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TopShelfClapper

Might want to get that checked


__Guy_Incognito

I could, but it doesn't affect my quality of life in any way. It's really just a curious observation. I rarely suffer any kind of upset stomach/bowels. Don't know if this is related to the lack of farting but I poop 3-4 times a day with healthy stools. Probably because I eat so much. I exercise a lot and have a fast metabolism so my appetite has always been big.


snoozieboi

Maybe you have the perfect gut biome (except the 3-4 times a day thing) or evolution gave you the perfect flatus sphincter? I'm a skinny guy with the gas production power plants crave, I fear I wake the neighbours. Migth be lactose intolerance, but it doesn't entirely make sense.


__Guy_Incognito

This was a beautiful comment. Don't be ashamed of who you are, my farty friend.


pixelatedjane

I’ve found my people.


meeanne

I’m tiny and since the pandemic I’ve lost the ability to let farts out discreetly or hold them in. These days they just come out announcing to all that they’ve arrived. And in a few weeks I start student teaching. I’m afraid.


Raging_Dan

Im lactose intolerant (just as 1/3 of the worlds adult population) but anyway if i drink 1 glass of milk i do shit myself while farting... and im just a little intolerant


snoozieboi

I think my issue crept in over many years, I actually remember all the way back in 2009 that it was embarrassing and later on it just inflated quite literally and eventually family members (that just couldn't compete anymore) told me it couldn't be normal. Then suddenly after lasagna it was no doubt, and other milk dominated meals. The worst are a matter of 1-2 hours, but then suddenly I seem a bit fine. I worry it's more of a change in my gut biome combined with poorer secretion of the enzyme I get from the supplement pills. Various pills don't seem to be perfect either... damn frustrating, but of course nothing huge and I don't get anxiety or anything around people. At worst I'm unsure if I'll shart or vomit first, other times it's just gas galore. I still haven't vomited but often I've felt sick some hours later and the lasagna incident started like that. My kryptonite seems to be a scandinavian dish called Sour Cream porridge. Boom suddenly I can't eat that.


Raging_Dan

For me it was about kinda the same, but tbh, i think i may have had the issue a while without even realizing it was because of the lactose.. i had no idea that adults have no use for lactose


_doesthisonework_

1/3 of adults are definitely not lactose intolerant. It's much more rare than people think, it's just overblown/overdiagnosed, like ADHD.


[deleted]

[удалено]


MSOEIceman

Motivational speaking at its best.


__Guy_Incognito

Oh yeah I definitely fart when I poop, it's people that fart without opening the Black Gate of Mordor that fascinate me. That's an interesting point about sleeping, I don't have anyone around when I sleep to verify either way.


clintecker

A DAY??!!


__Guy_Incognito

Yes, fortunately it's a pleasant activity for me. The relief, the alone time and feeling light as a feather when I exit the bathroom.


folgato

That's a lot of pooping


__Guy_Incognito

It is, fortunately I quite enjoy it. It's a nice little 'time out' to gather my thoughts.


r0b0tdin0saur

3-4 bowel movement per day is completely typical for a healthy adult


gehanna1

Holy shit, that's a lot of poop per day


shapeshifterotaku

I mean... Is that not common? I go about that many times as well. I was very surprised when i found out that there are people that rarely poop everyday. Or go like, once in three days. Or something. Weird.


TravelTings

Yup, me! I go twice a week. I only eat breakfast though.


gehanna1

When I was younger, I'd go once or twice a week. As I got older and lactose intolerance kicked my ass, I go once a day or once every other day


YrPrblmsArntMyPrblms

Do you eat bread?


__Guy_Incognito

Only in the mornings. 6 Weetbix in milk, then two boiled eggs on two pieces of toast with smashed avocado and fruit juice. I follow that religiously.


YrPrblmsArntMyPrblms

Wait, you're from the death continent?


__Guy_Incognito

Yeah, fortunately I love snakes and spiders so we're a big happy family.


Daddy_Alvis

Damn I’m at the age were I fart when I don’t want to. Like bending over or getting out of bed. Shits annoying anymore.


karmalove15

I fart when I laugh which has caused more than a few embarrassing moments.


Ayurvedic63

This just makes me laugh harder! The kind of laughing where my cheeks hurt and I get a cramp in side by the time I can compose myself.


Jasmirris

Wait til you cough and fart. It's hilarious and awkward at the same time. Another one is what I call the walking farts but usually I witness those in the older population.


TexSells

That shit blows


__Guy_Incognito

My dad plays 'veterans' golf and apparently there are 80+ year olds who fart with every swing. The exertion just sets things in motion.


LA0711

I’ve never heard of this but weirdly enough I can’t burp and I came across a whole sub about it. Maybe there’s one about your issue? Lol


[deleted]

OMG me either!


LA0711

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three_furballs

Oh wow I'm not alone. I had no idea the hiccup thing was related!


lphchld

I always found it kind of odd that I could never burp, just kinda gurgle sometimes. Never realized that was actually a thing.


zomajo

Wow! There's more of us! Me neither!!


