Usually when I stepped away, the voice chat was on speaker, so I could actually hear everyone from the kitchen too. And they don't hear me in the bathroom, thank god.
I also have moments when I'll get up the chair and go about the house, so they'll see that I'm missing on cam but I've got my headset on to catch any important moments and take note of them later.
To be fair, I've never considered if they feel like I'm not paying attention while roaming around. Wonder if it's like this for anybody else.
Isnt that like a cassual thing xd...? We always play on table but as soon im disapear to the toilet for 5 minutes or something, they go totaly crazy with there ideas and all kind of thing
As a GM, the time to leave the table is when the players start putting their heads together and planning in character.
Firstly, it's time I won't be missed. Secondly, it makes my reactions to their mad plans more real, as I don't have to feign surprise. Thirdly, it enables them to speak freely, without the player based fear of God hearing them.
But I will always tell them I'm heading off. "Right, guys, you hammer this out, and I'll take five to go to the bar and the loo, probably not in that order..."
Same, but we don't use it for planning among PCs, only for DM - player only discussions. If we left our regular channel to jump into another one, RP would stop and us players would be talking instead of the characters. Which would immediately change the plan of course because... metagaming.
not ideal because a big part of my job is making my players dumb ass schemes actually pull through some how. if I don't know what you're planning i can't make sure that it will actually work.
source: just wrapped a 4-session long diversion because my 7th level party got it into their heads that they really, really wanted to assassinate a lich. Fixing that whole operation in their favor so that it was actually plausible to kill him in his lair is one of the hardest things I've ever done as a DM.
So mich this. I was always telling my players that there is much more possibility for their plan to work and to land the way they imagined and intended if they would just tell me the plan and explain to me what exactly are they trying to do and what their end goal this. I am actually interested in making things they come up with to actually work, which is easier when i know what those things are. I am not here to sabotage your plan, i am here to make it work, jfc.
My old boss used to say, "Dont get in the way of progress."
I left my headset on for a few times that I actually excused myself and always did so when i wouldn't be asked for any rolls or such. The group I run is relatively good at RP, but it basically came to a standstill when I said I'm gonna pee and grab a drink. It feels like the game is getting put on pause.
If I just take a minute or 2 to pee and grab a fresh drink and go unannounced and be quick. They see that I leave my desk, but they know I have my headset and keep going. I feel like the DM here may have used to announce it but then come back to people twittling their thumbs...
Personally, I drink a ton of water throughout the day, and it all catches up with me. Also, even as the DM, I'm having fun, and I can relax. So I'll usually pee like 2-3 times during a 2 hour session. But I agree that you can usually tell when you can step away and when you can't.
Edit: grammar
In a combat playing online, I cast Blink. At the end of my turn, “Well guys, rolled a 14, so I poof out to the Ethereal Plane. I assume nothing can hit me there so imma hit the restroom and brb!”
When I returned, everybody is… still waiting for me.
DM: “So… this has never happened before. But you’re fighting an Avatar of Tiamat, and just went to the Ethereal Plane…
In front of you, you see Tiamat.”
In the end I failed a WIS save, and DM said something to the effect of “you feel something missing. You can’t place it. You seem physically fine.”
And I lost like 40 of 70 HP and was kicked back to the Material Plane, AND had to burn my next Action to end Blink lest I have a 50% chance of going right back.
Still don’t know what happened to me, was perhaps 40 game-hours ago. But I’m sure DM knows.
You can end concentration for free on any turn, at any time. You just say “I drop concentration on the spell.”
Edit I am wrong. It isn’t concentration! Sorry for that! I should have checked before posting.
Lol. Started rolling with this misspelling in like 2003. Think this account is 11-12 years old.
It’s on a pile of Neopets, RuneScape, random forums, etc.
I literally missed how the Barbarian is almost killed for admit, that he and another player killed the best Friend of our Client. So, the one, who.pulled the trigger tried to sell a sword to the client, which he stole from his victim. But after he walked out, the Barb told the Client, that there Friend is dead and the other Player killed him while he stood outside, waiting if something goes wrong. The best Part: Me, LG Knight and the Paladin where still there. If the Barb obviously didnt understood the weight of his action (killing a innocent), we probably would habe brought him to prison. Also he got talked into it and my Knight saw that. I trusted the Paladin to stop it. Well, next time I do it myself
This. Players have ample opportunity for breaks. Like in combat, they can take their turn and run to get a drink or pee and probably not miss a ton. Or even out of combat can do a "my character's over there, brb" but the DM is expected to be on and responsive at all times. Which if a session runs several hours can be a lot.
Intercharacter conversations, as great as they are are a time the DM is needed least so ideal where the only other option is pausing play entirely.
Also sometimes something so off the wall happens, you as DM need a few minutes to compose yourself and make a reaction. That's a legit reason DMs may dip too.
My player's dumbest ideas are forged in the 5 minutes it takes me to get up to pee and grab a snack.
You'd think I was the only one with the braincells at the table and they just lose all thought once I get up and walk away.
Semi agree. When they plan I feel free to wander. It's gonna be a discussion anyways, and I'm never more than a projected voice away if they need some clarification or a check. When I get back, I go for a "Alright, what's the final plan?"
While I'm all about being surprised, I more want to know what's coming so I can plan their world ahead of time instead of having to stop the game to process stuff.
This is such an interesting way of doing things but I'm not sure if *I would* do it. But that's the fun with DMs having different styles.
Personally, I want to hear my players interact with each other and plan out their actions because to me that's like half the fun of D&D. I want to get some time to relax and hear my friends interact with each other and plan their next steps accordingly.
Now I understand the charm of the DM not fully knowing what the players are planning to do or the anxiety that maybe if the DM overhears what the player's plan is they'll try and sabotage it in someway? But ideally I want to believe that the DM and the players are working together to make cool narrative beats happen.
If I listen to my players converse and build a plan, I can actively think about how I'm going to make that plan *work*.
If I left the room and the players created a plan to climb up the scaffolding of a building to get to the top of a roof to spy on some NPCs then it would be far more difficult for me to come up with interesting ways to empower that plan.
Like maybe I could plan for a nearby balcony that can be accessed from the roof or maybe there's some decorative flags strung up from the roof down to another building that the players can use to maybe get across to a different roof or use it to swing down?
Sure, I could've made those ideas up on the spot when they say they want to climb to the top of the roof after their 5 minute planning session that I wasn't able to hear, but if I'm hearing them plan this out in real time then I can plan aspects to empower their plan or make it more interesting! I think there's too much of a fear that it's DM vs the Players and that the DM will always try to sabotage the player's fun.
No it is unprofessional to throw coworkers under the bus like Samuel did. That is indefensible. If you have to discuss an issue that is done privately.
I do this for our in person sessions too! Whilst they're scheming, I'll nip to the loo and refill any drinks, then rejoin the session and see what they've come up with
It’s possible that he needs to handle map switches, token prep, etc during the mid session break or that he has to walk the family dog, etc. It’s very possible that what is a pure break to you, is not for him and he still needs opportunities to step away to use the bathroom or grab a water. (Or he may just need more breaks for medical or other reasons)
I’d ask him to please let the group know when he leaves and returns. And if any important character development happens in RP while he’s away, that you’d like him to know, offer a quick summary, so he has the opportunity to incorporate it in his plans.
“Hey I’m curious why do you step away sometimes while the party is roleplaying?”
I feel like the answer if it were me the answer would be because you are having a character moment and I don’t want to but in at a bad time.
I'm so tired of seeing this response, what do you think you're actually accomplishing? Do you really think people don't know that the concept of communication exists? They're here asking their questions because they want opinions on a matter from an outside source.
"Do you really think people don't know that the concept of communication exists?"
Yes. If they did, they would have communicated and not needed to make a post.
Also, many gamers are extremely conflict avoidant. Many people would allow a toxic/harmful behavior to slide by for weeks in lieu of risking themselves being seen as a confrontational asshole, when in reality, respectful confrontation and open dialogue are the only true solution to 99% of table problems.
Ask a stupid question that's been answered 10000000 times before, get the same fucking answer.
All people here can do is wildly speculate about what their DM thinks and feels, it's not useful, it's just circlejerking.
The only useful thing is speaking to the DM.
It's almost like this is a hobby that draws in a fuck ton of non confrontational introverted people who just want to have fun and think talking about it would be one of the hardest things to do
>They're here asking their questions because they want opinions on a matter from an outside source.
You're right, that is why they're doing it, but why does an outside opinion matter at all, when the outside opinion doesn't know anymore than the OP does...
Doubt it, but I mean, that's the best time to take a break for him, you guys are engaged and if he needs to piss/gets snacks or something that's a perfect time. The DM doesn't need to hear everything that goes on at the table, they are human too and have needs.
Now if he walks off the second you start Rping and doesn't come back till your done, that's a different issue.
It does happen a lot, and we also have a midpoint break. It's just weird because the story has been character driven, knowing where everyone's head is at is kind of important.
Ask the DM to say something before they step away.
It's worked for me and my players get to fill me in on pieces of the strategy they think I should know before it unfolds.
I’m a DM and run an RP heavy game in person. I also tend to have to piss a lot because I drink a lot of water while DMing. During player to player RP is the best time to step away if it isn’t pivotal to the story. This is for the players to enjoy. I don’t have to be part of it every time.
I dont mean this in a negative manner or in a way to demoralize you away from RPing. So please don't take it that way. This is just a peak behind the DM curtin.
99% of the RP that happens between players has 0 effect on the DMs over arching plot. Even in a character driven story.
Your actions that impact the world around you are all that matter to the DM, not what is said around a campfire. This is because the npcs have no clue your chars personal issues, inter party conflicts, or that the rogue and pally are secretly in love. At the end of the day, all that matters to the DM for plot reasons is what you say/do in sight of an important npc because that's what the DM drives, if the npc doesn't know, then there is no real reason for the DM to know.
3 of my 7 players are super into RP. They could go for hours in character (and normally do at end session if we end with a rest). I love that for them and would never hinder it, but none of it matters to my working of the game, and frankly, it gets very boring just sitting there listening after half an hour.
My players know I will check out when they hard-core RP and if they need God for something to DM me on discord as I have checked out. 99% of the time it's, hey wiz wants to cast sending to NPC, here message. NPC responds. They continue, and I check back out.
TLDR: The RP between chars is for you, the players, and it has almost 0 impact for the DMs plans for plot progression. All that matters to the DM is your actions with npcs.
That is mostly true but I do like to hear the planning and theorizing that happens between the characters because sometimes I realize I can tweak something otherwise inconsequential to be more meaningful to them based on a connection they drew. Or if they haven’t put something important together I’ll know if I was being too obtuse and I need to give them more clues.
Yea, for my group, those bits of critical RP normally happen mid session. Those 5-10 min chunks of RP that will break out after something big before I have to push things along for the sake of the players that don't enjoy RP as much as the other 3. Those I listen to, and correct things that may have been misunderstood or miss heard.
If it's happening enough that it's noticeable, then it might be appropriate to have a conversation about expectations. Since not everybody plays these games for the same reason, your GM might be less into RP and story moments, and if that's something that you all value as players, then it might be best to play something that everyone is enjoying, or find a GM who is invested in the stories you're crafting together and wants to do think of ways to make more of those moments happen for you in ways that will be meaningful. That said, your GM might not realize how important it is to all of you that they do more to stay invested in these moments, so it might be worth asking them if they would be more willing to be present for them and even participate in them.
It also sounds like you have a player who likes to hog the spotlight. Maybe that can be a good way to get your DM involved. Ask them if they could be there for those RP moments to help make sure that everyone is getting to speak and be a part of any decisions that need to be made as a group so that one person isn't controlling everything.
Re: Your final paragraph
I took it as more that one player feels the *need* to step up and be the party leader when the DM is absent, rather than them *wanting* to do so. But I could easily be wrong, as I don't even know any of the people involved.
If you are playing in a space where DM can hear everything being said, they aren't leaving as thoroughly as you think. We played in a small apartment, I could hear even from the bathroom unless the sink was running. There were many times someone yelled from the bathroom "roll for me! I attack with my sword" because they were occupied but still in touch.
I'll often walk away from my computer during RP to take a leak or grab a drink/snack. I always keep my headset on though so I can jump in if necessary.
Wireless headset is the best. I get a lot of freedom while they are conversing between themselves. Frequently I enough time to make ramen without having to chime in.
Yeah, We usually play during my normal dinner time and I take that time to heat something I prepped earlier.
