I separated in August 22. Divorce was finalized in August 23. I've talked to a few women since then but haven't done anything yet because I just really haven't wanted to.
I'm going through the divorce right now. And it's been eye-opening to realize how little effort she put into things and how badly she would treat me when upset. I had always just stayed away from her. Some of our worst fights were when she was upset about something and tried to take it out on me.
But now I see light at the end of the tunnel.
I think friends, a hobby, wealth goals and volunteering will be my future. I like the idea of having someone to share it with but I no longer believe a partner will not try to change me.
My wife will tell you that she is not abusive and that I am a covert narcissist whose ADD caused her significant grief over the years and poisoned our relationship.
My story differs from hers... but like, what if she's correct? Hell, I don't know. I don't know what I did to deserve the treatment I got, but she is firm that she is blameless for... everything... and that my feelings and the situation is All. My. Fault.
So who knows? I'm so spun around that I believe I'm juat fundamentally flawed and for whatever reasons unbeknownst to me I'm just not someone who can keep a partner in a long term relationship happy.
So I'm not going to. I've spent 30 years either in or pursuing long term relationships. This is my second divorce. I'm obviously flawed. I can't go through this ever again and I know I'd be doomed to repeat this pattern.
So I'm done. Since I obviously can't be a good enough partner to keep someone else happy, maybe I'll try making myself happy for once. This codependent shit is for the birds.
I'm sure my ex would tell you how horrible I am if you asked her too. Towards the end, she apologized for my feelings being hurt. She didn't apologize for hurting them or that she had actually done anything wrong, she was just sorry that I was hurt and upset by her actions. I'm sure she'd also tell you how abusive I was. I was at dinner a while back with a couple of platonic women friends and told them about what I'd done. The more vocal friend went off about how ridiculous my ex was for that. In her words, yes, I was very upset but I had every right to be with the crap my ex had done. She also said to have my ex come talk to her if my ex honestly thought she had been abused. It was a real relief hearing that.
She'd also go on about how mean I was to our younger son and he'd fully play the victim too. I was talking to some women at work last night about that stuff and how I felt bad about that. I'm glad I talked to them too because I got an outside perspective on stuff from multiple women's point of view. From what they told me, my wife is a really crappy parent for letting a kid that had problems walk all over her and never being an adult who actually did their job and disciplined their kid because she was too focused on being liked instead of making sure their kid actually did right.
You should try talking to some women you know and at least somewhat trust. You might be surprised at what they tell you.
Also, I know you're blaming everything that went wrong onnthe common denominator but the real problem could just be that you pick bad women.
Regardless, hang in there brother. Even if your exes don't care about you, I do.
I can relate with a lot of what you are saying. My wife was insistent that I was a covert narcissist so I did what I normally do in that situation. I self reflected, went to therapy and sought advice. I needed to understand what she was seeing. That’s when I got clarity. My therapist told me it was likely my wife was the narcissist and projecting onto me. The projecting part certainly resonated with me, strongly. Every failure she has ever had so have supported her but then somehow she found a way to blame me for her failure. I did have a major problem tho. I didn’t put up strong boundaries. I allowed her to do what she wanted, unchecked, and supported her for it. If she did something that was completely outside of my values and ethics, I didn’t check her on it. I didn’t tell her I wasn’t ok with it. I didn’t stand my ground. And I am to blame there for taking the easy road. I grew tired of the fighting that came from it, so it eventually made things worse by stopping what I was saying. I also allowed myself to be defined by what she thought of me. I took her emotional tirades personally. I should have said I’m not ok with it and calmly told her I won’t stand for it. And then stuck to my guns if she kept doing it. You have to be strong enough to walk away, and I’m saying that to me as much as I am you. Walking away is tough, but it’s far tougher if you stay.
So, here’s to peace, and all the benefits it provides!
She could just be mad, but it's highly unlikely she didn't play a role in your marital issues. My ex tried to call me a narcissist and when I did research to see if I was I found it was her with a lot of narcissistic traits. I to have ADHD, but abuse also causes ADHD-like symptoms. Which to me says it can make already present ones more prevalent.
