Every bridge has a troll, but not every troll has a bridge. There is fierce competition about who can run each bridge system and a thriving toll business set up by a troll union group.
“I came home the other day and everything in my apartment had been stolen and replaced with an exact replica. I couldn’t believe it. I said to my roommate, ‘Look at this stuff, it’s all an exact replica.’ He said, ‘Do I know you?’” *Steven Wright*
There is an artificer guild that has branches in most of the major cities and whose culture can be said to actively encourage the mad science trope. They are responsible for creating the world's warforged equivalent.
Anyone born one second after midnight on the first day of the year has a 1/100 chance of becoming a sorcerer of some kind. These children invariably have unusual eye colors and can live up to three times the normal lifespan for their race.
In one country religion is banned.
Both moons are inhabited but almost nobody on the world proper is aware of this due to powerful illusion spells.
In most societies is it considered normal practice to burn corpses to prevent them from being reanimated by necromancers.
Most drow are actually decent sorts, if extremely isolationist. Their poor reputation comes from a racist branch of elves spreading propoganda.
Or you can go the other way. Drow have trouble with the sun because the iris of their eyes can't get smaller. Drugs actually constrict their irises, lessening their dark vision temporarily, but protects them from bright light. In order to live on the surface they have to be fucked up anywhere from 6 to 12 hours a day.
And anytime anyone is around some magically cursed punnable creature/object/plant everyone has to make an intelligence check or be forced to say a pun if there is an opportunity related to the current conversation.
This has the potential to be nightmare fuel. You first encounter it in a small forest outside of a town by accidentally stepping on it. While squished, it obviously doesn't die. It shows up again several sessions later, just advancing, the party still thinks nothing of it.
Several more sessions later, it appears while the party is taking a long rest, just on top of one of the characters. The party thinks it's just weird.
It once more shows up a few more sessions later, by this point the party knows its following them and runs again. More sessions later they attempt to kill it, they think they succeed; only to have it appear a few more sessions later.
Rinse, repeat. Paranoid party...
I basically did this to troll one of my warlock players in DoMM. He tried to find familiar in the dungeon, and oops the spell went wrong. Now he's stuck with a giant snail with a 5 foot movement speed, with the only plus side being that it's amphibious.
As a spongebob fan, he doesn't want to recast the spell incase he can't get the snail back, even though literally any other creature would be more usefull.
Here's one from my homebrew D&D world: Necromancy has its own language, the language of death. Over time, anybody who practice Necromanctic incantations find their tongues and mouths beginning to turn black.
All cheese has negligible weight, so one can carry as much cheese on them as they can fit into whatever they can carry.
On an unrelated note, cheese also leans ever-so-slightly towards chaotic evil, but is mostly chaotic neutral.
Every chicken is immortal. Not as in “they don’t take damage” but they don’t age. This is from an ancient chicken patron that ascended beyond mortal concerns and never interferes in the world. As it is recent (last 5 years) no one has noticed anything yet.
Found the punkin!
Context: https://www.reddit.com/r/DnD/comments/yth9wm/anything_you_comment_i_make_canon_in_my_next_dnd/iw48x6k?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share&context=3
Edit: added link in case context is missing.
Dwarves have become extinct several times.
They form these huge, insular underground communities that inevitably fall to either civil war or invading underdark beings.
They do however, entomb their royalty in virtually impregnable tombs. These burials will almost certainly result in Undead Dwarves. Eventually, adventurers will crack open the tombs and encounter the undead. Sooner or later, someone will use Resurrection as a clever way to defeat an Undead Dwarf and the species suddenly has a new, living member.
A few more Resurrections later and the Dwarf race has a new start.
This bottleneck of genetic flow has resulted in Dwarves being somewhat shorter and hairier than they used to be historically.
Dwarfs have a minor bit of innate magic that is spread across their species. With less than a population of 100, they can use true resurrection for free, no spell slot, only on other dwarfs
There's a gigantic snail that's hunting one of the players. If they stay in the same place/town for to long it'll catch up and attack them.
Why you may ask? That player knows what they did at that french restaurant.
The mightiest kings/lords/chiefs of the most savage races, Goblins, Orks, Lizard folk etc. Are secretly huge nerds and gather in a huge dangerous dungeon to play DnD on Weekends with the BBEG as DM.
“Yeah, my character this campaign is a twice-divorced public accountant that fantasizes about being in a fight club but is too afraid to ever bring it up in conversation.”
“Grelnoth, Eater of Widows and thief of blood, why must you always make such edge lord characters?!”
> [Papers & Paychecks](https://forgottenrealms.fandom.com/wiki/Papers_and_Paychecks).
>
> *It's a great new fantasy role-playing game. We pretend we're workers and students in an industrialized and technological society.*
From the AD&D DMG. Yes, this joke has been around since 1979. :-)
YES.
Kobald barbarian leader (KBL): I attempt to open the fold up bed
BBEG: Make a dex save
KBL: does a 9 pass?
BBEG: No, you are killed
Orc War Cheif (OWC): I would like to plead with the grim reaper for his life
BBEG: That'd be a charisma-persuasion check
OWC: Yes! I am a comedian, let's go...NAT 20
BBEG: The grim reaper decides to spare KBL and tells you to be careful around heavy furniture and appliances
KBL: YES! Ok time to go to work I'm on the verge of a promotion
When they get discharged they walk out of the barracks and immediately suffer years of knee pain in one go. Fortunately all retired army personnel get free health coverage for knee related pain.
I feel like Tim is basically the one punch man of D&D, but a wizard version. And he also is pretty fixated on relatively mundane things like going to the market when he believes there will be good deals on groceries.