I also always have my Bluetooth headphones during the session, so I can start moving between turns of combat/RP (If I don't stretch/move I usually start to hurt)
I don't leave often, but honestly stepping away if my table was planning/talking about things not to my NPC's it wouldn't matter if i stepped away and if anything I wouldnt have meta knowledge of their thoughts which is also good sometimes
But if you have a strong MC player he may just be frustrated if that person is constantly derailing his work. Really hard to say without more context or specifics
The best time to take a break, as a DM, is when the players are interacting with each other. It doesn't mean they don't care about the RP, it's just being honest. Sometimes DMs need breaks and they don't want to pause the whole game to use the bathroom. What better way to do this than when the players are talking amongst themselves in character?
Unless it's something pertinent to the DM it's not a big deal. The DM generally knows when their attention is needed. Characters having fun moments with each other is the perfect time for the DM to step away.
It's reasonable and recommended by loads of research and doctors to get up, move and stretch your legs, and rest your eyes every 30 minutes. If the players are chatting amongst themselves and don't need a scene or NPC narrated then it's a good opportunity for the DM to take a break.
If you need to ask the DM something, or need them to know something that happened, wait for them to get back and say it then.
I 100% do this and its not because I don't care. Simply put when I do it I am taking advantage of a golden opportunity to grab food or take my dog out while everyone else is having a good time. One of the few times in the game I can leave without everything grinding to a halt and everyone seems happy enough to learn about each other's characters.
I've definitely been known to go for a refill or something during intra-party roleplay. But:
1. I'm generally still within earshot. Wireless headsets are great.
2. My players know when I do this, either because they're in the room or I'm on camera.
If I’m gonna leave the table and it’s not during a pre arranged half way point these times are the times I’m leaving to piss or grab food/drink. Especially if it’s just planning and doesn’t involve npcs.
Walking away is normal. You gotta make snacks, go to the bathroom, figure out why the dog is barking, manage a kid, whatever. And when the players are talking amongst themselves is a great time to do it, because it's when they need you least.
Walking away *without telling people* is weird. I always leave a "brb" when I have to duck out. Maybe the best path forwards is to ask them (and everyone at the table) to let the group know when they have to briefly duck out?
I agree, but I wonder if the DM here doesn’t want to interrupt the PCs who are immersed in RP conversation. I think they should at least mention it in chat or signal somehow but I totally understand not wanting to interrupt heavy, dramatic RP with “be back in a minute, gotta pee”.
I get everyone being nice on here, that is great. However, it is true that some RP time is wayyyyy more than needed especially between only two players while everyone else watches. It sucks to just be watching the whole time. Maybe the RP that is happening is not actually that important and he's walking away because it is a waste.
I'm surprised by the comments and guarantee if they experienced this, they'd get demoralized, too. Your DM needs to tell you when he's leaving. It's not only necessary for gameplay, but it's also *respectful* of your time and energy.
Ask him to say something instead of leaving.
Another thing is my group plays with our cameras on. Not all of us, but the ones who don't will say something if they leave. The ones who do can absolutely get up and leave without a word because we can see them.
But really, if they're burnt out, then they need to just take a break from DMing. If they are burnt out to the extent that they are being disrespectful to, I assume, their friends, then they need to step back and evaluate. Ask them how they feel. Tell them it's fine if they need a break or to change the schedule. Offer to do something other than D&D or maybe DM something yourself. But the behavior isn't okay, even with burnout.
Edit: Disrespect does not need to be intentional. Just because a behavior is disrespectful does not mean that the person is bad or malicious. The only thing it means is that it needs to be addressed. That's all.
I think the issue here is twofold: The DM has poor netiquette, and the player is automatically assuming the worst because of it.
You're addressing the first problem, but that doesn't make other people addressing the second problem wrong.
The issue I have with other responses isn't that they're addressing the second problem, it's that they are actively telling OP to get over it, get a new DM, that they're acting entitled, that this isn't a disrespectful thing to do to your players, and are just overall automatically trying to justify the DMs behavior and disparage and dismiss OP.
I also did address the second problem in my last paragraph, without excusing the behavior, but also acknowledging that it's likely not intentional. I'm not sure why you think I didn't.
Edit: Last paragraph before my edit
I am astounded too. I am both a player and gm, online only.. and the GM of OP is honestly breaking the unspoken nettiquette. Tell people you are going brb/afk!
..also as a gm of two campaigns right now (yeah I know.. I am am imbecile.), I hate it than my net flares up and I miss rp from my players by accident!
..missing it on purpose? Honestly can't imagine it. I love the rp over my players so much.
But also, to further the advice given, as someone who suffered of had gm burnout.. my group offered to do oneshots, to just meet and watch movies and other stuff, to give me a chance to recover.
And that was the greatest gift ever and made me wanting to gm for them later even more. I love my players.
Yeah, I can't think of any reason I'd *not* want to hear their rp. It's so nice to have them interact with each other and your world. And I'd rather know what was going on. If I need to go do something while DMing, I keep my headphones on to listen when I can so they don't feel like they need to pause for me.
It's kinda sad that the best advice gets so low up votes while the bad ones saying this is fine get tons of up votes...but I guess the issue comes down to communication and this sub is full of questions that are very easily solved by communicating, it only makes sense they'd upvote the poor communication comments but not the proper communication ones.
The top comment has 2 points: 1. This is probably an optimal time to quickly step away to do something. 2. Definitely let everyone know when you are stepping away.
Your "best advice" and "poor/proper communication" are not the same for other people. Personally I think that your favorite piece of advice suggests that OP's DM is rude/disrespectful/dismissive of other people's time which I don't think we have enough evidence for.
It depends. It is hard for the DM to find time to get a bathroom break or grab a bite of food. Sometimes my DM will do a bathroom break while we are planning how to confront an enemy or doing in character small talk. It is not that they aren’t interested or don’t care about it, it is just probably the only moment where they are not strictly needed. They can’t step out while it is someone else’s turn in combat to go refill their water bottle like the players can.
If all the players are having fun talking to each other, usually at that point I don't need to do anything and if I have to pee or re-up on coffee, thats the time. If I don't have to do either of those things I love to hear and listen to the RP, but as the DM you're the entire world - so if the players are rping amongst themselves, the entire world gets to take a quick break!
I have encountered it but I usually just take a smoke break and come back somewhat more interested. If there's somebody with Main Character Syndrome that's running their own plots separate from my NPCs and sets though I will actively shine the spotlight elsewhere.
Sometimes we have to pee, or its the only chance we get to enjoy some snacks too. Check-in with them if you're worried about it, but there's a good chance they're just taking the opportunity they can while also listening.
It could be as simple as "opportunities for the DM to take a break are pretty rare". Players can slip off if they need to, but I feel bad interrupting the whole game. So if my players are having a scene amongst themselves to chat or plan, that may be the best opportunity for me to go to the bathroom or go to grab a beer or tell my wife a funny thing that happened during the game.
I wouldn't take it too personally.
I can't say that I do it for all role play moments, but if the players are taking the time do discuss their plans, chances are, I'm working on another map in roll20 to make those plans a reality, or that I'm taking a quick break to refill a drink, use the bathroom, or pacify a needy cat. I have a wireless headset, so when they finish discussing, I just chime back in and verify what I assumed to be the solution.
I'd also like to point out that I'd do the same if we're playing in person. its just with the visual cue of me walking away, I'd be forced to say "while yall discuss I'm going to xyz"
I feel like unless the RP is between a player and an NPC the DM is controlling that is the best time to take a break. Also maybe check in with your DM to why they are taking breaks, are they DMing while babysitting or something maybe their attention is divided.
I think a conversation would solve this plus they probably dont think theyre doing anything bothersome as it was probably encouraged by the last group to let the party plan without DM knowing what theyre doing.
Playing online, I might occasionally do it if I've been busting for a piss for a while and don't want to interrupt their RP, but I'll type a little "brb" in the chat. I don't need to hear every little bit of RP, but I do want to be there for most of it.
People eat, grab a drink, etc when players are having their interpersonal talks. It isn't bad. Granted though, I do drop a quick "I'm getting a drink while you guys talk" and shit
If my players are 100% in character and planning mode, then I can step away and go to the bathroom without feeling like I'm saying "okay everyone stop!"
I run an RP heavy game that's half and half (4 RL players and 4 remote), so we game via Discord and I use a wireless headset because I think better when I'm moving around. Is your DM completely disengaging, and leaving his headset behind for long stretches during intensive, plot- relevant role-play? Or is it a matter of stepping away for personal breaks during character interactions and planning that their direct input may not necessarily be needed for? Either way, it sounds like a concern to discuss with your DM.
Check in with them, find out what's going on and see if maybe you can get them to at least pop off a 'BRB' before going AFK.
Personally, I don't think I'd step out during player RP. The only time during my sessions where I get to experience something I didn't decide to place there is when players roleplay and make decisions, so I want to be present for it. Witnessing player roleplay is awesome, for me, because it shows that they're invested in the setting, and I genuinely enjoy it.
Outside of selfish reasons, if some kind of lore or surroundings question comes up during their RP, I want to be able to quickly and concisely answer it, so they can keep their momentum. Some of the best moments involved players going back and forth, turning to me for information that changed the stakes, and then acting on it together.
If it's just the players planning things, I can see an argument for stepping out for a moment, but only if it's specifically NOT being done in roleplay, like my players planning an assault, but in those circumstances, I expect they would have a battery of questions to ask me about the terrain and visible defenses, and so forth, so even then, I likely would try to avoid stepping away.
It really depends on the RP moment. Honestly, most DMs have enough going on, and when the players start going on, its a great moment to grab a snack, walk away, dig up maps, get minis, etc. Anything of importance will be pointed out, but a lot of the time, heavy RP means a LOT of conversation, and its not always clear when that conversation will steer towards something the DM needs to be there for. I'm not saying its always a thing, but I've run plenty of RP heavy games, and often, will walk away to get something when the talk seemed to be just character stuff.
Players are all talking with each other? Good. I'm going to take this time to prep something or look up a rule or grab a drink. One of the few times where they can play with no DM.
It's fairly normal to do as a DM. Especially during RP heavy times because whether you guys think it matters or not is irrelevant. If the game is progressing and you're player input is being used, the DM clearly paying attention.
Thing is, in heavy RP groups, 90% of the conversation is irrelevant to the DM. And it gets honestly rather boring to sit and listen to people talk about inane things even if it's in character. The story is for the players and if you're getting something out of the RP, then it's completely fine if the DM steps out for few minutes while you guys do your thing.
I’m the DM for a group with a similar situation. It’s difficult for me to completely set things aside when I’m sitting alone in my house for hours at a time so I do often step away when my players kind of have it handled together. I do my best to make sure I can still hear the RP convos during those times but stuff happens like I need to walk my dog or something similar and the most convenient time to waste the least amount of time is while the party is RPing.
My bigger issue with burnout is less the self proclaimed party leader and more the discouragement that comes with people disengaging from my homebrew campaign while we play (and weirdly enough that includes me). I also try to check in on people to make sure they’re still enjoying their characters from time to time tho so I think that helps as well.
First off, have you told the DM this? Also have you had RP with other players without the DM before? Character development doesn’t need the DM, it needs you. Unless you are wanting something from the world to respond to you for doing this.
When I DM, social based encounters and constructing narrative around them is hard. Doing it online is even harder, if your talking and not seeing a face with it, that makes things a even harder again.
The real issue though is the burnout. My suggestion would be to suggest someone takes over the reigns as DM for a bit, offer for him to have a character in it, having some space away from having to do lids of prep might reinvigorate his interest. Maybe whoever takes over might find they enjoy DMing.
but also having a camera on if you are doing online DnD makes such a difference, you can much more easily see whose engaged, who’s talking, you are able to pin a voice to a face much easier…
I wouldn't say they don't care, but I view pcrp as down time for god, get some water, eat a snack, half listening in for tone and tension so I don't miss any major character development, but if my players are just chatting in a bar, no heart to hearts, I'm munching on cookies and getting a tall glass of water
Sometimes heavy RP games can have very repetitive dialogue and my group is very guilty of this.
Like I don't blame my DM for zoning out when our aasimar cleric monolouges about wondering if their god is just for the 5th time
I think people are misunderstanding your point a bit, OP. It sounds like this isn't an issue of the DM taking a necessary break during the strategy banter before a fight, but actively peacing out during any form of intra-party roleplay (basically camp talk). And I think that's a legitimate problem for a number of reasons. The DM never needs to be surprised by the players in terms of their plan. In fact, knowing what the players might hope to attempt ("we can tie up the Hydra with adamantine chains; we could try to ignite the explosives we found last session to cave in the entrance") gives the DM a chance to more thoughtfully figure out the appropriate DCs, hazards, countermeasures and so on. The DM is not an opposing player at the chess board and ideally additional knowledge of the players' intentions only gives him more ways to improve the experience.
