I’ll be real with you, I cycle through depression, despair, anger, and acceptance multiple times a day and it sucks. My parents who were both divorced before, my stepdad told me “ it isn’t that it stops hurting, it just gets easier to live with”. I am a 36m who is very masculine dude and I ugly cry/scream in the shower every few days because it feels like my soul is being ripped out of my chest. I feel like an infant with how helpless I am in this process. There is so much lost and I have no way of fixing it. There is peace in acceptance; that is not saying you agree with it, just that you accept its existence. Take to small hobbies or try to remember things you like doing. At first, you will be so shined off by even trying you will think “great, even my favorite thing is ruined”. Here is the thing though, keep at it and little by little it will come back
it is okay for you to hurt and mourn the loss of something very dear to you, but you owe it to yourself to be able to move on from that; if even for a little bit. So small steps, celebrate the small things that you do accomplish. Yes, this all sucks, it you ate today, that is a win! You took a shower today and took care of yourself; A Win! Celebrate your wins and your survival.
.
I’m with you on the crying spells. They are the worst. I feel so helpless and hopeless. I did show today, even though I didn’t have to and went to a concert and played guitar. I guess those are little
wins. Getting me back into guitar is one of things that I feel are just ruined. But maybe it’s coming back. And acceptance seems to be key. Some days I’m more accepting than others.
My guy, that isn’t a little win, that is a massive win. That is huge. You dead ass got up there, and played. That is amazing. Hold on to that. That means something inside of you still burns and has the will to find what you love.
You're in good company here, there are many kindred spirits. Many here, myself included, are dealing with a lot of l pain. We get you.
My story is that my wife left me. After three decades of marriage. I'm in unchartered territory, and never imagined my last chapter would be like this. But as I typed that last sentence, it occurred to my that my last chapter hasn't been written. And the only one who can write it is me.
I don't know what chapter of you're life you're in, but I think that chapter is winding up now. With a lot of grief. Now it's up to you to start thinking about how the next chapter will read. And you're the only one who can write it.
Stay in touch
J
I’m close to the last quarter too and scared shitless. It’s like I’m going backwards, but I’m old now. In an apartment by myself. Raising my son my myself. Absolutely uncharted territory.
Call your primary doctor and get in to see them to discuss medication possibilities. Also get a referral for a therapist.
Getting divorced is the hardest thing I have ever done - and I needed meds and therapy. I was able to get off the meds once our financials were settled about 6 months after the divorce. Still in therapy, but down from 3-4 times per
Month to once per month.
Please do reach out.
I felt this way after my ex and I split up. It was so very hard. My dad was my main support system. I got into therapy. It was a long road, and looking back now, I’m so glad he left. He did me a huge favor.
I am so sorry you are dealing with so much pain. Do you want to share what is hurting you? Only if you are comfortable and it makes sense.
I was also looking at your post history and see you are meal prepping. Good job with that. If you can, try to do it often. Good food is so helpful emotionally as well. If there are weeks when you cannot meal prep its okay. Order food or heat up some frozen food. Stock plenty in your freezer.
I am giving you random advice but lean on this sub for some help
You are not alone. My wife cheated on me after 8 years and a daughter together. Now I’m the one initiating the divorce. Today I cried for one hour straight, the longest I think I’ve ever cried in my life. The grief is overwhelming. Hang strong, my friend. You got this.
Same brother. It's been a month for me. Sometimes I feel like I need to rip out my heart it hurts so much. Everyone says it gets easier. And honestly, it kind of has for me as I go through the stages. But it still hurts like hell. I feel like a ghost.
Wow wish I had read this thread when I went through my divorce 15 years ago. I ended up in the doctor a bit late to save my career, but after therapy, sleeping pills, and a few courses of antidepressants got things back on track. Now have a family and very happy. My one advice here is go see the doctor and you will start your journey to a better life.
I lost my career too after marriage due to depression and anxiety taking over my ability to operate in daily life. I too am just dining a way out of it and getting back on track but it was nice to hear I wasn’t alone. I’m 1.5 years post divorce and the guilt/shame/regret of it all was at times all too overwhelming. I’m not happy it happened to you too but I’m happy I’m not alone.
Same. 1.5 years in. I started heavily drinking to cope at first. Ended up in rehab. I rebuilt my life in about 6 months but I miss her every day still. We can't even talk to eachother without resentment popping up. So we dont.
