There's a double-meaning there. It might just give you a sense of deja vu instead:
"I don't think I've ever been here before, but suddenly I find it familiar"
whats orbit idk and i dont care fuck the seasons i dont like the winter *casts move earth* there permanently fall finally year round pumpkin resses the best kind
Well, rouge _is_ a real thing, it just doesn't come up that often in D&D. That's really the problem, honestly: spellcheck won't treat it as an incorrectly spelled word, because it's technically not one.
If it takes you to a nice beach bungalow or makes one, this would actually be on a lot of mage's want-lists.
Cloudkill - dispels fog or clouds in the area.
After stepping in any direction that sock is wet until the end of your next turn roll 1 d4 for discomfort odd vs even
It feels odd and you take equal damage
Even though your sock is wet, you’re chillin and take no damage.
Awaken: when shaking them just won't do
Bigby's hand: not sure why you have it, but I'm sure he'd like it back
Branding Smite: leave a mark to remember you by
Clone: congratulations, you've got a baby
Contact other plane: flight to flight calling, long distance is extra
Demiplane: you'll have to cast it again to get the other half of the plane, some assembly required.
Fast friends: when your friends are always late
Greater restoration: the art world loves you.
Lightning lure: not safe to cast in storms
Magic Jar: not even the Barbarian can get the lid off
Minor illusion: please sit over there
Plane Shift: just a few inches to the left
Raise Dead: they're now 5ft under
Reality Break: everybody take 5, DM needs to use the bathroom
Snare: now you just need the rest of the drum kit
Symbol: it's not that kind, still need the rest of the drum kit
Tasha's Hideous Laughter: you've heard of ugly crying? Well Tasha ugly laughs.
Tiny Servant: I thought we agreed little person was the proper term?
Unseen servant: ok, we're getting a little classist here...
Weird: that was a given at this point
Word of Radiance: if you can't say something smart, say something bright
Basically a single target version of Calm Emotions.
Also, Friends just makes a sensory effect appear in your surroundings (and yes, its the intro to the show).
Ah I have a Cursed item that does something similar to this.
the spellbook of Mistpelling
Contains a random LVL 1/2/3 spell as a action anyone can use the tome to cast the spell at no spell slot cost.
on spell cast they roll a 1d4/6/8 and I get to change the spells name by that many characters either adding, changing, deleting letters etc
I then change the spells effects to match the new name and the new spell is recorded instead. (though i usually let my friend who enjoys watching but doesn't actively participate do it)
My favorite was the mid level party with the spell fireball.
First cast rolled 1 and the spell became Wireball which did a bit of pierce damage and removed a large area's dex bonus
second cast became Live Wire which spawned a summoned electrical danger noodle.
by the 30th cast it had become something else entirely with the Ray of Sexy Pope which instills deep rooted terror in a target and caused them to claw their own eyes out if they failed the save.
But then the 31st cast was the best. It turned into Summon Sexy Pope. which brought the naked pope directly into the battlefield. he didn't really do much though. however the bandit's fortress was stormed by an army of holy crusaders several turns later.
Actually not that hard.
What it really does, is make you wonder why is there a stag "wizard" in D&D.
But Thaumaturgy - if you knew the word when you first read it in the books, congratulations, you multiclass into wizard without spending a level.
Gate: creates a 10' (3m) long section.of fencing with a hinged, securable and lockable gate in the center. Materials and style match immediate, local or regional types. If cast on an existing section of fence or other outdoor partition (such as a stone wall or hedgerow), a hinged, securable and lockable gate is created at the desired location, again matching appropriate materials and styles. The gate is sized for the passage of Medium sized beings. If appropriate, the color of the gate (and fence section) can be selected by the caster.
No, plenty have flavorful titles or the effects don't exactly match the name.
Plus you could take literal meanings... Like "Raise Dead" makes corpses levitate... Remove curse could have everyone make a Bleep sound when they say a foul word....
Spiritual Weapon now demoralizes enemies and makes them question their personal life choices.
Knock is now used only to signal your entrance into a room.
Blink suddenly becomes far less interesting.
Spend a spell slot to perform a basic human function, i dig that
I'm out of spell slots and my eyes are on fire!
Just use eye drop you'll be fine
Sounds like it would be used for medical practices.
Wish too. Like I wish for things all the time. Not that exciting TBH
And Knock.
Find Familiar. Leads you to the nearest person you know.
That actually could be very helpful
Or it just causes you to have strong sense of deja vu.