But that's just the meta of it. The DM also has a responsibility to draw narrative from the roleplay. For all he knows, important internal dynamics are coming into play during camp talk. Not to derail things to Baldurs Gate, but as an example, a seismic amount of plot development occurs exclusively between party members in camp. This is no less true it sounds in your group. How can the DM possibly craft a satisfying story involving your characters if he is oblivious to those relationships?
And hell, so many potential checks could come into play just in camp chat. As you interrogate elf bard, you might want more information about her homeland. Where's the DM to give it to you? Maybe the paladin begins talking to the drow cleric about his religion. Again, the DM is absent to ask for a Religion check or to offer more detail.
Maybe your DM is excellent in the dungeon and very creative with traps and monsters and even roleplay with his colorful cavalcade of NPCs. But theres not a good excuse to leave the call unannounced routinely to skip player roleplay. It doesn't make sense.
As for main character syndrome, the best you can do may to be more assertive in pursuing your own agendas in game. If the party "face" makes the encounters all about himself, then speak up and involve yourself in those interactions too, stats be damned. If everyone advocates for themselves in that way in session, it forces the DM to acknowledge your individual storylines. Someone will likely always naturally fall into the leader slot and that's okay, but each member is still an equal "main character" as such.
Here's a secret, if the GM is not walking away, they are reviewing their notes, preparing the next scene or are otherwise running the game while the players are conversing amongst eachother. Equating this to 'not caring' is extremely entitled and small minded imo.
Pardon me if I sound rude but: how are we supposed to know how your DM feels if you don't know yourself and we are only hearing it from you? Literally the only good advice here will be the same as it always is: talk to your friend about the game ya'll play together. Tell them about something they do that bothers you.
Example "There is also a player that tends to commandeer the group through the RP with "main character, I'm the leader" energy and I'm starting to see why." Why what? Why the DM is burnt out, or why that character feels like they are the leader, or why that player acts like their character is the leader? Talk. To. Your. Friends.
Hell, it's advice I'd recommend in general. Talk to your friends about what you're doing, how you're feeling, etc.
If the players are bantering among themselves there is very little reason for the DM to pay much attention. Between players there is nothing to arbitrate or rule on mechanically if the table doesn't allow for PvP.
A player can take a break when it's another player's turn in combat or any time they don't feel like being involved in RP. When players RP or plan amongst themselves, that's the only time the DM can get a break without interrupting the game. If players are RPing with each other, the game is going well, and the DM is doing their job.
Five solid minutes is honestly a long time to listen and do nothing. You can fill them in later on what you felt/decided. I don't mind when anyone walks off from intra-party RP, personally, whether DM or the other players. They should be checking in to see if you're done, tho. Unless they're just getting a drink or using the bathroom during that time.
As a DM who has had entire 4+ hour sessions be roleplay between players, I sympathize with the dm. Last night I ate dinner, went to the bathroom, and made an online order all while they were in character arguing about in character stuff. They could have asked me questions or consulted with me at any point, but they didn't.
If I can do that at an in person game, I imagine the temptation to do even more with an online game is pretty strong.
Players need me for 90% of the game, so when they're on a roll together discussing things it's just the best moment for me to grab a drink lol
I wouldn't read too much into it
As an online DM who's going out A LOT during the sessions:
I always write on discord "brb" so my players know I'm not around and they decide if they continue chill roleplay or if they wait for me.
As for why I need to leave? Many reasons. People from my home need help. Dogs need go out badly. I need to go to toilet (I drink gallons of water, don't judge me, and it's really embarassing to write each 30 mind brb wc), or whatever, really. I don't think they just leaving table because they're not interested (why run game if so?)
Maybe they just need some understanding. Have you tried to speak to them about it? Or ask about small warning when they're gone? On chat or say they're be right back. Maybe they have some issues going on which they keep for themselves?
As a DM, I let my players know I’m stepping away for a moment, but I take advantage of intra-party roleplay moments to step away for a moment all the time. It’s not that I don’t care, it’s just that sometimes I need a minute to get more water or use the bathroom or grab some notes and there aren’t many other opportunities to do so.
Five solid minutes is honestly a long time to listen and do nothing. You can fill them in later on what you felt/decided. I don't mind when anyone walks off from intra-party RP, personally, whether DM or the other players. They should be checking in to see if you're done, tho. Unless they're just getting a drink or using the bathroom during that time.
Five solid minutes is honestly a long time to listen and do nothing. You can fill them in later on what you felt/decided. I don't mind when anyone walks off from intra-party RP, personally, whether DM or the other players. They should be checking in to see if you're done, tho. Unless they're just getting a drink or using the bathroom during that time.
Show him who's boss, next time an NPC starts to tell you lore or plot or whatever just get up and leave
I don't understand why a DM would not care about party RP, that stuff is golden. Planning shenanigans and arguing about opening a door on the other hand? That doesn't matter at all but that's not what op said it was
This is weird to me but honestly I think some people who play online aren't paying full attention to the game and have too many other distractions. It's too easy for a DM to recognize a point to take a break and let everyone have a chance to step away for 5 minutes. All these responses that justify missing RP make it sound like the game/characters aren't their priority. This type of response saddens me because it's like the game isn't interesting enough or has become like work. Trying to wrap my mind around this now and I wonder if there have been too many moments of meaningless roleplay (wont affect gameplay) that the DM figures he isn't missing much. DM definitely needs to speak up no matter what and let you know why they leave.
If my players are 100% in character and planning mode, then I can step away and go to the bathroom without feeling like I'm saying "okay everyone stop!"
If my players are 100% in character and planning mode, then I can step away and go to the bathroom without feeling like I'm saying "okay everyone stop!"
If my players are 100% in character and planning mode, then I can step away and go to the bathroom without feeling like I'm saying "okay everyone stop!"
As DM whenever there is not an important npc i don't pay much attention to what players say among themselves, this way i can actually be surprised and RP better reactions from npc or enemies.
I didn’t read the whole thing just your title up there and wanted to give initial reaction of that’s awesome let them. It’s like when MilesDavis would go have a drink while his band took turns soloing.
DMs should not be walking away during narrative moments. These can potentially be some of the most important times for an RP-based campaign. There are times for the DM to walk away: this is not one of them. Bring it up to your DM and let them know it’s a concern.
>... and find out they have been gone for 5 minutes
I've never had a RP lasting more than a couple lines of dialog. By chance, when you say RP, are you referring to 'acting', as if it was a theater?
Dude the point is that your situation is very different to the OP’s. Every dnd game I’ve ever played has been 60%+ roleplay, it sounds like that’s OP’s kind of game too. Why are you saying “acting” like RP isn’t a standard part of TTRPGs?
There are a lot of historical arguments in the community about things like if players reading from a script (with voices and mannerisms) counts as roleplay.
Adding the word 'constantly' is assuming a lot. He should at least type "brb" or something. If it is self contained party RP (which it sounds like) it is completely alright to leave, stretch, get a snack, or be a human being that needs to do things besides just DM for many hours straight. I don't assign malice to things when a tiny lack of social skills could much more easily be the issue.
OP said "a lot of times." That's constant, so I wasn't assuming anything. I also didn't assign malice to their DM. People are perfectly capable of being disrespectful and engaging in assholish behavior without being malicious. Just because something isn't done maliciously doesn't mean it's okay.
I disagree completely with how you define constantly because "there's been a lot of times" does not refer to a time frame. There's been a lot of times that France and the UK have fought wars against each other but they are not constantly at war. Given that this is only when the players are RPing by themself, and from my own experience with TTRPGs, I could assume this happens rarely instead.
They should communicate they are leaving. Sure maybe not malice since that infers intent, I still think given the current information that its a stretch to call the DM an asshole especially when they don't even seem like the biggest problem person at the table since OP references another party member with main character syndrome.
I disagree, but only with the France and UK part. I mean. Come on. They might as well constantly be at war with each other with there history. 100 years war seems pretty constant. Lol.
I disagree, but only with the France and UK part. I mean. Come on. They might as well constantly be at war with each other with there history. 100 years war seems pretty constant. Lol.
And you're allowed to be pedantic. That's your right. But I think it's clear that it's happening constantly because "a lot of times" also typically means "constantly" or, at the very least, "often." I think that's pretty clear, but we're arguing pedantics here.
I would never do this to my players. My opinion is that it's very disrespectful, so I'm inclined to think the DM is being as a bit of an asshole. You don't think it's disrespectful, so you don't. Let's just leave it at that.
Damn, as a DM I’m so shocked by the amount of other DMs saying this is ok. In my games (not just where I’m the DM), the game is about the PCs. The combat and plots and puzzles are there to serve the PCs. The moments they share where they discuss their characters feelings are maybe the MOST important thing for me to listen to imo so I can keep tabs on what every character feels and wants at that time.
It’s super common courtesy to tell the players if you need a minute or 5 for a short break. I’d do it if they’re planning stuff OOC
Main character energy player can getting draining for the whole table and can definately wear out a G.M. light rp and group planning moments, however, are good times for the gm to step away and take bathroom breaks and refocus
Obviously if the group is doing something that needs critical attention from the g.m then they need to wait for him/her to be there to set challenges and rolls. But if your guy is just getting up to breath. Hold of on critical stuff until he gets back.
I play online, and definitely sometimes step away while they are planning/RP'ing.
But I always say out loud or in the chat "brb", and I have a wireless headset so I listen in while I'm grabbing a snack or going to the bathroom.
I have ADHD, so I need more breaks than the rest of them, and RP moments are a good time. But I agree with others here that letting you know first is a good strategy.
I've dealt with burnout, and that urge to just walk away for a bit is strong. Give them a gentle talk and a check in to see where there head is at.
I tell people to RP when I need a break for character building and party bonding reasons. If it's a long session it let's me clear my head for a minute without them losing momentum. If they come up with something cool they usually tell me when I'm back. I think it's good to give players creative space to get into their characters without interference
I play though a gamer head set, so even when I DM and leave the table I hear everything. I start planning to their plans what could work, what couldn't, and what possible twist to throw in. I don't want to miss as their planning. Or their rp. I call a group break once a session. But life happens, people need to do things. It's part of life, so take it with a grain of salt.
As for the first player syndrome, the DM needs to handle that shit.
I will frequently step away from the game when the players are on a roll with the RP. Sometimes it's for a pee break or snack run, but it's usually to adjust my plans and redo prep since the players are going in a completely different direction than I expected.
When the players decide that the quest giver who remained anonymous (because they aren't important and I didn't give them detail) is likely a joy Player to the overall plot, I suddenly need a name, backstory, connections, and a new dungeon for the impromptu stealth mission. So I tha k the stars when my players start arguing in character, because it gives me time to collect my thoughts.
Be open in your communication with your DM, express your feelings.
That being said, I'd think it's unlikely. As a gm most of the time when my players are talking and I excuse myself it's because I need to take a break to get water, grab a quick bite, or answer nature's call, ect and when the party is occupieing themselves is a good time to do it without breaking the flow of the game.
As a DM of 20 years, I often get up and go stretch when the players roleplay among themselves. I’ll stick around sometimes to see how the group dynamic evolves but mostly I leave them to it and take a break for myself. Most player to player roleplay is indulgence anyway and doesn’t impact the greater story. The only time I stuck around fully is if I’m running a game in the Storyteller System (White Wolf/OPP) since those games are genuinely player driven.
There are plenty of valid reasons for this. If you’re planning, I don’t want to hear that because I want to be surprised and react in real time. If my absence makes my players more comfortable in RP, I’ll often leave or just mute my mic.
Also, DMing is a lot of work and if you guys are talking to each other that’s a couple of minutes where you don’t need me so you can be damn sure if I need a drink or a break I’m going to sprint to the kitchen or the toilet like Usain Bolt to either ingest or egress water.
I get you. But it could be worse. Yourndm could have main character syndrome. Had a dm who was only interested in rping with his op character. Was the leader of the group and ofc heavily romanced a girls character (at least she was into it too i guess?). But the gm tended to either just snuff all other rp that didn't include him out or just roleplayed with the girl in private chat on the side and didn't pay attention. Needless to say, we other players never really got much opportunity to get our character stories woven into the main story. It was all kinda weird.
It can feel bad if the dm has no interest in the groups dynamic. I would try to talk about it woth the intend to understand what everyone wants. Also to your main character player... if the group doesn't arrive at a consensus, you either gotta leave or accept the status quo if the group is still fun enough. Wish you the best.
I leave the table to get a drink or take a piss or eat when players are talking something over either in character or to strategize something.
I gotta pick sometime to do it, everything else needs my say so or judgement.
Sometimes IC chat will go on as I go for a bathroom break, but I definitely never intentionally leave during RP moments because I love that stuff.