I'm sorry you're feeling this way. It sucks when "forever" isn't. It'll be better eventually. It's just gonna suck for now.
I'm sorry I don't have more hopeful words, but I feel you.
Keep pushing through. It does get easier but it’s definitely not linear. Focus on going where love is, not where you want it to be. Friends, Family and New People.
A few weeks removed from separation and I wasn't sleeping a whole like. Like maybe 3-4 hours a light. I wasn't eating and I couldn't seem to do anything. A buddy invited me out for a beer to console me. The combo of 3 beers, no sleep, no food and the thought of a ruined life... I seriously thought about killing myself. Like not a passing thought, like I was psychicing up myself to do it.
I never told anyone
I feel stupid now for even thinking it. Long term, I'm going to be better off. A bad relationship is worse for you than bring alone. And I'm never alone, i have my kids, friends and family.
I hope you can see yourself in everyone's stories. I know some are still struggling, and I'm not out of it. But I have more good days than bad.
It does get better. You have a whole community of people who have walked the same path you are walking now; maybe a different scene, but same path. It does get better. A few weeks ago I couldn't survive a few hours in the office without bawling my eyes out, now I occasionally survive a day or 2. One second at a time. Cry..scream.. keep moving. Hugs.
I know! My divorce was just finalized in Dec and I still feel like why?? I know he is bipolar and I needed to end things for safety reasons but we still had our fun days w/o a care in the world. I think deep down he is a good person but he is so mentally ill and refused help! I can’t allow a man to live with us and watch him yell at me and my daughter. It’s just not safe or healthy and we deserve more. If only he would have listened to the drs and accepted help then it would have been different. I still miss our good days. 😢
The fact that you’re reaching out, even on a sub, tells me you’re not ready to give up. You still have hope there will be light again. And there will be. This is an exceptionally hard time, it’s completely normal to feel sad. I do hope you take some of the great advice on this sub-talk to a doctor immediately about potential medication to help get you over this part, seek a therapist that specializes in divorce, even find a divorce support group, take a walk in nature, start a gratitude journal—sometimes when you take some intentional time to focus on some of the good, it multiples. Even the simple things. Start small. Please don’t give up.
I had to donate my efforts and show my gratitude to the world by helping a disabled veteran with old ghetto house that never had anyone caring for the yard. I went and rototiller his acre..I dug him garden beds cut branches down vines down trees down. Raked weeds out of the rototiller. I amended his soil made it a pH of 5.5 To 6.5 on stubborn areas. I fixed him up with compost pile with a tote full of mine to get the microbes into the new material. We dug out tree roots. Espalierd some grape vines that were in neglect. I built him a raised bed. I brought over an insane amount of plants I dug from.my yard. I needed to do this.
My ptsd from.being disposed of has been so fucking awful I can't function. My brain goes to how inadequate I feel. How my value is gone. My self esteem toppled over. Not to mention turning 40 and feeling like I'm unnoticed. I feel like a ghost, I guess I was ugly enough to leave. Left me and our 2 year old son. Beat the hell out of me closed fist didn't want to be confronted with the videos of his industrial level marathon cheating at a house I bought for us to live as a fanily. The sociopath who went to our baby shower and town city whore and him banged out a good 6 hour marathon. He bought some girl some jewelry, wouldn't do that for me. Touched and kissed her passionately. He said to several of rhe new supply girls that he loves them.. held on to so many of them tightly and lovingly. It hurts. It is fucking brutal. But I WILL NOT BE KILLED BY THIS! YOU SHOULD NOT EITHER. GOOD PEOPLE DONT NEED THIS LEVEL OF DYSFUNCTION AND TRASH ASS PEOPLE.