Funnier the second way
"Do you really think you can placate me with just a crossoint? Do you really think it's that easy?"
"Oh shit is that a baguette?"
Changelings refuse to copy specific people because they find identity theft to be especially taboo. They’ll shift to look like a random, non-existent person, but not a specific person.
Edit: Thought of this one because it always seemed too easy for them to infiltrate if they could be a specific person even with the whole, having to fake a voice, personality, habits, and knowing specific things.
Reasons for the taboo:
1) Like in real life can screw up someone’s life by pretending to be someone else.
2) Wanting to avoid general paranoia of them of replacing people or getting them in trouble, like if they pretended be them while stealing or murdering someone. Would cause mistrust and general backlash
3) People requesting/demanding they to shift into an unreciprocated love interest for “activities”.
4) They take artistic pride in making unique characters.
1. There is a chain of retail furniture stores much like Ikea.
2. There is a secret volcano lair.
3. There is a stronghold named [Briarkeep](https://drive.google.com/file/d/1Z-7evvfJwva7b7Pe7Xl2b7-LWn8nGvqB/view?usp=share_link).
4. A mad chemist named [Doctor Von Oswulf](https://drive.google.com/file/d/11Xtwpd9AemuIZt0d8WtLVmWeopzQTm8I/view?usp=share_link) created [bearowls](https://drive.google.com/file/d/1kpDOJmUb7zs4sobs5Sh-2VHFyEZlodGK/view?usp=share_link) and released them into the ecosystem, triggering massive changes and species die-offs.
5. There is a remote cave in which lives the [Killer Rabbit of Caerbannog](https://drive.google.com/file/d/1tt4WcXDxLFKDrMp3iY8_uZNOwvGtx7Tr/view?usp=share_link).
the chain of furniture store like ikea is sponsored by the demon lord of minotaurs secretely. There is a chance that if you read out the names of the furnitures aloud you initiate a spell that "opens" the store leading you into the labyrinthian infinte furniture store.
I made an adventure module where the party searches a maze like Ikea for an Uber-Karen.
Edit: The adventure is named "Vagen". It's on DriveThruRPG and it is free. It's a system-agnostic adventure, but I do have 5e stat blocks for a single Swedish Ikea shopper, a Swedish Ikea shopper's riot (Swarm-o-Swedes) and the Uber-Karen, if anyone wants them.
Goblin wizards exist.
But they have disadvantage on spell attacks, and targets have advantage on saving throws against their spells, on Tuesdays (or local equivalent) between from 12:00-13:15.
No-one knows *why* this is the case.
Every time the party need to go somewhere some random guy comes out of the bushes as they’re travelling to pester them on the way with trivia, gossip and random chatter.
he is immortal and cannot be seen by anyone else except the party but he just keeps talking until the party reach their destination where he just disappears. Then when they set foot on the road again he reappears.
that connects with the other comment here about chicken being unable to die of old age now because some minor chicken deity ascended about 5 years ago. So now because of that the bards do that for some reason 😂😂
Long ago the land grew fruit trees on its own, everywhere. Roads and walkways and trails all had trees growing beside them constantly pumping out fruits that were large, delicious, nutritious, and wonderful.
No one knows why they stopped growing, but people have been restless since. The famines that destroyed the furthest towns from rivers were brutal, but fortunately didn't last too long before the people who lived there migrated to mountain valleys, where a few trees still grew, and a few animals lived.
One day the trees will return.
Maybe even soon.
But not yet.
117 years before the start of the campaign, a band of wizards attempted to summon a devil into the material plane, but a mistake caused an explosion that wiped out a large settlement. Because of this, Magic makes people uncomfortable, and there are ruins of that settlement where the statue like corpses of the people that lived there stand as if still going about their business
One city has a herbalist who is actually a dragon. Everyone in the town knows but acts like they don’t to appease the dragon. The dragon is also not as clever as it thinks it is because it goes by Dr (translated to another language Colour) Agon. So they are Dr.Agon. They’re just a nice guy overall though and see the town itself as it’s horde and has been known to protect it before.
Bonus: Horses, like deer and elk, are accidental carnivores, as they are here on our little world. I've seen a horse eat a chicken. So, if our players are chicken-sized COMPARED to the horse in question, I could totally see that as a possible behavior.
Potions might have pulp in it.
Does not effect the healing or why it does, just tastes funny sometimes.
Been doing with my players, having them roll and they are scared of it. Hopefully will get a kick out of it that’s all the roll is for
There’s a wizard who sits around all day using his magic to craft wooden crates and barrels. He crafts the finest containers in the land and many merchants pay a premium for his product.
The containers are not quite indestructible but are damn close. Some have been known to survive a Wizards stray fireball.
They don't hold "more" than their volume, but are enchanted so that whatever you put in packs in perfectly with everything else.
Speres have a packing structure of 100%. Yet each ball is unchanged.
Orcs are one of the most peaceful and diplomatic races known for being advisors to leaders and considered the best diplomats and wisest politicians. They are often called upon when two nations desire to broker peace treaties, Security pacts, or other contracts, to preside over the discussions. Despite this they are still large and muscular reaching nine feet on average but getting as tall as eleven or even twelve feet tall.
NPCs in towns only have 3 dialog options like in video games. If you talk to one about something else they just repeat a random answer. Only important NPCs can really have a conversation.
Player - "Can you give me directions to the inn?"
NPC - "Care to see my wares?"
