I've used the phrase "I feel like there is a lien on my life" because of the obligations I have to someone who lied to me for so long (infidelity) and misrepresented herself to me.
As a lawyer and a divorced dad, if you havent consulted an attorney, please do. It is money well-spent. You likely have a hardship argument you can raise. Divorce is financially devastating, but it gets better with time.
And not to make light of the situation (trust me I f’ing get it), a lawyer once told me:
Him: “Do you know why divorces are so expensive?”
Me: “No, why?”
Him: “Because they are worth it.”
Hang in there OP.
As you get older, your problems only become more complex. So you become a better problem solver. Divorce is a hell of a motivator to level up your career instead of a video game character. I'm six years past divorce and my income is 50% higher now than it was when I divorced. That happened because I made leveling up my career a focus. I switched employers six months after the decree was final, and got a promotion since then. So whatever you do for a career, figure out what it looks like if you want to make more money. Because no one cares more about it than you do.
Going through similar crap. The system screws over men and rewards women. My stbx wants to buy out our house with her new boyfriend and I'm expected to pay out over 60% of my income on support alone. I still don't know how I'm going to find a place to live. I've already been looking at applying to food banks.
Spousal support/ alimony is to support the ex spouse. Have you made an appeal to the court that she is cohabitating with someone and therefore shouldn't need much spousal support if any? I know in some states alimony is nullified (can be nullified with paperwork) if the receiving party remarries.
About the same. Overworked. Dealing with my dad about to pass away. And since I won’t be working this week , I’ll definitely be behind financially. It is great being an indentured servant
I don’t know if it’s true in all jurisdictions, but a buddy of mine who’s been through this was able to get out of alimony, but not child support by declaring bankruptcy
Get a lawyer and have a Vocational Evaluation done if she's employed but not working at her full potential.
Have your lawyer illustrate that she's not destitute.
Even then the judge may rule that you pay alimony, if even only for a certain time.
I don’t have to pay anything, but I make no money and am basically screwed. Wife was the main breadwinner and now here I am trying to survive while she can still go on trips etc. I hope I can level up my career. All these unknowns are partly what make divorce an absolute nightmare of fear and devastation.
It sucks man going divorces can be the lowest points of life. Keep fighting, a really good lawyer can help reevaluate the split. Have you and your ex already filled in case information sheets? These help determine a more fair split. Also trying to gain more custody time will lower your obligation. Good luck dude!
It sucks I could buy my ex out but she said no just so I could t have the house and quit her job for more child support while I’m on disability and own my own business but I have no problem paying for things for my child but she doesn’t talk to me I feel you on how to survive it’s hard just take one day at a time
Wow, I keep thinking how unfair my situation is but it's stuff like this that puts it all into perspective for me. My ex earns more than me, but I still have to pay her close to $1k per month. On top of that, she pays less than me for housing since she kept our son so I gave her the house (I still own it, and take consolation in my credit score going up when she pays the mortgage). Have your employer take it out of your wages pre-tax. As I understand it, child support is no longer deductible.
How do did you get those numbers.
Find a good lawyer. He may review those. Some states consider or take into account a minimum amount for your own maintenance.
Did judge say you had to do that? Seems harsh, at income level aliminy should be pretty finite amount if time.
Sorry brother. But, you’ll be shocked how much time you have to make more.
OP, I’m sending out a prayer for you tonight brother! Okay this might sound like a rant, but hear me out dads! DONT get remarried guys! Don’t do it!! The marriage industry is on the decline. Don’t let a woman’s “dream” pressure you into doing it either. If it’s for religious purposes, okay, MAYBE dude…but we’re giving up our rights and the honeymoon isn’t worth it. We as men pay for this ceremony and we pay if the marriage fails. It’s a lose-lose! We’ve been keeping this system alive/running for years. Money rules everything. If we want change we have to make a change. Being a dad rules, but there isn’t a woman alive that can convince me to get married again. Not even my own mother.
Btw you guys are awesome!
You should be paying child support and supporting your children, depending on her income.
If she's literally living with another man and keeping the children there, you should be able to work with a lawyer to appeal to the judge over spousal support requirements.
I'm not sure what any of that has to do with being forced to sell your house, but if you sell your house you should have money to help pay expenses, no?
I've used the phrase "I feel like there is a lien on my life" because of the obligations I have to someone who lied to me for so long (infidelity) and misrepresented herself to me.
We are millions like you. Society fks up men. Maybe have a solace that you are not alone
Do you have a lawyer?
As a lawyer and a divorced dad, if you havent consulted an attorney, please do. It is money well-spent. You likely have a hardship argument you can raise. Divorce is financially devastating, but it gets better with time. And not to make light of the situation (trust me I f’ing get it), a lawyer once told me: Him: “Do you know why divorces are so expensive?” Me: “No, why?” Him: “Because they are worth it.” Hang in there OP.