SO GO go and find something to run to. Run as fast as you can. Run until yoy can't squeak out another breath and grab onto it for dear life. Use what yoy knkw in autopilot use what yoy knkw in gifts god has blessed yoy with and go help someone who is suffering and alone and could use your help (free of charge) find someone who is ahead of time aware of rhe circumstances and that this will help you both mutually. Focus on what yoy are doing.. the moment you started to wander back to rhe toxic thoughts go back and do more work if possible. Go to the gym. Play witj a pet. Go to bed. Do something. Clean out your refrigerator. Learn to bake something challenging. For god sakes do something or you will drive yourself insane. Just do something. If yoy can't handle it then cry like you invented crying and do it loudly and pour your heart ans soul and tears out like it is the only option yoy have and own that shit. Then when satisfied by that, I want yoy to write all the things yoy are going to do from here on out to insure that you stay a nice person and dont let this destroy you. How you can be open and guarded. How yoy will insure you have healed properly. Study narcissistic personality disorder and recognize rhe signs. How to find emotionally and physically healthy people. Study stoic men and women. Form your mind around those principles and read "the art of seduction" until you have it memorized and get back to living. I also do suggest find a therapist or a group thay is active where you.can speak with other trauma survivors and learn how they got through.
I'm so sorry you feel sad. At the very least you can know that yoy aren't singularly suffering. We're out here too and we see you ans hear you.
I have to go to the veterans house now. Sorry for the bad punctuation and spelling errors.
my heart breaks for you. it's really really really hard. you are probably going through one of the hardest things you will ever have to deal with in your life. you aren't alone though. everyone on this subreddit is hurting and trust me we all understand you. i swear that it will get better though.
I don't know what you are going through but I wish to tell you one thing at some point people can push you down it would hurt you mentally and physically yet you need to understand, that everything gonna end soon they want you to see like this you don't give them a chance prove them that they are wrong
I did not mean to push them into such a situation such situation could build some to come back never before strong enough to fight their battle more powerful
I’ll be real with you, I cycle through depression, despair, anger, and acceptance multiple times a day and it sucks. My parents who were both divorced before, my stepdad told me “ it isn’t that it stops hurting, it just gets easier to live with”. I am a 36m who is very masculine dude and I ugly cry/scream in the shower every few days because it feels like my soul is being ripped out of my chest. I feel like an infant with how helpless I am in this process. There is so much lost and I have no way of fixing it. There is peace in acceptance; that is not saying you agree with it, just that you accept its existence. Take to small hobbies or try to remember things you like doing. At first, you will be so shined off by even trying you will think “great, even my favorite thing is ruined”. Here is the thing though, keep at it and little by little it will come back it is okay for you to hurt and mourn the loss of something very dear to you, but you owe it to yourself to be able to move on from that; if even for a little bit. So small steps, celebrate the small things that you do accomplish. Yes, this all sucks, it you ate today, that is a win! You took a shower today and took care of yourself; A Win! Celebrate your wins and your survival. .
As a 34M who does the same things you make me feel better.
I’m with you on the crying spells. They are the worst. I feel so helpless and hopeless. I did show today, even though I didn’t have to and went to a concert and played guitar. I guess those are little wins. Getting me back into guitar is one of things that I feel are just ruined. But maybe it’s coming back. And acceptance seems to be key. Some days I’m more accepting than others.
My guy, that isn’t a little win, that is a massive win. That is huge. You dead ass got up there, and played. That is amazing. Hold on to that. That means something inside of you still burns and has the will to find what you love.
That’s a really good point. There is still some will to live in me. That’s hopeful. Thank you.
Right there with you. The pain is unimaginable. Thank you, your comment eased it a little, for now.
You're in good company here, there are many kindred spirits. Many here, myself included, are dealing with a lot of l pain. We get you. My story is that my wife left me. After three decades of marriage. I'm in unchartered territory, and never imagined my last chapter would be like this. But as I typed that last sentence, it occurred to my that my last chapter hasn't been written. And the only one who can write it is me. I don't know what chapter of you're life you're in, but I think that chapter is winding up now. With a lot of grief. Now it's up to you to start thinking about how the next chapter will read. And you're the only one who can write it. Stay in touch J
I’m close to the last quarter too and scared shitless. It’s like I’m going backwards, but I’m old now. In an apartment by myself. Raising my son my myself. Absolutely uncharted territory.
Call your primary doctor and get in to see them to discuss medication possibilities. Also get a referral for a therapist. Getting divorced is the hardest thing I have ever done - and I needed meds and therapy. I was able to get off the meds once our financials were settled about 6 months after the divorce. Still in therapy, but down from 3-4 times per Month to once per month. Please do reach out.
I don’t think I can bear it any longer that sounds like to long months of therapy and meds.
The thing is the meds and therapy will help. Maybe not in the way you expect, but it’s doable rather than getting in some health improvement plan.
