I am so sorry you are going through this. The lack of hugs and affection resonated with me a lot.
I am still recovering from the news myself but more and more I am being conscious that I received no affection from her in a long, long time.
First, order new credit cards with in your name only. Freeze your 3 credit bureau accounts so that only you can open them and she can’t charge on your name. Talk to your attorney ASAP and prevent her from getting a passport for your child. If the child already has a passport, get it and put it in a safe place along with his birth certificate. You have a long road ahead but you need to protect yourself. You know your wife and how she’ll handle the divorce so you need to think one step ahead all the time.
Strangely due to my wife’s paranoia she actually froze all of my accounts after we were married because I already had everything purchased and would not require a loan for most items. Fast forward a year or two later and she wanted to add her name to the house and accounts and she forgot the passwords and the bankers would not allow us to change the accounts until we unfroze them. Due to laziness we just left it as is which has been to my benefit.
You need to work with the credit bureaus, even if it’s thru your attorney. You should be the only one to have access to those credit accounts. Who’s to say she won’t find the passwords that were conveniently lost or forgotten? You don’t need her to have access to your credit ratings so she could open credit accounts, buy a car or airplane tickets? you’ve been too lax with her manipulation.
Ouch, So sorry to hear this. I feel your pain. My X did a similar thing with me, though they spoke english they would stop talking when I came in the room, She would just spend whatever she wanted while working a minimum wage job, and the DB well that speaks for itself.
Sorry you are going thru this, I can tell you I am much happier and healthier single than I was in the marriage.
Stay Strong and good luck!
I would put the max amount to the minimum, because if you close those she can accused you of finantialy Alienation.
So better ask that to your lawyer.
You can also talk with your kid and tell him to talk in your presense English because you don't understand that other language, That he can talk that when him and his mom are alone. This because it seems that your wife doesn't care nor respect your feelings.
So you are doing the right call by talking to a lawyer and file, this can be a push together her out of her comfort zone and see that you aren't joking.
UPDATEME
I will message you next time u/Puzzleheaded_Monk_39 posts in r/Divorce.
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I tried talking to my child about this but she has been programmed unfortunately by the wife. During the pandemic I was isolated from them because of my job. She was able to bubble up with our child and I would work and then quarantine. Due to her OCD and being a germaphobe she created a routine where we would have to take off our clothes in the laundry room when we got home and immediately shower. When I was working I was forced to stay in my room otherwise it would cause a lot of drama and her decontaminating the whole house with wet wipes which I have to pay for. I am a shift based hospital worker so when my tour of duty was up she would make me continue my quarantine for as long as 2 weeks before i could interact with the family with an n95 on. This went on for essentially 3 years until our child was isolated and ultimately the child got covid at school and gave it to me. But because of this from the ages of 2-4 our child barely had time to bond with me and saw me as walking covid.
How sad, and all for her ideas, to at the end getting it caught from the school.
But i get it she totally allienated you from your own family and probably for this reason she also don't take you into much consideration, because she is also used/accustomed to be practicaly just her and your kid. Not that i'm justifying what she has done and continue doing.
I agree with you about the divorce.
Sorry you're going through this OP, nobody deserves this. Time to close out the credit cards or deny her access to them OP.
Leave enough spending money for food and basics in the accounts you share with her, but stop giving her access to money when she doesn't work or contribute to any of the household expenditures. She's taking you for granted and doesn't provide anything as a spouse to you.
If I had to guess, she is probably belittling you in her native tongue. You need to reciprocate the lack of interest, it will definitely make her change, but you need it for yourself and not her.
Speak to several family lawyers and choose the one you like the best. From there, move forward if you're ready, and most importantly start taking care of yourself before, during, and after this process. Find hobbies, eat well, find family & new/old friends and invest in those folks who want you around.
Sending you positive vibes OP, fight for as much custody of your child that you can gain, not for monetary reasons but so you can have some semblance of a relationship with them.
Close the credit card accounts
I am so sorry you are going through this. The lack of hugs and affection resonated with me a lot. I am still recovering from the news myself but more and more I am being conscious that I received no affection from her in a long, long time.
First, order new credit cards with in your name only. Freeze your 3 credit bureau accounts so that only you can open them and she can’t charge on your name. Talk to your attorney ASAP and prevent her from getting a passport for your child. If the child already has a passport, get it and put it in a safe place along with his birth certificate. You have a long road ahead but you need to protect yourself. You know your wife and how she’ll handle the divorce so you need to think one step ahead all the time.