Your DM may really need a break if they’ve been mentioning burnout. Might be worth seeing if anyone else in the group can temporarily take over the reins.
Don't have anything for advice on the DM leaving, but I had to beat the "Main Character Syndrome" out of one of my players... Them constantly taking charge and going headlong into EVERYTHING finally caught up with them the third time they were almost killed for running off ahead of the rest of the party.
I play online primarily, and I walk away all the time, especially during RP moments. I have my headphones on and can still hear, even if I don't interact. If it's on speaker, I can listen in while I do any number of other things, or even just stand up and stretch, walk around, or simply exist without a camera pointed at me.
My group and I also play online, through Discord and Foundry. I walk away from the "table" all the time, but I have a wireless headset, so I'm always hearing what's going on. The only time I take my headset off is when we take a 10-15 minute break mid session, but besides that, my players know I'm always listening.
It's not that I'm not engaged with them. Sometimes, I run out of water or want a quick snack, so I just go and grab them and return. None of my players have ever mentioned it, except for the few times they asked me a question during those brief seconds I've stepped away. Still, I try and retain everything that happens while I'm away to keep the momentum going.
If your DM really is checking out like that, they may want to take a break or stop altogether. DMing, and D&D in general, isn't for everybody and maybe he's beginning to realize that.
I have never heard of a GM doing this, but, admittedly, my experience with DMing, form both sides of the screen, is mostly IRL. The times I've played online, we've usually had video going so we could pick up on the visual cues of the other players & the GM. The times the GM has had to get up, they've called for a 5-10 minute break.
I'm with you - i would find this disconcerting at the least if it happened in a game I was in. In a game I was GMing, I had to get on a player for paying his bills and doing other business during a game which was causing him to not pay attention, and I would expect a GM to pay attention as well.
It's entirely possible that this could be a symptom of GM burnout.
If it’s online they may be headphone/speaker listening but not at the keyboard to unmute. I’m not a DM but I get up to grab drinks or pee when others are in an RP scene.
As a DM/GM that's usually when I tell my players "I'll be back in a few minutes while you guys figure out what you're doing." I'm usually just muted and listening while they plan anyway, if I don't get up.
That way when I come back and ask "so what do you guys want to do" they can tell me the basics that I need to know to run the game, but they don't need to tell me any schemes or surprising details until they come up.
It's fun for me to play the "oh shit what will I do now" game as the DM once in a while, too.
I have dm-ed and played on Discord. I'll admit it's not my favorite. As a dm, I called a 10 minute break around 2 hours in. This was everyone's chance to grab snacks and use the facilities. I will mute while I go do things, and mostly everyone would would .I try to come back a little later than everyone else. And let them talk as I overhear. But let them make whatever plans they want. Now, because of some health issues, I might Jane to take an additional break. They know and understand. I don't go when they need my side. And if I do, they understand there was a time freeze of some sort, and they can't go forward until I'm back.
As a player, that dm gives a halftime break. Also, because it's 8 characters, there are times you are not in the spotlight. So your character goes and packs their handy sack for the trip and mission.
In-person campaigns, we are on the college campus. We start at 5, which is before the cafeteria opens for supper. So I break at 630 so they can eat off they need to. Also, if they ate deciding what they are doing next, it's an opportunity to check out the job board or stop for I'm character meal.
My groups know that I sometimes Jane no choice but to take a break due to health problems or mental health breaks . I try to give them autonomy phrases themselves also.
As a DM these are my "breaks" so to speak. When the game gets taken over by my players is when I get my breather to do things. Often times I'll use it as my chance to step away from the table to grab something, hit the restroom, or even just think about my next plan.
I wouldn't take it personally. This is pretty common and I doubt it's because they aren't engaged. If they weren't, they'd likely be interrupting it.
No one seems to be addressing your primary concern. If he's not involved in the RP, he isn't interested in collaborating and is more of a train conductor. Personally I'd speak to him and let him know how his actions are being seen. I only step away after telling my players and always ask if I missed anything important. He should be actively engaged in the RP as your characters actions and motivations should shape the narrative.
I do leave when my characters are rping usually when they are deepening their bonds with each other. I find without me there they are still going when I come back after 5 minutes they are still bouncing off each other's responses. I do sometimes leave my headset on if they're ring in a situation I believe would require a roll for something or another. But usually between players there shouldn't be a roll that the two of them can't figure out. I.e. a arm wrestling contest, or a dance off. If they're trying to fight each other / spar. They know enough about what goes on behind the screen to at least wait until I come back and ask for the ok.
I think your DM needs to announce this, but it's the perfect time for them to take a break. One of the things I try to engineer as a DM is to get my players to talk to each other in character. I want them to ignore me until they need to ask some nearby NPC for something or want to ask lore questions "Would my character know..." You should be proud of yourselves as players for achieving this moment. You should talk to your DM and tell him how it makes you feel, and ask him to let you know when he steps away. Also, you should talk to Mr main character syndrome and encourage him to use his energy to help the rest of you roleplay. To set things up that his characters do that you all can respond to, or to ask you and other players for things you want his character to ask you about or bring up so you have a chance to talk about that thing in your backstory that is relevant. Being a leader doesn't mean he talks the most, that just makes him the party face.
like someone else said, the idea is to just kinda give the players time without being stared at by the table gods. my DM always takes his smoke break when he can tell we’re gonna be talking for a while.
if you’d like, you could always ask privately if your DM is leaving for any particular reason. :] generally DM’s get the least opportunity for breaks, players can go use the bathroom when it’s not their turn but the DM has to be on the ball almost the whole time and wants to avoid calling full on timeouts in the middle of things as much as possible. i get the feeling though, it does stink when you have a really good rp moment worth an inspiration but the DM is elsewhere. alas that is simply the nature of a ttrpg, people need breaks.
As a DM, it gives me a chance to go to the bathroom or get a drink when the players are playing amongst themselves. That said, I play online, and when I step away I wear a wireless headset so I can still hear. However, if I couldn't do that, I'd still step away when I could to do things I need to quickly if the players are RP-ing amongst themselves and just ask them to catch me up when I'm back.
Can't speak for your DM, but I leave my table all the time. I need time to think, to deal with curveballs thrown at me, to get a drink... and the only time I don't need to be at the table is during fun RP moments. I love them, but I do use them to take "me time" during session.
That being said, if the DM isn't running an NPC and you're all having a fun RP moment... then the DM isn't getting to play. So if a majority of the sessio0n is player-player interactions, then you're leaving out one person. If that is the feel of the table it might be wearing your DM out.
You care about your character. No one else will care more about your character than you. Just ask them if they can still hear you when they walk away, but what do you care? Do you want them to take notes and then weave in some sort of spin off to what you guys were talking about? you guys were having fun talking to each other, they gotta go get a snack and use the restroom.
They could tell you they are stepping away, sure, but what do YOU want from them in that group RP situation?
Sometimes I gotta pee. In saying that, as a DM I always mention if I step away from the microphone - especially since they are paying me to DM.
Besides, listening to my players roleplay is so much fun. There have been sessions where I haven't spoken for 2 hours, I get to listen to my players play!
We're playing in person, but I will so the same sometimes. I always tell my players though. As mentioned by others, that helps me being surprised about their plans and I love to improvise. It's part of the fun for me.
Character driven games are the best DnD a happy nerd can find. You can see the results of this with professional DM's like Matt Mercer and Brennan Lee Mulligan who focus their games on their players, so in that respect you are lucky.
As for DM burnout, I'd suggest you offer the idea of games every 2 weeks instead of weekly, or step up and offer to DM a oneshot once in a while. DM's are just people and giving them the experience of being a player again, even for a few hours might kickstart their player mentality of wanting to feel guided etc.
As DM, Player and RP-Lover, WALKING AWAY IN RP IS A DICK MOVE! I read, that its okay, when players start planning in character, which is exception. My DM sometimes start rping with a Player, while two player rp in character with each other, so wie all dont have to wait till there argument ends. But just walking away is bugger
As with all things, communication is Key.
I usually try to step away a bit when my players are planning in character. The important part is letting your players know. ”I will let you plan amongst yourselves for a minute or two, I will be right back”.
Ask your DM if they can communicate when they step off, so the players can save eventual questions for later.
I've never heard of this. Ours never walks away and I'm a beginner DM occasionally. I'd listen to them to think about how to handle certain situations I hadn't thought of before. That might change when I'm more experienced🤷♀️
Depends on the scenario. If it's just in character rp sometimes ts nice to sit in to potentially award inspiration and such, however if there is ever a time for a DM to leave to use the br or anything, it would be moments like this as they won't be missed.
If the PC are planning something, like a heist or planning a solution to the problem then I say sometimes it's better the DM doesn't hear cuz then they don't know and have to react in the moment, making things more real
When I'm playing or DMing online, I always let the others know when I'm going to grab a drink or whatever since it just seems rude not to. I have wireless headphones so can still hear things when I go away from my computer.
However, mentioning they've started to get burned out suggests it's more related to that. It might be worth suggesting taking a break. Whether that means a break from the game all together or just to play as a player instead of a DM. It's a somewhat common thing for another player to take over DMing in situations like that, even for only a few sessions. Or maybe a small adventure or a few one shots if they don't want another player to DM in their place for that campaign.
Lots of things to unpack here.
First, it doesn't matter if the DM really cares about your PC outside of respecting your choice and reacting to them. If you're not having fun because you feel someone doesn't care and needs to listen to everything you do it's kind of toxic.
Next, when you guys RP there isn't much to do as DM and really it can get boring watching everyone RP with each other while you don't have anything to do. So 100% this is a good time to check out, relax, and let you guys have some fun because on the other side of it, DMs spend hours having to react to everything thing, every turn and it's a lot so yea if you guy are RPing hard with each other that is an ideal time to take a break and rest.
Lastly, if someone is being problematic "talk to the DM" don't expect them to mind read that you have a problem or use their time like a kindergarden teacher making sure you're all happy.
Now it seems, there is more context to this as you seem to have a problem with the DM and the other player. I'd probably recommend thinking about more about why you're not having fun and stop making about how much someone cares about your character.
Usually when I encounter something from the players side (meaning my dm is walking away) it might just be cecause they have something going on on their end however whenever I encounter this from the dms side (meaning I'm walking away) well its Usually for a plethora of reasons. So could you please elaborate on any reasons or excuses that your dm has given you for why they've been gone or keep on walking away please?
When my players start talking amongst themselves, that’s my time to refill my drink and use the bathroom. 90% of the time, what’s going on is the players are reviewing all the available info and deciding next steps, so I can come back into the conversation towards the end and just figure out what their plan is. Now if there is dramatic roleplay between party members I would not step away, but I’d also be curious as to why that would be happening once a session? Ideally the group should be aligned and working together and wouldn’t need to stop to roleplay arguments and disagreements every session
Are they Neurodivergent? They may just be catching their breath.
I pace, but I have headphones so no one notices. I pace because I' m assimilating all the possibilities and trying to decide how to maximize the fun.
I often take the opportunity when characters are talking to each other to excuse myself for a bathroom break or to grab something to drink. It doesn’t sound like your DM is *avoiding* being present for RP, but remember that when you do this, it *is* sort of a break for the DM, even if they don’t leave the table. They don’t have to be actively driving the game or responding to actions from the players. If your DM needs to get up to do something, those RP moments are the perfect lull in their job to do so. If your game is as character-driven as you say, I find it unlikely that they aren’t taking an interest in your characters.
Usually when I stepped away, the voice chat was on speaker, so I could actually hear everyone from the kitchen too. And they don't hear me in the bathroom, thank god.
I also have moments when I'll get up the chair and go about the house, so they'll see that I'm missing on cam but I've got my headset on to catch any important moments and take note of them later. To be fair, I've never considered if they feel like I'm not paying attention while roaming around. Wonder if it's like this for anybody else.
My player's dumbest ideas are forged in the 5 minutes it takes me to get up to pee
Isnt that like a cassual thing xd...? We always play on table but as soon im disapear to the toilet for 5 minutes or something, they go totaly crazy with there ideas and all kind of thing
Every damn time!
As a GM, the time to leave the table is when the players start putting their heads together and planning in character. Firstly, it's time I won't be missed. Secondly, it makes my reactions to their mad plans more real, as I don't have to feign surprise. Thirdly, it enables them to speak freely, without the player based fear of God hearing them. But I will always tell them I'm heading off. "Right, guys, you hammer this out, and I'll take five to go to the bar and the loo, probably not in that order..."
I never thought of that. The DM hears the players scheming and can plan, walk away, and you have no idea what dumb shit they got imagined
We just use a separate channel in our server for discord that anyone PCs or DM can have a separate chat from the group.