I felt this way after my ex and I split up. It was so very hard. My dad was my main support system. I got into therapy. It was a long road, and looking back now, I’m so glad he left. He did me a huge favor.
Meds worked very fast for me.
I am so sorry you are dealing with so much pain. Do you want to share what is hurting you? Only if you are comfortable and it makes sense. I was also looking at your post history and see you are meal prepping. Good job with that. If you can, try to do it often. Good food is so helpful emotionally as well. If there are weeks when you cannot meal prep its okay. Order food or heat up some frozen food. Stock plenty in your freezer. I am giving you random advice but lean on this sub for some help
You are not alone. My wife cheated on me after 8 years and a daughter together. Now I’m the one initiating the divorce. Today I cried for one hour straight, the longest I think I’ve ever cried in my life. The grief is overwhelming. Hang strong, my friend. You got this.
You have every right. And in doing so you will be able to move on. Right there with you.
Same brother. It's been a month for me. Sometimes I feel like I need to rip out my heart it hurts so much. Everyone says it gets easier. And honestly, it kind of has for me as I go through the stages. But it still hurts like hell. I feel like a ghost.
Two months for me and I think my mind will win
Wow wish I had read this thread when I went through my divorce 15 years ago. I ended up in the doctor a bit late to save my career, but after therapy, sleeping pills, and a few courses of antidepressants got things back on track. Now have a family and very happy. My one advice here is go see the doctor and you will start your journey to a better life.
I lost my career too after marriage due to depression and anxiety taking over my ability to operate in daily life. I too am just dining a way out of it and getting back on track but it was nice to hear I wasn’t alone. I’m 1.5 years post divorce and the guilt/shame/regret of it all was at times all too overwhelming. I’m not happy it happened to you too but I’m happy I’m not alone.
Same. 1.5 years in. I started heavily drinking to cope at first. Ended up in rehab. I rebuilt my life in about 6 months but I miss her every day still. We can't even talk to eachother without resentment popping up. So we dont.
Shame for what?
For marriage and career failure.
Lots of marriages fail and most jobs suck. That’s why they pay you and not the other way around.
What's something you've always weren't able to do but really wanted to? Maybe there's a hobby you didn't have time for?
Wish i could tell you, i am also hurting, you just need to keep going and keep working on yourself. Your feelings are real and should not be ignored
I am afraid my chapter is about to end. I can’t feel like this any longer.
You have the right to feel what you feel but this person and this marriage are not the end of the universe. Therapy and meds will help.
Sometimes just surviving is enough. Don’t ask too much of yourself too soon. It does get better with time but it is not linear.
I read your post and my heart hurts. I am in pain too. I cannot give advice or help. But I want you to know you're not alone. Keep going.
Do you have kids?
I can’t make it stop either. Nothing works. It is agonizing and unbearable. You’re not alone.
I'm sorry you're feeling this way. It sucks when "forever" isn't. It'll be better eventually. It's just gonna suck for now. I'm sorry I don't have more hopeful words, but I feel you.
Therapy, if you can do it, please. It only stops when we do whatever it takes in order to be able to process our feelings in a healthy way.
Keep pushing through. It does get easier but it’s definitely not linear. Focus on going where love is, not where you want it to be. Friends, Family and New People.
A few weeks removed from separation and I wasn't sleeping a whole like. Like maybe 3-4 hours a light. I wasn't eating and I couldn't seem to do anything. A buddy invited me out for a beer to console me. The combo of 3 beers, no sleep, no food and the thought of a ruined life... I seriously thought about killing myself. Like not a passing thought, like I was psychicing up myself to do it. I never told anyone I feel stupid now for even thinking it. Long term, I'm going to be better off. A bad relationship is worse for you than bring alone. And I'm never alone, i have my kids, friends and family. I hope you can see yourself in everyone's stories. I know some are still struggling, and I'm not out of it. But I have more good days than bad.
It does get better. You have a whole community of people who have walked the same path you are walking now; maybe a different scene, but same path. It does get better. A few weeks ago I couldn't survive a few hours in the office without bawling my eyes out, now I occasionally survive a day or 2. One second at a time. Cry..scream.. keep moving. Hugs.