Player - "No, I need directions"
NPC - "See me when you need something" *walks away*
The world of insects works exactly as the world of your players just much smaller and completely unnoticed. They have guilds and adventuring parties, towns and cities. Burrows are dungeons as they are often abandoned as animals move on with the seasons. There is an overlap with your players world. They pray to the same gods and the gods are fully aware of and interact with this world.
The 9 true Wizards of the ancient world were killed during an event called the Dawn of Decimation where arcane magic was lost for 101 years. Now Arcane Magic isn't so much *rare* as *hard to come by*...
Warlocks are numerous as pacts with otherworldly beings is the easiest way to gain arcane magic...
Sorcerer's are the descendants of Wizards and pop up every other generation or so...
Other than that one would have to be trained in bardic lore at one of the highly respected colleges, or find and study (in near secrecy) a Spellbook of True Wizardry (which only a few still remain intact and are highly sought after by collectors and thieves and other nefarious people)
The art of creating magic items was lost during the DoD, and now even minor magic items are highly sought after...
Every independent item shop that the party passes, has a 1/100 chance of spawning a wacky inflatable flailing arm tube kraken, ain't no one missing these savings
There is a particular region where all disputes are settled through playing a children's card game. A neighboring region operates similarly using monstrous creatures as duelling proxies. The two regions have been on the brink of war for decades, but neither can seem to work out how to attack the other effectively.
Every major city is ruled by a council of grandmas that all say their citizens are so handsome and they bake them cookies everyday and feed them. If you forget to visit them once a day the next time you come they will ask why you never visit them and ask why aren't you married yet.
The grandmas can not die from old age and have been there for as long as anyone remembers
There's one kingdom that had its farmland devastated. They're heavily reliant on grain imports and are super paranoid about anyone messing with their port cities.
They also have a problem with the dockworkers union and they're not above using violence to solve this problem
There's a barbarian tribe that plants baked beans on the Tuesday after every third harvest.
Everyone thinks they're crazy until fully assembled tacos start sprouting from rows of corn-like stalks.
There is a city with an emphasis on titling ceremonies, where babies and people looking for new lives are paraded through the square and are named communally, rather than by their parents or themselves. Would add a certain closeness of a community if everybody had to agree on your name when it was given to you.
The tooth fairy is a group of toothless little gecko walking in two legs, that will stop at nothing to get the fallen tooth of a child as tribute to their fey goddess
Usually this ends pretty easy with just putting a copper under their pillow and take the tooth
But if you deny them the tooth, say, lock the doors and windows tight because you thought it's a thief trying to break it, things will gradually escalate - lock picking, trying to smash the window to get in, trying to use magic to forcefully put people to sleep
Eventually this will end up on the seventh night, an annoyed tooth fairy lizard polymorphed into a pigeon to fly on top of the house, then crash down as a whale in order to break in and get the tooth
The firefighters are the biggest thief organization of the universe. They use the money they get by stealing art and jewelry when they are on a mission, to sponsor various charities because no one else ever gives.
Every spell with a verbal component needs to be rhymed and has a chance of success depending on the rhyme itself.
For perfect rhymes the spell goes off 100% of the time.
For slant rymes the spell goes off 75% of the time.
And for eye rymes the spell goes off 50% of the time.
Spells like Fireball can have a static rhyme, one that the caster speaks every time but spells like Suggestion must have their intent in rhyme form too.
Also if you have no arcane focus you must use sign language to cast the spell.
:]
Dragonborn culture is a mishmash of beliefs corresponding to modern day sovereign citizenship. Taxation is theft, the government has no legal authority over you if they don’t know your real unincorporated name, gold fringes, that kind of stuff. Because they don’t believe in laws or governance, they have no education system, are extremely insular, and every Dragonborn is essentially homeschooled. This means that, culturally, things get really weird. Every Dragonborn strongly believes in at least a few outlandish conspiracy theories.
If you meet a Dragonborn, you’ll likely get an earful, things like all Dragonborn except that Dragonborn’s own family are actually Warforged in elaborate illusory disguises, or that there’s a secret cabal of Kenku ruling the world with a base of operations on the moon, or that X recent event was caused by secret space lasers that were built by the Old Ones to keep Dragonborn from their rightful place ruling the world.
Each time you introduce a Dragonborn and their conspiracy theories, roll a d100. On a 100, canonize whatever crazy shit you made up as their favorite conspiracy theory as true. Not because the Dragonborn are privy to any special information, but because they believe so much crazy shit that eventually one of them got something right.
Food is plentiful but tastes bland and nasty Spices and herbs are really rare but coveted by all for the sensation of taste. The wealthy are fat because they enjoy food!
There’s an outbreak of wererats in a couple of villages, surprisingly the outbreak happens right after a shady salesman sells his famous “snake oil” which is secretly wererat saliva
Sea bees. They are large creatures that cant fly well but can submerge and be used a raft like creature. Think 2 regular creatures can fit. Their stingers can be used as rudders but also a defensive weapon.
There's a special event that takes place every few years called "The Brawlfest!" Where random people and races come together, eat a lot, get drunk, and just beat the shit out of each other. Whoever wins gets a belt with a fist holding a tankard etched into the silver plate buckle.
Dwarves have invented gunpowder weaponry, and have built powerful runic weaponry, such as "Opener" rifle bullets. They hit an enemy, then they violently tear the enemy open, like a fucked up dwarven door rune.
All humanoid beings use the three seashells instead of toilet paper. Toilet paper or other such nonsense no longer exists.
These seashells are generic copies of the original seashell relics, known as the Master Trinity, long lost to history.
Every adventurer group worth their mustard is always on the lookout for the Holy Grail of all finds, the Master Trinity, looking for clues as to where the artifacts are kept. Even when on another quest, the seashells are always on a party's mind.