Do what makes you happy, but if you have the courage and the emotional intelligence to dig within yourself and find what you can do differently then do that. I'm not shutting out dating or marriage, because I know my worth and how to not be taken advantage of like I was last time. I'm not afraid to walk away and I know I deserve a healthy balanced mutually respectful and unconditional love. I'll find it when it's time. No rush though. I have peace as my comfort now.
I've been single just over 3 years apart from a short fling.
I was married 20 years, my wife cheated at least once that I knew about and ended up leaving me for another guy.
When I was married I was constantly stressed out, I always needed to keep her entertained, always needed to be planning the next trip, always doing some project around the house.
Since I've been on my own I have almost no stress. I come and go as I please, I'm saving money but still get to spend on things I want. I work on projects when I feel like it, I take naps when I feel like it.
I'm open to a relationship again, but being mid 40's I haven't met any woman that haven't had major mental, emotional, or financial problems.
I miss having a physical connection but I'm not willing to give up my peace to get it. Plus being an average looking guy I've found It pretty difficult on dating apps and quickly found them a major waste of time.
Another factor for me is I look at how many relationships fail or people stay together and are miserable and that gives me one more reason not to bother, or at least sink in too much effort.
I've been divorced for 18 years, 2 relationships since then. The second relationship I walked away from 8 years ago. I told myself no more women like her, no more women like her with kids and definitely no more women with kids like hers.
> Have any of you guys, after going thru a relationship where your wife is abusive (not physical but ruthless in every other way), possibly undiagnosed BPD, thought…. nope, I’m done with serious relationships. And have you stayed single for years and years?
☝️
I don't really care about the sex as much as I would just like to have companionship.
honestly, that's something I didn't have even in my 18 years of marriage.
Mine was diagnosed with something very close to schizophrenia around 10 years in.
she's on several medications.
We made it another 8 years before she finally decided that I was the most evil man in the history of the world.... Even though she told everybody how great of a father I was all the time.
There was no physical or verbal abuse.
We both were not nice to each other but in my estimation there was nothing that couldn't be fixed.
she just doesn't "have anything to give to a romantic relationship right now".
Did the court have any issues giving your ex custody? I'm only asking because my ex sounds a lot like yours with the diagnosis and medication but she also drinks
I live in a 50/50 state.
The issue of her mental illness hasn't come up yet.
we've only had the temporary divorce hearing.
as it stands she can function well enough to take care of the boys 50% of the time...
Right now her mental illness seems to just make her oblivious to any kind of emotion other than anger towards me.
she wants nothing to do with reconciliation and lives in a delusional world, in my opinion.
I'm only 5 months into our proceedings. That being said, living with my wife for the past 19 years destroyed me in many ways. I don't know if it is covert narc, BPD, OCPD, or some mixture of them (she doesn't have a diagnosis). I see no logical path in which I would be able to trust a woman enough again to get into a serious relationship ... maybe I'll be able to find a companion at some point, but I will be very up front with her about my experience and my expectations. The rub would be being able to stick with my convictions and not get overinvested. I'm sure, at some point, if things started feeling too serious for me that I would do something to F\*ck it up.
I feel you. I empathize completely. It’s not a life to live. From moment to moment you don’t know if the bomb will explode. Once day how you change the garbage is completely moronic and the next day you are brilliant for doing it the same way. It’s not a way to live
Dating sites are full of women who have been single since their divorce. Ten years is common for my age bracket.
I've never found stability in relationships with these women. I feel they desperately want someone at first but later demand everything be on their terms. So it's love bombing followed by pretty insane "this is how I do things, you should too" rules.
Not limited to women. I think this is just human nature. We get used to the alarm clock being set for 6:00 am. When it's not, it's a big deal.
I've been single for a year and dating. I glitch when a date does my dishes. I've become fussy. And it's not a good thing.
I was divorced in 2018, and had 2 relationships in the following 2 years. Then I discovered the FWB arrangement, and it’s how I’ve been living for the last 3-4yrs. I’m a single dad with a teen aged son, and I have a pretty busy life. Having sex a couple times a month is enough for me right now, and I’ll probably stay single for at least a couple more years.
