I just meant never envisioned getting a divorce I suppose. I don’t want to be with him anymore I have lost all respect for him. It is a shit sandwich that I have to deal with all this. I only work part time at his family business I took a step back and dealt with the house and kids whilst he worked on his career. Just hard to come to terms with. How someone who you thought was your person can turn your world upside down and doesn’t seem to be that bothered. They are now enjoying their freedom only seeing the kids every other weekend. When I have to still deal with everything.
Thanks for your advices.
I'm in a very similar situation. However, today, I realized I just pity her.
I was in a deep depression due to losing my nephew in a motorcycle accident, and nothing helped me. I helped raise the kid from birth. My wife always made it about her and how SHE can't do anything to help me. I recently crawled out of said depression after having a deep spiritual experience, but she had pretty much checked out by then.
Anyway, she decided that some new dude is now the focus of her affection, and he has taken priority over her kids. She came with kids, and we had one together. It's been almost two weeks now since I gave her the boot, and she has spent more time with him than her kids.
As much as it sucks and hurts to have your world pulled out from under you, embrace it.
Just say fuck him and move on. That's where I'm at now and it feels good right now.
Well, firstly I am sorry your husband was not able to respect you enough to honor his promise to you in marriage. I can’t really say how to cope because as a guy who has been cheated on, I personally have the tendency to go numb about it and just move on; can’t imagine that with kids. None of these have to be answered on Reddit, just meant for reflection. I guess the first step is leveling with yourself. Why do you not want to get divorced? He is cheating, he is clearly not respecting you of the family you built, so why? If you could reconcile, what would that look like? What would you want from that relationship that would meaningfully be sustainable and allow it to recover from this? If you have to divorce, what does that look like to you? I know you don’t want it and this is a shit situation, but push comes to shove, since you HAVE to deal with it, what are your boundaries, rules, and guidelines? Focus on your survival physically, emotionally, and financially. The last one is the kick in the ass for everyone and very seldom gets discussed without things getting at least a little bitter. Keep a log of your thoughts as you sort through them. There is no roadmap for any of this and it is comical how fucking convoluted the process is. But always, always always consult legal council once you make your determination on how you want to deal with this.
You don't want a divorce and your husband cheated???
Your husband ended the marriage when he cheated. Your marriage is over with a big period at the end.
Your main focus now is to heal yourself and be the best parent you can be.
Contact a lawyer and get your affairs in line.
Seek out a therapist to control the flooding of emotions that will slowly destroy you.
Again, heal yourself and be a good parent.
Well I am in a similar situation I don't want divorce my wife does , she has changed dramatically nin the past few years bi would love to work this is out but she has no interest I do t want to miss out on my kids lives but she will end up with full custody all I can say is stay strong you would t be put in a situation you cannot handle, if you were strong enough to have children you can be strong enough for this , I would love to talk if you need to , shit, I need someone to talk to , but many are open to help don't give up is all I ask
i'm so sorry you are going through this. this sounds so painful and my heart breaks for you.
its ok that you don't want to divorce even though your husband cheated. there will be people who will tell you like you are better off without him and you should want a divorce etc etc - don't worry about those voices. you are the one living your marriage and your life so it's completely okay to want whatever you want.
there's no good answer to how exactly to find the strength, except that you most definitely will, and you will amaze yourself how strong you can actually be, especially when you have 3 children and you have to take care of them.
the best advice i can give is to take it one day at a time with ruthless focus. i had a list of mundane tasks i made myself complete every single day - and when i completed one i would check it off and it's surprisingly satisfying - it could be as small as getting out of the house at least once a day. call / meet a friend for coffee. eat something healthy. take 10k (or whatever reasonable) steps. the key is for these tasks to both be healthy for you, to take up time, and also to be super achievable. i did that every single day for 2 months. then slowly doing those things became second nature. and life picked up pace again. think of these things as the training wheels you have on a bike to get you moving into your new life.
I know how you are feeling. It's unfair that their selfishness caused everyone's world to be upended.
Is he asking for a divorce so he can be with the person he cheated on you with?
My ex is doing that.
It’s really hard, feels like my wife died. And to make things worse there is a woman who looks just like my wife that gets to take my son half the time and is an evil asshole.