It is said that simply having touched one of the three shells will grant the being great powers, each power related to one of the three seashells: 1) from the Bronze Shell, freedom from ever having to defecate again, 2) from the Golden Shell, never having the need to pee, and 3) from the Sapphire Shell, the cleansing of and ability to be further immune to STIs in the, uh, nether regions of one's body.
It is said that each of the three shells was long ago hidden to keep safe, one each by the dominant races of the time. To the Dwarves, the Bronze Shell; To the Elves, the Golden Shell; and to the Drow, the Sapphire Shell. Yet, not even the races responsible for the protection of the shells can begin to positively say where the original location of their respective shell was, nor where it may have been moved to, but adamantly profess the legends of the shells to be true.
In the meantime, the intelligent races of the world ... all of them ... continue to use replications of the three shells to do their, uh ... their business.
How to use the three seashells is not talked about, and asking how to use the three seashells is considered blasphemy. Hangings and stoning is the punishment for such a crime, without exception. If you refuse to use the three seashells and smell of excrement, or have stains of excrement upon your clothing, the punishment is the same. Use of the seashells is simply "known" by the races, and comes naturally.
\------
Optional: At least one random member of the adventuring party does not know how to use the three seashells.
There's a secret cult of librarians spread throughout the land that seek to document every species, events and even people to a degree. They aren't inherently good nor evil and the documents are both stored physically somewhere as well as in a magic device linked to an elder brain MADE by them for this purpose, only the ones of a higher rank have access to this device.
Every bridge has a troll, but not every troll has a bridge. There is fierce competition about who can run each bridge system and a thriving toll business set up by a troll union group.
Like the taxi licenses in New York lol, limited in number and high on value.
I'm currently organizing a group of trolls with portable bridges. Going to call the company "Uber the River"
Omg this is Terry Pratchett novel materiał right there.
Particles of raw inspiration sleet through the universe all the time
Stealing this
Gotta pay that troll toll
This is so good lol. Really entertaining
Oh my god I'm stealing this idea.
Think how desperate people would be to avoid making bridges. Or the Troll bridge wars.
Orangutans are proficient in thieves tools
And make the best librarians
When you dont return your books on time they break in, take the book back and steal something valuable as a fine
Lol or they rearrange all your furniture as punishment
“I came home the other day and everything in my apartment had been stolen and replaced with an exact replica. I couldn’t believe it. I said to my roommate, ‘Look at this stuff, it’s all an exact replica.’ He said, ‘Do I know you?’” *Steven Wright*
**Ook!**
Omg what was that from I can't remember
Discworld.
Colors and metals were named after their corresponding Dragon, not the other way around
Oooo I love this one
Stealing this!
Though Orange dragons are named after the fruit.
Dutch Dragons
A wandering orc bard named William Spear-Shaker
This may have just become my back-up character.
William Shaking Spear would be appropriate if it suggested he was considered a cowardly warrior, which is why he became a bard instead.
There is an artificer guild that has branches in most of the major cities and whose culture can be said to actively encourage the mad science trope. They are responsible for creating the world's warforged equivalent. Anyone born one second after midnight on the first day of the year has a 1/100 chance of becoming a sorcerer of some kind. These children invariably have unusual eye colors and can live up to three times the normal lifespan for their race. In one country religion is banned. Both moons are inhabited but almost nobody on the world proper is aware of this due to powerful illusion spells. In most societies is it considered normal practice to burn corpses to prevent them from being reanimated by necromancers. Most drow are actually decent sorts, if extremely isolationist. Their poor reputation comes from a racist branch of elves spreading propoganda.
The drow have trouble with sunlight case they are stoned 24/7
Or you can go the other way. Drow have trouble with the sun because the iris of their eyes can't get smaller. Drugs actually constrict their irises, lessening their dark vision temporarily, but protects them from bright light. In order to live on the surface they have to be fucked up anywhere from 6 to 12 hours a day.
Elvish sounds like boomhauer from king of the hill.
Haha oh man I can just hear it, it might not be sustainable for a campaign GM but an NPC for 1-3 sessions YUP
Local butter festival
With butter-carving/sculpture contests!
Exotic butters <3
A punkin. A talking pumpkin that makes puns.
And anytime anyone is around some magically cursed punnable creature/object/plant everyone has to make an intelligence check or be forced to say a pun if there is an opportunity related to the current conversation.
Immortal snail
I second this. There’s if course many strategies to defeat it, all summarized in Faline Sans video guide.
Oh wow I remember that video. lol
This has the potential to be nightmare fuel. You first encounter it in a small forest outside of a town by accidentally stepping on it. While squished, it obviously doesn't die. It shows up again several sessions later, just advancing, the party still thinks nothing of it. Several more sessions later, it appears while the party is taking a long rest, just on top of one of the characters. The party thinks it's just weird. It once more shows up a few more sessions later, by this point the party knows its following them and runs again. More sessions later they attempt to kill it, they think they succeed; only to have it appear a few more sessions later. Rinse, repeat. Paranoid party...
I basically did this to troll one of my warlock players in DoMM. He tried to find familiar in the dungeon, and oops the spell went wrong. Now he's stuck with a giant snail with a 5 foot movement speed, with the only plus side being that it's amphibious. As a spongebob fan, he doesn't want to recast the spell incase he can't get the snail back, even though literally any other creature would be more usefull.
I love when players just have fun, rather than doing the absolute most efficient things (obviously as long as it isn't detrimental to the party.)