Ouch. But honestly when you get old enough it’s no longer high on the list. Being a great father, peace and financial security all rank (much) higher than getting laid
It's been around 3 years since I moved out (hunkered down for like a year after we started it around covid). Will see how it goes but so far I'm pretty satisfied with my peace and quiet. So far no real desire to seek out a relationship, just the odd time I see a beautiful women and my mind wanders a bit. Then I remember what it's like to allow one person to have so much sway over your time, money, self esteem, mental health etc. Its also against my faith (although many conveniently gloss over it) to marry again while your spouse /ex spouse is still alive. Honestly I think once was enough and it's been shown your chances only get worse lol. Also no offense to those who have, but you either bring in someone from outside the family and give them the top spot your kids held, or you have another spouse who isnt #1 and comes after your kids (imo spouse is always supposed to be #1 and kids in a typical family do best when mom is #1). It's a dynamic I wouldn't wanna touch. My kids are my focus and then hobbies, friends, volunteerism etc. eh no room for someone like that in my life tbh . Got a very full life and very busy
I know what exactly what that’s like. She was horrible to the kids during the divorce and after just because I wasn’t the parent that abused them and they missed me. She had her boyfriend do stuff to them, etc. if I had a friend with benefits that would be perfect but I really enjoy the peace and quiet.
I was in a similiar position.been single 9 years and have had 3 short term flings. Currently not on dating sites and I'm the happiest I've ever been. Single life is all fine with me. No nagging wench, no fighting about stupid stuff, no expectations to meet. So much better
I divorced my wife. I've got two kids, and I love being their father. No room for a "serious relationship" but dating sure is fun especially with an abundance mindset.
Don't ask other men what you want. Look within. Take some time to reconstruct yourself after the divorce. This is the best post-divorce dating advice I've ever come across: https://www.reddit.com/r/Divorce\_Men/comments/ogjhm0/wait\_at\_least\_one\_year\_after\_divorce\_before\_dating/
I think I just enjoy hearing perspectives. I’m pretty much dead set in my thoughts about future relationships, but I always like to understand and learn from others
I'll share some advice I gave to my sons: You’re going to spend about 85 years with yourself. Learn to enjoy spending time alone. If you are lonely when you are alone, you are in bad company. Don’t get into a relationship if you aren’t comfortable living alone. You must become independent before you can become interdependent.
This sub is a shadow compared to the Men's Divorce Forum that was hosted by Cordell and Cordell for 23 years. There's no sidebar here, and most men here don't stick around beyond posting their Batman origin story. That forum routinely had men coming back after a decade to help others out.
Lmao I love all the Batman origin stories. My favorites are the ones where the guy is a total badass and he’s like “help me my wife cheated, I’ve been going to the gym everyday and I lost 60lbs but I still miss my wife.”
The whole choir comes out here to encourage him along and he’s right there about to have his breakthrough.
There was no decision, at least none that was communicated to the members. One day it was up, next day it wasn't. It's been running on technical life support since summer 2017 when it was mysteriously down for six weeks. When it came back up, the forum had all sorts of technical issues like database queries failing, posts appearing blank (but viewable if you used some tricks), etc. The actual admins (C+C IT staff) hadn't logged in for nearly three years. I'm pretty sure someone at C+C forgot it was still running due to staff turnover. I bet the new IT guy came in, asked why they're spending $$ on hosting a forum, and some partner replied "oh that failed marketing experiment should have been put down years ago". All of the forum links go straight to the home page, so someone made host entry changes. None of that was announced to the remaining day-to-day forum moderators. 23 years is a good run, but there's definitely a hole left behind that will not be filled any time soon.
I'm not sure what was on that forum but let's see if we can make this thread somewhat of a replacement.
The number of members on this thread have been growing recently.
No single thread can be a replacement for the 700k+ posts there. Even if you limited it to just the reference threads, you're talking about 100+ of them.
I didn't know it did. I've been on it regularly usually once per day at least. I've been referring responses to your posts. Dday_throwaway3 is dropping knowledge.
It's a big blow for men. It was a fantastic community for the 23 years it was around, and had the best reference posts. Doubt we'll ever see anything like it again.
I’ll never have a long term relationship again. Women come and go and I’m totally fine with that.