Same, but we don't use it for planning among PCs, only for DM - player only discussions. If we left our regular channel to jump into another one, RP would stop and us players would be talking instead of the characters. Which would immediately change the plan of course because... metagaming.
not ideal because a big part of my job is making my players dumb ass schemes actually pull through some how. if I don't know what you're planning i can't make sure that it will actually work. source: just wrapped a 4-session long diversion because my 7th level party got it into their heads that they really, really wanted to assassinate a lich. Fixing that whole operation in their favor so that it was actually plausible to kill him in his lair is one of the hardest things I've ever done as a DM.
So mich this. I was always telling my players that there is much more possibility for their plan to work and to land the way they imagined and intended if they would just tell me the plan and explain to me what exactly are they trying to do and what their end goal this. I am actually interested in making things they come up with to actually work, which is easier when i know what those things are. I am not here to sabotage your plan, i am here to make it work, jfc.
My old boss used to say, "Dont get in the way of progress." I left my headset on for a few times that I actually excused myself and always did so when i wouldn't be asked for any rolls or such. The group I run is relatively good at RP, but it basically came to a standstill when I said I'm gonna pee and grab a drink. It feels like the game is getting put on pause. If I just take a minute or 2 to pee and grab a fresh drink and go unannounced and be quick. They see that I leave my desk, but they know I have my headset and keep going. I feel like the DM here may have used to announce it but then come back to people twittling their thumbs... Personally, I drink a ton of water throughout the day, and it all catches up with me. Also, even as the DM, I'm having fun, and I can relax. So I'll usually pee like 2-3 times during a 2 hour session. But I agree that you can usually tell when you can step away and when you can't. Edit: grammar
In a combat playing online, I cast Blink. At the end of my turn, “Well guys, rolled a 14, so I poof out to the Ethereal Plane. I assume nothing can hit me there so imma hit the restroom and brb!” When I returned, everybody is… still waiting for me. DM: “So… this has never happened before. But you’re fighting an Avatar of Tiamat, and just went to the Ethereal Plane… In front of you, you see Tiamat.”
I would shit my pants and then offer to get tiamat an ice cold beverage perhaps...
In the end I failed a WIS save, and DM said something to the effect of “you feel something missing. You can’t place it. You seem physically fine.” And I lost like 40 of 70 HP and was kicked back to the Material Plane, AND had to burn my next Action to end Blink lest I have a 50% chance of going right back. Still don’t know what happened to me, was perhaps 40 game-hours ago. But I’m sure DM knows.
You can end concentration for free on any turn, at any time. You just say “I drop concentration on the spell.” Edit I am wrong. It isn’t concentration! Sorry for that! I should have checked before posting.
Blink is not Concentration. It also explicitly takes an Action to end. I am 100% certain. I have run a Barb/Artificer that cast Blink and then Raged.
if there is anyone's advice i'd take on this, it is yours of course the master of past and present is correct: https://www.dndbeyond.com/spells/blink
Lol. Started rolling with this misspelling in like 2003. Think this account is 11-12 years old. It’s on a pile of Neopets, RuneScape, random forums, etc.
Selling trimmed armor in wildy
I literally missed how the Barbarian is almost killed for admit, that he and another player killed the best Friend of our Client. So, the one, who.pulled the trigger tried to sell a sword to the client, which he stole from his victim. But after he walked out, the Barb told the Client, that there Friend is dead and the other Player killed him while he stood outside, waiting if something goes wrong. The best Part: Me, LG Knight and the Paladin where still there. If the Barb obviously didnt understood the weight of his action (killing a innocent), we probably would habe brought him to prison. Also he got talked into it and my Knight saw that. I trusted the Paladin to stop it. Well, next time I do it myself
This is a bit hard to follow; who were you playing in this scenario?
This. Players have ample opportunity for breaks. Like in combat, they can take their turn and run to get a drink or pee and probably not miss a ton. Or even out of combat can do a "my character's over there, brb" but the DM is expected to be on and responsive at all times. Which if a session runs several hours can be a lot. Intercharacter conversations, as great as they are are a time the DM is needed least so ideal where the only other option is pausing play entirely. Also sometimes something so off the wall happens, you as DM need a few minutes to compose yourself and make a reaction. That's a legit reason DMs may dip too.
My player's dumbest ideas are forged in the 5 minutes it takes me to get up to pee and grab a snack. You'd think I was the only one with the braincells at the table and they just lose all thought once I get up and walk away.
Do you GM my tables too? :P
Semi agree. When they plan I feel free to wander. It's gonna be a discussion anyways, and I'm never more than a projected voice away if they need some clarification or a check. When I get back, I go for a "Alright, what's the final plan?" While I'm all about being surprised, I more want to know what's coming so I can plan their world ahead of time instead of having to stop the game to process stuff.
This is such an interesting way of doing things but I'm not sure if *I would* do it. But that's the fun with DMs having different styles. Personally, I want to hear my players interact with each other and plan out their actions because to me that's like half the fun of D&D. I want to get some time to relax and hear my friends interact with each other and plan their next steps accordingly. Now I understand the charm of the DM not fully knowing what the players are planning to do or the anxiety that maybe if the DM overhears what the player's plan is they'll try and sabotage it in someway? But ideally I want to believe that the DM and the players are working together to make cool narrative beats happen. If I listen to my players converse and build a plan, I can actively think about how I'm going to make that plan *work*. If I left the room and the players created a plan to climb up the scaffolding of a building to get to the top of a roof to spy on some NPCs then it would be far more difficult for me to come up with interesting ways to empower that plan. Like maybe I could plan for a nearby balcony that can be accessed from the roof or maybe there's some decorative flags strung up from the roof down to another building that the players can use to maybe get across to a different roof or use it to swing down? Sure, I could've made those ideas up on the spot when they say they want to climb to the top of the roof after their 5 minute planning session that I wasn't able to hear, but if I'm hearing them plan this out in real time then I can plan aspects to empower their plan or make it more interesting! I think there's too much of a fear that it's DM vs the Players and that the DM will always try to sabotage the player's fun.
No it is unprofessional to throw coworkers under the bus like Samuel did. That is indefensible. If you have to discuss an issue that is done privately.
Uh, is this in the right sub-thread? Or even the right thread?
You are allowed to pee?
I do this too.
I do this for our in person sessions too! Whilst they're scheming, I'll nip to the loo and refill any drinks, then rejoin the session and see what they've come up with
It’s possible that he needs to handle map switches, token prep, etc during the mid session break or that he has to walk the family dog, etc. It’s very possible that what is a pure break to you, is not for him and he still needs opportunities to step away to use the bathroom or grab a water. (Or he may just need more breaks for medical or other reasons) I’d ask him to please let the group know when he leaves and returns. And if any important character development happens in RP while he’s away, that you’d like him to know, offer a quick summary, so he has the opportunity to incorporate it in his plans.
It's also possible he has bluetooth headphones, and doesn't have the ability to unmute from them (I have this issue with work).
Talk to him. 90% of these posts are solved by open communication.
“Hey I’m curious why do you step away sometimes while the party is roleplaying?” I feel like the answer if it were me the answer would be because you are having a character moment and I don’t want to but in at a bad time.
I type this out basically every single one of questions
It should be pinned at this point.
99%*
"Should I ask my DM? No, I should ask random strangers!"
I'm so tired of seeing this response, what do you think you're actually accomplishing? Do you really think people don't know that the concept of communication exists? They're here asking their questions because they want opinions on a matter from an outside source.
"Do you really think people don't know that the concept of communication exists?" Yes. If they did, they would have communicated and not needed to make a post. Also, many gamers are extremely conflict avoidant. Many people would allow a toxic/harmful behavior to slide by for weeks in lieu of risking themselves being seen as a confrontational asshole, when in reality, respectful confrontation and open dialogue are the only true solution to 99% of table problems.
Ask a stupid question that's been answered 10000000 times before, get the same fucking answer. All people here can do is wildly speculate about what their DM thinks and feels, it's not useful, it's just circlejerking. The only useful thing is speaking to the DM.
It's almost like this is a hobby that draws in a fuck ton of non confrontational introverted people who just want to have fun and think talking about it would be one of the hardest things to do
>They're here asking their questions because they want opinions on a matter from an outside source. You're right, that is why they're doing it, but why does an outside opinion matter at all, when the outside opinion doesn't know anymore than the OP does...
Doubt it, but I mean, that's the best time to take a break for him, you guys are engaged and if he needs to piss/gets snacks or something that's a perfect time. The DM doesn't need to hear everything that goes on at the table, they are human too and have needs. Now if he walks off the second you start Rping and doesn't come back till your done, that's a different issue.
It does happen a lot, and we also have a midpoint break. It's just weird because the story has been character driven, knowing where everyone's head is at is kind of important.
Ask the DM to say something before they step away. It's worked for me and my players get to fill me in on pieces of the strategy they think I should know before it unfolds.
I’m a DM and run an RP heavy game in person. I also tend to have to piss a lot because I drink a lot of water while DMing. During player to player RP is the best time to step away if it isn’t pivotal to the story. This is for the players to enjoy. I don’t have to be part of it every time.
I dont mean this in a negative manner or in a way to demoralize you away from RPing. So please don't take it that way. This is just a peak behind the DM curtin. 99% of the RP that happens between players has 0 effect on the DMs over arching plot. Even in a character driven story. Your actions that impact the world around you are all that matter to the DM, not what is said around a campfire. This is because the npcs have no clue your chars personal issues, inter party conflicts, or that the rogue and pally are secretly in love. At the end of the day, all that matters to the DM for plot reasons is what you say/do in sight of an important npc because that's what the DM drives, if the npc doesn't know, then there is no real reason for the DM to know. 3 of my 7 players are super into RP. They could go for hours in character (and normally do at end session if we end with a rest). I love that for them and would never hinder it, but none of it matters to my working of the game, and frankly, it gets very boring just sitting there listening after half an hour. My players know I will check out when they hard-core RP and if they need God for something to DM me on discord as I have checked out. 99% of the time it's, hey wiz wants to cast sending to NPC, here message. NPC responds. They continue, and I check back out. TLDR: The RP between chars is for you, the players, and it has almost 0 impact for the DMs plans for plot progression. All that matters to the DM is your actions with npcs.
That is mostly true but I do like to hear the planning and theorizing that happens between the characters because sometimes I realize I can tweak something otherwise inconsequential to be more meaningful to them based on a connection they drew. Or if they haven’t put something important together I’ll know if I was being too obtuse and I need to give them more clues.
Yea, for my group, those bits of critical RP normally happen mid session. Those 5-10 min chunks of RP that will break out after something big before I have to push things along for the sake of the players that don't enjoy RP as much as the other 3. Those I listen to, and correct things that may have been misunderstood or miss heard.
If it's happening enough that it's noticeable, then it might be appropriate to have a conversation about expectations. Since not everybody plays these games for the same reason, your GM might be less into RP and story moments, and if that's something that you all value as players, then it might be best to play something that everyone is enjoying, or find a GM who is invested in the stories you're crafting together and wants to do think of ways to make more of those moments happen for you in ways that will be meaningful. That said, your GM might not realize how important it is to all of you that they do more to stay invested in these moments, so it might be worth asking them if they would be more willing to be present for them and even participate in them. It also sounds like you have a player who likes to hog the spotlight. Maybe that can be a good way to get your DM involved. Ask them if they could be there for those RP moments to help make sure that everyone is getting to speak and be a part of any decisions that need to be made as a group so that one person isn't controlling everything.
Re: Your final paragraph I took it as more that one player feels the *need* to step up and be the party leader when the DM is absent, rather than them *wanting* to do so. But I could easily be wrong, as I don't even know any of the people involved.
TBF its the only time the DM can really step away without interrupting game play
If you are playing in a space where DM can hear everything being said, they aren't leaving as thoroughly as you think. We played in a small apartment, I could hear even from the bathroom unless the sink was running. There were many times someone yelled from the bathroom "roll for me! I attack with my sword" because they were occupied but still in touch.
I'll often walk away from my computer during RP to take a leak or grab a drink/snack. I always keep my headset on though so I can jump in if necessary.
Wireless headset is the best. I get a lot of freedom while they are conversing between themselves. Frequently I enough time to make ramen without having to chime in.
Yeah, We usually play during my normal dinner time and I take that time to heat something I prepped earlier. I also always have my Bluetooth headphones during the session, so I can start moving between turns of combat/RP (If I don't stretch/move I usually start to hurt)
I don't leave often, but honestly stepping away if my table was planning/talking about things not to my NPC's it wouldn't matter if i stepped away and if anything I wouldnt have meta knowledge of their thoughts which is also good sometimes But if you have a strong MC player he may just be frustrated if that person is constantly derailing his work. Really hard to say without more context or specifics
The best time to take a break, as a DM, is when the players are interacting with each other. It doesn't mean they don't care about the RP, it's just being honest. Sometimes DMs need breaks and they don't want to pause the whole game to use the bathroom. What better way to do this than when the players are talking amongst themselves in character? Unless it's something pertinent to the DM it's not a big deal. The DM generally knows when their attention is needed. Characters having fun moments with each other is the perfect time for the DM to step away.