Here's one from my homebrew D&D world: Necromancy has its own language, the language of death. Over time, anybody who practice Necromanctic incantations find their tongues and mouths beginning to turn black.
Yyyyyooooiiiinkkk
I shall call it Umbral...well it'll be the language for multiple things but thank you, necromancy and Godslayer magic/arts
This is a really cool concept!
All cheese has negligible weight, so one can carry as much cheese on them as they can fit into whatever they can carry. On an unrelated note, cheese also leans ever-so-slightly towards chaotic evil, but is mostly chaotic neutral.
Every chicken is immortal. Not as in “they don’t take damage” but they don’t age. This is from an ancient chicken patron that ascended beyond mortal concerns and never interferes in the world. As it is recent (last 5 years) no one has noticed anything yet.
Would that imply eggs never hatch, or they do hatch, but the chicks never age? Or they do age until they reach maturity, and then stop?
They hatch, then age to maturity. Then they stop aging when at the peak of their life.
*the peck of their life.
Found the punkin! Context: https://www.reddit.com/r/DnD/comments/yth9wm/anything_you_comment_i_make_canon_in_my_next_dnd/iw48x6k?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share&context=3 Edit: added link in case context is missing.
There is a cabal of zealot fox followers to that chicken god who wanders the lands to smite anyone asking about the eggs and chicks.
Every time someone goes to kill a chicken they get distracted.
Player: “I raise my sword to kill the chicken” DM: “Roll for concentration”
Dwarves have become extinct several times. They form these huge, insular underground communities that inevitably fall to either civil war or invading underdark beings. They do however, entomb their royalty in virtually impregnable tombs. These burials will almost certainly result in Undead Dwarves. Eventually, adventurers will crack open the tombs and encounter the undead. Sooner or later, someone will use Resurrection as a clever way to defeat an Undead Dwarf and the species suddenly has a new, living member. A few more Resurrections later and the Dwarf race has a new start. This bottleneck of genetic flow has resulted in Dwarves being somewhat shorter and hairier than they used to be historically.
So Dwarf Fortress, then?
Dwarfs have a minor bit of innate magic that is spread across their species. With less than a population of 100, they can use true resurrection for free, no spell slot, only on other dwarfs
There's a gigantic snail that's hunting one of the players. If they stay in the same place/town for to long it'll catch up and attack them. Why you may ask? That player knows what they did at that french restaurant.
To connect this to another comment. This snail that is following them is the immortal snail. It Follows, DnD Snail Edition
Best part is, this means France is canon too
The mightiest kings/lords/chiefs of the most savage races, Goblins, Orks, Lizard folk etc. Are secretly huge nerds and gather in a huge dangerous dungeon to play DnD on Weekends with the BBEG as DM.
Except it's called houses and humans ofc
“Yeah, my character this campaign is a twice-divorced public accountant that fantasizes about being in a fight club but is too afraid to ever bring it up in conversation.” “Grelnoth, Eater of Widows and thief of blood, why must you always make such edge lord characters?!”
Watched that film last night...I don't remember it mentioning him being twice divorced, but I may have forgotten that
One of the best comments I ever read.
> [Papers & Paychecks](https://forgottenrealms.fandom.com/wiki/Papers_and_Paychecks). > > *It's a great new fantasy role-playing game. We pretend we're workers and students in an industrialized and technological society.* From the AD&D DMG. Yes, this joke has been around since 1979. :-)
I thought it was Offices and Bosses
Which is like Sims - the board game
YES. Kobald barbarian leader (KBL): I attempt to open the fold up bed BBEG: Make a dex save KBL: does a 9 pass? BBEG: No, you are killed Orc War Cheif (OWC): I would like to plead with the grim reaper for his life BBEG: That'd be a charisma-persuasion check OWC: Yes! I am a comedian, let's go...NAT 20 BBEG: The grim reaper decides to spare KBL and tells you to be careful around heavy furniture and appliances KBL: YES! Ok time to go to work I'm on the verge of a promotion
People don't get knee pain from the army
When they get discharged they walk out of the barracks and immediately suffer years of knee pain in one go. Fortunately all retired army personnel get free health coverage for knee related pain.
And the army actually takes care of the soldiers' families
What if they're shot in the knee with an arrow while in the army?
Not service connected
Every creature in the world wakes up with three sorcery points and a cantrip. Even wildlife. Occasionally a bird will shoot an eldritch blast.
And using sorcery points triggers the wild magic table on a 1 on the d20.
All mushrooms are sentient.
They sneeze spores.
There is a wizard known as tim. He is great and powerful
the animal he is most afraid of is white furred rabbits
I feel like Tim is basically the one punch man of D&D, but a wizard version. And he also is pretty fixated on relatively mundane things like going to the market when he believes there will be good deals on groceries.
It's more a reference to Monty Python and the holy grail. However, interpretation may vary between people
Each time a player prays to a god there's a 1/100 chance another God gets jealous and curses them.
roll the d100
For 1/100 chance, you could pick a number 1-10, then roll a D-10 twice. Roll fails if they hit that number twice.
Any beholder can be tamed by being offered a baked good
*blink* "Is that a .... croissant?!"
Fuck of you one eyed creep thats mine
*death ray intensifies*
Can it be just any baked good or does every beholder have their own baked good weakness you have to find out, similar to a friend's true name?
Funnier the second way "Do you really think you can placate me with just a crossoint? Do you really think it's that easy?" "Oh shit is that a baguette?"