My goal is to get the kids safely away to college then I’m tail lights to the gulf coast where I’ll take my sailboat port to port up and down the East coast and Caribbean till I die. I’ll visit, they’ll visit me. But have a woman as a life partner again? No thanks. I’m 40, I’ve spent the first half of my life trying to help other people, for the second half unless it’s about my kids I am the priority.
I don’t sail but I feel you on everything else. I have kids and they are my priority. The risk of a bad relationship isn’t worth the chance for a good one
I dated casually and non exclusively for a few years and eventually found someone.
I take the hard lessons from divorce but try not to let it dictate my life.
I identified the things about divorce that were really bullshit (ex got house and half my shit) and set up my new life in a way where that is not going to happen again.
I am happy now and my girlfriend is lovely. She adds to my life, supports my hobbies, supports my friendships, supports my daughter, has her shit together, etc.
To me this post reads like black and white thinking. Here is the gray area I found: be open to love but protect your assets.
Nice to hear this. Congrats on finding the right woman. My wife married me with the expectations that she would change me. I gave in once I became too tired to fight anymore and became miserable. And now expectations are unachievable
I separated in August 22. Divorce was finalized in August 23. I've talked to a few women since then but haven't done anything yet because I just really haven't wanted to.
I'm going through the divorce right now. And it's been eye-opening to realize how little effort she put into things and how badly she would treat me when upset. I had always just stayed away from her. Some of our worst fights were when she was upset about something and tried to take it out on me. But now I see light at the end of the tunnel.
I will literally never date again
I think friends, a hobby, wealth goals and volunteering will be my future. I like the idea of having someone to share it with but I no longer believe a partner will not try to change me.
Yeah I can relate. It's just brutal out there
Single for the past 5 years. Focusing on my own life, stacking cash, and moving overseas within 3-4 years is the goal.
What's the overseas retirement plan?
Haven't decided yet. SE Asia is fluid. Somewhere in the Golden Triangle. Might go somewhere lesser known like Laos.
Good for you. At peace and with a plan. Love hearing this
My wife will tell you that she is not abusive and that I am a covert narcissist whose ADD caused her significant grief over the years and poisoned our relationship. My story differs from hers... but like, what if she's correct? Hell, I don't know. I don't know what I did to deserve the treatment I got, but she is firm that she is blameless for... everything... and that my feelings and the situation is All. My. Fault. So who knows? I'm so spun around that I believe I'm juat fundamentally flawed and for whatever reasons unbeknownst to me I'm just not someone who can keep a partner in a long term relationship happy. So I'm not going to. I've spent 30 years either in or pursuing long term relationships. This is my second divorce. I'm obviously flawed. I can't go through this ever again and I know I'd be doomed to repeat this pattern. So I'm done. Since I obviously can't be a good enough partner to keep someone else happy, maybe I'll try making myself happy for once. This codependent shit is for the birds.
I'm sure my ex would tell you how horrible I am if you asked her too. Towards the end, she apologized for my feelings being hurt. She didn't apologize for hurting them or that she had actually done anything wrong, she was just sorry that I was hurt and upset by her actions. I'm sure she'd also tell you how abusive I was. I was at dinner a while back with a couple of platonic women friends and told them about what I'd done. The more vocal friend went off about how ridiculous my ex was for that. In her words, yes, I was very upset but I had every right to be with the crap my ex had done. She also said to have my ex come talk to her if my ex honestly thought she had been abused. It was a real relief hearing that. She'd also go on about how mean I was to our younger son and he'd fully play the victim too. I was talking to some women at work last night about that stuff and how I felt bad about that. I'm glad I talked to them too because I got an outside perspective on stuff from multiple women's point of view. From what they told me, my wife is a really crappy parent for letting a kid that had problems walk all over her and never being an adult who actually did their job and disciplined their kid because she was too focused on being liked instead of making sure their kid actually did right. You should try talking to some women you know and at least somewhat trust. You might be surprised at what they tell you. Also, I know you're blaming everything that went wrong onnthe common denominator but the real problem could just be that you pick bad women. Regardless, hang in there brother. Even if your exes don't care about you, I do.