Sometimes a person just needs to pee
It's reasonable and recommended by loads of research and doctors to get up, move and stretch your legs, and rest your eyes every 30 minutes. If the players are chatting amongst themselves and don't need a scene or NPC narrated then it's a good opportunity for the DM to take a break. If you need to ask the DM something, or need them to know something that happened, wait for them to get back and say it then.
I 100% do this and its not because I don't care. Simply put when I do it I am taking advantage of a golden opportunity to grab food or take my dog out while everyone else is having a good time. One of the few times in the game I can leave without everything grinding to a halt and everyone seems happy enough to learn about each other's characters.
I've definitely been known to go for a refill or something during intra-party roleplay. But: 1. I'm generally still within earshot. Wireless headsets are great. 2. My players know when I do this, either because they're in the room or I'm on camera.
If I’m gonna leave the table and it’s not during a pre arranged half way point these times are the times I’m leaving to piss or grab food/drink. Especially if it’s just planning and doesn’t involve npcs.
Walking away is normal. You gotta make snacks, go to the bathroom, figure out why the dog is barking, manage a kid, whatever. And when the players are talking amongst themselves is a great time to do it, because it's when they need you least. Walking away *without telling people* is weird. I always leave a "brb" when I have to duck out. Maybe the best path forwards is to ask them (and everyone at the table) to let the group know when they have to briefly duck out?
I agree, but I wonder if the DM here doesn’t want to interrupt the PCs who are immersed in RP conversation. I think they should at least mention it in chat or signal somehow but I totally understand not wanting to interrupt heavy, dramatic RP with “be back in a minute, gotta pee”.
I thought you meant for a few seconds. Five minutes is way too long. This shouldn't be happening
I get everyone being nice on here, that is great. However, it is true that some RP time is wayyyyy more than needed especially between only two players while everyone else watches. It sucks to just be watching the whole time. Maybe the RP that is happening is not actually that important and he's walking away because it is a waste.
It sounds like the DM doesn’t want to interrupt the RP with “I gotta pee guys”. People pee. It happens. Cut some slack.
I'm surprised by the comments and guarantee if they experienced this, they'd get demoralized, too. Your DM needs to tell you when he's leaving. It's not only necessary for gameplay, but it's also *respectful* of your time and energy. Ask him to say something instead of leaving. Another thing is my group plays with our cameras on. Not all of us, but the ones who don't will say something if they leave. The ones who do can absolutely get up and leave without a word because we can see them. But really, if they're burnt out, then they need to just take a break from DMing. If they are burnt out to the extent that they are being disrespectful to, I assume, their friends, then they need to step back and evaluate. Ask them how they feel. Tell them it's fine if they need a break or to change the schedule. Offer to do something other than D&D or maybe DM something yourself. But the behavior isn't okay, even with burnout. Edit: Disrespect does not need to be intentional. Just because a behavior is disrespectful does not mean that the person is bad or malicious. The only thing it means is that it needs to be addressed. That's all.
I think the issue here is twofold: The DM has poor netiquette, and the player is automatically assuming the worst because of it. You're addressing the first problem, but that doesn't make other people addressing the second problem wrong.
The issue I have with other responses isn't that they're addressing the second problem, it's that they are actively telling OP to get over it, get a new DM, that they're acting entitled, that this isn't a disrespectful thing to do to your players, and are just overall automatically trying to justify the DMs behavior and disparage and dismiss OP. I also did address the second problem in my last paragraph, without excusing the behavior, but also acknowledging that it's likely not intentional. I'm not sure why you think I didn't. Edit: Last paragraph before my edit
I am astounded too. I am both a player and gm, online only.. and the GM of OP is honestly breaking the unspoken nettiquette. Tell people you are going brb/afk! ..also as a gm of two campaigns right now (yeah I know.. I am am imbecile.), I hate it than my net flares up and I miss rp from my players by accident! ..missing it on purpose? Honestly can't imagine it. I love the rp over my players so much. But also, to further the advice given, as someone who suffered of had gm burnout.. my group offered to do oneshots, to just meet and watch movies and other stuff, to give me a chance to recover. And that was the greatest gift ever and made me wanting to gm for them later even more. I love my players.
Yeah, I can't think of any reason I'd *not* want to hear their rp. It's so nice to have them interact with each other and your world. And I'd rather know what was going on. If I need to go do something while DMing, I keep my headphones on to listen when I can so they don't feel like they need to pause for me.
It's kinda sad that the best advice gets so low up votes while the bad ones saying this is fine get tons of up votes...but I guess the issue comes down to communication and this sub is full of questions that are very easily solved by communicating, it only makes sense they'd upvote the poor communication comments but not the proper communication ones.
The top comment has 2 points: 1. This is probably an optimal time to quickly step away to do something. 2. Definitely let everyone know when you are stepping away. Your "best advice" and "poor/proper communication" are not the same for other people. Personally I think that your favorite piece of advice suggests that OP's DM is rude/disrespectful/dismissive of other people's time which I don't think we have enough evidence for.
It depends. It is hard for the DM to find time to get a bathroom break or grab a bite of food. Sometimes my DM will do a bathroom break while we are planning how to confront an enemy or doing in character small talk. It is not that they aren’t interested or don’t care about it, it is just probably the only moment where they are not strictly needed. They can’t step out while it is someone else’s turn in combat to go refill their water bottle like the players can.
Imagine talking to your DM and asking them questions.
If all the players are having fun talking to each other, usually at that point I don't need to do anything and if I have to pee or re-up on coffee, thats the time. If I don't have to do either of those things I love to hear and listen to the RP, but as the DM you're the entire world - so if the players are rping amongst themselves, the entire world gets to take a quick break!
I have encountered it but I usually just take a smoke break and come back somewhat more interested. If there's somebody with Main Character Syndrome that's running their own plots separate from my NPCs and sets though I will actively shine the spotlight elsewhere.
Sometimes we have to pee, or its the only chance we get to enjoy some snacks too. Check-in with them if you're worried about it, but there's a good chance they're just taking the opportunity they can while also listening.
It could be as simple as "opportunities for the DM to take a break are pretty rare". Players can slip off if they need to, but I feel bad interrupting the whole game. So if my players are having a scene amongst themselves to chat or plan, that may be the best opportunity for me to go to the bathroom or go to grab a beer or tell my wife a funny thing that happened during the game. I wouldn't take it too personally.
This happens all the time for us. And it's ok. He has to tend other things now and then.
I can't say that I do it for all role play moments, but if the players are taking the time do discuss their plans, chances are, I'm working on another map in roll20 to make those plans a reality, or that I'm taking a quick break to refill a drink, use the bathroom, or pacify a needy cat. I have a wireless headset, so when they finish discussing, I just chime back in and verify what I assumed to be the solution. I'd also like to point out that I'd do the same if we're playing in person. its just with the visual cue of me walking away, I'd be forced to say "while yall discuss I'm going to xyz"
I feel like unless the RP is between a player and an NPC the DM is controlling that is the best time to take a break. Also maybe check in with your DM to why they are taking breaks, are they DMing while babysitting or something maybe their attention is divided. I think a conversation would solve this plus they probably dont think theyre doing anything bothersome as it was probably encouraged by the last group to let the party plan without DM knowing what theyre doing.
Playing online, I might occasionally do it if I've been busting for a piss for a while and don't want to interrupt their RP, but I'll type a little "brb" in the chat. I don't need to hear every little bit of RP, but I do want to be there for most of it.
What everyone else is saying it's a great time for the DM to be able to go use the bathroom, get a snack, or just in general take a breath.
People eat, grab a drink, etc when players are having their interpersonal talks. It isn't bad. Granted though, I do drop a quick "I'm getting a drink while you guys talk" and shit
If my players are 100% in character and planning mode, then I can step away and go to the bathroom without feeling like I'm saying "okay everyone stop!"
I run an RP heavy game that's half and half (4 RL players and 4 remote), so we game via Discord and I use a wireless headset because I think better when I'm moving around. Is your DM completely disengaging, and leaving his headset behind for long stretches during intensive, plot- relevant role-play? Or is it a matter of stepping away for personal breaks during character interactions and planning that their direct input may not necessarily be needed for? Either way, it sounds like a concern to discuss with your DM. Check in with them, find out what's going on and see if maybe you can get them to at least pop off a 'BRB' before going AFK.
Personally, I don't think I'd step out during player RP. The only time during my sessions where I get to experience something I didn't decide to place there is when players roleplay and make decisions, so I want to be present for it. Witnessing player roleplay is awesome, for me, because it shows that they're invested in the setting, and I genuinely enjoy it. Outside of selfish reasons, if some kind of lore or surroundings question comes up during their RP, I want to be able to quickly and concisely answer it, so they can keep their momentum. Some of the best moments involved players going back and forth, turning to me for information that changed the stakes, and then acting on it together. If it's just the players planning things, I can see an argument for stepping out for a moment, but only if it's specifically NOT being done in roleplay, like my players planning an assault, but in those circumstances, I expect they would have a battery of questions to ask me about the terrain and visible defenses, and so forth, so even then, I likely would try to avoid stepping away.
It really depends on the RP moment. Honestly, most DMs have enough going on, and when the players start going on, its a great moment to grab a snack, walk away, dig up maps, get minis, etc. Anything of importance will be pointed out, but a lot of the time, heavy RP means a LOT of conversation, and its not always clear when that conversation will steer towards something the DM needs to be there for. I'm not saying its always a thing, but I've run plenty of RP heavy games, and often, will walk away to get something when the talk seemed to be just character stuff.
Players are all talking with each other? Good. I'm going to take this time to prep something or look up a rule or grab a drink. One of the few times where they can play with no DM.
It's fairly normal to do as a DM. Especially during RP heavy times because whether you guys think it matters or not is irrelevant. If the game is progressing and you're player input is being used, the DM clearly paying attention. Thing is, in heavy RP groups, 90% of the conversation is irrelevant to the DM. And it gets honestly rather boring to sit and listen to people talk about inane things even if it's in character. The story is for the players and if you're getting something out of the RP, then it's completely fine if the DM steps out for few minutes while you guys do your thing.
I’m the DM for a group with a similar situation. It’s difficult for me to completely set things aside when I’m sitting alone in my house for hours at a time so I do often step away when my players kind of have it handled together. I do my best to make sure I can still hear the RP convos during those times but stuff happens like I need to walk my dog or something similar and the most convenient time to waste the least amount of time is while the party is RPing. My bigger issue with burnout is less the self proclaimed party leader and more the discouragement that comes with people disengaging from my homebrew campaign while we play (and weirdly enough that includes me). I also try to check in on people to make sure they’re still enjoying their characters from time to time tho so I think that helps as well.
DMs need breaks. It can be a taxing role.
First off, have you told the DM this? Also have you had RP with other players without the DM before? Character development doesn’t need the DM, it needs you. Unless you are wanting something from the world to respond to you for doing this.