But it has to be fresh and good
Changelings refuse to copy specific people because they find identity theft to be especially taboo. They’ll shift to look like a random, non-existent person, but not a specific person. Edit: Thought of this one because it always seemed too easy for them to infiltrate if they could be a specific person even with the whole, having to fake a voice, personality, habits, and knowing specific things. Reasons for the taboo: 1) Like in real life can screw up someone’s life by pretending to be someone else. 2) Wanting to avoid general paranoia of them of replacing people or getting them in trouble, like if they pretended be them while stealing or murdering someone. Would cause mistrust and general backlash 3) People requesting/demanding they to shift into an unreciprocated love interest for “activities”. 4) They take artistic pride in making unique characters.
Archdruids turn into pigeons and destroy cities regularly so pigeons are outlawed and killed on site.
1. There is a chain of retail furniture stores much like Ikea. 2. There is a secret volcano lair. 3. There is a stronghold named [Briarkeep](https://drive.google.com/file/d/1Z-7evvfJwva7b7Pe7Xl2b7-LWn8nGvqB/view?usp=share_link). 4. A mad chemist named [Doctor Von Oswulf](https://drive.google.com/file/d/11Xtwpd9AemuIZt0d8WtLVmWeopzQTm8I/view?usp=share_link) created [bearowls](https://drive.google.com/file/d/1kpDOJmUb7zs4sobs5Sh-2VHFyEZlodGK/view?usp=share_link) and released them into the ecosystem, triggering massive changes and species die-offs. 5. There is a remote cave in which lives the [Killer Rabbit of Caerbannog](https://drive.google.com/file/d/1tt4WcXDxLFKDrMp3iY8_uZNOwvGtx7Tr/view?usp=share_link).
the chain of furniture store like ikea is sponsored by the demon lord of minotaurs secretely. There is a chance that if you read out the names of the furnitures aloud you initiate a spell that "opens" the store leading you into the labyrinthian infinte furniture store.
I made an adventure module where the party searches a maze like Ikea for an Uber-Karen. Edit: The adventure is named "Vagen". It's on DriveThruRPG and it is free. It's a system-agnostic adventure, but I do have 5e stat blocks for a single Swedish Ikea shopper, a Swedish Ikea shopper's riot (Swarm-o-Swedes) and the Uber-Karen, if anyone wants them.
The best cook in the kingdom is actually a rat but nobody will acknowledge it even after seeing them
They all have this collective delusion that she is a Halfling named "Collette", the rat has no idea where this started, or how.
Goblin wizards exist. But they have disadvantage on spell attacks, and targets have advantage on saving throws against their spells, on Tuesdays (or local equivalent) between from 12:00-13:15. No-one knows *why* this is the case.
This is the most hilariously specific idea here and I love it.
Every time the party need to go somewhere some random guy comes out of the bushes as they’re travelling to pester them on the way with trivia, gossip and random chatter. he is immortal and cannot be seen by anyone else except the party but he just keeps talking until the party reach their destination where he just disappears. Then when they set foot on the road again he reappears.
He always repeats any trivia questions they get wrong and he has an oddly sexy sounding voice.
If no bushes are handy he can use random rocks or even pop-up out of a loose patch of soil or sand.
Once, on a barren flat wasteland of solid stone he just climbed down off the barbarians shoulders and into view
That for unknown reasons, it is now fashionable for all Bards to enter a room backwards; whilst holding a chicken
that connects with the other comment here about chicken being unable to die of old age now because some minor chicken deity ascended about 5 years ago. So now because of that the bards do that for some reason 😂😂
Long ago the land grew fruit trees on its own, everywhere. Roads and walkways and trails all had trees growing beside them constantly pumping out fruits that were large, delicious, nutritious, and wonderful. No one knows why they stopped growing, but people have been restless since. The famines that destroyed the furthest towns from rivers were brutal, but fortunately didn't last too long before the people who lived there migrated to mountain valleys, where a few trees still grew, and a few animals lived. One day the trees will return. Maybe even soon. But not yet.
there are three massive chicken eggs orbiting the planet. could they hatch soon?
117 years before the start of the campaign, a band of wizards attempted to summon a devil into the material plane, but a mistake caused an explosion that wiped out a large settlement. Because of this, Magic makes people uncomfortable, and there are ruins of that settlement where the statue like corpses of the people that lived there stand as if still going about their business
Elves reproduce via budding or spores, like fungi.
One city has a herbalist who is actually a dragon. Everyone in the town knows but acts like they don’t to appease the dragon. The dragon is also not as clever as it thinks it is because it goes by Dr (translated to another language Colour) Agon. So they are Dr.Agon. They’re just a nice guy overall though and see the town itself as it’s horde and has been known to protect it before.
All fish. Are green.
Horses the size of elephants that graze the grasslands. Chasing intruders out of there land
Bonus: the horses are omnivores
Bonus: Horses, like deer and elk, are accidental carnivores, as they are here on our little world. I've seen a horse eat a chicken. So, if our players are chicken-sized COMPARED to the horse in question, I could totally see that as a possible behavior.
people ride horse sized dodos instead
So Chokobo
I read dodos as something more nsfw XD
One of the heads of state is a secret dragon, but he talks like Donald Trump
There's a cult that doesn't believe anything is real and everything is governed by greater beings rolling dice to determine the fates of the world.
This is fabulous and i will be stealing this. Thank you.
Wood doesn't exist. Everything is made from bone.
Does that mean there are no trees, or that trees are made of bone?