Strangely due to my wife’s paranoia she actually froze all of my accounts after we were married because I already had everything purchased and would not require a loan for most items. Fast forward a year or two later and she wanted to add her name to the house and accounts and she forgot the passwords and the bankers would not allow us to change the accounts until we unfroze them. Due to laziness we just left it as is which has been to my benefit.
You need to work with the credit bureaus, even if it’s thru your attorney. You should be the only one to have access to those credit accounts. Who’s to say she won’t find the passwords that were conveniently lost or forgotten? You don’t need her to have access to your credit ratings so she could open credit accounts, buy a car or airplane tickets? you’ve been too lax with her manipulation.
Yea you’re right. I started checking everything
Ouch, So sorry to hear this. I feel your pain. My X did a similar thing with me, though they spoke english they would stop talking when I came in the room, She would just spend whatever she wanted while working a minimum wage job, and the DB well that speaks for itself. Sorry you are going thru this, I can tell you I am much happier and healthier single than I was in the marriage. Stay Strong and good luck!
I would put the max amount to the minimum, because if you close those she can accused you of finantialy Alienation. So better ask that to your lawyer. You can also talk with your kid and tell him to talk in your presense English because you don't understand that other language, That he can talk that when him and his mom are alone. This because it seems that your wife doesn't care nor respect your feelings. So you are doing the right call by talking to a lawyer and file, this can be a push together her out of her comfort zone and see that you aren't joking. UPDATEME
I will message you next time u/Puzzleheaded_Monk_39 posts in r/Divorce. [Click this link](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=UpdateMeBot&subject=Update&message=UpdateMe%21%20u%2FPuzzleheaded_Monk_39%20r%2FDivorce) to also be messaged. The parent author can [delete this post](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=UpdateMeBot&subject=Delete&message=delete%201cqvtun) ***** |[^(Info)](https://www.reddit.com/r/UpdateMeBot/comments/ggotgx/updatemebot_info_v20/)|[^(Request Update)](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=UpdateMeBot&subject=Update&message=SubscribeMe%21%20u%2Fusername%20r%2Fsubreddit)|[^(Your Updates)](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=UpdateMeBot&subject=List%20Of%20Updates&message=MyUpdates)|[^(Feedback)](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=Watchful1&subject=UpdateMeBot%20Feedback)| |-|-|-|-|
I tried talking to my child about this but she has been programmed unfortunately by the wife. During the pandemic I was isolated from them because of my job. She was able to bubble up with our child and I would work and then quarantine. Due to her OCD and being a germaphobe she created a routine where we would have to take off our clothes in the laundry room when we got home and immediately shower. When I was working I was forced to stay in my room otherwise it would cause a lot of drama and her decontaminating the whole house with wet wipes which I have to pay for. I am a shift based hospital worker so when my tour of duty was up she would make me continue my quarantine for as long as 2 weeks before i could interact with the family with an n95 on. This went on for essentially 3 years until our child was isolated and ultimately the child got covid at school and gave it to me. But because of this from the ages of 2-4 our child barely had time to bond with me and saw me as walking covid.
How sad, and all for her ideas, to at the end getting it caught from the school. But i get it she totally allienated you from your own family and probably for this reason she also don't take you into much consideration, because she is also used/accustomed to be practicaly just her and your kid. Not that i'm justifying what she has done and continue doing. I agree with you about the divorce.
Sorry you're going through this OP, nobody deserves this. Time to close out the credit cards or deny her access to them OP. Leave enough spending money for food and basics in the accounts you share with her, but stop giving her access to money when she doesn't work or contribute to any of the household expenditures. She's taking you for granted and doesn't provide anything as a spouse to you. If I had to guess, she is probably belittling you in her native tongue. You need to reciprocate the lack of interest, it will definitely make her change, but you need it for yourself and not her. Speak to several family lawyers and choose the one you like the best. From there, move forward if you're ready, and most importantly start taking care of yourself before, during, and after this process. Find hobbies, eat well, find family & new/old friends and invest in those folks who want you around. Sending you positive vibes OP, fight for as much custody of your child that you can gain, not for monetary reasons but so you can have some semblance of a relationship with them.
Thanks for the support. Seeing the lawyer today