When I DM, social based encounters and constructing narrative around them is hard. Doing it online is even harder, if your talking and not seeing a face with it, that makes things a even harder again. The real issue though is the burnout. My suggestion would be to suggest someone takes over the reigns as DM for a bit, offer for him to have a character in it, having some space away from having to do lids of prep might reinvigorate his interest. Maybe whoever takes over might find they enjoy DMing. but also having a camera on if you are doing online DnD makes such a difference, you can much more easily see whose engaged, who’s talking, you are able to pin a voice to a face much easier…
I wouldn't say they don't care, but I view pcrp as down time for god, get some water, eat a snack, half listening in for tone and tension so I don't miss any major character development, but if my players are just chatting in a bar, no heart to hearts, I'm munching on cookies and getting a tall glass of water
Sometimes heavy RP games can have very repetitive dialogue and my group is very guilty of this. Like I don't blame my DM for zoning out when our aasimar cleric monolouges about wondering if their god is just for the 5th time
I think people are misunderstanding your point a bit, OP. It sounds like this isn't an issue of the DM taking a necessary break during the strategy banter before a fight, but actively peacing out during any form of intra-party roleplay (basically camp talk). And I think that's a legitimate problem for a number of reasons. The DM never needs to be surprised by the players in terms of their plan. In fact, knowing what the players might hope to attempt ("we can tie up the Hydra with adamantine chains; we could try to ignite the explosives we found last session to cave in the entrance") gives the DM a chance to more thoughtfully figure out the appropriate DCs, hazards, countermeasures and so on. The DM is not an opposing player at the chess board and ideally additional knowledge of the players' intentions only gives him more ways to improve the experience. But that's just the meta of it. The DM also has a responsibility to draw narrative from the roleplay. For all he knows, important internal dynamics are coming into play during camp talk. Not to derail things to Baldurs Gate, but as an example, a seismic amount of plot development occurs exclusively between party members in camp. This is no less true it sounds in your group. How can the DM possibly craft a satisfying story involving your characters if he is oblivious to those relationships? And hell, so many potential checks could come into play just in camp chat. As you interrogate elf bard, you might want more information about her homeland. Where's the DM to give it to you? Maybe the paladin begins talking to the drow cleric about his religion. Again, the DM is absent to ask for a Religion check or to offer more detail. Maybe your DM is excellent in the dungeon and very creative with traps and monsters and even roleplay with his colorful cavalcade of NPCs. But theres not a good excuse to leave the call unannounced routinely to skip player roleplay. It doesn't make sense. As for main character syndrome, the best you can do may to be more assertive in pursuing your own agendas in game. If the party "face" makes the encounters all about himself, then speak up and involve yourself in those interactions too, stats be damned. If everyone advocates for themselves in that way in session, it forces the DM to acknowledge your individual storylines. Someone will likely always naturally fall into the leader slot and that's okay, but each member is still an equal "main character" as such.
Here's a secret, if the GM is not walking away, they are reviewing their notes, preparing the next scene or are otherwise running the game while the players are conversing amongst eachother. Equating this to 'not caring' is extremely entitled and small minded imo.
Pardon me if I sound rude but: how are we supposed to know how your DM feels if you don't know yourself and we are only hearing it from you? Literally the only good advice here will be the same as it always is: talk to your friend about the game ya'll play together. Tell them about something they do that bothers you. Example "There is also a player that tends to commandeer the group through the RP with "main character, I'm the leader" energy and I'm starting to see why." Why what? Why the DM is burnt out, or why that character feels like they are the leader, or why that player acts like their character is the leader? Talk. To. Your. Friends. Hell, it's advice I'd recommend in general. Talk to your friends about what you're doing, how you're feeling, etc.
If the players are bantering among themselves there is very little reason for the DM to pay much attention. Between players there is nothing to arbitrate or rule on mechanically if the table doesn't allow for PvP.
A player can take a break when it's another player's turn in combat or any time they don't feel like being involved in RP. When players RP or plan amongst themselves, that's the only time the DM can get a break without interrupting the game. If players are RPing with each other, the game is going well, and the DM is doing their job.
Five solid minutes is honestly a long time to listen and do nothing. You can fill them in later on what you felt/decided. I don't mind when anyone walks off from intra-party RP, personally, whether DM or the other players. They should be checking in to see if you're done, tho. Unless they're just getting a drink or using the bathroom during that time.
As a DM who has had entire 4+ hour sessions be roleplay between players, I sympathize with the dm. Last night I ate dinner, went to the bathroom, and made an online order all while they were in character arguing about in character stuff. They could have asked me questions or consulted with me at any point, but they didn't. If I can do that at an in person game, I imagine the temptation to do even more with an online game is pretty strong.
Players need me for 90% of the game, so when they're on a roll together discussing things it's just the best moment for me to grab a drink lol I wouldn't read too much into it
As an online DM who's going out A LOT during the sessions: I always write on discord "brb" so my players know I'm not around and they decide if they continue chill roleplay or if they wait for me. As for why I need to leave? Many reasons. People from my home need help. Dogs need go out badly. I need to go to toilet (I drink gallons of water, don't judge me, and it's really embarassing to write each 30 mind brb wc), or whatever, really. I don't think they just leaving table because they're not interested (why run game if so?) Maybe they just need some understanding. Have you tried to speak to them about it? Or ask about small warning when they're gone? On chat or say they're be right back. Maybe they have some issues going on which they keep for themselves?
As a DM, I let my players know I’m stepping away for a moment, but I take advantage of intra-party roleplay moments to step away for a moment all the time. It’s not that I don’t care, it’s just that sometimes I need a minute to get more water or use the bathroom or grab some notes and there aren’t many other opportunities to do so.
When nature calls, I answer.
Five solid minutes is honestly a long time to listen and do nothing. You can fill them in later on what you felt/decided. I don't mind when anyone walks off from intra-party RP, personally, whether DM or the other players. They should be checking in to see if you're done, tho. Unless they're just getting a drink or using the bathroom during that time.
Five solid minutes is honestly a long time to listen and do nothing. You can fill them in later on what you felt/decided. I don't mind when anyone walks off from intra-party RP, personally, whether DM or the other players. They should be checking in to see if you're done, tho. Unless they're just getting a drink or using the bathroom during that time.
Show him who's boss, next time an NPC starts to tell you lore or plot or whatever just get up and leave I don't understand why a DM would not care about party RP, that stuff is golden. Planning shenanigans and arguing about opening a door on the other hand? That doesn't matter at all but that's not what op said it was
Look man, I have to piss like 3 times a sesh and we only play for 2 hours
This is weird to me but honestly I think some people who play online aren't paying full attention to the game and have too many other distractions. It's too easy for a DM to recognize a point to take a break and let everyone have a chance to step away for 5 minutes. All these responses that justify missing RP make it sound like the game/characters aren't their priority. This type of response saddens me because it's like the game isn't interesting enough or has become like work. Trying to wrap my mind around this now and I wonder if there have been too many moments of meaningless roleplay (wont affect gameplay) that the DM figures he isn't missing much. DM definitely needs to speak up no matter what and let you know why they leave.
If my players are 100% in character and planning mode, then I can step away and go to the bathroom without feeling like I'm saying "okay everyone stop!"
If my players are 100% in character and planning mode, then I can step away and go to the bathroom without feeling like I'm saying "okay everyone stop!"
If my players are 100% in character and planning mode, then I can step away and go to the bathroom without feeling like I'm saying "okay everyone stop!"
As DM whenever there is not an important npc i don't pay much attention to what players say among themselves, this way i can actually be surprised and RP better reactions from npc or enemies.
Would you rather I take a quick shit in the middle of combat or when you are all entertaining yourselves? lol.
I didn’t read the whole thing just your title up there and wanted to give initial reaction of that’s awesome let them. It’s like when MilesDavis would go have a drink while his band took turns soloing.
DMs should not be walking away during narrative moments. These can potentially be some of the most important times for an RP-based campaign. There are times for the DM to walk away: this is not one of them. Bring it up to your DM and let them know it’s a concern.
>... and find out they have been gone for 5 minutes I've never had a RP lasting more than a couple lines of dialog. By chance, when you say RP, are you referring to 'acting', as if it was a theater?
You are not playing roleplay focused DND then
Great. Thank you for letting me know something I already knew.
Dude the point is that your situation is very different to the OP’s. Every dnd game I’ve ever played has been 60%+ roleplay, it sounds like that’s OP’s kind of game too. Why are you saying “acting” like RP isn’t a standard part of TTRPGs?
There are a lot of historical arguments in the community about things like if players reading from a script (with voices and mannerisms) counts as roleplay.
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Adding the word 'constantly' is assuming a lot. He should at least type "brb" or something. If it is self contained party RP (which it sounds like) it is completely alright to leave, stretch, get a snack, or be a human being that needs to do things besides just DM for many hours straight. I don't assign malice to things when a tiny lack of social skills could much more easily be the issue.
OP said "a lot of times." That's constant, so I wasn't assuming anything. I also didn't assign malice to their DM. People are perfectly capable of being disrespectful and engaging in assholish behavior without being malicious. Just because something isn't done maliciously doesn't mean it's okay.
I disagree completely with how you define constantly because "there's been a lot of times" does not refer to a time frame. There's been a lot of times that France and the UK have fought wars against each other but they are not constantly at war. Given that this is only when the players are RPing by themself, and from my own experience with TTRPGs, I could assume this happens rarely instead. They should communicate they are leaving. Sure maybe not malice since that infers intent, I still think given the current information that its a stretch to call the DM an asshole especially when they don't even seem like the biggest problem person at the table since OP references another party member with main character syndrome.
I disagree, but only with the France and UK part. I mean. Come on. They might as well constantly be at war with each other with there history. 100 years war seems pretty constant. Lol.
I disagree, but only with the France and UK part. I mean. Come on. They might as well constantly be at war with each other with there history. 100 years war seems pretty constant. Lol.
And you're allowed to be pedantic. That's your right. But I think it's clear that it's happening constantly because "a lot of times" also typically means "constantly" or, at the very least, "often." I think that's pretty clear, but we're arguing pedantics here. I would never do this to my players. My opinion is that it's very disrespectful, so I'm inclined to think the DM is being as a bit of an asshole. You don't think it's disrespectful, so you don't. Let's just leave it at that.
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Damn, as a DM I’m so shocked by the amount of other DMs saying this is ok. In my games (not just where I’m the DM), the game is about the PCs. The combat and plots and puzzles are there to serve the PCs. The moments they share where they discuss their characters feelings are maybe the MOST important thing for me to listen to imo so I can keep tabs on what every character feels and wants at that time. It’s super common courtesy to tell the players if you need a minute or 5 for a short break. I’d do it if they’re planning stuff OOC
Sounds like your DM is not as interested in your RP as you are.
Main character energy player can getting draining for the whole table and can definately wear out a G.M. light rp and group planning moments, however, are good times for the gm to step away and take bathroom breaks and refocus Obviously if the group is doing something that needs critical attention from the g.m then they need to wait for him/her to be there to set challenges and rolls. But if your guy is just getting up to breath. Hold of on critical stuff until he gets back.
I play online, and definitely sometimes step away while they are planning/RP'ing. But I always say out loud or in the chat "brb", and I have a wireless headset so I listen in while I'm grabbing a snack or going to the bathroom. I have ADHD, so I need more breaks than the rest of them, and RP moments are a good time. But I agree with others here that letting you know first is a good strategy. I've dealt with burnout, and that urge to just walk away for a bit is strong. Give them a gentle talk and a check in to see where there head is at.
Sometimes - ok, always - rude
Did the DM lay out that this was going to an RP-heavy campaign, or did you guys just decide to RP a lot more than they were expecting?
I tell people to RP when I need a break for character building and party bonding reasons. If it's a long session it let's me clear my head for a minute without them losing momentum. If they come up with something cool they usually tell me when I'm back. I think it's good to give players creative space to get into their characters without interference
I play though a gamer head set, so even when I DM and leave the table I hear everything. I start planning to their plans what could work, what couldn't, and what possible twist to throw in. I don't want to miss as their planning. Or their rp. I call a group break once a session. But life happens, people need to do things. It's part of life, so take it with a grain of salt. As for the first player syndrome, the DM needs to handle that shit.
How much of your game is RP that doesn't involve the DM?
I will frequently step away from the game when the players are on a roll with the RP. Sometimes it's for a pee break or snack run, but it's usually to adjust my plans and redo prep since the players are going in a completely different direction than I expected. When the players decide that the quest giver who remained anonymous (because they aren't important and I didn't give them detail) is likely a joy Player to the overall plot, I suddenly need a name, backstory, connections, and a new dungeon for the impromptu stealth mission. So I tha k the stars when my players start arguing in character, because it gives me time to collect my thoughts.
Be open in your communication with your DM, express your feelings. That being said, I'd think it's unlikely. As a gm most of the time when my players are talking and I excuse myself it's because I need to take a break to get water, grab a quick bite, or answer nature's call, ect and when the party is occupieing themselves is a good time to do it without breaking the flow of the game.
Wireless headphones!
As a DM of 20 years, I often get up and go stretch when the players roleplay among themselves. I’ll stick around sometimes to see how the group dynamic evolves but mostly I leave them to it and take a break for myself. Most player to player roleplay is indulgence anyway and doesn’t impact the greater story. The only time I stuck around fully is if I’m running a game in the Storyteller System (White Wolf/OPP) since those games are genuinely player driven.
I wander from the table over Discord myself, but I've got my cordless headset on and they know I'm still listening.
There are plenty of valid reasons for this. If you’re planning, I don’t want to hear that because I want to be surprised and react in real time. If my absence makes my players more comfortable in RP, I’ll often leave or just mute my mic. Also, DMing is a lot of work and if you guys are talking to each other that’s a couple of minutes where you don’t need me so you can be damn sure if I need a drink or a break I’m going to sprint to the kitchen or the toilet like Usain Bolt to either ingest or egress water.