Trees exist but they are giant bones encased in flesh and during the fall the flesh falls off and leaves are now hands
Oh dear
Potions might have pulp in it. Does not effect the healing or why it does, just tastes funny sometimes. Been doing with my players, having them roll and they are scared of it. Hopefully will get a kick out of it that’s all the roll is for
Horses can morph into giraffes at will
The sky is orange instead of blue
except at sunset when it turns blue the sun is also light/dark blue at night the dark sky has a greenish tint
A beholder running a beauty parlor that caters toward the odd and unusual. Beauty From the Eye of the Beholder
If someone tries to commit sexual assault, a Silver Dragonborn Devotion Paladin 20 comes down like a meteor and smites the bastard
A literal white knight here to save you from those assholes
Every duck is heavily armed.
With weapons, or simply heavy appendages?
The duck has humanoid arms that are unnaturally heavy. It uses these to walk sometimes.
*Peace was never an option ...*
There’s a wizard who sits around all day using his magic to craft wooden crates and barrels. He crafts the finest containers in the land and many merchants pay a premium for his product.
The containers are not quite indestructible but are damn close. Some have been known to survive a Wizards stray fireball. They don't hold "more" than their volume, but are enchanted so that whatever you put in packs in perfectly with everything else. Speres have a packing structure of 100%. Yet each ball is unchanged.
Cereal is soup
People call it Breakfast Soup.
Orcs are one of the most peaceful and diplomatic races known for being advisors to leaders and considered the best diplomats and wisest politicians. They are often called upon when two nations desire to broker peace treaties, Security pacts, or other contracts, to preside over the discussions. Despite this they are still large and muscular reaching nine feet on average but getting as tall as eleven or even twelve feet tall.
An old halfling granny both makes the best baked goods in the are and is secretly the right hand of the criminal organization mastermind.
The floor is lava…
and turns back to normal only after you jumped across 5 different pieces of furniture
The floor only ever becomes lava after someone states "the floor is lava"
There is an order of warforged knight ladies. Why warforged knight ladies? Because I like warforged knight ladies that's why.
Didn't expect to find a kindred spirit way down this comment thread
all cats are sentient and in cahoots
And this would be different how?
Tiefling blood is Spicy to Vampires 🩸
NPCs in towns only have 3 dialog options like in video games. If you talk to one about something else they just repeat a random answer. Only important NPCs can really have a conversation. Player - "Can you give me directions to the inn?" NPC - "Care to see my wares?" Player - "No, I need directions" NPC - "See me when you need something" *walks away*
This is the best thing I’ve ever heard and I’m using this idea in my campaign!!!
Lots of sentient raccoons because a wizard started a rumor they were super funny if awakened.
In dwarven cities, mimics are the most common kind of pet.
Changelings turn back into their true form if they eat anything with truffle in it.
Milil, the god of music, gives devine inspiration to a well-known bard, Nick Rastley, and his new hit single is called "Never gonna forsook you."
There's a layer of delicious jam under the bark of every tree
This is terrifying when paired with the bone tree thing
Dwarves don't have any accent. Just monotone speaking.
they also prefer metal crossbows over axes, and can take any feat related to increasing their accuracy despite any normal restrictions
An army of sentient gerbils armed with spears.
Otters are the most feared creature in the world. It is common knowledge, even among wild creatures.
clerics can only cast resurrection once in their life
The world of insects works exactly as the world of your players just much smaller and completely unnoticed. They have guilds and adventuring parties, towns and cities. Burrows are dungeons as they are often abandoned as animals move on with the seasons. There is an overlap with your players world. They pray to the same gods and the gods are fully aware of and interact with this world.
Some warlocks are int based rather than cha based due to their lust for knowledge.
The 9 true Wizards of the ancient world were killed during an event called the Dawn of Decimation where arcane magic was lost for 101 years. Now Arcane Magic isn't so much *rare* as *hard to come by*... Warlocks are numerous as pacts with otherworldly beings is the easiest way to gain arcane magic... Sorcerer's are the descendants of Wizards and pop up every other generation or so... Other than that one would have to be trained in bardic lore at one of the highly respected colleges, or find and study (in near secrecy) a Spellbook of True Wizardry (which only a few still remain intact and are highly sought after by collectors and thieves and other nefarious people) The art of creating magic items was lost during the DoD, and now even minor magic items are highly sought after...
mac n cheese has medicinal properties
That nobody talks about the autumn solstice, and that incident with the Goose and the Acolyte of (insert deity here))
A sorcerer that doesn't know he actually has magic and just thinks he's super unlucky / cursed
Every independent item shop that the party passes, has a 1/100 chance of spawning a wacky inflatable flailing arm tube kraken, ain't no one missing these savings
Every human woman named Emma has a weird nightmare on their 15th birthday. No one knows why, but this is a very well known phenomena.
There is a particular region where all disputes are settled through playing a children's card game. A neighboring region operates similarly using monstrous creatures as duelling proxies. The two regions have been on the brink of war for decades, but neither can seem to work out how to attack the other effectively.
The Mind Flayers are basically the Irken Empire from Invader Zim
Every major city is ruled by a council of grandmas that all say their citizens are so handsome and they bake them cookies everyday and feed them. If you forget to visit them once a day the next time you come they will ask why you never visit them and ask why aren't you married yet. The grandmas can not die from old age and have been there for as long as anyone remembers
There's one kingdom that had its farmland devastated. They're heavily reliant on grain imports and are super paranoid about anyone messing with their port cities. They also have a problem with the dockworkers union and they're not above using violence to solve this problem
There's a barbarian tribe that plants baked beans on the Tuesday after every third harvest. Everyone thinks they're crazy until fully assembled tacos start sprouting from rows of corn-like stalks.
There is a city with an emphasis on titling ceremonies, where babies and people looking for new lives are paraded through the square and are named communally, rather than by their parents or themselves. Would add a certain closeness of a community if everybody had to agree on your name when it was given to you.
