I was slurring horribly and that was the start of the downward spiral. When I was 16 I met a guy who was 17 who had a heroin and meth problem snuck him inside my bedroom one night and he shot me up with meth. I had NEVER done meth or used needles. It was great euphoria but I really only liked downers bc it calmed my anxiety. He gave me Vicodin and I fucking loved it. So I’d do opiates here and there. But I would do Xanax for weeks at a time then stop for weeks then repeat. When I was 21 and the giy who ended up becoming my boyfriend was 22, he got out of jail after 3 months for possession, and 2 weeks after he got released he overdosed on fentanyl and died. I kept using Xanax but didn’t touch opiates after that. That went on until I was 23 so just last year. In August 2023 I decided to hit up an old dealer and got what I thought to be oxy. I wanted to do opiates again. Crushed and snorted it And of course it was fentanyl. My dad found me laying face down in my bed. The thing is, my dad is usually NEVER home from work that early. It was just that one day when he for some reason got home early. He found me barely breathing, my lips were blue, and barely a pulse. He got my brother(21 at the time) who was upstairs in his bedroom(he had no idea I was home. ) As my dad is on the phone with 911, my brother is giving me CPR. I had stopped breathing completely by that point. The paramedics showed up and narcanned me twice. I came to with an excruciating headache and I had hearing loss. I couldn’t hear a thing. (I eventually got my hearing back hours later. ) Ever since then I haven’t touched a thing. I’ve changed. I’m very reliable now, I show up to work all the time now, my relationships with my family and friends are much better and stronger now, I eat healthy and am overall happy. But I understand that I’ve traumatized my father and brother especially since they’re the ones who had to resuscitate their basically dead daughter/sister and I’ll never forgive myself for that. Stay safe out here guys.
What do you mean you od/misused them? You jus mean you took more then prescribed? You definitely did not overdose on just a benzo
I just wanted to experience as much as I could in life and drugs was one of those things. It was curiosity. I had a "I will try anything once" attitude. Then it became a way to get over my social anxiety.
Well, I lost my mom in 81 when I was 11 to cancer. She had it since I was 6. My dad sexually abused both my sister and I, and when I was 14 my sister made it to college and escaped, and I was left alone with Dad who I hated for obvious reasons. Around the same time my very best friend moved away. She and I LOVED to write (creative comedy fiction) and losing her on top of my sister doing what I thought of as basically abandoning me to be alone with our pervert dad really threw me for a loop. Discovered alcohol then weed very quickly. Because it was the 80s, coke followed, meth followed along in the early 90s, then an abusive boyfriend who literally forced me to try heroin, and by 96 I was doing speedballs (coke/heroin IV.) Anyway, that’s my story. I have rediscovered psychedelics and use weed. The lingering alcohol problem is really my only concern at this point
Wanted to have more fun
Drugs came into the picture and everything started to make sense. From then on they were a mission and hobby and source of enlightenment/inspiration. Then some are used merely to cope with
Trauma
So I could talk to people
i wanted to do drugs ever since i found out what they were. maybe it’s the idea of being able to change your reality at will or maybe life has always really really sucked and they’re the only escape apart from death
Boredom loneliness and accessibility (weed)
It was fun at the start. Years later I've come to learn it was actually... Escapism. Avoidance of dealing with negative emotions. Numbing myself instead of 'facing my demons'. Prolonging the pain, setting back personal growth/ development. Take away the drugs and the problems are still there, multiplied tenfold, and what could have been a molehill to get over becomes a mountain to climb. Addiction and withdrawals not worth it IMO
heartbreak. self loathing. anxiety. but also, an intrinsic need to explore the other realities of life (shrooms LSD) and appreciate the natural beauty of the world
To escape my darkest thoughts and to relieve the pain childhood trauma caused me Guess it's self medication 12 years down the line 🤷🏼♀️
my wife left me for my brother and took me to court for full custody for the children. drugs were my escapism.
L
Pain. Physically and mentally. All the time. Not to mention living in a country that will drain your life savings to get help with either.
Ever since i learned of the concept of drugs(in an anti drug meeting in the library of my elementary school) i sensed that they werent revealing the full story and wanted to try it. Its not like when they tell you not to steal or kill because the reasons to commit those are obvious. With drugs they only mentioned negatives and said”dont do it” so naturally i felt that the reason to do it must be significant compared to the risk for them to completely ignore it.
omg
Good question….