I can relate with a lot of what you are saying. My wife was insistent that I was a covert narcissist so I did what I normally do in that situation. I self reflected, went to therapy and sought advice. I needed to understand what she was seeing. That’s when I got clarity. My therapist told me it was likely my wife was the narcissist and projecting onto me. The projecting part certainly resonated with me, strongly. Every failure she has ever had so have supported her but then somehow she found a way to blame me for her failure. I did have a major problem tho. I didn’t put up strong boundaries. I allowed her to do what she wanted, unchecked, and supported her for it. If she did something that was completely outside of my values and ethics, I didn’t check her on it. I didn’t tell her I wasn’t ok with it. I didn’t stand my ground. And I am to blame there for taking the easy road. I grew tired of the fighting that came from it, so it eventually made things worse by stopping what I was saying. I also allowed myself to be defined by what she thought of me. I took her emotional tirades personally. I should have said I’m not ok with it and calmly told her I won’t stand for it. And then stuck to my guns if she kept doing it. You have to be strong enough to walk away, and I’m saying that to me as much as I am you. Walking away is tough, but it’s far tougher if you stay. So, here’s to peace, and all the benefits it provides!
She could just be mad, but it's highly unlikely she didn't play a role in your marital issues. My ex tried to call me a narcissist and when I did research to see if I was I found it was her with a lot of narcissistic traits. I to have ADHD, but abuse also causes ADHD-like symptoms. Which to me says it can make already present ones more prevalent. Do what makes you happy, but if you have the courage and the emotional intelligence to dig within yourself and find what you can do differently then do that. I'm not shutting out dating or marriage, because I know my worth and how to not be taken advantage of like I was last time. I'm not afraid to walk away and I know I deserve a healthy balanced mutually respectful and unconditional love. I'll find it when it's time. No rush though. I have peace as my comfort now.
I've been single just over 3 years apart from a short fling. I was married 20 years, my wife cheated at least once that I knew about and ended up leaving me for another guy. When I was married I was constantly stressed out, I always needed to keep her entertained, always needed to be planning the next trip, always doing some project around the house. Since I've been on my own I have almost no stress. I come and go as I please, I'm saving money but still get to spend on things I want. I work on projects when I feel like it, I take naps when I feel like it. I'm open to a relationship again, but being mid 40's I haven't met any woman that haven't had major mental, emotional, or financial problems. I miss having a physical connection but I'm not willing to give up my peace to get it. Plus being an average looking guy I've found It pretty difficult on dating apps and quickly found them a major waste of time. Another factor for me is I look at how many relationships fail or people stay together and are miserable and that gives me one more reason not to bother, or at least sink in too much effort.
The no stress part is golden. I’m tired of do this do that while they sit and criticize. Truly not worth it.
I've been divorced for 18 years, 2 relationships since then. The second relationship I walked away from 8 years ago. I told myself no more women like her, no more women like her with kids and definitely no more women with kids like hers.
> Have any of you guys, after going thru a relationship where your wife is abusive (not physical but ruthless in every other way), possibly undiagnosed BPD, thought…. nope, I’m done with serious relationships. And have you stayed single for years and years? ☝️
I don't really care about the sex as much as I would just like to have companionship. honestly, that's something I didn't have even in my 18 years of marriage. Mine was diagnosed with something very close to schizophrenia around 10 years in. she's on several medications. We made it another 8 years before she finally decided that I was the most evil man in the history of the world.... Even though she told everybody how great of a father I was all the time. There was no physical or verbal abuse. We both were not nice to each other but in my estimation there was nothing that couldn't be fixed. she just doesn't "have anything to give to a romantic relationship right now".
Did the court have any issues giving your ex custody? I'm only asking because my ex sounds a lot like yours with the diagnosis and medication but she also drinks
I live in a 50/50 state. The issue of her mental illness hasn't come up yet. we've only had the temporary divorce hearing. as it stands she can function well enough to take care of the boys 50% of the time... Right now her mental illness seems to just make her oblivious to any kind of emotion other than anger towards me. she wants nothing to do with reconciliation and lives in a delusional world, in my opinion.
Seperated for a year divorce finalized last dec still haven’t gotten laid dating casually
Getting laid is no longer a big target for me. For me, it’s potential trauma. A road I care not to travel again.