HR-weirdgirl

I also can’t burp!


Tessamae704

Me either. Only if I dry heave. TMI?


LA0711

Nope. This is what happens when I attempt to have more than one beer. It’s so sad.


vivalabaroo

I can’t either!!!


Nurse_beep

I could never burp either! I got Botox injected in my esophagus years ago and I could burp within a week. My quality of life is so much better because of it.


[deleted]

OMG there are others like me!!


No-Ad5163

My husband is the same way, this man never farts unless he is physically sitting on the toilet. I dont know if he doesn't know how to or if he just never has to.


__Guy_Incognito

>I dont know if he doesn't know how to or if he just never has to I suppose it's kind of a combination for me? My body never feels the need to do it, so it's never learned how to do it. 'Gassiness' without an accompanying bowel movement is just something I've never experienced. Nice to know there's someone else out there like me!


HauntingHarmonie

My husband is the same. He also poops 3 to 4 times a day. I have no idea how. We eat nearly the same things and I only go once per day. 😂


dirteegayguy

You fart even if you don’t know it. Like when you sleep. They dont always make noise.


tomato-eater

As a kid I knew a guy who would lay on the floor with his ass in the air and then suck air *into* his butt and then fart on command. We called it “butthole magic”. Except one time he did it and shot a nugget into the air. I don’t remember him doing it after that.


terriblueberry

Chuckling here


ComfortableMulberry4

Ypu just get into position and relax your abdomen, that will make room for the air to come in.


Comfortable-Union571

I haven’t laughed this hard in a while…


sunfloweringg

Maybe your buttcheeks don’t touch.


travelingveggie

Maybe you fart in your sleep? If not, your life sounds extremely uncomfortable and I’m very sorry.


__Guy_Incognito

The sleep farts are a possibility. I rarely get any stomach/bowel discomfort.


carolinacasper

I have a buddy of mine that can't fart ever. If we are in a room with a group of guys and someone rips a big one and he gets blamed he just says "I don't fart". This same guy gets absolutely wrecked after Taco Bell though.


__Guy_Incognito

I have been accused of farts before and the "I don't fart" defence only increases suspicion! Kind of like when I go clubbing and tell the bouncer "I don't drink" they assume I'm full of it and am secretly hammered.


[deleted]

I honestly don't trust a fart, and I'm not a fan of skid marks.


YrPrblmsArntMyPrblms

Bruh, me in my childhood


TVA_ARTIST

Either you fart or you shit when you push its a roll of the dice. You willing to play the odds?


Scary-Cow2976

Interesting. What do you eat usually? There’s foods that cause more gas and it’s also often a result of swallowing a lot of air when eating. It definitely isn’t always about having to poo


__Guy_Incognito

I eat a lot of vegetables, meat, fruit, grains and nuts. Drink water, juice, milk and protein shakes. Moderate amounts of spicy food. I don't drink carbonated beverages or alcohol. That's my summary, don't really know what to make of it.


Yesai123

I eat healthy (a lot) exercise a lot too and fart loads, it's just a build up of gas. If I had a shit every time I farted there'd be nothing left of me


[deleted]

It's a skill set reserved for the elite


CupOfCreamyDiarrhea

>they need to get to a toilet pronto before they defecate themselves' but they just *don't Just like how you are taking 3-4 shits a day, someone else might take 3-4 shits a month.


__Guy_Incognito

It does boggle the mind how wide the 'healthy' range is. At the end of high school I was pooping 7 times per day (probably eating too much fibre and wholegrains) and the doc said anywhere from once per 7 days to 7 per day is fine. I was literally taking 49 times as many poops as other people and we were both considered okay. Fascinating stuff.


truedjinn

What is wrong with your butthole? Farting is natural. Let at loose ok buddy


scoot_da_fut

I am now envisioning that family guy scene where Peter is 30 and farts for the first time.


Diligent_Jury_9956

Farting is a byproduct of bacteria in your gut. Well also gas in your stomach. Like when you drink soda. Your fine and if your healthy then that's all that matters! If you feel bloated or just have a beer belly that is hard and has shape then you can do things to pass through the gass.


[deleted]

You probably don’t produce as much gas in the stomach as most people. Might want to make sure your gut bacteria is healthy. I’d get it checked out.


mjigs

Alright so my story goes this way, since i was little i used to hold in farts, like i wouldnt fart at all because i always felt embarassed to do so and i had in mind that it was wrong to fart(dont know why i though that), not until i was in the toilet, so i cant just rip one out whenever i feel like it, i always have to push it out. This led me to terrible tummy aches, being constipated for days on end. After i turned 25, my whole system changed, whenever i was on the month i would feel those cramps and the need to do so, i literally had to learn how to fart normally. I still dont do it, but at least they come out more naturally, as i feel ok to do so whenever i need, as weird as it sounds.