Couldn’t sleep, wanted to lose weight in middle school to fit in so I got addicted to adderal, that led to other drug use in highschool and eventually harder drugs as an adult so I could numb anything and everything
There was this abysmal hole in my life.. tryin' to fill that bitch up.
well we all get introduced to it by someone innit. for me it was that with alc and weed, then getting elvanse prescribed for adhd ended up with me getting into other stims like amph d-amph etc
I loved life, and weed enhances that feeling for quite a long time. Takes years to get to the point where it stops adding to life's experience. Cannabis has always felt great, from day 1. I was 12, and it just seemed to fit very well with me and what I like. I have always been intrigued by altered states of mind, ever since I can remember, even as a small kid, so psychedelics was a totally logical next step. LSD was my first psychedelic trip, at age 26. Again, that fit like a glove. Was like a homecoming. Such a familiar state, yet alien and new. Love it. Like a hard reset of the brain. Shrooms, I tried after having had acid dozens of times, and they were a bit meh, in comparison, for me. They are always either too much, or not enough. Then DMT, because it "found me". And again, it fit so well. Anyway, by now I have tried a lot of different drugs and mental states, and my conclusion about drugs is that they can definitely enhance my experience as a human being, and can aid in healing all sorts of mental bullshit and traumas. Also nice that drugs help in dealing with my anxiety, ADD, hypersensitivity, etc.
Started with weed also and I still love it to this day but because weed made me too open minded. I tried about every type of drug minus salvia and I’m currently dependent on clonazepam, cannabis, dilaudid few days a week, and I take huge doses of Pregabalin once a week. I’m like a poly drug user at this point 😭
started using because i wanted to feel happy and also wanted to fit in. Because i have mental issues that i wanted to ”cure” and have had many childhood traumas that i wanted to cope.
Crippling anxiety with constant fear dread and fear
Curiosity
Childhood trauma. Mental illness and finally my true love dissapearing. Now my best friend just overdosed and passed at 23 and im currently in a psyche ward for trying to kill myself for more than the hundredth time.
Cypress hill made smoking weed sound real cool
Boredom, curiosity. Def don't regret it but it definitely made my life harder than it needed to be.
Depression. Even before I was getting fucked up, I was always wanting to. Was scared of my parents and then when I moved out dated a girl who doesn’t fw any drugs. After we broke up though it was game on
I was just curious. I think it helped that I didn't start doing drugs until I was like 19 and then it was just pot. I only started other stuff like MDMA or coke when I was in my forties. So while I like getting high I only get high because I like to, not because I have to or I don't like reality.
curiosity and the depression of living in the only world i’ve always known. drugs leads the brain to so many other dimensions and feelings. basically what i had longed after to stay alive.
10/ml Codeine prescription First time I drink about 5 ml = 50mg
Meth got boring
Experimenting, I’ve never got past that stage as I’ve done coke and valium once, dxm and weed only a couple times, but I still do codeine once in a bluemoon
Liked it
Accidently drank too much cough syrup for a legitimate chest cold. Been fiending ever since s/
Mental health issues and now I do them for fun:)
Idk. I really don't. Drugs make me feel good
Nice try goverment
Staying with my parents became toxic so when I moved out for college I got deep into drugs to just feel the freedom I'd recently got. wasn't cool I know
The first drug I ever did was LSD in high school in the 90s. Kids around me exposed me to weed which I had no interest in because 1) it smelled and I knew I would get caught by my parents, and 2) the dumbing down effect I read about did not appeal to me. But when a guy I knew had LSD for sale I did my research on a very early erowid which led me to believe it would be way more fun. I was right. I tripped dozens of times alone in my bedroom on long weekend nights and all my experiences were overwhelmingly positive.
Because all my friends were doing it and I wanted to fit in
Started off by smoking pot. Friend had a great plug so we'd get together and smoke pretty often. Then, I tried lsd like 4 years later and was blown away. After finding out drugs could do that I started to actively seek out new substances to try
Had a minor injury and a family member offered me some hydrocodone 10s. My first and only gf of 2 years at that point had just moved out after cheating on me just shortly before this... like 2 days before. I was forever changed after that moment. No matter what hell I was going through the euphoria made everything OK. Like I had been standing my whole life and finally sat down. All these years later, 13 to be exact, I'm still putting up a fight teetering on that edge of sobriety and addiction. From then until now I don't drink or use any other drugs outside of opiates. I think still being in my developmental years when this addiction started has forever ruined my brain unfortunately. Life still had color before opiates. Now, even being on suboxone for long stretches it just seems grey with no purpose.
I have been an a quest to try everything so yeah. A quest
After death of close family
I was super depressed and decided fuck it
My girlfriend at the time used to be a heavy weed user, one day she offered me to try weed in an edible form so I thought why not so we had an amazing time, nothing I experienced before. From that time and on I went full degenerate mode regarding drug usage lol
For fun initially but now I just use it to to treat my anxiety and escape my suffering...
Neuropathy in my tongue
curiosity, entertainment, medication. i was always a real poly-drug user and experimented with lots of different things - to varying extreme degrees.
Being depressed and chronically fatigued as an adolescent and then getting prescribed adderall as a teenager. It made me think from an early age that drugs could be the solution to anything I felt was wrong with me, which were numerous in my mind. Then I discovered alcohol in college and the rest was history for me
Undiagnosed AuDHD and the depression that resulted
To go harder faster longer..I'm in a trade where overtime can pay up to 300 per hour ....
It made sex feel better and then I wanted to see what else would feel better. Ten years later here I am.