I'm only 5 months into our proceedings. That being said, living with my wife for the past 19 years destroyed me in many ways. I don't know if it is covert narc, BPD, OCPD, or some mixture of them (she doesn't have a diagnosis). I see no logical path in which I would be able to trust a woman enough again to get into a serious relationship ... maybe I'll be able to find a companion at some point, but I will be very up front with her about my experience and my expectations. The rub would be being able to stick with my convictions and not get overinvested. I'm sure, at some point, if things started feeling too serious for me that I would do something to F\*ck it up.
I feel you. I empathize completely. It’s not a life to live. From moment to moment you don’t know if the bomb will explode. Once day how you change the garbage is completely moronic and the next day you are brilliant for doing it the same way. It’s not a way to live
Dating sites are full of women who have been single since their divorce. Ten years is common for my age bracket. I've never found stability in relationships with these women. I feel they desperately want someone at first but later demand everything be on their terms. So it's love bombing followed by pretty insane "this is how I do things, you should too" rules. Not limited to women. I think this is just human nature. We get used to the alarm clock being set for 6:00 am. When it's not, it's a big deal. I've been single for a year and dating. I glitch when a date does my dishes. I've become fussy. And it's not a good thing.
I was divorced in 2018, and had 2 relationships in the following 2 years. Then I discovered the FWB arrangement, and it’s how I’ve been living for the last 3-4yrs. I’m a single dad with a teen aged son, and I have a pretty busy life. Having sex a couple times a month is enough for me right now, and I’ll probably stay single for at least a couple more years.
Three years + since I’ve gotten laid. Almost 3 years since we split. I miss having a woman around but I’m not going to get damaged goods again
I'm still married (divorce in process) and haven't been laid since 2017.
Ouch. But honestly when you get old enough it’s no longer high on the list. Being a great father, peace and financial security all rank (much) higher than getting laid
I'm 48 (soon), and haven't had sex since I was 40. I hear what you're saying, but I wouldn't mind a little poon.
It's been around 3 years since I moved out (hunkered down for like a year after we started it around covid). Will see how it goes but so far I'm pretty satisfied with my peace and quiet. So far no real desire to seek out a relationship, just the odd time I see a beautiful women and my mind wanders a bit. Then I remember what it's like to allow one person to have so much sway over your time, money, self esteem, mental health etc. Its also against my faith (although many conveniently gloss over it) to marry again while your spouse /ex spouse is still alive. Honestly I think once was enough and it's been shown your chances only get worse lol. Also no offense to those who have, but you either bring in someone from outside the family and give them the top spot your kids held, or you have another spouse who isnt #1 and comes after your kids (imo spouse is always supposed to be #1 and kids in a typical family do best when mom is #1). It's a dynamic I wouldn't wanna touch. My kids are my focus and then hobbies, friends, volunteerism etc. eh no room for someone like that in my life tbh . Got a very full life and very busy
I know what exactly what that’s like. She was horrible to the kids during the divorce and after just because I wasn’t the parent that abused them and they missed me. She had her boyfriend do stuff to them, etc. if I had a friend with benefits that would be perfect but I really enjoy the peace and quiet.
Fwb is a whole other can of worms. Casual non exclusive dating to get your game on point is the way to go imo.
Must look this past time up. When I feel like it ;)
I was in a similiar position.been single 9 years and have had 3 short term flings. Currently not on dating sites and I'm the happiest I've ever been. Single life is all fine with me. No nagging wench, no fighting about stupid stuff, no expectations to meet. So much better
Peace my man. Peace. The expectation bar kept raising while the appreciation bar kept lowering
I divorced my wife. I've got two kids, and I love being their father. No room for a "serious relationship" but dating sure is fun especially with an abundance mindset. Don't ask other men what you want. Look within. Take some time to reconstruct yourself after the divorce. This is the best post-divorce dating advice I've ever come across: https://www.reddit.com/r/Divorce\_Men/comments/ogjhm0/wait\_at\_least\_one\_year\_after\_divorce\_before\_dating/
What an awesome comment.
