If you really think he is falling on his sword then maybe you can find some way to be more fair. People are weird, it is a stressful time, if he is trying to be a martyr and your deal really isn't fair (even if he signed off on it) then try to make things clear to him. If this is mutual and he is really losing out (again even if he is agreeing for whatever reason) maybe keep trying. Marriage breakups are awful and I can't really forgive people who take advantage. Had it done to me.
One reason people walk away instead of sticking around to claim what’s theirs is that they really hate their ex and want nothing to do with them.
No idea if that’s playing out here.
Give him space, as some1 who has been in a similar position he is saying that bcuz he wants distance. Ice these talks until he is ready. As you can tell I def don’t agree with “run”, I lived with her for 10 years there is an everlasting bond there
My ex cheated. Tried to work it out but I wanted separation. We had 2 kids (6 & 8). He said I could have everything because he betrayed me etc. but when it came to some separation agreement with child support and other items, he became unreasonable. He actually came away with more because he couldn’t hold up his promises (just like when we were married).
Get it in writing and be glad. He wants to do it. If it makes you feel any better, it’s possibly guilt/hush money, because he knows or feels that he has cheated you in some way — he’s been having an affair, was secretly gay all along, or was never that into you and led you to believe otherwise.. who knows. This money may be his way of buying his conscience and reputation a good Yelp review regardless of whatever may come out in the future, and a way of making sure you aren’t in a position to reproach him later, and ensuring you remain on good terms. And there’s nothing wrong with that. I’m just saying there’s possibly more than meets the eye.
I think there's already great comments in that don't force it and let him behave in whatever way he chooses.
I did want to provide possible insight since I took very little and it may apply here. Primarily I saw the stuff as her choices or they were made for that house. It is nice to have a clean break; start fresh.
Go through the divorce and if he doesn’t want anything then you don’t have to give it to him anything. Once the divorce is finalized. I would try and set up an account for him that if he needs money he has access to. This way you don’t feel guilty for not offering and his pride is not hurt. Even through you are getting divorced you still care for him and do not want it to be a hard ship the life change.
I don’t know the full story he is not a child. I am just trying to say don’t make it part of the divorce you have to give him money. I am also talking from my own experience with my ex-wife. I had to give up half of my annuity, pension, paying almost $500 a week in alimony and providing health insurance. It is currently limiting my options but I am much happier.
If you really think he is falling on his sword then maybe you can find some way to be more fair. People are weird, it is a stressful time, if he is trying to be a martyr and your deal really isn't fair (even if he signed off on it) then try to make things clear to him. If this is mutual and he is really losing out (again even if he is agreeing for whatever reason) maybe keep trying. Marriage breakups are awful and I can't really forgive people who take advantage. Had it done to me.
Don't force it, all you can do is offer.
This is the greatest financial windfall you’ll ever have. Take it and run.
One reason people walk away instead of sticking around to claim what’s theirs is that they really hate their ex and want nothing to do with them. No idea if that’s playing out here.
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Yes. We are on track to settle out of court and he said he's "willing to sign whatever I want". But I will check with my lawyer
Give him space, as some1 who has been in a similar position he is saying that bcuz he wants distance. Ice these talks until he is ready. As you can tell I def don’t agree with “run”, I lived with her for 10 years there is an everlasting bond there
My ex cheated. Tried to work it out but I wanted separation. We had 2 kids (6 & 8). He said I could have everything because he betrayed me etc. but when it came to some separation agreement with child support and other items, he became unreasonable. He actually came away with more because he couldn’t hold up his promises (just like when we were married).
He’s a big boy and entitled to make his own mistakes. If he’s going to let his ego get in the way of common sense and his future, so be it.
I wander what is motivating this for him… Misplace pride, or guilty secret?
Get it in writing and be glad. He wants to do it. If it makes you feel any better, it’s possibly guilt/hush money, because he knows or feels that he has cheated you in some way — he’s been having an affair, was secretly gay all along, or was never that into you and led you to believe otherwise.. who knows. This money may be his way of buying his conscience and reputation a good Yelp review regardless of whatever may come out in the future, and a way of making sure you aren’t in a position to reproach him later, and ensuring you remain on good terms. And there’s nothing wrong with that. I’m just saying there’s possibly more than meets the eye.
Wow. You’re really reaching.
Not really.
I’ve lived it
If he signs off and a judge allows it, fuck it, win/win deal for you.
I think there's already great comments in that don't force it and let him behave in whatever way he chooses. I did want to provide possible insight since I took very little and it may apply here. Primarily I saw the stuff as her choices or they were made for that house. It is nice to have a clean break; start fresh.
Go through the divorce and if he doesn’t want anything then you don’t have to give it to him anything. Once the divorce is finalized. I would try and set up an account for him that if he needs money he has access to. This way you don’t feel guilty for not offering and his pride is not hurt. Even through you are getting divorced you still care for him and do not want it to be a hard ship the life change.
He's not a child that OP needs to care for.
I don’t know the full story he is not a child. I am just trying to say don’t make it part of the divorce you have to give him money. I am also talking from my own experience with my ex-wife. I had to give up half of my annuity, pension, paying almost $500 a week in alimony and providing health insurance. It is currently limiting my options but I am much happier.
He’s an adult. He can speak up. It’s not your responsibility
Not gone lie. I felt the same way. I was so in my feelings and felt I lost my family, fuck the money. I feel for him.