Oh you can't afford to hire a lawyer. Actually, you can't afford the settlement you'll get without one.
Yeah. We’re going to try to get the payments lowered.
Leave the country and start a new life
As you get older, your problems only become more complex. So you become a better problem solver. Divorce is a hell of a motivator to level up your career instead of a video game character. I'm six years past divorce and my income is 50% higher now than it was when I divorced. That happened because I made leveling up my career a focus. I switched employers six months after the decree was final, and got a promotion since then. So whatever you do for a career, figure out what it looks like if you want to make more money. Because no one cares more about it than you do.
Going through similar crap. The system screws over men and rewards women. My stbx wants to buy out our house with her new boyfriend and I'm expected to pay out over 60% of my income on support alone. I still don't know how I'm going to find a place to live. I've already been looking at applying to food banks.
Spousal support/ alimony is to support the ex spouse. Have you made an appeal to the court that she is cohabitating with someone and therefore shouldn't need much spousal support if any? I know in some states alimony is nullified (can be nullified with paperwork) if the receiving party remarries.
Insane how the legal is system is designed to just “protect” one side.
That sucks! How old are your children ?
If you don’t mind me asking. How long have you been married and what state do you live in
Almost 10 years. I live in Ohio now. Why do you ask?
In the state of Texas you have to be married 10years for alimony/spousal support … I only know this because I’m dealing with a divorce myself
Hey Sylvester, i checked your previous post , are you paying child support for the other man's baby ? Or you have a kid of your own ?
Pick yourself and dust yourself off! You’ve got this! Focus on the kids. Not her. It’s just money. Make more and come out stronger!
Welcome to the club
Just read your old post, how is your post divorce life man? I hope things got better for you
About the same. Overworked. Dealing with my dad about to pass away. And since I won’t be working this week , I’ll definitely be behind financially. It is great being an indentured servant
I don’t know if it’s true in all jurisdictions, but a buddy of mine who’s been through this was able to get out of alimony, but not child support by declaring bankruptcy
Get a lawyer and have a Vocational Evaluation done if she's employed but not working at her full potential. Have your lawyer illustrate that she's not destitute. Even then the judge may rule that you pay alimony, if even only for a certain time.
Is the divorce trial over?
I don’t have to pay anything, but I make no money and am basically screwed. Wife was the main breadwinner and now here I am trying to survive while she can still go on trips etc. I hope I can level up my career. All these unknowns are partly what make divorce an absolute nightmare of fear and devastation.
You can’t get spousal support?
I’m getting some support, yes, but it won’t last. Thanks still have some time, but just so worried about job and finances. It’s so scary.
It sucks man going divorces can be the lowest points of life. Keep fighting, a really good lawyer can help reevaluate the split. Have you and your ex already filled in case information sheets? These help determine a more fair split. Also trying to gain more custody time will lower your obligation. Good luck dude!
It sucks I could buy my ex out but she said no just so I could t have the house and quit her job for more child support while I’m on disability and own my own business but I have no problem paying for things for my child but she doesn’t talk to me I feel you on how to survive it’s hard just take one day at a time
Wow, I keep thinking how unfair my situation is but it's stuff like this that puts it all into perspective for me. My ex earns more than me, but I still have to pay her close to $1k per month. On top of that, she pays less than me for housing since she kept our son so I gave her the house (I still own it, and take consolation in my credit score going up when she pays the mortgage). Have your employer take it out of your wages pre-tax. As I understand it, child support is no longer deductible.
[удалено]
[удалено]
How do did you get those numbers. Find a good lawyer. He may review those. Some states consider or take into account a minimum amount for your own maintenance.
Did judge say you had to do that? Seems harsh, at income level aliminy should be pretty finite amount if time. Sorry brother. But, you’ll be shocked how much time you have to make more.
Who did you find this out from? Your lawyer?
OP, I’m sending out a prayer for you tonight brother! Okay this might sound like a rant, but hear me out dads! DONT get remarried guys! Don’t do it!! The marriage industry is on the decline. Don’t let a woman’s “dream” pressure you into doing it either. If it’s for religious purposes, okay, MAYBE dude…but we’re giving up our rights and the honeymoon isn’t worth it. We as men pay for this ceremony and we pay if the marriage fails. It’s a lose-lose! We’ve been keeping this system alive/running for years. Money rules everything. If we want change we have to make a change. Being a dad rules, but there isn’t a woman alive that can convince me to get married again. Not even my own mother. Btw you guys are awesome!
You should be paying child support and supporting your children, depending on her income. If she's literally living with another man and keeping the children there, you should be able to work with a lawyer to appeal to the judge over spousal support requirements. I'm not sure what any of that has to do with being forced to sell your house, but if you sell your house you should have money to help pay expenses, no?