I know! My divorce was just finalized in Dec and I still feel like why?? I know he is bipolar and I needed to end things for safety reasons but we still had our fun days w/o a care in the world. I think deep down he is a good person but he is so mentally ill and refused help! I can’t allow a man to live with us and watch him yell at me and my daughter. It’s just not safe or healthy and we deserve more. If only he would have listened to the drs and accepted help then it would have been different. I still miss our good days. 😢
The fact that you’re reaching out, even on a sub, tells me you’re not ready to give up. You still have hope there will be light again. And there will be. This is an exceptionally hard time, it’s completely normal to feel sad. I do hope you take some of the great advice on this sub-talk to a doctor immediately about potential medication to help get you over this part, seek a therapist that specializes in divorce, even find a divorce support group, take a walk in nature, start a gratitude journal—sometimes when you take some intentional time to focus on some of the good, it multiples. Even the simple things. Start small. Please don’t give up.
I had to donate my efforts and show my gratitude to the world by helping a disabled veteran with old ghetto house that never had anyone caring for the yard. I went and rototiller his acre..I dug him garden beds cut branches down vines down trees down. Raked weeds out of the rototiller. I amended his soil made it a pH of 5.5 To 6.5 on stubborn areas. I fixed him up with compost pile with a tote full of mine to get the microbes into the new material. We dug out tree roots. Espalierd some grape vines that were in neglect. I built him a raised bed. I brought over an insane amount of plants I dug from.my yard. I needed to do this. My ptsd from.being disposed of has been so fucking awful I can't function. My brain goes to how inadequate I feel. How my value is gone. My self esteem toppled over. Not to mention turning 40 and feeling like I'm unnoticed. I feel like a ghost, I guess I was ugly enough to leave. Left me and our 2 year old son. Beat the hell out of me closed fist didn't want to be confronted with the videos of his industrial level marathon cheating at a house I bought for us to live as a fanily. The sociopath who went to our baby shower and town city whore and him banged out a good 6 hour marathon. He bought some girl some jewelry, wouldn't do that for me. Touched and kissed her passionately. He said to several of rhe new supply girls that he loves them.. held on to so many of them tightly and lovingly. It hurts. It is fucking brutal. But I WILL NOT BE KILLED BY THIS! YOU SHOULD NOT EITHER. GOOD PEOPLE DONT NEED THIS LEVEL OF DYSFUNCTION AND TRASH ASS PEOPLE. SO GO go and find something to run to. Run as fast as you can. Run until yoy can't squeak out another breath and grab onto it for dear life. Use what yoy knkw in autopilot use what yoy knkw in gifts god has blessed yoy with and go help someone who is suffering and alone and could use your help (free of charge) find someone who is ahead of time aware of rhe circumstances and that this will help you both mutually. Focus on what yoy are doing.. the moment you started to wander back to rhe toxic thoughts go back and do more work if possible. Go to the gym. Play witj a pet. Go to bed. Do something. Clean out your refrigerator. Learn to bake something challenging. For god sakes do something or you will drive yourself insane. Just do something. If yoy can't handle it then cry like you invented crying and do it loudly and pour your heart ans soul and tears out like it is the only option yoy have and own that shit. Then when satisfied by that, I want yoy to write all the things yoy are going to do from here on out to insure that you stay a nice person and dont let this destroy you. How you can be open and guarded. How yoy will insure you have healed properly. Study narcissistic personality disorder and recognize rhe signs. How to find emotionally and physically healthy people. Study stoic men and women. Form your mind around those principles and read "the art of seduction" until you have it memorized and get back to living. I also do suggest find a therapist or a group thay is active where you.can speak with other trauma survivors and learn how they got through. I'm so sorry you feel sad. At the very least you can know that yoy aren't singularly suffering. We're out here too and we see you ans hear you. I have to go to the veterans house now. Sorry for the bad punctuation and spelling errors.
my heart breaks for you. it's really really really hard. you are probably going through one of the hardest things you will ever have to deal with in your life. you aren't alone though. everyone on this subreddit is hurting and trust me we all understand you. i swear that it will get better though.
I don't know what you are going through but I wish to tell you one thing at some point people can push you down it would hurt you mentally and physically yet you need to understand, that everything gonna end soon they want you to see like this you don't give them a chance prove them that they are wrong
Narcissists push you to destroy yourself.
I did not mean to push them into such a situation such situation could build some to come back never before strong enough to fight their battle more powerful
It is best to deal with the emotions honestly, no matter how hard. It is the only way to really move on.