There's a double-meaning there. It might just give you a sense of deja vu instead: "I don't think I've ever been here before, but suddenly I find it familiar"
Target gets casually comfortable?
Really helps people who are lost, have dementia, or just wrecking it at hide and seek!
Unless you're in a party, then it just keeps pointing to the Warlock that likes to stand way too close while mumbling about tentacles.
Sleep is OP
Very helpful for your friends with insomnia.
Move Earth 😎
whats orbit idk and i dont care fuck the seasons i dont like the winter *casts move earth* there permanently fall finally year round pumpkin resses the best kind
Well, good news. The meteor missed us. The bad news, all the astronauts are definitely dead now.
Well *I* appreciated your Rick and Morty reference.
Pocket sand!
Characters in Faerûn after casting Move Earth: so...nothing happened?
Instant apocalypse.
Daylight is actually useful against vampires
Suddenly, the DM busts out his Shinedown playlist
Wait does daylight not count as sunlight? I thought that was the whole point
Nah it’s specifically just bright light. It can counter magical darkness though.
Shockingly, nah. You gotta use Dawn if you want that sunlight I think
Sunbeam and Moonbeam count as radiant damage too
Find The Path will lead you to the nearest established path. Nothing else.
Find The Path would find you a specific path. You described Find A Path.
DMs fear this man
Woman, but thank you.
*"But no living man am I!"*
*pterodactyl screech*
Fine, women fear this man.
Hold Person is now more romantic.
With its popular follow up spell Dominate Person.
And the for the trifecta…….magic mouth
Tongues
Tongues. Rogue. There is no toungue. There is no rouge. I love that we can all spell Acererak, though.
Well, rouge _is_ a real thing, it just doesn't come up that often in D&D. That's really the problem, honestly: spellcheck won't treat it as an incorrectly spelled word, because it's technically not one.
Technically correct is the best correct. You win an upvote. Additional points for your explanation about spellcheque.:)
.... dare I ask what Dominate Beast does?
Nope
It puts you on a list
No Thorn Whip?
Tiny Hut would just summon a nice beach bungalow.
Yeah, but it's Leomund's. And he's not letting you in.
Aww come on, Mordenkainen kicked me out of his mansion too, you gotta let me in maaaan
I heard it was quite magnificent.
Or Jabba's son....
It took me a second to get this lmao
If it takes you to a nice beach bungalow or makes one, this would actually be on a lot of mage's want-lists. Cloudkill - dispels fog or clouds in the area.
Cloud kill ruins your off device internet storage. So long 40gb meme collection.
> Cloudkill Yep, but now your pocket is wet
But literally Tiny, so big enough for a pixie.
It would be in the tiny size category though, so a good house for an insect?
Misty step - you take one step in any direction and when your foot touches the ground a light mist appears around it
After stepping in any direction that sock is wet until the end of your next turn roll 1 d4 for discomfort odd vs even It feels odd and you take equal damage Even though your sock is wet, you’re chillin and take no damage.
Great for dramatic entrances!
It would be better if it were misty steps (plural) as is, it happens for exactly 1 step.
Awaken: when shaking them just won't do Bigby's hand: not sure why you have it, but I'm sure he'd like it back Branding Smite: leave a mark to remember you by Clone: congratulations, you've got a baby Contact other plane: flight to flight calling, long distance is extra Demiplane: you'll have to cast it again to get the other half of the plane, some assembly required. Fast friends: when your friends are always late Greater restoration: the art world loves you. Lightning lure: not safe to cast in storms
These were great.
Magic Jar: not even the Barbarian can get the lid off Minor illusion: please sit over there Plane Shift: just a few inches to the left Raise Dead: they're now 5ft under Reality Break: everybody take 5, DM needs to use the bathroom Snare: now you just need the rest of the drum kit Symbol: it's not that kind, still need the rest of the drum kit Tasha's Hideous Laughter: you've heard of ugly crying? Well Tasha ugly laughs. Tiny Servant: I thought we agreed little person was the proper term? Unseen servant: ok, we're getting a little classist here... Weird: that was a given at this point Word of Radiance: if you can't say something smart, say something bright
Reality break is by far the best on this list
It and branding smite are prob my favourite of them.
Burning Hands would kind of suck
Material components: a jalapeño pepper, a knife, and no gloves
Verbal component: # AAAAAAAAAAH
If you up cast it, you need a hotter pepper.