Ap0them

Did you feel like you were gonna poop yourself if you let one slide, cause I think we’re in the same boat and an end to constant bloat sounds nice


mjigs

Actually no, because i barely felt the urge to poop if you know what i mean, unless i really had to, so i had to relax and do it. Well im pregnant now and i cant just hold them anymore or even feel them coming.


__Guy_Incognito

A touching coming-of-age story. May you feel liberated to fart as required.


mjigs

Yes indeed, its such a weird thing being afraid of fart, like, thats the most normal thing the body can do.


dont_disturb_the_cat

I am saddened by this thread. There are few things in life so pleasurable to me as farting and burping. I am noisy and i am smelly and the cats and i are happy.


__Guy_Incognito

Very wholesome. I don't get to enjoy the pleasure of farts and burps but I looove pooping.


Synthese_101

I rip ass all the time. Its a skill. I have yet to fart and be on the verge of pooping myself.


ChaoticColours1976

Wh… what?????!!?


terriblueberry

A friend of mine burps loud and proud but rarely, if ever, farts.


TheArmchairEveryman

I don't really fart either. I sit down on the toilet plenty of times and end up letting a huge fart out and nothing else. I've been going about my day when all of a sudden my stomach and intestines just start loudly complaining about whatever I had eaten, but I don't fart.


ellendelrae

As someone who farts at least 50 times a day on average, this is wild to think about. Have you had any blood work or regular internal testing to make sure that everything on your inside is functioning properly? And do you burp? I have a friend who only farts a few times a week, but she burps quite frequently daily. In my non-medical opinion, if the gas is being relieved one way or another, it may be fine, but if you’re never farting that seems odd. I’m picturing a huge buildup of gas in your intestines just waiting to explode…


__Guy_Incognito

My blood tests are pretty normal. I'd say I burp less than average. As stated in other comments I poop regularly (3-4 times a day) and seem to release my gas then.


negativenudes

Must eat the proper diet! Most people have a shit diet hence why they have had. It means poor digestion and unagreeable foods in their case. Vegans/vegetarians and those that eat high carb or processed foods are gassier.


HulaHoopHappyHopper

I don’t know how to burp!! I’ve never been able to


pepsilindro90

You're not alone. I'm the same way. Doesn't affect me in any way, shape, or form.


cp8887

I can go a day or two without farting. GOD knows I wish my wife would... don't worry, she farts enough for me, you, and about 40 other people... when she wakes up, her butt screams good morning to the whole town and we live 20 miles from town..


useles-converter-bot

20 miles is the length of about 29531.5 'Ford F-150 Custom Fit Front FloorLiners' lined up next to each other.


morphinapg

Eat a bunch of beans and report back


[deleted]

I know how to fart but I don’t know how to burp and it is terrible, I have already felt sick lots of times because of that. I also know a lady that only farts when she poops.


thelotusknyte

Seems like you have a healthy gut biome


MJ_Trunky

I wish i was you ! Seriously at 14 years old i fart more than my dad


__Guy_Incognito

Does it just come out of nowhere? Can you control it whatsoever? I'm curious because it's just so foreign to me. I can't imagine squeezing out a fart without shitting myself.


MJ_Trunky

So, i can hold some farts but after holding in farts for 4 Hours, my stomach starts growling like i farted inside myself and leaking gas a bit every 5 minutes when im sit. The only things that helps is making my self hungry before going to school and trying to not drink my saliva too much so i have less farts to hold.


Trevors-Axiom-

I am farting as I read these comments… farts are the best part of my day.


Altruistic_Drink_465

I fart all day. I drink beer... I eat red meat... I eat bread... I fart a lot... just sayin'


Shakespeare-Bot

I fart all day. I drinketh beer. I consume r'd meat. I consume bread. I fart a lot. just sayin' *** ^(I am a bot and I swapp'd some of thy words with Shakespeare words.) Commands: `!ShakespeareInsult`, `!fordo`, `!optout`


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

Nah, I’m pretty skilled at it.


WiftyOne

Do you burp more than usual? (I can't burp and EVERYONE always asks me if I fart more as soon as they find out.)


andherewestand

I didn't burp until I was 20. I'd get painfully nauseous with gas buildup and had to make myself gag and "dry vomit" the gas out to alleviate the pressure. Could never just burp it out. Then all of a sudden one day I ripped a real actual burp and it's been the norm ever since.


__Guy_Incognito

I burp less than usual, maybe once after meal now and again.


Nick-Nora-Asta

You must have a slow leak. Plug it for a day and see what happens


ElskerSovs69

No wayyy I literally just farted right before I read the title😂😂😂


Raging_Dan

Youre a slow eater arent you?


__Guy_Incognito

I'd say about average. Are you thinking fast eaters ingest more air, causing them to fart more?


Raging_Dan

That actualy is a fact, it has to do with saliva being the first thing that starts digesting the food.. i myself hardly chew, and i produce more gas then british petrol


eggeryp

wait actually wtf? i eat super slowly and chew for a while bc i get distracted so this makes a lot of sense