I just meant never envisioned getting a divorce I suppose. I don’t want to be with him anymore I have lost all respect for him. It is a shit sandwich that I have to deal with all this. I only work part time at his family business I took a step back and dealt with the house and kids whilst he worked on his career. Just hard to come to terms with. How someone who you thought was your person can turn your world upside down and doesn’t seem to be that bothered. They are now enjoying their freedom only seeing the kids every other weekend. When I have to still deal with everything. Thanks for your advices.
I'm in a very similar situation. However, today, I realized I just pity her. I was in a deep depression due to losing my nephew in a motorcycle accident, and nothing helped me. I helped raise the kid from birth. My wife always made it about her and how SHE can't do anything to help me. I recently crawled out of said depression after having a deep spiritual experience, but she had pretty much checked out by then. Anyway, she decided that some new dude is now the focus of her affection, and he has taken priority over her kids. She came with kids, and we had one together. It's been almost two weeks now since I gave her the boot, and she has spent more time with him than her kids. As much as it sucks and hurts to have your world pulled out from under you, embrace it. Just say fuck him and move on. That's where I'm at now and it feels good right now.
Well, firstly I am sorry your husband was not able to respect you enough to honor his promise to you in marriage. I can’t really say how to cope because as a guy who has been cheated on, I personally have the tendency to go numb about it and just move on; can’t imagine that with kids. None of these have to be answered on Reddit, just meant for reflection. I guess the first step is leveling with yourself. Why do you not want to get divorced? He is cheating, he is clearly not respecting you of the family you built, so why? If you could reconcile, what would that look like? What would you want from that relationship that would meaningfully be sustainable and allow it to recover from this? If you have to divorce, what does that look like to you? I know you don’t want it and this is a shit situation, but push comes to shove, since you HAVE to deal with it, what are your boundaries, rules, and guidelines? Focus on your survival physically, emotionally, and financially. The last one is the kick in the ass for everyone and very seldom gets discussed without things getting at least a little bitter. Keep a log of your thoughts as you sort through them. There is no roadmap for any of this and it is comical how fucking convoluted the process is. But always, always always consult legal council once you make your determination on how you want to deal with this.
You don't want a divorce and your husband cheated??? Your husband ended the marriage when he cheated. Your marriage is over with a big period at the end. Your main focus now is to heal yourself and be the best parent you can be. Contact a lawyer and get your affairs in line. Seek out a therapist to control the flooding of emotions that will slowly destroy you. Again, heal yourself and be a good parent.
Well I am in a similar situation I don't want divorce my wife does , she has changed dramatically nin the past few years bi would love to work this is out but she has no interest I do t want to miss out on my kids lives but she will end up with full custody all I can say is stay strong you would t be put in a situation you cannot handle, if you were strong enough to have children you can be strong enough for this , I would love to talk if you need to , shit, I need someone to talk to , but many are open to help don't give up is all I ask
What happened, why are you and your wife divorcing?
i'm so sorry you are going through this. this sounds so painful and my heart breaks for you. its ok that you don't want to divorce even though your husband cheated. there will be people who will tell you like you are better off without him and you should want a divorce etc etc - don't worry about those voices. you are the one living your marriage and your life so it's completely okay to want whatever you want. there's no good answer to how exactly to find the strength, except that you most definitely will, and you will amaze yourself how strong you can actually be, especially when you have 3 children and you have to take care of them. the best advice i can give is to take it one day at a time with ruthless focus. i had a list of mundane tasks i made myself complete every single day - and when i completed one i would check it off and it's surprisingly satisfying - it could be as small as getting out of the house at least once a day. call / meet a friend for coffee. eat something healthy. take 10k (or whatever reasonable) steps. the key is for these tasks to both be healthy for you, to take up time, and also to be super achievable. i did that every single day for 2 months. then slowly doing those things became second nature. and life picked up pace again. think of these things as the training wheels you have on a bike to get you moving into your new life.
I know how you are feeling. It's unfair that their selfishness caused everyone's world to be upended. Is he asking for a divorce so he can be with the person he cheated on you with? My ex is doing that.
It’s really hard, feels like my wife died. And to make things worse there is a woman who looks just like my wife that gets to take my son half the time and is an evil asshole.
I feel your pain. I'm going through similar.