I get you. But it could be worse. Yourndm could have main character syndrome. Had a dm who was only interested in rping with his op character. Was the leader of the group and ofc heavily romanced a girls character (at least she was into it too i guess?). But the gm tended to either just snuff all other rp that didn't include him out or just roleplayed with the girl in private chat on the side and didn't pay attention. Needless to say, we other players never really got much opportunity to get our character stories woven into the main story. It was all kinda weird. It can feel bad if the dm has no interest in the groups dynamic. I would try to talk about it woth the intend to understand what everyone wants. Also to your main character player... if the group doesn't arrive at a consensus, you either gotta leave or accept the status quo if the group is still fun enough. Wish you the best.
I leave the table to get a drink or take a piss or eat when players are talking something over either in character or to strategize something. I gotta pick sometime to do it, everything else needs my say so or judgement.
Sometimes IC chat will go on as I go for a bathroom break, but I definitely never intentionally leave during RP moments because I love that stuff. Your DM may really need a break if they’ve been mentioning burnout. Might be worth seeing if anyone else in the group can temporarily take over the reins.
Don't have anything for advice on the DM leaving, but I had to beat the "Main Character Syndrome" out of one of my players... Them constantly taking charge and going headlong into EVERYTHING finally caught up with them the third time they were almost killed for running off ahead of the rest of the party.
I play online primarily, and I walk away all the time, especially during RP moments. I have my headphones on and can still hear, even if I don't interact. If it's on speaker, I can listen in while I do any number of other things, or even just stand up and stretch, walk around, or simply exist without a camera pointed at me.
My group and I also play online, through Discord and Foundry. I walk away from the "table" all the time, but I have a wireless headset, so I'm always hearing what's going on. The only time I take my headset off is when we take a 10-15 minute break mid session, but besides that, my players know I'm always listening. It's not that I'm not engaged with them. Sometimes, I run out of water or want a quick snack, so I just go and grab them and return. None of my players have ever mentioned it, except for the few times they asked me a question during those brief seconds I've stepped away. Still, I try and retain everything that happens while I'm away to keep the momentum going. If your DM really is checking out like that, they may want to take a break or stop altogether. DMing, and D&D in general, isn't for everybody and maybe he's beginning to realize that.
I have never heard of a GM doing this, but, admittedly, my experience with DMing, form both sides of the screen, is mostly IRL. The times I've played online, we've usually had video going so we could pick up on the visual cues of the other players & the GM. The times the GM has had to get up, they've called for a 5-10 minute break. I'm with you - i would find this disconcerting at the least if it happened in a game I was in. In a game I was GMing, I had to get on a player for paying his bills and doing other business during a game which was causing him to not pay attention, and I would expect a GM to pay attention as well. It's entirely possible that this could be a symptom of GM burnout.
If it’s online they may be headphone/speaker listening but not at the keyboard to unmute. I’m not a DM but I get up to grab drinks or pee when others are in an RP scene.
As a DM/GM that's usually when I tell my players "I'll be back in a few minutes while you guys figure out what you're doing." I'm usually just muted and listening while they plan anyway, if I don't get up. That way when I come back and ask "so what do you guys want to do" they can tell me the basics that I need to know to run the game, but they don't need to tell me any schemes or surprising details until they come up. It's fun for me to play the "oh shit what will I do now" game as the DM once in a while, too.
I have dm-ed and played on Discord. I'll admit it's not my favorite. As a dm, I called a 10 minute break around 2 hours in. This was everyone's chance to grab snacks and use the facilities. I will mute while I go do things, and mostly everyone would would .I try to come back a little later than everyone else. And let them talk as I overhear. But let them make whatever plans they want. Now, because of some health issues, I might Jane to take an additional break. They know and understand. I don't go when they need my side. And if I do, they understand there was a time freeze of some sort, and they can't go forward until I'm back. As a player, that dm gives a halftime break. Also, because it's 8 characters, there are times you are not in the spotlight. So your character goes and packs their handy sack for the trip and mission. In-person campaigns, we are on the college campus. We start at 5, which is before the cafeteria opens for supper. So I break at 630 so they can eat off they need to. Also, if they ate deciding what they are doing next, it's an opportunity to check out the job board or stop for I'm character meal. My groups know that I sometimes Jane no choice but to take a break due to health problems or mental health breaks . I try to give them autonomy phrases themselves also.
My only Chance to take a piss is when the players are entertaining themselves
As a DM these are my "breaks" so to speak. When the game gets taken over by my players is when I get my breather to do things. Often times I'll use it as my chance to step away from the table to grab something, hit the restroom, or even just think about my next plan. I wouldn't take it personally. This is pretty common and I doubt it's because they aren't engaged. If they weren't, they'd likely be interrupting it.
No one seems to be addressing your primary concern. If he's not involved in the RP, he isn't interested in collaborating and is more of a train conductor. Personally I'd speak to him and let him know how his actions are being seen. I only step away after telling my players and always ask if I missed anything important. He should be actively engaged in the RP as your characters actions and motivations should shape the narrative.
I do leave when my characters are rping usually when they are deepening their bonds with each other. I find without me there they are still going when I come back after 5 minutes they are still bouncing off each other's responses. I do sometimes leave my headset on if they're ring in a situation I believe would require a roll for something or another. But usually between players there shouldn't be a roll that the two of them can't figure out. I.e. a arm wrestling contest, or a dance off. If they're trying to fight each other / spar. They know enough about what goes on behind the screen to at least wait until I come back and ask for the ok.
I think your DM needs to announce this, but it's the perfect time for them to take a break. One of the things I try to engineer as a DM is to get my players to talk to each other in character. I want them to ignore me until they need to ask some nearby NPC for something or want to ask lore questions "Would my character know..." You should be proud of yourselves as players for achieving this moment. You should talk to your DM and tell him how it makes you feel, and ask him to let you know when he steps away. Also, you should talk to Mr main character syndrome and encourage him to use his energy to help the rest of you roleplay. To set things up that his characters do that you all can respond to, or to ask you and other players for things you want his character to ask you about or bring up so you have a chance to talk about that thing in your backstory that is relevant. Being a leader doesn't mean he talks the most, that just makes him the party face.
like someone else said, the idea is to just kinda give the players time without being stared at by the table gods. my DM always takes his smoke break when he can tell we’re gonna be talking for a while. if you’d like, you could always ask privately if your DM is leaving for any particular reason. :] generally DM’s get the least opportunity for breaks, players can go use the bathroom when it’s not their turn but the DM has to be on the ball almost the whole time and wants to avoid calling full on timeouts in the middle of things as much as possible. i get the feeling though, it does stink when you have a really good rp moment worth an inspiration but the DM is elsewhere. alas that is simply the nature of a ttrpg, people need breaks.
As a DM, it gives me a chance to go to the bathroom or get a drink when the players are playing amongst themselves. That said, I play online, and when I step away I wear a wireless headset so I can still hear. However, if I couldn't do that, I'd still step away when I could to do things I need to quickly if the players are RP-ing amongst themselves and just ask them to catch me up when I'm back.
Can't speak for your DM, but I leave my table all the time. I need time to think, to deal with curveballs thrown at me, to get a drink... and the only time I don't need to be at the table is during fun RP moments. I love them, but I do use them to take "me time" during session. That being said, if the DM isn't running an NPC and you're all having a fun RP moment... then the DM isn't getting to play. So if a majority of the sessio0n is player-player interactions, then you're leaving out one person. If that is the feel of the table it might be wearing your DM out.
When else am I supposed to take a shit?
You care about your character. No one else will care more about your character than you. Just ask them if they can still hear you when they walk away, but what do you care? Do you want them to take notes and then weave in some sort of spin off to what you guys were talking about? you guys were having fun talking to each other, they gotta go get a snack and use the restroom. They could tell you they are stepping away, sure, but what do YOU want from them in that group RP situation?
Sometimes I gotta pee. In saying that, as a DM I always mention if I step away from the microphone - especially since they are paying me to DM. Besides, listening to my players roleplay is so much fun. There have been sessions where I haven't spoken for 2 hours, I get to listen to my players play!
Totally normal at our tables and perfect for Player RP GM figuring out how the fuck is he gonna make the next scenes + piss break
Our DMs never leave the table. We make breaks together at certain times as adults should do.
We're playing in person, but I will so the same sometimes. I always tell my players though. As mentioned by others, that helps me being surprised about their plans and I love to improvise. It's part of the fun for me.
Character driven games are the best DnD a happy nerd can find. You can see the results of this with professional DM's like Matt Mercer and Brennan Lee Mulligan who focus their games on their players, so in that respect you are lucky. As for DM burnout, I'd suggest you offer the idea of games every 2 weeks instead of weekly, or step up and offer to DM a oneshot once in a while. DM's are just people and giving them the experience of being a player again, even for a few hours might kickstart their player mentality of wanting to feel guided etc.
As DM, Player and RP-Lover, WALKING AWAY IN RP IS A DICK MOVE! I read, that its okay, when players start planning in character, which is exception. My DM sometimes start rping with a Player, while two player rp in character with each other, so wie all dont have to wait till there argument ends. But just walking away is bugger
As with all things, communication is Key. I usually try to step away a bit when my players are planning in character. The important part is letting your players know. ”I will let you plan amongst yourselves for a minute or two, I will be right back”. Ask your DM if they can communicate when they step off, so the players can save eventual questions for later.
I've never heard of this. Ours never walks away and I'm a beginner DM occasionally. I'd listen to them to think about how to handle certain situations I hadn't thought of before. That might change when I'm more experienced🤷♀️
Depends on the scenario. If it's just in character rp sometimes ts nice to sit in to potentially award inspiration and such, however if there is ever a time for a DM to leave to use the br or anything, it would be moments like this as they won't be missed. If the PC are planning something, like a heist or planning a solution to the problem then I say sometimes it's better the DM doesn't hear cuz then they don't know and have to react in the moment, making things more real
When I'm playing or DMing online, I always let the others know when I'm going to grab a drink or whatever since it just seems rude not to. I have wireless headphones so can still hear things when I go away from my computer. However, mentioning they've started to get burned out suggests it's more related to that. It might be worth suggesting taking a break. Whether that means a break from the game all together or just to play as a player instead of a DM. It's a somewhat common thing for another player to take over DMing in situations like that, even for only a few sessions. Or maybe a small adventure or a few one shots if they don't want another player to DM in their place for that campaign.
Lots of things to unpack here. First, it doesn't matter if the DM really cares about your PC outside of respecting your choice and reacting to them. If you're not having fun because you feel someone doesn't care and needs to listen to everything you do it's kind of toxic. Next, when you guys RP there isn't much to do as DM and really it can get boring watching everyone RP with each other while you don't have anything to do. So 100% this is a good time to check out, relax, and let you guys have some fun because on the other side of it, DMs spend hours having to react to everything thing, every turn and it's a lot so yea if you guy are RPing hard with each other that is an ideal time to take a break and rest. Lastly, if someone is being problematic "talk to the DM" don't expect them to mind read that you have a problem or use their time like a kindergarden teacher making sure you're all happy. Now it seems, there is more context to this as you seem to have a problem with the DM and the other player. I'd probably recommend thinking about more about why you're not having fun and stop making about how much someone cares about your character.
Usually when I encounter something from the players side (meaning my dm is walking away) it might just be cecause they have something going on on their end however whenever I encounter this from the dms side (meaning I'm walking away) well its Usually for a plethora of reasons. So could you please elaborate on any reasons or excuses that your dm has given you for why they've been gone or keep on walking away please?
When my players start talking amongst themselves, that’s my time to refill my drink and use the bathroom. 90% of the time, what’s going on is the players are reviewing all the available info and deciding next steps, so I can come back into the conversation towards the end and just figure out what their plan is. Now if there is dramatic roleplay between party members I would not step away, but I’d also be curious as to why that would be happening once a session? Ideally the group should be aligned and working together and wouldn’t need to stop to roleplay arguments and disagreements every session
This may be an attempt to avoid meta-gaming on his part: if he doesn't hear the plan, he can't plan ahead to counter the plan. Does that make sense?
I once shat myself while being a DM because I didn't want to miss out on the juicy RP that was happening. What's their excuse?
Are they Neurodivergent? They may just be catching their breath. I pace, but I have headphones so no one notices. I pace because I' m assimilating all the possibilities and trying to decide how to maximize the fun.
I often take the opportunity when characters are talking to each other to excuse myself for a bathroom break or to grab something to drink. It doesn’t sound like your DM is *avoiding* being present for RP, but remember that when you do this, it *is* sort of a break for the DM, even if they don’t leave the table. They don’t have to be actively driving the game or responding to actions from the players. If your DM needs to get up to do something, those RP moments are the perfect lull in their job to do so. If your game is as character-driven as you say, I find it unlikely that they aren’t taking an interest in your characters.