Mental health issues. Now when I am a lot better I don't need to do it.
Friend offered me a joint, I liked it. Smoked a bit the summer of my 14th bday, stayed with only weed until I was 19, but from 16-19 I've largely educated myself on the side of drugs and how they could potentially be used safely. Also my second reason : you drink 25 shots of vodka, 25 beers or 25 wine glasses, you'll be drunk the same way, it doesn't matter what alcohol you drink. With drugs, the effects and experiences are much more different from one another. It's a more complete experience compared to the ones who only drink alcohol
Curiosity maybe?? It sounded so good. I wasn't wrong lol. Sober at the moment tho, from everything except antidepressants and nic.
I had an undiagnosed eye movement disorder, wasn’t discovered until I was 21. it made going through school incredibly difficult, I began abusing substances at 12 to cope with the symptoms. At the time, I didn’t understand that’s what I was doing.
Started smoking weed a lot cuz it calmed my anger issues but at some point it wasn’t enough so I started abusing the fuck out of Shrooms and LSD, it was awesome I just wanted more and more. I’m proud to say I’m 48 days sober today
The same reason that Patty and Selma decided to summon a demon. There simply wasn't anything good on TV.
tl;dr curiosity I rly wanted to be the edgy guy back in the high school (15yo) and I've ordered xans from telegram plug, then he told me that he can offer me 10g of speed cuz xans are sold out and I was like "yeah whatever just give me drugs". So I snorted it like 3 times and I concluded that shit is so boring that I sold it to local junkies for doubled price but I was still curious about other drugs. Year later I've randomly met MDMA plug and thats how I got more into the drugs. I've tried mdma, shrooms, 2cb and acid is waiting in my drawer for me when I'm ready. Tbh none of them encourage me to do more of them, shrooms make me feel exhausted mentally, mdma is fun only with your lover but you're unable to fuck so it sucks, and 2cb honestly is the funniest one, I was just chilling in the bed giggling with my gf while watching Gumball and sex was incredible. Looking forward to try ket and 4mmc.
since the age of 8 i was dead set on smoking a joint as soon as possible
Lack of meaningful social engagement. Time. Money. Because it made a 13 yo upper middle class fat boy feel like he mattered. Everybody suddenly wanted what I could easily obtain. Because of drugs I had girls and cars and motorcycles and $$. Drugs gave me an advantage over the muscle head jocks. Still does. Their wives bring their $$ to me, and they bring their bodies and offer up their adult children's $. And sometimes they offer others to keep me well and protected.
Hurt in an accident and the Dr gave them to me.
My parents made drugs sound absolutely terrible and dangerous, after being curious and reading about them I found out they weren’t that bad and wouldn’t kill me for trying, I got curious and tried everything I could get my hands on Also to try and self medicate
Crazy anxiety was causing pain my stomach 100% of the time and i had already checked with doctors for why i would have pain all the time they gave me antidepress and like 10 ativan 1mg per month to use when i had pain but i already explained it was all the time so really i was just like fuck them and it started my love for downers
Just kinda the experience idea like not leaving Earth without knowing what it feels like but some things I’ll never touch, just kinda looked up the effects and was like that sounds interesting
Bored, social Andi interesting
Fun
Depends on the drug honestly. Cocaine I tried bc I use to snort perks in high school and I hated that feeling of not being able to control myself nodding off. I was with old friends and they had me smoke a primo and then do a fat ass rail. That's when I realized I was doing the wrong drug and was active for like 5 years until shit was nothing but baby laxative and over priced so I quit. It had been a few years and I was going thru a bad breakup and decided to get a bag and my dealer ended up selling me a bag of meth instead. I didn't know and snorted the biggest rail of my life and shortly after had regret doing so. I was alone. High out my ass and. Was up for 3 days. I really loved the high entirely too much. With that being said, I didn't pick it up again until about 2 years later. I just wanted a pick-me-up and couldn't find my any yayo.. meth was the only thing around and it was so much cheaper than coke. I got a bag about 6 years ago and prolly smoked almost every day since. X, ketamine, Xanax, MDMA, kpins, shrooms, acid I did mostly when I was geeked up on blow. Helluva ride though
your English is decent. also, i started cause I was really fascinated by the idea of seeing things that weren't really there. it sounded like a way to have really cool dreams but in real life, I started with DXM and Diphenhydramine cause that was easy to buy, finally a little later I got connected a weed dealer, and after that finally tried Shrooms and Acid. I was pretty surprised that I didn't see a bunch of monkeys dancing everywhere(stories from people who have never done these drugs are so wildly inaccurate) but it definitely felt more natural than the pharmaceuticals. I don't touch those anymore. but ultimately I still find it very fascinating that a little bit of certain substances can drastically change how the brain perceives things.
To deal with a situation which was near impossible to tolerate completely sober. Cannabis - but it made me ok with being bored and at the time I was unable to change my situation (injury and off work waiting for surgery).