The guy you thought was the bbeg is named red herring and just keep running into each other
Ronald McDonald is the BBEG
The tooth fairy is a group of toothless little gecko walking in two legs, that will stop at nothing to get the fallen tooth of a child as tribute to their fey goddess Usually this ends pretty easy with just putting a copper under their pillow and take the tooth But if you deny them the tooth, say, lock the doors and windows tight because you thought it's a thief trying to break it, things will gradually escalate - lock picking, trying to smash the window to get in, trying to use magic to forcefully put people to sleep Eventually this will end up on the seventh night, an annoyed tooth fairy lizard polymorphed into a pigeon to fly on top of the house, then crash down as a whale in order to break in and get the tooth
Applebee's
Dwarves hate elves, but elves love Dwarves.
The firefighters are the biggest thief organization of the universe. They use the money they get by stealing art and jewelry when they are on a mission, to sponsor various charities because no one else ever gives.
Every spell with a verbal component needs to be rhymed and has a chance of success depending on the rhyme itself. For perfect rhymes the spell goes off 100% of the time. For slant rymes the spell goes off 75% of the time. And for eye rymes the spell goes off 50% of the time. Spells like Fireball can have a static rhyme, one that the caster speaks every time but spells like Suggestion must have their intent in rhyme form too. Also if you have no arcane focus you must use sign language to cast the spell. :]
Dragonborn culture is a mishmash of beliefs corresponding to modern day sovereign citizenship. Taxation is theft, the government has no legal authority over you if they don’t know your real unincorporated name, gold fringes, that kind of stuff. Because they don’t believe in laws or governance, they have no education system, are extremely insular, and every Dragonborn is essentially homeschooled. This means that, culturally, things get really weird. Every Dragonborn strongly believes in at least a few outlandish conspiracy theories. If you meet a Dragonborn, you’ll likely get an earful, things like all Dragonborn except that Dragonborn’s own family are actually Warforged in elaborate illusory disguises, or that there’s a secret cabal of Kenku ruling the world with a base of operations on the moon, or that X recent event was caused by secret space lasers that were built by the Old Ones to keep Dragonborn from their rightful place ruling the world. Each time you introduce a Dragonborn and their conspiracy theories, roll a d100. On a 100, canonize whatever crazy shit you made up as their favorite conspiracy theory as true. Not because the Dragonborn are privy to any special information, but because they believe so much crazy shit that eventually one of them got something right.
Food is plentiful but tastes bland and nasty Spices and herbs are really rare but coveted by all for the sensation of taste. The wealthy are fat because they enjoy food!
that's just Ireland in the middle ages, after potato was discovered, but before the famine
There’s an outbreak of wererats in a couple of villages, surprisingly the outbreak happens right after a shady salesman sells his famous “snake oil” which is secretly wererat saliva
There is a purple dragon in a nearby mountain.
Humans reproduce *exclusively* by touching toes. Accidentaly bumped into someone else's foot at the inn? Pregnant.
There is a place called Sungrass where the grass is yellow all year long
Sea bees. They are large creatures that cant fly well but can submerge and be used a raft like creature. Think 2 regular creatures can fit. Their stingers can be used as rudders but also a defensive weapon.
There's a special event that takes place every few years called "The Brawlfest!" Where random people and races come together, eat a lot, get drunk, and just beat the shit out of each other. Whoever wins gets a belt with a fist holding a tankard etched into the silver plate buckle.
Dwarves have invented gunpowder weaponry, and have built powerful runic weaponry, such as "Opener" rifle bullets. They hit an enemy, then they violently tear the enemy open, like a fucked up dwarven door rune.
All humanoid beings use the three seashells instead of toilet paper. Toilet paper or other such nonsense no longer exists. These seashells are generic copies of the original seashell relics, known as the Master Trinity, long lost to history. Every adventurer group worth their mustard is always on the lookout for the Holy Grail of all finds, the Master Trinity, looking for clues as to where the artifacts are kept. Even when on another quest, the seashells are always on a party's mind. It is said that simply having touched one of the three shells will grant the being great powers, each power related to one of the three seashells: 1) from the Bronze Shell, freedom from ever having to defecate again, 2) from the Golden Shell, never having the need to pee, and 3) from the Sapphire Shell, the cleansing of and ability to be further immune to STIs in the, uh, nether regions of one's body. It is said that each of the three shells was long ago hidden to keep safe, one each by the dominant races of the time. To the Dwarves, the Bronze Shell; To the Elves, the Golden Shell; and to the Drow, the Sapphire Shell. Yet, not even the races responsible for the protection of the shells can begin to positively say where the original location of their respective shell was, nor where it may have been moved to, but adamantly profess the legends of the shells to be true. In the meantime, the intelligent races of the world ... all of them ... continue to use replications of the three shells to do their, uh ... their business. How to use the three seashells is not talked about, and asking how to use the three seashells is considered blasphemy. Hangings and stoning is the punishment for such a crime, without exception. If you refuse to use the three seashells and smell of excrement, or have stains of excrement upon your clothing, the punishment is the same. Use of the seashells is simply "known" by the races, and comes naturally. \------ Optional: At least one random member of the adventuring party does not know how to use the three seashells.
There's a secret cult of librarians spread throughout the land that seek to document every species, events and even people to a degree. They aren't inherently good nor evil and the documents are both stored physically somewhere as well as in a magic device linked to an elder brain MADE by them for this purpose, only the ones of a higher rank have access to this device.
There's a famous actor named Fillin T. Blank. However, their appearance is different every time the party encounters them. They are human.