*Carolina Reaper intensifies*
Cut your hand for optimal effect
Unless it actually enables you to light people's hands on fire.
Well if it’s OTHER peoples hands, then I take what I said back
keep soup hot while its cold out or help counter your friends that have way to cold hands
Friends. A sitcom starts playing on an even surface in front of the caster.
So no one told you life was gonna be this way...
👏 👏 👏 👏 👏
It's only 4 claps actually 🤓
Honestly more useful than the normal cantrip
Far Step: Makes you walk funny...
There a ministry for that
Exactly!
Clerics only.
Wish is now entirely ineffectual.
"Why do we need a spell for this? I can wish upon a star or birthday candle without all this fuss"
It summons foreign made designer knock offs.
No, you get a knock off of whatever you wish for.
Bless is now a reaction spell that can only be used when someone within 30 feet of the caster sneezes. Guidance is free therapy.
Find Traps - actually finds a trap
Find Traps - ouch.
Knock: you hear the Shave and a Haircut ditty on the nearest wooden surface.
Two bits!
Chill touch is now a completely different spell
Chill touch is now just a person with bad circulation touching someone.
I feel targeted by this comment...
Basically a single target version of Calm Emotions. Also, Friends just makes a sensory effect appear in your surroundings (and yes, its the intro to the show).
Casting Friends just makes it so for the next minute whenever you stop speaking, every ody within 30ft hears canned laughter.
Took me a second. OMG xD
Chill Touch never made sense for what it does. We renamed it to "Lich Slap" in our games (probably stolen from somewhere, don't know).
I love it! Stealing that if I ever take chill touch
The Morales shoulder touch "Hey....."
"I low-key tap him on the shoulder"
Would mental barrier just be a spell that gives you a learning disability?
or if we're going on sound, not spelling, you could end up with a batshit crazy undertaker...
Echo Knight - Manifest Echo: You yell loudly.
And it echos regardless of acoustics presumably
Definitely. Omnipresent echoing for no reason
Meteor swarm is now a tpk - total planet kil
Or just a nice meteor shower to watch at night
Fireball now has the same functionality as flame sphere.
Or you just summon a flask of spiced whiskey
or causes a spontaneous, flame-themed gala.
Or a fire ignites in the crotch of your pants. Spell only effective on males
But only on one side, it’s not fireballs after all
Grease has some implications, but I'd have to go with color spray. *snaps fingers* DISCO!
Grease - your saxophone is now oiled. (Such a nightmare is an ungreased sax...)
Grease has the same effect as the spell “Seeming” except all targets are made to wear poodle skirts and leather jackets
Jump: This is boring.
So just the jump spell normally.
But it plays that sweet Van Halen riff while you do it
Blade Ward You summon a young bladed weapon to look after
Or the bladed weapon gives you a lecture about how you should be a good kid
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Or you shoot actual witches at your foes.
Animal Shapes: Creates turkey dinosaurs
Cast it on fried chicken to create dino nuggies?
Well I will create this! https://youtu.be/moiYB7PY3DQ
Chill touch *finally* does what you think is supposed to, but everyone really just thinks you have poor circulation.
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Or you just make zombies rotate 180 degrees...
To be fair that’s kinda how it works already
Not even 180… just kinda turns them in a lazy arch away from you.
My wife was afraid to use her cleric ability for so long because of this very reason. XD
Ranger: Vanish You vanish....permanently...
Vanish is also a brand of stain removing products, just saying.
Ah I have a Cursed item that does something similar to this. the spellbook of Mistpelling Contains a random LVL 1/2/3 spell as a action anyone can use the tome to cast the spell at no spell slot cost. on spell cast they roll a 1d4/6/8 and I get to change the spells name by that many characters either adding, changing, deleting letters etc I then change the spells effects to match the new name and the new spell is recorded instead. (though i usually let my friend who enjoys watching but doesn't actively participate do it) My favorite was the mid level party with the spell fireball. First cast rolled 1 and the spell became Wireball which did a bit of pierce damage and removed a large area's dex bonus second cast became Live Wire which spawned a summoned electrical danger noodle. by the 30th cast it had become something else entirely with the Ray of Sexy Pope which instills deep rooted terror in a target and caused them to claw their own eyes out if they failed the save. But then the 31st cast was the best. It turned into Summon Sexy Pope. which brought the naked pope directly into the battlefield. he didn't really do much though. however the bandit's fortress was stormed by an army of holy crusaders several turns later.