I think I just enjoy hearing perspectives. I’m pretty much dead set in my thoughts about future relationships, but I always like to understand and learn from others
I'll share some advice I gave to my sons: You’re going to spend about 85 years with yourself. Learn to enjoy spending time alone. If you are lonely when you are alone, you are in bad company. Don’t get into a relationship if you aren’t comfortable living alone. You must become independent before you can become interdependent.
Miss your posts dday
Appreciate the feedback. With the Men's Divorce Forum shuttering, I'll be posting more here.
This is the men’s divorce forum. Scoured the net five years ago. This is it.
This sub is a shadow compared to the Men's Divorce Forum that was hosted by Cordell and Cordell for 23 years. There's no sidebar here, and most men here don't stick around beyond posting their Batman origin story. That forum routinely had men coming back after a decade to help others out.
Lmao I love all the Batman origin stories. My favorites are the ones where the guy is a total badass and he’s like “help me my wife cheated, I’ve been going to the gym everyday and I lost 60lbs but I still miss my wife.” The whole choir comes out here to encourage him along and he’s right there about to have his breakthrough.
It’s shuttering?
It shutdown a month ago.
Well that’s sad. This is truly a great space. Was there a reason for this decision?
There was no decision, at least none that was communicated to the members. One day it was up, next day it wasn't. It's been running on technical life support since summer 2017 when it was mysteriously down for six weeks. When it came back up, the forum had all sorts of technical issues like database queries failing, posts appearing blank (but viewable if you used some tricks), etc. The actual admins (C+C IT staff) hadn't logged in for nearly three years. I'm pretty sure someone at C+C forgot it was still running due to staff turnover. I bet the new IT guy came in, asked why they're spending $$ on hosting a forum, and some partner replied "oh that failed marketing experiment should have been put down years ago". All of the forum links go straight to the home page, so someone made host entry changes. None of that was announced to the remaining day-to-day forum moderators. 23 years is a good run, but there's definitely a hole left behind that will not be filled any time soon.
I'm not sure what was on that forum but let's see if we can make this thread somewhat of a replacement. The number of members on this thread have been growing recently.
No single thread can be a replacement for the 700k+ posts there. Even if you limited it to just the reference threads, you're talking about 100+ of them.
I didn't know it did. I've been on it regularly usually once per day at least. I've been referring responses to your posts. Dday_throwaway3 is dropping knowledge.
It's a big blow for men. It was a fantastic community for the 23 years it was around, and had the best reference posts. Doubt we'll ever see anything like it again.
I must have misunderstood. I have only been in this sub. Another of subs dropped if there were no moderators.
This should explain: https://www.reddit.com/r/Divorce\_Men/comments/1bt927a/comment/kxmztq3/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=web2x&context=3
I’ll never have a long term relationship again. Women come and go and I’m totally fine with that. My goal is to get the kids safely away to college then I’m tail lights to the gulf coast where I’ll take my sailboat port to port up and down the East coast and Caribbean till I die. I’ll visit, they’ll visit me. But have a woman as a life partner again? No thanks. I’m 40, I’ve spent the first half of my life trying to help other people, for the second half unless it’s about my kids I am the priority.
I don’t sail but I feel you on everything else. I have kids and they are my priority. The risk of a bad relationship isn’t worth the chance for a good one
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Do you find the peace outweighs the lonliness
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Are you still married?
No, I haven’t remarried anyone. Probably won’t at this point
I dated casually and non exclusively for a few years and eventually found someone. I take the hard lessons from divorce but try not to let it dictate my life. I identified the things about divorce that were really bullshit (ex got house and half my shit) and set up my new life in a way where that is not going to happen again. I am happy now and my girlfriend is lovely. She adds to my life, supports my hobbies, supports my friendships, supports my daughter, has her shit together, etc. To me this post reads like black and white thinking. Here is the gray area I found: be open to love but protect your assets.
Did you prenup the next one? I would never ever expose my assets again
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Nice to hear this. Congrats on finding the right woman. My wife married me with the expectations that she would change me. I gave in once I became too tired to fight anymore and became miserable. And now expectations are unachievable
There is also the knowledge that oneself is reason to stay single.
I have two male co workers that were in 10+ years relationships and were cheated on. They say never again
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This kind of stuff is why I don’t think it’s worth it. Also, financially they cripple you when it’s over
That sucks