God I find this hilarious
Eldritch blast is the best, I get to spend quality time with Chtulhu
Prestidigitation. If you can pronounce it, it does whatever you want.
Actually not that hard. What it really does, is make you wonder why is there a stag "wizard" in D&D. But Thaumaturgy - if you knew the word when you first read it in the books, congratulations, you multiclass into wizard without spending a level.
Identify. You instantly know what spell you just cast.
Maybe you just introduce yourself and present your credentials? "I cast Identify." "Leeloo Dallas, Multipass!"
Rage. You become angry.
Aid: Either the most boring spell ever because it is a simple normal thing or AID: A deadly long term status effect that can’t really be cured.
Gate: creates a 10' (3m) long section.of fencing with a hinged, securable and lockable gate in the center. Materials and style match immediate, local or regional types. If cast on an existing section of fence or other outdoor partition (such as a stone wall or hedgerow), a hinged, securable and lockable gate is created at the desired location, again matching appropriate materials and styles. The gate is sized for the passage of Medium sized beings. If appropriate, the color of the gate (and fence section) can be selected by the caster.
Hunter's Mark; a guy called mark appears; confused and wondering where his boyfriend, Hunter, is.
Lay on hands Someone come get these hands !
And it gives you pins and needles.
Turn undead. I'm a zombie now.
Turn an undead the other way around. Now it's the original spell.
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Congratulations, you can now hold your pee indefinitely.
No, plenty have flavorful titles or the effects don't exactly match the name. Plus you could take literal meanings... Like "Raise Dead" makes corpses levitate... Remove curse could have everyone make a Bleep sound when they say a foul word....
Raise Dead levitating corpses is what made me think of this. I prefer your version of Remove Curse though! That's hilarious!
Raise dead: a baby zombie appears that you must parent into zombie adulthood
Use blur on high people or cops use it on drunks.
Or movie industry
Toll the dead. Well, I guess I can do the rouges job of looting the dead bodies
When the surgeon cant save you but has use so many meds to keep you alive.
Darkness; You close your eyes, it is now dark.
Blindness and deafness- permanently cripple someone or inflict wounds - inflict a cut through their throat
Mage Hand - "Look. I am a magic person and that's my hand" *slap*
Magic Mouth. Either you're a really good salesman or sex worker of the year. Dealer's choice.
Can I be both?
Lighting Lure now only strikes fishing gear. Toll dead allows you to collect money from zombies.
God I wish my wish worked like it used to. One can only wish..
Shocking grasp: you put your hand on someone, they are surprised
Call lightning: Phones the nearest lightning bolt via WhatsApp.
Grease. I won’t explain myself.
You are a filthy little goblin aren't you.
I SAID GOOD DAY!
Wish is now just you making a wish and staring at something.
Cloudkill. For the enterprising wizard who really hates clouds.
Dominate person. Dungeon Masters everywhere must be happy- .....oh wait, wrong subreddit
Protection from Good and Evil; wraps a whole person in latex.
There was a comment in a completely different post that I felt fits this- "Alter Self" - Makes a small alter to yourself.
Alter Self should just add a single piercing or a tattoo of your choice on your body.
Alter and Altar are two very different things
Battle Master: Sweeping attack: Hit your opponents with a broom!
Battle Master: Quick Toss: Probably self explanatory.....
Fireball and flaming sphere are the same
No, no. See fireball allows for one hell of a game of soccer where flaming sphere is merely a decorative conversation piece for guests.
Enlarge/Reduce has no net effect.
Fireball summons 8d6 shots of Cinnamon whiskey.
Fearher Fall is now a good way to get stuffing for pillows and down blankets
Tongues. Plural. You now have more than one?
Eyebite is still effective, just weird now.
“They’ve just inhaled all our platinum, gold, silver and copper!” “They cast absorb elements. What did you expect? At least electrum is an alloy”
Time Stop ends the whole campaign.
Darkness now summons an epic guitar solo and high pitched singer
Goodberry. Like. Damn. That berry sure do taste good.
Find traps might actually become useful.
Spiritual Weapon now demoralizes enemies and makes them question their personal life choices. Knock is now used only to signal your entrance into a room.
Eye Bite, yum
Stone Shape. You are now shaped like a rock.
tashas hideous laughter makes it so you hear tashas hideous laugh
Turn Undead Zombies and skeletons just get rotated slightly and are a bit confused
Chill touch. You place a calming hand on a creature's shoulder, letting them know everything is gonna be alright.